104: TurkZilla!

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. Once again, I am Brian.

I'm Greg. I am Misty. Hey, I'm Jay. I'm Marlena. And happy Thanksgiving.

It's our wonderful... Okay, let's just call it out. It's our Turkzilla special. Awesome. The evil that is Turkzilla is now lurking in the oven in the next room.

I'm terrified. Yeah, we'll get to that in a few minutes. Not a bunch of Middle Eastern guys. So we... I don't know what that means.

The Turks. Turkish. Turkish. Gallipoli. Istanbul, Wisconsin.

I was just thinking that. That's what distracted me. I started humming the song. That's not Woody's business, but the Turks. So, yeah, it's been quite a while since we've been sitting at the table here.

It's been since the last holiday episode, I believe. I need a break from y'all's shit. Too bad. I've just been busy. We've been on the road anyway.

Yeah, it's been a long time since you've been here, Jay. Yeah, I've been stuck in the world of bad job. And parenthood. And parenthood, yeah. so before we've had several road trip episodes before we begin our regular week do we need to have a wrap up of you know we didn't really get a chance to do a full discussion on the last two weeks if you will so do we need a horror hound wrap up or a scare story didn't we talk about it last week I thought we did not after the fact. Oh We went to Horror Island and there was people and there was a lot of them and they were all kind of crammed together and apparently some of them were moist.

And Randy touched some guy's crotch. I had to sanitize him. He says it's by accident. Whatever. There was hand sanitizer.

Immediately busted out. It was a spray kind too. It was good. And we also met my future wife. That would be Ms.

Stay Puff. Oh, my God. She was so cute. I wanted to put her in my pocket and carry her around. Oh, my God.

That's probably not going to be the case because if I remember, she was hanging out with some dude. So that's probably not going to pan out. But my thing is we still don't know who the hell she is. We probably should have, like, been, like. I tried Googling Stay Puff Pinup, but I couldn't find anything.

I found a couple other girls, but they were nowhere near as cute. I'm, like, we really needed to go, like, hey, what's your name? Where the hell are you? What's your name if I remember your address? Yeah.

Right now. If no other reason, the entire staff here thinks she's adorable. So we really need to befriend her on Facebook. So if somebody out there was, you know, at Horror Hound or knows who this chick is that is now featured in the picture of us from Horror Hound Weekend. Oh my gosh, she's ridiculous.

Sounds like a prelude to stalking. Yeah. We're publicly addressing this. We're like, hey, you're awesome. Get a hold of us.

So that's not stalking. That's in reverse. We better put it on the Facebook page and just try to get some of the fans. Have you seen this girl? Hey, fans.

Put a movie meltdown t-shirt if you. Can lead us to it. A free t-shirt if you give me your address. Now that's starting to sound creepy. Have you seen this girl?

She had cute face dimples. She was just cute all over. What I want to know is, is she sticky? Is she stable? Hold on.

Hold on. I'm getting a little marshmallow fluff thing. Hold on. Anyway. No, she actually was holding onto my arm, and there wasn't any marshmallow residue or anything.

Did she smell like marshmallows? Anyway. I don't know. I just, yeah. I put Randy on the case, too, so we'll see if he can track her down.

I trust Randy. Only after the fact did I think about, man, we should have added her. Because we talked to all the other people there that weekend. I've now thrown them on our page, whether they wanted to be or not. So, yep, we need to track down Steakbuff Marshmallow Girl.

You didn't try to track her down? I Googled her. I know, but you're usually pretty good at stalking people down. Usually I have a little bit more to go on. I know.

She finds stuff for me all the time. I'm an expert internet stalker. I found several other. Stay Puft girls, but they were not as cute. No offense, other Stay Puft marshmallow girls.

This girl had very high standards for you to meet. I'm sorry. Yes, she did. I even saw her in someone else's picture. Somebody else posed with her in their album.

They still didn't, like, tag her. So she's a mystery girl at this point, and we need to track her down. She's part of the allure. She's part of the allure right there, draws you, and you want to know even more because you know nothing. If she was.

She's a ghost. That would be awesome. I mean, you know, the Stay Puft Marshmallow was technically a ghost, I guess, or a manifestation of some sort of evil spirit. Yeah, I don't know. I completely have a totally heterosexual girlfriend here.

Okay. Well, because Danielle pissed me off. So she's replaced Danielle as your new girl crush? Yes. Fuck Danielle.

I'm fucking tearing this out. Fuck that movie. Fuck Meg Ryan. Fuck Billy Crystal. You can go on that rant, but, you know, Danielle.

I wish I would have sat in for that, because, God, if I had a fucking dollar for every time I saw that damn movie. I'd be a millionaire. I'd finally have my sugar day. Yeah, you would. God, I've seen that fucking movie so many times, and not by choice, either.

Oh, yeah. Well, that was the thing. It was such a different... It's something we would have never watched otherwise. Even I wouldn't have picked it.

I refuse to watch it, and I will not watch it. That was always the time of the month marathon. It was usually When Harry Met Sally, Sixteen Candles. That one's okay. It involved a lot of John Hughes movies, but then it always got thrown in with Sleepless in Seattle.

I still think that's better than When Harry Met Sally. Yeah, I do too, but you know. Aside from quoting Billy Crystal. But that's bad Tom Hanks. I'll take bad Billy Crystal over bad Tom Hanks.

No, because at least Tom Hanks is kind of funny. No. I don't know. He's just depressing. That's the thing.

He's at least likable. I don't even like Billy Crystal in that movie. And I brought that up. I was like, he's a jerk the whole movie almost. But that's how I like him, though.

It proves that he's right, too. And I'm like. Yeah. Yeah. And his whole point was he's saying that girls and guys can't be...

It's like. Well, yeah, if you watch the movie, it all comes true. It's like they have sex. It totally fucks up their friendship. It's like he was right.

I mean, the entire time it was leading to sex, as soon as they had sex, it fucked things up. That is how life works. I hate to tell her, so... I want to take back. My statement against Danielle.

I'm going to focus all my anger towards this movie and Meg Ryan because, really, seriously, I don't. Like Meg Ryan. No, and that's the thing. We sat there talking, and it's like she... it's such a weird mixture because everything she's working on are awesome and i said that i was like you've got a lot of really cool projects like everything she was working on was horror related and actually had good people involved william forsythe's directing one of them so i mean it's everything involved was really cool and then like every movie she brought up that she watched i was like oh. Really did she bring up anything i was like eat.

Pray love really no don't watch that no first wives club stop god that's torture So, it was a weird mixture from her. I did not expect that. She didn't mention the notebook, did she? Maybe she needs a break from all the horror movies. I think that's what it is.

I think it's to balance that. I mean, think about it. If you spent your entire life not only working on them, but every other weekend you're at one of these things surrounded by horror dorks. They're so hot. I like you on that one movie.

Yeah. Yeah, I would get sick of them. That was a good Ryan impression there. You didn't hear me. Is that why.

She bought the stun gun from what I heard? Yeah, anyway. She did threaten to use it on me. But you would probably like it. I said it was okay if she wanted to.

I said I deserved it for something. Did she bring the stun gun? She hadn't bought it yet. She was going to get it. Immediately after talking to me, she felt the need to buy a stun gun.

What does that tell you? I'm not surprised. I bought one too after I met him the first time. Actually, I think I needed to buy one when I met you. You were more obsessed with me back in the day, but that's a whole different story.

Well, yeah, that was a weird story. Yeah, I'm going to go on not knowing the story. That's okay. Well, I mean, there was a time for like a period of a couple of months where I wasn't sure whether or not Brian was a serial killer. That's what this started with.

Actually, three of us believed that Brian was a serial killer. So now you know, right? We needed to investigate it. Yeah, yeah. That's all it was.

He's just so secretive. That's why he keeps moving every couple of years. Yeah, the basement fills up. Yeah. There's only so many holes you can bury people in the backyard, and you've got to get a new backyard.

So your dog starts to dig them up. That's why we have no dogs. We have a privacy fence. We learned. Mm-hmm.

All right. So marshmallow chicken. Marshmallow chicken. Yeah. Anything else from the weekends before we roll on into the.

I had MST3K marathon with the kid while you guys were gone. Not even like the good movies either. No, the worst ones we could possibly watch. Mostly hurt elbowing. Me to wake up.

You're missing the best part. There is no best part of this. No, me sleeping is the best part. Are we going into our regular geek stuff now? I guess so.

Are we done with that? If you're ready. Geek it out. So, yeah, yesterday I was stranded in the... Wonderful town that is Bloomington, Indiana.

I know you called me. You're like, I'm bored. Why were you stranded in Bloomington? I guess you're going to get to that. Yeah, I actually had a reason for being there.

I didn't get a hold of him beforehand, but when I looked at his page, I think he was in Illinois or somewhere. So, yeah, you know he doesn't stay in his town for more than a day at any given time. He's got pretty eyes. I messaged him and was like, I was in Bloomington yesterday. There's not a lot to do, is there?

So, yeah, I was actually there for the Dark Carnival Film Fest, which eventually I went back in and actually watched some movies, so I can get to that. But, yeah, I... I went to the. Bluebird Cafe in Bloomington once. There's a lot of stuff to do in Bloomington.

If you have money, there's all kinds of restaurants. Well, half the stuff was closed, and the other half was like, I'd look in the window and go like, I don't want any of this crap, and I have no money to buy it anyway, so what do I care? So I was like, yeah, I got out of the theater, which we'll get to that in a minute. The theater's pretty awesome. But I was like, I can walk around the little town square here, and I was like, all right, well, that was 15 minutes.

Now what do I do for the rest of the day? So. Yeah. And then I called Greg and I forgot. You actually have exposure to that town.

You were there for more of your life than you wanted to be? Yeah, probably. Well, no, it's a good town. Did you run out of gas? You just couldn't get back in health?

No, I went to school there, grad school, and then my wife and I stayed. So, yeah, it's a good town. Like I said, if you have money, it's great restaurants. Good arts there. uh if you want if you have the time to search it out yeah but yeah there's. A lot of um i mean in within a 200 mile radius i guess to louisville like the best music comes out of.

Bloomington there's a lot of like Just Eddie. That's hard. There's others. There's like a lot of other people. Oh, but yeah.

So the actual reason I was there, it was at the Indiana Theater, which is pretty awesome. They have refurbished it. It doesn't look like it used to. There were pictures of it from back in the 30s that I was hoping like the interior of the theater itself actually looked like that. No, it's all like fancy and new now, which, you know, for the investors, they think that's awesome.

I was kind of hoping it looked more nostalgic-like, but... It's an awesome theater regardless. It does look really cool. Other than that, movie-wise, I actually ended up better because I'm pretty leery on a lot of indie film stuff. In horror, usually you get a lot of... really cheap, pieced together stuff.

I was kind of surprised some of the stuff I ended up watching. Actually, just about all of it. I didn't really have any complaints. I just went in expecting things to be really bad, and most of the stuff I saw was pretty impressive. And I think it helps that they're short films.

I think people put almost more time and effort into these short films, and you almost get a better level of... time you gotta yeah and you don't have time to like drag it out and make your story suck so it's like you've really got to keep it concise and you know knock out whatever it is you're trying to do and you know nine minutes to 20 minutes or you know it's everything was pretty pretty short until you got the last one but uh of the few i saw let's see dare amtrag Which would be the proposal, but I don't want to say the proposal because that's going to confuse the hell out of people. You can watch that movie. It's definitely not that Sandra Bullock movie. Ryan Reynolds? If Ryan Reynolds, like, axed somebody in the head, yeah.

I would totally watch that. If he axed Sandra Bullock in the head. No, I like Sandra Bullock. I like Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock.

Axing Ryan Reynolds in the head. I like him too. I think they both got together and axed Meg Ryan. In the face. I think a lot of people would be on board for that.

That is a proposal right there. But yeah, that one was super short. It's like seven minutes total. And I think that's including the credits. Because before you know what's going on, it's over with already.

But it's pretty awesome. And it's from Germany. I realized midway through. She started talking. I wasn't even paying attention enough to figure out what it was.

So I was like, I better figure out where they're from. Because. In seven minutes, you don't even get a whole lot of subtitles, so it was pretty awesome, actually. What else? Contact.

That was the one I was kind of let down by. It's another one that's very short. It's just trying to be weird for the sake of being weird. Lots of crazy visuals and moving the camera around a lot and fast editing, but I'm not even sure what story they were... I mean, I know what they were trying to do, but...

Not enough to make it worth making the movie. So that was probably the one I was least impressed with, was Contact. That's already a movie, too. Yeah, that, too. They need to come up with more original names for these movies.

I can't blame the one from Germany, because that might not even be officially what it was over there. It probably is. It looks like it was. But either way, they didn't know what they were doing. They're in Germany.

They don't know what's going on. In Hollywood, anyway. But yeah, the next one was Night of the Punks. It's entertaining. I think it's played at other festivals, so people might have seen that one, but it is kind of a Return of the Living Dead feel to it.

It is like punk rock kids and zombies, so it's kind of fun. I like the fact they don't take themselves seriously. It has a little issues with the acting, I would almost say. It Sometimes I think they probably needed like another take because I don't think that the actors are bad. I think it's almost like they just needed to get like the timing right on it or like maybe edit it a little quicker or something.

It's like everybody involved is actually does an okay job. But yeah, they just a few things could have been tweaked and it probably would be like something that you really could show to, you know, normal audiences. But even for then, you know, for festival short films, I was pretty impressed with it. It's got some some fun ideas there. So it was it was kind of cool.

Um, now this one, uh, actually when I was talking to Don Reese a couple of weeks ago, when he sat in with this, he was telling me about this and luckily they played it there. It's called the United monster talent agency. I believe it's on YouTube. Go find it. Cause again, if, especially if you're a horror dork or especially an old school more horror dork, if you're like a monster kid, it's awesome because they do it like a newsreel, like a newsreel from like the forties or something.

And, uh, it's basically if monsters were real, uh, So it's got them. You mean they're not? Well, I mean, it's like, it's got them shooting a scene with, like, the creature from the Black Lagoon, and then they're, like, cut, and they, like, throw a net over him, and they're, like, tasering him into a cage, and, like, if monsters were real. So it's like by over at Marlena's house. This would be the talent agency that represents them.

So the whole thing is, like, you know, them actually, like, okay, we've, you know, we're shooting this scene with Wolfman... Now he's turned. Okay, dart gun him so we can move on to the next scene before he kills everybody. So, yeah, it's actually really done. It's actually done by Greg Nicotero.

So it's actually, like, pretty high-end quality. I think Dana Gould was one of the actors in it. And what's the fucking Cabin Fever, the director? Eli Roth. Eli Roth got a little part in it.

