138: These Friends of Mine

He didn't even fit, really. She was just fucking spooky. She was great. And then, what was it? It was the Girl Scouts were like, you know, they were asking about her lemonade.

Was it fresh squeezed lemonade? Was it from real lemons? And she's like, yeah. Well, we'll trade you for our Girl Scout cookies. And she's like, are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Yeah, people get really creeped out when I ask that question. I don't know why. The following program is a proud member of the Palover family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palover.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-E-R dot com.

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. Okay, I'm going to show you a little maneuver that my mother taught me in junior high. It's called the bend and snap.

Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the billions. So they've got to find those. Extra cups to fill. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I'm Brian. I'm Marlena. I'm Fred. I'm Greg. And we're back with another episode of The Caffeinated Movie Geek.

Cappuccino on my butt. I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for The Caffeinated Movie Geek. We're coming to you live from, well, via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds.

And we'll get together, have coffee, as we are right now, and talk movies. So, Marlena, I ask you, since you're back and we don't have to hand it off to anyone else this time, what blend of... Go ahead, Fred. Nothing. Marlena, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week?

Thundermuck. The ever-popular Thundermuck. Wouldn't you have liked to have heard what I would have made out of that? I think we've heard it before, actually. Well, while we're still on the coffee kick here, I mentioned this, I believe, the last time we were here, but it is now available up and running.

This is our official Caffeinated Movie Geek mug. Check that out. And we're not drinking out of those. We're saving those because you guys at home are ordering them. You're getting on your internets right now and placing your order.

That's really nice. Are they handmade? They are each individually handmade heavy-duty ceramic and have our awesome and original artwork on them, mind you. Where did the artwork come from? A local artist here.

Tazier, I think, is his name. It's really good looking. He's actually, yeah, he's really ridiculously talented. I would almost not want to use it. I have one at home, and it's sitting on my shelf.

There you go. They're fine as collector's items, or you can make it a functional mug. It's up to you. Yep, so go Facebook us, email us, Twitter us, whatever the hell you want to do, and let us know you need one of those, because they are pretty awesome. And there are pictures on the website, and occasionally our Facebook page.

I'll throw one up there, too. So check it out if you're interested. All right. I might buy one. I was just thinking that.

Bust out the cat. That's right. Get us out of the hole. I've got to pay for some bagels, though. Lord.

Oh, wait. Fred spotted me this week. Wow. Yeah. All right.

So in an effort to keep this at a normal, somewhat acceptable level, I think we're going to break up our Geek Weeks into weeks. So I think Marlene and I have a weird tie-in when it's going to go for the next time around. So this week, Fred and Greg, you guys are going to do your geek activities. All right. Fred?

Shall I? Yeah, go ahead. Rip a head off a chicken. I shall. Well, I haven't really seen a whole lot of stuff.

I've been sort of focusing on, I've re-watched some movies and tried to. Corrupt the youth. That's always good, yeah, yeah. You know, there are like movies I want my kids to see. My boy's kind of been on a Coen Brothers thing lately.

That's good. One night he was like, you know, what hasn't he seen? And I'm like, well, you haven't seen Barton Fink, but I don't know if that's really one you want to watch tonight. And I'm like, have you seen No Country for Old Men? He's like, no, I haven't.

He's like, let's watch that. We watched that, and that was a blast. He's really pretty good at actors, too. Because we were out somewhere, and I saw a dog that looked exactly like this one actor. And he was the actor in Miller's Crossing, who is like the new boss.

He's like, he's giving me the high hat. It's a question of ethics. It's that guy. And he was also on Homicide, and I couldn't remember his name. I kept calling him Carsetti.

My boy was like, Carcetti was the mayor on the wire. That was the name of the mayor on the wire. But it was Crossetti. He was Detective Crossetti. He was the one who killed himself.

But anyway, so we watch No Country for Old Men, and I guess watching it the second time, the thing that really stuck with me was like one line when he goes to. What's his name's wife? And remember, he said, nobody's going to come for her mom. Of course, mom gets killed. And then, so his wife...

Oh, one thing that's beautiful about that movie, I remember they said they wanted Josh Brolin because he was from that area of Texas. They wanted authenticity. And the woman playing his wife is Irish. I just love that. It's like.

I just love that kind of like, we're all about, this is going to be authentic, we're serious, but fuck it. That's the thing I like about them. But so he goes there, and she says something about, like, she doesn't have any money, she didn't have money, she doesn't have money to pay for her mom's funeral. And he says, I wouldn't worry about it. That's just so dark.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. And then, you know, the scene after the car wreck with the boy giving him the shirt. That's just one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever seen. So there's that.

Then I had this movie projector for a while this summer, but it was just always too hot. And I built a. Big screen in the backyard, and I got kids together. It was just too hot. But we had one good night.

And we watched Planet of the Apes. Awesome. The original. Yeah. The real.

It was the night they called off the first day of school. And all the kids were like, oh, yeah. And it's like party at my house, man. All these kids came over. We watched Planet of.

The Apes, and it was awesome. I bet it was a blast. Yeah. Did they get it? I kind of wonder how.

I mean, I guess technically I was like a generation removed almost. I mean, I'm wondering how kids will see that. As the years go on. I think they were into it. They liked it.

And, you know, it was pretty... It holds up in its way. It does. I mean, because it was well-written. Yeah, it really is kind of a neat movie.

It's kind of. Funny, but in a good way. So, yeah, they actually watched it and got into it and liked it. One of them had seen the new one. Like the brand-new Rise of the Planet of the Apes?

Yeah. I've never seen a movie do a 180 in the public like that one. Like, everybody was so ready to hate that. Everybody was like, oh, those apes look terrible. Oh, it looks like a big cartoon.

And, like, the day it came out, I heard nothing but, like, rave reviews. Like, every person I've heard is just like, wow, that was, like, the best movie of the summer. Like, what is that? Like, I've never seen anything do a turnaround like that. There has to be expectations.

I get it. When you go in expecting something to be horrible. and everybody's automatically going to pan it, then it's much easier to like it. I guess, I mean, maybe it is actually well put together, and that trailer just makes it look kind of dumb. So, yeah, could be. I guess it is, because, like, I remember when I was a kid, my mom always said when she went to Paris and she saw the Mona Lisa, like, you know, it was this big famous thing, and she sees it, and it's just this little, little painting.

She was surprised how small it was. And then so, then my sister... When she first went to Europe, she said, yeah, after hearing how small the Mona Lisa was all my life, it looked gigantic. I couldn't believe how big it was. It all balances out somewhere.

I never really managed to focus through that last new Planet of the Apes. You mean the Tim Burton one? Yeah. That was one of the worst movies ever made. Thank you.

Thank you. To me, it wasn't even a Planet of the Apes. I couldn't even watch it. I really was unable to watch it. And it was just kind of like Planet of the guys that look kind of like Michael Jackson I don't.

Know what's going on in this movie I don't hate it as much as everybody again I don't I don't I almost don't include it in Planet of the Apes at all like if I separate it and I just. Watch it as a science fiction kind of movie I and i pretend like it doesn't have marky mark in it right i mean that's part of the problem is you hand it over to him yeah but i mean tim tim roth is really good like ridiculously good roth is just really good yeah he never puts a badge he's really good so i mean and the general who is the michael clark duncan clark duncan is really good at it so i mean you've got guys in in these makeup you know which again they did a good job on the makeup too so it's like It's a shame that that's going to waste in this plot because the plot's kind of weird.

I don't know. I mean, there's so many problems with it. I don't love it. And I think it was probably the jump the shark moment for Tim Burton, too. I mean, everything up until that point, he was still pretty solid.

And that's the first one you went, huh, really? Is it the Helena Bonham Carter influence? It is. I've said that for years. I was like, you look at his career when he was still on his own, Lisa Marie, Helena comes in, that's the first movie he did with her, and that's the downfall right there.

It's like everything since then has suffered considerably, in my opinion. Wow. With the exception of Big Fish, which is still pretty good. But most of the stuff since then has crashed. Or at least has so many issues it doesn't even feel like a Tim Burton movie anymore.

