139: Culture is Not for Everybody

Do you like to suck poles or not? I said that. Were you recording that for the show? Do you want me to work that in somewhere? I'm not sure how to tie that in.

Oh, God. I hope you keep our outtakes. I'm not sure how to tie that in, but I'll see what I can do. No, you can feel free to keep that out. If it works, leave it in, but feel free to take it out.

Falling Program is a proud member of the Pallava family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palaver.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-E-R dot com. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.

It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Our nuclear reactor, pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

I'm Marlena. Oh, I'm Fred. I'm Greg. And we're back with another episode of the Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino, my butt.

I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for the Caffeinated Movie Geek. Yes, we're quite fond of the coffee. This is several weeks in a row, including our road trip episode, which I thought was kind of fun.

Occasionally, I thought that was a good idea. So if we can find some other willing and or. Unknowing coffee shop out there. Preferably the Knicks cakes and pies. Hey, cake balls is awesome.

To reference... Never mind. Do you like them or not? Cake balls are awesome. I'm just saying that now.

How about donut balls? I don't know. I didn't go down that road. I'm still undecided. That pisses me off.

Oh, shit. We're being rude to our guests. Right, guess what? You're right in the middle of an inside joke. This makes no sense to anybody, including us.

Do you like it or not? I love those cake balls. So anyway, yeah, that was a fun little trip out into the world. So yeah, if we can find some other unsuspecting coffee shop, we'll bring it on them somewhere. But now we're back at home base.

We're back coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bake-O-Ground. So, we're doing our usual coffee shop thing. And with that, I ask you, Marlena, what blend of coffee are we. Drinking this week? Thundermark!

Is that like your Braveheart delivery? I was really imagining, you know, like in video games, like Mortal Kombat or something like that. Wait, I have to get to going... Now you have to scream it. It sounds like lightning and thunder in the background.

And she just ripped out someone's spine and laughed about it. I need sound effects to that. FYI. Okay, well, which ones do you want to put in now? Lightning?

Thunder? Lightning. All of it. The sound of lightning? All of it.

The sound of lightning. Thunder, lightning, a herd of cattle, and the sound of me ripping out someone's spine. All right. All those. Go for it right now.

No, you have to find them and put them in. No, I'm saying. You get the audio delivery then. I already did. Thunder!

Like that. All right. There we go. I hope you at home are just overjoyed with that. Alright, so we're obviously quite hopped up on coffee already, so this should be an interesting episode.

Alright, so we can head on into this week's geek activities. As we stated last week, we're sort of breaking them up this time out, so Greg and Fred already did theirs last week, so we're going to move into mine and Marlena's this time around. Mine, it's been a while. Again, I didn't even have anything on the road trip episode, so it's good that I've at least watched some things since then, thankfully. One of which is actually new.

We went out into the world and saw Final Destination 5, or as I like to call it, Five Null Destination. Five Null. Or possibly Five Null Goes West. But, yeah, did you guys see Final Destination 4? No, I stopped after the first one.

I stopped after 2. You're probably fine then. But I was going to say, I mean, we went out and saw, we did the whole episode around Final Destination, or THE Final Destination, which they then decided wasn't the last in the series, which is pretty funny. So, yeah, we built the whole thing around that one, so we had our take on that. Basically, Final Destination 5, kind of like that.

I mean, really... Can you expect anything else? It's really just new ways for people to accidentally die. That's what, I mean, that's what it is. And I've said that, like, with the fourth one.

I was like, is it ridiculous? Yes. Is it a lot of fun? Yeah, it is actually. I'm like, especially now that they've totally, like, embraced the 3D nonsense.

I mean, it's just like, although this one, 3D wasn't as impressive, I have to say. Like, the opening scene where they do the big. Crazy thing, the 3D on that was pretty good. The rest of the movie, eh. I could have not noticed half the time.

At least in my take on it, I didn't see it being that big a deal. Where the fourth one, it was really kind of noticeable. I don't know if I go completely as to say impressive, but it was definitely worth it, the fourth one being in 3D. Whereas this one, it really could have been 2D, and I don't think you would have lost anything, really. 2 was the log truck, right?

Two was, the opening scene of two is awesome. I remember that being just, I was kind of, and you know, when thinking back on that, that scene, because that scene really. Kind of burned into me. Yeah. I was impressed by it.

That probably would have really worked in 3D, that part of it. Again, that's possibly the best sequence out of the entire run of five movies. I mean, there's some fun stuff in the first one, and they get really ridiculous in the last few, but yeah, I mean, that first, again, to be the silly movie that it is. That first opening segment in the second Final Destination is really well put together. Like, it is tense and gut-wrenching and gory and just, yeah, it's really well put together.

That's probably my favorite scene out of all of them. I did like the barbed wire. The barbed wire is fun. That might have been the first one. I can't remember.

I thought it. Was that crazy sequence where they have to rescue somebody from the water and. I don't remember. There's too many. I remember the glass.

Jason comes along. The glass was in the second one, I think. I don't know. The glass pane was pretty awesome. That was pretty good.

So, yeah, five, it was fun. I mean, it was almost worth what I paid. You know, 3D prices is kind of ridiculous anyways. But it was a fun time. I enjoyed it.

I'm not saying it was... They do... pull. Something somewhere along the way that makes it interesting and I will say that so it is if you're a fan of the series it's worth seeing almost to see how they make this one work because it does something kind of interesting and I wouldn't say I don't know I'll leave it at that because I don't want to ruin it because I think it's really interesting the way that they kind of work it in but it's yeah it's worth seeing if you like that series if you don't care about it I don't think this one's going to win you over. It's not any more impressive than 4 or any of the. Rest of them.

Again, I think the first one was more interesting. It was new then. It was a new concept. It was kind of. Taking this cool, like, making death a character almost and working it into something kind of cool, but by the second one, you already sort of worn out the conventions of it, so it just seems ridiculous now, which, that's okay, as long as you know what you're going into.

Other than that, let's see. Last week, I ended up re-watching some stuff, basically, and stuff that I knew very well, but probably hadn't sat down and watched in quite a while. And I'm glad I did. I guess the big ones, the ones I realized by the end of the night that I'm really glad I watched, ended up watching Kill Bill Part 1 and Scream, the original. And I was just...

By the end of the night, I was like, this is why I love movies. Like, I'm watching. both of these and i'm just like these are just some of the best examples of why i'm a movie geek midway into kill bill i was just. Like holy shit like i forgot how awesome so. Much of that is like there's just as for as lengthy a movie as it is i'm like there's still not a moment i don't want to be watching. You know?

I mean, it's still just, it's, oh man, it's so good. Even the downtime when she goes to get the sword forged. Yeah. That's one of maybe the best parts of the movie. I mean, there's several points where it slows down.

Right. But it's never not interesting. And Tarantino doesn't always have that. There's been a few times when I will fault him for things getting slow and not being. But that's not one of them.

Like, that movie is just so damned hypnotic. Like, you just... Oh, man. And that last fight, that. Huge, that last half of the movie fight, it's just amazing.

Yeah, that's fun. God, it is so much fun. So, yeah, I'm just sitting there watching that going, this is why I'm a movie geek. This movie is exactly why. It's just so much fun and so entertaining and so well put together.

And then I put in Scream. And I'm just like, as much as we talked about the whole series when we watched four, Greg. Yep. We ended up talking about how impressive we thought it was. But again, I hadn't gone back and watched the first one when I went.

I watched, I think, three, or I watched a couple of the ones before that, right before I watched four. But I hadn't watched the first one in years. And everything we said, like, holds true. Like, it is so well-structured as a movie, as a horror film. And I forgot just how, again, to use the term they used a lot in the.

Fourth one, how meta it was. Because. On the one hand, it's making fun of him, which I knew that. I remembered it's like, it is a horror movie, but it's making fun of. A horror movie.

But at the same time, I forgot how many inside jokes there are. I mean, like, really cheesy inside jokes. Like, the janitor's wearing a Freddy sweater and hat, and. He calls him Fred. I mean, it's like, or like when she references, like, the Nightmare on Elm Street movies in the Drew call.

I was just like, there's so many self-referential horror movie jokes. You know, I'm just like, I forgot just how cheesy some of that was. But it is, like I mentioned. And yet it works. It's not just, to me, one of the best horror movies.

Not because it's It doesn't even need to pay homage to other horror movies. It's just that good of a movie. Yeah, it really is. If you took all of that out, all the references, it's still that good of a movie. Yeah, it's not, it doesn't seem like it's depending on inside jokes or anything in any way.

It's just tossing them off as it goes. Right. And it is like, again, that first scene is so amazing. Like, I forgot. I mean, I knew that part was good.

We even talked about how good that part, but watching it again, I'm like, it's like its own mini movie. You can just watch that scene and it's so well done. And they, you know, when they marketed that, because I remember seeing that in the theater and they marketed that Drew Barrymore. Was in all of the. The build-up to it, and the press, you know, the press junket was going around, and she was doing the interviews, and then.

She's killed in the first scene. And you're like, they can't do that. She's the star of this movie. Well, you don't know that she gets killed in that first scene. You shouldn't be listening to this show.

Yeah. And it doesn't ruin the movie. No. Not really. But she comes back later.

Right. But it just... As a zombie. Right. As a zombie.

She's the killer. In Stab, in part two. Right. But it just, I mean, you know, I just remember sitting there in the theater thinking, what did they just do? They can't do that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's clever. That takes balls. Yeah.

The worst part after watching that movie is being afraid to use the restroom in the movie theater. Right. That's two. That's two. Oh, is it two?

And be like through the door or through the wall. Yeah, that's two. That's a beginning issue. I think I made this before, but I went to college with Earl. Yeah yeah i think you're saying oh yeah oh that for him like in that phase of his career he was like in there's something about mary and scream and he's.

Like and i thought you know because to me hearing about it it's wow he's doing great everything's going great for him but then i hear him tell his side of it and it's like you can't get any traction Because, you know, his name doesn't stick to him. He was in these great things, and he was happy to be in them, but it didn't raise his profile, because he's sort of invisible in everything. He's just the character. So, yeah, what sounded to me like everything's just rolling along great for real, it's like for him it's. Just a constant high-wire act trying to...

I think that's any character actor at this point. If you don't have a project to attach to you, if people don't put you with something, yeah, you just fall into that. You probably get work, but yeah, you're not going to be a star. So that's probably it. So yeah, that was probably the movie run there.

Those three were the big ones I watched. But I waited to finish out with this segment because it will tie into yours, Marlena. Because this past weekend, I went to the state fair in this fair state of ours. Commonwealth. It's still a state.

There's 50 states. If it wasn't a state, there's only people. But they get mad. It's not a state. It's a commonwealth.

That's stupid. Anyway. But they call it the state fair. Yeah, it's a state fair. So, screw those guys.

So, yeah. Let's see. What, what. What did you eat that was fried? Oh, that is one of the main reasons I had to go.

This year, definitely tying into the location, this year they have decided to take it upon themselves to deep fry derby pie. I don't know why they haven't always done this. I don't either. Because, yeah, it's a very specific tie-in and. It probably seems like it's going to kill you, so it seems like the perfect thing for the fair.

I just thought of something that's going to make me a million dollars. All right, go ahead. Deep-fried bourbon balls. They would sign up for that. Do you like the deep-fried bourbon balls?

I'm undecided. Damn it. I question that, too. Just say that you like them and move on. Right.

Yeah, I think a lot of people would line up for that. I was also, and somebody will steal this now, but I don't care as long as I get one. I was like, they started working, like even there, even at the damn fair, they had a bacon sundae. I was like, really? Come on.

Bacon's everywhere. It's like the thing. But it made me think, like, in a not novelty way, but I was like, why have they not wrapped a hot dog in bacon, dipped it in batter, and made a corn dog? I think they have, actually. Why am I not eating it?

That's my question. Why is it not in my mouth? How are you? Are you undecided on that, Brian? No, I am all about that corn dog, let me tell you.

Kid I know ate one of the, like the... Donut burgers. Yeah, they had those this year too. If you guys at home aren't familiar, yeah, they've taken a, I think we talked about it last year, they've taken a hamburger and put it between two, not just donuts, Krispy Kreme donuts as buns. I did see at.

One point they had, and they've had it at other fairs, but they've had deep fried butter. They had that there. That's just, that makes me want to gag. Well, they also, at the same one where I got the derby pie, they had deep fried Kool-Aid. Yeah, that confuses me.

I don't, yeah, I was just, I don't know if they deep fry the powder. They use that, you know, funnel cake batter, I think, don't they? See, my idea, and I really hope they did this, it didn't look like they were, but I was really hoping they just took the packet... The envelope and dipped it in batter and then fried it. And just handed it to you.

I mean, I'm sorry. I feel like deep fried Kool-Aid is very racist. Is it just me? Is that racist? I think that's just you.

You think it's like deep fried watermelon or something? Exactly. I mean, that's extremely racist. Hey, everybody can be unhealthy. Not just one race.

That's true. We can all die early. Great Kool-Aid if it was racist. Yeah, that's true. Great drink.

Let's get that shit straight. It probably was. I don't know. Yeah, it seemed like a weird idea. I stayed away from the Kool-Aid.

Yeah, the derby pie was just confusing. It wasn't good? Well, it was confusing. That was my take on it. I took a bite, and the whole time I was just like, I'm.

Eating it. I mean, because they also drizzle some sort of raspberry topping on it. Well, that's the thing. The batter and the raspberry kind of work together. So you get that first layer of it that kind of works.

And then you get to the derby pie, and it just kind of tastes like derby pie. So it's like you're almost breaking it down each time trying to process these way too many flavors crammed into one thing. Yeah. I feel like they don't have very adequate shifts. I mean, like, if...

If you're making something, like, for instance, yesterday I was making jambalaya, and it's like, well, we need a side dish to go with this. So my boyfriend made, like, collard greens or greens of some sort. You know, that kind of makes sense. You know, like, southern food with southern food, that makes sense. If we served, like, mashed potatoes, that would have been weird.

No, I would totally eat some mashed potatoes. I can eat mashed potatoes anytime. What do mashed potatoes not go with? Maybe that's a bad example. Can we deep fry mashed potatoes?

Holy shit, where is that? That's a tater tot. Damn it. It's a different kind of batter, though. You know what I'm saying?

Actually, a french fry is more like a mashed potato. It's mushy on the inside. It's like when I make New Orleans-style dirty rice, and my wife eats it with corn chips. It's like you're not respecting the culture. Exactly.

You're mixing up cultures here. Wait a minute. You don't serve curry with a burrito? Yeah. You can.

A curry burrito would be awesome. It's groundbreaking. I'd do fried curry burrito and sense the genre. The point is, certain flavors do not mix together. You don't want to eat chocolate pudding and corn in one bite.

Can you deep fry them? Yes, yes you can. Deep fried pudding! Holy shit, we're onto something. Deep fried toothpaste and deep fried orange juice.

Oh, that's trouble. That's the two flavors that don't go together. Yeah, you don't mess with that. But then some flavors have that reciprocity agreement, like they make each flavor more Well, like orange and chocolate. You know, they bounce off each other.

But another one that does that really nice is like almonds and bananas have some sort of weird... No, wait, it's pistachios and bananas. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you take a bite of banana, it.

Tastes like a banana. The next bite, it forgets it's a banana. You don't even notice. By the time you're at the end of the banana, you don't know what you're doing. You've forgotten what you're...