So, yeah, he's at least kind of bringing in recognizable people. So it's definitely worth watching. It's a lot of fun if you're a horror geek especially. Enter the Dark was one that was, again, it's very Paranormal Activity-esque. It's stealing from that, but the scares in it are almost worth watching.

I think there almost needed to be a little more wrap-up to it, but, you know, it's 17 minutes, and it's nothing but them kind of trying to find a ghost, and there's some creepy little scares in there, so that one's almost worth watching. And there's one called Demiurge Emmys. I think, I don't know. It's three minutes, but it's stop motion animation. It's, uh, so it took four years to make, probably, but it looks awesome.

It's really weird and creepy. And it was narrated by, um, Danny Helfman. So I was like, yeah, this is, this is worth watching. So I'm hoping that one's online. Cause I want to go watch it again.

Cause it was so, it was so quick. I was just like, this animation is awesome. Ah, it's over. So yeah, it's, uh, Demi urge E M E S I S. Hmm.

No telling what it's from. They made it in New York. So I wasn't even sure if it was like a foreign director, their name's kind of weird. So it probably is actually, but yeah, I'm not sure what that means. And then rounded it out with, um, Prometheus project, which has now, that's the director's name and he likes that one.

So of course the producers and the guys who have the money have now changed it to the less impressive, the Frankenstein syndrome. Actually, the movie's not bad. It's, um, it, it stars your, your favorite girl, Tiffany Shepard's. Who doesn't do a bad job? It's one of those I always go in with low expectations for her because she's in such low-budget stuff.

But the stuff I've seen of her, she's actually really good in. So this is kind of one of those. She does a decent job with what she's given. The first half of it is kind of slow. I think they could have trimmed a good 15 minutes out of the first half easily.

But once you get to the second half of the movie, it's a really good story. It actually is like these weird scientists, and they're playing with stem cell research. And they start testing it on human beings. And by the end, you get a really cool wrap-up. And there's sort of a main character slash, I guess, villain as the story goes on that he does a really good job, too.

So that is one I would... I think this was the first time they ever showed it was at the film festival yesterday. It's just finished getting edited and everything. So it's actually worth looking for. Again, when you find it on DVD, if it ever gets distribution, it's probably going to be the Frankenstein syndrome.

So... Ignore that retarded name and, you know, watch it anyway because it's actually pretty awesome. So that was most of what I did other than an extra little bonus, which I'll get to at the end of the show. But that was the majority of my day was hanging around, standing around in the lobby of this theater waiting for the next... Again, that whole run was in one.

I just went in and sat down for that entire stretch. The rest of the time... And I was there for about 12 hours. Yesterday, so. the rest of the time was me just standing in the lobby, walking up and down the street. Calling you guys to bug you because I didn't have anything else to do.

Maybe your car so they didn't tell it. What is up with that two hour fucking bullshit? I worked right across the street from there and had to leave and go out and move my car every two hours. Luckily I hit it right about a four hour cycle so I moved it once and then it was the cut off time so I didn't have to worry about it anymore but yeah that was regarded too. But yeah that was the bulk of my week since last week's Horror Hound fun.

The meat next time? I suppose. I started watching the British television show Survivors. It's about a virus that wipes out 95% of Earth. I think I've heard pretty good stuff about that.

Yeah. I watched the first episode, which is like a movie, and then two additional episodes beyond that. It's all about that Lord of the Flies, the leftover people, what's going to happen, and how societies start in little pockets of They come across people that they've kept themselves in from the virus and they won't come out and they're dying. It's one of those shows that pushes you to that, what would you do? How would you react?

What type of person would you be? They've got... Some societies of looters and some societies of people that are trying to be the government. And then there's the whole, along with it, there's the, did the government actually cause this? Is this really, maybe this was happening.

So it's a pretty well-produced show. I'm hoping it's not. I think there's two seasons of it so far and six episodes apiece. So I'm not investing too much of my life into it. But it's really well done so far.

I'm impressed with it. Um, uh, the other thing, the big thing, the big movie that I didn't get to see this week was that the good, the bad and the weird. I've heard a lot that we didn't cover it cause every show out there covered it as soon as it came available in whatever format. So, um, yeah, that's why we left it alone. But I've heard a lot of really good stuff.

It's, it's a lot of fun. It's two solid hours of just action and, uh, people being a badass, you know? Um, um, The cast, even though I don't speak Korean, the cast, just their delivery of the lines, their mannerisms, the way they carry themselves, everything about it is just extremely entertaining. The visuals from it are wonderful. The action scenes, even though they're over the top, are just incredible.

Just the camera angles, how they chose to shoot them, all of that were fantastic. And it's a good storyline. It's based on, obviously, the good, the bad, and the ugly. So you know where it's going at the end. You know what's going to happen at the end.

But still, yeah, it's a good story. They did a very good job. Because I've seen, I'd like to compare and contrast. I haven't seen the good, the bad, and the ugly for probably 15 years. It almost seems like, I don't know if this theory would hold up, but it almost seems like in Korean films, everything is more at stake.

Everything is a little bit ratcheted up a little bit, and I don't know if it's something about the culture. I know it's about the culture at the time because they were stuck between imperialism from both sides, and they were losing their identity and everything with that. So everything was more important to them at that time, but I don't know if that holds up because I've seen Korean horror films, and it's more than just, oh, am I going to survive? It seems like everything is a little bit more intense or more... Like the whole world's going to end if I don't live.

So I don't know what that is, but it makes for a good two-hour movie. It's a fun two hours. I highly recommend it. And then to throw on just one little last thing, I did see IMAX last week. I took my kids to see it.

It's a stop-motion animation, brand new. It's... like the night night before christmas um but it's told from a little bit different angle but mostly it's just for the animation that you're there for it's it's high high quality and they use it's it's called the light before christmas and it's the story of a a candle maker and he actually was a helper with everything in it but it's it's how they use lighting and the candles throughout you know the stop motion animation that is is fantastic and then at the end They do about a 10-minute piece on how they create it. So they show you the puppets. They show you... And it's very well done.

Was this like normal theatrically released? IMAX came out in IMAX last week at the Science Center here. Okay, that's what I was going to say. The science version of it. Because they put out totally...

They will show... different stuff that you don't get at, like, your Cineplex that claims to be IMAX. This is real, yeah, science center IMAX. Which is usually way more impressive. Sure, sure. Now, this was well worth the $ 5 of going and seeing as well.

Awesome. That's my week, other than Turkzilla. Other than Turkzilla, which is still impending doom in the other room. I'm excited and a little nervous. Too.

I didn't do that much. I actually, I read a book. The hell? I read a motherfucking book. There were no pictures.

You read lots of books, though. No pop-ups. I read the Night of the Living Trekkies. Oh, Lord. Oh, wow.

It was entertaining, just as long as you don't go into it expecting way too much. It's a good, fun, easy read. It's just like, you're reading, you're like, ha, ha, ha. But you're not like you know serious about it it's fun there's zombies there's zombies. I still don't understand why they even bothered making a book just go ahead and make the movie I just want to see the movie we watched the trailer the fake made up trailer that they made for the book and I'm like that's hilarious just make this cheesy movie yeah.

Yeah, it's about a guy who apparently was in the army during the war, and he was all kinds of fucked up. So when he got back, he wanted a job where he would have no responsibilities, so that way if anybody died, it wasn't his fault. So he came to Bellhop at a hotel. At the hotel where the convention for Star Trek is going to take place. Yeah, so all these geeks are showing up, then apparently there's some big thing, there's a big backstory with.

Fucking zombies or whatever. So he's trying to, they're holed up in this hotel trying to escape the zombies as they're all getting, you know, inundated. Yeah, there's zombies everywhere. There's fucking zombie Klingons and there's just geek references out the ass on this. It's constant geek references, which I'm a geek, so I'm okay with that, but it's not like over geekified about it but i enjoyed it it's there was no pictures like it would have been more awesome if there was pop-ups.

Yeah you can't argue with that i did look at the. Night before christmas pop-up today and i was pretty excited yeah it's awesome you. Need to start like a pop-up book club. I just bought one for jesse for christmas it's the uh Oh, she doesn't listen to this, so I have to. Yeah, she doesn't get what we do.

I wanted a Wizard of Oz pop-up, so I was showing Jayla, and I'm like, dude, look how. Fucking awesome this is. It is probably by far the most intricate pop-up book I've ever seen. Is there a Twister pop-up? There was shit that was popping out of this damn book.

It's a tornado, and it twisted. Oh, my fuck. No, it's a tornado twisted out of the damn book. I was like, how the fuck did that happen? I was like, what the fuck is this shit?

Seriously, I just didn't look at it for like. I was like trying to figure out how the damn thing works. It's magic. I gotta figure out how shit works. It's magic, baby.

It's magic. And then within the pop-up book, like you'd open the pop-up book and it would fucking pop out there would be other pages that had little pop-outs that would pop out and I was like there's fucking shit popping out all over the place and I was like fuck let's do a pop-up book podcast there you go that would have to be a video podcast this week the visuals wouldn't hold up this week we're going to discuss in depth. The Wizard of Oz pop-up book but yeah they're not in the living track it was a fun good read it was fun. Of course it had a happy ending so it wasn't too dramatic But. Other than that, we watched, we didn't watch that much stuff together, but together we watched The Ghost of Maynock.

Yeah. It was kind of. Disappointed, long, had pointless storylines that come out of nowhere and then just go nowhere. Drop. Yeah, there were characters that were like, oh, this is going to be important.

This guy's going to be very pivotal. To the entire movie. Like the creepy stalker ex-boyfriend who's always like hanging around in dark alleys. Hey. And then you don't know what happens to him because he just kind of exits the story somehow.

Like he shows up doing something creepy and then like. They don't follow it. It's just like, okay, what the fuck is the point of this guy? Thanks for leading me down that path. Yeah, really.

Yeah, and it's like, it's I guess kind of like a sequel of Nangnock. Not like a sequel, but kind of like. A continuation of the story. It's a Thai legend. It's this really big Thai legend about this ghost and everything.

And the actual story is really interesting. And Nangnock is really. A good movie. It's a good movie. And it's sad.

It's one of those movies that's been remade so many times in time. I haven't seen that many, but Nangnock's probably my favorite. Yeah, my mom saw it at the drive-in when she was a teenager. Not the same movie, though, right? No, not the exact same movie.

The same story. The same story. They've made movies of that same story for years. But she saw it when she was a teenager and said it scared the crap out of her. She didn't want to walk back to the village.

That was in Thailand. That's in Thailand. I'm just picturing a drive-in in Thailand. Yeah. That's kind of awesome, actually.

It was a drive-in, but if you think about it, it wasn't. Did they have cars? Not so much cars. It was just like the whole village. They bring their wagons?

Well, they would set up a theater screen, and then the village would just show up, and people would sit down on the grass and watch these movies. That's awesome. But she refuses still to watch it to this day. She won't watch it. I was like, Thomas, it's a good movie.

It does have a scene where it's kind of like, ugh. It's spooky. It's sad and kind of freaky, but Mom's just freaked out by it. Yeah, but she's from Thailand, though, so man they have a lot more they're a lot more superstitious there's. A lot more stuff that happens outside of the United States and maybe a lot of people don't believe in ghosts because we've been so conditioned here in just our thinking and stuff like that maybe we're a society of you know modern everything science and stuff like that but You know, there's shit when I was over in Thailand and.

I saw that I never fucking thought I would see. And there's a lot of shit that goes on that I believe in a lot of supernatural stuff. Wasn't her, like, sister possessed? Her sister was. Possessed, yeah.

By a demon? By a demon, yeah. And I forgot they had to get a, it was either a monk to cast it out. And you see all types of weird shit. You see some weird fucking shit over there.

Crazy. Yeah, yeah, there's some crazy stuff. So, I mean, a lot of it, Like, you see a. Lot of the Asian horror movies, a lot of that stuff's kind of based in. Truth, you know.

There's a lot of possessions over there. Stuff that you wouldn't believe in over here. And a lot of people just kind of discount it, you know, which is fine. You know, believe what you want to believe in. Here it's all just, like, a cheesy reality show.

Yeah. That's the only thing we associate with ghosts now in the last ten years. Ah, yeah, it's a stupid movie, you know. Or they're just playing this shit up, so. Yeah, but The Ghost of Maynard was kind of a disappointment if you want to watch...

Just watch Ning-Nag, because that one's really good. Yeah. But other than that, I didn't watch anything else. You watched a shitload of stuff. I didn't watch a shitload of stuff.

I watched. Other than your Mystery Science Theater. Other than the Mystery Science Theater marathon. Jeez. I'm not going to go into that, because it was just too many of them, and I don't remember the names of all of them.

You shouldn't. And like I said, it was mostly my kid elbowing me, telling me to wake up. You know, come on, you're missing the best parts. So. But, no, I sat down and watched.

The 1966 film The Wild Angels with Peter Fonda because I was getting into my 60s biker movies. He brought his cheat sheet because now his phone has the internet, so he's been sitting there. Yeah, I wasn't a responsible podcaster and write my shit. Down, so I did. You didn't take notes.

I don't take notes on shit. No research. No research. No. Mainly, I just watched it for the bikes because. uh i'm in the middle of building a 60s kind of bsa so my buddy was like oh you gotta watch the wild angels they got some awesome bikes in there you know the acting's okay but the storyline's kind of goofy whatever it's still a good movie it was funny uh i liked it kind of kind of odd uh actually had uh real members from the hell's angels in it so the actual hell's angels were in the movie A little harder by Peter Fonda as the head of the Hells Angels.

Whatever, you know. I don't buy him as the head of any of these. Yeah, it was a good kind of 60s biker movie. A lot of weird, weird, weird, weird scenes. So, I mean, for a 60s movie, it had a lot of heavy stuff in it.

And then, still kind of on the martial arts. Time movie kick, I watched the 2008 movie Chocolate. Which I don't know if any of you guys heard about that or if anybody's into martial arts movies, but if you've seen, I'm trying to think of any of Tony Jaa's stuff, on Bach and stuff like that, this kind of throws a female in it and takes it up to like the 900th level of anything he could possibly do. Does she turn it up to 11? It is fucking awesome.

I. Don't know if I pronounced her name right, so I'm sorry, but I think it's Zizha Yan Yin. But it's about an autistic girl who picks up watching martial arts. Well, she picks up watching Thai boxers at this school that's right next to her apartment, and she watches TV and stuff like that, and her mom falls ill, and she finds this book, or I think her brother finds this book of people that owe her money, and she basically goes and kicks everybody's ass. That's awesome.

Because apparently, I mean, I guess it's the world's first autistic superhero. I mean, it's the one thing that she can do. I mean, if you know autistic people, they have this one thing that they can do that they're just like. Like savants. Yeah, it's just like unreal, you know, like.

I can't even think of any ideas. I think one of my friends ran into somebody that. Like Rain Man. Yeah. I've never seen that movie.

