122: A Sex Comedy for the Real World

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Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. Some girls like blondes, some like muscles, and I like virgins. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I am Brian. I'm Greg.

I'm Jay. I'm Misty. I'm Marlena. Alright, so we'll kick it off. I'm like Misty.

I'm Greg. Now you're just copying. I never do anything like that. You owe me a tiger. Coat.

I haven't jinxed anybody since junior high school. Good God. Alright, so we should kick things off with a Marlena moment. Is that what we're saying? This is going to be disappointing.

This is mostly just gross. Oh, God. Like most of her stories. It's a movie we watch now. All right, so the other morning, I'm asleep.

That is pretty gross. Yeah, it was totally gross. I would just never do that again. You don't. Unless you're driving.

That's a good time to take a break. Or watching TV. Yeah. And I wake up I hear this like this sound coming from my bathroom I'm like what is that and I don't think much about it I go to the gym I come back I'm like Gogo, did you poop on the floor? And I'm, like, trying to find the source of, like, this poop smell, and I walk in my bathroom.

Other people's poop in my bathroom floor! I would immediately move. Are you sure it wasn't ghost poop? No, it was, like, it had been raining so hard that the sewers backed up, and my toilet overflowed. Not that I'd used it, but, like... overflowed in, like, other people's poop on my floor.

It was mostly just dirty water. Which is poop. Yeah, and I'm like, I. Bleached the floor. I mean, I should move.

I really should, but I don't know. Other people's poop on my floor. That's never fun, I would assume. I just tiled that floor last week. just tiled it last week, and now there's other people's poop on it. I was very pissed about that.

I was like, you know, like. He was pissed about the poop. I called, I was talking to one of my friends, and I was like, there's other people's poop on my floor. He goes, you're not down with OPP. Are you?

Oh, God. Yeah, you know me. Oh, God. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. The. It was probably. I'd break my lease for that. I don't have a lease.

I mean, it's not a big deal. I mean, it is a huge deal. It was poop on your floor. It wasn't my landlord's fault. So, I mean, yeah.

Can you see the city now? Your landlord didn't come. Well, if anybody watched the news, they knew that we got hit by a fucking giant, enormous two weeks of rain and tornadoes and other bullshit. So, the river, what, it rose eight feet? Above flood stage, you live right on the river.

It's right outside your door at this point. Yeah, because I had been bracing myself for, like, the river to come up and carry my house away. How far away did it come? It actually didn't get up to the sidewalk. Like, my house is across the street from the river, like, right across the street from the river.

And there's, like, a bank, and it got up to, like, maybe three or four feet away from the sidewalk. So it still had quite a ways to go, like. I thought it would be a little closer. I was concerned when I saw all the other stuff on the other side of the river. So, yeah, I figured it was, like, at your door at that point.

Yeah, that's the weird thing about right there. Like, all down the street, I know a few people that live in boats down there and the condos and stuff like that. It got pretty close to that. But that part of Jeffersonville, it just. It.

Hasn't really flooded since 37. It's just the bank is really high. Yeah. So the water comes up. And it very rarely gets, like... into anything.

Yeah. But other people's poop. On my floor. There's a fun way to kick things off. That's right.

Yeah. Ripping that tile up. And nowhere in that story was black snake moan, so I'm kind of disappointed. I mean, I did dance at some point, I'm sure. While cleaning up other people's poop.

No, no, no. Not while cleaning other people's poop. Dance in their poop. Danced in the poop yeah i mean there wasn't like huge turds or anything just like dirty it was just dirty poop water in my bathtub and oh this is the worst part actually oh there's a worst part yeah okay so in addition to getting all over the floor which was you know there was some like i'd like i said just been tiling my floor so there's like tile scraps and maybe a couple of tools or something like that which is not a huge deal but Yeah, all that stuff just got thrown away. It's not a huge deal.

But there were paint cans in my floor, and I don't use my bathtub. I take a gym at the shower every day. I take a shower at the gym every day. So I don't use my bathtub. So I just put, like, paint cans and.

Like, paint rollers and, like, buckets of plaster and stuff like that in my bathtub, and that all got covered in poopy water. Did the bathtub leak up? No, no, it didn't get that far. She puts meth in her bathtub. Yeah, maybe one of the.

Worst things ever. That batch is ruined. No, it's not. It's a new strain. I've never seen a person turn down meth.

They don't care. They don't care. It's not my kind of meth. Speaking of drug stories, I was at this bar the other day, We're just waiting in line for the bathroom, and this weird Barbie doll comes up to us. She goes, oh, my God, do you guys know where I can get some blow?

And we're like, no. She's like, are you sure? We're like, yes. She's like, because I can really smell it. Shh, don't tell anybody.

Oh, my God. It's got some sweeteners. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Got any artificial sweeteners lying around? And then she was like, are you girls pinup girls?

We're like, no. She's like, can I have my picture taken with you? I'm going to put this on Facebook right now. And then, like, Jessica went into the bathroom. She's like, she went into the bathroom with Jessica.

She's like, can I use some of your makeup? Jessica's like, I guess so. And she's like, I have to use the bathroom now. Could you please leave? And she was just, like, standing there putting makeup on.

She's like, I'm just going to pee with you in here. That's okay. Okay. And she's like, can I use your powder? She goes, I shouldn't say powder.

It makes me want blow even more. Oh my god. Stranger danger comes into your mind. Serious stranger danger. I need a soap!

I need a soap! I'm sure that wasn't Jamie Cain. You've got a stalker and she's a blow fiend. She was very pretty. She was like a coked out Barbie doll.

She had a pretty stalker. She had a stalker. She followed you into the bathroom and wanted to take pictures. They're not a stalker if they're pretty. That's usually true.

They're only a stalker if they're just as attractive as that and smell funny. Yeah, that's true. They smell like old. Those berry containers or something. Yeasty?

Something like that. It's always kind of greasy. Yeah, I don't even want to think about Daniel or Kenny or any of the other ones. How many stalkers have you had? I'm a stalker magnet.

I don't know what it is about me. Real normal guys don't usually like me, but stalkers love me. Good times. All right, on that cheery note, we'll take a break and be back with this week's movie. Stop their snoop.

Stop their snoop. And I'm into every word I said when I said that I love you. I meant that I'd. Love you forever. And I'm gonna keep on loving you.

Cause it's the only thing I wanna do. I don't wanna sleep. I just wanna keep on loving you. Time out for a delicious snack in our sparkling refreshment building. Every item a fresh, appetizing taste treat.

We are the Locker Room Girls. We play ball. And that ain't all. I'm Sandy. And I love to get sent to the showers.

I'm Laura. For me, scoring is everything. I'm Julie. And I'll do anything for a jock. Locker Room Girls.

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Durable and designed to sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts. Like the one you're listening to now. Tweaked Audio earbuds come with a one-year warranty. And now there's a special deal for Movie Meltdown listeners. Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN.

Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. This is Monique, the French foreign exchange student who'll be staying with us. This is Diane Franklin with Movie Meltdown.

It's time for Sofa Theater. Hey, you know those three chicks over there? Where? Right there. You don't mean those three alien creatures sitting over.

There, do you? David's just sitting here telling me that they're easy ladies. David, you're imagining easy ladies. I'm not imagining. Listen, Gary, Tommy's brother screws that blonde like he owns her.

Bullshit, when you look at. Them, they're virgins. They're not. I can tell by the way they walk. Right, Rick?

That brunette ain't no virgin. Look at the way she's sucking on that straw. I'm wasting my time here. Count me out. Hey, cool it for a second, Gary.

This could be interesting. Dave, why don't you walk over there and invite the three ladies back to our table? No problem. All right. We're back with this week's stuff with.

The other feature. This week, we have The Last American Virgin. The year is 1982. Director Boaz Davidson. The plot, according to IMDb, the friendship of a group of young friends struggling with teen sex, drugs, and work is jeopardized by a romantic interest which may turn pals into bitter rivals.

God, that's awkwardly worded. Thank you, IMDb. I feel weird talking about this movie with these super cute mugs staring at me. Would you like to describe? We busted out the mugs for our hardcore sody pop that we're enjoying.

Love conquers all mugs. That's very fitting in this movie, and we'll get to that. They're from, what, the mid-70s, I would say. I'd say, if not early 70s. I don't think it says.

It's got a tiger... Looks like he's getting attacked from behind by a frog and cuddling with a turtle. Yeah, that's what's up there. Butterflies and hearts. He is getting some...

I mean, he's getting double teamed by a frog and a turtle. It's really what he's doing. Maybe it does fit in more with the movie. That frog looks like he's giving it to him. Oh, Lord.

Yeah. I guess the turtle's watching. Once again, that really fits into the movie. All right, before we get sidetracked, it is time for. So we will now hear what actress Diane Franklin thinks about this movie.

Last American Virgin was the first feature I did, and I shot it in California, and it was a wonderful experience because I got to work with all new actors. So everybody really wanted to make the film a good film, and everybody put their heart into it. I think that what was really interesting about that film was that the tones were so different. There was this very kind of... crazy romp of sex comedy, and then there's this very serious, dramatic, gritty story. So I think that that's what makes that film stay around.

You cannot forget that film, especially with the ending. Yeah, I was going to ask, was that the way it was originally scripted? Yes, that movie was based on the director's life, and it is... Something that, to this day, I never thought that the films that I did would still be around from the 80s. I thought, oh, you do a film and.

People move on. But I actually have to tell you, I'm really grateful that people still remember me. I must have made some kind of an impression. So it's good. That one in particular, I think...

And I think it is. I mean, it's a very different movie. Because there are so many sex comedies in the 80s. But that one, like, two-thirds of the way in takes that left turn. It's just so dark.

And you just don't see it coming. Especially in that type of movie, you don't see it coming. No, you absolutely don't. And I think that's what really makes it unforgettable. It is.

Certainly. I wouldn't have made those decisions. In fact, I remember thinking, oh, I'm going to tell the director we've got to change the ending. But, you know, it's really an unforgettable ending, and I have a soft spot in my heart for it. Yeah, I mean, it's very real, I think.

I mean, it is the way life goes. Not always the good way. Exactly. Did you take any backlash? I mean, you're kind of villainized by the end there.

Yeah, you know. It's funny. I mean, I didn't realize. how it affects audiences. And somebody once told me that they were watching the movie at the drive-in, and at the end, when I... I'm not going to say what happens, but at the end, when they see what happens at the end, the entire drive-in, there were screams from guys.

And there were some four-letter words that I can't say right now that were screamed. People were not happy. Yeah. It is one of those I remember seeing as a kid, relatively young, and, like, I think it affected me. Yeah.

