87.1: Honk if you Love Semi-Porn

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million. Kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I am Brian. I'm Roger. I'm Joni. I'm Misty. I'm Jay.

It's been a while. You probably forgot. Who am I? I forget how this works. Yeah, we've been rotating out as our usual MO around here.

I've been working on Sundays, too. Yeah, you've actually had a pretty long run. And we were in Florida for two weeks. Yeah, and there was that. Oh, so yeah, it's got most of the main crew back here, so it's unusual for once.

Yay! And by the way, what am I wearing? What is this t-shirt I'm wearing? I don't know. Greedo, bloody Greedo.

The Greedo, bloody Greedo t-shirt. Movie Meltdown official t-shirt. Because this event is so awesome, it needs its own t-shirt. That's all I'm saying. You get the t-shirt.

Sharpies. I need to readjust some sharpies, actually. But, yeah, actually, because you asked earlier, you were like, did you get T-shirts made up? No, actually, I didn't because I can't afford T-shirts. I got T-shirt.

That's awesome. Which is the beauty of Cafe Press is, yeah, that you can make a shirt. They're still a little pricey. Actually, not compared to shopping at the mall T-shirts. Yeah.

But, yeah, I mean, for me, it's a little more than normal, but, you know, to make something as dorky as a Greedo Bloody Greedo. T-shirt, so. What's that website? Online. Oh, it's online?

You can get pretty much anything done. Oh, I need a link for that. I set up. Fapers.com. Yeah, I believe it is.

I'll forget it by. The time I do it. You will. Not that we're plugging them, because they didn't give us any money, but they did work with me on this shirt, because I adjusted the artwork, which is why I'm not even going to throw out the official, um, Yeah, I did set up a shop because I have ideas for many other shirts and not really any time to mess with them and certainly not money to make mass quantities of them. But there's one or two others that are sort of in the works in my head that I'd like to put out there in the Meltdown Boutique, as it were.

Nice. So, yeah, it's out there, but I'm not even going to put this out yet because I'm not 100% thrilled with the version. I think I want to readjust the coloring on it before we throw it out to everybody, but... Yeah, I just thought it was, you know, such a ridiculous concept that I needed a T-shirt to commemorate this event. You really kind of.

Got to watch that shirt, too, because Lucas has got a lot of cronies out there. Oh, my God. This is true. He's going to be walking down the street with white vans. Skrr!

You're going to be thrown in, bag over your head. Bunch of nerds jump out. Get him. Really, if I'm going down for this, this cartoony drawing of Greedo holding a butcher knife. Yeah, whatever, George.

It's not Greedo. It's Greedo. You need a freaking life if that happens, George Lucas. That's all I have to say. He's like my dad.

He'll go after anybody. Yeah, really. He'll send Lars after you. And then he'll start making that t-shirt. Yes.

He'll be like, wait, I thought, what? He'll be like, this is terrible. Except, wait, I can market it. All right, fine. Okay, it's my idea.

I'm going to change it to Lucas Meltdown. Lucas Meltdown. As long as he pays us, I'm fine. No, you don't get anything. Bastard.

This doesn't happen. Why does he think he needs all the money? He'll just CG in different characters. That's true. We'll all be Jar Jars.

Yeah. If this happens, please do not listen to the show anymore. Something has happened to us. Help us! It's a fine line.

We're arguably pretty close to Jar Jar Weekend and we got it. This is true. I'm surprised y'all don't just put a muzzle on me most of the time. This is Roger. We think about it.

Anyway, ball gag. I'll bring it next time. I mean, what? We don't have one of those. Oh, yeah.

So all that crazy news having been said, I guess we can roll into this week's geek activities. Mine, I did watch one movie in its entirety, but I'll have to get into that later because it ties into the whole big trilogy of terror here. But aside from that, I guess the closest thing, and this is retarded, but I thought it was funny because it shows you how I factor everything into a movie somehow. The last two days have been battling Mothra, or the descendants of Mothra Island, or... It's funny that we brought this up last week.

Pretty awesome. We brought this up last week for some reason and completely unrelated because this hadn't appeared until about two or three days ago. We were talking about giant moths, and Marlena went into how scared she was of giant moths, and they were going to attack her face. I don't like moths. They fly like they're broken.

Thank you, Selena. Exactly. So, sadly, I got that reference. Because that show kicks ass. But yeah, as of about two or three days ago, giant-ass moths have invaded...

In here. There could be one lurking around right now. Are they fluffy? No, they're kind of dusty, as all moths are. They're sort of dusty and annoying.

Are they just dust bunnies that have grown wings? They could possibly be. You've got to battle them within dust. But, yeah, these things are huge. They're like three times the size of normal.

They're like about this big. Holy moly. Is that the body or is that just the wings? That's the whole deal. That's them sort of parts.

That ain't nothing. I grew up in the country. I don't know. Tobacco mobs big carry-on small dogs still i don't want them in my house these are like you know large cuddly large tortilla chip size mobs and i'm. Crunchy no one wants that they are kind of crunchy because i i started taking them out right and left i was not having them in the house so fricassee up a pan.

It can't be any more annoying than some of the pets you got. Here yeah i don't like those either so One in particular. Anyway, so, yeah, I just thought that was funny that immediately I was like, ah, Mothra motherfuckers. Die, die, die. Anyway, that was.

Were there little girls that fell off the top of his head? Mothra. No, if they would have started singing, you know, I might have let them stay in there. Until they hit the ground. No, bastards.

So the only other thing I've done aside from the weird movie I watched last night was... The porn. We'll get into that later. Okay. I finally found the elusive this channel, which Greg has been telling me about this online, and I kept going, where is this?

Like, he would bring up the weirdest shit that was on it, and I'm just like, where is this channel? Is it only beamed to your head? Because it seems pretty damn awesome, and I'm not getting it. So I finally went and looked at it. Well, he said that he was talking about what was on last night.

And I started, okay, I'm going to go find it and scroll through every channel I've got here and figure it out. So, yeah, it's awesome. It's a regular cable channel. But for a regular cable channel, you know, it's pretty damn cool. I mean, it's nothing but, well, to put it in context, last night they were running a double feature of The Return of Dracula and Curse of the Swamp Creature.

Really? This is what they do, like, pretty much all the time. And in between them, they were running, like, old school cartoons. Oh. Like, how old theater style?

I mean, that's awesome. What channel is on what TV? It's on cable. I mean, it's like a basic. Yeah, it's on regular cable.

Well, not basic. Yeah, it's pretty high open. That's what they were doing. They were hiding it. So we're screwed.

We still don't get that. Yeah, you don't get that. Huh? Why? The hospital gets it.

They have basic. See? They have the most basic. And Beetlejuice. See?

And after Beetlejuice was, I can't remember. Kind of passed out well they were they were running ads for nothing but like all the like a whole run of charles bronson movies coming up and each weekend they do this weird cult thing going on and i'm like for regular like commercial cable tv this is like awesome pretty cool so yeah today uh roger they were running star chaser really so yeah i mean this is the kind of shit they're putting on their channel and i'm like i i i think i. Like this they probably listen to the show if. What was my That's the thing. We brought up one of the things inadvertently like a while ago I was talking to somebody and now last week Greg watched it.

So I think we need to watch one of these features that are running regularly. We're going to go into it. But yeah, if nothing else, we should be getting sponsored by this channel because, yeah, it's pretty awesome. And we're already kind of plugging you. We're friends, right?

