76.1: Movie Plot? Ask again later…

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I am Brian.

Roger is here. This is Misty. This is Jay. Marlena. All right.

Round out the crew. So I guess we can roll on into the geek activities this week. Sure. Shoot. You first, sir.

What did you do? What was geeky in activities? Not much. There wasn't a whole lot of activities, period. The thing I did that I hated was painting more on this room, which you can't tell.

Which is what angers me, is that I did it for like a whole morning and worked on it for hours, and yeah, you can't really tell. So it's really annoying, and I just hate household painting at this point. Yeah, so. Other than that, I re-watched in preparation for today's show that we'll get in later, Nightmare on Elm Street. The original.

So, yeah, I guess I'll use it to my advantage later. We can compare and contrast or whatever the hell we're going to do. Other than that, the only thing close to watching I did was yesterday as I had my morning coffee. I sat down, and I was like, okay, I'm just going to watch something, whatever the hell's on, and yeah, What a Girl Wants was on. Oh, God.

I do miss Amanda Bynes. She was delightful. Amanda. So yeah, I just kind of watched about 20 minutes as I sat there, prolonging the fact that I didn't want to start painting. Yeah.

So I was just, yeah, kind of chilling out, having coffee with Amanda Bynes. Before her head got freakishly large and then evened back out. Yeah. So yeah, I guess she went through that awkward stage a little late, because yeah, she was cute as a kid, and she got kind of weird for a while there. She did the wiggly dance a lot.

So, yeah, it was, as I remembered, kind of predictable and dorky, but that's pretty much it for my boring week this week. Anyone else? God, I think yours is pretty much the same as mine. You watch What a Girl Wants To? No.

Lucky bastard. I went and bought the plush toys for the movie, from the movie. But since it's Derby Week, everybody here in Louisville knows, I was working and working and working and working and going in early and working, getting my ass kicked and working. So I didn't really have that much time to do anything when I was off hours, rather than go home and go to sleep and wake up and get ready to do the same thing the next day. So I think the one thing I did do was I watched, I finally checked out Miyazaki's latest movie, Ponyo, which is kind of like a loose adaptation of The Little Mermaid, where It's like a goldfish that dreams about being a human and can will itself into a human.

Is there singing involved. At any point? There is no singing, thank God. But there's one point where she's just like, teeth! And her teeth pop out.

And I'm like, yes! That's awesome. It's really cute. It's one of his more children-oriented movies, but the animation is awesome, really fluid, and I think that's the only geeky, geeky thing that I did. I've heard it's pretty good.

No, it is good. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, we were pretty much slackers too. I think we all pretty much slacked this week on geek activities. Last night we settled down and watched Boondock Saints 2.

Did you like the first one? The first one was, it's mindless gunplay and it was alright. The second one doesn't even have as much bile. It's just pointless. For some reason, a lot of people I've talked to love the characters and are like, this is one of the baddest movies ever.

And I'm like, really? I hated Julie Benz in this movie. Her over the top. I couldn't decide if it was Texan or Southern accent because it seemed to switch back and forth. She was just incredibly obnoxious throughout the thing.

Oh my god, I'm pretty sure Sean Patrick Flannery ate a former version of himself. Oh my god. In some angles, he looks like he's turning into Alan Rickman. I'm not sure how you even do this. It's like at first, like when I was first watching, I'm like, all right, I know who that is.

I know that. I know who that is. Who is this guy? He's this portly gentleman. At the beginning, they all have these beards.

You're used to Billy Connolly's character having a beard. And then, uh, The other guy whose name just completely flew out of my head, the less attractive brother. I don't think anybody knows his name. Who's now become the more attractive brother. Which is sad.

Oh, really? Oh, wow. It is pretty sad because back in the day, Sean Patrick Flannery, he was gorgeous. Back when he was young Indy. Before he got all...

Now his face is all just puffy and just like... They all have their shirt off at some point. This is the first time I've ever said, oh, for the love of God, man, just put your shirt back on. Maybe he's actually turning into Harrison Ford at this point. I don't know.

At this point, I might rather see Harrison Ford with his shirt off. He's still hot. What are you talking about? Yeah, it wasn't good. But other than that, there's a few points in dialogue where I was just like, oh, for the love of God, are you serious?

Somebody wrote this? Some of the dialogue sucked. Most of the dialogue sucked. There were very few lines that you could actually... Oh, that was witty.

That was funny. And they were all said by the brothers because the rest of it just sucked. But yeah. Billy Benz's character seemed like it was trying to outdo the William Dafoe character. You can't.

You can't. William Dafoe was a genius in that role. And just absolute weirdness. But she was just. Yeah, it was like they were like, okay, we're going to have to bring in a weird character.

This other person that can kind of be like him. That'll be quirky and weird and... Yeah, she just turned out to be more annoying than anything else. So yeah, it just... I'm glad I don't own the second movie.

I will never see it again, and I'm okay with it. Wow. Other than the Saturday morning, I sat down and watched the... I'm pretty sure it was almost... direct ripoff from fright night i watched uh never cry werewolf it's yet you replace the vampire with a werewolf and the boy with a girl and there you go. Yeah i'd never heard of this before but as you reported it to me yeah it's almost uh line for line note for note kind.

Of like i'll break it down for you well there's because it's a girl she lives in an old neighborhood and of course the new mysterious neighbor shows up And that's his dog. He had a dog for some reason. As opposed to a secretly gay best friend. But yeah, then she's watching him through the window and she sees him bring home a prostitute and kill her. She calls the police and nobody believes her.

And then she watches a lot of late night television because apparently girls don't get out. And then she's watching this apparently instead of a vampire hunter show, she's watching a hunter show. It's Kevin Sorbo as a wilderness hunter. Shooting big game. Oh, shit.

