124: We All Have Our Favorite Stupid Stuff

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Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. I'd like more cooling in the containment chamber. To your citizens, we have a movie meltdown. They're all gonna laugh at you! Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the billions.

So they've got to find those. Extra cups to fill. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

I'm Marlena. I'm Greg. I'm Fred. I'm Lucy. There you go.

We welcome a new member into the mix here. This is Lucy. Do you want to give some sort of credentials? None of us have before, so I don't know why we would start now. I'm not entirely sure I have credentials.

What would that entail? I don't know. I have one. I don't want to know about it, do I? Yeah, well, I guess I'm visiting from Lexington.

I work with the Lexington Film League, which is how we met and how I got invited to be here, so... Definitely. I thought it would be interesting to work you in. We also did sort of... We recorded a segment a while back that keeps getting pushed off, but we're going to come back to that, hopefully in the next month or two here, and work it in.

But yeah, we'll come back to that. One, so. We can do it in time for the second annual Harry Dean Stanton Festival. Possibly. Maybe.

We'll see. You know how things go. Otherwise, it is time once again for another episode of the Caffeinated Movie Geek. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. Where we come to you live here from Nancy's Bagel Grounds via digital recording and get together, drink coffee, and talk movies.

So, thanks to our friends at Columbia River Coffee Roasters, we have a different blend this time out. We've been beating those last few a couple of times over now. So, Marlena, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week? Today we're drinking Fishers and Fallers. See, you're confused by the name, but it's a blend for the poor working class bastards like ourselves.

So, you know, I think it's fitting for us. It should be called Bitches and Ballers. Absolutely. I think that's already a different blend. So, Thundermuck is for high class?

Thundermuck is their, like, flagship. Thundermuck is, like, the big, you know, the queen mother of coffee. Right, so Hipster would never touch Thundermuck. Probably not, really. It's too mainstream, okay.

So in the end, all of these podcasts are going to be analyzed for the coffee content. To see just how hopped up we are and what we get excited about versus not. It'll all come down to that eventually. All right, so we'll reload on coffee here if we need to and take a break and be right back with the Geek Activity. There's a few times.

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There's more to the legend than meets the throat in Dracula's Dog. Rated R, under 17, not admitted without parent. Shit the bed. Howdy, folks. Come on in.

From the looks of them fancy britches and sassy little hairdos, y'all ain't from around here, are ya? This is Sid Hagan. You're fucking around with Movie Meltdown. Why don't you just take your mama home some chicken, and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in your ass. Has a message been there sometime?

It's all. Mine It says one day This may find you Okay, we are back with our usual round of geek activities. We'll try to keep it in check. I figure if we do, like, maybe two things, we'll keep it under a six-hour span of time. So, we'll see.

For mine, I actually, as usual, I'm usually a good year or so behind on current movies. So, mostly because I'm watching stuff from 1953, and whatever we're supposed to be watching that week for the show, and I don't get to watch anything else. So, in my usual fashion, this week I watched Black Swan. It's kind of what I expected. It's very Aronofsky.

It's kind of like, you know, not that this is news to anybody but me up until a week ago, but, yeah, kind of like Pi if ballet dancing was math. It seems very similar to me in structure and craziness and, you know, just the progression of the story seems kind of like his whole, you know, high thing. So, yeah, I thought that was kind of interesting that it definitely, I mean, it is one of those you have to go in and be okay with the fact that it's ballet-oriented because it is all the behind-the-scenes workings of a, you know, major league ballet system and... The first half hour or so is a lot of that. It's a lot of, you know, dealing with her mother, the backstory of the other dancer, and the old one put out to retirement.

And so it's a lot of that drama. And only in the last half do you kind of come into the full-on Aronofsky craziness. But in his usual fashion, does not disappoint. Again, the whole last half of it's impressive, and especially her black swan portion is creepy and weird and... So yeah, I ended up liking it, but yeah, I guess it didn't do much more than I expected it to, but then again, I've been hearing people talk about it for a year, so that shouldn't surprise me.

Other than that, for some reason this weekend I decided to watch Blade II. I think it was the Del Toro thing. It had been a long time since I watched it, so I kind of wanted to go back and see how noticeable it was that they handed it off probably to a a better director. At least a better, or a more respected director these days. So, I don't know.

It's hit and miss. I mean, those are always kind of fun on that level. I hate Snipes' robotic acting. And I don't understand why, because he's not like that all the time. So why he has to do that, why he's decided that that's his mode when he's in these is kind of ridiculous.

But, again, he builds up more of the fighting stuff. So there's a lot of He's, like, even the fight coordinator, I noticed. So it's a lot more... For some reason, and this was true of Buffy, too, vampires know kung fu, and everything breaks down into a full-on, you know, well-trained kung fu match, which always seems funny for vampires. I'm not sure why they... where they pick that up.

I guess if you're around for hundreds of years, you've got time to study, you know, the ninjutsu arts or whichever philosophy you want to follow. So, yeah, the other stuff is good. I mean, it's definitely... impressive in certain areas as far as the direction goes. I mean, Del Toro definitely knows what he's doing. He gives it a different look than last time.

It's its own weird little plot, and it doesn't stray too far from that one storyline, but, I don't know. It's entertaining for what it is, but, again, it's kind of what I remembered from before. Nothing more amazing than I expected going in, so. That was pretty much it for mine. Mine.

Well, this week, I watched Legend of the Guardians. I don't understand why Misty loved that movie so much. It was kind of like really boring and predictable. And I don't really have that much to say about it, honestly. There were owls involved.

There were owls involved. He has a weird owl obsession. Yeah, but then, actually, I didn't know much about this movie going in. I don't know how I managed to avoid all the previews, I guess because I don't really have TV or watch TV, but my friend had been begging me to go see Bridesmaids, and I kept calling, I'm like, They want me to go see this chick flick called Girlfriends. Or something like that.

But he always wants you to go see chick flicks. He does. He does. But it was hilarious. It was maybe the funniest movie I've ever seen in my life.

Wow. I highly recommend it. There was a joke every second of the movie. And it had cameos from some of my favorite actors, like Matt Lucas from Little Britain. It was her roommate.

I'm on. internet movie database trying to figure out the name of the other guy too. Kristen Wiig wrote it. Yeah. Yeah. I wrote it.

It's written by two ladies. Yeah. I've heard really good things and it's weird. Well, I guess it's not weird. It makes sense that they're marketing it so heavily like a chick flick and then everybody gets in there and goes, wow, this is so much better.

I mean, it's just a smart movie. It has nothing to do with that, but there's no angle on a smart comedy. You know, it's like all we have is chick flick gross out comedy you know we've only got a couple of different options to go with so. This was like um i guess the female answer to the hangover but like 10 times funnier um chris o'dowd was the other one that was in it he's an it crap and he was the love interest which was which i loved because it's like they kind of he's not really big in america so they just pull in this kind of like random actor from British television and make him, like, one of the main characters, which I thought was awesome. Yeah.

Probably, I mean, I don't know if that influenced at all, but that might be why I found it so funny. But, like, I was crying at certain parts of that movie. I mean, crying. It was awesome. Like, I was so surprised because I, like, stopped.

And then the movie theater, I'm just like, I can't believe we're making him watch this. Damn girl movie. Not that I have a problem with, like, movies marketed towards women. But but a lot of them are really bad is the unfortunate part it's yeah I wouldn't mind so much I mean there's a few that are thrown into that category that are actually okay but so much of it and especially lately are just crap and they kind of know that and they don't care they just know it's the market and that's you know if we slap it out there those same people that went to the last one are going to come to this one I kind. Of resist movies that are like specifically targeted toward.

Me you know I just they cut me off yeah. So don't ever try to make a movie the more they targeted well you know I was an art student and all those movies about the art world and the arts I'd rather watch a documentary on pinky toe cancer than watch one of those and people are always recommending them to me oh you'll love this um Now, I'd rather watch a movie. About stamp collectors. But you might exit through the gift shop. I did.

That's a big exception to that rule because almost any other one you would name. Biopics of artists, I think I like one, which was Camille Claudel. She's the only one I've ever really watched. See, I like Art School Confidential, but it's not an art movie. It's definitely making fun of the scene, and it always kind of shifts and becomes about something else.

So, yeah. It's different. Yeah. You know, and bridesmaids somehow manage to be, like, intelligent, yet, like, lots of lowbrow toilet humor at the same time. That's a challenge.

I'm not a fan of the scatological humor. Like, I've literally never cracked a smile at defecation. It is not something that amuses me. But that, like, protracted ten-minute scene was literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life. I know.

It was hilarious. I had heard that. There was someone that said that on radio or something about they thought the best bathroom scene of all time was in Dumb and Dumber. And they said this just puts that to shame. There's no way.

Because I don't personally, never laughed at that scene in Dumb and Dumber. But actually hearing that made me not want to see it. But now that you all recommend it, I'll probably have a look at it. I don't know about the writers, but that Judd. Judd Apatow?

Apatow. That guy is serious about what he does. I mean, he's got to run. He's cornered the comedy market. I mean, if there's a funny movie out there, he had his hand in it for the most part.

He's got a formula. You definitely can tell his style. Yeah, but he's strict, too. I mean, if something doesn't work for the character, he doesn't just throw the choke in. I think he's pretty disciplined.

Yeah. People are starting to get over him because every movie had the same people in it. You know, Seth Rogen. Yeah. But I think I'm glad he's kind of moving out of that.

I think he did. Well, some people said this was his penance. He was trying to make amends for some of his other movies. It's probably better for him to get... some other people involved get Kristen Wiig involved because she's ridiculously talented so yeah let other people who are talented kind of come into the family she really is ridiculous she is. Her delivery is amazing like she can just stand there and be hilarious like I mean this isn't even a spoiler but there's this scene where she's on a plane and she's drunk and her her best friend's other bridesmaid had given her like a pill or something to calm her down And she's like getting in the flight attendant's face and his name is Steve.

And she's like, what's your name? Stove? What kind of name is that? Are you an appliance? And I mean, that was just so hilarious.

Like I almost peed my pants laughing so hard. And it's just like, that's not, I mean, to say it, to repeat it, isn't really that funny. Well, it's all in her delivery. It's just her. I can hear her delivering that.

And I know. How she would put it, yeah. She commits. I mean, she can't make anything funny. If she's got lame writing, she'll do her best, but she commits.

Obviously, she's on Saturday Night Live. Yeah, the first thing I ever saw her do was on SNL, I think it was Liza Minnelli on a Halloween party, and she was just so committed to it. She was like all in. And that's so different from some of the other people who have been there just barely showing up. Just barely in character.

They're just walking through it. That's when I noticed her. It's like, wow, somebody who can act again. Even in middle of the road kind of stuff, she always kind of turns in the better performances. Like in Whip It, that's kind of a...

I mean, it's a fun movie, but it's not like it's great. But she was what stood out to me. It's just like her performance, and it wasn't even a comedic performance. It was her just kind of being a normal person. But she pulls it off.

Whereas everybody else is kind of, you know, Drew Barrymore being the worst of the bunch, going over the top and being ridiculous. Where she reeled it in, she was a real character, but she was really believable at the same time. That was probably the first time I saw her do acting that wasn't just a goofy skit on SNL. I mean, I'm not really a fan of her Target Lady skit or even Jilly on Saturday Night Live. No, they need to get rid of both of them.

I think the thing is, they just started using her for everything. She's like in every skit because she's So good, but, you know, you can't carry a whole show unless they give you a show. Yeah. You can't get blood out of a stone. You know, you can't make something funny that's just not funny.