But, you eat a couple of pistachios, it tastes like a banana again. It cleans your palate. It does something, yeah. You need to test this theory out at home and see how that goes. Let us know.

Yeah, that one, I discovered that in my lab. The chocolate orange thing, everybody knows about that. That's in the literature. But the banana passaccio. That's a newfound discovery.

Yeah. We're on the forefront of food technology. Amazing. So let's see other than that yeah just wandered around looked at the twinkling lights which was pretty entertaining. By the way i went during the day that was one thing that i did regret that we didn't stay there till night time we went there around noon.

Well we went and it was the last day of well it was the last weekend it was going on and i guess everyone in the world decided they needed to go that night i don't know but it was like an hour of sitting in traffic not moving to get in and then still didn't get in because it wasn't moving gave up and went and like parked a half a mile away and walked trying to get in and still stood. In line in the walk-in line I've never seen it like that. That was ridiculous. I would have gone home. Yeah, but I wanted deep fried derby pie.

I was already there. I'm like, screw it, whatever. I would have bought a fry daddy and a derby pie and said we're going to do this show. But then I would have missed out because I had also heard tale that somewhere along the midway there was a sideshow. Oh, So this will be our...

We can hand off here in the middle here. But we did get to go to the sideshow, and I decided to wait and work that into this episode because we saw a lot of two-headed things, which we'll come back around later. So, yeah, what was your take on the sideshow, Marlena? Well, you know... Previous, they didn't have it last year or the year before, but a few years ago, you know, they had the supermodel with her head cut off, but still living.

And it was like a guy in scrubs. That was awesome. Not doing anything. That was the best scam. That was like an old school sideshow because you got scammed and it was awesome.

And it was $ 2. It was worth getting scammed. Yeah. So it wasn't anything? It was a guy.

Yeah, it was. First of all, it was supposed to be a girl. It was a guy. He had hairy arms. It was a guy.

Do you want a new sign? And then it was some sort of mirrored thing where you couldn't see his head. And it was very obvious what it was. But I was just like, this is an old school version of, you know, scamming you out of two bucks. Which is, to me, equally as impressive.

If you can find a good way to scam people, that's what the sideshow is built around. And I love that stuff. I expected that for this one. Yeah, the PT Bonham. Yeah, I mean, that is what he did.

That is the way that he operated. I appreciate a clever circus dupe. As much as I do. Oh, yeah. Like a real sideshow.

It's like a magic show. Yeah. Like the gorilla. You saw the gorilla one that year, didn't you? The one where the gorilla escapes and goes crazy.

And it's like a robot. And it plays the same recorded message over and over. And the gorilla is loose. Oh, my God. Get out.

It's just like a mechanical thing in a gorilla suit. coming at you it looks terrible it looks like it was made in the 50s at best and is barely functioning now and that kind of makes it even more awesome. That's funny you expect that I was really surprised with this one it was Legit, for the most part. There was some taxidermy, which is to be expected, but. But again, most of that was still... A lot of the stuff...

Well, there was also a lot of formaldehyde items. Formaldehyde. Pickled things in jars. But those were all real, too. Yeah.

Like, just about all those looked... Every once in a while, there would be, like, a normal thing. Yeah. Like, a cobra. Okay, that's just a snake.

There's nothing wrong with that one. Those exist in the world. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. It's not a big deal. But there were ones that were, like, they were malformed along the way.

There was an elephant with one eye and, like, a pig with two heads. Well, actually, it wasn't an elephant with one eye. It was a pig with an elongated snout. But there was one that also had the, like, the eye had, like, separated. And then there were several two-headed pigs.

My favorite was the. The miniature horse. It was just a horse fetus. Of course it's a miniature horse. It hasn't been born yet.

Right. Yeah, I do like the way they build these things sometimes. Yeah. Or, like, how about the... What was the dwarf?

The remains of the dwarf? It was just like a... It was a skeleton. Yeah. It was a normal-sized skeleton.

No, it was like skull, wasn't it? It didn't even... That skull looked normal-sized. I was just like... And the rest wasn't even put together.

It was just bones and, like, a normal-sized human skull. I was just like, where is the... dwarf. This looks like a regular skull you bought at the medical supply store. So, again, some of the bad angle almost makes it more awesome for me, but then they had real stuff, like the living animals. Yeah.

They had a living cow that had like a malformed, like, undeveloped fetus, like, legs and stuff coming. Out of its side. The back half of it was coming out of its back, basically. And it was alive and walking around and was behaving like a normal cow. It was kind of cool.

And then there was the four or five six-legged sheep. I mean, was it four? He was laying down. I couldn't see his extra leg. He didn't want to get up.

He had like five or six legs. He wouldn't get up. He's just tired. He has an extra leg. Hilarious.

But the guy taking care of them was actually really cool. He went over and was petting them, and he was talking about how long they'd been in the show. They actually seemed like they took good care of them, which was also really cool. They talked about the fact that they don't normally go on this run. They actually have a farm somewhere.

Maybe this is all bullshit story, but... It also seems like the guys sort of cared about the animals. Which was nice. Fine, we're taking your puppy to the farm! The farm!

To run and play and romp and be free! So, yeah, maybe it's that same farm, but... Yeah, I don't know. I was thoroughly entertained with it. I was very impressed.

The chupacabra, it was just a deer butt with googly eyes. Nice. I pointed that out as we were up there. I was like, do you notice anything about the chupacabra over there? Yeah.

They were like, yeah, I saw it. Shut up. I saw a story somewhere where they found some sort of chupacabra-like animal and it turned out to be like A regular furry animal that had a disease. Where all the fur was gone. So it looked...

And nobody could recognize it. It was just this freaky looking... Yeah, it was like a fox or something like that that had lost all its hair. With some sort of disease or mange or something. Yeah, so that...

I don't know. Was there any other crazy stuff? There was a two-headed turtle. There was a two-headed turtle. That was cool.

And it was alive. It was swimming. And that was the one I actually said this last night. I was sitting there, and I was watching it swim, and I was just like, yeah, there's your sibling for you. How much would it suck to be joined at the hip with your sibling?

Everywhere this one tried to swim, the other one would swim in the opposite fucking direction. Yeah, yeah. And they were just fighting back and forth every moment of the day. When I saw the turtle, one of the turtle's heads was underwater, and it was, like, fighting. It was holding him down.

The one underwater, it. Wanted the other one to be underwater. And then he started going, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. Yeah, and then there was the turtle, it was, like, conjoined shells. It was, like, a Siamese turtle.

Yeah, I think that was the one that was swimming that was, like, trying to go opposite directions at the same time. Yeah. It was funny. It just made me, yeah, I was like, yep, there's your sibling. Always causing you trouble.

My mom claims that we're related to the Siamese twins for whom Siamese twins are named, that they were actually Siamese. The name comes from this one set of twins. And this is why I had to investigate the John Carpenter story. Another one of these stories. My mom tells these stories.

And that's one of them. Or related to the original Siamese twins and Daniel Boone. I am related to Pocahontas. Yeah? If you want to believe what your family tells you growing up.

Yeah. I'm related to shit. Oh, this is a movie one. I'm related to the Miller brothers that rode with Jesse James. And I know that one's true because I looked up pictures of them.

And Cleo Miller looks exactly like my uncle. Just exactly like him. That's weird. Yeah, but in movies, they're portrayed as like the biggest douchebags. They're like cowardly idiots.

Like, one of them. Was shot by Jesse James and the other was shot by the Pinkertons. Nobody liked these guys. Something to be proud of. Yeah.

Oh, Lord. So, I don't know. I think that was most of mine. Yeah, watching The Freaks. Actually, the sad part is I just looked at the fixtures around there, and I was so thrilled.

They had that whole cart where all the formaldehyde jars were on that was painted up and said, like, Sideshow and Circus Freaks. I was just like, I need the. Decor of this place. Did it look like your dining room? That's what I was going to say.

I mean, the interior of my house is now decorated in a light version of that, mostly because I can't afford the super high-end stuff. But, yeah, I'm sitting there looking around like I'm shopping for furniture, basically. I'm like, ooh, I need that table to put my two-headed turtle on. You know, you should actually, as part of the decor, get jars and fill it with, like, You know those grow animals? No, I want to be legit.

Sea monkeys. I've got a Fiji mermaid dam and I want the real stuff. I'm looking to invest in new sideshow attractions. I just don't have the money at this point, but I'm working on it. You need to get an egress.

I've got the sign. I've got a sign. And if you give me $ 10, I'll show you the egress. I'll tell you all about the egress. You can make use of the egress.

But I have a sign pointing you to my egress. Funny story. I think this is why I initially... liked him in the first place but my boyfriend the first night we met he was like i'm really into doing like old-time circus strongman stuff like bending nails and just bending shit in general he's really obsessed with bending. Stuff and i mean he must be so proud you told that like you know he likes to butt things with his head he must be so proud. I mean i really am proud like He's going to be on America's Got Talent.

Yeah. I like to bend things. He likes to bend things. And, I mean, I just love that so much. I know that's just, like, a silly thing, but.

The most endearing part. Yeah. And he, like, he has these Indian clubs. You know, like, he orders his equipment from this website. It's actually called oldtimestrongman.com.

Nice. They should sponsor us now. And he has, like, Indian clubs and all this weird stuff that no one has worked out with since, like, 1949. Does he have a medicine ball? Yeah.

That's so wrong. I talked to Jay about this, and he said it would need to be cast, but for Christmas, I want to get him one of those globe weights. I think that would be so cool. Wow. That would be awesome.

Do we need to get him one of the old Strongman one-piece leotards? One strap. We are actually talking about that today, and that's going to be our Halloween costume. I'm going to be like the elephant costume. Rider lady, you know, like with the little feathers.

Like Reese Witherspoon? Like Reese Witherspoon. It had my name in that movie, which is why I was so passionate. Well, there you go. That was actually the movie we went and saw on our first date.

It may not have been that wonderful, but it's very important and special to me. I can get on board with that. Yeah. So I guess we can parlay that into the rest of your geek week. So what else have you got going aside from the fair?

Or if you have other non-freak show related fair stories. Probably, but I've watched a ton of movies. I'm not going to talk about all of them, but I will touch base on most of them at least. The first movie I probably watched was Johnny Suede. I'd never seen it.

You just like his hair. His hair was amazing. Um, But my friend Jessica and I, we watched it, and it was just like the two of us watching girl movies. I don't know. It could have been like He's Just Not That Into You or something, but we chose Johnny Suede and said, actually, we wanted to watch He's Just Not That Into You, but it wasn't on Netflix Instant Watch.

No lie. Okay, it's not that good. That's all you. No, it's not. But I feel ashamed for admitting that on air, but whatever.

Actually, I have a little respect now for the guy who wrote the book. Yeah. He's actually, he's like a comic and he wrote that with like his friends. And again, it was just sort of like a thing that they did. They were just like, oh, okay, this might, you know, make some money.

I mean, he did it for very practical reasons. And then they sold the script and he was just like, I really don't care what you do. He's the first one to go, God, this looks terrible. Yeah. I just, once I heard his take on how much the movie looks like a normal watered down, cheesy, romantic comedy.

And he was like, I don't really care. They paid me. I was like, that's kind of awesome. I mean, it was a, it was a romantic comedy, but it's, it's funny. I love the girl in it that plays Gigi.

I can't remember her name, but she was in like Mona Lisa smile. And she was Johnny Cash's wife. And yeah, I kind of know who's a button, but I can't remember her name. And she's just, her character is hilarious. She's like a psycho in that movie and it's adorable.

But, um, anyway, back to Johnny's weight. Um, It's strange, honestly. It reminds me, there was like a Generation X type movies. I think they were just trying to get a feel for like independent movies. Yeah.

They never made any fucking sense. Not really, no. Like the Doom Generation. They're just trying to be cool. It's just like, they're just.

Trying to be weird and out there and you're just like, this may not be cool. Fucking sense we're different because we're indie yeah we don't have to make sense. That's that's what i felt it wasn't it had its hilarious moments that we could relate to but i mean overall the movie it just made no sense but brad pitt was in his underwear most of the time yeah so. I think that's kind of what sold it at the time his crazy hair and underwear. Yeah and nick cave was in.

It i barely yeah i i kind of remember being on cable like in the 90s and sort of seeing it but not even enough to make sense of it either so i. Don't even remember what plot they were trying to go for. It was just one of those weird Generation X movies that really have no plot. Yeah. Like, it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

It's almost like, I never bothered to look it up, but I wonder if the person who directed Doom Generation is the same person that directed Johnny Suede, because they feel very similar in their fucking nonsensical bullshit way. While you continue on, I'll double check. Okay. I also watched Bunny and the Bull. It was directed by the same people that directed Mighty Boosh.

And it was, I thought it was hilarious and awesome. It was interesting. It's like this guy who had gone crazy. He's kind of reliving a road trip that he and his best friend had taken like a year before. And it's like surreal.

And I mean, he's like imagining it. So the scenery isn't real scenery. It's like paper cut you know like made out of paper and. Like it can be cool if you can find the right way to work with that it. Worked really well and i thought it was a great movie i mean it ended very sadly i mean it had a happy ending but i mean the point of the movie was very sad once you get to the end of it but it was funny and like engaging and i really enjoyed it um i also watched i have a list because i watched so many damn things i watched young frankenstein last weekend awesome i've never seen it before somehow i mean i started watching it and falling asleep Not that it was bad, I was just really tired.

But it was hilarious. Like you were saying once before in a previous episode... Mel Brooks really was a comical genius. In that era, he's phenomenal. It's so subtle, too.

You almost have to watch the movie over and over to really get everything. If you're not paying attention, it almost plays like an old horror movie. He really knew. Again, you look at all of his stuff at that era. He knew his old horror movies when he did that.

You look at High Anxiety. He knew those Hitchcock movies. He wasn't just half-assed throwing together some skits. He knew those movies and he was so subtle about the humor, especially like Blazing Saddles. It's like you watch that and the jokes aren't jokes.

They're just sort of references to the genre and like playing on the conventions of Westerns. And he's just so well versed in film, especially at that point. He got kind of off his, you know. Half later on, but at that point, he was, yeah, genius. I think the difference between those movies and the difference between, like, what we have, I mean, it's not even equivalent because it doesn't compare, but, you know, like, what they try to do with scary movies, the humor of that is only based on your knowledge of pop culture.

You know, it's like scenes where they're ripping off other movies. If you've never seen that movie, it's not funny to you, and it doesn't make any sense. This was, like, if you've never seen... Bride of Frankenstein, if you've never seen an old horror movie, it's funny independently of anything else. It's original in the way that it's funny.

It's still playing on the genre, but it's not ripping off individual scenes. Even if you've never seen Frankenstein, it still plays. Plus the characters in it, the actors that they use in it, are all great actors. Gene Wilder is amazing. Gilda Radner is amazing.

Marty... Feldman. Feldman. Peter Boyle. Peter Boyle.

Yeah, I mean, they're all just like. What a cat. Terry Garr. Terry Garr. She's not really...

I mean, it's funny. She got more boring as her career went on, but you go back and watch her in that, she's really good. She was so funny. She's really good. She really had something to her.

Yeah. It was awesome. I enjoyed it. I feel very guilty for falling asleep the first time I watched it. A couple.

