Tales from the Darkside S02E09&10 (The Trouble With Mary Jane - Ursa Minor)

All right, listen up Cave's I Got your assignments riga six four three wheeler one four eight not eight oh four and only you. You need to join host HP and fatherm Alone as they examine one of the greatest sitcoms in television history, Taxi in Night Mister Walters a taxi podcast banda zero like your boxing. Record, Thank mister Walters. Weird Way. We welcome back to Midnight Viewing, the horror anthology podcast.

With this season, we're taking a look at George A. Ramero's nineteen eighties series Tales from the Dark Side. I'm Father Alone and sharing the Midnight view with me are the projection booths, Mike White maybe did it? And the culture cast Chris Statue. I've heard it go by eshaha.

If you could see me right now, I'm just trooling. Like so much. Oh, oh my god, where gross? It really is horrific foaminess. Tonight, we're taking a look at two episodes from season two.

They are The Trouble with Mary Jane and ursa Minor. The Trouble with Mary Jane is season two episode nine. It originally aired on November twenty fourth, nineteen eighty five. Written by Edith Swinson. She would go on to write ten episodes of Tales from the Dark Side, six episodes of its sister series Monsters, and eleven episodes of Charmed.

And it was directed by TJ. Castronova, who, when he is intending bar at Marios on the TV series Taxi, is the show runner here on Tales from the Dark Side. Now, ordinarily I would assume that somebody had dropped out that the showrunner has stepped in and directed an episode, but the fact that this is starring Phyllis Dillar and Lawrence Tierny leads me to believe that he actually was the assigned director here. And as I said, this does star Phyllis Dillard. Now, we also encountered her over on Night Gallery, so she's kind of an anthology hero.

She was the in Pamela's voice and also stars Lawrence Sterney and Tanya Fenmore. She's the young Ayisha Candisha Girl. She was the young Missus Weinstein and the Twilight Zone. The movie Kick the Can episode directed by Stephen Spielberg. This is about two psychic hucksters who are trying to cure a young girl who's possessed of a demon so they can get a fifty thousand dollars reward.

What do you think of this one, Mike? Well, I know I'm gonna sound like Chris right now when I say that this is a blackout skit that has been stretched too far. Yeah, I thought you were going to say something else, like I thought he Mike's thrown me under the bus. There are no such things as silencers for handguns. Bump stocks should not be illegal.

I am the black pitler. That's what Chris says all the time. Yeah, this was repetitive, disgusting, puzzling, and and yeah I love Philip Dillar, I love Lawrence Tierney, and it just felt like they were wasted in this, oh man, and just wrongly. You what did you think, Chris? This for me?

Like Mike said, I'm gonna sound like Mike sounding like me. Yes, it is a blackout sketch. But I do think also if we were to have this show be a thing now, and I mean it is, I mean, black mirror and other things are like that, they would do this, but it would be more akin to the Warrens, which I think is kind of what this is. Probably hewing towards our dear friend ed and Lorraine, who I only think of as Patrick Wilson, and Verify Migo, which makes me like them more than think that they were just a bunch of hucksters, because I mean they kind of were. I mean, look, I ain't got anything wrong with that.

A huckster is never a bad thing, but I appreciate a huckster who can admit they're a huckster. And the Warrens they never did is kind of the thing. And you know, whatever make people feel good about themselves talk to, you know, dead people's relatives. That's fine. I mean, I get it.

But this episode kind of traffics in that a little bit, and the two characters played by Philis Dillar and Lawrence Tierney like they're yeah, it doesn't really go anywhere, And once you realize that there's two spirits being brought into this, it feels kind of obvious what the punchline's gonna be. And then the punchline is exactly that, And your point already, Mike, and I'm assuming Father Malone will echo this. This might be one of the most disgusting episodes of anything I've ever seen, because just at some point it's like natural drool and another time it's like a sodium bikarb tablet, and I much prefer the sodium by carb because when it's actual drool, it's fucking disgusting. Like and I'm not someone who gets grossed out by like bodily fluids and stuff, far from it, but just like close ups of a girl, just like oozing fucking spit for no reason is awful.

And when it's this child in particular, it's even worse for whatever. Reason, because she looks really sickly, that's why. And I got sick just rethinking the scene. In my mind, I chose not to rewatch this episode specifically to avoid the disgustingness on display here. The makeup on her looks pretty good, she does look really sick, and so when she's naturally just drew, I don't even talk about it.

When she's the natural drool is really really gross. And then thank god they get some buyicarbon in there. But like, why weren't they just doing it from the beginning? Why was she just frothing from the beginning? And yeah, talk about wasted this.

