Fun Size Halloween - Meltdown Horror Club

Hey, this is Danielle Harris from some of the Halloween movies, and you are listening to Movie Meltdown. What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. And I'm Phillip. And we're coming to you live via digital recording from the haunted firehouse for Halloween fun.

Happy Halloween! Happy Halloween! It's pretty exciting. It's a crisp 89 degrees out. Is it?

I meant to look at the temperature. I don't know. It's definitely... cooler than it has been but it's it's concerning you know in general that like why is it still freaking hot. Typical this part of the country yeah it's right now the current temperature on what is this october 3rd or 4th yeah october 4th It's October. We've crossed over in October.

It's officially fall. And I got 76 degrees and sunny on my phone. Last week it was still over 90 one of the days. Yeah. So, yeah, it doesn't really chill out like it used to.

But here's, you know, bullshit about living in this part of the country. I walk outside at 530 this morning. I don't know why I was outside. I don't even remember leaving the apartment. I just know I was outside.

I like wandering around in the dark. It was dark, but it was also hot out. Yeah, yeah. In October, at 5.30 in the morning, it should be chilly outside. Yeah, it's better.

That's one of the reasons I go out when it's that early. I'm like, ah, I like this comparatively. It's still freaking hot for October, but it's almost comfortable compared to what it's going to be in a few hours. I mean, I am wearing jeans for the first time in four months. I try to wear jeans at all times.

Or pants of some sort. I wear the short pants, you know. Jorts. If you like. I saw a pair the other day and I was like, yeah, they're still cranking these things out, aren't they?

Yeah. Yeah. I remember the first time I was shamed for wearing some of those. I was like, oh, maybe I guess I'm done with short pants. You know, I wore them for a long time before someone- Yeah, me too.

Bought me for wearing jorts. I didn't think about it. Specifically jorts. And then this- She was an asshole. Of course.

As long as I knew her, she was an asshole. And I'm assuming still is to this day. Thankfully, I don't see this woman anymore. But yeah, made some comment about jorts. And I was like, oh, well, I guess I'm done with shorts now.

Because that's pretty much all I had, really. Yeah. I didn't dress like a grown up. I had them for a long time, too. And now I am the first to admit I am the cargo short wearing guy.

And somebody was mocking me for having all these pockets with nothing in them. And I proved that I had at least one thing in each pocket sometimes, too. I feel like cargo shorts works okay. Cargo pants always seems silly. I haven't worn cargo pants in a very long time.

Yeah, I've had people try to defend those to me lately. And I'm like, it's fine if you want to wear them. I'm just like, it just seems like it's... Like cargo shorts is already casual because you're in shorts. So who cares?

And like, you can have giant stuff in your pockets and it's cool. But like cargo pants always seems like, well, now you look like you're wearing like khakis and you want to be fancy, but you got these big dumb looking pockets on the side. And now it's no longer, it's casual in a way that's too casual. I don't know. It's weird.

Well, I lived with a person who I used to have to do their laundry. And this person, um, I'm trying to limit the details here. It's for the best. For legal reasons. No, this person had to wear cargo pants for their job.

And like I said, I did the laundry in the house and they would never empty their pockets. So I would spend literally 20 minutes just emptying emptied and not only emptying but looking for pockets on these pants. If you have a job that's fitting like if you are in fact a ghostbuster you know they got a lot of. Stuff this person was not a ghostbuster brand. Just saying i'm giving a good example as opposed to that party but if you if you have a reason to have again you're like a soldier and you got bullets down your leg you know and like those cool.

Little uh. It's not a bandolier when it's attached to you, but if you've got those little attachments so you can like load it right into your, like a cowboy's hat on their vest and you can just load bullets right into your vest. Yeah, I don't know what that's called. Yeah, it's a cool look if you want to, you know, go out and shoot a lot of people, which I, you know, try not to do, but I said try. We all have our moments.

I said try. But yeah, that's a cool look if you have like specific things that need to go on your person and you have clothes for that. But yeah, otherwise, cargo, I don't know. Write in. Tell us what you think.

Yeah. Go to the website. There's an email on there. I understood why this person had so much crap in their pockets. What I didn't understand was why they couldn't empty their pockets before throwing everything in the laundry basket.

That's a very grown-up behavior. Does that seem like what would be fitting of this party? No, that's true. That's what I'm saying. I mean, the pants went into the hamper, Brian, with stuff in them.

That's all I'm going to say about that. I have these grown-up complaints every once in a while. Again, I behave like a 12-year-old most of my life. As do I. So it's weird to me when I'm the one, here's one, here's a regular world thing.

This is just pretending to be a grown-up talk. Why can't you just put your trash can out and then bring it back in? Isn't that the grown-up thing to do? I would think so, yeah. I mean...

I have parties where I live that just put it out there and then just leave it. I'm like, but we don't all want to drive around your garbage can in the way. Just be a grown up and take your damn trash can back like you're supposed to. I don't know. These are the kind of things as a grown up you have to deal with.

And so it's weird when I'm the one being like, come on, be a grown up, do your responsible thing. Cause I'm just like, as I'm going to go eat candy for dinner, which is not true, but most of my life has operated along those lines. Sure, sure. And on your street, too, with the trash cans, there's no way to go up and down it. There's no room.

That's why I'm like, dude, seriously, just be a responsible adult and move your damn trash. I feel like people in your area probably, I wouldn't put it past them to put trash cans in empty parking spaces that belong- To somebody who lives there. I could see that. It doesn't seem like it's that bad. No, that's good.

But you never know. Weird things go on over there in the murder lot. Speaking of spooky things. Did somebody get murdered recently? Not that I've seen, but I don't go back there either.

So there's a creepy gravelly lot that I used to make them park at when we still recorded there. So it's referred to as the murder lot. Mostly by me. I don't know that the other neighbors do because I don't talk to my neighbors. God forbid.

I... The first time I went there, I was like, this is where I get... This is where my life ends, is right here. And it hasn't yet. They won't even have a real knife.

It'll be a makeshift knife. Yeah. Yeah. Shiv gonna grab a lot somewhere. It's bound to happen eventually.

Happy Halloween! Happy Halloween! On our Halloween note, I didn't want to break too far from tradition, but at the same time, I'm also trying... to control myself as referenced in eating candy for dinner. I don't try to do those sort of things now, but I didn't want to too far break from tradition. So I found the smallest bag of candy I could come up with.

All right. But I also, these are oddly shaped like pumpkins, and I was like, I want to try Reese cups that are shaped like pumpkins, not in the way the other ones are that are flat shaped like a pumpkin. These are round shaped like a pumpkin. So... I also don't know that they didn't get melty on the way here because, as previously mentioned, it's not cool outside.

So, we can test those out, but I specifically wanted to go minimal. Oh, sure. Because I'm trying not to be able to dress like Jabba the Hutt for Halloween. I at least want to graduate up to Robba the Hutt. I mean...

I gotta keep working those abs. I mean, Jabba's cool if it's an option, but if it's your only option, it's less cool. If that's your life. Not good, but... Well, I.

Happen to have And the funny thing is, I bought these the other day, totally forgetting that today's episode was coming up. But I have the Mike and Ike Sour Spooky Treats that I have tried. And I will say, these are better than the Skittles that taste like dirt. I will, just for Halloween's sake, give these a shot. And I'm going to try the pumpkins, if you're cool with me opening these.

Definitely. But. I don't know if we need utensils if we have to George Costanza our candy because they aren't individually wrapped according to the package. Oh, these look. Oh, they smell good.

Yeah, these are not all melted together. All right. That's a bonus. And these look like. I'm going to be honest with you.

If I didn't take it out of a bag that said mini pumpkins, my first thought would not be this is a pumpkin. Yeah, it's just kind of round. Well, it's kind of round. And flat on the bottom. But in a different way than the other typical ones they do for Halloween.

It almost looks like a football with a toenail. Weird. I like the color on these. It's quite delicious. These Mike and Ikes are orange and purple and green. which are very spooky.

Yeah, the flavors for that are sour ghoulish grape, sour orange scream, and sour wicked watermelon, which it seems like they ran out of steam when they got to naming the watermelon, but they're actually not bad. Just got purple i like purple. Yeah the purple was the uh sour ghoulish grape. Yeah the watermelon's a weird mixture it's a little weird with the other two the other two kind of work together and then you're like oh and watermelon. The mini pumpkins are are decent they could use a little bit more peanut butter but uh.

That was half my reason i wanted to see that I wanted to see how they worked consistency-wise, because that becomes a thing for me with candy. Again, trying to not eat candy all the time. But one of my favorite aspects of it is like, how does it work? How does it break down as you're eating it? That's a big part of eating candy to me.

Yeah, these are pretty good. Yeah. I'm not complaining about them. I also feel like there's different levels of peanut butter with the Reese's. And they'll probably pretend like it's not.

But I feel like some of the holiday ones are like a cheaper grade of peanut butter. Like your original regular old Reese cups are like grade A, top of the line peanut butter. Yes. And then the weirder shaped ones, sometimes they're like, I don't know, just put some of this crap in there. I don't know if the weirder shaped ones, if it is a cheaper version of peanut butter or if it's an older tub of peanut butter that they get it from.

They're just recycling the old stuff. Mm-hmm. But it is, in my opinion, it is grainier. Yes. It does not have as rich of a flavor in the peanut butter.

It's not as smooth. This is somewhere in the middle. I don't know that this is 100% regular O'Reathy Cup grade A. But it's not as bad as some of the cheap ones I've had. Oh, no, no.

It's a lot better than the Christmas tree ones. I also had one in... You've worked places that probably had candy there at some point. At one point when they were supposed to be throwing out the old candy, and then some idiots that worked there, who shall remain nameless, maybe me, was like, well, what if I just take this and I can eat it? Yeah, when you're eating Reese's Cups, and these were original style Reese's Cups, but they were like well past the date, which you know the date usually lasts until like the end of time.

Pretty much. Like they're meant to last through a nuclear apocalypse. But, This was past that? Yeah. Grainy is an understatement.

Yes. It breaks down in a weird way that's not food-like anymore. Well, it almost turns into a powder in your mouth. Yeah, it's not good. So just in case you were wondering, should I eat really old candy?

No, don't. Public service announcement. Now and laters are the only candies that I have found I won't say they get better with age, but at a certain point, they get rock hard, so you can't just chew into them. It's an all-day event. Because you will lose a tooth.

Yeah, it is. But it becomes an all-day sucking candy. And, you know, Lifesavers, you can't do that with because they get all gooey after a while. It's really weird. What's the one?

Starburst. Starburst. They get old, and then they eat the paper. Like, the candy eats the paper. Yeah, they attach themselves to the paper in a way that they do not separate anymore, so you just have to also eat the paper.

But are really old now and later? I would say it's a case-by-case basis. This depends on the person you talk to. Some parties will vote for peeps, and I would say that's not a holiday, but now they make peeps for every holiday, and just year-round for regular old occasions, so. They have like 4th of July Peeps, which seems like a weird combination.

I can't decide. Full disclosure, not a Peeps fan. I thought you were not a Peeps person anyways, though. That's why I was like, I'll bring it up, but you're not going to be on board more than likely. But I can't figure out if they fall specifically into a candy category.

Because they're mostly marshmallow. It's certainly not good for you. How about that? Well, that's true. But are we considering marshmallows to be candy?

The sprinkles is candy you like. Whatever it is. It's just grade of some sort sugar, but I don't know what level of sugar, like, If you're just eating packets of sugar, does that count as candy? Wait, pixie sticks. So yes, yes it does.

Pixie sticks have added coloring. And that Coke straw, which is really what we're all looking for. Just mainlining that shit. Yep, putting my Cap'n Crunch on my sandwich and using my pixie stick as a straw. Candy talk.

