109: Nerds Make Bad Parents

Falling Program is a proud member of the Palava family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palava.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-A dot com. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.

Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. To provide more cooling in the containment chamber. To your stations, we have a movie meltdown. Exploiting single-frame pornography in a family film? What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I am Brian. I am Misty. I am Marlena. And we're back for another fun, movie-filled week. Woo!

Oh, I guess we can do our slightly abbreviated geek activities this week. Well, first off, the end of last week there, right after last week's show, I went home and watched the Golden Globes, and I've realized now Misty wants to adopt Natalie Portman's laugh. Oh, God. You're obsessed with it. What was up with that laugh?

I don't know. Did you listen to it? Yeah, I saw that loop that you posted on Facebook. See, I heard it live. And I watched it for like four minutes, and I'm like, why the fuck did I watch that?

I saw it live. With the Brandon Fraser clap. It was Quentin Tarantino's face, I think. Yeah. I just did it, but you all missed it.

Yeah, there was a fist bump circular action going on. Yeah, it was scary. Like duck face fist bump. It was the most classic. Yeah.

The sad thing is, the first time Jay heard the Natalie Portman laugh, he's like, all right, how long until somebody mashes that up with the Brendan Fraser clap? And then like two days later, there it was. Geeks, really, you guys need to find something else to do with your time. I mean, I thought we were bad just making a show, but at least I'm not editing together pointless clips of. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that they made it or the fact that I sat and watched.

Yeah, at least I didn't sit and watch it at all. I realized that's what it was after a while, and I was like, really? This is all? For how long? What is wrong with people?

Three and a half minutes. I didn't even. It's ridiculous. I don't even remember what was so stupid about Brendan Fraser's clap. It went like... like that.

It's his stupid face that he has all the time and. His hands and this motion that they're and he was. Like falling over like he couldn't contain himself and he. Was flailing about I was unaware of the Brenda Fraser clap before. That see I watched that because somebody mashed that up with the song the hell the hollaback girl so it's just the entire hollaback girl with him doing that clap and that face for the entire duration.

Again, I say, people need something to do with their time. Because, in fact, that shit is bananas. Oh, God. What is wrong with her? Bananas sounds really good.

How do you spell bananas? Anyway. I know how to spell bananas thanks to that song. Thank you. Thanks for the phonetic teaching, Gwen Stefani.

And I still had extra N's. This would be a good video to learn to read, too. Anyway. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know.

I actually saw the laugh live and went, what a dork. Before it may have turned into a big deal, but I was like, it is sort of a little more endearing for people who already are dorks. It was just like, ah, good to know she's a big dork. Maybe it's because she's pregnant. Yeah, that ruined it for me, though.

What the hell's that? Jay blames it on having to work with Ashton Kutcher. She done went retarded. Well, the mental state of Ashton Kutcher probably does rub off on you, because you see the way Demi Moore is now. What happened to her career?

Her granny panties? Her granny panties. Hey, from what I've seen, she needs granny panties. Yeah, I know. Have you seen that bush?

I have. If things haven't changed since that photo, she needs giant granny panties, because I don't need to see any of it. Oh. Oh, yeah. So that was ridiculous.

She's old, so it would have been great by now. Oh, and Dyson. Yeah, she dies. Both rug earrings. She wants the.

Perfect match for her grapes. Yeah. Even in her 60s. Mm-hmm. Yikes.

Wow. So, yeah, I was making my snide comments. If you're on the Twitter, I was throwing some out there while it was going on, which it's sad that that's become, that live tweeting award ceremonies has become its own thing at this point. Like, it happens every award ceremony now, basically. Just dorks who have nothing to do and sit there and watch it and make fun of it, like me.

So, yeah, it's funny that that's become its own little corner of the subculture. Very strange. So movie-wise, the only other thing I watched, and this is one of those I just kind of had to watch for the sake of finalizing it and saying I'd watched it because I'd heard so much about it. And I'll go ahead and throw the spoiler alert now because if you weren't listening a few weeks ago, somebody on this crew spoiled it for me. Frozen me?

I watched Frozen. Oh, that movie sucks. Yeah, so I basically already knew... what was going to happen and how and to most of the people. So yeah, I, I, there wasn't any surprise to it at all. Were you surprised about how much it sucked?

I didn't hate it. I hated that movie. I just, it was one of those and I was describing it to someone this week and I was like, it's one you're going to question the judgment on a lot of the characters and at some point you're going to be screaming at the TV. No, there is a lot of those. Wait, what are you doing?

No, what? Stop. No, no, no. That was the entire movie. Dude, you ought to have heard Jay.

He was pissed throughout the whole thing. His main thing was the whole thing about the wire being razor sharp. Yeah, I still don't get that. I mean, I guess I understand it from the story standpoint. They needed somebody to keep them on there.

Otherwise, he would have climbed across the first minute and they would have gotten out. Which is what should have happened, really. That's, you know, would have made sense. I mean, it's a big, rounded piece of wire. I don't understand...

How it's razor sharp. How it's razor sharp. Why it would slice up your hands like that. I mean. If you climb the whole way through, it might start to wear on your hands a little bit.

But I don't see it being razor sharp. So, yeah, that part didn't. They weren't that high up, really. Right after we watched it, like not a couple weeks later, that actually happened. Like a ski lift fell.

The cord broke or something. And it was like higher than it was in Frozen. And nobody got hurt. There was like a bruise or two. And nobody got hurt.

And you're talking about this dumb fucker. See, my whole thing about not cursing for the year did not last long. Yeah. I tried, I tried. It was a very valiant effort.

I think I've done better, but still, people that are just that fucking stupid deserve to be cussed at. I think I'm worse on the show, actually. Yeah, I can't help it. You all bring out the worst in me. I'm telling you.

But anyways, I'm like, I forgot what I was talking about. You gotta tell me this is stupid, but he's gonna break both his legs. No, you dumb bastard. Well, the snow, the snow is hard. I'm like...

Snow is not hard. If you fell into a giant pile of snow from like 20 feet up, you would just sink into it and probably be fine. You might be cold. You might get snow in your panties. Not if it was frozen on top.

If it actually froze solid. Once you break that first layer. But I'm saying, if that many people were, I don't know, maybe they weren't, going that way maybe that's just where. That and another thing learn how to jump from a distance you do not land feet first you're supposed to distribute your weight. Evenly belly flop.

That way it absorbs it better and you. Know as long as you didn't hit your head that would work better but yeah i don't again if that's what would have happened that's what would have happened to me because like the first minute i was like i fucking just jump go on just jump it's like you'll be fine it's snow just jump so i probably would have done that guy Or hopefully would have sent enough to just climb out like they did. You got eaten by wolves. Yeah, probably. So, yeah.

Never happens. I knew that part was coming, too. So, yeah. And wolves that travel in packs. Wait, Creed?

Did you see that? Yeah, I posted it on Facebook. I thought that was you that posted it. I think wolves do travel in packs. But they don't attack, usually.

They're more shy of people. They don't, like. They say that almost never, ever, ever happens. Except in movies. Again, I can throw that stuff out.

I mean, I throw a lot of rules out the window because things are movies. But sometimes they're just so overwhelming, like in this movie, where you just want to scream at them. The wolf thing I was ready to let slide. It was just like, eh. I mean, that becomes your villain in the movie.

You kind of need that. Otherwise, what the hell happens to them? They get down and they go away. Every character in this movie deserved to die. Every one of them.

See, that's the thing. I didn't hate them as much. Their judgment I did, but for being stuck with these three characters, especially the two that we end up spending most of the time with, I didn't hate them. I was like, really? I've seen a lot more annoying characters in a lot more horror movies.

I just didn't like them because they have that overprivileged, oh, well, let's talk our way into getting something for free. Well, that's because they're jerks, but I agree with that. Which is why from the beginning I didn't like them. I'm like, really? You think you're special?

You think you get a discount? A lot of people. If you can scam your way in, you win. That's how it works. I hate people like that.

So I don't know if that was the other thing I'd watch this week. I didn't hate it. It's exactly what I expected, especially since I knew everything that was going to happen. I didn't spoil the very, very end, did I? I knew somebody got out.

I don't remember. There was no big surprise there. If I was putting money on somebody, I knew who it was going to be. Yeah. Iceman?

Iceman didn't use his Iceman powers. He, in fact, did not use his Iceman powers. And I'm still not even sure if that's him or his brother, because there's two of them that are kind of the same. Sean and Aaron Ashmore. He definitely looked like Iceman, but I don't know if I paid attention enough to him, so who knows.

That's like me trying to differentiate which London is in a movie. Yeah, just know they both suck, and it saves you a step, really. Dazed and Confused still kicks ass. I watched that last night. What did you watch?

Dazed and Confused. Yes. Well, that'll be your intro into yours. Okay, so that was it for me. What did you do?

We watched Days to Confuse while I took down the Christmas tree. You are timely as ever. Right on top of things. I'm telling you, I was putting it off because I love Christmas. No, I wanted to leave it up, but then it's like the longer I leave it up, the more chance it has of staying up until next Christmas, and then I won't have the joy of putting it up next Christmas.

Plus you become one of those people. Yeah, whatever. Those people that it's March and their Christmas tree is still up. I was, I was, I don't know, one of these days it's gonna stay up that long. I'm pretty sure I've made it till February before.

But, uh, yeah, we watched Days of Confused, which still kicks ass, even when you're watching the edited-for-TV TNT version. Ugh. I just try to avoid those all the time. Yeah, because I watched, I saw, I didn't really watch, I caught a clips of, uh, they've been showing Kill Bill a lot on TNT. Yeah.

Like, back-to-back-to-back, and just the way they edit that is just frightening. First one or both? They were showing both of them, but the one I caught was the scene of Oren doing the, uh, The table scene. Oh, yeah. The translator.

Yeah, how they managed to edit out most of the blood in that scene, which is fascinating. And she throws a few words around, too. They changed a couple of them, and then they did this thing where they edited her face to get rid of one of them. Get rid of one of what? One of her curse words, and it was towards the end.

Yeah, she throws a few good ones in at the end there. But they morphed her face, which. They didn't even bleep it or change the word. They CGI'd her face to get rid of a word, and that's just bizarre. You really should not do that.

They should not. It's no, give me the keys, you fairy godmother. I was describing that this week, too. I was like, no, that's the best. I've seen some good ones.

There's some second tier ones in Fargo. Those are my second favorite, but. Give me the keys, you fairy godmother. And for anybody who doesn't know what that is, give me the gun, you motherfucker. Wasn't that it?

No, give me the. Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker. It's the usual suspects. I don't know. You know the line-up scene.

Yeah, that's the line. It's so ingrained in my head, it's give me the keys. You fairy godmother. That I don't even remember what the original line was. Yeah, so it's funny enough hearing them say that line in the real movie, let alone when they change it in the edited-for-TV version to that.

Which I still say, the second favorite of mine is the one that they constantly make Steve Buscemi use in Fargo is Frozen. He becomes, you know, I gave you simple Frozen instructions. I was like, really? Simple Frozen instructions. I like my instructions.

Gonna go get some frozen pancakes. We already had pancakes for lunch. So, oh man. I love edited for TV movies. I gotta be in the right mood for it.

It's gotta be one that's so littered with profanity. I just, why would you do that? Just don't play them on TV. What was the one from Chasey and Amy? Bloody Snot Rag?

Bloody Snot Rag? Oh yeah, the nuns were a Bloody Snot Rag. Ah, good times. This morning I tried to make an effort to watch In the Name of the King. I watched it the first time.

See, I don't think I made it that long, but I think mine's I just gave up and went to sleep, which is usually what I do. But yeah, I think I only made about 20 minutes in. It was horrible. There was no cars for Jason Statham to drive in this car. There was no guns, really.

I still want to watch it. It's that level of awful kind of cool. It's so bad, it was enjoyable for me. It has such a cast that makes it hard to hate this movie. You've got Jason Statham, Burt Reynolds is in this.

I don't even think I made it to it. Ron Perlman. You know? Matthew Lillard, who plays the most despicable character I've ever seen. Annoying as he always is.

But I usually love Matthew Lillard. He's so ridiculous. But this was just, ugh. He played the sniveling character, which I hate. Ugh.

But then, I can't remember who else was in it. We decided What's-Her-Face from Mallrats was in it. Claire Forlani. Is that her? Yeah.

I didn't recognize her. Maybe she had a sandwich since then. Um. But yeah, it was just horrible. The acting was horrible.

The dialogue's horrible. But it was fun when I watched of it. I was just laughing at it the whole time. In the time that I watched it, Jason Statham kept his shirt on. Which I'm not used to.

You're let down. I am. He had his shirt on. There was no oil involved. There was nothing that was in your typical Jason Statham movie.

Well, it was just on when we got here and I walked in and I'm like... Number one, we were making fun of Ray Liotta's acting, because I'm still possibly convinced maybe he just lucked into a good performance in Goodfellas, because everything I see him in, he's so bad. He is horrible. What kills me is he's wearing a leather jacket like it's Goodfellas. His jacket looks like he bought it in New York.

