Episode 43: Dorsey + Agent Orange + Call Girl

Weird way. Welcome to the Life and Times of Captain Barney Miller podcast. I am your host, Mike White. Joining me, of course, is the rookie Chris Tashu got any more tips for me? Because I'm looking for tips like those tips?

Do you? I do like those tips? Rip tips, sir, whistler tips? Ooh nice, so rib tips. Come on down to Captain Barney Miller's old time family restaurant and get some rib tips.

He wants his baby back. We haven't seen her in a lot of time, right Jesus. On this episode of the Life and Times of Captain Barney Miller, we are talking about three episodes of Barney Miller. We are talking about three from season seven, episodes four, five and six, Dorsey, Agent Orange and Call Girl. Dorsey came out November twenty seventh, nineteen eighty, Agent Orange December eleventh, nineteen eighty.

In Call Girl December eighteenth, nineteen eighty. We are right at the tail end of nineteen eighty. Kitcha tell, of course. We are talking about three episodes that are directed by Noel Pitlick, who directed Think Everything this season, which as well, No, not everything, not everything. I think there's one episode that he didn't direct.

So yeah, sorry, sime Nome. We are talking about the three episodes that star the one and only Dorsey. Well, that's the character's named Paul Lieber. He is back as Detective Sergeant Eric Dorsey and Chris. I am so glad that these are the only three episodes that Dorsey is in.

Oh my god, not a fan. So what's funny? I mean we've mentioned Paul Lieber on this show before. I mentioned that he's in one of my favorite episodes, late episodes of The X File, and then we've seen him end of last season as one of the stick up men. Right that you come into the precinct.

He looks identical to the way he looks now, like literally identical that big hair man. I mean, Bob Ross would be like, man, tone that down, would you? Yeah? I think what's funny for me about this episode Dorsey is obviously Yeah, it's the introduction of a character who we have not met before. We've seen the actor but never met the character, and the character does not fit in the Precinct at all.

And I'm saying that even once he kind of in the second and third episodes that we're going to talk about kind of starts to get his footing. Even then he doesn't fit. And it's I think it's due to the writing. It's not the acting. I mean, I think Paul Lieber's fantastic.

I just don't think they gave him anything to work with. Uh, it's like, I mean, it's like they were like, well, Dietrich was fun and Dietrich made sense, so let's introduce someone who's even weirder than Dietrich. And yeah, it's not I don't dislike these episodes as much as you do, clearly, or at least the addition of a new character kind of taking over the episodes, at least the first one and the little bit of the second one. The third one not so much. But he's a lot and I can completely and totally understand your feelings.

And I can also probably assume that this character may have something to do with why our dear friend and writer of the only book about Barney Miller Tales of the Old One too, Auto Bruno. I kind of feel like this may be one of the reasons he's not a huge fan of the season, because this is three episodes being given to this character. Essentially. Yeah, I think that my real problem with him is that he doesn't have a personality. He's just kind of weird.

He doesn't seem to have like, you know, Wojo's guy, like a baseball and you know that he was a marine and he's got a little bit of backstory and he's got very much a personality. Same thing with Harris. You know, he's the writer. He's got the sharp dress, you know, he's got all this stuff. All of these characters have things that we have grown to love.

And even when Arthur Dietrich came aboard or I'm trying to think of I guess that was Levitt or you know, any of these guys, they all have a thing and long established thing. Yeah, yeah, he has no like, oh well, I really like, I don't know, hockey or something, you know, just give me a little bit of a personality. And instead he just well, first off, he does not ingratiate himself with his coworkers whatsoever. And it's such a negative thing. I mean, it's what they've been fighting since almost the very first episode, which is we are honest cops, we are not on the take.

He comes in and immediately is like, oh yeah, all you guys are on the take I'm okay, I'm better than you, and that sets the tone for the whole character. Even in the second and third episodes, I was just like, why is this guy still here? Get this guy out of here. He doesn't belong. And that's where there's no comedy being mined here.

There's no comedy being mind from the fact that he doesn't belong. It's being mind from him rankling everybody else in the precinct because for once, they're all on the same page that they don't like this guy, Like, yeah, Levitt, I think they tolerate because again, he adds some value. He comes up from downstairs, he brings up the mail. This guy, I mean, yeah, he shows up and he's just like, hey, listen to your fucking crooked cops. What And Like, the funny thing is like I can understand where he's coming from theoretically, because I guess if that was the expectation when you're working there, you're the young up and comer, that is the way things are.

I'm assuming that was the way things had to have been somewhere. This isn't being written in a vacuum, but as people you and I who host a show about Barney Miller who feel a connection to the characters on the show, to the actors who portray these character to see someone come in and go look at all these dirty cops, it's like, way, like, what fucking information are you using here? And like you said, it's one thing to not ingratiate yourself to the characters in the show, it's another thing to not ingratiate yourself to the audience who's watching the show, because that feels like the bigger problem less. I mean, the characters in the show are going to deal with it because that's the way they're written.

