276: Judy Tenuta and the Bagel of Love

My name is Jennifer Lawrence and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.

What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian and this week we are coming to you live via digital recording from the Connection Theater here in Louisville. And we are joined this week by the legendary comedian Miss Judy Tenuta. Of course, you know Judy from her years of working stand-up and her countless TV appearances, and she's actually turned up in quite a few movies over the years as well. So I thought we'd sit down with her and sort of get a feel for her growing up and how she got into the comedy scene and her stories about making movies over the years and just sort of get to know her.

And as it turns out, she's not only quite entertaining, but she's also a wonderful lady who brought me a gift, so I can't complain. She's a giver, that Judy. First up, I did want to say a big thank you to Ed at The Connection for kind of working with us on this one and mostly for just letting us loiter around the theater, which is a lovely theater, by the way. So if you'd like to check out more about them and see what they've got going on there, go to theconnection.net. So let's just go ahead and get into it with Judy.

I'll go ahead and do the introductions. How should I introduce her? Hopefully I don't mess it up. She'll probably yell at me. Oh, well.

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Tenuta. It is Brian. I can address you as Judy if you'd like. No, Love Goddess. Love Goddess?

Yes. All right. Miss Love Goddess. Yes. Did we start yet?

We are starting right now. Yay! We are here with the Love Goddess herself. Judy Tanuta. It's the whole thing.

You got to say the whole thing. Oh, man. What? You're not very worshipful, Brian. What's going on?

Well, you have to convert me. This is a hardcore religious situation here. It takes years. No, I'm Judy, the goddess of Judy-ism. In my religion, only I get to whine.

We spell... No. It's J-U-D-Y-I-S-M, Judaism. Judaism, Judaism. What if I start my own religion and then we're battling religion?

I don't think that's going to work because I don't think they know you, okay? I don't know. It doesn't quite have the same ring. Brianism, Judaism. It's a little awkward, but that's my usual situation.

It's not working. Okay? Oh, okay. All right, well, let's start from the beginning. I usually like to get in early with people.

How would you describe the goddess as a child? Oh, well, I was a delicate flower. I was a petite, delicate flower. And, you know, I am the love goddess, princess of panty shields, empress of Elvis impersonators, Aphrodite of the accordion. So many people want to know about the accordion.

Well, actually, it was my mother's IUD. I popped out wearing it. It could happen, Brian. Now, the thing is, it didn't work too well because my mom had nine children, my mom and dad. That was back when families used to do that.

Well, also, Catholic, deal with it. I know several people now that have like six kids, but it's all that generation. Everybody I know now has like one, maybe two. Yeah, they have one and a half now. Yeah, everybody else I know from like years back, they were like six kids, eight kids.

Yes, well, but my mom and dad had nine children. And I was, well, I really didn't hear myself talk until I was like maybe 17. Because I had seven brothers and a sister, and we were raised Catholic at St. Obnoxious in Bondage School and Church. And, you know, my mom said we were not allowed to laugh in the living room.

We had to wait until Sunday Mass when the priest asked for money. Well, of course. That's a big laugh. Excuse me, Pop. How much money do you need to spend on that dress?

I don't think that much. So, anyway, you know, I grew up in kind of a strict Catholic... We lived across the street. From the church. Oh, and the accordion was a big thing because, as I say, it was my mom's IUD.

Now, my older brothers, my parents tried to get them to play, but right away they said, oh, no, we've got to go play baseball. But then I, like a bozo, said. Oh, yeah, this is fun. This is a nice toy. You know, I was only seven.

I just thought it was a toy. And no, my mom locked me in the closet until I could play Lady of Spain in the Dark. I'm wearing the small accordion now. The travel size. Right, the big accordion they would keep breaking on an airline that is now named after a baby, Northwest.

Like, we have time for that. Why do you name your kid after a defunct airline? Really nice. And it would be even worse if the kid is directionally challenged. Can you imagine?

She's named Northwest, and she doesn't know North or West, but not like she has to. Anyway, so that's what went on. Did you have formal training, or you were locked in the room and had to learn it by yourself? Yes, well, I went to a few lessons, but I didn't like to listen to. What they were telling me.

I have that problem myself. Now, in retrospect, you know, it's like, you know, I'll tell you what. The first few lessons were really fun. Then they try to get you to play the bumblebee boogie. Yeah, think about it.

Excuse me. That was kind of, yeah, I was not... As devoted as a, you know, I was definitely not a Beethoven-esque squeeze box engineer. I was not that. Studying the classics.

Yeah. Well, now, in retrospect, I kind of wished I had worked harder. But, you know, it's too late. It's never too late. It's never too late.

Well, I'm working harder now. I'm working hard for my money. Yeah. So in that household, did you have comedy influences seeping in? Oh, my God.

It was so hilarious. In a way, it was strict, but it was funny. You know, my mom was always, she was very strict, but she was always humorous to me because, you know, just to get away from all the kids. They had nine kids. She'd play cards.

I think she'd tunnel and get out of that place. Nine kids. Hello? I would. I would bail.

No, she was playing pinochle all day long, and my dad, not all day long, I take that back, some afternoons with her friends, just to let off some steam. But, yeah, we had a lot of fun. We had fun. Did you have outside influences? Were you watching comedy on TV?

Well, you know, a big. Thing in my family was we watched And this is before your time. Not necessarily. Jackie Gleason. You don't know who that is?

Reruns, reruns, yeah. Yeah. Jackie Gleason. And, oh, yeah. I think that was every Saturday.

Our parents would watch the Jackie Gleason show. And I liked watching... The Smothers Brothers. I really like the Smothers Brothers. They were great.

We had an album back when vinyl wasn't so hip. It was just the only option you had. We had like the second volume of their golden hits, and I played that thing to death as a kid. I love that. I love them.

Love the show. And then, of course, as I got older, well, I wanted to– I went to college, yeah, good move, and I majored in nursing, but I had to drop it because I ran out of milk. But, you know, then I realized, oh, oh, I was taking art, and then a friend of mine brought me to a play, and then she said, you need to be doing this because you're driving me nuts, because I would imitate all the teachers, like all the teachers, even in high school, I would Be imitating all that, not, okay, get up to the board and diagram this sentence, which they don't do nowadays, right? They don't have diagrams. Is there an app for diagramming?

