133: John Carpenter was my Babysitter

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It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

I'm Fred. And we are coming to you live. Hey. Dude henry winkler all right hey how are you hi nice to meet you congratulations oh. Well thanks yeah that's true.

That's true nice to meet you nice yeah so i just met the phones yeah hanging out with the phones we're pretty awesome like. So we're coming to you live via digital recording, as per usual anymore. Lots of road trips lately. From the Fright Night Film Fest slash Fandom Fest. I don't know, how would you describe it?

It is sort of like a split personality is how I'd describe it. Kind of, yeah. But yeah, a Fandom Fest, you've got all your stuff mixed together here. You've got a whole thing of horror stars, and then you've got a whole lot of pop culture stuff, and there's a whole side. Of gaming and all kinds of.

Crazy stuff going on over there so it's it's pretty amazing how much stuff they've kind of packed in and all the different like nerd types that get along i just i just a minute ago had a extended conversation about um die and um four-sided die and then we were trying to decide if you cut an eight-sided die in half if it would make two four-sided die or a new five-sided die it's pretty exciting so what. If you had a die that was a mobius strip would that be like a one-sided die Is it like one-dimensional? Because essentially it has one side that loops back into itself. I think you just broke the universe, man. Yeah, I know.

So yes, many, many nerd activities going on in this festival here. Do you want to talk about some of your favorite things so far, Fred? Do you want to talk about the girl with the cat ears? I love the cat ears. cat girl dancing I just really enjoyed. That a couple of tables down from us there is a young woman who has cat ears on and has taken it upon herself to dance pretty much the entire time today.

She dances like she means it she does I appreciate that she does seem committed to it and she's not she's not really slacked off she's been at it most of the day surprisingly yeah with the same level of commitment Um, she doesn't care, you know, who's walking by, you know, you can sort of like make eye contact with her and just look straight into her face and she'll look right back and just keep dancing. It's kind of cool. It is pretty damn interesting. Oh, any other interesting moments today? Uh, well, you know, meeting the Fonz is.

That was pretty awesome. But, uh, yeah, the... just the general walkthrough is the thing to do just it's one thing after another it just it unfolds it's like a jacob's ladder of of horror fandom and and frightfulness uh there there was some sort of i don't know what what film it was from but some sort of creature came lurking around the corner and everybody's sort of sitting around talking it's sort of a law in the day there's a a staff person sitting here and it sort of like crept up behind her and i think that was that was one of my favorite moments her her slow realization that there was this giant fanged monstrous thing and then she looked around and looked at it and she got up and said can i get a picture with you and she gave me her camera.

That's how you know you're at a convention yes this stuff is all commonplace But yeah, it is interesting, just the experience of wandering through and seeing all these different pockets of geekdom. It's pretty impressive, I have to say. Yeah, and I talked to a director who has a series of shorts tomorrow morning. It sounded pretty interesting. This guy from Michigan gave me his card.

I can't seem to find it now, but. You get a lot of that. Yeah, I'm going to look him up online. He was telling me about what he was doing. It's... sort of non-narrative atmospheric horror shorts.

He's apparently a fan of David Lynch, which sounds like it could be cool. Misty and I were pestering a vendor. She was awesome. Oh, yeah. And I think the more we stood there and talked to her, at some point Misty wanted to leave, and that made it a little more awesome to not leave.

I just kept standing. There. I just kept going. So anyway, yeah. So yeah, we pestered a vendor woman for about 20 minutes.

Luckily, she was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, and then I kept trying to get a picture of this pensive little child star. From The Walking Dead. Yeah.

The opening scene of The Walking Dead. You're geeks. You know who it is. But, yeah, she was wandering around. I just saw her again over there.

Yeah, well, when I saw her, she was just sitting sort of like pensively at a table. It was a great shot, but some sort of red satanic thing kept leaning over and ruining the shot. So, you know, it's kind of awkward. I didn't want to say, excuse me, demon, but you're messing up my shot here. So I missed it.

I didn't quite get it. Yeah, and their costume was not very good as well. No, no. It was goofy. And one of the moments I enjoy is people walking by and seeing the shirt that I'm wearing.

Yeah, we'll go into it in a minute, the story behind it. But, yeah, they're commenting on our merchandise. And they... they all say the same thing. They just walk by and they stop for a minute and they look and they go, that's awesome. So I guess that's a good lead-in.

We can go into our theme for this episode, if you will. We've decided, I thought, if nothing else, this would be the perfect place to roll out this story. You told me this story several years ago, and number one, I thought you were making it up, which we'll get into later because you thought it was made up as well. Yes. And then we.

And as time went on, I realized it wasn't. I was like, okay, well, we can't just randomly throw this out. We need to have it at a specific event. And even better, if we can tie in the other person involved. So I was biding my time.

I was waiting patiently until the best place. So now the person who it involves is here. And I also made t-shirts that say this. So, yeah. As you well know, because you're listening to it now, John Carpenter was my babysitter.

So. To lead into that story, I guess we'll have to turn it over to Fred here. But how far back are we going on this one? Oh, pretty far back. It's like, I mean, I was little.

I was little, but my understanding, I mean, I'd heard this my whole life. You know, John Carpenter was my babysitter, and I'm. Like, yeah. But you know how... Moms say a lot of things.

Yes, they do. You know, like, oh, we're related to Daniel Boone. I was Pocahontas. Yeah, descended from the Plantagenets. So, you know, this thing.

And I was, so I kind of forgot about it. But, you know, I guess you reach a certain age. Eventually I'm going to reach the age where I'm going to retire from life. and just look up all the random little factoids I know and see if any of them are true. But I'm not there yet. Where I was was I was at the point where some of the stuff I'd heard all my life, I just wanted to, like, pin it down.

So I started investigating Mom. I didn't hire anybody. I had limited funds. She was asking for it, though. She was behaving pretty shady at that point.

Yes. Yeah, she says a lot of things. So I started looking it up, and I got on his website, and sure enough, he grew up in Bowling Green, where I grew up. His parents taught at Western, where my parents taught. So far, Mom's story was checking out.

But she could conveniently just be working that in if she knew that fact. Yeah. Because mom's devious like that. Yeah, but then she came up with this little mimeographed magazine that he had drawn when he was a kid. And the cover is like a hand-drawn image of Vincent Price, who I met at Western when he was on his cookbook tour.

