Silent Night, Gooey Night (Promo)

So, last time we already talked about our holiday threat. So I didn't want to do anything overly holiday-y, because by the time no one's listening to this, it'll already be, well, into January anyway. But the only tie-in I had of ones that I've seen somewhat lately... How many pipers piping are there? Do you remember?

Uh. Eleven. Eleven. You're right. I was trying to go through this one.

So I recently came across a copy of The Piper. Oh. Is this the documentary about Rowdy Roddy Piper? I would watch that because that guy was pretty damn cool. I shook his hand once.

He was dressed in a suit too. He was very impressive for what he was doing. Crazy man. Well, yeah. Watch the footage.

Go on YouTube. Type in Roddy Roddy Piper and a bottle and like there's literally like the old days pre WWF he's doing a rant to the camera takes a glass bottle smashes it over his head blood is pouring out this wasn't fake because you couldn't like they didn't have budget to fake this well blood is pouring out of his forehead and he's still ranting at the camera about how he's gonna kick this guy's ass oh my god he's The camera guy's like. Back in the day, he was hardcore. I was really hoping you. Were going to tell me to look up Rowdy Roddy Piper and Brian.

No, no, no. I just was in. Someone was in line getting his autograph, and then as he came through, he's like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. And I was like, holy shit. This guy wearing a suit just shook my hand.

He's very well behaved as a man who used to bust bottles over his head. But... This is not that Piper, though I would gladly watch that. Roddy Piper proves he can make a bottle of beer disappear the fastest. I don't know if that's the same thing.

The thumbnail shows him. Oops. Is he chugging it? No. Oh.

It's a full bottle, too. I'm telling you, that's a concussion and a bloodletting. See? Look at his face. He just watched him bash a bottle over his head.

Tell me that's real, because it's real. He doesn't have the budget to do fakery. I mean. He just smashed a bottle over his head. That's some Steve-O shit.

I'm telling you. But at least Steve-O uses aluminum cans, which are... That's what I'm saying. Which are softer. Oh my God.

He was an insane man, and impressive as time went on. No one asked you to do that. And look at him. He's talking like, everything's fine. He's ranting.

I'm going to be out there and kick your ass. And he's just threatening someone else as blood pours out of his head. It's just like, that is a badass. That is a badass. You hit me in the head with a glass bottle, whether it breaks or not, and I'm going to start crying.

I'm down on the ground just sort of laying there going, okay, I might die now. The only thing I'm going to say is, what the hell? But you're probably not going to understand it through my sobs. But what you need to do is threaten someone else at that point. Oh my God, there's more than one version of this.

Oh, I'm sure. It was, again, this is the kind of crazy shit he did back in the day. I mean, and the thing that I can't tell if this makes it better or worse is that he takes a couple seconds to psych himself up first. Like he's huffing and puffing. Like he knows this is how it goes.

He does this. No one's asking you to do this. He's asking me. He set the bar and he delivered to himself. I can break this bottle over my head.

Oh my God. So a certain level this movie pales in comparison because it is a gruesome retelling of the legendary brothers grim classic. I was starting to wonder how we got on running. In the korean war after the korean war a flute playing wanderer and his son arrived to a peaceful and remote village where he makes a deal with the chief is there a chief in korea A chief to eradicate the uncontrollable rat infestation. Using his mystical flute, he wipes the rats away from the village, only to be paid with greed, corruption, and betrayal.

You know, that new Jethro Tull concept album is strange. A lot of Korean influences. Believe it or not, I've read about this movie before and I do want. To watch it. You're such a horror nerd.

Put it on the list. Korean horror is so good. So if you want us to get into that and or continually watch it on a loop as Rowdy Runny Piper smashes a bottle over his head. You guys watch that. I'll watch the Korean movie.

I mean, I'll watch that one too, but. I was more impressed with Roddy Piper when I saw, because it was only like in the last few years. Like, I remember him from back in the day, but I don't remember that. Because I think that was so early on I wasn't paying attention even as a kid. But, yeah.

Well, by the time we were watching wrestling, it was sanitized for children. It had already been like Saturday morning cartoon stuff, and that's why Hogan became the big hero because he was the good guy in quotes because he's not. As life goes on, he's not. So, yeah. He had to.

Steal Ozzy's thunder by dying at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. What a jerk. So, we say a lot of weird things, as you've just heard.

But we say other things on the episode that you could be listening to that are kind of like this. No, you handcuff that child to your wrist like a goddamn nuclear bomb coat. It was the 90s. We had the leash backpacks. Leashes were fine for children.

And then having just like a bowl of dates on. Your cash register. That was maybe the creepiest thing in this movie. Just an open bowl of dates. Just an open bowl of dates that she then just picks up and throws in her mouth.

And I was just like, gross? And then she like spit the pit out. I'm like, this is why. Here, let me take that from you. That's not gross as well.

All of these things are gross. And that position did not look fun, sexy, or comfortable at all. They did jump right into that. And they were not like, coy about it. Pierce and I both went, whoa!

They weren't like under the blankets like you usually start off in one of those scenes. They were up and around. And attached. Hey, what are y'all doing over there? Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.

So, Fred from Scooby-Doo is back. Oh, good for him. I've been wondering what he's been up to. Yeah, no spoilers, but you might get a little extra bonus. Who said, let's put this guy in movies in the first place?

Well, she gets the spaghetti. She drops her spaghetti. It turns into a spiral of spaghetti. First, she looks at it. It's a spiral.

She drops it. It turns into a hand of spaghetti. And then he calls her and is like, are you coming over? To meet my parents. And she's like, fine, yes.