I think it messed up my romantic situation. Oh, no. That's so sad. It took that same left turn, and I've never recovered. Oh, man.

I know. It's like, oh. Yeah, it really, I mean, just, I watched it again recently. It's that. Yeah.

It's heartbreaking. It's such a weird turn in a movie. I know. That character, that's why now when I do the shows, I always take pictures with Gary because I'm like, no. I love Gary.

I love him. It's okay. It's totally fine. I know people want to see us together. Are you guys.

Do. You still hate her? Right, right. It's funny. It's great.

Thank you once again to Diane. Now we. We have to move on into our thoughts on this movie, which seem to be quite a few. It is quite a movie. Should we wait till we get to the end?

Because to me, this is two different movies. I mean, it is completely... And I'll throw out the spoiler alert seriously. If you're going to watch this movie, go watch it now. Don't listen to the rest of it, because the end of this becomes an entirely different And you really should, yeah, you should kind of go into that blind if you want to get the true experience.

So, yeah, stop now. Go watch the movie. It becomes like an after-school special, doesn't it? If after-school specials took the fucking gloves off. Right.

Sure, yeah. It's the thing. It's not cheesy and just watered down to nothing like most after-school specials. It's not preachy like after... It just becomes fucking real.

Right. And. Yeah, so we can save that for the end. But otherwise, of the first two-thirds of the movie, when it's an entirely different movie, where would you like to begin? This was not the movie that I was sold.

That's the thing. I mean, to me, it's so weird, and that's kind of why, because I, as I mentioned to her, I saw this, like, really young on cable. And on cable, especially at that age, you're looking for boob movies? I mean, we had cable, so I was just like, all right. 80s, sold you the boobs.

Yeah, teen sex comedy. And that's what I was expecting was a kind of meatball-esque movie. Teen coming of age. The guy looking through into the girl's shower. We got some of that.

You get all of that. The thing is, it is that movie. It's almost too much of that movie. I guess I just typically hate those movies. I normally don't either.

The thing is, if it was just the first two-thirds of this movie, I probably never would have suggested watching it. I think it's that last part that changes everything. It takes a turn for the dark side. At least talk about it. It's one of those that really... threw me off at that time.

Again, it's just, it's a sucker. Punch of a movie. I mean, it's, It's a fun... It's a, hey, everybody, it's everything fancy free. It's the 80s, man.

Let's listen to our rockin' soundtrack and let's all go get laid. That soundtrack was fuckin' awesome. It does have an awesome soundtrack. Journey fuckin' kicks ass. I don't care what anybody says.

They're one of my favorite bands of all time. Only Journey with Steve Perry, because if it doesn't have Steve Perry, Journey can fuck off. Or that Filipino guy that sounds like Steve Perry. No, you don't count either. He ain't Steve Perry.

Fuck him. But I mean, yeah, you've got Devo, you've got, who else, the cars? The cars, the police. I hate the police, you know what I'm saying? I love the police.

Lionel Richie. Lionel Richie. Was Lionel Richie, was he in the movie at some point? We don't recognize him because he was in the movie a lot. No, there was only one black guy.

Right. Yeah. Could have been Lionel Richie. And he had a sleeveless turtleneck on. Yeah, wow.

But yeah, I think, Greg, you said it was the greatest hits of the 80s album. It basically was. Devo, Commodores, Oingo Boingo, The Waitresses, Blondie. I mean, it's everybody. I don't understand how they could afford any actors paying what they probably had to pay to put this soundtrack together.

You know, the only thing that I can figure is maybe they didn't do a soundtrack per se. They fought them to put in the movie, but not. Right. Well, you know, it was right after MTV came out. And so there's a whole lot of this movie that was like a video.

They would do the entire song. and then maybe play that song again ten minutes later. They did work a couple of times. Most of the time during the song, there wasn't much dialogue. Yeah, it was all, and again, it kind of works on that. I mean, again, this is that dawn of the music video age, so it is all these directors kind of discovering that way to shoot something.

It's like you didn't have that. It was completely unknown to do something like that in the 70s, so it's weird that you're kind of watching this unfold. Probably almost in the other direction. It's like you get these movies and then they turn the music videos into these kind of, you know, it's like they were drawing from these movies probably as they started making more and more music videos. Yeah, I did notice every time any kind of emotion was expressed any time.

In the movie. Music kicked in. Yeah. No one ever handled emotion without music. They played very heavily.

And in both, I mean, definitely in the sad scenes, but even in, like, the other one, like, when the party would kick in, the party music kicked in. And it's like, it was... Or when they were escaping getting caught. When they were getting naked. Crazy, running away music.

Wait, nobody got naked in this movie. No. I don't think... Other than the parents, I think everyone got naked. Pretty much.

Way more than we needed to of a lot of these characters. Especially that one dude. The big chunkin'. I didn't need to see him naked ever. The ugly Chris Penn.

David. No, what was his name? Who did I say he was at the day? Jonah Hill. He kind of, yeah.

He's the 82 Jonah Hill. It's kind of like if you wanted to see Jonah Hill naked, you get to in this one. Nobody wants to see that. Although he has lost a lot of weight now. What's funny is, I mean, especially in this, I mean, you get that whole.

I mean, it is a 80s crazy sex comedy, but with those, it's always built around this little group of friends, and you've always got, oh, the dorky friend. You've got the one that's usually the hefty guy, and usually they all make fun of him. He's kind of like cool number two. Yeah. Like, he's...

He's hooking up with chicks. He's the smooth one. They send over to talk to him. He's got the money. He's got money.

Like, yeah, he's still a dork, and they still kind of make fun of him, but at the same time, I'm like, he's still cooler than our main character. Yeah. Like, Gary is kind of the loser of the bunch, really. Definitely when it comes to the ladies. So, it's funny that they worked that.

Like, I really expected, going back to watch it again, that it was going to be like, oh. He's the dumb fat guy. We're going to make fun of him, but... Not really. He was cool.

He was way cooler than Gary. What's the matter with you? Are you drunk? Not yet. I'm just getting started.

Well, it seems like you're off to a pretty good start. I'm still young. I'm just getting ready for the good part. Hey, do you want some? Oh, no thanks.

I'll pass. You and Rick are pretty good friends, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah, we're partners, you know? Tight.

You sure like him, don't you? Why do you ask? I don't know. It just felt like asking. You know, Gary had, and before we even get to what you're deeming the last third, he has a whole lot of issues.

That character does. They all seem to have. A lot of issues. Yeah, kind of. But he just, you know, he'd rather watch a friend sleep with a girl than.

Be with a girl that is halfway attractive and wants to be with him. But then we'll go after the awkward big girl at the beginning. That one's always weird. The one that was uncomfortable and didn't want to have anything to do with him at all. And had chips all over her chest.

But Lucy, he couldn't have Lucy. I don't get that. Lucy's awesome. She's the unsigned hero of this movie. Rose.

To me, she'll always be Lucy. Yeah, Lucy from Twin Peaks is in there. And that was the one I was like, that's the guest, you know, appearance that you're going to be like, oh my god, look who it is! If we could have just watched her for her while my movie was, maybe I'd have been okay. She's fun, though.

And she's totally cool. She's got cool hair and cool glasses and cool sparkles on her face. She's the one I would have been after. Truthfully, I mean, yeah. I mean, Diane's cute, but she's...

Like, Rose has such a thing going on. Like, she. It was such a put-together look that she was trying for that, yeah, she kind of wins you over. I didn't like this movie. I'm sorry.

I felt uncomfortable and awkward throughout most of the movie. I understand that. That's why I never watch The Office. It makes me uncomfortable. It's awkward.

The whole thing is just awkward and uncomfortable. I will agree with you. I didn't like it. I'm just like. Especially the locker room wing size measuring.

Okay, let's get to that because... That was another one of those. Again, seeing that as a kid, it was like that scene, it haunts you. I remember seeing that and not even remembering what movie it came from. Right.

Because, you know, we've got all those 80s bad sex comedies. Yeah, I fell into, you know, is it Porky's? Is it Screwballs? Is it, you know, any of these movies. All those type of bad sex comedies have those little, like, very specific, goofy little scenes.

Like, it's its own little thing. Like, you can take that scene and throw it in any movie. And that's kind of what this was. It doesn't really need to be there. It doesn't fit with what's going on.

It doesn't need to be there at all. No, it doesn't. And it's one of those that, like, just really throws off the movie as far as I'm concerned. Well, you don't feel so bad that the guy's car gets totaled. I guess.

Yeah, and he's not. No, nothing's going to bother him. He's got a 9.5 in his dick. I had to go get the measuring tape so that Marlena could accurately judge. So she could physically, in the real world, We get the winner of the contest, who's 9.5, and in the middle of the movie, Marlena's got the measuring tape out, just sort of, I had.

To know exactly. I mean, I know what 9 1⁄2 inches looks like, I think, but I needed to, like. Visualize. Really visualize it. I mean, you need to visualize the 3 1⁄2 inches of the.

Yeah, that guy lost. In life. Yes, he did. Notice they never showed his face. No.

He was wearing a mask. Actually, they did show his face. Oh, did they? Yes. He was at Mega Ginge.

Yes, he was. That's right. Ginger pubes. But I think what's most disturbing about that... There you.

Go. There's your most disturbing part. That's pretty damn disturbing. In Flight of the Conchords, they sing a song about Murray and they say something about his ginger balls. Ginger balls.

But I think it's the casualness that they all go into this. Yeah, it's like, hey! Let's all strip down in front of each other and have you handle my junk with the ruler. Slap it around so it's at full length. That's the thing.

If it were interaction, like if it were guys going and hooking up over there, I think I would have been less disturbed by the fact that at least that makes sense. At least, okay, those guys are getting it on. This was, no, let's all happily line up. and freely, you know, take our junk out and have this guy over here handle it and go on about our business. It's the 80s, man. Yeah, but that's the other thing.

I was like, I was, that's the thing. You were in high school around that time. So was I. That wouldn't have gone over. No, it wouldn't have gone over.

It hasn't beat up. Yeah. I mean, now I don't think it would go over. Now it's way more changed. It's changed a lot more since then.

But the level of homophobia in a high school in the 80s is, Jesus, there's no way. In hell that would have gone over. Yeah, but then you've got all the... Not so much the homophobia, but then you've got just the... How do you say it?

The horseplay? The naiveness, I guess. Naivety. Naivety? Is that even a fucking word?

Whatever. Naivete. That was close. Whatever. Whatever.

