Something With Bite

Hey, it's another episode of The Feminine Critique, covering fear itself. We are somewhere in the middle of the series, and my excitement may have weighed a bit because I don't know about you, but I don't know that I love today's episode, entitled Something with Bite. I've been invigorated by the fact that we're almost done, so yeah, take on anything. Well, I guess that also might be telling though, So let's talk about the pedigree behind something with Bite. If you guys listen to our last episode, you know that we got really excited and then very not excited, very sad.

It really was the Yeah, it was somebody baking you a beautiful cake and putting it in front of you and then like before you could take a bite, peeing on it. Right. I mean, look, if that's what you want to use, sure I can get behind that. But you have a better analogy. No, but it is like, hey, take keep your stupid son away from something that might have been cool.

Yeah. Yeah, So in this case, the reason we were excited was because this episode is directed by Ernest Dickerson of Tells in the Present s Deemond Knight of Surviving the Game, which I haven't seen, but I hear is go oh you you'd love it. It's so bananas and the other thing too. And part of the reason why I was really excited for his episode wasn't just because I love his movies, but also because he is a really accomplished television director. He has directed episodes of almost every show you can imagine, including ending some great shows, including A Wire.

He did some great episodes of The Purge last year. He's done. Every time he's done a Walking Dead episode, you usually leave it saying, hey, that was a pretty good episode, and then you look and say, oh, no, wonder why Look who directed it? Great television director. The guy knows how to work within that medium.

So you know, in his Masters of Horror episode, you and I both really liked it. Wasn't perfect, it had some script stuff, but he was really well done, enjoyable, energetic, all of those things. This episode was written by Maxland Poop insert poop sound. We've had to talk about this guy way more than we've wanted to because we think he's a piece of shit. Um he is.

Again, I know, I mean this was probably the beginning of his career. And again we know this because he his daddy is famous and got him jobs, so therefore he was able to get to work on this show, just like he was a masterss of horror. And look, I don't just hate you because your daddy's famous. Dan Levy is Eugene Levy son Ship's Creek probably wouldn't have happened if that wasn't the case. But you know what, Dan Levy took the opportunity and made something really good.

So I have no problem with Dan Levy. I also don't think he raped a bunch of women, unlike Max Landis, where it's pretty clear that he did. Yeah. Yeah, So anyway, honestly, I might have this like, I'm actually glad that Max Landis is as terrible as he is, because I don't want to have to do that thing where I'm like, m I raised his artists. No, he's crap, and he yes.

And that's the thing is we haven't liked I mean, I haven't liked anything he's done. I did not see it. His chronicle, his the big thing that like was supposed to be his good thing that people really liked. Yeah, I saw a chronicle when it first came out. I haven't seen it since, so I don't know if past Christine's opinions can be trusted.

Sure, um, but then American Ultra, which is Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eisenberg, which should literally be the best movie ever made, is garbage. It's absolute trash garbage. I hate it with a fiery passion because the way that Christin Stewart's character is handled in it is really really offensive. That's so shocking from somebody like Maxalandis, who looked like for women, he had it like he had the keys and he couldn't fucking get it together, and that's really offensive. Like, great, you use nepotism to get an opportunity, like you just said about Dan Levy, Like then they'll fucking do something about yea.

So tell me the storyline of something with Bite And again we do spoil, which is such a subjective term in an episode, but we are going to go through all the plot details. So if you haven't seen it and really want to, I don't know, I guess, watch it on the Roku channel. But if not, Christine, that's what happens in this episode. So this episode, um, So basically it's about a vet who gets bit by a mysterious animal that turns out to be a werewolf and then turns into a werewolf, becomes a werewolf. But then you you you learn that werewolves can be good or bad.

They don't have to be like they don't or they don't have to be bad people. It's kind of like, which is actually, as I'm saying, a lot an interesting idea, like being a werewolf doesn't make you bad, being a bad person makes you bad, which I do. I wish it had been about that because it's not um. But then in a shocking twist, it then becomes an episode of Hannibal, which is so fucking weird. So then there's all these murders around town.

