106.2: Beating Kids with a Purpose

Fucking shit fuck you fuck you fuck you. The following feature has been rated r by the motion picture association of america it is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Hi, John Amplis, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown, the greatest movie geek show on Earth.

It's time for Sofa Theater. Sofa Theater. Hey, can I get another drink down here? I've been to prison once. I've been married twice.

I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in shit-ass Mexico for two and a half years for no reason. I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out, and I got a bone chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal. I've seen some pretty shitty situations in my life, but nothing has ever sucked more ass than this. If I'd known I was going to have to put up with a bunch of screaming brats pissing on my lap for 30 days out of the year, I would have killed myself a long time ago. Come to think of it, I still might.

Where I come from, we didn't celebrate Christmas. Not because we were Jewish, but because my dad was a worthless, coward fucking asshole whose idea of a present was a daily punch to the back of the head. He did teach me how to crack a safe, though. My dad never did shit with his life, so he took it out on me. You could say I'm no different, and I'd have to say you were right.

But at this point, it's too late to start over. Funny how things work out. It's fucking hilarious. Please, daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't want to see my mama cry.

Please, Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't want to see my mama cry. Welcome to Movie Meltdown Sofa Theater. Once again, I am Brian. I'm Greg.

I'm Marlene. Now I'm... Oh, Lord. Welcome back to Movie Meltdown's Fuck Me Santa Holiday Special. It seems quite fitting this week.

So, yeah, not only is it, you know, that special holiday special, but this is also our third annual holiday special. Third annual? Yeah. Congratulations. As of this week, it is our anniversary.

Yay. Crossing over into the third year here. Whether we live to see the fourth is. Yet to be seen. Oh.

Fallen time for the four. And for you listening at home, it's cold in here. It's ridiculously cold. That's why. Losing feeling in my feet cold.

Right. Yep. I did forget before because we had too many other snacks. We have more snacks. More snacks.

Yay. We're going to roast the dog. Oh, that's right. Uh-oh, has this got chocolate in it, too? Uh-oh.

I see icing and candy. Yeah, I was gonna get those stupid little sprinkle cookies, but I'm like, does anybody even like those? No. If this tree attacks me, I'm gonna be upset. We'll see.

So, yeah, I figured we'd celebrate Christmas the trashiest way possible with snack cakes. I almost got these. This is what Ghetto Kid had for Christmas. Are these, uh... What brand are these?

Little Debbie. Little Debbie? If I were plugging them, yes. Sorry. You can delete that.

We have no heat, Little Debbie. For God's sakes, give us money. Is it too much to ask to have some fucking heat? Again, calories are a measure of heat. That's our plan.

I'm ready to go to talk about this movie. So I can sit in my warm car. Can we record from the car this episode? Can we just drive around? I'll drive around.

Let's do that. This is what it's come to. So, this movie. Directed by Terry Zweigoff. Love Terry Zweigoff.

Director of one of my favorite movies of all time. Ghost World. Number one favorite movie. He wrote Ghost World too, didn't he? Yeah, it was a comic.

First, wasn't it? I think he adapted it. He and. But I'm sure he wrote the screenplay because he re-adapted this screenplay as well. So just to get into it, this week's Sober Theater feature is Bad Santa.

And technically it's Badder Santa, if that helps you. And if you want to keep up with us exactly, it's technically the Badder Santa version. There was like an extra scene. There was a lot of extra. No, not really.

I mean, not from the version I saw. I think a good portion of it is cursing. I got the breakdown of the number of curses in the regular version and in the badder version. Well, you know the numbers, so I can't argue with that. Well, I'm just, yeah, it's ridiculous, the astronomical number of cursings.

Can I just say, like, I'm strangely attracted to Billy Bob Thornton? Can I just say that doesn't surprise me? Right. The year is 2003. Director Terry Zweigoff, as you mentioned.

The plot, according to IMDb, a miserable con man and his partner poses Santa and his little helper to rob department stores on Christmas Eve, but they run into problems when the con man befriends a troubled kid and the security boss discovers the plot. That's somewhat accurate. For IMDb, that's pretty good. Yeah, I don't know who wrote it, but it's not terrible. All right, so giant spoiler alert.

If you haven't had your holiday ruined by this movie already, we are about to ruin it as well. Aside from your affection for Billy Bob, is that where you would like to begin? Yeah. I love this movie. Thurman and Merman, come on.

It's brilliant. It's hilarious. It changed my outlook on Christmas. It actually fits right in with my outlook on Christmas. Except you're not drinking yourself.

Well. Is that the next step? Probably not. I can't afford booze. Well, that's true.

It is expensive. Yeah, that's true. I could go roll a hobo and take his. I mean, you can get some Mad Dog for like a buck. Oh, well, you know, Mad Dog's pretty high class.

Yeah, I know. But, no, I love this movie. I think it's hilarious. It's brilliant. That's about all I can think of.

It certainly isn't uplifting. Isn't it, though? No. No. I mean, I do like the character arc.

I mean, he does... I think the most... The key point in the movie is when he's sitting in the locker room. Yeah. And, again, this spoiler alert, you know, he...

I guess the story is these con men are posing as Santa Claus and the elf, and they're stealing everything on Christmas Eve from the department stores. But the aforementioned little boy that he befriends, who is, we can probably get into more of him later, but he's the typical kid that's being beaten up, has many, many problems. But he defends the boy by going and beating up the bullies that have beaten him up and which that scene of him beating up the kid is fantastic but the best part of the movie the moment you're like oh this is more than just a crass movie or being someone when he says you know I really think I'm coming around you know I think I've turned a corner. Yeah you fucking petite now no I'm.

Not talking about that I beat the shit out of some kids today but it's for a purpose Made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I don't know. Like I accomplished something. You need many years of therapy. I think I've turned a corner today.

Yeah, you've turned a corner today. I did something with a purpose. I beat up some kids, and there was a reason. I think that's the key. To me, that's about the best moment of the movie.

I mean, there's many good moments, but that's the one that's like, oh, I see now where this is going. That's the point we're going for. He's changing, and still bad Santa. Definitely. But, I mean, he's not a rebel without a cause.

He's a rebel with a cause from that point on. Right. What I don't understand is how Mrs. Did she ever actually have a name? Mrs.

Claus' sister. Mrs. Claus. Yeah, I realize that. Like, most people in this barely have a name.

Grandma. Grandma kid thurman merman that yep but he was kid through most of the right he's the exception of that one mention he's the kid. Right but uh you know she meets him in the bar that she's bartending in And she's like, I like you. And I'm just like, why? Why do you like this guy?

Other than your creepy fetish for guys in Santa Claus outfits. She clearly has some issues. Clearly, I guess, but I mean. Okay, this is back to my point I was going to get to earlier that I said I would return to, which is in response to your where's mine. Yeah, okay, I'm slightly less horrible than Billy Bob in this movie.

Where's my Lauren Graham? That's all I want to know. No kidding. Where's my ridiculously devoted, for no good fucking reason, completely, utterly in love with this guy, and I don't understand why, but blindly follows him. And see, like. if you know me i i can relate to her better than most people at this table probably i can relate to that but i mean even me i'm just like what the fuck is wrong with you why run run in the opposite direction i mean i guess it worked out she got a jacuzzi and.

Shit man but you know she got a kid and a. Kid and she loved kids and the part where she's like do you like kids i'm like. Why do you want to know? Do you want to have kids with this guy? Yes, she does.

Yikes. That's what I think. If there's anything that seems a little off, it is that. It's just her character. And don't get me wrong, I love Lauren Graham in odd ways.

But I just. In dirty ways. No, she's almost too awesome for that. She's too cool. Do you like the cold, Lauren?

Perhaps. Do you? I would definitely wear a Santa Claus hat for her. Yeah, you'd be like Santa and Jacuzzi. Do you like the cold?

It would be a lot of snuggling involved. Anyway. Come up to my North Pole. You said that one. I know.