But But yeah, I don't know. I can watch that Planet of the Apes, but again, I almost separate it and don't even consider it anything to do with the old ones, because I love the original series. I used to watch those to death as a child. It tried to be too close to, like, 2001 or something. It was.

Kind of the opposite for me. I don't know... No, I'm not saying that it tried to live up to... I'm trying... It tried to.

Be almost too avant-garde. I don't know what it is, but it definitely misses its mark. I think it misses because what was so good about the original was it is kind of funny. They had that satire in it. It was built around the novel.

Granted, it's pretty removed from it, but the basic story was sort of satire on our society and using this leap into the future to talk about our class systems and talk about our self-destructive nature. And, you know, they really were kind of smart in the way they played this stuff in. And the Tim Burton one is just a big dumb action movie. Like, you lose the classes. Like, they change the types of apes.

There's no class system at all whatsoever anymore. And, like, they all just become random monkeys and we're fighting with them, you know? And it's just kind of a big dumb action movie, which is fine, but that's fine as a separate story. To be part of the Planet of the Apes and to take all of that out seems like a crime to me. That's funny, because that reminds me of an interview I heard with Tarantino, where he said a friend of his went to see the new King Kong, Peter Jackson.

When he got back, he said, did it have, like, the racial subtext? He said, no. He's like, well then, what is it? It's just a movie about a big ape. And I think that movie had something to it that was different, but, you know, There was something about the Planet of the Apes I couldn't connect to it.

It's like maybe I was looking for something that wasn't there, and maybe if I watched it again, I could, you. Know, see what it was trying to do. Lower your expectations on the new ones. Maybe I just. Expected to connect with it like, you know, the old ones, and they were supposed to make something.

But, yeah, there was that class, social... It was all commentary back in the day, where this one just became, let's put guys in cool monkey makeup. And, you know, they did, but that's all they were trying to do. It's like you didn't have anything to say with it. See, I'm afraid now that I almost pull a Mona Lisa with this.

I've heard so many people, like I said, so many people talk it up now. I'm afraid I'll go in with too high expectations. Which the rise of the planet. The rise of the planet, yeah. And then end up thinking it sucks.

Yeah, I did that with the movie. American Beauty, which in a lot of ways has a lot of great things about it, but my expectation of it was just, I read a review of it, and that review was like one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's like, God, that review was so good. Then I see the movie, and it's like, oh, the movie's just kind of more like what you'd expect. The review was like crazy good.

Wow. Like, I've never seen anything that good. You know, the portrayal of dysfunction... seemed so groundbreaking to people in that. And to me, it was like, yeah. Yeah.

To me, it was a formula movie for artsy people. It kind of was. It was exactly the movie that they always make is that there's some sort of repressed community that had gone back to like Cuckoo's Nest. Yeah. It was a repressed community and some sort of wild card character goes into it and causes somebody to change or go sane.

It's like Babbitt's Feast, Dead Poets. That's the movie that they make. And there are a lot of good things about it, but it. Was kind of smug. Because it's like that voiceover from Beyond the Grave.

Whenever you're telling me something from Beyond the Grave, you better really be dead. Or fuck you. Who do you think you are telling me? You're no Sunset Boulevard. Shut the fuck up.

Anyway. If you're not a zombie or at least undead, you've got to have some sort. Of authority to tell me what to think about life. I did like him. Oh, he was great.

He's good. I mean, again, the performances are all good. When you look at it now, it does seem a little more formulaic than it probably got credit for at the time. I can't stomach Ned Benning. I can't.

I just. She's gross. I know that that's a character she's playing, but I think she took to it far too easily. She's gross. She was better when she was younger.

Did you ever see The Grifters? Oh, yeah. She's really good at that. She was still gross, though. Well, even in Bugsy.

She's really good in Bugsy, too. And it was right around that when she became that. She started catching up with that age. And she sort of started to fit that annoying role that she's playing in American Beauty. And, yeah, everything from that point on, she just kind of feels like that again.

I don't know. Laura Birch, I liked her a lot. Yeah, she's really, there's somebody who, it's a shame. I mean, you look at, she was in this big Oscar-nominated movie and sort of had made a name for herself as a young actress. Yeah.

A few years later, she was doing straight-to-DVD horror movies and stuff. Completely removed her... Yeah. She was great. I don't know if that was on purpose or just something weird happened in her life and messed up her career.

If you think about it, she was a child actor. Yeah. And really, the last roles that she played stopped as... A teenager. I don't think she really could transition into an adult.

Again, she didn't pull off being an adult. When I saw her ten years after that, she still looked like she did in American Beauty. It's like you can't cast her as an adult, but at the same time, she's not that hot teenage actress she was ten years ago. So I guess that does throw off your casting game at that point. She could act, though.

She was really good in Ghost World. She's amazing. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, and then my boy also watched Reservoir Dogs. I've been having a lot of kids over staying up late because, you know, they're growing up, and it's like the last days of that, and I just love it.

Did that change his life? If he'd never seen it before? I mean, does that... It kind of did for us, yeah. He really liked it.

Yeah, he's... It's funny because he's like a math science guy, and he's like really good with. But he's like... He's thinking he might want to write movies or something. He.

He really takes it seriously. But yeah, all the other guys fell asleep. He was up until like three or four, just watching the movie by himself. That's awesome. Yeah, it was awesome.

The first time I saw that, I wanted to put it back in and watch it again. Yeah, I know. It was that good. I could go home and watch it tonight. Tim Roth.

It never loses its power on those scenes. They're always so intense. He said his favorite part was the story. Yeah. When he's telling the story, that was just amazing.

And then he tells it, and then he's telling part of being in it, and tells it getting ready to tell it, and then tells it that he's in it. To me, that's good. For me, I think that's my favorite Tarantino movie. I mean, I love Pulp Fiction, I love the others, but that one is just like a kick-ass movie. But just think, I mean, writing that, In screenplay form.

And then also following through and editing it so that that all works as fluid. Oh, yeah. It's perfect the way he puts it together. It's a great movie. A really great movie.

So then I watched Insidious. It was all right. I don't know. I kind of feel like I've seen versions of that movie many times. I think it was one of those that people went in with lowered expectations and then came out like, wow, that was really entertaining.

Yeah. I think everybody went in expecting it to kind of suck, and it turned out it was all right. It was all right. It was competent. But then there's this other movie that I'm trying to get people to watch, just particular people I know.

It's called Tomorrow. And it's an old Robert Duvall movie from way back. And I think it won an Academy Award. But it was pretty far back. And it's based on a Faulkner short story.

It's about this pregnant woman who shows up. This squatters... and he. Tries to nurse her back to health, and she has a baby, and the screenplay is by Horton Foote, and it's just one of the best movies I've ever seen. And so, like some friends of mine, I'm like, y'all, for my Christmas present this year, y'all just sit down and watch this movie. I'm giving you a recommendation.

Yeah, I picked out a present for me. I'll slap a bow on top of it. Yeah, so that's a movie I was recommending, and then I'll have to see how that goes. If you haven't seen it, I don't know why more people haven't heard about it, but it's pretty, you know, to have Robert Duvall in it, but he plays this kind of inarticulate country guy that he just doesn't hit a wrong note. Yeah.

He is just exactly so right. And then there's a woman in it, and she's all right, but she's not as crazy amazing as he is in it. It almost sounds like he has a speech impediment, or he's just so reluctant to talk. And he's so. awkward just so painfully awkward but yeah so that uh that was uh sort of the the main point of main points of my geek week i don't think uh there may be something else i saw that i completely forgot i was i've kind of been on my scottish movie kick there's this one kid i recognized in the two scottish thrillers i've seen uh the disappearance of alice creed and red road and it's like Who is that guy? And it turns out he was cast when he was a kid in a local movie called Sweet 16, and it made him a huge star in Scotland.

But then after that, he went back and sort of studied the craft, and now he's an actor that's, I guess, a big deal, but not really here. Still kind of a working actor in the scene. He's a really good actor. He's really good. And I was starting to watch that one night, but then, you know, because I live in like a Fellini-esque daycare center, I didn't get to really watch it.

Oh, I'm trying to picture that right now. It's making my brain hurt a little. Well, you've been there. Yeah, so I'm looking forward to that. I'll see if I have anything to say about it later.

