87.2: Kevlar Pillows in the Philippines

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Enjoy the show. Hey, this is Graham Elwood, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Pawn shot first.

It's time for Sofa Theater. If it would help, Gregorius, I would be happy to speak to his employer. But you can reassure him that liver is a liver, and that lungs are lungs. Besides, today is a happy day, and I don't want to. Hear of any more problems.

That's what I pay you for. I know, Doctor. However, business is business. And we have one more matter to discuss. I think we have a problem that concerns the Paulson donor.

It seems as though Lloyds of London will be obligated to pay an insurance policy of $ 500, 000. For a highlight player? The world's top player. His salary was extraordinary. We haven't got much time.

We have to pay off the policy within 90 days. So they have to pay off it, as you concern us. If that's so, Doctor, we have nothing to worry about. However, our London people have informed me that Lloyds is sending a man. Ah, some invincible force.

A superman. According to his dossier, he's a man that can be dangerous to us. Don't you realize by now, Gregorius, that no one man. Is dangerous to us? Welcome to Moving Up Down Sofa Theater.

Once again, I am Brian. This is Roger. I'm Joni. I am still Misty. I'm Jay.

You sound confused. Okay. I can't get it out. Marlena. Confused by the reappearance of Marlena, who has joined us for the movie now.

Her lucky day. Just in time. Yes, you are lucky. I was lucky. We told her at a time it had Sid Hagen, and you know she would have been.

Here on time. I know. Actually, no, because all the other times when we have gone to meet Sid Hagen in person, it was usually. Me that made us late. Something about you and Sid.

I know. We have, you know, timing issues. I'm still trying to defy the whole you thinking he's hot. I don't know. Yeah, I'm like, sit, hang it all.

Only in that movie. I don't know. You know, you thought he was hot in Spider-Baby. It's okay. Not so much.

And on that note, let's welcome you back to the third in the trilogy, the big grand finale, if you were, of Greedo Bloody Greedo. This is the only one of the film fest that I apparently saw. So far, it's the best one out of them. It is. I specifically set it up to go out on the high note here.

So, yeah, this week's Sofa Theater feature is Wonder Woman, a.k.a. The Deadly and the Beautiful. Neither of which titles actually fits this movie. No. Yeah.

Maybe The Deadly and the Beautiful. Maybe The Deadly and the Beautiful, but definitely. Wonder Woman's a little off. No, Wonder Woman's a pretty good description. Because it made me wonder about the whole damn movie.

What the hell was going on? The year is 1973. Director Robert Vincent O'Neill. The also simplified IMDb plot. An insurance investigator battles Dr.

Sue and her sexy all-girl army. There you go. You're an insurance investigator? Yeah. No, not really.

Once again, they're kind of wrong. But we'll get to that in a minute. But before that, it is time for the, once again, the final round into... One for the folks. So we will swing the door open here, and I guess for our last little trip over to the Maria section and...

One more time, we'll hear what she has to say about Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman was interesting. I was in the Philippines three months. Loved the culture, loved the temperature. Big typhoon at the Intercontinental Hotel.

I didn't like that so much because it was 14 stories up, you know, with a bucket of ice to get water. And. But it was a great film. We did ice sculptures the size you wouldn't believe, you. Know, tables.

It was incredible. Great director, Bob O'Neill did that, and Nancy Kwan said everything, and I had a lot of action to do. I did a lot of running. Ross Hagen was my co-star. Male co-star and a lot.

Of pretty ladies in it. And it's interesting. A lot of good kung fu fights. And, yeah, it looks good. The money they spent is incredible.

Did she pull any of those moves on you? Oh, yeah. The flailing of her arms i wish and then flip me across the room. She wearing a super super short mini skirt when she did any of this. If you want to keep you off i don't know i don't think.

She was wearing a mini skirt i think she was just wearing a long man's t-shirt and then go-go boots which is awesome. Yeah it's pretty hot we might be spoiling it so we'll throw the spoiler alert out right now yes well if you didn't want to know about their fancy outfits sorry about that But, yeah, once again, we'll attempt to go into all this details here. Who knows what the hell we'll come up with. So, yeah, with that, do you want to start with the outfits? They were fucking awesome.

Yeah, they were pretty great. I'm thinking, how do I get my hands on an outfit such as this? They look more like subdued, like flary versions of the Star Trek uniforms. I love it, yeah. I'm thinking I'm going to go to the Love Boutique after this and look for some go-go boots.

I love go-go boots. I had a pair when I was like nine. I don't know why they gave a nine-year-old go-go boots. That was training right there. Your life is laid out before you.

A lot of things make sense now. My five-year-old cousin had some poker boots already, so that's pretty exciting. She wore them to church. My sister is the pastor. This is after she went skinny dipping in the baptismal.

I think we see where this is all going. This is awesome. I'm assuming my sister would never listen to this, so I should be okay. So, yeah, he wasn't quite an insurance investigator. Why was he?

He's hired by the insurance company. Basically, they start kidnapping all these world-famous athletes. High-rise players? Yeah. It took me.

I didn't know what the hell was going on until, like, the last ten minutes of the movie where they blatantly spelled it out for me. I'm like, oh! Now I get it. See, like any good movie, you have to reveal your plot in detail, and they just wait until pretty far into the movie to go into that. But, um...

Yeah, in the beginning there's random kidnappings of sort of active people. We'll call them athletes. How do you. Pronounce that sport again? High lie.

High lie. High lie. Polo and swimmists and what else? I don't know. Swimmists?

Swimmists. Nice. Yeah, it's a term. So only the sports that no one really cares about. Yeah, basically.

No, there was basketball. Basketball is popular. Yeah, the guy with the bucket on his head. That was a different basketball player. We'll get to him.

Maybe those sports are really popular over there. That's true. I remember playing highline when I was like six in gym. That's just me. It's bizarre.

You didn't have professional jarts players back then? God, jarts is fucking awesome. Jarts? Yeah. Lawn darts.

Lawn darts. Implements of death? You don't remember that? No, I remember. I actually have a box of them for sale.

I just never heard of them. At the new Peddler's Mall on Bardstown Road. Still in the box. My parents used to play Wasted. I'm lucky I'm alive.

We used to play Dark Chicken as a kid. You'd stand in a circle and throw the dart up. And as it was coming down, whoever ran first was the chicken. Who are the smarter? I think maybe you and my brother played.

The same game. Amazingly enough, none of us died. I'm still scared. So people always put me in the circle and say, hey, let's see how that goes. We also had a movie called Wars.

The fact that any kid survived that decade is frightening. Alright, Wonder Woman. Wow. Sometimes this movie got made, though, is people like that from their younger childhood lives, and now. And they're cockfighting.

And here we go, and they're cockfighting, yes. Well, I guess at this point we should mention that this is all in the Philippines where this is going on, so there's a whole new set of rules that come into play. No chickens were harmed in the making of this film. Oh, no, I'm pretty sure. I underestimated her.

For sure, at the end of the credits, all animals were harmed in making this film. Yeah, pretty much. Someone fucking ran that one chicken over. So the cocks got hurt pretty bad. Yeah, no cocks were harmed in the fighting of, oh no way.

There were many, many cock injuries in this movie. That may be, yes, definitely. That may be one of the reasons that this is not in print anymore. I'm trying to decide if that's enough to keep it out of this country. Probably.

Because there's just a blatant cock fight scene and you pretty much watch one die. There's a guy getting hit by a damn car. Well, yeah. But that's a human. Nobody cares about humans.

They're annoying. They're annoying. The bird that gets shot with a little slingshot. You know that one, Faith. No, it's the Philippines.

Not even the feather flying up after he fell. It's the Philippines. That guy getting run over by the car wasn't fake. He's a bystander. He just happened to be in the wrong place.

I was thinking through that scene. I was like, I wonder if they even told anybody they were filming. This is probably all real. Probably not. I have a friend who spent a lot of time in Korea and he was saying like in America, you pull up to a stoplight, you make eye contact with the person in the car beside you, you know, they're not going to drive it like right in front of your car.

As soon as light turns green, he's like, you don't have that assurance. And you know, he's like, you know, they're going to like, just run into the side of your car. Terrible. Wow. So yeah, we, we get into a, there's a good portion of this movie where you probably, unless you've, heard a good amount about it or I don't know that's probably about the only way that you're probably not lost because even yeah even kind of trying to follow it this time it does go a good amount of time before really spelling out what's going on I.

