Episode 46 - Louie's Rival

Weird media Ni, mister Walters, you see that guy with it now, he's an actor phone. I'm a camp driver. I'm the only camp driver in this place. Good evening and welcome tonight, mister Walter's a Taxi podcast. I'm HP, your co host and with me as always as my co host, Father Malone, Father Malone, how are you this evening?

HP? Let me tell you something someday over there on the noise Junkie, You're gonna come crawling back to me. And you know what, when that happens, I'm gonna say, thank God. Hey, it's season three, father Alone, where we've made it, where it's season three of Taxi. I'm very excited that we are talking Taxi Season three, episode one, Louise's Rival.

This was written by Ken Eston and directed, of course by James Burrows. Reminder, we're doing these shows in broadcast order and not in order of filming, Father Malone, Can I take a moment to break in and do something a little bit different for a change of courusy. You don't need my permissions. Your garage, well, you know we're a team. I'm taking a page out of your playbook, Fathom Alone.

You are on Midnight Viewing's weekly Roundup, which I would encourage everybody to check out if you haven't already. Occasionally you'll give a shout out to a listener, and I have my own shout out to give to a listener. This shout out goes to Jim Allen, who wrote to me and ask, hey, where's season three? What's going on? You haven't had any episodes up, so I said, all right, this is my prompt to make this happen.

So thank you, Jim. Sorry for the long break between seasons, but here you go. Jim, thank you so much for listening. Please stay in touch, and if you haven't already, leave a review, click a star, whatever you can do. We want to hear from you.

So thank you again. So here we go. Yeah, hey, Jim, thank you for writing. I agree with you. By the way, I don't record.

I don't set the recording schedule. That's HP. So you and I are on the same page. Well, it's good that we're rectifying that. Tonight, we're getting together and we're doing one of the very favorite things we do, which is this show.

So here we go. We open in the garage. Oh wait, I'm sorry, it's okay. All these things early on, but since this is a new season, there's there have been some changes. Most notably, I don't know if you noticed, but the costume designer is different this season.

The newest costume designer is named Clark Honis. His most famous claim to fame is his band, the Blue Jeen Committee, which he designed their style, and he designed the entire style for everyone this season on Taxi. I am such a fan of the Blue Jeen Committee, so that makes me very exciting. No, you know that actually tracks bottom alone, because I have several side notes that I want to bring up during the course of this episode. That spacifically page of notes is nothing but blue denim jokes.

Okay, let's do this. Where in the garage, Elane is wrapping up a call on the paper wearing she was wearing some kind of blue blazer thing. I didn't really take much note of it. I thought it was okay, you know that is what was going on below the waist? No, what was going on?

Blue jeans? Go ahead? Next, after agreeing she she's on the phone, she agrees to Saturday Night. She hangs up and she bounds excitedly over to the Cabby's at the poker table, she exclaims way too enthusiastically, in my opinion, fa them alone. Now Doug Johnson has just asked her out on Saturday night.

Now here's my first side note. Isn't it kind of weird considering that this phone call was about her setting up a date with somebody that she chose to close the call with thank you by it's as if it's like, it's as if she called, uh, you know, she called the store to ask for their hours, Like why would you if you're if you have a potential, uh, someone you're going on on a date with, why would you say thank you bye? Do you have several side notes in just about this bit of business? Because this bit of business made me really scared for the rest of season three that they started with this not only lame vaudeville b plot that they're obviously threading up here the on the on the narrative needle. But who made that call?

Did she call him? Did he call her? He like was like, where can I get ahold of Elaine during the day? I need to ask her out right now? Let me call the garage she works out.

Hopefully she's there. Hello, is this the payphone at the garage, is Elaine there by any chance. This is such a lame opening and this really is what passes for a B plot, but we're going to talk about it, but it's really it's a nothing of a b plot. Elaine mentions in passing to these cabbys that she doesn't have a babysitter, and they all leave the table on mass, these these cabbys that she's apparently mothered and everybody loves each other. They're like, we can't be bothered to watch your kids, Elaine, so we're just gonna leave the table.

It might be a situation where they're like, you know what, we're season three in Elaine, just as characters. I'm not even talking about the actors. Yeah, yeah, we're season three here, Elaine. Haven't we done this? Haven't we done the babysitting plot?

Give me a break, Elaine. Bobby's got quite a lovely new haircut. Don't you think, like I'm. I'm getting I'm getting to that. I'm getting to that.

Give me a second, I'm almost there. She goes over and asks Bobby and Tony to help, but they both have plans. Now. Side note, Bobby I wrote down Bobby is sporting a new shorter hairstyle. Well that along with the sensible blue cable knit sweater and jeans.

There's jeans combo. Oh, it seems to signal a new preprier look for Bobby. What did you think? Father? But I know you're you're already on about this blue jean business.

Barring the blue gen nightmare going on here, Bobby's news style is gross and it makes me like Bobby Wheeler a whole lot less. That feathered hair that kind of shon Cassidy like leftovers from like seventy nine eighty. I hate that hairstyle, and they that top that they've got him in. I don't know what's going on there. And then of course the fucking blue jeans.