I did. But here's the thing. Everybody else, and I'll get to the rest of them later, but she's the one that just doesn't fit almost. Like, in a way, she doesn't. Makes sense.

Because she should be... To be as messed up as she is to be hooking up with him, she should be way more screwed up. Right. Like, seemingly. And really, I mean, there's nothing.

With the exception of her screwing him, there's nothing else about her. No. I mean, she's... Well, I mean, no, she's messed up. I get that.

I mean, she's definitely... She's attracted him for no good reason. She's also an enabler because she keeps buying him booze. She keeps showing up with more booze. So she's not fixing the problem in any way, shape, or form.

Here's the thing about people like that, women who are, or people in general who are like enablers or deal with alcoholics on a regular basis. You can be. Relatively normal and a relatively sweet, nice person and fall into that. I've known lots of people that are like that. I mean, that's what's wrong with you.

That's the extent of what's wrong with you. Usually the alcoholic in question does a little better job. I mean, once you get to the advanced stages of alcoholism that he's reached by the end of this movie, he should be hooking up with meth whores at best. There's no way this normal girl who has a real job and loves kids and is just well-adjusted in every other way other than she wants to fuck him Should be hooking up with that guy. Granted, she's got her mental issues.

I understand that. If she's that fucked up, she shouldn't look so well put together. No, she should not be. And really, I mean, just in general. Why the hell is she working at that bar?

Right. Well, just because any bar that would be frequented by that guy, she should be in a way more ghetto bar than that. Right. Again, it should be the type of person he wouldn't be hooking up with at this point. She should look more like Cloris Leachman's.

Character than Lauren Graham. At this point, yes. But you've got to sell a movie, so. Well, I mean, I don't know. I think that was the one thing that just felt a little thrown in because they needed a romantic angle.

Because they had this weird idea of wouldn't it be funny if there was a chick with a Santa fetish. And they worked that idea in there and then didn't really round her character out in any way. Which is weird because everybody else is pretty amazingly well-rounded. More than you would expect in a movie like this. Yeah.

Well, see, you know, I'm going to have to disagree with you there, though, just because, like, I know a lot of people like that. And I've, like, been pretty close to being a person like that myself. Like, well-adjusted women who are totally normal in all other aspects. go for that it's like a weird mothering thing that i mean like there are people exactly like that and her character was spot on. So obviously i'm not preying on the right level of depraved women. You need to up your game a little bit you need to shoot aim.

Higher actually aim lower get rid of all your morals and uh throw that shit out the window and go start hitting the bars. I have there there have been many times in my life now let you say that really that i've like What the fuck does she see in that guy? I think that a lot. But these are pretty polar opposites, which I'm not saying it doesn't ever happen. I'm just saying.

I mean, that's a pretty common type, though. I mean, like, I'm serious. It's like if you've ever been to an Al-Anon meeting, it's always like the sweetest, otherwise well-adjusted people with, like, good heads on their shoulders, good jobs. who just fall into taking care of these, like, pathetic people. And, you know, it's like, you can understand it if it happens, like, at a certain stage. But, I mean, like, you know, like, my best friend's mom is, like, you know, she's the person I go to for motherly advice.

A very intelligent, like, well-read woman. And, you know, she's that type of person, you know. She fell into that same trap. Not like she's, like, a smoking hot babe now, like Lauren Graham. Well, she's a mom type now.

She was in her day. She was in her day. Yeah, but, uh. You know, that's just the type. That's how people are.

Like, beautiful, normal, well-adjusted women. Love. Fucked up. Retards. Obviously.

What I think she's saying, Brian, is you need a drinking problem. Yeah, you need a drinking problem. Gee, because everything else has been going so great up to now. How about if I top it off as a ridiculous drinking problem? But, I mean, just, I mean, I know women who are like that.

So, I just, I think her character is spot on. That's actually, like, that's. How it is yeah i mean there are cases it could be like that she's just so blind to everything like the fact that she doesn't question why are you living in a house with a little kid and a crazy old comatose lady yeah she just goes along with everything and he's not that good of a con man is the problem no i mean. I definitely like want to shake her and be like what the fuck is. Wrong with you yeah me too although I'd want to give that kid a hug and make him a sandwich.

I'm not saying I wouldn't hang out with the kid. The kid's awesome. And he's not doing anything weird with the kid. He's warping his brain, but he's not going down the one road that they don't go down. Everything else is pretty much horrible from step one.

And that's what I was going to say. I mean, that's like you were saying it, you know, you could tell what type of movie it was trying to be by that far in. I, to me, it was like right off the bat, like the immediate tone. And it helps that it's Terry's white off because he, I, I love that guy. I love everything he's done.

And I really like his approach to things because it's so anti Hollywood, if nothing else, but it's just also very dark and depraved, but it's sort of unapologetic about it either. And that's another thing. That's, You know, and you got to think about it like this when it comes to like hilarious and not, you know, there's like stereotypes that are in all movies, you know, like your typical run of the mill movies. But these are like obscure type people. You know, like, think Seymour in Ghost World.

He's fucking dead on. Yeah. With those type of people. That one, yeah. I mean, that's so close.

And he really is. You would just, I mean, I swear, you would just have to know more people like that. He's, that character is dead on. No, I'm, I'm, Tam, I am that character. What are you talking about?

No, I'm not talking about Seymour. I'm talking about Lauren Graham's character. Yeah. You'd just have to know more people. She really is dead on.

You know, the same with, in Art School Confidential, the, pretentious. I know so many. People like that. That's another one I really love of his and got no respect at all and was horribly mismarketed. I think he is so underrated as a director.

His stuff isn't always perfect. It's got its little issues here and there, but he's just so much more talented and solid than just about anybody else working. He's just not up the mainstream alley and I don't think he ever will be. It's weird that I'm surprised he made this because even this seems like Initially, they were going for something. I guess not, because the Coen brothers had something to do with it from day one.

They came up with the weird story. So all of their stuff is pretty dark and twisted, too. But I don't know. It just seems like it is one of those that, like, what were they thinking? Who made this movie?

Right. And I'm not complaining, because I think it's pretty damn impressive in many, many parts of it. But what person in what studio was sitting there and listened to this pitch and read this script and was just like, okay... People are going to love this at Christmas time. Well, you know, there is a lot of people that are disenfranchised about Christmas.

There are, but they're usually not working in a studio. Well, no, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there is Christmas overload. Oh, yeah. And there is a market for people who, a niche group of people who, Right, exactly.

And this is everything that you could hate, you know, from the peer pressure of wanting to decorate your street to, presents. Even the whole mystique of the kid knows he's not Santa Claus. And that reveal later on. But he goes along with it. But he's going along with it, exactly.

And it's the same thing with most of the world, the Christian world. They know Santa's not real, but they go along with it because of what they get out of it. It's all a lie, and we just do that to tell ourselves these things. And so, well, first of all, if you've got the Coen brothers that are executive producing it, who gives a fuck? You know, it's dark.

So, you know. I'm sure that's really the only... Because, I mean, look at all these other projects. Nothing really pulls in huge names. Nothing ever makes huge box office.

So, I think that's the reason something this weird got made. Well, I don't know. I mean. If you think about it, like, in terms of the storyline, it's weird. But Average Man, it's just funny.

I mean, it's straight up funny. Funny on a level that anyone can understand. Take it for what you will and read into it as far as you want. But, like, it's... I mean, any fucking retard watching Blue Collar Comedy Hour can fucking find humor in this.

I mean, I remember seeing the commercials for this when it was in theaters, and it was hilarious. I mean, that's what drew people in. It's just a funny movie. That's probably how they marketed it, yeah. How they got anybody to come to this.

But then once they get there, I mean, they do people with trailers all the time. So once you get into this, Yeah, I can see people still getting laughs at him cursing at a kid and hordes of kids and the other god-awful things that he does in this, but there's still a level where this is just so dark. For me, that's what I love about it, is that it doesn't pull any punches, anything. It just really never pulls back on anything, and that's why I think it's amazing. It's like from the first scene there, when you've got your lead actor... stumbling out into an alley with Chopin playing in the background while he vomits in this dank alley.