Was dreadfully confused for the first 20. Minutes yeah it's a good 20-30 minutes I told. Marlena she wouldn't miss anything it just started I'm pretty sure you won't miss anything and by the time she got here I still had no idea what the hell. Was going on So we get through all the kidnappings and then we sort of meet the doctor, which she's actually pretty cool. Way cool.

It's her brain sex. Raise the brainwave cycles from theta to alpha and restore them to consciousness. I want them sent to you tonight. It's the second time this week, Vera. You should show more restraint.

Your old-fashioned way of sex runs the risk of involving the emotions and revealing weakness. With your permission, doctor, I think I speak for all of us. Brain sex may work for you. but some of us still prefer physical contact. There will come a time when physical contact will be unheard of. Brain sex enables you to experience the ultimate in physical sensation and eliminate emotional disorders.

I want to have brain sex. I do too. It reminds me of, oh, what was that movie? Demolition Man. Yes.

See, I was thinking that. They borrow quite a bit in Demolition Man from this movie, I'm pretty sure. Mm-hmm. But yeah, her name is Nancy Kwan, which she is the reason, usually, especially back in the day, people were sort of shocked that she was in this, because she's actually kind of a name, at least at this point. She steadily went downhill as time went on, but when she came into it, she's the lead in Flower Drum Song and The World of Suzy Wong, which both were pretty big, and one of them's Rodgers and Hammerstein, so in a very different genre, anyway.

She's, yeah, she was kind of a big deal at that time, so... Ten plus years later, she's in this crazy drive-in movie as, you know, she's basically the female Dr. No for all practical purposes here. So, yeah, we enter into her and she has found a way, which is funny that we brought this up earlier. She's found a way to basically let people stay young forever as long as they pay money.

So it's. Not necessarily the most original plot line there. Well, that and harvest organs, too. She does transplant somebody's eyes into somebody else. Which, again, is something they keep stealing in these type of movies over and over again.

Which, again, it's okay because it's awesome. I know. I love movies about organ snatching. Well, you ain't got to worry about nobody taking your eyes, so you're all true. Yeah, really.

They're going to be fucked. Oh, man. So, yeah, she's got her right-hand man, who is Mr. Sid Haig. Awesome.

And his ruffly shirt. Oh, my God. That was awesome. Okay, only for like five seconds I thought he was hot. Before you saw the bald spot?

Yeah. That was pretty good. Whatever, he's got a pimp cane. Dude, is it freaking cool? He's got craters in his face where you can hide your keys.

And? Craters in his face. Only from far away. That's character, man. It was a mustache.

Is he a complete Monet? He is a Monet. It was a mustache. I see, yeah. I was digging on the mustache.

I am not a mustache fan. He does have that cool 70s mustache. Going on there. He's got a Super Mario mustache. One of the many, many reasons I started dating Asian in the first place.

Because they're known for their intense facial hair. Not so much. They're good. I could grow a mustache. It would just take a really long time.

It'd be in spots. No, the mustache shows up. Oh, God. Does it connect with the goatee? No, it just doesn't connect with the goatee.

You could get a Fu Manchu, though, right? I could. Awesome. Just to spite Misty, we're all going to try to convince you of that. Just remember, I'm the one you have to live with.

I know. I wouldn't do that. Because I would shave it in your sleep. I know. I saw a picture of me with a goatee the other night.

I didn't like it. Or not the goatee, the soul patch. Oh, that's a bad idea. Did you have on a beret? No.

Oh. I dated a guy who had a cell patch once. It wasn't my idea. It was somebody else's idea. His nine-year-old son even made fun of him for it.

Oh, ouch. He was asking for it. His kid was so much cooler than he was. Yeah, there were many, many, many large mustaches in this movie. I think almost every character except for the main character had a mustache.

Not just mustaches, but like. Whoa, I want to take a time machine and go back to the 70s and introduce these women to bikini waxes. Oh, yeah. So bad. That's not a mustache.

Hold on. I wore like a bush bald. It was strange and frightening and disturbing. At first, I was like, does she have a penis? She was smuggling grapes.

I don't like that at all. Nasty. It's a very small part of my pants. I don't understand. Did she have, like, a creepy, bulgy vagina?

Oh, you haven't seen the photo. No, I haven't. Wow. So, we'll get away from that. That's what we're doing later.

We'll blend that shit. Yeah, I'm sure she will be. So, yeah, at this point, we enter in our hero character. If you want to call him that. He's very Joe Don Baker-esque.

That was a good call, by the way. Maybe there's just something wrong with me, because I thought that guy was kind of. Hot, too. There is something wrong with you. You're like Tom Selleck.

This guy's a douchebag. No, he was so funny. He was hilarious. I love that guy. See, he seemed to think he was funny.

That's the problem. He was smooth. He was oneself. I'm trying to think of what else I've seen him in. He's been in a ton of stuff.

His name is Ross Hagen. And you'll notice he's so heavily featured in this movie, and they make him out to be such a cool guy. Here's a shocker. He's the producer of the movie as well. Oh.

I'm going to be in this movie, and I'm going to be a badass. He's a poor man's John Saxon is what he is. Well, see, I was thinking just plot-wise, he's basically your bargain basement James Bond. Oh, yeah. I mean, this is so a wannabe James Bond movie, but it's like the scraping the bottom of that barrel to get this.

Well, I mean, that's. Kind of the character that John Saxon plays in the Dragon. It's that kind of top secret agent, you know. So that's kind of what this guy is. In a way it's like a mixture of that and Mitchell and Mitchell yeah yeah really or what's the other one the other one where he goes to Italy.

Oh god I don't even know that one Mitchell goes to Italy yeah. It's is there a second Mitchell movie no it's him but he's playing the exact same character oh it's ridiculous so this feels a lot like that actually it's this American very out of place but just being very pissed off just being pissed off and kind of cocky about everything the whole time and I'm like dude that's a. Sawed off shotgun out of fucking nowhere yup Where did that shotgun come from? Where was he hiding that? I think he had like a holster, but it was.

But you couldn't see it because it came out of his jacket. His fancy powder blue jacket. I hated that jacket. Yeah, it was like a shirt. Like a dress, maybe?

Yeah, it was a shirt with a. A belt? Was that a belt? Whatever you tie it. It's like a shirt robe.

It was a shirt, but it was a robe. I wanted to punch him in his shirt. It was really Maria's dress. He just put it on. Yeah.

The wonders of the 70s. No recoil from that sawed-off shotgun. Yeah, that's what I was... Not that I was a lot of those, but... I was trying to decide.

I was like, is that even a shotgun? Because that should be, like, knocking his freaking arm. Yeah, really. But it's... Max didn't have a sawed-off shotgun.

It almost seemed like one of those... Your pirate guns. Yeah, yeah, when you were a kid. When you dress up like a pirate. Yeah, they're like, here, take this.

That was the one we always stuck the lame kid with when we were, like, playing, you know, like, army and stuff. They're like, here, you get this gun. And they're like. You get this buccaneer gun, loser. I mean, they're getting thrown in your face when you're on.

Thank you for making me use the shitty gun. Oh, man. So, I don't know. I have issues with this guy, really. I mean, he's funny within the context of this movie.

He actually kind of sells it. Like, I think if it wasn't for his cheesiness, it would make this a little harder to watch. But it's that... He's a jackass. Yeah, it's that lame jackass attitude that...

He's so American in the middle of this other country that sort of, you know, you have to go like, what a cocky bastard. All right, I'm on board. Yeah. But it's funny. because he he comes out like he's pretending to be smooth like it really does fit this james bond mold of like you actually watch like james bond and you're watching like connery doing it and he's delivering these cheesy lines but he does it so smooth that you're like all right that was all right And you watch this guy doing it so forced. He's just like...

I like it. He doesn't oil it up with anything. No, it's just. It's just kind of like, meh. It's like sandpaper.

He has no suave-ness about him. No, like, they bring him in at the end. His charisma's on me. They're like, yeah, he knows he's trapped and he's in trouble, and they're eating, and he's like, oh, don't let me interrupt your meal, and... Join us.

Oh, I forgot my MasterCard. I'll be back later. And I'm just like, no, these aren't going over, buddy. Just stop. And then when he sits down, he starts to dig in.

