Tales of the Unexpected S02 E07 & E08 Taste, My Lady Love, My Dove

Welcome back to Midnight Viewing. I'm your host, Father Malone. We're now engaged in that years-long struggle to tackle Roald Dahl's Tales of the Unexpected. With me, as always, he's really pretentious when it comes to wine, is The Projection Booth's Mike White. Don't bother me.

I'm blindfolded and sniffing. We all will be soon. We're starting here with Season 2, Episode 17. We're starting here with Season 2, Episode 7. This is Taste.

It aired originally on April the 12th, 1980. This one is written by Ronald Harwood. This is a change-up for the rest of the season. From a story by Roald Dahl. This one directed by Alistair Reed, starring Ron Moody, Anthony Carrick, Debbie Farrington, and William Hootkins.

So let's talk about William Hootkins. So excited! Expatriate, ahoy! A variation on his own Man from the South, this is about a wine expert who can identify everything about wine and is put to the test. What did you think of this one, Mike?

Well, William Hookins aside, because yes, I definitely want to talk about Mr. Hookins. I'm so excited to be able to talk about the other half of the government duo from Raiders of the Lost Ark. And this would have been right around the time that he was doing Flash Gordon, I think. Looked a little different in this one.

Had that Amish beard going on here. But he's a minor character compared to our wine taster, who I think was just terrific. Played pretentious. so well and the whole thing around the glasses i thought was great yeah i really got a lot of man from the south with this one as well having the wager at the central area of this this particular episode but yeah i had a lot of fun with this one how about you. I did too particularly given some of the ones we've been getting this one feels there's plot going on here even though we've seen it before i can take a variation on a theme as long as you do it interestingly this is wholesale 180 degrees from Man from the South as far as who our protagonist is. This fucking horrific Richard Pratt, this pretentious, old, pompous, stuffy, oh boy, creep, ultimately, too, because he's just perving on our host's daughter the entire time.

Is she underage? Did we establish that? It felt that way. It definitely felt that way, yeah. I was thinking...

17 at most. Right. 16 is what I figured, but I was hoping for 18 to 20. And I didn't realize that I had seen this guy before when I first started watching this one. I was like, he seems familiar.

Obviously, that's a really bad toupee that he's wearing. Mostly, I think, known for being Fagin in Oliver. I said that with an exclamation mark. And then also in The Twelve Chairs, which for me is one of the It's really undersung when it comes to Mel Brooks comedies. I remember watching that when I was a kid and just absolutely loving it.

I've seen recently a, I want to say an Argentinian variation on that same story, but I would love to go back and rewatch The Twelve Chairships just because I remember having a great time with it. I've never seen it. Oh, it was so good. Yeah, definitely check it out. It's not of the caliber of like a young Frankenstein or Blazing Saddles.

But I would put it up there with probably with Silent Movie. Definitely way better for me. And this might be blasphemous, but way better than like, what's his Star Wars parody? Spaceballs. Spaceballs.

Yeah. And, you know, high anxiety. When Rooks was good, he was usually great. There are some middling ones. Like, I think there's a lot of great parts of Silent Movie, but maybe not overall.

I think 12 Chairs is up there with that one. Yeah, anything past a certain point, it's okay. And even when he was in the prime, it felt sometimes, and I'm thinking of Silent Movie in particular, we picked our gimmick before we thought it out. And he was on such a roll, he thought they would just run with it, and everything was going to be funny. High Anxiety, I think, is better than Silent Movie.

But where is 12 Chairs? It's above.... I would say it's right up there with Silent Movie. I think I like Silent Movie better than you do. Yeah, maybe.

The last time I watched it, I was completely nonplussed. As a kid, I thought it was the most brilliant thing ever. Well, that might be the thing because I haven't seen it since I was a kid. So maybe I watch 12 Chairs now and I just go, meh. Well, time will tell.

We'll meet back here next month. Sounds good. Sounds good. I'll report. Roald Dahl has 5,000 bottles of wine in his cellar, Mike.

And he drinks at least two a night. That's just information he volunteered at the beginning of the show. No wonder he looks the way he looks, because he's probably 50 years old, but he looks like he's 75. Looks 75. It does explain a lot, right?

It totally does. Yeah, two bottles of wine. Even if it's him and his wife drinking these bottles, that's one bottle of wine a night. And he signs off by saying, we drink two bottles a night. I think we're fine.

It's like such an alcoholic thing. We can stop any time we want. Yeah, exactly. Me and Mrs. Dahl.