Nice. Yeah, because, you know, coincidentally, it didn't stem from anything... having to do with John Carpenter but I was like obsessed with horror movies when I was a kid I was just absolutely obsessed with them and often they would come on every afternoon after after school and during the summer. And some days I would like go out. I don't know why I would go outside and do stuff. And I just remember that point in the day if I suddenly realized it's past, I missed my horror movie.

And I just feel sick to my stomach because I can't believe... a lot of people don't know this, but when I grew up, when something was on, it was on. If you're not there, there's no second chance. What are these days of lore you speak of? I'm pretty sure you had DVR, right? No, no.

You at least had a VCR, right? No, no. I remember when I was very small, when I was like the Nelson Muntz of our neighborhood, the kid who was sort of a bully. I was pretty young. I was like maybe seven or something like that.

But The bully kid was friends with my brother. And I remember the night he suddenly realized that Cinderella was on TV. And he had to run home. And he was like yelling, Cinderella's on! And he goes running down the street.

And I remember thinking, man, if this is the bully in my world, then things are pretty cushy, I guess. But the thing was, there were so few things on for kids that when anything was on, it wasn't, I don't know. It was a big deal. Yeah, we've discussed that before, Jay, and I have, because, again, we grew up in the same area. We have all those same stories of, remember when they used to play Godzilla on Sundays?

Yeah. Remember when they played those kung fu movies? And it was like, it was on the same time, it was on the same channel. So we sort of shared that same part of the childhood, even though we didn't know each other at that point. We lived in the same general area.

So, yeah, you kind of had that growing up before the DVR, DVD, VHS days. Yeah. But the story is, at the foot of the hill... western which is you know the hill toppers so at the bottom of the hill my parents uh lived in a little place over a burger place they had a little apartment over a burger place and it used to be used to have this great ginkgo tree in front of it it's still there i drove by there a few weeks ago and john carpenter's parents actually lived in one of the log houses at the foot of the hill which back then was faculty housing And there was a little basketball area sort of off to the side. And it's still there, too, but it's not faculty housing anymore. And his parents would sometimes want to get together with my parents, and my parents would be like, oh, we don't have a sitter.

John will watch the kids. It was John will watch the boys, because my younger sister, she wasn't involved in this, although she does say, she likes to say John Carpenter was her babysitter, but technically not true and one little group of people everybody comes by they see the shirt they look at oh that's awesome and a few of them I get to explain well actually it's true he was my babysitter but one group was walking off and I heard one of them say yeah it's like that when the TV is your babysitter when you're Yeah, well, I guess. Kind of, but you're missing the specific point, but you're going a little grander. All right, I agree. Most kids were raised by TV at this point.

That's true, and if, you know, like me, you grew up watching horror movies, then, in a sense, John Carpenter sort of was your babysitter. And if you want to wear it like that, feel free. Yeah. Have yourself a shirt, wear it that way. Yeah, I've blessed each one of these shirts, personally.

I and the Pope. together in this fused. Don't cross the streams. Yeah. Yeah, so that you can wear them in whatever, like, larger sense you want. It makes it real.

It's not just a lie. It's real, because it's been deemed by you who, in fact, was babysat by John Carpenter. Yes. I was, and I don't know... people sometimes say well how did that work for you i don't know i was a messed up kid there are stories about me that i slept in a coffin and stuff and actually i did have this giant like coffin sized thing and sure yeah that was the idea but uh i don't think i ever managed to fall asleep in it it was kind of like because it's it's kind of like trying to fall asleep in a hammock when you're a kid i could never do it because i was always too excited to be in a hammock I didn't manage to fall asleep in a hammock until I was 40. And then all the thrill is just gone.

Yeah, because, you know, to fall asleep in a hammock as a kid, I had to go over to some neighbor's hammock. And the fear of getting caught sleeping in somebody's hammock, that kept you alert. And then, you know, by the time I'm older and I just have a hammock, then it's one of those things that, like, it's like, It would be cool to have a balcony, but then you have one and you never go out on it. But eventually, somehow, I came to the point where it was possible to fall asleep in a hammock. And the point is, I never really slept in a coffin.

I kept all my comic book collection in it. That's a pretty awesome place to keep your comics. Yeah, yeah. And it wasn't like an actual coffin, because those things are expensive. They are quite pricey.

I've checked in. It was like a cowboy coffin, maybe. Yeah, those are kind of cheap. They had the ghetto coffee. Yeah, so I did have that, and I was obsessed, every time we'd go to a different town, I'd want to go to the novelty stores, because that's where they would have all the horror stuff, you know, and I'd just get the phone book in the motel room, novelty stores, you know, because you can never get good masks or good anything in the little town where I grew up, but You'd go to a larger city and they'd have a store.

They'd get the full face mask, like the werewolf especially. I was into werewolves quite a bit for a while. For a while it was the vampires, then the werewolves, then, you know, just horror in general. Did you get into the modeling? Like the little vinyl model kits?

Or back then they were just plastic? Oh yeah, they did like the glow-in-the-dark ones. Yeah, they did one. It really looked a lot like the Lon Chaney. Yeah, and there was a magazine back then called Famous Monsters.

Oh, yeah. It was my initials. I thought that was pretty cool. Famous Monsters. And it was just in the culture generally.

I mean, you could get, like, Boy's Life and stuff, and they would have, like, how to put this horrendous gash on your face. And it's like, where do I get these materials to build... This wound that I want to have on my face. I always liked the six-foot Frankenstein. I'm pretty sure he was inflatable.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And on Halloween, I was so into horror that it just spilled over. I couldn't contain it, so I would go out with overcoat over this costume, over this costume, and four or five masks in a separate bag. If I got to a house that they had something I really liked, I'd just keep going back. I'd just go around the corner, change, go back again.

That's the whole point. What's the point of being in costume if you don't do something like that? So yeah, that was my warped childhood in a small town where John Carpenter was my babysitter. And it's I think it's cool, too, because, you know, the babysitter theme... Which kind of, I mean, not specifically, but certainly found probably its most copied example in his first movie.

