140: That is so Cliche

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You know, like in the movies, just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now, why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the billions, so they've got to find those extra cups to fill. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil.

What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. I'm Greg. I'm Fred. Oh, right, I'm sorry, I'm Fred, and I'm Greg.

It doesn't take much to confuse this crew we've got on board. And we're back once again with another edition of The Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino on my butt. I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee.

It's time for The Caffeinated Movie Geek. We're coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds, where we get together, drink coffee, talk movies, and probably say really stupid things. In a little while. So, this should be interesting. Fred, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week?

That would be fishers and fallers. Wow, all right. In that order. On top of things this time. Good for you.

So, yep, we are back. And it doesn't taste fishy at all. Or folly. I shoved leaves in there when you weren't looking. Get that fall flavor going.

So, in an effort to mix things up a little bit and to not totally forget about some of our previous segments, I thought I'd throw a few different ones in this time. So, it's been a while since we've done this one, so I thought we should do What's the Buzz? All right. Mostly it was just... It was almost just to talk about this, if nothing else, because I...

The first one here, we might just lead off with a, if you remember, it's been a while once again, but our running feature of, what? Because that was kind of my response when I read it. Let me see what you guys think of this one. So, especially in light of our recent, let's see, that one was when the truth comes out episode of stars in their private lives and they're finding more about them than you probably need to know kind of thing. Well, we know there's a little history between Mr.

Mel Gibson and the Jewish faith. We've covered that in the past. Well, this week the story came out that Mel wants to get back into making movies. Now, he's probably done way better as a director than as an actor. After the success of Beaver.

Well, he didn't direct that. His directorial stuff has actually gotten pretty good response. So I don't know if he's looking to get more into that, but that's probably in his best interest. But this week, Mel Gibson and screenwriter Joe Esterhaus of Basic Instinct, Showgirls, yeah, he's done some classy work of his own. I see an episode coming up for us.

Oh, I don't even know what we would do with this. He has signed a deal with Warner Brothers to adapt an ancient historical war epic. All right, still sounds right, Mel Gibson. All right, that's cool. Great part.

Described that way, this story could go... Jesus Christ. The project that Warner Brothers is developing is a long-talked-about historical epic about Hebrew freedom fighter Judah Maccabee. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What became is the Maccabean Revolt eventually gave us the Jewish feast slash holiday known as, do we want to go with Hanukkah or do we need to pronounce it more? Hanukkah. Yeah, say it with some phlegm. You're in charge of the Hebrew words here. Right, because I'm so.

Because you're so Hebrew. Right. As, again, I don't know, I'm just sort of reading through this in shock and awe. So, as the deal currently stands, Mel Gibson will produce, collaborate on the script with Esther House, and have first option on potential directing job if he actually gets this project made. So, yeah, the McAbee story has potential to, you know, be a big, great, you know, sword and sandal war epic kind of thing.

But Mel Gibson involved? I mean, more than, yeah, I don't know which is worse, really. I mean, Mel Gibson with his... Mel. Gibson understands martial vigor, and he has a kind of Warner Brothers, like, do anything to, you know, he has something, but Esther House?

I mean, how does he even exist? Oh, he's He's taken quite a break over the years now. It's been a while since he's done anything. So I don't know if he's trying to change direction here and be like a real screenwriter. Yeah.

Wow. Because I remember making fun of Braveheart prior to when I first saw the poster. Yeah. And even making fun of that he was going to handle the passion. And both times he made me look silly.

As far as direction goes, he did a damn good job. So if you match those two together, yeah, that is what we're talking about with this film. From what I've heard, the other one is even better. Apocalypto? Yeah, I've heard that's probably his best work period.

Oh, I like that movie. I've seen it. That's fun. Is it? Yeah, it's a blast.

It's one of those movies you could just put it in and watch it again. It's cool. So, yeah, I mean... I don't know. If Fred is fucking with you or not.

No, I believe I watched it twice within a few weeks. Wow. As I watched it and then somebody else was watching it. I was like, yeah, that's fine. I'll sit down and watch it again.