All right, are we moving into Greg? Okay. Okay. If you've all seen it, I avoided this for a long time, and finally I subjected myself to it, and I think if you've seen it, you understand what subjecting yourself to it is, and that's dog tooth. I'm trying to remember.

I mixed that one up with several others. This is the Greek maid. It's the family that lives in a compound, has raised children, three of them, all high-walled, high walls around the house. The father is the only one that leaves the compound. He works in a factory.

And the parents just are afraid to... It doesn't explain it. It just starts showing you their lives. They are extremely controlling and protective of their family and don't want. Any outside influences whatsoever.

So when they watch television, they watch videos of themselves. When the kids have a question about what is a bagel, oh, that's like a squirrel, but it has no tail. They'll just lie. They lie about everything. They control everything.

And the kids, because of this, they have games where they They sit around and, oh, let's turn the faucet on as hot as it can go and see who can hold their finger on it the longest. That's a fun game. This is like 20, 22, 23-year-old adults. They still act like kids that have been repressed for their entire lives. They have a fear of cats.

They believe that cats will come in and kill them through the walls. And one day the sun, I shouldn't tell too much of the movie. My wife's family thinks something like that. They get on you and they take your breath. Cats are pretty evil, truth be told.

Well, basically, it's what this outside influence. Of the outside world starts to creep in. You sure this isn't the village? This is the village, but just sick and twisted. What era is this?

Like, is this modern day? Yeah, modern day. Even weirder than modern day. And it is, like, when airplanes go across the sky, they tell the kids that sometimes they fall. And they'll, like, the mom will hide behind a bush and throw a plastic toy airplane into the yard, and the kids run and beat the shit out of each other, and they get to keep.

The toy airplane, thinking that this is a real thing that falls from the sky. Not that there are people in an airplane. That it's just a toy airplane up there. Right. Okay.

That's weird. And it is. This is the most demented family you've ever. Them's tall words. Okay.

Outside of your family reunion. No, no, no, no. I am laying down the gauntlet. Go home and stream Dogtooth. And you may not want the kids in the room.

That's all I'm saying. It's disturbed. And if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. And again, it's subjecting yourself to see Dogtooth. Nice.

Now I've got to see it. So, did you like the movie? I mean, it sounds bad, but was it enjoyable? It's very well done. It is disturbingly awkward.

That should be on the poster right there. You want to wash afterwards. There's a couple of movies I've seen like that. And yet you're afraid of water. Right, right.

Water's just about it, and you think. You think, okay, at least I'm not doing that as a parent. It's a boost for your ego. It is. I've had to do a little of that.

But at the same time, you're like, oh shit, am I doing this? Am I fucking up in this way? That Santa Claus thing really messed those kids up. It's like every part of these kids' lives... Is Santa Claus.

Nice. That's almost the exact thing it is. I hated that fat bastard. We never started that crap. We're jumping ahead into our Christmas special here.

I'm glad he's dead. He's dead? At my house he is. Oh, yeah. I didn't tell him Santa isn't real.

I told him he's dead. He ain't coming back no more. Man, it got worse every year. It got to be like Mission Impossible. I had to go out and like stomp on an apple out in the snow and like crawl it up like.

A deer's been eating it. And then put out oats and crap. And we had like one of those attic doors like creaky stairs. And that's where I had to put everything. which is huge, and I have to, like, come down the stairs trying to be silent. And be quiet.

And I'm up all night trying to do this. What's wrong with you? Just drug them. Oh, man. It's horrible.

It's, like, super tense, and I have to go out, and then we have to write a note now. Lynn thinks it would be cute to write a note. So I have horrible handwriting anyway. And my kids are like so sharp, they'll remember if the handwriting is different one year. That's right.

Oh, and the wrapping paper. Why would Santa be using the same wrapping paper we have? We have to have separate wrapping paper from Santa and us. Listen, you little bastards. Quit thinking so much.

So I'm up. You ask another question about Santa, you don't get shit. He ruins his balls. I'm up all night doing this crap. And then, of course, they wake up bright and early.

Let's have fun and open presents. I'm like, oh, fuck. Please. That's why Santa drinks. Don't ever do that with kids.

It's just not worth it. I remember the hardest thing for my mom when I was little. You know, it's like I'd wake up on Christmas and I'd have all these presents from Santa. And one year I was probably like four. I went up to my mom and said, where's my present from you?

And I was pissed. I mean, I yelled at her. I can't believe you didn't get a Christmas present. What kind of mother are you? Now, it's like a big swindle.

If your kids are bright, you have to be, like, really on top of it. It's like surrendering your ego fully. You know, it's like you got all these great kids or great gifts for your kids. You can't take credit for any of it. Yeah.

Well, and the other thing is you've got electronics that you get for your child, like a DS, and then you get the insurance policy on it, and then they break the DS, so you take it back, and they see that your handwriting's on there and all your information. Wait a minute, Dad, this is a receipt for something that Santa gave us. Something's wrong here. Santa gave me this receipt, and he bought the policy, because Santa thinks ahead. He works it out with us.

And you can't tell the kid, be careful, that's expensive. No one's free, Santa made it. Damn those elves. Santa, we have a payment plan worked out with him. It's not free.

We have to pay him. Right. I think we started telling them that in my house. No, it's a system. We have to come up with the money.

I don't even ever remember believing in Santa. I remember distinctly that I didn't because I remember one night my brother, my older brother. Saying, we've got to go to bed sooner. Santa won't come. And I'm like, yeah.

It's just you and me here, dude. Really? You're dashing your older brother's dreams. I mean, I thought that I didn't say anything because I thought it was like a rigmarole. Yeah, fine, Santa, whatever, give me stuff.

I didn't buy it. I really didn't. I don't remember ever thinking Santa is a real. I thought it was like this thing people did, but then I remember my brother going, we've got. To go to bed because Santa won't come.

And I'm like... Oh, no, really? Okay. Whatever. Actually, what happened was, and Fred blocked this out of his memory, John Carpenter took Little Freddy when he was two and said, listens, bitch, this thing ain't real.

And just ruined it for him right there. It was my Russian babysitter. When she scarred you? Yeah, it was written on her underwear. You want to see Santa Claus?

I'll show you Santa Claus. You want to see my scar? Santa gave it to me. And suddenly she passed it on to you. You were quickly scarred from that day forward.

Yep. Wow. Are you sure she didn't say you want to be scarred? I know this is a callback to an old episode. But that was disturbing.

I don't even think I've heard this story. Underwear said, here is no Santa Claus. Yes. There is no Santa. That's how all kids should be told.

Well, that's trading one thing for another. It takes you immediately out of your childhood and thrusts you into adulthood. Somehow meeting the Fonz brought that memory back. It was a repressed memory. Yes, it was a repressed memory.

I met the Fonz, and it's like, oh, yeah. It was Happy Days on television. Babysitter. No, it was actually before Happy Days. I lived back then.

Those were the Happy Days. The nights with my babysitter were the Happy Days. I don't think there was a time before Happy Days. Yeah. BHD.

I've had babysitters and been a babysitter before, and I've never had anything that traumatic happen. Your parents just had no discretion at all when it came to hiring a babysitter, did they? Well, actually, she wasn't even my babysitter anymore. She had been, like, at some point. But it was for my sister because my parents didn't trust my brother and I to take care of my little sister.

Rightfully so. So they were still a babysitter. Yeah. Although we would just wander off, and I just happened to come out of my room one day. I don't know.

It was... She actually had a restraining order. That's the reason she wasn't his babysitter. Yeah, and she was like this Russian girl, hippie. A gypsy.

Type, yes. She was, I don't know. Now I'm just all fucked up, I like to say. Well, we know that. Well, if you're all fucked up, go watch Dogtooth when you get home.

It's that good. That'll set me right, huh? No, you'll probably just continue the downward spiral. Yeah, directly throw you into a pit of despair. But have fun with that.

Actually, whenever anybody says something like that, I have to watch it. There was a guy, this was back in the VHS era, a guy I knew had this tape. A friend of his who worked for a news station had saved all these horrible clips, and most of them would never go on the air. One of them I actually recognized. But they were like clips of accidents, of shootings, disasters, just horrible, horrible stuff.