So he was into stacked things. He was into stacking and balancing things. So he was going into the basement to do something, and there were these things that were just odd things that were stacked up and balanced, and he was just looking around going, how the fuck did this kid do this? And she's like, oh, he's got autism. He just does this sort of thing.

But anyways, this girl, her thing is... kicking ass this movie is just like good god i mean yeah it's okay it's a martial arts movie so don't go in expecting a huge storyline or or the greatest acting in the world you just go in there watching it for this girl kicking people's asses uh for her mom um this. Girl does several movies though like she's. Done several movies there's a couple other ones that i want to see that i can't remember the name right off the top of my head for um But if you want, you can always get on Yahoo and. Google chocolate trailer. Just not Chocolat.

Not Chocolat. At first I was like, I remember that movie. It'll lead you to some other movies that she's been in. But yeah, she's just a really good acrobat, really good. And she'd do all her own stunts.

Yeah. Oh, good Lord, the stunts in this movie. It's amazed. I can't... I can't understand how... thai filmmakers can afford the insurance on these movies because the amount.

Of people the amount. Of people that get hurt in this film is just. Unbelievable cut out scene where a guy felt like several. Yeah it's like at the end of the movie they show all the outtakes and there's like towards the end of the movie not really spoiling anything but there's this huge fight that takes uh place on the side of this building that's like maybe four stories high with balconies, but. None of the balconies have railings on them.

They're just outcrops. So she's like jumping. From outcrop to outcrop and swinging off these signs and fighting people and throwing people off the side of this. One of the outtakes, she kicks this. Guy or something, I don't even remember what it is, but he falls like three stories, hits his back or his head on on one of these balconies and then hits the ground, but he's okay.

I'm like, what the hell? That would have killed me. Geez, he lands on the street. How is that possible? I know.

Some of the fight, they go back and show all of them. There's a couple parts where they actually end up kicking each other and hurting each other. It's, geez. I would say that's why you would shoot a movie like that there, so you don't have to get injured. Probably, but as far as action, it looks believable.

It doesn't look like any. cheesy you know no strings yeah no strings no flying wires or anything like that i mean there's a lot of a lot of getting the shit beat out of people which. Is pretty believable fighting you mean it's. Not bulletproof monk no no no. It's no it's no uh fucking american remade trying to copy off of asian film cinema stuff it's it's all pretty real stuff so i mean if you like uh if you like the protector. And any of those Tony Jaa movies, then this is pretty good.

I liked it. I liked it better than Owen Block, but. That's just me, so whatever. But I think that's about it. Did we watch another movie together?

I already talked about the ones you made me watch, In the Mouth of Madness. Oh, you already talked about that one? I talked about how much I hated that movie. She complained about those last year. You know, I.

And Frozen, with the puppies that like to ski. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was okay. I inadvertently have a copy of that if anyone needs it. Which one?

Frozen. Did you like Frozen? There were parts of it I liked. Most of it I was yelling at the people. Yeah, me too.

I was yelling at the whole fucking movie. Fucking pull your hat up. Fucking zip your jacket. That was the one. Put your damn gloves on.

It's like, if you've already got your hand stuck on the rail, don't stick your face on the fucking rail. Yeah, exactly. It's like, okay, you're fucked. You're stuck. Get the fuck down now.

Don't wait until after you've pissed and shit yourself. You've frozen half to death. You can't feel your fucking hands. Your other complaint was the fucking wire. The wire.

Oh, the wire's razor sharp. What fucking wire's razor sharp? There ain't no goddamn fucking cable that's razor sharp. Or why not tie your clothes together and go slide down the clothes? Or make a robot.

He was talking about belts the whole time. Belts. And like shimmy on to the next one. Yeah, geez. And then he's going to wait.

I know. Wolves? Really? The wolves are going to attack him? I've never seen wolves out in the wild.

There's never been a... A case of a wolf attack in the United States. They're too fucking timid. They don't want to be around people. That's why you rarely see them.

But now they're going to come out. I can understand since the guy had his shins probably poking through his bones. But the other guy, they're just running after him and attacking him. You know what? They all deserve to die.

He was on a sled. He made a sled. They're chasing him. Maybe on a snowboard or something. Maybe they're actually. huskies they were they were sled dogs feral yeah they're feral sled dogs and it was in their nature and they were gonna pull that sled and they got pissed off at him they're trying to catch it they're like no no let us let us pull that come on dude hold on i'm trying to help stop wait for me yeah yeah bite him bite him that'll get him to stop yeah turn his leg off yeah.

The one the one part of it that I did like was the woman's talk about her realizing that her dog wasn't gonna get out that. Was the one part that felt really real to me I'm like oh you know that is that really. Those moments were good, but the rest of it, the setup, I wouldn't have been on that chair for more than 10 minutes. And I was like, The longer you let it get cold, the more that snow's going to freeze and it's going to get solid. All that stuff.

That's what you get for skiing in the first fucking place. That's what you get for trying to bribe your way up onto a fucking ski lift. And lie. And besides that, they're just going to shut it all down and go home. We don't check that shit.

Yeah, they don't check that shit. Yeah, right. Get the fuck out of here. I still think it is a cool idea, but it leaves so many holes that everybody's going to be like, well, why didn't you just do that? Iceman should have had something to fucking do with it.

That was Iceman, right? That wasn't his brothers. I get confused. It was Sean and Aaron Ashmore. One of them was Iceman in the X-Men movies.

One of them was not. I'm pretty sure that was Iceman from X-Men, wasn't it? You tell me. I haven't seen it. You're the ones that have seen them.

When we got it from Redbox and forgot to return it. Ever. So we get an email. Your account's being charged. It's like, fuck, now I own a bad movie.

You've been billed for this movie you didn't like, and you also don't get a case for it. Right. And paid probably way too much for it. That's like $ 17 or something like that. I think it was $ 22.

Jesus. And I wouldn't have paid $ 10 for that movie. No. There's your damn movie back. With a real case.

I thought about returning it anyway. I was like, I don't care. I watched the trailer for Blubberilla and I wanted to shoot people. I have signed the petition trying to get his ass to quit fucking making movies. I watched the trailer for Blubberilla.

Which is the exact same cast as Blood Rain 2. No, Blood Rain 3. What the fuck, man? How could you fuck that fucking movie up? God.

It had the perfect story. All you got to do is just fucking stick with it. No, they give it to this fucking retard. I'm sorry. Not retard.

That's... Insulting the retards. Dumbass. Yeah, that's insulting people. No, they give it to this fucktard.

Whatever. They give it to this jackass, and then he screws it up. I mean, come on. Every movie he's made has been a fucking train wreck. I know.

He made one good U.E. Will movie. I dare you. I will give you a nickel. A witty nickel.

I'm still trying to think how many mules are going to email us now. I can't believe you used jackass. Yeah, really. Well, I've got hate mail for less. We're going to have to come up with a word that you can say.

A word that doesn't offend anybody, but we can use it. Right. Yeah, whatever. Just take your chance on the show. It's the same cast.

Blubberella and fucking that movie. Clint Howard's in both of them. The other guy's in both of them. They've got different chicks, though. Yeah.

Because one of them's fat and one of them's not. Yeah. It's about a fat fucking superhero going after Nazi zombies or fucking vampires or some shit. I'm not going to lie. She's fat.

That's part of the whole storyline. She's a fat chick fighting zombies. I can't even talk. I'm so mad. I mean, you can't get in trouble for that.

The name of the movie is Blumberella. All the jokes are about being fat and eating sandwiches while she kills people. I actually kind of found it a little bit humorous. He's taking a 180. He loved it.

Well, the Blubberell apart. The Blubbering, you really fucked that one up. You eat bowls. You eat bowels. Fucking shit.

You're talking about House of the Divas. That was awesome. Another movie I fucked up. See, you know, you just stick with the video game formula. You can't go wrong.

But no, everybody's got to rewrite it. They've got to put their own spin on it. They've got to fuck it up. They've got to put a real story in it. Yeah, we've got to put a real story in it.

Or none, in the case of House of Dead. Yeah, really. Actually, if you want to mail me with your hate mail, go ahead. I don't care, because I'm used to being hated. He won't read it.

I won't read it anyways. I'll just laugh. Whatever. All right, Marlena, it's your turn. All right, well.

So last night I started watching. I realized I have this problem. I stacked all the books. Did you have a problem? I don't imagine that.

I stacked all the books that I'm in the middle of reading. I have 11 books I'm in the middle of reading. She autistically stacked the books she's reading. I was just thinking that. Reading them pop-ups.

No, none of them are pop-ups. That's what's slowing you down. All these damn words. If you had little levers and whatnot, it'd be way faster. 11 books that I'm in the middle of reading.

11. That's ridiculous. How do you keep the story straight? I don't know, but I can. I can't even read one book.

You look at magazines. Yeah, that's why. While you poop. I read repair manuals. While you poop.

No, I read them all. I read stuff online. That's kind of like a book. Yeah. Except it's not.

It counts as reading. It's got words. I read stop signs every day. In this Kindle world, that counts. Yeah, really.

Yeah, but I started watching the Imaginarium blog. Dr. Parnassus. Yeah, and I only watched like 10 minutes because I fell asleep. It's got issues.

It looked kind of cool at first, and then the graphics and stuff seemed kind of stupid. That was my major complaint. You watched until Heath Ledger died. I didn't even know Heath Ledger was in it. He's in it at one point.

That was my major complaint because it's Gilliam, and it looks like Gilliam, and then you get into the special effects, and it just... It's bad CG. It's what they do with every movie now. It looks like all the current movies. And he was so good at, like, back in the 80s and whatnot when nobody knew how to do that kind of stuff.

He was finding a way to do a practical version of all these crazy images. And now, I don't know if he just got lazy or if the studios won't let him do stuff like that anymore. But, yeah, I think the effects on it... And, I mean, half of the movie takes place in this fictional fantasy world that you need all these effects for. So...

You can't really, you know, gloss over that. That's half of your movie, so... More man bad secret? I don't know if it's that bad. But that is old, comparatively.

I remember when that movie was the shit, man. You were like, damn, look at these computer graphics. Do you remember an alternate universe? That's my whole life. I don't know if I remember that time.

Man, it's better than Atari graphics. Pitfall. Pitfall. Hey, Pitfall was awesome. All right, where were you going before we got sidetracked?

And I fell asleep, so I can't really talk about that one. Like, I fell asleep, like, right at the beginning. It's not terrible. It just has so many issues, and, I mean, half of them came with the project. I mean, you lose your main actor midway in, you enter into a weird...

Yeah, it's hard to save that one. Yeah. So, I mean, again, the deck, as always, is stacked against Terry Gilliam when he makes a movie. I mean, I actually know a guy who looks exactly like Heath Ledger, and he's British, so he could, I mean, he could fake an Australian accent. He's already halfway there.

But they don't know who he is. They just brought in celebrities, so they don't need him. I know. Yeah, they're like, you need an actor. We don't need him.

I should. Johnny Depp. Yeah, someone should call the studios and be like, you know, so. You want to make a new Batman or the Joker? I kind of know a guy.

I can get a finder's fee. Let's just pretend like he's not dead. Yeah, hey. Oh, we were mistaken. They always do.

We found him. He really does look just like Heath Ledger. It's weird. He was joking. He was joking.

He was joking. He's the Joker. Get it? Yeah, exactly. Yikes.

Yeah, I watched that. And the other day, some lady told me that I look like the girl from American Pickers. and I don't, but I felt compelled to watch at least five episodes of American Pickers. That's the one where it goes like different people's shit and like trying to buy it. I fucking hate that show. It's like a mess.

I'm like, dude, I want that. Oh, you fucker. Oh, I kind of like it. Cause I mean, I like that. I, you know, I like, I like seeing stuff I can have.

Yeah. Well, it's, it's, it's, I think it's, it's done more damage to people like us that go, that's true. Doug calls junking. Uh, hunting for stuff so normally now like when we go get stuff like i don't know like the what's his name old man guy uh that has the junkyard anyways there's a guy that's got a 50s junkyard so i go out there and i get parts i got a bumper from him for like 50 bucks for my car so yeah he's gonna watch this show and be like oh fifty dollars what am i thinking of you know that he's gonna. Three thousand dollars.

I'll get money for that you know kind of thing yeah i mean thanks In a lot of ways, I like the show because it's like, that's what I like to do. It's fun. Yay. Look at all this cool stuff they found. But at the same time, it's like now everyone is like finding the stuff and buying it and then selling it to people who like actually seriously collect it.

Yeah. And it's like, I can't find all this shit that I want for 50 cents anymore because now I have to pay like 40 bucks for it on eBay. Fuck a bunch of that. Yeah, it is. It's like everybody now, those shops now jack the prices up on everything.

Oh, this is worth something. You know what? It's not. Unless you go to Tickle Pink. I don't like this.

I don't like Tickle Pink. I love the name. Tickle Pink. I'm going to Tickle Pink. It just sounds dirty.

Yeah. And, um, yeah, I didn't really watch anything, I don't think. I mean, nothing I could, like, actually watch and, like, comment about. Yeah, I mean, I finally finished Jesus Camp. I think I probably already talked about that, though.

I think no exciting weird stories. Nothing from Marlenaville. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Oh, oh, so on Friday, um, I went out, uh, dancing, and, um, Yes, yes.

Well, I mean, there was karaoke involved and bad hip-hop dancing. Oh, God. Awesome. The one-two punch. Hey, hey.

I karaoke-ed the Human League, Don't You Want Me. Oh, wow. Was amazing. I did a duet, and it was fantastic. But I saw this old, old, old black man who looked like E.T.

It was so sweet. I was, like, talking. Did his heart glow? Yeah. At any point, did his fingers start to glow?

Yeah, he was, like, an old crackhead, and he was, like. Was he a dragon at any point? No. Did he get up and sing the Neil Diamond Turn On Your Heart Like? No, but he did try to dance with me.

It was very weird. He was, like, sitting at a table behind us. He kept, like, teetering around because he was old. He was old. And he was, like, with his whole generation of, like, five whole generations of his family, I think.

Because there are people calling him dad and grandpa and uncle whatever. Super extra grandpa. Uncle E.T. But I was like, dude, that guy looks like E.T. It was funny.

Grandpa, I'll cut my finger. Will you fix it? Yeah, if I've got some Reese's Pieces. Briving him with Reese's Pieces. Grandpa, drink this.

Beer so I can get drunk. Yeah, but yeah. The dancing was entertaining and hilarious, but, you know, you would have just had to have been there. I can't possibly explain to you how fun it was. I could draw a picture, but it's a podcast, so I don't know what that would do.

We have a website. That's true. That's true. So true. Just start shooting video when you go out into these adventures and then we can start posting.

We'll get our own YouTube channel. Just like Marlena moments. Yeah. Her video of me kicking leaves. There you go.

