Father Malone's Weekly Guest Spot - Heaven Help Us (1986) - The Kulturecast - Special Guest HP

Tonight, I'll guide you into a world beyond her own, where madness and malevolence wait just over the horizon. Step into the stories of h. P. Lovecraft and witness performances born from those nightmares. Drink custom cocktails chilled with cosmic horror, and learn to look past the horizon at what waits beyond.

Give yourself over to joy. In the dark. Welcome back midnight viewers to Fonda Balloon's weekly roundup, or guest spot as it were. Today, I am presenting an episode from former co host Chris Nashu's prolific podcast, The Culture Cast. A few years ago, he invited me to program a month of movies, and I chose the completely naval gazing topic of prep school pictures, and one of my two favorites of the genre is here for your listening pleasure and as a double pleasure.

HP current co host is also featured in the episode. The ad you heard before the familiar theme song is for a show that's coming to town here in Las Vegas. So this is aimed at those in town and those in southern California, Hell, Arizona, and Utah. Why not let's get the entire Southwest out to see the show. The show is a tiny word for this immersive experience.

It's a lovecrafty and speakeasy y'all, with interactive performances of the works of Lovecraft. I'm putting a link in the show notes as usual. That's Lovecraft and Libations. On April tenth, this was going to be a round up about my new obsession, the Pit. I binged it straight through last weekend, locked in and just went off, and that roundup is coming.

But I miscalculated because I thought the entire second season had concluded and I'd be giving you an overall review instead. Now I'm like a schnook, just waiting around for the next morsel of Doctor Carter two point zero. Oh. I have a lot to say about this series. But meanwhile, enjoy the Culture Cast and our look at Heaven.

Help us. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. On this episode of the Culture Cast, I am still your host, Christasue. I am joined by the one and only the Green Haired Menace. He's all the way from Parts Unknown, a destination that's darker than most your friend of mine, Father Malone.

Hey, everybody, welcome to the September. Show and joining us all the way from Wolf and Raisin. He is the co host with the aforementioned Father Malone. Your friend of mine. He's a nooster.

He's a nooster. What the fuck does that mean? It works? Now? You're a nooster here at the Culture Cast, your friend and mine soon to be your friend of mine.

Thank you so much, glad to be here. HPFM. Okay, that's right, baby, we don't have time for full name. Where's Nash or Stills or Crosby. You guys got two thirds of it?

Got one more in the back. They're in the back, that's right. Just hear them in the bed, tied up. On this episode of the Culture Cast, Like Father Malone said, we are talking about preparatory school films, and we're diving right back in with Heaven Help Us, a film that came out in nineteen eighty five, but it was called something Else. Catholic, Catholic, Catholic boys, Catholic boys, Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

Many of you will be experiencing certain feelings. Impure thoughts, desires, fantasies. No, father, what never confuse love, your soft, perfumed and powdered body leaning against yours. With the deadliest of the seven Deadly Sins. What do you think they're doing?

I don't even want to think about it. LUTs. Plus the speak you out your bones, bird and your. Borrow will be red. Why he's just projecting these doubts that is on sexual audit.

They're somewhere on the road between heaven and Hell, just looking for a place to park. Brother, my scuts are called you, mister William, Do not waste her time with her. She never met him with nobody find even me if you can believe that, mister Caesar, everyone is in the presence of a superior being. The one actually feels imperior. Mister ain't like tother Jeric Sion, I just got here.

I just found out. If you gets poked a wavy you, I mean you'd have sex. We got se welcome the same dass heaven helpless. If God had wanted them to be angels, he would have given them wings. Can I just jump in for a second, Christ because I know you just played the trail and everyone just listened to that trailer and it is the worst trailer I've ever heard.

It focuses on like every mention of sex in the movie, and there's a lot, but not that many. This isn't a sex comedy. It's all front loaded into into that trailer. Everything Kevin Dillan says sanctually, like as if this is going to be a big TNA rom that they're trying to lure people into. So don't believe that trailer, but watch the movie anyway, Okay, Chris.

I was reminded that when I listened to the last episode where you guys covered if and you played the trailer, and I hadn't really watched the trailer heard it in a long time, and I said, well, it really confirmed my suspicion. And Father Malone and I have talked about this a little bit over the years that this movie and I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but. This is really to me. This is a really nice, sweet, kind of coming of age picture that they kind of, for lack of a better word, I think they kind of porkied it right have. I don't know for sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this was a somewhat different movie than what we were finally given, because I feel like there was some execs somewhere that said, you know, this is really nice, But can you have a little more sex?

Can you have a little more TNA? Can you have Larry Budd Nollman as a as a bridge operator? Would that be cool? How about that? Yeah?

I agree? And there does feel like there was some tinkering to the script, Like I'm sure this was evidently writer, this was his master's thesis and it got purchased straight out, which is rare. But you know, at some point they were like, we need this to be a little more outrageous too, Yeah, not even at very least, just to compete with what was out there. But like so I do feel that that'scrafted on, but I don't think it I don't think it hurts the movie at all. So the movie is directed by Michael Dinner, written by like you mentioned, Charles Porpora who has this credit.

And satisfaction and satisfaction Justine Bateman. Oh man, it's like the absolute height to the absolute depths. Yeah. And this film stars Andrew McCarthy, Mary Stuart Masterson, Kevin Dylan Wallace, Shawn John hurd Man. Keep going.

It's an amazing Old Sutherland. Yeah, it's a great cast. It's set in Brooklyn in nineteen sixty five at a Catholic school, and we have the main character being played by Andrew McCarthy, who is a newcomer to a school where everybody is already miserable, and he learns what it truly means to be a miserable, guilt guilt ridden Catholic. Oh, it's way worse than that, because he's come to Brooklyn because his parents were both dead and now he lives with his grandparents and his youngers. It's even better.

Just make it even more awful and the pressing. So, HP, since you are a newcomer to this show, tell me a little bit about your experience with Heaven Help us. Sure? So, Obviously, like I had mentioned earlier, this was a cable perennial in nineteen eighty five. I would have been about twelve years old at the time.

I had two older brothers. And part of this, the background of this, have to understand that both father Malone and I went to high school to Catholic school. Obviously not as grim and unrelentingly gloomy as Saint Basil's, but that was our experience. However, I had. Two old that was my experience.

Well, my experience is a little different. Just to not to go back on this, but you know, for me, I was coming out of the public schools in my hometown were horrific. They're terrible. They're not much better now. So for me, going to this prep school was kind of a way out for me in a way because I couldn't wait to get away from the public schools in my hometown.

They were terrible. I had a terrible experience there. So unlike Father Malone, who kind of spent gloriously misspent youth going through all sorts of religious schools and so forth, for me it was a little I didn't have that same experience. And I had two older brothers, like I was mentioning that both went to the same school. So there was really like twelve straight years of having a relative of mine or me in this school.

So watching this movie in nineteen eighty five, and you know, it was always something like brothers were always kind of snickering about because they knew they were going through it at the time they were going they were at the school. It obviously it wasn't it wasn't the same sort of sort of corporal punishment that you see in this depicted in this movie, But you know, it was it was a heavy place to be. I would say for me, the thing I was reminded of mostly when I was rewatching it was not the brothers, because you know, we had brothers as teachers and so forth. But for me, it was somebody whose role was literally the dean of discipline. This was a guy who was not a member of the religious order, but his job was to maintain you know, law and order in the school, and that included things like, you know, yelling at you if your shirt was untucked because we had a dress code, often hustling people kids through the crowd, you know, grabbing their head, you know, taking them into the office, things like that.

So it wasn't as, like I said, as brutal as we see in this movie, but there was an element of that. And I'm sure father alone can back me up on some of this. Oh we were. I lived in constant fear from all of those people. To say, Father Molone, tell us a little bit about your experience with this fie.

Given that again, like you mentioned, you programmed this month and I know that this has a special meaning for you. Well, yeah, I mean HP said it best. We went to this school basically like it wasn't as unrelentingly bleak, you know, and there was no sort of corporal punishment, but the same sort of feelings, you know, permeated. It was utterly Okay. Look, I've been going to Catholic school since kindergarten, I all through grade school and then deposited here.