And then some of them, God knows where he found this stuff, were like just not right kinds of. Porn and stuff. They were all clipped together in this tape. And the guy gave it to him and said, if you can watch this straight through, there's just something wrong with you. And he said, I watched it three times.

And. And I did too, and I transferred it to DVD, but it's pretty rough. It was like this guy I remember when I was a kid who said he was innocent of this crime, and he shot himself on TV, and I remembered that. I remember it because I remember, I don't think they showed all of it like it is in this clip, but they did show him, and I thought, he's guilty. I can tell he's guilty because he feels so innocent.

But he really is guilty. And then he shot himself. It's like, yeah. I thought I was so insightful for that that I could tell he was guilty by the way he claimed to be innocent. But who knows?

Maybe he was innocent. Just pop up some popcorn and watch Faces of Death. Oh, God. I remember when kids would bring that tape in and hand it around at school. It was such a big deal at the time.

Yeah. Yeah. That was cool. I remember my cousin Jason was like, They'd sneak and watch that. Was that the end of the Geek Week?

Wow. I guess it could be. It took awfully long to talk about that. Craig only talked about one movie. Have you anything else?

I did re-watch Spaceballs. Awesome. And I was very disappointed. I had someone make a Spaceballs reference this weekend. So I guess, yeah, I need to go back and re-watch it, I guess, because it's been a while for me.

The one part. That made me laugh was still Thea. When they're in the desert and they're combing the desert. That's my favorite joke. The afro pit.

We found shit. We found shit. I almost woke the family up. That is so funny. I'm sorry.

Yeah, but most of it, it. Just. Just bad. And it's... They even give you that...

And I know it's someone that loves... young Frankenstein. You know, same director, same style of humor. But they just... Kind of, but... Well, they take so long with the delivery of the jokes.

Yeah. And they wait and let you laugh or think you're laughing. I guess. And it just. It was actually kind of sad to me, so.

Again, I just... Yeah, I brought that up on a recent episode, so I won't go into it again, but yeah, that's what I said was... I think it's a distinct difference. That's another one of those kind of jump-the-shark moments for someone, and I think that is when things sort of change for Mel Brooks. Like, I think he was doing stuff that was so innovative and so original when he was doing Blazing Saddles and, you know, Young Frankenstein and even like History of the World.

It's like, it's kind of different and original. And then you look at, Spaceballs just feels like the Zucker movies. It just feels like we're ripping off specific scenes of other stuff. Where it's like, even you look at, you know, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, they're ripping off a genre. They're making fun of a genre.

They're like, lampooning it, but they're not I mean, even with Young Frankenstein, they're taking specific scenes, but they do it in such an original way that I think is missing in Spaceballs, and I think by the time you get to Dracula Dead and loving it, I mean, it really is. It might as well be the Waynes Brothers movies, because. I didn't even realize Dracula Dead and loving it was. I'm pretty sure he did, and it makes me sad, because, yeah, he's a comic genius, and it's still hilarious when you listen to him talk, but he's just... I think I'm glad he doesn't direct much anymore, because he just started making such terrible stuff.

I will mention this. Let me watch. My wife and I, on our anniversary, watched with the kids being taken care of by someone else. We tried to have a night away from the kids. A babysitter?

Right, a babysitter. We watched... How well do you know this babysitter? His grandparents. Russian grandparents?

I've been trying... Hippie grandparents? John Carpenter? I've been trying to get her to watch The Orphanage for a long time. That's a terrible movie to watch if you can't immediately hug your children.

So we watched that. Which she really liked it, and I did as well. But I forgot how depressing it was. I had it forgotten. And then we watched...

The Lovely Bones. This is nice. Because we had it in from Netflix. Quite a double feature. By the time we were done, we were so depressed.

I was also depressed at how bad The Lovely Bones was. It was terrible. That's what everybody says. It was hilarious, though. I loved the period feel to it.

I like that, but it's like, who are you kidding? It's, again, that beyond the grave stuff. I just never got. How seriously do you want me to take this? The whole afterlife stuff was bad.

It was just like pop psychology version of some sort. Of spiritual, I don't know, throw something together. People like it. It's fun. It's rape and murder.

They'll eat it up. I don't know. know. There were some really good parts. If I had any. illusions that Marky Mark could act, all dispelled after that. As if Planet of the Apes didn't do it for you.

He's holding his wife and he's like, I don't care what happens. We'll figure this out. We'll get her back. And it was like, I just acted better than he did. That's how bad it is. um he can do one or two things though right.

See that he can do one or two that's a thing and i just watched the fighter recently i'm like he's good at that because it's him you know it's one shade away from marky mark he can do that. And a father yeah yeah he can do he's one of those actors that can do like What's true for him. Yeah, what is real. He's like kind of a natural. He doesn't really have any technique or anything.

Yeah, if he's dealing with emotions with a buddy or a brother, I think he can handle it. He can tap into that. But when he's dealing with being awkward, I think he can tap into that. He is kind of awkward. Right, but when he's.

Dealing with family or being protective or any of that kind of stuff, like... How bad he is, I'm not going to blame him on the happening. I'm sorry. That's probably the directing. There's way too many problems.

He doesn't understand himself. Right. He can be good when he's used the right way, but he doesn't understand himself. Yeah. But, you know, that plastic tree and the happening out-acts him in that scene.

So. Oh, Marky Mark. But was Saoirse Ronan good? Because that's what... I almost want to go watch it for her.

I know she's not huge plot-wise, but... She is in the real world. Yeah. When she's in the real world, she's fantastic. Because I'm so impressed with what little I've seen of her.

I mean, basically just kind of that one movie so far, I think. And her little sister in it that becomes the big sister. Wasn't she fantastic? Yeah. There were parts and there were scenes of it that I was like, this is great.

And then there was like, oh, it's ruined again. Who was it that played the bad guy? Oh, shit. I know, but it's... And he doesn't even look like himself.

I know the actor. He's that guy. He's that guy. He is that guy. I'll look it up real fast.

I want to say it's someone who's always a happy, friendly kind of guy. Come on, phone. He's played creepy characters before, too. Not that. Not this level.

Y'all were looking for some romantic entertainment, weren't you? I had been trying to get her to watch The Orphanage for so long, I was like, come on, let's watch it. And it's so hard just getting her to watch a movie. Stanley Tucci. There we go.

I mean, Stanley Tucci is just such a friendly guy. He's funny and everything. He's really like the offbeat gay character. He does seem to get cast lately in that role. It took balls to play that part.

He was very creepy in the movie, and I don't think he was a bad actor, but I look at Stanley Tucci, and I don't want to see him that way. Again, I haven't even seen it yet, but every... criticism i've heard because he was nominated for that yeah but everything i've heard is like they almost overdid it like you look at him and you're like god damn he's creepy you know it's like you almost need to back off a. Little it's like they couldn't figure out he was the serial killer really. Look at that guy you. Look at him i can see it from a mile away you know i saw.

It on the poster and went that guy did it. At that time period There was no such thing as serial killers or kids disappearing. You didn't think about it. Yeah. You know, kids did go to the mall, which the mall looked like the malls from that day.

Yeah, I love that stuff. The period stuff was great. You know, everything, it was spot on. Sometimes it's so forced and kind of looks like it, but you can still tell it's not. There was some of that in the mall that I was like, how'd they get that?

Some of the period detail was just breathtaking to me. It just took me back to. A lost world that you don't even believe existed anymore. Again, I would almost credit that to Peter Jackson. I can't believe it is him making this movie that seems so off.

It's like everybody has such... terrible things to say, and I'm just like, really? Peter Jackson? Because he's pretty solid. And then there's parts that, you know, it could be a Lifetime movie. Sometimes it felt, just the trailer, I was like, this doesn't seem like his stuff at all.

It was just so hokey and ridiculous, but it's partly just in the conception of the story is kind. Of bullshit, in a way. I mean, I thought it really wasn't this similar feeling to Heavenly Creatures, but. See, I really like Heavenly Creatures. That is one of my favorites.