Yes. Thank you. My nieces, I have tween nieces, It's the best. I don't have kids. That was one kind of regret.

I did not have kids. I kind of wished I had been tied to the stove to make pancakes or some pipe fitter and take fertility drugs, lay on the kitchen table, and pump out youngins like y'all do here in Louisville. Yeah! Occasionally. Oh, yeah, right.

I haven't gone down that road. You haven't, but to go down the Kentucky Derby, you got to get your jockeys ready. So, anyway, yeah, and my brother Tom said, oh, well, I got to go on a trip, so could you watch? you know, my daughters, which were my nieces. And I thought, oh, it's a piece of cake. Oh, thank you.

I had to bring them to school. They're like, I go, okay, come on, girls. Let's go to school. They go, no, Aunt Judy, we have an app for that. I go, you have an app for school?

Yeah, yeah. See, look, history. We have history. I go, history? No, no, no.

You have to go to class for that. No, no. Look, we go to Google Earth. Abraham Lincoln, vampire slayer. No.

That's history. Abraham Lincoln. That's factual history. No. Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery, 1863.

Yeah. I'm killing vampires. What? And they go, yeah, but what has he done lately? Okay.

Yeah. So totally they know nothing. They know nothing. Yeah. And then they convinced me, Aunt Jada, we're going to have social studies today at Forever 21.

I, no, you're not. That's where you go shopping. No, Aunt Jada, no, really, they're having a big sale. Hey, listen, I said, do you know why they call it Forever 21? Because if you skip school and go there, your IQ will be forever 21.

You'll be forever registered, Jackie, at the age of 21. Forever 21 is the good punchline. Okay. So, anyway. Then, yeah, so that kind of taught me how tough it was to raise kids, even if they're not your own.

But then you can be the crazy aunt that poisons their mind. I'm that uncle right now. Oh, poisons their mind. I'm messing with my nieces and nephews, and yeah. Well, anyway, but they were already tweens, so they already have their...

You know what I mean? They already think they can control the universe. They're setting their ways already. They're already micromanaging everything. So, yeah, there was that.

Now, wait, let's get back to the original. Yeah, we went off track. I guess when you started getting into comedy, so at what point you were, I guess, getting roped into the theater department? Is that what it was? Yes, yes.

And then I said, oh, you know, I don't want to. Yeah, I want to be doing this because it's kind of instant gratification. Some sort of show kicked in in your head and you're like, I do need to be in the middle of this. Oh, yeah, it's kind of fun. And then, oh, here's the best part.

Then I leave home and I thought, oh, well, it's not cool to have the squeeze box. My mom said, Judy, you're taking that accordion with you. I go, Mom, it's not cool. I don't care. You're taking it.

Well, then my roommate from college said. You know what? You need to go on stage with your squeeze box. Why don't you just go on stage with it? So then I thought, well, why not?

So I go on and do that. And then, you know, it kind of went from there. So at what point did you start taking it somewhat seriously, like as a profession? Right away. Right away.

As soon as I– well, you know, luckily I grew up in Chicago at the time of the big comedy boom. Oh, yeah. And they had all these new comedy clubs. One of the first places I worked– it's no longer there. It's called the Pickle Barrel.

And then I worked at Zany's, which you probably heard of. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. And there was, oh, the Maroon Raccoon, the Comedy Womb, all these weird, yeah. The names of these places.

No, but it was great. It was all, you know, me and a couple friends would drive. I didn't drive. That's one thing I don't. I really don't like to drive.

It's all about driving Miss Judy. You can get around in Chicago, though. You can get around. No. Here, you'd be in trouble.

No. Anybody who is a friend to Judy must be willing to drive Miss Judy. That's what it is. I don't like to drive, okay? So, yeah, my friends...

I had friends that we would drive to the comedy clubs. Well, they would drive. I would just be there telling them where to go. Show for me now. But here's another great thing.

I lived right on Lincoln Avenue in Chicago. And at that time, there were two clubs within walking distance. You're all set. How awesome is that? But then I eventually acquiesced and realized, well, maybe I need to learn to drive again.

How did that go? Oh, it went great. My first car was a Ford. Nice. And I want to tell you, it was reliable.

I went from the comedy, it was called, what was it called? I think it was called the Comedy College. It was a church converted to a comedy stage. It was really nice. It was fun.

Walking distance. So I went there. There was this other place called Sylvester's, and then a little further was Zaney's. And then about three miles from there was this place called Byfield's, which was a special, really cool room in the Ambassador West Hotel where John Belushi and all these guys used to stay. Anyway, so a lot of places, a lot of places to, you know, try out your stuff.

And so that was great. That was the boom, probably bigger than it's ever been. So was it hard defining? Yourself from everyone else, separating. I'm assuming the squeeze box helps.

Well, and I, you know, and hello, I'm the love goddess. I'm the petite flower. I'm the princess of panty shields. Yeah, I was kind of different from anyone going, hey, did you ever notice when you go to McDonald's, oh, you got to have a big gulp? No.

I don't do that. Not that there's anything wrong with it. There's plenty of people. You need your peeps to do that. You can't separate yourself from them if you don't have the rest.

So, um. Anyway, yeah, so, and then I got an agent. Well, you know, there was a boom all over the country, too, but more like in New York and L.A. and Chicago. Chicago, yeah. So then I got, one of the first main jobs I got was to open for Jay Leno in Atlanta, which was awesome.

And the most fun with that was going grocery shopping with him. That was hysterical. I go, Jay, let's get some vegetables. I don't need that crap. He's like, whatever.

I like pizza. All he wanted to eat was pizza. And here's one thing amazing. You know how he's joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. Always joke.

Well, before he would go on stage, he could eat like a whole fried chicken. Now, I'm one of these people. I can't have anything in my stomach. I can't be digesting food. Not him.

I go, Jay, doesn't, I mean, isn't it bothering you? Eh, whatever. It'll be great. Don't worry. And he was right.

He was great. He could just digest a whole chicken and do his show. It was great. He seems like he would be okay with driving, Miss Judy. Yeah.

He loves his cars. He did drive. Oh, my God. He was awesome. I just wish I got to drive in his Bugatti with him.