It's that weird early eighties just sort of blocky, like not form fitting but not loose, just this in between, like as if a child had drawn a pair of blue jeans. Everyone is wearing a child's version of blue jeans in this episode. The costuming is very, very bad so far. Ben I I agree. I liked the old devil make hair roguish Bobby with the hair that he would, you know, the mane of hair that he would swing around, and he had the leather jacket with the shirt buttoned unbuttoned to his to his crotch.

Basically, but this is like we're now we're seeing a kinder, gentler Bobby, and I don't like the tone that's being set here. It seems like Bobby has given up on acting. That's what it seems like to me. It feels like, well, but yes and no, like you could look at it that way, but you could also look at it like, well, maybe my maybe my agent said to me, Look, the roguish gleam in his eye. Character is out.

Maybe we need something kinder and gentler. Maybe we need like a Dustin Hoffman type or something that's a little more sedate and less frightening to the casting agents. Maybe that's why he looks different. I don't know, well that would track given that what we're going to get here and in the next episode is touchy feely early eighties men. What are you doing?

Can you hear that? I think Alan Alda is at the door. Is this where we plug our future episode of Cable Box Theater where we talk about the four seasons? No, we don't have to, but yeah, let's make that promise. With everyone because it's gonna happen.

We're gonna make that happen. Actually wouldn't be cable box theater, maybe it'd be something else, but we'll find a. Way that has to be for everybody. Yeah, Elaine eventually catches Bobby in this lame ass lie about a date that he said he had for Saturday night, but he couldn't remember the woman's name, so he reluctantly agrees to babysit. This is so lame following alone.

I told you I was nervous. It took me a couple of viewings to watch this episode, to be fair. I in fact, once I got to basically the next scene, I just skipped ahead and watched the second episode. We always watch it if you're listening. We always watched two episodes for them, back to back.

I jumped ahead and then came back dreading this one, sat through this again just thinking, oh no, and then it kind of picks up. But Yeah, was really really worried that they had gone off the rails here and is this not their last season on ABC? They were on ABC for the first four seasons. It was only the fifth and final season that was on NBC, so which it was odd. I thought it was two seasons on NBC, but I'm wrong.

So what are you gonna do? Uh yeah, I don't know. I only bring it up because that was that crossed my mind when the when they were being such a SITCOMI version of themselves at the beginning of this season, I thought, oh, this must be their final season with one network, and then they picked it back up on another. But apparently not so well. That was being too alarmist.

Obviously, it's taxi. For God's sake, we haven't even gotten to some of my favorite episodes. There's nothing to worry about. One eye opening aspect of this whole project that you and I are undertaking here is watching these episodes and sequence full. I'm reminded that surprisingly, not every season padded a thousand.

There's plenty of ups and downs, some episodes that are just got awful mixed in with some of the classics, and we're gonna see that in season three. I'm looking right now at a list, and some of my very favorite episodes were in this season. But having said that, there's some clunkers that we're gonna have to get through at this point. Louis Pops into the garage. He furtively is walking around and he summons Alex urgently to his cage, and unsurprisingly, Alex doesn't budge from the bench.

He's at the bench in front of the coffee machine reading the newspaper. Louis tries snapping his fingers. He's basically acting as if Riager's a dog that has to be called into his cage. Finally, Louis decides the better of it and he goes over to Riager himself instead of having Riager come to him. He sits with him and he admits to Rigor that he has a problem with his love life.

So now we know we're in for Zena centered episode, which, to be honest, no disrespect to bea perman father balone, But those are not my favorite taxi episodes, these relationship see episodes with Louis. How do you feel about that? I think that most of their serious relationship episodes completely suck, and I think that the Zena episodes are the worst. Now, like the one off ones that I complained about, at least it was a one off one. You know, we're not getting Angela back as a romantic interest or remember when Bobby had that sugar Mama that oh yeah, Broadway producer, that was great, But we've had so much Zena and I don't like Zena, like actively do not like her as a character.

She does nothing for me. And that was when she was supposedly like a good match for Louie. And so now we're getting here where they're kind of on the rocks. I'm just like, good riddance, go away already. I think part of that problem, Father Malone is the very first episode that Xena appeared on that the writers fell over themselves, having the characters say how much they love Zena and oh, she's great, and I can't Oh did you see Zena?

She gave me this shampoo that she said would work. And they this idea that they're telling us over and hitting us over the head with the idea that everybody loves Zena, and so by extension, I think the audience is supposed to love her too, but for me, it doesn't work. That way exactly. I hate when writers and producers are like, here, you're gonna love this one. It's like Pooci the Simpsons joke, you know, like here, we've designed this character for you to love, Like I don't know thank you.

And you know, obviously that's Rea Prolmanent Danny DeVito, and they were seeing each other and then got married during this period, so I'm sure it's a familial thing on set, but all I kept thinking was somebody kick her out of here and up to Boston, where she will thrive. It's not altogether different from when Studio sixty on the Sunset stripped the Aaron Sorkin series. They remember the very first episode. They're talking about how edgy and brilliant the comedy is. Was there any other episode did they get past that first episode?