Well, his first, you know, of that series, one of his most influential movies. So I thought, yeah, it was kind of funny that he centers Halloween around... babysitters i mean it's not just. A slasher babysitter yeah. Babysitters and he himself not only was a babysitter but specifically your baby yes. I know and if jamie lee curtis may have been around i don't know I don't know.

Who knows? Nobody could know that. Babysitters do usually sneak in their significant other and be making out. So at any point, do you remember busting him with Jamie Lee Curtis? I think.

Or hopefully P.J. Solden. It may be one of those memories that can come back under hypnosis. We'll have to see. I'll have to be hypnotized.

Back then you could order, I remember, these little spinning coins. So we could do that. If we could find, like, a comic book from the late 70s, we could probably still order this. I believe I still have a few of my Boxo comics at home. I can see if I can dig that out if you want.

Yeah. So that's essentially the story of John Carpenter. And he's around here. I kept hoping I might get hold of him. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I saw him walk past, but it was before we had all this set up, so he didn't see it.

He had a security guy. I'm sure he did, here. He'll be mauled by geeks here. Yeah. So at what point did he, do you remember him disappearing from the situation?

And you were like, where'd that one guy go, Mom? Not really. No, I don't have that kind of memory. I've got like three or four standard memories from my childhood, and I don't even know if they're true anymore. That's why I had to research this.

Because I didn't really remember, but the magazine, you know, that puts him there at the scene of the crime. Yeah, I was looking through it. We have a version here that we were going to show some people if they. Were, like, nice enough to donate to us. Yeah.

But, um, yeah, it's really cool. It is, it's very. It's like he'd already been doing a horror zine, and then this is like the offshoot fantasy zine. Yeah, yeah. And he's kind of like a mogul, because if you look in the back, he's got all these other ones, most of which I don't think are even his, that he was like mimeographing off.

And then selling to people. Yeah. So, yeah, he was like a little publishing mogul at that point. That's pretty awesome. Yeah.

Like, what did we decide? Maybe 17 or so? Yeah. Yeah. I figured it out somehow...

Based on movies that he was talking about and a movie that he said was going to... I think it was She. Yeah, I think She was like the upcoming movie, which puts you in the time frame of how long ago this was. So he had to be about 17 then. And I remember those mimeograph copiers because my dad actually bought me one.

I nagged him into buying me one. And you could get different colors of like. Ditto paper what was that stuff you used to roll into a typewriter and you can make a few copies. Oh i don't yeah like a carbon version of it yeah yeah and then there was like this kerosene like fluid you would put in the. Mimeo this sounds dangerous why was he giving this to.

A child i don't know because you know you did have a messed up child yeah. Well if you nag them enough they just give up they just want you to shut up yeah And so usually the copies were blue, and they had that smell, and they'd run sometimes. But you could get different colors, so you could do, like, comic book combinations. It was complicated, though. And, you know, one bad, like, spill of the fluid could create, like, this chain disaster throughout your whole.

Yeah. Well, I do like to think that you probably are the inspiration for Halloween. Yeah. Because he was probably sitting there babysitting going, God, this job sucks. I know.

I need a better job. If I have to deal with this little brat one more time, I swear to God. What could I do to get out of it? I know. I'll build an empire of horror fan magazines.

Yeah, that's what it was at that point. Little did he know what was in store for him. Yeah. Or that we would track him down one day and be like, remember that one time you babysat? Oh, somebody's wearing a Halloween shirt.

He'll still probably be like, oh, that's cool, and walk off. Yeah. So, yeah. No, they don't say that. They say, that's awesome.

It's like it's scripted. It's almost the timing is the same. Like, you can overlap them and. I did hide up there earlier and hand out a bunch of scripts to people. As you get to that guy, here's your line.

Oh, well, assuming that, you know, this continues on and people are just sort of entertained by the shirts and, you know, that's where it stops. We might have some, so if anybody else thinks. That it's awesome to have a shirt that says John Carpenter was my babysitter, you know, you'll have to check the website or email us or Facebook us or whatever, and we can tell you if, in fact, there are some still available, because That was half the reason I wanted to put it together is because I wanted one that says John Carpenter was my babysitter. So, yeah, if nothing else, that was my main reason. You know, and the thing is, it doesn't have to be true.

Because as we have seen, even if it is true, nobody cares. They just go, oh, that's awesome, and walk off. So it doesn't matter. And you can make it up. Just convince everybody.

Now you know the story. Word for word, just tell them. Borrow my mom. Rent a mom. She might forget that it's not you.

Yeah. She'll go along with it. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Sure. Because I know my little sister says it, and it's not true.

Obviously, they'll let anybody get away with that story. Yeah. Oh, well, I think you are heading out for this installment. Is there anything you want to pass along for the listeners this week? Uh, no.

Um.... See, Thomas, Hal's getting ready to walk by. It's exciting. What? What?

Oh, yeah. There he goes. Star of soul, man. Man, he looks determined. Oh, you know, I could tell something.

Uh, I was just thinking about Lon Chaney and remembering the glow-in-the-dark wolfman thing I put together back when they did models. And you would get, like, the glow-in-the-dark pieces, and they all came in these sprued sheets, so you had to, like, work them out, and then Put them together. But I did have a babysitter. Maybe I shouldn't tell this story. I don't know.

I can't decide. Change the name to protect the innocent. Except for Jack Carpenter. I had this babysitter who wasn't really my babysitter when I was older. Because my brother and I were older.

We were kind of sketchy characters. Still to this day. Yeah. We had the little sister. And so it wasn't our babysitter.

But it was because... My parents would never trust us to look after my little sister. So the babysitter who, when we were younger, she was our babysitter, but now she came to watch my sister. That babysitter was Linda Blair. Okay, we're making that part up, but she's here too.

She was sort of a beautiful hippie girl and only got more and more beautiful as time went on. This is going to get sketchy, isn't it? Yeah, and one day I came out of my room, which... and I think a little cloud billowed out every time we opened the door back in those days. So a little cloud billowed out. The hippie babysitter, she's like, what does she care?

So she's sitting out there, and my sister's on the couch, and she's sitting there sort of scooted forward in her chair, and she looks up and sort of grins, this little wicked grin I can't convey, but it was crazy, and I'm like, Huh? She's like, do you want to see my scar? This is awesome already. And I'm like, yeah. Is there any other answer for that?