I didn't get to do that because those were the salad days. You know, that was in Atlanta. We were in Atlanta. Yeah. And working together.

And then back in, at the time, I was, he was in Hollywood and I was living in, between Chicago and working in New York because I had a new manager agent in New York. So it was really pretty cool. We, I don't know, we kind of spiral off into Hollywood stories anyway. I guess what happened once you got to Hollywood, and I'm assuming it was kind of an adjustment for you coming there. No, first, before I did that, a big step was going to New York, because that's really where I got noticed.

Because I went to Caroline's Comedy Club, and that's where... My agent got me, well, we did my first album there called Buy This Pigs. It came out in 1987. Then my manager was really cool and got me, well, I got to be on this special with three other female comics. You know, Rita Rudner, Paula Poundstone, and you might have heard of her, Ellen DeGeneres.

Oh, I mean DeGeneres. Those comedy specials were so key. Everybody that wrote, like Rodney was doing those. If you look back at them, everybody wrote through. Well, this is the interesting thing.

No, no. Prior to that, you had to be on The Tonight Show. I was never on The Tonight Show. But these HBO specials were an awesome stepping stone short of being on The Tonight Show. Yeah, I mean, The Tonight Show was the key at that point.

Although, there are some. People who've been on The Tonight Show for 40 times and you don't remember them. I will name and and you won't know who this person is but so i'm not even going to say it but you know it's true and then it's it's so it just goes to show that you know you have to kind of be something different and um yeah so i did that and then i got the diet dr pepper commercials which was awesome. You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard. And then I got another HBO special.

Anyway, I did a special for Showtime. I did some special Lifetime specials with, oh, my God, this was fun, Dr. Ruth and George Hamilton. It was supposed to be. There's a pair of them.

It was supposed to be like a sort of a love Valentine special. Oh, my God. Dr. Will. Listen to me now.

You know, okay. And then George Hamilton is so suave. He's just. Suave, leathery George Hamilton. Yeah, yeah.

He was the precursor to Leather Mom. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know Leather Mom? Yeah.

But at least he pulled it off. He was smooth. No, no, but at. Least he was suave and sophisticated and cool. Yeah.

So... Yeah, that's kind of what happened. So what led you to L.A. Then? Just getting more TV work?

Well, yeah. Then I was like, well, you know, I really need to be doing this TV thing more. And also, I need to have less snow. They have crippling, as you know, winters between Chicago and New York, where I'm from. I question that every winter.

And it applies to Chicago, too. You guys have bad weather here, too. So once I got to L.A., I was like, okay, this is really cool. Even though everyone here is really remedial. You know, they're all like, hey, yeah, Judy, do you want to come to my party?

It's really cool. Yeah, come to my party. And, you know, it's like all these stars and you get to be there. And then you go there and they go, who are you? Yeah.

Yeah, so it's not. It's a town built around an industry. It's not just a city. It is the business. Well, anyway, no, no, no.

But everybody, this is a cool thing. I think it was a little easier for me because people already knew who I was. So that was cool. But then breaking the barrier of, well, I want to be on a TV show. It's like, well, you need to be a fat housewife.

Why don't you do that? The impact of Roseanne. Yeah, no, no, but it's, you know, it's a great show. That was a great show. It lost its way, but where's the Judy show?

Yeah, yeah, we need, you know, there's room for everything. So, anyway, but, you know, I did all these specials and, you know. Well, did you, at that point, start entertaining the idea of getting into movies? Yes. Because you definitely cross over there.

Yeah, I did, I did, I did do movies. Yeah, oh yeah, you've heard of, Big movies. No, it was fun. Circuitry Man 2? Come on.

What is it? Circuitry Man 2. Was I in that? Oh, my God. He has to tell me my own movies.

I'm like, those are amazing and crazy. I didn't even know I was in that. Oh, I do remember filming that now. I do remember that. It was so weird.

It's a weird post-apocalyptic kind of thing. Isn't it? It wasn't weird? Yeah. But it was so, I was like, okay, yeah.

Yeah, I started doing that kind of stuff. And this vampire thing called, wasn't there a vampire? Oh, there was something called White Heat. White Heat. That was Robbie Bent?

Yeah. He's directing that one. By the way, a sweetheart. Yeah. He was a doll.

Yeah, I love that. That was a lot of fun. And then, yeah, there was a vampire movie. It was called, and I got to play a security guard. That was a lot of fun.

Yeah. What do you do? Oh, and that was with, I didn't get to do scenes with him, but oh my God. And they play it every Halloween. It comes back.

They play it. They play these. Trying to think what you're doing. But yeah, that. I can't think.

First Bite, was it called? Was it something? Once Bitten? Yeah, something like that. That's like Lauren Hutton, I think, was in.

No, no, no. So maybe not that one. No, no, I was in the one with Ant. No, no, not Ant. I think what that was.

I don't know, but he was a pop star. Adam Ant? That's it. Yeah, yeah. Adam Ant.

Adam Ant. And yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was fun. It was so campy. Here's my favorite thing.

I was always campy. I was always into these campy, brought into, I mean, circuitry, whatever. What the hell is that? Circuitry man, too. What was secretary man one that's what i want.

To know sort of similar okay he has plugs in his head secretary man two was new and. Improved and then i got you know it's burning well i got white uh what is it white heat. Uh the one that you robbie benson. Yeah okay it's my ride. Let's go they're gonna be hauling you away What else?

Oh, a lot of, and then a bigger movie. I got to do, one of the favorite TV things was I did General Hospital. Yeah. That was a lot of fun. And then, and they, I remember it was a scene, they had a big birthday cake and I ate half of it and got sick.

Of course. Still didn't learn your lesson. No, no. After Jay Leno. Oh, no.

I don't, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Pizza and cake. That's it. That's all you need.

Pizza and cake. Yeah. And, you know, he's still healthy. But, and then I, in 19, wait, I'm sorry. No.

I did a lot more. little movies like that you know real real like you say uh artsy kind. Of weird indie films is what they call them now. Films i yes what was the one i i played kind of a uh oh i know i was i was uh a motel clerk from the south i can't think of the name of that one that was good some some uh Bible Belt. I don't know. They were trying to be religious.