Which I did for 10 minutes before I came. In the door. That's true. Greg and I were, we're dealing with Turkzilla and I was like, I wonder if they're here. And I opened the door and Misty's out frolicking in front of the house.

And I smelled good. I think I'm just ready to eat. I'm starving. I mean, yesterday I. Have one more quick story.

It involves you. Um, I had a dream. Oh, God. No. George Takei was taking me and you to the theater.

Yay! We were wearing dresses and he was wearing a suit with a bow tie. And I was trying to shave my armpits. And then I was trying to shave your armpits, too. Shit needs to be.

Done that's nice oh god George Takei. Shaved his armpits oh no his was smooth his was smooth just naturally George. Takei is fucking awesome he was gonna take us to the theater but then I woke up so I. Don't know what kind of theater like a movie theater or like a play theater I was doing it with a play or something yeah. It's sad that that's what I asked.

I was like, the theater or the theater? Actually, he was wearing a bow tie and a tux. That sounds like theater. Is it E-R or R-E? We were shaving our armpits, so it must have been a fancy name.

Or A-I-R. Yeah, there you go. It's a pretty fancy name. A theater. Because that's when it gets fancy.

Fancy days. Yeah, that's awesome. Yesterday, I went to Bob Evans, and... I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten in like a whole day.

I ate two pancakes, two sausages, two eggs, a piece of pumpkin bread, half a salad, and a whole thing of fried zucchini. I've never eaten that much food in my life. Okay. Well, we've got a two-seller in the oven. I was just so proud of...

I'm not proud. Pride mixed with shame. Whatever. Conflicting emotions. Pride mixed with shame.

That's like how we feel about the show. I know, yeah. That's like our motto. Sometimes I'm proud, sometimes I'm embarrassed. Yeah, I can smell that food in there.

I'm kind of hungry. I'm very hungry. Let's hope it's not. melted I think we should find out so we'll take we'll take a break and. I want to say real quick real quick I want to tell Gwyneth Paltrow she needs to take the fuck off my shows or I'm gonna punch her in her fucking. Face that's right soulless automaton robot ass is not gonna be singing on fucking glee I'm gonna fucking punch her in her face she can't sing she can't dance she just needs to fucking stop she can't act and save her fucking life oh this table acts better than her I want to fucking punch.

Her punch her in the throat because the face It's already a mess. The throat is a lot better. It's not great either. It gets a better reaction. Nah, you get all the choking and the rising and the.

You know, and then you stand there and laugh at them as they're trying to breathe and. God, fuck her. Kevin Spacey just cut her head off. There you go. Good plan.

I forgot I wasn't going to watch... I wasn't really going to pay attention to that episode. I was like, oh shit, that's the one with Gwyneth. Okay, fine. I'll fucking watch it.

She's the worst actress I've ever fucking seen. Inadvertently that now led to my new favorite song because fuck you is awesome by the way yeah but not. Her version I don't care no what you gotta do listen to the Shatner version because Shatner sang it on the fucking George Lopez show and Shatner's fucking awesome. I really liked her in the Royal Tenenbaums no. Don't try to bring this down with actual appreciation of her acting skills.

But Shatter didn't censor it, so they had to censor him because he actually sang the right song. He sang Fuck You. He says that all the time. But they censored him. What did they say?

They changed it to Forget You. Which is just stupid. It's an awesome song. I don't know if I'd pay that much attention. I knew it was out there, but I don't think I tracked it down until I heard that one.

I was like, okay, now I need to hear the real version because they jacked it up for TV. But is it as awesome as Let Me Smell Yo Dick? Come on. I'm going to stick with Fuck You. I'm not familiar with that one.

We're going to have to look it up. What was that other song you were not so excited about? The that one guy really. Put out the uh the ice cream. Uh listen to the uh the deuce song by the ice cream truck guy it was not that exciting is.

It in your face is it on your face. Or i don't know who knows. All up on your face or some stupid shit it was not as fun as the ice cream truck song. Oh hey talking about being excited about some shit I forgot to mention, did she say anything about the Corey Feldman lookalike? No.

There is a guy that lives in our neighborhood that looks exactly like Corey Feldman. He hangs out at Target. But not only that, he dresses like Corey Feldman. He ran into this guy at Target. We stalked him for a minute.

Yeah, I think you mentioned him that far back, but I don't think the new installment. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're at Target, and we're walking around, and there's Corey Feldman. We follow him, and we follow him for several hours. I was like, holy shit, it's fucking Corey Feldman. She's like, no, it isn't.

I was like, yeah, look at this guy. And she's like, holy shit, it is. He had the same hair, like the ponytail, like the one tendril that comes down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he had the, you know, the sleeves.

Gloves. Well, no, this one. So, you know, I come home from work, and there's this car parked in front of my house. It's a little short story. Boring story.

Yeah, boring story. I get home. There's somebody's car parked in front of the house. I don't know who the fuck it is. So I go out and I tell the guy, I was like, who the fuck are you?

Why are you parked in front of my house? It's the cable guy. So I'm talking to the cable guy. I have no cable. Yeah, yeah.

No, it's the cable guy. It was years ago. Yeah, he's, anyways. I'm talking to him about what's going on in the neighborhood. Before Halloween.

And yeah, it was before Halloween. So this doesn't have anything to do with fucking Halloween. So this guy's walking down the street. A lot of people are walking up and down our street for some reason. And he kind of catches me out of the corner of my eye, kind of turn and look, and I see this guy in a red jacket and a fedora, and he's walking down the street, and I was like, eh, whatever.

And I'm talking to the guy, and then it kind of processed in my brain. I was like, what the hell? And I turn back and look, and he's wearing, it's the Corey Feldman guy, he's wearing the red and black leather Michael Jackson jacket, the silver sparkly glove, a black fedora, Did. He have the socks? Did he have like the sparkly?

I don't know if he had the sparkly socks. He had black jeans and he had high tops on and he was walking down the street. Well, that's wrong right there. It should have been loafers. Well, I mean.

You know what? I don't know. He's mixing stuff anyways. He's mixing stuff anyways, yeah. Because the jacket and the glove are Thriller era.

The fedora is a bad era. So, I mean, he's fucking things up on it. But either way, I turn and I'm talking to this guy and I'm kind of like doing the eye motion like, do you fucking catch. What's going on with my eye motion? The guy's old yeah and then I realized the guy's old and he doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about and he just kind of like looks at me like what the fuck is something wrong with your eye.

You know and I'm like I'm like god I'm. Hoping Misty's like peeking out the front window trying to see what I'm doing and sees this guy I wasn't. At that point but you were I was talking to Bruin at. That time I remember trying to figure out the conspiracy of the cable guy yeah so. I'm like I'm like sitting over there going god damn it there's a Corey Feldman that lives in our neighborhood I'm gonna find this guy he's gonna be my he's gonna be in my motley crew of fucking friends.

He's going to be on the show next time. Yeah, I'm going to find you. I'm finding you, Feldman. I'm going to find you. We're going to hang out in Target until we see him.

Just put a sign in your yard that says, if you look like Corey Feldman. When he was at Target, wasn't he wearing the fingerless gloves? He was. See, that's the thing. When he was at Target, he was dressed like casual Feldman.

You know, the kind of Feldman that wants to go out and party, but he's still kind of casual, you know, the blazer, the blazer with the sleeves pushed up and the shirt and the bolo tie and the hair and the bandana and. The fingerless gloves. And the, and I was like, Holy shit, man, this guy looks like Feldman. But yeah, he lives in our neighborhood. I got to find him.

Got to find him. Not really sure why. Uh, but it's your new obsession i don't know i don't. Know what my fucking i'd be obsessed about it yeah. I don't know what my problem we got we got we got a uh uh we got a midget that lives in our neighborhood too i want him to be my friend i don't know who he is but he looks cool as shit.

He hangs out at the gas station. A lot he does yeah he does hang out at the gas station i'm gonna be dude can you be my friend you know i'm not gonna throw you or anything but i just want you to be my friend I love it. I've got a checklist. I need a midget. Yeah.

I do. You've got to really meet most of my. friends. This will be the weirdest A-team ever. Oh, fucking yeah. We'll be like the C-team.

You can't get a hold of the A team. The S team. The B team can't really be found. You can't really afford the B team. Call it.

Call it the C team. We'll just show up. They're probably hanging out at the gas station. You can make us a sandwich in payment. We're good with that.

Okay, let's eat this Turkzilla. All right, let's go. Okay, so we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to unleash Turkzilla. Not that we're going to do that after we eat it.

Two hours after we eat it. God, no. We're going to be ordering Papa John's. And now, before the next show starts, let's enjoy an intermission. This holiday season, prepare to have the stuffing scared out of you.

Thanksgiving. In the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts, the fourth Thursday in November is the most celebrated day. Of the year. The table is set. The festivities have begun.

One uninvited guest has arrived. And this year, there will be no leftovers. Thanksgiving. White meat. Please, Allie, your legs are harder to shut than the JonBenet Ramsey case.

Oh, snapper! Year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief, Massasoit, who brought 90 of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this.

We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice. Amen. My stomach's not been feeling good for the past couple days. Well, I know what'll fix it.

Yeah. Turkzilla. He gonna stomp all over your belly. Rawr. Rawr.

He gonna lay flat your intestines. Gobble, gobble, bitch. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. Oh, my God. That's impressive.

Oh, yeah, I like how it was oozing. Oh, that's... Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Have you ever had dinner.

At your dining room table? Mmm, just when we eat stuff on the show. Danny! That's the only time you ever use it. We're not sure if we're going to be eating this once.

This is hot. I mean, what can we record? It's like. I was screaming when it started spewing sort of. Could you imagine?

Oh, it's so deep there. I can hear the crunch. Gotta get through all those layers of meat. How many layers are there? There's just two layers of meat.

Is it turkey and ham? No, just two layers of turkey. Oh, okay. But a layer of. Where did you find a recipe for this?

The internet. She found it. I posted it on Facebook. Okay, whose piece is this and how wide do you want it? Like that?

There's a layer. There's layers. You know, I mean, I like to eat my food all together anyway, so this really doesn't bother me. There you go. We'll cut another piece.

Thank you. Do you want some of that bottom layer? I feel like this is the KFC of Thanksgiving. No, this is the Shoney's. I don't know.

I've had several Thanksgiving Shoney's. It'll probably be way better than the Shoney's. Nice. Oh, hell yeah. Is it hot all the way through?

Oh, there's gravy too. Knock yourself out with some gravy. I'm impressed there's actually layers in there. That's three layers. Isn't it?

Yeah, it's the turkey layer, potatoes, then there's the cranberries, Stuffing, potatoes, turkey. Oh, you're stuffing it. Oh hell yeah, Greg. This is fucking shit right here, man. Good.

Damn, it's fucking good. All that beer was in the warranty. Hell. You're a regular Iron Chef. Do you need a finger to top that?

Fucking delicious. Oh, come on, really? I know, it's really good. Who knew that all this stuff together. Would be so delicious?

Well, there's enough butter and. I'll make everything good. Bad stuff in it that it can't be all cooked inside. Good thing that was... It's gravy.

I just have to say, this is awesome. Thank you for making this. You're welcome. I'm happy that you like it. It is pretty damn impressive.

Yeah. Yeah, for a picky person, she's fucking picky as hell. That's true. She likes it. Even the oniony things in there aren't killing me, so.

Thank you. Thank you. Well, I figured I'd make it to the recipe, and then that way, if people complained, I can blame it on the recipe. That's why yesterday I was telling you, I was like, no, I don't really even like a couple of these things. Specifically, I'm not big on, you know. yams or whatever version they use but I was like you know what that's the way it's called for I'm always I'm always up for trying stuff so you know at least the first time well I'll try it I won't necessarily like it but I don't want to you know I don't want to throw off the way that it's supposed to be so then we can make variations as the years go by.

Well it's kind of like a turkey meatloaf with layers of stuff so it's. A trifle a layer of peas and meat good In between bites, would you get somewhere near the mic? Oh. And give people a breakdown of what this is that you've created here. Okay, this is.

Turkzilla. Turkzilla. How would you describe this process? It's layers of... The base layer is ground turkey with onions and garlic and oats.

And it's basically a turkey meatloaf on the bottom. Then a layer of mashed potatoes, a layer of cranberry sauce, stuffing, then another layer of potatoes. We should clarify the mashed potatoes is like the icing of the cake. Right, yes. Like a thin layer.

Right, a thin layer, but yeah, icing-like. And then another layer of the meat, meatloaf, turkey meatloaf. This is all around like a cake. And then the top layer is sweet potato, a sweet potato casserole with marshmallows on top. And the outside is iced.

With more mashed potatoes. And then you pour gravy over the top. In response to that entire description, God bless America. God bless the internet. I don't think it even existed.

It's like, I feel like we should really submit this to thisiswhyyou'refat.com. It's probably where I found it. We have to thank Missy for finding it. I did see her post it and thought, now this would be perfect for Movie Meltdown. Yeah, and then it became a threat.

Okay, if we do a Thanksgiving special, I'll make that motherfucker. I was like, oh, game on. Ryan didn't see it at first. I'm like, so we're having a Thanksgiving. Special, right?

I was like. Why? He's like, are you making it? I'm like, hell no, somebody else come volunteer for this shit. I was like, oh, well, shit, get the Thanksgiving out.

Here we come. Om nom nom. And the best part is Thanksgiving is going to be better than the food. This is awesome. And I'm usually someone who has issues with the sweet and savory mixing together.

This actually works really good. I'm surprised. I usually like to keep them very separate. Boyfriend can't have them on the same plate. See, I'm usually that way.

I'm usually pretty hardcore about it, but... No, seriously. We went to Steak and Shake last night, and I had my cherry from my shake. And I don't want it, because I don't eat cherries. So I wanted to put it on his plate, because he wanted to eat it.

He put it on the fucking napkin. We didn't have napkins. We had no napkins. We had no silverware. I don't want a cherry on my plate, because my plate is full of hot sauce juice.

It was on the edge, not touching anything. You can't settle down. It's a holiday. Can't have these holiday meals with you. I tell you, no, it's.

A fucking holiday. It's not a holiday that somebody's fucking crying like, oh, it's my family. I would make this again. I'm actually happy with it. I'm impressed with it.

It is pretty damn good. Total time, honestly, was only about an hour and a half. Really? You know, it was more me worrying about. It than anything.

So, yeah, once you have the ingredients, it's really not bad. As long as you take the time. And individually build each section. It's good. Mine's already gone.

I could eat that whole damn thing. You're not fucking with me either, you're good. No, I could. That's fucking good. Did you want to go into your description of how you wanted to keep this at a specific level?