Like, what are you doing? He's probably starving after all. That running and having sex and getting almost killed by a girl. Many, many times. Many.

It's not often I meet a man like you. An experience I can remember for the rest of my life. I promise you. I will. You know, that's what I like about you, baby.

You're unpredictable. I am predictable about one thing. I never miss. And I want to know, you know, those hotel pillows are pretty damn hard. You could deflect a bullet off a damn pillow.

But yet she threw him through the door. I think she roundhouse kicked him through the door, actually. Is that what it was? I don't remember. There was a lot of her putting him through a lot of furniture.

Yeah, she wiped the whole room with him. She broke every piece of furniture. His face through the lampshade. That was awesome. so yeah that that's the turning point i mean the whole rest of it's just sort of set up and you know you get your cheesy standard characters we even get our cheesy um little uh what do you even call that vehicle the the taxi cab driver. It's like a little jeep with uh it's.

Yeah look jeep made almost but it's yeah a rickshaw No, it's a taxi in Manila. It's like a. Jeep, and they've extended the back end of it. They've made it all sparkly. That's the thing.

The decorations on these vehicles is kind of awesome. It's tacky and completely audacious, and that's sort of why I like them. It's like that in a lot of Asian countries. Thailand has those. They call them tuk-tuks.

They're little. The front end's motorcycle. Yeah. They had a couple of those, yeah. In Japan.

I mean, they got in, like, Japan, Vietnam. They all have those things, and they're highly decorated. Those are awesome. They're, like, bedazzled. Yeah, they are.

It's just covered in shit. But it's colorful, and it's fun. They got chandelier hanging in the back. Oh, yeah. Falling everywhere.

Oh, yeah. Putting the Chicanos to shame. Mm-hmm. Kind of odd. But they got fringe.

But none of those guys had a chain steering wheel. Yeah, and none of them had the dancing disco people on the dashboard. Those were cool, yeah. This is my Disney. Sit down, sit down.

My name is Lapu Lapu. I am the number one, the. Finest, the bravest Disney. Look, all I want is a blue cane. You got it.

We're going downtown. Intercontinental Hotel. I've taken the best scenic spots. So, yeah, that's, I mean, that guy's pretty fun. I kind of like him.

Very stereotypical, but he's a fun guy. You got to like him. It's like he had nothing else to do. He's like, okay, I'm just going to hang out with you all day. You seem pretty interesting.

Generally, that's kind of what they do over there because, like, you can go over there and you'll hire a taxi driver. And pay them and they pretty much just stick with you the entire time. Yeah. Let me think how many of those guys there are versus tourists coming in. I mean, they really, and they're probably fighting them for an American.

Yeah. So he's probably going to eat and then they're going to be like, Oh yeah, give me a 20 bucks, you know. American guys like, Oh, that's a deal. You know? And he's like, I just made three months.

Yeah. Sucker. So yeah, you can see that part's probably real. Yeah. But yeah, from then on, once we hit the fight scene, it's pretty fun.

I have to say, if you can fast forward through the boring first 20 minutes or so, once you hit the fight scene, all bets are off. That fight scene is epically, awesomely bad. And I like how it flows into one of the longest chases. In cinema history. Yep, that whole segment is awesome.

It goes with a wonderful hand-to-hand combat where, how would you like to describe her kung fu style? Like this. A lot of open flailing. Arms fingers in karate chop it's basically kind of like hey uh we don't really know how to train our people in karate so just kind of other movies like. Yeah you know karate it's kind of like third graders.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's kind of like when you're little kids and you're pretending like, okay, we're going to do Kung Fu now. And you just flail your arms around a lot and you do the karate flat hand and ha ha, chop. She chops so many people. She is a chopping queen.

Oh, oh, oh. And when she pulled the little star out of her panties, that was awesome. It was like attached by the little thing. Yeah, fuck off. But my favorite part is then she threw it like a frisbee.

She didn't throw it hard enough to do anything. She just sort of frisbeed it over to him. I'm going to start with Velcro when Shani starts to wear pants. You're going to stab yourself. You're going to do it right now.

You're going to get stars in your pants right now. You know, if you can injure yourself with a bike rack, I think the last thing you need is a pointy metal optic around your pants. And she's not even pants. Stars on their underwear, they are Wonder Women. Come on.

That's just a little too accurate there. True. So, yeah. But, yeah, that enters in. After she just wipes the entire room with that dude, I mean, he gets one or two shots in.

Other than that, she kicks his ass for, like, ten minutes. Yeah. Which is pretty awesome, actually, as she throws him through every piece of breakaway furniture in the whole hotel. Yeah. Then, yeah, then it becomes he finds his sawed-off shotgun and, you know, tries to take her out.

So she starts running. Wow. The running begins. In heels. Yeah, she once again kicks his ass because he can't catch her and she's in heels the entire time.

She runs like a gimp. She runs like Steven Seagal. But once again, Seagal cannot do it in heels. Maria. This is Maria that has entered in here.

She's sort of our main female lead once the Once the little interaction takes place, she comes in to seduce him and then kill him, and then all of this unfurls. The super chase scene where chickens get squashed, people get pushed off of ledges and thrown through restaurants. Oh, it's awesome. And the best part is as they're running, and I'm glad you guys... Question this, too, because it's so, like, huge, but yet, like, nobody seems to pay attention, and then it goes away.

She's running down the street, and they do this super, like, pan back, and they show you the whole street, and then everybody starts running after her. Yeah. And I'm like, what? What's going on? That's cool.

I didn't believe they didn't tell anybody. I don't think so. What the hell is going on? Did she steal something? I think so.

This is great that they're stealing. That's probably, there was probably a mistranslation and everybody started running. They're like, cut, cut. No, you're extras. Don't run.

You're just supposed to stand there and buy fruit from the market over there. Don't chase our lead. So yeah, everybody in the entire street starts chasing our two people. Oh, that part is hilarious. And I don't even get it, but that's sort of what makes it a little better.

I like the part from the beginning where all the women are looking. At the men in the giant cryovac bags. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, he turns me on. Well, he turns me on.

I'm like, what the? There's a lot of mention of that throughout the movie, how horny they are. These girls like them some men. Luckily, they kidnap guys. Yeah.

But yeah, they kidnap him and then put him in like Ziploc bags. I was thinking fresh. The setup she's got is kind of like if you've seen the the lair of comic book guy when he's got like Lucy Lawless like in this little dome in his corner of his room. It's kind of how this Dr. Seuss got it going on.

Or like the blood bank from Blade 3? Was it 3? One, two, three. Yeah, because Jessica Biel's like, oh, God in heaven. That's a direct quote.

There he is. Uncanny. Stupid Jessica Biel. With her big old ass. Round stuff.

Yikes. So. It's just because I'm jealous. Oh yeah, so throwing people off the side of the stairs there, that was awesome, because he probably could have killed that guy. He laid it in like a fruit stand?

No, he laid it in a pile of bra. That's right, yeah. And the kids around him were throwing the bra's at him. They were like angry at him. I'm like, why do you have like a mountain of bra's?

It didn't even look like they were selling them. It's like they were underneath something. Like you were hiding a mountain of bras. What the hell is that? It was the lair of the Craigslist killer.

I think it was. I didn't have a stunt cushion. There's a lot of women in this country. Give us all of your bras. Wonder women indeed.

Wonder Brawl Woman? I'm a little upset that there's no invisible plane or cuffs in. This, though. That's Wonder Woman. Oh, oh.

Slightly. I mean, I'm sure this is probably why they shouldn't have changed the name, because I'm sure that confused people forever. like the when i first found out maria was in this movie it kept bringing up like the wonder woman two hour made for tv movie and like it probably confused people from day one in this country i guess you could play it around the rest of the world however you want but yeah there's only one wonder woman and everybody knows her and it's pretty well known property so it's hard to uh Just pluralize it and assume people aren't going to be mistaken. That's probably why it's not on video more than. Anything, I think. I don't know.

I would think they could at least go with the original title and put it out. I think it's the Hulk fight. Yeah, probably. Or they just lost the rights somewhere along the way and it's too much trouble. Or nobody ever wanted to see this movie.

They should because it's awesome. It is relatively awesome. It's fucking awesome. I'm pretty excited about it. It's my favorite so far.