I can't remember. Let's try to get one of the bigger Desperation Boulevard. Oh, that's right. You're kind of centered around it. I got to do Desperation Boulevard, which I produced.

And that was really fun. And we had Michael, you know, Academy Award nominee Michael Lernon played my agent manager. He's a big name. Yeah. Yeah, he was great.

And we had a lot of cameos. Weird Al, who is the greatest, as you know. You still work with him now. I love Weird Al. I got to do my favorite thing, though, was getting to do his TV show with him. the word al show in which i was madam judy oh hello i'm madam judy oh i can predict the present and you know he would come to me for advice and i was just trying to get money from him you know pretty.

Cool you two just hang out and talk accordion. Oh but see he's a real master accordionist he's awesome yeah. He probably did study the classics i'm sure he did. He was he was uh Well, you know, he was valedictorian of his class. He's ridiculously smart anyway.

And I guess that's why he's made it work so many years now. And so that was a blast. That was so much fun getting to do that. And also, then I was in a few of his videos, too. I was in, oh, one of them.

I got to play Headline News. All the headlines. It was great because he did all these scandals. Do you remember the Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan? That was a big part of it.

And then I was Lorena Bobbitt. I was Lorena Bobbitt. Yeah, it was great. That was a great one. And then there was this guy Who made his wife so mad one night That she cut off his wiener And when he finally came to He found that Mr.

Happy was missing He couldn't quite explain it. It had always just been there. Good evening. It's intermission time. Our service is friendly and quick.

You'll find hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, your favorite candies, hot and cold beverages, and other delicious snacks. So add to your fun of watching the movie. Visit our refreshment stand right now. We're glad to have you with us tonight. We hope you'll come to see us often.

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And look for them online at DooWopShop.com. Doo-Wop Shop. We're serious about music. Hi, we're the Marchetta Sisters and you're watching E! The Marchetta Sisters.

We are the face of Marchetta. My gorgeous girls! We're living the good life. He has such great taste. Hey, but you picked that out.

Well, yeah, but he likes it. Until they got. Let me put this as delicately as I can. A little bad news. Marchetta Cosmetics.

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They're out of money. You guys might want to look into getting a job. What are your skills, girls? Can you type? Oh, we're good.

We could do like 10 IMs a minute. Okay. See? Doris, do you have any Motrin? Out of style.

I have no clothes. I still have the hand-me-downs you gave me. I feel so last year. Calm down. Retro's really in right now.

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Fabiella. Our worst enemy do girls even want to run this place i feel like. Daddy's still alive and he's just gonna come and save us. You and i are taking care of ourselves from now on. We'll rebuild this company hillary duff and hayley duff in a comedy about what happens when material girls.

I was a debate team. Nerd in high school that's cute nerds are like really in. Right now Get real. You girls, you're everything to me. Give it up for Ava and Tansy Marchetta.

Material Girls. Thanks. No problem, Miss Marchetta. I've got to come to the office more often. A Martha Coolidge film.

He was the wizard of a thousand kings. And I chanced to meet him one night wandering. So as I said, we've been to the Chicago Wizard World before, so they've got quite a few. Since we're hanging out here. They've got a lot.

They're all over the country. That's what I was going to say. Since they're inviting us to hang around here, I thought we would go ahead and give the rundown. That's the difference with this one is it's not just in one city. It's something they've done kind of everywhere now.

They've sort of taken over. You can go to wizardworld.com and find out where they are in the near future. The rundown of the upcoming ones, end of May into June, is Atlanta. You've got Philadelphia after that, San Antonio, back to Chicago, Richmond. So it's like anywhere in this general part of the country, you know, the United States.

Are you stopping at Richmond because we've got more to go? Oh, there's plenty. That's what I'm saying. Nashville, Austin, Ohio. I thought Ohio was just generalized.

You know, that state. But anyway, yes, you can go to wizardworld.com and find out where the next show will be near you. You should definitely go. Come hang out. That's what we're doing.

Definitely check out wizardworld.com for all of your wizard world type needs. Hi, this is Verdon Wells, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. And I have one thing to say. I know where you live, you little fuckers. So listen, or I will come and get you, I will rip off your head, and I will piss down your neck.

So remember that. It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show.

I know they're all thinking I'm so white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. Can't you see. I'm white and nerdy?

Look at me, I'm white and nerdy. I wanna roll with it. And then, of course, I was in another one. But the other really fun one was White and Nerdy. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I got to play his girlfriend that he brings me. Yeah, it was great. It was another big resurgence for him. Yeah, every few years he has like another big hit. Oh, every year.

Yeah, it keeps coming. Yeah, yeah. And so anyway, but I did, yeah, his show, that, that. And yeah, my movie, Desperation Boulevard. And then I did, I got an actual movie, a movie that is, you know, they play it all the time.

It's called Material girls. I was going to ask about it. With the Duff girls. The Duff girls who were just... Hillary was only 17.

It was so much fun, though. They were so sweet. And their mom, really nice. Very nice girls. This is the best part, though.

Hillary was underage. She was 17. They have child labor laws. So when it came to my scene, my scene was later. I had a couple scenes.

My scene with them... Was later in the day, well, Hillary's only 17. She's been shooting all day. So this is the best. They go, okay.

I shot some of the scene with them, but the really important part... Hillary had to go home because she's only 17. She has to go do homework somewhere on the set. Yeah, so I do the scene with the director. The director's reading the Hillary part, and I'm just reacting to that, but.

They cut it. See, at least have a blonde wig on or something. No, hell to the no. I really had to act. I really had to act.

Let me tell you what. It was great. And then, boy, but editing. This is what editing can make a movie. I'm telling you what.

It was great. You don't notice now that scene? It flows together? No, it's just great. It's just, yeah, cool.

Nobody knows that. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, for all the other young actresses of that era, like, she seemed like she kind of had it together and hasn't gone down the road that many, many others have. Can you imagine if I had to work with Lick Me Blow Hands? Lindsay Lohan, who's just like, that girl has not been vertical for eight years.

She's been out of control her entire life. Yeah. But, hey, it seems to work. Even Oprah. What's up with Oprah giving Lindsay a show?