I'm just like, what the hell is the costuming going on here? Because that does not look like a medieval coat of any type. Oh, he missed the really bad part when he was controlling, because apparently Puppet sees a bad guys so he was like standing in this big swirl of blue glittery stuff and he does this pose that involved like his hand thrust out like this and his eyes were all like serious look at me I'm a serious man face and I was just like oh my god I burst out laughing good times wow and that's all the edited for TV movies that I watched I watched Dread which was stupid I don't even remember which one it was it's adapted from a short story of Clive Barker So you know you're in trouble right there.

Yeah, they can't quite get those right. Or almost any stories of his anymore. Anyways, it's starring Jackson Rathbone. That's a made-up name. Who you would probably remember from S.

Darko. And I would make fun. I remember because he was in the Twilight movies. Okay, he was the dorky one. He's the one that tries to kill her.

He's the one who makes the poop face through the entire Twilight series. You say that about a lot of people in that movie. But he has serious, oh my god, I got a poop face. It's like constantly the whole time he has his face and you're like, oh, he's probably squeezing one out right now. But it was horrible.

The whole concept of this movie was these college students were going to do a project on fear and dread, what people's deepest, darkest dreads and fears are. So they set up camcorders and they record these people. Well, apparently one of them just eventually snaps and he starts using these people's dreads and fears to terrorize them. Which sounds like an okay idea in theory, but it was just stupid. It was horrible.

I wanted to punch this movie in the face if it had one. Yeah, it was bad. I'm not even sure if I want to get into what else we watched without Jay here. Because, yeah, I probably want to talk about at least one, if not two of them. I'll talk about Mega Piranha, I guess.

You could save it for next time. It's up to you. No, I don't think he'll be too upset if I go into Mega Piranha. He might. I don't know.

It was a mess. Had the worst acting I've ever seen in my entire life. I'll bring up the points that he probably would have brought up, because I listened to him bitch about them through the entire movie. If he'll be here, we can do, like, a special segment at the end of him complaining. Complaining about the movie?

Yeah. Because, yeah, I'm sure he'll probably want to bitch about it. I guess we can edit that in at some point or save it for the end of the show. Because I'm sure he'll have something to say about the crystal skull, too. Oh, I forgot about that one.

Yeah. He was not too happy with that one. We can... Yeah, we'll save that one for him. Because he said he'll be here later.

Other than that, I don't think I watched anything else. The kid was in her room all week and went to Meekman World. He'll probably talk about that. Those are awesome. I love Pigment's role.

She was grounded from real TV. She had to learn things? Yeah. Damn it. She could only watch educational stuff all weekend.

That's the best educational program you can watch. That's still entertainment. That's not even just educational. That's still like. That's pretty damned entertaining.

I'm like, that doesn't really... That doesn't really kind of grounding her. She's getting to watch something she's enjoying to watch. Make her watch like... I don't know.

Lame stuff. Like, I can't think of anything lame enough right now that would describe. Educational films that they used to show us in school, because they were not entertaining. That's why everybody slept. I went and saw The Elvis Birthday Tribute.

That was pretty exciting. Me and my mom, we go see that every year. Two of them we've seen before. One of them was different, and he had chick hips, so we made fun of him the whole show. I can't imagine you doing that to anyone.

Dude, I'm telling you, he was, like, normal from the waist up, but then he had these thunder thighs that put mine to shame. They were just... Man. Man, that's all I can say. Good times.

I don't think I have anything else right now. I think I'm good. All right. Marlene. Actually, I don't think I watched anything at all.

Well, you couldn't hear it if you did. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You were having TV issues. Yeah.

My TV has no sound. It's brand new. Yeah, I fought with it, too. I don't understand what's going on. I think it just had damaged speakers or something.

Yeah, it sucks. It's okay. It's a brand new flat screen TV, but that's all right. I don't need sound. I like to read anyway.

Told you. Quotes, captions, you're all set. Yeah, no, I don't think I've watched anything really. Maybe some more TV shows like The British Office and The Inbetweeners. Catch up on your Ricky Givage.

Everybody hates him now. I love him. I love him. Why does everyone hate him now? Because you didn't watch The Golden Globes.

What'd he do? Talk shit about just about everybody. I liked his intro to Robert Downey Jr. I saw that later on TV. Because it was true.

I'm like, well. You would know I'm best from the Betty Ford Clinic or whatever drug clinic. See, what was funny is, and I was describing this yesterday, because everybody else was complaining. I was like, basically he said what everybody says. He just said it in front of them.

I'm like, everybody makes those jokes about Robert Downey Jr. Everybody makes jokes about F.J. Kutcher and Bruce Willis. And nobody has seen The Tourist. And nobody cares about The Tourist.

And I'm like, He just said everything that everybody at home was thinking. Just everybody else there was too busy kissing each other's ass to actually say. So I was like, don't hire the guy and then be mad for him doing what he does. I mean, I'm sure it was somewhat approved by whoever. No, I don't think so.

Because he then bad-mouthed the guy running the Golden Globes, which got him in trouble. So I don't think, yeah, they were prepared. But I'm like, well, that's your own fault. You shouldn't be stupid enough to expect him to softball it. Because you know what?

That's not how he operates. He's a jerk, and he doesn't care. I don't think I really cared about him until now, and now I love him. You might actually even like the British office. I know you hate the American office.

I hate British. In general. But he's kind of British. I know. Everyone's a raw one.

I'll break through. I hate, like, with the entire cast. Except for S Club 7. If the entire cast is British, it drives me nuts. Even on S Club 7, it wasn't, like, the one guy with the crocodile.

He wasn't British. So at least I had. Yeah, they went to Miami, so that screwed everything up. Yeah. But.

There's this scene in the British office that I love, and I just laugh about it, like, a week later still. Like, I'll just say it to myself, and I'll laugh about it for, like, five minutes. It's really weird. It's the weirdest, like, idiosyncrasy I've developed in the last month. There's this scene in the British office where they've hired, or they've brought someone else in to do a team-building exercise, and he's like, all right, we're going to role-play.

And David, which is, you know, Ricky, whatever his name is. The guy's like, okay, I'm going to play a hotel manager. And you're a customer of the hotel who wants to make a complaint. And he's like, he comes up, he's like, hi, I'd like to make a complaint. The hotel manager goes, don't care.

He's like, but this is the complaint desk. He's like, yep, don't care. And then he yells, there's been a rape upstairs. What? And the whole office just stops and it gets really quiet and it's awkward and I laughed so hard about that.

I don't know why. You're amused by odd things. And I think about that and I'll yell that to people. They don't understand what I'm talking about. No, they're ready to call the police.

Do people know what I'm talking about when I yell that randomly, like in a restaurant or wherever I am? But it's so funny to me, and I laugh about it for like five minutes. Wow. Which is really weird. Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. Only you. Yeah. Love that show. Yeah, that's all I've done.

That's... Watch TV, read books. I did get internet, so I will be catching up on movies again with Netflix and stuff like that. I don't even think anything really funny or weird happened to me. A Marlena moment?

Yeah, this is a down week. I mean, I'll think of it later, of course. Driving home. Yeah, but I mean, I can't think of any... God, this week has kind of been like an off week for me, I guess.

Nothing extremely weird. There was no black snake moan, no leg humping, no nothing. Well, some guy did rub his butt on me while I was dancing, but that's like. That's par for the course. Yeah, that's not even that big of a deal.

You know, but... It's just your regular Tuesday. It was Friday, but.... Yeah. Yeah, no, nothing.

All right. Well, that's good. We can wrap it up. We're trying to mix up these shows. We're doing some... that are just going to be news.

We're going to do some that are just going to go straight into the sofa theater discussion. So I think, you know, this week is going to be more of the movie-based one. So we'll actually take a break here, and we will be back with this week's sofa theater feature. We're taking the proof Cast means the end, they survive. Just back Harder to choose.

Where to feed the fire, die, sink or swim Which one shall I choose? Yeah Stupid string, get paid By the hour, three-fifty He can't figure out. What's wrong This little boy, and this little girl, and mother and father too, they all have an urge and oh. What a urge for something to watch and chew, to chew. Now he's not just swell and there strings a bell, the popcorn is crispy and.

Hot, baby. If you've seen all. The other horror films, this is for you. More horror, more screams, and more fright than your wildest nightmares in Frankenstein's Bloody Terror, an all-new super-shocker filmed in Chillorama 70mm and gory color. Now meet the Wolf Monster, a slashing, inhuman creature.

Who prowls by night for new victims. It's terror beyond your most fearsome imagination as vampires using the powers of witchcraft summon the hideous Wolf Monster. Don't miss Frankenstein's Bloody Terror. It's a super shock spectacle of hideous horror in Chillerama 70 and gaudy color. Rated GP.

Well, I love the movies. Welcome to the biggest movie event of the year here. We're going to have a great night, ladies and gentlemen. And the Oscar goes to... And the Oscar goes to.

Nick Ledger. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. It's time for the third annual Movie Meltdown Oscar Mayer Party. With all the blitz, glamour, poor products, and vicious commentary you've come to know and love.

The Academy Awards will never be the same. Bacon tastes good. Paw chops taste good. Coming soon to this feed. Don't miss it.

Oscar Meltdown 3D. It's going to be artery clocking good. Hi, this is Larry Blamire, also known as Dr. Paul Armstrong, doing science for Movie Meltdown. It's time for Sofa Theater.

Over the course of the last three years, our lab has combined the DNA from a variety of species to create a completely new life form. And, as you know, Ginger has exceeded all expectations in her ability to produce medicinal proteins for livestock. What you don't know is that since the birth of Fred, we have an upgraded splicing technique which can be applied to the most sophisticated of organisms. Namely... Human beings.

Hold on, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves now. By incorporating human DNA into the hybrid template, we can begin to address any number of genetically influenced diseases. Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, diabetes, even some forms of cancer. Well, I can't tell you how excited we are. The entire board is thrilled with the progress you've made.

Which is why we are so anxious to move on to phase two. Phase two? The product stage. We need to isolate the gene in Ginger and Fred that produces your magic protein. We are shutting down the splicing facilities, retooling your labs for intensive chemical analysis.

Shutting down? I don't understand. We're handing you the medical breakthrough of the century. We could begin to. Elsa, we all know that can't happen right now.

The moral outrage would be completely out of control. Regulators and politicians, they'd tear us to pieces. Please. If we don't use human DNA now, Someone else will. Okay, we wrote this for a purpose to motivate you at this time.

With this hypnotizing bass line, please feel free to lose your mind. Can't get high, get money, get sex, get real. All in the twine. Oh yeah, this is stadium music. 50,000 at a time.

Let's get right, let's get right, let's get right, okay, okay. Let's get right, let's get right, let's get right, okay, okay. All the girls want happy fun. All right, we are back with Movie Meltdown Sofa Theater. This week's Sofa Theater feature is Splice.

The year is 2009. Director Vincenzo Natalia. They plot, according to IMDb, two young rebellious scientists are told by their employers to halt groundbreaking work that is seeing them produce new creatures with medical benefits by splicing together multiple organisms' DNA. They decide to secretly continue their work, but this time splicing in human DNA. Dun dun dun!

And with that, spoiler alert, because there's all kinds of crazy things going on in this movie, and we're going to divulge them all. So, you've been warned. With that, where would you like to begin? Sarah Pauly's a bitch. That's all I got on her.

Five more beds, who's the gum ratio? You guys can say what you want. I will go on record right now, and I've said it before. I have a weird soft spot for Sarah Pauly. I don't even fully understand it.

She's just. She was all right up until this point. She just looked homely as hell in this movie. I feel that way about Adrian Brody, so it's okay. See, that's what I was thinking.

They're actually a pretty good pair, because they actually do seem like they would match up in the real world. They both kind of work on that level. They're not unconventionally attractive, but they kind of are in their own weird way. You're actually kind of ugly, but for some strange reason, I still want you. I think Sarah's cute.

I thought she was cute before this, but then something about this is just... Maybe it was just bad lighting or something. I think it was bad lighting. Bad makeup or something. No makeup at all.

She's a science nerd. What do you want? Something. Seriously. Holy Christ.

Well, first off, I'll have to say this movie was horribly mismarketed. If you ever saw the trailer, because I saw it at the front of something like last year, well before it came out, and I was just like, oh, this looks bad. And it just looked like a bad ripoff. Like, it very much looked like a species ripoff, I think is what I called it. I think we watched it at the beginning of something, and I was like, yeah, they already had this movie, it was called Species.

And that's, like, their big mistake, because I think this is way different and kind of a lot smarter. I mean, Species just becomes a big goofy action movie. It still shares a little bit there in the basic setup, but... I think by the end, it's just them running around shooting at her, and it's Michael Madsen delivering his wonderful lines. So, I mean, it becomes a goofy action movie more than anything at the end of that, where this, I think, enters into a lot of different territory that that one doesn't even begin to cross.