That's what we're really here for in October. Candy talk. So, also, just update, I guess we should welcome our newest Horror Club member. We have a new member? As you know, we only have three members, except now I guess we have three and a half.

Oh, yeah. Because our other party cranked out a child. I'm sure she would love that I described it that way. Oh, absolutely. Actually, we'll have to get the story firsthand.

We just got a photo going, look, here's one of these kids. You got a photo? Yeah. Of the kid? You did, too.

Of the kid, though? She's holding it. I don't remember. And then there's the other one where she said he was a vampire baby. She sent one where he was sleeping, and I asked if she'd seen him turn into a bat yet.

That seems very much like me. You can't argue that. It does. It does. But, you know, I have the mind of a spider monkey, so....

Well, I'm sure he's smarter than the rest of us. So now she's in charge and then he's like second and then we're down at the bottom in this horror club. And I was going to give him a shout out by name, but I don't think she's officially announced him by name. I don't remember hearing a name. I'm just calling him Pierce Jr. until we get a different name.

So welcome little Pierce Jr. He may or may not be a vampire. We're still not sure. I mean, it's a pretty safe bet that he's a vampire. Giving parties.

See, there you go. Oh, that's definitely a vampire baby. Yeah, yeah. He's a vampire. We're pretty sure.

I can't. It's hard to tell by the way this picture is framed, but he may be hanging from the ceiling as he's sleeping. That's what I'm saying. Anyway, congratulations, Pierce and Nora. Yes.

We are glad to have, again, as I've said many times, I ain't looking for kids. But if anybody, and most people I come in contact with in the world, I tell them stop having children. But I think I even said to her, I was like, you know, if anybody is okayed by me to have kids, it's you two. Like, if anybody's actually going to be a good and responsible parent and needs to have a child, it's you guys. So I'm okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very few people in the world will say that, too. So she's a very special breed. All I know is one day this kid will be one more person I have to fight for a parking spot. But until that day, welcome to the world.

He also inherits this podcast, I assume. Of the three of us, she's the first one to have a child. I think it's safe to say only one. I mean, if I have my way and I'm assuming you have your way, and he's first born of her, so he's next in line. So, good luck, kid.

You know, that's comforting to me. Yeah, it's not on us anymore. I feel horrified for him, but comforted for us. It's not on us anymore. Somewhere down the line, you're going to have to take this over and keep this train running.

So, good luck, kid. so there you go there's our update that's why it's just the two of us sitting here in this truncated holiday special because we're down one thanks to childbirth so she says she'll be back we're hoping because we've got more horrible things planned for her to watch. So yeah and we need a smart person on this. Show yeah really I mean otherwise we just sit here and talk about candy and having to drag trash cans yeah This is why we need somebody who's responsible to be in charge of this. Sure, sure, sure. So, if we're pretending like it's a normal Horror Club episode, have you seen anything creepy lately?

I am almost finally, I know it's been years, but finally almost caught up with Stranger Things. All right. Watch season three. I actually- I just got to the mall. Last week, I watched season four.

Today I started season five. You are almost up to six or eight months ago, however long it's been now. However long, yeah. People have moved on. Little Eleven's already got six more Netflix things and projects.

Oh, does she really? Man, she is hooked up with some Netflix, let me tell you. Good for her. Outside of Godzilla, I don't know if she's ever done anything that wasn't. Everything she's done over the years has been Netflix-backed.

Yeah. And I've seen her in interviews recently. After the fifth season there, she did some interviews. And she was just... She knows where that bread is buttered, man.

She was just like, Netflix, all right. I was just like, I don't blame you, man. I will take a check. From them right now. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that was interesting. And really, it's it's a shame for her because my opinion the world now revolves around sadie sink so i hate to tell you she's gonna take over oh pretty much yeah i'm all for it she seems awesome so anything she wants to be in even if she's an ex-woman they never really upgraded that they're still x-men after all these years That's true. Even though half of them are women, so it's really weird. Yeah, what do you do? Because, I mean, X-Men, well, yeah, but there's also women and then X-Women, but you've still got the X-Fellas and X-People.

X-People just sounds dorky. It just hits the ear holes weird. Yeah, yeah. But she was good in that movie. Sure.

I'm looking forward to where they go with that one. Yeah. Not so. On the creepy end, what do you think of, we'll say four first. What did you think of season four?

Season four I really liked. Was really, really bummed out when they killed one of the new characters that they introduced for that season. Let me guess. gas the one that everybody loved and whined about when they killed them which I was just like I understand I feel that way too also because it was a pointless way to kill them just like oh cause it's gonna look cool that's reason enough to kill off the character that everybody likes cause it'll be an album cover moment yeah I mean that's pretty much what it was dude that looks bitchin oh wait he's dead that was stupid so yeah why did you need to do that other than it looked cool for a minute whatever Yeah. That was one that I wondered if they were going to cave.

Because each season, they've brought in this new lovable character and then killed them off very quickly. It happened every time, I feel like. Yeah, even... I mean, third one, they also brought in a villain-type character and killed them off. But definitely one and two, there was a big fan favorite that they killed off halfway into the run.

When they killed off Mikey from Goonies, I was. That was season two, yeah. I was upset. I was like, Barb. Barb was the big sacrifice season one.

Everybody loved Barb. And then we got Mikey. And then I'm trying to think. I mean, they killed the brother off by season three. Spoilers for...

I don't know who hasn't seen freaking Stranger Things at this point. They killed. Was his name Billy? Well, the brother, yeah. Yeah, but he was creepy.

That's what I'm saying. He was the villain of that season, kind of. But by the end, you were like, oh, well, I still... I mean, he's a racist asshole, but I still kind of feel he also was that way because of his horrible upbringing. So it's not totally his fault, but he still sucked.

So you felt a little bad for at least Sadie because she still cared about her brother. Yeah. Even though he sucked. Well, and I thought they were going to kill her off, too. And I was not going to.

Well, they play that card for two seasons. Well, I know, but I'm just saying at the end of season four, I thought that they were going to. She was gone and I was not going to be happy about that. Don't worry, that will continue. Oh, I know.

I'm dealing with the. I mean, at least they give her something to do in this season, but she's still in a coma, and yet they give her something to do. And then we get a whole new character that kind of takes over the show, but I'm not complaining. Because they're cool, too. I haven't gotten that far yet, so.

You probably have. The extra little sister. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's like a big focus of this season now, so it's weird that she... Just like she was there before, but you didn't pay any attention to her as a character.

And now it's just like, oh no, we've graduated. These people are all in their 40s now. Pretend like it's still the same month and they're all in high school. But realistically, all these people are old. So we're going to bring up this new kid.

The new kid. That's what's funny about season four is it all takes place while they're on spring break. Exactly. So it's all in about the span of a week's time. Even though they're all pushing 30 now.

Uh-huh. It's like these high school kids are all pushing 30. This has been going on for a decade. There was one person that they showed a close-up on, and I think they're supposed to be 17 or 18. And I'm like, that person is clearly in her early 30s.

Looks great for early 30s, but... They all do. But you're not children anymore. Let's... But to be fair, though, I remember...

You know, because those... The older kids in that series are in high school about the same time my aunt, who's seven years older than me, would have been in high school. And I remember at that time thinking those people looked like... Grownups. They looked more like grownups than when I finally made it to that age.

Plus, this is just a tradition of television. Oh, sure, that too. Everybody looked like they were in their mid-30s on 90210, even though it was supposed to be high school, so... That's always kind of how TV works. Yeah.

Even happy days. Like, Richie was not a teenager. He'd been making freaking Roger Corman movies for the last decade before that. So he wasn't really a teenager. Well, and Fonzie, I mean, I don't know how old he's supposed to be in the show, but he's clearly way older than.

Well, it's one of those, like, shouldn't we all be weirded out? This old dude's just kind of hanging out with a bunch of high school kids. Granted, once again, I operate like I'm at best in high school, but I still don't hang out with those kids. I feel like I operate in that summer between 8th and 9th grade, you know? I do reference usually, I'm like, maybe 12, you know?

Yeah. But then, like, I got to the point I could drive so I could go places. I still do that. So somewhere between 12 and 16, you know, seems about right for my mentality. Yeah.

And the way I operate on my day-to-day life. Yeah. Anyway. Which comes in handy for the movie we'll be talking about later. Most definitely.

Was that all you had seen? That's all I remember seeing. I think I watched something else, but I couldn't tell you what. I've had a long week. Well, I saw one recently, and I once again am just now catching up, but it's not my fault because they kept putting it on.

First of all, they didn't. It was only available to rent at home when it left the theaters, which I didn't get to in theaters. Sure. And then they kept putting it on streaming services I didn't have. Which was annoying.

So it just now finally hit. And then by the time I saw it, they were like, leaving soon. I'm like, bastards, they just showed up. So I finally watched The Substance. Ooh.

Have you seen The Substance? Yes, I have seen The Substance. Yeah. I mean, I knew. That's a journey of a movie.

I knew to some extent, like at least what I was getting myself into, which is, Like, for people that went there and were shocked by it, I'm like, really? Like, pay attention. Like, duh. That's the whole point of this movie. But I did not know how weird it was going to be in the process.

Like, I expected gross at least to a good amount. But it is all kinds of body horror. And then on top of that, it's just weird. Like, just the concepts that come into play. I'm like, it's just a weird movie.

It's an odd movie when you really stop to think about what, The character or characters, however you want to define it. Kind of the same, but not really. Yeah. Whatever they're going through is weird. And then the last 15 minutes just takes a left turn.

I'd say more than 15 minutes. Well, yeah, it did go on fairly long. 20 to 25. I was like, how many? It's like 11 endings.

I keep thinking, all right, we're there. What a weird way to go out. Nope, still more. Okay. But now, I mean, we're wrapping up. geez, how long is this?

I mean, I get it. It's on purpose. It's not like it's bad filmmaking. It's meant to be. No, it never gets bad.

It just gets so bizarre. It's very long. And it's like Japanese level bizarre. Insanity. Yeah.

The thing that I thought was really interesting was also just how popular it got. Like it was mainstream popular. And then I watched it and was like, this is really weird for something that got like, I mean, to the point of getting like Oscar nominations level of mainstream popular. I was just like, that's not normally how this kind of crazy nonsense works. Like there's plenty of movies like this out there, but it's usually just weirdos like us that are sitting around talking about them.

But the fact that this was like super high level, like in the spotlight showbiz. And I was just like, No, I mean, I get it. It's top tier, A game, big budget movie, but at the same time, it is a weird movie. It's a weird, weird movie. I recommend it to anybody with a strong stomach as far as gore goes, because it It's weird.

It's gross. 15 minutes into it, it gets gross. And just, and just when you think that's going to level off it. And I, yeah, it's one of those, like, I knew that much of it. So like, I didn't have any problem with it.

Yeah. I was just surprised that it kept, like, it just didn't, I assume we were going there and then it would move on with the plot. But I'm like, That's just the plot. It just continues on with the grossness for the next two hours. Cause it's a long movie.

It is a long movie. And yeah, it is just, it is a lot of weirdness and a lot of gross things going on, which again, I'm all good with that. But I will say, I want to ask when, when we lure her back out of baby dumb, I want to see if Nora has seen it and what her opinion on not just this. Cause I I'm okay with how I feel about this. But I was just like, who is this director?

And then I realized it's the same director who did Revenge, which I don't know if you saw that one. Yeah, I can't remember. I watched it. it because I heard such good things about it. And I felt creepy about Revenge because it felt like it was almost exploitative to the female character. And then I saw it was directed by a woman.