I'm telling you, it's awesome. I laughed, I cried. I wanted to harvest human body parts. Who doesn't want to do that? Oh, man.

But I have to give him credit the shots, like the whole street shot thing. I mean, it's ridiculous and it's out of control, but at the same time, there's a lot going on there. That's just what it's like all the time. Yeah, but I mean, just their shooting of it. It's a hell of a ramped up version.

How did the gaffer not wander into the scene? I did. Seriously. There were no gaffers. I just don't know.

There were no gaffers. Yeah, there were no gaffers. There was like a nine-year-old boy. He was like, here, hold this. Do you want the best boy now?

Try not to let this light fall on people and kill them. I just said try. Did they have lighting in this movie? Jesus Christ. They really did.

I would say it's the darkest movie I've seen, but last week. Last week beat everything. For as choppily edited as this was, or even the other movie she was in was pretty bad, but no, The Cremators was about the worst. It sort of takes the cake on editing and lighting. But I guess what little credit we can give, you know, we'll give to the director.

Once again, it is Robert Vincent O'Neill, which if you were really paying attention, because I had to remind myself, he is the director of Blood Mania. That's what I thought. Yeah. So we have to... I mean, compared to those, this is his next movie.

So within a three-year span, he went from doing. Really? Jumped his game? Yeah. From Blood Mania, which is basically just they rented a house, and that's it.

I mean, he got a few decent shots here and there, but it's a pretty low-tech movie. It's just sit the camera there and have people talk over there. Where this one, I mean, he's got... gunfights and explosions and car chases and people flying through windows and I mean it's yeah this is a huge undertaking compared to that last movie so I give him credit for just ramping it up quite a bit from one movie to the next because this is a hell of a lot more uh and ridiculously over-the-top ambitious movie. What was with the quote-unquote blind guy who apparently ditched Vietnam War and was like, I'm over here because. I don't want to get my number pulled out of a hat.

Yeah, damn hippies. But then that one scene where he sank.... What the fuck was that? Was that supposed to happen? I guess maybe he was just trying not to be blind.

Yeah, maybe that's what it was. He was like, I'm not here. Don't see me. I'm blind. You don't see me.

Wait, that's not how it works. I'm blind. Anyway, my favorite part where he was trying to come on to the girl and he said he didn't like her legs because they were too long. Yeah, that was his first line. It was like, 40 too long.

Hey, it works. I don't like a girl with long legs. He likes the paraplegic. He likes the stumpy cheeks. Yeah, they get in the way.

Which she had the best retort ever. She was like, let me see what I can do to get them out of the way. Wow. I'm using that one. I think she had a little retort first, and he was like, how can we make this in the release?

It's on the writer, whatever it was. Pretty dork. So, yeah. It obviously worked because, you know, cut to the next shot. He's not even nailing it.

He's just waking up. He was done already. Still had his whiskey glass in his hand. And he's just sitting there like the smug jerk that. He is going, yeah, that was the best you ever had.

I rocked your world, baby. He's like Troy McClure. Hey, you know you. Want to do it again. You remember me from such human smuggling ads.

Yeah. If she would have just fucking shot him instead of being like, oh, I'm going to shoot you. Maybe she wouldn't have had time to grab the super deflected pillow. They starched the hell out of that fucking pillow. What sort of crazy action movie would it be if you didn't announce what you're about to do next?

Exactly. Guns always screw up. Well, it was a great lay. Now I'm going to tell you about it a little bit more while I pull my gun out. And then I'll remember you forever.

Oh, fucking pillow. So, yeah. Yeah. Goddamn Kevlar pillows. I mean, if villains would just realize it.

I can't follow that one. Kevlar pillows in the Philippines. They don't mess around there, man. Really hard to smother people with, though. You just beat them.

That's the best pillow fight ever. Yeah. I just imagine two seven-year-old girls like let's have a pillow. Fight her neck breaks. That did remind me in his last feature he had a medieval pillow fight so maybe he's just got a weird thing for pillow fights what a weirdo Oh, Lord.

So I guess we can, you know, that's probably the most awesome part there. The fight slash chase scene is pretty awesome. But what rivals it is then when we get to the island, because Dr. Sue has her own island, as any self-respecting evil genius would have. So, yeah, she's, which, this is something that I think I'm overthinking it, but why does she have an all-girl army? other than it's hot and they get to wear those outfits.

But I was like waiting for her to come up with some sort of like master plan of, and then the master race of women will take over the world. I don't know. I thought maybe there was a reason or she can't trust men, I guess. But then if that's, if that's the case, why is a right hand man, a man, you know, Because he's. The only man that she could trust.

I mean, he really is the only man on the entire island. But they never really address that. It's like, why is that? Or they don't follow it up with some sort of crazy backstory. She says she has no need for physical sex.

That's true. She feels like it's easier to control women. Well, I'm sure a man broke her heart really fast this time. and she just never got over it. Never trusts our love again. And that's the scene we're missing in this movie.

Our lead should have played that. He's like, well, I know what your problem really is. And then cut to him with his drink and passed out again. They really should have worked that in there. She changes her mind.

She's like, I think I want to have a pony farm. She was like, now I know why I've got all these women here. What? Women get shit done right the first time. You have a bunch of men around.

They're going to fuck something up. That's an option. They're not going to listen. They're going to be laying around. Hold on.

I'm playing NBA. Exactly. I'm the blonde right now. Dude, ever since we got Xbox, nothing on this island gets done. Yeah, no shit.

Oh, yeah. I don't know. The island's pretty fun, though, because then we get into... She sits him down and gives him the entire speech. And some brain sex.

And some brain sex, yeah. We get into the... The master plot. Yeah, the super master plot, and. digging it he seems like they're walking around and he's almost like. On board yeah i figured he'd be like where do i sign up yeah seriously do i get one of them fancy little mini skirt outfits that's my that's.

Like yeah that's when. It fully ramps it up and. She even tells him she's gonna turn him and she's gonna harvest his. Organs he's like hey cool he's like well this is a good operation you've got going here you. Mean to tell me these things still work.

We will, when transplanted properly. All these organs are functioning. With the discovery of my anti-rejection serum, it was possible for me to develop a preserving solution. That's incredible. Incredibility is the matter of exposure and conditioning.

A few years ago. An interplanetary flight was considered incredible. But now, it's a simple matter of fact. Such as this. But no, once again, I didn't think this movie could get any cooler and more ridiculous.

Than she busts. Out the little cavalcade of her past mistakes. And sadly, I had to start naming him. Hold on. In our usual ridiculous names for things.

Buckethead. No, no. Because to me, he's got an even better option going on. First, we get to No-Face. He's got like one giant eye and no face.

Then there's just Mongoloid. He's a Mongoloid if ever there was one. goliath whatever they're more self-descriptive so yeah the no face mongoloid monkey face she's just asking for it she. Was like she was my first i loved her but i put a monkey brain. And then it made her draw a monkey face it's like what's that got to do with her big mouth that looks like a monkey yeah weirdo but yeah our favorite and i decided he needed to be named cake dome because the top of his head looks like the big clear dome that you put over your cake so you don't get. It messed up i don't know only it was over.

His brain well yeah but it was clear yeah it's a clear kfc. Bucket slash kfc of the future yeah it's got lights. So he's like buckethead he plays ripping guitar Uh-huh. So, yeah, that was the basketball player. He even knew him.

He was a famous freak. Everybody knew him back in the day, but now he's just a cake-dome, bucket-headed freak. Who apparently likes to steal women. Yeah, yeah. It's all basketball players.

But even more awesome. They're all rapists. Whoa. Allegedly. Alleged.

Alleged rapist. I have no say in that. All of them except for Larry Bird. Yeah, that. Yeah.

Travis Ford. That crack I ain't getting no women. Regardless. I would totally see the Larry Bird. The original inventor of the slam dunk.

Wow. Circa like 86. Mind you, I was a fetus then. Like the McDonald's commercials era. That's the way you like them.

Poor old Larry Bird. Nobody wanted his converses. No. Dorky white boy. Nobody wants your shoes.

Go play for the Celtics. Go shoot a three-pointer. Oh, Lord. So, yeah. But to me, that's the best part, is not only do they let these monsters loose eventually, but they all have their own little walk.

They're like dancing. And your basketball player's still got his strut going on. He's got the pimp walk going, even though he's still a brain-dead monster. He kind of has that old Frankenstein thing going. For him, too.