And we talked to Chris when we spoke about the movie if like, I caught the tal end in grade school of nuns corporal punishment where they could slap the shit out of you. And what's funny is I was talking to my mother about this today, Chris, because she listened to that episode, and she said, why didn't you kids tell us? And my thing was like, it just felt like that's what school was. But I didn't know any different, and my parents had gone through it, so it's just sort of accepted. And then you know that by the time we got into high school, it was no longer accepted sort of anywhere.

Like we knew it was wrong. The actual corporal punishment that could be meted out on you, just the threat of it is sometimes kind of enough. And even though you knew they wouldn't do it, I was never once convinced that any of those teachers wouldn't have hauled off and punched me, and it would have been okay in the end. You know, did they ever get physical with you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no.

I tried to keep my head down with faculty in high school. My thing was just trying to avoid big dumb jocks. That that was, you know. But anyway, you know, I came to this movie as HP did, like maybe the year after it came out, so it was like eighty six, which is still the year before we go to prep school. So maybe in a way like this movie, like you know, programmed me to think that this is what we were going to get.

It is like the year before we attended. Yeah, and it's not the best sort of dress rehearsal for what you hope your experience is going to be in school. Like I said, for me it was it was more of an escape anyway. But for me it was a little bit more goof like I didn't go through the same indoctrination that Father Malone did through kindergarten for all this religious sort of training and the threat of violence, you know, almost constantly. But it was a bit of a joke for me.

Because I would hear my brothers come home and they would joke about this brother or that brother or something funny that happened. So it wasn't as much of an implicit threat for me. But but at the same time, you know, I can say that, you know, we at least I could could see in my experiences people like brother Constance, who's like the scariest you know, motherfucker in this movie. Let's face he delights. In the punishment that to me was more like the dean of discipline, someone who took a delight and a special interest in what they might consider shaping the children's minds.

But in reality, let's be honest, they like to be you know, to brutalize kids and make them fear them. Yeah. Man, they stuck their hands all the way into that clay. Yeah absolutely, they're shaping them, all right, and they're not letting them go. Yeah.

Oh, it wouldn't have been as good if I hadn't beaten you. Like, well, we'll never know, will we. We can all understand the frustration of teachers and everything, but there does seem to be especially of people in general, right, But there does seem to be a special breed at least there was sort of baked into this kind of environment that attracted those who that was their thing. Like my mom talks about it. She went to Catholic school and she's she's you know, she's you know, she went to Catholic school and the I guess would have been the fifties, and she talks about getting hit on the wrist with rulers and all kinds of shit.

It's like, we're parents, How were parents okay with this? Like, I don't under I don't get that part of this at all. Because if I'm a parent and someone tells me that they're doing this to my kid, I'm going down to the school. I'm a fucking kill him. I'll kill them, I'll kill him.

I'll put if someone was treating my kid the way father Constance or brother Constance treats any of the kids in this movie, that guy would be dead somewhere and they would not find his body because it's just like it's unconscionable. Frankly, Yeah, well, it's a unique situation too because because it's a religious order in a religious school. I think, you know, certainly I would say Dun's grandparents. It's almost considered a mandate that they you know, they should have the ultimate authority to you know, to shape the kids anyway they see fit. They're basically you know, they're they're getting their orders from a higher power, let's say, right.

So it's not the answer, by the way, that is the right. So it's not difficult. I mean, public school thing is similar, but not quite as egregious perhaps, But to my mind that's that's kind of why, at least in this movie they get away with it. So I think in most people's minds, like particularly at that time, if a nun slapped you, you had to have done something horrible right right up front, right not knowing that there's other kinds of nuns out there who just like slapping people. When I was in second grade, I had an untelby entire class that I was going to hell and that none of them should tell their parents that she had said that or they might join me.

That is the second grade. That's a that's a certified psychopath. But you know what, even in second grade that some part of me was thinking, like what is she talking about? Like I was, I was too talkative, So I'm going to burn forever? Yes, I mean father Brutsie says as much in this movie.

Oh my God, doesn't it. Yes, let's stop talking about oh my God. Well, we're gonna have to talk about it one way or another, because yeah, this movie is replete with it, and it actually factors into the climax of the I mean it factors into almost every fucking scene of. This movie, frankly, other than Kevin Dillon. Just Kevin Dillon being the most closeted gay character in film history.

Absolutely, that's a joke at the end of the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh, I make lots of money that you do. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. But yeah, So we have Andrew McCarthy come into the school and he just starts getting into trouble with everybody.

But he meets Kevin Dillon, who's the resident dickhead. He meets Malcolm Denarre, who's the resident fat kid. I guess, thank god, they don't call him fatty. They just call him the other F word the entire movie. And then you have, yeah, you have, like we've mentioned already, Patrick Dempsey is kind of there.

I really appreciated uh, Steven Jefferies, especially being in the character who jerks off all the time. Given you know what. Interesting a porn. Yeah, spoilers, nothing wrong with oh yeah, nothing wrong with gay porn. But man, he maybe he maybe only has like like three lines in the whole movie, but he's indelible.

He's fantastic. Scene where he's giving the eucharist. Go delirious and disturbing it. Oh yeah, And that's what I'm saying, Like, is this certain, but like he is so fucking funny, just trying to hold it together that and I know. It's funny because of what he does in his real life in the future.

It's like, this guy's playing like a pervy, horny character in this movie and he's. Like about the peekaboob theater. Yeah. Can I just say that I hate the end narration on this movie. It's terrible.

Aside from, like Chris mentioned, the fact that you get this sort of wind. Up of a joke about Rooney and how we ended up. The narration, it's I hate it in the same way that I hated the narration and Blade Runner. Let's be honest, it was sort of tacked on again. It smacks of, you know, changes made after the fact, Like maybe we should have some kind of tag at the end.

Where you find out what happened to these people. I don't really need to know what happened to Done and what happened to Corbett and Williams. I really don't need to know. Well, I'm gonna argue with you on that, HB, because I did want to know what happened to don you know, like I wanted to know that if he ever reconnected with her. I mean, I didn't need to know it.

But if they're going to give us any information, at least we can know that. But they shouldn't have given us any But he could have handled that ending. But even that's unsatisfying. You find out that he met up with Danny at at Woodstock and it's a dumb joke that Rooney makes about oh hf a million people are naked and what ever? Yeah whatever, you know what he calls them all the F words too.

Yeah. It's just it's just like it's ever present with his character, and it makes him so unlikable. Yes, Like I don't. I don't like his character. Like I know, it's perfect.

It's it's like Sharon Stone and Casino, like it's exactly what he like. And Kevin Dylan is such a perfect asshole. He is. Him and Matt Dylan both like they just look like I mean, look, there's a reason Matt Dylan plays Charles Bukowski. I mean, and he essentially plays it.

You know, he's playing Bukowski the way Bukowski was like, Oh. I bet they're sweet. The Dylan boys. I mean, I'm sure they are, but they really have a knack for playing like the scummiest dick. I mean, even Kevin Dylan in that episode of Tales from the Crypt.

Yes, he's playing like essentially this character. Yes, indeed, just. Like a dickhead, an antagonistic dickhead. The thing, you know, when I was rewatching the movie speaking of the Rooney character, like why is there always in every group, like one fucking asshole that we all just kind of accept. We shrug and go like, well, that's just Rooney.

I guess, like, you know, he's not for everyone, but I guess he's ours, like, because he's for everyone. Yeah, right, maybe, But Father Maloney reference this, like we are experience at the school. We saw all of these clicks, the chief among them are these jock assholes that we had to deal with day in and day out, and in every jock click, there's at least one Rooney, if not more. I actually think that's fairly true to life. Yeah, yeah, totally rub myself.

Why is there one? Why have to because because I think people they they they want to see to somebody who's going to lead the group. Right, they're afraid to speak up and be outgoing and have that same sort of charisma, So they're willing to see that role to somebody who's going to lead the group. I think, do you think Rooney is leading this group? I think Rooney thinks he's leading this group, and they're all just sort of shaking their head.

We think. I think he is. Because here's the thing. Williams isn't leading the group. Corbet is obvious Williams isn't, but it isn't Corbett.