I assume you hire Phyllis Dillar to your comedy episode thinking she's going to comedy it up. But if you cast her in the straight man role, what are you asking her to do? Exactly in your very unfunny screenplay, She's. Got one purpose, which is, what are you doing now? We shouldn't be doing this, what you know.

I'm like, oh, so you're the harpie, okay, And Phillis Diller can play a great harpee, but yeah, she should be the one who's trying to do this. In Laurence Stierney should be the grumpy husband and oh my dingbat wife, you know, like he's got the voice for it. You should have all that stuff, you know. It's like, please just make him the straight man, if you even need a straight man. I mean, again, to Chris's point, maybe they're the warrants.

Maybe they're both a couple of hucksters, and maybe they're both trying to do this, or actually they're not even trying to be hucksters, Like he sincerely is trying to solve this demon possession to unpossess this girl, and he just keeps making things worse. But he's I mean, yeah, Lawrence Tiernany can be funny, and I've seen him in funny things. I loved him in Seinfeld, but he should have been like the bumbling husband who's just, oh, I got it this time, honey, you know this time, I've got this pig, and I'm doing this because each time they go and visit Mary Jane and I have no trouble with Mary Jane. Every time they go and visit Mary Jane, it stakes are raised, but they're not raised that much.

And it should be a real big thing, because this is a little girl who's possessed by a demon and then eventually possessed by two demons, because this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. You made the goddamn Mary Jane joke before I did, are you. I'm really disappointed you didn't mention the comedic stylings of Lawrence Tierney and naked Gun. Remember how he's just randomly a naked gun at the end of the movie. Yes, yes, I do.

That was a weird walk on cameo from here. Yeah. Yeah, we've actually I think what's funny is you know, Father Malone. You mentioned encountering Philips Diller already we on Rankin on Bass actually encountered Philis Diller in Mad. Mad, Mad Monster.

Yeah. Thinking about Fang, Yeah, thinking about her. Husband equally as unfunny there. As she Oh no, no, no, no, she's funnier, and she's funnier there. She's funnier there.

Funnier there. But that's you know what, You're probably right because she's completely unfunny. Well, she's not trying to be funny here, but that's the thing which nobody directed her to be funny, and the script is not supporting her to be funny why as an actress, which he or an actor have any instinct other than just to play drama. There because Lawrence Tierney's bumbling about I think they thought this was going to be a you know, swamp the roles John Belushi, Dan Ackroyd and neighbors. You know, he's going to be the comedian and she's going to be the grumpy one here.

But Lawrence Tierney can be very funny the way the way Leslie Nielsen used to be funny, which was just by being themselves just straight drama. Like Lawrence Tierney's funny when he's being a fucking scary old man. Oh yeah, like Red that Chris Core film where it's basically like the joke from The Snobs. Yeah, the whole thing of what are you doing calling up here. I'm gonna track you.

I mean just like lays on all of these threats and stuff. It's based on an old like prank phone call tape. And then yeah, the tube bar remember, yes. Thank you. I wondered when you said tube, I was like tubes what I was thinking about?

The band? Yeah, you gus come down here again? Yeah, mostly Zach Way before mostly. Oh they clearly Yeah, the Simpsons prank calls based on it. Some of them are even like like I want Amanda hugging kiss.

Yeah, it's too high, Ada hugging kiss. Let me let me speak. They got to do my Bernie. I'm so happy. Let me speak to the warrens for a second, just because you brought up I believe, Oh.

Were you gonna thought you were gonna get like some candles in a. Ouiji board out there. Let me speak to the warrens for a second. Holy ship, we are here with me? Now are the warrens here?

I see an e? I believe it's an e. Is there any anyone here whose last name maybe a pet of some sorts. Yeah, it's somebody's relative. Dye eating a chicken palm, the long island with the.

Hairs, Yeah, yeah, long was she the pet psychic or no long eye the medium? She's just like she's got the big hair and she talks like this, I swear. I see your sister is standing behind me. I can hear her whispering in my ear. Yeah, fran Dresser the psychic.

I believe Lorraine Warren. She may not have been a genuine psychic, but I believe that she believed that she was. Oh all kidding aside. I know of the two of them, which of the one I believe? And I know who was the one who's just like eighty everybody?

I kind of looked like Jim Jones. And here's the thing. I think Ed Warren did believe that she was clued in and did as much as he could to participate, but was not above fudging things just so they can keep their name out there and keep the money coming in, you know. And I do think that they probably love each other immensely. I'm sure that that was like for real too.