But if the audience doesn't like you, they're gonna want you gone immediately. And I completely understand your sentiment. Well, it's like even if he had said, oh, I talked with Lieutenant Scanlin and you know he warned me about you guys or something where it's coming from outside, but inside what it made perfect sense. Yeah, He's like, well, I saw you all you older cops again, you know, like not doing very well with that as all of you older cops. And he looks at Harris with the way that he's dressed and everything, and he's just like, well, I just kind of assumed it's like, well, you know what happens when you assume their dorsey?

So right, not good, not good dorsey. Yeah, Jack Reacher says, assumptions will get you killed, very good. Yeah, and he just puts his foot right in his mouth, and yeah, it's tough. The story itself to the Dorsey episode not too bad, though I really thought they could have put a little bit finer point on it. We've got this heroin addict, and I kind of like this heroin addict.

How he's just like, this is a great time to be a heroin addict. My habit that used to cost one hundred and fifty dollars a week only costs seventy five dollars a week. And I'm just like, seventy five dollars a week and nineteen eighty that's a lot of money. I mean, it's not like a you know, six dollars bowl at Chili in nineteen seventy three or something, but it's a lot of seventy five bucks a week. That's more than my chi latte costs when I go into Starbucks if I were to get one every day.

Yeah, I mean that's I mean, that's a lot of money. But I do like that. Again, like Barney Miller is a show that doesn't always do the thing that you expect with these kinds of characters. And yeah, kind of painting him sympathetically I think was smart. Oh yeah, I mean he's pretty sympathetic as a character.

But at the same time, like he's obviously you know, he is still an addict. So the show has to kind of balance those two things. But I don't think it really. I mean, given the way that they've treated sex work in this show, I think this is a lot more interesting of a way to treat an addict on the show than the kind of fumblings early on with sex workers that the show had. I will say, though, I think the character of the drug kingpen cal Gibson's mister King, I mean, I think that seems funny obviously.

I mean it kind of is part and parcel with the problem with this episode, which is Dorsey has to be shown that they're not dirty cops, and so Barney has to reject something that would be hard for anybody to reject, especially on like a government salary or like a you know, like a policeman's salary, which is like millions of dollars essentially that they're they're foregoing here. But you know, I think it's an interesting plot line. I just to your point, like Dorsey, just as much as I like the actor, he's just in the way and it's like, why are you here? Well? Yeah, and I like that Levitt asks as much, just like what the hell, man, I should be up here, not this new guy, Like, yeah, you're right.

Love it because to defend Lovett a little bit, when he is wearing the playing clothes as a detective, he is not bad at being a detective whatsoever. I think he does a really good well. And that's what I don't understand. So if if everything I've read and done research about is to be correct, this was meant to be a reoccurring character. It is meant to be a new character added to the squad, to be a new you know, cog in the comedic machine that is Barney Miller.

And he was such a unappealing character for the fans that this is He's in three episodes and that's it. Yeah. Yeah, Like it's unfortunate because like it it feels in a lot of ways like an extended Wojo's Girl, where like there's this thing kind of injected into this episode that it doesn't. I agree with you, it doesn't work. I just give it a little bit more of a pass because I like Paul Lieber, but I feel like he got really short shrift here.

Oh, Like I'd be really mad. I'd be really upset if I was him, for a number of reasons. I would be really upset if I was ron Kerry for a number of reasons. Like if I was ron Kerry, I feel like I'd be pretty disappointed too. Like again, narratively, it's a disappointment, but also like like this is the logical moment if you're going to bring somebody else in to just bring Levitt in, Like I don't.

I get that the conflict that they're creating here can also be mined for comedic gold. But again, like if the comedy were funny, I would agree, But because Dorsey is such kind of a wet blanket throughout, it's not it's not worth defending this. This is not my hill worth dying on with Barney Miller, you know what I mean. I would love to meet the person who was Like, I really wish Dorsey was in more episode because like I don't I don't think that there was anybody willing to do that clearly, at least when the show was originally on. I mentioned the heroin addict, and I think they could have done a better job with this because they had Michael Lombard come in halfway through the show.

Fucking amazing. I love Michael Lombard and this is his third or fourth appearances, and he plays this cigarette addict, a smoker who does not want to give up the habit he is undergoing. It's kind of like that Stephen King story, but not nearly as severe. He's going through electro shock to keep him from smoking. And the guy who comes in, Bill Adelson, played by Daryl's Sweirling.

He's pretty good as well. He's the head of this whole thing. But you've got a nicotine addict and a heroin addict in the cell at the same time. There should have been something that was talking about drugs and what's an accepted drug versus a non accepted drug, and talked about how, you know, one guy he's did the heroin addict is going through withdrawls. There should have been something there about, you know, our friend going through cigarette withdrawals, and we should have been dying for a smoke, but he can get a smoke whenever he wants.

There should have been again something like that. I would be fine with Arthur Dietrich coming in and talking about how there's this double standard in society between good drugs and bad drug rugs. And I would have loved had Bill Adelson and mister King had a discussion about how they're both, you know, once trying to stop people from taking drugs, the smoking addiction guy versus the other guy who loves when people take drugs. But poor mister King, he barely gets anything. He gets that one sea with Barnie, which is a great scene, Yeah, but not nearly enough.

