270: Fireside Chat

Hi, this is Emma Caulfield and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.

What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. I'm Fred. I'm Marlena. And we are coming to you live via digital recording from Fred's backyard.

We were like, hey, what do we want to do this week, guys? And, you know, it's actually been a horrible, horrible winter. And most of you probably have had the same situation. And for once, all of a sudden, these last few days, it's like ridiculously nice outside. So Fred's plan was, hey, let's have a backyard bonfire episode.

Yeah. Yeah, I've been wanting to build a fire in the backyard for, like, weeks and weeks, and I never do. And this is the excuse. So, here we are. There will be s'mores.

Busting out the podcast and the s'mores. There were. My hands are really sticky still. And I invented, mostly because Fred says he hadn't heard of it before, I invented s'mores tartare. Yeah, we had a catalog of all the possible ways of... cooking marshmallows, who are going to do a marshmallow cookbook.

That that was one contribution that I had never. Trademark, copyright, tagged it right here. I had one earlier. It's pretty good, actually. I wonder what a peep in Nutella s'more would be like.

Now you're getting crazy. I hate peeps. I hate them with a burning passion. See, I think I like them more if I understand, like, current copyright law. It's like calling shotgun.

You just go copyright. You kind of do. Yeah. I think that's how it works. That's the new mode.

Pretty sure that's what works. Especially on a podcast. I think I like peeps a little more because everyone else I know seems to hate them now. You're kind of winning me over. I used to have a peep binge eating problem.

I would hide boxes of them in my trunk because I was ashamed. That was my favorite. They would usually be in the car. I would get in the car and be like, why are there all these peep boxes? Yeah, because I had a problem.

You're like, I've got to get my fix, man. I've got to get my fix. Peeps Anonymous. Now I just don't even want them. I got a couple of them a few months ago.

My friend texted me to tell me that they were Peep Donuts at like Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts or someplace like that. But, nah. It doesn't appeal to me. I beat my addiction. Four years Peep sober.

Laughter I just like putting. Them in a microwave and watching them suffer. I do like when they kind of explode and start to melt and burn. It's pretty fun. Yeah.

Or put them on a stick, hold them over a fire. I don't eat them. You just torture them. It's one of those things. You might have a problem.

I feel like peeps are one of those things, like Betty Boop and Hello Kitty, that my family, for some reason, thinks that I really, really like. Like, my mom always buys me Peeps. They're like, Peep stuff. So you have a Peep-themed kitchen now. You know what my thing is?

Is pecan pie. My mother is convinced that every time I visit, she's got to get me a pecan pie. And we come back and we have these pecan pies we don't know what to do with. Give them to me? I like them okay, but I mean, I'm just not addicted to them.

I feel like I'm not living up to the... I think I said something once, like when I was a kid, about my grandmother's pecan pies, which were good. And I think my cousin said, oh, I love my grandma. And I thought, well, that's a nice thing to say. I'll say that.

And for like 20 years after that, I've been bombarded with pecan pies. I kind of feel like that way at work with Nutella. You know, like I like Nutella. If there's a jar of Nutella around, it's going to get used up. But my boss and everyone thinks I'm like addicted to Nutella.

Like I just like. You got to hook to an IV at home. Yeah. Like I'm just at home eating Nutella night and day. Jamming it through a tube.

Yeah. So that's how I ended up with a seven pound bucket of Nutella. And everyone's like, oh, that Nutella is going to be gone in a couple of days. I'm like. Who the fuck do you think I am?

First of all, ladies and gentlemen, I would die. Like, you'd see that on the news. I know I have a sugar addiction. Like, it's really bad. But it's not that bad.

I'm not that bad. I eat leafy greens all the time. You feel like you can't live up to your vice commitments? I mean, the last. Time I used it, I put it in a spinach smoothie.

That's a weird option. No, it's not. I'm taking a minute to think about that. I know. I knee-jerk went with it.

No. Weird. Yeah, my boss vomited in his mouth when I told him what I'd done with the Nutella that he bought me. It's not weird. I put peanut butter PB2 sometimes in my smoothies.

Most people do, but that doesn't make it okay. The thing I can't stand is when people sit up. say, oh yeah, we were out of tahini, so we just used peanut butter. It's the same thing. It's like, God, no, it's not. Don't do that.

Peanut butter from Israel. Stop! It is not the same thing. Yeah, no. It's not even close.

Oh, God. Now I'm just, I'm done for the night now. I just creep myself out. Well, we're on. There are things you don't do.

Lines you don't cross. Yeah. We're on the road to our geek activities here. So, hey, have you seen anything lately? Yeah, I saw Oldboy, and I'm like, I don't see what the big deal is.

The new one. I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like he substituted peanut butter for tahini or something. I mean, the guy has straight up killed a bunch of people, and then it. Oh, that was not a good idea.

Yeah, yeah. But I don't see what the big freak out is about. Which freak out are you talking about? I mean, people have always freaked out about that movie to the point of the old one. And I was like, it was a long time that I heard about the old one before I ever got around to watching it.

And I watched it and I was like, what's the big thing? Yeah, I mean, that part, kind of violent. All right, whatever. The end, kind of creepy. But truthfully, I kind of like it.

I think it's got a really cool... I hate to say twist because that ruins every movie now, but I'm like, I like the way they went with the story. Like, I think it's interesting. I don't know why everybody freaked the fuck out. So, like, I kind of felt that way about the original.

I don't know. I just, I haven't seen the original. And I want to see it now because I've heard that the new one is so different. It's like, oh, well, that sounds interesting. Because I just felt, like, led along and, like, I just didn't really care about it.

And I felt like the proposition of this evil guy setting up this thing that had about a 1% chance in a fucking bazillion of happening the way he wanted it to happen. I just, I don't know. Come on. I don't know that it's any more logical or realistic in the other one either, but. I mean, it's...

It's all just kind of crazy and stylish, yeah. And you can go along for the ride for fun, but I don't know. I don't know, man. I still had a good time with it. It's a long way to go.

It's like making up a word to achieve a pun. You're trying too hard, then. You know? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

You're just trying too hard to make something happen. So, yeah, I saw that, and I saw... Did I tell you I saw, again, the first movie I ever saw in a theater? I've been putting it off for so long. It's one of the oldest, like, vivid childhood memories I have.

Which movie is this? Hang Your Hat on the Wind. Interesting. And I ordered it online. I got the DVD. and then I just like didn't feel like doing it for a long time because I felt like you know what if.

It's nothing you know because I had a really specific memory of like the title hearing the title and thinking When I get back home from this in a. Couple hours, I'm going to know how to hang my hat on the wind. And I was so excited about, like, I'm going to get something out of this experience. And I watched that whole movie, and there was no hanging of hats. Until the very end, there's this shot, you know.

I think there was a promo shot early on. You see, okay, there's the hat. We're going to see how to hang it. That's how they rope you in with that trailer. Yeah.

But it was, I didn't remember much of the rest of it. But it turned out it was a story about like a thoroughbred horse that got loose somewhere in the desert. This Native American boy finds the horse, becomes his best friend. But then, of course, all good things. He has to do the right thing and Was.

This originally like a book at some point? It may have been. In the book, the kid has to do something horrible. I don't know. It seems like that's every book they made me read in grade school.

And it ends with something horrible happening. Like where the red fern grows. At some point, they made me read. Has anyone else ever heard of this book? A Day No Pigs Would Die.

Yeah, I do remember that. That's awesome. I never read it, but I remember seeing it around. I just remember being kind of bored slash horrified by it. Well, that was most of the books in grade school, which is why I quit reading.

But I don't know. I'm just like, is this the way all kids' books are? They have to end with some horrible act. I don't know. I don't understand why they want to just depress the hell out of children.

I think they're really trying to drill it into kids' brains that, like, all your pets, everything that you love is going to die. That's, like, the first lesson. You're going to learn that lesson anyway. No, that's, like, the first lesson they want to teach you when you get to school. Because they made us read Old Yeller and Where the Red Fern Grows in, like, first grade.

Watch the movies, too. What was the other one? Like, They Kill Horses, Don't They? I never read that one, either. Oh, yeah.