I get the sense. There, but I mean it was a polyamorous situation. There wasn't a assistant that lived with them that Ed was involved with and stuff. So yeah, yeah, in. My mind, here was that Lily Taylor in the movie.

It was Ron Livingston. Wow, they conveniently left that stuff out when they were adding all this new affection to their life story. Well, you know that would what had that been the name of the porno, the conjuring The Devil made us do it? I mean the devil three way? Was that like the Devil's Yeah.

I mean, hey, devil three Where there you go? Yeah? There you go? It sex with Satan, it rights itself. Yeah, But that's what we're talking about here Isakdish is the purveyor of sex.

Lusha candysh. She sounds like a Martin Lawrence character. She sounds like it sounds like what it sounds like thrush. Isn't that what? What like that mouth fungus?

Like? I got that? Issha Candysha, I bet you do. This is just a wasted opportunity all around, because everyone is talented here, everyone behind the scene, everyone on front of the camera. They're all good.

This is this is really frustrating from Tales from the Dark Side. I gotta say, because most episodes, even if I didn't like it, necessarily I find something to enjoy, and this one I honestly did not. No, I thought that the main girl was very good, very talented, all of the drool aside. I kept thinking though of Felisa Rose from sleep Away Camp every time I looked at her, though, and I was like, Oh, she's got something else going on under those sheets other than just goat legs. But that's because her performance consisted entirely of having her mouth wide open and.

All the time. That's true, that frozen at the end of the way camp. Melyssa Rose is just constantly. You ever see photos with her with fans, she does the fucking face. It's terrifying.

Well, and that's your claim to fame, and that's what you're known for. You think that's what this actress does. She's just like, hey, I recognize you from the Tales of the Dark episode. Oh you mean the trouble with Mary Jane. Well, let me tell you about working with Philis Dill.

And my goat. The goats are the best part. For Anita Danglar. I'm just like, she's trying hard, really trying hard. But I just she's wearing a fucking tiara.

I'm like, what is going on? Wandered in from a Marx Brothers movie. I don't know what what. I don't know. I don't know nineteen forty five earlier.

Jesus her, she's from thirty three. You wants to zoom in on the mouth of the Girl of the Mountain. She feeds her soup in the first time. We don't see her, We just see the reactions. We see the bent spoon.

It's not pea soup. Why are they not using pea soup at that point? I don't know. Every fucking instinct was incorrect. Hair, Yeah, including Philis Diller's hair, which I'm pretty sure was just Olivia Newton John's hair at the time as well.

Oh that's a wig, right, I gotta assume, So I don't know this was was a wig. Gal. Yes, it's a good look at wig, but it definitely has some Olivia Newton. Where's the biopic about Phyllis Diller, who was the actual real trailblazer in comedy considering everyone's so fucking navel gazingly obsessed with stand up comedy. Now, they made that for those missus masl this fucking fictionalized account of female comics at the time.

But Phyllis Diller was actually doing it. Man, did you see that documentary about her? I did was fucking fantastic. Yeah, her room filled with jokes, like the card catalog of jokes. I was like, oh my god, this woman was so serious about her art.

And you know, it's like Ginger Rogers. You know, she did the same dance routine just backwards in heels. That that was was Diller in the world of comedy. So I'm gonna leave it. I'm gonna we're gonna leave this episode with that.

We're gonna be good place today by Phyllis Diller. We Still Love You. Moving on to ursa minor This Is season two episode ten, ered originally on December the first, nineteen eighty five, Written by Ted Gershuni from a story by John Sladick. Directed by Ted Gershuni, this one stars Marilyn Jones, Timothy Carhart, Jamie O'Har and Malachi McCourt. Story of a young girl's birthday present.

It's a bear. Would you think of this one, Chris. The best name of someone who's just cast in something is Malachi McCourt. By the way, I mean, what a great name to just have. By the way, I think it's fine, you know, in terms of it being like a similarly mean spirited episode in the vein of mean spirited episodes we've seen before, I would say this one kind of it might take the cake in a lot of ways, because we've seen women being murdered, we've seen children dying, and now we're seeing women and children dying at the same time.

So you know, I mean, we're covering all the bases. So I'm sure Erica Schultz in her book about Children may have written about this episode of Tales from the Dark Side, because I mean, look, it goes the show can tend to go dark, and this episode goes pretty dark. I feel like, at least in the in in kind of where it ends up, I think it's kind of again maybe a little on the nose. It's not a blackout sketch as it were, but the kids stuffed animal comes to I feel like, while we haven't seen it, maybe in this show. There definitely was an episode with Kenneth was it Kenneth.