Well, we run, you know, we kind of operate on the same network here. All the dorky stuff we talk about, they keep playing. So I think, yeah, they need to give us money. Seriously. What do we have done, Greg?

We'd have to start actually paying for cable in the first place. Yeah, it's like way the hell up there. It's like 150-something on the box. You've got to have a fancy box. Do you remember the old brown box with the slider?

It's just way up. You've got to go past the end on that thing. Like the wire box? Yeah. The one that was attached with a wire.

God, yeah, the big cord. Oh, so jank. Back in the day. But that was, I mean, the greatest thing you ever saw when you were a kid. There was like 32 channels or something.

It was like mind-blowing. If you were lucky. Yes. Just for everybody's information, I'm not stealing cable. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Really? This is probably like early 80s. Maybe to mid 80s is when that was. My first VHS player, VCR, was in a case. in a big case. Like a carry case.

Yeah. We had the carry case. We had the one you, because we didn't have a VCR. We had to rent them from the video store. Yeah.

It came in the case. My parents owned a video store and that's when we ended up with like 12 of. Them when they went out of business. Awesome. My dad got one as a reward from.

His company for highest sales and it was I think it was made out of stainless steel case. That was back when they were like $ 300. Oh, I had that thing for like. I don't know how many years I've had that. I've been never broke.

And then, uh, somebody gave it away. They were way more than that. Like when they first came out, they were like a grand. I'm like, Jesus, looking back at that now, it's hilarious. First movie we watched was the heavenly kid. oh wow followed by cannonball run yes my uncle had the original one that was like a two-piece unit that you the only reason it was a video recorder was because it hooked up to your video camera which was like the first wave of those like home video cameras so you actually had to cart it around like on a big strap on the side of you while operating the camera with the other hand and then To run it to the TV, it had a separate box that was sort of like almost like a tuner kind of thing.

Yeah, it had two separate pieces that sat on top of your TV. One was the VCR tape part, and one was the tuner part. So, yeah, it's ridiculous to think about now. Yeah, because you. Looked like a camera crew when you went out.

So, yeah, it's ridiculous thinking about that. Now you've got a cell phone that takes six hours of video or more. And you can beam it directly across the world. Yeah. Things have changed in a very short amount of time.

20 years, things have changed. Crazy. So, yeah, that's most of the run of mine. Anything for you guys? For us.

What would you want to go. Ahead and talk about? Galactica yeah yeah um i. Uh i've been i spent 72 hours pretty much watching battlestar galactica straight that's a sickness i believe well for the for a. While it's you know i mean i've had battlestar didn't know eventually we were gonna.

Get to it i've never like i didn't want to get into it because i knew i knew that i was just gonna not sleep for like three days. And yeah it happened. But it's one of those things that, you know, when you like something so much, you get excited when other people like it. And I'm like, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, Battlestar.

Oh, yeah, you like it. Good. I'm glad. Yeah, let's watch more. All right.

So I'm not, like, dissuading you at all. Like, maybe we should take a break or, like, do something else. Or sleep. I'm like, next disc. Next disc.

I bugged Starbuck until he took a picture with me. I was pretty excited. That was old Starbuck. I know but it was awesome and he looked annoyed and he was wearing this ugly gay shirt he was wearing. A really ugly shirt it's a loud shirt and he does look very annoyed and that's what makes me happy.

Keith herring designed that shirt but i didn't buy any of his stuff. That's probably why he was annoyed he was like can i get a picture with you he's like i don't know are you gonna buy anything And I. Was like, no. I don't have any money. I spent all my money getting in here, which I didn't actually do because Bram bought my way because that's when I won for the magazine contest.

With the picture of Leslie from Austin. Woo, Leslie! So, yay. Yikes. That was the end of my story.

Starbucks! So, besides Battlestar. I think that's enough. I think that pretty. Much suffices, really.

How else do you squeeze more in in the middle of that? Yeah. I don't think I'm awake for more than 72 hours in a week. Yeah, Adderall helped. It was a bad idea.

Because at the end of the 72 hours, I was like, if I don't sleep now, I'm going to die. Just say no, kids. Don't do drugs. After we finished. Unless it's prescribed to you.

It's kind of like, what do we do now? Just say no, little bub. So, I went to work. And you were off? Well, then there's, you know.

Home? Like, I think I went to work and you were off and I came home and you're like, I re-watched the whole first season. Oh, yeah. It was the day after I got out of the emergency room. Yeah, yeah.

Is that related to these? No, no, no. Battlestar overload. Yeah, yeah. Did you turn into a Cylon?

I thought I was. I had to make him. She can do that with her eye though. Yeah. Seriously.

I'm projecting right now. None of you are actually here. I'm in a forest, but I think that was pretty much it for our geek. But that's heavy geekery. Oh yeah.

You know, that's, that's again, that's, I. Attempted to watch flesh for Frankenstein yesterday. Well, you watched blood for Dracula. Yeah. I was impressive.

I liked it. Well, The Lest for Frankenstein is so much more just like, what? It's like out there. I mean, I like it more than Blood for Dracula personally, but it is just. So far out there.

I got about 20 minutes in and I was like, I can't do this. I can't do this movie right now. My attention span is not working. I don't want to do it. I think we need to work both of them in here somewhere down the line.

I love Udo Kuter. What's his name? Udo Kuter? I think he's going to be it. Really?

I think one of the shows that's on the list and he's starting to do shows. I'm hoping we run into him at some point. Dude, he's awesome. The end. I think in the three weeks that we haven't been here, we haven't done a damn thing.

We've watched Slack. I'm in Florida, and we didn't watch anything in Florida. Corey had adventures that have been well-documented in pictures. Oh, my God. There was a photo booth involved that was not at all comfortable.

I still can't picture it, and I don't want to, because this seems like you should be in traction right now of trying to get the Corey tattoo on your leg and you in the same picture in a photo booth. That doesn't seem humanly possible, or at least not by anyone who's not in Cirque du Soleil. It was not at all comfortable, but it was totally worth. It. We did manage to watch Defendor, which I was kind of disappointed in.

It had its moments. It was kind of fun. It had Woody Harrelson playing a mildly retarded superhero. Awesome. Defendor.

Defendor. If you got it wrong, he'll yell at you. And it was pretty much a black outfit with a duct tape. D on it. She means a mildly mentally challenged superhero.

P.C. Clarification. Oh, did I say retarded? Oh, yeah. Well, no, no, I mean, not as in, oh, he was kind of, he was just a retarded looking spirit.

Yeah, he, like, medically, mentally handicapped. A little slow. Oh, what was it maybe with one of the Wands brothers? Handyman? Oh, it's Blankman.

Blankman. Blankman. Yeah. It was retarded. I think they put all the funny stuff in the trailers when you're watching it.

You're like, oh, yeah, they do that a lot nowadays. There's more serious stuff in there. You were thinking, hey, this is kind of like kick-ass and you watch it and you're like, oh, it's kind of more serious and sad. It's kind of like that damn movie Click by Adam Sandler. It looks like it's going to be funny.

I want to kill myself. The Crazies, the remake. Oh, how was it? Oh, it's in the water. Oh, my God.

Did you like it? I liked it. I actually did. I really liked it. It followed close to the original.

And it had Timothy Oliphant, who is gorgeous. Yeah, he's awesome. He is totally awesome. I'm waiting to see if he actually ends up being a really big star or just one of those that kind of goes to waste because everybody seems to like him and he's kind of poised right at that point where he could suddenly like break through and become like a really big star or he could just disappear in like five years from now or like, remember that one guy? He reminds me of the guy on, what's his name?

