Father Malone's Weekly Roundup - Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die (2026)

Welcome back midnight viewers to Father Malone's a weekly roundup. I'm Father Malone and the Academy Award winner for Best Short Subject is Ripley Jean. That's right, it's a statue joke. I can't help it if you're a potato on legs. Hope everyone's week has been a delight with everything falling apart in every direction.

Who cares. There's movies to watch an award shows to critique, and we're doing both right now. Ordinarily i'd cut to pen pals from around the world, but all the correspondence I've been receiving her from the Patreon channel and are about episodes that haven't made it to the regular feed yet, so I will answer those when those episodes debut here. Speaking of the Patreon channel, we are going to be debuting a new show this coming May. I think it might be a little later.

We'll see how it goes. But we're doing a show entirely dedicated to Fallout, and by we, I mean my old pal Dakota. She is an actor extraordinaire and I've known her for well over a decade and she has always been a Fallout girl. Whereas I dear listeners, as you no doubt already know, am a relative novice when it comes to everything in Nuka Cola, those are going to be a lot of fun. We're going to be taking a look at the series, obviously, but then the wider world surrounding it.

Do you know that there's a full on immersive event here in Good Springs, Nevada. I'm always going to say Nevada locals, I'm sorry, my mind can't process Nevada, which may be just my continued rejection of my former Boston accent. Anyway, Good Springs, Nevada, which is a location in the game so you can actually be completely immersed in it. I am excited for you all to meet Dakota. Actually, you know what, since this is a self plug athon on my part, if you want to hear her right now, check out my series Astounding Tales of the Public Domain, where Dakota and her husband Drew, who's a fucking excellent actor in his own right, performed on an episode called The vander Lark.

Two bits of Star Trek news This coming Monday, we have Star Trek two thousand and nine, but then only two more Kelvin episodes, and then Star Trek finst is at an end, but HP and I will be continuing our exploits in the neutral zone talking about trek ephemera. We've already got our double Columbo special with Niemoy and Shatner up, and by the time this airs we should have. Actually the day after this airs, we will have a new Shantner versus niem Moy episode. That one is a head to head battle in the world of music. That's right, shatns the Transformed Man versus Leonard Nimoy's Mister Spock's Music from Outer Space.

Now, so far we've done a Fusco Fest, a Yaucha Fest over on the Patreon, We've got Moranus Fest, and now with Star Trek Fest concluding, what's next. Well, HP and I banded about a lot of ideas, and we thought we had settled on fantasy films, zeroing in on the late nineteen seventies into the eighties. And I got hold of all of those movies and I have been watching them, and I tell you we will get there. But with all the clips I keep seeing of imminent Marvel Fair, I took a look at the calendar and looked up their catalog and blam and snicked and bahom, we've got a Von doom Fest. That's right, you pathetic worms get on the Time platform and bowed down to the psionic power as we march down the Marvel road that leads to Doom, which wasn't easy because there's only sixteen weeks.

But at the time we start in the Time, Doomsday premieres and there are thirty eight mcuflix. But if you group them all by character, well then stands your uncle. So we'll have a cap episode, and we're going to have an iron Man episode, and that Guardians of the Galaxy episode because we have to hot take. I do not like the Guardians of the Galaxy in any event. That's what's on the way.

Let me tell you something. HP is a fickle co host. You have no idea how many ideas I've had to float in the course of our conversations trying to feel him out, and it is so fucking rare that he jumps onto something. So apologies if I've mentioned us going in another direction with our future fests, because Von Doomfest is going to take us right through the new year. Since I'm just announcing shit completely unbidden, Mike White and I are almost done with the Hammer House of Horrors.

We are currently at number eight of a thirteen episode series. That was the Children of the Moon episode, which aired last week. We will continue to flip this property until June and then we're moving on to another anthology banger, but we will be staying in the UK and enlisting the aid of mister Roald Dol. That's right, Mike and I are taking on another tails, leaving behind the dark side and stepping into the unexpected. Did rolled Doll's Tales of the Unexpected nine seasons one hundred and twelve fucking episodes settle in.