Oprah! Get off the meds! What are you doing? It's a general question I have. What's up with Oprah?

Well, and interviewing Chris Brown, who now his career is a felon. Yeah, thank you. What's up with Oprah? The question of the day. Yeah.

No, we don't need that. Anyway, yeah, that was pretty fun. And I keep... I'm doing... I was in other movies that, like Sister Mary.

Yeah. These are more recent. Oh, my favorite that I was in recently was, it's called Going Down in La La Land. I've actually seen that one. I've got to be a bitch.

I loved it. It's pretty dark there, that scene. Yeah. And I'm like, you can see potential there. Are you interested in doing.

More serious acting? I would love to be Maleficent. There you go. With those fake cheekbones, I love it. But, yeah, that played really well.

You were good. Oh, thank you. I really enjoyed doing that. Yeah, we filmed that. I remember filming that.

That was another one that we filmed until like 3 in the morning. And I was, you know, lots of Red Bull. You know, that was great, though. Got to keep my anger and intensity up. Oh, it was.

And you know what? In that one, I swear to God, we were laughing so hard because I had this scene in the limo. And they said, and then I had to go out of a limo with the lead actor and do the red carpet. Well, because I was like his beard. They're doing like a fake red carpet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the best part is I'm so flipping tired. And then I realized, oh, shoot. I said, I'm really tired. So I take my shoes off and they go, oh, yeah, we have a lot of time.

Don't worry. And we're laughing, me and the lead actor. We're just laughing. Then they go, your scene is up. And I'm like, shoot, I took my pantyhose off.

And the gay guy goes, well, you can put him back on. I don't care. I'm not going to... I don't... I go, you've.

Got to turn your head. He goes, well, I don't care. It doesn't turn me on. I go, thank you. You're not helping my esteem, right?

Yeah. Thanks a lot. But he turned his head. And anyway, we were laughing so much. It was really.

It's behind the scenes, really. It's so much fun. That's what. Yeah, those are usually the stories I like hearing more. Yeah, yeah.

You know, now you hear about these people who don't get along. I... Always had a great time. Yeah. I remember in the Robbie Benson movie, I was doing the scene with the actor that played Madonna's father in Papa Don't Push.

Danny Aiello. That's it. Yeah. Danny Aiello. Couldn't be nice.

Yeah, Jude, you got your squeeze bucks, you know. He was just like that. Yeah, it was good. And Robbie Benson. A sweetheart.

And his wife, too. And acting in that one. Yeah, he's terrific. And. But I will tell you.

Should I tell you who did not keep their promise? Well, I don't know if I should. Or at least make up a code name and tell the story. No, I'll tell it. His initials are Dr.

Phil! I'm already not thrilled with that guy. So feel free. Crash him all you want. No, I was at this big benefit back in...

I want to say 2008 or 9. And he came up to me. I wasn't even in the same room. Judy, you are so funny. I need to have you on my show.

Now give me your number and here's my PR guy. He is going to call you. Never. They love doing that. That's for the best.

Nobody wants to be on Dr. Phil, right? I want to be on. I want to slam dunk that fake doctor. As long as you can call him out the entire time.

Oh, that would have been fun. Oh, yeah. Like yesterday, he's talking about Jimmy Kimmel. Ask him, why is it that there's more crime in the summer? Do you think people get a little crazier?

It's because you're outside and, you know. criminals want to be they don't want to commit crime in snow it's a lot it's very easy it's hot out everybody's out you can grab women. You know it's pretty damn easy Dr. Phil says this. Well, you know, these people are just as crazy in their own homes. Yeah, except they're not murdering themselves, which would help.

It would help if they would murder themselves in. The winter in their homes. No, they wait until. It's summer and go out and grab women and rape and murder them. Yeah, thank you.

If you sit around the house, if you attack mom, she won't make you dinner. So you got to go out. You got to wait till it warms up and attack other people. I know. And he's trying to make it.

Oh, no. They're just as violent in their... No! Check the statistics, bozo. When they're home, they're stoned.

They don't do anything active. Thank you. That's it. They're stoned and they're watching cops. Yeah, they're drunk watching cops.

They don't do anything at home. Love it. Yeah. They don't have air conditioning either. A lot of these guys, so they're out, they're heated up, they're angry, they're frustrated, they're loners.

That's the key to civilization, I think, air conditioning. Yeah, I think so. And refrigeration. You go back in time before that, they were just murdering each other right now. Yeah, for their skin.

It's wrong. Anyway, I need a drink. Let's have a drink. Now, wait a minute. Brian, I'm here in Louisville.

It's gift time. No, you must. I brought you a bagel. All right. Now, these are from.

Now, as you know, I'm working here at The Connection. They have been such givers. Look at what they gave the goddess. The drag queen here, Hurricane. Isn't that beautiful?

Sparkly. I love sparkle. She has sparkles on people. Look at that. They gave the goddess rhinestone bracelets.

And look at. They're lightweight. They're not heavy. Nice. I will not touch this with my fingers because I do not want you to.

But here, wait. Let's see if there's a napkin. No. But I wanted to gift you with one of their bagels from, what's the. Name of that restaurant?

I can take a loud guess. Is it Nancy's Bagel Grounds? No, it's the name. Ed Lewis and his partner, George, they have this wonderful restaurant. I think it's at the center.

The Bagel Box? No. No, they sell them with wine. What's the name of this place? Anyway, it's really.

I think that's what it is. Now, I want you to put that heated up first. I believe this is tomato herb. How did you know that? Oh, my God.

He did not even taste it. And he knows. Assessing the situation here. I believe it's tomato herb. I gave you a special one because there's no more tomato herb in there.

That one's rosemary parmesan. Oh, my God. How do you. Okay, you are a bagel master. Brian, that's...

Okay, we need a poker now. he's faster and faster every time you see him you give him a bagel he's the bagel master polka brian the bagel the bagel master he's got the. Bagel polka. I knew the theme song. I like this yeah yeah yeah it's good for you And you got the tomato... What is that one?

Tomato herb. Oh, my God. He knows. I didn't even know that. A little oregano.

Yeah. Oh, my. So you. You see? I brought you the right gift.

I know what I'm doing. Yeah. No, I brought other... Oh, they took away the chips. Well, I think you were into bagel more so.