I think Rooney is leading the group. I agree with HB one. But here's the thing I think it's. I think it's like I think it's there's two kinds of leaders. There's like the dickhead leader who's the charismatic guy, and then there's the leader who's also charismatic but out a dickhead.

And if you're if you're not one, you're probably the other. If you're leading a group, like not the former most of the time when I lead a group, but like there are people like Rudy that are just like antagonistic, put everybody down. Like I think it's you know what the I think it's like he's leading the group as hpsic because like nobody else wants it. Yeah, I mean, you're only a group because they have no other choice. And like look around.

You know, you could make the case that Done becomes the real de facto leader once they accept him into the group, because like you know, don't they they take the head off of Saint Basil because he's depressed. They've accepted him, and he's kind of like, you know, he becomes a bit more of a you know, someone that they can follow. But Rudy I never thought of Runey as anything but the de facto leader. They all confer with Done, like you know, like even Rooney goes to Don to like finding. Because they're not idiots.

They know that Dounn has more. He's the godfather. He's pulling the stringy. Yeah. Well, but the thing about Done.

Is he's still and I was I was struck by this as I was watching it again. Is he he's very much a cipher in this whole movie, Like you don't really get a sense for why they would want to follow him because. You don't really learn a ton about him. You Obviously, the biggest part of his character arc is the romance that he has with Danny, and there's some stuff about him not wanting to be a priest and dealing with his crazy, death obsessed little sister or whatever, But really do you learn anything much more about him than that. And that essentially he's like constantly feeling put upon by the expectations of everybody else.

But you've kind of already mentioned that he's like, they wanted me to be the pope, they wanted me to be this, and it's like he. Wants to be his own person. And I guess in the end he is. I guess, I guess. I don't know.

I don't know what else I needed to know about him, actually, HP, I mean, he's he's the audience through line. He's you know, the sort of flavorful but not too flavorful Eric kind of like that. He's kind of like the character the main character in Caddyshack in a lot of ways. That's the way he feels but not as not as well written. I think I agree that it's not there isn't in the writing.

I also think this is one of, if not Andrew McCarthy's best performance, and I think he informs that character with just his presence, so you know, it might not be on the page, but looking at that guy and how he's reacting to things, I know everything about that character. Yeah. And not only that, but in interviews, if you read any interviews he's he's stated many times that this is not only his favorite movie of that time period, but he also considers it his best movie, which I actually think is pretty spot on. The only other movie I can think. I mean, I'm I'm leaving out all the brad Pack stuff because that's it's that we.

Have to because it's mostly garbage. It's mostly garbage. But the only other movie I can can obviously, the only on the movie that I had experienced in up to that time was he was in Class. Do you remember Class? Oh?

Yeah, another prep school flick, which. Which was another which has some similarity and in a funny way with this, it's almost like if you took Heaven Help Us and updated it to modern times because that movie takes place present day, right, and. Well, you know what, Class is the movie that the studio wanted Heaven Help Us to be. They wanted us straight up sexparse with prep school kids. And that's what Class really is.

Isn't the poster for this movie supposed to look like a penis? Is it not? Is it not? In front of the stained glass window? Right?

If you look at it, it does? And again only saying that in reference to what you're talking about, HB, which is the like, what this movie isn't is what people were expecting it was, especially at the time eighty five, Yeah, in eighty five. The fact that they made this movie the way that they made it, and they didn't even it looks like a fucking. Dick, it does. Yeah, Okay, even with the title Heaven help Us, Like what does that evoke?

Catholic? If they were really super austere like right, like that's a I don't know. I wish that this movie wasn't so tonally all over the place, because that's my big takeaway from this movie is it's kind of tonally not a mess, but it's tonally all over the place because you have times brother Constance literally beating the shit out of kids, which I don't think you're supposed to be laughing at soposed to make you feel uncomfortable. But then there are scenes of like genuine comedy, and then there's stuff like you know, I mean again, I assume Kevin Dylan's character was supposed to be funny at the time, but it's not now. But if I'm interpreting it the way it's meant to be interpreted, then that would be funny hahas.

And then there's this movie's not even classified on Wikipedia as a comedy, and I don't. Know if it is. Like I think it works either way, but I don't think it works either way very well, you know what I mean. I like this movie more than almost everything we've watched this month, but I think should have one or the other, and I think it was probably one and something else. I think we've already talked about it.

A little bit was injected into it forcefully, and they should have just gone with like a this movie. Could have worked as a drama. It really could. It really could have, and it should have, and it would have and people would have liked it more, probably if it had. The Wallace Shawn speech where he comes into the school dance and gives them what's going to happen to them when they're being ripped apart in hell because of lust because they've admired the buttocks of somebody else dancing, and then hey, have a good dance.

That's a great joke. Like to me, that is the level of humor. I think probably that initial script had that sort of wasn't going to be any sort of wacky shenanigans. No one Carr was going to get ripped apart on the. Alfretty Newman masks right, yeah.

For me, Like I hear what you're saying, Chris about it being a little tonally all over the place, and I can't disagree. But for me, because even though the look of this movie is so like grim and sort of gloomy, and they did a wonderful job, I think this was no doubt shot at actual locations in New York schools. But I think because of that, you need to have the levity and you need to have these bits of humor, as tonally jarring as it might seem at times, to bring you out of that because otherwise all you're left with are kids who are depressed about their lot in life. Who are getting beaten half to death every day by a psychopathic brother. You know what I mean.

But that's a movie. I mean, that's a serious movie that somebody would make to try to get Oscar bait out of. Like that's a real movie. But I agree with but I agree with you, like it does need those release valve moments to kind of break up what feels like, Yeah, a movie where children are just being beaten in every other. Scene because they are.

And again it's not like for ha haas It's at one point Malcolm denari is crawling around on all fours. It's just like it's like a fucking nightmare. Boom, brother hoom, brother Jim Patterson grabbing that kids head and slamming it against the blackboard. Like what in the I'm sorry, brother y. Yeah, like fuck for a christ movie, Like I know that this is real.

Father Malone's gonna tell us how it's real. But like again, it turns the stomach. Right and onto of that. It also concerns not only our lead character who's moved in with his grandparents because his parents have been killed, and we don't visit a car accident or something. We don't actually find out.

They never say right. So okay, So that tragedy sort of kicks us off in this wild comedy. And then he meets a girl who runs a candy shop across the street from Saint Basil's, the school he attends, who is running the shop in lieu of her father, who is in such a deep state of depression that he can barely move in the back room. And eventually the school administration will find her unacceptable for the neighborhood because they're curtailing this this insane discipline that they're trying to inflict on everybody, and they have child Services take her away, and we don't know if she's ever seen it. Like, that's really the plot of this movie.

So I thank god all of these moments of levity or in there. I think they go too far with the bridge sequence, and you know a couple of other things, But like I think, tonally it works because it devolves like it even as wacky as the situation is, it's still filmed with the same sort of gravity. You know, I don't know, right, it never like knocks me out of the story. Fridge scene knocks me out of the story. Oh my Christ, it's not great.

It's not great. I wish it wasn't in the movie, but because the dance scene is so good, you know, and gosh was in the movie the scene from the end of If where they blow everybody up at there, Yeah, but just like blowing away the characters in this movie. But the priest, Oh well, yeah, I'd like to Yeah, anybody deserves it. If malcol mcdell deserves to walk in from stage right and do that to any characters, it's the one in this. Movie, right, you know what.

I am fully roused want to cheer when Andrew McCarthy knocks him brother Constance out, you know twice he does it when he sticks up for Caesar and like knocks him on his ass. Like that's a cheering moment for me. And then yeah again at the end, like it's totally earned, and that to me is way more powerful when when when brother Constance is in front of him, in front of everybody, and and he slaps Andrew McCarthy and McCarthy comes back with this uppercut that knocks him on his ass, like it's I don't know, it feels so earned. It feels more impactful than the entire climax of If You know that wasn't so shocking and like, you know, amazing to me or anything. This was and it was more human and you know, didn't need to go to this flight offense.

We we had lived entirely with this character. And I think that character and does get his come up and again because you know, Donald Sutherland sides with these kids, throws him out and gets a progressive in there. I love this movie. Have I said that, guys? I love it too.