He was on the first Transformers. Shia LaBeouf? No. We do this every time. He's way...

He was in the army. No, that was him. Is he married to Fergie now? No. No, it's not.

We do this every time. The guy who slides on his back under the Transformer? That's the dude from the Vegas TV show. Yeah, he's from Las Vegas. I thought that's the same dude.

I think the guy who's married to Fergie from Black Eyed Peas. Josh Deschamel? Yeah, Josh Deschamel or Deschamel. I thought that was the same. Something like that.

We just need like a poster board with all these photos to keep these people straight. Like a family tree. I need a picture side by side because I still want to see it as the same guy. It's not. They look similar.

And that was my thing. They look so similar. I thought they were for a while too, but no. Separated twins. I wouldn't mind a threesome with both of them.

I'm just saying. Separated twins maybe? Quite possibly. That would be interesting. I actually liked the crazies.

Watching the original, it was kind of slow for me. Watching this one, they actually changed some things. So that was kind of. I guess I was okay with it. They took out a lot of the military involvement.

There's military, but all the movie is the people in the town. Because we're in the original one, it was half of them concentrating on the army and how they're trying to fix the problem. Whereas in this one, they don't really care about fixing the problem. It's pretty much, you're going to get your ass torched. Sometimes literally.

There is a flamethrower. It's nice. But yeah, the end's kind of different. I'm not going to say anything about the end, but Should I tell them about my Slim Jim extravaganza? I think you need to, actually, yeah.

Yeah, don't eat Slim Jim right before you go to bed. Is this like an extravaganza in your pants? Do you have a weird dream? It involved Jack Wagner, and I'm not really sure why for him. And not Macho Man.

Yeah, I said beforehand, I was like, your dreams are going to star Macho Man Randy Seth. And I was really tempted to draw a goatee and put a headband on and sunglasses and legs, and when you woke up, you were going to roll over and be like. Oh yeah. Then you realized I have two handguns on the side of the bed. Yeah.

That would not be a good idea. Yeah. Got you three minutes. Three minutes of. even in my brain he had to have like his name flashed up so i would know that it was jack wagner in my brain like jack wagner as starring in misty's. Dream i like that you buy slim.

Jill i like that you have a credit sequence in your dreams that's pretty. Only for him though apparently my brain want to make sure i'm putting jack wagner in this bitch you're gonna remember. That was my question because yeah you mentioned that online i was like wait Jack Wagner? Like, has been actor, wannabe rock star Jack Wagner? And you were like, yep.

I was like, wow, those are some bad Slim Jims you had. You didn't have any Slim Jim dreams about Jack Wagner. No, I dreamt about being in Florida again. Was Jack Wagner there? No, Jack Wagner wasn't there, but I was running away from her.

Hurricane Jack Wagner. Hurricane Jack Wagner. That could be coming this way. Something had to do with involving that gas station right outside of Alabama. A bunch of rednecks riding down the street on BMXs. in mullets.

I don't know. That guy was riding against traffic. Yeah, that's what it was. That guy was stuck in my dream. We were bitching about this guy riding against traffic on a BMX.

What? On the side of the road or in the middle? On the side of the road, but there's not enough room on the side of the road to be riding. I mean, there was maybe a foot from the white line. Not even that.

Some places it was right on the line. This was Darwin at work. Yeah, kind of. I know the rules of the road. You follow the flow of traffic.

Yeah, go with the flow. Exactly. Other than that, we started to watch True Blood again. Yeah, again. And I realized how stupid Eric's hair was in the first season.

It made the flow stop. He had stupid hair. And I tried to play Fatal Frame last night and got my ass kicked. Aw. Because you were asking about some ghosts.

Ghosts. He didn't take pictures fast enough. I couldn't. I couldn't. I tried to run away from him, and he would, like, fade out into the wall.

That's what you get for wearing a miniskirt. And he just faded. That's not my problem. It's an awesome game, by the way. It is.

It is an awesome game. You know, I don't get the outfit. I mean, you know, we're going to go to a haunted house, so they're going to put on a miniskirt. The shortest miniskirt you could possibly find. Yeah, you know, isn't this how you do it?

It's good to air that region out. Yeah, I don't know. Anytime I go hunting for ghosts with Japanese schoolgirls, that's the way it is. Yeah. But other than that, it's a good game.

I still just didn't have... I couldn't sit and play it that long. So instead you played Halo and got nauseous. Yeah, I get VR sickness pretty easily. Oh, do you?

Yeah, so I played about a half an hour and it felt like I was going to throw up and I had to turn the TV off. You should know by now. You know your experiences with shaky cam. This is like a whole game of shaky cam. I can't play anything that's like that.

I mean, ever since Castle Wolfenstein came. Out for Atari Jaguar. I would play it and get headaches and then vomit. I remember having a weird reaction to Turok. That one had a lot of...

That was pretty early on. It was pretty good, yeah. And annoying, because it kind of does that with your brain. I did go on a mission to try to find a really bad movie on DVD, so if anybody out there can help me, I want Fever Lake, starring Corey Haim and Mario Lopez. Oh.

Oh. Wow. That Jim. Wow. How has that Jim been lost?

You didn't mention the other Corey movie that you bought yesterday. Oh, the one I bought yesterday? I did buy The 00 Kid. Oh. Which I was excited about because they had it there for the longest time, but they only had one copy, and their one copy was $ 54.

And I'm like, fuck that. I love me some Corey, but I'll buy a bootleg. Then I went there yesterday. They had two copies. They had the one for $ 54, then they had one for $ 8.

Gee, which one do I want? Yeah, the one for $ 8 had a better case and was in better shape. Did it have more features? No, nothing. It was the same videotape.

Same DVD videotape, my ass. I'm sorry. I'm stuck in the 80s. So yeah, I'm totally watching that tonight while you're not home. Maybe the other one was like first edition.

It was the same thing. I looked. They're both released by Lionsgate. Autographed by the writer of the movie right before he killed himself. Yeah.

Wow. And Bo Hoskins. Bo Hoskins was in. It, too. Bob Hoskins.

No, Bo. No, I don't know Bo Hoskins. Bo Hopkins. Not Bob Hoskins. I love you, Bob.

I'm picturing Bob Hoskins sliding across the hood of the General Lee right now. Nice. Bo Hoskins. All righty. Good time.

That's a good way to end this. Yeah. It's like reason to end this. All right. We will take a break and be back with What's the Buzz?

But now you're looking. At me You're the only one. I can think of You're the only one I see All I. It's just a. Little more time to be sure what I feel.

Is it all in my mind? Cause it seems so. Hard to believe that you're all I need. Need a little excitement? Saboteur Slim Jim!

Men, there's a drive-in movie full of juicy people! Wow! It's a trap! Help! It's Pick!

We've had it, men. A pleasant aroma for you, but not for mosquitoes. Pick is easy to use. Light it and forget it. Pick's aroma keeps mosquitoes, gnats, and sand flies away.

So if you don't. Want our company ever anywhere, just light Pick and see what I mean? Bye! Pick is on sale at the refreshment stand now. Andy Warhol's Frankenstein is here.

Kiss him. Kiss him! Newsweek magazine calls it the first original Frankenstein in years. A perversely fascinating movie. Only clowns.

Oh! Not. Not so close! I can't... Stop it!

What are you doing? Stop it! Andy Warhol's Frankenstein with its swooping bats, severed limbs, hideous decapitating devices, and various spare parts. They all slither off the screen in what Playboy magazine calls the most gruesome epic ever unleashed. Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, the goriest, sexiest, and wildest Frankenstein ever filmed.