And that's the downfall of SNL and most skit shows is when they find a character that works and they beat it to death. I mean, with any of them, I've said that. It's like they need to put a cap. It needs to be, like, three skits with one character and then retire them. Because...

There's very few exceptions to that, but there's so many that they were legitimately funny the first two, three times out, and then four seasons later when they've done 50 skits with this same... And it's a movie. And it's the same joke over and over. SNL is the worst at that, where they've got one joke and they'll just play it week in and week out and just insert the star of the week in there with this person doing that same bit over and over. They just need to realize... write new stuff, retire those characters, especially both of those of hers, because they're kind of annoying.

She's better. My first gift, I think, is that she's going to do so many great things that we'll never have to endure a Target Lady movie. Right. I didn't think about that. The Target Lady movie.

I mean, you know, I can understand some things are funny because it's so, like, relative to your life. And there are women like that at Target. Like, every time I'm at Target, I always get the same damn lady. And I'm just like, you are like the Target lady sketch. But it still doesn't make it funny.

Well, no, once again, it was funny the first time. I was like, oh, yep, I know that lady. And that's why it was funny. But 20 skits later, it's the same joke. It's just like, if I wanted to see this, I'll just go to Target.

Yep. All right. It's over now. Let's move on to a whole new character. Yes.

Anything else for you? Nope, that's all. Great. I brought this up earlier in the week, mentioned it to some people, and I'm going to throw myself back out there again. I've been pairing movies that have been similar and maybe of different time periods to see, because I don't have a lot.

None of us do, that's okay. Right. So I watched Surrogates because I had gone out of my way not to watch it. And I said, okay, finally I'm going to commit to it. But I said, but my reward for watching Surrogates is.

I'm going to re-watch Blade Runner, which I've not seen since probably middle school or early high school or something like that. And I liked remembered loving Blade Runner. You were supposed to. Again, it's been almost that long for me, but I remember having fond memories. Right.

Surrogates kicked its ass. Wow. Unfortunately. No, I did watch the theatrical release of. Blade Runner.

That's why. That was my question to you. Right off the bat, I was like, okay, you might have issues, but which version? Because there's at least... I think three.

There was like a theatrical, a director's cut, and then the final cut, which just came out. A couple years ago. Which I have not seen. That's what I said to you, Ryan. I have not seen the final cut.

I believe it's the director's cut I got from the movie store back in the day that I'd seen, and so therefore, I loved. That version at the time. This one, the worst part is that they just kept narrating over top of everything. And I think that's the difference. I think, and I haven't researched it, but I think that's the difference.

I think they took that out. I think it's a big, over explains everything. Every little detail that you're supposed to, that you could have subtly picked up on yourself. He just smacks you in the face with it. And Harrison Ford does a bad job of narrating it too.

It's, and it was about halfway through that I realized, okay, that's what, that's probably what's different. And somebody probably got the cut of it and, and said, we're going to have to dumb this down so people can know what's going on. Or it'll never have a big showing. I mean, it's a very sophisticated plot, I guess. It's certainly, I mean, even now, people want to argue what things mean and what the final take on this is.

Sure. It is open to interpretation. Yeah, it definitely is. Especially that long ago. I mean, how many years ago was that, that people really hadn't dealt with a whole lot of science fiction?

Right. At least, you know, not that it wasn't the 50s shoot-em-up science fiction. But I think what happened was people were probably expecting Star Wars. I mean, you had Harrison Ford. You had a big...

And we've got to get as big of an audience as possible. And it really talks down to you. And you're like, shut up. I don't want to hear that these pictures mean that they have members. I don't care.

I can figure that out on my own. And. Maybe, and the other part is maybe the maturity of me and that we've come a long way in film as well. I would say, I say we. I don't make movies.

But society, they have, film-wise, they've come a long way in good film. But Surrogates was really well done. It was smart. It was quick. It was...

It had. I remember the first time I saw The Matrix and how... They gave you that feel of when you're in the Matrix, it's unsettling. It had that green hue. You didn't like it.

It was supposed to be the prettier, nicer place, but you didn't want to be there. And you almost had a breather when you come back out. When they show him, and I don't know if any of you have seen Surrogates, when they show him, everybody's living through other bodies throughout, and they stay at home in chairs, almost like the world is a virtual reality. And you can pick and choose... how you look and your little surrogate is perfect. And when he's cast back into that world and he doesn't have a surrogate, how foreign he feels and uncomfortable.

And you actually feel that. You actually, they visually are able to pull that off. You're like, get me back. I don't want to be here anymore. And I was very, I wasn't expecting that out of the film.

And I was very happy that they did that. The other thing was Blade Runner. I know geeks of the world probably throw stones at me. But I just. I understand dark.

I understand making it dark and making it have that feel. But it was so poorly lit. Maybe it's the cut that I got. Maybe it's the... I don't know.

But it was so poorly lit that I felt like I was missing out on so much. And I wanted to see... I wanted. To see this... They had fantastic sets, and they were hiding it with...

And maybe they weren't fantastic. Maybe that's how they got away. That's why they were poorly lit. That's why they were poorly lit. Much like in...

What was the other D. That we watched? Oh, God, what was that? Well, I digress. I'm going to have to get my hands on the final cut and see if I can take back some of that innocence that I.

Had, maybe, and believe that it is a good movie. But it's still a good movie. It's still a great... Philosophically, it's a good movie. It's a good concept, if nothing else.

Right. And some of the shots... Rucker Hauer, by the way, kicks everyone else's ass in that movie. Yeah. He is.

That's probably his best performance, but he is the most convincing person in that film, and it was not worth watching without him, to me. No. Well, I don't want to say not worth watching. I already knew the plot. I already knew how it went.

Yeah, it was. That... Yeah, probably his best role. See, I still haven't gotten around to Final Cut either, so again, I would like to kind of throw it out there as maybe sit down and do a whole episode on it, because it's maybe working some of the comparison with the old one, but more so with just what that one is almost on its own, and what... we're supposed to take from that one. Cause in the end, I think it, you, you kind of have to make a decision on a couple of things, a couple of big plot points that I think would be interesting to discuss.

So if anybody's up for it, yeah, I would be willing to throw that in there somewhere in the future. Who knows where at this point, but I think it would be interesting to work into the show. Yeah, I would. And again, surrogates, I recommend, I didn't think I was going to, I thought it was going to be horrible. I don't think it did well either.

I, I, remember the set up I remember the trailers but I still haven't gotten to sit down and watch it either it looked interesting but again sometimes those are very deceptive in the trailers so. Anything else for you no that's my two. Alright Fred well. This past week I've been an addict to a couple of long running series you know I loved. The Sopranos and Deadwood yeah and.

The Wire, and so I've been casting around trying to find something else to watch. I tried watching Justified, and it's okay, but it's TV. It's not that slogan, it's not TV, it's HBO, which is one of the few slogans that's actually true, I think. That's true, and they're on their game, but I started watching Treme about New Orleans three months after Katrina. And it took a while to get into it, but then, yeah, it's got that heroine in it.

I really got into it. It's just so rewarding because it's so observational and you watch the characters. And there's a great scene when. The actress was in Deadwood, but she's on the phone, her house is a wreck, you know, it's in construction, and she's talking on the phone, she's making an omelette, she gets off the phone, she's overcooked the omelette, She sits down and starts to eat. And she starts crying.

And you just, well, it can't be that bad. You can make another omelet. But they just, they don't dwell on it. But, you know, it tells you there's something wrong. And she's a chef, and later she's having to borrow money from her parents because her restaurant isn't making it.

And it's just, you know, it sets you up to notice things, and then you find out more. And it's a really good observation process. After watching the whole first season, oh, Steve Zahn is in it, once again. Playing a completely believable dumb guy. Again, it's still up in the air whether he's a really great actor or they just turn the camera on.

Yeah, and he's just so stupid. There's so many times you're. Going, dude, how can, oh, for crying out loud. But he's really good in it. Everybody's really good in it.

But one thing I noticed after a while is all the male characters are really messed up but redeemed somehow. Oh, John Goodman's in it. And there's even a scene with Steve Zahn where he does exactly what we do. Steve Zahn is coming. To give John Goodman's daughter piano lessons.

And Goodman takes an instant dislike to Steve Zahn. He just reads him immediately. Dumbass. You can just see it in his face. Dumbass.

What are you here for? Okay, so he's sort of watching him. And then he starts teaching the girl how to play Tipitina. He tells her, forget everything you know about Jesus or. Buddha or anything.

There's this song. called Tipitina. And he thinks, and you can see John Goodman going, the. Guy's a dumbass, but he seems all right. And he is, he's a dumbass, but he's basically all right. And that's how all the guys in the show are.

They're like messed up, seriously something wrong with them. But then you find yourself going, oh, But they. Have their good qualities. There's one guy, he's a terrible husband, terrible father. And you start to see, you know, he's a really great ex-husband now.

He's like a really good guy. That's almost as important. Yeah, he's so much better as an ex-husband than as a husband. So I got caught up. But the weird thing is, all the women in the show are just great people doing the best they can.

They're all... that Mexican cop in traffic. You know, they're maybe not perfect, but they're just doing the best they can in. An imperfect situation. I was like, why is there this gender difference? Because that's not typical of David Simon, who did The Wire.

He doesn't do that, really. It's kind of PC, in a way. Like, the women don't have these big, glaring flaws. And in a way, it makes the women kind of secondary characters. They're not as interesting as the guys who are just messed up.

Because you're not dealing with the issues. Yeah, so I'm thinking it's Eric Overmeyer who co-wrote the script. I'm looking at him. He's my lead suspect. But he was involved with David Simon going back to the show Homicide, which started out, it was so great.

Homicide was great. And then. Progressively, you could feel the executives moving in because the ratings weren't good and trying to... And then eventually they came up with kind of a processed TV franchise that was nowhere near as good as the original. But that was.

I started watching the first season of Treme all the way through. That and maybe. This could sometimes be a topic, but I don't know if there's something about being a geek that just makes you irritated by everybody. In general. Does everybody here sometimes have that experience?

Most of the time, it's just, yeah, I take it. That sounds like a geek to me. That's why we watch movies, because we don't have to deal with the world. Well, it's kind of like that SNL parody of the guy who comes in to fix. Your email, and he's just such a dick about it.

Why does he have to be such a dick about it? But if you're a geek about anything, I think maybe there's something like that, because... I was watching, I watched The King's Speech this past week, and I just felt like a dick all the way through. You'd think by now you'd be used to that. And I'm watching it with my wife, and I know she's not appreciating it.

I'm just like, but I can't help it. I don't buy it. And I know a lot of people like the movie, and I know it's a good movie. And maybe me watching at a different time, it would have been okay if. I was wanting that Hollywood movie experience.

But I was watching it and I feel like, you know, there are dramatic moments in psychology that happen a lot in movies that you never see in life. And a lot of them are in this movie. It's like, it's basically the Karate Kid. I mean, come on! And it's all this psychology about why he stutters, and I'm like, I don't think that's true.

I don't think all that psychology... Sure, it seems like people have some issue when they stutter, but I don't think it's caused by all this analytical bullshit. I think that's just Hollywood movie junk being applied to it. He just needs to paint the fence, is what you're saying, right? Yes.

And then there's a scene where he gets him mad, so he starts talking without stuttering. He's like, oh, come on. You saw that coming when you started, right? Oh, come on. But I guess the thing it reminds me of is the only cure is something.