I probably should admit this. A couple of days ago, my best friend Jessica and I, we watched Rest Stop. First few minutes of it, we realized this was bad. So we conjured, we, okay, you know, it's Sunday. There's like a discount movie theater there's like a group of teenagers you know that get hauled in on a bus they're very loud and boisterous about the event taking place in the movie we decided to act like those teenagers so every five seconds we're like oh hell bitch hell but you're gonna die you best get out of there you're being stupid when you're in a theater no we're in her um.

I'm not sure which is worse, actually, but at least in her living room, you're not annoying anyone else. It made the movie so fucking funny. It's like obnoxious mysteries. Yeah, you made a Misty 3K-ed your own movie. Yeah, we did.

And Joey Lawrence was in the movie, and we're like, oh, hey, that's Joey Lawrence. Whoa. All bets are off now. Joey Lawrence is in this movie. It was a horrible movie.

But, I mean, we made it fun. I also watched the movie Peacock. I'm not sure if I'm familiar with this. You are. It has Cillian Murphy in it.

Oh, is that the one where he. That trailer looked awesome. Was it good? It was a good movie. Spoiler alert.

Here's my problem with the movie. And actually, it's not like you have to figure it out. It's the premise of the movie. If you watch the trailer, it shows you what's going on. He has split personality disorder and he is his own wife.

And is in drag. Yeah. In a small town in, what, the 50s? 60s. 60s, when, you know, even now it wouldn't be taken well by most people, but.

In the 60s, yeah. Cillian Murphy has played a woman in a lot of roles, or a cross-dresser, or what have you. He's a very beautiful man, and he makes an equally beautiful woman. But Cillian Murphy as a man, Cillian Murphy as a woman, are not that different looking. Why can't these fucking people figure it out?

The neighbors are stupid, is what you're saying? Yes, yes. I guess, honestly, people just, maybe it was the time. And, I mean, he does look a little bit different. I mean, he made a beautiful woman in that movie.

And he was kind of, like, rough and greasy and, like, nervous all the time. So, but I guess people just, it was never even... Maybe people noticed that they favored each other, but they never put those two things together. I mean, if they were supposed to be family, you know, if it was his sister he lived with. Well, that's what I'm saying.

If it was his sister, it would make sense. But the fact that, why would you marry a girl who looks just like you? That's creepy. They say people start to look like parents. They do, but he's still pretty young.

And here's the thing, especially for the time period. People tend to ignore details about things that they can't process or understand. So that's the only thing I can think of. But I'm watching this movie thinking, like, why can't these people figure out that they look exactly the same? Well, I don't know.

I had a neighbor who was, like, transgendered, and I thought it was two. People living there. Well, actually, there were three people living there, but I thought Robbie was, like, a young woman and maybe her mom. Because, like, on days when he, she was, like, done up and, like, shaved and. Stuff, Robbie looked good.

He was, like, really kind of cute. And then other days, I would see, like, this platinum blonde haggard looking woman sitting out there, and I thought it was the mom. They look alike, but something's different. And then, you know, I come to find out that, well, and then there were two guys living there. One looked a lot like the kid in hair.

What was his name? Savage. John Savage. It's been so long, yeah. Yeah.

He was like the kid in hair. He looked almost exactly like him except for the nipple rings he had. He was always out gardening, and he had the nipple rings. And the other one was like a cop. Hmm.

And had sort of an old-fashioned mustache. So he's the cop from The Village People? Sort of. Sort of. It was all the same person.

And then somebody told me he was in home incarceration. He was the head of home incarceration. But then I swear I saw him sometimes working in a Kroger deli, too. But they were really sweet people. When my daughter was born, and I always felt bad because they took such pride in their yard, their little garden out front.

Because, you know, the kid from Hair was always out there with his nipple rings doing the gardening. But then my daughter was born, and I didn't even mow or weed or anything. Because we were just trying to take care of a baby. It's like, holy crap, we have a baby. And sleep when we could.

And we'd try to trade off, but both of. Us would get up. And they came over and did our yard for us. Oh, shit. And Robbie left, like, this little stuffed gorilla and a note on her doorstep.

And Robbie was so sweet. And I heard this back story. Robbie was, like, this local kid, a runaway, when he was 14, that this family adopted. And he was being transgendered and had just, like, awesome tits. Really.

Nice. Because, you know, she would. Wear, like, this, like, thin halter. We'd all show it off at that point. Yeah.

And they still let Robbie perform in, like, the drag shows, which usually, by the time you're transgender, no, you can't compete. There's rules to this show. You're cheating. You're a woman at that point. You can't imitate a woman.

But everybody loved Robbie, and so Robbie, and. This was like a local person. That's the name of the movie. Everybody loved Robbie. Everybody loved Robbie.

On Lifetime this weekend. But so in a way, that experience, I can kind of understand, like, You know, it's ridiculous how Superman, you know, he has the hair flocked and the glasses and people don't know. But in a way, there's kind of a lot of truth in that. I'm not sure exactly what it is. It's that people are so self-absorbed that they don't pay attention.

Yeah, people don't see things in a way. And I wish I knew how to. Exploit that for material gain, but it's true. I guess the sideshow, you know. There you go.

There's the tie. There's somebody without a head. Wait, I think I see a head now. No, there's no head there. Just give me $ 2.

Yeah, they paid anyway. He's got hair on his arms. Maybe that was Robbie sitting there. Could be. I didn't say she looked bad.

Yeah, yesterday it was a headless woman, and today... I'm not sure about that. It looked like Robin Williams' arms. It did. It did.

Maybe it was Robin Williams. It was. What else is it? Maybe that's right. Special guest appearance by Robin Williams.

You know, Robin was really sweet. Those people were like awesome neighbors. Very cool. But you know how bad you feel when your neighbors come over and do your yard? Yeah.

Just make them feel like a slack ass. Oh. It's awful. Yeah. Oh, my.

I also watched Tangled, which I don't know why. I almost wanted to. I saw it and just went to the interview. I kind of want to just because I've heard. It's all right.

It is. It is very good. The reason I wanted to watch it is because a few months ago, I saw a few minutes of it at the gym, and it was, like, it seemed really good. And I watched the whole thing, and it was. You know, it's like when I was little, like, I was...

Kids tend to, like, attach themselves to one movie that they have to watch over and over and over. My movie was Beauty and the Beast. You know, like, I still love that movie, but I was obsessed. I had to watch it before I went to school and when I came home and before I. Went to bed.

For, like, three or four months I was like this. But, you know, Disney movies since, like, Aladdin have kind of, you know, they got out of the whole fairytale cartoon thing. They've started, like, different branches. Pocahontas isn't really a fairy tale. It's just kind of like a historical.

And inaccurate historical story. Yeah, wait until you see Pocahontas 2. Not Disney. Flit was a real character. Shut up.

You know, this, this is back to the fairytale thing, which I was really happy about. You know, I missed that about Disney. That was what Disney was about for me. You know, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, even The Little Mermaid, you know, all these things are fairytales. Yeah.

And I was like, I really enjoyed it and I'm glad that they did another fairytale movie. I'm pretty sure, is that John Lasseter that did Tangled as well? From Pixar? I, I, I thought they brought somebody from Pixar in to help. I think that's the X factor.

I mean, everything that they do is solid. I'd have to look that up. No, I want to see that. Yeah, it's on Instant View, or actually we have it. Yeah, my kids, the music's good in it.

It's not Steal Your Thunder, but the bar scene... with all. Of the crooks. It reminded me of the scene in Beauty and the Beast, you know, where they're all singing in the bar. Not that it copied off of it by any means, but like. Just reminiscent at that point.

And these are all despicable characters, but they turn out, you see all of their soft side of who they really are. It was a. Really cute movie. It was definitely above and beyond what most children's movies are nowadays. I love a good children's movie.

I do like some When my kids, you know, I used to see them a lot because my kids would watch. And then I'd talk to other people and say, oh, yeah, it's like that. They're just like, I don't really watch kid movies. I'm like, why not? I don't have kids.

So what? That's all I watch. What are you talking about? Like, for, you know, some years, like, the kids' movies were the best movies out. Well, once Pixar came around, it's true.

Yeah. It's... They are better than most movies out there. Last Thursday, I went to see Cowboys and Aliens. That got really bad reviews.

I heard really bad, yeah. But, like, I thought it was enjoyable. It wasn't amazing. It didn't change my life. Or my views on it.

I mean, it is called Cowboys and Aliens. I know. But, you know, it's like it wasn't even as cheesy as the title lended it to me. And it's based on a comic series. So, I mean, you should.

I kind of know what you're getting yourself into. I love Daniel Craig in it. Yeah, me too. Well, I just, I like him in almost everything he does. He's awesome.

Best Bond ever. Yeah. He's the only Bond I can rely on. I totally believe him as that guy. Right, right.

It's beyond just shtick. It's extremely cool, and yeah, he could be this, you know. I mean, this could really be what he does. They've taken a different approach, though, to his benefit, I think, because it his Bond came along post-Bourne. You know, the Bourne series totally, like, killed the old cheesy James Bond.

You can't have that anymore. There are better Bonds than Bond ever was. Once you've seen, yeah, once Jason Bourne came around, you're just like, what the fuck are we watching this old weirdo in a tuxedo, you know? There's... throwing out one liners you know and and do using goofy gadgets and i mean it it seemed as stupid as it probably really is and i just went back and watched one recently and it really is cheesy i mean the old ones are oh yeah and i loved them but i loved them for that as a kid and they worked as a kid but when i watch them now i'm just like this is like a joke yeah So, yeah, when the new one came around, they took that serious approach, and it's trying to do it more like a real action movie, yeah.

It's like Dragnet and James Bond. It's like, what's the difference? So both equally, it's, like, ridiculous. Pretty much, yeah. But, I mean, I thought Cowboys and Aliens, it wasn't, like I said, it didn't, like, move me spiritually or anything.

But, I mean, it was enjoyable. It was an enjoyable hour and a half or whatever, however long it was. Yeah. I think the problem with it, and I've not seen it, but I've heard a lot of people pen it, is that everybody who you think should be a major player in Hollywood produced it or wrote on it or directed on it or did something was connected to it. And it wasn't like, you know, Ron Howard.

Was involved and Spielberg was involved and when you've got maybe it's too many cooks. Involved or something like that but you think well if. Everybody's putting their name on this it's got to be good and it's got cowboys and it's got aliens. Jon Favreau it should have well I mean Iron Man's a great movie so it's like don't look at Iron Man 2 but when you look at Iron Man he knew how to structure an action movie and a fun movie and yeah maybe everybody was expecting too much out of it yeah. Right I'm expecting too much out of it.

Right. Well, then you will have a good, we'll just tell you it sucks, and then it'll be great. It'll balance it out, and then you'll like it for what it is. Sam Rockwell was in it, too, and he wasn't like, he wasn't like the typical Sam Rockwell. He was like this passive bartender, you know, it was kind of interesting.

He played it really well, I thought. Interesting. Um, I also watched Hobo with a Shotgun. Oh, Lord. Yeah, I saw that, too.

We've heard not so good reviews on this show. What was your take? Um, I'm with Misty in the loving Rutger Hauer thing. She did not love him in that movie because she was not thrilled with that movie. He was the bright spot in it.

Yeah, he was. That was damn sure. He's the bright spot in just about anything. I enjoyed it because it was so absurd and so campy. It was depressing.

I don't like violence towards children even in movies. There was a lot of that. It was just like. Ostentatious displays of, like, gore and stuff like that, which is what they were going for. So I think it was exactly what they wanted it to be.

It was, like, entertaining and it was good. It's definitely a cult movie. Yeah. I thought it tried so hard. But they were trying more.

Yeah. You know, it, you know, it's like, hey, let's make this bad and I'm going to compare it to Black Dynamite. Okay. Black Dynamite was perfectly well created. You could, you know, it, funny, it was smart, it knew what it was doing, it knew what it was talking about, it had violence in the right place, it had absurdities that, when they said it, it was funny as hell.

Black Dynamite's amazing. And I think that's, I mean, that's what they were going for. They were going like, ha ha, look. How good we are, but it just fell short over and over and over, and it tried to really push that grotesque violence thing, and. It just seems, to me, it seems stupid.

And I was, I was, I was, I was probably expecting way too much out of it. And I was like, all right, I'm going to sit down and watch it tonight. And almost from the first scene, I was mad. Yeah. I mean, I liked it.

I didn't love it. It was definitely gratuitous. But, you know, honestly, like, the bad guy, I think I would have loved this movie, and it's past Dennis Hopper's time, but I feel like the bad guy was a role that was written for Dennis Hopper. It might have been. Hopper was the Drake that.

It would have made it a good movie. I just didn't buy that guy. I remember somebody saying years ago there was a period of time when all the bad guys were Europeans or Dennis Hopper. That was a really good observation. That's the 90s action movie through line.

Europeans or Dennis Hopper. Speed. Speed. I don't know. It was gratuitous, and, like, it made me feel a little sick to my stomach and not so, like, it, yeah, made me feel, like, sad about the world.

But, I mean, I thought it was, I thought it was, like, a cheesy, campy movie. It was fun, you know? Yeah, it might have just been my, I don't know. And I've never, I've never. Seen Black Dynamite, so I can't, like.

It depends on which one you see. There are a lot of cats going around with that name. Oh, black down, mate. He goes, I told you suckers not to call me when I'm doing my kung fu. God damn, that movie's awesome.

I mean, I've never seen it, so I can't compare it to the... Again, you would probably really like it, because it's... I mean, I'm sure seeing that... If you like Hobo with a Shotgun, it will be your favorite movie. Again, it goes right back to the Mel Brooks thing I said earlier.

The reason that movie works, the reason Black Dynamite works so well. They know their material. They're not. ripping off specific scenes from other blaxploitation they know blaxploitation genre and they're so good at making fun of it but doing it like knowingly like tastefully almost they're not making fun of it like look how stupid this stuff is they're looking you know they're doing it they're still making a movie they're like lovingly you know it's like we kind of like this whole genre so we're not going to go that far we're not going to talk about how terrible it is because we grew up loving these movies so There's still, like, a love that they had for those type of movies that comes through in Black Dynamite, and yet they still are hilarious about making fun of it.

Right. I think if I had seen Black Dynamite, it might have altered my view on that a little bit. It sets a bar. Yeah. It sets a standard that...

Because it's bad, but it's genius bad. Yeah, it is. Yeah. And I saved the best for last. I've never watched this before, and no one has directed me to watch it, because...

I mean, I guess no one just went on about the awesomeness of this movie. I watched Harold and Maude for the first time. Oh, yeah. The title doesn't sound like something you must watch. Like, fucking watch Harold and Maude if you haven't watched it.

But, like, I mean, the title Harold and Maude, like, I just... When I think Maude, I think, like, Bea Arthur. So I'm like, I'm not that excited. When I think Harold, I think Bea Arthur. It's like all roads lead to Bea Arthur.

I just think of Bea Arthur. It's an awkward old name. It's like, what is Bea Arthur versus Bea Arthur? What is this movie? Battle of the Bea Arthur.

If Bea Arthur were still around, we could remake Harold and Maude with two Bea Arthurs. It's the thing with two heads of Bea Arthur. I don't know what to expect here. Old lady death match. Yay!

Bea Arthur versus Betty White. Ooh, Betty White would kick her ass. I don't know. Bea Arthur's just fucking stout. She did seem like, yeah, she was old school.

I think Bea Arthur would be good at bending things. She used to work out with that giant dumbbell. She has one of those leopard leotards. She juggles medicine balls. She is.

And she likes it. She likes it. She is hardcore. In the movie Meltdown, we make fun of dead people. Sorry, Bea Arthur.