Not in my mind, but I know exactly what you're talking about. Where, Yeah, the edgiest kind of comedy on television, and they do like fucking Gilbert and Sullivan. Writers. Don't hit me over the head with how I'm supposed to feel or embrace or not embrace something. I'll draw my own conclusions, thank you very much.

But I think that might be part of what irks me about Zena. I think, which, like I said, I feel bad because it's probably certainly Zena's closer I would assume to the real Ria Pearlman than Carla Tortelli ever was. So I'm not I doubt that. I bet she's more like Carla you think so. I bet they wrote this sweet, lovable character for Rea Pearlman to play, and then when they brought her over to cheers, they're like, just be you.

I could be. I just I'm bagging on the character and not bagging on Ria Perlman the actor, because she's fine. She's doing what she has to do. Louis is laying this thing on Riager about problems with his love life, and this once once again. Once Riager knows that this is about Zena, it gets his attention in a way that he wasn't engaged before.

Louis says somehow they've gotten out a sink. He makes some double entendres about their lack of sexual chemistry, which then prompts Alex to leave and go away from Louis, and Louis protests that he's pouring his heart out to Riager, but Rieger correctly points out that all Louis is doing is saying that he's not getting enough action. I think that's actually the exact words that Rieger uses, and good for Riager because he's calling him out for the aborishness of the conversation. I love when Alex just won't give him quarter to be the victim that he likes to play, that no else will allow him to be. And I like that riger is willing to help but not willing to let him to help him in the same sort of bullshit woe is Me way he's hoping for, because obviously the problem is Louis.

Also the other problem is of all of Clark Honis's grievous actions against the cast of Taxi this season with the blue jeans, Alex Rieger's wardrobe is the worst. This is the worst we've ever seen him. He's got blue jeans up to his nipples. What goes on up from there are those horrible flimsy faux western shirts with the pearl, the faux mother pearl button snaps. Yeah, and it's just some vague plaid.

I his wasn't as egregious as the other ones because he's always wearing dorky stuff. It's not like he's a fashion There's a difference between a stylish turtleneck with another outfit, another layer over that, and then this thing this like I just saw Urban Cowboy. Get me to the Cowboys store. Gilly's the bar bar so Finally, Louis admits the real problem. He's afraid of losing Zena.

He's cut to the quick on this. Louis says that Zena sees something in him that other people don't, and that's one of the reasons he cares for her so much. Alex tells Louis flat out that you just need to treat Zena better, to which Louis replies, what makes you think that I don't treat her well now? And then Alex calls him on his bluff basically and says, well, why don't you describe a typical evening with Zena for me? And Louis says, hey, we watch a little TV, then we hit the sheets and that's it.

Alex is incredulous. Louis asks Alex, well, you describe your idea of romantic evening and then Alex says, well, you go to a ski jump, you take a ski jump, and then you see the numb. Out of an airplane. That's right. You learn how to play being alive and you play it in front of a bar.

Make sure your date is at least thirty years older than you, and then take her on a tour of all her original haunts from growing up. The key to a successful date, Alex says, is you have to get a good whiff of the woman's hair, just get your nose in there. To really get it in. And if she's family, even better. Even better.

So creepy, Alex starts to describe this generic date, You go to a movie, you have some dinner, blah blah blah, and Louis is now furiously taking notes. Unless you're Travis Bickle, I think you have an idea of what a generic date should entail. Right, Honestly, this is like a silly premise. The guy doesn't have one idea on how to have a date. I've had this conversation with people, yeah, other men, Yes, conversation like I did you not talk about her?

Did you ask her questions about? No? You didn't? You didn't hmm, Well, and that's in like the past ten years. I had that conversation.

And this episode is from what eighty one. Yeah, Louis can't just he can't grasp the idea of just simply talking with Zena, and he doesn't even know what to talk about even if they had a conversation. So after finishing his notes, Louis walks away in Triumph, he's confident he's holding up this notebook and he's confident that this is the golden key to a better relationship. As we fade out, now we fade in, it's b roll. You know, Jim Burrows loves his like zoom in on a nondescript apartment facade.

Now, but there was something about it's a very imposing building at dusk, and the bright sky is contrasted with the dark facade, and it made it look like Rosemary's Baby or something. Did you get that same vibe from it? I did? But I also, this is our second bit of b roll, and it's all b roll we've actually seen before. Again, more things that were leading me to believe that this was the final season of Taxi on this network.

I kept that. Well, they didn't even send out our career. They're like when they started season two, it was like, hey, Matrios, Hey look at this building, look at this over here. We talked about this in one of those episodes. I didn't realize this with this bee roll with the building was reused because we see some of that in this and in the next episode two.

Well, that's you know, that's the great thing about James Burrows is what you mentioned, those like weird zoom in. Sometimes sometimes he'll use a piece of footage and then manipulate it in a different way so it doesn't appear as if we'd seen it before. True, it's pretty clever. So we cut inside of Zena's darkened apartment and they both walk in. Xena and Louie walk in.