I've read a lot of, like, SRA stories. We had, like. selected reading assignments, and I would just go to school over and over, and I went to this bizarre laboratory school that had mirrored booths in all the classrooms so we could be observed, and there were microphones in the ceiling. And I started, like, the first year, and there was all this futuristic optimism surrounding it. But anyway, I could go into school and go over and read and hang out under a table on the, Stretch out with pillows and stuff. And I read like a shit ton of stories.

One of the ones I remember most vividly was about this guy. There were river gangs around where he was growing up. But he was crawling around. He found this cave where this old man was carving all these relief sculptures into the walls. But then some of the other kids followed him and destroyed all the sculpture. all the relief carvings.

And then he decided he was going to join the opposing gang and get revenge. And it was super dark. Oh, the old man died or something. Super dark. And then one day, my teacher in third grade announced that Fred Miller has read more SRA reading than anybody else.

In the class. And then it was a contest and everybody started reading them to see how far they could get. And in your crazy future school, it was THX 1138 has read more books than the rest of you people. And you will all be punished now. And then I quit reading.

I quit reading cause it sucked all the fun. It was like just my way of getting through the day for a while. And, uh, and then there was this recognition attached to it, which I never got again. Um, And then, like, everybody was like, oh, I'm up to the blue level. Are you up to this level?

I was like, I don't know. You were like, I don't know. I forgot. I was just pulling them out at random. It's like how Candy Crush was only fun until all your friends were like, what level.

Are you on? Just like that. Exactly like that. Just like that. Remember when you were in grade school and you were playing Candy Crush?

It's like when you've got to go to work and you're like, I think I left my car keys on level four. I'll be back in about six hours. I think we should, like, begin by making fun of Greg. I think he's kind of asking for it, really. We were kind of waiting for Greg.

It would have been cool if he could be here. But I think my understanding is he's old. Is that what happened? That's what I heard. He's old.

The tail's around the campfire. Literally, we have a campfire. So we can do that. Ooh, we should tell ghost stories. Oh, yeah.

Let's tell ghost stories. Let's do it. Do you have ghost stories? Yeah, I haven't talked about my poltergeist yet. Oh, yeah.

Is this a different update on the poltergeist? Did I talk about the poltergeist already? You mentioned it. I thought the poltergeist turned out to be you. No.

You were dead the whole time. You had this psychological split personality and. It was you. That was one of the hypotheses. Oh, okay.

We did cover some hypotheses. Oh, we did talk about my poltergeist? Yeah. Oh, okay. This was at the film festival.

You sound so disappointed. We can talk about it again. No, it's okay. Were you not there for that episode that you were there for? Yeah, I was there.

Why do I know your stories better than you do? Why do I say that pretty much every time you're on? I'm like, no, remember in that story? We already talked about that. Yeah, sorry.

But it was weird because one day somebody was asking me, he said, you know, you never see Hot Damn anymore. Remember that? You see the fireball cinnamon? And I'm like, no, a friend of mine sees it fairly often. I think it's still around.

He said, I thought they quit making it. And I'm like, Unless somebody has stored up this cave, this trove full of the stuff. Which they might. Dude, what if they have, I'm going to investigate that. Wouldn't it be weird if they have stopped making hot dams?

That would add a twist to it. Wouldn't it? That would be weird, like if they quit making it in 96. What if the hobo was, at one point, the president of the hot dam industry. Oh.

And he got, like, everything fell apart, and his wife left him, and he lost the company, and all he had was his, like, warehouse of hot damn. Maybe. Somewhere next to your building, wherever you moved to. I know. It's so weird.

Like that place that made the deep fry baskets. That's right. You should go find that place. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong.

I definitely considered the possibility of, like, some weird Tyler Durden, like, parallel reality where i'm hot damn hobo but then i realized like oh no my butthole would tell me if i've been drinking lots and lots and lots. Of hot dance true. I would know like my insides would tell me like i could feel it but i was like not in that personality. Yeah buttholes will alert you to certain situations special. Feature there yeah.

It's like the video camera on the back of minivans. I was thinking they're like the lookout on the castle. Yeah. They will alert you when there's... It's true.

Or like the guy who climbs up to the crow's nest on a ship. Ahoy! You've been drinking a lot of hot damn. Ahoy, Cap'n. Please stop.

God, stop. Well, you talked about that and it made me think of this movie from the 70s that I remembered about this kid like he he got into trouble and his mother was like taking care of him and then his mother died, but she had built like a false wall in the house to hide him. What? I don't, you do know we've covered this on the show, right? Have you covered it on the show?

I remember talking to you about it. No, I haven't heard that episode. I know of it is like, I don't know that I'd been like scarred by this movie. Like a lot of other people were, they were like, remember that one movie? Like, I don't think I knew anything about it until at one point, I think Rod brought it up at one point and was like, dude, we need to watch that.

And we watched Bad Ronald. Bad Ronald. No, I remember talking to you about it, but I haven't heard that episode. Yeah, it might still be there. I can't remember.

They've started to fall off the further back you go. I mean, from childhood, you remember things like Bad Ronald and the Trilogy of Terror. You remember if you saw that. Bulldozer. Killdozer.

Killdozer. That's... Yeah. You remember seeing it, though. I've heard of this one.

Oh, and it was the one with the guy with the puppet. Magic. Magic, yeah. I was thinking like TV movies, because then I was like, because somebody was printing the day after the other day. And I was just like, oh, the movie that scarred a nation.

And that's the thing, I haven't watched it since then, so I'm like, I really don't know if it's going to hold up. I kind of feel like it's not. I feel like it's going to be... Like, really lame and pale in comparison to the way my brain remembers, you know. Yeah, it's basically just what happens when a nuclear bomb goes off.

Oh, that sounds depressing. And how America deals with it in 1984. Or whatever year. Maybe it was that. I don't even.

Remember what it was. I wasn't born yet. I didn't have to deal with it. You're going to have trouble dealing with it, don't you worry. That's so crazy that people weren't born in 1984.

I don't believe it. It's weird that I have classmates who... Kurt Cobain has always been dead to them. I've read that. You mean in the Stephen Colbert sense?

Like, you're dead to me. You're dead to me. Ever since you did that Unplugged album, dude, you're just dead to me. Punk is dead now. I hope you're happy.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Oh, I thought so. Yeah, but the thing about Bad Ronald was I saw that movie when I was a kid and I just... You know, it impressed me that this guy could live in a house. And I saw something on the internet not long ago.

These people discovered like a little door in their house. Oh, I saw that. And then these little cubby holes. And then there was like fresh food and crap down there. Like somebody had been there.

Yes. I saw those pictures. Yeah. And it reminded me of that movie, which I didn't remember the name of it or anything. But I always remembered it because...

I found it comforting. I always felt like if everything in life went wrong, you could drywall yourself and live. Yeah, you had a backup plan like Homer living under the sea on The Simpsons. Were you on that episode? I can't remember if you watched that one.

No, I don't think so. Jessie might have been there. She's only sat in once and I think maybe we scarred her brain with that movie. Yeah, that sounds really terrifying. I'm thinking about.

Like You should, like, go around and knock on all the drywall in your apartment. Well, it's all bricks, so. Is it? Yeah. That's even worse.

I know, right? Yeah, because bricks, you know, that could be like a cask of Amontillados. Yeah, I know. Maybe he could pull one out and just kind of peek around and see, like, is she drinking the hot damn thing? Well, I'm trying to think about, like, the perimeters of my house and make sure everything.

Like, matches. Matches. Yeah. That's really hard to do because, like, in there, if you go into my bathroom... You notice the ceiling's lower?

Mm-hmm. And, like, I could actually go in and cut off the top of the bathroom and put in, like, a little bed up there over top of it. And why haven't you? That's the guest room right there. Well, I've talked about it a lot of times, but the ceiling fan sort of messes it up.

You'll learn after a few times. Yeah, exactly. I watched an episode of Bob's Burgers the other day where he found a little crawl space in his walls, and he decided he wanted to live there until his mother-in-law went away. So I've actually been thinking about this for the last two days. So there's that, and then also I've got this crazy attic up there that I never go up to, but there are beds and you could live up there.

And I thought if the hippies were out drumming tonight, If we would have to go up, it would be the crazy attic episode. So we'll have to do that another time. That would be really fun. Oh, there's an old Super Mario set up there, too. Why aren't we up there right now?

I don't think, I mean, as far as I know, I don't have any secret rooms. I mean, my roof is flat. It's not like a pitched roof, so there's not an attic space. There's maybe a crawl space big enough for raccoons. Or like a doorway into John Malkovich's head.