So, yeah, I mean, I don't question his directing more than anything, but his just, number one, we don't know where he, I mean, we know the horrible history and he's got issues with that faith. So, I don't know, is he using this to try to make good? Like, is he trying to turn around and balance things out again? I don't know. It's the Cat Stevens story. problem yeah you can never really get back some stuff what do you do well and and people in general just are sort of closed off if you're not of their group this was one i forgot about but i was just listening to something recently about back when um inglorious.

Bastards came out and i mean that's you know tarantino made this super pro-jew you know movie it's like jews kicking ass and like killing nazis and it's like it's awesome and it's finally one that's you know not sort of showing the Jews as victims in a World War II movie, which is what pretty much every other movie has done. And everybody who wasn't in that camp, that wasn't Jewish, or at least in the official Jewish leaders, the people in charge that make these sort of statements coming out against him did. It's like people of the Jewish faith still didn't like it. because he wasn't Jewish, because it wasn't his, you know, it wasn't his movie to make. You know, it's like, it's not your story, you don't need to be making this, which I don't necessarily agree with.

I think, you know, especially when art is involved, you should be able to do whatever you want, and, you know, especially something like that. Especially something that, I mean, there's no historical... It's an alternate history. Yeah, you can't even, like, fault it for being wrong. It's fake right off the bat.

And on top of that, it's like a very pro- jewish thing so it's like i don't know what other than it goes against the ways you know everybody's so caught up in their you know strict little system that they don't want anything to change but i don't know i think that was to me that was like looking at that going okay this is a well-received as time went on it's gotten a lot better response but And even that, in a director that's sort of beloved in his field, still got a lot of flack for that. So it's like you got Mel Gibson. It's pro-Jewish. It's like Jewsploitation or something. I don't know what the feeling is.

You had Hicksploitation last time. We've got to come up with a sploitation for every episode now. I don't know. It seems weird to give it to anybody, this story, but specifically, I mean, I could see other people making this movie, but handing it to Mel Gibson at this point, if nothing else other than even if he does a good job, you know, much like the Tarantino thing. It's like even if you end up making a really solid movie and it's historically accurate and it does everything it needs to do, is he going to bring so much baggage to it that you can't win?

Is he going to bring so much? Is there so much baggage to it? To it that you can't lose because people are going to talk about it and have to see it so that they can throw in their two cents. Possibly. I mean, that was part of, I think, what carried the Passion of the Christ.

I think there was so much, it had a slow build to it, but I think by the end it was just like really Mel Gibson okay and it like it carried it and sort of steamrolled as more like religious people got on board and church groups went to see it so it's like eventually it built its momentum but I think for a while it got a lot of Mel Gibson you know Lethal Weapons making a Jesus movie you know it had enough. But almost everything he does has that. It's like, lethal weapon is Hamlet? Yeah. Lethal weapon is a beaver?

Everything he does, you kind of go like, what the fuck? Same thing with Braveheart. I laughed when I saw him. On the end. When I saw it, I was, hey, this is a damn good, you know.

It's very Hollywood, but it's a damn good movie. I still kind of laughed a little when I saw The Passion of the Cross. There were just things that I just couldn't get past. What, the blue-eyed Jim Caviezel? Well, it being rated R for smiting.

Too much begatting going on in this movie. And this is, maybe this could be something we could discuss in depth later, but It's one of those movies that just has something in it that's like, you go, what the fuck? And then the movie just goes on and. Nobody ever mentions it again. But apparently Jesus invented the tall.

Table with chairs. He's a carpenter. What do you want? And Mary, his mother, said it would never catch on. And yet here we are, sitting here at a table.

It was almost like a Flintstones moment. What was that? And It's just one of those moments that occurs in a movie and you go, huh? And then you go on because the movie has other stuff, you know. It's got some more time to do.

Later, Jesus invented the cheeseburger. Yeah. Wait. Hold on. Wait.

So, I don't know. I just... If nothing else, the Mel Gibson thing is troubling enough. And then you throw S to house in the mix. And then it's just like, oh my God.

What is it? Are people going to be having sex like fish? What is going to happen in this thing? And all of that will lead to the story of Hanukkah. so yeah what I don't know. As long as the two of them tackle Kwanzaa next I'm on board.

Again it'll balance things out yeah I can see that I don't know. I think they're just raising expectations and somehow or another they'll. Make a not so. Crazy movie that's my prediction is the movie will not be insane but You'll still go, what? Right.