He's hunting big game and shit. So she goes to recruit his help, and he has to break it to her. Like, honey, no, this is all fake. I'm not really a hunter. And then he gets to eventually, he feels bad that she's going to go die on her own.

So he goes after her and helps. So yay, it all ends happily and funnily. Chivalry. But yeah, it's just pretty much scene for scene, character for character ripoff of Fright Night. But it still has its moments of entertainment, but by no means great.

So yay for sci-fi. On Saturday morning, I watched Robot vs. Aztec Mummy. Nice. That sounds awesome.

The MFT3K. Yeah, the Mystery Science Theater version, which was an earlier Mystery Science Theater. It was fun. okay. Wasn't that great? They didn't talk as much in the early days.

That first season or two is pretty lackluster as things go. The movie was pretty crappy. I remember that. Some of the special effects were pretty bad. Did they ever have really good movies on there?

No. Usually not. Mitchell was awesome. Izzy wanted to watch Werewolf again and I was like, let's not watch the same movie. The werewolves?

Yeah. Look, he's a wereworm. Mitchell. Which is what she does. She watches the same one over and over and over again until she memorizes the dialogue.

And then spouts it out at a very inappropriate time. Usually at the dinner table with my parents. She has no idea what's going on. Nobody else knows what's going on. So, yeah.

She's like that. I think you're going to have to give an example of this because. Uh, we're just sitting at the dinner table and she could be like, Maddox, extra large! You know, and people are like, what? What?

Does that mean you want extra mashed potatoes? Does she have code that we don't understand? Or we'll just be sitting there and she'll be like, uh, oh, geez, like, like Ego is her favorite one. Oh, God. She loves Ego, so she'll just be like.

How long have I been oily? Yeah, stuff like that. That's inappropriate. Yeah. Or she does the one, she's like, sex appeal, ding.

And I was like, you don't. Need to be saying that, okay? Quit saying that. Wow. Wacky fun.

We watched another movie. Did we? Yeah. No, we didn't. We didn't?

No. Are you sure? Yeah, we sent back JCVD without finishing watching it. We didn't watch any other movies by ourselves? I thought we did.

No. No? Okay, well. The only other thing, yeah, like this one we did, but I guess we didn't. The only other super.

Oh, yeah, I watched. Whatchamacallit? Ungbok. The second one? No, the first one.

Have you never seen it? No, I kind of stayed away. From it good i mean well you know a lot of my friends are. Like oh time boxing you'll love this movie blah blah it's all it's all sham yeah it's all it's all uh act fighting and stuff like that so That's why I'd stayed away from it for a long time. But he does pretty good acrobatics and stuff.

But when he, like, jumps and, like, grabs his ankles and pulls his legs behind him and, like, the double knee torpedo onto the guy's chest through the— that was awesome. There's a lot of acrobatics. Yeah. So it's kind of funny. I do like that he uses some of the old Thai weaponry.

And stuff like that. But, you know, as far as real Thai boxing, it's. Not real Thai boxing. don't listen to the people yeah. I gave up i watched about five minutes of it in. One yeah she quit her i am like other than that what was your big geek purchase.

Of the week i did buy a star trek watch with a little enterprise that goes around as the second i forgot to wear it super geek wow i was pretty upset that the sound button didn't work because it's supposed to play i got it at the flea market oh okay okay it's seven dollars This. Is the same flea market you got my book at? Yes. She did bring me a divine book, by the way. Written by his mother.

Not divine as in godly in any way. I have one of those, too. Because I remember somebody was let down when they saw the divine images and it didn't have divine in it. It was actually about films about Jesus. Now I can balance it out with an actual book about divine.

Written by, allegedly, his mother? Legend mother? You'd think she would know. His legendary mother. I just flipped through.

I didn't actually read any of the words. Words. I don't want to look at words. The lady at the counter, she was confused. Yeah.

What is this? That's an ugly looking woman. Holy shit. She flipped through. She's like, well, it looks interesting.

That means we don't like your kind around here. What are you buying weird books like this for at our bookstore? I don't know why. What about you, Marlena? Did you do anything geeky this week?

Lay it on us. Sadly, I didn't really do much. I bought a movie at A.J. Wright, which is kind of like an urban Big Lots for people who don't have A.J. Wrights in their area.

I bought me some DVDs at A.J. Wright, too. I bought some of the Hitcher on DVDs. I thought about that when I did it. But I bought this movie called The Off Season and only watched half of it, but it seemed pretty good it's like a serious B movie that I've never heard of and never seen anyone.

Does it have anybody in it that you would know no. I mean it's definitely a B movie but it's pretty eerie from what I've seen I don't know how it ends but what. You've seen what would it how would you describe it as. Well basically these people this couple moved to a vacation town during the off season and they live in a hotel and weird things start happening and uh the girl her mother had died recently and uh Every time the guy picks up the phone or something like that, it's her mother calling. Is it a recent movie?

Probably in the last few years. It sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't actually picture it in my head. And the guy's acting is sometimes off, but the girl's acting is like for a B-movie. I'm pretty impressed with her acting so far, but I'm going to have to finish it. Sorry i don't know you still did something exceptionally geeky.

Yeah definitely i failed no. You did you did an entirely different geeky thing you did get inked i mean there's nothing geekier than having something permanently put upon. Yourself i think last week we were talking about boob quake day yes we were monday was boob quake day. And you celebrate it in what. Way uh chess piece tattoo.

No, what you needed to do was get a tattoo of a boob, of a boob, on your boob. That's a great idea. She's got a tattoo of Cameo. Not a cod. Not a cod.

The lead singer from Cameo. Just big words that say Wordo. Yeah. But no, it's not that Cameo at all. And it's pretty fantastic, though.