Here we go. Hey, there's John Carpenter right now. Flag him down. Throw things at him. So I walk down the hallway, and this is a hallway that's carpeted with that carpet in Toy Story. the green slightly sculpted carpet and it's still there to this day so i come walking down the hallway and i look in she's like you want to see my scar and she's got her pants kind of unzipped and pulled open and uh i don't remember a scar i.

Remember she i don't think that's what they call. It yeah she was wearing this pale blue underwear and there was she just had her Pants open. And she looked up again with that crazy grin. To this day, I'm just a sucker for crazy smiles. And I just, I don't know how old I was.

I had to be like maybe 9 or 10. Oh, this gets better. 12. Maybe I was 12. That's the oldest I could have been.

And I remember going back to my room. And I locked the door. There was a little button lock there. And I sat down at my little gray desk that had a mirror in front of it. And I hit puberty.

Just like hitting a wall in a moving car. It was like the Lon Chaney time-lapse transformation. I watched in the mirror. Hair started sprouting out of my face. And my voice lowered.

And I was like sweating. I was in a cold sweat. And then there was a knock on the door. And I'm like, ah! And the hippie babysitter is at the door.

She's like, Fred? I'm like, whatever you hear, don't come in here. No, I didn't say that. I should have. But I sort of opened the door and looked out.

And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. As your voice cracked. Yeah.

And she. Actually, I think it was like, yeah. Yeah. And she said, do you want an aspirin? I think she had to know something was happening.

She broke you. I'm like, ow. I didn't plan to tell this story. I really should not tell this story. I kind of love it, so go ahead.

Yeah, but that's mainly it. I'm like, no, I'm okay. I'm I just want to be alone for a while. So I locked the door again, and that's all I remember. But my life changed.

Everything was different. That is impressive that you have that moment. Everything from that point on. Yeah. Up until then, I was a good student.

After that, I couldn't study in school. I could not. My grades, like in seventh grade, I started out way up here, started diving down, and then flatlined. And I dropped out of high school on my 16th birthday. And, you know, and then because I had, you know, awesome parents who all they ever wanted was for me to get educated.

That's all they cared about. And then I could die. They helped me, you know, I started at Western, unofficially auditing a few classes. I got provisional training. admittance to a few classes I did well built on that and then I was in and things were were good but uh but yeah it was it was the babysitter i i never thought about it but it was the babysitter did that just totally messed me up it wasn't john carpenter it was this this russian girl this russian hippie girl who who showed me her scar. And that's what we're calling it.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember seeing a scar. Oh, I left out a detail. When she looked up and grinned, she goes, it's gross, isn't it?

She did. She said it. You won't think that later. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. I need to be alone.

Oh, maybe we all need to be alone for a minute now. Yeah. I didn't even think of that until right now. So now we've pinpointed your life-altering babysitter story, and it wasn't John Carpenter. No, no.

Interesting. Yeah. And yet still fascinating that both of them, you have some fascinating babysitter stories. Yeah. I don't have any of those.

My life is lame. I don't know. It's, yeah, messed up by a babysitter. I didn't realize. It's like, this is like one of those breakthrough moments.

Like if you were like a psychologist, I'd have to pay you or something. Oh, you'll still be getting my bill. Wait, a psychiatrist, psychologist? A low-rented psychologist. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, can you prescribe drugs? I guess that's... I don't know. Maybe not.

Maybe you just give them a. Pat on the back. You'll be fine. You can prescribe drugs, but they have to be placebos. I can do that.

Here's some M & M' s. Have fun. Oh, well, should we leave people with that babysitter moment? Yeah, that's what I want to leave. Actually, I want the whole thing chiseled on my tombstone.

That's what I want to leave the world with. You better get a big tombstone. Yeah. It's going to be a monument. Well, we figured eventually you would have a monument anyway, really.

Those hippie girls, like, they don't make those anymore. Everything's different now. There are no girls like that. I certainly haven't run into them. They roamed the earth.

They once roamed. Every now and then you'll see girls who sort of, like, are reminiscent. It's like somebody, like, rebuilt that in their garage from spare parts but yeah oh wow not the real thing yeah that's that's how i want to wind up all right well we will take a break and uh see what we come back with. With the rest of this episode but i don't know can we top the babies all. Right we will be back tonight was just great she taught us the sign for peace Now she's made of some popcorn, we've turned out the lights and we're watching movies.

I don't understand and she tries to explain how a spaceship is riding through somebody's brain and there's blood and guts in. She's the best one that we've ever had. She sits on her hair and she's tall as my bed. And she tie-dyed my shirt and she pierced her own ear. And it's me, me, who?

Yeah, the babysitter's here. Hello there, here's a demonstration of my new invention, the goodies machine. Special for patrons of this drive-in, the machine turns out delicious hot dogs one after the other. And three scrunching sodas also. Gives popcorn of the most tasty kind plain and buttered.

Candy, too. Crunchy and dandy. Steaming hot coffee. And ice cream, too. These goodies are at a snack bar just waiting for you.

Jill Johnson is babysitting the children of a young doctor and his wife. They've told her where they'll be, when they'll be home. Everything she has to know. Except what to do. When a stranger calls.

Hello? Why haven't you checked the children? Who is this? What do you want? Your blood.

When a stranger calls. Leave me alone! Jill, this is Sergeant Sacker. We've traced the call. It's coming from inside the house.

Just get out of that house. When a stranger calls, every babysitter's nightmare becomes real. From Columbia Pictures. Rated R. Under 17.

Not admitted without parent. I'm a bad babysitter. Got my boyfriend in the shower. I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad babysitter.

Got my boyfriend in the shower. I'm making six bucks an hour. But whatever, they got junk food, kung fu, egg food, dig dug, a dog too, and a hot juke. Mr. Wine Trap.

I mean, he's old, but not that bad. If I'm bad, I'll turn around in the corner. For time out. Hi, Josh. What you want to do?

You want to watch cartoons? HBO got platoon. Hey. Okay, so what are your thoughts. So far, Misty?

A lot of people. That's usually how. These conventions work. It's hot. A lot of people.

Putting off body heat. That's, again, how these conventions work. And stinkiness. Again, I say. Yeah, when you have this many people cramped into one spot, you know, you can't expect everybody to have good hygiene.