We're gonna be talking bitter irony and batshit plot twists for years. Did any of you catch the Academy Awards per chance? I myself hadn't watched the show since twenty twenty one. That was the last one with my wife Jessica. She made the day a fucking event.

We had to dress up. She made a step and repeat that we would get photographed and interviewed in front of I Am in no way exaggerating. Inside would be all luxurious and there'd be dozens of themed snacks and beverages. It was quite a to do, and even before that, the Oscars were basically the super Bowl for me, a giant production about how great movies are. Yes, please.

Obviously, the Academy has always been a bit troubled, and it all certainly seemed to come to a head right around the time that I felt like nothing was worth celebrating. So it had been easy not to tune back in. But like I said in a previous episode, here, this year there was a monster rally of an Academy Awards sinners, Frankenstein, a weapons. How am I not going to tune back in now that horror finally has arrived. Jess would be so fucking mad at me if I skipped it, and I'm glad I didn't.

I thought it was a blast, except for the interminable intro patterer. I know there's a lot of gears that need to turn in a live broadcast, and there are still so many other variables at play, but you've got months right, gold standard powder. But then there were the winds. Baby Sinners took four including acting. They should have given Michael Jordan two statues.

Ruth Carter won again for another Ryan Kugler film that Mandalorian music Man one. Frankenstein took home three Costume production, design and makeup and weapons grabbed one. Amy Madigan took home a richly deserved award. Go watch Carnival. How many times have I got to tell you people?

Cunnan O'Brien I thought was awesome as usual, even though the direction kept undercutting his laughs. Speaking of undercutting laughs and terrible intro patter, for the love of God, do not let Robert Downey Junior and Chris Evans try to do comedy dreadful stuff. In other Marvel news, they just released the trailer for Spider Man Brand New Day. I'm always skeptical of every new release up until the final trailer, and then I'm like, why are you being such a detached prick? Try to fucking enjoy these again, you dummy, And there's lots to enjoy here.

First, and fucking foremost, we get Michael Mando better call Saul's Nacho Varga back as Mac Gargan the Scorpion. That's the first screen appearance of that villain. He first showed up on that ferry in the first Spider flick home Coming, and then was teased in the prison scene with Michael Keaton. I am beyond a stoke that he's in this. Speaking of Scorpion in the comics, he accidentally creates a character named Tombstone, and we're gonna get his albino ass here for the first time as well.

Apparently they shot this all over Scotland and England, which I could not tell from these scenes that we've seen so far, but you could definitely see cameos every which away. The major cast is returning Zendaia and Jacob Badelon back as Amnesiak, Ned and MJ and a Gravestone appears as aunt May in the tradition of every Spider Man. So far, we're gonna get a couple of MCU heavy hitter cameos, a real heavy hitter and kind of a minor hitter that everyone loves. Bruce Banner shows up, who I expect will be an actual cameo one and done, and the other is Frank Cassel, the Punisher, the future Cosmic ghost Rider himself is going to play a significant role, it would appear, which is great because they finally found the right guy for that role in John Burnhaal.

I assume we're getting him again even sooner. When Daredevil season two starts up, and like Werewolf by Night, he's getting his own standalone special I e. Disney doesn't want to deal with the Internet outrage over a big screen depiction of vigilantism. I've always found the Punisher to be at his best when needs supporting character anyways, So in this case, for Spider Man, cannot wait destined. Daniel Cretton, who made Shang Chi, is the director now here, taking over for Mark Webb who left to do the fan Fantastic four.

There was lots of beautiful imagery in shang Chi. I hope he can reconcile that with the grit of the street level stuff here, and that is ultimately why I'm excited for this new chapter in the Spider Man films. All the high school stuff is done. This is a whole new series and is really more in keeping with the Peter Parker for most of the run of his character. As such, the inclusion of the Punisher is a pretty great indicator that they're demoting this Avenger back to his roots and hopefully he won't need to save the world, just his small part of it, his neighborhood, if you will.