And I really, I mean, maybe I'm out of line, but I thought that would have been a great conflict to have these two different drugs and these two men in the cell. Well, it would have been more entertaining than having Dorsey just like go to the bathroom over and over again, yeah, which is literally what happens. Like, I think I came into this episode recording a little bit more positive on Dorsey, and I think I'm souring the longer we talk about Oh boy, I'm sorry, No, it's well, and it's perfectly fine. And it's perfectly fine because again, like it's in a vacuum. I thought it was okay, you know what I mean, but then listening to you talk about it and also knowing the fan I mean, the fan response is not incorrect.

Like the fans had a point, and there's a reason he was no longer in the show. But it's it's twofold. It's narratively because like I have to assume people were like, why not just add fucking Levitt to the show then if you're gonna do this, But also again like the it's like they it's like someone thought they had Arthur Dietrich's comedic timing down and that that could be transposed onto another character. And it can't. It just can't.

And I and I don't know why they were thinking it could, right, And he's he's just weird. He doesn't have the intellect behind him like de Drell does. No, And that's the thing. I mean. There's a scene between Dorsey and Dietrich where he's like telling him, like, you know, I was you know, I I get it.

I was the new guy. I was here for three months before they gave me a desk and he's sort's like getting angry about it, which like that's what the scene is being mined for. But Dorsey just stands there. He's just a cipher the whole time. And again, like I don't want to see the characters that I've grown accustomed to being attacked by this outsider who does and know them, and like that that is what it is.

And I get that they're trying to create, you know, conflict. Very contrived, is what it feels like. It's so contrived because again, like there are plenty of other directions this could have gone. It's not trying to think that these guys are dirty cops, because like that's fucking far far from reality if it's ever been one. But again the fact that even beyond this episode, it never he never does anything else, Like in the next episode, it's just the same thing.

He just kind of standing around, Yeah, standing around, Like it's really just a bunch of standing around for Paul Lieber, Like he's not even really doing anything, which also in and of itself is the sh right, Yeah, it's it is. And I agree with you that he was underwritten and just didn't have nearly enough to work with. I think that this could have been a much better episode with my complaints than with my complaints about Dorsey as well. It's just like, come on, guys, Like it feels very half baked for every one involved in us, for Barney Miller too, Like of all the things, like Barney Miller is never half baked for them, No, Like the only time it has been is something like Woa Joe's Girl, and that's what Again, this kind of feels like that where it's like, you guys are kind of oddly floundering in a way that is a typical of Barney Miller.

Like I think we've we've said it multiple times, like even when this show isn't the great episodes that people remember so fondly, still a pretty good twenty two twenty three minutes of TV, Like it doesn't disappoint in that regard. I mean, even in this episode, there are some funny, you know, funny bits like Harris and the uh, the non smoking guy. I mean that is hilarious, Like that is funny. Harris just kind of needling this guy constantly the whole time he's here in the precinct is great. But again, you have to take those small good moments with a lot of really just again bad writing, that's all it is.

It's really just bad writing. That's genuinely where it kind of stops and starts. There's nothing Paul Lieber could have done to save this character being so underwritten the way that he is, right, and why you know, like these all these names of the writers, the story editors they're written by, They're all familiar names, right, Duncan, Jeff Stein, Tony Shehn. Shean's got the writing credit. We know that that's not always the case when it comes to a show like this, where it might be somebody else has written, but Tony gets the credit or whatever.

But come on, this is yeah, this is not what we're used to when it comes to the quality of Barney Miller. No, and that, in and of itself, I think is the big failing here is this. This doesn't even feel like Barney Miller. It feels like a lesser show masquerading is Barney Miller. And a lot of that is just the fact that Dorsey is the focal point of this episode.

I mean, the next two episodes I think are better, marginally better, only because it's not titled Dorsey and he's not the focus. He's just in the background, which I mean to gain Like, once he's in the background, he effectively disappears. So there you go. But yeah, this might be one of the worst episodes of the show, I think, without a doubt. Yeah.

Sorry. In the meantime, the next episode, Agent Orange is very much something that we've seen before. It's a little bit of you know, Wojo on a social crusade, which I love. I kind of like these episodes, especially because they're not always happening. When they do happen, it's just kind of a nice thing.

And I've missed Wojo. It feels like I haven't seen Wojo really in action for a while, and now he's back in this episode big time, even with the horrible wig that he's wearing, this whole this whole thing. He you know, arrests this guy and the guys talking about how he was exposed to Agent Orange, and that gets Wojo thinking, and I mean, this was a major problem probably still is for some guys where they were exposed to these horrible chemicals back in Vietnam, and nobody fesses up, nobody talks about it, nobody accepts responsibility. He gets these three guys in here to basically talk about who's responsible, and each one is pointing at the other person Spider Man, mean Meme, cunning fingers in one another constantly.

Yeah, I'm going to pass the buck on to somebody else. Yeah yeah, And you know it could be uh, Ferris Bueller's dad is the guy to blame, or I don't. I found that immensely. I was like, where is that guy from Oh, right, that's Ferris Bueller's dad, right, yeah. Or it could be the guy that worked with Murphy Brown.

He might be to blame. Or it could be the third guy who I don't think I've ever seen in anything before, Robert Phalen, or maybe I haven't. I just don't remember, because apparently he was in Halloween, but I don't remember where he was in that one. So, but he didn't have a career past nineteen ninety four, I guess, so I'm not that familiar with him. Oh he's he's the guy that talks to uh, he's the guy that talks down a pleasant outside.