I like better. And the movie I like better is Rocket Science. If you've never seen that, it's just an awesome movie. It didn't do well. A lot of critics panned it, and they made up bullshit reasons.

But I think the real. Reason is they wanted the bullshit inspirational story. It's about a kid in high school who stutters, and he decides he's going. To join the debate team, and he's going to win. And he doesn't.

Because he can't. Because he stutters. Because that's how life works. It's a great, great movie. It has this unexpected, it goes somewhere else, though.

And I think some people were just really frustrated. It didn't do what they thought it was going to do. He didn't win. He didn't overcome his speech impedimentum. No, he didn't.

Mainstream audiences get upset when you do things that are creative or outside the norm. When did this come out? I've never even heard of it. Oh, it was a while back, and it's just awesome. Also, I'm kind of involved in, my son is in debate, which is really exciting and fun to watch.

And you're trying to get him to stutter? So you can create this conflict? Yes. No, he's going to pretend. For the past year, he's pretended to stutter. to psych out the other team.

He really is your son, isn't he? This sounds like something you would have thought. He saw this movie and. He hatched a plan. No, he's done like policy debate.

He's the only kid at his school who's done policy and Lincoln Douglas. Policy is just a nightmare. It's so technical and bizarre. I'll never be able to judge it. It's over my head.

But anyway, yeah, Rocket Science, if you get to see it, and I wasn't surprised to find out the director had actually stuttered as a kid, and he had had a debate where he. Could not speak for like five minutes. He couldn't get a word out. And it was just humiliating, but he made this fantastic movie called Rocket Science, and it has lots of great lines in it, just throwaway lines. And I don't know, I'm So I guess I'll recommend that instead of just continuing to be a dick about the King's speech.

It will continue. I mean, sometimes I'm in that mood for, you know, the Hollywood movie. Remember the Titans or something? Yeah. You know, but.

It wasn't what I was looking for that night. It was just like one thing after another that just pissed me off. And one last thing, Helena Bonham Carter. Hey, we don't love her. Yeah, you can just start and stop right there.

I think she's really attractive. I think she can act. I think that, you know, but she's one of those people I look at and I just think, God, it must get old being her. Wouldn't you just get sick of it if you had to get up every day and look in the mirror and go, oh, just give it a rest. Can you just quit?

She's so her. You just get sick of it. I think that's why I didn't used to have a problem with her, and now I'm just kind of like, ugh, again? Really? Yeah, well, there's something about her.

Like, you get your dose, and you're okay. That's why I can't believe she's still with Tim Burton. Well, that's exactly what I was going to say. You don't want, at some point, you want Tim Burton to stop making Tim Burton movies. Yeah, I've said that for a long time, too.

I mean, stop the cookie cutter and move on, and maybe she's the problem. They definitely took a big turn when she came along, and it was almost a turn for the worst. I mean, you can actually, like, almost see, like, where's the first thing where they sort of hooked up? Planet of the Apes. Yeah, that was a bomb.

I mean, really. And from there, it's gone downhill, and he's done more versions of other people's stories and versions of other people's movies, and it's just, it's not gone well. And, yeah, I... Not that Lisa Marie wasn't a weirdo too, but it's a weird trajectory to try to track. But Big Fish was in there, right?

See, that's the one exception. I really like Big Fish. That's one of my favorites. She was really cute in that too. Oh, she's always cute.

I mean, she's cute as hell. You just get sick of it. I'm sick of it. I would have. Liked to have seen more of her in Fight Club.

I thought Fight Club started out awesome. I mean, she's good at it, too. And then she just became like the girl. And then they forgot about her as a character because they're busy with the other characters who were the same guy. Well, because that movie would have been a better movie if they would have just dealt with that relationship.

That would have been a fantastic movie. I love the first part of that movie where they're going to the self-help stuff. It's funny. But I'm not a big fan of the doppelganger device. Right.

I did see an interesting discussion how the whole movie was based on Calvin and Hobbes, though. I've heard that. I've also heard the Ferris Bueller theory. It's all Cameron. There is no Ferris.

Which is interesting, actually. The more you go back and look at it, like, all right, I see this. Who's dancing on the float now? It all comes together. That would have been a great... movie getting to reshoot and at.

The end and there's there's like a youtube version of it on there that that sort of condenses it quickly but yeah the more i thought about it i was like that's kind of clever actually oh so that's me for you all right lucy Yeah, I actually feel totally ill-prepared. I did not do my homework this week. You've done something geeky. I'm never going to be asked back. I saw Bridesmaids, which is the only thing, so I was going to talk about that, but I think.

We've covered Bridesmaids. Yeah, I try to see basically everything that comes out every week that it comes out, and this has not been a week where I felt compelled to do that. So that was the only thing that I've seen. Yeah. So out of the five people here, no one saw Pirates this week?

I was going to say, there was only one big one. I came out. I did my time. I did three of them. Is that how many I did?

You see everything that comes out? Well, okay, I have certain standards. Whoa. We don't have that here. But, yeah, generally.

I almost see nothing when it comes out. Really? No, I can't watch anything. It used to be I just couldn't watch TV when it's on. I.

It's like, I'll wait, I'll watch Treme after they've done a season, and I just, and I rip through it like in a couple of nights, and then I think, that was a lot of work people did. And I'm just like, you know, out of a big measure. And so now they've started the next season, and I'm like, hurry up. What's taking you so long? I need to know more about this.

But no, I never see, and then I got to where I hardly ever see a movie when it's like, I have to really be interested. Like, I'm probably going to see Bridesmaids. Yeah. I have to go see that. That's sort of the level of buzz I need to go out and see a movie because I live in a cave and my kids tell me what to do.

I have to see every kid's movie that goes out. Those are the ones I avoid. I've never seen Kung Fu Panda 2. I really wanted to. I did like that one.

I just see what we do for the show. Unless it's something new that makes us go to the theater. That's the only ones I ever see. The only new movies I've seen are the ones for the show. I try to.

See anything that I hear something weird and interesting about. I try to go look it up. My aunt will mention The Virgin Springs. I'm like, I've never seen that. That sounds good, so I'll go watch this movie about a girl that was raped in medieval times.

This doesn't sound fun at all. No. You know, that brings up, I had avoided, I even mentioned this before, I had avoided Rashomon forever. I was like, that's the one I'm not going to see because I know it's about murder and it's about rape and it's a court drama. I thought it was going to be all about that and I watched, I was like, okay, I'm going to say that I've watched it so I don't, you know, check it off the list.

And I watched it, and that's the best of his movies. That's the best of his movies. That's funny how you do that. You know, and I'm so mad at myself that I hadn't watched it before. The storytelling is fantastic.

It's just one short story, and then you get it from four separate angles. And you kind of are left to figure out what really happened. And it's, especially for the time, it's just well, it's just really well done. And there's only five characters, you know, in the entire movie. And it's just...

You almost don't want it to end. It's a really good story. But anyway, we're still beating up on her. Yeah, I know. That's just amazing.

Well, I enjoy the cinematic experience. That's a huge part of it for me. I like the communal thing. And you don't have kids. And I don't have kids.

I agree. I do like the theatrical experience, but usually I just don't come. Nobody else wants to go, and I have no money half the time. I mean, I pay the price. I saw Water for Elephants.

I like that movie, actually. Oh, no, really? Can we discuss this? I need the defensive. Because honestly, a movie has never made me this angry.

Like, it angered me. I like this. That's what I'm talking about. Because it was like, okay, here's my take on it. It was like, tedium, occasionally interrupted with Violence against animals.

Like, teenagers are treated. By animal cruelty. And occasionally a sparkly vampire. Sparkly vampire. Well, I like the book, so I think it...

I mean, it could have been better. It wasn't my favorite movie ever, but it followed the book pretty closely. It cut out a bunch of characters a little bit, but. I feel like maybe I would have had a greater appreciation if I'd read the book. Because for me, there was very little.

That was so positive. I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but I'm just wondering, if they put Tony Yaw in it, could that have turned it around? And also, I mean, actually now thinking about it, I don't really remember the movie. It was quite forgettable. Well, let me explain why I was so stoked about this book and so stoked about the movie.

Okay, the book is about someone in the circus in the 30s, which is, like, Carnival is my favorite TV series of all time, so I'm obsessed with that time period. I'm obsessed with circuses and carnivals in general. Carnival's good. The main character has the same name as me, and it's spelled the same, so I was, like, pumped about that. And, you know, now that you mention it, I don't really remember the movie so much.

Did they have soap operas in the 30s? I thought that's where the character got their name from, too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Days of Our Lives. That was long-running, wasn't it?

Yeah, it's almost as long as all my books. So do you think, like, maybe you're still in the fog of the book? I think that may have been it. Because there was. No character development at all.

You can't tell what people who didn't read the book are missing. Yeah, because, I mean, now that you mention it, I really don't remember. I mean, I know what happened story-wise because I read it, but. You paid $ 8. 50 for the whole company.

I'm trying to think of a scene in the movie that particularly stands out, and I'm just like. I can play this game. I've seen the trailer, and I don't really remember the movie either. So, I mean, I'm kind of in the same boat, only I'm, like, nine bucks ahead. I want to hear more about what's so bad about it.

I just never felt more, like, emotionally manipulated. Like, it didn't earn anything. Like, it was just. I can't remember who... Like, I remember in the Peter Biskin book, he says.

I can't remember if it was Spielberg or if it was. I can't remember. Somebody said something about the easiest way to... a vocum motion is to torture a kitten or something. It's like something along those lines. And this was a kitten-torturing movie.

So you're sitting there, and it's horrible. You feel horrible. I mean, you're on the verge of tears, but it's not earned. It's not profoundly effective. It's just like, I don't want to watch these kittens getting tortured anymore.

Well, that's where you and I differ. There's one thing I enjoy. That's why some people walked out on Gummo, was the early kitten-grounding sequence. Bring it to a screeching halt with that kid serious for a moment and you were waiting for the twist. Please say something funny now um yeah that's what they do in movies like where they they bring in kids because you have to care about kids but all the characters you don't care about them at all you don't care what like how much traffic and except for benicio del toro.

You can shoot any one of these people in the face. I don't care. I don't care. And then, you know, there's What's-Her-Name with her kids threatened. It's like, okay, I care about the kids.

Because I have to. But everybody else just seems so corrupt. And, I don't know, mechanical in a way. The characters seem mechanical. It's that manipulated feeling like they're making you.

That's why I don't like being... having movies. Targeted toward me because it just seems like they're trying to play you. Most mainstream movies are very manipulative. Well, I mean, I guess, like, the book didn't have an extreme amount of character development either. It was kind of a short book, but, like, I guess, like, going into the movie and already knowing the backstory of everybody in it It's just kind of like, I can fill in the blanks, whereas if you've never read the book, you probably wouldn't be able to.

Was the villain more developed in the book? Because in the movie, he was just the most evil dude ever. Well, see, that was the weird thing. In the book, he wasn't all bad. Like, he had his good points, and it was just kind of like.

It was, like, a very conflicted story. You know? Like, he wasn't awful, but he wasn't fantastic. He was basically, like, bipolar, you know? And he was very dangerous when he was in a bad state, but he was wonderful in a good state.

Gotcha. Yeah, I would have liked more why she was attracted to him originally. But plus, Reese Witherspoon, I find her to be the maybe least appealing human being that's ever been captured in a night cinema. Wow. That's a big statement.

Yeah, kind of. Nice. She's pretty bad. I love her. She's had her points.

She's had moments. Well, she was younger. Yeah. Freeway was excellent. I love Freeway.