Hey kids, are you ready for Mid-America's largest genre film festival? That's right, it's time for the 6th annual Fright Night Film Fest, coming to you July 30th through August 1st in Louisville, Kentucky. Featuring special guests, director, producer, Oscar winner, and living legend, Roger Corman. Plus a Dawn of the. Dead reunion, a Night of the Creeps reunion, the Girls of the Nightmare on Elm Street films, plus a 25th anniversary Fright Night reunion.

All that plus the Georgetown drive-in experience, live music, and more horror merchandise that you'll know what to do with. And even an appearance from the Movie Meltdown Gang. So come on out and join us July 30th through August 1st. For more details on the show, update your guest list, or to get your tickets, go to FrightNightFilmFest.com. Fright Night Film Fest is my favorite film festival.

Hands down. Hello, creeps. It's me, the Crypt Keeper. And you're listening to Movie Meltdown, the greatest. Movie geek show on Earth.

Yes, it's true, we've all been hurt before. But it doesn't seem to matter anymore. It may be a. Chance we're taking, but it always comes to this. If this isn't love we're making, then I don't know what it is.

Does anybody remember who in the movie The Boy That Could Fly, who that boy was? Sadly, I can't remember. I was trying to remember. I don't know why I came up. He was barely in on anything else.

Yeah. The Boy Who Could Fly. The movie The Boy Who Could Fly. I've never seen it. I've never seen it.

I've never heard of it. Really? It's... I got nothing. I know the girl in it.

She didn't do my jealous either. I think she's like Lucy Deakins or something. Early 80s? Mid 80s? Like 84-ish?

I don't think it was like early 90s. I think it was 80s, yeah. Are you talking about Astro Boy? No, it was a boy, and he could fly. It actually was a good setup.

It gets sort of silly by the end, but the whole first half of it, it's like a lot of those kid movies at the time. They set it up kind of serious and pretty cool. And then at the end they're like, shit, how do we do this now? Like, they don't know how to end it, so they end it kind of... Yeah, it was like Flight of the Navigator and like Explorers.

It's like they saw... He just flies into a building and dies. Yeah, it's like they set it up so awesome in the beginning and then they get midway through and like, oh yeah, this is for kids. Let's throw some crazy stupid crap in here. Yeah, so I'm just...

That was another one of those. They just didn't know how to end what was sort of a good, really weird original idea. I love Flight of the Navigator. It was pretty cool. I so wanted that little creature thing that hung around.

That weird eyeball, like. No, it was a little guy who had a little tail and little hands. Little gross hands. Little grabby, clutchy, sweaty paws. He kind of looked like a cross between a bear with no hair.

Like Fuzzy Wuzzy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuzzy Wuzzy always reminds me of Fozzy. I don't know why. But Fozzy can't hear him.

Know. That's weird. It was Fozzy before he had, like... What. Is the buzz?

Jay Underwood. Jay Underwood. Okay. That's Jay Underwood. Yeah.

Which, again, I don't... Is there an image of him? Yeah, there is. Okay. Sort of, kind of, yeah.

He did a few things at that time and then disappeared. Same thing with the Lucy chick. I kind of remember her, but she very quickly disappeared off the radar. All right, then we will actually move into What's the Buzz? Groovy.

The wachowskis are back and a movie very unlikely for them oh which i guess we'll get into have you heard much about the wachowski. Brothers and i'm using quotes right now yeah I hadn't heard much about them and I guess I missed one of the big stories which we'll get to at the end if you guys haven't heard but first we'll do this story the director is Wachowski who brought us the Matrix trilogy and Speed Racer I. Like Speed Racer I've seen that I hear visually it's impressive enough to make up for the story shortcoming so that's. Cool isn't one of them a chick now That's. A whole other...

What? That was the other weird issue. One of the. I can't even say their names. The brothers.

Yeah. I guess we'll... It's a brother and sister, I guess. Oh. Yeah, I guess we'll go ahead and jump to that.

Why don't they be the Wachowski brothers? It was Andy and. The Wachowski siblings? Yeah. It was Andy and Larry, and now it's Andy and Lana?

Wait, wait, wait. So Larry's sex changed? Larry, born a male, is now living as a female under the name Lana Wachowski or Linda, according to some reports. Though somewhat. That's just confusing.

Well, yeah. Right? You wouldn't want that. Pick a name. Well, this is reports.

We can't choose our names. So, yeah. Though somewhat female. Tell me, Bubba. Stop.

Though somewhat female in appearance... Uh, he, she is, has, uh, not officially on that. We know it's still sort of questionable as to whether or not he's had any official sex change operation type of behavior. Yeah. So very strange.

I mean, there's not like that's not going on a lot. And you know, you even got like the Arquette sibling, but that's pretty much the only reason anybody knew who that person was until I don't. Know anything about this Arquette thing. Person. We can talk later about it.

There's the other Arquette. There's like four now. Wasn't he on a reality show? Yeah, but I mean, that's the only reason anybody knew who that person was was because of that and because of their name. He was in Scream.

Sorry, that's the wrong one. No, you can't even make him an ugly woman. No but this god no. This is a i mean the that's a pretty big name so it's i don't know i haven't seen a whole lot of celebrities that are that you know recognizable deciding to just change genders midway and that's that's kind of a very interesting uh platform yeah i guess so So, yeah, that having been said. So the siblings.

The siblings, yeah, I guess we're not supposed to call them the Wachowski brothers anymore. They're making a remake of Glen or Glinda, right? Kind of. They're heading down a road that had I not, again, I read this first and before I'd even read the other story and was like, this is strange for them. And then I read the other story and went, oh, okay.

So, yeah, they're now shooting material for their next project called CN9, including shooting material with Ariana Huffington and Jesse Ventura. Figure those out. Jesse Ventura. What? So the premises for CN9 will be set in the near future and involve a homosexual relationship between an American soldier and an Iraqi as war in that nation continues in the future.

I was like, okay, that's kind of a weird storyline anyway. But now it's even... What the fuck? I guess a little more appropriate? I don't know.

Sounds like they might be going off the deep end. Yeah, maybe so. I mean, as if the two and three in the Matrix series were deep enough. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know what to do with that exactly. There's a whole lot of confusing things going on there. Probably in his life as well. That's... But yeah, and also just a weird direction for them.

If you take all that out, it's like it's also supposed to be, you know, not the crazy, weird, you know, over-the-top super CGI style that they're known for. Yeah, that they do. But they're billing it as a less flashy cinema verite style. So I'm like... they haven't done that in a long like other than their first feature it's like there's really nothing of theirs that shows them you know they can even do that i mean they they did a good job the first time out but yeah it's just kind of weird that they're trying to return to that and at the same time cross over into this special area. Yeah i don't know interesting times very strange fun.

Times I want to talk about the buzz that I'm excited about, which has been kind of a buzz for a while now, but it's even more exciting that the trailer is actually out. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. The Sharktopus trailer has made its debut this week. Yes, it has.

Sharktopus? Sharktopus. Sharktopus. The new Roger Corman film starring Eric Roberts and a Sharktopus. Yes.

Half shark, half octopus. Half puss. All awesome. Yeah. It growls, for God's sakes.

It goes rawr. As it should. I didn't know sharks had vocal cords and could make any sounds whatsoever. Or that they could conjoin with octopods. Well, yeah, they also don't have eight legs, so.