He's like you you don't know him like I do. With Donald Pleasants's accent. Oh wait, I mean, yeah, you can't do better than Donald Pleasants and Halloween though, yeah, the blackest eyes, it's all sizes. I shot him six times. Yeah, yeah, so he's fantastic.

Yeah, why is it he in this show? But I will say Lewis get Giambalvo, the actor who plays the Agent Orange victim, and I mean again, I think I think that's kind of you know, obviously in twenty twenty four, Agent Orange is probably not as big of a deal for people alive now. I mean there's still people like you mentioned dealing with it, and obviously plenty of people in Southeast Asia have been affected by agents. Oh yeah, I mean we. I think the more contemporary comparison is what John Stewart has been championing, which is the burn pits that they were doing in Iraq and Afghanistan, that they were like inhaling all like soldiers were doing the same inhaling things that they shouldn't have been because they weren't told that it was dangerous, and then all of them getting lung cancer, which is I mean again, and our own government right now doing the exact same thing, pointing fingers but doing nothing, which is you know, great, none great, And if you don't agree with that, fuck you.

But the thing that I like about this is is like you've mentioned with Max Gail as Wojo, this is what like where have you been right for so long? And that's the thing, Like he Max Scale's amazing in this show, Like we've known this, we know this. Max Scale's amazing in everything he's in, I'm sure, and this is the only thing I've seen him in, but I know that he's great in everything because he is a fantastic actor who has grounded this character who could really be unrealistic in a way that I think speaks more to him as an actor than necessarily the writing. I think I would say the same thing about any of the main actors on the show have embodied their characters so brilliantly that I'm sure they were probably telling the writers like that's not what they would say, Oh yeah, and like and like I feel that in this episode because like you said, this episode is timely in a way that at the time it's timely, but I think still now if you watch it, you can see the dysfunction that we still experience in our own government on display here in you know, in the early days of the eighties when this is just then a thing, and watching it now it is hard to watch because we know that Agent Orange is such a thing and realistically, the character of Wojo Oh It's probably baby died in the mid eighties, like because he may have gotten cancer from Agent Orange like so many other Vietnam veterans.

And is that is that terrible to think? Yes? But also at the same time, the show is broaching that topic in a way that doesn't feel out of character for the show. Right, Well, it was it this episode where they're talking about people who are thrill seekers after the war. Yes, okay, yeah, because that all of this stuff was really touching home for me as the son of a v Nam vet because one, according to my mom, he had a spot on his leg after he came back from the war that just never healed.

And two, he died skydiving because he was I think, I think, you know, in hindsight, that he was probably looking for those thrills that he was getting in the war and was trying to recapture that. Somehow, I think it's really stupid to be a skydiver when you have a two year old kid at home. But hey, you know, he lived his life like he wanted to. So what what did you not know any of this. No.

Oh yeah, this is a genuine reaction you're getting for me, Like what the fuck? Yeah no, that was my biological father. He died when I was h like just over too, I believe skydiving. Skydiving, yes, shoot didn't open. So yeah, that's the one thing you'll never find me doing, Chris, is skydiving.

I would will do a lot of stupid things, but I will stay away from that one. Dude. What the Jesus, Yeah, what a terrible way to go, Like, oh my, I am sorry, I did not Jesus. Why whoa dude? That's wild holy shit.

But I would be inclined to agree with you though, like it because like that is a thing like that, that is a thing, and chasing that like I guess what was a dangerous behavior or like right, I mean it's like really fine. I mean it's like it's like people that I mean, you know, you can be addicted to a lot of stuff, but you know, you can be addicted to that, the adrenaline. It's like no different than being addicted to sex or drugs or anything else you know, or or kay or being addicted to you know, your life, being in a constant state of chaos, which I have met that as well, which is just as miserable as all the other annections that that you either personally deal with or know someone that you want to be around them, but you understand, like you've made peace with the fact that this is the way that they are.

Like yeah, and and that's the thing about this episode. It's like how much of it is their fault and how much of it is not their fault, and how much of it is the government culpable and could take responsibility for just refused to And you know, I mean, obviously Vietnam is something that we're still talking about right now and we will probably continue to talk about from here until the you know, eventual heat death of this planet. But I mean, that's insane, dude, what she suscrist Man. So the one thing that rang really falls for me in this episode was how upset Barnie was getting by Wojo calling in these three guys and kind of like, I understand Serrano was arrested for one thing, and you know, you're right, it was Dietrich I think, was talking about the Vietnam syndrome, right, And but yeah, Wojo focuses in on the agent Orange and then it suddenly becomes personal thing for him, which I totally understand because he got sprayed with it.

Yeah, so it's like, Barney, you really shouldn't be this upset. Plus, this is what Wojo does. Wojo goes on these like missions, you know, this is what crusade. Yes, that's a perfect word for it. And this is a very noble crusade.

Burn that he's getting these three guys in here and having this conversation and speaking his peace. I mean, I love when Wojo gets upset, you know, right he hollers at these guys, no Barns so bad. Yeah, but it's like righteous indignation, like he it's one hundred percent justified. And that's the thing, Like we all wish that we could get our five minutes with somebody in power to give them a fucking piece of their mind or our mind. You would, I would, We all would.