I can't fight it. I thought Reese in her first movie ever was just excellent. She was like a kid. Yeah. The Man in the Moon or something?

Yeah, you know, I saw that because I was trying to rent that movie where Jim Carrey plays Andy Kaufman. and it was back in the VHS era and it's on the shelf and I get it and I'm halfway home and I'm thinking of the song the R.E.M. Song if you believe in. A man in the moon nobody. Believes they put a man in the moon what. The hell is this they put a man in the moon they put a man on the moon but I watched it anyway and there are eerie parallels.

Between the movies, they're both obsessed with Elvis. The song. In the movie, man. Reese Witherspoon is like a kid, and she's obsessed with Elvis. And there are these odd parallels between the movie and...

I just wanted to see the Andy Kaufman movie. Little did you know they sent the astronauts up there with a giant digging device. And their first and foremost is dig straight to the center. We're pretty sure it's full of... It's full of cheese or gold or something.

We want you to find out. Start digging. I think we've covered quite a bit. Should we round it out? I never knew we were going to hit Reese Witherspoon so hard.

I'm sorry. No, I like it. It's kind of like kicking a kitten. Kitten torture. Dump on Reese Witherspoon.

Right. Well, that means that he plays opposite two of the worst actresses. I don't know. I still put... What's her face a little ahead of her?

Oh, Kristen Stewart. At least Reese has had good performances. I've never seen Kristen Stewart deliver anything. She always looks like she's just been raped. She does.

I saw her in that movie. It's like a teen book. What is it? Speak? And she's like a high school kid who gets raped.

And in everything I've seen since then, she's playing the same character. She always just looks like she's just been raped. You know, then I saw that, what is it, Twilight series? Unfortunately. Did she get raped?

What happened here? Why is she doing that? Oh, God. If it's an acting style choice, I don't recommend it. It doesn't seem like a good way to go.

Well, the problem is she's had success. And she keeps getting good roles, and so she's just going to keep doing it. She's not going to learn anything. She's like, I've got this shit down. I'm going to keep cranking these out.

And why would you change it? I mean, she's been doing that in some of the biggest money-making movies that have ever been made. So it's like, well, it must be right. I mean, why would I change anything now? Well, if she brought something to the table, the women, like with Twilight, the women that love it, and if she added anything to the character, the women that love it would.

Think, Who's this bitch? What's she doing? Why is she messing with the character that I love from these books? So if she plays it stupid, maybe it's genius. Because if she plays it stupid and adds nothing, then she's a blank slate.

Because her face is clearly blank. She's a character that all these girls are projecting themselves into. That's what it is. It works like those things at the carnival where you put your face in a painted form. And that's the way the...

That's the way the book is. What little I know about the book is even the character in the book is written very bland, and you're supposed to identify with her. They've carried that over. I'm a bland, adolescent girl. Well, think about who's reading The Twilight Zone.

I kind of like sexual fantasy and what the vampires are about in that book, which they have been in the past, but not as. ridiculously, maybe. But I guess it's all ridiculous. It's penthouse films without the sex. Yeah. It's some kind of a fantasy thing.

I guess being that blank, you know, they're probably telling her to. I don't think they're telling her to. I find her horribly unattractive. At least Reese Witherspoon's attractive. I like Reese sometimes.

She has kind of a funky chin. It's like Jay Leno's bastard daughter. And it was kind of cute when she was a kid. Because we know who her mom or dad is, but not her mom. It was kind of cute when she was a kid.

I loved her in, like, elections. She was awesome. She was perfect in that role. Something went wrong. I think it was Legally Blonde.

Yeah, I was going to say, it was Elle Woods took it all down. Well, see, I think at the time, they thought she was playing something. In acting. But I don't know that she was. Well, no, I think maybe she was, but it may be that same thing with Kristen Stewart.

It may be like, wow, that worked really well. This is the most successful thing I've ever done, and I played a dumb airhead. So a lot of her roles... have been dumber and dumber as time's gone on. I don't know if she's purposefully choosing that, or it's just agents are giving her nothing but the same thing. But there's two or three of them that could have been the same character, really.

I'm sure there's a lot of marketing people working out the math of what their image is and what they can bank on attracting people audiences to their kind. Of movie based on what they've done before. But it can go sour. Well, you know, I feel like Hollywood has always been, there's two types of actors in Hollywood. There's talented actors and there's beautiful actors.

You know, like, you know, there's... And there's Reese Witherspoon. Yeah, neither of those. And then there's Tagline. But I mean, like.

If you want to, you know, if you think about it, like, There's movies that have, you want the beautiful leading lady who may be an okay actress, or you want a serious, hard-hitting actor who will really get to you. But it's like, if you're not either one of those, why don't they toss you out? I don't get it. Here's why. There can be different variables in the beautiful actor category.

Like Meg Ryan. She's cute, but in a way that other women don't resent. That used to be the case. It was. It used to be the case.

I haven't really kept up with her. Nobody has. She was cast in those roles that were like couple movies so that both. I don't know. Yeah, because if you're going to those romantic movies and then your significant other's sitting there going, oh, that girl's really hot the whole time, you're going to be pissed off.

So if you put someone in there that's very, again, bland, if you put someone in, kind of likable but she's not threatening. And also I notice a lot of actors come along who sort of resemble previous actors and they're. Like banking on a kind of recognition. It's weird how much you see actors sort of building momentum and they sort of remind. You of a few other actors.

Yeah. Well, and you get that, I think, in Hollywood in general. It's like you get people that they're kind of, okay, time to put them out to pasture because you hit a certain age, which is younger and younger anymore. And it's like time to find the new version of them. Yeah, right.

Yeah, you get that. Who is the new this? Yeah. They play that game every year in Hollywood. Yeah, they do.

You know, like the new Michael Cera, the new Seth Rogen, the new... I don't need. Either new or either of those. No, no, no, but... They can do just fine in the right roles.

In the right roles. They can be really annoying in the wrong roles. Yeah. Anything else we need before we. Anything else anybody just hates?

I think there's already a hate cast. I don't think we can do that. All right. We will take a break and be back with this week's buzzing activities. Tweet Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds.

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Who doesn't, Sue? But we know we can't be. Instead, Erica and Emily. Uh, Emily and Erica. Who am I?

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Visit gleecast.podomatic.com or search for us in the itunes store that's gleecast with a k part of the palaver.com family that's p-a-l-a-v-r.com. Boy the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies limed and rotting in shallow graves under the floorboards. We're working on that that's part of your problem you know you haven't seen enough movies all. Of life's riddles are answered in the movies And now, on with the show. If you believe they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.

If you believe there's nothing up. His sleeve and nothing is cool. Horses swim walking with the staff of the moon. The other thing I was going to mention is Columbo, the third episode of Columbo, first season. It's on Netflix, and.

It's the most blatant socialist propaganda. I've ever seen in my life. Because he goes up against, he's like this little gray bureaucratic, well, bureaucrat, And he goes up against a guy in private practice as. A detective. And it turns out the private detective is the murderer.

So it's like a battle of the private. I don't know. It's the most blatant. And I was just shocked. It's like, wow, so they were just putting blatant socialist propaganda on TV.

Oh, and one more thing. I love Lucy, man. Oh yeah, the factory thing. Yeah, the chocolate factory. Well, being married to a Cuban.

It's all coming together now. I don't know how I never put it together. It's just like the Smurfs in communism. If you didn't put those two and two together, you just... It was.

Gargamel was the capitalist American. Gargamel was the capitalist American that loved gold. And you had the people that were identified by their job. They all lived in the same house. They followed a guy with a beard who wore red.

If you watch the show, it was trying to get kids my age, early 80s, to embrace communism. It was the last gasp. Well, you know, people who start out wanting to be writers often get these little gigs and they put. whatever they have going on in there. Wasn't the Smurfs originally. Made in the 60s?

Yeah, I think it was in the 60s. It makes it even closer to that. But the 80s television show, if you watch it, is. And what country was it from originally? What I've heard.

The TKK one. I've not heard that. The white, pointy white caps, and then the leader has a red, pointy red cap, and he's the grand wizard. And then Gargamel is sort of. the horrible stereotype Jewish wants to turn everything into. Gold, and then Israel, Osrails.

That makes sense. Very possible. But isn't it like, I want to say it's Swedish, or it was originally from Sweden or someplace? I think, yeah, he was from some Scandinavian country, that Peo dude. I just went back and recently watched him, and I just realized that it sucked.

I didn't know there was all this other stuff going on. Just don't watch the snorts. That was.... I never saw one. No, you did, though.

You think you loved the Smurfs. See, that's what it was. Yeah, I watched the Smurfs every week, and then I went back and watched and went, God, this is horrible. Yeah, it started off as Belgian, and I think it became Dutch somehow. Oh, the fact that it has anything to do with communism is completely me making up bullshit.

But that's the way it is. The first time I, in philosophy class in college, my first class, I was like. Wait a minute, this is the Smurfs. You're on to something. I think it's more or less was like a parody of Belgian society.

Commies. Socialist commies. French fries. No, I just throw out mayonnaise. No, no, it says this has led to the Smurfs being labeled, associated, or praised as communists.

Oh. They're as stupid as me. I always, when I find that out, I'm like, huh, cool. That makes it better, doesn't it? My people.

Well, Lucas messed everything up with Star Wars for me because my theory was the reason why we knew it was long, long ago is because they hadn't invented the wheel yet. In none of the first three trilogies do they use a wheel at any point. They float and they roll and they walk with the adepts, but they never actually roll on anything. Interesting. I don't know if you're familiar with an essay entitled on the improbability of the Death Star's trash compactor.

Oh yeah, you told me about it. How it doesn't, no engineer would ever design it. Yeah, because like two moving walls is like much, much worse. And also you're out in space. Why do you need to compact anything?

There's plenty of vast room. So you're going to compact it into this tiny little thing that's going to be out there and you won't see until it's right in the windshield. And that doesn't make any sense. Yeah. But maybe, I'm thinking, if it was because they didn't have wheels, that could resolve a lot of these questions.

I mean, they're, in a way, primitive. Right. Because it's one of the basic machines, you know. Or perhaps the trash compactor, maybe they didn't throw all of their garbage out. Yeah, they kept it until they got back.

Right, and the trash compactor was making it smaller to throw people in. Right. That's what I'd do. Right. So how did R2 roll around?

I don't think he ever had wheels, did he? I assume that was on the bottom there, but we never flipped him over. That was a toy. We had the wheel. That wasn't that long ago, too.

What? Yeah. I still think he wasn't on wheels. Let's ask Kenny Baker. Get him on the phone right now.

Yeah, the wheels wouldn't have worked out in the desert sand. I always thought that was kind of weird. They needed to be huge wheels to go across that sand. So was he hovering? He obviously hovered earlier in the series.

Yeah, what happened there? Why don't they cover the fact that they broke him? Right. So I digress. Well, they fixed him.

Right. Come on. They can fix a guy's hand. Have you all seen the 13 severed hands video of Star Wars? And how everyone gets their hand severed.

And if you cut off someone's hand, inevitably you will get your hand cut off. Interesting. And the one. Character that they threaten removes people's hands, Chewbacca never actually does it. Nice.

Anyway, we need to get on with the show. I don't know. This is pretty fun. I just like theories. I'm not a big fan of animals being dressed up, but I saw a photo on the internet of a dog.

That looked just like Chewbacca. And it was even wearing a little belt. And it was just sitting in the car. Oh, it was awesome. I'm not a fan of kittens being tortured.