You got a bunch of kids who don't know what the fuck they're doing, so they figure they'll whip it out and compare. Kind of, but there was already a whole way, especially by the time you get to high school. Yeah, you're uncomfortable enough as it is. There was a kid in my high school that wore his underwear in the shower. See?

There you go. And you could see the line when he put his clothes back on of the wet. So there's no way that those guys would have... It never would have happened. Here's my uncomfortable story of high school.

Somebody had made a comment about all the guys wearing tighty-whities back then. Everybody wore tighty-whities. Except for me. I wore boxers. And I got made fun of constantly because I was the old man who wore boxers.

Ah, look at him. He's old. He's wearing boxers. You know, what do you do? Do you rip off your grandpa's underwear?

Now look, everybody's wearing boxers, huh? Yeah. Fuck you guys. It wasn't that long. It was like 10 years.

It switched over. And then it was like, you're wearing tighty-whities. You're weird. Yeah. So, yeah.

Whatever. There's nothing less sexy than tighty-whities. You know, I prefer, like. Boxer briefs myself. I love boxer briefs.

That's another. That's an okay way to go. There's just, there's no being cool in tighty-whities, you know? Yeah. Me in the middle.

Oh, boy. There's no cool way to pull those off. Literally, this movie. This movie just made me so uncomfortable. That was one of the many, many scenes.

Aside from the fact that him lining up to watch his friend Screw this. She's not really a prostitute. I guess she's more... She's a cougar. She's a cougar, yeah.

But she was a cute cougar. She was adorable. She was like Charo. It was mostly, yeah. There was a lot of Gucci Gucci action going on.

It was mostly the accent, I think, that pulled it off. It just looks like she's alright. She was okay for an old lady. It was years and years before anybody knew what a MILF was, but, you know, she would be thrown into that. But, um.

He's given the opportunity to nail this cougar. And what does he do? He runs out and gets his friends and brings them back so that they can do her. That's a weird move. I'm sorry.

That's what I'm saying. He's got some issues because, again, he would rather watch his friends. Right, yeah. I guess the most acceptable version is he's just nervous. He doesn't know how to handle it, so he pushes it off on his friends.

Right. But there's a much... He gives us the. Opportunity to see his big old fat friend flail it about on this poor helpless woman. I know.

He looked like he was having a seizure on top of her. He kind of did. Somebody help that woman. I don't want to see any of his ass. Or his boobs.

His boobs are bigger than half the girls in this cast. He's de-clothed far too often. Yes, I agree. That cougar chick had huge nipples. Huge, like dinner plate nipples.

They were ginormous. But yeah, there's definitely something You know, especially once you put it all together. In one or two of these scenes, you can be like, well, yeah, he's a virgin. He's nervous. He's trying to, you know, find a way to work around it and slowly work his way into having sex.

But when you put all these situations together, I mean, he always... finds a way to put his friends first. He always wants to watch his friends at the same time. With the exception of the hooker. Well, but that's because they finally were like, no, you're doing it this time. And then, well.

Get over here, take your pants off. At first I was pretty sure it was Willem Dafoe in drag. And then I said, no, Willem Dafoe is much more attractive. Okay, Willem Dafoe is pretty hot. He's got nicer legs than this chick.

Yeah. He had weird, fucked up legs. I'm still not sure that was a woman. No, the charmed girl had one. She had the little shriveled looking cat.

The cadaver legs. Cadaver cat. That's attractive. Any uncomfortable? It was disturbing.

I didn't like any of those people. I liked the dance. Diane Franklin was so adorable. She was. She could have used a little landscaping on her eyebrows.

But she had beautiful skin. In the 80s, nobody did eyebrows then. That was kind of the thing. If you didn't have eyebrows like that, you combed them up so they would look like that. You think of all the guys that had just out-of-control eyebrows.

Yeah. I can't think of any. But there were a lot. I seem to remember. But she had beautiful skin, and she had a beautiful stomach, and she looked good naked.

I'll give her that much. She has cute boobs. She did. That came out boobs. Boobs.

She has cute boobs. She was super adorable, so there's nothing against her. It's just the movie in general rubbed me the wrong way. The movie is very disturbing. Again, that's why I remembered it.

That's why it's stuck in my head over the years. That was the first thing. When I saw she was there, it wasn't all the cheesy horror movies that everybody else got. I was like, oh my god, I have to talk to her about that. Because that movie traumatized me.

That was the horror movie? It was. I was like, that was the one that affected me. Not any other. I can't even think.

That's the thing. Everybody was telling stories about horror movies that messed them up as a kid. And I was like... can't think of any and I watched a lot and again we had cable I watched everything that was on cable I remember liking all these I don't remember anything that was like disturbing in the horror movie realm but something like this like definitely affected me. Over the years you know I remembered um seeing I must have seen it on USA or something at one point so because the I think I remember waiting for the reveal or, you know, thinking that there should be skin in it and there, and there wasn't something. And I must've seen like a, which really made this, which really would make this movie suck as a teenager.

But I remembered the scene where they're all sitting on the couch together at the beginning when they're at the parents' house and how uncomfortable and awkward that was. And, Which, that's a funny thing. I think I got bored and turned it off. You know, eventually, after all of that. Because there's no need.

Because there's no need. If I was by myself. I probably would have got bored and turned this off. Yeah. I mean, the main guy, if you think about it, he kind of looked like a donkey.

He had donkey lips. Donkey lips and huge teeth. I think I saw the same thing at that time, and I thought it was Ralph Macchio. Yeah. And I think I turned the channel, because it wasn't Karate Kid.

It wasn't Karate Kid. Either there's going to be karate, or he's going to hook up. And if I can't get either of those, I'm out of here. When he didn't hook up with that one chick, I was like, eh, screw this, man. That chick?

No, not her, the other one. So you wanted him to hook up? I didn't want to see that. Well, in the sense that... You always are cheering for the guy.

If he wants it, fine. I'm going to cheer for you to hook up with her. But, like Brian said, the one guy that you think, you think the big guy's going to hook up with a chick? No. Who does he get?

He gets the blonde. Why? Because he's got confidence. He knows what he's doing. And a bitchin' gold, yellow gold chain.

Hell yeah. And sweet dance moves. And dance moves. And he had a yellow vest. Right.

And the sunglasses. And the sunglasses. In true 80s form, he puts on those sunglasses before he even goes and talks to the girls. Yeah. And he had money.

And he had money. Yeah. He was the one they bummed money off of the entire movie. Yeah. I was afraid for a second that we were going to have to see that one chick's boobs.

And I was like, no. Which one didn't we see? She's about the only one. We saw her in her bra. When he reached for the skizzers because he couldn't get the.

Clasp button. Yeah, that was kind of a... That was a bra fail. I was like, no, please, please, please. I don't want to see that.

Her entire, I'm not interested... No, whatever it is, I'm not interested. I'm sure many guys have been on that date before. I don't care. Yeah, I don't care.

But that's another one. Let's talk about the fact that these girls, okay, they're hanging out there. The other two look kind of slutty. And she's like, you think she's the good girl. She's the sensible one.

And, you know, she's the one that's going to keep them under control. And we don't want to go to your party. And she's going to be the one that will keep the leash on these two, you know, crazy girls. Who's the first one that goes, what about drugs? Where's the drugs?

She was all about some drugs. And then snorts the half pound of sweet and low. Good God. I wonder how many kids tried that in 1980. Oh, you know, they all did.

We're doing later. What are you talking about? Yeah, this is before all that shit. I once snorted a pixie stick on a deer. Not because I thought it was drugs, but because someone dared to.

There were a bunch of kids that used to snort Tylenol in high school. What does that do? I have no idea. Makes your headache go away. It probably fucks you up.

It probably fucks up your sinus. It gives you a. Headache and makes your headache and then makes it go away. Yeah, I don't know. What did the pixie stick do?

It burned and then I coughed. It was green. It was like a cloud. Once when I was little, I had to sneeze, but it wouldn't come out. And I'd watch so many cartoons where they would. breathe in pepper, so I snorted.

A thing of pepper. I was, like, maybe five or six. That hurt. And then I, like, was trying to get rid of it, so I only had orange soda, so I, like, tried to breathe in orange soda. So I snorted pepper and then orange soda.

Was this in the trailer park? Yes. This is at my grandma's house. No, actually, my grandma didn't move the trailers. But, you know.

Well, of this cast, though, I have to say it, Most of, a lot of the, you know, in the 80s you didn't have as much of it, but as time goes on you get all these, like, perfect cast of pretty people, especially now. Jesus, look at any quote-unquote teenagers, which are about 30 in movies, and they're like the perfect WB crew. Yeah. And it's like most of these kids were real-looking kids, you know? It's like you look at the goofy ones and they were all kind of normal-looking.

Like, even of the three, it's like, you know, Gary seems like a guy you probably went to school with, you know? It's like, even the pretty one, he was pretty, but he looked like he probably, he was weird looking. But again, of the three, he's the one the girls would have gone with. Yeah, I had a friend that was like that. He was the guy that all the chicks immediately hooked up with.

He was a jackass. Just like this guy, slept with him, dumped him. You know, and that's the kind of guy he was. But you always had that in school. You had the three, pretty much. again, like the, you know, our friend David, who we've seen plenty of, again, that's a real kid.

That's a real kid, though. Right, yeah. You know you went to school with that guy. Or even the awkward girl at the party. I think everybody went to school with that girl, too.

So it's like, At least some of it feels real. Pocahontas. Pocahontas. She was the hottest girl in that movie. She was.

She gets overlooked in this one, too. She sits in front of Gary, is it? Yeah, somewhere, one over. Right behind her, right behind him. Yeah, as he gets in trouble in his geometry class.

Whatever's going on, yeah, she sits in front of him. Yeah, I hated this movie. I liked Diane Franklin just because she was super cute. She was good. For the most part, I liked her character.

I don't like her at the end because. She's kind of a bitch. I addressed that to her. We'll get to that. I mean, I hated the Rick.

Rick is his name? The guy scrolling around. He had eyeballs. His eyes. I kept waiting for his lids to like blink upwards because he had this like weird lizard eye i think he had.

This weird lower lid yeah it was. Like weird i didn't like it i kept waiting for it i didn't like it made me uncomfortable i. Did not like the fat guy just because i don't like Jonah Hill. She was going to say, I don't like fat people. I don't like Jonah Hill.

I don't like that character in all those movies. I don't like the fat guy character who's always, they always have that same personality. They're always that same person, and I don't like that character in the movie. I mean, they treat him differently within the story. He's not the quote-unquote fat guy, but at the same time, he's still obnoxious.