And it's not even the same person for all of us. It's probably different people, be it local government, state government, federal government, not even government, but your own bureaucracy within your own job that you have. You probably hate your own fucking boss or upper management or whatever. And we all want that opportunity to tell him to go fuck themselves with a you know, with a pair of wolverine claws strapped to their arms. But the thing is, none of us get that opportunity for the most part.

So living vicariously through bojeho it'z is fantastic and like you said, it's done in a way that feels real, and like you mentioned, he puts more of it on his back because again he got sprayed with agent Orange, so he feels it. This feels even more personal than all the other things he's gotten upset about because again, like, and we had the episode correct me if I'm wrong, where he was like all bent out of shape at anti Vietnam protesters right right, and that like was verging on as close as this gets. But the moment he realizes he's been sprayed with Agent Orange, it goes from ten to quote spinal tap to eleven. He really just like and yeah, Max Scale's performance is fantastic. It makes us forget that Dorsey's even in this episode.

Oh yeah, yeah, Dorsey has his thing, and again Dorsey's not really making friends here. He tries, he lays out this whole spread for Brikfast and all this but then he's throws out Harris's tea. It's like, what are you doing, man? If you have a problem with the tea put out on Harris's desk, don't throw out another man's tee. That's just rude.

Yeah, it's again like I don't understand why they're riding this character this way. If he's meant to be ingratiated into us as fans of the show, like, you are doing everything you can to make us hate this character. Yeah, why you might as well have him show up with like a swastika on his forehead and screaming and screaming about how much he hates Jewish people. Like that, They're not doing anything to make him seem like a character who needs to be here any longer. As much as I like Paul Lieber, they are just making his character a like, for whatever reason, a walking dartboard that everyone just keeps fucking throwing darts at and hitting.

And it's just like, this guy just needs to go. As much as I like him as an actor, he did not need to be past the last episode because like now he's just melted into the background completely. Yeah, him and Mike should have gone and hung out you know Doris Roberts is in this episode, right, I was gonna say, yeah, our b plot is Doris robert It's and Peter Hobbs back at it again. The Browers are back the I can remember him with the gold stuff. I'm trying to remember what his second scheme was, but in this one he is now a nudist and has moved Harriet into a nudist building.

Uh wow, great, yeah, which, Hey, you know what, that's great and I like that Barney. You know, everybody seems like somewhat okay with it. We're not. They're making fun a little. But this whole thing of them being out in public and exposing Joe intended exposing themselves to people who are unawares.

It's like, yeah, no, if you're nudist, just keep it to yourself, you know, go to a camp, do this, play some volleyball, whatever you guys do. That's great. But yeah, being in the middle of New York City as a nudist, when you're like out on the roof for downstairs and your windows are it's like, just yeah, keep some wraps on it. You don't need to be tossing your bits and berries around on the next episode of Bits and Berries. I'm trying to remember what the me wedding tackle by old John Thomas, right, could you could?

Yeah? I mean, you know, I like Doris Roberts. Obviously she's fantastic anytime she shows up. So did I need them playing the same characters again again? Yeah?

I mean it doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't add anything. I mean it doesn't detract either. It's it's funny that these two people are constantly coming into the police station to have their like marital problems dealt with. I find that rather amusing.

But I think, honestly, this is one of those episodes where, like the A plot was enough that you could have had a subplot focusing still on the A plot b the B plot does that make sense? So, like Dietrich doing something with someone in terms of the Agent Orange thing would have made more sense as opposed to like just having these two random married people like in the middle of this kind kind of on a very special episode of Barney Miller. It's like, it's it's not we've seen it closer before because of the rape episode being pretty much like or the Harris incident. Those are like two on a very special episodes but this one is that that agent orange stuff has the same feel to it because it ain't funny, Like, there's nothing funny about it.

The only thing that's funny is the governmental dysfunction. But like that's also really not funny. It's not funny. It's fucking pathetic if it's anything. And so, yeah, she's been on here a few times, but she does come back at some point and play it different.

Oh I'm sorry, I take it back. Her very first appearance, she was Louise Kaufman and after a mat she is constantly Harriet Brower, even on the episode wo just Girl. Unfortunately, this is her last time on Here we are. We are saying goodbye to Dorist Roberts and her husband on here, So no more schemes from her crazy asshole husband. No, no, he didn't even know.

He was investing all of his money in gold. And really, what you gotta do is invest in zinc. You know, That's what Richard Libertini will tell you, or technology to make you it visible, because that's the thing I think of Peter Hobbs from is to see the invisible man. You remember that, I don't remember that he was like that, he was the guy. He was like the old Oh he was the blind guy, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's amazing.

I always like him. I usually associate him with another movie that we've talked about recent late nine to five, But yeah, man with two Brain Sleeper. This he had an amazing But compared to Doris Roberts, I can't even fathom how many things she was in over her career because she was everywhere for decades. She's in one of my favorite comedies of all time, Grandma's Boy. She is so good in Grandma's Boy.