I get that the Street Team lend themselves more easily to the small screen in its empisonic nature, and I've been fucking overjoyed every time one of them escapes the Disney Plus and ghetto and scrambles their way onto theater screens. We had Matt Murdoch and that last Spider Man Jarvis from Agent Carter was an endgame. Monica Rambau started on WandaVision and now she's a Marvel. I suppose the Countess made her debut in the Captain America television series, but I think she was actually supposed to be in the Black Widow film, which was supposed to release before that. In any event, she crosses over the media with ease.

But now with the Punisher, it should be interesting if the gates will open and we can see g I don't know, the fucking Kingpin in a Spider Man film. He's a Spider Man villain for Fox's sake. And you know you want to see Vincentinofrio smack the webhead through a few walls. Shout out to the original red and Blue suit. Incidentally, quit fucking around with nano suits and fucking homemade whatever.

We need that original suit swinging through the streets or there's going to be trouble, And though there's been no official confirmation, I'm pretty positive now having seen the trailer that Daredevil will be showing up in suit because Spider Man seems to have a hand problem. That is the Ninja organization, the hand that Electra belonged to. You remember them, They're showing up here in all their red suited glory. Spider Man Brand New Day comes out on July thirty first. Obviously, HP and I will be covering when it does, which will also be the same week we're covering the first three Spider Man films on Von Dumfest coincidence.

Hell, no hit at hp K because it's where it takes him. Thank you, HP. You know the number nine top alien pickup line sent phasers to love for years following the release of Back to the Future. I had a friend who delighted in stopping random strangers and shouting, you've got to help me. I'm from the future and I came here in a time machine that you built.

It was a goofy bit of youthful stupidity, but it is an interesting scenario. What if Back to the Future had spent the first twenty minutes following George McFly around in nineteen fifty five, we'd get to know him and his home life, his trouble with bullying, and his pining for Lorraine Baines. And then a lunatic shows up and claims he's from the future and you have to do what he says. That's the intriguing premise behind the latest from Pirates of the Caribbean. Filmmaker Gore Verbinski.

This is good luck, have fun, don't die. There's some shit that's about to come down that I can't prepare you for. It's gonna try to give you everything you ever wanted, but in the end, I won't be a lying Are any of you even listening to me? The phones on every phone I travel to ether day to tell you that things do not go well for you in the future. It's always turn off.

But tonight we got a shot. There is a perfect configuration of people in this diner, the saved manity go before we all go. What happens if we film? I really don't like to say it out. Wow, it's kind of them around killing somewhere inside of you.

You know, the way things are, the way we're heading, the way people are with each other. No, the world's going to ship. It means the damn is you people choosing to come along for the riding because you'd see the riding on a wall. When you're ready to wake up and do something about it, there is a chance you will die tonight. Don't get wrong, Did I truly believe you could be?

The group's say, it's the fucking world right? This is well pretty much whoa what? What entire lives the building this night. It's gonna be okay or it's not. I don't know.

So what do you do when the homeless looking guy here played by Sam Rockwell takes over the Norms diner you're reading in and demands volunteers to help him find a threat that will doom our future? That is the question for the first twenty or so minutes of the film. Those first twenty minutes, it must have leapt off the page. They certainly leap off the screen, so much so that you start wondering almost immediately if it can sustain the level of mystery and tension. Is this going to be a bottle film?

A dog day afternoon from the fans of Twelve Monkeys. No, Unfortunately, we end up leaving that diner, and it's interesting dynamic. Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die is the oddest of films. If it had come out in nineteen ninety five, we might be talking about how innovative it was. As it is, like everything else that was overpraised in nineteen ninety five, you start to see almost immediately that it's actually Frankenstein together from a dozen other disparate films in television shows.

Right off the bat, my mind was on Miracle Mile, a terrific end of the world flick that I have covered here on the Roundup previously. That movie kicks off with a character trying to convince a group of late night diners that he just received a phone call from a missile silo and that the nukes were in the air and they needed to go. In that case, we knew the end was coming because we were there for the phone call. So when this started up with incredibly homeless looking Sam Rockwell stumbling in and demanding help saving the future, I thought, well, this will be an interesting take on that, a reverse Miracle Mile, because, like that overprais film from nineteen ninety five, before any decisions can be made, if this guy is even real or not?