And I was just like, wait, what? It didn't feel right. Right. and this is the same director. And I'm like, okay, now it feels like it works. Like this is meant, like, I feel like what's going on in this movie is satire first and foremost.

And it's like on an extra level, like it's dialed to 11 on purpose in the way that it's sexualizing specifically the younger version, because that's the point because that's the joke. That's the, the level of like satire is like, everything is about this girl's looks. Like everything is, that she is like top tiered, the hottest thing in the world right now. And like, so we're going to play with that. We're going to use the camera as a way to look at her in a creepy way.

And that's the point of what I'm doing, which is fine in this ridiculous, silly over the top satire. Right. The other one's just like a revenge movie. That's like, again, she's like sexually assaulted. Like it's horrifying what's going on in the first half of this movie.

And then she gets revenge by the title of the movie. But they, I don't know, like it still felt like a creepy tone in that first movie. So I want to see if you're not a dude, like so specifically I go to Nora, I respect her opinion and she's a woman. So I kind of want to know what her take is. She, if she's seen Revenge and, And then if she's seen Substance, how to compare and contrast.

Well, I watched The Substance with a woman. I mean, it was her. I had no idea. And I saw Demi Moore in the description. Who is amazing.

Absolutely. They both are amazing. Oh, my God. They were both incredible. And, you know, what's funny is it tells you a lot.

Because I'm sure every actress in Hollywood... could relate to that, you know, to the aging out thing. And then especially when you have a, uh, a person who is, is frankly, Demi Moore is just gorgeous in this movie, you know, but she's treated like crap because she's getting older, you know, that's a setup, but yeah, no, I watched it with a woman. She suggested it. She was like, yeah, right away was picked up on, you know, all the life. Yeah.

This is how it works. It's just, like, extra intensified when you're in the media spotlight. Yeah. But, you know, otherwise, this is still how it works for every woman out there. Like, guys get old and lame, but, you know, guys are already kind of lame, so, like, nobody cares.

Right. Occasionally, there's, like, a hot dude out there, and he might have a little extra, but still not even close to, like, women in general. Right. Dealing with this bullshit that goes on. Right.

So, yeah, it was definitely interesting. It was very interesting. Yeah. I liked, again, I liked the filmmaking, the performances. And again, even the end, it's overlong, but it's doing it on purpose.

Like it's making a point. Like that is the, like the overkill of it is the point I feel like. So I was kind of artistically okay with it. I get why I still would be okay if it was a little shorter runtime, but I understand why that end goes on like it does. definitely interesting it's yeah and full-on again like i knew some extent of the body horror but like yeah if you want body horror it is so much body horror like yeah it is finding new ways to be body horror i was like yeah yeah i've seen a lot of body horror and this is definitely a whole new entry here i would um. I would definitely put this up with cronenberg level.

Of it's very Very having just in the last couple of years, watched Videodrome and loving it. Well, man, in the worst part. I mean, it's so weird and it's so messed up. And I'm like, that's why it's amazing. Even the fly, which is probably one of his. less grotesque movies has some pretty intense.

It's definitely the most like acceptable mainstream of his, of that era of his movie. Again, later he got respectable and he was on the Oscars, you know, it's like he, he got to be a full fledged film director for regular people, not just weirdos like us. So, but yeah, the fly, I mean, in the moment where her character ear falls off, I was just like, all right, there's your little shout out. Like that is definitely a, a brundle fly moment. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a, It's a fun moment when his ear falls off. Yeah. But I was impressed with it.

Oh, yeah. It's massively well made. It's a fine movie. I mean, the only time I got, the only time I was like, why am I still watching this, was in that last segment that just goes on and on and just gets so weird. Yes.

Yes, it does. Yeah. And it's not that I'm not trying to give anything away. I just don't know how to describe that ending. Well, I mean, again, there's so many.

It's different aspects of it, too. Because I kept thinking, and this is where, okay, this would work as its own ending. And then it becomes a different thing. And I'm like, okay, well, this would also work as an ending. And then eventually it sort of bookends the opening scene.

And that's the part I was just like, all right, well... I would hope this is where it ends because now it at least makes sense to counterbalance the opening. So yeah, it was, it was impressive in its own weird artistic way. Oh yeah. Yeah.

All right. Any other fun activities before we roll into the movie? I think that's all I got for now. All right. It's time for Sofa Theater.

Ugh, Halloween. All the lame-o's come to school in costumes. Watch it. Like they have bat signal. Aaron Riley is crazy hot.

You got the invite to his party tonight, right? I noticed you and I are listed in the top 200. I think it's alphabetical. Oh, my God. He's coming over.

You're coming to the party, right? We will definitely be there. It's all falling into place. Invited to Aaron Riley's party. Costume figured out.

As for April? I'm betting sexy kitty. Which just leaves my little brother. Albert! Gross.

Whatever. For once, he's not my problem. Oh no, I forgot to tell you. You're gonna watch Albert tonight. No.

Mom, the party. Don't do this to me. I love you. Thank you. You're welcome.

This sucks. I can't believe we're missing the party. It's Erin. A smiley face emoticon? That seals the deal, Ren.

That is how love works. Where's Albert? Albert! Albert! Albert!

My mom is gonna kill me. What's up, Spidey? You just chilling out here by yourself? You don't have any friends or anything? I'll tell you what.

I need a man for a mission to avenge one broken heart. Are you in? Take your time. Bam! If we don't find your brother soon, we're gonna miss the party.

Oh, nerd alert. Hey, guys, we need a car. The thing is, I can't drive with anyone outside my immediate social circles. But we're friends. Uh.

Should go. Prostitution. I know a place we can ask 200 people if they've seen us. I don't really get all the hype about Aaron. Well, A, he's gorgeous.

And B, please refer to A. I'm actually a worse parent than my mom. Come on. How much trouble could he get into? You might want to put your mask on.

You're about to be an accessory to a major crime. It's my duty to tell you you are one step away from total social suicide. Trick or treat, bitch! Please, we have a situation involving a musket and a drumstick. I have this.

I did not have it. This Halloween Truncated Horror Club Sofa Theater feature is fun size. The year is 2012. The director is Josh Schwartz, and the plot, according to IMDb, Rin's Halloween plans go awry when she's made to babysit her brother, who disappears in a sea of trick-or-treaters. With her best friend and two nerds at her side, she needs to find her brother before her mom finds out he's missing.

Spoiler alert! That's pretty accurate, because there's not much else going on in this movie. So, yes. Full spoilers for a movie that you probably wouldn't have bothered to watch because only a child would pick this movie. And, oh, wait, I came up with this idea.

Yeah. So in my usual maybe around 12-year-old mind, I was like, yeah, yeah, I think we should talk about this. Because it wouldn't come up in a normal Halloween year because Nora would be there and she'd want to watch like a real horror movie probably and not this child nonsense. And I was like, well, we're already doing silly stuff this last run of the last half of the year here. So this is a very silly movie.

When you recommended or assigned or however it works. I just came up with this dumb idea. Yeah, well, when you... you said, let's watch this movie. I said, fine. I've, I've never heard of this movie.

I know nothing about it. I was kind of surprised by that. And then as soon as it started and the whole, um, when the Nickelodeon logo popped up, I. Was like, Oh, now I know. And, and just some clarification.

Um, And I don't say this is a bad way. I just know that Brian, myself included, but Brian is the sort of person that has continued to watch Nickelodeon far after most people considered it acceptable. Yeah, I will say it's weird that I will have a tie in for that avenue, but I wasn't. When it came to the sitcoms that they started cranking things out, I was way less Nickelodeon. Sure.

I saw a lot more of those Disney Channel shows than a normal human being, certainly an adult without children, should have seen. So, yeah, I've seen a lot of those, especially that era. Whatever they're making now, I don't see because now everything's streaming and I don't like purposely put anything on streaming. When it was literally a channel, it was just on a lot because I'd have TV on in the background all the damn time. And yeah, I just saw a lot of those shows.

Whereas now that you have to like seek them out and do it, I don't really do that anymore. And I'm not knocking it. I am saying as a youngish adult with his own place, I would specifically drive over to your house to watch certain shows that were on Nickelodeon. Because we're children. Because we are children.

We are children. It's fine. So that was the thing. I remember when this trailer came out back in the day, back in the 2012 day, and I remember seeing the ads on TV. I don't even think I saw...

Again, I wasn't going to the theater in front of which they would have been playing that trailer. So I probably only saw TV ads. And I just remember going... the hell is this? I just remember in the trailer, they played the humping chicken scene. And I was just like, what kind of kids movie is this?

And that will be the theme of this episode. Sure. So that was why the more I thought about it, because I just watched it like a couple of years ago. I didn't see it when it first came out. I didn't watch it in years after when it probably came on cable.

And I just ran across a copy of it and went, I wanted to see this mostly for Jane Levy. Let's check this out. And I finally watched it a couple years ago and went, what kind of a kid's movie is this? For a PG-13 rated movie distributed by Nickelodeon, it is awfully bawdy. It is.

Well, it's just weird the choices it makes. Yeah. That's why, I mean, in addition to it being very Halloween themed, so it was fitting for our ongoing series of Halloween movies during October. But I thought if nothing else, that aspect, like if it were just a dumb kids movie, I don't think there'd be that much to talk about. But the fact that it's this weird, can't decide who it's for movie.

I'm like, there'll be a lot of that to discuss if nothing else. So that's mostly why I was like, that's what we should watch this month. We should watch fun size. So yeah, I'd say we just kind of can address all of these things as we go. So, Weird tone, I'm just going to say.

Do we want to address the, mostly it's just the, well, no, that's not true. There's a lot of weird casting in this. Yeah. There's a lot of recognizable names. Yeah.

And very 2012. Very 2012. In the moment of, oh, look who it is in 2012. Huh. I forgot about them.

Two in particular stand out. I mean, there were several that it was like, oh, it's good to see this person. But there were two that I was like, I was not expecting to see them in a PG-13 Nickelodeon movie. A phrase I'm probably going to be saying a lot today. Well, and that's, as I said, if I would reference a show, I get to make, I don't normally have an excuse to talk about Victoria Justice.

So this is my chance to make the comment that I make anytime I think about her show, which is probably more than a normal human, but still not that often because I didn't love it. but I saw a lot of episodes of victorious, which was her Nickelodeon show and how she got this movie. Which one was that? Was it the, and that's the, that's the, the artisty kids show. Oh, and that's the one that this is why I think is so funny. And, and so weird of her as an actress that you're going to build this movie around because she is definitely the lead of this movie.

Even though to me, Jane Levy is definitely more of a, an, interesting actress to watch yeah and will like you could feel she's already above and beyond this movie like i feel like i feel like she signed the contract before everything kicked in because she's already on suburgatory at this point so like she really i'm like she had a network show already she didn't need to be doing nickelodeon crap but i'm sure once again she made the deal a while ago and like was just like oh okay whatever but So it's weird that they build it around their star, I'm using air quotes, Victoria Justice, because the whole point of that show, and once again, that show was also built around her. It has her name in the title.

It's Victorious. So it's just like weird that they put all their eggs in this Victoria Justice basket because... She's just so bland. She's just not a leading... Or maybe she's a leading character in the way that most leading characters in sitcoms are the most boring one.

Jerry's the most boring character of the four of them. It's like you watch... Everybody Loves Raymond, which I hadn't watched much of, but now it's on repeat all the time, and I keep seeing episodes, and I'm going, well, the parents are way more entertaining. His brother's more entertaining. Like, even his wife's more entertaining.

I'm like, so again, I guess you put the most boring person there to build the interesting stories around, because then you're not distracted by them doing anything distracting, because they're just kind of like, meh, here they are. That is Victoria Justice. But her character was so... Strange in this movie because she looked like the cool kid. But she didn't act like the cool kid.