That's her and uh oh it's her, and I forget the other Shirley McClain is a memory, that's is it that? Yeah? I think so, yeah, no, no, surely Shirley Jones. Isn't that Surely Jones? Okay, yeah, so yeah it's them too.

And then I forget the other actress's name, but she's I mean, she's the emotional core of that entire movie. You're gonna love this. The other the other person, surely Knight. So it's two Shirley's an endors. Okay, the old are you seeing Grandma's Boy?

Right? Yeah? That was Nick Swartzen or right right, Yeah, that's a wild. I do remember liking it a lot, because, yeah, I kind of like those stupid comedies sometimes. Yeah, well, and it's one of those like old Adam Sandler's dumb little friends making a movie together like Peter Dante, and obviously, like who's gonna give Alan Covert the lead in a movie other than a say it?

I mean, I love him as an actor, and I think he has great comedic timing, but like that's a thing that because you've worked with Sandlers so much. But she's amazing, like genuinely, she's really funny and really sweet at Like again, she grounds the movie in a way that again, only someone who is as talented as Doris Robert, who again we didn't even mention. I mean, like, I think most people my age would know where from. Everybody loves Raymond because she's yeah mom, right, yeahs her and Peter Boyle, no right, correct, right, Like I mean, that'll the cast of that show alone, and then you have her and Peter Boyle like Jesus Christ, Like there's a reason that show ran for so long, and it wasn't just because of ray Romano.

So so I don't know what that was supposed to. I think it was all bread Garrett myself. But yeah, that's fair. Yeah. And that's the only time, other than the whole breakfast spread, that I remember Dorsey even being in this episode is when he's freaking out that Doris Roberts is going to walk out into the precinct naked.

And I love when Harris just walks up and knocks on the door, all right, missus Brower, come on out, and she comes out fully closed, just like I was just making a point. I'm like, yeah, Harris is smart, You're not Dorsey. Yeah, though of course ha has been exposed to these lunatics three times before. Yeah, that's the other thing. I mean, like, well, that's the other thing.

What's funny is the way Lieber reacts to it, like his character, it feels out of it feels out of step with the rest of the precinct because like they they get it, and he's like, ah, it's like no, no, no, you don't understand, Like this is commonplace, my friend, Like this is like not even that big of a deal compared to some of the yo yo's we get in here, Like they're not pretending to be Jesus or possessed by ghosts, like that's that's like a Tuesday for us, which I wish they would acknowledge that. I wish they would have acknowledged that in the show, just been like, you won't believe the shit that we've had to deal with here, like like that, like Dietrich, because like Tetrick kind of like starts getting into it a little bit and he stops when he's like, you know, three years I had of a bunch.

But can you imagine he was just acknowledged any of the things that they've had to deal with to this guy, that would be enough to Winston Zenemore force this guy to run away like be like I'm not I'm not okay with this, no, thank you? Right yeah, And then I don't know, maybe Dorsey Fiance's calling pun intended in the next episode with call Girl, where he seems very taken with this fourteen and a half year old hooker. Okay, sure, I don't understand. I like her in here. Ronda Halleck, the character played by Tasha Zamras.

I don't know why she's in this episode other than to give like quips here and there. She's the African American hooker that comes in with the other hookers and it's like, I don't get that. I don't know why she's there, Like they run in the high class prostitute. And that opens up this whole can of worms for Bernie where he's getting calls from judges that know that their names are in this little black book. How odd that we watch this episode the same week that Epstein's flight logs become public.

Right, what's old is new again? And then you've got the younger hooker that Dorsey is just like, why are you doing this? And then he eventually bonds with her over missile command. Okay, here's the zeitgeist, guys. It's it's video games and it'll coming in games.

What a weirdo? Yeah, what's up? Hello, fellow kids? Like a christ And then he had the black one and it's like, okay, like she gets up some good quips, but like she should have been doing something like poor Dietrich. In this episode, he is trying to undergo quote unquote the new celibacy, and I had to go look it up.

I was reading the Washing host if you will, if you will indulge me, I'm going to read a couple of paragraphs from this story from August second nineteen eighty ripped from the headlines Chris, it was bound to happen just when Plato's Retreat and the Pleasure Principle are playing in Peoria. The news is out from California trend central that sex is out. O U t out. Celibacy, which used to be for everyone but monks, nuns, shakers, men recovering from hernia operations, and teenagers with terminal acne is in. Don't laugh.

According to author Gabrielle Brown, celibacy is the only same reaction to the sexual revolution of the last two decades, the one night stands, the group gropes, the wife swapping, bed hopping, frenzy of orgasmic pursuit. That's where I'll stop there. But first off, I was always taught that celibacy means not getting married and chastity means not having sex. But somewhere along the line, they made celibacy be chastity, which always drives me crazy. But how weird is this?

How weird is it that celibacy becomes a trend right when Reagan is about to take off as what the fuck? Well, free Love's over, baby? You mean, right there on the verge of aids too, So yeah, you're right, Well no, no opposite, don't fuck me. Yeah, yeah, that was the sequel to Just Shoot Me. I think I find it.

I mean, look, if any character on the show is gonna do it, it's gonna be one of two characters. It would either be Harris unrealistic and unexpectational, but it would be funny or Dietrich because he's already a fucking alien anyways, so like he's a weirdo. But that's the thing. It has been established that Arthur Dietrich as a sex drive. That Arthur Dietrich finds women's the fucking nuns man.