Walsh with a dog Kenneth Well, yes, in Twilight's on eighty five dog Figurine yes for her birthday and he's cheaping for her and he's kind a boning knife. He's yeah. It reminded me of that. It's like like again like some sort of not hamunculous but kind of like a golm. It's like this thing that you've kind of summoned into the world, and but here it's I kind of don't get it because it ends up going so poorly, but I think it's fun if it's a little dark.

What about you, Mike. Yeah, it did really feel like I had seen this before. The reliance on the Goldilocks story was interesting too, because I mean it's a weird story to latch onto, because Goldilocks has that whole thing of going in and trying the porridge and trying the bed and trying this, and you know, it's just the girl, no mom, no dad. Of course there's Mama bear, Papa bear type of stuff, but it's just like, why are you latching onto that? Oh who spilled this porridge all over the place?

And then just like when she gets the doll and oh yeah, this is Goldilocks. I'm like, it doesn't really fit as well as I think the writers thought that it fit. Yeah, it just it felt like we had seen this, and I don't want to say the other one was better, but it just was very familiar as like, oh, we're treading these same boards again. Yeah, I agree, and this is this one starts out frustrating for me, but the mean spiritedness of the ending ultimately makes me really enjoy the episode. But that it reminded me a bit of Child's Play, which oh yeah, come out after this, which the whole it's not me, it's the doll.

But with Child's Play, you know, the kid is very frustrated that mom won't believe him. This girl didn't give a ship because she knows the dolls. Right right, Well, it reminds me a lot of Talking Tina, you know, from the original Twilight Zone, the one with Tells, where it's just you know, who's going to believe this guy that this doll is threatening him? You know, It's kind of like the Krusty the Clown. Wasn't there a Crusty the Clown doll that was attacking Homer in an episode.

I literally have this doll sitting on my kitchen table that I bought it at Target. Seeing the ads for it. You're gonna have us before. I bought one, the thing with the pull my string on the back, yep, yep, I love you. Yeah.

Problem, somebody set this doll to evil. See here you go. Yeah, yeah, that was. A very good team series voice from The Simpsons found him alone. Good job.

I yeah. The sort of gas lighting part of this episode as far as like this is happening, No it's not, Yes it is, and it's set up that this you know it's it is very much like that Twilight Zone eighty five in that this supernatural inanimate object is now animate in a situation where this marriage is dissolving. This is about a woman sort of trying to be upwardly mobile and and her husband is a fucking lay about dick who just waits up all the time. Doesn't remember buying the fucking doll for the girl. Did he buy the doll for the door?

The doll just showed up. You'd feel the satter birthday. You'd feel the same way if you lost Sigourney Weaver to a guy with a fucking nuclear reactor on his back. Come on, that's true. Timothy Carhart is the nasal spray guy from Ghostbusters.

And I don't have to take this from you. I've got plenty of people down to abuse me that scene. Yeah, he's the guy. I don't know him from much else. I've seen him in a few other things as an insufferable prick, because he just comes off as an insufferable prick.

I'm sure he's a very nice guy and he's a good actor, but yeah, he has that energy like you've got William athertoness of him. You know, little Charles Rockett in there as well, from Dumb and Dummer. Yeah, that the smug, there's a bit of smug. Smug, smarmy. Yeah, and smug as a father is always a good look, especially to a daughter to a daughter.

Yeah, he's he's a weird I mean, I'm not saying he deserves it in this episode, but. Well, what I like is the episode kind of does a bait and switch because we're given him as the villain that you know, this may as well be the there's a creep show episode that fucking echoes this as well, with Kevin Dillon said, like a child who loves horror and the step dad doesn't like it, and the you know, the creatures are going to come help the kid. It's sort of the same thing here, but we're we're given the father as the villain here, but really the bear is the villain that they should all be focusing on, right right. They're about to find out real quickly that inanimate objects can fuck you up. And that's yeah, it's weird.

It's weird. I mean, I appreciate what the episode does, but I don't know, Like, the dad's not really that big of a problem. No, no, he's not. But what happens is the doll gets introduced into this dynamic that's already fractured, and then instead of focusing on the problem at hand, they just all fucking squabble about nonsense or not believing each other or other plans. And it's there's a bear in your house that is fucking shit up and it's coming for you.