So, I don't know, I think that was their mistake right off the bat, and again, that's usually not the filmmakers doing, that's the studio gets a hold of it and sends their editors in there, and they... on one hand I understand why they're really trying to sensationalize it they're really trying to play up the horror angle which is how they sold it it comes off like it's a creepy monster movie and it's like not really I mean there's a little of that that comes into play but I don't know I think they were probably just trying to pull in that market but it's once again with all of these like mismarketing trailers it's like you're gonna pull them in there for that and then they're just gonna be mad because they didn't get what they expected going in we've had that many times lately so I don't know.

I think this was one of those cases where they just really marketed it wrong, and it's a very different movie than how they presented it. I'm not really sure what to think about this movie yet. I haven't digested it enough. Still processing. The only thing I can think of is...

The only word I can use to describe this movie is absurd. I'll give you... It crosses some lines into absurdity and bad taste on occasion, but... Absurd. It's definitely... totally plays on the old-school mad scientist storyline.

I mean, it's exactly that, only mixed with modern science. It's taking that exact Frankenstein story and then adding DNA splicing into the middle of it, which is kind of cool, actually. I mean, that is taking that same story that we saw for years and just adding a whole new weird scientific spin on it. So much so, and I thought at first, I was like, well, maybe it was just sort of a minor thing they were going for. I don't think I realized until after the fact.

Did you realize the names of the characters? They're Clive and Elsa, who are the two actors that played the Doctor and the Bride in The Bride of Frankenstein. It's not subtle at all. It was very heavily influenced and meant to be a big homage to old school science horror movies. So I think it makes it okay then that they go in, you know, sort of knowing that and playing on those tropes.

I was aggravated at how it just suddenly changed. It's like, he goes from hating Dren, wanting to kill her, and her defending, and then all of a sudden, just like that, it's completely switched, and the next thing you know, he's naked with her. It was just too sudden. It seemed like there was no real in-between. There wasn't any kind of...

The changing of his mind. There kind of was. Well, that's what I thought was. Not really. Not as drastic as it was.

Not that drastically, maybe. But I think that was what was kind of cool. And that's what I kind of like about their relationship or being the main two characters in this is like they constantly change. It is almost like parenting. And this is such a weird thing because it's mixing weird DNA testing with parenting is what it becomes as it goes along.

So in those stages in the middle there, they really do start to behave like parents. And they do almost have to switch off. It's like she totally gets sucked in and has this maternal instinct kicked in and she becomes very mothering and wants to take care of it. And then it's like. Suddenly it's gone.

It's just like an instant. There's no in-between. There's only one scene. The thing became a teenager. Yeah, and she switched places.

Then she became the bad cop in the scenario. Then she had to be the one with the strong hand and she had to yell at her and she had to do that. And then he became the good parent and he was just like, no, it's okay, don't, you know, he was always there kind of defending her once she hit that teenage stage, and he's like, don't yell at her. It was just too sudden. There was no transition for me.

She grows up in a couple months. There's not a whole lot of time for this. No, I mean, for them, for their transition, there should have been more, I don't know, it just seemed like the roles just reversed too quickly for me. It's like there was no in-between, and that's what, I'm like, that's not realistic. There's got to be some in-between where you, think about things or something, not just constantly, like, or just instantly, oh.

Well, it's okay, you know? And that's from I'm going to kill it to, aw, let's not kill it. But then she got pretty, like, before it was a creepy looking little kid. With a little split head and a hair lip. Like, but that part, I mean, that part is really creepy.

Like, that first, when it's just, like, the weird little creature hopping around, at that point it does. I mean, it starts playing on all these other movies. You do see a whole lot of Alien in that first scene when they're playing with the, creature running around the room so I'm at that point thinking it's going down that road but by the time the creature comes out in a little powder blue dress I'm like okay this is entering into weird creepy territory here and and stuff you haven't really seen before because they they didn't have you know attached themselves to it and that's when the point where it's not like a science experiment anymore where it becomes parenting and they have to start applying like parenting strategies and rules to it.

I mean, the times when she's trying to discipline her. No, she can't get away with that. You don't do that with a science experiment. You do that with a child. I think that's what's kind of cool.

That's the only reason I never want to have kids. Well, this isn't really an advertisement for parenting. This makes you see a lot of the downsides of having an offspring, even if it's genetically DNA enhanced. Don't you hate when that happens? Sprout wings and this morning i was all four babies being decanted this made me change my mind.

But it i don't i think that's the part that's kind of cool is that middle section there where it actually it becomes more about their characters and you do watch her kind of dealing with that where she goes from this this like modernized woman who's like all about her science nerd career and wants nothing to do with having a baby and having to carry it around and all the bullshit that comes with The interrupting their lives portion of it that I think a lot of women go through at that point. And all it takes is being exposed to her, and the maternal thing kicks in. And that's kind of cool that it starts to explore that. Again, it never really gives it a chance to go fully on any of these little avenues, but I think it enters into a lot of really interesting territory.

Dren, you must never, ever run off on me like that again. Do you understand? What? Do you understand? Dren, look at me.

That was bad. Bad Dren! I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm not angry at you. I was just...

I was really worried. But then that maternal instinct just kind of dies. She's like ready to cut off parts of it, you know? Kind of. I think then they enter into this other weird area, which is then you enter into her backstory and her mother.

I never really. They. Brought it up, they didn't elaborate on it, which was really fucking annoying. It's pretty minor. I mean, they mention it here and there, but I think that's where they sort of play it in, is you start to see...

I mean, what happens with most dysfunctional families, it's like you either do a 180 and you become completely against everything, you become, you know, you're so working to not be like them... or you become exactly like your parent, you become, you fall into whatever horrible behaviors, and there's many different roads that goes down too, but a good portion of them turn around and become what was so horrible to them growing up, you become your parent, and she kind of starts skating that line of being a little too hard on the kid, and almost abusive in certain situations, granted, the kid's like killing the family pet, but still, it's like she's crossing that line. And I think it's another thing.

They kind of work in there that's sort of interesting. She shouldn't have took the damn cat from her in the first place. That's what she did. She really shouldn't. That's the part I agree with you she was kind of mean.

Because, I mean, she'd already had it. If she was going to get sick, odds are she would have already gotten sick. And you guys brought it up while we were watching it. She's going to die soon anyway. For God's sakes, let her have a cat.

So, I'll give you that one. You're in a barn. You won't let her out. God. I mean, like, you're keeping her in a dirty fucking barn.

Like, honestly, is a cat going to have more germs than the barn? Crazy feline germs. That, like, they're, like, letting her swim in? Like. slats and boards there's no it can't be like rains. In there that's what i was thinking i was like it's winter they're wearing huge coats she's running around in a cotton dress for god's sakes and nothing else i'm like i hope you like spliced in some like seal dna so her skin's like resilient against this weather she ain't got no shoes later she's not even wearing underwear as we see so like she all she's got is that damn little dress i'm like she's freezing for god's sakes give her a coat it'd.

Be uncomfortable to wear underpants you have to have a tail hole. You can do that. I've seen dogs with underwear. I mean, I feel like they were trying to make the place seem all like it was a home or something for her. Why didn't they just let her in the home?

I know. I know. They were like, someone could see her, but they can't. I don't know what it was. Yeah, I know.

I'm like. I thought that was weird, too. Put curtains on the fucking window. Like, it's like 20 feet away. What difference does it make from that?

Their only other excuse was she needed a place to swim. I'm like, well, she could walk outside. Put her in the damn bathroom. It was like... She can go out and swim.

That's how people with pools operate. They don't have to put it in the house. I mean, shit. So, yeah, that was weird little logicals. But, again, I think they were just trying to get to the point that they needed to be.

And I guess she needed to be in the barn because she starts to go kind of crazy later. But, again, some of that is. She went crazy because they drove her that way. Yeah. Again, a lot of that is isolation.

It's like she had no way to... interact with anyone which is kind of why she starts and again that's what i think is kind of interesting in this is it becomes parenting then it just becomes like a social experiment you know it's like the reason that she then like she hits puberty and she starts going through especially her because she's so animalistic she starts going through these hormonal changes and basically at that point you have to find someone to mate with the only man she's ever been around her entire life is kind of like her father so it enters into a really creepy situation there And I think that's the weird social experiment part of it. If you take a child and never let them interact with anyone else, it's like when they get to that point, that's all they have to work with.

It's like they're going to start attaching themselves to the only other person that you respond to sexually, which is creepy. So don't do that. Don't lock your child away, for God's sake. Yeah, I know people that are like that. Yeah.

No naming of names, I suppose. I thought it was a father figure, but in general. Old dudes? Yeah, old dudes. Okay, wait, now I know who you're talking about.

Oops. Sorry about that. But, again, in the real world, that stuff happens. At least she doesn't have a tail. They had that removed.

She was born with a creepy tail. We know it. It's in a jar somewhere. Oh, God. But, again, I mean, that shows there is, like, a lot of this is, like, stuff that ties into reality.

I mean, as far-fetched and ridiculous as a lot of these ideas are that are floating around here, there's a lot of stuff rooted in the basics of, like, human interaction and, like, the relationship between the couple and the relationship between parents and a child. And I think that's the stuff that I found really kind of interesting about the whole thing is that stuff. And you enter into the weird little... like mental stuff like the doll i think the doll was like a really cool touch that that she you know her abusive mother wouldn't even let her have a doll so she had to hide this doll away and that was her perfect little you know doll that she took care of and then this creature becomes the exact same thing nobody can find out about it so she's hiding this life form away and it's her perfect daughter kind of sort of whatever you want to call it at that point but she at.

Least seemed to have love for the doll i mean she turned around screwed over her daughter if. You put it Again, she hit that weird dividing line. It's like she was nice and then she just kind of became a stern mother and then she hit that point where... Once she's got her strapped down to the table, she's scary. Like, it really does seem like...

I mean, she strips her down and starts cutting pieces off of her. Yeah, she was like... The whole stripping her down was totally unnecessary because she cut off her tail. Yeah, but I think as she was saying... I think as she's narrating off her research, I think she was saying she needed to remove the human...

The things that were humanizing her because she's animalistic and she can't be trusted. And all we're doing is perpetuating this notion that she's a human... when really she's dangerous, and she, I think, yeah, once again, you guys kind of made her that way, but I think that was her reasoning for taking those extreme steps, she took the necklace off of her, she took the clothes off of her, because she didn't want her to be a person, or to treat her like a person, when she's really this dangerous creature, which is your own fault, you started, you know, you started naming her, and giving her clothes from day one, so, I mean, he was the one that wanted to keep it as an experiment and, you know, keep her in the lab and keep, you know, everything very cut and dry.

And she started blurring those lines and then realized you can't do that because she is a dangerous creature. Oh, that makes sense. I don't think I was paying attention. I feel sorry for Dren. I mean, they totally fucked her over.

Yeah, I mean, it plays both sides, especially the third act. I guess we can get to that later. But, I mean, all the way up through the rest of it, you do, especially the teenage years, I mean, She is going through a lot of stuff, and you do start to, you know, sort of sympathize with her, and you're seeing them as, like, the mean parents, especially Sarah Polly. Took her damn cat away. She took her cat away.

She's just kind of yelling at her everything she does, which it is one of those, though, it is, you start to see her point. Like, I'm looking at it from her perspective, and she is being that stern parent and doing, you know, sometimes there are times when I feel like, as a parent, you see, you need to tell them, you know what, you don't get to do everything you want. That's growing up. That's life. And if you let kids get away with everything, your kids run all over you and they become horrible people.

So, I mean, there is a point where you do have to do that. Sometimes you have to give them something. Yeah, I mean, she had a pretty rough life, so I think the cat was a mean call there. She didn't need to divide it there. Which is why I understand why, when she finally gave the cat, when she gave the cat back to her, I understand why she did what she did.

Again, spoiler alert, we've already spoiled a hell of a lot of stuff going on, but. It's like, you're going to take my cat, but now that you decide it's okay. No, I want your fucking cat now. It's free. And it was, I mean, she really, that's the ultimate of her rebellious teenager stage where she's like, you know what?

Fuck you. You know, it really is that I'm going to act out violently at this point because, you know, and I'll show you, you know, she takes that very, again, that very bratty teenage version that, you know, we were talking about last time out that you get to that point of defiance, if nothing else, that because I can at this point, So I don't know, I think that's all kind of well done at this stage. They kind of handle all that. Pretty smart, the way that they piece that stuff together. I like how easy it is to apparently pick locks in these high-tech security offices.

He was a scientist. But still, yeah. What? He like jammed tweezers in there and the door popped right open. I'm like, really?

Is that all it takes? I grab my tweezers. I'm going down to the science place. Do we have a science place? I like that you refer to it as a science place, too.

It says that real big on the side. Science place. We're all the learnings. Nerds welcome. Don't let me in.

I'm a nerd. I'm not really a nerd. You're a geek. I'm a geek. It's a difference.

I don't have any glasses with tape on them or anything. I don't have any pocket protectors. Oh, man. I guess we can at least get up to the point where she then sort of crosses the line with Dad. I mean, he set it up, but he's so blind by it all.