They're both in a huff and they she turns on the lights. They're getting settled. Apparently louis idea of romancing did not go well. He complains about taking her to a fancy French restaurant that she doesn't even want the leftovers, and the restaurant didn't want them to take so Louis had to go out and get his own bags to take the food home. Now here's another side note, father, You remember there was a time, maybe this is just sitcoms or just TV or movies in general, there was a time when French food was considered the height of elegance in the US.

Right, So in a sitcom, if someone was going to take their woman out on a fancy date, almost invariably they'd go to a French restaurant. Absolutely that Tripper was a French chef. That was the height of we knew he was as serious. He wasn't a cook, you know, he meant to be a chef because there were the French was involved. And yes, every sitcom either used French chefs and French cuisine as a benchmark of the character had made it, or as a point of ridicule, like these stuffy old bullshit what is it?

Snails on a plate? It was like a fish out of water thing where they'd come in and they don't know what to order, then they order it and and they're often adversarial with the snooty, snobbish waiters or may d's. So I just this is a trope that this episode took me back to. But let me ask you a question father moment. Have you ever been to a French restaurant, a fancy French restaurant.

Yeah, of course, yeah. I have to once. I will say this, I've only been to a French restaurant once. And by the way, it was up to that point it was the single most expensive meal I had ever had up to that point. It was a great meal, but it was really expensive.

Anyway, I just thought to mention that. My French film was not I've had actually many French restaurant experiences, not the most expensive I've ever had, but the best I've ever had, honestly, and none of what I really enjoy about French cuisine I can eat anymore because as I can no longer process the cluten out the curs. But let me just make sure by a French restaurant I'm not talking about. I'm talking about the real get it you. Shove that right up here.

Anyway, that that's kind of what we're seeing here. Just okay, well, go ahead, go ahead. No, no, no, I've been responding once again to your all bond pain. I'm going to rain all bomb pain down on you. A long pain.

It's like mall food. Xena tells Louis that she wants to get to sleep early tonight, so would he mind. She's sending him signals like I really, motherfucker, just get out of it. She's trying to be nice about it, but failing to take the hint. Louis stomps into the bedroom to get it on he's He basically says like, all right, well, I'll get out here quick, meaning to him like let's just go let's bang and then I'll get out of here, and I'll be out of here in minutes.

Xena yells at him that she wants him to leave. Finally, she says, I want you to leave. Louis re emerges from the bedroom. He's like half undressed. I think his tie is off and his shirt is unbuttoned.

This is where things get a little bit serious. Things get real here for Louie. She tells Louie she's very tense tonight, she needs to be alone. And then Louie ever the pig. He gets this really sneaky look on his face and he tells her that he'll take the tension out of her wink wig, and he starts chasing her around the apartment like a cartoon wolf or pepe le pew or something, which eventually prompts Zena to get him in a headlock just to stop him from stomping around, And finally Louis asks her, what did I do so bad?

Zena still wants him to leave, but she asks if he even wants to know what's bothering her. Louis shrugs it off, saying I can't be that bad, and then he asks the question that we already know the answer to. He offhandedly asks you still love me, don't you, which I think anybody who has reached this kind of a relationship crossroads knows that the death that that question can signal, because in life, you never ask a question you know the answer to. This is his biggest mistake of this whole episode. Her silence basically answers the question for him.

She can't even bring herself to say to him, no, I don't love you anymore. She apologizes, and then she drops this confession that she's met another man, which I didn't remember this from watching this episode whatever I watched it last. I was actually kind of shocked by that. At this point, Louis de Palma should just leave, but go ahead spill the story. If he had, if he had any filthy, filthy cheaters.

If he had any dignity or self worth, he would have just said, all right, I know this is it. You know you don't beyond that. Let me just have my say about But the relationship advice going back and forth on this show all the time, Right, Yeah, nine times out of ten I agree with it, right, And the advice that Riager is trying to give him here is just that basic advice, and like I've said, I've had to give that advice, like you know, you have to be interested in the person, you need to find out about them, like that kind of a thing. Certainly, that is good advice across the board. But I think Louis de Palma is a particular brand of human being, and I think there's a person out there for him where all of his fucking cuckoo behavior is totally accepted and welcomed, and then their crazy behavior would be reciprocated on him.

Like that person is out there and this I think they want us to feel bad through this episode, and all I can think is, thank god we're getting rid of Zena. I don't love this Louis, who's kind of stripped bear. He's like a raw nerve. I don't like that Louis. I like the Louis with confidence, who's a pig, who can and who's quick with the one liner.

Louis can't even speak at this point. He's so shocked at this revelation, and Xena admits that she's confused. She went to Marios, of all places. Put a betrayal, oh heart. So she went there a few weeks ago with a friend and met the day bartender, whose name is Dwight.

He asked Zena to go out, and even though she admits she had some hesitation, she felt something good between them and she said yes. And they went on on several dates during which things weren't physical. But one day, without planning, as these things happened, they became lovers. This sets Louis off on one of his patented silent slow burns. It's like judged smails, right, He's just got the red face.