We begin flashing back. Yes, this is like pulp fiction and anthology at heart. The Diner is our crypto terror and Rockwell our old witch or uncle creepy. The Cryptkeeper is overrated. You all know that.

We get the diners' stories, y'all. Starting with a couple played by Zazzi Beats and that guy from ant Man. You know, the scientologist Michael Pina. That's his name. Wait, you know before I get into why this movie is terrible, Garibrabinsky, excuse me.

Academy Award winner Goriverbinsky. He won for Rango. Everyone remembers, go all right, Pirates of the Caribbean, the good ones, the revel lllutionary ones, the ones you could not escape there for a while. But let us not forget that he is also the man that gave us the Budweiser Frog commercial. He was a commercial in video directing animal for a long time under the tutelage of Julian Temple.

No slouch himself when it comes to music video, and of course Earth Girl SERIZI have we talked about that here? That is an oversight that needs to be corrected. Verbinsky For all you Deadpool Nerds directed Monster Magnet's video for Nigasonic Teenage Warhead, which gave that bad ass bald character her name. The film that put Verbinsky on the cinematic map was The Ring the adaptation of Ringu, the first of a Jay horror wave that inundated us in the early two thousands. But before even that, he made mouse Hunt.

Anyone remember mouse Hunt? I think a whole generation probably does. It is a live action Tom and Jerry cartoon basically, and was a real showcase for the virtuoso that Verbinsky can definitely be behind a camera. I bring up those two early films specifically because they show that even in his first couple of films, Verbinsky could deliver comedy and broad visually driven comedy at that, as well as genuine dread and creep inducing scares. He tries to do that again here which one why both and a whole lot more.

It is a weird mashup of frenetic Hanna Barbera come to life frequently Rube Goldberg machine moments, and escalation of horror as all avenues are closed to our leads. And it's a romance and a meditation on grief and a ham handed social commentary on social media, where any of you aware it how addicted to our phones we are. It's doing a lot of juggling, so much so that the phrase fourth quadrant appeal kept echoing in my brain. They're really trying to please everybody here. I'm sure after you described the movie as a tense hostage standoff with mysteries that are potentially world ending, would be followed by and it's a slapsnack action horror spectacular.

But there we are, so our first story, Mark and a Janet that couple. Oh wait, the reason I brought up Ravinsky in the first place. The opening scene of this film, from the train down along the buzzing norm sign to the moment Sam Rockwell Enters said, Diner is pure economical, breathtaking cinema. It's a bunch of small setups showing each of the diners as they're ordering, or eating, or served, or are talking to each other, and it's completely free of dialogue. And it told me everything I needed to know about every character we're going to meet, so much so that while I couldn't predict what each of their separate stories would be about, I knew how it would leave them.

That is worth the price of admission. Look, I'm going to slag this movie off and not recommend it ultimately, but it does have a lot to recommend it. This scene in particular. So come to find out, Mark and Janitor teachers and he's a temp who hasn't worked in a while, and he comes to her school to sub for one day, and he's shocked to see how rough the environment is. Mainly he notices how every student is on their phone at all times and how cowed the rest of the teaching staff are.

It's all very heavy handed and has been handled already by shows like Black Mirror or Hell. Even Doctor Who did episode about the zombification that comes with social networking. This story takes it to the extreme, with every student's phone suddenly registering the same triangular symbol and every student becoming possessed. And then we're back to the diner to learn Susan's story. Played by Juno Temple.

Juno is the aforementioned mentor Julian Temple's daughter. I've probably mentioned her a few times. With all due respect to mister Temple's long and celebrated artistic career, Juno is the best thing he's ever made hands down. I have yet to see anything less than a strong performance from her. Speaking of black mirror, this is about the school shooting epidemic and her grief at her lost son in the technological innovation that might enable him to live again.

So there's two things going on here. Have I said heavy handed enough? Because we have what I'm sure everyone involved thought was a deliciously black comic take on how blase we've all become to mass shootings. With a Greek chorus of privileged mothers who've all lost multiple children to school attacks. It also wants to be a sincere look at the lengths go to bring back the past.