Why didn't someone just just go over this script? I don't know. It might not have been garbage, but it's a there's a there's a there's a serial killer, and um where like, oh my god, is the vet the serial killer? Is he a big wolf cereal killer or is there another wolf cereal killer out there? And then come to find out it's a it's a man that that has a wolf costume that pretends to be a ware wolf and kill people so that a warewolf will come and make him aware wolf, which is just a lot of reference.

They felt very like Buffy, that weird episode where they all thought that a vampire was going to come and turn them into a vampire. Oh yeah, oh what is that episode called? Season three? Yeah, I can't remember what it's called. Um, that's really bothering me that I can't Is it lie to me?

Yeah, that's it because it's yeah, because it's the guy that she knew as a kid. Yep. Yeah, and and so and then the man has a wolf costume. Um, and then he is the killer a man in a wolf costume, not even a wolf, which is like that is that season two of Hannibal where Jonathan Tucker, the love of my life shows up and I'm bringing it back to Master's of far Jonathan Tucker from Dance with the Dead shows up in a costume and is like a serial killer guy. I haven't actually gotten back to season two of Hannibal, but it was very that, and it was it was weird, and I was like, oh, this is like Hannibal.

And what's interesting is, as you're saying all of this, like I almost found great, Well, yeah, it does, like because in theory there's things about this that really should work. And I had almost forgotten about the serial killer aspect of it, because the flip of it is this, it's the tone of this episode, which is so weird and the it's trying to be comedic, but it doesn't really seem to know how to reconcile that with. Oh no, but here's this really bad dude who's killing people that we're supposed to like, even though I think this episode kind of has like one of the worst performances of any of these shows. But here's our character. Our main character is Wendell Pierce from The Wire, who's a great actor and a very smart guy, really really interesting to if you follow him on Twitter or like.

He's very politically active and savvy and all that, and he is a treasure. He is a he is a great actor, and he's I mean, I guess he's supposed to kind of be like a slob, Like I guess that's what they're going from in the beginning that he's you know, like he's he's he's a big guy's overweight, and he forgets things and he's a vet but he's kind of lazy. So then when he becomes a werewolf, I don't really understand what kind of werewolf he becomes, like because we never really, I guess, see him as a werewolf until he goes and kills the bad guy, and I guess that's where its supposed to be. Like, oh no, see, you were good because you knew right fromong And now it's the end of the show and everybody's a werewolf except for your wife.

You're gonna make her a werewolf? Like I got confused, and I shouldn't get confused in a forty five minute now story, the like because at the end of the episode, so there's a couple because when they bring in the the werewolf, it turns out that he is the son of this older couple who are vegan werewolves and they're kind of hippie is, like, you know, they own an antique shop kind of thing. And at the end of the episode, like they're all sitting down to Thanksgiving together and like they're eating vegan. But is the son now a werewolf too? Do you know?

Did I just not like, did I just miss it? Because it seems like the end of the episode because now the vet assistance the other persone we have to talk about who I felt so bad for this actress. I don't know who is to blame, if it is her or if it is Dickerson for directing her this way, but it was she again, Like it's so frustrating because the tone of this episode goes everywhere and she is overacting so hard that it was uncomfortable. Loved her, did you really? Yeah?

She was, like she was awesome. God, you know what. I like. She reminded me of um uh Angela Betts and sick girl, Like that's what she was doing, but that's not what the rest of this episode was doing. No, you know what, I might have liked her and gravitated to her so much because I kind of wished that hurt.

The tone she was striking was the tone of the health Yeah, yeah, it just because I don't I don't understand the tone of it at all, Like because I actually I actually didn't hate the Wilber character. I I got what they were doing, and I got what I was supposed to get out of it, I guess, but it was just really thin and like under underdeveloped and under explored, so like he's he's a he's a slob, and he's unattentive and then becoming aware will makes him better I guess so, but like more attentive and more aware, But why in the implications of that aren't really explored at all, because it's all he's really better at is like he's a little better at his job. But that's that's like not even with his character.

