Takeout from the Die-ner (Promo)

So normally i see like actual video type movies you know actually sometimes it is vhs tapes if i'm going old school this uh movie threat i actually saw a poster this was a one sheet sitting in a some sort of second handy place and usually it's Usually you don't even see movie posters out there because people aren't that big a geek. Only at my house. But this was on a piece of cardboard wrapped in plastic. I was like, that's awesome. And how am I not already familiar with this?

So I came across Crocodile. Oh. That's a huge crocodile. Seems explanatory. Then I was like, again, as a person who is a huge fan of Alligator... which is a classic as far as I'm concerned.

I was like, oh, some sort of knockoff version. So what's weird is this existed a year before. Hot damn. But it doesn't count because it's in another country. We don't count them.

Yeah, those aren't real movies. Alligator's an American film. It's fine. Excuse me. It's an American classic, sir.

That it is. It's a drive-in classic. So that one, let's see. I believe is a Thai-South Korean co-production. Oh.

So I'm assuming it's going to be horribly dubbed. So I'm all for putting this on the list anyway, was my original question. But then the only other fact, there was only two facts out there about this movie, one of which is, which leads to a bigger question, This movie is on the American Humane Association unacceptable list due to a live crocodile being slashed with a knife. Oh, no. Slashed or killed.

They didn't say. It just says slashed. So I'm, I don't. This was produced on the writing the Jaws wave. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it was a, you know, animal attack. Everything took off after the Jaws thing. So that's how we got 400 different animal attack movies. This being one of them.

Just one of the more cheaply produced in another country version. So for me, I still kind of want to see it. I'm still curious as to what the hell was going on. I don't approve of such. Behavior, but at the same time, if you think that's the worst thing going on in Thailand or South Korea, at that point or now, I'm just like, yeah, whether you're a crocodile or a person, I'm sure god-awful things are going on there.

Wow, the. creature effects on this it. Looks pretty i watched the trailer i was gonna say amazing but it looks cheesy and that was why i was like oh i still kind of want to watch this i gotta say so i didn't know if that was a deal breaker this. Is where i'm gonna be a nerd and say i don't think this is a crocodile because its snout is too. Short yeah i think we'll give it a pass No, no. Oh, no.

I'm talking about the slashing. Because that was my other question. Like you'll pass on it? Oh, no. I'll give it the pass as in like I'll watch a bad movie.

We'll still disagree with that decision. Yeah, we'll find it unacceptable. We can watch the movie, I guess. Yeah. Because I feel like I don't...

I haven't signed up for most of those movies, which there are a handful over the years. I don't think it's a good idea. But at the same time, I'm like... It doesn't change the fact that they already did it. So if I want to see the movie, again, I'm enough of a movie geek that I'm like, well, I still kind of want to see this movie.

Yeah. There's a few that I'm still... I haven't written off any of them. I might eventually watch whatever that stupid movie is. Cannibal Holocaust?

Yeah, Cannibal Holocaust. That's the thing. At this point, I've heard so much about it. I'm like, I kind of don't care for all the reasons anymore. That just being one of them.

It's more, in my opinion, more... dull than anything else that's the issue long stretches of nothing going on and you know extreme grotesqueness but but that. Was the other thing i thought of is does it does it factor in if it's not an animal that most people would consider cute if you're slashing a baby deer oh god i can't watch this crocodiles. Nobody liked crocodiles. I was like, well, I think they're pretty cool, personally. But.

Well, maybe their skin is thick enough that it doesn't hurt that much. That's what we can tell ourselves. That's what I will choose to believe. There's a very good chance the crocodile could have looked at whoever slashed it and said, what do you think you're doing? Yeah.

Do you know I'm going to eat you now? And then that person got eaten by a crocodile. Yeah. That's the way I see it happening. I was just coming over to say hello, but now you're a jerk.

Look at you, jerk. So, yeah. And I don't even like eating people, so joke's on you. Plus, you know, I also, what kind of a hypocrite am I? I mean, I've watched Alligator, and I've.

Had Alligator, so like, which I felt was the worst part about Gatorland, because I loved Gatorland as a child. Sure. If you'd make a traveling trip to your favorite state, Florida, that's where they keep Gatorland. And the entire, if you haven't been there, The gift. Shop area is a big gator head that you walk into the mouth.

And I thought that was the most awesome thing I'd ever seen. And maybe still like it's pretty high on the list. Very cool. So, but also when you get to the snack bar, you can get gator. It's like you're there to see them and appreciate them as the life form that they are doing their gator-y things.

And then you go to the snack bar and it's also on. The items you can order. It seems a little weird. I'm not saying I didn't try it. I don't remember.

Again, I was still kind of a kid at that point. Well, I mean, they got so many gators. They got to do something. Again, I was like, I mean, I guess it's fine. I remember the stupid thing that everyone says kind of being true.

Like, yeah. Kind of tastes like chicken. Whatever. I don't know. That's why I was like, I hope they were just lying anyway.

I'm like, so this is just chicken, right? Because it's probably easier to just go buy some chicken. Is that where you got your pet alligator? Okay. Well, no.