His veins are popping out of his forehead. Zena notices this change in his complexion and she says, what's wrong, and he's so freaked out that he can't even talk. He grabs a pencil in her He writes, I can't breathe, and it's just this little bit of physical comedy. It's whatever. She slaps him on the back and he gasps for breath.

She grabs He had poured oil can, oil can for this joke. Get the oil can. Wizard of Oz, Right, that's what you're doing. He had poured himself a glass of peach brandy and when he was still feeling kind. Of himself gross.

Yeah, So she takes the brandy and gives it to him, presumably so he can drink it down, and he instead of drinking it, he splashes it across his face and you just have this amber thick liquid. It's just really disgusting. It looks like it's going to be so sticky in moments like you're just got the rest of the morning. Every part of him, all of his hair is going to be matted and clinging. His eyelashes are going to be stuck together.

It's really gross. It's not pleasant to see it all. And it also brings to mind. Have you seen the footage, I'm sure it's on YouTube when Danny DeVito showed up on some talk show early in the morning and he had been up from the night before and he was there to hawk his liqueur Lemonchello, and he had been up drinking Lemonchellos all night and he just kept saying, I've been up drinking Lemonchello, Lemonchello. Danny has been out partying all night with Tell them, I'm so jealous, coloney.

I knew it was the last seven Lemonchellos that was going to get me. Yes, exactly, have you been to sleep yet? Not really so while he was splashing this Apricot brandy on himself, all I could think about was Lemonchello. Finally, Louis gets to the point. He says, what are you saying?

And Zena says, well, I think it would be best if we didn't see each other for a while, And Louis seems to accept this news and he starts to get dressed. Zena even helps him kind of button his shirt a little bit. He pours another peach brandy for her and says one for the road, and he turns to leave as sad piano music plays in the background, but before he walks out the door, he turns to Zena and he says, one day you're gonna come back to me, begging me to take you back, and you know what, and when you do, you know what I'll say. I'll say, thank God God. And then well.

It's a good you know what. It's a good line, except it's here and it's designed to make us feel sad, and I don't feel sad. I feel jubilant right now. Right There are several twists to this episode that I actually really liked, and they might have actually saved it. A yellow light or two.

But I do appreciate that about this, because you're expecting him to say, you're gonna come crawling back to me, and when you do, I'm gonna say, get the hell out. But no, I mean, Louis is being nake le honest, which, as I said, isn't my favorite Louis. But I appreciate what the writers are trying to do here, even if even if it didn't land father Malone, I agree. To describe my my current position to the listeners. Well, Father Malone is doing the gladiator thumbs down.

He wants to execute that that line of dialogue, I think pretty much, and I again I cannot disagree, but you know, let's continue on here. So we cut back. This is another reuse of Mario's facade, the b roll, and we cut. This is the very first footage they ever showed us of Marios. Those two guys running in yeah, kind of.

Slapping each other on the back as they go into Marios. Like Rosencrantz and Guildensterner dead. Who are those guys? Right? So we cut inside and Elane and Tony and Alex are sitting at their customary table Bobby struts in the orders of beer from the bar and he joins the table.

He's back, by the way him from nineteen thirty three. Everybody, let's continue this joke fest. Hey, what do you say, Elane? You know, I've been thinking about a previous position and I got a new contract idea for you. We say, Bobby is back to the leather jacket, shirt un buttoned halfway down.

Look at his hair is still there's no going back to his previous hairstyle, but at least he's there's a nod back to the Devil May Care Bobby. No, they've got a new leather jacket on him. And it is early eighties. Angular it's already yearning to have shoulder pads. It's yearning to be a gigantic Frank Miller drawing, and I do not like it.

And they've gone. I don't know what's going on here with Bobby Wheeler. Are they already turning against Bobby? These riders? Have they figured it out?

I don't know. Men's jackets throughout the rest of the run of the show, I believe are leaning towards the Members only. Look right, we all remember members only jackets with the epaulets and the puffy and all that, and that's I think what you're saying is it's a little bit of a puffy leather jacket members only type. Look, I think, can I just share a joke my late wife, Jessica, you're a friend of mine. Of course, for thirty years she milked this joke.

Anytime she saw somebody in a member's only jacket, she would say, hey, look, the last member never got al. We're inside Bobby's at the table. Curiously, though, I noted this, Jim is standing alone at the back of the restaurant, glancing around furtively. Father Malone, Did you notice him back there? Of course I did, because I was praying he would come in and save the scene, I wrote down.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's up to no good. It felt like he was casing the place for some various reason, did it not. I don't question what Jim is up to. I know he's not up to no good, you know. Come on.

I got a little nervous because it looked like something bad was about to happen and Jim was involved. But fortunately that's all in my mind. So Bobby again with this stupid b plot. He tries to talk his way out of babysitting Elaine's kids. But it doesn't work.

And by the way, this is the last time we will ever hear of this ridiculously nothing story thread. So thank goodness for that. Some things are coming. I guess this episode is making us at the start of season three, making us happy about endings. Perhaps if they cast Zena off and let's start showing Bobby the door.