But she had the cool kid friends. Kind of, but not really. But the coolest kid in school invited her to his party. Again, this is why, and this is what I think is so weird. I'll get back to her show in a minute because it makes this point.

But I think that's how she got the show. That's how she got the movie. On paper, she should be the biggest star in the world. Sure. She is. aesthetically it makes sense.

Look at her. Okay. I get it. She's like competent as an actress. She like everything about her seems like you should be the biggest star in the world.

And yet somehow it just falls flat. And I don't, I, again, I think it's just like, there's just not a spark to her that like even one step over in the cast and Jane Levy has. And like you watch suburgatory and it's like a million times more entertaining than because it's built around her. And it's like, it's just whether you have that, that charisma. And I'm like, no offense to Victoria, but I'm like, she just doesn't have it.

But the thing that I think is so funny about her show that they built around her and the whole thing is about being like, essentially it's all forms of artists. It's just like an artisty kind of a school for showbiz kids. Gotcha. And they all kind of have a different thing that they're into. So that again, as a generic sitcom, everybody has their thing in quotes. but they're still mostly music oriented.

Yeah. And so it's all kids who want to be like big music stars one day. So it's so funny to watch the show now because you're like, it's a classroom and unusual classroom sitcoms. There's like eight people in the class, right? No class I ever was in was like this, but all right, whatever this classroom of eight people.

And it's right in the center. Here's Victoria justice. Who's going to be a music superstar, right? Look over to desk. It's Ariana Grande for fuck's sakes.

I'm like, you built your show around Victoria Justice when sitting right there is Ariana Grande, who is now one of the biggest stars in the world. Nickelodeon, you dropped the ball. I'm just saying. But even then, it's even funnier these last couple of years because you branch out in that room. I didn't really know by name, but Leon Thomas...

Is one of the other kids in the room. He's gone on to be a big producer, but he's also been a music artist every step of the way. In the last couple of years, he's gotten a couple of Grammys. Wow. So he is now.

So in that room, there are two Grammy winners, neither of which is Victoria. Jeez. So I was like, you built your show around being a music superstar around this one girl. But meanwhile, you've got this whole room full of people that go on to be music superstars. Oh, that's Leon.

Yeah. He's been in a ton of stuff. He actually seems pretty cool. I don't love that song. He just won a...

I just got sick of it. He just won a Grammy for it, I think, or that album that it came off of. But I was just like, I saw him win. I was like, good for you, man. Way to come out of that show.

And once again, just kind of stick it to Victoria Justice. Sure. Because he... Elizabeth Gills is in there. I mean, hell, even she went on to make a Christmas album with Seth MacFarlane.

Figure that out, by the way. That's a lot of words that I have to put together. I don't understand any of that. Even when I saw the album come out, like, I know... He wants to be a crooner.

He still thinks he's Frank Sinatra Jr. I don't understand why exactly, but he still wants to do that. But how she ended up with him on this album, I don't know. So once again, someone else sitting in that same classroom has gone on to do more music stardom than Victoria Justice. It's so funny because he is, on the one hand, he is that whole Rat Pack swinging era, and also a huge fan of Kiss.

Also, a big Star Trek nerd. And a big Star Trek nerd. All of those things are way cooler than being the offensive family guy comedy. I lost so much respect for him when he was putting out some of the garbage. Don't get me wrong.

There's moments in Family Guy that are very funny, amusing somewhat here and there. It's still so lowest common denominator on its comedy a lot of the time. And it just says things just to be offensive. And I'm like, that gets old real fast, dude. So like he has so much better in him.

And I don't think I realized it until he did his own knockoff Star Trek show. And I was just like, which is pretty kick. This is actually a really well written show. And like, you're not even bad in it. I just can't take you seriously.

Cause I know you're Seth MacFarlane. So nothing comes serious coming out of your mouth. Like it seems weird casting you in this. But, like, as the showrunner writer that he was, I'm like, this is a solid sci-fi show. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was, like, pushing the envelope, like, doing plot lines, and I'm like, Star Trek wouldn't touch. And this is way more interesting than some of the stuff they were doing. So, like, again, he's an interesting guy, but how Elizabeth got hooked up with him, I don't know. And why she became a bigger star than Victoria Justice, well, you make up your own mind, but... So that was my minor slamming of Victoria justice.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I just think it's funny that once again, they just much like the show, they just built this movie around her. Like she's the biggest thing in the world. Right. Again, looking at the poster or the box when it came out, I'm like, it's just this huge shot of her. And Jane's like way in the back is a little minor care.

I was just like, really? I was like, whatever, man, whatever. Like, Well, you were all excited about Jane Levy being in it, and so I thought it was going to be her movie until I sat down to watch it. I mean, even as I went back to watch it, like I said, a couple of years ago, and this is the first time I've seen it since then, I still remembered her being more of it. Yeah.

I mean, and also, she's kind of an asshole friend the whole movie. She really is. By the very end, she's like, oops, sorry about that. Like, that, I guess, is supposed to make up for the fact that she's just a terrible friend the whole rest of the movie. But I think that's the formula for when you've got the kids that are trying to become part of the cool group.

One of them has to be an asshole to, like. forego all the stuff that they do normally just so they can become, you know, the popular kids. And Victoria is such a goody goody. Like you have to have, like, it's going to be the most boring thing in the world. If Jane's also nice. So I'm like, she has to counterbalance her being like the most square person that's ever lived.

So yeah, thankfully her little brother is super cool. A little brother kicks ass. I was a bit shocked. Uh, the first time we see him, Which is a shot of him sitting naked on the toilet. Which is really a weird thing to work into any movie, let alone this movie.

But I was just like, yeah, I mean, that didn't need to be our introduction to him. But here we are. Here we are. Here we are. And, you know, I mean, people sit naked on the toilet all the time.

I myself have done it at least twice. So... What the hell is that kid's name? Um... in the movie or in real life. Oh it's Jackson that's right Jackson Nicole I don't know how you pronounce this it's N-I-C-O-L-L but Jackson is how we will refer to him because I just talked about him a lot earlier this year for his other movie this is a spiritual prequel to Bad Grandpa Have you seen Bad Grandpa?

No, but I know what you're talking about. But yeah, you know what it is. The reason Bad Grandpa exists is because of this movie. It's because the whole end of the movie is Johnny Knoxville trying to kidnap this kid. And I.

That's one of my two surprise guest stars. My theory when I was discussing Bad Grandpa is how they were so endeared to each other is the kid went up and hit him in the nuts. And that's... If anything is going to endear you to Johnny Knoxville. That's the move.

It's kidding. Yeah, I mean. So... That, that is all it took. And Johnny Oxville's like, I like this kid.

Let's go make a movie together, kid. So they did. And it's, it's as entertaining as any jackass nonsense is. Oh, sure. Yeah.

I enjoyed it as much as I like all of the jackass things, which is a weird sliding scale for me. It's like, I get it. Yeah. But it also gets old too. I don't know.

I'm more interested in the real world of it sometimes of like, especially that movie of like trying to figure out how did you, plan this where you didn't get shot or somebody didn't murder you in the pretend of this bullshit. Like, yeah, it's, It's an interesting movie as well. I remember the trailer for it thinking that exact same thing. Yeah, because I hadn't seen it until this recent watch, and I was just like, what is this? Like, this is a weird...

Because it's basically Jackass, but with a plot. Yeah. It strings together, but they're still just like broken up little bits. Like, you could watch those, and they stand completely on their own. It's just then they put a through line of him and the kid on this road trip.

But I mean, it's shot with like unsuspecting. the rest of the time, most of the people, there's a handful of plants along the way that are the, well, again, you don't even see most of them, I think. But every once in a while, I think we figured out that there were a few sort of in there to keep things going when need be. But for the most part, most of the people that he deals with have no idea what the hell is going on. That is a bold move. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially for the level of, The shenanigans that those guys get into. They always get into, yeah. Well, still are. I mean, they just put out a new movie.

Yeah. And one of them, well, actually, several of them already are dead, but I don't think they're going to be happy until one of them dies on camera as they're launching him out of a port-a-potty or whatever stupid thing they're about to do. You know, the fact that there's, and not to get a whole deranged with Jackass, but the fact that there are bits where Steve-O has been like, no. I'm not doing that. That's too dangerous.

When you make Steve-O say no, you're in trouble. It says a lot about your life, Johnny. So yes, there's your big reveal of Johnny Knoxville. I will say that kid in this movie totally kicked ass. And at first I thought, okay, it's going to be the dorky little brother.

And no, this kid is... And he inspired me for my next Halloween costume, which is One-armed Spider-Man with a pumpkin stuck on my head. Spider-Man with his arm ripped off is genius, I will say. I was just like, yeah, I kind of forgot about that part until I got back into this. I was like, oh yeah, that is an epic costume.

Gotta say, I like that. He is good. This is like the one-two punch of his career. Because as we dug into that movie, I was like, dude, I think that's it. I think he... he like grew up and went fishing, which is a weird part in that movie.

He wanted to be like, let's go fishing. Like he kept talking about it in the, in the grandpa movie. And then like the only thing we had to go on was like finding him on Instagram and it's all pictures of him catching fish. Like he literally grew up and just like went to go hang out on a boat. And like, it's just him holding fish.

And then by the end of it, I think he actually got married. Cause he's like a grownup now. And it's disturbing that he's a grownup, but like, Cause he still seems like that dorky weird kid, but like now he's old enough to get married and. I mean, good for him if that's how he wanted his life to go. Catching fish and getting married.

I guess those are good things to happen if that's what you're looking for. But yeah, he's like surprisingly entertaining in this movie. And especially since it's mostly a wordless performance, he is, he's just pantomime child for most of the movie. Like. Which is also, I mean, this is a movie of cliches taped together.

Like, it's not the most inventive of plots, but that is like the most, oh, it's the little kid who doesn't say a thing until the end of the movie. It's the tiny Tim and Scrooge. It's like, it's the same thing it's always going to be. Like, they go around and don't say anything until some poignant moment at the end of the movie. According to Wikipedia, since 2017, or 2017, however we're supposed to say it, I don't give a fuck.

Anyway. Since then, he has retired from acting and spends most of his time chronicling his fishing excursions. Yep. He is a full-time captain for Algaron. Deep Sea Fishing and Whale Watching.

There you go. Good for him. That's pretty awesome. That kid made his dreams come true. Wow, he made...

Jesus Christ. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten movies. 11 well okay one of those was a short film so we'll say nine movies 10 if you count uh bad grandpa 0.5. Which actually he's barely in i know because i also watched that in preparation i did way more preparation than any human being needs to do for bad grandpa by the way But I also watched The 0.5, which is an entire another feature length movie of just other things they shot. And most of them, the kid isn't even in because it's stuff that like most of the horrifying stuff they kept him away from, really.

Well, that's not that I give much credit to that crew, but like it's a lot more of of it's Johnny and the director, Spike Jonze. Yeah. I forget how Spike Jones is like knee deep in the jackass world. Like he's half the reason that whole crew came together. So yeah, the episode, the episodes in that don't have the through line of a story.

It's just like, here's another hour and a half of more crap that we shot. And half of it is Spike Jones in weird old lady makeup as a counterbalance to Johnny and old man makeup. And it's inappropriate. Things are going on. So fair warning.

It's, It's even more disturbing than Bad Grandpa. Wow. If that's what you're looking for. So, yeah. Thomas Middleditch, though.

I was glad to see that. Which one was that? Fuzzy. Fuzzy? Oh, man.