We'll see. I don't know. It will be a good movie. To some extent. And then, you know, it's hard to say what it will turn out.

I just thought that was such a weird idea. I would throw it out there this week. So there's one other one I was definitely going to address at the end here. But in between, I figure if you guys want to pick, I'll throw out some topics. Can I throw out one that I saw a trailer for?

Oh, God. Go ahead. I finally saw the Rock'em Sock'em Robots trailer. Good lord. Oh, is this real steel?

Real steel. Because I think they're making another Fighting Robots movie, so it wouldn't surprise me, but yeah, I've seen the trailer for real steel. Now, if the robot, I did see where there was some Hugh Jackman and robot dancing or something at some point in it. If they do the robot, it might then become awesome. If they could somehow do that, but other than that, it's It looks like they just poured nacho cheese on.

The whole thing. It kind of doesn't matter because it doesn't make any sense. Right. I mean, as much as Rock'em Sock'em Robots is awesome in its own way, but, I mean, if you want to think about it, I mean, the whole point of boxing, specifically boxing, fighting in general, but boxing is a very, like, it's that sweet science thing. It's about... knowing the limitations of the body and using the way that the body works against the other person and knowing your own limitations.

It's knowing how a body works. If it's metal, there is no pain. There is no science to it. It's physics, maybe, but there's no... I'm going to have to disagree.

Because on our set, and this is one of the things that... This is a heartbreaking childhood memory. I had an older brother who was kind of a bully, but our Rock'em Sock'em robots... The blue one had a glass jaw, and he just never realized it. And so he would always say, oh, well, which one do you want to be?

And I'd play it cool. I'd be like, I don't care. I'm going to do the red one. And we'd play for a minute, and he'd be like, oh! And then he'd push the head back down, and we'd play for a minute.

Bam! Oh! And he never caught on. He just, you know, he never caught on to this. But that was like my guilty... secret was I knew that the blue one just had had a glass shot and I understood that about.

The But again, in this situation, you're the Hugh Jackman, so I don't know. If you're going into the drama behind the scenes, I guess you could do that, but other than that, it kind of makes no sense. But what drama? I mean, what is there to lose. If your robot dies?

Build another robot? Yeah, I'm like. It's not like Rocky. You know, Apollo Creed, the robots... I don't want to say that because that could ruin Rocky.

The next Rocky? What I'm saying is if someone hasn't seen Rocky, I don't want to spoil what happened. I guess not. Either way, there is real drama in Rocky. There's real stakes to it.

It's like when they're robots, what the hell? It's human and it's. Will and it's intellectual. If you watch something like Ali Foreman. It's just riveting, and you make them robots, and.

You're like, why? I mean, it's a battle between a couple of, you know, George Foreman grills. It might as well be. And my George Foreman is perfect for that. Now, I will say this.

In Toy Story 2, the Rock'em Sock'em robots that get in a fight together is probably one of my favorite parts of that movie. I will call myself out. Remember the Robot Wars? What was the one they used to have on? BattleBots.

BattleBots, yeah. I used to watch that every week. I love that show. So I will be the first to say, but once again, that was more, and they played on that. It was sort of reality programming because you watched the guys behind the scenes, and it became more about the science of it, of who could build a better robot, who could find a better gimmick to beat the other ones.

So again, the battling itself was cool, but there wasn't much drama in that. It was just... watching the controllers and seeing what they built, where this, they're just going to be giant robot, you know, humanoid robots. There's not really anything else to it, so... Yeah, I'll call myself out for liking some BattleBots, but I think that's different. Is that Bill Dwyer was on that show?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Bill. You could tell he didn't really care about it, but he sure sounded like he cared. Bill doesn't care about anything he does. That's kind of why I love him.

He's sort of a jackass, and yet he's really funny, so he carries himself through whatever stupid job he gets himself into. Isn't he on that show where they beat the crap out of people? That's right. Pretty sure. Knock out or punch out.

He's on several things now. I'd watch that. I would watch that. I bet Whoopi could throw down, though. I would be afraid of her.

Well, on that one, we've got a robot story here. If you want to go into that. And it's tying to Spielberg. They're saying Spielberg's next project is an adaptation of the novel Robo-pocalypse. The ambitious science fiction epic will be Steven Spielberg's first return to the genre since War of the Worlds, or it says, or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, depending on how you categorize it.