That's just oh, I'm a I'm aware wolf now, so my senses are heightened, so I can I'm better equipped to understand a dog's needs. And he's better at sex, right, like it seems to be it. Yeah, but also he's more assertive and more attentive and okay, and has more pride and his appearance in the way he presents himselves to others. But what I didn't get about the veterinarian skills is when we first meet him and he's like a slob or whatever, he still seems really good and really efficient. Like so what did you gain?

Yeah, like, oh, he should be able to straight up talk to those animals and look at him in the eye and be like, you got a stomach ache? He has an aspirin cat. I know that's not how you treat cats, but he no, you give him animos, which is really fun by the way, Um, yeah, it's it's just weird. I don't know, and I guess I would. I mean, I guess if this is any credit, Like I don't think it should be, but it I could tell, like, oh, yeah, this was written by the same guy that wrote Dear Woman, which isn't a compliment at all, but at least it means he has a style, right, Yeah, yeah, I mean it was very childish and very very surface and really not engaging, and like if he he probably wrote the script when he was like nineteen ye and no, no one said that it was bad.

I mean, I don't even understand what that's like to just to just throw words on a page and have somebody make it and not have to like fucking grind and prove yourself and beg to be paid attention to. So earlier today I watched the movie Whiplash, which I'd never watched before. And what's that. It's the Miles Teller jazz drummer drumming movie. Yes, yes, And the whole thing is that JK.

Simmons is this brutal, uncompromising teacher who just will never tell you you did anything right. And there's a great moment when he says you know, he says to Miles Teller, the two worst, you know, most destructive words in the language are good job. That as soon as somebody tells you a good job, then you stop trying. Then you don't think you have to try. Then you you know, once you get confidence, then you can't see you stop trying to be better.

And now I don't necessarily believe that in full, but I kind of get it, And watching this episode, I'm like, yeah, I got a lot of people over his lifetime told Max Landis, good job, and this is what we get for it. Really, I think we probably got into this when one of the many other things we talked about him during but like he would brag about like busting out a full length feature film script and like a couple days or something or a week, motherfucker, that's not okay, proud of Yeah, Like I don't care, Like maybe I could do that too, would it be good? No? The difference is you're not Max Landis's child or John Landis's child, and and just imagine like like shitting out the script and having somebody make it.

I cannot even fathom that, ye, and having no like pride in one's in one's abilities or work. I just don't get it. This This one was was boring, poorly paced, and there were shades of the V word, isn't it the view words? Uh mess is a horror so that you know what they felt kindred those two episodes, which which makes me think that that uh Dickerson's fingerprints are on this because it felt like his other episode. But this one was just uh really not great.

Yeah, I could just could not because I didn't go into this as much as you know last week when we realized we'd be watching a Max Landis joint. Uh. I didn't go into this wanting to hate it at all because I really liked Dickerson. I really wish him more work. I wish him more features.

He seems very happy doing television. He does great things in television. It's a great time to be a director in that medium. But I just really want him to be more celebrated. So I was excited to watch this, thinking, well, I'm sure he'll make it work.

And I mean, and yes, we know I am not a big Werewolf fan. That didn't bother me at all in this The actual fact that I was watching a wearawolf story, not a problem. Fine, give me werewolves it there are My problem with werewolves as always a They never look good and there's only seems to be only one analogy ever made with them, which is, see deep down, look what's inside of you? You're you're an animal deep down if you dig. And that's really all I ever get from werewolf stories.

And I think that's still true of this one to an extent. But it's just the tone of this one that bothers me. I didn't care that it was werewolves. Where we see the werewolf, he looks fine honestly for this Yeah, better than I expect. But is it a comedy?

Is am I supposed to be horrified by what's happening? There are none of the jokes landed for me, and there's so many of them. The actors are all in different pages, and they're they're not bad actors. Wendell Pierce could do great things, and I just don't think he gets much of a handle on what he's doing in this one. Yeah, And I have a question.