He's still almost as bad as Rick. It's like the only one that's the nice one of the bunch is Gary. And he's creepy in his own way. I like Lucy. If we just had an hour and a half.

Movie of just Lucy and Diane Franklin's character just driving around, whatever, hanging out. That might be more fun. Just watching them. Doing each other's makeup. Cruising around on the scooter.

I want to watch that, you know? Yeah. This movie is uncomfortable. I'd rather have pillow fights or something. That would be cute.

That would be awesome. But yeah, it was uncomfortable. And any movie that makes me uncomfortable, I'm just like, duh. And to make me uncomfortable, I mean, seriously. Yeah, you're...

I wouldn't have sat and watched this movie in the 80s. I wasn't concerned with this. I never lived this. No. I never went through this time of trying to score with chicks constantly.

I certainly didn't either. I was two when this movie came out. Seriously. I was too busy trying to learn how to kill people. As well.

All kids should. I was not concerned with this at all, so I really didn't identify with a lot of the stuff in the movie. I grew up with a lot of problems, so. I think we all did. So.

Oh, I don't know. But I mean, it's just such a weird mixture because it really is completely this, this goofy eighties teen comedy. And it's like, again, almost to its disadvantage. Like, I think there's a much better story. There and one that eventually gets told and one that had they like take, cause most of that are like just blocks.

I mean, they're completely separate scenes of, you know, the, You could almost have, like, the three girls part. That sort of fits with them. But then, like, the hooker story is creepy and could be taken out and wouldn't hurt anything one way or the other. And you'd have to have the images of her. Yeah.

But, I mean, all of them are so self-contained. And the fact that he had sex. With her without a condom and she was just so nasty. But it was the 80s! I don't care!

We didn't have all that shit. We didn't have to worry about AIDS. We didn't have to worry about anything. Syphilis still existed. Herpes still existed.

Yeah, but when you were... When you were in high school, you didn't think about that. I mean, pregnancy, you know, yeah, you kind of had to worry about that, but then you had to pull and pray, you know, or maybe you got knocked out, big deal. But for some reason, you still were kind of naive in the 80s. Other people got crabs, you didn't.

If you were. Dealing with nothing but high school kids, most of them haven't done it before, so that whole little group of kids, at that point, it was still very naive, as we said, so... All those kids were, like, clean. So you didn't have to worry about it. Until you go out and start screwing hookers.

That's when you get nasty looking hookers. When you walk away from her, you throw up. That's how bad of a hooker she is. And I said, I don't blame her. Yeah, her sexy pillow talk.

Come on, fatty. What you calling that? Fat ass. Thanks, I'm paying you $ 30 for this. You could at.

Least be a little nicer. Really? Repeat customers. Yeah. But, yeah, I think that's, again, I don't think kids would have.

I mean, not that it was even an issue, really. But, yeah, I mean, it's different if you're a sailor. If you're like Paco. Yeah. Paco had a whole thing of condoms.

Paco knew. Yeah. You know, a little more experienced guys probably were using condoms. These swingers from the 70s. Yeah.

You know, maybe they grew up in the 80s. Started, but yeah, high school kids, probably not. Yeah, high school kids, you weren't running to the drugstore to try to sneak and get condoms. Yeah, it was too embarrassing to buy them. How awesome was that drugstore guy?

Oh, the drugstore guy was awesome. He was fucking hilarious. That's what I said. I was like, in this situation, that's the drugstore guy you want to get. Not the one that's like, well, I'm telling your mother, you know, you're the... price check on Krabs Medicine.

We need a price check. But I can handle the guy laughing at me. That's fine. You get that, again, in other 80s comedies. You get that same thing of the scene of the guy trying to buy condoms and the guy calls him out and makes fun of him or he's like.

The preacher there at the same time. He's the cool 70s druggist, man. He'd been around a long time ago. He knew what was up and he's like, you kids already? Krabs?

Losers. And then he gave them stuff. He's like, I don't worry. You'll be fine. Here, take this.

Four bucks. I got grabs back in the Philippines. That guy was pretty awesome. And then he can hang out with Lucy and Diane in the movie that I'm going to make. He'll sell them their makeup when they go and put makeup on each other.

So who was the main guy? And again, I can't remember his name. Gary. Gary was just so unbelievably funny. Fucking emo.

You got on my nerves because all I do is cry over this chick about the whole movie. Dude, she doesn't fucking want you, okay? Just give it up. Don't worry about it. Yeah, the first two-thirds, I would kind of, yeah.

By the end, it inserts into a different area. Oh, he starts getting fucking creepy towards it. That first two-thirds, it is like, okay, dude, just get over it. Deal with it. I mean, it's like, yeah, it's going to suck, but you need to at least let go of it.

You might not get over it, but get away from it. He's acting like a chick. He's writing her name and his trapper keeper. That's the part that any guy that would have done that would have got their ass kicked. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Definitely. Probably more so than measuring another guy's penis. Were you writing Karen on your notebook? He was at the point. Where he just crossed over into creepy stalker territory.

Well, he started off that way. Because I remember, again, watching this. He left the tire. Yeah, that's what I thought. That first time, that's like 15, 20 minutes into the movie.

He's already letting the... the air out of her tire so that she'll have a flat so that he'll have to give her a ride to school. I was like, this is all very premeditated. This is very creepy. And he does a callback on his own bad joke with the, you want to buy a meatball sub? Yeah.

And then delivers it in that creepy, you know, way. That's fucking drunk. He was drunk at that point. Yeah, but it's still creepy. I don't care if it's drunk or not, it's still creepy.

Yeah. Again, he makes a lot of bad decisions along the way. Don't strain your eyeballs. Hey, do you know who she is? Which one?

The one with the turkey streak in her hair? No, the other one, turkey. I think her name is Karen. Karen what? I don't know.

She just moved here about a week ago. Hey, can you find out where she lives? Sure, no sweat. For a small fee, I think I can find out. But, yeah, he's definitely got a very stalker thing going on.

I was kind of hoping he'd just get drunk and, like, his buddy lets him drive home because in the 80s we didn't have, like. Early 80s. Which he did. I don't think Mad was around until maybe late 80s. I don't know.

I can't remember. It might have just been starting, but, yeah, I don't remember hearing about it until later. Yeah, you don't remember. There wasn't the car in the football field of don't drink. They show the mangled car in the football store.

He got drunk in and killed him and his girlfriend. They didn't have that back then. It was just. Your friends went to parties, they got drunk, and then they just went home. You know?

And. I don't even know how... I don't have any fucking idea where I'm going with this. So. You were hoping he'd go...

I was hoping he would just fucking plow into a bridge embankment and kill himself. Because I'm tired of him crying. It probably would have, yeah. Yeah. I was annoyed the whole time he was...

Right. I wanted... There were several times... chick. I wanted him to snap. I wanted him to go too far and do something.

Because I'm like, you know, if I'm drinking Jack, I'm fighting every motherfucker in there, which is why I don't drink Jack. If you're drinking it out of the bottle. Oh, fuck yeah. Right up. And she walks in and just picks up that bottle.

There'll be fucking bloody noses. So if nothing else, just, like, lose it and just Just take a shot at Rick. Yeah, I was waiting for him at any point. He should have taken a swing at him right there. Just fucking lose it.

Not even if he deserved it at that point. Just because he was drunk and pissed off, it would have at least been somewhat realistic. Yeah, but he didn't do anything. No. He just got in his car and drove off like a little bitch.

So, yeah. I mean, there's a point where you need to kind of like, okay, let it go, dude. Just move on. She's hooking up with your buddy you know. At that point, it's already... it's already done.

It doesn't matter. Nothing good will come from this. Well, plus, if your buddy hooks up with a girl, even if he knows that you really like her, It's done. You move on. You find somebody else.

You move past it. I mean, really, as much as we don't like Rick in this movie, it wasn't his fault. He really did not... He didn't know they even knew each other. Yeah, right.

So it wasn't his fault. He should have just been like, well, okay, he got to her first, I guess. You know, dibs. I've had friends like that before. I've had friends do that.

And it was just like, you know, I had... There was this girl that I liked and I was trying to talk to her and we were kind of blah, blah, blah. And then I kind of got shuffled off into the friend zone because I spent more time talking and not time acting. And he jumped on the shit. That happens a lot.

And I was like, what the fuck, dude? And he was like, hey, man, I made the move. And I was like, oh, well, whatever. Good for you. Move on.

All right, I'll find somebody else. Sucks for me. You might go home and cry into your pillow, but you ain't going to be a little one. No, I didn't cry into my pillow. But at that point, you need to wake up and realize, you know what?

Rose is right here. She's pretty damn hot. And she's totally into me. Yeah. Out of her stank.

Any kid that she was halfway attractive and she was willing, more than halfway attractive, she was good looking and willing. And she had a good voice. Any kid in high school would immediately stop worrying about the girl he was fighting over. Not necessarily, but he should have. He should have gotten over that's the thing not necessarily right away yeah there's a lot of as willing as she.

Was though see I can kind of understand him on that point because when I was in high school there was this chick that was completely into me so much to the point that she was sending me dirty notes and it scared me off yeah because I was just like woo you know back off maybe you should watch his friend banger first maybe. That's what I should watch he would probably have enjoyed that Gary had issues. He did. He had all kinds of issues. He was a big pervert and stalker.

Yeah. Watching them at the football stadium and just going and moping. And then pretending like he didn't know. Call him dude a liar. Dude, you watched him.

Are you in denial? Yeah, he's completely in denial. I think he is, yeah. Like I said, he's got issues. He's got a lot of issues.

See, I'm waiting for the... second part of this movie to come out, where he snaps completely. And kills Rick. And kills Rick. Kills that whole room of the party. Yeah, you know?

I was waiting for that to happen, but then the credits rolled, and I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. No, credits fucking came out of nowhere! I know! I mean, you've got all this fucking belt up of anger, and I'm waiting for this fucking release of just craziness, and nothing happens. Okay, so I guess with that, we should full-on spoiler out, head into the end of this movie, because we already pretty much are.

Sarah? What's wrong? This has got nothing. To do with you. I saw you two arguing in there.

It's over between us, so it doesn't matter. So why are you crying then? Look, I'll be alright. Relax. You know how couples have their moments.

Cool off. I know it. Don't worry about it. I really don't care what he does. Hey, we'll get over it.

I'm... I'm pregnant. Okay. Hey, don't worry. It's gonna be all right.