Fuzzy's pretty entertaining. I feel like Fuzzy could be his own version of this movie. He kind of is. I mean, it's a separate storyline going on, but you could have just given him his own Halloween movie, and I would have been fine with that. Fuzzy...

The character Fuzzy was great... about saying out loud questions i had in my head like right when i started to think him he would address them as a character like i'm not luring kids to my car when he's clearly leering a child into his car. My favorite is the reason he thinks the little kid is cool he's just he's so like starstruck by this kid that's super awesome at mario kart yeah well And was just, like, literally kept going on about it. He's just like, hey, man, next time I see you there, I'll spot you some quarters, like, because you're, like, you know, you're a superstar. He's just like, man, he is really, like, enamored with this child. And back to your point earlier, is sugar candy.

I mean, he does give them sugar packets. He just gives them packets of sugar. He's mainlining it. That's how you do it, man. Yeah, Fuzzy was awesome.

Fuzzy is pretty good. I didn't think I'd like him at first, but. Again, he has the most entertaining plot, really. Yeah. Because he gets into more ridiculous things as we go.

And, like, the other one is just the looking for my brother. And, like, once you've set that up, it's just, like, they barely wander around. They just kind of. Well, and with Fuzzy's plot line, I mean, let's be honest. Who has not tried.

Who. Amongst us has not attempted to get revenge on an ex-girlfriend only to... Get the neighbor next door by mistake. I mean, we've all done it. Come on.

Come on. We've all done it. We've done it. Right. I also, again, minor tie in there, but the three kids doing the same thing.

The kids. Tonight we're out for revenge. You know, she's like, she broke my heart, man. It's just like, it was a great moment. And that's, what's weird about this movie because there's so much of it.

That's like uneven. Yeah. Like, it's like, there's moments of genius in there that I'm like that. was great like that like she broke my heart man and i was just like holy shit that is so like a great little moment and then there's other parts of it that are just the most routine made by nickelodeon no effort paint by numbers genericness teen comedy and then there's other stuff that i was like this has flair here and there like it's moments of genius and i'm like that makes it worth watching but like. I forgot about the the other kids who were out doing that because they're Thinking back on it now, it's like they almost wasted those characters, because I think you see them twice, and that's it. I think that's my bigger question.

As I got to the end of this, and I was like, this is not a great movie, but there's great stuff in it. There's great stuff in it. And I'm like, that's why I was trying to decide, what is it? Because there's many other movies that are kind of this scenario. There were things in this movie that I would compare... uh, to super bad.

Well, I was like, when did that come out? Well, I was like, can't hardly wait. Yeah. I was like this cause I was like, it's such a huge cast and we spend almost too much time on too many characters. I was like, I feel like that's half the problem is our two main leads.

Like we don't really know much about like one's boring. The other one complains a lot. And like, that's pretty much all we get out of them. And then there's a, wrap up at the end. And like, we, we have so little character development in any of the four of them, but even our two main leads, we don't really have much from.

So I was like, is it just, we spend too much time with all these, we had so many cameos that like we had to make sure to work in all these other people that we never spend time with our main core characters. And so we don't care about people that much, but I was like, But Can't Hardly Wait kind of works. And there's a lot of actors in that movie. There's a lot of people in that movie. So I'm like, why does that one work?

Or Superbad, at least that's kind of four once again. But you feel like you get to know those four by the end of it. I don't know. I've spent so much time trying to decide what it is that's off about this. And some of it, I think, is, again, just the unevenness of the weird references and tone that also kind of comes into play.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I just kept thinking of other movies that had like a big cast that I'm like, sometimes it works. So why is this one off? I don't know.

But I do feel like that's part of the problem. Yeah. We still like... They're more than cameos sometimes, so we spend too much time with them. But then there's other ones that I like seeing them, so I'm like, well, I don't want to say cut them out of the movie.

Right. So I'm like, I don't know what to do with it as a plot. It's weird. I mean, you really... We'll talk about my first surprise in this movie was Chelsea Handler, who I think was fantastic in this movie.

But I almost feel like we could have, and we don't get much, but I think they could have cut out even more of her story at being her bullshit party. See, I don't love her in general. Like, no offense. I don't know that much about her. I've seen Hit and Miss, and I'm always like, eh, whatever.

I kind of get what she's putting out there as a comic and I'm like, yeah, she's fine, whatever. But I don't seek her out normally. I will say like the most interesting thing was the her and the parents scene, which is probably the one you would cut out. But I was like, that's the most interesting thing that comes about with her. Her just hooking up with a 20 something guy is like, what is, why do we care about, I don't know.

But again, it's the closest thing we have to character development there. It's her like coming to terms with the fact that yes, she's just doing this because she's horribly depressed and misses her husband. It's as close as we get to character development there. I don't know. Those were funny scenes with her.

It was her with the parents of like, tea? Would you like some tea? I would like some tea. The dad's like, yeah, our son's an idiot. Yeah, he's an idiot.

No, they're not wrong. Our kid's an idiot. I don't know. There's just so many weird I'm surprised we crossed the line moments in this. Yeah.

But also stuff that just only works if you're, as previously mentioned, 12 year olds. So being a 12 year old, I'm like, she nared her butt. Like that only works if you're 12. Like if you're writing this for actual teenagers, they're just like, what the, what, what is this plot? Like it only works if you're a dumb kid that thinks it's funny.

Cause she said, but like, And then the cat- But that was a whole- It's a whole thing. The cat's losing consciousness. It's so dumb. It's such a bizarre setup and payoff. It's so dumb.

But I'm laughing at it because I'm 12. I don't know which came first. If they were like, okay, she neared her butt so that burns. What's the payoff? Or- We have a cat that has asthma that is affected by certain odors.

How do we get there? It's so ridiculous. What the fuck, man? It's so ridiculous. And yet, once again, I'm like, oddly inappropriate for a kid's movie.

Yeah. But if this is a teen movie, it's not really edgy enough. It's just weird. Well, and like you said, though, I mean, we're both the sort of person to be like, okay, that's funny. You know, that's genuinely funny to me that the cat starts having an asthma attack because some, you know, popularity obsessed teenager decided to nair her butt that morning.

I think it was an accident, you know. Well, she did say it was an accident. Things get carried away with. your nair and your butt. I don't know how they get carried away with the nair and your butt. It burns, let me tell you.

Anyway. She said butt. That was hilarious. She maybe even said ass. Once again, she did say my ass is burning, which surprised me.

Yeah, there's several times that I'm like, they just keep pushing the PG-13 of the language. I'm like, it doesn't need to be. You could get away with a lesser version sometimes. And they're just like, nope, we're PG-13, damn it, and we're going to use it. Which, by the way, let's see, I saw that fact too, the important facts you'll learn about this movie.

It received a PG-13 rating, marks the second film from Nickelodeon movies after, are you familiar with this one? Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. No! A 2008 movie, which also features a PG-13, and the weird little clip I saw of it, I was like, oh, this does seem like they're getting into weird territory for a Nickelodeon movie, so... I don't know.

Maybe work that in somewhere down the line. What was it? Angus. Angus. Angus songs and perfect.

Okay. It came up. Well, the poster doesn't look, I mean, it looks like your typical teen. It's tween girls, you know, and they're going to be talking about inappropriate things. What a weird title.

Yeah. Yeah. So another odd PG 13 movie from Nickelodeon. I feel like maybe they've learned their lesson now. Are they still putting out like Spongebob that are PG-13 rated?

I don't know if those are PG-13 rated. Because those are the ones that make money. So if they're smart, they just keep cranking out some Spongebob material. Based on the young adult novels, Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. Weird.

And It's Okay, I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers. So these are British is what it sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As if snogging wasn't already, knickers in particular. Well, that's what, yeah.

So there's just times where the rating is weird. Yeah. They're all over the place with these different levels of what's appropriate, how kiddified is this, how not kiddified is this? Like, it's very strange, the tone of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because that was the other, like, I remembered that from the ad, and I still, like, Chicken humping the car is fucking funny. I'm sorry. It is funny. It just is. And I'm just like, but how do you write that for your teenage movie that's, again, teenagers don't watch stuff made for teenagers.

No. Teenagers are already watching R-rated stuff. So at this point, a teenage movie is what maybe tweens, the uncool tweens, might watch. So this is at best like your 11-year-olds are going to be watching this. So a giant chicken humping a car is just weird and inappropriate for somebody to be writing in a room somewhere to put out for 11-year-olds to watch.

It's just weird. It's just all weird. It is weird. I'm going to laugh every time. It's funny, though.

It's funny. Even though at a certain point I knew it was going to happen, it was still funnier than what I had pictured in my mind. Chicken humping a car. Other weird, edgy, inappropriate moments. I'm sure there's something.

Well, I mean, there's talk of touching a boob. Yeah, yeah. And then eventually we get there. I wanted to... Yeah, I was...

I was troubled by that, actually. I mean. To a degree. I wasn't as it went on, but it was weird that that was used as a bargaining chip. That's my point.

To someone she doesn't really like, as we think, and she thinks. At that point, he's just a nerd and she didn't like him. So it's a weird bargaining chip. Well, I don't want to get too much into this, but at the time that we're recording this, really big story going on. uh, you know, involved with some really majorly inappropriate things. And it's not, it's not on the same level, but there's also a lot of discussion right now about teaching young men what is, and you know, what is and what is not okay.

That is certainly like a bigger lesson that like society has needed to learn. Sure. Sure. Sure. Since the dawn of time of like, yeah, don't, Don't teach your daughters how to defend themselves.

Teach your sons how to conduct themselves. Absolutely. Like a grown-up and an adult that doesn't violate other people, specifically young women. So, yeah, that's all how it really should go. But then.

It's not how it goes. You know, we've got a movie, and granted, this movie's 13 years old. I don't know, but you see a young woman making an offer of something that you can tell... She doesn't want to do, but she's going to. But she willingly threw that out there, which is weird.

I know, I know. And then as it. Works out, like he's going to chicken out because he's a nerd. The fact that she does it, essentially, she grabs his hand. So like, I don't feel bad about the way it plays out because she's in charge of it, which is how it should be.

But, and it's, it is funny. Like it becomes a sweet moment because even she realizes, oh wait, I'm okay with this. Like, I didn't think I liked this guy, and as it turns out, I'm like, oh. See, I think that's where I'm upset by it, because it almost like it puts out the message of there that, you know, the girl's not going to want to do something, but then she'll get in the middle of it, and then she'll turn out liking it. Yeah, that's a horrible lesson to be passed on.

Yeah, I think that's what. Again, I think I was anchoring it a little more in the character, which this is the minimal amount of character we get from any of these people. So I like the fact that she... realize this wasn't just a nerd, that it was somebody she was actually interested in. I like that aspect as it turned out by the end of it, which we can jump to that. But yeah, I mean, it's definitely a questionable exchange there of like, when is it sending the wrong message and how in charge of that message should we be, you know, taking into account when you're writing stuff and feeling responsible for when you're putting stuff out there.

I don't know. Again, it's art, so you should be able to do whatever you want, but also we should not be putting the wrong messages out there because society is stupid and men in particular are stupid and do stupid things all the time. So, yeah, don't encourage that. I just like that the nerd got the girl eventually. I do like that.

I like that. And I also liked seeing his little bit of a character arc where it's like, okay, he's the creepy hypersexual kid then finally he's confronted with it and he's like. Once he has the opportunity he's just like oh no no so yeah I thought that was actually very fitting too a lot of times. Though I was worried about that character in general like the fact that he pulled a gun on somebody that. Was another one again now we're just jumping around everywhere but that's one of those that like there's so many times in this movie where I'm like wait why is this okay Why does, I mean, if you want to have, at this point, you can't even walk around with a toy gun that looks like a real gun because you will get shot.