It's a cameo sort of kind of old school style, which actually is very fitting for you. Once you said it, I was like, yeah, I can see that. Well, see, now I don't know if I can wear all my necklaces and stuff. I keep wanting to buy necklaces just because I'm a compulsive shopper, but I don't know if they're going to clash or what. Yeah, cameo necklaces.

I figure if it covers it exactly, it's fine. Otherwise, it might hold it there with tape. Yeah, it will cancel itself out. Yeah. Any other acting?

I watched Nightmare on Elm Street, the first one with you yesterday. Yeah, yeah. We were catching up, trying to do research. I didn't do no research. I'm one of them non-researchers.

You know, I was thinking about it as I watched it, because I was thinking I hadn't seen it for a really long time, but I remembered that I started watching it a few months ago and fell asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't you listen to the instructions in this movie? I mean, the only time I have to really watch movies is like right before bed and I fall asleep. That's why I don't watch it the rest of the week.

I'm lucky to get one in because I just go to sleep. Yeah. But it just made me think about all the other bad Freddy versions that I've watched. Most recently, Freddy vs. Jason.

The last and worst example of such bad Freddies. Yeah. Well, that's sort of rounding it out. I thought I would just throw that out there. I saw this earlier today, actually, and I thought I would let at least you, Roger, know, but maybe all of us, because we all seem slightly obsessed with teenage girls.

Yes. Miranda Cosgrove's new album dropped this week. Hi, Curly. How are you? She has an album now?

Yeah, she has an album now. She's so cute. It's out as of this week. She's crossing over into rock star. She's way cuter and way better.

Who's the chick that plays Sam on? I love Sam. She's snarky. Yeah, I think she's a lot cooler than. I really like Miranda Cosgrove's character on Drake and Josh a lot better than I like.

Because she was evil. Team Selena Gomez. Now I don't know what y'all are talking about. That's in its own little category. I just think it's funny that they're all moving into that.

Every one of them on these shows has their own album at this point. Jenny McCurdy. That's Sam from my car. Oh God, you're such a dork. At this point, I'm out in the garage working on the bike.

Yeah, really, doing man things. I'm like, I'm going to go out in the garage. She's like, I'm going to watch a lot of whatever you're watching. We should have done Waverly Place. There's nothing manlier than looking at young girls.

Yeah, although this is true. All right, so on that note, we will round out the Geek Week and take a break. At the speed of light But the exit sign's always on my mind Always in. My sight I could say that I Really want to stay But the devil inside always wins the fight Always. Gets his way Jump out the window Gotta.

Get out on the highway. When things are getting too attached I need an escape I'm seeing stars And there is. Nothing more that I hate Baby. There's something that I hate. And I gotta say, it's disgusting how I love you.

I can't take it. I should hate you. Cause you're messing up my name. Gotta walk my talk, my fame. But I just wanna touch your face.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Golden, pure, creamery butter. Rich, flavorful, satisfying. That's what it takes for the finest buttered popcorn, and that's what we use.

See for yourself why there's no showtime treat to equal the crisp, delicious flavor of hot popcorn that's bathed in real melted butter. It's at the concession stand now. Prepare to scream. The creeping, crawling flesh eaters cover the body in the most vile experiment ever devised. Flesh feast.

Morbid horror in shock-throbbing color. Plus, on the same program, a ghastly tale drenched in clots of blood, a taste of blood, and teenage strangler. A new bluebird preying on budding teenyboppers. Don't miss them. Rated PG.

We are family. We are the family. Give everybody a sing. Sing it to me, girls. Hello.

Are you looking for reviews of the minute details of fine cinema? What does that mean, Daddy? Are you looking for knowledgeable discussions of directorial decisions? We don't do that. Are you looking for profound and deeply insightful critique of film as an art form?

Dad, I don't even know what you're talking about. Then hello, everyone. I'm Dr. J, and this is my daughter. KK!

And we're here to bring you Family Movie Night. No, we don't offer you all that. But what we will offer is movie reviews that will help you to make viewing choices for what to watch with your children. Nephews and nieces. Or the kid down the street you have to babysit for the weekend.

Are you tired of endless reruns of Hannah Montana? Hey, I like Hannah Montana. Then join us for Family Movie Night. You can find us on iTunes or at our website. Www.fmnpodcast.com.

Bye! Attention, shoppers! I trust you've got credit cards to pay for all that stuff. Hi, this is Captain Mary Stewart, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Get her, boys!

It's disgusting! All right, we're back with What's the Buzz? Groovy. Tell me what's happening. What's the buzz?

Tell me what's happening. What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening. What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening.

What's the buzz? It was better that time you did the 2001, you know. I think I just left that one in that week. I was like, I was so amused by it. I was like, what the hell is he doing?

Just, just, just. i'll bring it back at one point keep everybody guessing yeah i'll surprise you sneak. It in their own ninja leg yes. All right well this wasn't even a totally a story i actually meant to bring this up last week and i forgot so i just wanted to see if you guys knew it or cared but i do now i actually knew uh about this and i don't think i put it into context until about two weeks ago I said a while back they were doing that Americanized remake of Let the Right One In, which is a bad idea. I've been sort of against that since the beginning just because we're too lazy as a country to go see another movie that might be different. We're involved for eating.

If it helps, I won't watch that one either. No, but that's the thing. I didn't like that idea, and now you might change your vote, because I think I have now. Yeah, I think I remember hearing the casting a couple months ago, but I didn't know who it was. This week, I heard it again and went, holy shit, Chloe Moretz.

She's the chick from Kick-Ass? Yeah. She's going to be the main girl, like the girl the whole movie centers around. Sweet. Okay, shit, now I'm going to have to go see this thing because she's awesome.

Is she going to curse and say bad words? Probably. Like a sailor. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, it's coming out this October.