Wait, I have a pet alligator? I thought you said you had several gators. You made it sound like you kept pet alligators. I just went there and saw them and enjoyed Gatorland, and then also I ate. Gators, so that seems a little weird.

Well, I got excited, and now I'm not. I've been to a pet store. I saw a gator there. Okay. That's almost the same.

Fair enough. I don't know. I just think all of that's weird in general, but it led me to that I still want to see Crocodile. Sure. Yeah, why not?

So, there you go. That's possibly something we can watch. That was my vote to pencil in on the old list. I think that's the only movie threat you've ever done where we're like, okay. Yeah, usually they're horrible.

Where this one's still probably going to be a really bad movie. But, you know, it seems fun. Summertime appropriate. Yeah, you're assuming we're going to land there during the summer. Yeah, that's true.

Something's been on there for years. Gives me an excuse, not that I need one, but gives me an excuse to pick up Thai food. Ooh, yeah, that sounds good. And have a themed event. Yum.

Do they work crocodile into certain dishes? I don't know. Since we're also rolling that into it. I feel like if I Google that, my phone's just going to be like, dude, I am tired of your questions like this. Why do you ask these?

It's always these kind of questions. One day. Just no. Just no, man. Just don't.

Quit trying to eat weird animals. What have I told you? Because there was a restaurant around here that used to serve really weird animals. They're still around. Are they still?

Yeah. I think so. That was really weird. Because I remember going there and went, I don't know that I'm supposed to be eating this animal. This doesn't seem legal.

For one thing. Did you try a lion or something? Yeah, it was really weird. Oh, no. It was the only one on the list that wasn't game.

It was a predator. And I was like, well, at least this one. Had a fighting chance. I mean, what did elk ever do to you? But this lion would have eaten your ass.

So it felt like that was the one that seemed fair. I mean, he had a shot at least. It's a little less... weird eating something that would eat you. If given the chance. That was my reasoning.

Again, these are the only few things I've ever eaten that are weird. Other than that, it's just like the same chicken quesadilla I make every other night. The closest I've come to exotic animals is ostrich. Yeah. But they farm those specifically for food, and I don't know that they do that for lions.

Well, and even then, that's the thing. All of these stories I'm telling you are from decades ago so it's not like i have any recent i don't go out of my way to eat any weird animals or most things anymore i'm just like i don't know it's just a lot of work to make food so unless tuna is gonna fight back and take me out that's about. All i probably could i mean but i'm i'm assuming you eat the kind that are in the can it's in a can you didn't drag it out of the ocean. That seems like a lot of work. Once again, draining the tuna is already kind of too much work.

I have to space out those sessions because it's a lot. It's really a lot. I don't put a lot of work into making food anymore. There's a lot of food that I choose not to eat and the mere presence of it, the fact that other people eat it does not disturb me, but tuna. Just something about it.

That you don't like? Do not like. Okay. I mean, it's weird. Consistency-wise.

Probably flavor if you're not used to it. Texture, flavor, smell. Yeah, yeah. Definitely has its own smell. So yeah, I get it.

I think I'm just used to it. The cats like it. Yeah, see? You gotta. trust their judgment. Look at these guys.

Yeah, but we've all seen how crazy cats get when you even like rattle the tuna can. You don't think I'm like that? Well, probably. I run around like you wouldn't believe as. Soon as I open that can.

We've said the word like five times. I know, I'm like looking at them. I'm looking at both of them. He's like, where's it at? Jerks need to give me some tuna.

All that having been said, these are the kind of things we talk about. Crocodile, that's the movie we're going to watch. And we'll probably say equally ridiculous things on the episode that you listen to when you sign. Up for the Meltdown Horror Club. Weird things like this.

I had heard for years about how bizarre it was and... It was, but not in the way I was expecting. It's amazing because it falls into every category. Every category. Every category.

It's horror. It's comedy. It's slapstick. It's musical. It's puppets.

It's animation. Have you seen it? Everything. No, I've heard of it. It's amazing.

I hesitate to say amazing. It's something. No, it's... I don't know if it's amazing. I'm impressed with it as an undertaking.

Like, as a story, it's just like, what the hell am I watching? But by the end, I was so impressed with what all happened in the context. Of this one movie. I was just like, you know, for you guys making a movie, that is impressive. Yeah.

It's like watching Sergio Leone tell Sam Peckinpah about a dreamy ad starring Quentin Tarantino. And I'm like, yes, it is all of those things. Every one of those people you just mentioned seems like they watched them on a loop before they went out. To shoot this movie. So it is all of those things.

And eventually I was like, no, not really horror. I'll be damned. And, yeah, I like his movies. They're usually, like, very serious and kind of meditative, and this one was, like, really goofy and slapstick and very funny. I heard.

He's kind of a weirdo, too, which I appreciate. They said he was at, like, a Q & A, and, like, people were trying to ask questions, and he was just, like, super weird and dark. And I was like, yeah, that seems about right. Like.... My favorite part is there's a girl who gets eaten by a piano.

Yes, that one is epic. And for a second I thought, well, maybe she's going to be okay because you see her coming out of the top of the piano. Oh. But then you see various body parts dancing around and her head is floating around because she instantly becomes a ghost. Oh.