But in particular, this was an actual firearm and it was loaded. Why is it okay for this movie to feature a child wandering around with a loaded gun, even if it was an accident? We're going to pretend like he didn't know it was loaded, but they don't even address that ever. It's just like, oops. My firearm went off.

Oh, well, move on with the plot. I'm like, well, okay. And nobody else is concerned about a big open area full of people that you just fired a gun? Like, in the world we live in, and in the world of 2012, that was an issue. And, I mean, yes, he shot a piece of chicken instead of another person.

But in reality, that could have gone horribly sideways. That was by random chance. It could have just as easily taken that dude's head off. So whether he meant to do it or not. Or any number of bystanders.

And then on top of that, everybody's making fun of the kid who got shot at for crying. But he just got shot at. Yeah. Yeah. Which, once again, let's make fun of him.

Again, this is when it reverts even back to, like, eight-year-old. Like, he's crying. What a loser. And I was just like, well, there's way bigger things going on right now than to make fun of him for crying. Like, if you shoot at.

Me with a musket... And then, later, somebody congratulates the kid for shooting. Again, as you do. Anytime you put the bully down, you know, the other nerds get excited. So, there are...

Beats that make sense in a normal high school movie, but then I'm like, well, this is not a normal high school movie. You just shot at a dude with a musket. That's just weird. Weird. It's just weird.

Why did your parents even let you out of the house once? That why do you have a working musket like if you get one for your costume at the spirit you know it's it's plastic and at this point it has a big orange cap on the end of it whether it looks like a musket or not because cops will shoot you they do not care at this point yeah they don't care what it looks like. You don't even have to be holding a gun. Like you don't mess around with any of that behavior now. So yeah, this again, if this were made in like the nineties, I could see that not being an issue.

Right. Right. But the fact that it's made when it was, I was like, no, this was definitely a concern of everyone involved at this point in time. Why is this movie coming off? Like it's not like, That's the weird part is when this was made, it still should have been a huge red flag for the people writing it.

The characters in the middle of the scene, like everything should have been different. That whole scene is full of major crimes. I mean, you've got your attempted murder. I don't know what the laws are as far as age and a person owning a firearm, but there's that. There's reckless driving.

There's fleeing the scene of an accident. There's a lot of that going on. There's probably at least several, well, throughout the whole movie, there's several incidents of endangering a minor. Certainly. I mean....

And just the bully dorks. I'm like, how old are they? Again, they look like they're in their mid-twenties. I guess we're pretending like they're seniors or whatever, but they still look like they're going to beat up a minor, so that's also a crime. Yeah.

Yeah. It's all really weird. I don't want to give the impression that I did not enjoy this movie. There's so much that I'm perplexed by in it. That was my takeaway in particular this time.

Like I still had my fun viewing of it, but there were just so many times I'm like, but, but like every time, every scene would end and I'd be like, but wait a minute. Like, yeah. There's just so many moments when I'm just like, why? What? Why is it okay?

Like we're almost at that same area when the kid goes wandering in there and I'm like, how did he get a bucket of chicken? The kid doesn't have any money. He doesn't have any money and he doesn't talk to anybody. Yeah, but he just comes out toting a bucket of chicken. I was like, does everybody just like him because he's cool?

Because he is. He is cool. I mean, that's how he got his slushie. I mean, Ricky Lindholm really thought he was cool. There's another extra point. super special guest star that i'm like i liked her character so i'm like that's one of those i'm like i don't want to take her out of it but at the same time we don't really spend enough time with her that we get anything out of it other than look it's ricky lindholm like.

Yeah but i wish she would think i was cool. Enough to hang out with just to hang out with and especially. There's contributing to the delinquency of a minor right there because she took him into a nightclub well. Especially if she's wearing her galaxy scout costume I do like the universe that we've introduced Galaxy Scout and the comic books thereof. So I'm hoping that, you know, picks up and becomes its own offshoot thing.

Let's hope so. I'd watch that movie. I'm sure. I mean, in the era of the Netflix movies that are coming out, I don't see how Galaxy Scout is any different. As long as she eats like ramen noodles, like she'll be a huge success.

Like this will all work. Just. Before that, we're also them rolling down the street, blasting some Groban. That's when you know you're cool. I like that one of the notes on that was like, well, actually, that song was a really big hit.

Yeah, with moms, not high school kids. Like, come on, man. Don't pretend like that would have been a factor that any kid would have taken in. Over the years, I've gotten to the point now that I think Groban is funny because he does not take himself seriously at all. At the time, I still would have thought, what a nerd.

And did when I first saw him as the performer and his type of music seemed very serious. And then I finally saw him on TV shows and I'm like, oh, this guy doesn't take himself seriously at all. Like this guy is first one to do something to make him look like a dork. Yeah. Which makes him cool.

So over the years, I've been like, oh, no, Josh Groban. I like that guy. Don't really listen to his music, but I like him. As a person. I mean, yeah, could barely tell you anything.

He seems talented. Sure. Seems like he's very musically gifted, but not what I'm looking for usually. But as a person, seems really cool and does not take himself seriously. So that's bonus points for him.

We already discussed him luring the kid into his car, which he definitely, like, why? Even in the moment watching the movie, I'm like, why does this seem like a good idea? Good idea, yeah. Like, I do understand you need your wingman, but, like, the fact that you're going with an eight-year-old is not concerning, even as you become aware of it in the moment. You're still like, but I'm still gonna do it.

Well, and it's for a dumb plan, because how are you going to TP a person's apartment? Yeah. That's connected to an apartment building. He didn't really think the plan through, as we see, as he's throwing toilet paper up into the air and it falls right back down. And that would have been the perfect excuse to use Albert to have him climb up the ladder and TP what turned out to be the wrong apartment that he eventually set on fire, which is.

Of a sumo wrestler. Which... For some reason. Again, weird moment for no reason, never explained. we don't really, he doesn't have a costume, but like, dude looks like a sumo wrestler. Just a towel.

He's just wearing a towel. And crushes him. Yeah. Weird moments throughout this movie. Yeah.

That I, that are never explained. And that's kind of how. And we don't even, and the girl that he's going after, we get maybe 45 seconds of screen time with. Yeah. You keep thinking maybe she's going to come into play, which she does show up again later, but then not really to any.

We get more of her possibly friend. She is eventually friends with Ricky Lindholm. So they're part of the same little friend group. Who it heavily implies that ends up dating Fuzzy by the end of the movie. Which, good for Fuzzy!

We're like, yes, once again, we want the nerd to get the girl. Good for you. Weird. So many weird moments in this movie. I think that...

Ricky Lindholm has the line that makes the most sense out of the entire movie because he's like, Hey, yeah, maybe me, you and Spider-Man can hang out. And she's like, maybe it's maybe just me and you hang out. I do like earlier when she's like, she's so like, everything is so normal with her and this kid though. Like, Oh yeah, I know that dude. We partied with him.

It was just like, never seemed to register that he's an eight year old. He's just cool. She just likes hanging out with him. He's cool. He's a good dancer as we saw.

Yeah. Yeah that's true. We we skipped over the rap portion of this oh her rapping her rapping and then the def jam of it all that she's by the end like again like it almost seems like it needs to be more of the plot yeah but it's not and so by the end you're like well i i get it it comes back into play by the end but again, is just minimal. Like, the jacket disappears for the middle portion of the movie, and then she's wearing it again by the end, and you're like, okay, yeah, that's right. But then we also get her rapping at the beginning, which, again, you're not showcasing the talents of Victoria Justice here.

No. The explaining rap for nerds. So, yeah, these are weird choices, but... I do like, I mean, no surprise that we get sexy kitty from Jane, but like, I do like the use of her going as Dorothy with the dark side of the moon bag as a sidearm there. That's, that's a fun little moment that again, Is a reference, but I'm like, is it a reference that the kids watching this even know what the hell you're talking about?

Yeah, because that was by 2012 or 13, that was an old reference. And it was only for like college kids at the time originally. So now they're like in their 30s. So like, who is this for? Which again is maybe the theme of this entire movie.

Who is this for? So that was another moment. I was like, okay, I like the reference. I like it as an obscure reason that this is my costume, and that's the dumb reason, if it went that far. But again, she just mentions it for a second and has the bag, and then that's it.

They don't do anything with it. Yeah, there's absolutely no payoff to that whatsoever. I do like the ruby chucks, though. Yeah, that was pretty sweet. That was a good touch.

I like that. I would wear those. Yeah, me too. Those are pretty awesome. But yeah, Dorothy. i'm really impressed with you and your non-sexualizing halloween good pickup line dude way to go you're smooth yeah a lot of ruth bader ginsburg talk in this movie yeah yeah the other half of the three kids as they tp the cop car yeah Cause again, barely making connections in the screenplay of like the girl that he had a problem with was the daughter of the cop that we only meet in that scene right there for the first time and the last time.

So like they barely make these connections sometimes, but I'm like, they're trying, like they're really working in all these, like weaving the plot together. As the night goes on, it's freaking after hours or something. I don't know. They just barely brush on some of these things along the way. I guess you guys are putting effort in, but barely tying it together.

Again, it's a funny moment because I like those three kids. This is one of those movies you see every now and then where you start to wonder, is this like two or three different movies that they just mashed together. But I don't, I think it was written by one person. Yeah. The director did other things, but I think this was like his big one-off feature directing job.

So like, I don't know, like it's even weirder if this is like, this is my focused, this is my thing, man. Like I'm going to get this movie made. This is my dream project. Like this, this movie. Okay.

Okay, dude. So back to Johnny. At that point, we have a lot of Johnny in this movie. Johnny Knoxville. Who is uncredited.

Johnny Knoxville. Oh, I didn't know he was uncredited. For the last half of the movie, he's in it a lot. He's in it a lot. Not doing much, just being an asshole, but like he's in the movie a lot to not be credited for some reason.

But yeah, there's like, once again, what a weird character. Like the first thing we see him do is take candy from a child. Yeah. Well, that puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? Of like, this is the kind of asshole we're dealing with.

He steals a kid's candy. Steals a kid's candy and then kidnaps the child. Well, sure. That's also, and maybe that's the best line of our Galaxy Scout. It's not like I'm going to hang out with a lame eight-year-old.

Yeah. Like, well, yeah. That may be the best line in the movie. Fair enough. It's not like I'm going to hang out with a lame eight-year-old.

But, yeah, we get, like, once again, like, the level of maturity of this film that, like... Because there's other stuff. Like, sometimes, like, if it gets to, like, a big, ridiculous grand finale, but. Dog poop and fireworks is, like, kind of the big... In a movie where we already had actual firearms in use, but that wasn't the big finality.

Right. Dog poops and fireworks is, like, our big grand finale of, like, prankdom is. Yeah, silly. This is a silly movie. Oh, we haven't even talked about the cool guy.

Cool guy in the movie. Who I think we see twice. We see twice. Which is funny because I think, again, real world of it all, I think that's Jane Levy's baby daddy. Now, I think maybe they just started dating at this point.

Because I had to look it up. I was like, were they. Like, why is this? Was this the reason? But I think it was right around this time.

Because she'd gotten out of some other relationship earlier. I had to Google all this. And then, like, she met him around that time. But then later, they've been together for years. They've had a kid together.

And I think are still together. So, when she was dreamily wanting to get with the cool guy, she did. As it turns out. Didn't get with the nerd. She got with the cool guy in the real world.

I will say... This is something that I see in a lot of teen movies that always irritates me. And it's when the cool guy, the cool popular guy, is all of a sudden, without warning, in a crazy rockin' band. Because that is not how that works. It is never the popular kids that are in the bands.