Yeah, I mean, like I said, it's such a fun, zany 80s comedy to the point where, like I said, I wouldn't have liked it at all. It was another Meatballs. Well, not even that. Meatballs is a pretty good movie. It was a knockoff Porky's.

It was like a Screwballs or a Hot. It was like one of those. It was like a late night, showtime, nothing else is on, there's boobies in it, let's finish watching this. It was one of those, and it's one of those I very much would have totally dismissed had I not gotten to the end of the movie. And I think that last third of the movie...

It takes a dark turn. It takes such a dark turn. And it still made me uncomfortable. Yeah, even more so. Like, rightfully so.

Like, the first half is just, ew, gross, gross, uncomfortable. This is, fuck, stop. Stop showing that. Stop doing that. Stop making these decisions.

Some of the scenes... Yeah, yeah. Because she ends up breaking up with Rick, because Rick doesn't want to have anything to do with her. Rick's a douchebag. Yeah, Rick breaks up with her.

Tells her to fuck off. Yeah, and so, you know, Gary being the, I'm so obsessed with you, goes after her in the hallway. What's wrong? Did he break up with you? I saw you guys fighting.

It'll be okay. Sometimes couples have fights. Right. Wanting, kind of like, it'll be okay, you guys can get back together. I hope they don't get back together.

But he was playing nice. Kind of like in Seinfeld, it's like, I'm here for you. I'm here. Exactly. That's a good move.

And then you find out that Karen is pregnant. Exactly. And then it turns into an after-school special. Kind of. Like I said, a very disturbing after-school special.

If Meredith Baxter-Bernie was in it. The straps. The straps is what got me the most. Yeah, the strap that was so horrible. That's all a little too close to home.

That's a little too real. They go through the stage where he's consoling her, and then he says, it's going to be okay, because I'm going to take care of you. And then it goes into the abortion clinic montage. Well, just that lady behind there. That lady behind the counter there that's giving them the speech, she was creepy, too.

And, like, frightening. Her white hair. Yeah, like, the whole thing really... She was cold, callous. Which, again, the whole situation at that...

So, I mean, that thing almost threw a really good version of just, like, immersing you in the horribleness of this entire scenario. It's, like, it really, like, dealing with that lady and her, like... Telling you how, you know, you could have avoided this. You know, that does you a lot of fucking good now. For your few seconds of pleasure, you could have avoided this.

And then turning around and breaking it down to, oh, cash only. You know, it's all about the money for us. You know, we'll take care of this problem for you, but, you know. And when she gets the cash, she thumbs through it. Yeah.

Almost like she's in love with the money. Or like she's a gangster, you know. It's weird the way that she operates all together. Oh, and the scene where Diane's actually getting ready for it. Oh, that creeped me out.

The creepy doctor. Where she's like naked and crying. Yeah, the doctor is in the room while she's dressing. That wouldn't happen. And it's so creepy for her to be there crying and the doctor's just going on about his business.

Putting his latex gloves on really slowly and they've got all of his instruments laid out there. And then there's pizza. Yeah. That's a cheese pizza. There's an odd juxtaposition there.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Where he's still trying to get money to pay for this abortion by stealing it from his mom. I had a doctor that was creepy once. I went to the doctor and he actually unbuttoned my shirt for me.

That was all kind of creepy. That's not right. How old were you? I was like 18 or 19. I never went back to the U.S.

Crossing a line. You probably could have gotten some money out of him. That was creepy. At least he weren't a child. After he got his hands out of the icebox.

You know, that's where they keep them. Along with the tools. Yeah. If you're a guy, you know, gotta, when they handle your wobblies, they get their hands right out of the icebox. I swear to God, the doctor's hands are always about negative ten degrees.

Shit shrivels up and goes right up inside. And you lose the contest, then. Yeah, right. But yeah, the whole scene with, yeah, her stripping animal. That was so disturbing.

And her laying there crying. Yeah. And then they're strapping her legs in. I know, the straps. I was like, oh, Lord.

And putting her under, I don't know why that disturbed me, too, but That whole thing. They try to make it as dark and sinister as it is. And then we've got the other half of him doing anything he can to take care of it. In a way, yes, he's creepy and he's sort of playing the situation. But on the other hand, he also kind of is a good friend.

He sticks by her. He helps her out in a way that some people might disagree with, but he helps her out. He sticks by her. That's why, but at the same time, it's also like, he's still, he's still, being there for her when Rick is a jackass and left her to deal with it on her own. He's doing it self-servingly, kind of.

What happens if he doesn't have the cash? Do they, like, undo it? I was thinking... They put the baby back in. Yeah, I was like, what kind of...

The doctor gets her pregnant. Wow. He definitely did. I was thinking that. I was like, what kind of abortion clinic lets you pay after?

Right. Seems like a bad situation. Teenagers too. You don't trust teenagers. Why did it take until like 7.30 at night to do everything?

Bring her back at 6.30 at night. Late night abortion clinic. That's when you had to come pick her up. She had to sleep at home. It's a drive-thru abortion clinic.

Then she wakes up and giggles. What the hell? She's this creepy. Guy standing there with a tree and an orange. Yeah, what the.

Fuck is with the tree? Greg's assessment of it. What was it? That thanks for ruining Christmas and oranges from now on. He brings in a Christmas tree and oranges to pick her up at the abortion clinic.

So her first thoughts when she wakes up, abortion, Christmas, oranges. It's Christmas time. Every morning she opens the refrigerator, orange juice, and she's just crying. Weeping. Every Christmas the rest of her life is ruined.

It's not going to remind you of it. But then it even takes an even creepier turn. I don't know, because it doesn't really seem like she thinks things through. She seems kind of flippant. She goes through all this, and she goes back to him anyway, so maybe it's not going to have any impact on her whatsoever with the oranges.

Maybe not. She's got a weird character to deal with anyway, because she also is completely clueless the entire time. Granted, I guess you get yourself into those situations, but seriously... gary is not really subtle as time goes on and she is like oblivious to the fact that you know by the time they slept together and gary goes storming off and she's like what's wrong with him like okay really i was like come on yeah i would think most girls at this point would at least go. Okay something's going on here but so she's got kind of a weird character to play anyway because she has to go through the entire movie being completely oblivious to what's going on right next to her, right in the middle of all this friendship, quote-unquote, going on.

He's, you know, very obviously obsessed with her, and creepily at times. Yeah. I was in love with you the first time I saw you. Yeah, that's kind of crossing the line. I mean, he means it sweet, but it doesn't come off sweet.

No, it comes out very, very, very creepy. I mean, the first one kind of does. He just tells her he loves her, and that's kind of, okay, that actually could have made this situation work, and she might have liked you at this point. You've been there for her, and now you say you love her. But the, yeah, the I've loved you since the first time I saw you.

Yeah. I didn't know how to tell you. It's like, okay, you're creepy. Well, she puts him in the friend zone. Like, I think before that doesn't.

Oh, yeah. You've been such a friend to me. You've been such a friend to me. It's like, I wouldn't drop $ 250 on that. That's for sure.

I sold everything I own. I'm now in debt to my boss. I've ran around for a day trying to squirrel together $ 250. To pay for my... To pay for your abortion that my best friend got you knocked off and went off and ditched you.

I did all of this and now I'm your friend. Sucks to be you too, buddy. And then spends his next $ 80 on jewelry for her. Which he has engraved. Can't even give it to anybody else.

Can't take it back. Because that's how you spell Karen. Because the jeweler is too fucking stupid to know that Karen's not spelled with a C. Or a G. No shit, fucking Sherlock.

What do you think it was spelled with? I'll make sure I don't spell it with a G. If anybody spells Karen with a C, they just need to be beat. If the parent actually names their kid, they need to be beat. If I was the jeweler, I would have spelled it with a C.

If we have any listeners whose name is Karen with a C, we are sorry. I want to punch your parents. It's not your fault anyway. Go smack your parents for that. And the jeweler doesn't even look at him like it's anything else.

The jeweler's like, oh, okay, I was ready for it. He's just like, oh, let me write that down. You know, I wanted a look. I wanted a look. Like, I'm going to fucking hit you, kid, if you don't get the fuck out of my store.

Right. Well, and then, you know, since we've gone and done the full reveal, and I said it while we were watching it, when he sees them and they're like, hey, no big deal, we're in love, back together, it should have just turned into a horror movie or some kind of revenge. And he should have just not... got in the car and cried like an asshole. He should have just picked up a knife and killed everybody. Should have in the movie that we want to see, but in the real world, that's exactly what happens.

He drove off crying. Then the fucking credits start. And more Lionel Richie. Yeah, I was waiting for him to punch the fuck out of Rick. See, I don't see it in that scene.

That scene plays pretty true to me. That scene is, you know what, you've gotten screwed over by life. It's like, you know what, this is how things get down. Or at least he didn't even give a. You know what, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you.

How many people were there? There's three. I had fucking twice. Fuck you for dead baby. The other friend too.

You, the dude in the sunglasses. Fuck you. He didn't even let out with the, you know, you fucking cut. I paid for your goddamn abortion and now you're back with this fucking jerk. What the fuck is wrong with you?

He just stood there and cried. He stood there and cried and drove off. You don't let them see you cry. They will know you're a bitch. You have to think of what the sequel is going to be like.

He's going to stalk her and like, Leave dead baby fetuses. Oh, dear. See, now that would be a good sequel. That's not going to happen. That would be the first sequel that trumped the original.

That would be awesome. The Godfather 2 of dead baby fetuses. We're going to get so much hate mail over dead babies. I do not condone dead babies. What?

You do not condone dead babies. I actually love babies. I love babies. Living babies. So she's saying she hates dead babies.

Dead babies make me cry. This is Marlena, not Misty. Dead babies make me cry. I like living babies. But that's, I mean, that's the thing.

That final scene, like, that's the part that, like, as a kid, watching this movie, like, haha, dumb sex comedy, and then this happens, and you're like, traumatized, and just like, again. What about the movies? Yeah, I was just like, how do you carry on as a kid after that? Like, how do you go get into any relationship after that? I was like, I think this scarred me for life.

That explains a lot. It does. It was like, I think this did it. But that's high school, and that's high school chicks. I love him, I hate him, he knocked me up, but I'm back together with him because it's okay.

In a way, that's what I liked about this movie. As awkward as the rest of it is, as much as I really don't care about the goofy sex comedy, most of it, there's moments that are funny. Or the song. Are you ready for the sex, girls? What?

That's a little bit of a song. But.... I mean, I think that's what I ended up liking about it, is that it ended like that. You know? Okay, it's...