It was the same directing style and the same. Well, I thought that when I saw the trailer, I was just like, so they're going into this fantasy world like Heavenly Creatures? I was like, you've already done a movie kind of like that. But it still felt like that. It was like, you know, he's got movies that feel the same, you know, like, I mean, King Kong is nowhere near the scale of Lord of the Rings, but it feels the same like his directing style is the same you know.

Like it's the same scope like you. Know bad taste and dead alive dead alive like those feel the same they definitely feel the same and you know those two movies don't feel anything like Lord of the Rings not at all this felt like I mean it wasn't anything like Heavenly Creatures but it felt the same like directing wise it wasn't as good but. If they cut it out if they cut out every bit of the afterlife stuff I would have been completely I would have been it was pretty good It just didn't work for me. It just doesn't feel like it's an afterlife that anybody ever believed in. It's the person who wrote it is just making it up.

And it sounds like such a hard story to tell. And in a way, it's like, really, they do okay for. As bad an idea as it is. It's just such a bad idea. It was so unfulfilling, too.

I mean, like, the movie ended, and there was nothing that made you. I don't know. By the end of the movie, I was pissed. Not because I thought it was a bad movie, just because I was so unsatisfied with the ending. Like, you know, you watch The Orphanage, the ending is horrible and sad, and you'll be depressed for days, but it like.

It's right. But it ties it up. It should have ended that way. There's a lot of movies that aren't happy endings, but I feel like they are the ending that needed to happen. That ending was just like.

Right. You're exactly right about the orphanage. That's why I loved it so much the first time I saw it. I was like, they're going to stay right here and let you just stay mired in this. And I was so happy they didn't go where they could have gone.

Yeah, where you thought they were going to go for a couple of seconds. But don't put the lovely bones on after you watch it. It's the one-two punch that kind of takes you out. Did you and your wife drive to the parent's house? We almost did.

I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay. We almost did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We can use dog teeth as a training video now.

This is what we're going to do. We're going to lock you up. You're never going to leave the house again. You're just holding them, rocking back and forth, scarring them. When you watch Dog Tooth, picture the parents watching the orphanage and the lovely bones first.

That's what happened. And then extrapolate that out 15 years later. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is how it plays out. So I guess with that, we should round out the Geek Week here.

Yeah. I need more coffee. Yeah, I think I'm going to reload on coffee, and then we'll be right back. I am an orphan On God's highway But I share my. Troubles You go my way I have no mother No father No sister, no brother.

I am an orphan girl I have had friendships Pure and golden. At our refreshment stand, your wish is our command. So the coffee we serve there is pure perfection. Name Cornelius. Adult chimpanzee.

Speaks English. Name Zira. Female chimpanzee. Practices medicine. Name Baby Milo.

Infant chimpanzee. Paul's secret that can destroy. They come from an incredible planet of apes. They survived a war beneath the. Planet of apes.

Now it's Earth 1973 and you're in for a surprise. Are they friendly visitors or invaders from the future? Why does the president's advisor want them shot? What is baby Milo's incredible secret? All the surprising answers are in Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

All new from 20th Century Fox, rated G all ages. Escape from the Planet of the Apes. Tweaked Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in three styles and seven colors, durable and designed to sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts, like the one you're listening to now. Tweaked Audio earbuds come with a one-year warranty, and now there's a special deal for Movie Meltdown listeners.

Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. Listen and understand!

That Metal Mikey is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear. And it absolutely will not stop.

Ever. Until you are an Action Attraction fan. Action Attraction. Your home for all things action. To find out more, visit metalmikey.lipson.com.

Or search for Action Attraction in iTunes. Hi, this is Stephen Jeffries, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Oh, you're so cool, Brewster. I can't stand it. It's part of.

Your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles. Are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show.

He's a loser ain't no mind what he says he's a loser he's got rocks in both his hands he's a loser he can't win can't play the show he's a loser and you. Know how much i hate to say i told you so. Why would you not hate this little kid you know that hit he had in the 80s He had one. Right. It was just too late.

Yeah. Too late for goodbyes. It sounded like John Lennon. It did. It sounded a lot like solo John Lennon.

It did, but it also sounded a little like the mosquitoes on the episode. Yeah, but I really like the mosquitoes. Yeah. I kind of wish they would put out an album. Bingo.

Bingo, Bingo, Bongo, and Irving. It's sad that I know that. I know that too. Bingo, Bingo, Bongo, and Irving. I also, I can probably sing all of the musical version of Hamlet.

But. That's actually it. That's really good. That's a great episode. I asked to be or not to be.

What was it, Carmen? They said it to Carmen. That's a great episode. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. I will stand by that.

That's one of the greatest. The professor is over there cranking it. Actually, I've got it on disc. I got it from my mom because she told me she'd watch any version of Hamlet. If there was like a preschool version of Hamlet, I'm like, oh, I've got something for your mom.

I'm out and found the Gilliam's Island version. I still stand by it. That's one of the best sitcoms ever. It's still hilarious how well written it is. I think I saw it.

Every one of those at least five times. Oh, more than that. I saw it every day for years. And I'm still like... Mary Ann was like my model of American womanhood.

I'm telling you. I don't understand the ginger guys. I'm sorry. Me either. I could never relate to ginger.

Don't get it. Although I kind of liked the girl who was the lookalike ginger. You know how they all had a twin? Eventually, yeah. Like before they did the makeover and she became Ginger.

The dark hair, yeah. She had that sort of librarian look. That was kind of cool. By the way, she didn't keep those lips. I saw her a couple years ago.

Tina Louise. She got scary. She got scary old. She took herself like real seriously. She wouldn't do a reunion show.

She was pissed. Well, she blames that whole show for ruining her career. Yeah, but what career? That's the thing. She was in Playboy or something?

She was not going to do anything else. The professor had a career. He did. He was a heavy. Didn't Skipper have a pretty good career, too?

Yeah, Skipper was in real movies before that, too. Yeah, but she was the only one who was a big bitch about it. She's the one that got pissed and thought it ruined everything. Oh, Marianne. Marianne, Jesus Christ.

I know. And she took. If ever I wanted a coconut cream pie, it was Marianne's coconut cream pie. I mean, Ginger was really high maintenance. She was.

Marianne was like your pal and yet fucking hot and could make a coconut cream pie. And Better looking. Yeah. Oh, so far. I mean, even to strip everything away, well...

No, wait. Hold on a minute. I can't focus. Okay. And I've said this.

This was a running joke for Misty and I for years of like, okay, you know what? I would hit that now. Yeah. Like, you look at her when she got older. Like, Tina Louise was a mess.

Did you see the mugshot? But she looked. That was her rough period. But seriously, you look at her a couple years before that, for as old as she was, she still looked good. She's a doll.

She's a doll. I was like, I'm still a side with Marianne. Well, I think you just fall in love with the face, and that just carries on forever. Mrs. Howell for me.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's all you. Yeah. Back in the day.

Back in the day when she was still 80. Once a babe, always a babe. Right. She was, she was, that's the thing. Did you ever hear how, like, she didn't tell them how old she was?

Uh-uh. She was older than, like, she was 10 years on Mr. Howe. Yeah. She was, and she was lying about it.

Like, she was running around out in the fucking lagoon, and she was, like, 80 years old, and she did not tell them. Wow. Because she knew she wouldn't get the job. Right. And she lied about her, back when, you know, you could get away and nobody checked anything.

Right. Good for her. She lied about her age. That was, that's amazing. Wow, there were 99 episodes.

Yeah, she was born in 1900. Yeah. Natalie Schaefer. Yep. Wow.

She was old. Wow. She was conceived. Two centuries ago. Wow.

He was in Mr. Howell's Gordon in 1913. Yep. Did you ever see... 13 years old.

Do you remember when the professor turned into the skipper? Like he was doing Long John Silver's commercials or anything? And he comes on and it's like, hey, it's the skipper. Wait, I thought he was dead. What the fuck?

The professor turned into the skipper. Ginger thinks she's Marianne. Marianne thinks she's Ginger. I'm telling you. The professor turned into the skipper.

It's the best plot lines ever. I'm sorry. I love that show. Oh, yep. All right.

If ever I was going to turn to TV, I would just get the DVD set for that. Set for life. All right. So, I guess... What are we going to talk about?