Jim then walks over and asks Elaine to dance, and Elaine replies that there's no music Jim, but Jim says there will be soon because he just put a quarter in the jukebox. And then we have, Hey, we have a TJ. Castro, not a set sighting. It's Tommy. He comes over and and delivers his vaudeville quip that Jim just put a quarter in the cigarette machine.

Remember those, by the way, Father Molonees cigarette machines. Absolutely fuck your I d anyone can walk up to a cigarette just a couple of quarters, you're a smoker, baby. They were marvels of engineering. They had that like it was like a little bar that you pulled out and it would It had like a like a loose sight knob. Fancy loo sight knob.

With the world's deadliest foosball table. It was like fooseball things. Yeah, yeah, the poll, Yeah, you're absolutely right. Anyway, that that the joke is that he put a quarter in the cigarette machine and that's that. Whatever get Did you ever get a pack of cigarettes that way?

Sure? Sure at a bar? Absolutely, yeah, Oh my god. By the time, but I think we were up and smoking another probably push button ones. I do remember having to pull the thing.

I mean this. It may it may not have been like an all the time occurrence, but at least on I'd say several occasions. I remember. I can hear the sound of the metal as you pulled it out. But you're right, eventually, I think it was probably a push button thing.

I thought this exchange was utterly bizarre. Father alone, Tony kind of gets up from the table and he says, well, I'll get to get out of here. Got to get up early in the morning, and then Alex says, why what are you doing. Tony replies that he's meeting them there for breakfast. He's got to leave Marios early or to get up early next day to go back to Marios to have breakfast with the same people that he's sitting there drinking beer with.

This is what I'm saying, Like, is this some sort of meta commentary episode? Are the writers making fun of all of the tropes of sitcoms? Here? Right at the beginning, they're like, Elaine, we've done the plot with you and your kid, and we got a babysitter babysit for you. And now Tony's like, well, gotta get home because we gotta get back and do this exact acting again tomorrow.

It does seem like a bit of a satire of a typical taxi episode, or if you took a taxi episode and you ran it through a copy machine about five or six times, so now you're getting a fifth generation version of taxi. This might be it. These jokes are just landing terribly. But what's even weirder is after they have this exchange, the rest of the cabbs get up too, because apparently they've all tacitly agreed they're going to meet there for breakfast the next day. Nothing weird about that.

So as they're leaving, a disheveled Louis walks in, smelling of apricot brandy that you were just describing the stickiness of an Apricott brand. He's sticking to his eyebrows and his clothes. It's all still there. In two centuries, they're going to have a genetic genetic model of Louis de Palmo. At the newest Jurassic Park, Manhattan edition.

Preserved in amber is. I'm a digger. He tells them that he shattered, that life is over, and after I like this, actually after the quickest beat, they look at him, and then Bobby says, all right, well, we'll see you tomorrow then, and they all file out. Every one of them files out, even Alex, who you would think should know what's going on because he already had this conversation with Louis. So I believe Alex was going to stick around.

And I was right, you were right. I was right too. Louis ambles in. He side eyes the guy at the bar, who is evidently this Dwight character that Zena spoke about. He's the backup bartender, and he, Louis even starts low, growling like an animal.

But just then, to your point, Alex pokes his head back into the bar, and it restores my faith in Alex as a good human being, that he's not going to leave Louis there and wallow and potentially do something that he's going to regret, like beat up this bartender or try to. And I just say that the bartender on first glance, I thought it was Xander schlass. Oh from Abby Wipo man and from the Circle jerks. Yeah, yeah yeah, and pray for a he looks just like him. He did, but yeah it is not him.

Alex comes in and he asks Louie to sit down, and he asks him what's wrong. Louis says that Xena left him and he's been up all night drinking, maybe drinking lemon cello like he's wont to do. He asks Rigor if he ever got his guts stomped on by a girl, and Alex says, I know just how you feel, and he starts to tell a story, a related story to Louis about a girl. I like this a lot. This is pure de palma.

It is is. All Rega is trying to do is relate to Louis on his level, and Louis impatiently says, my life's falling apart, so I need to listen to stories about you. Riager. You're making this about you. It's my life that's falling apart here as.

Quld be so selfish Alex right, Louis. Says, the worst part is she fell for a bartender named Dwight, and that must be him over there. Alex says it might not be him. You don't know, So Louis yells, look out Dwight, just as this guy is carrying a tray of glasses, and of course it confirms that it's Dwight because the guy freaks out and drops everything all over the place. I guess it is, like I said, this isn't allem.

Grasp for anything to enjoy about this episode. Some of it, I like Louie wants to go talk to him, but Alex insists that he doesn't, and and Rieger goes to buy some beers and Louis demands that he pumped the guy for info, and Alex says, I'm not going to be a spy for you. Alex is basically reduced doing the same thing that Louis did to him earlier, which is call out commands to Louis like a dog, Sit, sit, stay. Because Louis keeps trying to get up and talk to this guy Dwight, Alex goes to get the beers, and then the bartender starts, He's supposed to be small talk, but it's basically mister exposition. All of a sudden, Yeah, Like, what the fuck?