When I cut a hole in the wall and take over that place next door, which is what my plan is. It's always kind of in my plan. Yeah. Just kind of waiting to get in there. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be so weird if they accidentally knocked the wall down? They seem like they're trying to some days. Like they're over there remodeling something. And I swear I think they're just going to come through at some point. Oh, sorry, dude.

I think side-by-side duplexes. Pretty sure. Side-by-side duplexes are so weird. It's a bad idea. I mean, like, I live in a duplex, and I love it, but I live in a top-floor, bottom-floor duplex, which makes sense.

A side-by-side duplex is just dumb. It's just a weird idea. It's like, we're almost going to do this the right way, but we're going to slack off at the last minute. It's just like sharing too many walls. The first house I owned was an upstairs-downstairs duplex, and that was the only way we could buy a house.

Mm-hmm. There was this place where the tenants would basically make the house payment. And it was our house. Free housing is a good thing. It was a total scam.

But the karma of it gave us the worst tenants that have ever walked the earth. I mean, just like the sound of these people in a building with you was terrifying. Yeah. After a while, you'd just be like, I can't live with these sounds like this in my house. What were they making?

What kind of sounds were they making? I don't know. People, you know, screaming at their kids in a completely unnecessary way. It's just horrible. So we got on this list where we got actors from the children's theater would come live at our house.

And they were okay, but the weird thing is, when I was renting for like a thousand years... People would always say, oh, you'll never get your deposit back. And I always got my deposit back. And I'm like, what is going on? Now I know what's going on.

People just trash the place. That's kind of what I've heard from the people that will buy houses and rent them. They might as well leave their pets there and stuff. It's like, you haven't moved out of this place, man. You're not getting your deposit back.

And they're like, oh, that's what I heard. It's like, well, yeah. We always, because Lynn is insane, we always left the place looking better than when we moved in. You know, she would be going around scrubbing stuff. I'd be like, come on, we're done.

We're out of here. Yeah. We got a new house to go mess up. Come on, let's go. I've always left my houses that I lived in by myself, at least. in better shape than when I got there.

Then those other deadbeats got involved. Some guy drinking a bunch of hot damn. I don't know what happened in that place. Then my other side of my brain kicked in and I trashed the place. Yeah.

It seemed like that one room got smaller at some point. I don't know. Other rooms getting smaller. Actually, if I think about it, there's like a weird space Between my bedroom, okay, like, there's one of my bedrooms and a closet, but it doesn't go the length of the bedroom. But then the kitchen's right next to it, and it's like a flush wall.

So if you're the person out there living in her walls and you're listening, just kind of knock and let her know you're there. It would be really cool, like, if the person that lives in your house was a listener. And a fan of the show. That'd be great. I'm going to have to call a neighbor.

Maybe a supporter. It'd be nice if somebody contributed a little. If somebody contributed a little. You don't have to live in Marlena's malls. Send in a theme.

Every now and then. That would be great. Maybe that'll be like a top tier. If you donate a lot, you can live in Marlena's walls for a while. Stop joking about this because I feel really bad I have this friend who lives really close.

And like the other day, a hobo jumped out of the bushes. And I was like, there's a hobo outside. He's like, I'll be there in 20 minutes. I just make him come over and inspect my house for me. He's going to get really tired of me.

I like that you live in a world where hobos just jump out of the bushes. I mean, he didn't really jump out of the bushes. Let me clarify. He didn't jump out of the bushes at me. Um, He just jumped out of the bushes randomly.

He was doing hopscotch over by the bushes. Sort of. No, okay. Like, what was that? Hobos.

Hobos. No, I have, I don't know if it's because I have, I have like, I think everybody has it if they pay attention, but I have intuition. Like, I can sense when something bad is going to happen. Sense when hobos are nearby. And I can sense when other people are around.

Hobo radar. That's not anything unusual. I can do that. And I was walking my dogs around the block like I always do. And I took my mace out of my keychain thing, which I've never ever done.

I accidentally shot myself in the face. Isn't that usually what happens with people who have? No. Once my friend's kid. If you get in a fight, you hand the other guy nunchucks so that he can hurt himself with them.

I'll have to keep that in mind when I bust out my rubber chest. Here, guy, go to town. I think the house is abandoned on the corner, and there's, like, a bunch of, like, overgrown bushes, and my puppy, like, went into the bushes, and, like, she startled someone. I was like, oh, no. This is sad.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, and I, like, ran. And then I was just like, well, it's probably just a homeless person. Probably not like a serial killer, knock on wood. I hope you have hobo stab insurance.

You know what that's from? It's from... No, that's from Acceptance. Accepted. The movie about the kids that start their own college.

And I think Jonah Hill says, I hope you have hobo stab insurance. That line stayed with me. I was thinking of asking my insurance guy at State Farm, do you have the hobo stab insurance? What's the going rate for hobo stab? What's my deductible going to be?

I mean, really, come on now. Or get on the. The website and see if that's something you can get. Something you can click on. I wonder if they offer that.

They now offer motorcycle insurance. That's true. I would like to get Geico because then like if I lost an arm or something, it could grow back. That would be good insurance. I mean, do they also like merge you with their mascot?

Some sort of fly experiment that goes on. We want you to get into this phone booth here with this gecko. Is that cool? We're going to beam you across the room. It's all right.

So nobody tell Lynn, but our first house that we bought, where we had the crazy tenants, back then I worked at the Speed Museum, and these two guys there said, you bought that house? This guy we know died under that house. Under the house? Under the house. Not in the house.

When they were renovating the house, this guy was doing electric work, and they worked on it too, and they were there. And this guy somehow grabbed onto the electric and couldn't let go. It was just so much fun, he couldn't let go. No, I'm hopefully. Laughing because I'm thinking about this time that one of my friends got electrocuted and it was hilarious.

Oh, that's hilarious. Not shocked, actually electrocuted. People use those words interchangeably. Yeah, they kind of do, and I don't think it's the same. Shocked.

I don't think I got electrocuted that time when I was messing with the plug-in on the dryer. Which, by the way, don't grab a hold of those metal, Pete, just for you kids at home. Okay, I don't know the difference. You can explain it to me in a second. Anyway, I think it's fatal if you're electrocuted, isn't it?

Pretty sure it is. I always hear that implication that you're dead when I hear that word, but I don't know. But they said he told them to turn off the power, and they turned it off, and he said thank you, and that was the last thing he ever said. Shit. And so I had to crawl up under the house because we had one floorboard, like as you went from one room to another, that was just sort of like up on one side.

And I had to crawl under there. That's just when you put a rug over top of it. And like, well, we did that for a long time, but it bothered me. And I went in and like had to saw with a little hand hacksaw to get that thing. And it was the most awkward, painful position.

And it's like you're doing sit-ups for four hours. to get that but I got it so it sat down. Plus there was that ghost next to you the whole time which was really creepy and I. Told the guys at work like yeah I had to fix this thing under the house I was crawling around under there and they said oh did you think about what's his name dying. How can you not how can you not think about the guy that died under there. So after all that work Lynn gets home and I'm like so look around the room here you notice anything She's like, it seems bigger.

I'm like, yeah, by about like an eighth of an inch, I guess. You're right. It does kind of seem like something she'd say. She's just very, very hyper observant. I feel that.

The room has expanded a little. I can sense it. I can just sense it. I think I made a point of never telling her about the dead guy while we lived. I may have told her now.

I don't know. Because eventually I tell everything. Sooner or later at all. Yeah, you run out of other stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. I checked and no one's died in my house. You checked? There's a site for that now? Yeah, it's called Died in House.

Really? Yeah. Some friends of mine bought a house knowing that somebody had committed suicide there, and it was like they got a really good deal on it. I would think at this point, most people, I mean, you know, if you go back far enough, most people dead in somebody's house. This house, the lady lived here from the time she was like five till she was 95.

It was like in one family for about 100 years. And it's so weird about that because... I live in a house that's like 100 years old. One person lived... I've worked at an inn that was like more than 100 years old.

And I've worked in like a firehouse. Super old. I've never had like any kind of campfire ghost experience that I could tell. And I think it's because I'm open to it. And that takes the fun out of it for ghosts.

Never mind. Because every ghost story I hear begins with, I don't believe in ghosts. I'm like, I'm totally cool with it. I'd like to know. I don't run into it.