But I saw this video. I'm not a fan of Ewoks, but I saw George Lucas. I saw this video of an Ewok being tortured, and it was awesome. They need to make Ewok torture porn. They really do.

That would make me... Look, if you Google it, it's there. Ewok torture porn. Every time you think you've thought of something, it's there. It's out there.

There's already a t-shirt from it. If not, we're making it tonight. All right, it's time for What's the Buzz? Groovy. All right, we'll just start off with it, Greg.

You specifically said we needed to address this this week, so do you want to discuss your favorite actor of all time? Okay, I'm probably taking a little license there. Yeah, of course. The biggest story this week, I suppose, would be the governor himself. Oh, yeah.

He's my favorite actor of all time. That's why I was taking license. Oh, okay. I was just disappointed that when I heard, I don't care about their. Relationship or their marriage or who he had children with.

But what I care about is that they put on hold and may not have him cast in the Terminator. Yeah, screw these families and poor children. I don't care about bastard children and how they've been hiding their entire lives who their father was. And maybe even living in poverty, for all we know. But now, me personally being affected by Terminator, not having Arnold Schwarzenegger in it when he made.

That just. Yeah. I'm sorry. I've not been following that story, but how... Arnold Schwarzenegger has very distinct features.

I'm not going to argue that. And I'm just thinking, like. It's like having Herc Douglas' love child. Yeah. It's like, how.

How can you tell? How is someone not going to know? Like. You know, aren't you Arnold Schwarzenegger's housekeeper? Your son looks remarkably like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It's okay. Wouldn't you notice? Wouldn't you see how Maria Shriver probably should have caught on to that? She's supposed to be an intelligent lady. Yeah.

I'm sure maybe they never brought the children around or something like that. They went on vacation with each other. They took the nanny, or not nanny, she's the housekeeper, on vacation with them. Didn't that seem a little odd? The takeaway from this for me is after they came out with pictures of the woman and I don't think I'm an unkind person.

One of us is going to have to say it. But the thing that I get from this is with all the advertising driven insecurity and I have a teenage daughter that women have and all the things they do and all the things they worry about it turns out All you have to do to attract a guy who's like a movie star and a billionaire. And a governor is be around. And not quite be Ed Asner. That's the two things you need to do as a woman to be attractive, really, is you just have to be around.

And be a little more, slightly more feminine than Ed Asner. No, no, no, Ed Asner's pretty hot. You know, he has his moments. But, yeah, that's the thing that occurred to me, is, you know, she's, sure, I. Mean, she's there.

I don't know. What's he going to do, go out to bars? He can't do that. She reminds me of a, A plus-size version of John Leguizamo in drag. Yeah, I can see that.

So watch Too Wong Fu and add a few pounds? Have you ever seen her? Yeah, she's not... But the image in my head is really. Attractive?

I mean, that's what I'm thinking. Too Wong Fu, but after raiding a bakery. Raiding a bakery. Oh, so, yeah, they're saying the projects, some of which are likely to start up, they're saying Terminator has got Justin Lin behind it now directing, so it's probably going to happen on some level. Right.

But whether or not, yeah, I guess it could put him in jeopardy as far as being attached to it. I don't know why. Obviously, this is a scandal on some level, but who cares? In that world, I'm just like, in the multi-billion dollars you're going to be investing or hoping to get out of Terminator... Does it really factor in?

Is that really going to stop somebody who was going to go see Terminator from going to see Terminator? I don't think so. No, I think it's a bluff. Probably. I mean, they're saying the other one, he was supposedly signed on to do a movie called Cry Macho.

Now, this one I can see it throwing off because his character kidnaps an 11-year-old boy for his boss. Like, okay, that can be a little awkward at this point. It'd be hard to market that one, I suppose. I just think it's. Funny that The world still seems to be shocked when a politician or an actor is unfaithful to his wife.

I assumed that he was getting some on the side. Didn't he already get in trouble for grabbing people on his staff in the last five or six years? It's not like this should really be a huge shock to anyone. He's probably gone down that road a lot of times. She was just willing, and the other ones wanted to fight him off, obviously, and cause a big scandal out of it.

This woman just went willingly into it, like, all right, just give me a check, I'll have your kid. I just think, like, of course this isn't across the board, but you give a person a position of power and... an inflated ego, then they're going to do whatever the fuck they want. They're not going to, like... I don't know. It's just.

Well, I mean, he's got, like, a triple threat of, you know, you'll never be able to keep his ego in check. I mean, he's already huge. He's a bodybuilder. He's been a bodybuilder his entire life, so he's always physically more important than anyone else. He's a movie star, and he's governor of one of the largest states in the country.

Yeah, I think it's the biggest economy. Yeah. So, I mean, it's... He's got so much behind him, you know, and so much that he can feed that ego that, I mean, yeah, there's... Why would this... this woman be the one nope don't think i can get her you know.

Just like right you have la there i mean you would expect him to. Go after any number of you know barbies yeah and and probably like actresses that he could lure into anything with like oh and i'll get you a role in the next terminator movie and Women would probably line up for that, unfortunately. Yeah, but, you know, there's a lot of truth in that. Like, if you're, I don't know if you're ever around, like, really rich people, they have all the crap that they think, I'm rich, I have to have this crap. They still have their favorite stupid stuff.

You know. So she was his favorite stupid stuff. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. She was the all-raising boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was the all-raising. She's the worn out pair of shoes that he really doesn't want to get rid of. I don't want a new robe. I like this robe. It's just human nature.

Can we work in the world? And, you know, it doesn't matter how attractive a woman is. I mean, some women are just more fun than others. There you go. I'll give you that.

I mean, maybe the actor in him should have gone for a more attractive woman, but the politician in him said, she's here. I mean, Monica Lewinsky. That availability thing, I cannot. Stress that enough. Yeah, it's not availability, it's economy of movement.

You know, he's not wasting any of the... funds she's already there yeah who. Wants the hassle of going out and you know well this. And also i guess you kind of have to think of it like a an actor it's not a big deal for them to be unfaithful they're probably not going to lose they don't have anything on the line by like being unfaithful to their wife or husband But a politician has a little bit more, so it's a little bit more discreet if you're not going out and, like, picking up hookers off the street. I guess if it's someone that's already in your house and they have, like, a legitimate reason to be there, I guess it makes a little bit more sense. Plus, she's already on the payrolls.

I mean, you've just got to give her a little more money to be quiet. Well, and here's the other thing. This was, what, like 15 years ago when it started? Yeah. Probably at least so she's aged and she may have let herself go you know so she might have she's not an ugly person it's just you know not somebody you she like any number of cases of like the other woman that you would point to it would not be her right usually it's not as bad a crime as um Oh, what's his name?

Four Weddings and a Funeral. That hot chick that Hugh Grant hooked up with? Hugh Grant, yes. That was a dude, wasn't it? Divine Brad.

Right. It was a really... I just saw the picture and I was scared. I was like, is that Flavor Flav? I believe that was a woman, but you're probably mixing that up with the Eddie Murphy story.

You're right. Hey, that was a misunderstanding. She was asking for directions, you know, whatever. Allegedly. And.

Yeah, his was probably the worst. At that point, he could probably get most women. And he was picking that up. And was with, you know, a ridiculously attractive woman that obviously... She's horrible.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of her. Anyway, but. If you say he could get most women, he could get most of the women who were. In the market to be got. Right.

But, you know... I'm just saying he didn't need to pick her up off the street. Yeah. I don't mean to. I don't want to rip on people's physical appearance.

Because we're all such prizes. On the radio. We're the most attractive people on the radio. She's not an ugly person. But she's not in great shape or anything.

She's not especially attractive. He's kind of got a nice gut going these days, too. You know, but Maria Schneider kind. Of looks like a corpse. Yeah.

So, one of the more attractive women who resembles Skeletor, but not. This place makes me think of a corn husk. I still think Joni Mitchell. It's like the most attractive woman who looks like Skeletor. It's good to have these levels.

We've got to have levels. Amy Maynard. Amy Maynard on that one. Oh, wow. You know, with Amy Maynard, I had a thing for her when I was very young, first watching MTV.

So she will always be beautiful to me. Like the late TV boy. No, not even that way. I think she's almost unattainable. I think.

Especially since she lost that toe. She lost that what? That toe. Never mind. How about a pig in a blanket?

Right. So if there's anything good that's come from the Arnold story, it's the fact that I think they're at least putting on hold, if not completely killing, the Governator Project, which was a horrible idea. They wanted to... Have you not... Oh, Lord.

No. It's... They based a comic strip, I think. I don't know if it was actually a comic book, but Stan Lee's involved, so it probably was. It was a comic book about the, you know, superhero adventures of a man who's also the governor.

Oh, that's funny. He's the governator. And they were going to make a movie out of it. They were supposed to make a TV series out of it. All of this from this wonderful property that is the governator.

So, yeah, at this point, let's see, the... I think the quote is, the Governator Project is on hold. And the reason they wanted to do it at the time was based upon Schwarzenegger's kid-friendly appeal. Oh, yeah. Does that mean having a lot of kids?

It's because he's father to so many of them. Knocking out kids? Is that all you need to get kid-friendly appeal? Well, still, it is just an extramarital affair. I mean, it's not like...

Most kids' dads do have. An extramarital affair these days, so... What a wonderful world we live in. These studies are pretty sophisticated. I mean, they've heard about nobody's ever going to grow up the way I did in like some little idiotic.

Town where you're segregated. There's no contact with anything interesting anywhere. It's just not going to happen. No, I think that's gone. Just to clarify, Fred is not advocating segregation.

No. No, I mean, it's segregated from culture. Yeah, I mean, you were out in the middle of nowhere. I grew up in a little town that, you know, it had a little college in it, and so there was that. But basically, you just felt like, wow, there's nothing interesting here, and there's no way to get near anything interesting.

See, you've killed that now with the internet. I mean, no matter where you are, you're connected to the rest of the world, in a sense. I mean, you're still... physically off away from everyone but you've got access to a culture that it's out yeah yeah it's and you can tap into it and you can learn from it and you know you couldn't do that yeah you could never do that yeah it's different what i can't wait for though the best thing as far as i'm concerned now is when we give it about 10 years And we get to have movies that star the bastard son of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, yeah. Conan the Destroyer could be his son.

That's going to be so awesome. Because I don't know what straight-to-video is going to be in ten years. It'll be straight-to-download-it-onto-your-brain or something. But there's going to be an equivalent of a bad straight-to-VHS movie that's going to star Jimmy Schwarzenegger. Whatever the hell his name is.

I was thinking, I was trying to think back, because that was the straight-to-VHS maneuver, like when they would use the box art to sucker you in. Because I remember there was one, and it was at the video store, and I remember it had the big poster art on the front of the VHS, and it said, Norris McQueen Swayze. And then in little letters, it was Mike Norris, Chad McQueen, Don Swayze. All of which are sons and are brothers of the. Yeah.

So I was like, this is... It'll just Schwarzenegger. Jimmy Schwarzenegger. Well, do you know that theater... That's a classic theater joke.

Oh, yeah. It's the joke about they're trying to get somebody and hire a guy to do a musical. And they say, oh, well, we've got this choreographer. She's awesome. And it's Tharp.

Is it Twyla Tharp? No, no, it's Joan Tharp. And. And then they say, and the music is this guy who's really interesting, Glass. Oh, Philip Glass?

No, no, George Glass. And we've got this other guy who's committed to it, Gold. Elliot Gold? Yeah. It's like everybody is a knockoff of somebody until you get to.