It's like a mixture of Frankenstein and George Jefferson. Seriously. Are you moving on up? It's the soul limp. But yeah the other one's like the the no face one's got some sort of dance he does he does this little jumping hopping move it's like a twitch thumbs to be thrown about oh yeah there you go Kicking up his heels.

Yeah, the four of them running down the hallway is the funniest thing ever. Wow, it's the funniest thing since flailing the cat on the beach last week, which, by the way, is another epic moment. Wow. Did this happen to a kitty? No, no, he was enjoying it.

It was some stupid hippie running down the beach. He's just running by himself all of a sudden. And then all of a sudden, he's running with a cat. He's like, holding the. Cat around his neck.

I laughed for like 10 minutes. That was the funniest thing. I've ever seen. It was really weird. He pulls the cat out of where he had that gun because he's magically got a cat and he's running up and down the beach with it like they're in a romance novel.

I'm almost sad that I missed that. I'm glad that I missed the entire rest of it. Yeah, that would have been the reason to watch. I want to see just that part. I can bust it out.

Is it kind of like that one scene in Blood Mania where they have the date scene? Oh, yeah, see? This is like a theme. We've got weird, cheesy, you know. Stupid beach scenes that make no fucking sense.

Although this one we just had an appearing gun out of nowhere. There needed to be a beach scene. They were on an island. Why wasn't there a beach scene? There really shouldn't...

Well, we had him like... At one point he disappears from the compound and he's hiding out there. In the jungle? Yeah, and they're out in the jungle. So then they're, you know...

They send their SWAT team out there in their hardcore gear of miniskirts and machine guns. No pants. In the jungle, no pants. That's a good idea. But they had go-go boots, so that protects at least up to their knees.

Yeah, they don't get bit by the snake. What's eye injuries? I think they had, like, what do they call them? Boy shorts on underneath the doodads. They didn't look like it.

In my mind, they did. To me, it just looked like they had a button-down shirt on. Like a men's button-down shirt and underwear. That was the look. It was a Star Trek uniform.

Yeah, it kind of was. That's what she said earlier. Only a little shorter if you couldn't get away with that on TV. Shorter and shinier. Yeah, here they're just like, let's make it a little shorter and a little lower cut in the front.

That's what we're looking for in this Starfleet. Yeah, but yeah, that little scene in the jungle where he's hiding and then just shoots the girls in the head. He just pops up and nails that bitch in the head. Isn't that your favorite girl? That's my favorite girl.

Bam. Crazy chick took a bullet in the head. She never did nothing to no one. Yeah, but she was not good at catching him because he outsmarted her and he's kind of a dimwit. I wasn't good at not getting shot.

In the head. No. Caught in the face. Oh, Lord. So, yeah.

I don't know. Where else do we go? Her wonderful lab with spinning lights. It was a lot better than the lab. Of last week.

Yeah, last week was the worst excuse for a scientist lab ever. This one's pretty damn impressive. It had a lot of spinny lights and science-y stuff. And last week we just had an empty fish tank. She had a huge fish tank and it had organs growing in it.

And she had a giant freezer with bodies in it. That's awesome, too. She had that spinny-do, too. Yeah, it's that weird black and white pinwheel going on. That's how you know you're really a doctor.

A mad doctor. Gotta have one of them things. She didn't have that electro thing, though. I said that last week. Dr.

Frankenstein. Every mad doctor needs one of those. Come on, man. It's like those little balls that go to. Yeah, yeah.

Regular doctors have those. Mad doctors have them. And the storm globe. Yeah, the storm globe. Oh, I think you can still get that at Spencer Gifts.

You can. $ 34. 95. If any mad doctors at this table are interested. I already have one. I'm doing one tomorrow.

One of you mad doctors out there. I already have one. That's where you start. You don't start with medical training. You start with the fucking stormtroopers.

Yeah, you start with the stormtroopers. And that starts with squirrels. Oh, that's... So, what else? Where else do we want to go?

The grand finale, the big wrap-up, wherein all of our villains basically get away. She just magically disappears. Into a cloud of smoke, nevertheless. She pulls the old smoke bomb. Gone.

Crazy ninja bitch. I expected her to be like, wah. And then, yeah, Sid just sort of slinks on out. Isn't that one scene where he pops up? It's dark.

All you see is a frilly white shirt pop up behind the bushes. He saunters off into the darkness. Once again, he's got the pimp walk going, too. He's got the cane thrown back over his shoulder. He's just strutting on out of there.

The cane slash sword. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to take this money I got here and head on out. So, yeah, basically our two major villains just disappear at this point, and we never see them again. Well, at the end, after he's done playing sexy chess with that weird girl. We haven't even gotten to that yet.

What's that? What the fuck is going on? No. I kept looking at him like, she looks like her. Yeah, but that's the thing.

It's like they disappear, and then he goes back to cash his check or whatever he collects on delivering. He somehow pulls the one athlete that he was supposed to go and find. He wasn't dead yet, so he finds him, drags him back with him, and gets his reward check. Yeah, what's his name? What was that one guy's name?

Cabin... Number two. Cabin boy. Houseboy number two. Well, his driver was number one.

He was Starfleet ahead of his time. He was like, make this little crappy vehicle go. Make it so. So, yeah, he just, like, didn't number his, you. Know, servants.

So what happened? What is the chick's name? Maria. Yeah, that's the thing. What happened to her?

Because Buckethead carried her off. Sid Haig stabbed Buckethead in the back. Of the head. And then, like, you don't really see. Yeah.

But, like, she wasn't dead as far as we know. He just, like, knocked her out and was carrying her off. So, yeah, like, all of our characters disappear at this point. I remember him knocking her out. He just picked her up.

Yeah, he just picked her up. They were just like. She fainted. Yeah, she fainted. Like, you know, he's a King Kong.

I guess if a buckethead attacked me, I'd probably faint. Yeah. I think they were like, hey, you know what, guys? This movie's already an hour and a half. Let's wrap this shit up.

Let's just get rid of the rest of these people. What happens to them? Who cares? Break out the sexy chest. Yeah, we gotta get some.

How stupid is he to be picked up by another woman in the same frickin' town? It's like... dumb ass get. The fuck out of there so yeah he collects his check we don't see any of our villains or even maria who was sort of on his side at that point i i figured he would gonna go you know take his little vacation with her that's that's how most of these bond movies wrap up is whoever the girl was that you know doesn't stab him in the back and he doesn't shoot he ends up going off with to have lots of sex with at the end you know Well, no, we get this little close-up of some chick, and it's this scary. Her weird torso. Oh, my God.

What the hell is up with her shelf ribs? I didn't like that. It was creepy. So then it pans up, and it's this scary-looking blonde girl who, I guess, I don't know. I thought it was a wig.

That's why I thought it was a wig. That's the thing. I think it was a wig. The entire time, I thought it was a wig. So I don't know who she was, really.

She just appeared in the movie. And she had her whispering. Oh, she seemed like the dumbest, dumbest rock. It made my brain hurt. Yeah, she's an idiot.

And then she wants to play chess. I don't think so. You know her dumb ass can't play chess. She can't even. You know, she just sits there and licks the pieces.

Yeah, she fumbles all the pieces. I like the little horsey guy when I shove him in my... Oh, I'm pretty sure that's what she was going to do at one point. She was a... She was stroking a little of everything on there.

Fruits, chess pieces. No woman should have to try that hard. And he seems like he's kind of like a sure thing, really. Why put that much effort into it? Yeah, I don't think so.

Especially for that guy. Pretty sure he was already like, let's go do it. He's like, screw this chess nonsense. I'm going to lose. It doesn't matter.

He's like, I don't even know how to play. It's just here for show, honey. It bringing the babes in this. And it was too long of a scene. Holy shit.

Thank you. It went on forever. Go ahead. I don't even know. It was too fucking long.

They're just sitting there staring at it, and she's licking the pieces, and he's looking at her like she's a fucking retard, but he's going to nail that shit anyways. But it's just like, and then just like, then they make it out, and then, nah, just took too long. And then at the end, are we at the end? Yeah, go ahead and get to the, yeah. Super duper spoiler alert.

Yeah, I think at the end, all those women, and he was like, oh, fuck yeah, 20 women. I think they all had the brain of that Dr. What's-Her-Face chick. But why? Like how?