Because not only am I, like, okay with the idea, but I kind of want to use them. Actually, I've got some stuff for you guys to do. Yeah. I'm like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to work together.

They're like, oh, no, that guy's just going to exploit us. I'll try to help you guys out, too. Is there stuff you need? A ghost sweatshop. Can I get you some marshmallow fluff or whatever you need on your side?

I don't know. I'll try to hook you up. Speaking of ghosts, have you seen that new show, Deadbeat, on Hulu? No. It's so good.

It has the guy from Dale and Tucker. Tucker and Dale. Yeah. Those guys were good. That guy's awesome.

Tyler's really cool, actually. It's like Ghost Whisperer or Medium, but he's like this lazy... He's that guy. He's the same guy that he always is. He's this dumb, lazy stoner guy.

And he hawks the dead people and helps solve their problems. It's really funny. I think somebody else told me that just this past week. So, yeah, it must be going around. It's probably me.

I probably already told you about it. This was yesterday. Oh. I'm going to have to build up the fire a little bit. Yeah.

Are you getting cold? Yeah. Are you going to go throw leaves on the fire? Ooh, leaves are fun. Leaves are pretty exciting.

What happens when you put leaves on the fire? Leaves are like the fireworks of the campfire. Let's take a break. They're like the fireworks of fire. Let's do it.

Let's take a break while Fred stokes the fire here. You know that it would be untrue You know that I would be a liar. If I was to say to you. Girl, we couldn't get much higher Come on baby, light my fire Come on baby, light my fire Try. To set the night on fire.

Hey. Ready to go? Yeah, but the fire's not out. Close enough. Close enough?

If it's too hot to touch, it's too hot to leave. I mean, the next thing you know, you've torched our whole neighborhood. Which is why we're not going anywhere? Exactly. Nine out of ten wildfires are caused by humans.

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Is there an idle moment between scenes? Press photographers are quick to take advantage. For the public, of course, the big news in Fahrenheit 451 is Julie Christie, an actress with that most precious commodity. the ability to create, project, and kindle a mood in the audience. Her range, so strikingly demonstrated in Darling and now in Fahrenheit 451, is almost unbelievable. Pensive, cheerful, somber, artful, gay, relaxed, taught, bewildered, determined, loving.

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So as i said we we've been to the chicago wizard world before so they've got quite a few They've got a lot. They're all over the country. That's what I was going to say. Since they're inviting us to hang around here, I thought we would go ahead and give the rundown. That's the difference with this one is it's not just in one city.

It's something they've done kind of everywhere now. They've sort of taken over. So you can go to wizardworld.com and find out where they are in the near future. The rundown of the upcoming ones, St. Louis will be in April, Minneapolis in May, the End of May into June is Atlanta.

You've got Philadelphia after that, San Antonio, back to Chicago, Richmond. So it's like anywhere in this general part of the country, you know, the United States. Are you stopping at Richmond because we've got more to go? Oh, there's plenty. That's what I'm saying.

Nashville, Austin, Ohio. I thought Ohio was just generalized. You know, that state. But anyway, yes, you can go to wizardworld.com and find out where the next show will be near you. You should definitely go.

Come hang out. That's what we're doing. Definitely check out WizardWorld.com for all of your Wizard World-type needs. Hey, guys. It's the repeater from the Tower of Technobabble, and we're getting ready to do our next show.

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Hi, this is Verdon Wells, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. And I have one thing to say. I know where you live, you little fuckers. So listen, or I will come and get you. I will rip off your head, and I will piss down your neck.

So remember that. It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show.

Yeah, I'm wandering away from the mic. And, you know, I mentioned that I saw, like, the first movie I ever saw in a theater. I don't know. I had this idea of, like, talking about the big debates in films. And I don't even know what that means.

Yeah, I was trying to decide, like, within the film there is a debate, or you watch a film and it leads you to have a debate. Well, see, everybody thinks I have some plan. No, I know better than that. But I'm just trying to see what... Yeah, you know I'm just a rambling, gambling man.

I know better at this point, but I'm kind of. You're going to wander off anyway. But, okay, like, if it's debates... Within films, okay, then there are some things I could mention there. There is a lost film about a kid in debate club.

And it's lost because I don't remember who the fuck it was. Okay, here's a great debate. Was it Bob Goldwaite? Bobcat Goldwaite? Or was it Sam Kinison?

That's a debate you have in your head. To me, that's not a debate because I... know them both very well and i okay i distinguish which. One did the saturday night live short about how he got into comedy but i never saw it and it's not online i went looking for it online i didn't see it either and he had his he was the king of debate in high school and he had his thing like um can you imagine a world without zinc pretty scary huh But then some new kid came to the school and she got up and told this emotional story about inner city life. And he's like, I can't get up and talk about zinc. And that's how he got into comedy.

He got up and started talking about his family and blah, blah, blah. And I think it was Bobcat. I mean, it sounds like Bobcat. Again, Bobcat's pretty smart dude, and it feels like something he would write, but I also don't see it being okay for them to let him do that at the time, depending on how far back we're going. I don't know.

Back in the day, he couldn't do anything but yell really loud, and he painted himself in that corner, but it took him a long time, and people still kind of don't give him benefit of the doubt, but he's a smart guy, and he's actually really talented, and it's funny that he still kind of has that following him around to this day. Then my favorite debate movie is Rocket Science. It's about a kid who stutters and he wants to join the debate club and win. And, spoiler alert, he doesn't. Because he can't.

Because he has a horrible stutter. But it's such a great movie. It's such a great movie. If you watch, like, The King's Speech, please watch Rocket Science now with an opposing point of view. And Anna Kendrick is in it, and she's just awesome.

Or is it Kendrick's? Kendrick? Kendrick's? Is it? Oh, okay.

Is it Keith Richard? Keith Richards? Who the fuck is he? He actually, I do know, I do know he changed it for a while and then changed it back. Just to mess with people.

Because he thought it sounded cooler, or the record label thought. And I've been messed up ever since. I can never remember which one was which. But, you know, there are also just big debates about movies, like what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction? Who shot first?

That's not even a debate. Yeah, right. In my mind. Right. Well, none of them are debates, and they all go back to the original debate, you know, Marianne or Ginger, which is.

Not a debate in my mind. Again, is that a debate? No. What is wrong with people? I don't know what is wrong with people.

But what are some of the others? There are other, like, ongoing, like, people always bring up. Well, along those lines, I was actually, I mentioned this last week, uh recently at their week at work they were watching wkrp and i was like and i got i came in towards the end of it i was like you guys already talked about right i mean the fact that nobody cares about jennifer right i mean it's not just me like i as a kid i remember watching it going yeah whatever like Bailey? Yeah. I mean, it's all about Bailey, right?

Which one's Jennifer? They were like, yeah, we kind of talked about that. Which one's Jennifer? Not Lonnie, what's her face? Lonnie Anderson.

That was Jennifer. And, like, at the time, she got all the attention. And I remember even as a kid going, look at Bailey. She's nerdy cool, man. That's the thing I liked about the show because it was just like life, which for me was like high school.

Because that's the way it was in high school. It was like there would be these couple of girls that, everybody thought were amazing, and you would always, like, look around the room and go, but wait a minute. Yeah, she's a girl, but look at this girl over here. Oh, and it happened to me when I had kids, too, because, like, when my kids were in middle school, there was this It Girl. Who, and then I met her.

And it was like, what was the Woody Allen movie? It's like, and then I meet Jeremy and he's this little homunculus. And she said, Jeremy can be devastating. And who was it? It was like the guy, Wallace Shawn is who it was.

It was Wallace Shawn played Jeremy in whatever that movie was. And you meet him, and he's wall-ish. Remunerating. Devastating. Wow.

But yeah, I mean, how can you not have the same reaction? I don't know. But that's the thing. She always got all the attention, and everybody always made a big deal about how hot she was. And I was just like, not really.

I mean, I see it from a very boring, mainstream point of view, but I was like, Even as a child, I was just like, no, but look over here. You're missing the real attraction here. Quit being distracted by that bullshit. But there are people who. Are willing to take on that role.

I suppose. You know. Lame. Which probably isn't fun. But, I don't know.