I'm definitely down with the bagel here. Yeah, you're down with the bagel. Wait, let me get a napkin. I can hang on to it. Okay, you're okay like that?

It's covered. I've got it covered. You've got it covered. All right, good, good, good. Oh, Brian, I forgot.

Now, you know, I have a book now. My first book was called The Power of Judaism, you know, which is named after my religion. And by the way, in my show and also online, you know, I'm a minister of my own religion. I'm an ordained minister. And I performed a marriage last night.

Nice. And I want to tell you, the couple, I always ask, is there any couple who's been dating for a long time? And the woman hasn't been proposed to. Oh, my God. This girl's right here.

Right here. Right here. Damn it. She's been waiting for this moment. Oh, my God.

And he was like hiding under the table. It was awesome. So I brought them up and I converted them to Judaism. And they did their vows. And so I wanted to perform a gay marriage because, you know.

They would certainly be okay with that here. Yeah. They want. Because I do believe it's time that John Travolta. Got to go on a Tom Cruise.

It's time for the gay marriage to be part of society. Anyway, so I have this book now, Full Frontal to Nudity. Clever. Yeah. And you know how people, you know because you're in the entertainment business.

I'm attempting to. You know when people speak a lot. They say things, a lot of promises, no follow-up. Do you get that yet? Dr.

Phil. Oh, hello. Thank you. We will not mention names. Dr.

Phil. What a jerk. And also, well, just in general, the way people speak to you. You don't have to be. I call it the Hollywood to English dictionary.

No, really, things that people say. There's a very different system out there, yeah. No, but no, even around here they would say, oh, you know, like here, I have this picture that says I'm under 40, which is code for hooray for Photoshop. Because now, you know, you would be 500 pounds and then your picture, it's all Photoshopped. Those magazines, I don't think there's any untouched photos going out there anymore.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a successful screenwriter means I'm in AA. Everybody in Hollywood, they all. Go to AA meetings. That's the meeting.

I only drink to unwind means I'm married to Jack Daniels. It means I'm drunk right now. Yeah, all the time. All the time. Oh, and this is a good one, too.

What is it? Oh, my divorce is almost final. When a man says to a woman, That means he's married and broke. That means I've almost told her I'm cheating on her. Almost.

I'm thinking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's really great.

And then, oh, well, anyway, so it's the Hollywood to English Dictionary. What's the best way to find? Oh, well, Amazon. Amazon. Amazon.

And, of course, you know, I have my website. Stop by your site. Mm-hmm. Yeah. JudyTenuta.com.

Awesome. And I'm also on Twitter at Judy Tenuta. Are you embracing the social media? Oh, you know what? It's a different world.

I know. My gay man does that for me. That's terrible. But I am. I'm getting better at it. i'm getting better at twittering Yeah, so I'm getting.

But I know that you must... I'm not thrilled with Twitter. I know, because it's... 140 characters is annoying. But I don't need to know about people's physical functions all day long.

Just your food. I'm going to take a picture of my bagel and post it on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that... No, but that's cruel.

Because they will have bagel envy. They should. They will have bagel. They've got awesome bagels and they don't. Okay.

That one is just great. Bagel envy. And so anyway, yeah, that's what's going on. Definitely. Well, what I was going to ask, again, you talked about coming up in the middle of that comedy boom.

Yeah. Then you hit that weird drought of like 15 years of like comedy really shifted. And now there's this new resurgence, but it's very different than it used to be. So I wonder what your thoughts were on the comedy scene now. Because of Comedy Central and they would have all these comedy contests, the funniest comic in, you know, Bloland USA.

But they would televise it. And so then, yeah, so, which is kind of cool. You know, you got comics from all over. And I'm enjoying watching these. Yeah.

Some of these new comics it feels. It feels like there's a lot more of a a system at work now and like a network going on and definitely like and. It's because of the social media. Yeah well and and i think the new media like there's a lot of like i hardly know of any la-based comics that don't already have their own show going usually a podcast So it's like there's such a network of podcasting comics. The goddess needs to have a podcast.

I think so. You know, I got to get it together. I got to do the podcast. We can work it out. We can put you on the Meltdown Network here and get your show going.

Yeah, I would love to do that. And then I interview you? Is that what happens? We'll reverse it. You have to bring me out to L.A. then.

And then we'll look at all the weird people wandering by. Oh, that is so fun. And I'll bring you some bagels. Oh, well. I'm sure they have bagels, but these are special bagels.

These are special bagels, but yeah, well, from Louisville. Louisville. Why don't you bring me a bat from Slugger? It's right down the street. Did you see the giant bat?

I can't miss it. Of course, I stopped at the Muhammad Ali Museum. That's a nice place. The greatest. But here's what I most love.

Uh-oh. The colonel is from here. KFC. The Colonel. Isn't that terrible?

I grew up on KFC. I've seen the Colonel. Is that bad? I saw the Colonel. You saw the Colonel?

Before he passed on. Because you're from here? As a little kid. You didn't. It's like seeing Santa Claus.

I was just like, who's this little guy in a white suit? He always was that. It wasn't just the promotional. He would be out in the world wearing that suit. That was his thing.

I love that story. And was he a little guy? I don't know. Well, you were a little kid, so he looked big to you. I was just like, who's that old weird white-haired guy?

Yeah. Colonel Sanders. KFC. He's also very nearby. He's buried.

If you need to make a trip over to the... Oh, my God. You can go visit the grave of the colonel. His chicken's done, honey. It is done.

I know, but I love... I've been to his resting place. Oh, that's nice. I love that. It came full circle.

I love that. And then, of course... church hill down. Church hill down church hill down i'm gonna saddle up i'm gonna saddle. Up and ride ride ride around church hill down love it nice i've never been to the fun tucky derby i call it fun tucky here. Fun tucky depends on which side you're on if you're up in the stands in the in the nice seats but you go down with the scary people in the middle.

Oh they're scary people I don't know. Well, they're just drunken idiots. Oh, okay. No offense if you're a drunken idiot at home. Oh, I wouldn't be that.

I'd be in like a seven-foot-tall hat. You need to be up in the goddess seats up top. I need the goddess seats. Yeah, I like. Yeah, we're Anna Nicole Smith and...