With that, we're back. And. I've been holding off on this for a while because I kept waiting to get everybody together. And I've come to the conclusion we're never going to get everybody together. So this is a good amount of the group.

We'll never tie Misty down and get her to sit down and do stuff with all of us. So I'm just going to move into the good amount of feedback we've been building up these next couple of episodes here. So I will start and try to do it chronologically here because a couple of them go in order. The first one, and this sucks because I had a system set up to keep from losing voicemails and there was a weird situation with one of the recorders and it didn't record and then it deleted it and I fought for like an hour to try to find this lost voicemail and it really was lost. But I listened to it beforehand so I'm going to try to describe or possibly recreate one of the greatest lost voicemails ever.

Let me bring up what I was trying to keep track of what this thing says so if this is you and i put a word out on twitter at the time i was like dude whoever this was call back in like i still don't know who it was so here's kind of here's kind of what it came across like someone it just comes on you don't really know who it is and it says the thing about the movie wait i just had a movie oh and this some undisturbed you have no idea what the word he says at this point he's naming something The thing is, they say, Carmen Electra has clams, and the thing is, I have clams too, and it makes it really hard, and he starts crying at this point, and he says, call me back about this, and continues crying until the message stops.

For the love of God, whoever you are, please call back in, because that, Carmen Electra and clams, I... Is that like crabs? I don't know, but it's pretty awesome, isn't it? And I so wanted. To play it.

What movie was Carmen Electra in? Any of those bad epic movies. Yeah, epic movies. Epic movie kind of stuff. That's where they bring her in for movies.

So, yeah, I'm not sure exactly what was going on in that voicemail, but it was awesome. And whoever you are, call back in, because that was pretty classic right there. And I don't know if it's tied to these next ones, because the next ones are. I may have to go with oddly even more weird. And if you're a podcast listener, not just us, but podcasts in general, you may be familiar with this person leaving us this message.

Yeah, guys, it's Ruth with us. What the fuck's wrong with my chin, you dick? I'll have you know that my chin was tailor-made for me at Hawks of Savile Row. Just because of the only fucking chins you've had or under your fucking appendix doesn't mean you can put me on your show and humiliate me in front of your millions of listeners. I mean, for fuck's sake.

You haven't looked at that bitch, Jolly. in profile, right? Her fucking chin looks like a fucking Norwegian icebreaker. Yet you've got the. Guile, the balls, well, lack of balls to give me shit about my fucking chin. I'm not happy about it.

So what I've decided to do is, right, what I'm going to do now is record. Um. Some, uh, what the fuck do they call them, Jerry? Jerry! Fuck, I don't know, they call them, I don't know.

Ready? One, two, three. Hey, this is Grace Witherspoon and you are listening to Lootie Meltdown. Fucking up your luck, bitches. How does your chin look?

At least I fucking got one. Fuck, man, how many fucking bloody statues have. You got, bitch? Anyway, I really liked the show, and even though you gave my gin a bit of shit, I'm pretty upset about it, you know? But still, I enjoyed the last episode.

Fuckers better just watch yourselves. Look, I'm right near you. I'm closer than you think, girls and boys. And by the way, seeing that you're so interested in what you like, I'm going to tell you what I like. The movies I've seen this week.

Well, actually, I didn't do any. But in the last month, I watched, well, Lawrence of Arabia, backwards, Alien 3. I'm really looking forward. To Prometheus, whatever the fuck, it's a bit out of my league, to Prometheus' Arab house. Do you know what?

We had a viewing of Alien in the mud hut, me and Cherry and a few other guys. And we could see the same kind of, see him over and over again in the early. Works of Sam Peckinpah and when you look at those in relation to the not so much the scene where the thing jumps out of John's stomach it's the bit when you know Ash. Is revealed as the lowlife android. He is did you notice Sam Peckinpah is it just me has nobody else seen it is that beautiful I'm not a friend of anybody trying to kill someone with a magazine I'm sure I'm sure that that was intended to be.

Homage homage to the. Peck not the Greg the peck well look I'm going to go back in the hut. I've got some livid on the fucking barbie we don't have shrimps here that is bullshit and yes it's fucking deadly and all the rest of it Good night, and if you. Ever mention my chin again, on the air. Alright, so we heard from Reese Witherspoon.

I did hear that. That's awesome. If that's what Reese. Witherspoon really feels like, she's a fantastic actress. I never knew she sounded like an Australian man.

So that's what happened to Paul Hogan? Um, it could be i i again if you listen to a lot of shows i i believe we've we've now again this was a little while ago but uh i'm assuming we've been found out by scorn oh he's he's legendary in the podcasting realm so yeah that's kind of awesome i guess that we've we found our way onto scorns player so cool Yeah, and I wasn't, I was only guessing. I just, you know, you kind of recognize the voice and the crazy rambling. But, yeah, it was also followed up by another message. Can we hear this one as well?

Hello to you, this is Mr. Cherry. It is very important that you realize that the previous caller was not Reese Witherspoon, but in fact a loneliness-guided and failed film critic wishing, not pretending. Falsifying, and dreaming of some swampy recognition outcome. Well, if it was Kungsjans, he would know that all is not well in Denmark, and he will never play the Dane.

He lives in a candy castle and has ruthlessly targeted your very fine podcast to do nothing but self-promote his own emptiness. Be aware, young hatchlings. Be aware, oh fountains of youth. Mr. Mandible is the harbinger of darkness and all things generally unpleasant.

For so long I have suffered under the savage digits of Scorn Mandible. Please help me. You have no idea what it's like to be programmed to defy and retaliate against all things innumerable and in essence unholy. You may have. Also noticed that he cannot spell.

Enough on right follows of celluloid. Let us march along celluloid rivers of glory to experience the horrific rains of terror. Oh, wait. What's going on? Just backing up.

Bloody well, hindsight. I love this man. Oh, I'm telling you. Oh, that's Scorn. He's a character, is he not?

So, Scorn, we're glad that you found us. Thank you, Jerry, for warning us. Thanks, Jerry. Thank you to your computer for giving us fair warning. I wouldn't have known if that wasn't Reese Witherspoon.

Otherwise, yeah, we totally would have bought into the fact that it was Reese Witherspoon. Please, please, please. I hope you're going to make that part of our commercial. You know how you have to. Our wonderful promos.

You know how there's like Sid Haig and Danny Trejo? Like, I'm Sid Haig and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Please, please, please. I'm Reese Witherspoon. Is that a Scottish accent you just did?

Um, no. Sorry. Ugh. I don't know what kind of accent. That was scorn.

I don't know what you're talking about. I think that was the way Reese Witherspoon actually said it. Yeah, actually. That's the real Reese Witherspoon. And I'm not even sure, I think that was a ways back.

I'm just trying to remember what set that off. I think it was. Probably in response to Lucy stating that. Okay, maybe, I didn't know if it was that one or if it was one way back, the one where we were making fun of Reese Witherspoon's baby's butt. Oh, that's wild.

Yeah, that was an old one, so I didn't know if it was that far back, because that's the last time I remember our crew making fun of Reese in particular. But Lucy, yeah, I mean, that was recent, but this... This has been, I mean, it's been a while that we've had this one, so I'm not sure which it's applying itself to, but either way, I'm sure we've said horrible things about it. Well, I actually like Reese, and at least back in the day, she was a cute kid. And you named your cat after her.

Yeah, so, I mean, she. I don't mind her, but I just thought it was so funny how much Lucy hated her. You actually have a Reese Witherspoon magnet on your refrigerator. On my refrigerator right now. Reese Witherspoon, again, I had a.

She used to be way more tolerable. She got into the rom-com thing. Yeah, she started doing sweet home Alabama shit. Whatever. I mean, she does okay in that kind of vehicle, but election.

Election. She's very good in election. She was good when she was younger. Again, like Man in the Moon we were talking about, or whatever that one was we were talking about. Not that again.

That's a different movie. They put a man in the moon. And it was Elvis. There were several other ones when she was young that she was pretty good in. Again, I had a weird attachment to Freeway.

But after that, she went. By the time Legally Blonde hit, and the first one's pretty fun still i mean as ridiculous as it is it's a fun movie. And snap and that works by the way. She well it does work that i'll let you. Make that you don't have to be a solution for that to work i've tested that theory and it works.