That's a pretty good idea of where you're going with this movie. And right off the bat, it's just like, this is heading down a dark, depraved little alley here, and it never really comes back. No. And it is, you know, when you talk about dark, and I'm not saying that just because of the name, but it is a very film noir setup because it is that almost that character, okay, this is my... I want out.

I want out of the system. This is my last crime. One last time. One last crime. And every single...

That is like this standard cookie-cutter film noir. It keeps roping me back in. I'm out, and your partner's like, oh, come on, one more time. I got this. This one's going to be the big score, and then you.

Can get out. It does, and it feels... Very much, it feels like that setup-wise, but even the way. It's like when you see that big shootout in the store at the end, when he does that little piece where he runs up towards the camera and is hiding around the corner, it's taken out of freaking film noir. Several of them, almost that exact shot is taken out of old film noir.

So it definitely... Ties into that. But again, this is like a level of film noir that they could not have touched back in the day. It's so hopeless. I don't even know if...

I mean, it would be a completely different movie had the Coen brothers directed it as well. Yeah. Because it would have been a lot less... overtly funny and and more subtly funny and i i think it would have been too much of a down. It could have gone either way because they're so hit and miss it's like they're they're totally serious or they're just like they throw out that one and every seven years that's just zany comedy that right almost doesn't even fit them anymore we get the exception of raising arizona which is fucking awesome but so many of the other ones i'm just like wait, what are you doing here? It's almost not what, it's not their strength anymore.

And I don't know that, I mean, maybe they can come back and do something else that's more along those lines. But yeah, it would be weird to see what they would have done with this had they just handled it completely on their own. Right. Yeah, I was going to point something out because I noticed watching it this time, and I've been, most of it I've seen in the pg-ish versions like comedy central versions so and i've seen parts of it right should be a half an hour right Billy Bob Thornton either is an unbelievably exceptional actor or he was drunk throughout the entire movie. It was both.

Oh. I mean, you've seen him on screen. Sure. That's one thing I will give everybody in this, especially our two main guys here. I mean, as ridiculous as some of this language is, as over the top as some of the obscenities are, some of the crazy things they make them say, I buy everything that comes out.

And I was watching it this time. Even Tony Cox. Yeah. Sidekick, if you will, but really he's the one running the whole damn show, so he's the one in charge. Right.

But, yeah, I mean, both of them. Like, I don't think they're weird caricatures. I think both of them really seem like real characters and come off like these guys exist. And, you know, as fucked up as that is, that's the kind of world we live in. Both of these guys are out there right now.

Many, many of them. And, I don't know, all of the characters seem like they kind of, especially those two, though. I mean, they're just so... dark and depraved and don't back off from any of that. It stays so true to that throughout the movie. You are by far the dumbest or pathetic piece of maggot-eating shit that has ever slid from a human being's hairy ass.

What if the kid has one of those fucking playdates they have now? Are you shitting me? The kid don't have any friends, okay? You don't even have an imaginary friend as a kid unless you ditched him. He lives with his drooling asshole grandmother.

Since we're out in front of TV all the time. You think she's gonna rat me out? She opened her ass on the last Tuesday. You fucker. Jesus Christ, is everything fucking sex with you?

With me? I fuck one person. I ain't out there Syria fornicating, trying to float my liver, drinking myself silly because I can't stand what a piece of shit I am. What are you, Sigwin Sautoff fucking Freud? Yeah, that's right, shit for brains.

Go ahead, talk about my hype. Make it about something safe, because you're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single fucking thing about. You is ugly.

And it's another one of those, there's no hero whatsoever. Like, Billy Bob never really crosses that line. He has moments of clarity. He tries to redeem himself a little bit here and there. But for the most part, he's still a horrible person by the end of the movie.

It's like, it doesn't change anything he tries to come around in little ways but he never really becomes the hero I mean the only thing we have in this movie really is the kid and even the kid's fucked up there are no characters that aren't massively fucked up in this movie it's a. Little better at the end I think though it's a happy. Ending it's one of those I almost I kind of wish they wouldn't have gone there I really like it ending at the porch and I'll leave it that way but I mean if you know and that to me feels like the studio might have stepped in. It might have crossed that line. Into too dark.

But because you'll notice, you never see him in any of the rest of that. It's nothing but voiceover. And really, everything else that happens in there could have taken place. Were he there or not, everything else that happened could have happened regardless of what happened. So to me, I would almost want to see if that's the way Zygoth wrote it is.

With it ending really, really fucking dark. And the studio went, okay, you can say fuck 170 times, but you can't take it down that far at the end. You can't end it on that note. I don't think it makes it any more dark, honestly. It's fucked up either way.

But. If he dies in that moment of that one good act of taking the kid, the elephant. It almost redeems him. It's a redemption. Yeah.

So I think it's almost... That's almost the nicer Hollywood... Okay, he's done. He's no longer suffering. He's no longer hurting anybody.

And he completed his life by doing a good act. So. In a way, I mean, it's still you could have that that legacy of now the kid is fucked up and trying to be like him. That's a touch of, you know, the kind of screw you to that ending with. But if you left it with him, you know, going out to be taking him out at the end of the movie.

But yeah, I see what you're saying. It almost does have a different dark twist because in a way, he won. Completely and utterly. He got away with everything. He's not doing any time.

He gets the girl. He's with the kid who's not as fucked up as he was in a way, kind of, sort of. right so i mean he's at least starting to you know be a real person at this point and not the messed up version that he was so i mean yeah in a way it's almost more scary than this way because again it's more sad and messed up because there is no horror attack it it was a second and then it turns around and he's like he does throughout the entire movie he turns around and goes right back to being bad again right he's back on that same train and and He's still, like, at the end of the movie, he never really leaves, he never fully redeems himself in any way. Well, and the, I'm going to get off without any, you know, punishment, that...

That's kind of cheesy. Seems a little. You know, it's like, well, there's no way he'd get away. He must have had a really good lawyer. Right, right.

To get away with nothing. But again, I mean, he talks about how the press got a hold of it. So, I mean, sometimes, shit, that happens. That's true. So, yeah, people walk away.

They did... pursue and shoot an unarmed Santa in the back. In front of children. In front of children. True. I mean, it hasn't happened in real life probably, honestly.

You could, yeah. I mean, all he did was rob banks. He didn't kill anyone, so. And he turned the other guy in. So really, he could make a deal with the lawyer and find a way to be like, sell, you.

Know, the other guy down the river. Well, also, if he's the IP, he sold his buddy out. It's possible. It's the scary thing. To do as much damage as he did and walk away scot-free.

You're right. Wow. Oh, man. So I don't know. I mean, the whole thing still, I mean, as much as it's that film noir structure, it's such a character piece.

I mean, it is without Billy Bob Thornton. I mean, I don't know. And it's weird because they tried to cast other people. And I can't imagine anybody else doing this. Who else did they try to cast?

They were trying to get Bill Murray cast. Who does have a weird dark side. I love Bill Murray. I love Bill Murray, especially in his serious stuff now. He's found a way to make it work.

Was this before or after Lost in Translation? He didn't take this to do Lost in Translation. So he was looking to do that kind of role. He wanted to do something... After Lost in Translation.

I can see it. If it would have been right after or at the same time, that's a good. caring. But it's still hard to take him that seriously. To me, Billy Bob Thornton seems like he kind of. Could be this guy.

And going back to what you were saying, he did admit to being intoxicated during the shooting of a good amount of this movie. You can tell. You can tell. He looks, especially in that first scene, I was like, oh, he's got to be drunk. He's got to be drunk.

And you can see that coming from him. It seems so natural coming from Billy Bob Thornton. But I don't know. I mean, Bill Murray is so funny. And just the visual of him is so funny that I don't know how much I would buy it.