They could get in. I don't know. They just appeared and then where was she at? Were they taking a bath? Yeah, we got weird voiceover from her.

Maybe he just heard it reminiscing in his head from what she told him. Echoing in his big empty head. So instead of having the look of oh shit on the deep shit, he's looking at him like yeah. She's sending me women. Yeah, that is what he was thinking.

More women for me to nail. They all have guns. We can all talk like that. Yeah, basically he's like, see you in the sequel. Oh, wow.

I don't know. This guy knows how to work it. I mean, insulting her off the bat. Women can't stand that. This guy knows how to work it.

He insulted... Maria D'Arco, whatever, faces character. Right off the bat. Yeah, he was like, when he was like, your legs are too long or whatever. If she had shot first, it would have voided all this movie.

But that's the best part of the movie. So yeah, how do you want to wrap this up? Because to me, this is so awesomely bad. To me, it's a must-see for everybody. It's a shame it's hard to come by because I think if you like Any of these kind of movies that we talk about, if you're a driving kind of a dork that likes this sort of stuff, again, that last two-thirds of this movie is well worth watching.

Oh, yeah. Definitely. I think just the stunts, the action, the... The music, even. The horror music.

The music was fantastic. I dug it. Except for that song that had the siren repeating in the background the whole time. I was ready to shoot people. Well, it goes back and forth.

I thought we were going to start a rave. We've got our. There's no glow sticks. No, what's the... The lab.

She did have all kinds of glow sticks. Oh, it is on. We've got our cheesy opening theme music, but then it goes back and forth. Because then there's that hallway shot when, Roger, you were like, this is the worst music ever. I was like...

I think it hits, like, public domain music every once in a while, and then they go back to, like, the. It's so out of place, too. Yeah, just. It's kind of, like, good music, and then the scene switched, and it was, like, the worst music ever. It's, like, from some sort of period piece music.

He said, like, this is the worst shot ever, because they were going through the door, and it came out of nowhere. Yeah, it's like, I know. We'll wait for your guys. Oh, God, it was terrible. So, yeah, he's so hit and miss.

It's like, this guy sometimes does... really interesting shots and puts together really good stuff and then other times it's like he just sits the camera down it's like you guys go ahead and finish this scene I gotta pee I'll be back I'll be back in a minute so yeah directing is questionable but yeah this once again is the man who brought us the Angel movie so you know we have to have a little respect you know we need to watch those actually Angel Avenging Angel those are some fine features were we talking about that the other day? we were last Blood Mania time okay yeah yeah But yeah, otherwise, I think it's pretty damn entertaining. Yeah, it's definitely entertaining. I'll watch it again. Much better than...

Like tonight. I'm telling you. It's better than some of the shit you've made me watch. I'll give you that much. That's what I'm saying.

I went out on a high note here. It's definitely better than Dark Country. You're just mad you didn't get to hang out with him this past weekend. I wanted to go punch him in his face. Was Dark Country really bad?

Yeah. Oh. We need to get you a copy of Dark Country. He's been peddling that movie for years. It is horrible.

It's terrible. I like me some Thomas Jane normally. Oh, yeah. I think it's awesome. But.

I wanted to fuck his shit up. Not in a good way. Not in a good way. When we were driving through Alabama at about 2 o'clock in the. Morning and it was dark, she's like, this.

Looks like dark country. And it does. And then you cursed the name of Thomas James. I did. She did.

I did. Poor Thomas James. Damn that Thomas James. He was trying to make a good movie. That was the only reason I wanted to go to that convention was to punch him in his face for making that stupid movie.

Harsh. I like Thomas Jane. I like him too. I like him in some things. I like him in The Mist.

I like him in many other things that I can't right now think of. But Dark Country just made me violent and mad. Sorry, go ahead. All right, that's pretty much it. Cool.

Thomas Jane, if you're listening, which I doubt you are, fuck you. But we really like you. How about that? There's the back and forth action we give you here. We really like all of your other performances, but fuck you.

Damn dark country. You know, I've heard Misty say this many times. No, no, I'm done. That guy. He is dead to me.

Oh, God. That's how she feels. All right. We will take a break and come back with the rest of the show. If you're wondering, I am that Wonder Woman.

Never had a girl like me before. Wonder Woman, I can be your everything. I am that Wonder Woman. You should be spending on me. Hey boy, you like me?

Yeah, yeah, you want me? Got a little surprise for you. All you really gotta do is spoil. Visit our concession and see for yourself the delicious treats, drinks, and snacks awaiting you. If you are thirsty, try ice cold soft drinks or a cup of hot flavorful coffee.

Get something to go with it, like a sizzling and satisfying hot dog or a tasty tender sandwich. Try one of these delicious treats and you'll be back at the concession for more before the show is over. The service at our concession is friendly and efficient. Driving across the desert tonight. Take care of that new wife of yours.

You ready? One last look? No, thanks. You think we're crazy? You feel that?

It's like an oven outside, so hot. You don't realize how much light starlight gives off All the same, I'm going to stick with the lights. You all right? Oh, God, you hit him. Stay in the car.

I need your help. Get the door in. Okay. What are we going to do? Don't worry.

You'll be fine. The Honeymoon is over. Thomas Jane, Lauren German, and Ron Perlman. Dark Country. Show starts in two minutes.

Welcome to a night of total terror. That's Mickey Mouse's penis. They don't look to be afraid. They look to be shocked. Here's vagina.

Did you see Miley Cyrus' globulous breasts? Night of the living podcast. I found more syrup on my pants. Bizarre adventure in fear. There was, however, a guy using.

An experience in shock. More shattering than your strangest nightmare. Penetration. Night of the Living Podcast. Ass to mouth is fantastic.

Holy shit! That just happened. What's that bad man doing to my donkey? A night of total terror. I can't maintain this level of ridiculousness.

They made a song. Night. Of the Living Podcast. My mom wants to do shit! What's part of your problem?

You know, you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered. In the movies. And now, on with the show. Wonder Woman You are so fucking.

Hot They burn out if you leave them on. For a long time. Apparently, if you leave lava lamps on for a long time, they explode. I found that out. I had blue glitter lava lamp everywhere.

Now you know. And no one's had to battle. G.I. G.I. Joe.

My aunt got me a lava lamp a couple years ago. She gives me the most awesome gifts. Lava lamp, BB gun, Esteban guitar, retro payphone. God, she's so awesome. I love this aunt.

Everyone else gives me dumb shit. Right? Oh, karaoke machine. I miss my karaoke machine. I know.

I just want hours of fun with myself. Whoa, wait a minute. I mean. What kind of show is this? Oh, wait, it is that kind of show.

Go ahead. It's going to be that kind of party. Expound upon it. Feel free. Alright, we are back.

And Misty, you should rejoice, because for weeks now, you have doubted his love for us. Randy? But this week is the triumphant return of Randy. Randy. Wow.

He doesn't like us. Hey, Movie Meltdown, it's Randy, trying to catch back up with you on feedback. Let's see, first issue, the first thing I have to get off my chest, you horribly evil, sick Demented fucking people, what's wrong with you? There's some lines you don't cross and you went skipping over it. So I'm going to have to bitch at you a little bit, so here we go.

I'd rather watch a double bill of martyrs and a Serbian film sitting in the middle of a crying class at daycare, kids. Preferably in a hot August day in an inner city facility where they're all miserable and unhappy than ever in my life. Sit through. The dark crystal where that poor little Muppet gets its soul sucked out and you fuckers are laughing about it. What's wrong with you?

I don't know what to say. I thought I knew you guys. I thought I knew you. Let's see. Let's see.

Chew your ass about this. Pontypool. Pontypool. Love me some Pontypool. What a great performance by Mazzy.

The only thing was... Like you all said, that whole explanation at the end, like, what the fuck are you talking about? Infected words. Points for effort. None for execution in the end on that.

That really lost me. Although, I think that it would have been awesome if it wasn't just this random, that random word, but if it was, like, monominot. Because that would be some funny shit, watching people get infected from monominot. Let's see, other notes here. April Fool's Day.