I've tested it and it didn't work at all that's just oh nobody told me that so yeah i i again our feelings for research are Kind of, you know, back and forth, but obviously that week we had something harsh to say about her chin. Oh, that was Lucy. Yeah, water for elephants right after. Yeah, it was Lucy. Yeah, I feel the same way about Jennifer Aniston, though.

It's like, if they were to be in a movie together, it would be like Highlander. I could be the only one, freakishly long, joker-esque chin. I don't know what it was. I was watching her do press for whatever this new thing is she's out there pushing, and the sound was off on the TV. It was just this giant shot of her head.

And it would cut back and forth, and I'm like, did she do something to herself? Like, she looked weird all of a sudden. Which one? Reese or Jennifer? No, this was Jennifer.

Jennifer Aniston. And it was almost like her nose... She has transformed into Brad Pitt. I think, but it's like... She's Brad Pitt in a wig.

Like, she went backwards. Like, usually they get weird nose jobs, and they're, like, tiny. Like, hers was switching back to the old nose. And I'm like, this is new footage. What has she done now?

It's getting Clinton-esque. Did she take Jennifer Grey's old nose? Right. I'm not sure what happened. Yeah, it was very weird.

They just kept showing footage of her. I was like, I don't know what's going on, but it's scary. Well, as you age, your features get larger. I suppose. Maybe hers just blossomed all of a sudden.

Maybe. Again, I was not thrilled with the weird middle section. Yeah, very Joker-esque, as you say. She did. look like that if you yeah if you go back and look at that first couple of seasons of friends she was still kind of a pretty girl and then something kicked in and I couldn't tell if it was surgery or what it was but she got kind of strange looking by the time her movies kicked in. I'm generally a fan of athletic physiques, but she looks hard and weird kind of.

They all kind of. I mean, good lord. Linda Hamilton, you don't really want to touch her kind of way. In the Courtney Cox. The scariness of what Courtney Cox kind of has turned into now.

And again, she used to be cute. She started looking like Brad Pitt. I blame Pilates. Yeah. It's that.

Increased muscle mass in women that I don't like. I guess. I don't mind the muscle, but it's like that old man kind of muscle. Yeah, sinewy. The weird kind of like, I've been riding the rails and working the orchards.

Kind of muscle. It's the kind of muscle you don't see anymore because guys don't have that anymore. Guys now have like inflatable muscles. Everything's big and fluffy. They don't have, and they probably need to get more of that like old, hard, lean kind of muscle.

But, yeah, she looks like a hobo or something. Like a hard-working hobo. Oh, I'm sure she will be proud to put that on her next press jacket. I don't want to say mean things about anybody. No, not on this show.

We would never say anything horrible. I mean, who am I to say anything mean? But she's strange looking. Well, that's mine. I don't usually attack people for what they look like.

I've lately just been like, I have to comment when they start changing. And again, most of it is because of surgeries. And I kind of hate what they're doing to people's faces in surgery. Well, I'm looking at pictures of her throughout the years. And you know what I think it is?

You know the Rachel haircut that she had? She has a, like, freakish mandible. You know, she's got a long chin that juts out and, like, freakish side jaw. And that's like the Brad. pit factor. She used to have hair that was short.

And covered it. Some marketing genius went, give her this hairstyle. And then it was like a hit and they named it after her. And now it's just long and straight and it doesn't cover up her disgusting Luke Wilson face. I wouldn't call her disgusting.

Good lord. I mean, she may have changed. For somebody who's like an attractive leading lady type, yeah, I would say there's something wrong. I mean, as just a normal person you'd see around anywhere, she's lovely. She'd be a knockoff.

She's perfectly lovely. But as somebody who's, like, cast as a leading lady, I'm. Like, I'm not sure I'd do that. You know, I think people say that they like her and stuff. I think secretly, that's why her movies fail.

I don't think anybody likes her. No, I don't think anybody. Okay, now we're delving into, you're not just ugly, people don't like you either. Well, no, I'm just talking about public persona. I'm not talking about, like, she has no friends and she's lame.

I really think it's the, well, if Brad Pitt doesn't want her, then she's no good to. The rest of us. I think it did. Well, and it doesn't help that she made really bad movies for a long time there. So I think it got to the point where people were just writing off her movies along with her.

The good movies she was in, she wasn't a main character. She felt like anybody else could have been. Yeah. She was in Office Space, but it could have been anybody else. She didn't really mark that role.

And I saw a decent little romantic comedy not long ago called Management, and it was okay. Yeah. Could have been anybody else. She didn't bring anything to it. She could have, four years into Friends, become Julia Roberts.

Yeah. But she didn't. With better projects. With better projects. And getting away from Friends.

Because Friends just sort of marked them all. And, like, who's gone on to have something successful after that? Not really any of them. I mean, they're all still trying. I think the Joey show was good.

Joey was going to be a grandfather for. Oh, he's going to be the next. As Joey. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Because he can bring that special intensity that he has that I guess it was between. Well, I mean, when you work with Heston, when you're doing a scene with Chuck... You know, the one. Who's, I think, made the best career afterwards, maybe you could say Arquette because she's been in the. Courtney Cox says she's been in the screen movies.

I think it's Schwimmer. Has he done anything? I mean, he had his movies during the run. I don't remember much since then. He's kind of the same guy.

He was in Band of Brothers as sort of a doofus. And he was quite believable as a doofus. The Madagascar movies. Do you know that he writes for iCarly? Oh, that doesn't surprise me.

I see it. I write for iCarly. Right. Right. I know that he's done some indie stuff.

See, that's the thing. I thought he moved more behind into the production end of it. That's why I hadn't seen him in anything. So I think he's had the best career since. I don't know.

Again, it's not saying much out of him. No offense to the cast of friends. I'm still caught up on this Jennifer Aniston's face morph phenomenon. It's weird. What I really think it is.

She has a very masculine chin and jaw. It's the Victor Periakis effect. Well, I think it's mainly because, like I said, the haircut, and also because she lost so much weight. If you look at this picture, she's healthy. She has a full face.

She's round. She's got some curves. That's when she was attractive, yeah. She's creepy, has a creepy face, a skeletor. You know, actually, I was at work the other night.

I was leaving, and this man that comes into work that I love named Walter... his brother was my high school principal, and he's a douchebag. And he's in there with a different old skanky lady every night. There's not a shortage of them. No, no, no. And he's like, well, I'm going to go.

I'm going to go say goodbye to my little brother. I'm going to have to pull him away from that Skeletor with fake tits first. So he just prescribed half of Hollywood. Yeah, exactly. I think, I mean, I really do.

I think you just proved it. Men prefer the women to have a little bit of fat on them. Not to say that she was fat, but at all. She was well-proportioned, where now she just looks, like Fred said, she just looks hard now. Just skinny and muscly and kind of, I don't know, it's weird.

A little closer to the Crypt Keeper. Yeah, which is the same thing with Courtney Cox. I don't like muscles in women. I think that can be a great look. It can be.

But, you know, sometimes it's a matter of perception. Like I was saying, like, One time how I like really sort of thick, muscular legs on women, and this woman was like, ew. I'm like, well, you know, ice skaters. Yeah gymnast oh yeah well yeah then you get it but i mean you. I'm sure you weren't speaking of like an arkham level.

Like yeah those girls are hot come on i'm just there there are really a lot of different ways to be hot the the sickness of our culture is that so much of it is just one way. But really, there's a lot of different kinds of things that are cool. And the thing with Jennifer Aniston is she's like perfectly lovely, but then. What is she working out for? Is it like a female Joe Piscopo thing that's happening?

Or a carrot top? I think it's older Hollywood. So you take steroids or what? When women get older in Hollywood, it's like they've got to do something to feel like they're competing. So it's horrible surgeries or tons of working out or worse, both.

And it's sad because she's gotten worse looking, but she's in such good shape. Whatever happened to Charm? Well, that's the thing. I mean, most of the women that are attractive, like I look at, are the ones that didn't do anything. And now, you know, all those younger women are doing that, but who's, like, the one that people go to now is like, man, she's really attractive.