Jay thought you were hot, if that helps. Ew. Are you joking? Do you remember that? No.

Anyway. Are you ever confused with, like, Rue McClanahan? We won't know. McClanahan had it going on back in the 80s. That's all you.

I mean, honestly. Well, it's about that willingness. I guess. Oh, she was willing. I guess.

I don't remember what we were watching the other day, but Bobby argued with me that this person, this old lady in a show, was on Golden Girls. And I was like, no, she fucking was it. Estelle Getty, Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, and Betty White. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God, I just named the Golden Girls by their actual names.

Go hang your head in shame. I don't think any of us could have. Yeah, I could have. Can I trump you all? In high school, there was a two-part episode.

Of the Golden Girls when I was in high school. I think it was my sophomore year. It might have been towards the end of Golden Girls. Oh, God. A buddy of mine said, hey, you want to go out and see a movie?

I forget what movie was coming out. And he goes, I was like, you know, I think I'm going to stay home with my parents and watch Golden Girls. You know, Golden Girls is a good show, though. It was a good show, but, you. Know, a high school, 16-year-old high school kid should not.

Stay home with his parents. 16-year-old high school boy. Yeah, eat into the casserole and watch the fucking Golden Girls. Did you knit an afghan? Hey, it worked out for you.

You got married and had kids and stuff. You're not all right. If my wife knew about that, she probably would not have married me. I can't blame her. I remember one night back when Louisville Mocho was a thing.

The biggest internet badass on there was this girl named Akasha who lived out of town. But one night she admitted she watched the Golden Girls every day. Oh, my God. Every day. I think my friend Ben dated her.

Oh, really? Yeah. What was her name on there? Akasha. I wonder if her real name was Natasha.

She did these, like, wicked photo shops, and she could do them in minutes. In minutes, she could get into somebody's profile on there, get their photos, and put them somewhere doing something credibly. Wow. I guess one of her own was kind of nice. It was Bob Ross painting her.

That was really cute. The world of the internet. Yeah, that was a good show. And, you know, little kids like it, everybody. I could never get into it.

I hate to ruin your high school fun days, but I don't know. Then and now, I just, I like Betty White, but I just, yeah, everybody loves it. It was just old ladies. I think that was just what turned it off for me. As much as I'm into hot old ladies, I just, something about that just.

Did not click. It wasn't even on when I was in high school. That song was around then. Yeah. That song was always been around.

I remember that. I remember when I was little singing a song, but I had no idea what a confet on was. And most people still don't know. A confet. Where they say confedon.

And I'm like, grandma, what's a confedon? She was like, I don't know. Leave me alone, kid. Trying to make my tuna casserole. That was my mom.

No one in my family were confedon. Are you joking? I'm trying to order my pizza. Get out of my face. You went to Saturday evening last, had tuna casserole, and watched the Golden Girls.

You know how to party. I went to bed by 10.30. Voluntarily. I've got to get up early tomorrow. You know, but the truth of like no matter how wild you were in high school, and I was, still 90% of your time.

Was like stupid little crap like that or waiting. Right. Just, you know, because you're horrible at making plans with friends, so you spend like half your life just standing around waiting. And then, you know... Those are the teenage years.

And then 12 minutes of something wild that you'll talk about for the. Rest of your life. That's true. But then, the rest of it, then you're back to watching the Golden Girls. Party all the time.

And you've got to do a report on the agriculture of Botswana or something, and you're up all night. To follow up on your first entry... The director of Johnny Suede is Tom DiCilio. That was his first movie. He is super indie of the 90s.

Actually, his second one I really like and sort of have it tentatively thrown out there for one of us to watch because I bought it not that long ago. I don't know if you've ever seen Living in Oblivion. I remember we saw it back in the day at the theater. It's very indie. It's freaking trying to be artsy indie.

But there's parts of it I really liked. He followed that up with Box of Moonlight, which I remember the trailer. It's a super, John Turturro, super indie movie. So yeah, this guy was going for indie. And then some, a few years later, does an episode of Law and Order Special Victims.

Everybody does that. He changed, yeah. Then he's doing Monk series. So yeah, he's, yeah. I'm going to tell you how much I hate Monk.

I hate Monk. All right. Because I watch, I'm addicted to How I Met Your Mother. The only time I can watch it is the 11.30 showing on the WB channel here or the UPN channel, whatever it is around here. Syndicated channel.

And damn it, if something happens with the schedule or if there's been a game on or something, they'll not show How I Met Your Mother and they'll put Monk on. And I won't find out. I'm like, you know, I've got to get up at 6. But I'm like, you know, I really want to watch How I Met Your Mother tonight. And so I stay up, and I'm all the way there, which I don't mind because I'm staying up watching My Name is Earl.

And then, bam, 11.30 or whatever, Funkin' Monk comes on, and I get shalooed by that asshole. You get shalooed. I get shalooed. So, anyway. All right.

I hate Monk. Go watch some Monk. It's awesome. Anyway, sorry to derail it. That was derailed anyway.

I was talking. About Harold and Maude, and then we talked about the Golden Globes. Now we need to make Harold and Monk. God help us. Anyway, back to Harold and Maude, though.

Right. It was, what, 1971? It was early. He was like. The most goth kid I've ever known.

He was so pre-goth. And I brought some pretty goth kids. Yeah. It was amazing. And I'm pretty sure.

Oh, that series of suicide attempts. I haven't seen that movie, like, in a hundred years. I'm pretty sure, and I hope this never happens to me, that I never fall in love with, like, a 19-year-old boy when I'm 80. I'm pretty sure I'm maud when I'm older. Yeah.

You've seen your future, and you will be maud. She's living in, like, a boxcar or some type of, like, train of some sort. She doesn't have, she's just weird and eccentric and like, I'm pretty sure that's me when I'm older. You just gotta get your ride. You gotta get that bike going.

Well, she would just steal cars. That'd be me. I feel like, I feel like that was even shown to me like, by, In school or something. I watched it when I was young. Again, we had cable and I watched whatever the hell I wanted.

So I watched it when I was a kid and I thought Harold was kind of cool. He had that souped up hearse. That was fucking awesome. I thought Harold was awesome. That just seems like something like in grade school we watched The Electric Grandma and then the next year we watched Harold and Maude.

It all fit together. Did you ever see The Electric Grandma? It's on Twilight Zone, isn't it? Isn't it based on asking the body electric? Yeah, I'm thinking of the episode as Twilight Zone.

No, this is about an hour. I don't know. I don't know if it is. All I remember was we saw it on Reel to Reel in school about. A kid who their mother dies and they need someone.

To care for them. I'm pretty sure it's based on asking the body electric. Go to a store to buy an electric grandma. Well, it was never presented to us as a Twilight Zone episode. That's for sure.

I know we saw it in grade school on Reel to Reel, and I remember we saw it. We couldn't wait for it to show again. Yeah, that was based on Ray Bradbury. Yeah, okay. Which makes sense why they would show it to you.

Anyway, I keep getting you off the subject of Harold and Maude. But it just seems like something like a rite of passage as a kid, you have to see this movie. Yeah. To me. I feel like it should be.

The thing I found interesting about this, it's like a reverse Lolita movie. It's a lot healthier, probably. Yeah, probably. It's more voluntary, I think. But it's like, once I got over the initial creeped out factor of them being in love, it was one of the deepest, most touching love stories.

It's a great love story. It is. It's very sweet. Like, imagine. I mean, ever been captured on cinema, basically.

I don't know. It's just one of those movies that you watch, and it's a comedy, and it I mean, it's... It's. A dark comedy. I mean, he's very dark.

But, I mean, it is. It's a dark comedy. But it's one of those movies that's very touching that, like, changes you. You know, like, you watch a movie and it, like, affected you very deeply and changes you somehow. And that was definitely one of those movies.

And it's just weird to me that I'd never watched it before. Like I said, the title didn't really sound that interesting to me, so no one had ever explained to me what goes on in the movie, so... I never felt compelled to watch it. It's definitely built up a cult around it over the years, and people really do. Love that movie.

It was amazing. It's a really good movie. I think, though, in Lolita, the thing is, she just doesn't really care about him at all. She's very detached. Yeah.

She got to be Jennifer Aniston. Oh, I want to tell the story about that. There's a local guy who teaches literature here in town, and some time ago in the Courier-Journal, he wrote this little this little piece about how it was 50 years since the publication of Lolita, and where. Is Lolita now? He wonders, is she.

Out in the Midwest somewhere? Blah, blah, blah, 50 years later, where is Lolita? And I'm like, dude. she's fucking no i was like did you watch did you read the did you read the book did you watch the movie man she died she died yeah it's. In the movie this whole thing in the end of the book i mean if you read the book it's like It was a condition that the book could not be published until, you know, can you imagine publishing something like that when she was still alive? But I was just so glad I wasn't that guy.

That I hadn't written. This, like, long, meandering. Was he being, like, arty about it? Like, the idea of Lolita? No, he was saying...

The character in the world of Lolita? He was wondering what happened to her, like... Oh, Jesus. What an idiot. Yeah, I know.

But, yeah. Did the baby die? Or was it me? I assumed it did. I don't know.

Does that be interesting? I don't remember. It's been a few years since I've read the book. Sequel. Lolita 2.

Even hotter. Even hotter. The electric grandmother was adapted from Ray Bradbury and was another version adapted from the Twilight Zone episode. So they've done a different version? This is Maureen Stapleton is the grandmother.

Because the one on Twilight Zone it's Veronica Cartwright was the little kid. The girl from Alien. Yeah. When she was little like No, this was 82. This certainly wasn't Veronica Carver.

No, definitely not. But no, she was, yeah, she was the little girl that doesn't want anything to do with Grandma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's okay. Yeah. So, yeah, this one, yeah, that was just one of those memories that I can't get out.

It was just, it's there. It's part of, you know. Again, a lot of those episodes did that for me. When I think back, yeah, I was just, they burned themselves into my memory what the twist of it all was. What were they trying to get you to do? think and was this some weird reverse Freudian psychology.

Like well it was a Catholic school okay first problem uh I think more than anything is they probably usually they acquired those films for cheap or free free is. What they were looking for and they wanted to um Keep us entertained for a while. I think that's pretty much it. No, I don't think they showed us Harold and Maud. It just feels like they did.

They showed me some stuff that was inappropriate. But again, especially as the years went on, they just wanted an hour to be quiet. And for them to do their stuff or to take a nap. And that's what it was. As we got older, as they did that in high school, everybody just went to sleep.

Teacher didn't care. They just wanted an hour of peace. And that's all it was. Yeah. So do whatever you want, kids.

We don't really care. So that's the teaching motto there. Oh, and I went to a tractor pull last night. Oh, Jesus. And did you know that, like, I just thought a tractor pull is something and that's all.

There's like... A method and a way to score it? It's like a sport. Oh, yeah. Wait, does this qualify as a geek activity?

Um, no. Redneck. Redneck activity. Chewing tobacco in their mouth? No.

Yeah. Yeah, there's got to. Be some standard of geekiness there. From her angle, it's geeky because she doesn't really fit. So it's like a geek commenting on a redneck activity.

A geek about town. Yeah. We're doing a tie-in segment. Actually, it is kind of geeky, but, um. Because I was sitting next to Bobby and I was like, you're going to have to explain to me the point of this and how it's scored in scientific terms.

You know, it gets to a point because I've been, my dad used to work with a guy that did the grading at the National Farm Machinery Show. So he'd go out and he'd regrade it in between rounds. And so we got really good seats right up front. And I was like, I'll go. And it's good up to the point, and then they have the unlimited where they can do whatever they want to the machine, and it's got, like, literally got jet engines on the back of it, and they have to weigh them down so much that it.

Just becomes just stupid. But when you see, like, the old traditional tractors and they're pulling stuff, it can be a lot of fun. If you say so. I thought it was fun. It's like the tractors are, like, being really loud and stuff, and it's just, like.

Yee-haw, I believe is my comment to that. In my hometown, they had to combine the taffy pole and the tractor pole, and they'd just tie a couple of tractors together with taffy. How did that work out? In my town, they had to combine the tractor pole with public execution. They get four tractors.

I'd rather see that. That'd be way more awesome. Oh, if only. If only. All right.

On that, I think we should wrap up the Geek Weeks. Is that a full show? It might as well be. I'm sorry. I haven't been here in like two months.

I had a lot of stuff to go through. All right. So with that, we will take a break and be back with this week's movie. We'll get a little bit more coffee. Yeah, me too.

Might as well. Well, if you want to sing out, sing out. And if you want to be free, be free. Cause there's a million things to be, you know that there are. And if you want to live high, live high.

And if you want to live low, live low. Cause there's a million ways to go. You know that there are. Golden, pure, creamery butter. Rich, flavorful, satisfying.

That's what it takes for the finest buttered popcorn, and that's what we use. See for yourself why there's no showtime. Treat to equal the crisp, delicious. Flavor of hot popcorn that's bathed in real melted butter. It's at the concession stand now.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are two movies being shown in this area that we sincerely would like to warn you about. The titles, The Gruesome Twosome and Something Weird. These are without exception the bloodiest, goriest motion pictures ever produced. If you are the least bit squeamish, do not attempt to see them. We have told you about many horror movies that you probably got a big kick out of, but these are different.

If you are at all impressionable, don't see them. If you have an impressionable teenager, under no circumstances let him or her see it. Absolutely no children will be admitted. Both of these films are in color, which even makes the horror more horrible. We are sincere in warning you about these movies.

The titles, again, are gruesome, twosome, and something weird, and they are honestly the goriest films ever produced. See them if you must. But we wanted you to know what to expect. Tweet Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in three styles and seven colors.

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Sounds better. We've all got quirks. I've got them. You've got them, Dave. That's what makes this character so, so compelling.

Thumbs up from me. Same here. This is Dean Cameron, also known as Chainsaw, and you're listening to Moving Up Down. I'm Chainsaw. I'm Dave.

We'll see you at the movies. It's time for Sofa Theater. The condition is terminal chest cancer. Prognosis, I have two or three weeks to live at the most. Why didn't you tell me this?

There's no point. In telling you. You couldn't do anything about it anyway. Well, in your own case, I doubt if you're the best judge. Anything I can do to make it easier?

Yes, there is. Donald, show him. That is not the gorilla's original head. He's heavily sedated now, but we have achieved 100% total spinal alignment on the newly transplanted head. It's impossible.

Is it? Heart, lungs, kidneys, arms, legs, everything. Is functioning properly. I kept the original body and the transplanted head alive on two separate heart-lung machines. Well, what do you think?

Absolutely amazing. Exactly. Total spinal alignment achieved by using matching electric currents attached to the nerve end. I left the two heads together for 28 days until the new one was strong enough to take over. This could revolutionize the whole profession.

I'll get a paper on it. No, no, no, no. We've got to go much further. That's why I need your help. What are you talking about?

I'm talking about science, about genius. Genius must be prolonged. Philip, I want to transplant my head on a healthy body. Two heads are better than one. That's a saying that is oh so true.

Two heads are better than one. They're me. They're you. That's true. And between the two of you, you can solve any problem that comes up.

No, no, no, no, no. It's much better to beat. Yeah, you're gonna be the one! Cause what you don't know or can't figure out, you can try to. Try!

Two heads are better than one. The more, the merrier, you bet. You bet! Two heads are better than one. You could use all the help you can get.

And when all's said and done, this is where it's at. What I'm simply saying is that. Two heads are better than one. So just put your heads together. Yes, put your heads together.