He knows his girlfriend was celibate or should have been Arthur Dietrich nunfucker. Uh. But that's the thing, Like, you know, it's been established that, like he is a sexual being. So the comedy that they mine, I appreciate it. It's just kind of bizarre, like because again, yeah, like what a weird trend for everybody to like think is a thing that anyone should listen to, right because I kind of don't get it.

I kind of don't personally, I don't get the thing that I don't think pays off as much is because they have this happened before they reveal that he's taking part in this celibacy. Is when he gives Bernie this report and he has done all of this crime categorization for all of the year, plus predictions for nineteen eighty one as far as what crimes are going to be higher and lower, and he just gives this whole spiel about this report that he's put together. Had we known that he is celibate, Chase and is that is giving him new found powers, I think that would have been even funnier. Well, and that's the thing I mean that should have been the gag, is that, like, look at how much work he's getting done because he's not jerking off or having sex, Like and like, yeah, why is the joke told out of order?

It doesn't it doesn't work that way, Like I'm all get it. That's why he did it because he's celibate. Like Okay, sure, I don't know, Like this episode goes all in on the on the sex stuff and I don't know, Like I feel like I've seen this episode before. Yeah. The only part of it that was new for me was having the return of Arthur Mallett, mostly known for me as kind of what voice did he do?

Was he in Peter Pan? I know he was in hook right, like he lost his marbles, but he has a great voice. The secret of Nim, secret of oh mister aegis Yeah, you know what else? He was in Halloween. It was also in uh Dagger of the Mind.

Oh yeah, he sure was. He was that drunk guy that they were trying to was it his umbrella? Yeah yeah, And it was in several episodes of Night Gallery as well. Like he's he's been in all sorts of things that we have talked about in the last deck. He is the most detestable character I think that might have been on this show, like worse than the guy who is raping his own wife.

He is a pimp for a bunch of teenage girls, including and I'm sorry I said fourteen and a half fifteen and a half year old little what's her name, Ronda Halleck. I think it was the girl's name. What the fuck? Man, This guy's a dirty old man with all of these young girls around and oh yeah, no, I don't know what they do in their own time. He's a total pimp, you know.

And Bernie even asks him if he's a pimp and oh what's that? I don't know. It's like this guy is awful, Like I kind of wish Bernie had shot him. Oh, I mean my head cannon, because again, this is the last episode that Paul Lieber is in my head cannon, is that Dorsey goes and kills him and gets locked up because of him. There you go.

I mean cause again like he is kind of making it his personal mission at the end of this episode. Oh yeah, yeah, like I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an eighth which is a great line line. But like you could see why Dorsey doesn't come back. I guess. I mean that's the thing, Like, for a character who's so underwritten, what an ignominious way to be written off the show.

Yeah. Nothing, I don't know if there's gonna be anything in the next episode. I mean, he's not in the next episode. But given the time and place that this show is being written in the expectations of the audience, I don't think they necessarily have to address he why he's not there anymore? No, yeah, or like amen gal like chaana, Yeah, oh I don't just left they literally I mean probably yeah, he still works with the police department, but he's just not there, say with U Wedworth, you know, I mean fish even like Fish.

They kind of obviously gave some fanfare and Jack Sue was a different situation, but i'men Gwal and Wedworth just left. Like but yeah, see I'm been Gwal is still on that board, so you can get out of here. It's I don't know, like this this was an experiment that failed, similarly to Wojo's Girl Dorsey is another failure. But hey, at the time and place when this show is being written and aired, this was the way you did that. This is the way you add new characters, and this is the way you create spinoffs.

Is just fucking force that shit. It like so we're just gonna have new character. Here you go, and it's like now he's gone, okay, Like that's the weird part. Like the way he's introduced is one thing, but the way he gets poochied out of the show, I mean he I mean effectively, like at the end of this episode, they might as well have had him just you know, Aunt Dorseer died on the way back to Dietrich's home planet. Like and I wouldn't I wouldn't be surprised because they handle his introduction pretty poorly, and unless they mentioned him in the next episode, they handle the way he's written off the show just as poorly.

Yeah, I think that another joke that doesn't go anywhere is this whole thing of the high class call girl getting a hot stock tip from one of her john's and then calling her investor and like, hey, we got to sell this stock and order for me to buy this thing because it's this really hot tip that I have and for sure this is going to go through the roof. Meanwhile, you got Harris there, who is increasingly becoming very vemail when it comes to money and stuff. It's just like okay, pretty soon, like you know, he's going to disallow people from putting coal into the stove, you know, and he's just like, oh, what's that stock tip? Oh, you got something to tell me, And it doesn't go anywhere. Like even at the end of the episode, he sounds like he's going to try to line up some business with her, which we know has happened.

You know, Dorsey isn't all wrong. There is some untoured things going on, some law breaking, some scoff laws on here. They're engaging prostitution, which both Chris and I completely abide by that. You know, sex work is real work. That's great.