Both of those stories can work, They can even work together. If this was a Hammerhouse of Horror, I guarantee you it would. But like everything else in this film, the script functions to get us from one thoughtful moment to another while thinking it's somehow being outrageous and irreverent and nothing is coming together. Back to the diner and our final tale. We haven't had a romance yet, and that's where we get Hayley lou Richardson in the Tale of Ingrid, a girl born with an allergy to Wi FI in cell phones, which is very close to the affliction that Michael McKean's Chuck had on Better Call Saul.

That was a tiny show made by nobody's I'm sure nobody involved with this film ever saw it. So because she has to be sequestered for most of the world, her employment options are limited, leaving her princess at children's parties because no one has cell phones. At children's parties. She meets a male model on a dirt bike who delivers pizza and uses the Thomas Guide to navigate because he doesn't fuck with technology. And for those of you keeping score, that's a meat cute and all is well between our young lunites until he gets a mysterious gift of a VR helmet and gets addicted instantly, and oh no, back to the diner, And now we're fully on board with the plot.

We know he's from the future, we know they need to help him, and we know that he's done this over one hundred times because he's able to tell everyone nearly everything about themselves, having tried numerous combinations of diners to help him get across town to the source of all the trouble, which is definitely going to make you think of Groundhog Day. They even call it out. But I kept thinking about Happy Death Day to You, and how fucking masterful that movie was with its time loop, and that kept reminding me how poorly plotted this film is. Time travel is tricky. Of course, We've all seen the potential pitfalls, from Back to the Future to Looper to Billin fucking Ted.

In fact, I always still marvel at how well the time paradoxes are sewn up in Bill and Ted. Gotta remember a barrel suddenly a barrel. This has a lead character who's done this one hundred times, knows dozens of potential outcomes from every situation, and never once stashed a car near the diner to help him escape, never once eliminated the diner's phone line, from which the police are apparently always called, never placed firearms in various locations even though he knows there's a random element at play that's hunting him down. Shit, I thought of that while I was watching this two hour movie. Never mind jumping back and forth through temporal vortexis with all the time in the world to ponder what went wrong in between.

It's not just the time travel. They didn't think through the diners spend half the movie more really questioning whether or not Rockwell is legit. But most of these diners have had extremely crazy experiences that led them to the diner. Do you dig what I'm laying down here? If I had spent my afternoon being chased by hundreds of teenagers who'd been hypnotized by their phone, when a lunatic walked into the diner announcing that we have to go save the future, my reaction would be, you're goddamn right, let's do it.

There are some insane and some insanely well realized visuals that pepper the third act, but really that's all it has going for it. By then, Verbinsky remains a visual stylist in search of a decent script. We've seen what he can do when he gets one, you know, when he was still being hired and not choosing his own. Maybe that's what directing jail ought to be. Not that you're unhirable for a few years, but you're immediately hired drafted to do some studio flick which you have no control over the script.

I mean it would be the studio's crown jewel. I'm not suggesting he would have to go off and direct the earnest goes to jail, reboot or anything. But you ought to have to prove you can be trusted to make another decision on your own. Am I just too old? Have I seen too many movies that I can now just see the disparate parts It may be, But whatever the cause, the effect is a jigsaw puzzle of a film where none of the pieces are the same size, and the overall portrait at the end is one of those painters of light Thomas Kincaid jobs you get at the mall, all the promise of a cozy, down home life from the most technologically hollow process imaginable, And I guess that's going to do it for the round up.

Couldn't be mean or This week Tune in Monday. HP is back, and so is Star Trek Fest. We are starting our journey into the Kelvin trilogy. I think it's safe to call it just that, a trilogy. We're not getting anymore.

The most they can hope for our cameos in future television series. If you want to support this show in a deep and meaningful way, you can head over to that afore mentioned Patreon channel Patreon dot com. Slash follom alone and subscribe there, Or if you're as poor as me, then you can follow us on Instagram. Link is in the show notes, or you can just share the show or rate it real high, give us all the stars, all the positive reviews. Hopefully next week we'll have something I guess about.

For ripley Gene, I'm follow them alone. Try to enjoy the daylight, M and M