But one thing that struck me this time that I hadn't really picked up on before is there's a little bit of an inconsistency I think with Donald Sutherland's character what was his name, that's right, yes, brother Thaddeus. So at one point John Hurd's character, brother Timothy, is strolling with him and telling him because he had witnessed brother brother Constance, you know, beating Rooney's head against the wall, and he basically says to him like this guy he seemed to be taking a delight in it, brother, And at the time, Brother Thaddeus is like, well, he is our most effective teacher and that's kind. Of the way things are. And I'm like, I mean, that's that's that's that makes sense. Or whatever.

But then all of a sudden at the end, now like. Yeah, because he witnessed it for himself, he chases this kid in here and smacks the shit out of the Kid's already bleeding and terrified to be gained there. But that is that you're saying that he doesn't believe what Brother Timothy is. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I think that's that's the systemic problem in the entire Roman Catholic organization.

Like there's there comes a time when someone's just like like I know, but it all comes down to like I cannot fathom that that's the truth, that he actually enjoys hitting these children. And then you see it and go, oh shit, And maybe brother Timothy, who's a progressive like this is sixty five and like this is sort of the way it's been with you know, at these schools up until then. Like Brother Timothy represents like, you know, the new you know, the new age kind of kind of guy. Like he's getting down with the students. He's flipping cards with them and smoking cigarettes with them.

Over the days. Yeah, hip, you know, we can hang out with friends. He's getting hell with the kids. I guess I guess I kind of I don't know, I kind of agree. I agree with you, HB, because I'm of this mindset that like he could have walked into that classroom at any moment and checked for himself, right.

Why would he have said then said, okay, you know what, brother Timothy, I hear you, but I need to see for myself. Let me audit his class and maybe Constance would have been on his best behavior and not shown himself to be the you know, the psychopath that he is. But I don't know that that to me was still rang now a little false to me. But I will say probably the most realistic aspect of that is that after Constance is exposed and he says I don't want you working with kids anymore, what does he do? He just transfers him.

Yeah, he just goes somewhere else. God knows where he goes. And what further? You know, they keep damning on the youth seriously. And I never picked up on that as a kid, but I certainly picked up on it now.

It's almost like they've shown a spotlight on it. Huh yeah, right, well. Again, but again, like when I think of the Catholic Church, that's what I think of beating the ship out of kids used to be the one a you thought of. Yes, now it's a whole other dick, but. It's essentially starts to do with kids.

They just don't beat the shit out of kids anymore. They do what they do to them, which is sexually assault them. Fucking Catholic Church, I swear of God, man, it's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, look is what I'm trying to say. Everybody get excited about how bad it is.

Correct if you want to raise at least an agnostic, make sure they go to Catholic school their whole life, because by eighth grade, by the time I got to high school, I was done, you know, right. Well, and especially if you were in the midst of this ship like it's different now, like I have. I had friends that went to John Paul the Second High School. Oh yeah, it was a very rich, expensive place to go in Plano, Texas. And I had some friends that went there, and they said it was a great time.

They weren't getting the shit beat out of them. They probably had a better time than I did. You know why, because they were going to a private school that costs like thirty thousand dollars a year, and they probably had lunches cooked for them by people that gave a shit, which I'm not saying people at my school didn't give a shit, but didn't give a shit about what they were offering us. They didn't not care at our school either. Yeah, and cafeteria was garbage.

Right, It's a different time now. Catholic school now is perceived as a rich kid thing, not a disciplinary nightmare. You know. Well, Massachusetts is lousy with Catholic high schools. They have them here where I live.

I mean they're everywhere. There's one across the street from my house, and then there's a big high school pious X cool. Do you think you're cool if you go to one of those places? I'm sorry, Like when someone says they go to Catholic high school, I just I'm like, sorry, No. You should say, oh, so you are getting superior, which is all I took out of it, you know.

I was like, you can keep all of this stuff that you're piling on me and just teach me the best you can, which is another reason I think parents were looking the other way. They knew their kids were getting a superior education from those from those nuns and such I do. I feel I feel like I got a superior education from the from the Catholic organization, But that doesn't mean I subscribe to their undead hero of savior. You know, I feel like you. Like I said, you've got a good education on paper, but the fact that you had to go through any amount of corporal punishment almost completely like void Nolan voids education.

You know what I mean? Like this is god damn heehaw. It turned into he haw real quick, don't you know what I mean? Though, Like it's hard. It's hard for me to sit here.

And and validate teachers beating kids. No, let's not. But I will say this, James Horner's score in this movie is really wonder thank you. It's a good scar the sort of Irish score. This is like nineteen eighty five.

I know James Horner, James Wader gets a lot of hate. Now he does like doesn't know, I don't know. It's more beloved. I think he's more beloved now. Yeah, he's he's no hands zimbern Zimmer, I guess is the big joke.

But I've always loved James Horner's scores, and he did something very cool here, which is he hired Irish musicians, so you're hearing actual traditional Irish music being played, and his compositions are really good and aren't the sort of typical reels and jigs that you'd find in every other thing said in an Irish community. So it's always good to hear a bull dron, which is that drum you keep hearing throughout the entire thing. So I wanted to point that out because really I've always liked the music, but watching it again last night, it's just struck home, like how much I liked the music. Agreed, Yeah, hates James Horner. I don't know.

Maybe I was confusing him with him. I was like, hocus Pocus, fucking Aliens, the rocketeer. Hey, there's no question I love the man. I'm just saying confused without Zimmer. Oh it is his work on Avatar must be what it is, Okay, and he did Titanic as well, right, Yeah, yep, yes, yeah, So maybe we're people a little down on him because of the popularity of what he.

Was, but all of his work with Ron Howard that's why people don't like him. Yeah, I think he did Far and Away. Also, he will I don't think people dislike James Horner. Yeah, okay, James was great? Mind?

Are there are there composers that people don't like? Like? Is there someone certainly who Danny Elfman? You don't like Danny? There's a whole wave of people that I'm people dislike him.

I think people just say like his stuff all sounds the same. That's not disliking. That's just like pointing out the opbum. So everyone loves Daniel. When I was joking, is there.

Some of them people genuinely genuinely dislike? Like there has to be. Isn't there a think of a composer and the one you don't like and then say that I can't. Think of any I mean, who doesn't like Alan Silvestri? Everybody?

Jerry Goldsmith? Like someone like I fucking hate Jerry Goldsmith. I want to kill him, Like are you dead? So that's not applicable. Yeah, you know what, Honestly, I can't think of a composer I would throw up against the wall, right me either me?

That's fucking weird. That's all weird. Really is the screenwriter and the director and the actors phone not the guy who makes the music. You weird? Is there an editor you thought of that, Like, you'd be like, oh god, the editing was terrible.

I mean Sally Menkin only because she worked with Tarantino. But she's the only reason those movies work. Yeah, so that you don't hate her. In fact, you like her because I. Appreciate I appreciate her.

But she also made Tarantino's movies better than they should be. That's the problem. I see. Well, I'm only going to praise her higher. Whoever edited Bohemian Rhapsody, I think they actually won an Oscar for it, despite the fact that the editing is probably some of the worst that I've ever seen.

But you don't know that person's name, No. Because somebody does. Somebody does enough to give him an award. Yeah, I don't. That's the thing, Like, it's weird, Like, are there are there cinematographers that people don't like?

No, Like, it's the actors, directors and writers and actors. Writers, I guess, but writers are normally like unless the writer is also a director, the writers are also like it normally, Like I think it starts with is it actor director first? Who gets the hate first? I think it's actors, right, Actors? Yeah, well they deserve it.

They do. Fuck them, They're getting all the money in the glory. They get to go play pretend and ride horses and shit get smacked in the face by Jay Patterson real hard. Yeah. And you know what, let's talk about Jay Patterson.

He's great in this movie. Phenomenal. He's horrifying in this movie. He's horrifying in the most real world way possible. Like you know, hp R Dean of Discipline.

I could take any single day of the week over Jay Patterson. If he had been our guy, I don't know. I probably would have been a more obedient student he was. I don't know that. Jay Patterson obviously has worked a lot.

I think he did a lot of TV. I don't remember him being especially featured in as a featured actor in a motion picture. But he's so good in this He actually watching this again, he reminded me kind of of a young Philip Seymour Hoffman. He sort of resembled him, And I'm like, you. Know this guy again.