Yeah. The other big one that they had that I'm just like, oh. God, no. They listed Jack Nicholson. Oh, that would have been horrible.

Yeah. I mean, like, again, talk about somebody who would be chewing up the scenery. And not that Billy Bob doesn't do some crazy over-the-top stuff. But, again, I'd buy it coming from him. I think he really– Seems like he would be, and if Hollywood didn't come along, he might be this kind of guy.

Right. And still could turn out that way, really. He's done some weird shit in his life. I can't imagine there being anyone better for this role. And that's why I can't believe they didn't conceive it with him in mind.

I know. Yeah, it's like it was. Written for him. Could work in this role. He's not a big enough actor for it, but I think Steve Zahn could knock it out of the park.

Maybe he'd be too funny, but I think he seems like the kind of actor... I was thinking of someone that was maybe... That you wouldn't think of, but would. Because when he was in Rescue Dawn, did you happen to see it? I still haven't seen it.

I've heard he's pretty decent. He knocked that out of the park. Robert Downey Jr. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God.

I'm just kidding. See, there's way worse. Because that's the thing. I was like, I'm kind of glad this has got a few years on it. Because if they made it now.

It would be Robert Downey Jr. No, if they made it now, I would almost guarantee they would try to give it to Adam Sandler. Yeah. And, God, he would fuck it up. No, no, no.

It would be Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. Well at this point yeah it actually would if a year ago it would have been johnny rogan maybe yeah before yeah before he did the crazy cop movie because that's the same but i was thinking worst case scenario well i don't know adam sandler it's like a tie because the other one is they would give it to kevin james and i'm like i don't even hate kevin james he just makes terrible the what the fuck is that he was sick uh the mall cop Yeah, Paul Blart. See? That's how casting is working now.

They would give it to somebody like him. And, again, he just can't make a good movie to save his life. Or Russell Graham. That would be bad. Oh, God.

Please, no. Oh, oh. I hate to break it to you guys, but I might be watching Get Under the Greek tonight for. The third time. That's your own fault.

I just love Jonas Hill so much. Oh, Lord. I'd be glad they didn't give it to him, either. Yeah. I don't know that I don't.

I think what made it so funny is that Billy Bob Thornton is not a fat man. Right. I was going to say, that's what I was like, that's why it would. Be stupid for them to give it to somebody like Kevin James because. That's the joke.

Look, he's a fat guy. He's Santa. They play that stupid joke with him in everything he does. And he is. Even skinnier than Billy Bob Thornton normally is, too.

I mean, he just looks even thinner than he normally is. I mean, yeah, the visual is kind of striking because not only is he just dirty and gross and falling down drunk, but this, like, stick-thin, 98-pound freaking version of Billy Bob Thornton with this Santa suit hanging off of him. He doesn't even wear it. He's just got it draped on him most of the movie, so it's... That's what made it so funny.

It is, yeah. And that's, again, why I think this version worked, not what they would probably do to it if they recast it now. It would have been as good as it gets with an alcoholic instead of a. Alec Baldwin. Okay, they could make that funny with Alec Baldwin now, but it would not.

Be the same movie. It would be ridiculous, but it might be funny. I don't know. I'd watch it. He was in...

He played... I mean, a dirty, nasty character in Cat in the Hat. Oh, yeah. I've avoided that so far. No, it's not, because it's a lot of Mike Myers.

That's what I was afraid of. But Alec Baldwin in it is, I mean, he goes out on a limb and really makes himself look very bad in that movie. So that... It could work. It could work.

Well, that's what I almost give Billy Bob Thornton credit for for this. I mean, there is no vanity in this movie. No. From that first shot, he looks like shit, and it never gets any better. I still thought I'm attractive.

Well, that, again, doesn't surprise me. But I'm just saying, I mean, you could not give a lot... I mean, can you imagine a lot of the pretty boy, lady men doing something like this? Because most of them, unless they're looking to get that Oscar, unless they're really trying to sell it, they wouldn't even try, because it would... And again, a movie as messed up as this is could potentially kill your career, really.

I mean, it's got. such a weird twisted story that it could be one of those that like, Oh, after last year, no, I don't think we're going to cast him in this anymore. Did you see him in that movie? So he is just, he's. Utterly shameless in this movie. I mean, you, you see him piss himself.

You see him sitting on the toilet. And what I feel is the most disgusting scene in this movie, and that's saying a lot because this is a disgusting movie, when he takes the turkey leg and then throws it in the toilet that he couldn't flush. Oh, my God. There's something just really horribly gross about that scene. yeah there's something yeah that then once again that just tells you that's pretty early on that tells you where we're going. With this character i don't like when that kid sneezes chocolate ice cream on his face and he.

Doesn't wipe it off again that's i mean just shameless like he just who else would sit there for like that entire scene with this snot and chocolate ice cream sprayed across his face. It's so disgusting and he just sits there delivering lines to kids as they climb up on. It what do you want That's another thing I like about this. It's just like he's so despicable, yet he keeps getting hired, and he's not fired. This just is so unrealistic.

Not necessarily. I mean, if he really knew how to work the system, and you see how schooled he is in that. He seems kind of like an idiot so much of the time, but you see when he gets in that situation where they're going to get fired, how he knows how to play the right cards. I guess so, but it's just like aside from that one angry parent, there'd be a slew of angry parents like you just told my kid to fuck off or you know. The only thing I can think that would level it out though is they talk about how cheap he's doing it and these stores are so penny pinching especially at Christmas but.

You have to pay some minimum wage no matter what so you know I guess but I. Mean I think if it's a contract you can probably pay them you know if they say we will do this service for this amount of time for this money. Yeah you can sign something that says they can screw you over really and what do they care because they're going to steal everything so plus they've got the gimmick of the little elf guys they're banking on that everywhere they go so. Plus if you're making minimum wage to play santa claus. You're getting hosed yeah and think about how much that other guy he'd been there what five years or something he had to be making you know so much more right doing it successfully year after year that when they come in and underbid him massively and bring their you know selling point which is the the elf Yeah, there's a level I could see that, you know, the fact that it gets away with, you know, sometimes you have to skate by on some of the security issues because it's pretty easy on some of these things they pull off.

I know a guy that plays Santa Claus every year, and he is a disgusting human being. I wouldn't let him in my house. Whoa. So, and he brings down big, big, his Santa suit is like a $ 15, 000 Santa suit. He is the real deal Santa Claus, and he's gross.

Yeah. My uncle played Santa a lot. He's a pretty, I wouldn't say despicable human being, but he and my mom's favorite thing to do, which is why she was calling me earlier. They love to go to, like, food banks and, like, take food from food banks. Oh, shit.

Which, I mean, neither one of them have a job. Are they making a movie about him? I mean, I guess. That's their job. They don't have a job anymore, but, you know, it's not because they can't.

It's just because they're lazy, so... You know. I have no job, so I can't. You don't like going to food banks just for fun. You don't call all your friends, hey, I hit up three food banks today.

I got all these potatoes. Need some potatoes? That's what my mom fucking said. To me on the phone. Wow.

I got a whole bunch of potatoes. You need some potatoes? Need some bread? Don't let Terry Zweigoff know about her. He will be fascinated.

I mean, she picked me up the other day. Well, she drove up to my house and just honked until I came outside. I was like, let's go to the flea market. And, I mean, I couldn't say no to that, honestly. I couldn't say no.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I just had to go. And then she was like, hey, you ever need bread? There's a food bank down the street. They give away bread.

And I'm like, I can buy my own fucking bread. And she's like, why? Why not save yourself a dollar? I was like, it's a fucking dollar. I can buy my own goddamn bread.

I have a job. I mean, if I can afford a brand new car and a brand new phone and my own place to live, I can buy a fucking $ 1 loaf of bread. See, that's the difference is you've got that line of decency. Right. And this entire movie is nothing but characters with no decency whatsoever.