Quick, put your heads together and have fun. Have fun. All right, we're back with this week's Sofa Theater feature. This week's Sofa Theater. Feature is The Thing with Two Heads.

That's right, the infamous thing with two heads. The year is 1972. The director is Lee Frost. The plot, if you want to call it that, a rich but racist man is dying and hatches an elaborate scheme for transplanting his head onto another man's body. And without a spoiler alert, I guess, I think that's the whole plot right there.

The title is a spoiler alert. Yeah, you can't spoil it much more than that, but I guess we're going to go into it a little more, so. go run out and watch yourself some of the thing with two heads. Or don't. Or don't. Top 50 worst movies of all time.

I think they're off. Oh, they're way off. Anyway, that whole list was jacked up. We've watched way worse movies. Yeah, definitely.

Way worse. So, alright, where would you like to begin with the thing with two heads? Well, in general, I felt it was kind of a Faulknerian exercise because it you know, because of the themes of racial division and the gothic quality, it reminded me a little bit of Light in August, because the character Joe Christmas, who was also kind of half black, and. They say. In that kind of literature, the mulatto character is the loneliest.

But it It seemed like they kind of got along during the motocross section. Like they were really starting to bond. They really, yeah. They took a turn, didn't they? Didn't they?

Holy shit. I don't know. It seemed like it was... It was probably written in an afternoon. Oh, yeah.

You know, you get the idea. And you just sort of push through it. It was 75% motocross scene. Yeah. Yes, it was.

It was like the worst thing to happen since the Harry Potter Quidditch. Yeah, kind of. Or that scene in Star Wars where they just go. Yeah, the pod racing. I remember at that time like motocross was like a big thing.

I was thinking that when they got up to that hill. Everybody was like really excited about it. And then the other thing that was going on back then was CB radios. Yep. And so I noticed that the cops were using CB...

Like, I heard one cop say 10-4. I don't think that's cop speak. That's not cop lingo. I don't know. I.

I really kind of had a hard time watching it, like, actually watching it. See, in the beginning, I didn't. Like, that first couple of, like, the first 20 minutes or so, I was kind of enjoying it, like, more than I expected to. Like, I went in kind of like, oh, God, this is going to be, like, really terrible. Like, you know, being on the list of 50 worst movies, I was like, oh, this is going to be bad.

And I got in. And a few minutes in, I see a two-headed gorilla, and. I'm like, all right, I'm kind of liking this movie. And then he goes into the crazy plan, and you see him working it out, and I'm like... Kind of on board with this.

This is kind of fun. And you get a few hot nurses thrown in there. And you get some hot. Nurses, and you get a crazy gorilla escape, and a crazy attack on a. Grocery store scene.

And he pushes banana all over his face. And he doesn't know how to eat a banana. And I was like, I'm kind of having fun with this. This is all right. And they don't have a cage on top of it.

I was like, why wouldn't that be, like, number one, why wouldn't it just be one big metal cage? And number two, why wouldn't you bolt it down? Why didn't they give him a shot before he gets in? I've seen more high-tech looking labs. It's just like my brother-in-law's garage van looks like it would be a better place to perform an operation.

They have a Jacob's ladder, do they? Here's my problem with it. It's this amazing high-tech revolutionary transport, or not transplant. Audio-vibratory transport device. Transplant hospital yeah it looks like a house and a basement doing all the operations in the dirty basement they wash it down at.

That one point with mops he's supposed to be super rich he's doing it at his facility at home why not spend the money to finish the basement first. Yeah i mean he's got so many rooms he's keeping everyone in town in his house as like. A hotel right but you wouldn't finish out the basement. It looks like Spider caught a fly. Yeah, it does.

Yeah. And the other thing is, he has a ramp in the operating room just so he can see everything. The dude doesn't build a ramp down into the basement. They have to carry him down. Why have stairs?

He's in a wheelchair. That just kicked in in the last year, I think. But still, you've got money. You could put a ramp in in a year. I'm pretty sure.

If you're putting heads on a gorilla, you can afford a ramp. You can afford a ramp. What did I recognize the music from? Was it every tone? No, not the beginning.

That's what I was going to say. That first, again, that part that I liked had kind of cool music. Like it was very dramatic, almost overly dramatic music. And I was just like, again, I kind of liked it. It was that tone of like the fifties and sixties, like cool TV show of the week kind of music that they stole and used in this.

So it, It might have been lifted from something else. And then they had that early 70s guitar riff background. Once they got later into the fun stuff, you've got to work a little. Once they had the crossover. Yeah, then it became, let's work a little.

Funk into this now. A lot of it was making me think Columbo. Was that music on Columbo? Yeah, it felt like Columbo, too. It did.

Well, the beginning felt even older. It felt like almost 50s mystery TV show kind of... Like it was very heavy-handed, the music. And they were almost working it. It was that kind of explaining the science experiment going on.

It was almost like a 50s sci-fi movie gone wrong kind of thing. Only a 70s exploitation version of it. It almost had an overall feeling of it didn't know what kind of movie it was. It's almost, well, it is sci-fi, but it should have gone down that 50s drive-in kind of sci-fi. Maybe a little bit dirtier, a little bit, you know.

But it also had that 70s feel, you know, almost detective, like you said. I was thinking Columbo, it could be Mannix, I don't know. But then it points it also wants to be a blaxploitation. It wants to be an action movie. And almost a horror movie at times.

At times. And an episode of the Brady Bunch. Somewhere. I didn't catch that. So that was.

My problem was it's not even that it didn't even know what it wanted to be. It just didn't commit to anything. Right. Anything that it hinted at. Anything that it suggested it didn't follow through with.

Well, here's my problem with this movie. I don't like movies of Where there's like sort of a plot, but not really. But either way, you ended up exactly where you were. when the movie started. The guy still needs a body. He still hates black people.

Like, the guy's... Okay, maybe he's innocent for that crime, but now he's, like, evaded the cops and, like, shot at them, so now you're going to be arrested anyway. He beat up a bunch of cops, escaping, so, yeah, he's still going to be on the run. So you, like, tried to kill and beat the shit out of cops to prove that you didn't kill a cop? What the fuck is your problem?

You deserve to be put to death because you're a fucking moron. Oh, God. And also, in addition... Now the black doctor is just going to go for his woman. Did anyone see that coming?

It was all about her. The black doctor was smooth, by the way. He was smooth. I need to figure out who he was. Is he the same actor that was in the.

I'm pretty sure he was, whatever you're going to say. Yeah, whatever you're going to say. Oh, please. That seems very familiar. But then everybody did.

Even the gorilla, I think, has been in some other shows. That gorilla looked pretty good, though. It did look pretty good. I remember Rosie Greer was going around everywhere back then because he was the football player who did needlepoint or something and wasn't embarrassed. To say it.

Okay, that's what I was going to go into. I don't think I knew the extent. I think we're going to have to go off on a tangent of just Rosie Greer. Rosie Greer, yeah. I remember Rosie Greer.

He was on the Brady Bunch once. I'm sure he was. Wow. But do you know some of the other stuff? Yeah, let me. let me bring up the rosie greer one because i read and it was like okay.

Screw this movie we need a movie of rosie greer's. Life because yeah he was all over the place for a while back then i guess i don't know i was a kid But I definitely remember Rosie Greer trying to be like some sort of general celebrity. And he was. He was like O.J. Simpson, you know, kind of.

Only gone right. Before he, right. He had so much charisma in that movie, though, didn't he? Yeah. Which is just the.

He's a charming guy. The guy with the two heads? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Which one was he? Was he the guy with the two heads? Not every movie can you ask that about. Which one? Was he the one.

With the two heads? Can you imagine the police description? Be on the lookout for a. Guy he's described as black and white. He has two heads.

He's pretty big. He kind of looks like a football player. The police artist could just do a silhouette. For the sketch. Oh, so yeah, he's, I mean, he's played, he's like a big college football player, played for the New York Giants, played for the LA Rams.

That I kind of knew. I assumed, again, not knowing that much about sports. I was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure that guy used to play football. So, okay, aside from that, he gets out of football. He was bodyguard for Robert Kennedy during the 68 presidential campaign. was guarding the senator's wife, Ethel, during the assassination, was unable to prevent the killing, but Greer is the one who took control of the gun and subdued Sirhan Sirhan.

Wow. Yeah. I mean, that's way more interesting than this entire movie put together. Right. And then, okay, other ones, he hosts his own talk show in L.A., had about 70 different guests during the 60s and 70s.

He's a singer... Yeah. And released several singles during the 60s on all these different labels. Let's see. Then, as you mentioned, in 1973, he published Rosie Greer's Needlepoint for Men.

Yes. What? I remember that. Every one of these is way more interesting than anything going on in this movie. Yeah.

I just want a movie about Rosie Greer's life. Yeah. I'm just like, me? I think Rosie, I thought, when I saw Rosie Greer, I'm not familiar with Rosie Greer. I just assumed it was the chick that played his girlfriend.

I mean, I don't think of this gigantic football player dude named Rosie. It's Rosie? Yeah. I don't even use Roosevelt, but, you know. When you're that cool, you get your own nickname.

I think it's like a boy named Sue kind of thing. He didn't need a point. When you're fucking eight feet tall and you're a football player, you can be called Bitch Tits. That's what I was like, how. As ridiculous as this setup of jamming some guy's head next to your head for a whole movie scenario is, then I looked at him when he walked in and was like, Jesus, look how tall he is.

I'm like, what a pain in the ass that must have been, like, putting him on a ladder every time they had to shoot just. To get this guy's head up near his head. Right. Oh man maybe that's why there was a lot of scenes sitting down and. Like I think he just piggybacked I guess.

So he could he was in like a Yoda backpack at one point he does a flip in a swamp I don't know it was pretty awesome but oh god. So yoda's a racist i see. You are a racist of course he is he's fine with green people but he don't like black people i. Like i like how somehow the running joke throughout the movie became you black bastard. Right see okay once again they never fully commit to anything like they don't even throw around real racial stuff here it's like it's the most lightweight like The PG version of, what's the, we can't really throw in the big word.

We can't really use most of the others, and I don't know why. It's exploitation. You'd think they really would have committed and just made this guy a horrible person and made him throw out everything in the book, but you. Black bastard is about the worst thing. I mean, there's a lot of you people, but I mean, again, people now use that kind of shit.

What's the dessert, watermelon? yeah i was like. But again they start they start making fun of it like more than anybody you know it's like they start like sticking it to him with that yeah okay next we're gonna have some fucking collard greens chitlin. Yeah we're gonna fry up some fry up some yeah yeah chitlin so i was just like so. I mean they were having fun with it really they were making more fun of him as the stupid old white guy So, I mean, once again, it wasn't really done in a way that was insulting because they did way more. I mean, he just looks like an idiot because he's the old stupid white guy.

So how about the girlfriend when she comes in and he's got she he's been in prison. He's supposed to be dead. He's got this man's head on him. And what's her comment? She doesn't say anything.

She didn't go, oh, my God, or anything. She goes. Something like, you get in the craziest things. You get into some shit. Because you get in crazy things.

I thought it was, you get into some shit. Really? That's your response, not, what the fuck? I don't know. That seems like a pretty good response.

Yeah. And is that the only thing you have to? Well, we knew that question was coming. I mean, and honestly, this is what I'm thinking for the white doctor guy. I'm like, you know... you're going to be really good at jumping and you're going to have a huge dick.

What's the problem here? Yeah, I was like, as he got upset, I'm like, okay, by the time you take off that other head, you're getting a win-win on this deal. Let's be honest here. You're a crinkly old white dude. You better be glad you got this dude's body.

I don't see the problem. No. I'm pretty sure I saw parts of this when I was a kid, but not enough to have a focused idea. Not enough to know to avoid it. Yeah, I mean, I did have an idea of it, because, you know, once you hear the title, you have the idea, you know.

Well, the title doesn't really reveal the expectation. That and a 45-minute car chase on a dirt bike is. That's what I realized as I got into this. Number one, the title is misleading anyway. It makes it build like it's a monster movie.

So, I mean, if you don't see the poster, you don't get the joke of it. Or I guess the trailer obviously makes the joke known. Yeah, once you see the image, then you've got the whole movie because it's a black guy and a white guy. And you're like, wah, wah. But that's what I was thinking as it went on.

I was like, this is one of those that was all pitch. It's all premise and no story. It's like they don't even, they get in there, and like you said, they have a script. I don't know that they did. They have a premise, and they got a couple of sets, not good sets, and they went in there and went.

What do we do now? It's like, hey, I know a guy that's got a dirt bike track. Let's go over there. All right. And that's what they did.

What are we going to do with the doctor? Put him on the back. So it's two heads and a doctor. And a doctor. So they don't, yeah, it's like they don't have a story going into it.

They have a premise. And that's all they do at the beginning and at the end. You've got the premise. You've got the setup. You follow through with that.

But it's an hour and a half of, what do we do now? Drive around a little bit. That's what I hated about the movie. It's like at the end of the movie, the guy's still wanted by the police for the same reason. He's probably still going to be condemned to death.

The white guy's still racist, and he's still bodiless. I feel like a movie should at least solve or something the problems that are. That's the source of my ambivalent hatred about this movie and any movie. I'm ambivalent because. Part of the reason I hate it is I envy it.

Because as somebody who set out to be an artist, you know, for a long time you think what's going on is like intellectual. It's your philosophy. That's what's guiding you. Then you start to realize maybe it's just depression. Maybe it's just depression.

Maybe that's why I can't make crap. Like, I don't. Somebody actually made this. You're overthinking your shit. This guy went, two-headed gorilla, fuck it, make it.

Yeah. It's like, where do you get that kind of exuberance that you're willing to just make something like that and not look back and not, you know, I don't know. And how did these people come together to make this fucking thing? And how do you get Rosie Grover involved? I mean, this is a little bit off subject, but I want to say it was Jason Schwartzman.

But I remember there was, like, this, like, faux commercial preview before a movie. And he was, like, a director, and, like, ridiculous shit was going on in the background. Isn't that his new little show? It was, like, it was several years ago. Oh.

Several years ago. And it's like, explosions are happening, nothing makes sense. He's like, all right, print it. You know, like, I want to say it was. I thought that was the, no, who's the Royal Tenenbaum guy, the director?

Anderson. Yeah. Yeah, I thought the American Express Wes Anderson commercial is almost exactly like that. That's it. It's crazy shit going on, and he's just talking, doing his stuff, not even reacting.

To all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Makes me think of that. Kind of.

This is that movie he's shooting. This happened, print it. Print it, yeah. We'll work it in. And here's what, I mean, here's, I guess, one of the biggest issues I had going in, because, again, I'm having fun those first few minutes with the two-headed gorilla, and then we get to the rest of it.

We get to that next stage, and it's. Them, like, setting up the illness and setting up the surgery idea and setting up all this other stuff. And I i realize i'm like we're pretty far in now this thing is really taking itself seriously right and i and i realize. Not and it's but it but it is like that's the. Thing they are taking this really serious tone like in the beginning again the music's overly dramatic so i thought they were going to be kind of fun about it and they were going to like play up the goofiness of this whole thing and by the time the gorilla sort of is taken back and they start doing the explanation of the the the surgery, it just takes on this dead serious tone, and it's almost like they're doing an episode of General Hospital from back in the day.

They're explaining the procedure with dead seriousness. One thing I love, sir, I have to interrupt you. The part where they're doing the surgery, and all they're doing is naming every medical instrument that has ever been used. Sponge. Wipe.