Like if I sat down and a bartender started spilling to me, I'd be like, peace. Man, this is supposed to be the other way around, yo. Without any real prompting. The bartender says, Oh, he's doing good, but if you asked me yesterday, I'd have been in some real trouble. But I think he got it all figured out.

The bartender says he met a girl there a few weeks ago named Xena Sherman. They hit it off. The next thing he knows. They're seeing each other every day. Things are getting better and better, but all of a sudden, father alone, she gets serious on him, and that took all the fun out of it for him, so he decided to stop seeing her.

Alex thanks him and takes the beer back to the table. Louis is desperate. He asks Alex what he learned, and Alex confirms, Yeah, that's Dwight and she's serious about the relationship and he's not. Alex says he's gonna break up with Zena Louie admits to having mixed feelings. He says he's sad that Zena's Heart's going to be broken, but then he says that's going to be good for him.

He thinks that she'll just come running back to him. We cut back to the Rosemary's Baby apartment where inside Dwight. Dwight's not even in the room. He's in the doorway telling a stonefaced Zena that he's sorry he didn't work out, and then just then Louie barges in as Dwight's leaving. I think he even like kind of hustles him out of the door the rest of the way like ah, yeah, yeah whatever, when he shoes about the door.

Louis then proceeds to make himself at home in her apartment, basically lecturing her on the breakup while he's casually making a sandwich, which is really kind of funny. Yeah, because first of all, that sandwich looks fucking delicious, and the fact that he I don't know, but who are we rooting for here? Well, that's a good question, because we're not rooting for him because he's being such a dick about it. Like he can come and you know, the thing is like when he comes and confines to Alex, Alex Is always like, yeah, but you know what, you're just a horrible human. Louis like, I'm not gonna fucking feel bad for you for this, And then we're seeing that in action now, like it does now feel like a hustle.

Every time he's like, I don't want to loser, it's like if he didn't want a loser, he would have behaved one way differently in any of their interactions. For the rest of the episode, all the episode keeps saying is yes, that they're not supposed to be together. Really, the central question of this is who are we supposed to be rooting for or who are we supposed to be feeling sorry for, because it's not very clear. Even now where the episode is five minutes left and we're still it's still up in the air. Louis declares that he and Zena can resume their relationship on their old footing.

I wasn't going to make you a bed, but you know you've been through a lot. Total dick. Zena is fuming watching this, and finally she declares that she doesn't want Louis back. Louis is incredulous at hearing this, and Zena says she didn't break up with Louis because of Dwight. It all began with Louis and his problems, emotional problems, personality problems, maturity problems, even sexual problems, she says.

Zena refuses to entertain the notion of getting back together with Louie, and there's some more wrangling from Louis about what his idea of love is, but finally Zena asks what is his concept of love? Like, what do you think love is? Louie? And he this, Actually I thought this was another good bit. Louis says that love is the end of happiness, and he goes on this rant about how one day all the guy's got to do to be happy is watch the Mets.

The next day, you got to have Zena in the room watching the Mets to be happy. There's still the Mets, it's still the same room, but now you've got to have Zena there. The things he loved are made better by having her there. Now he can't enjoy them unless she's with him, which is kind of sweet. Oh, it's very sweet.

And if he meant it, and their relationship is meant to continue. Then he should have said this at the very beginning of the episode, once he realized he was going to lose her. He certainly should have said it after he realized he had lost her because she broke up with him and took her lover. And now why he didn't say this as soon as he walked into the thing. It's just on and on and on.

Fuck you Louis. Yeah, hearing this story come from, Louis moves Xena, and then they're closing in for a kiss. Just before they're going to lock lips, she comes to her senses and says, oh God, and she puts her hand up on her temple and misery. She realizes that she's back in the same crappy relationship again, and she'll her get out from under it. She says this like, basically, she expresses this idea that what I'm doomed.

I can't get out from under this relationship, and but Louis mistakes this is her coming back and he's thrilled. So it's this dichotomy where she's essentially describing how she's in hell. Basically, for lack of a better phrase, she can't get out from under this terrible thing with Louis, But Louis can't read the room and he's thinking to himself, Oh, I get it made. We're back together, baby. So it's kind of like these two people that are made for each other, it's still locked in this eternal dance of death.

So we freeze frame. That's the end of the episode. That's the end. That's the end, and like, is that an it? I don't know what happened there?

Did they get back together? Did she with them? Like? What where are we? I will say this before we get into the nuts and bolts of the actual end of the episode.

This is the birth of Carla Turtelli because Carlo Tortelli on chairs is constantly going back and forth with Nick Tortelli played by Dan Hadea, who is this loathsome tiny guy who everyone cannot stand and she can't stand either, but he has this weird pull on her and she fucking hates the fact that they keep getting back together. And here it is pretty brilliant. Actually, I didn't think of it like that. If you think of this like a choose your adventure, right, they could have done one of let's say three things. They could have had them kiss and make up and passionate and everything's back together.