The one person who is... Yeah, we got him. We got him. So, yeah, I thought that's going to be awesome when we start getting that. Because his real kids probably won't want to do that kind of stuff.

But, yeah, the bastard son of Schwarzenegger is going to have to be an action star. Even if he's not in shape, it will be so awesome to have a knockoff version. It would be better. Because, I mean, have you seen Chad McQueen? He's not his dad, and yet he was in a ton of movies driving a car.

It doesn't matter if they're even a sad shadow of the person that they're supposed to be, as long as you've got the names. Actually, he ought to just go by the bastard son of Schwarzenegger. That would be awesome. I would see all of those movies. Yeah.

That other movie was Death Ring, by the way. I think we need to add it to the list. It also stars Billy Drago. Nice. That needs to be on our VHS classic series.

We need to work in there. All right. If we've finished off Schwarzenegger for a minute. Any more buzz? Yeah.

More of the fun trends in Hollywood now, if we have. One of the hottest mini-trends in Hollywood is the classic horror mashup, which are movies that take a period piece setting and its characters and match them against monsters. Author Seth Graham Smith is credited with this trend with his adaptations of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. Both of those are supposedly movies coming out by 2012. You love these.

Do you? I haven't read them, but I just. Yeah, no, this has kind of played out already, and they're jumping on the bandwagon. It's kind of over. So along those lines, a young English filmmaker named Matthew Butler recruited Sir Ian McKellen to narrate and appear in a short film called Egad Zombies, which is pretty funny in its own right, that has now led to an actual feature-length movie getting produced.

Sir Ian McKellen, Dame Judi Dench, and Gillian Anderson will co-star in The Curse of the Buxom Strumpet. Shepard is a great word that's not used nearly enough. Yeah, it is a good title. Yeah, the residents of a 1700s English town which will have to deal with an outbreak of zombies. I'm kind of over zombies in general.

I know. Sounds like a good... idea for a short film. Short film i'll watch it not a feature i knew a few kids who were reading that pride and prejudice and zombies and seemed to like. It okay but i mean i mean i guess i read. The front and back cover and it was.

Awesome short film i wonder yeah there's bio was. Great it's fabulous it's on my nook but i've actually read the real Pride and Prejudice and didn't bother with Pride and Prejudice and zombies. You did it wrong. I wonder, is it basically the storyline just like there's zombies in there in addition to everything that's already going on? Because if so, that's a clever way to get children to read Jane Austen and think about it.

Pretty damn sneaky. That is what it is. It's just every now and then they'll have to pause and fend off zombies and then the story just continues. That's the way it was explained to me. I think it's a great way to write a cheap book.

Well, yeah. Well, I guess that doesn't really work so well because then children in the future are just going to be talking about when they remember reading Pride and Prejudice and they're like, and then she fought the zombies? And it's like, no, that didn't happen. I don't remember. Everything gets corrupted like that eventually.

Sooner or later, everything that we hold dear, somebody, a kid will be going, Yeah, then there was a zombie. That's not how it goes at all. It'll happen. Well, it feels like this whole movement was like a novelty, and they're just continuing to the point where it's not funny. I don't know.

There's several of them like that, and now there's this whole new wave of people that are kind of ripping off what this was, which was already a ripoff. So, yeah, it's a copy of a copy. How far down is this going to go until you're looking at something horrible again? which is probably not true. I think the theory is if you keep doing something stupid long enough, eventually it becomes good again. But sometimes, you know, I have things like I'll say, like running jokes, like a phrase I'll.

Repeat, and sooner or later it will be hilarious. But you have to say something stupid a thousand billion times before that happens, before suddenly one day it's the funniest thing on earth. And when you're. Making movies, that's a big commitment to make that many really dumb movies just in the hope that eventually it'll hit. I think that's happened with zombie movies.

I'm ready for the new zombie movie. I guess vampires? Vampires are the new zombies? No. But, I mean, it's not.

I don't know. They tried to do the werewolf. It's next on the list, I hate to tell you. That's the next one here. Is it going to be cyborgs or something?

It could be. I've made it further to be like a ghost revival. Like, ghosts. I want movies about ghosts. Patrick Swayze ghost revival?

No, no, no. Well, they should remake that. And actually have Patrick Swayze's ghost. Oh, that's tacky. Too soon.

Mrs. Swayze does not find that funny. Too soon. Sorry. Oh, no, next up, aside from the hot trend of zombie mashup movies, it still pales in comparison to the vampire movies, which is probably due to Twilight, unfortunately.

But, well, before that, in 1994, Interview with a Vampire was the first movie to adapt Anne Rice's Vampires to the big screen. Do you want me to stop so you can badmouth Anne Rice? I loved Anne Rice when I was like a child. And then, I mean, when I was like 11, you could not peel me away from her books. And then I was like, these books have no plot.

What the hell? Why am I reading this garbage? Yeah. You know something I'd really like to own? When I first saw Interview with a Vampire, it came with an introduction by Anne Rice explaining her fans' concerns about the casting choices and and how she was 100% behind the production, and.

It was awesome. But then it also had this little thing where she explained to just everybody who was going to watch the movie that, remember, it's not just about vampires. It's about us. I'd just like to own that. I'd like to see that again someday.

It wasn't on the DVD when it came out. I rented it just to have. Her little speech. That sounds like a hoot. Because I just thought it was like the most pretentious thing I'd ever heard.

Ever. And it's like, I've got to keep it. I want to have that so I remember what is the benchmark for being pretentious. Explaining to your audience, it's not just about vampires. It's about us.

And as I watch the movie, everything that happens, I think, that's not just about vampires. That's about us. And eventually it got really funny. It started funny. It was funny from the beginning.

That kind of narration is exactly what ruined Blade Runner. That's exactly what they're doing every time. You're like, oh, really? You have to explain that you shot this guy? It's that bad.

It's like R. Kelly's trapped in the closet. Yes, it's exactly like. It's exactly like R. Kelly's...

Yes. Remember when you interviewed the vampire when that little midget was hiding in the cabinet? And then he pooped his pants. I've never seen an interview with a vampire. I boycotted it on purpose.

But you've seen Trapped in a Closet. But. No, I've seen clips of Drafton. Oh, I've seen Drafton. I saw it on DVD.

I don't know what happened to it. I think you made everyone we knew watch Drafton. I did. I was obsessed. You were.

It was kind of scary, actually. What happened with that project? I mean, we were promised more chapters. I think more chapters did come out. I never watched it.

It went to 24, I believe. But it was not resolved. Damn it. I'm going to have to watch this now. Do they have it on Netflix?

Oh, I hope so. I want this resolved, damn it. You know, he needs another pissing case to get him back in the limelight. So that he can... That can be arranged.

I'm sure it won't take much for him. Yeah. So, back around to Neil Jordan. So, the director of the original interview with the vampire that started this whole thing, Neil Jordan, who generally spends most of his time making more arthouse-friendly movies, is deciding to come back to vampires. He wants money.

Yeah. Yeah, and nobody cares about his art aspirations. I do. I would love to have on DVD his movie The Miracle. It's the best movie.

He ever did. You can't get it. It's on VHS. It's about a couple Irish teenagers wandering around making up stories about strangers. It's just really cool.

This is not about an Olympic winning hockey team. No, and he has other movies. He had some mermaid movie that's kind of like it. It has all the elements. It's like magical.

It's like, but no, that was the one where his little fable that he was trying to do with a weird twist in it. It really worked for me. I liked that movie a lot. Mermaid, Fable, The Twist, that's Lady in the Water, right? No.

It's exactly the same. It was different, and it was trying to work, but it just didn't. But The Miracle really kind of did. It was a good little movie. Beverly D'Angelo was in it.

I thought she was only in Chevy Chase movies. No. No, she turned up, and it was a couple of teenagers... making up stories. They don't know if they're boyfriend and girlfriend or they're just friends. It's called The Miracle.

It's a really good movie. Interesting. This one is not. Ah, no. But so far I like the casting.

It has Saoirse Ronan and Gemma Arterton, our favorite actress with extra fingers. So they've signed on to star in Neil Jordan's Byzantium. They star as mother-daughter pair of vampires who pose as sisters, and they're supposed to start shooting in England in October. I don't know. Could go either way?

I don't know. I don't trust him. He can go bad like him. I think he, sometimes he does all right, but he doesn't have, like, an instinct that you would trust, like, oh yeah, he's going to pull that off. No.

No, he probably won't pull it off. It'll probably be a disaster. That's my feeling. It doesn't sound like it's being... Because my original thought was he's doing it to make money.

Yeah. But it doesn't sound like the construction of it that it is. I mean, the vampire's going to sell more tickets, of course. Yeah. But, I don't know.

That one I can see being commercially... successful on some level if they did it right if they marketed it right now this one they they said that he's not the only somewhat artsy director uh going for vampires jim jarmusch which this just seems odd right off the bat it's super you know the king of all indie directors almost uh is signed on to direct an untitled vampire movie with tilda swinton She is a vampire. She may very well be a vampire. Michael Fassbender and Mia Wasowski or whatever, the Alice in Wonderland girl. Yeah, yeah. They've all signed on to play vampires with John Hurt.

You can't go around throwing John Hurt in the middle of something. Right. So, yeah, he is also on board in an unspecified non-vampire role. Now, why would you make him not a vampire? Wait, who's not a vampire?

John Hurt. I know why. It's because he's going to do this. Yeah. And attract vampires.

I've never seen a movie in which John Hurt did not do this. Do you need to describe it? It's a thing he does with his head where he's sort of like... It's different from... It's like neck popping.

It's a neck popping gesture. He does one and then the other and he sort of raises his eyebrow and looks like he's thinking about thinking of something soon. He's thinking about vampires. Well, Jarmusch describes the movie as a crypto vampire love story set against the romantic desolation of Detroit and Tangiers. What?

What? That sounds like somebody did a Mad Libs. Yeah. No, that sounds like a homeless person pitched that on a computer in a library. And you're doing it.

I'm so happy for that guy wherever he's sleeping right now. That might be true. He got corrugated cardboard for that one. Awesome. Oh, God.

I don't know. Just Jarmusch making anything that's not his own weird thing. Like, trying to shove him into another format doesn't seem like a good idea. Yeah. He doesn't fit anything but Jarmusch.

So, yeah. That's just strange to me. But, I mean, maybe it could work. I don't know. I mean.

Again, if it's like his signature type of movie and they just happen to throw vampires in it. Or maybe he's just doing something different from what he's done. I don't know. I'm not sure he can do much other than what he does. It would be interesting, but he's always just so...

He's just kind of off his own world and... It works if you're into that, but yeah, I cannot see that working commercially. I think it, I. Don't know, it actually makes a lot of sense to me. No, no, I'm serious, I'm not even joking right now, because he's always done that.

Sort of thing that Nicholas Ray did, where these protagonists that are very flawed and troubled, but I mean, I guess I'm thinking of Ghost Dog, where that was such an amazingly moral character. but was, you know, a trained assassin. He was a killer, but he was simultaneously, like, the moral center of the film. So, like, that's kind of the deal with vampires, right? Like, they do something, they have their own code. Yeah.

Again, potentially, I could see it working as a project, again, if he did his thing in the middle of it. But, yeah, trying to then market that, like, trying to then get a mass audience to which granted nobody in a mass audience has anything to do with charm it i mean i think it would. Be kind of awesome if someone did an intelligent vampire movie and not that they don't happen like that sounds like an oxymoron but like if you think about the mythology of vampires and like their nature it's like really interesting But it's so cheapened. Yeah. I think this could work.