Like, he's still, up until that point, kind of looking at her like a kid. And he's dancing around with her. But it's all still kind of parental at that point. He doesn't see it that way. You can see her already kind of having this crush on him.

And she's been drawing him and all this other stuff. So you see her starting to develop these weird feelings towards him because he's the only man in her life. But yeah, then we enter the scene in the barn where she definitely takes it to the next level. So here's the part I have to say. I didn't see that coming.

I knew she was going to attempt that. I didn't see him following through with it. That caught me off guard. I was like, whoa, whoa, okay. Wow, he's going there.

All right. I did not see that coming. I knew she was going to make the move at some point, and he initially kind of tries to fend her off, and that's what I expected him to do. For like five seconds? Yeah, I know.

I was like... No, this is wrong. Okay, now, come on now. Sarah probably does seem like a bitch, so I'm guessing she probably ain't putting out quite that much. They already mentioned.

I mean, it had been a long time since this experiment started, and... He'd had the moment right before that where he was looking at her on the camera, and I think that's the first time you see him start to see her as this sexual creature. Like, all of a sudden, she's basically like a teenage girl, and she's hot for a second. And that's why he kind of freaks out with the computer there, because I think that's the first time it ever really occurred to him. And then she follows it up with putting the moves on him, so it's kind of a weird moment there anyway, but...

Yeah, I kind of, his character all the way up to that point, I expected him to be the nice guy all the way through and be like, no, no, this is wrong. We can't do this. He doesn't. Within five seconds, he changes and he's... That's a dude.

What do you want? I guess. I kind of thought that he'd resist and she'd kill. Him right then and there yeah I mean that almost fit that that's the part that's really out of character for him is that he seems like number one a good guy that wouldn't screw around on his girlfriend in the real world general sense and number two he's such a hardcore science nerd that's messing with your experiment in ways that I think he would be, you know, not up for. And then it's also like your kids.

And it's that level, too. So, I mean, there's so many levels where this is messed up. Yes. That seems out of character for him. Again, you know, I guess the heat of the moment, he decided to change his mind, but...

What if he realizes. That this is her only option, that maybe it's part of her development? I mean, maybe. I mean, she is going to be dead soon, according to their calculations, so maybe he's just like, you know, here's her chance. This is, you know, I am the only male in her life.

This is the only way for her to get to this point. Again, that's creepy. I'm sorry. Yeah. She does have parts of his girlfriend and.

That was the other, I was thinking it was sort of a weird line there, where it's like he saw his girlfriend in her earlier in the movie, so it's like, it is almost still, in some way, like he's, you know, hooking up with her in a really creepy way. It's still like hooking up with her kid. It's still like hooking up with her kid more than anything, which is really creepy. And it becomes the Woody Allen story. Anyways.

He never knew her. He did too, she grew up with him. No, she grew, Mia Farrow and Woody Allen never lived together. Mia Farrow and all her adopted children lived, like, on the opposite side of town. Whatever you say.

You just keep telling me. He was pretty much her dad. Don't get me wrong, because I've seen them together, and they actually are a more well-adjusted couple than I would have ever expected. But when I think about the story, I still think it's creepy. Yeah, a little creepy, but I'm just saying, like, they didn't live in the same house or anything.

I still think he was dead. Anyway. He had, like, Morgan Freeman and his granddaughter. Oh, that's fine. What?

That's totally fine. Morgan Freeman's with his granddaughter? Step-granddaughter, but he's known her since she was like, what, seven? Born. That's gross.

That one's gross. Sure, that one's gross. How's that one more gross? I don't know. I don't know.

They're all creepy. How about that? I don't know. I'm not going to ever date anyone who's in my family, whether by association or marriage or what. Ever again.

I was like, have. I ever dated anyone in my family before? I like that Jen just stopped and think for a second. Wait a minute. Because I date so frequently.

I just had to stop and think. Don't. Don't. I don't even quite know what happened. I was barely.

I don't even know who you are anymore. You've become something sick. Forget about what it means to me. There are some things you do not do. We changed the rules.

You're not talking your way out of this. We.... Crossed a line. Things got confused. Confused about what?

Right and wrong. So, number one, I didn't expect it to cross that line as a story. Definitely not him as a character. But then we enter into what... I think it's almost the most impressive scene in there when he comes back to talk to her at the apartment and it enters on it.

You hit all of those levels where he comes in and he starts playing it and he's almost playing it like this. You just busted me cheating on you scene. And I'm like, okay, we've seen that in a lot of movies. So I'm like, he's playing that really well as that kind of scene. I mean, his performance as he comes in and not even knowing how to talk to her and starting to try to make excuses.

And like, that was like, perfect in like any other normal movie and then all of a sudden it hits me okay you just fucked a genetic experiment for one number two it's kind of like your kid there's so many levels this is messed up how do you address any of these issues And the more important part, the more impressive part, is, like, they turn around and they kind of do. Like, it switches gears midway through, and it becomes... It turns away from that, I caught you cheating with our child genetic experiment, and it becomes this bigger question of this morality thing where, right and wrong, and what have we done, and what did we even set out to do, and how bastardized has all of this become since we started this experiment we weren't even supposed to be doing to begin with?

I. I gotta stop there. I like his excuse. He's like, oh, oh, what's right and wrong has been blurred. I just don't know what's right and wrong anymore.

I'm like, well played, Romeo. At that point, I was hoping, I was hoping he wasn't talking about the screwing her part anymore. I was hoping it was like, let's go bigger here. Yeah. There's a lot more horrible things that have happened since we started this.

That was a pretty big umbrella that got. Him off the hook. Yeah. Again, don't get me wrong, it's still very creepy and massively wrong, and I She kind of. Was over it, though.

Yeah, but it was. It's like she really did kind of latch onto the bigger questions there, and I think that last half of their conversation is really smart and really well played and way more calm than I would give anybody credit for actually having in the real world, because they actually have a really smart conversation there and kind of come to terms with a lot of what has happened and almost what they need to do. It doesn't pan out like that, but they do sort of realize how wrong it is and what It needs to be put to a stop one way or the other. They need to not continue the way that it's been going. So, I don't know.

I still think that whole scene is really impressive. Then it enters the third stage of the movie, if you will, which is a very different movie at that point. Well, so they kind of allude to what's going to happen. You kind of know what's going to happen. When they talk about the first one.

They talk about, was it Fred and Ginger? Yeah. When they bring that experiment out and the fun that commences then. That was a fun scene. We skipped that one.

Because it was so over the top and horrifying that I almost thought it was like a horrible nightmare sequence. Like I was waiting. It got so bad there. I was just like waiting for her to wake up and be like, oh God, this is what we've done. This is the road we're heading down with these horrible experiences.

No, it happened in the real world. Content was like bloody and nasty and like... There should. Not have been that much blood. I don't understand where all that blood came from.

Again, that was just sort of playing up the horror angle. Maybe they were. I like when the whole audience was, like, spattered in blood. That was awesome. Ridiculous.

Oh, so yeah, that was a fun little scene. A bloodstravaganza. Mm-hmm. I don't want to refer to that as a bloodstravaganza. I'm going to copyright that.

I'm going to take it. But. But I think even just the whole third part of the movie is like a different tone. Like that middle, the first part's just sort of, it's a lot more scientific. And as you brought up, kind of confusing.

Because even I realized at the beginning there where they're working at the computer and this big montage of. Like, Yeah, I was like, I have no idea what's going on. That's what I was thinking. That first time I watched it, I was just like, you guys know we don't understand what you're doing, right? You're doing science nerd stuff, so you could kind of wrap that up in maybe a 45-second montage.

Maybe they edited something important out of there, and they just didn't bother to tell the rest of it. Well, I was thinking it's almost like the extended montages in Iron Man when he's building shit. And I'm like... You know, we don't know what you're doing, crazy science guy. In the end, you're going to have a cool Iron Man suit, but these, like, you know, ten minutes of you welding shit and, like, working at the computer, eh, you can kind of narrow it down a little.

We don't need that much. Yeah, it was just confusing. I had no idea what was going on, and I don't like it when I don't know what's going on. I thought for a second maybe I just blocked out and just didn't know what happened. I mean, you've got to catch that one little line there, because in the beginning they're working on the Fred and Ginger story, and they're working on that experiment.

And then once they tell them they can't do that anymore, then they change gears. But it's just that one comment they make to each other, like, I'm not doing that anymore. And if you don't really pay attention to that, it's like the next ten minutes of montage, you know, working on stuff doesn't really make you like, what are they doing now? I have a bad habit. Of having, like, inner dialogues in my head.

I focus more on those than what's going on outside. I have no idea what actually happened in the movie. Sometimes I'll just... Elephants are stealing. That's true.

I yell at Jay a lot in my head sometimes. Poor Jay. We have entire arguments in my head sometimes that he has no clue about, and then I make him apologize for them later. Speaking of social experiments, we have one sitting right here with us. And usually he does.

Well, I mean, he knows it's just easier at that point. Or if I have dreams. Like, I had a dream that me and him had a fight and he was going to leave me. So I made him apologize. That's just a guy who understands relationships.

You have to give Jay credit. I love my boyfriend. He's the best boyfriend in the whole world. He puts up with my crazy shit. I second that.

You think he's. The best boyfriend ever? From my standpoint, yeah, he kind of is. I don't come in contact with many useful relationships, so you guys are number one in my book. We are pretty awesome.

The fact that you hold it together is pretty damn awesome. He's been pitting ahead a lot. And that's why he's okay with dealing with your craziness. We both got too much shit to have to move again. That's true.

As we went last week, looking at your toys and a similage of stuff. Yeah. I don't want to move if I were you either. That and my Corey picture is signed to Jay and Misty. Oh, God.

What were you thinking there? He made me. Feel bad because when I got to film... poster, I had it signed to just Misty. He gave me a bunch of crap about that. Bill Moseley signed, screw you, Jay, to Misty.

Oh, Lord. So back to the third stage here. So we enter the third part of the movie where it really takes a much more sensationalized tone. It is very much a monster movie at that point. Monster match.

Yeah. The dragon pulls a chastity bono. Yes, yes, she does. She changes her mind. That happens.

But a little bit less bloaty. Yeah, she's pretty stout. Oh, God. Oh, man. So, yeah, I...

I still like that. Again, I ended up liking the movie a lot more than... I really went in... Having seen that trailer the first time, expecting to think it was a rip-off and not like the story, and I was probably just going to watch it because I knew Sarah Polly was in it. Having watched it, I was like, I actually like the story.

I think it's a lot of fun. Again, you can't take a lot of it too seriously, but if you look at it, you can find serious things going on within it. I think what ends up saving it, and probably for most people, is... the sensationalization of it it it never really goes because you can take something as serious and science-based as what they're doing here and make it like an indie movie and make it super high you know very cerebral and have them sit around and talk about you know the theory of what they're doing all the time and it could get boring and they never cross that line it always reverts back to being a horror movie for a second you know anytime it goes down that road it changes gears and goes back to being a horror movie for a second.

And by the end of it, it definitely becomes a horror movie. And I think that's what it is. It leaves the science behind and becomes very Weekly World news. And it becomes, you know, Batboy is attacking people. I would have never classified it as a horror movie at any point.

I would have left it in the sci-fi category. Yeah, I mean, it definitely crosses a lot of lines. To me, it's almost a suspense movie. For a good portion of it. I would not call it a horror movie.

At least in what my classifications of horror movies are, I would never, I mean. It has moments that are. But, I mean, well, you know, sci-fi and horror cross over a lot. I mean, that's a very gray area in the middle there, where a lot of sci-fi has moments of horror, and a lot of horror works in weird stuff that's probably science fiction. I mean, that's what Frankenstein was from the get-go.

I mean, it's technically the first science fiction story, even though it's really a horror. I mean, it's... blurring that line from day one. It's like it always was sort of a weird crossover between horror and science fiction. So this is definitely one of those, but it also, I mean, I think it's got a lot of scenes that just play like a creepy suspense movie. And I was noticing how much the music makes that.

I think the music is done really well in this, and I think so much of it is because of that. Like, I think if you took out the music track, this would be a very different movie. Like, it would be a very different tone. I think everything about it that's creepy and suspenseful, a lot of it is the music. It always kicks in at the right moment.

It always is working the right build-up to the scene. It always works in the little cheapy ploys of the jump scare kind of moment, even when it's not totally a jump scare. Just when it knows that you're expecting that, it kind of works in the little sharp movements in the music. I think that is definitely what kind of steps it up a notch as far as being and almost being a horror movie is I think the music really heavily kind of works that angle and makes it more of that type of movie. I like at the end she was basically just a gargoyle.

Or he. Technically at that point he. He was basically a big stinking gargoyle. I hate gargoyles. Kind of.

Why do you hate gargoyles? Well, didn't you see Hunchback? I mean, they're just fun creatures and you can have adventures. Dren's up there. Probably.

And it can. It's going to impregnate you. No matter which gender you are, Dren can take care of you. That just seemed, that seemed really disturbing to me. Yeah, that was the other thing.