So... Okay, look, the ultimate wager here is he keeps escalating the wager because he wants their daughter's hand in marriage, which is just a euphemism, right? He just wants to fuck the daughter, right? If this wasn't television, maybe he might have just said that, because that's the implication. Oh, yeah, 100%.

Yeah, he's doing it all for the nookie, as the poet would say. The bard. Yes, exactly. Yeah, really perving on her, giving her gifts when he shows up. Of course, it's great post-war vintages, like the daughter would be into that.

Yeah, and he inscribed it to her. Oh, now it's extra special to me, you old, crazy pervert. Yeah, and the little air kiss that she gives him. You can just tell her skin is crawling as soon as this guy walks through the door. Everyone's skin should be crawling.

You know, this is a gentle one, but really almost in a way worse than Man from the South, because he wasn't planning on hoodwinking them, the man himself, you know? If it was a fair wager, if you light our lid every time, you were just going to get the car. He wasn't going to blow on the fucking flame or anything. This guy had inside knowledge. And when they don't kill him in the final moments, I was a bit let down, honestly.

Yeah, yeah, so was I. Having a bottle of wine poured on your head is very small potatoes compared to the size and just all the bullshitting. Because I would say probably half of this episode is just our main vintner just bullshitting through all of the tasting that he's doing and yelling at the American woman who is, you know, William Hookins' pretend wife in this one and just, you know, put that cigarette down. I can't have any smoking in here. My palate is too, you know, gentle and everything.

And it's like, okay. And it just goes on and on and just all the things that he's doing, having to, you know, wash out his mouth with soda water and all these things. Okay, great. Just his presence deserved the wine poured on his head. The attempting to effectively rape their young daughter deserves a bottling.

Yes, yeah. Yeah, I was really hoping when he picked up, because you see that, right? He picks up the bottle, looks like he's going to smash it over this guy's head, and instead he just pours it out. And I was like, yeah, that's really not the proper punishment for what's going on here. Unless we're following the euphemism of I want her hand in marriage to mean the wine pouring all over his face is in fact blood.

Right, right. I think we're doing too much work for this episode. Is our main character, is he going to actually get those houses then from the wine connoisseur? If he even has the houses. He just seems like a total fucking blowhard.

Let's talk Bill Hootkins. Yes, yes. Oh, I love Bill Hootkins. Most people know him as Porkins. He's had a whole career outside of that.

Hitler's a nut on the subject. I love Bill Hootkins. You guys ever go to Sunday school? You know you've got an English production when Bill Hookens shows up as the American. Bill Hookens made me want to move to England just to be an actor because I knew I would get work as an American.

I think Ratzenberg was on the same track there for a while. He showed up in a bunch of Pinewood Studio type flicks in the late 70s, early 80s. But Bill Hookens stuck to it, man. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I know he worked with Rogue with Bad Timing, Essential Obsession.

Of course, I mentioned Flash Gordon. It's like he would just show up all the time in these movies that I absolutely loved. And of course, as a kid, I had no idea why this guy was in all of these things. And then I think the other thing that maybe people remember him from is when he was Eckhart in Batman. He was so good.

That's right, man. The makeup, he looked all roomy-eyed and stuff. He looked like Gotham was supposed to be. And he didn't think about the future. Yeah, where you've been spending your nights.

Bill Hootkins. Was he in Roger Rabbit's the only production he wasn't in? They had another Imperial officer in that one, though. Yeah, and said they'd get Bob Hoskins to show up and try to do his American accent, which he could do, but, you know. Mainly it's New York, everybody's.

Mm-hmm. Ha! I think that's everything with wino here. That works. Indeed.

All right, moving on. We are looking at episode eight, season two. Aired originally on April the 26th, 1980. This is called My Lady Love, My Dove. Written by Ronald Harwood, from a short story by Roald Dahl.

This one directed by Herbert Wise. And starring, returning, starring Elaine Stritch, Shane Rimmer, and Elisa Eichhorn. This is about a rich, bored couple debating the merits of bugging their guest's room. to learn their secrets. Mike, what'd you think of this one? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

This is another one of those that it ends before it starts, you know? It seemed to be getting going, right? At the fucking last moment, right? At the very last moment. I'm just like, okay, good.

Now we're getting some, oh, and credits. Okay. Wait, what? Bring in the dancing silhouette girls, you know? Yeah, yeah.

I was like, it took so long for her to get her husband to agree to bug the room. And then you're like, okay, well, what are they going to hear when their guests go there? And, you know, there's so, it becomes this whole comedy of, oh no, I'm just going to stay up and read. It's like, well, no, we don't have any books. You know, like they're trying all of these excuses to get them to go back to bed.