So now, damn it, they've sort of swayed me on that one as much as I didn't like them doing a remake. I will go see Chloe because she's pretty fucking awesome. I don't know. I loved the original. The right one is.

Going to be really good. And I'm afraid they're going to change the story. And I'm afraid they're going to go more with the book. Because as much as people are always like, oh, the book's better. I love the book.

I've heard the story of the book and I don't like the story in the book. It takes a weird turn that I think would really kind of cheapen the story. It makes it not really... There's something nice about the story in that movie. And I think if they go with the book, it sort of fucks up the niceness of... that it sort of balances out the horror that's going on in that story.

And I'm afraid they're going to fuck that up because we're Americanizing it and that's what we do. I agree. Really, I like the setting for the movie and the way it was maybe set in the 70s, maybe. I like the ambiguous timeline. Which you can do that off in the middle of nowhere.

And I also like the boy who's so pale and so... Oscar. Oscar. Yeah. Which I think they're changing their names.

They have to have Americanized names now. It's going to be like Sally and Johnny. We don't like the funny names. I don't know. We don't like you little foreign kids.

Where was that movie set? I can't remember. Was it Norway? Was it Norway? I think it's Norway.

Yeah, I think so. Another one of those. Somewhere like that. Scandinavian horror movies. It confuses me.

So, anyway, I was just, yeah, I heard that this past week, and I was like, holy shit. Again, I don't think I put it in context, because I hadn't seen Kick-Ass, so. Is there any other cast-y news on this one? Yeah, I mean, it's the guy who's kind of her caretaker is recognizable, but not really a big name. The boy, I think, is kind of a new actor.

So, I mean, there's not really a whole lot of names otherwise, but, I mean, for me, that one kind of won me over. I was like, damn it. I hope they don't fuck up the story, because now I'm going to have to go see it. But. I don't know.

We'll have to see what they do with it. Okay, moving on to real stories. Do we have real stories? Well, not really, but as much as we ever do. Are we on MTV?

Okay, so J.J. Abrams is, of course, working on his next big post-loss project, and for quite a while he was considering adapting Stephen King's The Dark Tower series of seven novels. But obviously, it became too complicated along the way because he eventually gave up on the project. So now, this week, we found out that Wade Wade for Ron Howard, who is now in discussions with Universal Pictures to adapt King's big fantasy opus of seven freaking books. But why?

Does anybody really care? Has anybody cared about a Stephen King movie in how long? They like to complain about them when they make really bad ones. When's the last really good Stephen King movie that came out, other than The Mist? The Mist was awesome.

Other than that, nobody cares about Stephen King stuff. He's still a name, though. I think they've just. Run out of ideas. They've remade every classic horror movie there is.

They're just going to have to start making Stephen King movies again. I guess. Let's find one that has seven books in it. That was a very... late 80s, early 90s thing. Like, every two weeks a new Stephen King something would come out.

Yeah. And only a handful of them were watchable. Yeah. Well, the early ones. And it was the ones when they had good directors.

And you'd go back and look, and they brought in real names on a lot of these projects. And then you get to, like, the mid-90s, and they start just doing crappy straight-to-DVD. Straight-to, yeah, TV stuff. Sometimes they come back again and again and again. The first one kicked ass.

The first one was okay, but. I mean, if you think about it, some of... The early Stephen King adaptations were some of the best horror movies ever made. The Shining and Carrie. The Shining was good.

Carrie was good. Christine. Stand By Me is still one of my favorites. It stands out as not being... It doesn't seem like a Stephen King.

Aside from there being a dead body at the end, it doesn't really come across as a Stephen King, which is why it's one of my favorites. Look at all those we mentioned. Kubrick, John Carpenter, Rob Reiner. These were all directors at the top of their game at that point. So, I mean, that.

I think is the big difference is when they gave it to people who were just there for a job, they were just, you know, Hey, let's make a buck. Stephen King's name will sell. Yeah. You get to the Langdell years. You're fucked.

So go on now that had, what's his name? No, no, no, no. The other guy, uh, uh, God, I can't think of his name. He was in Quantum Leap. Scott Bakula?

Scott Bakula. No, not him. He was also in. Shit, what is it? Dean Stockwell.

Dean Stockwell, yeah. He played the crazy guy. Al says this movie's going to suck. What the hell was that other movie he was in? Was it Blue something another?

Sure. Blue Velvet? Blue Velvet, yeah. He's phenomenal in Blue Velvet. He's fucked up in Blue Velvet.

He is awesome in Blue Velvet. Blue Velvet. I don't even remember. Oh, yeah. He's not Dean's dog.

It's been a long time since I've seen Blue Velvet. Oh, yeah. We need to add that to the list. Yeah, we do. Really, does anybody care about Stephen King enough to... want to see this much of a project involving him.

I think he's still got such name recognition. His books still sell. He's still pretty popular in the author world. It's just he kind of lost that edge that he used to have on the transferring stuff over to film. I'm still mad at him for that last movie I watched of his, the one with John Cusack and Samuel L.

Jackson. Fuck you, Stephen King, for that movie. What was that? I was mad. 1408?

Yeah, that was. A terrible movie. That was such a letdown. I didn't realize it was Stephen King. To me, it feels like it, because it starts off with a good idea, and then it just all goes to hell.

So a lot of the Stephen King adaptions end up doing that. Yeah, it was kind of a lame movie, wasn't it? He's putting it mildly and nicely. There's a lot more in that than I realize. Like, if you go back, there's all kinds of weird stuff sort of hidden in that, to me, I'm surprised.

Like, to watch it, you're just kind of like, eh, they just kind of knocked this thing out in a weekend, but... if you go back and like, there's all this weird stuff that actually factors into the number 1408. Like it's got that number worked in mathematically and they've got it on. That's what I'm saying. It's like they, but I'm like, who put that much time into this movie? Because it goes, there are 14 glasses.

Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. It's like all that kind of stuff. It's like, and that's cool.

I like when they do that in movies, but why do it in a movie that falls apart halfway through, you know. Didn't wasn't Stephen King responsible for secret window. I really liked that one. I think it was this. I don't know.

I don't think. Something to do with it. I'm pretty sure it could be. Look it up. The Johnny Depp movie, Secret Window?

Yeah. I didn't like that movie either. I liked that one a lot. It even had Johnny Depp in it. It was a psychological thriller.

I'm sure. But I already knew what was going on. So it sucked. It wanted to be a Stephen King book. Yeah, it definitely seemed like it wanted to be.

Yeah. Novel by Stephen King. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I liked that one.

I really think, I mean... People might not care, but if you... do you have the right director and the right actors pulling it together? I think it could be, I mean, fuck, what else. Are we doing nowadays with horror movies? That's always the case.

But again, we're going back to at least who at one time was a really good director, Ron Howard. Yeah. Granted, you look at some of his more recent stuff and it makes me want to stab myself in the eye, Grinch. But, but, I mean, at one time he was an awesome director. So, I mean, he's, he's actually not even looking at it to make a film.

He's envisioned it as a trilogy. Oh, Which, I mean, you know, they're running out of trilogies. I'm not familiar enough with the story as it is, so I don't know what it would consist of. I tried to read the books when I was like 12 or 13 and I just lost interest. I mean, is there a basic premise for it or is there a.

It has a lot to do with time travel and stuff, doesn't it? It's such a huge thing. I mean, it's... Let's see. They're saying it follows the adventures of the last remaining member of an order of gunslingers in an alternate reality that combines magic and elements of the Old West.

And it is... I think, Roger, you mentioned this. It crosses over into all these other ones. It, like, crosses into, like, The Stand, Insomnia, Eyes of the Dragon. So, like, all these other... sort of things are tied into the dark tower somehow which.

Is cool i thought that was a cool that's a cool idea. You said the guy who did lost picked it up. And jj abrams was for a long time supposedly working on a version of it and has now just moved on to other stuff. Because he thought it was too confusing probably the guy from lost what does that tell. You Oh, Lord.

So, yeah, they're envisioning it as a film trilogy because, you know, the Tolkien stuff ran out. Yeah. The Hobbit still weighs off, so they've got to find new trilogies to do. And then later, a television series. So there's obviously a lot of material to fight your way through in this story.

What's a seven-book series? Seriously. I don't see that one going over well. I don't know. Again, I liked some of the elements I knew of that story, and then Ron Howard used to be a good director, so if they can pull all that shit together right, it could be kind of cool, but it's also an uphill battle from what it sounds like.

Is he going to put his daughter in it? Because then Roger might not want to. Oh, that's true. We were complaining about Bryce earlier. Bryce.

Bryce. It's a dumb name. I think it's a fine name for boys. I wanted it for a girl, though. All right.

This week, director Ridley Scott did the press rounds in advance of the May 12th release of Robin Hood. This was the... Don't you want to see Gladiator in the woods? Not in tights, not anymore. You just don't like him because he got old and fat, too.

I just don't like Russell Crowe at all. He reminds me of this crazy guy that walks up and down the street by where I work, and he'll come in and he'll corner me and be like, you know what, Marlena? You know politicians? And he just has this weird joke that's not a joke, it's just him rambling. in this weird schizophrenic. Mania creepy ass cloud.

I'm like good good one michael i love i loved russell crowe when gladiator came out i don't do it i ain't gonna lie. I went to a big face i remember you were out of control i was i. Got a cd where he's rapping. Oh i remember You, if I remember, special ordered the shirt from his band from Australia. Which I still have.

Which I would hope you still have, because that thing cost a fortune. I got it. But yeah, I love me some Russell Crowe, but now he just seems like such a douche. And you just. That thing on his head seems to have gotten bigger.

That weird spot, that weird lump. Is he also turning into Alan Rickman? No. Because if so, we've already seen him in Robin Hood, so maybe it's coming full circle. Yeah, I just got burned out.

I still love Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Gladiator is a good movie. Why does he need to do Robin Hood again? Why does anybody need to do Robin Hood? It's been 10 years.

Every 10 years we have to redo all these same movies. Is that so kids will know who the hell Robin Hood is because they're not smart enough to pick up a book and read? You gotta spoon feed it to them in a movie? If it's the kids at this table. Here's Robin Hood, little Johnny.

Now watch it and learn. That's how I learned everything. Seriously? So what's funny is this isn't even about Robin Hood. So while they were talking about Robin Hood, they were using that opportunity to grill Ridley Scott for his plans on Alien.

Oh boy. So the movie that launched his career, now he's gone on to explain what he has in store for us in the future. It's not just for a single Alien prequel, but actually two prequels. Because, God forbid, you do one movie anymore. You've got to make it a...

I'm surprised it's not a full trilogy. Pre-prequel? He's pre-prequeling. So, yeah, it would actually make the original Alien the third movie in the original trilogy, I guess, or whatever. I don't know.

This is becoming confusing, too. J.J. Abrams is going to step in. So. You've got Alien, and you've got Aliens.

How do you go before Alien? Yeah. It's just and then by the second one it's ow they just focus on a guy named ow So the first Alien prequel will, of course, be in 3D, which that's a quote Ridley Scott said, of course it will be in 3D. Can it just be called Facehugger? I would go see that.

That'd be great. Awesome. It's a movie about a cuddly little facehugger. Like the movie that we saw for Splice. Yeah, Splice looks like a very Alien ripoff, and then it becomes more of a species ripoff.

Yeah. It does. But I'm still on board because it's got, what's her face? Sarah Pauly. Sarah Pauly's fucking awesome.