I mean it's probably I mean it doesn't matter, but do you think that this family and these characters were originally intended to be black? Or do you think that because because you know what I liked. I liked that it wasn't like and the V word had the same thing. It was just like it was just like a character that happened to be a black kiss Yeah, And you were like, oh, they didn't put they didn't style him weird, Like no, he didn't get styled like he was from the streets, right he was. And that gets so tired, like there are there are people that exist that aren't your stereotype of how and also there are people who exist that are.

But sure times it's nice to see this and this seemed like a successful, nice, like black family and I was like, well, yeah, which is always refreshing, right, I mean that's say, There's a lot you can say about Cosby, but the cause that was one of the very important things about the cause we show is that he's a doctor, she's a lawyer. They're a wealthy family, and they happen to be black. And I'd agree, I think I doubt this episode was written with any specific race in mind, or for a black family to be in mind. I'm sure this was written as a mom and dad and a kid and that was it. And I so often we see that and whoever cast it, whoever's directing it, or whoever like visualizes it just defaults it to white.

And that's frustrating, yes, because that that takes away a lot of, you know, potentially interesting choices. And I so I appreciated saying here because it didn't feel like it had to be rewritten. It didn't feel like anything was out of place or trying too hard. Yeah, it just felt like this this is I bought them as a family unit completely. Again.

I feel like the wife also kind of had a crappy role to play because it just I don't know, I mean, her motivation is just I want my husband to have more sex with me, and that's hard to play off such that's such max fluent as bullshit if that's what it really feels like. And I mean, it's like this woman is probably what's supposed to be like in her late thirties early forties. She's a mom m. Her husband clearly doesn't have the stamina that she would like him to have, and it's just a weird one note character that seems to only her motivation as a character is you really just want to keep having sex with your husband even though and not like look, Wendell Pierce is not an unattractive man, but like he's introduced to us spilling jelly uh donut jelly on his shirt and he doesn't even care, like, and she just wants to fuck his brains out.

Okay, I guess that's how it works for you, I mean fas versus Yeah. I almost wonder if like he wrote it after watching season two of Masters of Horror and thought meat Loaf was gonna get cast. Yeah, it's it's really, it's really something. It's that's a strange choice because that that woman was a fox, and like that could have been interesting, and it does do this interesting thing. So at the very end, you kind of asked this.

At the very end, they're all gathered together and they're they're like the vegan werewolves and his family and the tech or the veterinary system is a werewolf now because she's been attacked by a werewolf? Is she? I have no fucking idea, no fucking idea. I didn't think she was, so I didn't think. I thought just he was in the family.

And then he was like, well, this is great, and my life could be even better if my whole family were werewolves and now he's going to go make he bit his wife, So his wife's going to be a warewolf now. And it made me laugh because the other day, for some reason, Zach said, oh, well if I got bit by a vampire something something something, and then we would and I was like, well, wait, how am I a vampire? And he's like, oh, well, I would just make you read him. So who is this assumption of like, yeah, of course should just be one with me? And I was like okay, So it felt very much like that, and I wish that that had been good.

Yeah, because Latin itself is a really interesting question, like I can't believe I posed so many um outlandish scenarios to my husband and I can't believe I've never kind of gone through that with him, of hey, do you if I get turned into a vampire or do you want me to turn you into one? And we should really have that conversation after we recorded. You should because I'm I was shocked at how like you wouldn't even ask me or you just yeah, like there's a consent uh issue at play there that I think you should maybe I don't know, have a conversation with your husband, but I thought that was funny, but I took it more as like the assumption that if something happens in his life, I'm going to be a part of it, And I thought that was sweet.

Yeah, I was so sweet about that, even though I mean, yeah, he should have asked her before you bitter. Yeah. No, I think that's because I mean, yes, like in sickness and health in um, I don't know, in werewolf ism or vampiism or whatever the case might be. Um, these are important things I think to lay out. And yes, it is.

It is unfair because I guess the moral of the story is that like, as long as you are a good person, being a werewolf just makes you like a better version of that person. Yeah, there is. This is the problem with Max land as shit, there is no moral like if you're you have to kind of we we clucked something else for doing this, like it had no stance and we didn't know what the p was. Yeah. Yeah, like like you have to have something, you have to present something you can't just like it has to I'm not saying everything has to be this huge metaphor or allegory or stand in for real life events, but I don't know, in something supernatural.