So, yeah, they're saying, Robo-pocalypse tells the story of how the human race in the near future deals with a robot uprising after becoming reliant upon the benefits of robotics. Spielberg is expected to start filming in early 2012 after wrapping up his long-planned Abraham Lincoln biopic. Uh, so, yeah, they've already chosen the release date of July 3rd, 2013. So. Oh, holy cow.

Yeah, he's gonna have to crank a couple more movies out to get that out on time. I am kind of sick of the robot uprising theme. It. It depends on how you do it. Again, it's like I almost want the more cheesy version.

Like, iRobot was kind of fun, you know? And it was like that was because it was kind of dumb, but in a way it was like, eh, you know what, you could go along for the ride and it was fun. Where when you take it more of the Terminator Salvation Road, it's just like, ugh, who cares? So, I don't know. It depends on how they go.

Again, it is starting to get played out. Robots may be the new zombies soon, I don't know, but they're pushing their luck on that one. I'm waiting for the robot zombie alien movie. We already had aliens versus ninjas. We can have aliens versus robots versus.

Robot zombie aliens. I think that would be. And this one, I don't even care about the story. I read the first part of it and went. Wow, really?

That's sad. In the last 13 years, comedian turned actor Chris Tucker starred in exactly three non-documentary movies and their titles all started with the words Rush Hour. Yeah. 13 years. All he's done is Rush Hour.

That's it. I guess since Friday, he's been nothing but rush hour. Yeah, but I mean, the more I thought about it, I was like, that's sad, because as much as I felt he was annoying and didn't like him as an actor, he was an up-and-coming actor. I mean, they put him in, I was trying, I mean, he's in The Fifth Element, and then they turn around and put him in, what was the other one? The.

I think the Rush Hour movies, though, may explain that. Because, I mean, they started out really fun, and then by the third one, it's just like. Nobody cared. It's like most of that. The third one, I could tell you nothing about it.

Yeah. It was Jackie Brown. He's in Jackie Brown. That's like a huge project. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Jackie Brown. Yeah. So it's like to think that he was ending up in those big projects with these huge directors, and then... 13 years of nothing but fucking Rush Hour sequels.

I don't know. That's sad to me. He's a good actor. Well, I'm not going to say good actor. He's good at doing what he does.

He knows how to be really annoying. And sometimes that works. I mean, there's certain movies that I think you can make that work. And it has in those better ones we mentioned. By the time you get to Rush Hour 3, nobody cares, obviously.

So, yeah, he has a new movie coming out. I... I don't know. The more I hear about all of these, it kind of worries me. The movie is called The Rabbit.

His first post-Rush Hour movie. It's about a depressed guy who has a puppet. It's a rabbit. He can only talk through the rabbit. Mel Gibson directed it.

He's got other ones coming, too. I'm trying to think what the scary one. Somebody was sitting around, you know who we need to reboot? I guess, because now he's got like three. There's one that he's like, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert De Niro are in one with him.

I'm like, what? No, which of these things is not like the other? Don't put Chris Tucker in that movie. And then this is the one that worried me. The other one is he's in, oh God, he's in talks to co-star in Neighborhood Watch, joining Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill as a group of neighborhood guys who concocted Neighborhood Watch as an excuse to get more time to hang out together until things get serious.

So, yeah, that sounds terrible. Wow. Yeah. I don't know what to do with any of that, but don't put Chris Tucker in it. You need a Wilson in there, too.

Just throw one in. Oh, yeah. It's like Vince Vaughn's last movie. Right. Doesn't he have the death rattle yet?

Couple's Retreat was the last one I saw. It was horrible. What was the one that was, he finds out that his friend's wife is cheating on him or something? That one just hit DVD. secret or i don't know the situation the dilemma yeah i think it's the dilemma uh again that tells you that tells you well aren't they all kevin james that's what was missing from this last one was kevin james yeah i i i don't know i can't do it i can see kevin james sneaking around the street late at night falling down over trash cans trying to watch the neighborhood you know i'm proud of. The world for that zookeeper movie for not hitting Did it not?