That pissed me off. It's gonna piss you off, but I was like, in any other lame bullshit Hollywood movie, they would have made them live happily ever after, and they would have gone on a ski. Trip themselves, and they... show pictures over the credits of them raising their children. Bullshit. You know what happens in the real world?

She goes back to the guy who knocked her up and ditched her. That's what happens in the real world. Exactly. You know, do you think the director wanted to do that kind of a movie of that real I hate and this is the way life really is and sold it as a teen sex comedy and then, well, here's the first half of the movie and then slipped that in at the last second? Actually, I know the real answer, but I'm thinking of, in a way, that would almost be genius, too, to be like, okay, let's, you know, kids don't want to see this serious part.

Let's, you know, let's. Bait them with this teen sex comedy and. Then, like, sucker you in. With the serious shit. It's actually, the real, but the truth of it is way more sad.

The truth of it is, this is based on the director's life. Holy shit, really? Yeah. Is he the Gary character? He's the Gary, I'm assuming.

I mean. This is based on real life events. I'm assuming all the forced in stupid sex comedy stuff doesn't happen. I'm assuming the real part is that he paid for his friend's baby to be aborted and then the girl went back. With his jackass friend and dumped him.

That's the real part. That's the real world. And I was like, holy shit, this is a real movie. I was like, this is what separates it from the other bullshit sex comedies of the 80s. Did he really sleep with that nasty prostitute?

I hope that part was forced in by a screenwriter or something. You know, he probably did. But he probably did, yeah. Because otherwise, that wouldn't be in there. And the other stuff, I mean, I hope they got the penis contest is inserted.

In as fake. but yeah like the prostitute part I think probably yeah I mean that is one of those. Okay we gotta get you laid you know that probably frightening and the thing is the way that he portrays her as frightening as he does probably does mean it happened because he's probably like. Oh my god that was a horrifying you know that was the worst night of my. Life horrifying way to lose your virginity kid in the basement of some fucking abandoned warehouse come here. Take your pants off let me get it hard What the fuck's your problem?

That's so dark and depressing and horrifying that it probably really happens. When you're in there, you gotta fuck me. What an ugly prostitute is calling you pathetic. Yeah. Again, there's life for you.

That's how things really happen. That's not movies. Nowadays, there's people that pay for that, you know? That'd be different if he was asking for it. He didn't ask for that.

You had to pay extra if you wanted. Yeah. Would've been 50 bucks. No. So, yeah, I don't know.

That's the part that really, like, the ending in and of itself, it will floor you if you don't see it coming, which you don't. Yeah, I didn't see it coming. Out of left field, just sucker punched in the gut. But on top of that, yeah, to find out that it's all based on the director's actual life is horrifying. Yeah.

Does he have a normal relationship nowadays? Probably not. Probably not. Would you? He's still stalking that girl.

Right. I made this movie about you! No, she's buried in his backyard by now. Oh yeah, that's right. He didn't make the sequel yet.

Boaz Davidson's in jail. Actually, he went on to make many, many other movies. And a lot of TV work. I never want to see this movie again. But that's the thing.

I went for years and didn't, like, again, I may have only seen it that one time before recently. And it stuck with me every, like, probably not a year would go by and I'd go, God, remember that one movie? Like, I don't even, like, as years went on, I didn't even know for sure what the title was. I just remembered that end of, oh, God, remember when she got the abortion? And then she went back with that guy and then he drove off in the credits.

And, like, it's overwhelming. Right. It really sells it as a American pie. yeah kind of movie that hey it's just going to be fun and. I hated that movie but but there's a market for that and that's what they were going for uh we're gonna get him laid and we're gonna have you know that's you know we're gonna have fun and talk about drugs and it's gonna be fun we're gonna get him. Laid yeah yeah it's all it is it's all it's about in high school that shit doesn't actually exist and yeah you know and this sort of like pulls the rug out it's like okay, this is what school is like, and this is what high school is like, and this is what getting laid is like.

No, here's really what happens. You get knocked up, you have an abortion, you get left dumped. That's how life really happens. It's like suggesting the crying game to one of your friends who's looking for something that's got some hot chicks in it and maybe some porn. Yeah.

Which he needs the crying game, and then he watches it, and then he's like, you motherfucker, you fucking goddamn bastard. I sat there with my fucking Kleenex watching. this movie, and it was a fucking god! Spoiler alert. If you don't know that by now. Yeah.

So this is right after that movie came out. Since they blew it on the Oscars that year, I guess it's our own fault. That guy hated me for the longest time. Okay, that makes it the best story ever. He was telling me, he goes, dude, man, I got to rent a movie this weekend.

I need something with hot chicks in it. I need something. I was like, dude, The Crying Game. It's got the hottest black chicken that I've ever seen. Fucking hot.

He's like, she's getting naked. I was like, oh, dude, she gets fucking naked. She gets naked. She gets full funnel fucking naked. He was like, dude, I am on it.

He probably slow-mo'd through that. Oh, yeah. He was like, oh. He told me, you gotta be fucking naked. Fucking shit me, you fucking asshole, you goddamn motherfucker.

I had my fucking pants down. I'm fucking jacking it to a goddamn guy. You motherfucker. I fucking ate your guts. And I was just sitting there laughing.

It was the funniest fucking moment of my life. And now he's gay. I don't know if he is or not. I don't think that technically... Turned him.

No. No, he was. No. He still hates you? He probably still hates me, yeah.

You just helped him. I mean, it was already going to be like that. You're programmed that way, right? So, I mean, he just needed a little push to come to terms with it. I don't even know if he's...

I wouldn't know. I just did it to be an asshole. That's great. That's my man. That's great.

That's a good story. But yes, back to this. I never want to watch this movie again. I didn't want to take a shower after watching this. I didn't need to.

It stuck with me for how many years? My entire damn life. And I finally, like years later, went, I think that is the name of that movie, and went and found out and made sure that was the right one. But again, I hadn't watched it until I saw that she was coming, and I was like, okay, we need to talk about that movie. And she was so nice in person.

Yeah. She was the most ridiculously nice person I've ever met in my entire life. She's just, yeah, ridiculously nice. Because the guy she was with was kind of trying to. Blow us off.

Yeah. He was, because she told us what time to be there. And we're leaving. And he's like, no, we can't do it. We're done.

And she was like, no, let's do it. Let's. Come on. Because she's awesome. She was so sweet.

So she had to beg the guys she hired. But she was so nice. And she's gorgeous in this movie. And I'm not just saying that on the off chance that she might listen to it. She is awesome.

And it's not her fault I don't like this movie. Well, and I am, yes. You heard me ask her that. I was like, you know, what... I did not.

Hear you ask her. I was too busy getting hit on by two drunk guys. I'm not talking to you. I was talking to this... Well, I'm just saying, I was.

There sort of when you were talking to her. You were busy, yeah, trying to throw those guys off the trail. Mentioning your... What was he? Was he your fiancé or was he your husband?

We were married at that point. Yeah, but you were married at that time. Yeah. I should have mentioned the mace. That might have gotten him to go away.

I thought you did. I don't remember. Thanks for leaving me alone with the two drunk guys. Hey, I didn't know you were alone with the two drunk guys. I was right there.

I was at the table with you. I was all alone. I knew you guys were going down to do an interview and Randy and I were looking at video games and stuff like that that he was downloading. I was alone with two drunk guys. Or at the same table I was.

You could have texted me. You could have taken them, truthfully. You would have knocked those guys out of their ass. So, yeah. I just kept an eye on you.

As long as you weren't abducted or anything, you were fine. You would have knocked them out. They were too busy wanting pictures of each other together. Yeah, again, in weird fashion. Take pictures of me with me.

You too, buddy. That wasn't the first time they'd asked me. They'd asked me that earlier in the day. Will you take our pictures? I'm somebody famous.

Like the. Sure you are. Alright, sorry. I don't know. But yeah, I mean, I asked her that she was like, you know, how do you deal with this?

Because this makes you the villain of the movie. By the end, you're nice girl all the way through. And then by the end, you're like, what? What did you just do? Yeah, it's like, as she said, that's what happened.

She's got drive-ins with people screaming and cursing and blowing their horn and just cursing at the screen at what she just did. So it kind of leaves her in a very bad situation as the actress because, yeah, it leaves you looking pretty bad in this movie. Yeah, I guess as an actor or an actress, it's hard to separate themselves from the characters that they play. It's hard because a lot of times, yeah, you'll see her and you're thinking, what a fucking bitch, damn it! And then you let your emotions get in it and she, you know, they really don't have anything to do with it.

I feel bad that sometimes they get painted in that corner. Yeah. You know, they have to deal with the aftermath of their character, you know. Which is what, yeah, I mean, she says now, you know, doing the show, she always poses with Gary. She's like, taking a picture, look, we're friends.

So it's like, it's just a movie. So, yeah, he's got one tear. Reno has it tattooed on there. Run to me. Gary, get them teeth fixed.

That's kind of what I'm wondering. You know? He's going to have to wonder, you know, part of the reason she probably didn't like you, Gary, was because your teeth were, like, somebody could have gave you an apple or something. His lips and teeth were less. Give him a carrot.

Oh, God. So, I don't know. I think, like I said, in the watching of it, having it have that much effect, I think that the story itself. Is about this loss of innocence. But I think the movie itself is this loss of it.

For younger viewers, it's like you're going, haha, fun comedy. And it's just like... And there goes your innocence. Yeah. Doctor punches the innocence right out of you.

The stirrups probably are the final straw. Yeah. The straps. The straps. Yeah.

Strapping you down. The straps. Yeah. I have a struggle. Yeah.

And then, yeah, making out with... Like, you don't want to see... And you don't want to see a girl's breasts when she's going in for an abortion. No, it's not hot. That's just unsettling.

They took a moment that could have been hot. And ruined it. Not only ruined it, but a huge flash would have been hot in a different scenario. In that scenario, it's sad, is what it is. It's just sad.

It becomes like, don't cry, I can't... Too clinical and too real. Yeah, cold. Detached. Right, it smells like rubbing alcohol.

He seems to watch her sleep an awful lot, too. That creeps me out. Yeah, he's kind of creepy. He is creepy. He's got some issues.

There's more than one occasion that he's watching her when she sleeps. He's a voyeur, watching people when they do it, watching people when they sleep. It's kind of creepy. So I don't know. I think as much as you may not like, quote unquote, this movie, I think everybody kind of needs to see it.

At some point, I think, again, it probably needed to come along when you were younger so it could mess. You up like the rest of them. I decided you needed to see it. You're welcome. I turned everybody into clones of you.