Well, of course. Not so much these days. No, not so much these days. Yeah, you don't want to be there. But, oh, I don't know all of your upper-class people here.

Yeah. If we have any. I don't get to go there. But I don't know. You know it's famous for that.

And then, of course... Well, of course, I did have to stop by the Jennifer Lawrence house. Was she there? Which I don't know where it is. No, but her parents.

We love it. Yeah. Hunger. I'm hungering for the Hunger Games. I'm sure they are now.

Keep making those, Jennifer. Yeah. Could there be more blockbusters in her pants? I don't think so. I have someone I know who's kind of, and it's funny, it's not, people would assume that I would be doing this.

No, this is like a woman and she like lives sort of in the neighborhood where her parents live. Oh, wow. So she's constantly like, I just, once or twice a week, I'll be like, you know, you're kind of stalking him, right? She'll be like, well, I drove by and the shades were open and I looked in. I'm like, that's just creepy is what that is.

And then she'll be like, I think it was her car that was there. I think she's back home this weekend. I'm like, you really are spending a little too much time watching the Lawrence house, okay? Anyway, I don't know where it is. Don't worry, I'm.

Not stalking you. That's okay. I'm just looking out for Jennifer. I got homemade potato chips. Uh-oh.

But I gotta have one now. Okay, go for it. Listen to the crunch. Mmm. Nice.

Here's one thing while I'm on the road. My addiction is potato chips. After I'm done on stage, you know, people say, can we get you a sandwich? No, I need real homemade potato chips. Real potato chips.

Not even mass marketed bagged ones. You can't get by with those. They make them fresh. All right. But I got to stop eating them.

But I can't. I can't help it. You can't fight it. I can't. Okay, I'm sorry I'm crunching on my chips now.

It's atmosphere. A bagel would. Be less noise, but I got to have my chips. The bagels are for you. I will make you some.

But no, I was just on the comedy scene thing. I don't know. Are you fitting in with the current setup now? Because it is very different. It seems like there's a very different way that's going on there.

Yeah, I'm doing the Judy, the goddess podcast. It's kicking in now. But it seems like everybody has a show and they all cross over on each other's shows. Well, you call it a show, but it's a podcast. You know, everybody has a show now, even the homeless guy in his shopping cart.

It's true. So what difference does. It, you know? That's what I wonder. And being, you know, again, I was doing it before there were this many.

I could name all the shows when I started doing it. And now, like, everybody has one. So I'm like, at what point do we hit that breaking point where, We're not getting out to anybody because everybody's already recording their own show, so they're not listening to your show. So it's like we're all just sitting there talking to ourselves all day long. Like, at what point are we oversaturated?

I can do a podcast at the airport and just talk to myself because that's what everybody does. I kind of, yeah. I've heard some that aren't that far removed from that. So you might as well at this point. Is it wrong that I'm crunching on my chips?

You need your chips. I need my chips. Chips. Okay, you can hear me crunching. Sorry.

Sorry. I gotta have it. Okay, I'm almost done with it. Okay, get your chip fix in. Okay.

I did it. That's the one thing about me. I only eat a little bit at a time. 70 times a day. I've heard that's a better strategy, actually.

People say, how do you stay petite? I eat 70 times a day. It's small meals. That's how you do it. Not meals.

Why? That's what I'm saying. It's throughout the day. It's like I have three bites 70 times a day. That's the best way.

It's a system. I might have to look into this. Well, we touched on the movie thing. I was going to ask, I do like kind of getting people's taste in stuff. What is it that you... like to watch that's that's not necessarily related to you just when you're home watching stuff what are your kind of movies.

Oh well my two favorite that i i love okay i do love some jennifer lawrence i love i love uh silver linings playbook and i love american hustle definitely but then there are some older movies that oh okay i love uh watching um uh oh i just saw it too what is it it's the uh wedding crashers. Okay do you remember that yeah yeah i love they they keep trying to remake that it seems yeah they just did that google movie that seemed like hey let's get it. Back no no no no they can't do that but. The wedding crashers wedding crashers they did kind of hit the right oh yeah. Uh uh 40 year old virgin.

They have the towel run i love. That um then i um There's some movies that I have to give it a rest because I've seen it so many times, like Big. Oh, yeah. So I give that a rest, and then I'll see it. And, oh, I love.

Now, some movies, they get too sad at the end, but I love the beginning, like Terms of Endearment. No, I'm sorry, Terms of Endearment. I can watch that until a certain point, then I'm not watching it. It's not an upbeat movie. You what?

It's not an upbeat movie. No, no, no. But I love Shirley. MacLaine and Deborah Winger fighting in it. That's good.

And what else? What else? Oh, okay. I like, can I name some? Go for it.

This is bad that I, I got to watch Modern Family. Okay. It's funny. It's one of those, yeah, I remember hearing that first season, it was getting all this good buzz, and I was like, all right. Because I'd given up on most TV at this point, and I started watching, and I'm like, they weren't kidding.

It's well-written. It is funny. It's well-shot. It's funny. It's a good show.

When you can laugh out loud, that's good. It's clever. It is. And not that it's fun. It's just a well-written The Good Wife.

I like that. Actually, one of the cast is from here now. Really? The blonde that started this last season. Oh, yeah.

But Will shouldn't have left. What is that? I'm mad at that. I don't know what that, right? That was just to catch everybody off guard.

Yeah. But, and then, oh, okay. But let's go back to movies. Okay. And.

Action movies. You love action movies. No, wait. I do, actually. I just saw.

Okay, don't... I meant Captain America. Love Captain America. Both of them are good, but that new one... Gotta get some Chris Evans.

That new one's good. Gotta get that going on. That new one's good. Gotta get that. Yeah.

Do you like the entire Marvel Universe? This weird web they're weaving now? I do. It's wrong, but I gotta see it. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. I love... But I love Captain America. That was good. And...

Oh, okay. When it first came out, that Robert Downey Jr. In. Which, the Iron Man stuff? Yeah, yeah, but before that, he played all the...

He was... Oh, God. They were filming Going to War, but. Oh, Tropic Thunder. Oh, God!