I assumed it had a good opening, but. I heard nothing about it since its release. It obviously didn't make the money of the Mall Cop, but. No, the Paul Blart movie. But I assumed it probably still made their money.

Wouldn't surprise me. Yeah, here I sit, and they're out filming the second Zooty. Yeah, I'm sure they are. This one we just need to make fun of. So, Brendan Fraser, right off the bat, go ahead.

Uh. and the director of the Journey to the Center of the Earth series, and Yogi Bear, by the way, will reunite for William Tell 3D, a new historical action film based on one of Switzerland's most and only famous folk heroes. That seems like a joke. Doesn't it? That's kind of the other one. I was like, oh, we kind of need to talk about this because it's just funny.

Wow. I wonder what the soundtrack will be like. Brian Adams? Well, maybe some William Tucker. No, no.

No. Brian Adams. Brian Adams. I'm pretty sure. So, yeah, in 3D, because you need the arrow coming at your face.

I just.... We're just staring off into space and shaking our heads. It hurts. When I saw the Battleship preview, that one was pretty low. Oh, all right.

We'll get to the last one. And this one, it pains me, but I'm trying to go in with an open mind. Because you know what? You love it. It's time for the remake of the week.

All right. This one, the only promise is there's sort of decent people involved uh david katzenberg jeffrey sun and seth graham smith the author who in the next year or so we're going to see 14 of his projects come out but he did pride and prejudice and zombies abraham lincoln vampire hunter so he's got so much stuff in the works right now none of it's hit yet so i kind of but he seems like he's got a good feel for what he's trying to tap into so they've set up their new production company cat smith productions At Warner Brothers, and the two-year deal includes what he wants to do as a sequel to Tim Burton's Beetlejuice. Wow. Yeah. The intention is to reboot the Beetlejuice brand name by advancing the story started by the 88 Supernatural comedy, and I don't know, the idea itself pains me.

Because I love Beetlejuice. Yeah, that's almost untouchable. Yeah. Again, it's one of the reasons I came to love Tim Burton in his early days. It's probably one of the reasons I had such a weird thing for Winona Ryder over the years.

That's what I'm saying. It introduced all these amazing aspects into my life at that point, and to go back now and mess with it? I mean, just the visuals alone. I still can watch that movie, and it's just amazing. So, I don't know.

It worries me that they're going to try to touch it in general again. But again, I'm trying to be as open-minded as I can. The reason that Graham Smith got involved, he recently was working on the screenwriting for the Dark Shadows reboot, update, whatever the hell you're calling that one, that Johnny Depp's going to be in with Tim Burton. So again, it's all sort of tied to that world. So if he's tapped into that, this is my only thing.

If they can leave it alone and not mess with what was going on the first one and sort of go back into that world. Because I think that's kind of one of my favorite things about that movie is that little universe that they kind of bring into being and all the crazy visuals and the crazy afterlife world. If you could go into that and tell something else and sort of explore that weird world, I would almost be on board for that because that I love and I would like to see more in that. That's kind of like I was a big fan of the Beetlejuice animated series because it did that, because it didn't really mess with what went on in the movie. In fact, it kind of changed a very major point in it, and then it went off on its own way, and it stayed in that weird afterlife world, and it brought in all these new characters, and it did that same creepy thing that was going on in Beetlejuice, but it did it in a new, original way.

If we could do something like that, I'd be okay with it. If they're going to drag out the old characters and they're going to do stupid... I don't know. If they're really going to make it a sequel, it's probably going to be horrible. Well, I'm thinking if it's a sequel, it might be...

We're going to work in this world and not redo. Because I think if it was redone. It would just be... It would be horrible. If it was a reboot, I would really hate the idea.

A sequel's almost more tolerable is the sad part. Yeah, I think I can... It's one of those things where if you. Brian, loving it, had money, had the talent to make a film as a director and say, I'm going to do this right before somebody else does. Okay, so if this is somebody who truly loves Beetlejuice, isn't just, oh, what could I cash in on?

Again, that's kind of why I had a little more hope. I don't know much of this guy. I haven't read those things, but I just know that seems to be his world. Like, he gets that. He's sort of in his own, like, stage where Tim Burton was when he was younger.