It's a scientific thing. They were creating the perfect weapon. And the perfect weapon has, like, the vocal cords of, like, a grizzly bear. And no option of leaving the ocean. No, it leaves the ocean.

How stupid of me to think this. You and your logical science. Oh, Roger. Octopus legs and growls. Do they stick and like.

Yeah, seriously. There are arm motions going on right now. They were basically awesome. My roots cannot describe how excited I was the first time, the second time, or the third time I watched this trailer. And I'm still excited.

I am excited. At the end of the trailer, it says, Coming soon. And coming soon is not fast enough because I want to see this with every fiber of my being. The soundtrack is pretty awesome, too. Oh, that song they play, the shark-to-puss song.

Yeah, they have their own shark-to-puss song. It's kind of a little surf-y kind of... Campy 60s. Giant. It's awesome.

We're going to have to watch it later. You know we are. Okay. It's on. It's on like Red Dawn.

It's on. The sad part is, last week I watched the indie theater, the trailer for the Piranha 3D, whatever the hell. Which I so am going to go see. I want to see that too, but it's sad that the Piranha special effects don't look any better than Sharktopus. What?

Yeah. Yeah. Piranha which has got a pretty good amount of recognizable names and i'm assuming eric roberts eric roberts i'm still surprised he's in that but still that's pretty much. They got money for their cgs. But that's the thing i expected a little uh i mean for something that's making it two theaters and starring all these people i thought well i mean that's the thing you watch this trailer it looks like it should be on the sci-fi.

Really back to back the shark. Department Oh, yeah, it really should. And the thing is, I'm not knocking it. That still looks awesome. But, yeah, it looks so bad.

The CGI is so bad in it. I'm still going to be there seeing it, though. I expected it with Sharktopus, and it's on the SIFI channel. But, yeah, this is going to theaters. I expected a little more out of this.

But, oh, well, it's 3D bad CGI, so I guess we'll go see that. Who knows? I'm totally in for that one. Yeah, if you haven't seen the Sharktopus trailer, go look for it right now because it is pretty damn awesome, I have to say. Speaking of sci-fi, I forgot to mention, Misty and I watched the, I guess it's kind of a steampunk version of Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert.

Really? Lambert. It was. And Mac from Lightcore. And Mac from Lightcore, yeah.

It was weird. That's all I've heard. Lambert kind of looking like, what's that guy that everybody likes on. The news reporter. Anderson Cooper.

Yeah, he's got kind of an Anderson Cooper look, you know, going on. Except for not hot. But then he does a lot of flips and does his usual bad Lambert dialogue. He is way too old for those flips. He's going to break something.

He's way too old for everything now. They cut away to a stunt double all the time, and then it's just kind of him, the guy's doing flips, and then he just kind of, you know. Sort of, yeah. It's kind of funny. I can't face, like, get his face in my mind.

What was he? Highlander? Okay yeah thanks i was like. I know this name i. Know his only real claim to fame he's in a lot of stuff but nobody wants to claim the rest of it yeah no nobody wants to claim the rest of.

It god what an abortion yeah yeah get a white guy to play the asian god of thunder that makes a lot of fucking sense right there it. Does in america That's how we roll in this country. Have you not seen The Last Airbender? They changed all kinds of... I haven't seen that one either.

I don't want to see it. There's a whole lot of. Or David Carradine as the Asian guy in Crank 2. CG Appa is so... I just saw the trailer and I was like, oh, that's the worst thing I've ever seen in my frickin' life.

Or David Carradine stealing Bruce Lee's part in fuckin'... Kung Fu? Kung Fu. It's been going on for quite a while now. I want to watch Crank 2 again and that sucks because that movie's horrible.

It's awesome. I love it. I just want to watch the Corey part again with his got milk shirt. Nice jugs or something. Nice jugs.

That's awesome. Yikes. Continuing, is there any more buzz? No, there's plenty more buzz. Bring on the buzz.

Sidetracked and derailed. All right, so this will tie into a very specific faction of our geekery here. So after starring in I Am Legend, about a world taken over by zombies with sort of vampire-like traits, Will Smith is now set to produce and star in the adaptation of what some say is the original vampire. It will be The Legend of Cain. Cain, one of the sons of Adam and Eve.

Dean Cain? Yes. The ultimate evil is Dean Cain. You're right. No, Cain from Legacy of Cain.

Yeah. Why didn't they make a movie of that? That's a cool-ass game. Make a cool movie. They just screw it up.

Oh, Lord. So, yeah, this would be Cain, the son of Adam and Eve, the first murderer, if you will. And, yeah, lately, you know, there's all kinds of crazy Bible stories. But, yeah, in the recent years, they've claimed that he is the first vampire, notably in the vampire... Why do they suck?

They need glitter. Do you give piggyback rides? No, no, no. I still want a piggyback ride. You're going to kill somebody with that piggyback ride.

I will. She tried to get me to give her a piggyback ride in a big lot yesterday. And you wouldn't. No. Oh, Lord.

So, yeah, most notably in the Vampire the Masquerade role-playing game, and it's been borrowed for a lot of other vampire stories now. So that's pretty much where the direction on this Will Smith project is going to go. There's no director attack, but the script is written by Kaylee Pinkett and Dan Knopf, who is the writer of episodes of Carnival and Supernatural. Oh, nice. So I figured you two would be schooled on this because to tie it in, the Knopf guy who wrote that episode of Supernatural specifically worked in that Dean and Sam are direct descendants of Kane.

So there's your geek tie in there. Nice. That's pretty awesome. So who's playing Kane? I like this.

Will Smith. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Will Smith's son. Dean Kane is the ultimate evil, and Jaden.

Jackie Chan. Jaden has to come in and kill people with a stake, and Jackie Chan helps him. Yeah, this sounds great. I don't know. I don't know what to do with it.

Is this sort of an interesting project, or is it just more vampire stuff? It sounds kind of interesting-esque. I'll see the trailer and decide. I'm pretty excited. Yeah.

I like the people involved. I mean, you know, I think Will can do good movies, and I think he's kind of good at that. So, I don't know. He normally doesn't pick crap. Well, if you discount the last couple of years.

But in the past, he was in at least fun movies. See, I haven't even watched that one. It's incredibly sad, and if you want to see Will Smith cry the entire time. I don't want to see that happen. I'm thinking more of the Hitch movies.

Oh, God, yeah. That run of putting that stuff out. I like Hitch, too. Oh, no. I've avoided most of them.

I love it. It's Will Smith. I do like Wild Wild West. Yeah, yeah, the Wild Wild West. He's had his down points in the career, but he's usually pretty solid, so.

Don't talk bad about Will Smith. Thank you. Big Willie Styles. I just want to know what happened to DJ Jazzy Jeff. He's dead.

Is he really? No, he's not. He actually still makes music. We're starting that rumor right now, though. Nobody cares about him.

He had an album. Come out last May. Yeah, it's really good, actually. But everybody listening, go out on the internet and put that right now. I want to see it in a couple of weeks rotating around the internet.

DJ Jazzy's dead. Dude, did you hear? Jazzy Jeff's dead. We'll be like, we started that. We started it.

So yeah, and then Jazzy Jeff calling. Well, then we'll get noticed. That's how we'll get our notoriety. Just, you know, bad press. It's still press, right?

It's just our random celebrities every show. And eventually somebody's bound to catch on. Or somebody's bound to die, and then we'll be right. Then we'll get millions of dollars. I love Betty White, but she's getting old.