I laughed so hard. I love that. It's one of those, I've said, of like, the only person working today who could get away with that is Robert Downey Jr. He really is overdue for his Oscar. He's overdue.

Yeah. He was pushing for it in the early days, and then he fell down the hole. Oh, and then there's some other romantic comedies that I really love, and one of them is. What's the one where Tom Cruise plays the baseball agent? Oh, Jerry Maguire.

Jerry Maguire. I like that. Jerry Maguire. Jerry Maguire. Got me some Cuba Gooding Jr.

Yeah, that's good. And I don't know. And then I go to movies all the time. I love movies. I love them, love them, love them.

Can't help it. Can't help it. What did I just see, too? Oh, Maleficent. Those are her real cheekbones.

Yeah. You don't mess with Angelina. No, but by the way, she was great. It was great. And what else did I just see?

I saw the other blockbuster. What was last week? I don't know. Whatever it was. X-Men.

Yeah, that was. I didn't like that as much as the other one. I like X-Men. Godzilla had some issues with. Oh, Godzilla.

Yeah, Godzilla. Godzilla. I like the end of Godzilla. Yeah, I liked it when it was over. Godzilla, yeah.

I like the big battle at the end, but the middle part, I'm like, why are we watching these people? Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I was not into that one. Yeah, no. Definitely.

Yeah, so anyway, I don't know if that. Definitely. Yeah, I just kind of like to hear what other people think. Enjoy and what your taste in movies is. You've got a good run.

I have a good kind of eclectic. I like some action films and some funny films. Right? Classic old stuff? How far back do you go with your classic Hollywood stuff?

Oh, you mean like if I watch, well, when I was a little girl, and you know how my parents would go out for New Year's Eve, they'd have us, me and my brothers and sister watch Well, you know, on New Year's Eve, they play all the old, like, Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire and W.C. Fields and the Marx Brothers. So all of that I would see, of course. But I remember coming home. My brothers.

Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, coming home. Three Stooges all the time. And I love the three. I'm the only girl I know that loves the Three Stooges.

There's the comedy seeping in that early on. I love. But I loved the movie they made of it. They made a great Three Stooges movie. Yeah.

Those guys were awesome. It was really. I didn't know that was Sean Hayes. Yeah. Oh, he was great.

It was kind of underrated because, yeah, nobody. It got so switched around. Like they had those big stars that were supposed to star on it, and then that got scrapped, and they brought in those. Oh, what happened? Who was supposed to?

It was like Sean Penn and like George Clooney or something. I'm like, you can't. No, no, no. They can't do those voices. Not that serious.

Like you're taking it the wrong direction. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think they learned their lesson. The guy who played Curly, oh, he was awesome. Will Sasso, I think.

Oh, he was awesome. Yeah, he nailed it. And all of them, all of them were great, fantastic. Yeah, I loved that movie. They were terrific.

Yeah. Yeah, so I watched all that. Very cool. Yeah. Well, do you have other stuff you want to tell people about?

You mentioned the book. I plan on going to prison and having my reality show from there because, come on. Orange is the new black. Yeah. Goddess is the new orange.

That'll be it. Yeah, that'll be it. Oh, my God. I'll be on Netflix. Yeah.

Again, the changing media. That's where it's all going. Yeah, I know, I know. I don't even have Blu-ray yet. What is going on?

They're leaving you behind. I know. I got to get it. I got to get it, get it, get it. But I love coming to places like here because they give gifts to the goddess.

Look at my. Sparkly, sparkly bracelets. Yeah, I got my rhinestone lightweight leather bracelets and... bagels which i have shared with you and homemade chips yeah and and last night they had smoke. On the river they were smoking on the river smoking their pulled. Pork yeah that sounds like us.

Yeah they were having barbecue and by the river and then yeah first uh we had the show here and then they. Were on the barbecue that sounds like us yep. So yes you know uh That's it. I'm the love goddess. All right.

It could happen. Still. All right. Well. I think we.

Oh, my God. I told you it's easy to do once you get rolling. Yeah. What happened? I just went off on the tangents.

I'm good at that, though. That's always good. So, yes. Definitely go to your website. Go find you on tour.

Yeah. Look for your upcoming podcast to be released soon. Yeah. The podcast. Your new show on Netflix.

All of these things we've now pieced together. We've got you a whole business plan. My book, Full Frontal to Nudity. There you go. Yeah, but the website tells you everything.

And, of course, we hope I will soon be on an episode of Cops. No, it wasn't me committing a summer crime because it's hot out. It's hot. It's hot. The air's nice in here.

For a little while, we're probably safe. Yeah. Later tonight, when we see them hauling you away on the news. We'll know what happened. But I don't think I.

Will get arrested because I don't like to carry guns. Now everybody's carrying their AK-47s to go into Walmart. I'll see it on the news. They'll just be like, man assaulted with an accordion. I'm like, I know who that was.

That's the closest. I know what happened. That's what I'm going to do. I would like to remind the state of Flora, which is a stand your ground. This is not a weapon.

Yes, it may annoy you, but it will not harm you. It's just my squeeze box. You want to play us out with a song? All right, let's do something. Which song do you want to go with?

Okay, I'm going to do a special song. This is an original composition. All right. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Okay, here we go. The world is going mental. You're getting kind of moody.

It's time to listen to me, the goddess Judy, because I'm the queen of love, the princess of romance. Shake it up, Scooby-Doo, and party in your pants. Yeah, party in your pants. Party in your pants. Never has there been such a sassy little dance.

You can do it anywhere in any circumstance. Have yourself a big fat party in your pants. Woo-hoo! Yeah! I had to get applaused again that way.

Oh! All right. All right. Well, thank you for talking with us. Okay.

It was definitely a lot of fun. Oh, good. Well, I hope you can enjoy your bagel. I definitely do. Don't worry, I didn't touch it.

You saw me. You can touch it if you want. No, no, no. You can put it in the microwave. Toast it?

Or, oh, you put it in the. You can toast them up. That's right. I think you might want to toast it. You can cream cheese it.

You can make a sandwich. There's so many options. It's so good yeah but you see that's why I have so many bagels for you because I have to do my chips that's true all right. This episode is a production of movie meltdown produced and edited by the oddity studios with opening music performed by the empires for more on how to sponsor or support the show Email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!