That's one way they could. Have had her I would have hated that go ahead. I would have hated that too. They could have had her steadfastly say no, get out of here, Louis, I don't want to see you again. This is it, and he would leave, and that would have been another ending, but I didn't love it.

I would have loved that ending. But somehow I this one, to me felt more genuine. I guess when you're dealing with these relationships, there's no absolutes. It's sort of an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. These two people who are not right for each other and should not be together, yet somehow end up in each other's orbits despite their best efforts.

That's what I really loved about this ending, and it kind of saved the episode a little bit for me. I agree with you to a certain extent. I think I do not think these characters are meant to be together, though I don't think this is an eternal sunshine situation. Those two characters are going to end up at each other's throats, but the ride to it is worth it. That's not the case with these two characters.

But I do agree with you that this feels like a very seventies ending for what is now looking like a very eighties television show. This kind of complicated. Sometimes a song has to end in a minor key what are you going to do about it? Kind of an ending. I loved that.

It's the only thing I like about the episode. It saved the episode for me for sure. I mean, there's a couple of things. They zigged in a few parts where I thought they were going to zag and it actually worked for me, because by and large, I didn't love this episode. And I think part of the reason why I forgot about some of the nuances is because this isn't one that I would typically revisit.

It's not a you know, one that's in my best of collection, if you will. Well, the thing about it is the rest of it is so fucking vaudeville, so like common lowest common denominator sitcom that I couldn't see this notion of we're watching a breakup and that's just as valid and we're going to embrace it. That was going on here, like the rest of the episode is not supporting that thesis. And and. I don't know like, on the one hand, I feel like I don't ever want to be spoon fed by these episodes.

On the other hand, I would have liked Louis to get the fucking point. It's exhausting and it's kind of infuriating as a viewer to watch him go through these machinations and it's a little frustrating. So having said all of that, let's talk about yellow lights. What does a yellow light mean? Just a reminder, we're gonna score this episode on from one to five yellow lights.

One is the worst taxi, episode five is the best, as is our custom again, father alone, We're gonna throw it to you. What do you give Louise's rival, giving it two yellow lights? I did not liked this episode from top to bottom. I'm giving it too based on that ending, just because ambiguity is fantastic and irony is good for your blood. But I didn't like the look of this episode.

I didn't like the wardrobe on anybody. I thought the jokes are corny at best, and it's just felt confusing and weird, Like it's Louie crying that he loves this girl and wants to be with her and he'll do anything. It takes and then does nothing, and then cries about it and does nothing, and then cries about it and does nothing. I don't know what to glean from this because unless this is the last one we're ever going to get. If that's the case, okay, but it needn't have been this confused.

We are in agreement here. I gave this episode two yellow lights as well. What we have here kind of in essence, fatam alone. When I think about this is we really might have our very first solo Louie episode, because to be honest, everything is happening around him and revolving around him, but no one really has any real agency except for Louie. Xena doesn't really have She's not allowed to really decide whether she wants to stay or go for Louis, alex is fairly passive, he doesn't really do much, and let's not talk about Elaine and her weird b plot.

So essentially, it's like a one man show here with Louie. And as much as I enjoy episodes that delve deeper into Louie and what he's all about, I mentioned this earlier. I realized that I don't love the episodes where he's laid bare and stripped to his essence. There's just something about a defenseless Louie in that way that I don't respond well too. As far as I will go as the one where he has the high school reunion, I thought that one had a good payoff and it doesn't hit you over the head with all of this.

I agree with you that the multiple, the sort of bait and switch of the ending is what saved it for me. You think that Louie is gonna get not gonna get Zena, then she's gonna kiss him and make up. I love what you said, which is the ambiguity of that ending is worth one yellow light to me. So that's why I gave it too yellow lights, Father Malone. You gave it too yellow lights as well.

That's going to do it for this episode of night, mister Walters, Father Malone, Where can the folks find you when you're not clocked into the garage. You can always find me at midnight viewing. I'm there day and night, night and day. Twice a week. You can hear my show midnight viewing over on the Weird Way Media Network.

HB does all the music for us and appears on the weekly program with even more selective music. Go over there, give it a good review or something, and go to the Patreon. If you actually listen to the show and you enjoy it, you can subscribe Patreon dot com slash father alone. Go check it out. And I always stump for this.

The Weekly Roundup is my favorite of all the content, and Father Malone is the hardest working man in podcasting. I firmly believe that he produces more content by and by than anyone else I know. So check out the Weekly round Up with him. And. It is hot.

It is The Weekly Up is great. You should if nothing else, check that out. That will That's a nice taster for all the other content that he has available For myself, you can find me elsewhere on the weirding Way Network as well. I host the Noise Junkies music podcast that bottom alone reference there. I'm an occasional guest on the Culture Cast with Christashu and I also have a band campsite hpmusicplace dot bandcamp dot com.

Just released an album not too long ago called Wired and Waiting. Please check that out see who play. As always, please feel free to write us, rate us, review us. We'd love to hear from you in any manner you choose. Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you again next time.