Because I suggested, I was like, well, if you were going to take it in a different direction, you could actually substitute the ground turkey for actual slices of turkey and layer it in there. It seems like it would be harder to cut. Well, I thought with just the whole idea of it anyway, I was walking around the grocery store yesterday getting my ingredients and I bought real yams and I was going to peel them and boil them and mash them and I was going to go, we're going to go all out and make this like a real Thanksgiving dinner. And then I thought, you know, this is really kind of, the construction of it is kind. Of like, trailer massively trailer so you know i went straight instant mashed potatoes which i can make mashed potatoes very well but instant mashed potatoes candy and stove top stuffing oh i.

Do too let's go you know let's go. All out and make this as you know White trash. White trash as possible. Ghetto-tastic. No, no, no, no.

Let me tell you about white trash Thanksgiving. See, that's why we can make fun of trailer park people. We've got trailer park people. It makes it okay for us. Hey, I was trying to say this.

We're going to get yelled at for trailer park people. We only lived in a trailer for like a year or so. I got family from trailers. I can make fun of them. I mean, I think a lot of people do.

It's not a thing. I mean, I don't live in a trailer park. Thankfully, I didn't. But, no, my mom, she's... comically white trash, as I'm sure you all know. Would she like a slice?

I don't know. I don't know what happened to that. You can't have nice things in the trailer. Last year on Thanksgiving, my mom begged me to help her with Thanksgiving dinner. I was like, I don't want to.

My mom's an awful cook. She set the house on fire every time she's tried to cook something. I don't know how she. How many times did you sit the house on fire, Greg? Well, you're just not doing it right.

That's right. I have a picture of the soup she tried to make a few months ago. It just looks like this buttery, watery mess with some celery chunks floating in it. How do you fuck up soup? I don't know.

You can't. I can make soup. God. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't...

She tried to make homemade soup, but it was like. Yeah, she could probably handle soup out of the can, maybe, but... No, I mean real soup. Okay. I've made it on multiple occasions.

So, at the time, my mom. My mom doesn't have a job, and I can understand it a little bit more now, but at the time, she had a job, and she still. Like, on Monday, when she picked me up to take me to the flea market. She was like, if you ever need bread, there's a church down the street that gives you bread. I'm like, I have a job, Mom.

I can buy my own damn bread. It costs a dollar. She's like, yeah, but it's saving you a dollar. I was like, my dignity is not worth a fucking $ 1 loaf of bread that's expired anyway. No, you can buy some damn bread.

But anyway, so she got all the. Ingredients for Thanksgiving from like a church or some donation thing or something like. So it was like dented. I held up a can of green beans that was dented in half. The can was touching.

I was like, this is how you get botulism. Yeah, that equals botulism. I was like, this is how you get botulism. And she's like... They wouldn't have given it to me if it has botulism in it.

That's why they give it to you to weed out people like you. They don't know a damn thing about it. And the turkey was this, like, it was a log. It was a, like, it looked like a sausage. You know, when you buy, like, a thing of Jimmy Dean sausage?

Yeah. It looked like that, but it was, like, a big log of. Like, turkey. Like Spam log. It was, it's exactly what it was.

I'm worried it's going to fall backwards. A lot of turkey. I think it's pretty sad. I don't think it's going anywhere. It was like potted turkey.

It's got that nice little layer of congealed fat on the top. Yeah. It was lower grade than school quality. He made his food and then cleaned up after us. He's awesome.

We should have him to every show. But, yeah, she prepared that turkey, and I, of course, went somewhere else and ate because I wasn't touching that shit. But, yeah. You didn't have any turducken? No.

No. I'm just way not fancy enough for that. But, um, her boyfriend at the time was just like, I ain't eating that shit. I had to eat that shit every day for three years when I was in prison. I ain't eating it.

It was like prison turkey. He, like, refused to eat it. And it was, like, prison-grade turkey. It was disgusting. Yikes.

Should we talk about Harold? My turkey that I've never played. It's his 13th birthday this year. Yes. Harold's 13th birthday.

Yeah, when I first started working at UPS, they actually gave us a frozen turkey. Yeah, I still have him. In the freezer. Never ate him. Never ate him.

We still buy a. Lot of food. We just don't buy a lot of food. What's that? A berry.

A berry, the burrito. Yeah. Berries, what, three years old? Mm-hmm. That's just.

That's weird. Isn't that weird? He's part of the family. You realize when you die. and. Like you're going to bury Harold with me.

No I'm just you know like people are going to go through the house and find shit. Yeah exactly they're like this turkey is from like I got it in 1997 well I got him in 98 I'm. Kind of I'm leaving room for him to actually have been alive at some point so 13th group yeah. We were explaining Harold or no a week before I think on the Lexington trip we explained Harold to Greg didn't we You heard all about Harold on the trip to Lexington. Yes.

The beloved Harold. Was it his birthday or death day? I don't know. He was born to us. He was an adopted turkey.

I say he's 13. I'm allotting him some time to have been alive first. Oh, wow. We got it in 98. 98.

That's a long time. For a turkey. We almost lost him a couple times, like when your electricity went out. That was scary. I thought Harold's days were gone.

You could have just re-frozen him. No. You don't want it to go bad. No. No.

And then last year when our power, during the ice storm, when our power went out for a week. Did you just put him outside? We buried him in a toad full of snow. No. He was making little snow turkeys.

As long as he remains frozen, he's still alive. He's like a cryogenic turkey. He's alive. God bless him. Are we going to watch the movie now?

I'd say so. If nothing else, I'd say Turkzilla was a success. It was a surprising success. I'm giddy that people liked it. That was a delicious success.

None of us have died yet. It was well cooked. There's nothing. There's no way it could be anything bad in there. Just the spirit of it bubbling out and breathing.

That's true. We didn't go into that. Would you like to describe what was going on there? It was some oozing. It was like pulsating.

It was breathing turkey juice. Maybe. Or the spirit of turkey. Whatever. That's right.

The evil spirit of turkey. One of Harold's family or something. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. So, yeah, I have to say, I figured one way or the other, you know, horribly bad or awesome, it was going to be a terrific episode.

It was fucking epic. An epic episode. So, yeah, I'd say definitely a meaty episode. I'm not sure if the episode's been epic, but the turkey cake has been epic. We had turkey cake.

Yeah, we'll fall asleep. We'll fall asleep during the movie. It's an hour-long movie. We're going to fall asleep. Well, that wouldn't surprise me, actually.

Well, Marlena usually falls asleep. I know it's going to happen anyway. She was in the. Middle of one of her segments in the car, and she fell asleep. That's true.

Let's go do this. Let's go watch it. Let's go. We will go head in there and watch. Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving. There we go. Do they really say gobble gobble motherfuckers? You'll find out in a minute. You'll find out.

It's a special experience. And then we will all come back and discuss it. So we will be back. Thanksgiving for every wrong move Thanksgiving for every wrong move It's. Like our legs are harder to shut than the JonBenet Ramsey case.

Oh, shit! Dang! Damn, that was good! BGTNC! Live!

For you, fresh air. Big Willie and the Samurai are at your service. Breaking films down and turning them around. Giving recommendations that are always on point. Visit GGTMC.com for more information.

The Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Cinema. Bringing class to the trash since 1977. Look, there comes one of them now. My name is George Kosana. I'm with Night of the Living Dead, and I'm listening to movie meltdown.

The dead, they're all messed up. It's time for Sofa Theater. Back in the 1500s. In the settlement of Kralberg, an old Indian by the name of Feathercloud, who some people thought had black magic powers, was dishonored by a pilgrim. The pilgrim's name was Chuck Langston.

The old Indian was so outraged, he vowed he would curse all white men. This was no ordinary curse, however. Feathercloud necromanced a... turtle that would roam the earth every 505 years, killing the first humans he made contact with. He was more evil than anything you've ever seen before. A turkey that would stop at nothing to get what he wanted to kill.

Now you've gone and left me. You were my, you were my friend. My friend. You got killed by a turkey who's not, who's not my friend. Who's not my friend.

Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy You were my, my best friend We were meant to be. Best friends forever And now you're a dead. Best friend. Dead best friend, Billy. Why did you have to leave me, Billy?

Why did you have to leave me? You're my best friend, Billy. Can you believe you can touch the sky i believe i can touch the sky think about it every night no candy for you. Well before we candy should we round this out as any good thanksgiving celebration with pumpkin pie. Oh fuck yeah okay all right i love pie i'm a thank.

You i love pie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, pa. There's more tryptophan in his. Yeah.

How many pieces did you get? I just had two pieces. It is the kind of food that can put you to sleep. I think I would be asleep already if it had been so awesome. The only reason to have pumpkin pie is Cool Whip.

I don't like Cool Whip. I do. Who doesn't like Cool Whip? I like Cool Whip. Cool Whip.

I don't give a fuck. Cool Whip. Cool Whip. I'm going to forget Thanksgiving. I'm just going to, we're just going to have this.

Every time? Every time. Every time. Well, I ain't making that every time. No, every week.

Get on it. Finish digging out your remnants. I'm going to fuck someone in this car. I don't like that movie. I don't care.

It's much better watching it with someone. That's for sure. Did you watch it alone? Yeah, I watched it alone the first time I watched it. Let's just put it out of bag.

Because it was much more entertaining. I got a big piece of pie. I'm affected. I kind of want a bigger piece than what I have. I'm not gonna lie.

That thing that I saw by the river, I'm now thinking it could be a werewolf. Still longer man-pimping? Was it moving? Yeah, it moved. Ryan still needs some, so he still.

Needs to have his cake. I'm gonna drop my pie into the cool whip. That seems like a good plan. My pie's almost done. Sit the headphones down.

I love it. Now that's the Thanksgiving special right there. You don't get that every week. I know that kind of party. You want me to stick my head?

It's not how I originally remember that line. How come. You say this? Now that you're loaded up with pie, are you ready to continue? Put the game away.

Thanks for the pie, Brian. Pie was delicious. Thanks for making food. It was delicious. Thank you.

You're welcome. All right. So now that we're stuffed with pie, we can move on. This week's Sofa Theater feature is Thanksgiving. Fucking A.

The year is 2009. Director, and he should be so proud, Jordan Downey. Spoiler alert. You don't want to mess up this technically tight plot we've got going here. I don't think we want to ruin that for you.

So, yeah, it's on Netflix. Just go watch it. All right, first we'll start with the fact that it has, at least on the DVD version, you're getting screwed on Netflix, possibly the best warning on any film I've ever seen. On the title screen, it tells you, warning, tits in the first second. And I'll be damned.

Which technically, it's only tit in the first second. It takes a couple of seconds. It actually takes a couple of seconds before you get to that. Well, if you're just counting footage, not counting the title crawls and whatnot, but... But yeah, even then they're technically a little off, but whatever.

So, yeah, if that gives you an idea what you're getting yourself into, yeah, that's our first shot is a big close-up on a not that attractive.... Not a very attractive person. Not a very attractive woman who's about 100, at least in our thinking. Wanda Lust. Yeah, what is up with these people?

Are they all just porn stars? I guess she probably was. She probably was. With a name like that, you don't have any other option. Wanda Lust and General Bastard and.

General Bastard was awesome. What was the other one, though? Oh, there were several scary people involved in this movie. Yeah. But maybe she actually was just a random porn actress, because you'll notice that none of the other girls got naked.

No. And it's not like they were there for their fine acting skills, so. And one girl flashed her bra, and she was pretty proud of what she had, but it wasn't much. I don't know what's up with that, but, all right. Her teeth were bigger than her bra.

Her teeth were bigger than her bra. It's like she had caps on caps. Yeah. I just like to show him a lot too. She talks like this.

Oh, Billy. All right. So where else do we want to take this one? We're all awake. That is exciting.

I didn't fall asleep at all. Jay kept trying to, but I kept elbowing him. I'm like, no, you are not going to fall asleep during this shit. It was like Mr. Saints Theater all over again.

It's only an hour. You're missing the best part. You fed him turkey before putting him in front of a movie. It's like a retarded movie. Your kids are retarded.

That is a quote from the film. That's one of my favorite lines. It shouldn't be a surprise. This movie was chock full of awesome. I don't care what anybody says.

I fucking love this movie. I watched it by myself last year. Didn't we have some call-ins after I watched it that were like, yeah, this movie was great. Yeah, and I've had a few people this week that once I mentioned it, they were like, yeah. I think everyone hates me because of it, but I like that movie.

It's nothing I would recommend to anybody, you know. Normal? Normal, yeah, exactly. It's... It's definitely, it's bad, but it knows it's bad.

And it's better if you have a group of people. Oh, yeah. I watched it alone on a rainy morning. It was not good. I still had chuckles, and I highlighted, I guess, on the bad portions of it.

I must have been in a really good mood when I watched it on myself. Yeah. Because I fucking, I was excited. I think it's hilarious. I think I would love it.

I think I would love it. It's much better. It still amazes me that you like it as much as you do me. Me too. One thing I usually fucking hate movies that look low quality.

Fucking hate low quality movies. I can't stand low quality and this is chocolate low quality. This is like a buck and a half made this movie. For some reason, I don't know. It speaks to me.

It speaks to me and my inner turkey. It doesn't surprise me that I at least appreciate it on its own weird level. It doesn't surprise me that Marlena likes it, but The fact that you like it is still puzzling to me, so that's kind of awesome. Connections with turkeys. I guess.

You know how you do, don't you? You grew up with a turkey. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's right. Even before Herman, there was an Ethel.

She was a real turkey, though. She was alive. You had a real turkey? I mean, my grandma. My grandma had it out on the farm, and her name was Ethel, and she could sit, and you could pet her, and she was a nice turkey.

Ethel was awesome. Did you ever eat her? No, we didn't eat Ethel. We ate the other ones, but we didn't eat Ethel. That would just be wrong.

She'd have dignified death. I don't want to know. She got a disease or something. It was a lifetime movie. When you hear grandma walking down the street, here, turkey, turkey, turkey, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

My grandma. Walking down the road. She didn't round it out with motherfucker. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. I cannot see your grandmother pulling off gobble, gobble, motherfucker.

She should have just said, gas, ass, or grass. That guy looks like the kind of guy who would actually do that. Yeah, he does. He looks like the kind of guy you would find in the back of a parking lot somewhere just doing that with any random person or turkey. Random animals.

Yeah. This is a, to the listeners, this is a gentleman that picks the turkey up on the side of the road apparently hitchhiking. And uses the line, gas, ass, or grass. On a turkey. But the funniest part is actually, didn't see that until just now, Brian showed us the outtakes or the bloopers, and the directors actually had to stop the guy from fingering the puppet.

Because that was too far. That's creepy. And he had to question it. Is that too weird? Is that taking it too far?

So this guy really was that creepy. He really looks that creepy. That's what he's doing right now. I'm acting! He was not acting.