Don't talk about Betty White like that. Betty White's going to live forever. She is a deity always. Already she was up awful late for an old person. Oh lord Okay, so this one, I don't know what to do with.

Paramount Pictures this week picked up an original pitch by rookie screenwriters. Original pitch? Hold on. Yeah, no, they don't do those. Well, okay, original in the Hollywood sense because they're cramming two movies together.

Nice. But I give them credit. I don't even care who these guys are. Nobody knows their name, but they sold their first script, which was called Fuck You, I Win. I give them points for that.

That's pretty awesome. It catches you. It kind of grabs you. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Sadly, that's not the one they're making.

This untitled script is reportedly a mixture of the basic story of Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame and the action-adventure story that is being compared to the Pirates of the Caribbean. So, yeah. I don't know. A swashbuckling hunchback? Yeah.

I'm like, that's a weird... Outer space. Yeah, in outer space. That's a weird combination. And with the exception of Joni's intense love for that kid from Masked, It's really hard to, you know, people don't respond well to the lead actor having, let's say, an unmarketable face.

Yeah. Because I think that was the problem with the Disney animated Hunchback. I mean, that was really the first one in that run that sort of took a nosedive. I mean, after they came back with Little Mermaid, it was just, you know, bigger and bigger. Smash, smash, smash.

Yeah, I mean, it was like... And then the Hunchback. Yeah, it was like Beauty and the Beast was huge. Lion King was ridiculously huge. And then Hunchback... kids, do you really want to see this weird-looking kid?

I don't like movies that get ugly people in it. I watch movies. Even ugly cartoons. I want to see ugly people. I'll go to Walmart.

Right? Because they're prettier than people we know. I want to see hunchbacks. I'll go to Walmart. Or apparently on Market.

We had one today, yeah. Or the zombie. The zombie on Bardstown Road. You were a good focus group to go with because we're very superficial here. I am.

I still dream all the time. It's a good thing he's pretty. And I didn't ever get the fact that Esmeralda was a whore. I didn't like that. I was like, I don't like this.

I like that part, but they just didn't show the good part. This is a stupid Disney movie. oh man so yeah i i don't know that just seems like i can see the you know the the victor hugo end of it because he had pretty good grand scale stories and i guess but if you're it depends if you're gonna make the hunchback the action adventure star if not maybe he's just there to be like you know the igor of the you know the the big you know He's a sidekick. The hunky swashbuckler goes around doing what he does, and then he's got him there to, like, carry his bags and shit. And he's got plucky quips that'll, like, inject into every situation, and people will be like, aw, he's nice. Yeah, see, I could almost see that working.

I can't see the hunchback being the lead and carrying it. You work at, like, that one Sherlock Holmes movie where it was, like, Sherlock Holmes was just... kind of like the face, and Watson was the real one who solved all the mysteries and was smart, and Sherlock was just a complete bumbling fool. Yep. You work it like that. See, that could be interesting, too.

I don't see them doing it. The hunchback, he battles all the monsters, and the good-looking guy takes all the fame, and the women. It's like Inspector Gadget. See, that could be a little like that. If it wasn't for that damn dog and that kid, he wouldn't solve a damn thing.

Penny's awesome. Penny was awesome. Her book was really awesome. Her book. Her book computer.

Yeah. Solved everything. You know you wanted one of those. Oh, I wanted Penny. What did you think he said?

When I was a kid, I was like, Penny, ooh. She made me crotch feel funny when I was a little man. Yeah. Yes, it was. Very much so.

Don't pretend like it stopped now. All right. So there's many to choose from here. Let's see. We'll pick one or the other here.

Do you want some Amanda Seyfried or some Tinkerbell? Amanda. Okay, good, because nobody cares about... They're trying to do live-action Tinkerbell. Does anybody care?

I think it's somebody that's way too old, too. It's Elizabeth Banks. Jamie Lee Curtis. I like Elizabeth Banks. Jamie Lee Curtis.

Oh, God. Ouch. Crotchety old Tinkerbell. I can see her being Tinkerbell though. Especially that short hair she has in those Timia commercials.

Yikes. Man, if Tinkerbell needs some help in that area, I think we need to give it up. So, yeah. Peek-a-boop. Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. So the better option here, Amanda Seyfried, the star of Mamma Mia and co-star of HBO's Big Love and basically every girly movie they make these days. She's so cute. She will now be starring in a science fiction film called I Am Mortal, which is spelled all funky. It's I'm period mortal.

It's, yeah. They have to spell everything funky now. They think they're cool. So, yeah, it's a 20th Century Fox production. It is written and will be directed by Andrew Nicol, whose past science fiction films include Gattaca, which is actually awesome, and Simone, which is another one spelled all funky with a one for an I.

Screw all that. Just spell words right. So, yeah, this story is set in the future where people can avoid aging and live forever as long as they can continue to pay. So the story will focus on a man who's being chased because his time is up and Seyfried will play a woman that he kidnaps along the way. Is it just me or is this like another crammy?

It's like Repo the Genetic Opera with Logan's run. Yeah, i would. Totally go for that shit i would. Pay to stay young i guess but it's just that that pay to stay young thing is so beaten to death at this point i mean we've had two repo movies and there's like 14 other the island and every other movie that sort of ties into that so Which. I watched recently as well.

I'm sorry, I forgot to throw. That in there. What about Iron Sky? Doesn't anybody care about Iron Sky? Yeah, that looks bad.

I want Iron Sky. I want Space Nazis. Space Nazis from the moon. If you haven't heard of Iron Sky, go to their website, Iron Sky, and vote on them to get that damn movie made. You can sponsor it, too.

Yeah. They're a lot of money. Right after you get... Right after you give us a lot of money, throw a lot of money at them. Yes.

Get that movie made. Nazis in space. Love it. So, yeah. To round it out, we'll come back to the previously mentioned deity.

You know what? You love it. It's time for the remakes of the week. Or just remake, actually. The remake of the week.

No plurals. You only get one this time. Hmm. So, yeah. And this one I'm surprised they haven't done.

I actually was thinking about this recently, most recently yesterday, because John Denver came on the radio, and I was like, man, that John Denver was a cool dude, you know? I'm pretty much alone in that thought, I know. I love Jonathan. He's so square, you gotta like him, you know? Haircut.

Yeah, he's such a dork, you gotta love him. He's like pure for some reason. And he hung out with the Muppets. That's always a big plus in my book, if you hang out with the Muppets. Are they remaking Final Destination?

That's the first thing that pops in my head when I hear you say it. And I like that tie-in. I always thought that was a clever tie-in for them. No, this one, but I'm just surprised they haven't gotten around to this already. Warner Brothers is now in the works to greenlight a remake of the 1977 comedy Oh God.

Oh, what? Which I kind of, like it's been 77. I can't believe this movie is big and recognizable as that they haven't done already. So if you don't know, yeah, it had George Burns as God, which he kind of was. We know that.

And John Vendor was the normal guy, and he ropes him into helping him spread the word or whatever the hell was going on. So, yeah, after following the reception of her guest appearance on Saturday Night Live, the producer hopes to entice Betty White to star in the remake as God, I'm assuming. Hell yeah. People love some Betty White. So at this point, I can actually see people getting behind that just because it's Betty White.

How come people didn't love Rue McClanahan as much? Because she was a whore. Yeah, she was kind of whore-ish. She was a man. Yeah.

Oh, I love Bea Arthur. I like Bea Arthur, too. And the other lady. The poor forgotten one that was the old lady, but she wasn't really the old lady. And yet still died first.