And Adrian Brody. And his nose. See, I'll trade you. You can have Adrian Brody. I'll take Sarah Pauly.

We're all good. Adrian Brody was in half the damn trailer. Yeah, he was. He's a popular dude. Or he's just poor.

He's got Predators. Yeah, Predators was right before that. I got there late. I know, I heard you coming in. I was like, oh, we're in this thing.

Did you hear my keys? Yes. Your dog tags. You're going to get shot because of the dog tags. You could never be a ninja.

That's true. You were like 40 yards away. She was like, not my answer. Maybe Misty's the ninja. Oh, Lord.

So, aside from being in 3D, the first prequel in this little run here will be set in the year 2085, which is 30 years before the events of Alien. The focus of the prequel may be, well, to me it isn't a surprise, because this is the only thing we've talked about since they started talking about this. It's going to be about the space jockey. Duh. Well, you know, that's the only thing geeks have been talking about since they brought up this idea that everybody's against, but they're like, well, if you're going to do it, You've got the setup.

I mean, there's this huge thing sitting there in the first movie, and they don't go into it at all. So if you're going to do some sort of backstory, so that is what it's supposed to be about. We get this, you know, if you've seen Alien, I'm sure everybody knows what the space jockey is. But for the two people that don't, you get the ship, and there's that giant skeleton, more or less, in the pilot seat that brought the ship there and then unleashed the aliens onto this planet. And we're assuming tried to get them the hell away from wherever they were before this.

So. There's obviously a big story there that was meant to be there. Maybe it wasn't meant to be elaborated on is what I'm wondering. I always liked that it was kind of this cool thing and it was just there. It was sort of a mysterious backstory.

And once again, like we like to do, we have to pin everything down and elaborate so much on our villains, even if it's a whole species of villains, that we kind of take all the life out of it. Yeah, I think Hollywood has just become obsessed with giving a backstory to villains and making them plus I think we already had this conversation but they can't just leave it alone like there's wicked and then there's. They have to have motivation why they are the way they are why are they so evil because you can't just be inherently bad you have to have somebody kicked your puppy when you were a kid and not. Be evil damn it and then you can have the back story on the guy who kicked your. Puppy and the back story of the puppy and the dogs who had the puppy the whole line of breeders.

This is what it's going to be for more movies. Yeah I really think it's just because I've run out of ideas. Well, we know that. But yeah, so Ridley is not expecting Sigourney Weaver to be involved, which would be a surprise because she's in every other damn one. Even when they kill her off, she's still in them.

What about Winona Ryder? Will she be in it? I hope so. She could be. She doesn't have to worry about not being alive yet.

Because that's what they're saying. You know, Sigourney shouldn't be in this one because it's set before her character is born. So it would be kind of difficult. But they are saying the lead character will be female. So can't argue with that.

He does put some kick-ass females in there. Are there any more birds? Yep. So as I was sort of bitching about earlier about the English language remakes, we go through these little waves of us not being able to handle watching a foreign movie. So we have to remake them.

And we had the big run in the early part of this past decade of the Asian horror remakes, starting with the 2002 release of The Ring with Naomi Watts. Which is still the best remake that I've seen so far. It's actually good. I was surprised, even at the time, how well they kind of put that together. But they followed it up in 2005 with The Ring 2, and the box office success was, eh, you know.

It did okay. Fans didn't really care. Critics really didn't like it. But it's a sequel. What do you want?

So. The Ring and Ring 2 were, you know, I guess we all know about a spooky VHS tape. Which to me, I'm like, what the hell's a VHS tape? They have a spooky DVD in it. Yeah, every kid in America just went, what is that black box she's holding?

And why is she shoving it in that other black box? So, yeah, I guess, you know, it's already going to confuse the kids if we try to roll it out now. So now Paramount has the rights to the property of the Ring 2. And I guess they noticed that they hadn't made the third one in the trilogy, because you've got to have a trilogy. Are they going to do the original trilogy?

Are they going to do Ring O? Well, no. It doesn't matter. All that involves story and plot. They don't care about that.

What they want is Ring 3D. Oh. No you knew it was. Coming you knew it was coming yes. And uh to well to go with sort of what you were asking it probably won't be good because they're saying they're thinking naomi watts probably won't be involved because and this is what scares me the most out of the whole little rundown here is they're fashioning the third movie to be more teen-centric.

That's frightening. Is that like teen-tastic? I guess. When is California just going to fall into the ocean so this will be over? They find a new center to do it.

As soon as Lex nukes the... All you've. Got to get a hold of is a couple of nuclear warheads. Fire them off at California. Needed to happen.

Nuclear, if you're doing this. Nuclear. See, I would have tolerated the next Ring movie if they'd done the original and gone back and done the prequel. Yeah. Ring O was actually a really sad movie because it went back to the little girl and her life before she ended up in a well.

Yeah, I wouldn't ruin it for anybody out there. That actually fits with what they usually do. It's weird. I mean, that's what we were just saying. They've got to go with the villain.

They've got to do the backstories. I mean, that might actually fit with how Hollywood operates. So why they're not doing that. Because it's 3D and you can't have Ringo in 3D. You don't want depressing in 3D.

As good as... ring three ring. 3d she can climb out of the tv as you in 3d that would be really. Creepy yeah the first time i saw that was fucking frightening i didn't expect that. I did not i saw the japanese version before i remember doing the remake and i saw that and i was like holy shit. I watched that bootleg too i was like holy shit Oh, that was frightening.

That was scary to watch. And I'm assuming this is going to be crap because, again, it's catering to, and that's what they're doing. It's like that's the reason they're not going to go with the villain story is they're going the other way Hollywood goes with horror movies is making it teens. It's got to be around a group of teens, and it's got to be crappy more than likely. When is Hollywood going to pick up the Tomy movies?