I'm method acting. I'm planning for my next role. You weren't real, right? He wasn't even a cast member. He was just some guy trying to buy.

It at the time. I think he was. You just see him show up on the side of the road and that car pulls over. That probably just happened. They were like, keep rolling!

So some of these stuff, let's say that some of the key moments that I thought were pretty genius. The fact that, okay, we've got the dog's owner, flashy owner, whatever that crazy hermit's guy. I think his name was Hermit. They referred to him as Hermit the whole time. His name was Oscar.

Oscar the Hermit. It's what's in the credits at Watch. Oscar the Prime. But when the turkey attacks the dog and the dog comes and finds him, he starts going, your dog had an accident. The fact that he doesn't acknowledge the fact that he's talking to a turkey, he's like, well, what happened to him?

He doesn't miss a beat on the fact that he's talking to a fucking talking turkey. Right we'll get to that better all the time it was people on their lack of fucking realizing they're talking to a fucking. Bird most of the others are shocked by it he just carries on the conversation like it was a guy standing. There but it's a turkey i like his reaction though. No god first my wife now my dog.

He's not having a good week no poor guy um do we need to go into the john bonnet ramsay Why not? They did several times. Over and over. Let's find a joke we like and let's just use it three or four times. Well, okay, and this was made in 2009.

How old is that joke? I think that's hilarious. That's what makes it so funny. At random points during this podcast, let's continue to make OJ jokes, okay? That's as hard to catch as OJ.

What year did the Jean Benet Ramsey case close, though? Because they, you know.... I think it was fairly recent that they finally said that it was somebody else and not the parents. So maybe that's why they're making. I don't know.

It was a stupid reference. It's so old. That's what kills me. It's a retarded joke anyway, but it's the kind of joke you would have heard a couple of months after this was dragging on. I really want to say that joke, but then I just am worried that people won't even.

I think if people have seen this movie, they'd get it and find it hilarious. But if I were to just say it. I like they're harder to close than JonBenet Ramsey case. See, it feels good, doesn't it? It does.

It feels great. Oh, Lord. Darren, the awkward geeky guy, says, well, what did he say? Oh, well, that's good because her legs were harder to close than JonBenet Ramsey's legs. And that just is.

Yeah. Gross. Too far, too far. Nuh-uh. How is that not as far as finger in a turkey?

JonBenet is totally legal now, so it's okay to say that kind of thing. She'll be legal. That's true. She's been dead now. That's the scary part is that's true.

She is legal now. If she's not dead. I'm sure she is. What? If she was still alive, she'd be at the legal age.

I was like... There's no question about whether she's dead or not. I'm pretty sure that's the one in the headlock. Maybe that's why the case has been so hard to close. Like that girl's legs.

This is confusing. Like the John Bonnet Ramsey case. I think the part that sent me over the edge was the turkey-flavored con. The gravy-flavored con. And Billy was like, I knew she was warming up to me.

I love this movie. Man. It's chock full of awesome. Well, I do have to give him credit for the animation. That little flashback slash story animated part was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, this is awesome. For him eating the cartoon turkey, that was pretty awesome. That was equally. That was out of the same school of animation, floating turkey there. They had some great...

Blood splatter. Blood splatter. Very cartoony. Shooting out of the father's head. That was cool.

Fancy special effects. I think I fell asleep at that point. I'm trying to wake you up. No, I think we keep paying that much attention to you, shit, trying to watch this fucking movie. Is there any structure to how we're going to talk about this?

Is there any structure? I mean, yeah, there's not much to the movie itself, so I think we just go with random things that were awesome or horrible. There are equally as many. In any movie, and I'm glad I wasn't the only one that brought this up during the movie, but I've noticed this in a lot of movies in the last 20 years or so, Because you had the 80s and people just liked to randomly get naked in movies. But I hate now when they have sex scenes and people are wearing clothes.

I'm like, either if you don't want to get naked, just don't shoot that scene, or if you have to, shoot around it. But don't make them wear clothes and fuck. That doesn't work. I'm sorry. She was wearing a skirt.

I'm not saying it's impossible. Down mid-thigh, the skirt was too big. I'm not saying it's impossible to do. I'm saying it's implausible. Nobody would do that.

Just get undressed. Unless you're in a really big hurry. He had more boring to go do. That would just slow him down. Yeah.

I mean, he had enough time to take his shirt off, but he couldn't get his pants down. I don't know. And I see it in a lot of movies, and usually it's because the star doesn't want to get naked. These weren't really stars. That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, these girls were not really high-profile actresses, so why they hired them but they didn't want to get naked makes no sense to me. And why you would put that scene in. Maybe they think I filled their nude quota with that bitch running around in the front. Why didn't they just cast Wanda? Wanda could have been the scary girl because she was scary too.

Wanda, I'm sorry, I don't care if it's Wanda Lust and you think that's funny and clever. Wanda is the most unattractive stripper or. Porn star name ever. Like Milfred or Harriet. Back in the 60s and the 70s, that was the name.

Oh, Wicked Wanda would disagree with you. Yeah, you've got to understand the time period. Like nowadays, 90s, stuff like that, how many people are going to choose Crystal? You know, I mean, really, but back in the 80s, Crystal? That was a happening name.

That's totally a porn name. Yeah, that was a total porn name. You know, you do Crystal back in the 80s. Misty? Yeah, I do have a total porn stripper name.

Yeah, that's okay. I have a porn name. As bad as mine. You have a soap opera name. Yeah.

Marlena Mayfield, The Alliteration. It's pretty, it's a pretty point star. I don't know, it seems more soap opera-ish to me. It does. It's because I was named after a soap opera.

Yeah, okay. But my name is short for Mary Magdalene, so. I was named after a horse. She was. It's a book.

It's a story. Yes, a book. It's called Misty of some kind of Chinenitook or some stupid fucking book. My mom used to love horses. It's a book.

I fucking hate books. It's not a book. It sucks. I hate books. It's no fucking pictures.

Him, Billy getting, learning how to read with the golden book, that's pretty good. That's one of the things I will give this credit, because I went in expecting to not like a good portion of this movie and liked more of it than I planned. Yeah, I liked their whole montage. I'm sorry, I liked their whole montage. It's only been five minutes.

That's what I think works is them playing with these stupid little conventions of stuff in movies where it's like, you know, them doing the whole montage. Wow, that took forever. That was like five minutes. The one even better than that, the one that's my favorite is when she's like, oh, that's my house over there. Yeah, I know.

I dropped you off here last night. And I'm like, they do over explain stupid shit in movies all the time. So I was like, I thought that was funny. They're like, yeah, I know. I just dropped you off here.

So, yeah, I think that kind of stuff is actually more clever than I expected to come out of Thanksgiving. Right. Well, I think, like, most low-budget movies either try to pretend like they're not low-budget movies or take it too far with the, like, ha-ha, we're a low-budget movie. But this one, I think, was, like, clever and right on point. Well, it's not taking itself way too seriously.

But not doing it over cheesy. It's just the right amount of ridiculousness. Yeah, I mean, it is one of those, and we've gone into this before, of movies that are bad for the sake of being bad. Yeah, I mean, there are movies in the same genre. I'd say, like, Chicken Dead or whatever that movie was called.

I can't remember. It's a trauma movie. There's a lot of, like. Fuck that trauma movie. And that's the thing.

That's why I expected to dislike this because it seems like they're going for something very trauma, but I think this is a little more clever than trauma. Fuck trauma. Thank you. I like some trauma stuff. No, this doesn't go too far.

I mean, there's been some movies and yeah, we've been at conventions with some of these movies that we won't mention. God damn. I mean, man, jeez. They they're so fucking annoying it's like i can't even stand being around them this one's not so annoying. Yeah that's what i was saying earlier about being so leery about little independent.

I'm major leery. About it yeah and i'm not like a fucking connoisseur of anything like that but. That's a damn connoisseur yeah. There's just some things i just don't fucking like you know and Some of those movies. Well, I'm surprised I like this movie.

Yeah, that's why I was surprised she even liked it. That's why I was like, well, I guess if she likes it, then it can't be all bad. That's, I think, what it was last year. Because I heard other people mention it. And I was like, that sounds awful.

I just saw, like, the box. I was like, oh, this is going to be terrible. And then you loved it. And I was just like, how is that possible? So I was like, well, now I guess I'm going to have to watch it.

I mean, there's a whole, like. There really is, like, a whole genre of stupid movies like this. Like, there's a Christmas one. And usually they piss me off. There's a Christmas one.

I can't remember what it's called, but it has Ron Jeremy in it. And it's, like. Oh, God. There's the mark of quality in any movie. Well, I know, but this one has a. like old porn star in it and it's still hilarious I think like they did that making fun of like they were not only making fun of the fact that it was a low budget movie they were making fun of the genre that they were in which I think is what made.

It work but they did it in a successful way without making fun of it to the point where it's just like beating you over the head. Like this is funny look at this look at this. I think that's why this and I think that's why I end up liking this more is because in most of these kind of low budget horror movies they're trying so hard They're trying too hard, really, and this one seems like they're just having fun. I mean, and if you watch the blooper reel, they are just having fun. Like, it just looks like they're out in a, you know, field with a camera screwed around, and...

In the end, they want to make this movie, but they're not really going to kill themselves in the process. They know they've got a limited budget. They know these actors aren't the top of the line here. So they're just friends out there shooting a movie, having fun. And I think that comes through in the movie.

I think you kind of get caught up in that, and you enjoy it because they're having fun. And I think that's the difference between a lot of low-budget horror movies. Well, it's hard to make a low-budget horror movie and have it actually stand out and have people. like it without going. A little too overboard. Yeah, there's so many of them.

Which one do you watch? How does it stand out? You know, when you talk about that, I thought the gore was pretty good. Yeah, it was. The knife cut in the father's throat was pretty good.

In fact, this kind of movie was kind of minimal. Yeah. It wasn't as thrown at you as you'd kind of expect it to be. Yeah, it had its scenes, but it wasn't like overload to me. Well, even some low-budget horror movies actually have decent special effects and decent blood and decent gore.

It's... The part that usually turns me off is the writing and the slapstickishness of, like you said, beating you over the head with a, damn it, this fucking movie's outrageous. Let's see how far we can push it. Turkey sex, yeah, that was pretty far. But it was funny.

It was funny. Same thing with finger and turkeys. Well, and I won't totally go along with this one. not having some horrible lines in it because. It does oh it has horrible lines in it but and and not that great acting but it's funny it's almost like it's almost like they weren't really trying. And that's yeah that's and that's what i was gonna say it's like i think they're aware of how bad those lines like they're almost saying it with a smirk of like god aren't movies like this horrible i'm gonna put a line like that in this movie and it is it almost does seem like they know how bad it is And they don't care, and they're having fun with it.

And I think most low-budget horror movies don't do that. We're going to win an Oscar with this. Well, horror movies don't win Oscars anyway. Either they take it too seriously. Yeah, they do.

Or they know it's so bad that they go overboard with it. I think maybe what it is is bad horror movies mimic and pull it off poorly. Yeah. Whereas this is the same skill level, but it's intentional satire. Yeah.

And both can be really close to the same thing. But you're right. That's what makes this work is they know that they're not taking themselves seriously. They know that nobody's going to really think that they were really trying to pull this off. And I think that is how it wins people over because everybody I've heard about this, I mean, I don't know that anybody's going, oh, that movie sucked.

Everybody's always like, oh, it's terrible. Man, I love that movie. That's what I'm. Trying to warn Dr. Crayon.

I'm like, this movie is fucking horrible, but it's fucking awesome. That's like every response I've heard is like, oh, it's awful. Man, I've got to watch it again this year. And I think that's what it's going to be. It's going to be like one of those, you're going to be like, ah, it's Thanksgiving.

Time to watch Thanksgiving again. My second year in a row. Woo! And it does help that it's only about an hour. So, you know, you don't have too much time to be invested in it.

And, you know, if you think it's kind of bad, you don't have to suffer too long either. Yeah, it's not long and dragged out or. Anything like that. And you even get a Thanksgiving break. Woohoo!

You did get a woohoo. You get boobies in the first second. I'm sorry, I can't imagine anyone thinking this movie is just horrible and unwatchable. No, I can see a lot of people. Those people are British. well no just there's a lot of people yeah there's a lot of people that don't realize that level that don't see that extra level where they acknowledge that they're being bad you know there's people that just look at it and go oh this is bad well you're right but the people making it also realize that it's bad and that kind of adds a different layer to it maybe i can get into it yeah i mean that may be the only reason maybe because it was sort of fun in the level that it's bad and not beating you over the head with and not taking itself too seriously even if it.

Has like a great plot or great actors if it looks low quality if it looks like it's shot on like a fucking handheld you should all. Watch it what were you watching the other day that you were watching a trailer for something and I actually thought it was pretty funny but you were like I'm not gonna watch it I don't fucking care I. Don't even remember it pissed me off. It looks like but it looked funny and I can't remember I was like you know actually I think I might watch that that kind of looks funny by. Yourself alright whatever I don't remember what it was, but yeah, if it has that low quality look, I usually.

Cannot get past that. I can't. I can't tolerate it, but this one, for some reason, I don't know. I don't normally count against them for it being low quality, because I know how hard it is. I'm very superficial.

Well, no, because I know how hard it is to get the money, so I give anybody credit who's doing it, but I also know that it usually kind of puts my guard up, because I know 90% of stuff that's going out there at that budget level is stuff I don't like. It's usually stuff that is kind of bad. Or it's just something I don't get into, and these guys are really thrilled with it, but good for them. I just don't like it. So, I mean, it's such a minimal window of stuff that's that low budget, and I think it's awesome.

But I still feel like you need to encourage everybody to make these movies, but to me, I'm still going to say there's 90% of them that I think are pretty bad, but... You know, you still kind of have to have that or you're not going to get the good ones. You're not going to have a Thanksgiving unless you let all these other idiots go out there and make their horrible movies. Well, then you won't have any independent films. Yeah, that too.

I'm not saying I can't make them. I'm just saying I don't want. To fucking watch them. I agree. That's all it is.

I was like, how did you get the clerks? See, that's one of those. That, like, he had no money, but... he found a way to work around it. He wrote really smart, and he actually got some pretty decent actors that he sort of lucked into finding, but. No, no, in Clerks, everyone was terrible.

They eventually went on to be good actors. Randall was awesome. That's the thing. Randall was not an actor and is fucking awesome in that movie, and that's what's amazing is that... He wasn't even supposed to be in it.

He lucked into having it. He's not even supposed to be there today. He's not even supposed to be there. He was not an actor. He just, he was fucking awesome.

He's not acting. That's the problem. So, I don't know. It is one of those you can luck into finding good people and you can actually write a good movie and make an independent film work. But, yeah, they weren't trying to do that with this one.