Right. It would be nice, though. Well, we can roll into our geek activities for the last. I think I had Rodan painted on his face. Like, the monster?

Yes. Yeah, he did. I thought it was an axe at first, but I think it was Rodan. Rodan's pretty awesome. Points to him, because, yeah, I would assume, you know, everybody here that gets face painting just kind of gets, like, blood and stuff like that, but If you're going to bother to get Rodan on your face, points to that guy.

It's pretty awesome. It's like the nerds line dissipated really quick. Yeah. The nerds aren't getting a lot of love. They're nerds.

That is kind of the point of the movie. They seem efficient, don't they? They're like, get him in, get him out. They're nerds. That's a good thing.

They know what they're doing. So, yeah. I guess we can do our version of geek activities. This time, I... Yeah.

Yeah. I got midway into this, and I realized that I'm going to have to start writing stuff down. Oh, man. So... Brain brought notes.

Well, I mean, there was too much. I couldn't... There was too much to deal with. So, and I think you already know this. I mentioned it online to you personally, but I haven't talked about it on the show.

This was a couple weeks back. I took it upon myself, glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to watch not one, but. A double feature of Twilight movies. Ooh, which ones? I saw the second and third.

Oh, the baseballs in the first one. See, that's what Greg said. Online, he was immediately like, did you see Vampire Baseball? And I'm like, dude, that was in the other one. I saw that one like months before that.

So once again, I'm way behind on the series because I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to go out of my way or pay anything. If it comes on TV and I'm there, I'm like, okay, now I'm going to have to watch it. Because I feel like I need to. I can't make fun of them if I haven't seen it, because that just makes me a fucking douche.

I have to at least watch it and experience it, and these are just my thoughts. So then I'm not just a poser pretending to hate vampires that sparkle. So, yeah, I started watching one and then the other, and then very quickly I was just like, okay, I have questions. I have questions that I need to pose to you guys, and you're not going to have the answers, because I actually heard you talk about some of them a couple of weeks ago. So, number one, okay, not everybody in the world knows these people are vampires, right?

Right. Does nobody notice their eyes kind of sparkle and glow? I mean, they've got those weird colored eyes. What the fuck? Does nobody comment?

Contact lenses. But they're those kids at school. They always go around with freaking contact lenses. Oh, yeah. Goth wannabe kids.

They're from the Northwest. They're allowed to look weird. I mean, I'll let the pastiness slide. They're from the Northwest. But, I mean, come on.

Your eyes don't look like that normally. And the fact that all of them do. Like, wouldn't somebody be like, I've got a question? You know, somebody should be posing that earlier on. I had a problem with the fact that none of them had fangs.

Yeah. Yeah, they don't, do they? That's an issue. Are there any fangs at any point in any of these movies? Do you see any vampire fangs?

I mean, I know most of these points have been brought up before. Or lack of points. That too. This was the first time I'd watched these two, so I legitimately have these questions, want to address them. So here's mine.

Go ahead. Yeah. I was going to say, they changed the whole mythos of the whole thing. They did, and that's the thing. I've sort of thrown off some of them and just like, okay, I've accepted the fact that you're, okay, they're going to sparkle.

Whatever, let's get past that. But then, like, some of the other stuff just, like, as a movie doesn't make sense. One of my main ones is, and, okay, I'll answer it before I even pose the question, because it brings in teenage girls. Buying tickets. Now, my question is, why is it that...

What is Wolf Boy's name? Taylor Lautner? Yeah, but what's his, like... Jacob? Why does Jacob never have a shirt on?

Because he's fucking hot. Is that. Legitimately, I think it is because he's hot and he brings in the ticket sales. But are they using the story as that they generate heat bullshit? Is that their reason?

I assume. I think they're always hot and I think they're afraid if they get mad they'll rip their shirt. They don't want the Hulk effect. They're always wearing pants. I know.

If you were really hot. You generally don't really rip your pants off. But they do. That's another issue I have. I don't know.

If I was going to get in a fight and I got pissed off at somebody, the last thing. I'd do would be rip my pants off. That would probably end the fight, though. That would be like, you know what? I don't want to fight.

That's it. We're done. Now, I can't 100% confirm this, but I did ask a lot of these questions to my wife, who's read most of the books. She reads a lot of books. Don't crucify her for the fact that she...

Yeah, don't judge that. But she said that they actually... Because I was like, well, if they turn into wolves and rip their pants and they don't... You know, they'll turn back. What do they do then?

She said, well, they actually have like a pouch that they take the pants... Or the pants come off and they carry their... As a wolf carrier pants? Yeah, it's like a fanny pack. Do these wolves have fanny packs?

What the hell is this? And do they like strap it on while they're a wolf? And you see wolves running with fanny packs on? Right, so yeah, after that, once I heard. That, I was done.

Oh, wow. I refuse to read these books. I will only watch the movies if we watch the riff tracks. But I just, again, I needed to watch it to be able to get to these kind of questions because that was my thing. I sat there going, okay, you see the scenes, and that's the thing.

I'll let it slide. I don't hate the CGI wolves. I think just because I like actual wolves and they don't look like bad werewolves. They just look like giant wolves. I'm like, okay, that's cool.

But, so, that's the thing, you see them, you know, midway into that second movie, you see Jacob go running, and in midair, transform into a wolf, his clothes tear away, so yeah, I'm like, okay, in a minute, he's gonna transform. Back, what, is he gonna run to the gap? I mean, what the fuck is he gonna do now? So. And they all do it.

Banana Republic. Depends on who sponsors the movie, I guess. What's that other one? Hollister? Hollister, yeah.

Fuck Hollister. Graber Crombie? That's the great Graber Crombie. I love that you don't let anybody stop them like they're royalty or something. Hey, in America, they are royals.

They're not allowed to touch booger. We don't have the royal family in this country, so these are the closest thing we have. Well, there is a charity. We ain't got to worry about anybody stopping this douchebag, though. Yeah.

I hate that guy. I won't even go into that. I hate that guy. I guess Harry gets more douchebaggy every time we see him. Yes, he does.