Are there anything that aren't just hot chick associated? Hot chick debates. Are there any non... Because that's the thing, I couldn't think of any movies around debates, but obviously I just haven't watched any, so. Hmm.

Well, you know, like Lucy brought up recently, like the Noah thing, that's like a cultural debate, and she seemed to think, I haven't seen the movie yet, that it was suggesting a synthesis, a resolution of the debate, but I don't know. But, you know, there are movies that... Nobody likes that. If they can't, like, argue about it. I know.

Because that's what we do. We turn everything into a big stupid, you know. Binary debate. They don't want an answer. They want to be able to argue.

Yeah. Okay, Marlena is going to do karaoke now. I think she's just moving into the fire. Do I need to, uh, out of the frying pan? I just want to get as close to the fire as possible.

Should I build it up? Don't set yourself on fire. Well, no, because then I'll catch on fire. Because the dog did earlier. Oh, my God.

Did she really? Yeah, we had a flaming dog for a while. It was all right, though. Kind of like a flaming mo. Similar.

Did it involve cough syrup? A flaming mo. See, now that's a debate. Because so many geeks I know have been so over The Simpsons for so long, but I kind of feel like Yeah, it's not really as good as it used to be, but, I mean, how could it be? The thing is, though, it was really original.

And, like, there are a lot of other shows that people are still excited about that were never that good in the first place. That's true. Family Guy. Yeah. Okay, good point.

But, no, I mean, that's the thing. I am kind of. over the simpsons like i don't even know how over the simpsons i am because i haven't watched it in so long i don't even know if it's good or bad anymore like yeah for a while i was at least just kind of tuning in for the treehouse of horrors because i always love those and like those last two or three of those i was even kind of let down by so i was just like maybe i'll just let the simpsons go on about their business and i'll go on about mine and So I haven't watched it in a long time. Yeah, but you know what I still do is I still refer to the old ones. See, I do too. I will still make references to it all the time.

And that's how you know. I mean, it was a really amazingly written show. And the new ones, you know, I'll watch one every now and then. And they're not terrible compared to other things you've watched. They're okay.

They're not as, they're not compelling or anything, but they're, I don't know. I'm still in the camp. I'm still rooting for them. I'm really happy that Bob's Burgers is a show. Like, I love that show.

I was going to say. I wish I could have got Jim to do the Bob's Burgers dance for you. He can do it. He has this joint in his neck that he can whip his head like that. It's amazing.

Well, I was going to say, I feel like there is new stuff that's moved in into that territory now, and Bob's Burgers is one of those, but there's several other just really weird little cartoons and animated shows, and they've all kind of fallen into that niche. I don't know. I think they're still out there now. It's just probably not The Simpsons anymore. But again, I haven't watched it in a while.

I don't know. They have a good thing every once in a while. They don't seem to have that... They used to have this thing where they would start out the show, and you'd think you'd know what the show was and then suddenly it would unfold and it was a totally different show now and they would do that over and over again i don't think they have the structure anymore. Again they were on that run in the middle there that middle stretch of years where it was just like some of the best writers and it's true you go back and look at who the writers were and it's like it's some of the funniest people ever so it's like it makes sense that they were not only that funny, but they were also a well-written screenplay, you know.

To animate to. Yeah, those guys are smart. Yeah. It was a good cast of writers for years there. So, of my stuff watching, I really haven't seen much except I've decided to go back and...

Have you guys heard about these Harry Potter movies? Never heard of them. When is the next one coming out? I think they're gonna break up the next book into like seven movies. Oh, wait, you're not done with all the movies?

What? Well, if you go by every six months or so. Got me again. Every six months or so, J.K. Rowling makes some announcement about something stupid that she needs to not talk about.

I really wish she would stop doing that. What does she do? Well, one time I heard she said that she regrets Hermione getting together with Ron. Yeah. And I said, not as much as Hermione does.

Because Ron has brain damage. I'm like, you wrote the book. Shut up. Everybody else gets to bitch about that. You're the only one that does it because you could have changed it, but you didn't.

So shut up about it. Can't you just be happy? Seriously, Rowling. No, just JK. Totally JK.

Now, LOL, Wowling. You've got to watch which one you're talking to. LOL, Wowling. Apparently somebody here hasn't heard that before. I don't know.

I'm just hanging out by this fire. I think I have a contact high from this fire. It just has leaves on it, by the way. I know. You're just huffing leaves.

Pesticide, Brian. Pesticide. So, you know, like, another great debate that's in a movie is the clan of the cave bear. All right. Which was about, like, Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons living together, and I felt like finally someone had the courage.

I was like, who gives a fuck? I don't know. Who gives a fuck about that issue? Are they bears or monkeys? Which is this about?

It's like Daryl Hannah was a cavewoman. Did you see that? A long, long time ago. I have a funny story about monkeys. Oh, God.

It's not really about monkeys. So the other day, Lydia, my niece, who's four, was eating a banana. And she said to her mom, she goes, Mom, I don't like bananas. And she's like, then why are you eating it? She goes, because I don't like monkeys.

That's a thinker. This is some kid logic right here. Isn't that like the best logic you've ever heard from a four-year-old mind in your area? I was so proud. I was so proud.

So she's like, so you want to eat all the bananas so the monkeys don't have anything to eat and they die? She goes, pretty much. Ah, the viciousness of children. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I thought that was awesome.

What was that monkey trial movie? Be careful. Yes, Monkey Trouble. That was it. I saw that on Netflix.

I really wanted to read it. I mean, watch it. I read it. I saw a movie like Today that was like De Niro and who was Rocky? Stallone?

Yeah, that's what it was. What the hell was that? It's called Old Guys Fighting. It's about old guys fighting. So, wait, the title is Old Boy.

Yes. Yeah. But with a Z. Old Boys. Old Boys.

Because they're from the streets. Old Boys in the Hood. Something like that. Yeah. What the hell is that thing?

Why would they do that? It's called Paycheck, except they already made a movie called Paycheck, so... This is two paychecks. Dear God. I don't know.

That's, that's the thing. Like, I'm like, they're both like still doing work. Like they're not that desperate. Why do they have to do that? Why do they have to, like the one thing that they were known for that still kind of.

I don't know, especially, like, De Niro. Like, it's not like he beat that character to death, you know? It's like, he only really did one boxing movie. Like, why now? He washed up that character in the movie.

Like, why drag that through the mud now, all these years later? Like, Rocky, I'm not that surprised by. Yeah, sure. Stallone does all kinds of crazy stuff, I don't understand. But, like, well, I guess so does De Niro.

But, mostly just all these comedies, but... I don't know. Comedy is not one of the things the Lord blessed him with. No. He was okay in Meet the Fockers.

I mean, he's funny as like a character. He's funny on like talk shows. When you realize he doesn't get it. And like he doesn't work well with other people like. In regular conversation.

And it's funny when he's a convincing character who you're laughing about. But he's not funny doing comedy. No. And I don't know that he realizes that. He just ended up in things that were sort of funny, and then he goes, oh, I guess comedy's the way to go.

And it's funny when I don't fit in these situations, and we make it a comedy, right? You know what I think his best attempt, though, was? And I'm going to, okay, I've decided this is my favorite Best buddy action movie of all time. I'm assuming it's the one I'm thinking of that's actually a really good movie. Yeah, Midnight Run.

Yeah, okay. That's a great movie. I was going to say, I don't feel like that's an attempt. I think that actually totally landed it. That was such a good movie.

That's the standard I would judge the others by. That's just a good movie. And see, that's a great performance by him because he's not doing comedy. He's just doing a normal De Niro role. It ends up being funny because of the weird situation and because he's jammed with Charles Grodin.

It becomes a funny situation. He's not funny. He's not trying to be funny, and that's why it becomes funny. It's only when he tries to be funny that it ruins everything. Yeah, he doesn't know how to do that.

For as good as he is, he really doesn't know how to do that. It's so interesting to see people that are so good at something not get something else. Yeah. Just totally not getting it. Yeah.

I guess you get the abilities you get. But I interrupted you. Okay, back to my other one. But no, I brought this up years ago. And actually, you were there, Marlena.

I don't know if we were. It was one of our weird road trips. I think it's when we drove to Lexington, and we were talking about Harry Potter in the car. And I was like, at the time, I was like, I've gone. And at that point, they were still making them, I guess.