They may become popular because they're in a band. But the cool kids with like the trust funds and that sort of stuff, they're the ones that are beating up the kids that are in the band. Yeah, that's a little more like 80s comedies. The trust fund kids that are beating up the nerds and the nerds are the ones in the bands usually. I will say this was one I was going to get your take on as being exposed to the rock world.

Mm-hmm. Many a time have I seen a dude, be it cool rock star guy or super lame guy in a band, try to use I Wrote a Song for You as the in. I can't remember if I've referenced this before, but there was a band, this was many, many years ago, some local band that at this point, I don't even remember their name, but they had an, I don't even know if it was a full, maybe it was a full album, but it wasn't like even 10. I think it was like eight tracks on it. Two of them were girls' names.

I was like, of your eight songs, two of these were, oh, I'm going to make this happen. If I write a song for Jenny, she's going to have to hook up with me. I mean, that's the thinking of this dumb high school kid, which this was a dumb high school kid back when this story was a thing. So this was many years ago. And I think I knew a friend of this band.

And I went and saw them and yeah, they were selling their album and two of the songs on the album were girls' names. And I was like, that is the only reason for that. I'm going to use this song to try to make this girl get with me. So, in your experience, you kind of see this happen a lot with dorks in bands. Sure.

I mean, there's lots of songs named after girls. Mm-hmm. That's the thing. I mean, most songs are written about relationship stuff, good, bad, or otherwise. So that doesn't surprise me.

It's the ham-fisted, I'm going to write this song for you, even less creative, going to name it after you of it all that's so, like, dork. Just like, dude, get a little style for God's sake. Work it into your song. It can be about that. But, like, you don't have to, like, title drop it.

This one's for you, Ginny. Like, yeah, we know. It's the title of the song, Genius. I will say, and I'm proud to say this, I have not done that. I've certainly written stuff about, again, about the scenario, the situation.

Usually it's the other end of it, of the outcome, the hopelessness of life. Yeah. Post-situation. Certainly that I understand. And I write songs that I can't do anything with because I don't have any functional musical skills.

But I can write songs. Yeah. I'm actually okay with my writing of them. I just have to then get someone else to do them, which is more trouble than it's worth. Oh, I'll make some calls.

We'll have an album out by next week. I mean, sadly now you can AI that nonsense and make your own thing, but I don't want to be that. No. But I'm interested in playing with the fake synthesized instruments that I could then sort of make a song out of it. I might.

I'm still toying with that. that's a lot of work too. It is. I'm busy editing this most of the time. And then when I'm done, I'm like, I don't feel like doing any other creative projects right now. So I'll just come up with the songs and then they're stuck in my head and no one else has to suffer.

So you're welcome world. I have not unleashed most of them on you, but, but yeah, so I can see that being a thing, but it is certainly equally as badly put together and awkward a song in this movie. So, It's really not well put together. It was such a bad song, and yet the other girls were visibly jealous of her. Where I feel like, had I been one of the other girls at the party, I'd have been like, well, at least he's not talking about me.

Yeah. Which leads to, again, one of the better moments in the movie. Well, who else wants to kiss me? Yeah. And the dude raises his hand.

I was just like, that guy. That guy in the Mad Hatter outfit and or the bad Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka? I'm not sure. I wasn't sure. No, I think it's the Mad Hatter Johnny Depp.

I was like, it's definitely that era of Johnny Depp in that weird costume. Yeah. But I think it was pre-Willy Wonka, but he was post-Alice in Wonderland. Yeah. I think.

I don't know. Those movies look terrible. Clearly post-Pirates of the Caribbean. Well, obviously. Yeah.

Of course that guy was dressed up as his favorite character. I was like, yeah, I was tired of that character before that first movie was over with. I was just like, yes, it's an amazing performance. I remember watching it in the theater going, wow, he is really committed. Wow, is this still going on?

By the end of it, I was just like, really? Long, long movie. All right, I get it. I get it. And then they kept making them.

And they're still potentially going to make another one. I was like, Johnny Depp, please stop. I know I got. two into the series. I don't remember if I got the third one. I think we saw the second one together.

We might have. I think we went to the theater, because that's as far, I don't think I made it to three. And I've heard, again, I'm actually in the near future going to be talking about a Gore Verbinski movie, so like the Gore Verbinski of it all, I kind of want to revisit. I've heard people that stand by two and three as like good movies because of him. Yeah.

But I just so don't want I just remember not being impressed with the second one. Like at least the first one works as its own thing. It tells a piratey story. The characters are all new and interesting at that point. By the second one, I was like, all right, I get where we're going here.

But yeah, I, I don't think I made myself watch the third one, but I feel like I remember us at the theater watching that second movie. And we were all like, really? That's where it's ending. All right. We don't have to come back for the third one.

Do we? So, I think that's exactly what multiple people in our party said. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty sure.

Pretty sure. Yeah. I do feel like I said, that's where we're ending it. All right. Whatever.

If you insist. Yeah. Well, at least the credits are rolling. Good enough. Let's get out of here.

But again, Gore Vivensky. Good director. Interesting director. I like what he does most of the time, so I will return to that in a near episode, so come back for that. So that guy dressed as Captain Sparrow didn't surprise me, actually, because he seems like a douche.

Much like, not so much the captain in the movies. He's just a drunk. But in the real world, Johnny always comes off as that kind of a douche. He kind of does. Yeah.

No offense. I don't know him personally. I'm a fan of most of his work. His early work, I'm very impressed with. As time's gone on, there are times when I do not want to watch movies because of his performances.

One in particular I'm thinking of right now. Actually, several now that I'm rolling through many of his later performances. I'm like, no, no, please stop. Please stop doing this. Like, you're not...

Actually, there's another one. He's... I don't know if you've seen this. I've certainly heard it on other people talking about... They're doing another Ebenezer Scrooge story.

And it's him in bad Ebenezer Scrooge makeup. Didn't he already do that once before? No, that was the Jim Carrey... As the CG version. That must be what I'm thinking.

That's probably what you're thinking of because that was a silly over the top Ebenezer Scrooge. So this is going to be a live action version, but he's in a whole bunch of bad makeup like he likes to do. And he's going to do a very exaggerated Johnny Depp performance as Ebenezer Scrooge. I don't. Okay.

You want it to get even weirder? Not really, but. Probably don't. Let me double check. So the not wanting to watch a Johnny Depp movie doesn't surprise me.

The part that surprises me, would you like to know who the director of this Ebenezer movie is? I would like to know. Ty West. The man who brought us... X, Pearl, Maxine.

That explains why when I saw your phone, it had the thumbnail for X. Yeah, it's the house of the devil. You're next. He is like a master of making new era horror movies, and he's making an Ebenezer Scrooge movie with Johnny Depp. What the hell is going on?

That's just a sidebar in the middle of this episode with questions about horror movies. What the hell is Ty West thinking? I mean, Bob Gell did bring us a fantastic Christmas movie after making Porky's. It did not have Johnny Depp in it. I know, I know.

And he somehow would have ruined it. Like, he would have shown up in a lot of bad makeup trying to be the old man or something. Yeah. I would have started humping the leg lamp or something stupid. And then I would be like, I hate this movie.

Like, so let's be thankful that Johnny Depp is not in a Christmas story. Yeah. Did I say Bob Gale? I meant, that's not who directed Porky's, is it? Bob, Bob Clark, Clark, Bob Gale.

Isn't that, that's, that's Hogan's here. Oh, okay. No, that's, who was, who was Hogan? Yeah. Bob Crane.

Bob Crane. Man, I am all over the place today. Bob Crane is Hogan's heroes and or a really weird sexual deviant. Right. But I think everyone was willing.

I think he was just into weird shit. He was, yeah. I watched Autofocus. He's into weird shit. Well, I'm turning into my mom as far as remembering the names of celebrities.

You know, along with that guy in the thing. You're like, wait, what? What are we talking about? You know, when Bronson Pinchot was James Bond. Wait, are you talking about Charles Bronson?

Because that's also not right. You're so wrong right now. So yeah, I don't know. Once again, why is it a good idea to hold an eight-year-old hostage at this point? Let alone for ransom.

Then he wants cash for him. Well, he also kept calling him a terrorist. So he already knows he's dangerous. Well, he is. He is very dangerous.

The kid's vicious. Don't mess with him. And I remember at the beginning of the movie, him having a lot more fireworks... So you'd think he'd be able to blow his way out of the house. But maybe they ended because by the end, Fuzzy had a bunch.

So did he leave some like in his car? But those were mostly like smoke bombs. Sometimes there were smoke bombs that would also explode. Like, I don't know. They weren't real descriptive of what type of fireworks these were.

Everyone did whatever they needed it to in that scene at that moment. I don't know why we're still trying to figure these things out at this point, actually. I mean, just assume that the movie is genius and above our understanding. That is a very likely scenario. We'll never figure it out because, once again, I don't understand why it seems like a good idea.

Once again, the inappropriateness of this movie. your movie that's been built around inappropriate things happening around this eight year old. Then the finale of it is I'm going to strip down in front of this eight year old and run away. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, yes, I guess it's nice that you're sacrificing yourself as a reason for them.

Cause otherwise I guess you could just run and, Maybe they would chase you, but I suppose if you're unclothed, the cops are supposed to go after. You, so. They should. They really should. They probably should.

Although on Halloween, they probably do give you a little bit of leeway on that. They'd be like, ah, another drunken idiot on Halloween. I don't feel like going after him. And then he goes back to work. Again.

Which makes me wonder if he was just, if that's still the same shift, or. I mean, it's got to be close. I would assume at least leading towards the next day because girl's still in her scout uniform. True. So they're coming from the party before we get the morning the next day by the end.

So I was like, yeah, this has got to be at some point in the same night, which I had to go back and check because I was also like, did he just go off and leave work like unattended? But there was the other guy. There was the one dude. I did. Yeah, I did.

I was like, I had to go back and double check. So sadly, I went back to double check whether or not there was someone else working because I was like, did he close up the store? I feel like it was still open when he ran out holding toilet paper. So I was like, was there someone else behind the counter? So I guess that other dude quit mopping and went and stood behind the counter at Red Comics, which is what you seem to do while you're at work.

But. But yeah, I thought it was an odd choice for this once again to expose this poor child to some weird naked dude in the middle of the street. I was like, this movie does a lot of inappropriate things specifically around this poor small child. Yeah. Well, he seems to be the least affected by everything in this movie.

True. He does seem to sort of roll with it. I mean, he is not a lame eight-year-old, so he's cool and he just keeps on keeping on. He has mastered the art of the prank phone call, though. God.

We jumped to that. We're jumping over the serious part of this movie. Because I still got a little, got a little verklempt as we get there. And I realized, oh, they went to go see Dad on Halloween. Yeah.

That's kind of sad. If this were a real movie, I'd be like legit sad right now. It's ridiculous. So I'm like, I just have to like know that I'm a sap, that it still kind of worked on me for a minute. Sure, yeah.

When he, you know, realizes, you know, we get the moment where he actually says something and I'm like, all right, this is almost a heartfelt moment in a ridiculous movie. So there you go. Ridiculous movie. Yeah, that's. And then prank phone calls, which again.

Again, doesn't even fit the entire rest of this movie. No, I know. I think they just wanted to, they wanted to cram in. Cause this kid's funny. This kid being funny.

Let's let this kid be funny. Call people while he's on the toilet again. Why do we need more footage of him on the toilet? I don't know. I don't know.

It's inappropriate. Yeah. What do we do with this movie? I don't know. I would like a peanut butter cup pancakes though.

That, that, It does sound enjoyable. I mean, we have peanut butter pumpkins right there. That's true. So if you have the fixings for pancakes, we can round out this episode. I don't, actually.