So, you know, it's like, if he could take what he's doing and sort of go another way with it and do kind of what Tim Burton was doing in his youth, it's like, that would be cool and I would be okay with it again if you don't mess with what was going on in the first one or even draw too heavy from it. If you just kind of take the, I mean, again, if you want to bring the brand name that's the main character they're gonna have to find some way to work that in but I don't know I don't know if we're going to get Keaton back I mean he's quite a bit older now but he's. I think he's still but again in. The makeup I don't know how you know you could not worry so much about that because he looks horrible anyway in the makeup so I mean you don't have to worry about him being prettied up again so he's a dead guy what do you want I think.

Two things one I hope they don't go too much CG Yeah. See, I hadn't even thought about that. Damn it. Yeah. That could get bad.

But the other thing, I think I'm almost ready to trust somebody like that who's still clawing to try to make it. Yeah. Then I would be even Tim Burton-y. Yeah. Truthfully, yeah.

I would be. I would be way more worried if Burton himself wanted to do a sequel to it. I'd be throwing shit. Yeah. If seeing what he's done with his last several, many of the projects in the last ten years.

Yeah. Yeah, I would be really upset if he wanted to touch it. I would be much more inclined. Yeah, I would be upset, although if Michael Keaton wanted to be. Yeah, no.

I'd have to see him do something again. Again, if you took... Again, he's the title character. If you wanted to take him and go an entirely different direction, just don't drag those same... Like, don't bring Lydia back into it.

Don't bring the couple back into it. I mean, half the actors you couldn't even get, or a couple have died since then. So it's like, you're going to have to do something different. drastically different anyway, so why not just leave it alone and go an entire different direction? I'd be okay if they wanted to bring Keaton in on it. So I think you could take him, transplant him to another town, another house, another haunting, or whatever, and if you're talented, I think you could make a really cool story out of this.

But we'll see. I don't know. It still worries me, but yeah, I hadn't even thought about the damn CGI. Damn it. Because that, again, why the visuals were so amazing in the first one is because they were still practical.

It was still clay animation. It was still, you know, stop-motion animation. It was, yeah, I don't know. CG will ruin everything. All right, that's pretty much it for the buzz.

Can we, like, change it from the buzz to depression time or something? We're supposed to be finding the good things in this. You should rejoice in the fact that for 13 years, we haven't really seen much of Chris Tucker. That's a good thing. Come on, you have to get on board with that.

What about Not So Great Expectations? That's the sequel you need to put together. All right, we will take a break and be back with the other segment of the week. I'm getting more coffee. Shake, shake, shake, Sonora, shake your body line.

Shake, shake, shake, Sonora, shake it all the time. Work, work, work, Sonora, work your body line. Work, work, work, Sonora, work it all the time. My girl's name is Sonora. I tell you friends, I adore her.

And when she dances, oh brother, she's a hurricane in all. Kinds of weather. Jump in the line, rock your body in time. Okay, I believe you. Jump in the line, rock your body in time.

Okay, I believe you. Jump in the line, rock your body in time. It's intermission, rise and stretch time. Time to refresh yourself and visit our snack bar. Got a yen for hot popcorn?

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Program the blast-off sequence. Ten, nine. Even in your wildest imagination. there has never been a place like one future world we have ignition it's the ultimate resort. Aboard the starship you will be able to walk in. Space the ultimate dream come true all the.

Girls the future world is pretty as you are oh yes sir they come in all shapes and sizes whatever you desire and. The ultimate nightmare you will do what delos instructs you to do i will do whatever delos instructs me to. Do american international pictures presents peter fonda so. You're replacing human leaders with your own duplicates, huh? Yes.

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And Yul Brynner as the gunslinger in Future World. Rated PG. Parental guidance suggested. You can't possibly succeed. We can and we will.

After you've done it all, there's still Future World. Okay, Carol, now you take these notes and then we're about ready to begin. Okay, sure. Whoa. What are you two doing here?

We don't record until tomorrow. We're making a new promo for All Games Considered, since you were dragging your feet getting one written. Hey, she's right, though. It's been too long, and a lot has happened since the last promo. Yeah, like winning the gold NE for Best Gaming Podcast for 2009.

You mean the one you try to work into the conversation every other episode? Hey, now, now, there's more than that. There's the new format. You mean the main show every two weeks and the assortment of other features in the meantime? Right, like games you may never have heard of, the review in new shows.