Fuck, there's nothing I hate more than the, it was just a dream or we were just kidding, you bullshit. I think you guys should know that I think you could just take your podcasting equipment, throw it in a shopping cart, and walk around a grocery store, and that would probably be fucking the most awesome stuff ever. Especially if you could hook it up in the car, and we could hear all your commentary as you just drive there. I'd like to put in one quick closing note. We just lost Harvey Picard, as I'm sure you all know.

And I don't remember who it was that said it, but somebody really bright was talking about how blogging and the story of the common man kind of found its roots initially in a lot of his work. And that's one of the most enjoyable parts of your show, is hearing about Marlena's insane people or Misty's observations or... Roger's work travails or whatever the hell's going on. Sorry if I ran long. Just wanted to check back in with you.

Hope you're all doing well. Thanks again. Talk to you later. Awesome. Randy's my favorite listener.

Don't tell everybody else that, though. He has set the bar high for the rest of you guys. If you can deliver voicemails like that, we'll put you in the running. But once again, he has taken the throne. Oh, man.

Sick fucking people. Well, I mean, really? You've been listening this long and you're just figuring that out? I mean, Jesus. We are sick bastards.

You know that. Not right. Well, even today, I think he tweeted when he found out, because I told him a while ago, one of the ones I was trying to get a hold of, and he was like, you're actually going to do Wonder Women. Holy shit. And I was like, yep, we're hardcore.

That's how we roll. I thought I saw Randy get the Fiddler's Mall the other day, but then I realized he's very far away, and then it could not have possibly been Randy, which saved me the embarrassment of running up and being excited to see him. Like, oh my god, it's Randy. No, it's not Randy. He wouldn't be stalking you.

It could have been. Maybe he's stalking you. No. He's got a lot going on. I don't know if he has time to drive back and forth, but maybe he will eventually.

I'm stalking you through other people, Randy. Like one of them crazy body hopping movies. It's going to hop six times and get to you, Randy. You're in trouble. Run!

The movie Fallen. Or like six other ones that they scanned that on the first power. so oh yeah pontypool awesome uh april fool's day i still think it set the bar for that it's pissed off it pisses people like misty off and everyone else in the world but i give it credit for catching people off guard back in the 80s i. Would have been way more satisfied with that movie had those characters actually died not only just the characters but there's actually the actors that actually play those. Characters hey hey hey don't you be talking smack about biff Dead. Biff's one of the finest, well, okay, he's in one of the finest movies ever.

And actually, from what I hear, a very nice guy, even though he came off terrible in that movie. All of them can burn. No, not Biff. What movie are you talking about? April Fool's Day.

I know, but what other movie was he in? He's in Back to the Future. Yeah. And it's Biff. He's Biff.

Oh. Yeah. I can't place his face in my head, but I know the name. That's all I'm saying. I was watching.

This is random, but, you know, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters. They were my favorite movies growing up. I was fucking watching... Ghostbusters 2 at work the other day, and some asshole comes in and he's like. Oh, can you make me a fruity martini?

Ha ha ha, we put it on soccer? Rick Moranis had just come on the screen. I'm like, you fucking dick. That's where you sit there and look at him and go, uh, the remote's broken. And I can't reach the TV.

I'm too short. I have short, stubby arms. I watched Ghostbusters 1 yesterday, and I really, really, really, really, really want to watch Ghostbusters 2 now. I want to see Slumber. I'm just like, I fucking love Rick and Marianas.

Ugh! Actually, nobody thinks that's weird, but I think Dan Aykroyd was hot, and everybody gives me fun. I'm totally on board with you. She said she loves Rick and Marianas, not she thinks he's hot. No, no, no.

No, I do, though. Okay. Okay. I was going to break that down. Yeah.

Because I still, you know, I have warm feelings toward Rick Moranis. Don't think he's hot. That's a very different situation. Yesterday when I was unpacking, I came across a VHS copy of Strange Brew, and I'm like, oh, I want. To watch this.

Awesome. Strange Brew is classic. I like that TV show that Dan Aykroyd was in. Was it Holy Man? Yeah.

I think you're the only one that saw it. It came out Sunday. He was a preacher who rode a motorcycle. Oh, yeah. So, I don't know.

What do you guys think? After this, pack up all the shit and go to a grocery store? Yeah. Which grocery store? Dirty Carver.

Hmm. Dirty Carver. Value Market. Yeah. Mid-City Mall.

There's all kinds of people for me to make fun of. Why don't we just go to Walmart, then? Oh. That's, like, too much information. Much bigger space.

Yeah. Much bigger asses. They have those cars that go, you know, and beep, beep when you back up. I think our heads will explode at Walmart. There's just too many things to make fun of there.

We'll have to narrow it down. Hey, baby, look at this. That's how you sound. Come on. Every time I go to Walmart when I leave, that's how I sound.

She does. We leave Walmart and then she goes, hey, baby, what are we going to fix tonight? Don't fix for some supper. What? Yikes.

What the fuck's going on there? Stop it. Stop it. I'm afraid to go to Walmart anymore. You should be.

I'm afraid somebody's going to try to sell me a damn baby. I don't want to buy a baby from Walmart. I'd be retarded. You'd be a mentally deficient woman. It would have one arm.

It was like a couple of weeks ago. They really tried to sell you a baby. No, not me. I was watching the news at the hospital when I got my stitches and These two meth heads tried to sell their child for $ 25 at Walmart. Wow.

That's a low price. Yeah, really. I'm not going to give you $ 25. Roll back. Baby roll back.

It's eyes roll back. But the people were like, oh, you don't want to pay? Well, just take the baby. Just take the baby. My mom was like, no, I don't want to take your baby.

I would have taken the baby to Child Protective Services. But they called the cops and went to the house and found them in complete swaller. You would have taken it and dressed it in baby lederhosen. Which, by the way, I. Found a pair of lederhosen for a two-year-old.

And I was sitting there looking at it. I was like, God, who do I know that has a kid that would actually have these? Me someday when I have children. Oh, I talked my friend Jamie into going to Polka Fest with me. I'm so excited.

I was like, do you like Polka? He's like, no, but I like beer, so I'll go. When is this Polka Fest? I don't know. So you wouldn't have had to talk somebody into going.

She's excited about it. I've never seen anybody this excited about anything related to Polka whatsoever. Well, one, there is going to be beer. And polka school. This perfectly illustrates Randy's point.

It's good to know that people are somewhat entertained by our ridiculous lives and banter because there's a lot of it. And yeah, I've gotten to the point I kind of like it and I leave most of it in there because... um you can just take. A lot i mean that's to me that's the point of it it's like there's a lot of shows out there and if you don't put a little bit of your personality into it then what's. The point you know if you. Don't have misty wandering around a peddler's mall with a booby mug Which I had to do, damn it.

My stepdad went to the Peddler's Mall on Friday, but apparently he had his other daughter with him, so he didn't want to buy the boobie mug. So when he found out that I was going there, he's like, well, if you buy it for me, I'll pay you back. So I had to walk. It was a thing. Have you seen those shaped like a boobie?

Right out of the nipple. So I had to carry this thing through the entire Peddler's Mall. This is fucking awesome. Women are grabbing their children and hiding their eyes. Yeah, really.

It's like... What was it? There was still a black one there, too. Oh, I'm going. Which peddler's mom?

If I tell her, you're going to beat her to it. Fight, fight. You're going to tell me off, Mike, okay? Don't touch my black boob. So I had.

To carry this huge-ass boob. I love that you subbed from the nipple. That is excellent. Obviously. It kept poking me in the leg.

I'd say don't you hate when that happens, but no, I'm okay with that, actually. That can happen all the time. Jay wouldn't carry it for me. I had to carry it. No, no.

It's my purchase. I'm so hungry. Can we please be done? Is the boob making you hungry? It makes me really want some milk.

She's thinking of a cock mug. I was like, what can I think of that would be embarrassing enough for me to make my stepdad go pick up for me and make him carry it through his door? And Jay said I had to find a cock. I told her she got to find a cock, Mom. Nice.

I need you. To pick this up for me. Please, please. Oh, man. Sorry.

Oh, God, please. This is bachelorette party related, but if you're interested, I have some penis-shaped ice molds. Is it a penis on a straw? Yeah, it's a penis straw. There's a whole penis on a something related industry out there.

Just feeding off the bachelorette parties out there. You just have to realize that whatever you want, somewhere there's something out there that's shaped like it with a penis on it. It's the world we live in. Definitely. My friend has underwear with a penis on them.