So what are you going to do? So crotchety. They're all pretty crotchety. Except for Betty White, because everybody. Loves Betty White.

Everybody does. So, yeah, as if that wasn't about, you know, kind of hitting the nail on the head, the lovable human that would, you know, now be the John Denver person is Paul Rudd. Who cares about Paul Rudd now? Everybody does. He's in everything all of a sudden.

I don't care about Paul Rudd. Who's Paul Rudd again? He was cool, like, ten years ago, but... Or no, more than that. No, he was clueless.

Yeah, his stepbrother in Clueless. Yeah. I never saw Clueless. When he was in Clueless, he was cool, but I can't believe it took him this long. He's just now getting to the point where they're giving him lead roles.

I was like, that was a long time ago. I was like, that's weird. Anchorman. Who is he in Anchorman? He was a third.

He wasn't Brock. He wasn't Frank. He wasn't. It's best to just let it go. He's awesome.

I like him. I like him. So, I don't know. I just think it's funny that it took him that long. Yeah, I mean, to me, he's definitely playing that same part over and over again.

He's always Mr. Nice Guy. So, I mean, I can definitely see that working. This is one of those I don't. look forward to it necessarily but at the same time i think there is something new that they could do with it it's been a long time there's definitely a different way that they could take it especially if they wanted to get kind of you know a little into the heavier religious end of it which they probably won't they'll make it a stupid comedy but i think there's a lot bigger issues that they could you know make a more interesting movie with that they'll probably won't is. It a happy madison production.

Oh god i hope not It doesn't say, so I'm sure they would have slapped that on there if he had his name attached to it in any way, shape, or form. Probably. Yeah. All right. So that will take us out of the buzz section and into what I'm going to bill as the part four in this trilogy of terror.

So, yeah, I've forced at least some of you poor bastards to watch, you know, three of these movies. So the fourth one was such a weird, strange little thing. I wasn't even going to subject you to it. The fourth entry into this little... Film Festival of Maria is a movie called Love Me Like I Do.

1970. I think it was originally released in Sweden, if that gives you a good idea of what kind of movie we're talking about. Hey, there are some good Swedish movies. Yeah, but in 1970. Yeah.

In 1970 with a lot of naked people. Yes. There were some naked people in Cold Break. That doesn't surprise me. Naked people in horror movies, yeah, kind of go hand in hand.

Yeah, there was one called Made in Sweden. Is that a Russ movie or anything? I don't remember. Nice. So, yeah, the plot synopsis is, Sharon is a seemingly content suburban wife with a nice husband, house, and family until she discovers that her husband is cheating on her with the neighborhood nympho.

Yeah, you know you're in trouble when. Sounds like an episode of Red Shoe Diaries. Yeah, it kind of does. But you know you're in trouble when one of the first lines that you get in it is, please don't forget the pickles. What the pickles?

You know you're in trouble. This is one of the main lines they focus on right off the bat. And even before the credits are over, Maria is shaking her ass into the camera. And then, I believe not one, but two guys grab her ass immediately. But did she have a nice ass?

Yeah, I'm not going to argue. She looked good back in the day. And was freakishly skinny back then. She didn't have 70s ass? Because that's not hot.

No, no, she was normal. But yeah, but like 70s waist, like she was like... fucking starving it's it's amazing how skinny she is and then like the whole rest of her is normal but like her waist is like freakishly skinny. Disappears almost down to yeah it's kind of weird it's like how do all those guts fit in pack me they've. Migrated down to her cheeks yeah Slap her ass. She's like, oh, it's my lungs.

It's my kidneys. So yeah, last night I decided to take this upon myself and watch it just to round out the show. So we didn't have, you know, that's probably the only other one I was sort of interested in watching. I don't want to sit around and watch porn with you guys. Yeah, that's what I figured.

That was one of the ones that would sort of detract. And it's not really porn. It's like softcore. It's definitely softcore. It's 70s softcore.

Because, yeah, I noticed early on you get... Well, right off the bat, you get like... Within minutes, you've got one of the neighbor's strips down in front of the entire neighborhood at this party. Nice. And then, you know, gets naked and jumps in the pool and...

And you cut in and out with all these other little lines going on. They're doing like this little cut in with this old couple about all women being exhibitionist and... They work in these other little... It's almost like they're doing little clips from Laugh-In. It's like they cut away to people and they're doing little...

But half of them aren't even jokes. They're not even funny. They're making comments along the way. They're making comments about the. So it's a commentary on their own movie while they're making the movie?

Well, no. It's on society. It's in between people dancing around and the whole neighborhood of old people doing go-go dancing. They'll, like, cut away to, like, a couple of people standing, and they'll make, like, some sort of comment about, you know, the way Republicans are. They'll make some sort of comment about the economic state of the world.

I'm just like, what the hell is this? They sort of get away from that as time goes on. But, yeah, it's very strange. They're selling out! You dogmatic, fanatic liberal.

Now, you know very well us conservatives have a terrible hang-up about sex. The kid tells me he's got a chance to get rid of all that. You mean you actually listened to what the kid had to say? A figure with a Ph.D. in basket weaving from his black studies, he can join some hippie commune. And then he can practice group sex now.

Isn't that wonderful? Group sex? Gangbang? Who needs it? Three guys is.

Enough for me. But, yeah, it quickly... I don't know. Back to the naked. Yeah, there's lots of T & A, but the women in question usually conveniently cover the downstairs business.

Okay. So you can tell I think they were shooting for an R, or at least keep it in most theaters, because I think if you cross that line... yeah yeah you get bumped to uh nothing but like porn theaters so that probably and you know if if you're looking for man goods you're in trouble you get a little ass but you know all you get is tna in this movie there's plenty of that but swinging junk yeah if you're looking for that you're in trouble watchman in there no there's no watchman action in. This one no bubble and squeak Just a heads up if. That's, you know, what you're looking for. No bangers and mash.

Or looking to avoid it either way. No cash and prizes. No cash and prizes. So, yeah, it quickly moves into some drunk driving that almost immediately moves into a police chase. Almost.

Yeah, I mean, it, like, lines up the tasteless areas of entry here. Let's see. They throw in tons of. Entry. Entry.

There's a lot of that, too. It was funny when I think back about asking her about this movie and realizing what's going on in it. Because I hadn't seen it at the time. Because, yeah, she's just big close-up shots of her ass as she's naked gyrating on top of this guy. And I'm like. huh, she didn't mention this in the movie.

I wondered why she got so uncomfortable when I mentioned this. She didn't seem to, though, which is good. Yeah, she just kind of was like, oh, wow, okay, if you want to talk about that. So, yeah, I was kind of surprised. She was a good sport about it.

She played along with me asking about her semi-porn. Yeah. But. But yeah, I think it was one of those, they were just getting to that point of being able to talk about all this stuff going on, sort of. That's semi-porn.

I picture two semis. Like two 18-wheelers. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Wow. Two trucks doing it. The thing is, they're Transformers. They start popping out. When's that one coming out?

Transformer porn. Transponers. Oh, God. Oh, God. What's that knock-off company that keeps putting them out?

Transmorphers? Yeah, what's that company, though? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, whatever that knock-off company is, they need to get on them. Lionsgate, listen up.

Oh, Lord. Oh, I mean. How did it get there? Semi-porn. So yeah, this semi-porn.