But it was like still years into the series. I mean, that's a long-running series. And it's like I had gone forever and not really seen most of the Harry Potter movies. Actually, once again, you had a VHS copy, Marlene. Yeah, of like the second one.

No, it was the first one. Oh, was it the first one? Oh, I know, because it was the freaking quibbage match that goes on for 14 hours. And I kept trying to watch your version. I was like, all right, well, you got this copy.

I'll watch this. How many times did I fall asleep on it? I've never watched. Like 78 times? Like I could not make it through that first movie.

I've never watched one of those movies. And then, well, no, that's the thing. Like, as I got into it, like, at that point, I ran into that second one on, like, TBS or something, and they were running. I was like, oh, this actually looks kind of cool here. And, like, once you get to the end and the big wrap-up there, I was like, that's actually kind of cool.

And, like, they worked in a decent story. I'm like, all right, I kind of would be interested in watching these, and I just hadn't gotten around to them. And then, I don't know, there's been enough references lately to stuff that I'm like, okay, you know, at some point, I'm going to have to go back and actually like just knock out the rest of them. So I'd seen the first one enough. I kind of remembered that one finally after I made it through that thing.

So I went back and I've gone through the next two and I'm probably going to end up watching the fourth one. It's like Harry Potter and the monkey's pajamas or whatever the hell it is. I don't remember, but yeah. So I, I, again, I'm pretty impressed with them. Like, I feel like they are well-made, and I think that's one of those things I didn't, like, again, I kind of wrote it off as dumb kids movies, and in the beginning, they're a little more kiddified, but even then, like, that second one's not bad.

I mean, it's still Chris Columbus doing that one, and I'm like, I don't feel like he's doing a bad job at it. He's just, he's definitely keeping it a little more safe than, you know, they start getting much weirder and darker even by the third one, but I don't know. Again, this is not really breaking news here, but they did a decent job on them Harry Potter movies, y'all. I watched them. I saw all of them.

Once I asked Misty if she wanted to borrow my Harry Potter books because they were good, and she goes, no, they're about kids, and I fucking hate kids. Sounds about right. They aren't really about kids, though. Well, again, by the third one, they're not really even kids anymore. I'm not sure what they are about, but there's something good about them.

Yeah. I think the thing I like about them is how they're about magic, but magic is just what you have to do at school. Yeah, like magic is kind of this annoying assignment. Yeah. It's not like this totally awesome thing.

That's why there's a little realism there. There's something funny about that that's charming. Yeah, and it's fun just to watch those kids grow up. Like you go back and they're just babies and then you watch them grow up. That's the thing I was talking about as I watched those first couple already.

By the time you hit the third one, they're already not kids anymore. They're starting to hit the weird teenage years. And I was just like, we never really had a series like that where you literally watch them grow up. I mean, we've had, you know, Stars that have remained stars. But again, not playing these same characters year after year.

And that consistent. I guess they were smart enough when they were making the movies to go, we've got to knock these things out. These kids are not going to be kids for long. So they were so consistent about knocking them out. But that's just kind of fascinating to watch as it goes along.

And it's also really weird how, I don't remember what his name is, but the little chubby one. That's like Neville. Neville Longbottom. He's the star. He was like such a chubby, awkward kid, and he grew up to be a mega babe.

That was kind of awesome. I wouldn't go that far. He definitely turned out, which I hadn't seen pictures of him until recently, and all of a sudden I was like, all right, he definitely turned out a little better than he used to be, but I don't know. He's pretty hot. Internet girls were selling it a little hard for me.

Just like, eh, he's all right. Let's just agree. But like the lead guy who turned out exactly like what you expected from seeing him the first day. Daniel's a studly dude now. Come on.

He hangs out naked with horses. Come on. And there's something like perpetually like, I don't know, about Hermione that like I remember at the drunk Oscars. We had, like, who was the hottest. And then I saw the movie after I had voted, and she just seemed like a kid, and it seemed so dirty and wrong.

She's still, it's kind of ridiculous. Like, that's the thing. She was a cute kid in those first couple that I just watched, but it's like, seeing her now, like, she was just on Letterman the other night. I'm like, she's just, it's amazing how she's grown up, because she's freaking gorgeous now. She is gorgeous, but there is something vulnerable about her that made me feel wrong about that Whereas I had also just watched Fish Tank, and I think that actress actually was 15.

But I was like, she was pretty close. That's all good. Yeah. I'm okay with that. Yeah.

I don't know. Something about Hermione or that actress, she seems like she could get messed up by emotional entanglements more than your average bear. But she's kind of a smart chick. Oh, yeah. I think she's right now graduating from Brown.

So... Yeah. She... I feel like I have a little faith in her. I think she can withstand.

She does seem a little awkward, though. Speaking of a... There is something... Of weird. Well, no.

Just, like, again, watching her... Like, even on Letterman. And, like, at this point, how many years has she just been doing, like, interviews and talk shows and stuff? And, like, she still felt like a weird social... Not just socially awkward, because maybe she's different in the real world.

But, like, she still seemed awkward about how... to answer questions about movies and like. Like why are you asking me questions. Do the clip setup you know like basic stuff like that she just seemed kind of awkward like she still did it because you know it's my job that's what i do but it's funny how some people just especially when you've been doing it since you were a child, you just, like, roll right into it. You just go to your normal mode. And, like, she still seems like it's something that's been thrust upon her.

Like, I want to do the acting part, but all this nonsense. I guess it has been thrust upon her. I guess so. And pretty much anybody. I mean, some people take to it naturally and aren't really that good at the other job.

Yeah. I like those movies. I could probably watch them again. Yeah. So I really haven't heard a ton.

I sort of avoided as they got into those last few when everybody was talking about it. So, yeah, I'm still kind of, I've kept myself in the dark as much as you can. And I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how the last couple round out as they become all grownups and shit. Did you ever notice that your fire pit is shaped like a skull? Yeah.

Is that on purpose? Oh, okay. Who are you talking to? Didn't she say something that was going to be some sort of spinoff trilogy? I thought, didn't she write Something, I don't know.

I've tried to avoid her. She wrote a non-child's book called The Casual Vacancy or something like that. Yeah, I think that's the real reason as to why she, every six months now, decides to make some big revelation about Harry Potter. But I think she also decided to write another Harry Potter book or something. Something like a spinoff.

Well, yeah, here's why. Her other books, nobody cares about. That's why she keeps having a press conference about it. Here's what I did wrong with Hermione. It's like, yeah, because nobody bought your last book.

And by the way, we still don't feel too bad because you're sitting on a billion dollar empire. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine. That's okay for her. That's one of the debates that's going on now is the Gwyneth Paltrow hating.

Which is really amusing to me because I never got on board in the first place like when she was in Shakespeare in Love, and suddenly everybody was acting like they knew who the fuck she was and calling her Gwyneth. Oh, I love Gwyneth. I'm like, who the fuck is Gwyneth? Why does everybody hate her suddenly? When I was in seventh grade, Elton John and Kiki D, somebody named Kiki D, did a song together, and everybody goes, oh, it's Elton John and Kiki D.

Oh, I love Kiki. It's like, who the fuck is Kiki? I never heard of her. Everybody all of a sudden is like, you know, Oh, here's Gwyneth. I love Gwyneth.

And I, you know, I didn't like that movie that much. I didn't hold it against her, but I just didn't like the movie that much. But now everybody's like, you know, she's the most pretentious thing on the planet. That's the thing. I normally would try to give them a little benefit of the doubt and be like, well, maybe everybody's just talking that up.

And then you see clips and you're like, damn. He really is just asking for it. What did she do? She is, but you know, I'm kind of like not really bothered by it because, I don't know, being like famous and rich probably doesn't make you all that much happier. You know, I'm not signing up for it.

You still have a set amount of problems that are probably somewhat similar to what everybody goes through. And you have a few that other people don't go through. Like, I mean, there is a downside to it. There is a lot of bad stuff that gets heaped upon you as well. She just went about it the wrong way.

Well, she did. Yeah. She did. I don't know what happened. I don't have any idea what you guys are talking about.

Oh, she just says crazy stuff that pisses people off. We can go off on a sidebar here. Because we already talked about it. She basically went off and said. I think motherhood is harder for her.

It's harder being a celebrity and a mother because other people just have their daily job. To go to. It'd be a lot easier working in an office. Yeah, I have to go off and shoot a movie once a year. So that's so much...