I think everybody needs to experience that. Brian's like, I'm going to fuck everybody up. Damn straight. That's my mission. I mean, it is one of those, well, even if not, it's sort of its own little weird cultural thing.

I think everybody at that era kind of remembered that and went, yeah, what the hell was up with that movie? It really is sort of that touchstone movie of weird 80s crossover serious comedy. Yeah, I don't know. It needs to be experienced to sort of understand, well, I still don't fully understand, but sort of understand what was going on. Yeah, I think it needs to be viewed, I think.

I don't. I want to go back and wash my brain and get rid of this part of it. Good luck on that. You said that bleach that Marlena used on her poop floor. New bleach, not the same bleach.

I would hope not. I just scooped all that bleach in a bucket afterwards, saving it for other poop spills. There's no point in wasting this. She took a sharpie and she wrote poop floor bleach on the bottom. It's still good.

Yeah. Oh, Lord. Are there any other final thoughts on this movie other than Misty? I did not like this movie. That does it.

Yep, that does it. All right. We will take a break and be back with the rest of the show. They play pool in your house and take off their old clothes. They can talk about love because they know where it goes.

They are women without any faults. Are you ready for the pony girls? The ride, ride fast, ride pony girls. Pizza! Pizza!

Pizza, pizza, pizza! Everybody loves pizza, and we're now featuring the famous original Talona pizza. Only the finest and. Purest ingredients go into the original Talona pizza, made fresh to your order. Do you find yourself looking for a different type of genre podcast?

Do you find yourself on the weekends wondering when you will find that one film that might change your life? Well, then maybe you should check out The Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Cinema with your host Big Willie and the Samurais. Bringing class to the trash since 1977 and rocking the house. You can find the gentleman at ggtmc.com. Bringing class to the trash.

It's part of your problem, you know, you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. We sailed on together, drifted apart, and here you are by my side. You know, they never gave him a lot of attention.

No, he was fucking cool as shit. Yeah, on the first run, but then they just completely died out. I mean, that's like the first figures that I got. Like, when they just came out, I got Grunt, I got Stalker, Snake Eyes, and Flash. And I got Enemy and The Enemy.

And then I had enough flag points to send away. For Cobra Commander. And then I got him in the mail. I had Mutt because I liked the dog. He came with his dog.

He came with his dog. All right, we are back, and we've got feedback. Really? Yes. Is it Randy?

Not Randy. Oh, Randy. Not after the poop story. Thanks, Marlena. You're welcome.

Everybody loves Marlena's stories. They seem to. Sometimes I don't even understand why. I can't wait until she writes a book. It'll be a bathroom book.

It'll be a bathroom book with small, short stories by Marlena. Your own podcast of all your stories. I know. I keep meaning to get a Twitter feed about all the funny shit that people at work say. I walked in at work the other day and And I just hear Michael go, that's the scene in this track that gives me a boner.

And I was like, what? And he was like, no. No, that's not as bad as it sounds. And I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. I'm pretty sure it is.

I don't know that that scene exists as far as I'm concerned. It's the red-haired nun when she sings. Her voice. I'm like. Like I said, she's the cute one.

Don't care. You just said, and that's the scene in this track that gives me a boner. Yeah, whoopies in the room, you're ruining it. I'm going to get a Twitter just so I can follow Sean Patrick Flannery. That I believe.

I want to stalk him. All right, so, feedback. If I get him knocked up, I'll get him. We only have a short amount of time. Feedback.

This time we hear from James, or the artist formerly known as Eskimo. Okay, this is James, artist formerly known as Eskimo. Hello. I didn't hear the tone, so that's why there's a blank spot. Sorry about that.

I just wanted to chime in on the discussion of why Rumor Willis looks like the mutant spawn of Mr. Potato Head and Jimmy Moore. I figured it out, because by most standards, Bruce Willis is a pretty good looking dude. If any more, fucking hot. We all have come to the conclusion that two pretty people almost always make up new faces.

I don't know why this is. There are exceptions. But, dear God, if you look at a lot of the pretty people in your life, I mean, holy shit, John Boyd spawned Angelina Jolie. How? The man looks like a mutant.

His wife was hot, though. I don't get it. Anyway, that was all. I had called, and, you know, I could hear. So, I wanted to call, say, you guys are awesome, and Randy's not the only fan that called in.

Damn it. Okay, he is, but he's not going to be anymore. I'm going to, like, call and stuff. So, pleasure. He did call back.

You need to address that one first, though. It was mostly towards your. Rumor wellness rants over the time. I didn't know if you need to. She's just unfortunate looking.

Her face. It's not even just her. The other kids aren't that attractive either. I've seen a picture of the other one. What's the other one's name?

Scout. There's another one too, isn't there? There's a third one, yeah. Tallulah Bell or something. Yeah, I think so.

Whichever one that's like 16 and just got arrested for drinking. She's very unfortunate looking, too. She's following her dad's footsteps. And I like Bruce, but he had those problems long ago, if I remember correctly. But yeah, Potato Head is the worst.

And honest thing about Angelina Jolie, her mom is gorgeous, though. So, I mean... I guess her mom's genes kind of outranked John Boyd's. Although, if you go back far enough, he wasn't that bad of a looking guy. He's a young man.

I think he was attractive, fairly attractive. He wasn't unattractive. He was just sort of there. He just sort of, again, he looked like a real guy. He looked like a guy working at the store.

He looked like a man's man. He was just a guy. But, you know, Angelina Jolie's mom, she's pretty. So, I mean, I guess you got more from her, but I don't understand. Honestly, I mean, I don't look like my dad do it.

No. See? I'm lucky. You are, dude. So am I.

You don't have an ass like your dad. Your dad has no ass. It's very creepy. It would be really scary if you meant that the other way. You don't have an ass like your dad.

That's not old. Your dad has an old ass. Checking out my dad's ass. Sure wish you did, though. She watches through that keyhole.

There you go. Yikes. Yeah. You have a fantastic ass. Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. Yeah, Potato Head's very unfortunate looking. She's just lumpy looking. She's lumpy, though. Yeah, I don't have anything else to say about that.

Alright. He called right back, I believe that same day, with another comment, which... One more thing. If that's the case, what is Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's child going to grow into looking like? Their kids are already kind of weird looking.

See, that's the thing. You get really beautiful, and put them together, and you get cute kids you take super beautiful and super beautiful and put them together and you get kids that are just really weird looking it's it's nature curse there was a couple that at my church that i grew up in and the mom the dad was ugly the mom was ugly and they had five kids and four daughters were all models just beautiful and the son was that You know, he would have been on Twilight or something like that. Their entire family was like, they would walk in and everybody would just turn and look. And like, did they adopt these kids? It's the joke of the universe.

It's the universal joke, yeah. The universe is like, ah, ah, ah. And you could see parts, you could see parts, but it's like nature said, okay, these people are hideous. And they took the best parts and built a good looking kid out of them. But the parents were, unless they just aged very poorly.

Yeah, sometimes that happens. You know. All right, we got more feedback? Yeah. Yeah, and this one, I think, was in a response to our beloved Red Riding Hood episode.

Oh, all right. It was more. The Amanda Seyfried half of it, so, yeah. I don't remember going on about her quite that much, but I guess I must have mentioned something about her. Okay.

Hey, Brian. Uh, James again. Dude, I'm a huge Seyfried fan. I've been in supremacist females, so... Like you said, I love her, Veronica Mars.

She's the only reason I will sit through Jennifer's body. Fuck, I could talk. Whatever. But, uh, my present to you, sir, is a film named Chloe. I haven't seen all of it.

That's all. Enough to know that in Chloe, Amanda Seacret, it's Mickey. She also has a lesbian make-out scene with Julianne Moore. That is all. Try not to knock anybody over getting to the DVD.

Play secrets. Later! Thank you, James. I have heard of Chloe. I have not watched it.

Maybe now I need to. I don't know if I was that level. She just always seemed cute. She was always cute on the Mean Girls and cute on others. So I don't know.

I don't know if I ever made her that hot needs-to-get-naked chick, but Chloe might have to be the deciding factor. Yeah, I'm not sold. I like her freakishly large eyes. I know, they're cute. She is like an anime character.

Yeah. She's attractive, but purely physically, I think I would start moving more and more away from and say, eh, never mind. Friend zone? Yeah. You wouldn't give her an abortion?

Is that what you're saying? Right. I wouldn't bring her oranges in the abortion line. God. What a Rick.

That's beautiful. We're going to have to start saying that. I wouldn't bring you oranges to the abortion clinic. Man, I bet that girl's got pudding in her car. Call back.

Oh, Lord. So, yes, thank you, James, for both of those. And we do know there are other people out there. Most of them are slacking with the feedback. But, hey, we are glad to get.

It from you. And, you know, other people aside from James and Randy can feel free to contribute. We're looking forward to it. Randy's still my favorite, though. James, you've got more work to do.

Right. You've got to overtake it. It needs to be a battle. Possibly with a mace. And what was the other one you just made?

I can't tell you. Oh, that's right. Randy's birthday present. Possibly with a mace, we can have a battle and, you know, you guys can see who the number one fan is by, you know, whoever survives. Look, if you call in enough, Jay might make you.

Some sort of a weapon you know how can you beat that what other show offers that the problem is the shipping that's the thing I still got Randy's mace and his other stuff and it's been sitting here for probably two months and I am so fucking sorry I can't get this shit shipped out but what are you gonna do I thought you were just too. Damn lazy to get it boxed up. No! I can't find it in a box. Walk into the FedEx store and go, can I ship this?

And see what they do. Yeah, don't send it through UPS because we'll break that shit. Is there anything potentially hazardous? No. No.

Because you're holding a battle mace. No, this is fine. If you take it into the post office, they wouldn't bat an eye. They'd be like, stamped. Gone.

Do you need insurance? How'd you like my aunt? She sent me a pair of handlebars. through UPS, and she didn't box them. She sent them. And I got home, and there were a pair of handlebars sitting on my front porch with a sticker on it with the address.

Wow. I was like, you can ship shit like that? Yes, yes. You can, yeah. I didn't know that.

I was like, what the fuck are these handlebars? Why don't we have the ear eggs department? Oh, okay. What do we have, what? Ear eggs.

It's weird. Yeah. I just pretend that they're eggs that come inside your ear. Oh, ear eggs. I thought it was like, we're ear eggs.

Yeah, see? I thought the same. Thing, too. You think you're regular in any fashion. Ear eggs.