And then you know you gotta rope in Malachi McCourt to give us the fucking subtext as text sequence. That's the part of the episode that I didn't like, because everything else I really dug up until the fucking ending where the bear is released and the arm that comes through their door to get is there's a massive thing out there. There's an annihilation sized beast waiting behind that door that is about to devour our protagonists. Holy fuck. This was on Sunday nights.

Enjoy your school week. It's I love it. Though, because like I love when the show gets mean, and I love when it gets really mean. I mean I do. I love it for the characters in the episode, not really, but fuck them.

This is an anthology show in a lot of ways. I have as much attachment to these characters as the episode will give me. It's not a movie. And even if it was a movie, fictional character, but in an anthology, fifty percent of the time the people die before the end or by the end of whatever it is. You're kind of trained to respond to these things that way.

But this episode's ending is particularly It's like when the woman got killed by the phone. It's just like, Wow, fuck it, huh bucket, We're doing it. We're gonna just fuck fuck it. Who cares? This is the meanest anthology series.

I think we're gonna We're gonna. Run right to enjoy the daylight. Dickheads like pretty much. Yeah, I'm here for it. I'm here for the meanness.

Yeah. The six foot long Freddy Krueger esque bear arm is a fucking horror fun It's so long that it goes through the door, comes out and stretches onto the wall and goes like a five feet down the wall and then stretches back out. It's fuck this, They're lucky it doesn't rip the wall off and pull them out of the house like a giant. And it's so long in thin because I'm sure that's a practical consideration, but all that did for me was that make my mind think it's even weirder than you could possibly imagine. What the rest of it.

Yeah, it's not just a bear. It's like some sort of freaky fucking Cuthulhu bear thing. Yeah, some sort of a wind to go, you know. Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm trying to think there was a horror movie TV show. Sorry sorry, I'm kind of like going off into the deep end.

But like with the the Bear's picnic, like a forty five going around kind of thing, and I was just like, oh, that kind of belonged in this episode. The whole idea of the fairy tale come to life type of thing. You wanted to touch on it. It just doesn't feel like they went far enough, right, Yeah, this this one is ripe for remake Towns from the Dark Side two point zero because I really did enjoy this one. Is that there something on one of those like Hulu things that the Bloomhouse things where they kind of did something like this, whereas like a childlike toy that was a bear some I think there was just happened.

Yeah, it just came out this year because there was a couple possessed things. Yeah. I mean again, you're right, father along. If somebody's not doing it, somebody will because children's toys are ripe for that. I mean, and this kind of thing is always going to be a thing that little kids want to have, a stuffed animal.

It will never be free of the inanimate object come to life. It's just too potent an idea, imaginary, that's the name of it. Yeah, that was like literally, oh right, my god. My head is a swirl with too much content these days. A good poll on that one, Chris.

Well, I thought you were going for a placing saddles thing. My head is a whirl tagga. You use your tongue prettier like a twenty dollars whore. You dito you provincial plus. Headley oh Man.

All right. On the next episode of Midnight Viewing, we'll be taking a look at two new or the next two episodes of season two. Those are Effect and Cause and Monsters in My Room. Midnight Viewing. The Horror Anthology Podcast is a proud member of weirding Way Media Group and our theme song was composed by HP with an assist by Donald Rubinstein.

Until next time? What are you working on? Where can people find it? Mike White? You can find everything that I do over at Weirdingwaymedia dot com except for one thing, and that one thing is ranking on Bond, where Chris and I and our dear friend Richard had him talk about James Bond once a month and coming up pretty durn soon and probably by the time this episode comes out, we'll have one out there with you Father them Alone, Live and let Die all about the exploitation James Bond, which was quite a treat to talk about.

So yeah, definitely check out everything and come on over to Chris's patreon at patreon dot com slash Culturecast or my patreon at patreon dot com slash Projection Booth and as some money and you'll get to hear those wonderful sounds of us making mouth noises all about James Bond. How about you? Chris also mouthnoise found it Weirdingwaymedia dot com. My show, The Culture Cast once a week twice a week, sometimes sometimes bonus episode even Yeah, that's where you can find what I do Weirdingwaymedia dot com. You follow them alone, Well, I'm.

On the same network, And if you want to help out midnight viewing, go to patreon dot com slash fall them alone. Subscribers get episodes early and commercial free, and we've got a lot of really cool bonus content just for the Patreon people coming up very soon, so head on over there. But if you just want to support the show and money is tight and god knows, isn't it that, you can just give us a five star review over on the Apple Podcast, or you can just tell your friend, hey, listen to this podcast. Thank you once again for joining us here at midnight viewing. Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.

Dickheads to the capta