And I also want to give a shout out to Malcolm Denarre as Caesar, who is maybe my single favorite part of the whole movie full Stop. Caesar is so endlessly quotable. He has kind of a Stephen First kind of a vibe around him. You know, he's sort of snooty, but he's you know, I don't know. You get the sense that maybe there's more to him than this sort of person that he projects.

He helps done with his homework and whatever. He eventually befriends Rooney and helps him. But he has the best lines. His situations are funny when he has to use his homework to wipe his ass because there's no toilet paper, and then he has to explain to brother Constance why he doesn't have his homework. I love, you don't have the homework, Caesar.

I must have misplaced it. He's fen I don't know why between he did that. He was in Christine as one of the bullies, which couldn't be different, Yes, but then he kind of again he's one of these guys who did a lot of TV, but I don't remember him being like featured in any big way. No, he and that, And that's how good an actor he is, because I believed him here as the brainy kids amongst the peons, and I completely believed him as Mouci was just the grossest, most illiterate human being. Ever, it was also in nineteen ninety nine's Godzilla was he it was?

I liked that movie. I have not seen it since its premiere. That another of I old that would be one word. It's over twenty years and that movie is real. Everything around that movie is almost more fun than the movie.

But Puff Daddy and Matthew Rod Puff Yeah, Taco Bell, I don't like you. I want you. I'm going to bite you. God wow, puff Daddy Baby, Yeah. It's that Godzilla movie is real, real, weird, but he's in it so but man, he plays that.

He plays the character of this movie really well, almost so well that it makes me forget about how bad that character, essentially the same character the Academy is. Yes, this is the flip side of that, because you know what, I kind of knew this guy in high school, Caesar. I won't say his name, but I liked him a tremendous amount, and it's I think he I love this group of kids basically, is what I'm trying to say. Like all of this, it is a motley crew thrown together. They would never be friends in any other sort of situation, but it really is them versus the institutions sort of beating on them, and I look, you know, I love the sequence where they they all the schools, the Pope is coming to New York.

It's the first time the popes come to America, and all the students are busted in to line the streets to wave to the Pope, and our five characters disappear and they go they go see an Elvis movie and and that's this line makes. Me want everything even this year, you son of a would you have got one in this year even without it, you fucking monster. And I didn't program that one, right, I did not program Blue Hawaii, No, you sure did not. I slipped it under the radar. But like what they're watching the movie and where he's like, my god, what are they cut Elvis's balls off?

Like they show him like on the raft and it's all a funny and I'm thinking about Elvis, who to these kids was the fucking total rebel, and like looking at him then like, I don't know, I love that scene, and I love that they all do that together. They all just cut to go watch a movie, which I did many, many times in high school. So even though, like, let's be honest, Williams and Corbett don't really contribute too much to the to the the through line of the movie. Now, but in fact, you need it whispers. That's true.

And the other thing that I was struck by was the movie was a lot more episodic in structure than I remembered it being, because ultimately. There's not a ton of plot to hang the movie on. Right. You have donn he comes in, but it's really about these sort of misadventures that he has. Like there's you know, the scene where they took the screws out of Caesar's desk and there's a confrontation, but ultimately, and even the stuff with him and Danny is only for a brief moment and then it's sort of gone and it doesn't really carry through the whole movie.

But it's really, you know, like that about it that there's no it's not as if they're working towards like some final goal at the end of the movie, like they're gonna, you know, to put on a show like in Porky's or something, or they need to I don't know, like rescue somebody from some situation. It's just really about these guys their experiences and this really dismal situation and how they got each other through it. I really like that about it. Yeah, And can I just say that romance between Danny and Don is is incredibly sweet. And I've been in love with Mary Stuart Masters and ever since this movie because she's so good and those two together, I don't know again last night, just just that's sweet and innocent love amidst all this other nonsense.

Like I got the sense that Done would have been able to take everything, like you wouldn't have lashed out ever if he had had Danny the entire time, you know so, and you know what, like it's totally all over the places the movie is. I think it absolutely all works. I love this movie's great. I think I defy both of you. I defy you HP in particular, and I'm gonna deal with you back on the streets of Boston, my friend whoa.

No, no, Look, I agree, but sometimes I question, like, you know, in a movie, like I'll give you an example. This is a weird example, but follow me on this. The movie heavy Metal. It's a movie that a lot of us, like father Malone and I saw when we were very young, right, and to us, this was an idealized adult cartoon that we saw we had never seen. Are you accusing me of nostalgia?

No? No, no, no, okay, no, no, no follow me on this. So then, so, years and years later, I'm going over to somebody's house and we're gonna settle in, we're gonna watch movies. And I said, you have to see this movie. It had just come out on DVD.

You gotta see heavy Metal. He was a bit younger than I had hadn't seen. I'm like, you got to see this. This is gonna it's gonna freak out. It's great.

We put it on. Within about thirty minutes. He turned me and he's like, it is okay. I guess it's not. The problem was I had seen it at such a formative period and I kind of glombed onto it.

And you know, when you see a movie when you're a kid, like you never really forget how it made you feel. And sometimes wonder, as I was watching Heaven Help Us, maybe there's a little bit of that at play with me. Because I love the movie, don't get me wrong, and I can't not love it, but that doesn't mean I can't see some of the shortcomings and he got he. Got your ass good. Let me tell you something.

I did your ass good. You got burned. Val HP and Stash you both shut up. This movie was great then, and I've reevaluated it every year and my opinion hasn't changed. I agree, Look this it does have problems.

I said it before, like bridge sequence is obviously there one reason. I don't know, like some studio executives said make something wacky and they were like, let's give him this, And I don't like the sort of wrap up at the end. And there are little things here and there throughout, but overall, I think this is a wonderful little slice of life in you know, Brooklyn in the sixties, in and amongst this community. I think all the performances are solid right across the board. Dana Barron, Can we just mentioned her for a second.

Who was the original Audrey Griswold. Yeah. In National and Quinn's Vacation, she is so I don't know, Like she's in like two scenes and she's like so good. I know she eventually had like health problems, which is why she should have dropped out of things, but she's great. Yardley Smith, Lisa Simpson for no reason, it's in the movie, you know, like he's great too, like Donald Otherland.

Who's in it. Very he's kind of like the big name that they attached to the movie. I'm sure because everybody knows who he is. But he was an Animal House. Well go Schitzo, will I.

It's a possibility. No, he's there's no. I'm looking at the list here and these are even people actors that I hate to use the phrase that guy, but there's even actors that are inveterate character actors, like Philip Bosco is in it. He plays brother Paul. He was, he was in Trading Places, he was in Three Minutes of Baby.

These are guys, like the movie is kind of suffused with so much talent and so many people that you've seen and. With brother Paul, the one at the physical fitness brother, yes, exactly, teaching them to fight the commis. Yeah, he's he is one of those guys. He is that guy John Hurd, like, yeah, one of the great those guys, I mean Vic Vic mckazy and for fuck's sake, yeah. I mean that's what I That's what I know him from almost HP and I love him from the movie Big and his connections tonally to George Popart in general being a horrible man child.

But we love John Hurd. I've never seen Big. You don't need to all right, No, no, no, no, it's worthwhile. I mean it's not. Look, it's one of those movies that I think you've probably heard your whole life that oh it's so great, and it's Tom Hanks's big thing.

It's it's a good movie. It's worth your hour and a half. It's not what's not time to see it? Robert Loja, Tom Hanks dancing on a piano. Why haven't I seen it?

As Heather Draine likes to say, ell is for Loja, and she's always right. She fucking is. I you know what they'll feel like you mentioned it HP already these movies fa them alone, this one and up the Academy, and if they have felt all very much the same. It's like a Huck Finn novel. They're just walking around and doing a thing.

They do something else, they do something else, they do something else, and none of the things that they do are ever bigger than the other. Maybe the final thing is, but it's all just like a day in the life, and we're just following them and they're having a good time. Like that is what these movies have been so far? Yeah, true, yeah, yes, this is the best of them so far. Up the you know what.