Hell, hey man, she's not going to tell you that stock tip. And you could have tried like ten other reasonably three other ways to get her to tell you that. And I would have appreciated a little bit more humor as far as, like, just do something with that, But it was like implacable witness versus police detective, and he just keeps trying the same tactic over and over again. I mean, I like more the idea of Dorsey saying to Barney, Oh, that's why, that's why men your age fuck fourteen year olds. Bro.

Jesus Christ, what guy? What guy said? This guy beam in from like planet dickhead, Like it's so weird. Yeah, he is the worst, he really is. You're right, You're totally right, poor Dietrich.

I love when he's just like, I'm gonna go suck up, Mike tie now what the fuck? Well, the way the episode ends is just as fucking Stress is about to tear up the sex worker's card and Dietrich just goes no, and it ends with him saying no, like the freeze free. But uh, everybuddy Barny Miller will be back next week with more episodes not starring Paul Lieber, because yeah, by the end of this recording, I am on board with the Dorsey was a bad choice for Dad. It's just like the more we talked about it, the more I realized, like there's just no getting around it. Like, there's no getting around it.

He does not fit in this show. No, no, I wanted to, like you, I like the actor, but he was just they they did him dirty. They definitely at him dirty. He's someone that, like, I would be curious if he would like talk about his time on the show, because I would love to know, like what the expectation was initially, like, was he was going to just be a new cast member. Yeah, just bring him in Oddly in the third episode or fourth episode of the first season.

Sorry yeah, fourth episode, it's like, why didn't you start the season with this guy? And you wouldn't have to have an explanation at all. He could just be sitting at Nick's desk, right, and they walk in and they're like, who the hell is this guy? Right? He could have been assigned when they became the homicide department, you know, oh yeah, give yourself plenty of opportunities to do that, or just you know, just introduce him by forcing him into our lives.

He's coming over from the twenty if he's their only homicide detective over there, so he's going to teach you guys how to do this because you don't deal with these violent crimes that often something God damn it, I hate when I rewrite these episodes. Well, and the thing is, it's like, it's not like we're really having to like flex our brains too hard. It's like, oh, I think they just do the obvious thing exactly. Yeah. What a weird choice, very weird choice, and such a weird choice for a show that doesn't really make this kind of weird choice very often, if ever, the show is never this inconsistent, but these three episodes are inconsistent, primarily because they have this looming threat of this weird character that nobody wanted and nobody asked for being introduced and then oh yeah, being summarily done away with by the end of these three episodes, Like, we're never talking about Dorsey again, at least not in terms of him on screen.

He's not coming back for the final episode to hey, everybody remember me, and the show ends with Harris shooting him straight. It ends with like, I want you to meet my new bride. She just turned seventeen. Yeah, come on out. Yeah, yeah, it's so strange, such a weird choice.

And yeah, then to like make him somewhat like lasciviously pedophilic towards the end is just like fucking just as strange of a choice. So yeah, oh boy boy auto, if you're listening, I get it. We are on. We are ready to believe you. Yeah, yeah, we sure are.

Well. When we come back next month to talk about more Barney Miller, if you're paying attention at home and watching these episodes with us, we will be talking about Resignation, Field Associate Movie Part one and two, and we may be joined by our good friend Richard HadAM, who we've been talking a lot about James Bond with lately. Yeah, I was about to say. If you are interested in supporting Mike or myself on Patreon, you can check out Mike's Patreon over patreon dot com, slash Projection booth or mine which is patreon dot com slash culture cast and at the ten dollars level, on either of our patreons, you get access to Ranking on Bond, where Mike and I, along with our friend Richard Adam from Ranking on Bass, talk about well James Bond movies once a month, every month until twenty twenty six, I believe, so well until they start making those new ones.

What about a Jinks spinoff movie? I'm still waiting for that. That's the one. That's the one that I've been waiting for since the day that they announced it. Oh boy, she could drive an invisible car.

It would be awesome. Put the slipings on her face. Oh, there you go. Diamonds are forever. And that's just a preview of everything you could enjoy on Ranking on Bond.

This was our improv session, just talking about James Bond for a sex. But yeah, no, that's where That's where you can find that show, and that's where you can find Most things I work on can be found at Weirdowaymedia dot com, including this show what About You Mike, same thing. Weirdowaymedia dot com is the place to go for all things Mike White. That's me, not the director, slash writer, not a football player, not the former mayor of Cleveland. There's a lot of us out there, but I'm the real deal, baby though I don't win any sort of Emmys or give Jennifer Coolidge good roles and stuff, So there is that caveat yet Not yet, I mean one of these days I'll be working with Uncle Rico full time.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh man. We've got so many Jennifer Coolidge impersonations on RuPaul's Drag Racist here it's just been Walt Well. They even had two of them on that Snatch Game UK. So or no sorry Canada. Yeah, I'm getting my incarnations of drag Race mixed up.

That's the That's the new hot impersonation to do is Jennifer Coolidge? Who the fun? Yeah, I'm not doing mine, so don't wait for it. So until we come back, I want to thank John Walker for a theme song. I want to thank everybody for listening, all those people that I rate and reviewed the show over on iTunes.

Thank you so much for doing that. It's nice that you're spreading the word, getting us out there into the algorithm where maybe more people can find out that there is a Bartie Miller podcast on the block. We are keeping it real for the old one too. In