All right, Wolves. Yeah that's my thing because like by the end i had that same question by the end of one of the two they go into like the whole group of them does it and then they like they were maybe it was the third one when they're having a big battle and they're all battling and then like two seconds later they all come running out of the woods and they've got pants on i'm just like where did you is there an abercrombie behind that tree over there i'm just like what the fuck And then, okay, you're going with the, okay, it's hot, they can't wear their shirts, it's too hot because they're wolves and they generate heat. Okay, if that's the case, by movie three, when we get a girl werewolf, topless girl werewolf.

Right. I'm sorry, if that's the rule, and we're following the rules through these first two movies, then by movie three... I can get behind that kind of series. And that girl's cute, so I mean, I think that seems fine. I think if we're going to follow the rules, she should be topless all the time.

I'm just saying I didn't set up the rules. Instead, she wears a goofy dress. And then she tears out of that, too. And I'm like, so later she has to go dress shopping again. What the fuck kind of movie is this?

What other randomness do I have here? This one I did post online, and it led to some interesting situations. Because midway in, I was not officially live. I guess I was live Facebooking it since I wasn't really on Twitter. Yeah, but I kept posing questions to it as I was going along.

People would occasionally answer me back. So my initial one was like, okay, I'm watching it. I don't see the confusion. Jacob, pretty cool guy. Likes to work on his motorcycle.

Seems like a good guy to hang out with. And Douchebag, who's honest. Seriously. Who watches you when you're sleeping. And those are who she can be friends with, who she can talk to.

Yeah. He's kind of abusive. Yeah. And kind of creepy looking. I'm sorry.

He is very unattractive. I know girls like him and all, but I don't get it because I'm just like, Jacob, okay, you know what? I'm a straight guy, but I'm going to tell you, Jacob's a hot dude. Dude, seriously. Edward looks like he ran into a wall.

Edward looks like somebody pummeled his face, and that's been a few years ago, and it's healed up now, but it still looks a little off. He looks like he'd be a good teen Frankenstein. There you go. Where's that at? That would be awesome.

He is a very extremely unattractive individual. And the whole series, not even movie, the entire series of movies centers. Around this, oh, which one? I'm torn. And I'm like, what are you torn between?

I'm like, this guy's cool. This guy's a jerk. I don't understand it. That's how life is. Well, no, if it was really like life, they'd both be complete jackasses because that's usually what girls are drawn to.

Yeah, Jacob's hot. I'm team mustache dad. I think you need to cease calling him Jacob forever. In my household, I could just call him Sharkboy. Sharkboy's usually.

I did try to make the team Sharkboy movement, so, you know. Yeah, team mustache dad. I don't know. The second one, where we get into the Spirity Edward bullshit. What is that?

I don't understand. Like, it comes out of nowhere. They just introduced... Like, the whole second... The whole second.

Part of the story is kind of just killing time. Like, that whole second one, she's not really doing it. The only thing that develops in that entire movie is the relationship between her and Jacob. But, like, the whole rest of the time, it's just, Edward's gone. Except for his weird ghost.

I have to jump off of cliffs to see his ghosty bullshit. And they all have secret powers, like all the different vampires have. I'm just like, but when did vampires get ghostly powers that they would appear when you're in danger? Is he Superman? Right.

How does he know you're in danger? Right. That guy thinks he knows me. I love how they had the whole... It's almost like the Masonic group that they have that vampires are called.

What's all that shit about? It might be. Maybe that's the basis of it. Right. We've had some questions about the Masons.

What's the name of the hierarchy? Vulturi? It's the Vulturi. Wow, why do I fucking know this? Because you're a dork.

Same reason we all do. We can make fun of it, but the sad part is it's still in there. She's a closet fan. Dude, seriously, no. I honestly have no shame.

If I liked this movie, I would be all about it. That's true. She has owned up to many things that are worse than. I fucking like Southland Tales. I don't care what anybody fucking says.

That's not worse than that, though. It's more confusing. You can like Southland Tales without... Yeah, there's some good stuff in Southland Tales. I like Southland Tales, too.

There's good stuff. I'm like, dude, where's my car? Yeah. There's good stuff in that movie. You know what?

It's good up until a point, and then it just goes... You're just blowing a hole in all my stuff, aren't you? No, it's really good. No, I didn't blow a hole in Silent Hill. I supported that.

I'm saying it's. Good until a point. Everybody made fun of it. I have issues with it, but it's not 100% bad. That's what I've said from day one.

Because you refuse to watch it. You hate Ashton Kutcher. No, I thought there was some other reason you were going to make me watch it. Because it's fucking awesome. That's why.

No, you were like, you made me watch this, so we're going to watch. I don't remember what it was. I tried to sit through that one movie. Which movie? I tried to watch a 10-hour movie.

Oh, Galaxy Quest? I tried. That's a pretty good movie. I still feel like I need to watch Galaxy Quest. You've not seen it either?

I put it off because it was still a Tim Allen movie at the time. And then later I heard everybody go, no, actually, it's kind of smart. It's a really good movie. It knows the group it's making fun of. It's got to get past the Tim Allen.

It's kind of doing it respectfully. So I'm like, well, you know, I'm all for that. But I still haven't gotten around to it. All right. So, okay, back to the Twilight notes.

Okay, here's my other thing. The Jacob and Bella story is kind of interesting. I guess that's the only part of it that gets that portion of it. But when it comes back to the Edward, I don't care anymore. I'm just like, this is a bad relationship.

Get out of it. Move on with the story. Because I realize that's the most. Her little love life is the most boring part of this entire arc. And it's built on that.

Because then you get into, like, the third one, when you get into the bad vampires that are, like, collecting on the outskirts in the city, and they're going to make their way in, and they're going to start. But you've got to understand, Brian, you're not a teen girl who likes vampires. Teen girls don't have to be idiots. I'm sorry. That's the thing.

That third one, there's a cool story. And the more I watched it, I was like, the vampire's waiting to move into the city, and they're going to start a war on them. The more I thought about it, I was like, you know, that kind of sounds like a... A final end of the season plot, like, season arc of Buffy. Remember, like, the whole season arc?

Like, I can see, like, that kind of playing in. Again, it would be a million times. Better because Buffy was amazingly well put together. So, I don't know. That's my thing.