HP with the whole nostalgia point, This movie Up the Academy is the movie where the nostalgia could come into play, but it didn't. That movie is like a a like genuine like kind of a kind of like do do like if I saw that movie today, I would still like the things about it. Wait, so is that is that? Is that a movie you programmed during this month? Fatherm alone?

Is that one of them? Because it's prep Academy? Yeah? Now, the only redeeming factor follow me on this, well maybe two, but one is obviously the presence of Stacy Nelkin. That cannot be overstated.

And there's some fun to be had with Ron Leadman's performance, despite the fact that he took his name off of the picture. But yeah, that's that's it's not a good movie. I haven't seen. I haven't seen. If I did listen to the episode today that you guys posted on IF and it I think you probably saved me the trouble of watching it because it doesn't sound we did it.

Yeah, look, at that one life has been saved. There you good night and that and that's one that that's. Like I like, I've heard of that, like probably not unlike you guys, I've heard of that movie over time, just reputationally, like, oh that's Malcolm McDonald. That sounds kind of interesting, kind of anarchic or whatever. But you guys basically warned me off of that.

But it was it was not a pleasant experience. Well that's the thing, Like, I don't want to warn people off of this movie, because this movie is actually really fun. It's just I think I might enjoy it more the second time I watch it. But I don't know. I wish I wish that, I really do wish there had been less comedy.

I wish it had been more of a drama because Andrew McCarthy is the character he's playing is out of. A different movie. Yeah, kind of feels like each of the male characters are kind of out of different movies, Like Kevin Dillon's out of a movie. Kevin Dlan is out of a movie that is in the eighties, like a movie set in the eighties, because like they were saying that in the eighties, maybe saying Homo but not you know. Yeah, you could easily make make made all of the sort of gang characters that sort of people this world more in the background and bring everybody else up and it would have worked as a movie.

I completely agree with that, because you're right, like, you know, the adult characters are very serious, Dunn's character serious, Danny's character serious, like. They're dealing with real things, and then you got these goofball jack offs that are just fucking around half the time. I make because that stuff, everything I described is horribly depressing, so right, it's. Not fun, But again, like that, there is something about that that could be good and entertaining and worthwhile, even though it's a hell of a bummer. Because yeah, maybe in a more serious movie you have Rooney and his pals dying on the bridge in a more serious movie, right, not in this one where it's like yeah, chuck yuk yuck, Bud Milt.

Or we could have a serious movie like The Chocolate War. That sort of I think is that movie you're describing. This is not that. This is lighter version. This is the more feel good version of the Prep School Journey.

And I think this movie Chocolate War and the other movie I program, which is Toy Soldiers, Like those are more what you're describing in a feature, which is there's definitely a narrative to it, like it's all going in a direction as opposed to the sort of more episodic, you know, slice o Odyssey type thing. Right, He's he's trying to get somewhere. Aren't these journeys interesting? But he's got a destination. Yeah.

One movie as I was watching it that I was kind of reminded of, and this isn't a movie about prep school or it's not as nearly as sort of dark as this is, but for. Some reason it came to mind with I was watching this was the. Movie The Flamingo Kid, which ironically is stars Matt Dillon Kevinnillen's brother, but it. Takes place in the same time period. It's a similar deal where you have this kind of person who comes into this situation and this life that he has no experience with.

In Matt Dillon's case, he's going to work at this exclusive country club. But at the end of the day he learns about life, and he learns some hard truths about the adults that he's dealing with and how you know and dealing with his family and all that. If I was going to like program a double feature, that might be a good double feature there, because you have the dark side of it, which is Heaven Help Us, which is you know, it's tonally a little more challenging. But the Flamingo Kid is nothing more, you know, it's it's just lightess. It's comedy some some.

It's breezy and drama. Yeah, like it is a better blend of comedy and drama together like than this one. But you're absolutely right, it would be a perfect double bill. Or are you see the wall A Sean connection. We are no angels.

I mean that's set a shot that's set before this movie, right. A little bit, I think, like in the twenties, right, I think so. I think so. I mean Walla Sean and I know he's a time traveler and we love him in everything, but it's fair brother ignacious. Oh, by the way, I want to point out one other thing.

There is a sequence in the film where all the boys are going to confession and Rooney is consulting with everyone and telling them how to narrow down their sins so that it won't be you know, doing rosaries for the rest of their life. That is a real thing. We all did it. You just tack on a lie at the end of Oh and I also lie this sort of a you know, deals with God. That the that these boys had to go through is a very real thing.

And I admired that they put it in the movie. Interesting. So really, so you you would do that during confession? You would kind of barter down your sins? Was there like one guy who is kind of like the ringleader, like you know, like you.

Would know it wasn't like that because I would never discuss that because they're in You're in church when it's happening. So like this idea that you're just sort of like bullshitting like while you're waiting to go professional, that is not the case. Everyone is quiet. It's it's church. But I certainly, in my mind would tally up what I had done and what I could actually say and get away.

Yikes, dude, lots of guilt, YEA, yeah, I got guilt on my own. I don't need somebody to tell me how much more guilty I need to be. Well, they say Catholics have to go to school to learn it, right. I guess is that what they say? Again, I don't know, is it.

I believe you I've heard it so HP. Since you will not be coming back later this month, I wanted to ask you a question, and that I should have been asking everybody up until this point. What is your preparatory school film of choice? And if it's if it is this movie, what is your second choice? Actually, I'm gonna steal the suggestion that Father Malone made, so so this would be my film of choice, not necessarily because it reflects my personal prep school experience, but because I think it does capture something ineffable about that experience without having gone through all the awfulness.

I'm going to echo pretty much everything that Father Malone said about you know, the people you the friends you make, and the experiences you have. It's a bonding thing. Maybe second best. Actually, and I'm surprised to say this, but it actually kind of sparks something in my head. Father Malone just mentioned Toy Soldiers.

I actually don't think that's a bad second choice because there's something about that school. Not that it's it's my favorite movie or whatever, but there's something about the school and the how it's all depicted in the movie, at least fictionally. That that does remind me a little bit of my prep school experience, not that I was we were ever taken over by a terrorist group trying to free Mafia, whatever the plot was. Maybe you weren't there that day though it was a whole thing, because you remember they heard about it in the You're Booking Everything. Yes, No, without any deeper contemplation, I would say those two probably but definitely haven't helped us.

I think this was a great choice. And you know what, you didn't have to say it. You didn't say it, or if because you haven't seen If, but if you had seen If. Mira's Love and Check does the film does the cinematography for that film Father Malone, and this one sure does? Wow, good man, I know, and I think, like, like we've kind of already mentioned, like HP and yourself in mentioned Father alone, the movie looks amazing.

Yes, it really. It's a lovingly shot right. Which again, Mirro's Love and Check works on all kinds of other things that aren't these kinds of preparatory school movies, namely writing in cars with boys, you know, a league of their own FX, funny farm, the world according to Garp, you. Know, funny far I love Funny Farm. But Chevy, that's one of those Chevy Chase movies that you know, just everybody forgot about.

I was working my first job as an usher in a movie theater that was playing that movies, so I saw it a lot, and I know, really, yeah, it's not good, but like I remember enjoying it extra just because I could see it for free anytime I wanted. Is it better or worse than Modern Problems? It's way better. Way, it is way better. It is way better like modern problems.

If I said that, then you could accuse me of nostallenge are because I tried to rewatch that recently and I was like, what were you thinking, sir? I think Funny Farm is better than you remember it being, because like recently reading an article about it, and I was like, you know that, actually, you know, I like it because it's a little more nihilistic, like there's really not a lot of the characters are not necessarily good characters, and. I respect that. And it was George. It was George roy Hill.

I mean, I have to mean the slapshot. I have to you know, world according to Garb, Oh did it Garb too? I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, parrislav Entra Check. They were working together a lot as well, apparently, you know, and that helps with a movie like this that it's nice to look at, because that was something up the Academy did not.

Have, no, no, there was no care. Robert Downey Sr. Is the you know, cinematically kind of like the Kevin Smith of his age. Is just like set the camera up and go, you know, like this is lovingly shot. Michael Dinner, you know, he's a big television guy now and has been for decades.

I think he did a fantastic job. I want to I want to shout it one more thing because I watched the film all through the credits there and I noticed it was dedicated to a fellow named Otto Paulini. So I looked up Auto Polini and he was. He worked basically as the colorist for a bunch of movies, Like he was the technicolor guy who made the movies look the way the directors wanted in. The cinematographer he was.