Helen Mirren. She didn't do any of that shit. And how old is she now? And she got older, and she's still attractive. And I'm like, somebody take a lesson from that.

I'm sorry. She is so hot. And, you know, I've seen her naked, and... She's kind of lumpy. And she's got some cellulite and stuff.

But she's great. This is not in the movie. She had her over to the house, and let me tell you. Him and John Carpenter and this hippie girl. The hippie girl just watched.

We were just swimming around and stuff. No, she's really attractive. I don't know. She has charm. she does i mean that and she's i mean she's outrageously good looking she or most of the like older actresses have that you know like that physique obsession that older generation of actresses that like still just sort of aged and stayed kind of attractive i mean even as they got you know it's. The Susan Sarandon Susan Sarandon i was thinking like even like Lauren Bacall just got to be an older lady but she wasn't unattractive she just you know just happens she just got older yeah but she didn't get creepy she didn't get scary you know she didn't do anything drastic yeah it does seem.

Like holly hunter went through sort of a hard. Phase yeah she did she looks sort of like a bike. But she lost it too yeah but then i don't. Care nobody does she still has the charm she see if jennifer aniston had the charm she could be hard like that and it would still work she just doesn't The problem is the reason people don't like her is you never feel like you know her. And then she's like one of those friends you've had for like 20, 30 years, and one day you realize, I just never get to know them better.

What's the point? Then of having friends that you never get to know? It's just depressing, and she's that. She seems very detached. She doesn't really reveal herself.

She's an actress who doesn't really reveal herself. And it's weird because these are fictional characters, but it is funny. You watch other people, and you do feel like you know the person. You know the actor almost. You know something about him.

You get a feel for them where, yeah, she seems so detached from everything. Yeah, I agree. I think that's why they can put her... I mean, she's normally in romantic comedy roles, and she'll... She's not amazing in anything, but she'll work in anything because she's just such a blank slate.

You can plug her into any scenario. She's never acted. No. She does Rachel. She does Rachel over and over again.

Although in Horrible Bosses, she was a creepy sex offender, which was hilarious. And she was hot in that movie. You know, like... I mean, she was creepy, but, like, she looked good. Well, sometimes creepiness makes it work.

Sometimes that's what you're looking for. That's what she ought to be doing is being creepy. That's brand name. I mean, she played. A creepy, aggressive cougar, and she was, like, sexy.

Well, you know, sometimes willingness is all that it takes to be sexy. And I think that's with some men. It's like just putting yourself out there to some men. I know for me, willingness is like a quality in a woman that, yeah, makes it all work. It all hinges on that.

It could be. It's just willingness is all it takes. Well, is she there? I'm always looking for present. Is she here right now?

I'm good to go. Let's go. Okay, Greg's got a spit take going. Hold on. We're taking it down a level.

Not just ruling, just present. Present and kind of alright with the idea. Are you aloof? Good enough. As long as you're not totally against it, I can work with that.

Oh, you're not going to press charges? Good, let's go. I can work around that. No restraining order. Yeah, we can see what we can turn this into, you know.

Wearing her down. Well, that's a strategy, right? What did Albert Pugh say? A no is a maybe. A maybe is a yes.

I think he was talking about Hollywood negotiations, not date rape. It's probably about the same. Probably one was based on the lawyer said, well, we have this. Let's just use it here. He said, in Hollywood, a no is always a maybe.

That's true. He was probably talking about the casting couch. A maybe is always a yes. Casting couch. Wow.

Probably talking about Roman Polanski. That's not funny. No, Albert King was not creepy like Rowan. No. Albert was a charming man.

Seriously, that willingness. It's like Jennifer Aniston. She doesn't seem willing as an actor, and she doesn't kind of seem present either. No. So those two basic root concepts, they make her unsexy as an actress.

She's not fun to watch, really. She's okay. She's there. She does the job. That's right.

But there are other actors who like, you know, there's actors I would just watch sitting at a table having coffee for. A half hour just because you look at them and you feel like you're getting something. They're engaging. Let's say Friends, for instance. You can tell with writers...

The character. In an ensemble that becomes pregnant is the one that's not a character at all. Because they don't have any clue what to do with it. And that's her. What are we going to do with Rachel?

She has to have a... She has to have something. You've got to give her business. Well, let's have her be pregnant. Because that will give us something to write about.

Because otherwise, there's nothing there. Once she got with Ross. Yeah, it did kill that. It just, it died. It was, yeah.

I mean, that's, again, the show's almost tolerable the first half, but after you hit that point where they were on again, off again, I'm like, okay, it sucked. I mean, it wasn't as well put together, and you also didn't care anymore. Like, she's been with everybody in the past. Well, Snoop Dogg still cared. I remember he was really torn up when Friends was canceled.

Did you see that? Yeah, I actually did see that, yeah. I mean, I can't believe Friends is canceled. Well, if you think about it, I mean, like, in that show, everyone is... They have their quirks that makes you like them.

You know, like, Phoebe is. Except Ross. Yeah. Nobody likes Ross. Yeah, he wasn't likable, but he had his quirks.

He had his quirks. He was very quirky. You know, Joey was dumb as shit. Chandler was sarcastically funny. Mm-hmm.

Uh. baby was just weird and but it was lovable well monica. They had to build in the uh yeah because she didn't have anything in the first season yeah yeah the first season or two she was just kind of boring and then they gave her ocd and super competitiveness and then she was fat previously and then her character built all that yeah but. Then like rachel rachel was just kind of like she could have not even been there at all and. You know Well, early on, didn't she have something like she was a spoiled rich person. Who didn't understand anything about the world?

For the first couple of seasons, they got that. But then it all. You know, they wrote, but I guess it just didn't hold up, or it didn't catch fire or work or. Anything, so they gave up. Why are we talking about Prince?

I'm not sure why we first see him, though. It was Courtney Cox's show. It was called These Friends of Mine. It was her. Wasn't that Ellen?

I'm pretty sure. That's Ellen, I'm pretty sure. Really? I think that was the Ellen show before it became the Ellen show. Because I remember a red book that my mother had that it was talking about it was her show, and they were going.

To build these characters around her. They still, I mean, they built it around her. She was the only one that sort of people knew and were familiar with. You may be wrong, you're right on the title, but I thought for certain that it was something. Something.

It wasn't just friends. It was something... But. Didn't Richard Cunningham have, like, an older brother named Chuck or something who went off to college? He went upstairs and never came back down.

Who is this then? On Happy Days. On Happy Days. He had an older... Well, they do that.

I mean, the Cosbys, if you watch that first episode, they only have four kids. Right. He says... He mentions they have four kids. And then all of a sudden later, they have this older sister that comes back from college.

I'm just like, well, wait a minute. So. They changed their mind in the writing sometimes. Rudy was going to be a boy. There you go.

I was going to be a boy. Yeah. They ran out of what to do with Tempest Blood, so. Oh. Very early on.

Right. And then Rudy wasn't cute anymore, so they had to bring in another little bratty child. Right. That's so Raven. Fucking Raven.

So, I don't know. We've, spiraled the hell out into TV wasteland at this point so TV meltdown well we're still discussing the Hollywood scene as it were so I feel like it's it's not that far removed but I got my spit take coffee we should get the hell out while we can since we're talking about friends so with that I guess we should at least throw out next week okay kids get out your recorder bins dum dum doo is that your you needed something your Courtney Cox impersonation right okay That was my Reese Witherspoon. Oh, Lord. It is time for the Movie Outdown Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature. For you members of the Secret Circle.

Which we will be back for next week with, we have recently watched and will discuss, probably at great length, the fine film, The Thing with Two Heads. Fine film. It's on Netflix. Go watch it now. Originally, it was called These Two Heads of Mine.

Wait, wasn't that Ellen and Courtney Cox? Yes. I would watch that sitcom. Now that sounds pretty funny. It actually did have an alternative title.

I don't know what it was. We'll get to that next week. All right. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA It's like you're always stuck in. Second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but.

I'll be there. For you When the rain starts to pour, I'll be there for you Like I've been there before, I'll be there for you. Cause you're there for me too. Yeah, I'm going to have. To pour this out.

That was a good one. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and edited by the Oddity Studios. With opening music performed by The Empire. Talk hard!