This is just them kind of having fun with it. Although I will give them credit. The scene between the little man... Which is the turkey wearing a Groucho nose. And the father of the girl, dressed as a turkey, is an awesome scene.

Not just in this movie, just in general. The tone of that scene is fucking hilarious. I'm not going to lie. This is pretty damn awkward, Sheriff. The timing on each line, everything.

Both in these ridiculous outfits, sitting in this room, talking about the weather. Turkey's dressed up like a man. The man's dressed up like a turkey. Talking about allergies. Talking about if it's hazelnut coffee or not.

I was just like, this scene is fucking genius. I don't care what anybody says. What does he say? I wasn't opposed to the. To the size of the fuck I was opposed to the age.

Of the fuck how old are you anyway what was he five hundred five hundred five hundred. Six five ten yeah. I was like, that's, yeah, all right. It was like, fuck it, I guess you can say it. That was awesome.

That scene is awesome. I will give them credit. It's cleverly disguised when the girl shows up. Yeah. Again, that's...

Let's talk about. That girl for a minute. Come on now. I mean, I know I don't have good skin, but you don't see me being in movies, and you don't see any close-ups. So, I mean, somebody give that bitch some clearance.

She actually, you know, that may be part of the film. Yeah. I mean, think about it, if you think about how ridiculous it is, how come, like, the girl, okay, the hotter of the. Two girls, which one would you have cast as the lead? They were both pretty they were but they took the girl that you normally wouldn't pick for the lead the girl with the bad skin and put her in all the face scenes i think it's kind of funny.

She was the better actress. I mean, if you're going to put them on a scale with each other. Yeah, but that's really not saying much. But still, I think it just adds to the film. It adds to the fact that you're sitting there bitching about her skin.

I was like, I think it works. And they kept giving her these sad profile shots. Of course. She's got a chin like mine. You don't put that in profile.

It disappears. It like. It comes straight to my chest. It's not good. Well, it is almost distracting because that's why I guess I'm watching that and I'm like, I guess that's why they put all these damn pretty people in movies because every time they do a big close-up of her, I'm like, man, her face.

It was like I would get distracted by her weird-looking face. And I was just like, I guess that's why. I guess you don't focus so much when you're looking at perfect little people on the screen. Which is why I like watching movies. You focus on the story then because you're not distracted by their weird-looking face.

And now she will be crying. Yeah. We're sorry. We thought you were a decent actress. We said she was better than the other one.

We didn't say she was a decent actress. The one that surprised me, the Billy character was actually pretty good. He's playing the stupid fat guy role, quote unquote. And he does those cliche things. But along the way, I was like...

I also kind of buy him, you know, I was like more so than some of these other people. Cause it's probably how he really is. Cause the main guy is a pretty bad actor. He's funny and I like him, but 40. Yeah.

You can see him acting. You can see his gears turning in his head. You can feel his acting. But it's, it's all, the entire thing is that way. He is consistently bad acting.

It is, it is uniform. But then I kind of buy them that way, you know? There's a lot of guys that were the football player kind of star, all-star. Jock guys that were like, uh, uh, uh, maybe we should go over here. I've met real people whose regular actual dialogue that they're actually saying sounds like really badly scripted bullshit.

It's just, it should not be. Oh, the guy yesterday at the Peddler's Mall, this kid was coming out of the bathroom, and. He was like, Oh, welcome back, weary traveler. What? He said that.

To his kid? He said that to his kid. He was like four or five. What the fuck are you talking about? Did his kid punch him?

No, his kid just go, Dad, you're a douche. Welcome back, weary traveler. Oh, man. You're done, bitch. Son of a bitch, why can't you Billy's death scene is awesome as well.

Their whole little montage dream sequence, whatever the fuck that is, the song. And him holding his gun. I don't think it's that bad. It's not that bad. It's not that bad.

That part is funny as hell. It looked like stuffed tube socks. I think it was. I think it was like pantyhose. Pantyhose with tube socks.

They kept showing it to you very closely. They wanted to make sure you saw it. They're like, look, this isn't real guts. They'd cut away and cut back. His hands were there in one frame and then they'd not be there in the next holding them in because they were falling out.

And because he was trying not to roll over and laugh like he does in the bloopers. It's not that bad. It's not even that bad. But yeah, back to the girl. How fucking dumb.

You can't even realize if it's a fucking pervert wearing your dad's face. That's another one. Well, that's another one I think they're playing on the horror cliche. Because how many movies have done that now? How many movies can you... take somebody's face off, and then, oh, you're of course going to wear it on your face.

I mean, it is like a ridiculous cliche at this point. It was really disturbing. It took us Chainsaw Massacre. What else is there? Devil's Rejects.

I mean, to me, there's a bunch of them. There was. What did I... I just watched one yesterday. Actually, yeah.

Did we tell him that Bill Moseley asked if you were having a sex change? Yes. I can't remember if we had talked about that. No, I don't think we did. Let's go to that side story real fast.

So this guy that I work with, I told him the week before that I met Danny Trejo, and he was really excited about that. And he was like, I would love to meet Bill Moseley one day. And I was like, I've met Bill Moseley before. Like seven times. I know.

I was like, he's pretty cool. He's like, Oh my God. And he was like so excited by that. And then Bill Moseley was at the convention. So I called his wife and I was like, so do you want me to get Michael Bill Moseley's autograph?

She's like, Oh my God. Yes. So I did. And I was like, I was talking to Bill Moseley and I was like, will you make it say to Michael? And he's like, are you getting a sex change?

I was like, Yes. No, it's for someone else. No, first you said yes. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

Yes, yes, I am. I'll come back and see you. After I do. And then I said, no, it's for someone else. He was like, yeah, right.

Bill Moseley's not right in that. No, he's so funny. He's awesome, but he's special. He kept waving to us and saying hi to us for the rest of the weekend, too, which made me feel pretty special. He's a lot of khaki.

We wear, like, the same outfit every day. He's awesome. He's like Einstein. He has a whole closet full of them. That way he doesn't think in the morning, he just grabs one.

That's true. All right, before I interrupt, I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, the turkey with the face. Well, no, even yesterday.

Spoiler alert, I guess. But at some point during that Frankenstein movie, what the fuck did I call it? Frankenstein Syndrome? Syndrome... Prometheus Project is the real name.

Yeah, and they did that yesterday. They do that in that movie. I mean, it really is like a cliche in horror movies at this point that somebody has to get their face cut off and then, of course, somebody's going to wear it on their face. And so. And it was just hilarious that this fucking turkey is wearing.

Turkey puppet. Turkey puppet. Is wearing a fake face. And she's like, hi, daddy. And the sheriff said.

And she kneels down and gives him a kiss. Different. Well, he got a haircut. I mean. And she notices his bad memory.

Not his face. Or the feathers or the. Yeah. Even your rapidly fading memory. And I still have to call her out for not knowing where her own fucking garage was.

Everybody knocks on their own door. Yeah, what is that about? I like that everyone lived in a trailer. That was hilarious. That was a nice touch.

It was older than the same double wise. They only had one. Just change the decoration. Yeah, just put a different unicorn slash horse on the front. A different, switch it out from a dolphin rug to like maybe a.

Rainbow rug. Yeah, exactly. It's what you need. I still think one thing that gave me the chuckles early on is when he gets thrown by the side of the road by his buddy after the Jeep breaks down. And he.

Crawfield, or what was the name of the town? I don't remember. And he picks up the sign and shows it to you and reads it with his finger. Yeah, runs his finger along the bottom. Has to read it out loud to us that.

We are watching Thanksgiving. We might not be that smart. Luckily, it was the nerd, so he was smart enough to figure out the word. Billy might not have been smart. No, probably not.

If you haven't heard the story, there's lots of books about it. There's lots of books. I don't know. Remember those books I was telling you about? The ones that made out of cardboard?

Luckily, my dad has one in a box in his garage. What are the odds of that? My dad has lots of books. I bet he has one about turkeys. About turkeys that are evil?

Evil turkeys, yes. Oh, God. It's so retarded. I mean, if this legend were so to exist, then I bet, I'd almost guarantee that I'd have a book about it. No shit.

Yeah. The turkey would live by the river in Jeffersonville. That might be a werewolf. I saw your picture that you put on Facebook. Was he taking a bath in the river?

No, it was just people on a boat. It wasn't really... I couldn't tell what it was. Also, it was a mysterious shape. I'm like.

What's going on? No, I was trying to explain the situation to my friend Ben, and I was like, I'm just going to stop. I sound crazy. He's like, so, do you think it was a person? I was like, no, it was an animal.

He's like, so, was it like... I was like, I'm just going to stop. I'm just going to stop. I got really defensive about it. I'm like.

Never mind. It happened. I'm not crazy. I swear it did. I swear.

There was someone else with me. You can ask him. He's not a very reliable witness either. I was about to make him go investigate. I'm like, can you go check?

And then I was like, don't aim me. But it wasn't a turkey? It definitely was not a turkey. It was the size of a bear. It was probably a bear.

Was it an evil bear? Was it wearing a person face? I think, I think. I think you're going to have to... Cowboy hat.

I think you're going to have to consult a turcologist. Yeah. Turcologist. Turcologist. Turcologist or whatever they are.

But just so everyone's clear, that picture on my Facebook page was just people in a boat in the. Middle of the river. I was just taking a picture. It wasn't like the man-bear pig or anything. Man-bear pig.

It wasn't the menace of the Ohio River or whatever. Could have been a gummy bear. Could have been a gummy bear. A really giant gummy bear. Bouncing here and there.

Mm-hmm. There we go. What a great show. I know. Sidetracked, but that was an awesome show, by the way.

Great cartoons. So, the other day at work, I burned myself, and it looks like I branded myself with a J in my hand. Is that just because you think J's cool? Yeah. Does he own you now?

I don't want you wandering off. I don't want any kettle wrestlers getting on you. It really does look like I burned a J into my hand, though. I told Jessica that she has to burn an N into her hand. I burned myself once with cheese from O'Grotten.

I was making O'Grotten tater tots and I was stirring extremely vigorously and it splashed up onto my arm and I had a scar for like a year and a half and it finally went away. Oh, I'm traumatized. That's a tater scar. Oh, gratin cheese. Everybody gets around, oh, yeah, I got this scar.

I'm doing this, and I got this scar doing this. I'm like, oh, yeah? Fucking A right here. Cheese. Beat that, bitches.

Nice. Well, that was a Marlena moment followed by a Misty moment. Yeah. Mine was almost as retarded. Hey, hey, hey.

I can't help it. It's everyone else who makes these moments in my life retarded. Since they used that line in the movie where... I use it constantly anyway. Again, I think that one you've got a little more leeway with because to me, I use it in the actual sense of the word that actually before the medical version took over and now it's not PC to say that.

Well, see, look, here's why I think it's okay. If I see a mentally handicapped person, I don't call them retards. I call them mentally handicapped people or autistic or whatever. I don't run around calling actually retards. Actual people with mental disabilities, retards.

I have never. That's where me and you are different. I'm joking. Only stupid people who don't have an actual medical reason. That's been my reasoning for the entire time I've been using it.

I wasn't saying we were all going, we all hate retards. I mean the real retards. Nobody really feels that way. That's the thing. Unless they're red-handed.

I've never used it in that sense, so I feel like if I use it consistently in the other way, obviously that's what I mean every time. I think the last photo album I uploaded on Facebook is called Slight Mental Retardation. And what was going on in this photo? What did you expect to be going on in that photo? Exactly.

Normal Marlena thing. Yeah, I don't know. Jessica and I are posing with funny glasses and mustaches that are actually little noisemaker blowout things. Good times. So a regular day for you all.

Exactly. It was a regular Sunday. See, and how can you argue that that doesn't fit the bill? Really. Exactly.

I'm still going to get hate mail for saying redheads are retards. I don't really think that's what you meant. I thought you said redheads hate retards. No. Is that what it is?

Oh, okay. That's not what I said at all. I thought it was only redheaded retards you were having a problem with. This is confusing already. It's like the JonBenet Ramsey case.

We have a problem with the regular reason. Yeah, this is harder to crack than the JonBenet Ramsey case. We better call in O.J. My mouth is harder to close. The O.J.

Simpson case. And then JonBenet Ramsey's legs. This is wrong. You're going to get hate mail with me. That's what we do.

Well, I don't know. It's hard for you guys to understand. Maybe one day you'll feel what I feel. You lose, like, a mom or a dad or a best friend or whatever. That was one of the last ones that I was like, okay, that was fucking funny.

He was like, yeah, it was pretty hard when I lost my dog. Maybe one day you'll understand and feel what I feel. It's like as you're talking to a group of people who have lost every other person in the cast. It's like that part was awesome. I just love how they're making out on the floor right after her dad just gets killed.

Yeah, it's like five minutes tops. They're sitting in the next room. I'm so glad all this happened. Otherwise we would have been brought together. I like how the guy on.

The couch was like, I'm going to go pee, yes. I'm going to go pee right now. Sure, I lost my mom and dad, but I gained a girlfriend. That's all that really matters. Oh, except it's that.

That guy's probably still got parents. Now they don't have a kid, but. The nerdy kid. His parents didn't get killed. He's not a nerd after Billy dies because he doesn't need his glasses anymore.

Oh, yeah, that made him cool. What the hell was up with that? After he turned into a man then. I don't need glasses when I'm a man. Mendo need glasses.

Yeah, Mendo need glasses. Are we getting to the. End part where it's all crazy and radioactive? Well, that just leads me to my other thing. And once again, I just like to argue with the movies when they're wrong on very basic levels.

Not the giant plot holes and whatnot. I think just when the guy shoots him and then he goes, he's in that dumpster over there. I'm like, that's a trash can, not a dumpster jackass. Oscar the Hermit, what do you want? I was just like, that's a trash can.

That's a very different thing than a dumpster. My aunt and uncle have some of those big trash cans like that, and they. Refer to it as the dumpster. It's not a dumpster. Maybe that's just a local i like the.

Word dumpster i like i like no i mean i just like. Dumpster dumpster bunny i mean he should rent dumpster under your left hand now. Dumpster no i just i just like i just like to take a word that doesn't normally like end with a stir and like You know, like Pupster, Creepster. But Dumpster actually does have a name. It's made that way.

Dumpsterster. That's why I like it. She doesn't have to customize it. It's already done. Wow.

I like that the guy actually said Creepster in this movie. I was like, I love the word Creepster. Again, I don't think people can call us out for using the term retard. Once again, I think we're covered. I think we are covered.

Oh, wow. Jiminy Christmas. What else do we need to wrap this movie? How do we want to encapsulize this? So we're not talking about the radioactive turkey?

Go for it. It's fucking radioactive. It's done. We'll be dumped in the end. Let's pull a fucking radioactive turkey.

How? Yeah. I think I said it. What are the chances of that happening? I like how they call that out.