I like it. I like the concept. It'll be interesting to see what they do with it, I guess. Ten years ago, if they would have pitched it to me, I would have pre-ordered my ticket. Yeah.

But now I kind of feel like, you know. Vampires has become a new thing in. The last ten years. Maybe they'll turn it around. Who knows?

This could be it. This could be what it is. It's so hilarious, I guess I want to wish them luck. You know, do something crazy, make it work. Look, you've got, like I said, you've got a real vampire cast in the film, so it's going to be authentic.

They're all similar vampires. Actual vampires. Yeah. Which is not unprecedented. The Hunger.

Peter Murphy. That's right. And Shadow of the Vampire. That was a true story, right? Pretty true.

I don't know what else you're buzzing about. But I was furious last night when I saw the preview. For Fright Night. All right. Had you planned on it?

No, that's actually... Well, I'm still... That was... At some point, I was going to check with you guys and see, is that one we're going to have to go see, good or bad, that we're going to have to go... I think so.

I'll probably be yelling at the screen. Oh, yeah. But. I have. Because, like, the first half of the preview, I was like, okay, Colin Farrell.

Okay. Okay. Maybe if he played super creepy, but subtle. Yeah. If he could do that.

And then it immediately. Went to the second half of the preview. You could see the entire movie unfolding already, like they do now. Like trailers are. Like trailers are.

And he's like Superman vampire. You know, throwing cars around and reveals himself. To the main character. What's his name? It doesn't matter.

Early on, you know, about his, oh, I like your girlfriend and your mom kind of thing. I know you know I'm a vampire. You know, that's what worked in Fright Night is he forever didn't know. And, yeah, we might have to go down that path because I just got mad. I'm not saying that Fright Night's a great movie.

I think it is. It is a great movie. As vampire movies go, I think it's way smarter than most. It's so much fun, and it's such a good... It's one of those that you probably need to not touch it, to me.

And if you did it really well and changed it up... But this looks like it's just any other movie right now. Kind of. And you could. Tell Colin Farrell got his swole on for this movie.

You know, jumped pumped up. So he can take a shirt off at every chance. Right. It's just. I don't know.

I can't blame him, you know. If you're going to do that, you might as well take your shirt off. It's just going to be bad. I mean, I already know it's going to be bad, and it's just going to. I did not like the idea of it to begin with, and I'm still not sure what I think of the trailer so far.

The jury's still out on this altogether. I hope the trailer did everything wrong, and when I see it, it's going to be like I wanted it to be. Like, he does play it very subtle. He does play it, you know. Prince Humperdinck does a pretty damn good job.

He, that's, again, one of his most impressive roles. Sometimes they do make trailers that are just misleading, because the people who make trailers aren't the people who make the movie. Um, so that could happen. You know, like, I think when they did a trailer for, what was it, Sweeney Todd, they wanted to make sure nobody felt there'd be any music in it. Right.

Because American audiences. Are more afraid of music than they are of blood. Mm-hmm. Um, Yeah, so it could be different from the trailer. I don't know.

It's not music. I'll clarify. It's the musical talk singing. Yeah. That's what they're afraid of because they'll listen to music all day long.

Yeah. But they want music videos. They don't want musical. They don't want Broadway, but they specifically don't want the singing. That's changed, though.

Maybe because of Glee. That was what people felt at that time about that movie. Or those marketing people. But they really were playing down the musical elements of it. And it's a tough sell.

Because it's not... I mean, Chicago, okay, that's going to work. It's its own thing. It's musical. I mean, it's based in that world of musicals.

But this is a horror movie. So it's... You're really... I mean, you're dealing with the Tim Burton crowd. You're dealing with the horror fans.

Neither of which are musical friendly usually. So... That's a tough sell right off the bat. But, no, I wasn't specifically going to go into Fright Night, but that's a great lead-in for this because it's been a long time, but it's time for a return to the remakes of the week. Neither of which is Fright Night, which is sad because that means there's two more.

So, they're planning on remaking the first movie based on a Stephen King novel. Does anybody know what that was? Salem's Lot? No? Made in 1976.

It is Carrie. I thought Salem's Lot was the first Stephen King. Yeah, I thought maybe it was going to be The Shining, but I guess not. I mean, Salem's Lot kind of does need to be remade. They did, like, a TV...

Oh, did they? Well... No, I can't remember if they did another version. I mean, it was originally TV anyway, but I can't remember if they went back to that. Are they going to find another Sissy Spayjack?

I don't know, because speaking of casting vampires... Maybe we. Can get Natalie Portman to do it. No, she's too old now. That's true they're gonna have to get well that wouldn't stop.

Them but if you oh god yeah you said it somebody's gonna listen and somebody's gonna. Do it i think that honestly i think that would work because she's she's awkward and she's like. But not in the good way this is the subtext that she's just like becoming a woman that's part of the subtext of that movie it's part of women are scary. This leads into. Hit Girl might be too cute for the role.

Oh, yeah. But she'd be... She's, yeah... Almost the right age. And she's, I mean, she can definitely handle the performance, I would think, but.

Because that is a dark. That is a weird. I. Mean, it's just a weird role because you're dealing with a lot of different levels of what's going on with her character. And because it came out of the 70s.

Everything was creepy back then. The 70s is creepy. So it's sad that there already was a sequel. I've avoided this so far. I remember that.

I didn't see that. The Rage, Carrie 2. Oh, yeah. From 99. And I didn't even know it was remade for television in 2002.

For television? I did not see that. I remember that being on. I don't think I watched all of it, but I remember, like, what could they show? I don't know.

Yeah, I skipped that part. But now MGM has started development on a third adaptation of Carrie by hiring, this is what I think is funny, Playwright and comic book writer Roberto... I'm going to butcher his last name so I'll skip it. Anyway, the funny part is he was recently brought on to rewrite the Broadway musical Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark. I'm glad they got that worked out then.

But this seems to be his thing because he's also recently been hired on to become co-producer and writer of Glee. So he's like a play doctor. So you bring him in, you get him to punch up your scripts, and he likes musicals? I don't know. And how that has to do with Carrie.

He's like the wolf. That's true. Why didn't you say you were sending Roberto? That's all you had to say. You're sending Roberto.

So the Carrie remake will reportedly be more faithful to the original Stephen King book. a la the Coen Brothers remake of True Grit, I guess. That's what they claim when they did that, too. They always are more. Again, it depends on who you hand it to. You know, it's like handing anything to the Coen Brothers kind of steps it up a few notches, but just handing it to Roberto, I don't know what we're doing, so.

Yeah. This seems like a bad idea, but I say that about a lot. I try to give, you know, if it needs something, I try to come up with productive, you know, okay, this could be a good idea, but Does anybody see anything good coming from remaking Carrie? I can't watch Sissy Spacek. Now or then?

Whenever I saw it last, I was just unsettled by her. I think that's why it worked. She was so right for that role. Frighteningly right for that role. I'd have thrown an extra ball at her and dodged balls.

As a kid. I don't like to pick on people, but as an asshole teenager, I really wasn't one, but part of them is, I probably would have... She's an easy target. I'm going to hit her. In a way, that's what I'm saying.

She is so perfect for that role. Again, I don't know that there's anybody that weird and awkward in the acting world. Chloe Moretz isn't that awkward. She's cute. She's savvy.

She's smart. She doesn't come off as clueless and awkward. I don't know. I think I had that reaction to her. I probably just saw that when it was out.

That's probably the last time I saw it. But to me, my reaction to her was she was like that one kid in class who never said much, and you just wondered about them. Where did they live? That was me, by the way. And what happened to them to mess them up?

That was me, by the way. That's the way I. You know, and probably there are other kids in the class pointing at me saying the same thing. Right. But even if you're that kid, you know you see the other kid.

That's true. Because there were a couple other ones that were like, man, I messed up, but what's up with that guy? Yeah. I think we've got to go unknown on this one, which is just I'm already thinking about, like, the nationwide true grit style search where we just go into schools and find the weirdest kid around. Like the true grit girl.

Like, what was her name? She... Was great and almost could pull that off. I don't know. I don't know.

She seems too strong. Yeah, maybe so. Just too strong. Because, I mean, yeah, she's carrying that. I was going to say that's...

We've already seen that look on her face. I don't know. Huge. And we just are not going to believe her being that messed up in that way. I don't think.

For her to be able to survive in that world, she had to be strong. Yeah. That's the other thing. I don't think that wasn't any young girl at that time... was either going to be a victim or was going to be like her. Because a weaker woman would not have done.

That at all. Well, she was dark in it. I mean, her watching The Hanging is just impressed on my brain. She's like, that's what I want. And it was a very convincingly, one of the best hangings I've ever seen in sort of a Western-like film is like, wow, you feel like that's probably what it was like to be.

And then you see that look on her face. It's a disturbing movie. I haven't seen it yet. See, I don't know. I mean, that's an interesting way.

I was thinking, we just brought her up, Saoirse Ronan. She's done some amazing stuff. I mean, and she's hitting about that right age. I could almost see, again, she's almost too strong in Hannah. But, I mean, if you dial it back a few roles, I think she's got that inner where she could play that. awkward kid and she could play you know somebody with a lot of depth to them but but would still you know nobody would get her so that might be an interesting way to go if they were going with a name at this point only.

If the girl who played the other girl in hannah the american girl could play one. Of the mean girls in harry because that girl. Needs yeah she needs to just just turn the camera on and go just say go because she's fantastic. She was quite entertaining yeah. She almost has to be younger now than Sissy was when she was in the movie.

But people expect, it's the Dawson's Creek thing, people expect teenagers to be 30. Yeah, but that one, what's her name? She wasn't. Who was the Dawson's Creek teenager that actually was? She's in Wendy and Lucy.

She's still doing movies. I couldn't think of her name. That was a performance of last year, I think. Yeah, she's awesome, but she was a kid in Dawson's Creek. She was, like, emancipated from her parents to get that role.

But I'm saying anything that's WB now or whatever, all of those kids. Are out of college when they're acting as children. That's true, but I just don't think that flies anymore. I think people want to, like, you know, after a hit girl, you want to see the kid at their age. In movies, at least.

It's a new kind of... I think there's more. in the age thing than there used to be. And almost realistically, like, scientifically, they keep saying how much younger and younger, specifically girls, keep developing. So, I mean, if it is at this turning point in her life, you almost are going to have to go younger. And it is supposed to be, according to some sort of subtextual logic of the movie.

Yeah, as science goes, it keeps happening younger, so it's like you would almost have to cast younger now. Younger, you're right. Yeah. The average age is, I think, eight now. Yeah, it's kind of creepy.

Well, because it's partly about because, ooh, women are scary, but it's also because partly kids are scary. Yeah, you know. And that's a little of both. Kids are, you know, cast in horror movies as, you know, they're strange because they're just like these weirdos from another dimension. Who showed up vaginally into our world.

And then it's like, what the... And they take over your life. Yeah. Yeah. They're scary.

They're scary just like they were in Hamlet. Like it's the people with kids that are having this discussion. I can take over your lawn. That's why trick-or-treat worked for me. Not only was it the violence against kids.

Which was awesome, by the way. The evil one of the movie was this little cute, not child's play, but you wanted to. Pick He was a little demon child in a burlap sack, but she also wanted to pick him up and give. Him a hug. Oh, look how cute he is.

And it was scary. I mean, he was a scary character. You're right. When you talk about kids being scary, though, the kids that led the one kid to the cliff, that was scary. That whole segment is awesome.

Who's the girl that. The girl that's left in the cage thing there? Well, no. She was actually good. The girl from Dead Like Me?