There's never a moment in his day where he's throwing a bottle at a car, just walking in the mall. For no good reason other than that's the way he is. I think one of my favorite parts, the most... brash thing he does is when he just he's behind the bar at the beach just makes himself a drink and then nonchalantly walks away after he's shoved out i mean he doesn't run he doesn't care nobody's gonna hurt. Him doesn't give a rat's ass about anybody or anything i mean there's no situation and It is one of those, that's that level where it's really dark when he sits there and tells that lady, you think you can make my life worse? Right.

Fucking go ahead. And again, that's the part that I think is real. That's the part that there are a hell of a lot of people out there that are living like that. And that's why they have no decency. That's why they have no morals to worry about.

Because things are already so fucked up, at least in their mind, that, you know, what are you going to do? How can things get worse for me than the fucked up life I have right now? So, yeah, it throws away all the decency, all the morals are gone. Yeah. Santa?

Is that your underwear? Part of it. Where the hell's the rest of it? No, actually, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

What do you want? I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink. But now I changed my mind. Yeah? What?

Now I don't want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davey for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. and he could take his orders from the talking walnut, so it wouldn't be my bad thing. Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla, and I wasn't as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time, and I went crying home to my daddy, and you know what he did?

He made it all better? No, he kicked my ass. You know why? Because you went to the bathroom on Mommy's dishes? What the fuck?

No. He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man? No. It's because he was a mean, drunk son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck.

The world ain't fair. You got to take what you need when you can get it. You got to learn to stand up for yourself. You're going to have to quit being a pussy and kick these kids into balls or something. Or don't.

Shit, I don't care. Just leave me the hell out of it. Now get on out of here. Okay. Thanks, Santa.

I don't know. I mean, the relationship with him and the kid does tie it together as much as... I mean, he really is the only... You know, you've got a little... Lauren Graham is a little wide-eyed, but again, we've introduced that she's just part of the problem as well as everybody else.

I mean, if there's anybody that is the innocence in this movie, is the only thing that's not horrible and depraved, it's this little kid. Yeah. It would be too dark if you didn't have the innocence of the kid. You would need something, I think. Yeah, it would be too disturbing, I think.

I mean. He's so innocent that, you know, what does he say about the bad things are all said by the walnut or something like that? Yeah, the talking walnut. That's some fucked up stuff. Yeah, he's crazy.

That's a kid that's had a lot of issues. And that's, again, a thing that I like because in a lesser movie, in a movie you gave to another director that was doing some cheesy, you know, Hollywood Christmas bullshit. it would be this cutesy little Hollywood kid. But you look at this kid. This is not the kind of kid you cast in a movie, and certainly not a big mainstream holiday movie. So the fact that he's got that visual anyway, and then he plays it so creepy.

He's almost like a stalker in the beginning. He just stands there, and then once he gets into his house, he's standing over his bed while he's sleeping, just staring at him. And he's dollishly cute in the face. You know, cherub-like. dollish face with his eyes and his hair like a a cabbage patch kid or something, but he's creepy as shit. Yeah, he's almost so misguided and so blind to everything that you almost could see him doing something fucking crazy because he just thought that's the way things go or that's, you know, what the talking walnut fucking told him to do.

I know, for kids. Yeah. I never even thought of it because the kid just played it so well, it doesn't even strike you as acting, but god. Damn, that kid was fucking amazing. He was.

I mean, I'm sure that kid's not really like that. Right. You know, but I mean, damn, that kid. Again, it's another one of those characters. I'm just like, that kid is real.

There is a messed up kid out there that's just like him. And he lives and breathes it in this movie. And it's weird and creepy. And that's, again, there's like no normalcy in this movie. And that's kind of why I like it.

And that's why I can't believe it even, I mean, even with the guttural humor, I can't believe normal people are on board for this movie. Because it's so fucked up. There's no level of normalcy. There's no hero here. It should cross the line into the darkness that most people won't get on board for.

But, I mean, it's found a following. People don't really think that far into movies, you know. I mean, and that's the thing that's sad. It's found its niche in people who love dark humor. People such as ourselves.

People who really delve into the things behind movies and the storyline and the plot and all that jazz. You know, people who get stoned and sit around and watch Adam Sandler movies. And that's frightening to me that these are balanced out. But it's just so. It's funny.

It's thoughtlessly funny. It is. I mean, there is a level where you can turn your brain off and just laugh because he says fuck a lot. And when you think about it, it's really dark. But, you know, it's just.

Fucking straight up funny. People don't like to think a lot is what we're coming to. There are people that laugh at South Park because... cartman says shit yeah and there's people that laugh at south park because they get the satire yeah there's two completely different audiences at two level more than more than two levels that's the same thing with this you could show this to a you know college frat crowd and they would laugh for different reasons than the college art house crowd so exactly. I don't know. Yeah, it's just that is what worked so well for me is just how freaking impressively dark it was.

And that's what I like about Terry Zweigoff. I mean, you know, like Ghost World isn't for everybody. Definitely not. Nothing he's done is really. I know.

And Art School Confidential isn't for everybody. But, you know, like he knows people so well. He knows what makes people tick. And I think if he wanted to, and I respect him because he doesn't, He knows how to cleverly disguise an intelligent, dark-humored movie that runs really deep as just this funny movie that anyone can watch and anyone can enjoy. That's what I like about him so much as a director.

He's definitely got that level that just runs so much deeper. And I guess, again, he's found his audience. And the people that like his movies are going to see his movies more than likely, regardless of what it is. But this just seemed like such a... attempt at mainstream before you really started watching it but I mean working in the the funny Bernie Mac stuff and even John Ritter who both of them are good John Ritter's amazing in this right but I mean to me those are a little more recognizable people trying to make it a little more mainstream comedy so it I can see them trying to do that but I just don't see it working really with with I don't know I don't see how he could do anything that's not dark and twist it's.

A shame about both Bernie Mac and uh Ritter. Yeah rest in peace yeah And we were trying to decide if John Ritter died during the filming because his character does just disappear, really. Yeah, he was set up for a bigger part and then just, yeah, completely disappeared. It just is gone. But, you know, what can you do?

It's good that we have at least this performance from him. It was the last thing that he shot. Yeah, well, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm out. I have to be going soon.

Do you want to wave goodbye to the people? Bye, everybody. I have to go. That's all I have. To say about the movie.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Joyous Kwanzaa. Thanks for listening. Happy Hanukkah.

Happy Kwanzaa. Happy non-denominational festival holiday of the season. Joyous Festivus. Happy Festivus, yes. And up next will be the feats of strength.

That's why she's running now. She knows there's going to be a rashling. First, the airing of grievances. Oh, well. I've got a big fucking list, let me tell you.

Oh, man. What else? Yeah, the thing that probably sticks with me the most, honestly, in this movie is the kid. Yeah. I just, he's so fragile.

And so to me, the one scene where he reveals to Billy Bob Thornton's character that he's in on it and that he gets it all, you know, then you kind of like that big, oh, and when he's talking about his mother and the donkeys and the. the angels, or that his father's off climbing mountains. He understands. He's dealing with it the only way he knows how. I mean, he's been abandoned basically for three years. Now.

So he was a. Much younger kid when he had to start telling these lies to himself. So at that point, he probably did believe them. But years go by, and he gets older. He starts to figure things out and be like, well, this is how it works for me.

This is how I can deal with it. So he continues these little lies, but it's like the Santa Claus thing. It's like he, you know, a lot of kids play along for years, even though they're like, well, I'm pretty sure it's not real, but you know, whatever, like we said before, just go along with it. Cause that's what you're expected to do. And you know, in his world, that's what he's expected to do.

Grandma makes you sandwiches and you hang out by yourself. And one day dad will come back from, you know, exploring mountains. Right. And you know, every time there is a part where someone is dealing with something that they can't handle it. It's dealt with, well, can I make you some sandwiches?

It's like, well, I don't know what else to do, so I'll make you some sandwiches. That's the only thing that goes on in his world. So it's an automatic response to, well, this is the solution. I can fix it if I can just do this. Which, again, is why I wonder if this is the case, I will again give them credit for casting.