I'm just like, there's a, at least in that third one. The second one, there's nothing there. It's a waste of time. But the third one, at least, I was just like, okay, there's at least the element of it. Entertaining story by the end of that the relationship bullshit is in fact that bullshit but i'm like by the end there's a good story and they fuck all that up too just like why are you wasting these stories i.

Don't know wow I'm not even. Sure what that is. Have you seen her bra? Check out the bra. Wow.

That's wild. Yep. Look at her face. She's got a butter face. A fairy.

A whole. A lot of butter face. A horror princess thing. All right. Anything else about the shitty movies?

Your costume would be complete with a mask. We tried to sell her on one over at her table. Like, look at this wide array of masks. Please buy one. Please buy one.

You need one that covers your whole face, not just the top half. None of this Lone Ranger access. I want a full Michael Myers mask. So, yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, the battle scene thing in the third one could be cool in a real movie.

And then I was thinking, even the very end of the second one, like, the vampire, like, hierarchy in the second one is interesting. Like, again, because it doesn't involve Bella or their bullshit love story. But I'm like, the. Way that the system is organized. Could be interesting in another movie why I'm not watching that movie if it was just better made that's what makes me angry it's just like if it was better done there's elements of a story in there that could really be interesting and could be turned into something cool and instead we get this.

That's what the tween girls want they want that stupid romantic love story with an abusive jackass that's. The thing just write it better i don't mind you know there's a yes you need to fill that void in the market for for romance and you gotta have something to tap into that age group too but i'm just like Why? Why is this the dumbest of all of them, the one that catch on? Right. I couldn't tell if that one girl had zombie makeup on or if she just had really bad acne.

Yeah, bad acne. Oh, the only upside I have to Dakota Fanning, badass. Oh, yeah. Her just, like, mind-beating the hell out of people was kind of awesome. Like, I could watch her do that in a good movie.

Why it's in this movie, I don't know. But once again, when she's using the Force on vampires, I'm like, That's awesome. I want a force-using vampire. Again, something that doesn't belong in the mythology at all. No, it's like, yeah, some amalgamation between, like, ghosts and vampires and Jedis.

That's not a vampire. None of it makes any sense. She's kind of dressed like a Jedi, too. Yeah. Like the newer, the prequel movies when they all dress like hippies and monks and shit.

This one is specifically for YouTube, probably Misty more than anybody. I did get midway into that second movie and I went, Okay, she's right. What the hell is wrong with Jasper's face? Poop face. What is wrong?

Like, why does he make that face all the time? He's got a poop. I guess. How's it going? How's it going, baby?

He's doing the face, ladies and gentlemen. He's doing the face. The face that plays on a podcast. Do vampires... He's got to poop.

He's got to take a shit. Are they not able to use the potty? Is that a problem? Is that part of the mythology now? That comes out in the fourth book.

He just did. Comes out in the fourth book. I get it. He didn't have a. Problem with Bella's face and her constant twitching?

I'm just used to that, but I just hadn't looked at him. Her lip biting? I've blocked her out is the funny part. She's the last thing I'm paying attention to in this movie. It centers around her character, and she's the last thing I'm looking for.

That wolf's cool. Oh, look, look. You still on the second movie, or we got in the third? They're all very different. It's run into one big thing.

And like I said, I just started writing shit down. I just feel like we're talking way too damn much about this movie. Okay, well, did you notice his all of a sudden switching to a southern drawl when they start talking about him? He used to be a Confederate soldier. That's another part.

I'm like, you know, working in this weird backstory from the Civil War could be good. Eh, kind of dumb in this movie. It kind of doesn't really make that much sense. Teenage girls don't give a shit about the Civil War. But working in, they've done horror movies that sort of go back to the Civil War.

So I'm like, there's ways to do that. This isn't it. Let's see. We'll try to round it out here because we're sick of these movies. I am.

Okay, here's what I will give it. Aside from Dakota, about the only thing that was good in the entire run. Billy Boy? The scene with them in the tent while she's asleep. Again, the best part of it, she's asleep and not talking or biting her lip or twitching or any of that shit.

But the dialogue there, the exchange between them is actually kind of interesting. That's the first time in that entire series I went, you know, this scene isn't bad. And it's because it's such a weird, awkward situation they're in, and they kind of throw it out on the table, and they're. Just like, okay, this is, I don't know, I thought that was an interesting scene. I don't want to just bash on it.

I saw one good thing in it, aside from Dakota, and that was it. So, there. I balanced it out. As much as I humanly possible. You're much too kind.

As much as humanly possible, I balanced it out. And then, okay, I do have to get back to the point that you made a couple of weeks ago. When did they turn porcelain? Dude, seriously. I mean, they killed a vampire in the first movie.

Did that happen when they killed Ponytail and Douchebag? Yeah. No. I don't remember. They had to cut him up.

But I don't remember. Yeah, it's like maybe they just didn't show it so we didn't see. But they ripped him to pieces. Yeah. And I don't remember there being.

It didn't seem like much to rip him to pieces. All they had to do was just shatter him. But I was like, did you change your mind midway into your own series? Like, what happened? You can't glue them back together.

And again, I have the real, much like the shirtless Jacob story, I have the real reason. The real reason is we want to keep this PG-13. If we make this a bloodbath, we're not going. To be able to do this. Now, how can we kill them. make it sort of, you know, a big deal that we're killing them and yet not show blood.

They could have turned to dust like in Buffy. See, that was the Buffy out, but the Buffy out. Then they're turning to dust like in Buffy. Like in Buffy. So they had to go a different way.

How about porcelain? I don't know. I just. And that's what I didn't understand. Once again, if you made that and introduced it from the first one, but why would you change Midway into your own series?

That just makes no sense to me. I like that they explode into a big glob of goo on True Blood. That was, yeah, that was pretty legit. That was all, after a while I think I quit writing because I was tired of it altogether. I was just glad like three hours and twenty minutes later when I was finally escaped that thing.

It was a lot of watching. Alright. You go that way, you drunken fool. I don't understand this guy. He seems to think he knows me, but He's a complete asshole.

You get that a lot, actually. I know. A lot of people think they know me, but they don't. Me too. People think that I'm Rachel from Cincinnati.

Would you just come to terms with the fact that you are Rachel? Was it Rachel? Was that the name that I was getting? I don't know. You keep calling her.