I mean, I, I, once again, once, once he came up out of the water and gave her that look, I was like, oh shit, that's your ass. I was like, he's coming after you. And I know what he wants to, once again, it, it very kind of realistically plays on that animalistic instinct of, okay, I've hit that point. I'm in heat. I'm going to mate with something.

You're here. You know, it's like. A lot of animal sex is like that. None of it is ever really. A lot of human sex is like that.

What are you talking about? Not well-adjusted human sex. Humans have that level of where they can actually go into it knowingly. Animals. Most of it, it seems like, is very non-consensual.

And that's kind of scary when you think about it. Just a lot about an animal. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it enters into that. So, I mean, I don't know how you could have it any other way.

But once again, I assumed he was going to go for that and maybe Adrian would come up and save her. No, it crosses that line. Like, very quickly, I'm like, oh, okay. Let's see, what did you refer to it as? Mutant rape?

I was like, ah, no, mutant rape. Stop, please. Stop. You're raping me with your mutant tail. I don't think he was using the tail.

Anyway, he just disrobed her with the tail, which that's kind of handy, I guess. I'm like, that's kind of nice of him. I don't want to get into the main spoiler. I wonder if she, like, because you know she hesitated for a really long time before she smashed his head in. She waited long enough for him to kill Adrian Brody's character.

I wonder if that's kind of on purpose. I wonder if she was still kind of pissed. I think she was even at that point. Yeah, they both had sex with the same creature. She wasn't, like, fighting it when he was, like, mutant raping her.

She was just like, oh, oh. She made weird facial features. She started to look like one of the vampires from Buffy for a while. She looked like Drew's, uh, what was her name? What was Joey Benz's?

Darla? She's like Darla a couple times. I saw a girl that actually looks like that on the internet. I saw a picture, I swear, she had the brow going. I was like, oh my god, I think she's a vampire.

There's this girl at work who has the lip that reminds me of the episode of The Twilight Zone where they're in the eye of the beholder. I just saw that one. During the wrestling weekend, I sent my email, by the way. So everybody else join in. I don't know.

Side note. I have a whole area where the girl's face is wrapped up the whole time. And everyone's like pigs. They're kind of pig looking, yeah. But they have these big lips that are kind of like that.

Actually, she's more like the character from the masks episode. Her lip is just big. I think I know what girl you're... I think I know her. You know people with EPS?

No, I mean, I think I know what girl you're talking about. In real life? In real life. Don't tell her I said that thing. I won't.

If it's who I'm thinking of, she like... Went to school with me and I was just like. What is wrong with her? First I thought she just had a bad collagen injection or something, but then it stayed that way for like a year. And it's still that way.

I shouldn't say that. I don't know. She could be a nice person. A mean person. Where were we?

Let Adrian die on purpose. I think. To me, and again, this is all how you read it, there's a lot of ways that you can take a lot of what's going on in this movie. I saw it more as that second of this is my child. I mean, there's still that, this is this thing that I created, and I have to kill it now, and there was that moment of hesitation of, do I.

She was ready to cut it up earlier, go ahead and cut it up now, smash its head in, it done raped your ass, come on. At that point, you would think she would have a little more, a little more reason to want to take it out, but. Unless she liked it. I don't think. She did like it, though, because she was all like, she didn't put up a fight, I'm sorry, she did not put up a fight.

I'm glad it's you two saying this, because I think it's creepy. Anyway. I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying. Bitch didn't put up a fight.

And I mean, like. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, God. I'm just joking.

I'm not advocating rape. Yeah, we here at Movie Meltdown do not go along... Or I personally do not condone any of the thoughts of the other cast members here. I had no idea. Just because they didn't say no doesn't mean it's okay.

God, I'm... You all are going to turn us around. I'm going to get paid now. I don't care. Whatever.

Once again, I'm just glad you guys said that. It's a pretty red bird. I'm just trying to change the subject. But there really is a pretty red bird outside. So, anyway.

I don't know. I don't want to get hate mail about this. I'm just joking. I know everybody's going to take it serious. I know.

It's not a serious matter. Rape is not a laughing matter. Well, that's why I was creeped out by it. Like, it really is. Like, it's a weird rape scene.

And then on top of that, you've got the fact that it's kind of like her kid doing it. And it's a mutant. And it's sort of her doing it. I mean, what happens when your own DNA mixes with you? I mean, it's like...

Are you going to cause the universe to collapse upon itself? Like dividing by zero? I think so. I think it makes the E on the calculator. The universe is going to shut down when you have sex with yourself.

I'm sorry. I don't know. So, yeah. I mean, the whole thing is a weird, creepy territory there that enters into a lot of weird questions. If we want to jump to the final scene, you guys both called it.

I think I just turned my brain off and tried not to think too far ahead on the plot, so I really didn't see it coming. Oh, I totally did. When she backed up from the table, I was like, oh, okay, we've gone to a whole new level of creepy. No, not me. As soon as he raped her, I'm like, oh, she's pregnant right now.

Before that even happened, I knew she was gonna the movie was gonna end with her being pregnant like like from the very beginning when he was like talking to her about having kids and then they were she and uh her boyfriend were like doing it on the couch and she's like what's the worst thing that. Could happen well let me tell you. Yeah at first i kind of thought that he was gonna get dren pregnant and she's going to have little alien babies. I thought that too. When we were going back into the building looking for her after they talked, I thought, oh, God, it's going to be like a whole little herd of little alien babies.

I thought when she was sick, when they laid her down, I thought, is she pregnant? And she's about ready to have a litter of some sort. So, yeah, I kind of had that thought at least the first time around. But, yeah, I didn't really think that far ahead once they were– I think I was still in shock over the mutant rape. I was just like– it was creeped out by it.

I didn't think that far ahead. Rape is never okay, even by mutants. Especially by mutants. What makes it better if it's a regular person? I don't think it makes it better at all.

I don't think there's any better. It's like tails. Some do. They have nubs. Some people have tails.

I've seen pictures on the internet. They do. I know somebody who claims that they had one and had it removed. Who? I don't believe it.

Who? He's a liar, if ever. And I tell him that all the time. Was it Patrick? No, but he probably would, actually.

Patrick would have kept it. He would have kept it. Oh, let's see. So, I don't know. It's a weird wrap-up.

It's definitely very... That's what I'm saying. The whole end is like Weekly World News. It's just like Batboy attacks family. I'm having.

Batboy breaks family. I'm having Batboy's child. I mean, it really is... It becomes very silly and over the top, but at the same time fun. Like, again, I enjoyed it.

I know it's ridiculous, but I still enjoyed it. The end where her boss lady puts her arm on her shoulders and it goes dark and they're staring out the window. And you hear the. I'm like, I feel like that's supposed to mean something, but it really doesn't. It's just like really.

I just thought. Like this hard-hitting scene where you're like, oh, damn. But I mean, it's really... It doesn't have any meaning. Well, the boss I thought was just creepy.

Well, it just didn't... Again, it didn't fit her character. It's like she'd been cold the entire rest of the movie. She could have cared less about the two of them, period. Yeah.

So now, just because the money is tied up in her stomach that she's going to become like a mother? Like all of a sudden, she's got this maternal thing and she's standing there like, I'll see you through it, honey, don't worry. You don't have to go through with this. Yeah, all of a sudden she seemed like she cared. I'm like, when did, like, we've only seen her a few scenes, but she's a horrible person in every one of those.

So why all of a sudden? Most people in this movie are horrible people. Kind of, yeah. I mean, even his brother sells him out. Like, I mean, we don't really have anybody that's like, you know, Dren's the only good character we have, and even she becomes pretty evil.

Because they made her that way. Because, yeah, she's the only one you kind of like as it goes on, so. And even then she becomes a horrible mutant rapist. So you can't like anybody in this movie. But somehow I still ended up liking the whole experience.

Does that make you. A horrible person? Probably. Because almost everyone died. Yeah, I think I realized I was a horrible person a long time ago.

Was there going to be a sequel? I was thinking that when you guys were like, now what, she's going to have the baby bust out of her stomach. I was like, that's in the sequel. Once it's... fights its way out of it and they probably they don't have to worry about being able to afford to get sara polly to come back to the straight to dvd sequel because they can just have her die in childbirth as it busts out of her and then the whole rest of it can be a bad straight to dvd sequel. I mean how much would you have to pay sara polly anyway i don't.

Know if i can raise it i'll have her come over and like hang out in the kitchen no. I'm just saying i mean it's not like She's an A-list or anything. But this is still theatrical. I mean, how often are they able to get back the same full cast? Granted, they killed off most of them in this one, but usually you get a bad straight-to-DVD replacement.

Rose McGowan? Ah, slam. Take that, Rose McGowan. I don't even know why I said Rose McGowan. I was thinking Devil in the Flesh, but she was in the original Devil in the Flesh.

Who was in the second one? I don't know. I was trying to think what the straight-to-DVD casting would be on the sequel. I'm like, so the sequel would be Jenny Garth. That's who they could get to.

That's like the next step down in the straight-to-DVD casting on your price point. She's recognizable. She's got a name. We can slap it on the box. No, that wouldn't work.

I don't want to see the sequel. That's all I have to say. And again, not if they don't get the same director back, because I do want to give him credit. He is Vincenzo Natalia, and he's actually the guy who did Cube. That's his most well-regarded.

Everybody kind of liked that. That was another really smart way to make an independent film and make good use of the fact that you don't have a whole lot of money. So he's kind of smart in the way that he directs, and I think... Here, I think he does a really good job. I think everything visually, again, almost in the first half, it's almost more creative.

It's like he does a lot of really cool shots, like a lot of the stark white hallways in the science center there. It's like that stuff's all pretty cool and has a really good visual look to it. He does that weird sweeping, like almost 360 shot of her around the tank at the beginning. That's really cool. I really like that one.

So There's the weird POV shot of the creature from the very beginning, the little mutant thing coming out. That's all done kind of cool. So I think he's very creative in the way he shoots stuff. So I definitely want to see where he ends up going after this. He's made a lot of stuff, a lot of which hasn't made it over here.

He's actually born in Detroit, but everybody assumes that he's Canadian. He still works a lot out of Canada. So I think a lot of stuff he's made hasn't even made it to the United States. So I kind of want to see If he gets picked up and where he ends up going once he gets bigger projects. Any thoughts on direction?

Nope. No. Nice. Performances? I thought they both did a really good job.

No. They were alright. I just had a problem with her face. Well, again, that's not acting. That's genetics.

I don't know. She just... I don't know. They just didn't seem believable as a couple to me as far as their interactions. Yeah, they didn't have any... chemistry as far as, like, a couple goes.

They were also both dorks, so... Yeah, but. They are dorks, but we, you know. We're a different level of dorks. I mean, like, until, like, she was sitting on his lap, I was like, oh, so I guess.

They're a couple? Yeah, they didn't... That's another thing in the beginning they didn't really make use of. They didn't insert enough in there, because, yeah, up until that point, once they've already, like, gone through... I mean, the first 15 minutes or so, I was like, so did they just work.

Together, and Have a brother and sister. Yeah, they really, well, it's the same thing with the brother. I didn't realize he was the brother until he was already in there. He goes, oh, I gotta go talk to my brother. I was like, oh, that's, I think at one point he calls him like bro or something, but I was just like, that's not enough, really.

You're gonna have to, you know, some of these things. They had similar stupid haircuts. Yeah, almost too similar. Like, who wants to look that much like their sibling? Nobody does, so it's, yeah, it was just a weird, there's a few things that just in the writing, I think they could have made a little more clear, or maybe editing, but There's a few things in the beginning that should have been tightened up a little, probably.

But, I don't know. In the end, I still thought it was pretty fun. And she was a scientist. Why couldn't she have had a better car? Yeah, I'm like.

Was that a Gremlin? What was that? Yeah, they worked in some fucking shanky. A Pinto? It looked kind of like the Mirth Moby.

I mean, they worked in some janky fucking science lab. I mean, it had the most high-tech equipment, but they lived in a fucking studio apartment and drove a shitty car. They clearly were not working for the right company. Maybe they were just trying to be cool. It was their whole, like, you know, trendy attitude.

You can still be trendy and have a lot of money. Well, they were looking, I mean, that apartment they were looking at looked super high-end, so. What apartment they were looking at? Well, she was showing them on the website or something. Oh, I don't even remember that scene at all.

That's because you weren't paying attention. I guess. Or you have an inner dialogue, too. Were you working with somebody? But that one looked like, I mean, that one looked like a really high-end place.

I assumed that they were just, like, I don't know, lazy? I mean, like they said, they'd been there for seven years, and he didn't want to move, so I don't know, maybe they were just stockpiling cash. I don't know why they wouldn't have bought a better. Car, though. She wouldn't have spent it on makeup, I'll tell you that right now.

Or clothes. No, they were all spending it on those super fancy, like, $ 20 a pop t-shirts. That's what they were buying. They all had, like, trendy t-shirts. Every time you saw, especially Adrian, every time you saw him, he had some crazy, trendy, cool, bought-it-at-the-mall t-shirts.