Yes. How old is she now? See, that's a weird thing. Whenever I was watching Dead Like Me, there's something about her. It's like, I don't know if she's actually 12 or if she's 30.

Like, I cannot pin an age on that girl. I have no idea. And she might be a little old now, too, but that's the kind of girl that would work in Carrie because she's just creepy. She is very creepy. But she'd probably be too attractive.

I mean, again, things have changed since then, so you might not be able to cast someone who isn't Hollywood pretty at this point. You might, I don't know, it may just not be something studios would get on board for anymore. I just miss the days when Stephen King's books were good and his movies were good. That's a long, long time ago. It was a long time ago.

Which ones were good? Which movies were good? I mean, when I was younger, I enjoyed it. Well, I mean, this says nothing because obviously I loved Anne Rice. No accounting for taste, is that what you're saying?

I know. Well, I mean, I think I read Stephen King books in probably third, fourth, fifth grade. I thought they were wonderful, but. I don't think there were Stephen King books when I was in third, fourth, and fifth grade. There were, but you just finished that time machine.

No, I liked a lot of. I read all kinds of horror stuff when I was there. I don't think Stephen King was around, but a lot of it doesn't hold up for me later. I do think, for me, Frankenstein was the first book that I thought was like, intelligent horror. I still do.

I still think that's a great book in a lot of ways. It's maybe not that deep, but it's broadly intellectual. Yeah, I think there's a lot to it because so many stories still keep drawing from it. Even ones that are veiled versions of it are still just using that same basic setup to tell the same story how many years later. I don't really know that a lot of the stuff that I would have liked back then is like really not that good, but I was just so into it that now I project a sort of embarrassment about it because I was just such a geek for it at the time.

It's probably really pretty good, but I'm just, I'm distanced from it. Well, this next remake won't make things any better, really. That's the alarm that. Goes off when we're anticipating a particularly bad remake. Then you're on to something.

So, yeah, in addition, this one starts off already good. Producer Ed Pressman, who I'm not familiar with, but I like that they credit him with Street Fighter and Judge Dredd. Oh, impressive. Yeah, this guy's quality. In addition to remaking The Crow, another great idea, he has now set his sights on remaking Bloodsport, the 1988 mixed martial arts movie that helped launch the career of the stellar actor Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So, yeah. I think they shouldn't tamper with the classics. That's what I'm saying. I think that's probably because of the rise of UFC that it's just a natural for something like that. Isn't that kind of gone?

Has it been another wave? Because the first wave of that was quite a while ago. Does it still have that much following? They still have... They had the one in toronto a few months ago it was the first time they had ever used an actual stadium for the event and it sold out in like hours or something like that something incredible so i think it's it's still doing very well i don't follow it but i remember hearing about how they were this was this was kind of the test run to see if they could fill stadiums with these they used to be you know the small arenas and stuff like that.

And now it's a full stadium size that they can fill. So to me, I think. It's, yeah. I don't doubt the video. definitely on its market it's just that's weird that it doesn't seem trendy to jump on that bandwagon but i think. The same guys that go see fast and furious are the same guys.

That go see ufc probably probably Well, this one, I mean, and it's, I guess I didn't pay that much attention to Bloodsport, nor to the story that it's based on. It was actually based on a real guy. It was based on the events of this actual ninjutsu martial arts fighter, and, you know, that was supposedly part of his story. But I like that they're already throwing that out the window at this point and doing their own thing. So they're just calling it Bloodsport.

Basically. It's an American vet, goes to Brazil instead of Hong Kong to recover from his experiences in Afghanistan. And he ends up competing in a martial arts contest like you do. We all have fallen into that before. Right.

Well, and Brazil falls in line because that's where most of those guys get the grappling for UFC is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. The Kung Fu grip. Exactly. I just hope that they don't get all post-modern with the illustrational cultural quotes when they do this. Keep it clean.

That's... I might slip into that. Okay, right. Now this, I mean, in a way it was ridiculous. Just to bring it up, I was like, oh, this is going to be terrible.

What a horrible idea. But at the same time, this is something that I've heard other people bring up. And I'm like, okay, maybe they're onto something. Because every week, you know, they're like, oh, they're remaking True Grit, they're remaking Carrie, and we bitch about what a stupid idea. Why would you mess with these things that are these great, you know, classics?

Bloodsport, nobody's saying that about. Maybe that's what they should do. I've heard other people throw this out there. Maybe they should stop trying to do these Hollywood classics. And go find crap that we made and be like, well, there's something here.

And you guys just made this horrible movie. But let's take that and do something better with it. So, I mean, there's something to be said with finding old projects and doing something better with them. Yeah, but I'm going to have to say I don't think True Grit was that good a movie. When I heard about it, I was kind of like, really?

Really? Their remake what i thought you're saying the original yeah the original i was like wait a minute i remember. Vividly seeing that on tv as a kid and i remembered the movie like really i'm like they're doing what but. Just in general i mean more often than not when we bring up a remake it's always oh god why would they do that i love that movie don't mess with. It oh they're they're a bunch of them yeah i just will not see and that's it took me like 20 years to see any other version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Which is one of my favorite. Movies as a kid. And I couldn't go see the American version of The Vanishing. Just as soon as Kiefer Sutherland appeared in a promo, I'm like, God, no. That's so wrong.

No, I loved the original movie. And then they did a remake of The Return of Martin Guare. Which they called Summersby with Richard. I remember that. And I could not go see it.

Couldn't see it. There were a bunch of, for a while, it seemed like all my favorite foreign films were being turned into America and they may. Have been good. I just couldn't do it. And they still continue to do that.

But I don't know. I mean, I guess in this, I mean, if you look at for the group of movies that they're dealing with, it's like they are bringing in people. I mean, it's, supposedly going to be directed by Philip Noyce, or however you say his last name, but, I mean, he just did Salt, he did Patriot Games, and Clear and Present Danger, so it's like, those are all pretty solid as far as action movie go, and the script is the guy who wrote the original Karate Kid, and co-wrote Taken, and The Transporter, so it's like, Within these type of movies, it's like, these are guys that. Taken was not well-written. Well, but it worked to its strength.

One scene of Taken is well-written. The rest of it. The rest of it is go with your strength, which is watch him beat the hell out of people for an hour and a half. What did Roger say? He kills people good?

Yeah, I believe he did. He does. He kills people good. He kills people good. The one where the daughter's under the bed and he's like, you're going to be.

Oh, the one where he's defending her virginity? I love that. As a premise. Now they're going to take you down. I will kill all y'all motherfuckers.

And it's just... To defend her virginity. Straight killing. But again. After that first scene where it sets it up, then that was your trailer, which was a fantastic trailer.

Yeah, but you didn't need to see the movie after. No, it was like... And it was just, let's watch somebody blow shit up for a while. Beat people up. That's it.

But, I mean, again, we're talking Bloodsport. So it's like if you're dealing with that, if you're going with the UFC crowd, it's like all they want to do is find a good way to structure beating the hell out of people for an hour and a half. This may not be the worst. I mean, again, if you're looking for that kind of movie. I guess I'm trying to sell it to myself at this point of what's the best thing that could come out of this.

It's already bad. If there's real character development. Sure, it can be a good movie. But that's within the movie. Yeah, that's true, which rarely happens.

But you're only going to get so much out of this type of story usually. I'm not saying it's impossible to do something great with it, but usually they're not even trying to do something great. If I was going to remake Bloodsport, it would be about a guy who came back from the war, and he's depressed, and he's watching movies, and he starts seeing these horrible remakes of all his favorite movies, and he goes around... beats the crap out of the people who remade his favorite movies. You could call that Falling Down 2. He drives back into Los Angeles and beats the shit out of people.

Isn't this how we build the fanboys, too, that we were just going to drive out there and beat the hell out of the people who made them? Right, right. Or George Lucas, whatever. Or George Lucas, right. Anybody involved in that.

All right, so I think that does it for the buzz, so we'll try to wrap up this one Okay, kids, get out your decoder pins. Get out your decoder pins. Nobody cares. I'll put in my own damn fanfare. Now.

Oh. It is time for the Movie All-Time Secret Circle Reel of the next exciting feature, which we will actually be going out into the world next week. We'll be coming to you semi-live, I guess, as much as we ever are, from the Petersville Car and Bike Show, including our sofa theater feature Thunder Road. We'll have to see who actually makes it out there. It'll be an interesting setup.

I'm going to be wandering around, possibly annoying people. I'm going to try to bug Eddie for a while. So yeah, we'll see what happens. But it should be interesting either way, another parking lot episode. I'm sure.

Just be loitering in the parking lot around cars and talking about movies and people probably just ask me to go ahead. Staring weirdly at you. Yeah, which happens most of the time, really. It's okay. Anything else to pass along this episode?

I have a really funny story. Oh, no. All right. Is this an official? It is loosely movie related.

Okay. But is it an official Marlena moment? I would say so, yes. All right. It's time for another Marlena moment.

Okay. So last night, my friend and I went to Mods vs. Rockers at Knopf Bar. It's held by her boss every year. What is this for people who don't live here?

It is like motorcycles vs. scooters, pretty much. Another dorky event. Yeah, and well, you know, we got there kind of late, and we were the only people dancing, as usual. And she, I might go out, I go out like, a couple of times a week, but I'm not much of a drinker. Like, one or two drinks max for me, and I'm, like, wasted.

She drank four or five beers, which is very tiny. That is her limit. Because her boss kept buying her drinks, knowing that she had to be at work at 11 a.m. the next day, which is not really that early, but, you know. So she gets sick, very sick, on the way back home. And this is sort of a gross story, but it was just so hilarious.

So she's throwing up in this styrofoam cup. And as she's doing it, she's making this noise that sounds like a Pee Wee Herman noise. You can tell it's like she's talking in Pee Wee Herman voice. And I'm laughing. Like you just revealed the word of the day or something.

Yes. Every time somebody says the word, throw up real loud. All right. I see where we're going. And I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying and surfing all over the road, even though I was sober.

And she realizes that she sounds like Pee Wee Herman, and she's, like, laughing. And it was just really hilarious. He would have had to have been there mostly, but. Most of your stories you have to be there. Yeah.

And that doesn't really work because nobody's ever there. I mean, like, it's just about... Well, it works because you're there. Yeah, I was there. It was funny.

I mean. As she was throwing up into the styrofoam cup, she realized that she sounded like Pee Wee Herman. Did she realize it without you saying? Yeah. You thought it, and she knew it.

Yeah, we share a brain, so she got it. At any point during this process, did she start doing the Pee Wee dance? No, she seemed to be, like, driving me. Did Tequila start playing at some point? Because that would have been kind of awesome, actually.

That would have been. I should have. I should have, like, a CD of that ready. You should have that on your phone at all times and just. Yeah, that was a gross story, but it was very funny.

That seems to be the theme of most of your moments lately. Grossness. But the funniest part was that she realized it and she's, like, laughing and she can't stop. She's like. And I was laughing.

I mean, you never want to... be sitting next to your friend who's violently ill and be laughing so hard you're crying. It's not a good feeling. So that's, on that cheery note, I guess we're done with the episode. Good thing you listened this far. Like a bonus.

I know, yeah. It was much funnier and less depressing than it happened, I guess. No, it doesn't sound fun then either. It was funny for me. Because it wasn't me.

It was hilarious. Yeah. All right. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. He's dead now. Actually, we don't know where the hell he is. That's not funny.

That's not funny because he might be dead. No. I love it when people laugh and say, that's not funny. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com For ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.