Paralysis. Bulldog clamp. Scalpel and forceps. Scalpel. Suction.

Pads. Ringer solution. Ochsner clamp. 500cc spec sales. Sponge.

Sponge. I wrote that down. They had a list. You know, like, forceps. And they just kept reading them off.

And after a while, I was like, okay, do you use a bulldog clip in surgery? Right. I don't think so. They got like an odor sheet from a medical supply store and they started reading it. And I was like, is there such a thing as a mosquito clamp?

You're making shit up now. I thought, well, there's butterfly bandages. I guess it's a real mosquito clamp. It's a really small clamp. I was like, you're just making up shit now.

I was also the explanation that, oh, well, there's no blood. Because we shut off the heart for this. So there's no blood. And there's no blood. It's like everything's perfectly...

Basically, we couldn't afford blood. Right. So let's make up a line of dialogue. There's no scars. There's nothing.

And again, we're talking about the surgery. Oh, it's just a basic amputation when you take it off. No big deal. Like when you take a head off, like you do. Because that's not connected to nerves or anything.

It's normal. It's fine. It's fine. I love that he just, oh, yeah, it's no big deal. Just take it off.

What he says, I did it by myself in 35 minutes. Yeah. So, I mean, that whole section is, like, dead serious. Like, there's no joking around at all. Yeah, but then you get to the point where there's, like, the big car chase.

And cops are probably dying. Yeah. You know, and the guy's doing like a Keystone Cops. They're jumping up and down on the car and changing the tire. Yeah.

I don't know. It's like a hazard episode. Everything is weightless because nothing really matters. Right. Nobody cares about anything.

It all goes on for too long. So then I started taking notice and I'm like, okay, it's going to get kind of wacky, I guess, when the guy wakes up. When you got two heads stuck on you. Oh, and it's a black guy and I hate black guys. Hey, what you got on my head?

Yeah, that's going to get crazy. So then I started, it's 36 minutes before he even wakes up. It's 46 before the escape begins. 46 minutes into this before any wackiness ensues in a premise that's supposed to be nothing but here's the joke here's the so we don't get to the joke of this joke movie for 46 minutes in an hour and a half movie i remember. Because i was watching it streaming it and we'll jump to the chase and i'm like this chase is 20 minutes it is like there is 10 minutes left in this movie and they've got to find their girlfriend, get the head off, resolve it somehow.

I mean, there's so much that needs to happen and they're just driving around the fucking. I did that. Like when we got to the end, like he's already at the girlfriends and I'm like, aren't we about done with this? Like I'm, I'm looking at it going, we're going to record soon. Am I done with this movie?

And at the end of it, yeah, it's got like this little tiny section of, I was like, how are you going. To wrap up? Oh, wait, they don't. No wonder they just stopped. Yeah.

It almost has like a Twilight Zone feel at the end, too. I guess. Oh, I can't believe they just left it. I can't believe it. Sorry, I might have spoiled it.

Yeah, we're jumping ahead. Sorry. Wow. So, yeah, I don't know. They hooked it up to that machine.

It's all good. They didn't kill him. Walt Disney, that shit. With the over-serious tone, it's like they, that middle section, like, they take it so seriously, like, they're talking about the, I mean, they go into how much detail about the secrecy of keeping this operation under wraps, and I'm like, this isn't a place that just had a two-headed gorilla running around. But now they, I mean, they spend, like, that 20 minutes of making sure we know that there's cops on the door, but even the cops don't know what's going on downstairs, and They bring in the other doctor, and they don't tell him what's.

Going on downstairs. They had writers for the first time. Do we care about this? Why are we devoting so much time to the secrecy of this opera? And then they're going into, well, we fought off the pneumonia, but we're worried about.

Really? Do we care about the medical jargon you're going to throw in for another 15 minutes of this movie? Yeah, it's just everything takes so long to get to, and yet we don't even get to the punchline, really. It's like we don't even get to the joke. What I loved about that whole setup of the medical thing in the house...

They had the little desk as you walked in the front door with the nurse sitting behind it, which is like admissions or. Something like that. You have one person to admit, and she's got an in-and-out box that has papers in it. What is going in and what is coming out in this secret procedure? Food orders.

Rosie likes to eat, damn it. You want to get him some Arby's. And she's just sitting there, why isn't that shit taken care of? I mean, I know they want to make it look like it's official and something's going on. I think she was busy making breakfast for the cops.

Right. The breakfast will be right down. I'm like, is she, like, a maid now? Right. And all of the nurses were done up except for the one redhead.

Yeah, she was kind of grumpy. No, there was one with glasses, too, that was kind of like. Well, yeah, I know she wasn't the, you know, the hot one. They all wore different stockings. Yeah.

They all... They had their hair different. Yeah. But the one in red just, like, just pulled her off the street and gave her some lines. Here, just put those nurses' costumes on.

And I swear you could, like. see the cigarette smoke on her and she was just a little skanky and you know sorry if that was your mother anybody. Who's listening but that was my mother. Well it's funny that the rest of them she was that your babysitter the. Rest of them look like nurses from a 70s porn i mean at any minute it looks like that's gonna break out with the rest of these girls i'll show you a thing with two heads i've seen that one But anyway. John Claude Van Dong.

Seriously, go look it up, people. So... Is that double team? No, he doesn't need anybody to double team. He's freak show gifted.

So. I guess go ahead. And officially move into the chase scene. Because it's half of the movie. Oh my god.

Greg nailed it. Earlier, it felt like you were watching a really boring, long episode of Dukes of Hazzard. Well, okay, we get to the first one when they make the escape, which is quite possibly the least impressive car chase I have ever seen. How do we evade him? I don't know.

Turn around. Here, wait. I'll make him swerve into this driveway. Wow, that was crazy. He turned around.

What kind of assistance do you need? Well... A tow truck would be nice. And that, you know, if that was the comedy that they were going with, that would have been great. But it was, again, it wasn't even played for comedy, really.

It was a comedy or a sci-fi. Yeah. Yeah. To me, it had so much potential. Again, if you would have gotten to the joke pretty early on, I mean, again, the gorilla's fun, but then in the next 15 minutes, you needed to be knee-deep in the middle of this crazy plot, and you needed to play up the camp.

I mean, this is the campiest fucking idea for a movie ever. You're sewing another guy's head on another guy's body. Oh, let's one-up it. Let's make it a white guy and a black guy, and the white guy's a complete racist. That's the joke.

I mean, that's the gimmick you're working with. It should have been Laurel and Hardy out the ass. Yeah. It should have been. It should have been wacky situations, and then we don't...

Like, why don't we tap into the girlfriend scenario? I mean, really. Right. You all think that they were going to have sex. I mean, that's the joke scene.

That's where you're going with this premise. Right. And they don't. She's like, I'm not going to put a pillowcase on his head. And I'm just like, really?

I feel like. That's as far as this is going to go? You people are all the same. Is that all you people think about? No, white people are pretty bad, too.

Right. Yeah. Most movies don't need to be remade, but I feel like this one does. That's kind of what I was... And that's the thing.

As bad as the stick-in-his-head thing on there is, like, I hate CGI, but think how much better it would be with CGI. It would still look stupid, but it'd be better. I mean, it'd be funny. Maybe that's what we should have done with this last, like, body-swapping movie. Couldn't we have, like, who was it?

Jason Bateman in 17 again. No, the... Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds, yeah. What if you took Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds and put their heads on the same body?

What movie was that? It just came out. Yeah, it was like last week. And it did terrible because people don't want to see a fucking body switching movie. Well, here's the other thing.

So Ryan Reynolds is going to switch to Jason Bateman. How disappointing. The difference that's the criticism i heard is like notice they kind of have the same life only one's got kids other than that i'm like what's the wackiness going on oh look i'm a white. Guy I'm a white guy. I know.

Right. There's no switching. Hey, I'm going to fuck your wife. Hey, I'm going to fuck your wife. Hey.

They're both kind of white chicks. What do you want? They're all boring. Our lives are boring. Who cares if we switch?

Right. So. You don't even notice. Hey, because you know what? Your wife, she stopped paying attention to you.

Yeah. Like three months after you left. This will be the most exciting thing that's ever happened to your marriage. So this is a plus. Yeah.

So, yeah, at least this has an interesting premise. Like, it's ten times more interesting than that damn movie, and that got what kind of budget? I mean, to pay for Ryan Reynolds' period at this point, completely take out the chase scene. I think Jason Bateman. Jason Bateman, I mean, yeah.

They were trying to catch him for, you know, science purposes. Why, when they finally caught up to him with the helicopter, and they could have. You know... Why aren't they shooting at him? They just started shooting at him.

That's what I didn't understand. And then I was like, okay, even if you're trying to get this escaped criminal, he's with an innocent doctor hostage. Right. And the white guy's head's innocent as far as we know. They don't know this horrible thing that he did.

But I was like, at least the doctor. Right. Like, that guy didn't do anything. You're firing a fucking rifle at him. Unless it was...

Pure social commentary. I guess. He's a black guy. Obviously the black guy's in on it. The black doctor's in on it.

I guess. And this is now, even though this is a rich white guy, it's a monster and we must kill it. We must kill it. So that's the only... And that black bastard that's with him must die.

I don't know. They could have gone that way. They looked like... But they didn't. Again, they never, with the exception of the cop, again saying that black bastard, I'll get him.

But they don't... Again, that's one of the main problems I have with this is them just not committing to They don't even commit to the racism angle. They don't resolve anything. Like, at least that's what I expected. Okay, in the beginning, I saw the trailer.

I was just like. The white guy's going to be a racist bastard. The black guy's probably going to be kind of cool. And then maybe by the end, again, I'm expecting like buddy cop logic. I'm like, by the end, he's going to come around and be like, you know, you black guys are okay.

And I expect him to come around. No, by the end, he's still a fucking racist. And yeah, it's like we, but not even the movie goes anywhere, but it's like, we don't even, we're not even saying anything. Like at least I expect it to have some sort of social commentary. Like as stupid as a lot of the premises, premise side in the, the exploitation movies were in the 70s a lot of them were trying to say something a lot of the black exploitation stuff was trying to make a point a lot of the the exploitation horror was trying to make a point you know and sci-fi was definitely trying to make so with this i expected it to be like an exploitation version of the defiant ones you know you got a black guy and a white guy together they're on the run like the defiant ones tried to make a point It was making a social.

Commentary for its day. This could have done a stupid, you know, campy version of that, but it could have said something. It could have made a point at the end, and it doesn't even attempt to do that. Here's another problem I have with the movie. At the beginning of the movie, when the white doctor is interviewing the black doctor, and he flat out tells him, like, I'm not going to hire you because you're black. you're angered and you're upset and you feel a lot of sympathy for that guy.

By the end of the movie, he was just like going with the other guy out of spite, you know, which makes. You like, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Yeah. I mean, you know, and then, and then he would. Have killed him in the first scene.

Yeah. And at the same time, it's like in the beginning, he almost does feel like he's siding with him because he's the black guy. And I was like, that's not even making a point here. That's, that's going to get, and that's going with the damn stereotype. That's hurting yourself.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it was like a negative stereotype. It wasn't, you know, it's like he should have done what he thought and believed to be right as a doctor. Yeah, he would say, you know, I'm going. To side with you, brother, you know.

I don't believe in what you're doing. That should be the real thing. It's like, I don't like this white guy, but it's right. To save him. You know, that would have been like the tough call, but he felt like he should have made it.

And instead they're just like, well, you're black. I'm just like, really? Yeah. It's like, what is your point you're making here? Because, yeah, it's stupid.

During the first chase scene, when he says, get out, move over, I'm going to. Passenger man. Why did he get in the car? Just take off. Just take off.

Forget it. I'm going back to Minneapolis or wherever I'm from. Again, like he seemed like he was, like he even said, put the gun away, I'll stick with you. And I'm just like, he just liked being on the run. Like, what are you doing now?

Right. It's like you were a doctor yesterday. You don't have to be on the run. That's just one of those things in a really crappy movie where the minor characters seem to know that they're minor characters so they don't get in the way of the people who are. If we had a plot.

What was that? Moulin Rouge? It's like all the minor characters know they're minor characters. So we'll just stand back and watch y'all. At some point you just it's not even worth trying to parse the logic of something that never never had a vision or.

That's my problem with every musical why do they get out of the way and. Assume the chorus area why does the chorus move out of the way Let's let you have your dance scene. No, fuck you. This is my life. Yeah.

You know? I don't have to clear out of the way. I'm like, okay, let's clear out of the way so they can do their little hand jive. No, this is my dance. I'm dancing.

Yeah. You know, I never understood that. Yeah. Well, it's just one of those conventions in a movie that's unlike the thing with two heads because nobody projects themselves into it. As a fantasy.

Right. But like in musicals and stuff, The lead people are the people that the audience projects themselves into so they don't object to everybody getting out of the way of their fantasy because in your fantasy, that's what people would do. They would get the fuck out of your way. You'd drive to work every day and the road would just clear in front of you. That would be heaven.

But nobody is going to be projecting into the thing with. Because there's nobody in it you want to be, except maybe the gorilla. I like that gorilla, let me tell you. And here's another thing that, I mean, this was in the 70s, and this is still a time when, like, I mean, racism still exists, obviously, and it's always going to, but, like, it wasn't a taboo so much then. I think the people that made this movie didn't see racism as this horrible thing.

You know, like, nowadays, like, Racism is funny because collectively we disagree with it so much. But at the time, it was funny because you agreed with it. And that's what I felt like this movie was. This was like the turning point. The 60s sort of was that, and you started to see that.

And again, that's why a lot of the blaxploitation stuff works now. Because some of it... Again, it depends on who was in charge. In the beginning, it was like white guys making money off of, you know, haha, we're going to market this to this, you know, crowd of, you know, we know we can take their money and, you know, we're. We're going to make this stupid movie.

And then they started being like, okay, here. Here's money. You go make the... You people know what these guys want. So they're giving young black directors money and going, okay.

Or like producers or just people who are at least tapped in enough to know, oh, well, we've got money now. I actually kind of want to make a good movie. So you go back and you find good stuff. In there actually because... They just gave them money and went, okay, go make money with it.

But you start to see, like, there are ones that are really racist, and you start to see other ones where they start working in, they are playing the social commentary. And they're like, no, the world's changing, and you should be appalled by this. And we kind of are, and we're going to work it into the plot so that, you know, our hero really is a hero. You're not just being duped to go see this movie that's, you know, playing on taking your money. Because you're black.

Well, and you have to think, like, there's... At the time, there's two schools of thought. Think about, like, all in the family. There are people who watch Archie Bunker and love Archie Bunker because. They agree with what he's saying.

Because they like him. And then there's people that just find it so absurd that he thinks like that. That is why it's funny. It's just, like... Again, it's.

That was kind of the genius of that show, is, you know, there are people who cannot express, but they... They feel what they feel. They can't express it, so they don't care that Archie Bunker is generating laughs for people who disagree. That was a good thing. About that show.

On the other hand, the more liberal point of view was also this knee-jerk, ridiculous... I don't know where I'm going. It's like people not getting the joke. You know, it's like, I mean, the people writing his character were making a commentary, and were making him an unlikable character, but yet he's our hero. Like, giving him these flaws, knowingly making him a racist.

Yeah. But at the same time, there's people watching it going, that guy's great. They don't get it. It's a joke. They don't realize those are flaws.