He worked on Dawn of the Den, one from the Heart, creep show the World. According to garp end of this movie, that's pretty good list of movies to have, you know, to have done anything on till have like walked on the set and gone hi everybody and walked off. That's fair one. Michael Dinner, to his credit, he has offbeat this movie and. Hot to Trot ooh, the Horrse movie.

Yeah, the John Cam and the Bobcat Goldwaight Horse movie that we did an episode on, oh, so long ago. And that movie is so unfun. It's like it's it's so bad in an unfun way that there. I couldn't even suggest you hate watch it because it's not fun. You appreciate this more movie even more now thinking about Hot to Trot.

I don't know, you know, you and I have made a comparing. That's fair. I will say from what I remember from Hot to Trot, that movie is irredeemably bad. So this movie is further in your estimation. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Have you have either of you seen Michael Dinner's other It was called Michael Winner. Michael Dinner's other film, offbeat is. That with Judge Reinhold. Yes, it's like a cop dancing movie. Dancing cop movie.

Right, he's a librarian who in person it's a cop. Yes, I liked that movie sounds fun. It is, it is fun. Wow. Yeah, I've not seen it, but I can no.

No, I remember I remember the ads for it, like the commercials, and I remember. Them dancing like trying to dance. Yeah, I mean it's no soul man, But what is no? And HP? Do you remember there was a documentary that played on cable all the time and it was about like this youth theater in New York and it was this like sort of very charismatic like choreographer dancer, and he had all these kids he was teaching them.

You know, it was going to be a production. You've seen it, right. I have some memory of this, but I can't think of the title. But the guy in that movie that that documentary about is in offbeat. He's like the choreographer for the cops in the movie.

Now, I got to look it up. This is every conversation, Chris, between me and HB. It's just rambling nonsense down a stupid cultural nineteen eighties to seventies whole. I mean, I was I was hoping you would bring up the crew instead the two thousand's old. Oh yeah right.

Also a Michael Dinner film. Oh was it? Sure was? I guess you know he led with his strongest foot. That's what I would.

Yeah, it must be sometimes it's just lightning in a bottle right out the gate. And you know what is equally as weird. At some point, Michael Dinner directed a much older Patrick Dempsey in Grey's Anatomy. That must have been interesting, fucking wild. That had to have been something else because this is.

Like it was his first movie. Yeah, this is his first role. I mean it's given effectively second, I guess the least amount of anything to do somehow less than Stephen Jeffries. Yeah. But you know what's crazy is like these characters are nothing characters.

But I do know their names and it's not because I've seen the movie that many times. It's like they say them so often and so memorably in the movie that I know. Patrick Dempsey is cor of it, like it is. It's a zero character, right, he has maybe too lot nothing. Yeah, he doesn't get a sequence like like Williams gets with the you know, the Commune Rist.

No, he should have. Don't know why he doesn't. Yeah, I mean they seem to even out those guys like maybe they maybe they cut it. You never know. Well, and that I will say that about the movie the movie's also a little long.

It's one hundred and four minutes. It could probably have used ten minutes less. Disagree, I mean, yes, okay, take out the bridge scene, the bridge sea, the bridge scene. Yeah, like all the rest. Of the movie flows right along that bridge, Like we we've kind we kind of keep mentioning it because you know, I don't think we should.

I mean, we keep mentioning it, so we should probably at least talk about it a little bit. There's a scene in this movie that definitely feels like it's from another movie all together. It feels like the TNA comedy that this movie was advertised as, where Kevin Dylan and Dana Baron have left the car, where Caesar and Yardley Smith are are sitting in the car that is parked on a drawbridge in the middle of New York City, and then clueless operator played by Larry bud Melman, who did you even even know who he is? Chris, I've seen him in He's in Freaked. He is in Freaking.

He was a mainstay on David Letterman. They would just have him cut to him like cackling like that. Anyway, So he opens the bridge while the car is on it and they're trying to get the car up and it's Shenanigan's and then the car we think it's okay, but it's not. But it never looked okay because as soon as the bridge starts to open, the axle of the car drops out right and then it never really retracts. All.

See, there are problems beyond that. It's a stupid sequence that doesn't belong in this movie. Like it doesn't make sense geographically, like they're parked on the bridge, the bridge opens long enough that the car doesn't fall off. No boat passes through the through the channel, and then it closes and it destroys the car. I don't know, it doesn't make sense.

It's weird because it's almost as if the operator of the bridge, operator Larry Budd Melman, like he's cackling. He opens the bridge, the boat's coming. But then somehow I get the sense that he noticed that there was something on the bridge and he retracted it. And that's the only thing I can think of that would explain why. Because you're right, it's opening and the boat's coming through.

Its not far, no. It's moments away. Yeah, yeah, it would have been better if the boat had just if the car had just fallen, it would have been a merciful ending to. This awful scene. Keeps going and going and going, and uh yeah.

Then there's that sort of a little bit of a grim epilogue where they're going to see the Pope and now Rooney his face is all beaten up now and I think someone says, what happened to your face? Is, oh, my dad came home from the track or whatever. So I got home from Chicago, by the way. I was going to point that out as a funny part of that. He got the ship because he messed up the car.

I don't find that. Runey is such a son of a bitch. He deserved that beating. He destroyed that car with its electric leather seats electric. I don't, I don't.

That scene is really bad. It's awful. You could cut it out of it, could ban edit it out of the movie. It would be to me a. Perfect film, The Father Malone could I'm gonna do it at Athlete titled It's always It's always been about the religious part of your life, man, Father Malone.

So it's true. Well, you know, back when HB and I were in school, I was just junior Malone now two years to get to this title. Man, for a while, you were Bugsy Malone. That's true. That's when I was in grade school.

I was bugsy Are you Nugsy Malone for a while as well? Well, God, I've never not. I just don't like to advertise. But I think part of the. Root of you know, because obviously father Malone and I had did have similar experiences because we were drawn together during high school.

But I think part of the reason why he had a tougher time than I did, and in a tougher time in informative years, is because he's always been more of a nonconformist than than I ever had the courage to be. Frankly, he would. Father Malone would come to school, you would have his his you know, his chapeau. He would wear, you know, very long coats with all kinds of buttons and stuff. And if he could have at the time, if he could have gotten away with it, he would have dyed his hair green then.

But I did. I did dye my hair green, and I gone away with it for like a week with the hat on, and then my mother one day went get over here, what did. You do your mom made you dye your hair back. I didn't know that story. That's crazy.

Yeah, well just cut it off. Yeah. Oh well, you know I got off easy, I guess. But yeah, but how did you. Get away with wearing a hat throughout school?

Like wouldn't Oh. No, no, no, no, this is this is wasn't in school, this is out of school. But I did in school. Oh I definitely would have if I could have. But I couldn't have gotten away with it at home, So I wasn't gonna get it away with it at school either.

Right, right, So that that that goes some way toward I mean, you know, follow him alone at this point, Chris. So, I'm not saying anything you don't know about his character, but he was always more of a you know, frankly more rebellious so and I think that kind of feeds into his. Not sure, I'm a good boy. I call him alone big brother for a reason. He's the most conformist of conformists.

I know. Oh yeah, that's right, and I want you all to be exactly the same. This is the man who has to put a wig on to film a video podcast because otherwise it would look like his head was. A green screen. He's the he's the most nonconformist person I know, ladies and gentlemen, which is what you both to say, and I will your check is on the way.

We still do checks, right like. You. Writing and sending a check is the most conformist thing I can. Nobody's doing it, everybody, Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, like old women, old women at the grocery store writing checks.

Yeah. And rich white people. Yeah, pricks, I'll send you a check. Yeah, if you're rich, secret reptile money, that's how always. Yeah.

Those tunnels underneath the cities, man, that's where the currency is stored. Tribulation. I want to watch it, and I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it. You know about that HP, you know about aliens and what the Church of the SubGenius.