That would be really weird. The witch movies? You saw that, didn't you, Roger? What's up? Didn't you see Tomy?

Yeah, it's awesome. Tomie is like, there's I think six of them now. The one that I have is like the first, the second, the third, and it's like a made-for-TV where there are like three different short stories about Tomie on it. And I'm in love with them. I like, of course, the first one's the best.

Second one's okay. Third one, it just starts to get kind of cheesy. Yeah, yeah. So why haven't they got around to that one yet? They got around to everything else.

It's pretty twisted, though. I mean, there's so many of them. I don't know. Americans are so straight-laced in the way they look at their stuff. To me, what little I know of, it sounds like a hard sell to... an american guy sitting behind a desk.

Yeah well the thing that i really liked about it is it's it's something you don't really think about initially but you know this tomie creature whatever is basically reborn uh from you know just a piece of itself whether you kill it or chop it up or whatever and but it's perpetually a 17 year old girl so the problems inherent with that is She wants to be it wants to be loved. It wants to, you know, and it's jealous of the human race. But in that comes out, you know, she hates the human race or whatnot, but is always kind of still in a way like looking for love. And I found myself kind of almost like feeling bad for Tomie, you know, this creature or whatever it towards the end, because I'm like, that would kind of suck. not to be able to die and throughout all of eternity never being able to have a friend.

This is why vampires are so emo yeah. Yeah exactly fucking sparkly emo vampire. That's probably like werewolf huh cause werewolf you know you just you live hard you rock hard you stink you smell you're hairy and you die Yes. Not according to the werewolf movie I watched yesterday. According to that, werewolves never age.

Yeah, I didn't like that. I was pissed. Never cry, werewolf. Fucking get it right. Werewolves age.

Fuckers. Boo. I was mad. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, you might be right, Marlena, that they may very well be out of ideas for movies because I never thought they would come to the point where they would need to do A Hatfields and McCoy movie. Are you kidding me? What? Is it going to be starked? They've got real names, too.

Well, first of all, all I remember about it is the old Warner Brothers cartoons where all the guys with the long beards used to just hit each other with shit. That, in my mind, is all it'll ever be. At least that's still a step above doing movies based on board games. That's true. Which, live in fear, there's more bad stuff coming.

Isn't he in everything? Is there no Stratego? Him and Jesse Edinburgh? Eisenberg? Whatever the hell.

His name is. Don't wake Daddy. I feel like the Jesse guy better. Yeah, he's more attractive, but I mean, I kind of have deep love for Michael Cera because of Arrested Development. George Michael was cool, and since then he's gone kind of downhill.

I really liked Youth and Revolt. I never read. The book, so I think that's why I was able to like it. I'm still mad at him for Superbad, but that's just me. Why?

Superbad was so funny. It was not. I loved Superbad. We had to turn it off after like ten minutes, and I was worried I'd hit something. I thought it was awesome.

I was thoroughly annoyed at it. All right, back to the buzz. It was, yeah, just the fact that they've gotten to the point of Hatfields and McCoys. It's funny in and of itself. But then Robert Duvall is going to be in it.

He was doing press for a new movie, and he started talking about who they're trying to get co-starring with him in the Hatfields and the McCoys. Is he hard up for cash? Isn't everybody these days? Yeah, really. Still.

So, the movie's director, Scott Cooper, who just did Crazy Heart, once again, they're bringing in Oscar caliber names here, has reportedly met with Brad Pitt about starring in the movie. Yay, I love redneck Brad Pitt. He's my favorite. Is he going to be like California Brad Pitt? Yeah, California Brad Pitt.

That's what I'm picturing, the big nappy beard and the crazy hair. He was awesome in California. He's got a chair. He is awesome in that. So, yeah, T-Bone Burnett, who is the composer of Crazy Heart, will also be composing the score for the Hatfields and the McCoys.

And, yeah, the only reason I really wanted to talk about this is I want to go and make a prediction. Okay. Because I want to know if they're going to change it so that it fits this. Because it's really just about this feud between two families. And about the only thing they had to fight about is half of them fought for the Union side, half of them fought for the, you know, rebels.

Whatever, that's half the country at that point. No big deal. I thought the whole argument. Started over chickens. Or cows.

See? Once again, these are all ridiculous things that they probably did start over. What I'm waiting for is, are they going to make it Romeo and Juliet? Are they going to go West Side Story? You know they're going to.

They're going to have to do it. To me, it's like if I were writing the script, shit, that's what I would do. It adds a whole other level to the whole drama of it. Every movie pretty much has a romantic subplot. Yeah.

Every movie. Especially when you've got two sides that can't get along. Well, let's take the youth of each and make them fall in love. Yeah, so. Curious as to how they're going to glamorize some, like, backwoods hillbillies fighting over God knows what.

I think that's the point of they don't remember what they're fighting about. That's why it's so funny. It goes on for generations and nobody knows why. Well, they quit fighting for a small period of time, what I read, and then they just started up again. Oh, they still exist?

Oh, yeah. That's still going on. God help us. But, I mean. It seems like such a humorous situation.

I'm kind of curious as to what angle they're going to work with this movie, I guess. Is it going to be comedy? Is it going to be serious? No, I'm sure they'll go serious. I mean, they've got Robert Duvall and Brad Pitt.

I mean, they're probably going serious and Oscar-style, but I mean... Again, I think that's the only way they could get something out of it to really make a real story. Because other than that, they're just going to be a lot of fighting. But the only thing that would give it some sort of heart was if they have this little sappy romance in the middle of it where they're torn by the two families and they're on opposite sides and they're sneaking around. Yeah, it's totally going to be a West Side Story thing.

That's my prediction. I could be wrong. Is it going to be singing a whole lot? Let's hope so. That'd be pretty awesome.