They hatch, and there's little ears. Somebody told me they sent, like, a ball. Like, they were sending it to their grandson or something, and they bought this giant, like, rubber ball, slapped their address on it, slapped stamps on it, and took it to the post office, and they mailed it. It fits in a brown truck, I guess. I guess, yeah.

Don't be shy. We'd like to hear from you. So give us a call at 502-365-5565. Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates.

That's moviemeltdown.com. Get out. Okay. Marlena's leaving. Say goodbye.

Bye, everybody. She's got to go stalk someone. Really? She's going to be late. For her abortion.

Oh, my God. What kind of abortion? Yeah, she's got one at 730. Well, I'll bring the oranges by later. You ain't getting no new Christmas trees from Greg.

Citrus and pine smell. Smells like abortion. Pine salt? God, we're horrible. Sorry we drank all your Pepsi.

Yeah, people, yeah. People are going to hate us even more. Bye. Bye. We didn't give her the employee.

We didn't give her a prank call. I'm not even responsible for the employee. Yeah, I'm not endorsing the actions of anybody in here. You kids, it's your decision. You do what you want to do.

We're just commenting on it. Yeah. But if you happen to end up in one and you're asleep, I might bring you a... Might bring you some oranges. You know what I mean?

Try to watch it for a while first. Oh, I can watch it in sleep? And you can wake up and laugh. Whatever. Who said abortions tickle?

I think that was you. She does giggle. Quite fun. It's a very fun attitude she has. I just had a funny dream.

God, I'm going to get so much hate right now. Oh. I know there's nothing funny about abortion. There isn't. I mean, we spent the entire episode talking about how horrified we are by that part of the entire movie.

So, again, we're not making light of it any more than... In the movie. I mean, in the movie. In the movie, she's not even affected at all, which is kind of disturbing. Which is, yeah, even more disturbing.

She's like, oh, are you going to be at my birthday party? Like, bitch, you just had an abortion. What? He's like yelling at her, too. Come on, your eyes are going to get cold.

And I'm like, she's kind of insensitive to her. Yeah, they're weird. You're going to cook your fucking eggs. You act like you're going to have an abortion or something. Shit.

You know where the yellow towels are. What's wrong with you? Their weird little playing house moment. It's very strange. Oh, it's so perfect.

It's like we're married. Especially since she's still got him in the friend zone. It'd be different if they were actually hooked up at that point and they were a couple. I'm just going to assume that he never made it into boyfriend territory that She still had him off at an arm's distance. He thought that he was.

But he thought he was. He was even describing her. He thought he was in. This presence from a girlfriend. He was already in that mode knee deep.

And she was like, what are you. Doing, friend? He never said we were going out. All the more reason I'm surprised he didn't kill that fucker. Yeah.

Actually, if he would have never paid for the abortion, she probably would have had to have the kid. The friend would have stayed away and he could have had her. But you know what? Then you got to raise a kid, you know. That's too much trouble.

You can just pass those off to the grandparents. Do I want to know what this is? Yes. What'd she do? What?

What? Okay, to be fitting in with the rest of our description earlier, Marlena was just driving down your street, Misty, and there was somebody with a donkey in the back of their truck. It was Gary driving the donkey down the street. And he's stalking you, Misty. I think it's what we're taking from this.

He's going to be watching you sleep later. As long as it wasn't a fake dog. Yeah, but Marlena says he'll totally pay. For your abortion. Will he bring the oranges to them?

Sure. Only if it's Christmas, though. This donkey has $ 250. Some oranges. God.

Oh, Lord. Good times. Oh, thanks for sharing. Okay, bye. Donkey in a truck.

Okay, kids, get out your decoder pins. Are you members of the secret circle? She's like the Michael Winslow of our show. She is, actually. I have no idea what that means.

The black guy from the Police Academy movies that does the voices. I'm a black guy now, huh? Yes. Yes, you are. He always does all the helicopter voices.

Michael Winslow's cool. Take that as a compliment. Look, you can be the Michael Winslow or you can be the Steve Guttenberg. Who do you want to be? I hate Steve Guttenberg.

There you go. I'm Bubba Smith. Okay, it's time for Moving Out Down Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting episode. Oh, yeah. It's another road trip episode, only we're not going very far.

We'll be staying here. I don't know if you're going. I'm not sure if I get to go or not. As a show, we're going to go to Wonderfest. It's been an annual event.

As a show, is it going to be like the show or it's going. To be me and you? Wait a minute. When's Wonderfest? Oh, okay.

But we'll probably be there Saturday. It's not the weekend before Beatersville, right? No, I think that's another week and then Beatersville. Oh, okay. I'll be there because that's Mods and Rockers.

Okay. You don't know how you're going to have the kids. What? Are you going to have a kid? I'll tell her I'm going to go to Wonderfest.

She's not allowed to leave her room ever. We're not taking her to Wonderfest because last time she cried when she saw Darth Vader and I ain't putting up with that shit again. Why would you cry when you see Darth Vader? She was. He's so awesome, she can't control herself.

Eight is not an excuse. She grew up watching fucking Army of Darkness. She should be okay. I don't know why. Well, you gotta understand, Darth Vader's pretty funny.

The sight of Darth Vader, I don't know, that's an update. It's one thing when it's in the movies, but a real life Darth Vader with fucking stormtroopers around him? It's kind of creepy when I'm standing there. I might cry. Yeah, I mean, it's...

Being overwhelmed. Yeah, it's a lot to deal with. After I paid for her to get in, we left, like, not even ten minutes. Pissed. Yeah, don't blame me on that one.

But I don't blame her because Darth Vader, that's kind of traumatizing. So, yeah, we will be heading back. It has been an annual event for how many years have we decided? I don't know. How long have I been married?

I don't know. You do the math. Eight, nine years. I don't remember. Whenever Romero was here.

I've gone a couple years before. So, yeah, we're up to about a decade of making this trip. I'm going to look in the hallway real quickly. If I don't have a kid, then I will go. 2001 was my first year.

That's when Romero was there and my mom had to reschedule her wedding. It's the 10-year anniversary of just since I suckered you. I went a couple years before that. So, yeah, it's been quite an ongoing festival for us. And my mom will never let me forget.

I kind of don't blame her, but I don't blame you because I probably. It ain't my fault she chose the one goddamn day that George Romero. And if anybody ever questions your geekness, you pull that fucking card. Yeah, that's true. That is a card.

There is no doubt. Did my mom change her wedding date? It was the same day. She just changed it until later in the day. She had to postpone her wedding so that she could go.

Hang out with George Romero. But then I'm like. Look, we're going to hang out with the king of the zombies, so. So she hit it at five instead of noon, so it's not like I made her change the day or anything. It's not like I made her not get married.

Yeah. I put on a dress, goddammit, so that I should make up for it. You put a dress on? Yes, I did. Can you pick it?

Yes, I do. I still have the dress up in my garage. Ooh, uh-oh. We better leave. We better leave, right?

Yeah, we better get out. There's going to be. I have plenty of dresses. I know. You wore a dress a couple years ago.

It happens. It's just because I don't dress up. You don't wear a dress, I ain't wearing a dress. Well, no, there's no reason for me. I don't dress up either.

I can't call either of you out. I got t-shirts and blue jeans. I'm not going to wear a dress if you're. All dirty looking. That's my MO.

So, you're not wearing a dress to Wonderfest? I will not be wearing a dress to Wonderfest. Man, but the geeks will be all excited. I'll take pictures of my tattoo. Ooh, I wonder if the guy who did my tattoo.

He might be. He wasn't there last year. Maybe he'll be there. Before I got my tattoo, it was from a temporary tattoo from one of the booths at Wonderfest. Now it is not so good.

Because, yeah, last year it was pretty funny because the guy was like, hey, these temporary tattoos. I'm like, nah, I'm good. I already got it. Yeah, he handed you one and you were like, nah. I'm like, dude, I already got it.

He looked at it. He's like, that's bigger. I'm like, mm-hmm. Uh-huh. And permanent.

And he's like, holy shit, are you serious? Did they do a picture of that? Bob's not going to believe it. Well, Bob's not going to believe it by all means. I hope Bob is there.

Bob is the one who did the artwork. Which is pretty impressive if somebody took it upon themselves to permanently ink that upon them. That's pretty awesome. So, yep, hopefully Bob will be there. Not as impressive as Corey's mom seeing my tattoo.

That's pretty cool, too. So would you consider having the person that did the artwork for your tattoo actually sign them, sign it? No. No. He can, he can sign like a piece of paper and you can keep it and go, look, there's Bob.

Right. Picture of us together. There you go. That's me and Bob. He did my stand next to your tattoo.

That's totally mine. So yeah, we will be heading there, checking out geeks and, um, Hopefully pestering a few celebrities. We might actually even talk about a book. Not a pop-up book. Aw, man.

I got a new pop-up book this week. Oh, shit. It's Elvis. That doesn't surprise me. It's an Elvis pop-up book.

The music doesn't work anymore, though. Oh. Pop-up books on podcasts is the best thing ever. Only us. Only this show would bother me.

I can go get it if you want to see it. It's Elvis and it pops up. Save that for the next episode. Aw. I'll forget about them.

We should have a podcast just about my pop-up books. We can do a special spin-off. Oh, you should see this page. I can forget the Hitchcock when the Hitchcock one kicks ass. The Hitchcock one does kick ass.

But if you want to have a special spin-off episode, if enough of. You guys really want a spin-off episode of Misty's Pop-Up, what are you going to call it? Pop-Up Podcast. Misty's Pop-Up Podcast. Okay.

Done and done. Hell yeah. I have to get more pop-up books because I've only got like ten. One. Ten episodes right there.

Or just one really awesome one. Nah, you can't blow your whole thing for a show. Gotta save up. Make a series out of this. Okay.

Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Thanks.

Yep. Bye. Bye. I never knew it could be like this Your eyes, your kiss I'd never known such tenderness Not till I met you If I could only make you believe That what he gives you isn't what you need But. You see him, you don't see.

Me No matter what I try My teenage old I.I. Keep on denying I'll stand right by your side My teenage old I.I. There's no telling how our love will grow And though it's raining when it starts to show We'll keep it hidden so no one will know It came from your true love They make us pay but they can't forgive What we've had together ¶ Hear them talking about the pregnant kids ¶ ¶ Let. Them talk forever ¶. ¶ My teenage old eyes. ¶ ¶ Just keep on denying ¶ ¶ I'll stand right by the time ¶ ¶ My teenage old eyes ¶. Me apart how could you give him back your heart and I just got that all.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thank you.

Nine? Who are you trying to cheat? It's nine and a half. Measure it again. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires.

To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.