Damn it. I know, I'm the worst. Well, I do. Yeah, I think the leftovers for Halloween breakfast is a good idea. Yeah.

It was after his mom kicks his ass. It was kind of funny. She's like, I just, I don't have patience for you, child. Get out of my way. And then she puts him in some sort of wrestling mood.

Second time someone's been pinned that evening. Thank goodness she saved the jacket, so we got that going for her. Well, yeah. The Def Jam of it all. Which, I mean, that jacket was pretty sweet.

I mean, even if it didn't have his name, like, embroidered in it, it's a pretty cool jacket. Probably would have been falling apart by that time, realistically. Yeah. If she were wearing it every day, like, sure, all the lettering would have fallen off, but, you know, hey, whatever. Not all of us get our name in the liner notes.

That is true. And I meant to check that album to see if that name is in there, but. Maybe this is a true story. Part of me wondered. This all really happened, you know?

That guy's dead now. I hope you're happy. Just to make this movie, they had to kill him. Sometimes you gotta do that, you know? This is the sacrifice you make for true art like this movie.

You can't make a movie omelet without cracking a few movie eggs. I mean.... Oh yeah, we skipped over the fact that they hooked up, right? I mean, we definitely had a morning after moment. At best, I guess you could pretend like they just made out hardcore.

But that certainly in any other teen movie is the morning after they hooked up scene. You had your coyote ugly moment where she wakes up and is like, oh my God. And then she tackles him. So if they... Didn't hook up the night before.

They definitely did the next morning. It seemed like there was plenty going on between those two, which, again, as yay dorks, you realize that you're made for each other and just get it on. I'm all for that. But, again, in this tween-oriented movie is a very weird moment of, all right, so just go do it, kids. It's fine.

As long as you like the person and all parties are willing, it's cool, kids. Go get laid. Well, you know. This didn't occur to me until just now, but throughout all the ridiculousness and what the hell's going on in this movie, they never showed definitively whether or not the kids were drinking. I mean, there's no.

There's definitely drinking at the other party. I don't know about the teen part. At the teen part, right. The basement party, they were all drinking. Well, sure.

Yeah. Yeah, out in the little center square there, everybody was just sort of hanging out. So I don't know if there was teen drinking there. But at the popular kids party, I mean, were they drinking? Seems like there would have been.

There would have been. In a different teen movie. In every other teen movie. This being the weird Nickelodeon of it movie it is, I don't know that we saw that really. Because that's where it makes zero sense to...

As to why they were crashed out on the couch and she wakes up and has that moment like, oh, what happened? What happened? Because in the rundown here, it also mentions drug use. I'm trying to think of what other, maybe not the kids, but I'm trying to think what other drug use we had. I don't know.

Because it lists that as being one of the problematic areas in this. And I will give you the language is inappropriate many times. The attitude in general of like nearing my butt and touching a boob and waking up with this dude and like there's a lot of potential things going on that are a little more sexual activity than most places would want to in a tweeny kind of a movie. Well, the chicken raping car or the car raping chicken. That's inappropriate and yet sells the movie. i did hear they because they made up that restaurant it was like a closed place that they turned into that sure and they said in that little like town that they took over there people were going up trying to apply for a job because it looked like a chicken place so they obviously did a pretty good job making it look like a chicken place.

I want to go to captain chicken i'd go there. I did like these songs anytime that there's a New version of a Halloween song. There were several specifically Halloween themed, which I always like. I'm a fan of old school. I'm a monster bop kind of a dork.

Sure. That is a term, if you're not familiar with it. And yeah, it's its own post-Monster Mash, every person in the world that could put out a poppy kind of an album that was horror themed did. Yeah. And if you go digging, there's a lot happening. a lot so that's its own of that sort of late 50s all the way through the 60s era but yeah anybody who like modern era which I guess is dated now but still these dorky bands like put together a couple of specifically for the movie but one of them changed it the one at the end of like making out in the graveyard which I like this version in there it's massively inappropriate the original way that it's written oh Let's ruin this song for everyone.

So.... What was the name of this song again? Make Out in the Graveyard. Oh, it is Make Out. Okay.

Is how it's billed now, but it used to be Sex in the Graveyard. Huh. And let's see. It says, it was edited to be less vulgar. The very first line of the song is, I want to jump your bones, was changed to, let's forget tricks or treats.

The first line of the second verse, I want to hump while the pumpkins watch. Wow. So flirt replaced pump. Oh, okay. I want to flirt while the pumpkins watch.

Which is, I don't know. I mean, I want to hump while the pumpkins watch. It's a party. Come on. That's a party.

So that's, that's the movie. I don't know what to do with it. We didn't know what to do with it when we started. So we have come full circle and I, yeah, I don't know. It's weird.

It's inappropriate. It's something. It's, it's, it's a movie and it's around Halloween. It's, Mostly entertaining. It had some what I thought were genuinely funny parts.

Genuinely funny stuff along the way. Characters that I liked for the most part. For the most part. There's a few weird ones that I'm like, why are they in this movie? And then other ones that I'm like, I need a whole real movie built around this character.

And a lot of storylines. And a lot of storylines, some of which pan out, some of which you don't ever see again. It's weird how unfocused it can be along the way, but then it still sort of bothers to tie things together by the end. So like it's still competent enough. It totally works as a movie, but in the end it still feels a little scattered and you're like, I didn't feel overly connected to a ton of people along the way.

So it's, it's a weird movie. but not necessarily for kids. So what are we doing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what age.

This is for. Like I said, it's too kiddified for actual even teenagers for the most part. But at the same time, it's inappropriate along the way for little kids. So I don't know who this is for. I guess you and I.

Well, if you'd showed it to me as a teenager, I would have hated it. Uh, probably about my mid to late twenties, I would have tolerated it. And then after 35, I would have loved it. Come back around to the weirdness of what the hell. Is this movie?

And I am well past 35. Yeah. Yeah. It's all weird. Yeah.

It's all weird. You know, somebody would have to have a very specific, um, Like, they'd have to request a very specific type of movie for me to recommend this to them. Again, this... I don't even know if we were using the term tween when this was made. I think so.

But, like, it became a thing around that time. And I was like, this is almost... Because, like I said, teenagers are way too old for it. Little kids... want things that are edgy in their mind that are a little inappropriate where this is. So realistically, like that's kind of, I still feel like the parents are going to have problems with the things that are going on, but I feel like kids that are right at that age that want something a little, a little more than animated cartoons that are made for little kids, but aren't ready for actual hardcore horror yet, which I feel like most kids actually are.

They just jump right to that anyway. But if you want a weird year that you haven't fully graduated up to just watching Halloween yet, this might work. I don't know. I don't know. It works for weird people that want to watch this and be confused like us.

So I guess that's who it's for. I guess. I mean, now I feel like at the time, I don't know who it was for and neither did film goers. And it was just not overly well received because nobody knew what to do with it. So, yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm sitting here trying to think what, even if somebody said to me, do you have a movie where Chelsea Handler dresses like Britney Spears? Even then, I don't think I would think of this movie to recommend it. No, again, I wouldn't go looking for the Chelsea of recommending it.

Again, my go-to is Jane, but even she has very little to do. In this movie. She is the best part of this movie and still has very little to do. I guess other than that, the brother. Yeah.

You haven't seen him in much else. If you haven't seen Bad Grandpa, you probably don't remember him for anything else. Maybe if somebody said, do you have a one-armed Spider-Man movie? Then I might. Starting to narrow things down.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a one-armed Spider-Man movie that Johnny Depp makes an awkward appearance in? So you've got. Not Johnny Depp.

I mean, kind of. Well, that's true. Jack Sparrow's there. So you've got Marvel zombies and this movie, and that's pretty much it. That's true.

I didn't think about it like that. All right. Well, normally we will, you know, if you're unfamiliar with this, we... We may have found new people or maybe people have not crossed over from the old dream yet. We're on a new feed now, so we're not sure how the transition is going yet.

We're hoping new people have found us. So if so, welcome. And yes, this is pretty much how it always goes. But we usually roll a die to figure out what our horror items are. And if you're one of these special Patreon people, you get to pick what those movies are on that list of 20.

So plug for that. But we'll get to that later next year. In the meantime, we're just picking weird, silly movies that don't exactly fit the bill because Nora's out due to baby. So in the meantime, we're picking other... I mean.

Her super cute infant son. We made her pay because we saved the nightmare that's going to be thrown at her next Christmas. Yeah. I don't know about Thanksgiving, but Christmas, she still has a horror show waiting for her. You know, I think the fact that we're putting that off for a year makes it worse on all of us.

Yeah, on all of us. But she's not getting out of it. We still suspect maybe that's why the baby came into play was so she could escape, but her plan did not work. She's smart thinking on her part, but not smart enough. Not when you're dealing with a couple of masterminds.

We're jerks. We'll wait until next year. We'll hold off just to make you suffer with us. Yep. We'll get back to that next year.

If you look up petty in the dictionary, our pictures are right next to it. But before we get to whatever nightmare we have this year for Christmas, instead we're doing Thanksgiving next month and we are going to go with Freebirds, which is a weird animated movie that I don't know, once again, is it for children? I don't know. It's animated. It's animated.

It's got voices of recognizable people doing our voice work. It's produced by somebody not really known for kids stuff. So I don't know. I've been curious about this since it came out in 2013. And yeah, we're going to figure out what the hell is going on with that movie next month.

So plan accordingly. Get yourself a copy of Freebirds between now and next month. I think that's going to be a fun movie. I'm looking forward to it. I think it should be interesting.

Once I found out what the plot was, I thought it was just kind of a chicken run, birds trying to not get eaten. But once I found out there's a time travel aspect involved, I was like, now I kind of want to watch this for legit purposes just to figure out what's going on in this movie. So, yeah, there you go. That's what we'll be doing next time around. A lot of people in this movie.

Yeah. Some I've heard of, some I have not. So it'll be interesting next month as well. So fair warning for the next not horror club meeting. This was the weird one off.

I figured Halloween, we had to at least do something Halloween themed. Not quite horror, but it was Halloween themed. So we'll be back to our more traditional horror fair post next year anyway. So probably. We'll see.

Yeah, we'll see. Anything else to pass along these spooky Halloween times? Again, congratulations to Pierce and Nora and whatever their unnamed. Spawn is. Pierce Jr.

Yeah, Pierce Jr. Until we hear it differently. But yeah, that's it. That's all I got. Yeah.

Go find something cool to do. Try not to shoot anyone. Please don't strip down in front of eight-year-olds or any other random children. The rest of the shenanigans are up to you. If you want to have a giant chicken hump your car, hey, that is you.

And who doesn't? As long as you're into it and your car's into it and the chicken's into it. And your lesbian moms are cool with it. All parties are willing. It's all good.

Just enjoy yourself because it's a fun sight to see. I'll give you that. It was actually. It's entertaining. I'm just telling you.

That part's funny. I will never not be amused by that. Somebody had to build that big humping chicken statue and. They did when they made the whole restaurant. That's what I'm saying.

And there's a shot behind the scenes of them like doing the crane so that when it falls, it doesn't actually kill anyone in the process. And they put a whole lot of effort into making that chicken hump a car. They had to go to a firm and say, we know you make motorized statues. Here's what we need, please. I think more entertaining is they had to go and work into the insurance policies, which you have to have on any feature film that this giant humping chicken isn't going to kill any of the kids involved as they're loitering around down there.

So yeah, somewhere that's in the paperwork. I'm pretty sure. So yeah. Otherwise that about does it. We will return next time.

Same geek feed. Thanks for listening and happy Halloween. Bye everybody. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!