Brad Pitt knocking it out. No. So, yeah, I don't know. That was half my reasoning. And if they're not going to go that way, but they're thinking about it, if, you know, producers are listening, if you want me to work on a treatment of the script, hey, send it over.

I'll take the check. I'm fine with that. That won't happen. They'll steal your idea. Yeah, that's true.

That is how Hollywood operates. I think they do just steal all the things we say. For God's sakes, don't do that. That's what they do the next week. There's a meeting the next Monday and that.

Alright, so this goes back to what you were just complaining about a minute ago. And we get it so often, I think I'm just going to have to go ahead and name the segment or play the theme song. Because every couple of weeks we have to talk. About what board game they're doing or what toy they're turning into a fucking movie. This week one-ups the love that Hollywood seems to have with toy movies.

Paramount and Mattel are teaming up for the Magic 8-Ball movie. What? How the fuck do you have a movie about the damn magic eight ball? Ask again later. What would that have?

I like that Roger just started hitting himself in the head. Yeah. That's what all of us are doing. Thank you. Are they going to have a movie?

This is going to be interesting. I mean... Are they going to have, like, the backstory of the Slinky? Yeah, yeah, the Rubik's Cube movie. Are they going to, like, personify these things?

Are they going to personify the eight balls? Is the eight ball going to talk? I hope so. Maybe it'll be, like, a weird puppet. It'll have Jim Carrey.

I don't want to say, like, eight things, though. Yeah. Oh, wow. I don't know. I just thought that was taking it to a whole new level.

Yeah. That's dumb. Yeah, I mean, there's no story on it. I can tell you who's making it, but we're not going to like them. It's people doing, like, Transformers and G.I.

Joe. So, I mean, it's not like it's going to be good, but what the hell are they thinking? But, I mean, Transformers and G.I. Joe, those are, like. They had cartoons.

They have cartoons. They have personalities. They have stories. A magic eight ball is a fucking magic eight ball. Thank you.

No matter what way you put it. It's kind of longer than like 45 seconds and they're just like, oh, it says eight things. Like you said, what am I going to do with it? And if you let it sit for too long, God forbid the fucking goo inside dries out. And then you got nothing.

I mean, maybe if it's like magic Jesus like I have, you know, you could like. That one is pretty fantastic. Magic Jesus ball. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't think of anything possibly lamer unless they're doing like a building blocks or like you said, a sling. Yeah, connect for me. Lincoln Logs, the movie. Did you know Lincoln Logs were actually invented by Frank Lloyd Wright's son? Yeah, they were invented by frontiersmen that were out trying to build houses.

I thought Abraham Lincoln made them. There you go. Lincoln invented everything. Yeah, I wanted to call it Frank Lloyd Wright Logs. That's probably why they're called Lincoln Logs because Illinois, Frank Lloyd Wright. from.

Illinois i don't i don't know i have no idea you're gonna have to wikipedia that shit i love me some wiki oh lord so yeah that was it we we're going. To wiki movie that's what i want i want a movie it's gonna happen it will that's a facebook. Movie yeah i mean we got the facebook movie i. Mean there's a facebook movie oh yeah how is this gonna go Jeez. And it's Fincher.

Fincher's directing it. David Fincher. Yeah. He was asleep during that episode too? I think so, because we have talked.

About that before. I don't think I was here. No, this was a while ago. But yeah, David Fincher is directing the Facebook movie. Is it going to be like...

People playing Farmville. The dramas of being unfriended. Maybe they're going to make a Farmville movie next. That'd be kind of funny. They probably will.

Don't invite it. Once again, the meeting is next week. Don't mention it. Too late now. It's already gone.

There's probably going to be a... What's that game that everybody plays? Mafia or whatever. Or Vampire the Max Green. Yep, there's going to be those movies.

I ignore all of those things. Block all that shit. Yeah, I know. Me too. It's a bunch of crap.

I play Zombie Farm. It's like every time I block one, a new one comes up. I play Solitaire. What's next? It's going to be a Solitaire movie.

Solitaire, the movie. Snake, the movie. Spider Solitaire. Hey. All right, any more?

No, we're going out on the Magic 8-Ball, so there you go. That's our big finale. Yes, the Magic 8-Ball. You guys are going to have to fill. Me in later on that.

We'll let down. You'll be disappointed. Probably. Oh, Lord. So, yeah, on the Magic 8-Ball, we'll go out and invite you to come back and join us for our Out of the Town feature this week, Nightmare on Elm Street.

We're back with the music. Yeah. She woke up long enough to do the music. That's not even Freddie. No, it's fine.

I don't even. Remember what the Nightmare Island Street music is. I was going to do the other one, but I figured out if I did the 13th. Music, that would just be it. That's wrong.

I've got a horseshoe hanging right. Above my door. I had a black cat, but she doesn't live here anymore. I look through. Time that you are fine.

I put unwinding on you with. My hypnotic guide. But you're oblivious. Don't take me serious. So now there's one last thing that I can try.

My magic eight-ball tells me just what I should do. I Will it tell me yes or no? Will it tell me stop or go? I close my eyes and hold my breath and it says, yeah, decidedly so, decidedly so, decidedly so. I was going right into the trash.

My rabbits put my food on a follow pass. I'll step on every crack. You know I. Won't look back. Cause now my lucky streak is gonna last.

My magic game. Ball tells me just. What I should do I always ask it whether I should be in love with you Will it tell me yes or no? Will it tell. Me stop or go?

I close my eyes, I hold my breath and it's saying Beside of me so Beside of me so Beside of me so Beside of me so Side of the soul, side of the. Soul Side of the soul, side of the soul Side of the soul, side. Of the soul Side of the soul. Side of the soul. Who is this mysterious wizard?

What new villainy. Are his men up to? Don't miss Tunnel of Terror, the second exciting chapter of Batman and Robin, at this theater next week. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.