Nashville. No, Nashville. You keep calling her Rachel, so now I just assume she is Rachel. No, it's Rachel. Oh, man.

Well, I think I'll round out that half, so... That was it from mine. We're going to break up the rest of these crazy goings on. So we'll take a break and be back. Yes, he is.

Right over there. Oh, he's so fucking fast. I disagree. He's got a tramp stamp, too. It's not six-sided dies and twelve-sided dies.

Look after my heart. Even if we're worlds apart, you're only scared of me. When you're in my car, maybe because. We're in the dark. We can't see my shiny spot.

I love you. I want you right now. Yes, I love you. Because when the moon shines, we'll sparkle together. Told you that I'll live forever.

Said I'm not human, but I'm still a man. I'll never criticize Romeo again. Thank heaven I'm. Not your father. Knowing that we still have each other.

You can be my Bella. You can be my Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella. Hey, hey, hey. You can be my Bella.

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Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. This is PJ Souls and you are totally listening to Movie Meltdown. Movie Meltdown.

Upon the moment long ago. And now we'll hear a clip from our interview with C. Thomas Howell. There you will be So young and carefree. We're here for C.

Thomas Howell. I guess so early on you get just sort of interested in stunt work? Is that how you got into it? Well, my father's a stuntman, so I grew up planning on being a stuntman. I did a lot of stunt work as a child, you know, and that's a real nepotistic industry, the stunt world.

You know, most stuntmen have their kids and they grow up to, you know, take over. the family business, so to speak, but, you know, I sort of got lucky, and at a young age, I was hired to work on a little movie called E.T., and I was pretty much hired to be a stunt kid that could act, you know, I could do a lot of the stunts on the bikes, and whatnot, and most of the other actors weren't real athletic, so to speak, and um so i got that gig because i could do the the tough stuff really yeah and then you know slowly but surely i thought well this is cool but i never i never planned on being an actor or anything and then i got this audition for francis coppola to do the outsiders which turned into probably 30 auditions and um you know after about three months of that i i ended up nabbing the role of pony boy so I had a career going from Spielberg to Coppola, and the next thing you know, the stunt kid from Valencia, California turned into an actor.

Yeah, that's an impressive way to start off your career with those two. Pretty much downhill since. That sets the bar pretty high. I guess I was just going to give you a chance to kind of... tell people what you've got working on. I mean, you've, you've gone into a lot of.

You know, I've just, I'm on a new series on TNT. We're going into our four seasons called Southland. I play, uh, uh, an LAPD recovering alcoholic and, you know, not the most likable guy on the force, but again, it's one of the best parts I've ever had. So I just look forward to going to work every day on that. And I've got a small part in a new Spider-Man coming out next summer.

And, um, you know, I'm just, I'm just really happy to be a working actor and, with a large body of work underneath him and draw from my experience and continue to grow and learn and work with new people. You know, that's the goal. Sounds good. Anything else you want to pass along to people? That's it for me, brother.

All right. Thank you so much. Nice to meet you. You too. I'll speak to you soon.

Stay tuned for more segments featuring C. Thomas Howell as we cover several of his movies on upcoming episodes. G-G-T-M-C. Live. For you.

Fresh air. Big Willie and the Samurai are at your service. Breaking films down and turning them around. Giving recommendations that are always on point. Visit ggtmc.com for more information.

The Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Cinema. Bringing class to the trash since 1977. Don't be shy. We'd like to hear from you. So give us a call at 502-365-5565.

Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates. That's moviemeltdown.com. On by, on by, on by, on by, on by. What's part of your problem?

You know, you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered. In the movies. And now, on with the show. On by, on by, on by, on by.

All right, so we're getting ready. To wrap up this week. We didn't have cake earlier. We didn't in fact have cake. It was delicious.

Marlena showed up for a minute. You didn't really hear her talk, but she was here for a little while. She was stuck in traffic on the way here. She would have been here longer. That's true.

She was stuck in traffic for hours because there was an eight-car pileup on the Kennedy. Fun. Yeah. She didn't say if she saw any dead bodies, though. No, but we did sit in the middle of the convention eating cake, so that was pretty awesome.

And somebody offered to buy a piece of cake. Yeah. We were trying to bribe celebrities. We're still, if we see a furlong go by, we're going to try to bribe them with a piece of cake. I don't know.

I'm good. I'm good. My ass hurts. I want to stand up. Plastic chairs are not comfortable.

All right. I guess that wraps it up. We will return next week. Same gig time, same gig feed. Thanks for listening.

Bye. Fred! The babysitter's here! I'm upstairs! I'll get it!

Okay! Oh, hello! Why don't you come in? I'll be back later. You two have fun!

There's something strange about this babysitter. She calls the blood bank and asks if they deliver. She walks by the mirror, but I don't see her reflection. I've seen Twilight, but leave me a lack of impression! Oh, I don't know about the babysitter.

Hey, her fingernails are sharp, her teeth are pointed, too. Mom, let's be alone with her. Now, what am I gonna do? The babysitter's a vampire. She's looking at me like I'm dinner tonight.

Stay away from my neighbor. The babysitter's a vampire Gonna. Need a wooden stake And a garlic milkshake To keep me alive. Oh, great, my mom left me alone with. A vampire A blood-sucking freak Mom!

She said, it's getting late Time for you to. Go to bed I'm thinking, let's call it a night Put a stake to your heart instead I'm on TV, you're white as glue Your skin is as cold as ice The way you stare. At that medium rare You're ready to take a bite That way We'll be right back. Hey, mom will never believe me now unless I get some proof But when I'm flying around the house with Ben. She'll know it's true I'm.

A babysitter's a vampire She's looking at me like I'm dinner tonight I'm a babysitter's a vampire Gonna need. A wooden stake and a garlic milkshake to keep me alive. What? Get out of my head! Alfred!

I want to stop your life! I know! Get away, you prick! No! Everybody knows they come to suck my blood.

If it's the time you bit their. Eyes, there's nowhere to run. I'm over here. Her fingernails are sharp, her teeth are pointed, too. Mom left me alone with her.

Now what have I got to do? The babysitter's a vampire. She's looking at me like I'm dinner tonight. We have food in the fridge. The babysitter's a vampire.

Gonna need a wooden steak and a. Garlic milkshake to keep. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed. By The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.