So it was funny how much they tried to make them, like, trendy like you didn't want them to be these guys are let's. See how did they report you they're not your average scientist they're rebellious scientists. Yeah so i think that was kind of funny like very orchestrated everything about them was very you know look they've got all these super high-end japanese toys in their apartment they're cool so i mean one of those toys they had you did you're one of those cool trendy people look at you I. Guess he just did not pay that much attention to this movie. I don't know.

I think even the cool artwork, you know, which was cool, I'll give them, but everything about it was like, these aren't your typical scientists. You know, they were trying very hard to make them cool, and, you know. It's hard to make. Adrian Murray and Sarah Pauly cool. Neither of them have ever been, like, the cool kids.

They've always been sort of on the outside. They were always the dorks in the class, so. I guess this is their chance to be like, no, now we're scientists and we're cool, which she isn't really. Even they were nerds, though. It said so right on the building.

All right, so to wrap up, do you think there's any sort of message? Don't have sex with creeps. Don't genetically engineer children. In a lab for yourself. I mean, was it trying to...

Because there's very... That's what leads to this situation. If they just would have let them do these science experiments, they wouldn't be under wraps. They wouldn't have been screwing things up. So there definitely is a very political agenda to DNA testing.

Is this movie trying to say anything along those lines? If you go around trying to play God, you're going to end up getting screwed. I think that's... I mean, it really ties more... My take on it is no.

I think it really is just playing... It's sort of playing that. It's using that situation in society to play it so that they can turn it into a cheesy horror movie. If this movie wanted to have a conservative message in the end. They probably would have left out the mutant rape part.

Just saying. But she didn't abort the baby, so, you know, you never know. They're working both sides on every one of these. So, I don't know. I think it's, I don't think it does.

I mean, there's definitely people who could try to pretend like it does. But to me, it always plays the sensation card every time. It definitely vamps up the cheesiness. plays the horror angle when it needs to, plays the sci-fi when it needs to. So I think it's really just using that as a way to make a big, dumb, fun movie. And I think in the end, that's more of what I got out of it, was just the big, crazy, over-the-top science nerd movie.

So if there is anything to take from it, I think it does play back. And this is all the way back to the Frankenstein theme. It is the playing God. It's like if you're messing with science, you're messing with the rules of nature... It's going to come back and bite you in the ass.

Damn nature, you scary. It's going to come back and kill you. It's going to come back and mutant rape you. It's going to come back and have sex with you or mutant rape your girlfriend or kill you or impregnate you. There's many horrible things that come from plain God.

Stop it, science nerds. All right. I guess that wraps up Splice. Yeah, I'm wrapping it all up. Okay, we'll take a break here, and when we come back, we will have Jay do his rant for the week.

What's the worst that could happen? Listen. Do you hear it? It's getting closer. Much closer.

Don't be afraid. Be very, very afraid. I've got. A message for you. Pray for death.

I'm Gray. Take a journey with me through the dark side of cinema in the Dark Hours Horror Podcast. Find it at thedarkhours.net. The Dark Hours. Terror has no shape.

It's far beyond anything your mind could ever conceive. It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show.

I like you. You're so special. Just close your eyes, let me hypnotize you I can make your storm feel sky blue Girl, when you're lost, you know I'll find you If I'm not beside you, I'm. Behind you Imagine you're on the beach. And you're lost.

Alright, we are back and Jay has joined us. He didn't get to do his, we'll. Call it a. Officially geek activities, but really I'm pretty sure it's going to be a rant, so go ahead. We'll start off with a not-so-much rant.

We watched Mega Piranha, and I wanted Jay to be here with me because he was so very disappointed when I got Piranha in the mail. I didn't want to see Piranha. I wanted to see Mega Piranha. So we looked on Netflix, and it was available to watch it now. I'm not sure why he wanted to watch Mega Piranha instead of Piranha, which don't get me wrong.

It said Tiffany in it. You don't even like Tiffany. No, but I still wanted. To see her. why? Because it looks from the if she gets eaten I'd want to see that from the trailers that.

I saw on YouTube it looked so awesomely horribly bad I wanted to see it I wanted to see that whatever that name of that one guy is the Z list actor kick the shit. Out of he's like bicycle kicking piranhas yeah he. Did the Liu Kang kick on these little piranhas you know they weren't really little they were I don't. Know they were giant mutant piranhas they. Looked like they were cut out of paper you know It was sci-fi, I mean.

It was sci-fi. It was the cheapest sci-fi graphics you could possibly even think of. No, the fish were better than the helicopters. Oh, yeah, the helicopters were pretty bad. The helicopters did look like they were on sticks, and somebody just, somebody had the film, and somebody just had, like, helicopters on sticks, and then, and then flew them in there, and, yeah, it looked awful.

Nice. There was quite a bit of, there was some blood, though, that was pretty exciting. There was some, some deaths, and some gruesomes, and. Yeah. A couple heads get chewed off, and. aside from the suicide fish that somehow launched themselves out of the water into the side of buildings for no apparent reason.

That's a great plan they got there. Yeah, we'll just, you know, they were. They kamikazed these houses and stuff. I don't know why, they just do. Apparently, Piranha can now take down entire battleships.

They can eat battleships. They can eat through metal. Metal, you know, whatever. Wood, metal, people, who cares? Yeah, that was unbelievable.

It had the worst acting I've ever seen in a movie. Oh that acting is great sci-fi that's really all you have to say I kept waiting for him to slap the shit out of Tiffany when she starts going nuts she goes ballistic I wish somebody would yeah but. It also had it had I can't think of his name right Brady he had Greg Brady whichever oh god but his character in Mega Piranha his name was Bob Grady Bob. Grady yeah they're so clever on that sci-fi channel yeah. And that was horrible It was, this whole movie was just horrible.

Uh, what was, uh, the, the Nerf guns. At the end of the movie when they're, they have all these big, they're big weapons, they're black guns that they're going to use to take down all these things. Yeah, it's a 20 millimeter, come on, really, really 20 millimeter? You know how big 20 millimeters is? It's bigger than that damn gun, I'll tell you that.

Nerf guns, spray painted, black. They couldn't even like take Nerf off of there. You can still see where it said Nerf on there. Was it firing darts at some point? No, but they were trying to make, they were trying to convince you that this was some kind of super, what did they say? that each gun could give the guy a capability of taking down a nuclear submarine.

Really? Really? I'm pretty sure no gun's going to do that. Yeah, really. Well, it was underwater.

Piranhas that can survive a nuclear blast. Yeah, well, none of these guys look like Navy SEALs. No, they never do. I think there were guys that looked more qualified to be in Navy SEALs on my swim team at school, and I wasn't even on the swim team. But, I mean, those kids look more qualified to be SEALs.

These guys just look like... people they grabbed out of the coffee house and said, here, put this black suit on, pretend you're a Navy SEAL. How about the car chase? That was your favorite part. The car chase where they change cars? Yeah.

You know, he's driving and he's trying to get away. He's in a Toyota Camry and then it turns into a Hyundai and then it turns into, I. Think, a Kia. Like he doesn't get out at any point. It just magically transforms.

They use different cars for different shots. At least his car was the same color. It was the same color. The one chasing him changed color and vehicle type. Yeah, it changed color and vehicle type.

So it went from like a Ford Explorer to like, I don't know if it was a Nissan or... A green. Green. Yeah, I'm like, I kind of got confused for a second. I was like, is it the same guy chasing him?

It's a truck, but I don't know if it's the same guy. But apparently it was. It was the same guy. But yeah, they, I don't know why they had to change vehicles for chase scenes. Why they didn't use the same kind of vehicle for it. chase scenes i think it was probably people that worked on the set they were like hey uh okay who's got a gray car we need three gray cars all right yeah okay who's got a truck and that's pretty much what they did I don't think they had hardly any budget for this film at all, judging from special effects.

I like how towards the end, when they're underwater, when they have their mouthpieces in, yet they're having clear conversations. Well, yeah, they got communicators in their mouthpieces. You didn't know that? But if you're not going to be able to have a clear conversation. Yeah, they were having pretty damn clear conversations.

Was it also using telepathy, maybe? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how this guy flies from Venezuela all the way up to the Florida Keys in a damn helicopter and never has to refuel. He just happens to know where they are. Or how you can fly a helicopter with oxygen.

Oh, my God. What the fuck? They're running out of gas. So, magically, Tiffany, being the. Science genius?

Being the microbiologist that she is, or whatever she is, a marine biologist somehow knows how to power a helicopter with a CO2 cartridge or something. Oxygen tank. Little oxygen tank like this. He's like, we're running out of fuel. They hit our fuel line.

She's like, uh... I'll find something that we can use for fuel. So, yeah, she finds this little oxygen tank. And, of course, Tiffany, because she's the mega scientist, just happens to know where the fuel line is on a fucking Black Hawk helicopter. Pulls the panel away and somehow magically attaches the bottle to it and gives it, like, turbo boost.

Makes it go faster. Makes it go faster. And he can fly the helicopter for a couple extra miles while he's running out of. Gas, you know. Well, I think all marine biologists are trained in helicopter mechanics and fuel lines.

And, yeah, I think that's one of the main things they focus on in marine biology. Yeah, really. You know, no other scientists figure this out. She just happened to know how to do it. Well, she's Tiffany.

Yeah, she's Tiffany. And then what is that, the tracking device that they've got is actually a CO2 cartridge. It looks like the little CO2 cartridges that you put in little BB pistons. Your BB gun. Yeah, it's supposed to be a special I'm food attracting thing.

And I actually read a thing on Netflix, the reviews, because I like going back if I see a horrible movie and reading the reviews on it because I like the things that crack me up reading other people's opinions on it. But somebody else actually came up with a better ending for the movie. Because the one that had sucked. It made it. It was beyond retarded.

Absolutely no sense. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. For a horrible ending? For a horrible ending, yeah.

Should we tell them how the movie ends first? Yeah, go ahead and tell them how it ends. Alright, their big plan is that they want to make one of the fish bleed, thus causing a feeding frenzy where they will all then in turn eat each other. Sure, good idea. And that's the girl solves everything.

I'm like, in my head, wouldn't there be at least one left? And according to the movie, they can reproduce on their own without. Yeah, they're asexual. They're asexual, they can reproduce on their own, so if that's your plan, wouldn't there be at least one fish left who can then. Well, even at the end of the movie, they show all the fish, but they're only eating one fish.

They don't eat each other, because. The others aren't bleeding. Yeah, the others aren't bleeding. They're only eating one fish. And they're like, oh, we solved the problem.

Yay! And I'm like, how did you solve the problem? There's still like 20 fish down there. But it's okay. We took out one.

Yay! But then somebody suggested on Netflix, which would have been a better ending, they were like, what I thought he was going to do was I thought he was going to take the food transmitter thing and shoot it into the fish's mouth. They would eat that fish, and then in turn that would be inside of another fish, and that fish would get eaten, and then so on and so forth. But still there'd be one fish left. Still.

And then you just have to kill that fish? Then they catch it, and they save that for the sequel. I don't know. They put it in Christopher Lloyd's fish tank. It ended with Macho Man kissing Tiffany on the mouth.

Which is the most unbelievable part of this entire story. Really? Like, dude, there's no way Porkin's right there is going to be getting kissed by some almost hot Navy guy. It's not going to happen. The only thing that I guess saved the Navy guy was his abs.

Is that. What you're saying? I've been thinking, picturing the Playboy she did like 10 years ago. That's what I was joking with her. She's like, how could he kiss her?

I was like, he's got the Playboy from her, that Playboy spread in his trailer, and he's working up to it every day. He's like, this is what she used to look like. Just picture this. So when he goes to kiss her, he closes his eyes, and he's thinking of Playboy magazine, centerfold, centerfold, centerfold. She has not aged well.

She used to be hot. She used to be hot. That wasn't even that long ago, though. What happened? I don't know.

Twinkies. I guess. A lot of twinkies. I mean, it's not like she did the Playboy when she was Tiffany. I mean, it was 10, 12 years later when she was on Hard Times.

It was like, all right, how much? Yeah, it was like, what, 2001 she did it? Yeah, it was way after she. Yeah, it was still 10 years ago. I gotta say, Debbie Gibson's was way better.

Well, because Debbie Gibson was always cute. Tiffany wasn't, and Debbie Gibson actually aged well, where Tiffany didn't, so... I'm ready for a. What's the one they're going to put out? Gatoroid versus.

Oh, yeah. I don't know. Something or other. Super Snake. Yeah, I don't know.

Some other giant creature. I don't remember what the other one is. It's going to be awesome. That's the one with both of them? Yeah.

Oh, my God. They're fighting and wrestling about. It looks equally as bad. And I'll see it just because I love crappy movies. I mean, you see some people's reviews on this movie.

And they'll be all upset. They take it way too serious. Yeah, you can't take this movie serious. No. Cannot whatsoever.

It's a stupid movie. It's got an X-level cast. I wouldn't even say B. Z-level? Z.

Yeah, the Z-level cast. The acting's horrible. The dialogue's cheesy. It's a sci-fi movie. Suck ass.