What are the chances of the turkey baby? Pretty good, actually. I think it's funny that anything that's radioactive is glowing green. It is. It's not blue.

It's not red. Thanks to the Ninja Turtles for that one. They've shown us what radioactive ooze looks like. So are we talking about the sequel? Oh, in space.

That's how you got to have your seat. Is there really one in the works? I have no idea. I fucking hope so. There is.

I mean, when you Google up your Thanksgiving, it automatically brings up Thanksgiving 2. So if it's not actually in the works, there's enough people out there on the interwebs yammering on about it that it's probably going to have to be made now. So we'll see. At least then we'll have something to watch, you know, the next Thanksgiving. Hopefully it's in 3D.

In space. In 3D. I'd like to say I really was impressed with the puppetry. I mean, not that they were fantastic puppeteers, but the head and the beak. I thought it was a pretty good job.

You usually couldn't see their hands. You usually couldn't see the guy in the background. No, it's funny. You know it's fake, but you buy it. I think it's just got a lot of character.

It's not that it looks real, and they weren't going for real, I'm assuming, but... it really is a likable little goofy image so it's even funnier when you add this horrible voice saying these horrible horrible things and the worst one liners ever nice tits you. Just got stuffed I know he was a he was a hilarious. Turkey he thought he was nice tits baby. So gobble gobble motherfucker he used. To go hang out with triumph the insult yeah he.

Ended up I would rather hang out with a turkey no I. Said they should Should hang out together. I mean, it is kind of that same style. Maybe some of the puppet film wonder shows isn't that. It's that same sort of delivery to it.

Yeah, it is. And the puppet kind of looks along the same. But again, Triumph's a fun-looking puppet, too. So this sort of plays with that, you know, the cheesy, fun-looking puppets that we grew up as kids, and it made it a horrible, cursing, murdering bird. So, I don't know.

Maybe that's why we take to the puppet for some reason. It's got foul languages. Alright, that's it. We're done. We're done now.

Like you all didn't see that coming. I didn't. I didn't know it was coming until it came out. It took me a second too to get it. Just because I wasn't really paying that much attention.

Boyfriend with that normal look of shame. It's pride and shame, to be exact. Pride and shame. I can't believe how awesome that joke was, and I'm so ashamed of being attached to her. They didn't even use that in the movie.

Well, he used a foul joke. I don't know that it was foul language. I like that she's like, let's kill this cock. I mean, he's like, no, it's a turkey. She goes, I know.

I mean, like, he's a dick. Thank you for clarifying. In the middle of our movie. I like that it did clarify itself. Just in case you didn't catch it.

Let me spell this out for you. And sometimes that would probably irritate the piss out of me. But this one, I'm like, that's not funny. It was amazing. Maybe it was all the crack in the turkey.

There was a layer of crack inside of turkey. That seems about right. It was a little bit more enjoyable than I remember last year. There was no turkey cake last year. Oh my god.

Why? No more pumpkin pie. No more cranberry sauce. Just turkey. Fucking turkey.

Turkey. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch! He is fucking dead! I would dare to say that it could be enjoyed even without turkey crack cake. So, anything else to wrap this movie up?

I'm sure I'll think of something later when I'm at home. What? I like the Oscar the Grouch trash can with the teepee, that it's much bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. And the shoddily constructed teepee. There's like a bed sheet and three sticks on the outside.

And it's about 12 inches around when they're standing outside of it, but somehow everybody, there's like 16 pieces of furniture and like three people standing there and the turkey. And a back door. And a back door. And they kind of just run over the TP. They're like, how are we going to kill him?

They had to kill him in a special way. A special way. Or he'll come back. Even if they knew they had to kill him in a special way, they still failed at it. They're not so good.

Yeah, it was a great movie. Well, I don't know about great. It was a fun movie. Great's pushing it. It's definitely fun.

It's entertaining in a retarded way, to use our word of the day. So. Okay, everybody listening, anytime you hear the word retarded today, scream. It out loud. Oh, God.

Okay. I can't play that warning at the beginning of the show. I'll just be yelling the whole time. It'll work. You know, it depends on the person.

Maybe they'll run into that word a lot today. I love this shirt. Anything else we need on the movie? I love my shirt, too. And Dr.

Corbeau. I love my shirt. I just look at my shirt. And we're wondering, we're like, in the middle of the summer, she wears a sweater. Yeah.

That's what I said when you got out of the car. I was like, you know, it could be 100 degrees outside with a 99% humidity rating, and Marlena's wearing a fucking sweater. It's chilly outside, and she's wearing a fucking short-sleeve shirt. It's pushing December, and she's got a short-sleeve shirt. Hey, it might be.

Pushing December, but it's damn 70-something degrees outside. But it was 100 at Petersville. You were wearing a sweater. Yeah, I know, but that's because you could see my bra through my shirt. Did you see the other girls there?

Yeah. They didn't even wear shirts. Yeah. I remember a year before seeing a whole lot of some girl. The entire undercarriage.

The one all riled up on the hood. Of the car. Oh, the giant? Yeah. She's fucking crazy.

I've actually met her and hung out with her before. She is batshit crazy. Really? Oh, my God. Like, more than anyone I've ever met in my life.

Crazy. You've met some crazies. She's got a beanstalk next to her house. Probably, yeah. I think she does.

That'd be awesome. You should go steal it. Do we have anything else for the movie? No, nothing. Close the book on this.

All right. The shoddily constructed book of cardboard. Let's close this case like Jabba Day Ramsey would. Oh, I don't think that ever happened. They're still open?

They're still open. This wrap-up is harder to close than the JonBenet Ramsey case. What? What? That was a good one.

Bam. Oh, God. Someone take this microphone away from me. Turn it off. Turn it off.

The end. Let's round out the show. We've been hackling like jackals the whole time. Laughing like hyenas. Oh, my boss and his wife.

Sorry, sorry. Their six-year-old daughter, she got this little panda toy that laughs. And they said when it laughs, it sounds just like me. Oh, God. Nobody has anything to say about that.

No. I thought it was funny. It's hilarious. Did you go find them at, like, a store and push all their buttons and make them all laugh at the same time just so you could see what you hear, like? They keep forgetting to bring it.

They're going to bring it for me so I can hear it. And then I'll be like. No, that's not how it sounded. No one, people like, okay. No, you didn't start it now.

Don't leave us hanging. No one's ever happy when they're told that they look like someone else or sound like something. Which is why I never mention that to anyone. That's why I never listen to this show. I don't want to hear what I sound like.

I used to get kids in high school telling me I sounded like Howard the Duck. That's not what you want to hear. To the point where they were calling me Howard at school. They were like, Howard! And I was like, what the fuck?

I'm still getting told that I look like Lisa Kudrow. Again, there's worse things than that. I can understand if it was once or twice, but it's been several times. Well, I got told I look like the damn girl from American Pickers. Yeah, but nobody knows who she is, so that makes it okay.

You know, really, I had to start watching that show to make sure I didn't have a secret TV crew following me around. Maybe I am that girl. That's what I was like, what? What if I am that girl? What have I bought lately?

I need some. Royalties, damn. It! My secret TV life. Yeah.

I mean, Truman Show. You never know. I don't get that. I don't look like anybody. Are you Mexican?

Like John Cryer when you were younger. Oh, yeah, that's right. High school. I forgot about that. I look like John Cryer.

Or that one skateboarder. Or that one guy in that one. Mario Rubicava. Yeah. And that one guy in that Hot Rodman book.

Yeah. That's just the back of your head. Yeah. No, no, no. The back of your head looks familiar.

The scene in Death Proof or Grindhouse, whichever one, where the guy was on the little motorcycle. Huh? I think he was like. It was either Death Proof or what's his name? Oh, are you talking about.

Planet Terror. Planet Terror. What's his name? It's the other... It's the Rodriguez brother.

Yeah, Rodriguez. Yeah, when he was riding the little motorcycle. The one who's on Ugly Betty? Who's the Ugly Betty? The Rodriguez brother.

We were talking about him the other day. Yeah, that's him. What about it? Is that the same guy you're talking about? That's the same guy she's talking about.

Yeah. He was six feet under. Yeah, just when he's, like, riding a motorcycle, you do, because he's riding a motorcycle. And you always ride tiny, tiny little motorcycles. Every guy who rides a motorcycle looks like him.

Oh, God. Where did this show go? I'm assuming we're not even having a show at this point. In the movie? We're just goofy around.

That's right. Anything else? Are we done? We're done. All right, we're wrapping up this movie.

Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. We're moving on. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. Okay, kids, get out your decoder pins. Gobble, gobble.

It's time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next awesome feature, including a fabulous guest star. Because next week, we will be bringing you the other portion of what I was doing yesterday that I was alluding to earlier. Next week, we will be having a special guest, a co-hosted sofa theater segment. We'll be discussing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original awesome film. Nobody's going to try to break in, are they?

Are you going to go into that whole story? I don't know. I don't think we've discussed it on here. You go for it. You're a better storyteller.

Oh my god, we were sitting down to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and it was in this apartment, and we were. Just getting ready to sing, and we were sitting down, and it was just getting started. And next thing I know, somebody tried to break in the kitchen, and I was surprised that door held up, because that door looked like it was held together by two toothpicks, it looked like this rickety-ass door, and this big-ass guy was outside of it trying to break in, and I thought we were going to die. I wouldn't watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre after that. Yeah, see, I rewatched it this week and I was really kind of waiting for something horrendous to happen because that was the last time I watched it was like years ago.

I watched it at the drive-ins. At that point, yeah, it was like 20 seconds in. I mean, John might still be reading the little text to you. I mean, it had really not even started. and there's some huge bearded guy in a leather jacket beating himself against the door. Why was he doing that?

No idea. I'm assuming. He gave up after a while, sat on the stairs, then he left. Yeah, I'm assuming he was drunk, really. I don't know, but it was an odd way to start a movie, and it sort of branded that movie, much like Your Hand, for the entire time.

I don't know that. It was hard for me to look at it and not wait for that. After a while, I got over it and I just started watching the movie. But I kept waiting for something horrendous to happen in that first couple of minutes. Any minute somebody's going.

To do that shit around our house and get shot. Hells yeah, bitches. I was just going to stab him in the throat. I mean, it was the kitchen door. There was a knife right there.

I was like, as soon as that door opens, motherfucker's getting knifed. So luckily, that toothpick held because he stayed on the other side of the door. So, yeah, that was because I asked our special guest what their initial viewing of it was, which I assumed and even said it was probably very different than mine. Yeah, that was mine. That was the first time I actually sat down and watched that movie in its entirety.

I had some huge hope weirdo trying to break into the house so that was a very different take on that movie than probably most people so. I just watched it at the drive-ins last night. But did anyone try to kill. You no but she stole your mask funnel cake. Ah, that's equally as horrifying as losing your funnel cake.

Yeah, it is equally as terrifying. So, yes, next week will be Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and we will be co-hosted by the man himself, Mr. Joe Bob Briggs. It was pretty damn awesome. Yeah, yesterday we were at the flame market, and I'm like, yeah, that one guy was there, and we couldn't figure.

Out what the. Billy Bob Briggs. Billy Bob Bob Briggs. Bobby Joe Bob Briggs. Billy John.

That is not his name at all. He was Billy Bob Thornton first. I would much rather hang out with Joe Bob than Billy Bob Thornton. Joe Bob is awesome. If he played the whole episode like the Sling Blade character, I would be ready to strangle him in about 30 seconds.

I never saw that. Me neither. You would probably have a problem with it. It makes it... That movie makes the.

Lead character in Legion even more annoying. That's the little kid from Sling Blade. Oh, I forgot that. He plays it the same way. Kind of.

He just plays it like I'm... Stupid from the South is how he plays it. I assumed that he was mentally challenged. Yeah, I'm so glad I didn't watch that movie, and even after I recommended it, everybody else will see it. I'm like, we should.

Do this movie, we should do this movie, and then, like, Legion. You bailed on it, and I had to watch that crap. You got a free pass or something. I still have to watch it. I didn't say I had to pay for it.

I had to watch it. I'm getting into those apart. I never. Oh, is it that stupid one about the angel? Yeah.

It really freaked Jessica out because she was pregnant at the time and she was always like really sensitive. She had double babies. No, she had the chosen one. Yeah. Double baby.

So she felt like she was ripped off from Terminator 2. Yeah. That's what I felt. It really was like the supernatural Terminator. It's like angels instead of time-traveling cyborgs.

And the angels discussing at the end, I didn't give God what he wanted. I gave him what he needed. I showed up, God. I'm sure he'd love that. He doesn't even like when you use his name wrong.

Okay. Way to go. I totally schooled you, God. Totally. Oh, God.

Take that, God. God, I'm so glad I didn't. I'm going to find a loophole. Sucks to be you. What is this?

Some kind of like a, you know. Dogma? Fucking dogma law or something. Ah, dang. They used the loophole again.

God, I really got. To fix that. He's got to tighten up these rules. I mean, these angels are breaking them left and right. They got a lawyer up there.

That's why. I think so. There's something to say. There's no lawyers in heaven. Are you kidding me?

They found a loophole. Lawyers, feel free to write great about that. Lawyers found a loophole digging up there. Add it to my list of hate comments. Oh, I'm sure there's a huge lawyer fan base that we have.

Just as many Cholos as there are lawyers. What if it's a Cholo lawyer? Retarded Cholo lawyer. Actually, Cholo lawyer sounds like an awesome show on Fox. This week on Cholo lawyer.

No, because it would just have George Lopez. No, I didn't say TBS. Fox. Fox. Look at Mario Lopez.

There you go. They probably would, actually. God help us all. He would stoop that low. I mean, what's a stupid entertainment show?

Jesus, it's horrible. Yeah, it's from the straights of Lopez the Z. It must be from the straights. Oh, God. Alright, so yes.

Next week, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Joe Bob Briggs. It's going to be awesome. And then the third episode is going to be here. Yay! Whatever.

You people. You people. What do you mean by you people? I mean you people. What's that supposed to mean?

I mean you people are retarded. Oh, that's it. Hate mail. So, to round it out here, we will finish up with a song called Thanksgiving, which was a fan-based song that they came up with from a band. They had a band?

They have many fans, obviously. I love the movie. I ain't talking shit. So, yeah, the band came up with this song. The band is called The Lurking Terror.

That's an awesome name for a band. And it's, yeah, it's all about this very movie. So it is pretty damned entertaining. And in our usual PC manner, we feature a closing song that has a chorus that repeats, You kids are fucking retarded. Nice.

I thought it seemed fitting for us and. For the movie. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.

Thanks for listening. Thanks. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. Gobble, gobble, motherfucker. Did we talk about the movie longer than it was?

I think so. Well, you know, you got some nice tits, bitch. At least her legs were harder to close than JonBenet Ramsey's legs. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.