They were just getting to the point of being able to sort of mention some of this stuff. So they're throwing in all these buzzwords at the moment. It's like every couple of scenes they have to throw in terms like nymphomaniac or they have to discuss one of the housewives being frigid. So it's like they're working in all these terms that it was just sort of coming to the point where you could almost mention them in polite society or the polite society of a darkened theater at midnight somewhere where people were getting it on. So, yeah, I don't know.

You get people saying, like, again, they're trying to make these statements. You've got a woman that delivers the line, I don't believe in adultery, to which the guy casually throws off, why not? I was like, alright, I guess if that's going to be your attitude, we don't really have anything else to talk about, do we? Why not? Speaking of which, this is the same character who, minutes later, rapes some woman.

And then, casually, mind you, and on... To make it even more insulting. Casual rape? He didn't have a problem with it. Are you one of those rodents that think anything goes, provided you don't get caught?

Oh, I don't mind getting caught once in a while. You're a prized specimen of unmitigated gall. You better get your little gun. While you still have the chance. You wouldn't dare.

Oh, yes, I would. And told her ahead of time, if that's what it takes, that's what I'll do. And, yeah, then follows it up with the whole scene almost becomes a joke afterwards. Like, she was sort of okay with it after the fact. And I'm like, that's even more insulting.

I was like, what the fuck is going on in this movie? So... Yeah, then it enters into a big section of... And midway through, I'm like, well, that's the thing. I look up at some point, and I'm like, all right, well, whatever.

Is this almost over? It was at the halfway point. Oh, God. I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, I'm glad you did this to yourself.

Yeah, see, that's... You guys... Yeah, you're welcome. Because, yeah. I feel like I needed to watch it.

I'm glad I have seen it, but... Even once you get, I mean, there's sort of the fun of the cheesiness of the 70s and the outfits and the interior of their houses and all that. But you get to the midway point and it just becomes, you know, all the fun of couples fighting. Yay. Yeah.

It really is. It's just like a real relationship fights over and over again. I'm like, is this what I want to be watching? Get back to some go-go dancing or something. Jesus.

You're mixed up. What you're referring to is that warm glow, Latsa. Money is playing with things. Sex is playing with your body. Somebody else's.

All games are boring in the end. Oh, love is not a game. Hell no. And money isn't a game to me either. I'm ripping my guts out year after year and losing more money every double shift I put in.

Your pride is hurt. So you torture me for some obscure reason. Maybe you do it to punish yourself for all. Oh, spare me the head-shrinking bit. I'm not that sick.

Rape and arguing is not fun. Stop showing it to me. so i like this yeah and then it ups the ante and you get all the fun of spouse abuse yay so yeah it just it lines up all the tasteless activities in this movie this movie an a plus yeah yeah it's um yeah so freakishly weirdness it it does it has all this weird like it at one point towards the end the guy compares a marriage to an old pickup truck and you know how it quits working for you sometimes so yeah it i don't know what it wants to do with this movie it's like it wants to be semi-porn but then it also wants to have some sort of message but then it also just wants to push the envelope of how much it can throw at you it's it's a 70s movie it's one of those you know grindhouse kind of movies and it definitely just plays all the notes it needs to to sort of get people's attention basically so Yeah, and tons of sex scenes, by the way.

So at one point I was like, this is just sex with the soundtrack. Like, it would just cut from one scene of people doing it to another, and you would have, don't get me wrong, some awesome music going on, by the way. Total full-on porn soundtrack. So, yeah. Oh, and Misty, it had your tacky mirrors.

The mirrors that you know... They were doing it. We talked about it. I'm going to get me some of those mirrors and totally do my whole bathroom. Mirrors with like the cracks in them?

The gold. The gold flecks. If you were in a house in the 70s, it probably had these in it. My grandmother's house still does. Yep, see?

Sneak them out for me. It had those, and they were doing it in front of them, so it kind of ruins it for you. but some of those movies. Always remind me of doing coke not that i've done and or do. But if you're going to it's going to be off of those yeah yeah. I think it's because of uh forrest gump like forrest gump with jenny did he do.

Oh no jenny did she. Was like doing it she's like i'm gonna jump off this building i'm blocked out that whole damn movie i love forrest gump you don't like forrest gump no. You're stupid yeah So, yeah, notably the stars of this were not just Maria, but the doctor from Blood Mania, your favorite movie from two weeks ago. Yeah, he's like one of the main husbands in it, too. So, yeah, we get a nice little reunion there.

Actually, this was made before. He's the one that by the end of it has hooked up with everybody, much like Blood Mania. They're standing in a room, there's three women there talking, and they're talking about doing it with him. He's hiding outside listening, by the way, but I realize as they walk in, he's done it with everybody in that room right now. Well, that was in his contract.

I guess, but then they all start. Comparing and i was just like did i take notes this yeah i was like this this this is a weird scene and everybody in this movie's a slot so yeah i don't know the the other notable star which i if you're into the uh she wolf movies uh i think it's diane thorn of the ilsa fame she's actually this was i guess pre-ilsa but yeah the she wolf of the ss yeah uh and she plays the the doormat housewife the one that just sort of gets strung along the whole time and He's screwing around on her, and she still, like, wants to stay married and wants to, you know, stay together for the kids. So, yeah, this is a very weird movie, and if you want to watch it for the experience of the 70s...

I'm gonna pass. Yeah, the weird combination of what they're trying to do. But, yeah, it's... It really ends with a silly attempt at a happy ending. That's what really is kind of the, I mean, in a movie full of people who are completely dysfunctional.

Happy ending. So, yeah, in a movie filled with people that are completely dysfunctional and screw each other over the entire movie, it tries to, you know, wrap it all up with a happy ending of many sorts. So, yeah, I don't understand. It's a very strange idea, so... Yeah, there you go.

There's the fourth entry in the Trilogy of Terror. Yay. Nice. Simple, simple. You like my simple?

You like my simple? Semi-poor. I'd rather watch. That I'd watch. Oh, yeah.

Have you not seen Southland Tales? I know you have. I loved that movie. Don't you remember the SUVs doing it? It was just like that.

They did an episode of that on Transformers, didn't they? Or no, not Transformers. What cartoons were you watching? No, no, no. Fritz the Transformer.

Oh, shit. What is that? Robot Chicken, but that wasn't it. That was Optimus Prime getting colon cancer. Yeah.

That's what it was. That one is awesome, though. I'll get you some black coffee, you hardy pooper. I thought you were my best friend. I don't want black coffee.

I want a man. You made that abundantly clear. What got into you all of a sudden besides the liquor? I can't remember the last time I slept with a guy. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Not now. Oh, think about it tomorrow morning. All right, so with that, we will wrap up part one. Come back and join us for this week's Sofa Theater feature, Wonder Women. Do it, do it, do it.

Woo! All right. Woo! Semi. Semi.

When all the time I keep saying I'm quitting you. Woman, there's something that you got. I don't exactly know just what. Woman, how do you make. Me love you like I do?

Woman, how do you make me I work so hard each day And I can hardly wait To run and bring you home my. Babe Now there's something that you got I don't really know just what How do you. Make me love you like I do. Down through the years, in my lifetime, I've been so jealous of you, my love. And there was times that friends tried to tear us apart when I had to gossip.

And there was times when I thought. That my buddies had something better than me. But I found out that You can't get everything you. Want and have everything you see. How do you make me love.

You like I do? And all the time I can't say I'm quitting you. I don't exactly know what you got. Whatever it is, I want you to love me. Tell me, woman, how do you.

Make me love you like I do? Woman, how do you. Make me love you? Oh, how do you make me love you? Oh, how do you.

Make me love you? Please don't forget the pickles. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.