Like I said, most of the things look like they're on strings or sticks. But it's fun if you let yourself enjoy it. Yeah, I mean, we enjoyed it. You enjoyed it, didn't you? Yeah.

Yeah, it was a fucking riot. See, if you had fun with that, I think you will actually like Piranha. I was impressed, because I think Piranha is actually like... it comes off like a dumb movie, but really, it's a little better than that. Like, he knows, and he's kind of making fun of those dumb movies, so I think his is actually a little better put together, but yet it still works on that level. You still can turn your brain off and just watch the bloodbath, and it's pretty awesome.

Oh, there's some really bad TGI blood in this one. Oh, yeah. His was a lot of practical effects in the new Piranha. This was horrible. This was, like, no practical effects.

There was fish the size of, like, Well, you. Never could tell what size they were, because at one point they're the size of fucking tractor trailers, and then the next scene they're like the size of people, you know? Like, they show them launching themselves into these buildings. They look like they're the size of missiles, you know? They're launching out of the water, and then he's doing the Liu Kang kick on them, and they're only like, you know, they're the size of a seat cushion.

You never can tell. No, I do need to watch it. They change size for what their needs are at that moment. Doesn't that happen in every sci-fi movie? Haven't we called them out for that on Just About?

There's more blatant about it, though. Because Sharktopus did that, too. He was like, how big is he? He's like a regular-sized shark. He's like the size of a Buick.

I mean, it's like. Yeah, it just kind of depends. He grows. He shrinks. He's like one of those little he's like one of those little foam things that you put in water.

He starts as a capsule he's a magic. Girl creature no no not the capsules the ones that are already the shape i like that they fill out rubbery. And weird i was talking about but yeah it was a certain kind of special it was enjoyable as long as you don't expect too much from. It yeah go in expecting to see a bad movie and you'll be pleased. The more people you watch it with, the more fun it will probably be.

Oh, yeah. It turned into a drinking game. Every time somebody says Vamonos, because they say Vamonos a lot. That was another problem you had with it. The main guy, what was he?

He couldn't speak Spanish. Yeah. Dude, Special Forces. How is he a SEAL? Well, he's Special Forces.

How are you Special Forces and you can't fucking speak Spanish? All right? He spoke French. He spoke French. Yeah, bullshit.

I tried to go out for that shit. I tried to go out for Rangers, what I wanted to do. You've got to know how to fucking speak a bunch of different languages. They're proficient in that shit. You don't just speak, oh, I speak English.

I can't speak Spanish. They speak American. Why the hell do they specifically choose this guy out of everybody for a job in South America? And you're going to send the guy that can't speak Spanish? Are you kidding me?

Really? I'm sorry, I speak French. They don't speak French. They speak Spanish. We send this guy down there, and he doesn't know what's going on.

Half the time, there's subtitles running through the bottom of the screen. They fucking introduced everybody with that. Remember at the beginning of the movie? Oh, my God, at the beginning of the movie, everybody that walks on scene, they do that quick black and white freeze frame. You know, and it says their name.

Like fucking Law and Order? Yeah. For everybody. Thank God. Make that fake typewriter noise.

You know. For everybody. Everybody. Yeah. That's going to get all of them.

Yeah, it does, because it's every five seconds somebody pops on screen, and it's like, da-da-da, da-da-da. And then they show you the same places a couple times, and they tell you it's new every time. We've already been there, Joe. Yeah, we were just here. We haven't left.

What are you doing? Yeah, what? They show the river, and they show a scene in the river, and it's like, you already told us it's a river. It's the same damn river. It's the same shot you showed us earlier.

It's the same damn river. And they kept showing the same exact loops of film over and over again. I think that's how I'm wrong with the lupus. Am I the... Night of the Bunnies.

Night of the Lepus. Yeah, Lepus. Whatever. Night of the Lepus. Well, yeah, they would use stock photography, or they would use footage of them bombing the river in a different scene further out in the movie of the exact same scene.

And you were like, dude, I just saw that scene at the beginning of the movie. And it was night when you showed it in the light, In the daytime. Well, no, they did the old thing where they shot it during the daytime and then they put a filter in front of it to make it look like it was nighttime. It's on my channel. It's on my channel.

Four dollars to spend on a movie. Generous. Yeah. Should we move on to your. Probably.

I guess I'm worked up enough. Are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? I guess. I don't know.

I don't think you're going to have a lot of arguments on this one, because I haven't heard anybody. I like it probably more than just about anybody, and I still think it's a terrible movie, but go ahead. Well, we talked about it, and I just brought it up shortly at our meeting, and Johnny had said something about he thought it was an enjoyable movie, and I almost picked up a fork and stabbed him in the eye, because I told him it was the worst fucking movie I've ever seen. All right, let's name it. Yeah, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Shit.

Because that's what it is. Shit. What was your favorite part? My favorite part? I don't know.

The monkeys? The monkeys, yeah. Yeah, we called out every single thing that happened in this damn movie. But, oh gosh, maybe we should just start at the beginning. I think about two minutes into the film I was already bored.

You know, I mean, it was kind of cool starting out. No, it wasn't. No, yeah, you're right, it wasn't. I was like you know as soon as it started I was like oh god this is gonna suck I didn't really want to see it but I did because everybody else said it was horrible and I didn't want to I didn't want to ruin the idea that I had of Indiana Jones I mean I loved Indiana Jones as a kid me too it was one of the greatest series of movies I think that has ever come out and it got into shit that I liked you know I knew not every archaeologist was a bullwhip carrying pistol slinging Nazi fighter yeah But I liked archaeology as a kid. I mean, a lot of kids, I'm sure, liked it.

But this just sucked. I was like, what the fuck? I knew it was going to suck. I knew. And a lot of people told me to stay away from it, Randy.

But I didn't listen. I had to see it for myself because I'm a glutton for punishment. I need something to bitch about. That's usually how I am. I have to witness how bad they are sometimes.

Oh, yeah. It was bad. It was bad. First of all, Harrison Ford, old as fuck. Oh, my God.

I felt so bad seeing it. It's like. Well, I never wanted to see it. It's like your childhood hero, and you see him, and he's just broken down and decrepit and got spiderwebs coming out of his ears, and you're just like, fuck, man, this guy's old. What happened to him?

You have this image. He married Calista Flopper. Yeah, that's what happened to him. Sucked the life out of him. But...

She's a sucky boss. You. You had that image of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, and that's the image that's always stayed in your head. It's still the image that's in my head. I was like, I'm going to watch this movie, and I'm going to pretend like it doesn't exist because I know it's going to suck.

I'm not going to let this alter my image of this character. So, yeah, starting off. Oh, wow, they're fighting the Russians now. Russians, not as interesting as Nazis, not as evil. Nazis seem a little bit more evil than Russians.

Yeah, I guess the Russians have done some pretty horrible things. You know, who hasn't? But that's... They got demonized almost as much by the time you hit the 80s. We built them up almost as much, but really, yeah, I mean, there's a lot more creepy, weird backstory to the Nazis that Russians are just Russians.

Yeah, the Russians are just Russians. The Russians weren't doing... I mean, they probably were at some point, but. They weren't making crazy occult experiments, and they weren't taking people's brains out and trying to turn them into super beings and weird shit like that. They were just communists, and that's why we hated them.

That was our only reason. Who's a communist? So, I mean, it digs into that whole kind of McCarthyism type thing. Who's a communist? We can't trust this guy.

We can't trust that guy. But, you know.... I mean, in a way, that was kind of interesting, but in a way, it wasn't. I just didn't care. I didn't care that Indy was now in...

When was this movie based? In 1960? Like early 60s? Late 50s. Late 50s, early 60s.

He was by Shia LaBeouf in his damn fucking hat. Yeah, that's true. You know what? The wild one, yeah. You're no fucking Marlon Brando.

He thinks he is. Yeah. You know what? Greasers don't comb their hair every five minutes, all right? Then don't worry about that.

I don't comb my hair every five minutes, all right? You know, I got a lot of shit in my hair most of the time. But, yeah, it seemed like it was just an excuse. I think somebody told him during that movie, look, okay, here's what you got to do. You got to comb your hair.

Every scene you get, comb your hair, comb your hair. You know, it gets a little redundant. But, yeah, you know, ah. The point of no return for me was the refrigerator. The refrigerator?

That's right off the bat. Can you hide in a refrigerator and survive a nuclear attack? I don't know. Yes, you can. People, old man, you know it's going to be fucking breaking every bone in the.

Old man's people of the body. I still think that seems funny. I'm sorry. I was like, yes, the refrigerator. He tumbles about and gets out and he's just fine.

No, old geezer's going to break a hip. Because he's indie. He's standing there and of course he's gonna get misty's like he's gonna die from the fallout what the hell you know nope they take care of that next scene they're scrubbing old naked. He's shirtless oh my god. He's not only shirtless he's pantless too he was naked i blocked that out you blocked it out they're scrubbing.

Him down like hot old indiana jones yeah. I think i don't want to tell me that like 30 years ago maybe i don't want to see that shit. Now but apparently he was a Indiana Jones was a secret agent at one point. I'm like, you know what? Save the secret agent shit for James Bond.

I want Indiana Jones archaeologist. I want him swinging from fucking vines. No, we get that, but it's not from him. Yeah, really. Well, I kind of like that angle, but it's like, we already saw it.

That's what was kind of cool with the TV series that they did, is he had all these other points in his life, and he did all these other things, so I almost wouldn't mind that there was this stint where he worked for the government and this other chapter, but I don't know, they just don't do anything with it in this way. Yeah. I just, I don't know. I didn't care. Yeah.

You know, I wanted to, if you're going to do that, then just do a movie based on Indiana Jones, you know, hooking up and working with the OSS or something like that, you know, something cool, working with the British Secret Service during World War II, you know, that would be cool, but just hinting to it and then not really getting into it, you know, fuck, why even bring it up? Jeez. Very nice. What? Prairie dogs?

Yeah, really. Prairie dogs in this movie. Constantly. In the beginning of the film. Like it's some kind of campy goofiness.

Like, ha ha, there's a prairie dog. It pops up. It's gone. I was like, what is this? Caddyshack?

You know? What the fuck? Yes. Why didn't they work the... Yeah, I mean...

That would be awesome. The little pupples started dancing. Jeez. I don't know. There were so many things in this movie that were happening that were just like.

I don't know. It was like, let's take Indiana Jones and make it fun for the family. you know there are no monkey brains there are no people getting their faces melted off uh it's very family friendly yeah it's too. Family friendly it's it's a lot more watered down than it used to be. It is my kid was like i like that movie and then we saw like we saw uh temple of doom i was like which do you like better you like temple of doom i like temple of doom better yeah you should because we all do it's fucking awesome yeah But, uh, I don't know. We haven't sat down and watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, so I don't think she's seen that one yet.

But, uh.... Yeah, it's... Could it be Armitardin? You know, I like the whole South American angle on it, and yeah, you could have gone into it a little bit better. Um.

And not had aliens. And not had aliens? Yeah, that's the point. I just don't understand. I'm like, of all the cool ideas you could have, all the things within this world you could have made it about.

I understand what Johnny was telling me. He was like, hey, well, they're trying to work in the hole in the late 50s and 60s, all the UFO craze and stuff like that. They were trying to work that in. That's fine. Leave it to the scientists.

Don't pull Indiana Jones into it. Just let Indy go off and, you know, there are other things that he can explore and find. The retirement allowance? Yeah. What I thought would have been cool, and I still think, and this is part of why I think you can see the difference in Spielberg over the years.

It's like, this is the first movie, he's only done four, but every other one, the little adventure before the titles was its own thing. Yes. I mean, in the third one, at least it came around and tied back into it, but still, it was set years beforehand, so it was its own little adventure. This one, it just continued on. Yeah.

And I'm like, you know, if they would have made that, the opening scene, and. If they would have been like, she was trying to track him down, and they get to that warehouse, and they're looking for it, and they're hinting the whole time that it's aliens, and you get to that scene with the big body bag, and they left it at that. And you were like, whoa, now Indiana Jones is involved with Area 51, and that was it. They went on to a whole new adventure about something in this world. And you just kind of had that hint of, oh, yeah, and Indy's even dealt with, you know, this.

I'm like, if they didn't base the whole movie around it and bring freaking aliens in at the end, I was like, that would have been kind of cool to just touch on it just a little bit at the very beginning and then start a whole new adventure about something cool and not fucking aliens. But. I don't know. I thought that would have been a cool idea, and they didn't do it. But, again, just Spielberg not even following his own system.

I mean, he set up the framework of the movies, and then he didn't even follow it on this one. Yeah, I mean, throughout most of the other movies, the other Indiana Jones movies and stuff, there were a lot of scenes that could have been slightly believable. You were like, yeah, he probably could have done that. He probably could have done that. But you know.

What 70-year-old Harrison Ford... Going off three waterfalls in a little amphibious jeep? No, they would all fucking die. They would all die. I don't know.