It was just like every working mother in America was like, fuck you, Gwen. Like, collectively. Yeah. And what was some of the other stuff she said? Well, her uncoupling kind of pissed everybody off.

But that's just because she's being a pretentious douche. I don't even know what uncoupling is. It's her and her husband. Uncoupling is she's getting divorced and now she's discovered. What's the other word?

What's the first lead-in word of her? Conscious uncoupling. Conscious uncoupling. Yeah. Bullshit.

Yeah. Okay. You guys can hang out and be cool. That's fine. But don't make up a stupid term for it.

Well, people took it like her divorce is better than your divorce. Yeah. Your divorce because you're a fuck up, but she's consciously uncoupling. But I took it. That's not really what she said.

She said, now that she's getting divorced, it's time that we re-understand all divorces. She wasn't putting yours down. She was just saying it was high time for us to really look at what everybody else has been doing up until she did it. Thank God I came along and straightened this situation out. I don't know.

Yeah, it's tone deaf and it's amusing, but I don't really hold a grudge. She was in the anniversary party, and the other day it occurred to me like, Four or five or maybe six of what I think are the greatest moments in film were in that movie. That's the thing. You can badmouth her as a person, but there have been some pretty good performances along the way. She is a good actress.

I know it pains people to say that. She doesn't even do anything anymore, though. She makes Iron Man movies? Come on. Oh, she's in Iron Man?

I've never seen that. She's Ms. Iron Man. So she irons Iron Man's... It's.

Really hard to do, by the way. She does Iron Man's ironing. That's ironic. I'm not going to dignify that with a response and move on and say, she is captain of an industry there, and she is. Quite the businesswoman.

Oh, yeah, actually, I did read something the other day about... this woman who doesn't wear makeup and everyone's like, why don't you wear makeup? Like, it's a political statement. She's like, just because I don't want to fucking wear makeup. But Gwyneth Paltrow, like, always posts these selfies, I guess, on her Instagram account where she's like, makeup free. And it's just like, dude, like, lots of people don't wear makeup.

Like, it's not a big deal. Like, congratulations. You, like, didn't put makeup on today. Well, and once again, a lot of times she probably doesn't have to because she has a makeup person. Yeah.

This was her day off, and so she's like, makeup free. It's because they were on lunch. Y'all can make fun of that, but I do have a Tumblr where I post pictures of me not taking out the garbage. I can fill a Tumblr like that. My daughter has been following this Tumblr for years, and I think it's a theme that a lot of people do.

It's like what I wore, but it's some dude, and it's just like, a polo and khakis every fucking day. He's been doing this for like a decade. It's what I wore. And there's nothing interesting about anything he ever wears. But he does it religiously.

I gotta look that up again. It's been a little while since I've looked at that. Another big debate is like, did Tony Soprano die? At the end of The Sopranos. In the real world.

Yes, he did. In the real world, I guess, ask and answer, Counselor. But I just felt like you do know the series is over, don't you? I mean, so what kind of event would be, I don't know. I don't know why people would argue with it.

It seemed clear to me. All those actors decided to not make it in? I love when people read way into a movie or a series, and then they interview the writers, and the writers are like, I mean, if you want to believe that, you can. I like that. That's kind of why I wish writers and directors would just shut up.

Just don't go into it. Let people think their thing. They're like, we didn't really think that far ahead, but if you want to come up with a theory, then I guess that's cool. That's what shows like us exist for, damn it. But that's really funny when they're like, what?

When like fans are like, tell us, tell us what you meant. And they're like, it was kind of like cut and dry. They're like, I had a deadline. So I like ended it. No, I mean, like, people take it to have, like, a really deep.

Cryptic meaning. Oh, I know, but even then, they're like, so then I turned it in, but you took that it ended like that differently. I just kind of wrapped it up, and we made a movie. Or there are those blog things that's like, well, we know what the true meaning is because there was one writer who worked on that show who said there was a draft in which they had written this. It's like...

Yeah, but they didn't go with that draft. They went with what they went with, and that was what the show. And even then, because that's the thing, I like it better when they don't come out and tell you all that stuff, writers and directors. or whoever's making the film but i'm like even when they do it's like that's still like the the film you know that's kind of what i like about movies in general is it's like or any art form truthfully it's what you do with it so like if you're sitting there and you take it this way That is the way it is. You are the viewer. You're absorbing the art, whatever the hell it may be.

And you're like, this is what I think of it. This is what I'm doing with it. If it works right, you can take it however you want. You can enjoy it however you want. It's like one of my favorite sociological quotes, which probably doesn't...

I'm probably misinterpreting this quote. I'm just going to throw that out there. You can interpret it however you want. But it's... I can't even remember who said it, but it's like when men define situations as real, they're real in their consequences.

Yeah. That's what I think about like that. Well, that's... There's a word for that. It's called reification.

Yeah. When something is reified, it becomes real because people... But that was like Treme. I watched Treme all the way to the end. And by the end, like in the first season, you notice that Antoine...

It's like a shitty husband and a shitty father. And he can't buy the right size clothes for his kids when he sees them like once every month, you know. But then you start to notice he's kind of a pretty good ex-husband. Like if you're going to have an ex-husband, he does all right, you know. And then by like the last season, his ex-wife is saying, You know, I think I like you better now that we're divorced.

And you're going, this show is fucking over, man. When people have to put the stuff that you can notice in the dialogue, there's no point in watching anymore. There's nothing to watch for. But it had great moments, but they just ran out of the energy to do good work. Yeah.

That's how I felt about God Bless America. We were talking about Bobcat earlier. And it's just like, I kind of like where they were going, but it's like they over-explained things to the point where it made my head hurt. And not because I didn't need to have it explained to me. It's like they were justifying all the horrible stuff they were saying.

And I'm just like, no. Very blatantly justified. And I felt like there was no... Writing there, there was no characters on the screen. I felt like I was just hearing Bob go away.

Like everything that was screamed out by these characters is just Bob kind of being angry because he's angry a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I got that too. I remember seeing that. And I also remember seeing, wait, was Christina Ricci in that?

No. Who was in that? Some girl. Yeah, I haven't seen her in a lot of other stuff. She reminded me of her.

Oh, it reminded me of that movie Pumpkin. It's the only movie where they actually... You know, there's that expression, winking at the camera. That's actually the ending of the movie. She winks at the fucking camera.

It's like, yeah, I got that a while ago. I got that this was funny. But thank you for validating... It's like I'm getting my test score handed back to me now. But they did the scansion sheet.

Like, okay. You don't argue with Christina Ricci. I'm pretty sure that was her. It was Christina Ricci in Pumpkin. She's in Pumpkin, yeah.

Well, Marlena, you said you had seen something. Today, Throw Mama from the Train was on TV. Yeah. And so was Forrest Gump. And I watched a little bit of them at work for like a couple of minutes because there was nothing to do and I didn't feel like Doing anything like more than what was required of me.

Did you mix them up into a new movie composed of half? Throw Forrest Gump from the Train. Yes, it was Throw Forrest Gump from the Train. You did talk about Mama a lot. That's interesting.

Mama always said, as I threw her from. The train. There's a scene on Throw Mama from the Train where they're watching TV and And the guy on TV looks like Bill Murray, but it's not. Oh, weird. It's probably one of those other random brothers.

That's what I was thinking. I haven't watched in a while, so I don't know. Y'all never brought him up in the Dynasties episode. Which one? Dynasties.

Hollywood Dynasties. He and his brothers. Which brother? I mean, which? I don't know.

Who knows who the fuck his brothers are? The Murray brothers? Bill Murray, yeah. Because they're around. As much as those Baldwin brothers are.

They're at a. abundance of them too i feel like everything we've talked about tonight is like six degrees of kevin bacon because joel murray was in is bill murray's brother he was in god bless america yeah six. Degrees of candy bacon we. Should we should have an episode that just talks remember when we used to play that game like all the time or maybe it was just me by myself Which, Kevin Bacon? Yeah. No, because I used to be really good at it.

I know. And now my brain is useless. I guess I can blame Google because I used to be able to do that all in my head. And now I'm just like, wait, oh, is that one movie? I didn't see some of his main movies, though.

That could be. That's not fair to me. Yeah. I do know all about the actual Six Degrees studies and, you know, Stanley Milgram. And, like, the letter studies.