Which is interesting, and I'm like, hmm. I have underwear with the pants. Yeah, doesn't that seem sort of redundant, isn't it? Unless it's women's underwear, and that makes no sense. It's women's underwear.

Well, that really makes no sense. It's like a thong. It's really cute, except for the dancing dick on it. Is it like instructions? Insert here?

He doesn't really have jazz hands. He does. He's like dancing. He's got a hat on. Jazz hands.

Dance it on this way. Yikes. Please, please. Let that be my next tattoo. Dancing penis.

I'm getting Corey Feldman. I'm telling you. You got a Corey Feldman tramp stamp. Give me right here. I'm telling you.

It's just his face peeking out of your pants. I'm playing this. I'm playing. You say that now. No, it's awesome for somebody else to have.

Yeah, it's awesome. But you're going to have to see it. Just remember, you're going to have to see that pitch. Until you come in the room and you start having a spastic fit. Feldman looked at me.

Feldman looked at me. Everywhere you go, he looks at you. My Corey does look at you no matter where he goes. Breathe, baby, breathe. That's why I told her not to get pain on the inside of her leg, because I.

Didn't want to look at it. Yeah, you just, like, looked over and was like, I was looking out for you. Dude, stop staring at me. God. Don't look at me.

Don't look at me. Don't you fucking look at me. I don't like your leg. You've got one hand over here, like, covering its eyes. I'll get out of the way for you.

Okay, we've got to get out the duct tape again. Hold on. So much people are in the conversation. Leave your socks on. You can never leave your socks on.

It would be really hard for us to get in a photo booth, though. We would try. We would totally try. Oh, Jesus. We're the worst.

What they have at the Chuck E. Cheese is what they have in the little car you sit in. Please. I think we'd get kicked out of Chuck E. Cheese.

Again? Yeah, again. If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked. Out of Chuck E. Cheese.

You'd have $ 37. Right? I hate that place. Those animatronic pastors scare the fuck out of me. I'm getting dizzy.

It's hunger and funny. We're all slap-happy. Obviously. I hope you're happy, Randy. Oh, Randy.

All this was for you, Randy. It's all for you, Randy. It's all for you. These are the lives you're so entertained with. That's sad for all of you.

Hey, no. Awesome. We all are. That's true. All right.

On that note. Don't be shy. Just let your feelings roll on by. Don't be shy. We'd like to hear from you.

So give us a call at 502-365-5565. Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates. That's moviemeltdown.com. And while you're there, click on the forums link and go to our message boards at Pop Syndicate.

Or go to PopSyndicate.com and go to the forum sections and look for Movie. Meltdown. I didn't get here on time for this movie, but I think I did watch more of it than the last four movies. I don't think you fell asleep. I texted a lot, but I don't think you fell asleep.

I didn't fall asleep, though. Not once. I'm proud of you. Yay for Marlena! Roger passed the torch on to me a little time ago.

He usually sleeps during this part of the night. Which I think is why he's holding on to his microphone right now. I'm just trying to hold myself up. I'm trying to hold myself together. Wrap it up.

Okay, kids, get out your decoder bins. Oh, yeah. Nobody was here to do it last week. I wanted a good one this week. Do we have to start all over again?

Sure, go ahead. Build up. Dun, dun, dun, dun. They have lost it, ladies and gentlemen. So I'll move on.

It is time for the movie meltdown secret circle reveal of the next one and a half features. I don't know. It's a little off once again, as we always are. I think your pills are like, where are you? Osmosis drugs.

That is hot. All right, the next movie we're going to watch will be a movie that I actually suggested. I didn't suggest it. I told you to watch it to see if you thought we should do it, but instead you're saying we're going to watch it. Yeah, because I don't have time to sit around and watch it when we're not watching it for the show, so screw it.

All the boys love Mandy Lane. And from what I hear, they do. So, yes. I'm not completely at all ghetto bootleg copy of it, so it ought to be okay. Completely legit.

Uh-huh. It's allowed in this country, totally. Sure. So, yeah. Next week's feature is All the Boys Love Mandy Lane.

It's exciting. She's pretty hot. But not in an annoying way. And the following week, no telling exactly what all is going to be going on. Shenanigans.

Yeah, it's going to be quite the cavalcade of comedy, I'm sure. Because once again, much like sending us to the grocery store, you're going to send us to sit there in the middle of a convention and have the dorks walk past us. It's not our fault. And they're outfits that probably will not match. Outfits.

It's not our fault. It's entrapment there. I mean, we're going to have to make comments. It's not my fault. What if I get beat up by this time?

Probably. They'll take a lot of notes. Boys, get out your pencil pocket protectors. We're going to take them out. No, it'll just be a really large woman, probably.

What did you say about me? Jody's not going to be there, is he? Probably. Jody loves you. No, he doesn't.

He was shot in a pole by my language. Jody is... He's not allowed to listen to this show, but. The guy who I had to interview at the last show. I had to interview.

Me with my complete lack of social skills. And yet you do really good interviews. I don't care what you say. But he decided I had to do the interview. Jody did.

I think because he thought I wasn't going to do it. So he's trying to scam you. So, yeah, I had to listen to his movie about remote-controlled airplanes. Nice. Yeah, in the future, as a sport.

Fighting. All over the world. He was excited about it. Fighting. Sounds pretty rowdy.

Fighting remote-controlled airplanes. So yes, we will be back at Fright Night Film Fest week after next. So we will be coming to you live via digital recording from the floor of Fright Night Film Fest. And at this point, I don't even think we're going to attempt to watch a movie that week because last time we tried to and then it never happened because we were so sidetracked on all the shenanigans. We'll just continually watch the trailer for Cockhammer.

Yeah, we'll probably be watching a lot of Cockhammer again because we sat next to Cockhammer trailer last time. Your movie is called cock hammer you need to deliver. Right really hammers that were cocks at that point it's all downhill i mean how can you i mean when you name it cock hammer where are you gonna go that's gonna top that really i don't know so yeah i did we're gonna watch something i normally not the movies that are there this entire film fest and it's sad because i usually sit at the table the whole time and never see a movie period But they are doing really cool stuff at the drive-in, so I kind of want to go see stuff at the drive-in. It's not going to have Michael Madsen ate a fry.

It might have it. He wants to come back. I don't know if he's going to. Michael Madsen? He was here last year.

And he loved the drive-in. And he loved the deep fried red velvet cakes. Maybe we'll go hang out at the drive-in with Michael Madsen. That would be awesome. That will be the following week.

Other than that, we'll round it out. I want to thank all of you guys for joining me on this epic journey that is Greedo Bloody Greedo. Even us, we only saw once. You're slackers, but thanks. No, we were at the end of the journey.

Thanks for coming in on the good one. You would have wanted my review on the other ones. I also wanted to thank Randy, who actually helped prep some of this a long time ago. Once again, it was a good week for you to call in, because I wanted to thank you anyway. He's my favorite listener, but don't tell that to every other listener.

You do know you're on the microphone right now. Anyway. Yeah, thanks to Greg for sitting in with us last week. He did a great job. He's my second favorite listener.

As far as I'm concerned, he'll be back next week or, you know, whenever. We'll see if we can make him a glutton for punishment and join us as regular as he's up for it. Does that mean I can skip out on more episodes? No, no. You have to stay here.

No. Oh, and the big final thanks goes to Maria de Aragon herself, for it was her taking the time to talk to me that inspired me to put this whole ridiculous extravaganza together. So is this really a good thing or a bad thing? Because a lot of suffering went into this. I'm thinking.

So thanks to Maria and everyone at Cool Water Productions for helping make it all possible. And once again, we'll go out. I've pieced together as much as I could on these Greedo songs. So this is a track called Greedo's Song from the Blind Pharaohs. Otherwise, that about does it.

We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Bye! Bye from Corey.

Bye. My guardian angel up and left me. The devil is knocking at my door I can't sleep at night and I can't stand to be awake Cause my baby don't live here anymore She swore that she'd be with me forever But forever came and went like a holiday She gave me no good reason and I guess that's. Just as well. Cause no reason's good enough to take her place.

I'd give everything that I've got If that ain't enough I'd get some. More I'd sell the world. Down the river just to get my baby back But all I can do is walk the floor Cause my baby don't live here. Anymore This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, featuring contact music performed by Tamara Deering. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.