They think he's a good guy. It's like the reason my mom loves Joy from My Name is Earl. It's not a joke to her. She's awesome. There's no sense of humor involved.

She's just a great girl. I don't know what it is about her. I am so proud of her. When I watched My Name is Earl, I'm like... I know there's probably a lot of that in her, Yeah.

But at the same time, she just taps into something so good. She's so good. Right. I have no connection to her. I don't have any.

Because she could have gone down the skanky actress role. Yeah, yeah. I mean, she sort of started out that way. She did start out that way. She's doing Poison Ivy straight-to-DVD movies.

I don't know, it's kind of like, I'm proud of her. I don't have any attachment to her, but I'm proud of her for how good she is. She's gotten so much better than that stuff that they used to put her in. I want to throw something out there. Okay.

Because you were talking about blaxploitation and stuff like that, and I was thinking about this. I don't think any of us have really seen a lot of the Tyler Perry films. No, I've kind of avoided them. Right, but I've seen parts and segments. Of them, and there's that African-American theater that over-dramatized traveling theater troops that they.

Had, which a lot of his movies are like. Which is ridiculously... Popular. I mean, it's a lot of money. It's why he is who he is today.

Exactly. He's the most successful playwright that's ever lived. Right. That's crazy, but that's true. And he does the Madea stuff, and it almost seems like a new, sophisticated blaxploitation.

Kind of. I mean, you're putting this out there, it's. Formulaic, we know what it does, and we know they'll come out and buy it. It's playing on an audience, a built-in audience, that he knows he has his fan base, and That's what I don't get with the Medea stuff. I don't know why he dumbs it down like that.

Because the other stuff, it's like he's a smart guy. He writes real characters, and these are successful people, and they have jobs and lives and families, and all of that's good. Why don't you just stick with that? Why does he then dumb it down? That just seems downplaying to your audience.

I guess it sells, but I'm just like, why not? sell something better to your audience. I don't get that. I almost feel like if I were African American, that I would be insulted like. I'm kind of insulted by it. He knows what he's doing.

He knows what he's doing. Yeah. He knows that we'll all go out and buy it. And he's making money off of them. And I'm just like, that seems so wrong.

And I know he does great things for the public. He does. And does great things for... I've seen him and I really like When I've seen him in interviews, he's a smart, smart man. He really is.

I just feel like there's a certain amount of manipulation. There is. I agree. It really rubs me the wrong way. And I've been manipulated by other things for me as well.

Again, there's times when I'm fine with that. Like I said, with the whole sideshow aspect. If he felt like he knew it was a joke and he's playing along with it, but he doesn't. He presents it as though it's serious. And it's sort of duping you in with this Madea slapstick bullshit and taking your money.

And I think that is sort of like he's hiding it a little more than he needs. To, I think. I don't know. I think he's. Playing too much on that and bringing people in too much with that when I think he could just as easily write a good screenplay without the slapstick and without the over-the-top bullshit.

But, I don't know, I guess that doesn't sell the same, so... Madea goes to jail, makes a million dollars, you know, it's... But he could. Say the same thing of, It's an earnest movie. But those were stupid too.

He could say the same thing. Jim Varney, why are you doing this? And I agree. Blue collar comedy. I agree.

Nexploitation. Those are dumb. You are a genius. Nexploitation. And I will certainly go on the record and say it's exploiting another audience.

And they're dumbing it down and they know those people are going to show up and pay for tickets every damn time. And that's equally as wrong. I think white or black, quit dumbing it down for whatever audience you're going for. It's a lot like the movie Idiocracy. It is.

And we're coming to that as a society. You know, you forget when you're around, when you hang out with people who have a sense of humor and some discernment. just how, like, many people there really are who just don't have that. No. And. You have to go with the lowest common denominator for them to get it.

Yeah. I mean, it surprises me sometimes, like, how many people just don't get jokes. Yeah. Like, really pretty rudimentary jokes. Because, you know, I live in a pretty sheltered world, like, My kids will get jokes.

And then, you know, I get out and I'm among people I don't know, and it just surprises me. You know, it's, I guess, culture is not for everybody. Sadly, that's true. There are people in there like really good people, but you can't have anything but the most rudimentary kind of conversation with them. And if you try to say something that's a little bit.

Like tongue-in-cheek or facetious, they just get lost. Don't get it or are insulted by it because they got it wrong. Right. I don't know. But, yeah, I mean, a big portion of the population, I guess that's what stuff is dumbed down for is just to keep people on board.

And that's why we want a 20-minute motocross race chasing people. Where they work in jumps. And people go, oh, dude, did you see that car jump? That's old, I'm sure. Somewhere in 1972, they thought that was fucking awesome because a police car just wrecked.

This was the era when that became the coolest fucking thing in the world. And that's why... The car wrecks in Blue Brothers is funny. Yeah, because, again, it's satire. It's not being serious about it.

It knows how stupid it is. That's why it's doing it. That's why, I mean, the term in itself, mainstream, it has such a negative connotation. It should. Those people deserve it.

And it's hard to say, but half... And I, as a person who over the weekend, under unfortunate circumstances, had to go to both Walmart and McDonald's. And the tractor pool. And the tractor pool. You kicked off the show.

Yeah, this is not making us look good. The majority of the population is... They're fucking morons. Oh, they are. Especially fucking Walmart.

Oh, my God. I got approached by this meth addict lady who was like, okay, this is my fault for, A, being in Walmart, being in Walmart after 11 o'clock, and trying to reason with someone who's clearly on drugs. She has a car full of baby stuff, you know? And I'm buying $ 10 worth of stuff. I have a $ 20 bill.

She's like, I've got this gift card. My LG and E's about to be cut off. I try to return something. All they gave me is this gift card, and I need the cash. And I was like, I would love to help you out.

I have $ 10 worth of things. If you scan your gift card... I only have this $ 20. I cannot give you $ 20 for my $ 10 worth of purchase. That's giving you $ 10.

I couldn't explain that to her. She could not understand. I'm like, it's simple fucking mathematics, lady. Okay, that right there is why she doesn't get it. I'm so frustrated.

Yeah, but in her defense, earlier tonight, we couldn't buy bagels. Because I didn't have enough change, Brian didn't have the right change, and neither. Did Fred, so we're just like, okay, we'll just owe you. This involves a man. I was going to call my son.

Yeah, he was going to call for help. Okay, subtract the bagel holes. Okay, you owe him 13 cents. You're getting pumpernickel. That reminds me of one time I was at a Lowe's, and I was trying to get two pieces of, eight-foot pieces of wood, four-foot pieces of wood, and the four-foot wood didn't have, like, a barcode on it.

So the guy there, he'd already been, like, he'd taken a half hour trying to work through the people in front of me. So I was already at the point where I was making a scene and my kids were embarrassed to be seen with me. I was saying stuff like, kids, remember. It was a happier, simpler time before we ever came into this Lowe's. Those were the days.

And I get up, and the guy, and he's like, oh, there's not a price on this. We'll have to go. I said, they're four-foot pieces of the same lumber. It's like they add up to the same price as the eight-foot piece. And he looks at me like I'm crazy.

I'm like, no, really, I saw the price. It's the same wood. These are four foot. Two of them are the same as an eight foot piece. And he looks at me.

Jesus. I ain't got time for this new math. You and your crazy math logic. So he has to like get somebody to go and find. Doesn't matter.

You have to have a code. This is the future. You have to have a barcode. Can't do it without a barcode. The system shuts down without the numbers.

I looked at Jessica and I was like, I will never let you drag me into Walmart again. I hate you for this. I hate you. Well, that's the other thing you look at and you go, why are you buying baby shit if your power is getting shut off or whatever? Just go home.

Save your money. Whatever. Put your money towards keeping the lights on. They don't need new footie pajamas. Well, no, it was like infamil on diapers.

All right, I guess you need those. Well, I have no, I'm going to probably get flack for this, but, you know, anybody that is poor that spends money on baby food. I'm sorry. Unless you have a problem, you know. I kind of thought that, too, but then I was just like, this woman is clearly on drugs.

Yeah, you don't want that in the baby. That would make sense. My daughter and I were wandering around in Cincinnati. She was there for a portfolio review. And this lady came up to us and said she needed money for a grandbaby for formula.

It's called Infamil. Okay, I believed you up until you told me the brand name. Because now you're trying to convince me. Yeah, you're working too hard on the story. That's the thing.

That's why it's a story. To me, it's like when I'm watching a movie, they're trying to tell you this idea. If they skim wrong, if they tell you the wrong thing, it's like, why are they doing the long list of surgical devices? They're saying it's called infamil... It's like, okay.

You're telling me too much. It's a mosquito plant. I don't believe you anymore. Too much information equals a lot. So when she said that, it's like, okay, it's crack, but all I've got is a 20, and I'm not giving you a 20.

So then we found some place to get coffee later. You know, I've got wands and stuff. And I see her again. I'm like, here, you can have a couple of wands. Go get your crack.

Yeah, I was driving home from somewhere on the weekend once, and it was like 2 in the morning. And this lady tries to stop me at the stop sign and tell me she needs money for her kids. I'm like, lady, it's like 2 in the morning. Your kids need to eat right now? And number two, like. welfare system i mean fuck you you've got it better than me i have to spend twenty thousand dollars a year on college you have to sit in your apartment and let the government feed your kids like all you have to do is like breathe the guy.

For money because he's broke he's like you're not broke i've got like $ 17, 000 I owe to Visa. I'm broke. You're even. You're even. You need to take on some responsibility.

Work your way up to being broke. Yeah, really. We'll fire you for a credit card and you can give me some money. No, the best, though, was when Brian and I were coming from the Flyover Film Fest. This African-American guy sells out his race. to get a few dollars from me.

He gave me this whole story about how he doesn't trust black people in Louisville because they don't care about their own kind and that they won't help him out and that he came to me because he knew he would help. This is an interesting way to look at fiction. It's just what people will make up to tell you to get a few bucks. That is like the purest form of... Of fiction.

Right there. Man, I don't... I'm from... Because he found out that I was from Indiana, and he's like, oh, man, I'm from. And he shook my hand, and he's like, I'm glad you're not from Louisville, because I don't trust these black people from Louisville.

I'm like, you are selling out your race. First of all, you're selling out your race. Second of all, you know I'm white, right? I'm like, what are you... What?

Then he's making up parts of town that he has to get to to catch the bus, and the bus station's like. A block away. And he's trying to get to, yeah, the Greyhound. And he named this little town he's from. I'm like, dude, Greyhound does not go to that town.

I can tell you now. One of my favorite local hobos just comes up and says like, Yeah, man, I ain't going to kid you. I just want to get a beer or something to drink. I'm like, all right. I would give that person money for anyone.

It's a worthy cause. I understand that one. I'm not on board with it, but at least you're telling the truth. Well, it depends. I mean, it's his tone, too, because I remember once in Milwaukee, like I was stopped there, and I've got about an hour to find something to eat, and I had like a thing that I liked to get back then.

So I'm walking around, and this guy says, man, I need a pack of cigarettes. Oh, my God. Yeah, I need a spinach salad. I'm trying to... Can you tell me if I can get a spinach salad?

And then we'll talk about your package. That will probably shut every one of them down. No matter what. I've got needs. What about my needs?

No matter what they're asking for, that will probably stop it. Fuck, I don't know. Leave me alone. I'm going to do that next time anyone asks me for money. If they're like....

Man, I need this. I'm probably like, I have $ 12, 000 worth of medical debt. I have $ 40, 000 worth of student loan debt. And I work 40 hours a week to pay for your children to eat. How about you give me a fucking dollar, asshole?

And a spinach salad. Go give me one now it doesn't bother me so much as like if you pull through a mcdonald's and ronald mcdonald is asking me if i want to donate some money what the fuck ronald i think you got a few bags of money. Down there somewhere what are. You asking me for and i like when they ask you now it's not even like one of the other one of the yum brands just kind of went that like it wasn't even like the ronald just has that cup up there on the mountain on the wall but like Yeah, the one while I was still at the drive-thru went, would you like to donate a dollar to it? I was like, no, I'd like to donate a dollar to another taco, bitch.

It's like, hook me up with one. I'm scraping together pennies to buy a dollar menu item. Why am I donating money to anybody? I might not eat tomorrow. Yeah.

I'm like, if I had real money, I wouldn't be at the dollar menu, now would I? Yeah. I had to dig for change. Jesus. I don't think I ever fully appreciated the irony of some, like, megalo corporation, like, asking you for money to support a charity.

Fuck that shit. I'm going to protest that. I'm protesting. Sorry to protest. Oh, Lord.

Right. No, I'll give you the money. That's just the thing. We give them the money, and they use that money, and they write off that money because they donated it for them. I'm going to donate it, and I'm going to write it off.

I mean, you know those boxes they have attached to the drive-thru at McDonald's? They probably spent like $ 8, 000 for that box. Right, right. For the research and development to find out if that would work. What cars would appeal to you and your sympathy to make you want.

To drive it? Yeah, that's, yeah. Give me that number. All they need to do is send a guy around once a day to pick up the change that gets dropped out that window. Yeah, really.

People go, I ain't getting that. That's like 42 cents. Fuck it. I don't know. What's wrong with America?

Is it a quarter? Nah, I ain't getting it. Whatever. I didn't drop a dollar. I mean, fuck it.

You know, I'm going to start working at a drive-thru and I'm going to intentionally drop everybody's change. I'll make more money than anybody. I was like, no, I don't need to get paid. At the end of my shift, I'm going to go get a broom and sweep up. His car is driving over a pile of change.

Because nobody's going to get out of it. If you're too lazy to go inside to get your burger, you're too lazy to get out of your car to get a change. That's a brilliant point. That's way more effective than short-changing people. It's like, sorry about your shit.

Don't just drop it, just throw it down. For those of y'all listening, that's a lot funnier with the gesture. Yeah, I forget that we're a podcast. The gesture really sort of tops that off. We need to be a television show.

No, we don't. Or a fucking public access channel. As long as you can fund it, because that takes a hell of a lot more money. Well, what we need is just like somebody who will translate for the visually impaired. Is Garrett Morris out there?

Here's a podcast for the hard of hearing. Greg is making a large hand gesture of throwing money very demonstrative. That would actually be quite bad because in addition to Misty and I worrying about how we sound on air, we'd be worried about how we look. Oh, yeah. Nobody wants to look at me.

Again, there's a reason we're a podcast. And I was worried about how I sound. Like, right before I came over here, I said, I'm going to try to make my voice sound a little more pleasant because there's this, like, lazy drag in my voice. And my wife is like, mm-hmm. I'm like, oh, thanks.

Thanks. There's your spouse for you. I mean, this is true for everybody, but I sound completely different on air than I do in my head. So I hear my voice, I'm like, God, that's what I sound like. Well, unfortunately, I think I'm about the same.

Everyone thinks that. Well, everyone thinks that they sound different other than you. Right, other than me. I can sound like I sound in my head, but I have to make an effort to do it. I think I've just listened to myself so much now that I've started to replace that.

With how I actually sound. All I know is I think I'm a lot more intelligent in my head than I am in the real world. You go back and listen to the show and go, who is this dumbass? Oh, wait, that's me. I think I'm a lot funnier in my head than I really am.

Although, I think I'm funnier as soon as we stop a segment, and then I get funny for a while, and then we start again. It's a shame you guys are missing out at home. That what I should have said moment is like, oh, I would have been so funny. We'll give that to Garrett, too. So while you were gone, Fred said some really funny shit.