And then later they studied the Internet to see if it brought people closer together. And it didn't. But they didn't really study hubs. They studied people who were hubs. Because, like, the original experiment was to send a letter from, like, Iowa or someplace and send it to a stockbroker in New York.

Send the letter to somebody you know who you think will know a stockbroker. And it took about six. Mm-hmm. Links to get it there but later somebody studied it and they found that it just goes around aimlessly until it goes to one of those people who knows everybody and there are just certain people who know everybody they forge social connections all over the place but I haven't followed up on it to see if like these sites that act as hubs have Because I think they have to have. Because, like, I just find somebody's iPod on the street, and I find her on Facebook and give it back to her, and now I know this chick who's, like, from the Czech Republic, and she loses iPods wherever she goes.

I know people, you know, like, I ran into 20 years ago, and it's a hobby of mine. It's like, oh, let's see if they're around. Yeah. And it turns out they are, you know. Not all the time, but every once in a while.

But, yeah, I remember hearing that that was Hillary Clinton's favorite movie. Six Degrees of Separation. Because, yeah, Will Smith. Who doesn't like Will Smith? Yeah, but here's the weird thing about that is Donald Sutherland.

Like, I'm totally cool with young Donald Sutherland. But I hate old Donald Sutherland. I don't know what it is about him. I just hate that dude. And his offspring.

Speaking of Dynasty. Demon spawn of Donald Sutherland. Like when I saw the remake of... Body Snatchers? What?

Body Snatchers? No. Not Body Snatchers. The other really good one. The Vanishing.

Ah, you love that Americanized Vanishing. No, I never saw it. The ending is so great. No, I saw What's-His-Name's face on the preview, and I'm like, God, I would not see that if it saved my life. If that movie was a medical procedure that would cure me, of like a terminal cancer, I would not have that procedure.

I saw it, and there's one bright spot. Yeah. Sandra Bullock. Back when nobody had any idea who she was, except for me. You're fucking up my prejudice.

She's adorable. Is that the movie where she dies? Which movie where she dies? No, that was Gravity. No.

It's the damnedest thing. Her re-entry burns up, coming back in through the atmosphere. Is that a debate, too? Yeah. Whether she dies in gravity or she lives?

Yes. She burns up and drowns. It's sad. Oddly enough, also does that in The Blind Side. That was kind of an okay movie.

It wasn't intellectual or literary. But it doesn't need to be. It's based around gut-wrenching action. And it does that amazingly well. It's the kind of movie that's entertainment, but it's the kind of entertainment that sends you out of the theater really happy to be alive and stuff.

And I feel like there is something. By the time he gets to the end. Again, he's not a terrible director. He had a vision. He just didn't worry about all the nonsense in the middle there.

And again. Everybody was kind of knocking it for dialogue, which there's a little clunky stuff. It was really hokey. When you get midway in, though, it's like, what dialogue? Who the fuck is she talking to?

She's talking to herself. She was talking to George Clooney there. For a while. I saw something where they were calling her out for very obvious, like, oh, well, she just states what she does next. Yeah, because it's a movie.

And if she thinks it, you won't know what she's doing. It's called filmmaking. She has to say it out loud or you don't know what she's doing now. I finally heard somebody say that and I was like, okay, you know, I'm going to have to defend gravity for a minute because it's a movie and you can't hear her thoughts. I liked it pretty well.

She's like a good universal humanoid. Yeah. You know, she has that fetal kind of thing. She has that kind of relatability like, you know, Paris, Texas. Just universal human.

There's no way. Children outside? Yeah, we've got a bad children infestation in this neighborhood. We're trying to see if we... We keep calling the city, but we're getting nowhere.

Well, you're going to have to get a private guy to come out and spray for them. They just send you around, you know. A private operation will spray and take care of them. Yeah, it's terrible. I mean, George Clooney's bit was pretty hokey.

Well, he's George Clooney. I mean, he's like, yeah. He can do whatever he wants. He's like, I'm pretty fucking cool, right? Yeah, I am.

I'm George Clooney. You're right. I'm going to head off out here in space. You know what? I'm going to be cool even then.

I agree. I feel like he pulls it off. He does because he's George Clooney. You couldn't give that to anybody else. That's the Altenheim.

That is an extended care facility. Didn't you used to live next to that? There's a sign over there that says protected by the Pinkertons. I don't think it's really protected by the Pinkertons. What's a Pinkerton?

Didn't the Pinkertons go under in the 1800s? They're the guys who chased Butch Cassidy and his son Hank's kid over a cliff. Didn't the Pinkertons die out a long time ago? Well, I think the company was actually bought by some other security company or something. But there's a sign over there, and I'm really tempted to steal it.

I would like to have that song. Well, I don't think you can because that place is protected. Yeah. I know. What if there's Pinkertons left and they're kind of secret, like the Freemasons?

Oh, yeah. Or what if they pop out like a hobo and they're like, ah-ha! They just don't talk about it anymore. They go around disguised as hobos now, living in your house. They're never going to sleep again.

Yeah. So, I don't know. I think... To finish our gravity thing. Yeah.

But yeah, I think by the end, again, you get past the little, you know, okay, there's some hokey dialogue there. Okay, she says some things out loud to herself. But by the time you get to the end, I'm like, I think he had a vision there. I think there really, he is still a good, impressive filmmaker. And I think he had something to say with the way he wrapped it up.

And that's why you walk out of the V and you're like, yes, that was awesome. Yeah, it was. I think it works. It's a good film. Because it works.

It was. And that kind of criticism is easy to do. Yeah. But it's like when. One of my favorite movies is Ballad of the Sad Cafe.

Because that's the kind of thing I like. Skull crushingly depressing. There you go. Daddy's skull. I've been talking to your kids.

But I love that movie. And when the play came out. A critic. criticized Edward Albee and said he'd just lifted all the dialogue from the book. That's all he'd done. And Albee said, yeah, except there's no dialogue in the book.

And so he thought it was the best review he'd ever got, because it sounded just like the book, but it was all... That was a bit of an exaggeration. There was some indirect dialogue. like I remember them talking about how they could never, like the dwarf would always talk about particular things and she would always want to philosophize about things in general. She would talk about why peas were good. And he would say those peas we had last night was poor.

So there was indirect dialogue. You got this sense of the language, but that was a great movie. And that was, you know, um, give another callback to the Dynasty episode. Red Graves. Whatever happened to the Red Graves of yesteryear?

They died. Much like the fire. The fire is dying out. I think we're going. To have to wrap this up.

The fire is dying out. I think we're wrapping this thing up. Thank you for joining us on our campfire episode. We never told a ghost story. We didn't have any other than Marlena's crazy ghost stories.

Yeah, but I already told it. Nothing new has happened. Okay, I'm going to tell a scary campfire story real quick. I told this to a group of kids once when we were out camping. It was like a whole group of kids.

It was like, okay, there was this mother, and she was out at a mall with her baby. And she was carrying the baby, and she felt like the baby needed the diaper changed. So. She went and she took the diaper off the baby and threw it in the trash. And then she went into her purse and she didn't have any more diapers.

So she reached back in the trash and got the diaper out and put it back on the baby until they got home and she could change his diaper. And then she got home and it was a different brand of diaper. Oh, Ruth. Not so much of the story as how seriously you were taking the story. That's a great story.

I love that story. And it's a true story. That was told to me by the mom. By the baby. By the baby.

Who later died of hepatitis. Dead babies. What a dysentery. That's the way to end this episode. Is that a thing?

I thought I had dysentery earlier this week. No, there's a really bad stomach virus thing going around that almost everyone's got, and I don't really. Know what it is, but. It's horrible. It's probably some mutated alien stuff.

It's like some pig virus again. Pig virus? Yeah. We should probably stop doing that with pigs. I know.

Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. My one and only shining star.

Stick with me and I'll take you far. Your eyes are sparkling with teenage fire. Satisfy your mad desire. I know. I can talk with looks to kill You got me.

Going on, I can't stand still. My arms are dying to hold you tight. I'm not that cold. Better? I was kind of warm, but it's You can't get heated by all sides of the fire because you can't, like, be inside the fire.

That's the downfall of fires. Oh, it's going to catch my butt on fire. No, it really was, like, about to catch my butt on fire. This is a very special episode where Marlena catches her butt on fire. Oh, this is so much fun.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at movie meltdown.com. Talk hard.