I imagine they're just like, They want to eavesdrop and hear them have sex because Elaine Stritch does not seem like she's enjoying life at all. She is almost unbearable in this episode. Like I've said the word Herodin before, she is the definition in this one. And then you get that poor guy, again, another expat who I would just see show up in so many things. I think he might've been in Superman, you know, a few other things.

It's like, All right, yeah, he's the biggest milquetoast guy of them all. I guess he's just living off of her money and enjoying his stereo equipment like you would do, enjoy your hi-fi in 1980. It's like, okay, we've got these characters who have some potential, like the way she is threatening him, oh, maybe you have to go back to work. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, honey, of course, I'll do whatever you want. It's like, okay, good, we've got a little dynamic here.

And then when they introduce the other couple, I'm like, okay, what's their story? And then when they finally do go to bed and you hear them starting to talk, I'm just like, oh my God, what is happening? I was thinking he was going to beat her or something. And then you find out the twist, which is that they cheated cards. And I'm like, okay.

And then like you said, all right, where are we going to go from there? We go right to the end credits. Well, fuck me. Yeah, pretty much. It seems like half of this is a debate of whether or not we should bug the room, which should have been a quick back and forth.

We're going to bug their room. No, we're not. You're going to have to go back to work. Let's bug their room. And then the couple shows up.

By midway, we should be hearing their secrets and then their retaliation. Because it not only gets going, it gets exciting. this couple finally kind of engages with each other. They're not going to fuck with us this way. We're going to fuck with them. And here we go.

Let's see how this is going to go. This war between these two couples with these code words and finger placements and stuff. How can they outwit each other at what should be a boring game of bridge? This is going to be great. It's over.

Right. Yeah. I want to see that bridge game. What's going to happen? Are they going to try to learn this whole new skill?

Because it... To hear that poor wife, to hear Lisa Eichhorn just rattling off all of these different codes and things. And they say like, oh yeah, it's based on like you're saying fingers and all this. I'm like, okay, this is the premise basically of Nightmare Alley. I love Nightmare, the original, not the Del Toro.

I love Nightmare Alley. And I was like, okay, cool. Yeah, let's see this. Let's see it in action. Let's hear how this is going to play out.

Now they know what's happening. I'm thinking of James Bond when he's calling out Goldfinger for cheating and stuff. I'm just like, this is going to be really... Oh, yeah, it's over. It was like a wet fart.

Yeah, it was like all potential. It was like the first act of a mystery. And then it's like, okay, tune in next time never. Basically. And now use your imagination to see who won.

No thanks, Rold. Yeah. I think the other thing that didn't help is that Elaine Stritch character reminding me of my own mother way too much. She's just like, I'm bored. I'm bored.

I don't have anything to do. It's like, lady, find some fucking entertainment, okay? Other than maybe drinking wine and smoking cigarettes. Buy a dog. Yeah, exactly.

You see this place? Why don't you clean this place up? I want to be like Jack Nicholson in Carnal Knowledge. I'll give you $ 20 if you do the dishes. Oh, man.

Yeah, you know, I don't know. I don't know. These episodes are... At their worst, they're confounding. So, I don't know.

I don't know what to tell you, gang. They're all available on the Internet Archive, so just keep looking there for them. I'll keep posting it in the show notes. I think that's going to be it, right? Yeah, real quick, just want to say Lisa Eichhorn, pretty good career.

If you've never seen Cutter's Way, definitely check that out. I haven't seen... the remake of The Vanishing. I guess she was in that, but she was really good in Cutter's Way. So a lot more of things to do than she had in this episode. Yeah, just watch the original Vanishing.

It's okay. You don't need to see that remake. Okay, yeah. Now, Mike, until next time, where can people find you when they're looking for you? If they're looking for me, I'm not around.

I've got the Do Not Disturb sign out there. So just, yeah, please leave me a note. No, I'm over at media.com where... this show and so many other things can be found. How about UFM? As for me, shows on twice a week, Mondays and Fridays, Father Malone's Weekly Roundup on Friday.

I'm looking at all the newer stuff. I just had an episode about the Coyote versus the Acme. Really good movie. So check that out. Go over to the Patreon channel.

We've got exclusive stuff there and everything I do comes out early. So check that out. Like our newest show, Airlocks, Sensors, and Ray Guns. That's a Patreon-only show where Laura Grillo and I look at old technology in sci-fi movies. We just did Cherry 2000.

Good God, what a good movie. All right, everybody. Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.