Is that why they cast a kid who's not a thin child? Right. That everything he does to... cope with his problems is eat sandwiches right so i mean he's a pretty large boy so again that i mean if you want to look at it that deeply that's kind of genius on their part that they've and. Are those supposed to be the same clothes that he was wearing three years ago when his dad went to jail. Yeah you know maybe because you don't see grandma going out to buy him anything new.

No grandma can't do anything she's senile so out of it yeah so yeah it it The only thing that's not realistic about that is the house is clean. Yeah. But again, maybe it was part of his ritual before Dad left, so maybe it's part of his day-to-day. Maybe he's actually the one cleaning things up because Dad wants it clean when he gets back or something like that. If I keep it clean, things will be okay.

Yeah, I know. That's true. Dealing with it, yeah. That's true. Yeah, it's...

But I think, yeah, that relationship between the two of them is as messed up as it is. And the fact that he doesn't care. He curses around him constantly. He calls him horrible names. But in the end, once he starts to see how messed up the kid's life is, he starts trying to help him.

And you go through that weird part in the middle where he's trying to teach him to grow up and be a man. And again, I think one of the more impressive things about this is you start to see this dawning on him. as a character that he also needs to grow up and be a man. Right. He's been living this bullshit life for, you know, ever his entire run. He's never really grown up and gotten a real life and become a man and did what you're supposed to do.

And, and, Basically, what he's turning into is his father. He talks about how horrible his dad was and how he was a drunk and he was a foul-mouthed guy who used to beat him. And he's one step away from that here. He never hits the kid. He never comes close to hitting the kid.

He throws his tantrums and he throws things around and he breaks shit constantly. So, I mean, he's one step away from that point. I mean, he's... He's just not been exposed to kids enough, I guess, that maybe it never went down that way. But you get the feeling he would have no problem with an adult.

So maybe that, again, is the last shred of dignity. And he did beat up a kid. Yeah, well, he had no problem beating. The hell out of that skateboard punk, which was awesome, by the way. Right.

But, yes, I don't know. I think there is that level of, you know, that, I don't know. I really like that part where he actually starts to realize. Again, it's one of those moments of redemption. Yeah.

It never pans out. I mean, he never really fully comes around. And I think in a more generic, heartwarming movie, the kid would totally redeem our main character. And, you know, it would be a big, cheesy, happy ending like most holiday movies. But in this movie, it's like he slowly begins to wear away the innocence from the kid, really.

It's like it almost works in reverse. He sort of has these moments where he redeems Billy Bob Thornton. But in a way, in the end, Billy Bob's done way more to the kid... from his lifestyle, then, you know, Billy Bob's kind of the same guy in the end. Right. The kid's very different now.

Right. So, I mean, I don't know. In a way, it's... weird and once again shows sort of an even darker and more depraved ending that there is no redemption for billy bob thornton but he's now warped the mind of this innocent. Child right right well you know and and in a way some of it's good film noir too there is a lot of times there is no redemption no so uh definitely i i wouldn't want them to sell out and it to be you know leave it to beaver or something like that that would that would make it horrible That would be a Jack Nicholson movie. It would.

That would be terrible. And you can't have moments like... To me, the turning point is the pickle. I mean, that is fucking heartbreaking when he walks in and tells that story. And it's like the only thing that comes close is the elephant at the end.

And it's like those are the few moments of decency in Billy Bob Thornton's character. But everything else, it's like that's really the only time you see this moment of good come out in him. Even when he's trying to... Because you get to that point at the end, he's almost... plain house it's like he's got laurie graham there's the mom they're you know get their trim of the tree they've got the kid there grandma's in the other room you know he really is trying to have this little dream life that he mentions at the beginning but even then he doesn't see like he's still cursing at him while he's doing it he's still the same guy like he never really comes around and you know has this redemption and you know totally changes over and is this big sappy heartwarming no no he goes right back to kind of being a terrible person again pretty pretty quickly and Again, this is one of those that, and why I've, I just sort of picked it and I didn't remember how dark it was until I went back and watched it this week.

And I think that, again, is what I latched onto. I think it's, it exists. And I think more what I sort of gave it respect for is that it exists in a real world. It's like a world where everybody's problems don't just disappear because it's December and there's holiday music on the radio. It exists in a real world where suicides go up at Christmas.

It exists in that world where these people are all horrible people. They're all dealing with horrible problems. Messed up mindset that sometimes isn't even their own fault. They grew up that way and they don't even understand how messed up they are. And there's no way for them to get out of it.

They're just like, my life is fucked. How much worse could it get? So it It's so dark. Again, I just give it credit for not pulling punches, for just really going down that road and sticking to it. One thing that I always try to pay attention to the geography of a film.

One thing I like about it is it's set in Arizona, southwest. Warm Christmases always seem so. It's strange. It's really fucking cold right now. and and plastic for them to have what you know and and and i think that fits better in with this movie i think if it would have been set in minneapolis it wouldn't you know it could have had a darker feel because it's set in minneapolis. Yeah but but it wouldn't feel so fake it would feel.

So fake and forced and so that that to me is another a little point i was like because i i kept thinking i A lot of times I think, okay, why did they pick Arizona? Okay, maybe it's cheaper to shoot there. They wanted to be warm in their shooting. Whatever. Sometimes that's all it is.

Sometimes that's all it is, but they could have picked Vancouver, and it could have been Christmassy or something like that, but no. They picked Arizona because Christmas looks so much more fake someplace like that. And again, I think it's that visual. It's much like him being super skinny in the giant suit. It's like these people dressed in winter gear and that shot of them walking down the street, that first shot when they cut to Arizona is fucking priceless.

Yeah. And that, you know, that's worth the movie right there. Just that shot of the two of them walking up with like those heat waves coming off the fucking road. It's so damn hot. And they're there and they're Santa and elf gear.

And that shot is just awesome. And he tosses the bottle at the Mercedes. At the Mercedes. Oh, man. So I think the only other thing I was going to touch on is that, again, I said I was watching the It's a Wonderful Life this week.

And that's another one that's a very dark version of sort of a Christmas tale. Yeah. And in a way, it was just like, I actually ran across somebody that did a review on Bad Santa and kind of made a comparison. It actually was a decent review, but they compared... One to the other, and at the end they were like, except George Bailey never kicked Mr.

Potter in the nuts. And I was like, again, that's the difference. This isn't a real world. Because in the real world, somebody needs to beat the hell out of Mr. Potter.

He's a conniving, backstabbing, greedy motherfucker, and somebody needs to beat the hell out of him. But that can't happen in a Frank Capra world. And Frank Capra would never allow one of his main characters. They are heroes, so no hero... especially in that frank capper world could ever cross that line there is a level of decency and you even see you've got you know george bailey almost gets bought out by him he offers him the money and he's like hey come work at us you get the biggest house in town and you get all i mean he he really tries to play that he tries to tempt him and you watch him say no screw you i'm not going to be that you know everybody else is falling into line and i'm not going to be that guy And that was just kind of the main difference.

It's like you look at something like a Frank capper movie and that's what it is there is that there is that good level to everybody there you know with the exception of the villain mr potter but this is like the polar opposite it's like we have it exists in that real world where people are depressed at the holidays and you know people are fucking horrible to each other so it's i don't know i think it is one of those things that's kind of an interesting comparison to look at you know this this seemingly perfect world and then this real world version that that bat santa. Exists in those people are out there. A lot of them right i might be turning it oh lord so hmm so yeah 170 uses of fuck 74 uses of shit 31 uses of ass 10 uses of bitch and one use of bastards.

Wow, you'd think there'd be more bastards in it. No, no, there's a lot of bastards in the story, but not so much in the dialogue. A lot of fuck. I mean, it's just about every line. Yeah, yeah.