It kind of does because you need it grounded in a relatable real life situation. And I don't feel like this was yeah, because what is the the take I'm trying to think of, like the takeaway of oh I learned not again, like we're saying you don't have to learn a lesson, But there was he was never gonna get quote unquote better had he not been turned into a vampire, Like he was still going to kind of be like he was probably gonna die of a heart attack in five years type of thing. And so it wasn't like anything grander that happened. It was just he happened to be the lucky son of a bitch that was on call the day or werewolf got brought into him. Yeah, just yeah, yeah, just a sound effect boop poopoo do if you will type episode for me when everybody gets sad, Yeah, like sad trobone, Like what is it when you lose on prices?

Right? I guess yeah, I can. I know what you mean, but I can't make that noise, nor can I. I'm sure that I could google it, but it's more fun if we keep trying. Booooooooo there we go.

Yeah, on that note, I think that's all I have to say about this episode, how about you? Yeah, that is the best review ever. Yeah, it was. It wasn't bad, but it was boring. So I don't I don't know what you would get out of this other than the opportunity to see like a a black family where you get into a werewolf, which I don't know how many how many black werewolf movies are there?

For real? Like a null good question. That's a good point. I can't think of anything. Yeah, that might be the only thing worth it if, like I wish somebody different had written it same, Yeah, because there's so many, Like you know, any episode we watch, you could say, well, you know, if you were really into this, then maybe this would work or you know people that like this kind of thing.

But with this one, I have a really hard time finding the audience for it because it's the tone is so often it's not funny, and it's kind of trying to be, but it's not. I don't know who would find it funny. So yeah, the fact that it's a um, like I guess what lower or higher upper class black family is really the only thing of interest in it. Yeah, and like he's a vet but there aren't that many shots of cute dogs, so honestly, there should have been more, should have been more. Yeah, all right, well that's something with bite enjoy or don't probably don't, probably don't look at this.

Among will record from that novelty party song. Oh man, tray, look up at the sky. It's a full moon on the sabbathe. This is scary. Break it down.

I was raping late on my hot tour when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it up and to my son, right, that wasn't wear. We're staying there with going gold, he said to Marvel Mon's sun, you will be a man. What's a nice time to join the wolfing clown play tomorrow you will stand at the beamer and pray for tonight the gazes at the moon. Man, Babe, we're wolf fumids vas spood be scary supost becoming man, then becoming wool.

We're wolf famids vas food be scary suppost, becoming man then becoming wool. All right, that was that was great, tray. Okay, it's over. That's a wrap up. The next state would happen the tumor get teach in front of everyone, to get my little speech and shout.

My tea turned into things, and my nails into claus and I nearly dropped the drawer when my hands turned into Paul. I growled and I roared, and my Rabbi did as well. It was a ucking werewolf zoo at too bo beffy Manuel, hey man, Where you learn all these Jewish words? My manager, Harvey Lemmings, werewolf puppets for us. Whoop be scary boys becoming men, men becoming wold.

I don't, I just don't think this. The idea of the song can sustain itself for that long, but it seemed a little sweaty now, So because this whole premise is sweaty, we had a reception at the Lachrun country Club. They served a real nice brisket and I ate food party, so I danced with my cousins, I got money from my folks. We had a lot of fun making circumcision jokes. Then I remember the premise of my song.

I was at a nice reception, but the werewolf part was gone. So we pulled ourselves together and we're wolf men again, just in time for Master fight to gig. All the country club employs were bringing sucking packs. We had all turned into zombies and were on the attack, so we for the man, some draculas and Frankenstein's too, because you gotta love farmers for even if you're not an art be scared. Floes becoming men, men becoming wolves.

Where were farmis for kokkie henry boys becoming men, men becoming wolves. I don't want this. I don't like this. This is scary, So that's where wolves stuff. I don't know say, I'm not feeling this.

Ain't no kicking a box Mazot