But her head's floating around watching her legs get eating. She giggles and says the word naughty. I feel like that's a good representation. If you're not familiar with the movie, that description is all you need to know whether you can. Decide, is this movie for me?

If that scares you off, then no, this movie is not for you. Having said all of that, though, there were genuine moments where I was like, if this didn't have the weird country western disco music in it, this scene would actually be quite terrifying. I mean, it definitely... Like, the Stephen King short story is very short and definitely does not go into the depth that this one is. The monkey's an alcoholic.

Yeah. I can't pick up the bottle because I've got these stupid symbols attached to my hand. But I watched it. I was like, what did I just watch? What is this?

Yes, that's the appropriate question, even at the end of the movie. What is this that I just watched? There's my favorite scene. is there's this weird produce salesman on the side of the road. That's the part I was just thinking of. Yeah, but there's a scene where he's dealing with one of their teachers is supposed to drive up to the house that these girls are in to meet them for vague story purposes.

The whole vague story is vague story. The end. But he gets there and the teacher's talking to the fruit salesman. And the fruit salesman is just like, buy my watermelon. And he's like, I don't want watermelon.

And in a certain part, the other guy just starts screaming, I don't want watermelon. I want bananas. And then the fruit salesman turns into a skeleton that bursts into flames. And the teacher turns into a pile of bananas. And then they just move right along.

Wow. Speaking of plot devices, the scene early on where they have the exposition about that girl's stepdad, that whole conversation. I was like, this was minimal. This was clunky. The guy being like, oh, your stepdad did that to you, huh?

Well, your mom hasn't left him yet, right? But what about your sister? I know you just kept saying, I was like, okay, well, you're just going to. Just go ahead and tell us all that. We need all the help we can get.

Why bother with things like... Subtlety. Subtlety and character development when you can just shoehorn it all in in a 45-second speech? This is where I have to say that I would probably have pulled a page from Harper's Playbook and be like, That guy killed all of them. I was in the bathroom the whole time.

Again, I feel like that was a more interesting movie that they totally skipped over. Yes. When we got to that little moment in the back room there where it's the two of them. It's Harper and Benny. And they're like, okay, I'm going to go back to jail.

You're going to throw your whole future away. Or this guy's dead. And we get to do whatever we want, and we get the reward, and, like, everything's great as long as you're willing. To murder someone. That's a really interesting scenario you've just thrown out there, especially for somebody who's kind of straight-laced like Harper, and, like, so if she's that much of a committed to making her life a success that she's willing to murder this guy that she only kind of thinks did it, like, she doesn't.

Really know, so. I was like, that's a really interesting scenario that we didn't sit on for more than about five minutes. I still believe, though, that, and I thought this while I was watching it, it's like, okay, if this, because at that point I was like, I'm pretty sure this guy didn't do all this stuff. I was like, but if he had, I feel like the cops are still going to take your word over his. Probably, because he seems like a serial killer.

Yeah. I don't know. That's still not who I'm thinking of, though. I feel like Mandy Patinkin has never once paid for breakfast. Eh, should he really?

I feel like he's offered to cover the check quite a few times, but after three refusals, he's like, fine, alright. He's a good guy. He offers, but yeah. Why should he ever have to pay for breakfast? He's a national treasure.

I would love to get an angry phone call from Mandy Patinkin saying, listen, you son of a bitch, I pay for breakfast. I pay for breakfast all the time! Oops, this person's also dead. Well, I think, too, this does come into play in the real world because how many people have murdered one person and then somebody else and then just got themselves all. Now I have to cover up my murders with more murder.

You gotta keep murder. Yeah. That's why I've never murdered a single person, because I know it'll lead to more. That we know. And there'll be some sort of wacky, you know, Three's Company-style shenanigans.

I do feel like that would happen with you, though. Yes, it would. There definitely would be some wackiness involved. Probably even weirder things will be said behind closed doors of a paywall. Yeah.

So there you go. Go to MovieMeltdown.com, join the Patreon community, And then you can be part of the Meltdown Horror Club and. Choose a better movie than Crocodile. But that's arguable because, you know, it looks pretty awesome. Except for the animal injuries and whatnot.

But other than that, it looks kind of ridiculous, which usually wins me over. And if you're, you know, a sick bastard, you can choose something worse. If you don't like the cut of our jib, you can make us suffer by watching something worse. Our jib's a little weird, I guess. Our jib is cut oddly, yeah.

Got an oblong jib i don't. Think i've ever used that phrase i'm proud of myself. Today it's a very special day what is a jib. I don't know but they cut it these are the weird things that people come up with us sayings and then you know 50 100 years go by and. You're like why are we why are we champing at the bit what are.

We doing because that is what it's supposed to be by Chomping? Yeah, chomping. Everybody says chomping now because we bastardize it over the years because nobody knows what chomping is. Few people know what a bit is. That too.

Again, where we live. It's a different story. Well, right. The rest of the country is like, what are you idiots chomping at? If I didn't live here, I don't think I would know what a horse is.

It's true. I don't see them very often. And haven't eaten any that I know of. That you know of. Pretty shady operations around here.

You can tell.