Just about every line. And again, in a lesser movie, I think it would come off ridiculous and over the top, but these guys are so horrible that I actually buy what they're saying. Yeah, they don't sound like they're speaking any different than they normally would in their world. They're that bad of people. They are, yeah, these horrible people.

Yeah, both of them. It's like, you know, the. The elf is equally as horrible as Santa. Oh, probably more. By the end of it is more.

You see, by the end of it, you realize. that Billy Bob Thornton is sort of trying to redeem himself, but his partner doesn't care. He has no remorse. He has no redemption. He plans on killing people and moving on to the next hit next year. Well, like he says when they're at the standoff there in the mall, he says, look at you people.

He's judging them. He is a horrible, horrible person. And he says, look at you people. He's still looking down. You don't need this stuff.

How dare you? Which is a minor jab at the whole commercialism thing. But it's the only thing. It's kind of weird. Because other than that, he doesn't seem like he cares the rest of the time.

He could care less about anything for the rest of the movie. But he all of a sudden has this weird turn. Again, that's another line that I don't know where it came from. I don't know if it was like, Add it in later, because it seems almost out of place, too. But again, it is interesting to see him looking at them and judging them of, you know, look how much worse you are than me.

And that's saying something, because I'm a horrible human being. So, yeah. I just want to know how he spent $ 100, 000 in this couple of months. Other than, you know, you can't do that in alcohol. Lottery tickets.

Lottery tickets. Losing lottery tickets. I like that. He stole like thousands of dollars. And what does he do?

He goes and buys scratch-offs. And won't give the stripper a dollar. He'll give her a scratch-off. He'll give her $ 5 in scratch-offs. That's a pretty good tip.

That's pretty good, yeah. And she came home with it. Yeah. Once again, I don't understand any of this. Yeah.

Although. Even the big girls. I don't know what the big girls were thinking either. That's just funny. For the subtle joke, the most fucking awesome subtle joke in the thing is that the sign, and I'm assuming it's, again, I don't think it's the department, but again, working in retail, I think it's their sale for the moment where you have to change out the signs every time it's time for a new quote-unquote sale, even though everything's fucking the same every time.

But, yeah, the signage says, three times the lady. I was like, now, they never mention that. You don't even see it very well. It's off, like, they walk past the sign when he's going to the room where they're doing things. So, yeah.

Oh, man. That was, again, anybody that can work in, like, subtle humor like that and not shove it down your throat and just be like, you know what? This is funny because I think it's funny. If anybody else catches it, that's awesome. But...

I'm not going to make it, you know, again, a lesser director, a lesser movie would have done that. It would have been the whole joke of that scene. Right. But, nope, it's barely even noticeable. Or they'd stop, the camera would stop on it and go, hey, nudge, nudge.

Nudge, nudge. Just start there and pan on over to the characters and be like, oh, get it? Look at the sign. Yeah. So, again, just touches that Terry Zweigoff does that's so much better than, you know, most other directors.

So, I. I really kind of wish he would do more stuff. But again, I guess I don't want him to start doing things that don't fit what he does. I think he kind of knows his movie. And maybe he waits until he finds something that fits what he does.

Or somebody that will. Put the money up to do what he wants to do. I think that's the more important thing. Probably, because to me, his best movie is his first. And that's because he had freedom to do whatever, because it's a documentary and nobody really cares about documentaries and he didn't need much money to make it.

He just needed a camera and he followed Trump around. To me, it's the best documentary I've ever seen. I like a lot of other stuff, but the way that it's shot is so impressive that Again, I just want to see him do more stuff. Yeah, he's a hell of a director. All right.

Anything else on Bad Santa? We pretty much talked about it as much as we can. I think we've covered every scene. Dissected it quite a bit. All right.

Well, we will take a break and be back with the end of the show. Oh, Sina. Oh, Mary. Keep it going. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. You ain't got to shit right for a week. They call me back though Santa I make. My runs about to break a day.

I make all the little girls happy While the boys are out to play. Friends. Here's a wonderful Christmas gift for anyone who smokes, because it says Merry Christmas and Happy Smoking 200 times. Yes, 10 packs of those better-tasting Luckys, all done up for Christmas in a beautiful carton created just for Lucky Strike by the famous designer, Mr. Raymond Lowy.

It'll look so bright and colorful under your Christmas tree, and it's such a welcome gift to anyone who enjoys a good smoke. Because, you know, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Luckys taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. That's why you can't go wrong if you remember your friends with these colorful Christmas cartons of Lucky Strike.

Be happy, go lucky for Christmas gifts this year. Black Christmas. There was a little girl murdered over in the park tonight. Yes, I heard. A high school girl's been murdered.

Mr. Harrison's daughter is missing. And now at the house where she lives, the other girls are getting obscene phone calls. Hello? What do you want?

Remember those idyllic scenes out of your childhood? Crisp winter nights, sleigh bells, crackling ear logs? Remember those? Remember them well. After Black Christmas, they'll never be the same again.

Black Christmas. Starring Olivia Hussey, Kid Ulay, Margot Kidder, and starring John Saxon as Lieutenant Fuller. If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl, it's on too tight. Are you looking for a way to connect with people who like the things that you like? Whether it's music, movies, TV, or whatever you're into, head on over to the Palover.com forums.

Yes, but forums and message boards are elitist and archaic. Well, yeah, maybe if you're an asshole. Palover.com is home to all your favorite podcasts. So why not head over there now? Start talking about all the things you want to talk about.

That's palaver.com. P-A-L-A-V-E-R dot com. Woo-woo! It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies.

All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. And it wouldn't be Christmas without you Can't fool me, I know. It's true Merry Christmas, merry la la la And. It wouldn't be Christmas without you Can't fool me, I know it's true Merry Christmas, merry la.

La la Look at my. All right, we are back and we've got. Feedback. Yay. Yay.

We're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K. Now, granted, as much as we've been off for quite a while and I hadn't checked the voicemails in a while because I was waiting until we got back here around the table to go through them all, yeah, nothing, guys. What the hell's up with that? So, I mean. I was all excited.

Well, I mean, we do have feedback, but just, you know, again, I can't afford heat, but I'm keeping this voicemail line open so that you guys can get in. Yeah, we've gone for like a month now and nothing, so I... It's really sad is what it is. You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross.

So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it. Just call and leave dirty messages. That too is pretty awesome, actually. So, but yeah, we did get feedback and we heard from Marty. And Marty says, Hey guys, don't remember when I started listening, but your podcast is awesome.

Just listen to your Thanksgiving show. Living in Australia, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving. However, Thanksgiving sounds hilarious. We'll definitely check it out. Keep doing the show as is.

I think a lot of us are tired of everything having to be completely non-offensive, PC, and homogenized. Have fun, dudes. Marty from Australia. Great, Marty. Thank you.

Once again, yeah, that's awesome to hear. And that's kind of why I'm picking a movie this ridiculous and over the top and far from PC. Because I think that kind of stuff doesn't have to turn people off. I think there's something there that maybe it's not PC to say some of the horrible things they say. But if you delve into it, I think there's something smarter there.

And I think there's something more to find. And hopefully that's true with what we do. Granted, we say a lot of horrible things as well. We're one shade away from Billy Bob Thornton. But I'd like to think there's something redeeming about us.

I would like to think we appreciate the bloody pickle. Not everybody can say that. No, no. I think when you analyze the dark, when you really... put a light on the dark and talk about it instead of just forget about it or maybe just focus on the humor um you really learn a lot more. Yeah.

And I think a lot of show, you know, that's, that's why people come to a show like this, that they look for podcasts because people are number one, willing to say what they think, which you don't get to do in normal media. It's like, where else can you just say horrible things like we do, but at the same time also take a movie like this and dissect it and go into all the obscenity and go into all the horrible, you know, characters. Right. Or something as ridiculous as Thanksgiving. And yet we took a pretty detailed look at that damn movie and found the good in it.