I'm not as well versed. I do have a VHS copy of Tribulation ninety nine socked away somewhere, though I have my brother, and that's and again it's it's undoubtedly Father Malone's influence. And I'm sure sure, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure I sent it. Yeah, you know, hey, you gotta I think it because it ties in somewhat because we were both he really got into them before me, but he was a big fan of Emergency Broadcast Network. The band, and I think they feature in Tribulation ninety nine or no, no, no, the other movie that the same director did.

Yes, Craig something. Craig Mitchell, I believe something like that. Yeah, so no, Craig Baldwin as reported to Baldwin. Is that what is? That's what it is.

That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, So by way of this band I came to know Craig Baldwin and Tribulation ninety nine. Okay, we'll have to. I want to watch it now really badly, so let's do it now, stream it when I'm not watching Heaven Help Us.

Yes, it's only like thirty minutes, right, something like. That ninety nine? Yeah, maybe forty forty five minutes. Yeah, well, I guess HP. I My final question to you is what are your final thoughts on Heaven Help Us aka Catholic Boys.

It holds up I think still having Like I said, watching this is probably the first time I've watched in its entirety probably in over ten years. And although you know, some of it maybe didn't ring quite as true as it did you know twenty thirty years ago. I think it still holds up. I think it looks you said, it looks great. It's acted well great actors, So I think it's I think it's a great, little sweet movie.

What about you, flatam alone programmer of the month everything HP just said. I do think this is an incredibly good hearted movie with all of this depression and horribleness sort of staggered around it. And that's the Roman Catholic experience. So I love this movie sort of unabashedly. Like it has problems.

Every movie has problems. I can look past them quite easily in this case because look, I'm getting older and more sentimental, certainly, but a love story between Danny and Dunn just really hits me where it hurts, and I just adore it. And whatever else they hung on the movie, I would still like the movie for that storyline. And the fact is I enjoyed everything else sort of around it, except for the bridge scene. Cut the bridge.

I'm gonna cut Theridge scene. I'm gonna post it on YouTube. Go to Fathermalone dot com and see that there. I was gonna say. One thing we didn't mention is this movie's an HBO movie.

Just like a movie we talked about last month, Silver Screen Partners HBO Pictures presents The Hitcher. This is one of the movies that was on the list they hooked up with try Star. They have HBO had to deal with TriStar where they were producing, and then they would get a theatrical run and then HBO would pick it up immediately afterwards. So in a way, like obviously this movie did play in theaters, but thankfully it was an HBO movie because HP and I got to see it ad nauseum, yeah and infinitum. As for me again, I enjoyed it.

It's kind of tonally all over the place. It doesn't again like like if, like Up the Academy, doesn't have much of a plot. But this movie, unlike those two, really overcomes that with some decent performances from decent decent great performances from almost everybody. Again, Kevin Dillon's character, notwithstanding about how much you can deal with his abrasiveness, because his character is one of those characters in movies where it might be enough for someone to turn the movie off. I mean again, but you know what that is that guy honestly right, right.

And again like, just like Chris Tucker in The Fifth Element, Like some people are gonna be like, I don't want to do deal with watching this movie because there's this character, just like the character and up the Academy of Verev a Gard like that character is just like so awful that it's like you're just grinding everything to a halt. Kevin Dylan is not that, but he's really abrasive Outside of that, I think this is a perfectly fine prep school movie. And if you have the experience of this, I can understand why this would be something that you would definitely resonate with more so than say if or up the Academy. So I didn't have that experience, though, So I'm. Not expecting any of your listeners to rush out and see the movie and relate to it in the ways that HB and I did.

But I think I don't think you need to, because you know, look, I've never fought in a space battle, but I like, you know, I like Star Trek two, And you can watch this movie and it's entirety on YouTube. Can you good? Everyone watched immediately? Sure can. It's broken, broken across eleven parts, but you sure can.

How do I you should it because of how I watched it. Oh, it's okay, it's fine, It's perfectly fine. Did I say it hurt my ability to enjoy the movie? I watched it twice, but that was the first way I watched. Okay, it was HBO Presents, all right, I'm surprised that's not the version they had on HBO Max.

Yeah, but you know, given the way those fuckers treated The Hitcher. The Hitcher was an awful, awful transfer. So I'm glad, Yeah, I'm glad this was a little more loving. The Hitcher transfer on HBO HP is a VHS copy of the movie. I thought that right now, in twenty nine, thirteen, twenty twenty two, you can go watch The Hitcher and it is like dog shit of the highest order.

That was a. Very popular movie. I mean that was huge at the time. Rutter Howard and everything. I remember that being especially on HBO.

That was big, big movie at the time. Well, they're still showing us the version we were getting that. Yes, you know, it doesn't have dragons in it, so they just don't care. They're not invested in putting money into it. So no dragon, they can always just add one in with it flying around on a dragon.

Maybe during that helicopter scene, just throw it in the background. Yeah, sure, why not. So on that note, we'll take a break and we will play a preview for the next Culture cast of Prep School September. You know what our cheap what like the said? Sometimes?

Two more names? Name is Roland Gubert? Tell me for an assignment? Who the hell do they think I am? Are you a charge here?

Now? The entire school is my responsibility. Don't ever forget that. When the sale goes down the drain, you and the vigils go down the drain. One more name the kid who just left the field when they wiped down.

Kid named Ronald Freshman. His mother just died. Poor kid. That must be hard. You know what he needs?

What therapy? You can't make your life very bad, very sad. Your mother, Jerry, she's proud of he put him down for the chocolates. This is more than a sail, It is a crusade. I'm not can sell.

The boys have become infected in terrible disease, difficult to cure. Love as just asking you to take the child. We're not asking Archie, We're telling a magazines remind me and waite O. I wove you done in my room. That's right.

Our next culture cast, we're talking about a movie that I think I'm the most excited to watch this month of everything, We're gonna be talking about The Chocolate War. Yes, this is the best one. I mean it is. There's no question if you're gonna if you ask me the question, which is my favorite? This is The Chocolate War is definitely my favorite.

I'm very much. I haven't watched it yet again for for the podcast, but I am savoring the opportunity to do so. And who are we gonna be joined by my my, my offendio, father Malone. I believe that is Detroit's own Mike White. So the projection Booth's Mike White.

Rankin on basses, Mike White. That's right, They shabby detectives, Mike White. Mike White, Mike White. Yes, he's a funky one. Yeah, I possibly so, possibly so.

But he'll be joining us on that episode and I'm looking forward to it. And I got a book I got to read before that, also titled The Chocolate War. So I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, me too. So until then, HP, where could people find you on the Internet?

Should they be looking. So. I am the co host with Father Malone of Wolf and Raisin the Bancheck Podcast, and we're also working on a taxi podcast, another taxi podcast called good Night Mister Walters, a taxi podcast. Look for that soon, Father Malone. What about you?

Well, if you want to find like my video stuff and everything, you go to father Malone dot com. If you want to find my podcast, you can go to father Malone dot com. That'll that'll get you there too. I just want to announce that I'm very very happy that I'm part of the media giant. I've joined the Weirdingway Media Network.

That's where you're gonna find all my stuff eventually. But you go to Fathermalone dot com and they'll get you there. Yeah. As for me, ce Stasher dot com is a place where I work on all of my stuff, including all of the numerous shows that are on Yeah, Cats out of the Bag the Weirdingway Media Network, which is where most of our shows are going to. Be all including good Night Mister Walters, the Taxi Podcast, including Shabby Detective and Ranking on Bass and the Life and Times of Captain Barney Miller, and the col Jactapes.

And there's a lot of stuff and you can find it all at Weirdingwaymedia dot com. Actually, so there you go. This is the first time. Holy shit. Yeah, yikes.

We'll remember this when we sell it to Amazon. When they pry it from our code dead ads. But yeah, As for this show, culturecast dot com, Patreon dot com, slash culture Cast, all the things you could do to support us monetarily, but you don't have to just listen. I understand times are hard and everybody struggling, myself included, maybe not with money, but it's not just money that matters in the world, folks. That's why you should just listen.

As for my guests, HP, thank you so much for joining me for your first time. Mister News, thank you, thank you so much. It was a real pleasure. Chris, thank you so much. And I would thank you Father Malone, but you're gonna be back next week, so there's nothing, nothing to thank you for until we get to the end of this month.

And uh yeah, we'll catch you on the next episode.