They're all pretty angry. Yeah, the fridge. He would have died. In the fridge. Everybody likes to talk about Crystal Skull, but I'm like, you look at pretty much everything that happens in Temple of Doom.

And that's okay. I mean, it's all just doing this, like, serials thing. I mean, it's all based on unrealistic things to begin with. So I'm okay with that. Well, I mean, aside from the raft.

The raft is crazy. I mean, pulling human darts out. I mean, there's a lot of crazy shit going on in that movie. But it's fun. And, yeah, he was young Indy.

So, I mean, it's a hard sell. I... At the end, I still kind of just like seeing him back in the hat. I liked seeing Harrison Ford play it again. I'm afraid...

It's so flat. It was at that point, him running around, you looked at him and you were waiting for him to break a hip. Yeah. You were just like. He doesn't have the same thing anymore.

His delivery is off. It's just. He didn't even sound like Andy in the movie. It's shitty dialogue with shitty delivery and just... Yeah, it didn't sound like him.

He was yelling half the time. I'm like, did they put voiceovers in it? Because it doesn't even sound like him. I just tried to get what I could out of it because I like the indie franchise so much. So I tried to take the few pieces that I liked and at least be like, okay, that was okay.

But, yeah, as a whole, it's just, yeah, it really doesn't need to exist. Shia LaBeouf swinging from vines and catching up with him. I'm surprised he didn't comb his hair while he was swinging. I don't know. He got sucked up in the tree.

I was like, oh, what, is he going to swing from vines and catch up with him now? And then, you know, the monkeys show up. And then the monkeys show up, and then Shia LaBeouf's like, hey, I could be like a monkey and just swing from vine to vine and then catch up with him. How the fuck does he know where they're at? And he just, there he goes.

Woo! His LaBeouf powers. His LaBeouf powers. Oh, my God. Oh, wow.

He is horrible. I do not understand why they keep putting Shia in things. Yeah, he really is not an impressive actor at all. I could at least understand it if he was somewhat attractive. It's kind of weird looking.

He is not attractive whatsoever. I don't know. He just became the... go-to young actor. For some reason I like that ending where the hat blows towards him and he just picks up the hat and you're like no don't put it on don't put it on and then Indiana snaps from him and you're. Like oh thank god I was at least glad I was like oh please don't hand him the franchise although they're already setting it up but I'm like I don't know I.

Heard that Harrison Ford wanted to kill. The character off see I heard they're planning a five I've heard he's already in the works. He's planning a five, but he's planning to kill off the character. At the end? Okay, because he was supposed to be in the fifth one, so unless they're going to kill him off at the end.

But what the hell is he going to be searching for then? I mean, what is it? Indiana Jones? Yeah. There's somewhere around here.

I know it. The remote control. He moves ahead to the 80s. Crusade for the bedpan. Yeah.

Oh, God. Legend of the stolen ginger snap cookies. Well, then it has to super fast forward because we know he lives forever. If you're including the TV series in the mythology, I mean, we see him as an old man in the 80s. They're going to forget that because you got to understand most people that watch this forgot about the TV show and forgot completely about that.

They're going to be coming in. And this may be one of those things where they'll just leave it be and wait until Harrison Ford dies, and then they'll reboot it because they'll be like, you know what? Harrison Ford can't say a damn thing about it because he's dead now. Now let's put whoever. Really, I would almost rather have them distance themselves.

If Harrison Ford isn't going to be able to do it like he used to, take him out of it. At this point, don't even give it to Spielberg anymore because we've seen what he does with it. It's kind of the same thing with the George Lucas. Exactly. Don't let him touch Star Wars anymore.

That's what I told her. I was like, did he go to the same fucking crazy places? He did, obviously. Did they eat the same mushrooms or what? They both went off on this, hey, let's make more money.

Let's reboot this, or not reboot it, but let's make another one. Let's tack more on to it. Yeah. And make it suck. Well, I mean, yeah.

So, yeah, if they would find somebody talented to give it to and bring in a new actor, I would almost live with that rather than them cranking out more crap that, you know, with the worn out stars, with director that's not doing the right thing with it anymore. It's like if you could go on and make other adventures, would I want to see somebody else besides Harrison Ford? I don't know. It depends. It depends on how they do it and who does it.

Yeah. Not Daniel Craig. Because, I mean, there were a lot of other stories. Like, I remember as a kid having the Marvel Comics, and there's all these other adventures he goes on. Or even the books.

Or the little books. Dude, I fucking love the Which Way books. Those were awesome, too. I had a shit ton of them, man. They were awesome.

And they did a whole Dark Horse series, I think, too. So, I mean, they went over so many different, I mean, they could cover so many other ones. I mean, it was almost something kind of like they did with the Star Wars, if they did like an animated series, where then you don't have to worry about casting. You just get a good voice actor. Because there's so many other stories they could tell that I would like to see, but I don't want them to screw stuff up.

I mean, one of the books that I remember was like Indiana Jones and the Eye of the Fates, where he's trying to find the Eye of the Fates. And there's one for anything. I mean, you've got all this Egyptian stuff you can cover, Babylonian. You've got everything you can cover. He can cover all these different plots, and I wish they would do it or find a way.

I mean, I guess the closest they did that Infernal Machine was supposedly a really good story on the PC game that they came up with. I guess. I don't know. So, I mean, that's something I think they've tried to go there, but I would rather almost see them do something animated, kind of like they're doing with the DC movies that are really kind of well done and written for a little older audience. So if they could do something like that, I would rather see them do that than just... crank out another ancient Harrison Ford version.

Yeah, because, I mean, with the animated version, he could stay the same. Yeah. You wouldn't have to worry. You could stay within the same timeline. You wouldn't have to keep bumping the timeline up because your actor's getting old.

Yeah. You know? I hate that this one was so predictable. You kept waiting for what gimmick are they going to pull out of the old movies. I'm like, all right, when's there going to be a snake?

Well, we know that's in every movie now. Exactly. When's there going to be a snake? You know? I already knew they were going to find the Ark at the beginning.

I was like, oh, they're going to, They're going to probably stumble upon the Ark at some point. They'll just pass by. He'll be leaning up against it, lighting a cigarette. And, of course, there it is. Or just, like, rolling after him.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there that is. Hmm. That's frustrating.

Yep. I hated it. I don't know. I blocked most of it out of my memory, which is why I'm having a little bit of trouble remembering. Yeah.

Parts of it enough to get a real good rant started on it. Because as soon as it went off, I was like, you know what, I already forgot this movie. As soon as the credits rolled, I was like, I've already forgotten this movie. Kate's gone. Blanchette and her awful.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I didn't even realize it was Kate Blanchette. And her wig? Yeah. Yeah, that really bothered me because Kate Blanchette is like an amazing actress.

She was horrible in that. She was terrible in that. Terrible. I'm like, you fucking have Oscars and this is awful. I didn't know it was going to be bad.

That's why she only kind of half did it. She half-assed it, because she knew it was going to suck. She's like, eh, I'm getting a paycheck anyways. Fuck it. She's like, this is going to be a good paycheck.

It could be an Indiana Jones movie. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, oh, whatever. Write me a big check, Paramount. And she was supposed to be the main villain, too, and she wasn't really that great of a main villain.

The ant scene was terrible. Oh, yeah. Good lord. Does that conclude your geek activities? You've exhausted him.

No, I watched today on Sci-Fi Channel, I watched In the. Name of the King. We were already making fun of that one earlier. Only Torch really did it. Yeah, I gotta say, Jason's completely out of place in this movie.

If you could ever find somebody who doesn't look like they belong in the Middle. Ages, it's him. Did he ever take his shirt off? I don't think so. I can't remember that he did.

I almost, well, I was going to say, if you ever find somebody who doesn't belong in the Middle Ages, it's Ray Liotta. Yeah. Your other star. Yeah, Ray Liotta. Actually, pretty much most of the people there are Matthew Lillard.

No, none of them fit this. Yeah. But now I'm pretty sure Burt Reynolds was actually there. Yeah, Burt Reynolds was there. He's like, I used to live over here.

Yeah. Across the street there. So, you know, it was fun. Helen Hunt Jr. kind of fit in, I guess. Yeah.

Yeah. I like her. She's cute. She can fit in different places. That's fine.

Lili Sobieski. Lili Sobieski. And she's got a cool name. It's fun to say. Yeah.

Sobieski. It's okay. Lili Sobieski. It's not as fun as the best name in the world. Oh, my God.

Juliana Maliz. I don't know. That's still backseat to Antoine Foucault. No, Julianna Magaliz is the best. Julianna Magaliz, who has resurrected her career.

Good for her. So now we can say her name more often. And I do, too, in every commercial for The Good Wife. The Good Wife starring Julianna Magaliz. Julianna Magaliz.

And I work with other J's like, no, no. Speaking of which, this week on regular TV, and I didn't watch it, but I saw it on and I went, oh, my God, I forgot she was even in that. I forgot she's like the flight attendant in Snakes on a Plane. What was she thinking? What kind of hard times was she on at that point in her career?

I don't really remember that movie. It was a good movie. It's fun, but I totally forgot she was in it. It was all Samuel L. Jackson and Kenan.

Like, that's all I remembered in the cast. And snakes. And I was just like, is that? No. I just remember the email service where you could enter somebody's name and then Samuel L.

Jackson would call them up. Oh, yeah. And tell them that they watched it. We got our phone calls. Yeah.

I got one. Wasn't Fake Sharon that one, too? Yeah, she's one of the, yeah. She was one of the. TV show.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Whatever, I don't know. She was also on Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah, I know.

Rachel, I forget what her name is. It's not important. Fake Cher. Yeah, she'll always be Fake Cher. Yeah, the Clueless TV series.

Someone tried to tell me the Clueless movie was horrible. I'm like, the hell you say? That's for me. One of the best movies ever. It's not in my top ten.

It's not in top five. Exactly. But anyways, Dungeon Siege Tale. Huh? Dungeon Siege Tale.

Whatever. In the name of the king. In the name of the king. Yeah. Yeah.

It was interesting. It was okay. Did you watch the whole thing? I watched the whole damn thing. I left after an hour and 15 minutes.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, I kept watching it. I kept watching it. It was okay. It kept me entertained.

You know? I mean, other than looking like a... Kind of poor man's version of Lord of the Rings. I can't remember what those guys were called. Grogs or Grubs or something, whatever, the bad guys.

They just kind of looked like orcs. The guy from Lord of the Rings was in it, too. Which one? Jonathan Rhys-Davies? Oh, I don't know.

The guy who played the dwarf, the little short troll guy. He was in it? He was the. Who was he? It's the guy who pointed out that he was the guy.

From Lord of the Rings. Oh, I don't remember. You know, whatever. That is right, Jonathan Rhys-Davies. That's somebody.

I keep wanting to say Jonathan Rhys-Meyer. Isn't he the pretty one? I think so. I don't know. Jason Statham just looked completely out of place in this movie.

His fighting style looked completely out of place. You kept waiting for him to drive a BMW out of somewhere or bust out in a suit, which neither one of those ever happened. I guess it was an okay movie. Something somebody threw together quickly as an afterthought. I was just amazed at the cast they got for that.

Yeah, Ron Perlman was enjoyable. Ron Perlman will show up for anything. You don't care. Pretty much. Ron Perlman and a pig.

Yeah. So, whatever. It was an okay movie. It was good for a sci-fi being on TV movie to occupy your Sunday for a little bit while you're drinking coffee and trying to wake up. It was okay.

Wait and poop. Wait and poop. All right. That round out the week then. I think so.

Oh, Lord. Okay, kids, get out your Dakota pens. This time for the movie countdown secret circle reveal of the next exciting episode. For you members of the secret circle. We've named many movies we're going to get around to watching eventually, but next week we're actually going to do the test run, the experiment at the coffee shop, if you will.

We are? We are? I don't know. All right. Coffee for everyone.

So, yep, next week will be the first installment of the Caffeinated Movie Geek, so we'll see how that goes. I don't like coffee. I do. Not chocolate. I get real hyper on caffeine, so.

This should be interesting. All right. Well, as far as music, I figure today's movie was all about the nerd. We worked with the nerd. Her shirt was about nerd.

The main character's name was nerd, kind of. So, yeah, I figured we'd work in as much nerd as possible. That's what we want to work on. I like rock star. This one doesn't apply, though.

After seeing her work it, you know, Dren, she wants to move. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.

Later, guys. She's sexy. God. She. She.

You're caught in her Damn Mr. Look at your girl She loves it Look. At her I can see. It in her eyes She. Come here Hope.

This lasts forever Hey Her offbeat dance makes me fantasize Her curves. She's sexy I can see it in her eyes. She. This is your girl, girl. Come on.

Ow. She wants to move. Move. She wants to move. To hug in her.

To guard in her. Be it. Mr. Look at your girl. She loves it.

Get out of here. I can see it in her eyes. She. Hope you laugh forever. Hey.

Come on. Mister. Look at your girl. She loves it. She wants it.

I can see it in her eyes. She. Hope you laugh forever. Hey. Somebody give us some water in here.

Nerd. Yeah, I'm a nerd. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.