But I'm like, you already made your spaghetti. And she left the spaghetti on the floor. Now, granted, all her food. Left the spaghetti on the floor. All of her food and pretty much her whole apartment full of roaches.

But that's a whole other issue she needs to address. Probably because you're leaving your spaghetti on the floor. Because what I said, spaghetti is the symbol of women's power. Well, this movie clearly hates women. I mean.

Clearly hates women. For a massively feminist movie, sort of hates women. Yeah, I don't know what they were trying to do here. Again, I think we're back to the original movie. I don't know that he had a point.

And this one he also co-written by, but really took the story from another writer initially. So I think even if there was a concept, it got lost in the shuffle. And so, yeah, I don't know that this really has much to say. It just throws out a lot of feminist ideas. And then just doesn't really know how to back them up or make good of them or have actual feminine characters.

But it has my favorite horror movie line ever, which is our main character has just like slept with this girl that he has a crush on and she comes back into the bedroom with coffee and she goes, do you want some cream sugar or do you want me to pee in it? I don't feel comfortable anymore. Treated like a completely normal thing that someone would say. It's pretty straight face. She delivers that.

And I'm like, I don't think she's being funny. Zero context. If you opted for three, I think she would have gone to town. It's like my favorite line. You just put a whole bunch of dirty words together.

Those were all legitimate words. It's the name of a book. and a phrase that you use about the title of a book. I know, and I applaud you for throwing it all together so seamlessly. There was one, I'm not going to get too graphic, but there was one scene that like, is basically Jonathan Harker's going off to Transylvania to meet Dracula, and his wife Lucy is like, oh, let's say goodbye, and then they get it on, and that makes sense. The rest of them, it's just like, it'll be in the middle of the scene, we'll have like, 45 seconds. of people going at it and it cuts back to the scene it was in before and i'm like it's.

Not very long it's not not to call them out but i mean. It is funny the hokey Christianity of it all. The way they get into like, well, thank God we're Christian and God saved us from these demons. I feel like a lot of people go through life like that. Turns out that was their whole shtick.

There's some people that they're like, this is just their way of spreading Catholicism. And? What a weirdo. So I give it credit for like making good. Like I feel like the whole thing is just a...

I bet I can make this movie. And then he made that movie. It delivers. It's not bad casting. Even as a creepy, homicidal, homeless man, he's still just adorable and charming in his way.

Creepy and adorable at the same time. Yeah. He found a nice balance of creepy and adorable. I guess. Also, her journey takes place over two days.

What are we talking about? But it's a spiritual journey. That's more of a brisk hike. Yeah. Like, she meets them, and then the second day is the entire thing.

She meets them, Maude Adams is creepy, continues to be creepy. Later, you were right, she's creepy, and then it's over. Yeah. You get to, like, that era was one of those where now it's just another movie that they slapped a title on that matches this other series and has nothing to do with. The previous movies. kind of the series as a whole.

Like, it's another one of those, if you watch, here's a challenge. How big of a dork are you that you went to a women's college and that never happened? I know. Making out at a picnic never happened. I feel like they should take your diploma back.

Use it to say, well, that means this. And I'm like, nobody asked you. Just go on about your business before this ghost eats you. It was a very special episode. Very special two-part episode.

Thank you very much. Poor Dudley. Which I watched in the past five years just to see if it was as bad as I remembered. It was worse. I remember it from the first time.

It was creepier than I remembered it when I was a little kid. Sometimes you gotta fix your bike. I mean, yeah. Well, how else are you gonna get a free radio for your bike? Oh, God.

That's how it all started. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was more of Ebenezer Scrooge's vagina.

Yeah, the knight shirt. I got there and I was like, what? Charles Dickens' knight shirt are you wearing? But it doesn't even. Come down to his knees like a proper Scrooge.

I know. That's why I was like, this is not even done right. This movie. That we start getting the creatures that I then specifically questioned. Is this naked lunch?

Because. There's a lot of giant ass cockroaches in this movie. I was thinking more Franz Kafka with metamorphosis. Yeah. Which is all kind of the same world.

I stumbled upon a half-assed theory that my girlfriend was like, I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. I think the director was a fan of Franz Kafka. And this is his way of saying, this is Kim's metamorphosis. So we're going to put these giant bugs everywhere. I think he's just on acid.

Hey, wait. Weren't you in that other movie? Joe Don Baker, I'm talking to you. That's the other thing, because that was all the same day. The entire second half all takes place in the same day.

There's so much. So was it like 9 a.m. that they're doing this picnic? Because that was my thing. I was like, sure, let's get drunk on wine in the park in the middle of the day. I see no problem with that.

You guys are cool. I can't say I've never done that. But to then have a full day of other things that you've got to go do. I guess. If I'm doing that, then I have no plans.

I'd go home and take a nap. Well, then we get a weird, gross orgy. Yeah, yeah. Which again, if you've seen the previous movie. Is it really that weird?

Again, the reason I was most creeped out was like, that is no place to put an oriental rug. Well, yeah, she offers her a bug. She drinks the tea and eats a bug. I can confidently and assuredly say, I don't care. Exactly.

I just want this movie to be over with. And neither did the writers of this movie. And more so sometimes. Way more so. Sometimes we rant for like an hour and a half before we even start the episode.

So, you know, who knows? That's just us stalling so we don't have to talk about whatever we've watched. Sometimes that's true. Sometimes. Depends on the movie.

But if you want to give us one of those movies, go to MovieMeltdown.com, click on the banner on the right-hand side there, join the Horror Club. And you can give us a movie like The Piper or. I'm sure there's some sort of wrestling documentary that. Some of us will think are horror. So, I don't know.

Give us something to watch. But in the meantime, we're going to be talking about something crazy. Tsuru na sa.