And don't get me wrong, there's a lot of stupid things in it, but we found some redeeming qualities in that too. And I think that's what I think we're trying to do more than anything, or at least I am, is try to find that other level where people, especially in traditional media, all they want to do is talk up what's coming out and just talk about... whatever the the good two-minute discussion on what's going to sell the movie is and move on and it's like i don't want to do that i want to delve into it i want to find its flaws i want to find you know what it does that people overlook i think there's a lot more going on in a way you have to be kind of non-pc to do that i mean you can't right do that without you know probably rubbing people the wrong way because not everybody wants to hear that kind of stuff but you know Again, we've got, you know, Marty says keep on doing it.

And we keep hearing from people saying to keep that up. So that's what I'm taking from it. Thank you, Marty. Stick with it. So, yes.

That's how I feel as well. Thank you, Marty, for our bloody pickle. If somebody wants to send Movie Meltdown a bloody pickle. Keep it in a plastic bag, though. We'll send you autographed photos.

That nobody would want. Nobody would want it. Unless you want to use it to sign up for a credit card or something. Make my credit bad. I'm already there, so you can't get anything from me.

As I mentioned before, I don't have a job right now. You're not going to get much out of me. We're ghetto poor. That's why we're eating Little Debbie's for Christmas. Whatever you want.

Oh. Hey, and if you want to send us some money and we'll do weird things on the show, by all means, we'll sell out. Yeah, that's not even sell out. We're just, at this point, desperate enough that we do need donations. Because I realized last week, and you can tell on the Thanksgiving episode, at least one, and now I've found out two of the mics sound like shit.

And they're going out, and I don't even have money to get new mics. So I'm not sure what we're going to do. So. Yeah, plus my computer went down week before last, which delayed an episode quite a bit, and I had to go in debt to get that fixed so that I could put out the next episode in this episode. And we barely have heat.

And we don't, yeah, we're one step from a barrel of fire, you know, hobo action here. So, yeah, I'm just saying, I hear a lot of other shows that actually... weekly thank people for their donations and i'm like you know that that's what's hard is i don't think i would care normally i don't expect anything from anybody but when i hear other shows that are doing basically the same thing as we are that yeah they're just people are like throwing money at them that's just that's hard to deal with. Yeah we'll kiss our moms for five bucks. That's you that's. What christmas is all about charlie brown okay kids get out your dakota bins dun dun dun there we go we need like a holiday jingle to go along with it sorry.

For you members of the secret circle it's time for the movie lockdown secret circle reveal of some upcoming features again the scheduling uh being the holidays of every variety this you know end of this month We've got, as I stated earlier in the episode, somebody that's working nonstop and is not even available between now and then. Um, everyone else is probably going to have weird family stuff. So I'm not even a hundred percent sure when to pin down the next one, but you know, it is definitely coming. Uh, I've got several in the works, but I will throw some out there for you to, uh, to look for and watch the movies if you're up for it. Uh, We mentioned last time out we were considering Survive Style 5.

So I'm still waiting for, you know, Marlene is supposed to be hooking up with that movie. Supposedly she has it or access to it. She's hooking up with the movie? From a transvestite or something. I have no idea where she's going to get it, and I don't want to ask any questions at this point.

Her transgender doppelganger? Maybe he's paying her off in movies now. I don't know. Let me look like you if I give you free movies. Who knows?

I'm also working on, and this shouldn't be a surprise because I just talked to Chainsaw, but yeah, I'm working on a summer school special episode, maybe even a crossover with one of our Pal-O-Ver co-shows. Oh, cool. Sister shows are... No, we're not sisters. We're the bastard children of the family.

We're cousins. We're the redheaded stepchild. Yeah. Ironically, we are. So, yeah, we are the bastard child of Pavler, I suppose.

But they're still cool. So, I won't go into it yet. I'm still squaring away the details, but... Yep, summer school. That's going to be awesome.

And we got a lot of really good response to the Joe Bob Briggs episode. Well, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, people really liked it. I'm going to throw it out there online. I've actually got an interview I did with him before.

That one was all about the movie. I've got one that I did with him that talks about him coming up and being interested in movies and him getting into... writing about it and journalism back when nobody was doing this kind of thing. And I think it's a really interesting interview. And since people kind of responded so well to Joe Bob, if I'm trying to, in addition to everything else, get people to spread the word about the show. So I'm actually, you know, this, this week I'm noting the, the level that we're at on downloads.

And if you guys can, can pass the word, anybody else, you know, that likes Joe Bob Briggs, it likes Texas chainsaw massacre that, you know, that you think would appreciate our sick sense of humor. Um, pass the word on the show. And, uh, if we can, if we can just bump it up like a hundred downloads before the end of the year, I will start piecing together this, this sequel that has the, the Joe Bob interview. And we'll try to find a fitting movie to watch. That's a Joe Bob related somewhat.

So yeah, if, if you guys, yeah, if, if Joe Bob fans are out there or even if you don't like Joe Bob, just, we really, I've been trying to come up with a good way to, to pass the word along. I mean, we're heading into the third year here and I still feel like We're hitting the same people every time. So I'd really like to get it out there and find more people who would be interested. So if you know anybody, if you think they would like that episode or any of them, just spread the word and get back with us and let us know you did it. Because we would definitely appreciate it and we'd be glad to hear what you're doing to help get it out there.

Or if you are on Facebook. And friends of us on Facebook, just link to one of the episodes that you find funny, and maybe one of your sick friends will like it too. Or Twitter. We've had a few people that retweet when I put the post up for the next one. That's awesome.

There's a couple that do it almost every time, and I appreciate that immensely. anybody else that follows us on Twitter or if not go follow us on Twitter. But yeah, anytime I put that up, feel free to, to pass along to all your friends. Cause I'm, yeah, I'm just really trying to find more people that appreciate the movies that we do and the level of geeking out over movies that we do. This is, this is free. So we can use some free gorilla marketing.

Definitely. We are the, the DIY, uh, show about movies. So we're, we're definitely up for some, some gorilla spreading of the word. So, All right, I think that is about it this week to wrap up the Fuck Me Santa holiday special. Yes.

Yes. I could put that on loop and put on a Santa Claus hat and listen to her say that over and over. Yes, yes. I might do that later anyway might keep you warm anyway. And uh we love you lauren based on uh as i mentioned earlier go see max and mary or excuse me rent it or buy it it's it's uh that good definitely all right i i figure plugging uh uh uh an artist, you know, claymation is an art form to me.

Push animation as much as possible. Go buy it. It's that good. Yeah, I don't mind spreading the word on movies, especially stuff that we like, and it's kind of what we're here for. So definitely anything we can pass along that people might take a liking to, that's what we need to do.

So as far as music, I thought we'd end this holiday episode with a song that has a bad attitude about Christmas, like our movie this week. So we'll go out with a song entitled Don't Steal or Kill This Christmas. Which, of course, both things happen in. This week's movie. Otherwise, that about does it.

Merry Christmas. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. I'm going to bed.

Me too. Don't listen to what your parents say December 25th is just another day Santa Claus doesn't really exist It's. All a bunch of holiday. Bullshit Don't bother celebrating Christmas I don't care what's on your list Don't bother celebrating Christmas I don't care about your. Crummy gifts.

I started shopping late December I should have started in early November The girl at the cafe's such a little bitch I'm getting poor and Hallmark's getting rich Don't bother celebrating Christmas. I don't care what's on your list. Don't bother celebrating Christmas I don't care about your drumming gifts There's no such thing as flying reindeer or those stupid little elves. There's no house sitting on. The North Pole.

It's all a bunch, a bunch of market hell. Don't bother celebrating Christmas. I don't care what's on your list. Don't bother celebrating Christmas. I don't care about.

Your crummy gifts. Do the steam work it. It's Christmas. Do the steam work it. . I'm on my fucking lunch break, okay?

Are you insane? Management's going to hear about this. Think that's a threat? If you think you can make my fucking life any worse, you go right ahead. Be my fucking guest.

Take a shot. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.