Can we get Garrett Morris on the show? I wish we could, because that guy's awesome. Garrett Morris is hilarious. I think when I was. In a hotel somewhere, I saw him on some made-for-kids movie.

He still does? Yeah. Up in stuff, yeah. He's still a character actor out there, and I wish he would turn up in more stuff, because he is hilarious. Ain't it?

I mean, I have those, like, being dumber speaking than I am in my head. Like, I was in, like, my sociology class the other day, and I'm already self-conscious because I'm the oldest fucking person in the class. Everyone's, like, 18. I'm like, look at you guys going to college right after high school. Stupid.

Going right to college. Idiots. Yeah. You don't know nothing about life. I said something, like, that was, like, a intelligent, like, valid thought, and it just, like, fizzled off, like, halfway through my sentence, and I just, like, stopped talking.

I'm like, I don't remember what I was going to say. The less you can say, the smarter you sound. Yeah. As we ramble on four hours later. Yeah.

We don't put on airs. We know who we saw. As our movie discussion has devolved into making fun of Ronald McDonald and The welfare system. Making hand gestures on a podcast, you know. Watch this.

It's different than the one we usually make. Who was it that said you're watching Movie Meltdown? Several people. I've got a collection of people saying you're watching Movie Meltdown. Oh, man.

So, the thing with two heads. How would you like to wrap that up? Yeah, don't do it. Again, I think there's a great premise there. I think it could have been a great 70s exploitation campy comedy, and they don't play on the comedy.

It never becomes the comedy it should have been. It tries to be an action movie. It tries to be a I don't know. It doesn't even try to play up the exploitation, really. It doesn't even address any of the black-white issues that it's banking on in this.

So, yeah, I think that's the problem, is it never delivers on any of. These things it throws out there and touches on and never follows through with. It's amazing just how lazy it is. It was lazy. It's just ridiculously lazy.

The conception of the story is so lazy. But then, like any movie, it had to be so much time and work and effort to go out. Setting up this fucking chase scene. I mean, doing... Although, did.

You notice with the one car wreck that went down the hill and rolled, they showed it from four. Different angles and made it look like it was four different wrecks? I was like, hey, he's hiding in the trees. Oh, because they had to shoot it from that angle. That was kind of a creative use of.

I mean, they had a few. At the very beginning, when you get the gorilla run past that crazy swooping around camera angle, again, that was in the beginning where I was like, okay, are we in for something kind. Of visually interesting? Because that one shot was cool, and then it stops. When all the people were running out of the store, it's almost like they're down in a manhole.

Shooting that angle, and it just looks so... I mean, it's a really neat shot. And I was like, this is... Well made. Yeah, there was a minute where it had potential and then it all went to hell.

The part I think there, it's like when they first get on that motorbike and it's like you're, the camera is like on the bike and, you know, it, what was it? You remember that ride at the River Falls Mall? The simulator? Oh, yeah. That's what it felt like.

I'm like, oh, man, it's going to be a fucking simulator movie. But it wasn't, thank God. Another one of those. Instead it was a mannequin strapped to a dirt bike for a half hour. With another person.

With another mannequin head strapped onto the side. You would think that that would be the, oh my god, look how bad this. you know, this fake head is on this person. And I liked those scenes. Those parts. It was a very good fake head.

And actually, yeah, when they were doing the surgery, that was a good fake head. You could tell it was fake, but I was like, that's where their budget went. Right. Because it was, like, moving at points. Yeah.

And then, like, it really did look just like that actor. And then when they put it on, there was a pretty good switch over. Like, that part was well done. Again, it's a shame it's in the rest of this horrible put-together... project, but yeah, that fake head they had in those scenes, they weren't badly done for the budget. They were on.

Even when it was the two of them and they were showing it, I mean, you could tell, yes, he was piggybacking on it, but it still looked. I don't know. It still looked alright. Again, that could have been not the problem. If what they were saying was intelligent, if they had decent back and forth, that could have been the least of their problems.

Oh, at least the screenplay is good. This head looks stupid, but it's 1972. They can't afford to CGI. And it hasn't been invented yet. I just wish they would have picked a style and just stuck with it.

That's the thing. They never commit. The wind-up for me is that It's frustrating because it should be inspiring, but it's depressing. Yeah, it is. It should inspire me because people actually bothered.

To make this movie. I should be making the movies I want to make. I should be doing something with the movies I want to make. But instead, it just depresses me. Because this got made.

It's like, yeah. You're not doing anything. This got made, and. And I'm still, you know, planning to get this one thing done. Here's another thing that pissed me off about this movie.

Why is there a fucking, like, full-length mirror in this science lab? Why? In a basement? In a basement. Science lab?

Why? So they can have that shot where he looks in the mirror. As I saw it in the beginning, I was like, I guess that mirror's there so he can look at himself when he's got two heads. I saw it coming in the. Setup as they're covering up the mirror.

I was like, well, I guess I know when we're going to use that. Why does everybody always buy those cheap shelving that you push over one and they all fall? That's the other thing. Why wouldn't you place them just out of reach of each other? I was going to say it's IKEA.

Has nobody played with dominoes? Put them just out of reach. Place them a little further so one falls down and totally, aw, you totally fucked that up. Mount it to the floor, come on. God, even Ikea comes with brackets to attach shit to the wall.

We didn't have Ikea back then. Those things you throw on the floor? Yeah, just extra parts. Well, see, I only learned what it is because I actually saved mine, and one day I came home and my bookshelf was tilted at a 45-degree angle, and the bottom was still flat. It was just for some reason tilting, like it was going to fall on me.

It would fall right on my bed right where my head is. So I was like, I think this is a bracket to secure it to the wall, and I'm going to make use of that. You would own it. You may have seen your own one. You're your own hero.

You owe yourself your life. You're going to have to be your own slave from now on. I know this is running on forever, but I have to include this for Randy. I know you read about it on my Facebook page, but last Wednesday, I'm walking my dog. I hear this sound.

I did read about this. I hear this sound. Do we need to officially make this a Marlena? All right. Play the music.

I'm walking my dog, and I hear this sound. And it doesn't even... It doesn't sound human. I don't know what the hell it was. It was like.

I thought it was like a dying cat. And I was like, no, I already got my cat out of that garage today. So I know it's not the cat. And then I'm like walking my dog. And I see my neighbor, my 80-year-old neighbor, who normally sits outside with a shotgun.

He had been... I guess he'd been tending to his garden. And he's got like... The whole yard is full of sheds. There's like 10 sheds.

I don't know why, but... He's, like, a shed hoarder. And there's, like, this old camper trailer right next to where he grows his, like, vegetable garden. And his feet are, like, trapped under it. And I'm like.

Did you steal his ruby slippers? I'm like, are you okay? He goes, no, honey, I'm not okay. I'm trapped. And I was like, oh, my God.

And then I'm, like, standing there. I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do? I don't know. You know, in one of those moments, you're just like, oh, hello. And he's like, knock on the door and get my wife.

So I knocked on the door and got his wife. She's not panicked at all. She's not even concerned. She's just like, what did you do this time? You get yourself in some shit.

Yeah, exactly. It was rosy green. Yeah. Honey, I'm trapped under the shed again. She's like, she gets her cell phone out and then she's like calling someone who apparently lives like half an hour away to come like get this thing that's like literally crushing his feet.

I mean, it crushed his feet. Wow. And she's like, they'll be here in about 20 minutes. And he's like, get the jack, get the jack. And I look everywhere.

There's seven fucking sheds. I have to look through these sheds. He's like, I think it's under this table. And this table is like a rickety wooden table covered with like a tarp and like 10,000 tractor tires. And it falls on your feet.

Ironically. No, but I have to dig through. I'm wearing a dress. I have to go to class in a couple of minutes. I don't have my dog leashes in my hand, but I'm digging through this table full of, like, tractor tires.

Like a dog paddle ingestion. Marlena is making dog paddle ingestions. This is how I dig their tires. And I finally find, after, like, ten minutes, I find the jack, and it's, like, invented before cars were invented. Which is really weird.

That's right. He was a jack for carriages. I was going to say, it's a horse and buggy jack. It's an Amish jack. An Amish jack.

It weighed like 8,000 pounds. And I had to drag it over to where the trailer is. And then it's like. She's making dragging motions. I'm a very visual person.

And then I realized there's no handle for it, so I have to go dig through the tires again and find the handle for the jack. Okay, it's the dog paddling gesture. And then I come back to the neighbor. And I, like, position the jack under, like, the hitch of the trailer. And he's old.

He's really hard to understand. So he's trying to explain to me how to use this jack. I've never fucking used a jack. I always make Jessica change my tires. That's what she's there for.

It is. Bitch, do my work. Yeah. And so... I have to learn how to use this jack on my own.

And it wasn't easy. It was, like, very complicated. And I, like, lift the jack up and finally free him. And his feet are crushed. It was really sad.

He's been in the hospital ever since. Oh, my God. And his wife said he has to get pins in both of his feet and his ankles. It, like, shattered his ankles somehow. My brother was supposed to get a pin in his ankle and he didn't do it.

He left the hospital on crutches and I thought he was crazy and an idiot because he is both of those things. But a year later his foot is fine and he asked the doctor should he have got a metal rod put in his ankle. The doctor said only if you want a metal rod in your ankle. Wow. Wow.

So you are a hero. Yes, I was a. Hero that day. And like I said, I didn't even get my dress dirty somehow, and it's like I'm using this, like, turn of the century car jack and it's covered in grease and my dogs are like what. The fuck i was going to poop what are we.

Doing you know like i was afraid my puppy was gonna pee on him the whole time like please it'd be such a bad time this little man is trapped here don't pee on his leg yeah. But You know, after what you did. If your dog wants to pee on him. Yeah, you've got to let that slide. Yeah, let that slide.

Can you come out? My dog needs to pee. Yeah, so that was the craziest thing that probably happened to me. What would have been awesome is if you could somehow have had. $ 6 million man sound effects. Like, as you're doing the jack, as you're doing the rubble.

That would have been awesome. Let me clarify this. It's kind of like a little dinosaur hand dog paddling gesture. A Tyrannosaurus trying to swim up trees for birds, too. I'm looking for an Amish Jack in a shed.

Imagine how many of these guys are. He's like, oh, fuck, this is the person who's going to help me. God, I'm going to die. I'm giving you the thrashing of your life. Oh, shit.

The worst part is, I lifted that jack up there, just like, well, okay, and I just walked away. See you later. See you later. Go to class. Peace.

I'm out. Have fun with your broken feet. His wife had brought him a wheelchair. But I mean, I decided my assistance was no longer needed and I walked away. That's awkward, but you've got to do what you've got to do.

It's awkward to have to exactly, precisely define the boundaries of how much you can afford to care about a situation. But sometimes you have to do that. I mean, or you just can't do anything. It's like, I don't want to get. In here and start helping because then I'm going to have to admit the point where I can't, I just can't do it anymore.

That reminds me of a story I heard on a different podcast that I won't name, but it was a amusement park story. It was about a woman who went into, she just called in and told this story of how she went into like one of the haunted house things at an amusement park and she went in and there was a midget standing there and she started screaming and then the midget looked at her and started screaming because she was screaming at him and after a minute or two they realized that Neither of them were part of the show. They were both just waiting to go in. And so they pretended like it hadn't happened. I've had that happen to me.

That's your best strategy at that point. It was with children. Children are less likely to disguise their feelings. I had braces, and it was like... Halloween corn maze thing.

The moon was shining very brightly and probably reflecting. Off the fabric. A Halloween porn-based thing? A corn maze. A corn maze.

She's a kid. She had braces. It's a Halloween kiddie porn. This is a scary scenario already. I didn't hear the words.

I misread the gestures. Marlena is making a porn gesture. Every hand gesture I make, I could be doing anything. It's always this. Now she's really making a hand gesture.

That's what it is. Anything I'm doing, I could be baking a cake. I could be, like, basketball. I don't know. You could be, like, working an Amish jack.

Working an Amish jack. It's that muscle memory thing. That's the new code I'm going to start using. I need somebody to work my Amish. I'm just rescuing an old man.

I don't know. I'm not even going to try to... You know what's very ironic about the Amish thing and the broken foot thing? Like the... And Sunday before that, I went to Amishtown and was talking to this Amish girl named Barbara.

Amishtown? Is that over by Chinatown? Head down to Amishtown. It's a neighborhood in Louisville. Amishtown?

They don't have any street lights. They don't have any street lights. Power lines. No. Cable company can't get in there.

It's like an Amishtown past Madison, Indiana. And I was talking to this Amish girl, Barbara, that was selling tomatoes, and her foot had been crushed by a horse. So, I mean, that's kind of like a weird. Maybe they had a jack to raise that foot up. That's just weird synchronicity, I guess.

Right. I don't know. Her foot had been crushed by a horse. Fred is making the Rescue the Old Man gesture. The Amish butter churn jack action.

Jack-tion. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, so. We don't do this for anyone's benefit.

Obviously not. That's what happened to me. You know what would be really great is like this being watched through the window here. Right. There's a nice restaurant across the street.

The guy sitting in the big big chair is watching this. As they watch us. Is that wasn't there? There's a guy. Sitting out there in a long chair right in front of the shop.

All of us watching this make the butter turn action hand gesture. No, he'd probably just be watching it later. Well, you never know. Yeah, fascinating. So I think we've gotten away from the movie, right?

We've rounded out the Marlena moment. I think that needs to bring the episode to a close. I think so, because I have to be at school for like four hours. That's what I'm saying. Once again, we are out of control.

So, I don't even know what the hell we're doing in the future, so I'm not even going to throw out there. Secret Circle can hang on until next episode. So with that, I'd say that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for putting up with me. Thanks for hanging in there. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, this was fun.

That was one of the most off-the-rails movies we've ever done. That was a blast. I remember the sparks that flew in the summer of 79. My brother went wild for a pretty girl's smile, but he didn't care that she was mine. We fought each other like never before, and beat till we were black and blue.

And when we told her it was time, she made. Up her mind. She said, I've had it with the boy and you. That was when. The pact was made.

No woman could sever her. We swore it forever for the rest of our lives We would stick together forever Cause two heads are better than one It's double the pleasure, baby, it's triple the fun I said two heads are better than one It'll make you come undone Two heads. Are better than one. When we found ourselves in Vegas, the city of sin We were restless and looking to play When this little black dolly in the hotel lobby Grew. A kiss as she walked out of.

The way She said, I'm feeling kind of lonely And gave us a wink, feeling bold We expressed our intentions We said, you're gonna have both She said. That's a joke It takes two just to. Get my attention Hope to share and share alike. That's a part of our lifestyle. So I'm gonna tell you, baby, just where we stand.

If you won't let us fall, then we won't fall. Because two heads are better than one. It's double the pleasure, triple the fun. I said two heads. I'm better than one It'll make you come undone Two heads are better than one We've come this far together It's too late for turning back But it's only better when you're But when you rock with the boys You never go back I'm better.

Than one. Thank you. Two heads are better than one. It's double the pleasure, triple the fun. I tell you, two heads are better than one.

They'll make you come undone. Nothing's better than two heads are. Better than one. It's double the pleasure, triple the fun. Two heads are better than one.

Two heads are better than one. Two heads are better than one Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby Two heads are better than one Two heads are better than one. Why don't you shut up? Hey, that's telling him, man. I should have known you all kinds stick together.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!