Don't forget the RPG buffet. And on the main show, we have more time to focus on gaming topics. Like board and card games. And RPGs. And the people who play them from the old school to the newest of the new.

But no changeling. Hey! Find out more at agcpodcast.info All games considered, because there's more than one true way to play. Hey, this is Graham Elwood, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Pawn shot first.

The kids and the neighbor kids had the discussion, who were tougher, wizards or Jedis? And I said, they're the same thing. Yeah, pretty much. And they're like, what are you two talking about? It's the same thing.

Yeah. That's the sad part, is when the prequels come out and you realize, this. Is just a weird religious cult. I used to like Jedis, and now they're just kind of creepy. Yeah, they're kind of dicks, too.

Yeah, that, too. They've got weird attitude and... They dressed funny and got weird hair. No wonder they killed them all. I know.

They would do the things that if you were a Jedi, you would do. Like, you know, if you're at dinner and Jar Jar's tongue flicks out and grabs something, if you were a Jedi, you'd grab it and you'd say, you will not say another word for the rest of this fucking movie. No, I would just force push him through the wall and out into the parking lot. I should have killed you the second I saw that. If somewhere right off the bat Jar Jar was like Mesa choking be like this is the best movie ever back.

To the blu-ray version I would buy I was like woohoo and they should have just dressed up all the costumes that Natalie. Portman was in they should have put her in a professional costume. Good lord the same one not a larger version. The same one. You know, Jar Jar was kind of like the pimp character from Starsky and Hutch.

Huggy Bear? Huggy Bear, or was it Rooster on Beretta? But he was that guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's just walking around.

So what's happening on the street, Jar Jar? Mesa here. There's some shit going down. Did Jar Jar talk jive? He kind of did, actually.

He did. He kind of did. Wow. It's okay, stewardess. I speak Jive.

Maybe. So he's like it was a racist character. Well, I mean, there's a lot of those. I mean, you look at the shop owner. I mean, they've said that since it came out.

They were like, uh. And then the trade officials, those are weird accents. The Jedi Council really seems, the parallels a lot about Catholicism. Yeah. And the priesthood.

I just think it... I don't know. We've decided. I know. You start to not like...

That's the thing. If they went in order, if it was one through six... By the time I got to three, I'd be like, fuck these Jedis. No wonder he's... Hurry.

Up, Anakin. Start off in these motherfuckers. I'd be killing those young ones, too. You get to four, and you just hear the mythical stories, and they seem awesome. And yeah, you go back and see what really happened according to the retro Lucas ideas, and you're just like, oh, I don't like these guys at all.

And the lesson learned is you don't want to dig too deep on Ancestry.com. Yeah. You don't want to know. Just. listen to the legends, and believe that your babysitter was John Carpenter, and then just go on. Just go on.

Oh, Lord. All right, we're back, and it's time for The Grind. Welcome to The Grind, y'all. Got you where I want you. Girl, that feels so good.

Now, we've done it a few times in the past, but if you're not familiar with it, in this segment we discuss a specific topic or question related to movies, and as often as possible... we'd like those suggestions for this segment to come from you, the listener. So, before we get sidetracked on this one, let me go ahead and throw it out there. If you have any suggestions or questions or topics or whatever you think we should cover on this Grind segment... email them to us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com, and we'll work them in there. That is specifically where these last three have come from, and I've got a couple I wanted to throw out there, but pretty much everything so far has been listener-generated, so we want to keep those coming in.

On that note, this week's question for The Grind comes from longtime listener Barbarella Cult, who asks, What clichés in movies drive you crazy? And she says, sorry if this in itself is a cliché question. I don't think it is, actually. I don't think I've heard anybody go on at great length about this. There's plenty of little one-shots here and there, but I thought it would be good to throw several of them together.

All right. What clichés in movies drive you crazy? Where would you like to begin on this one? Well. I would begin with, like, you know, what is a cliché?

Because there are a lot of things, like people say are clichés in movies, that are really just observations, like where you can see through the fabric of the fiction. Yeah. It's just like. That's a fine line. A thing they do in movies.

It's... I don't know if... Maybe it's a cliché. Maybe... I don't know what.

The broadest definition of cliché is. I'm kind of throwing a lot of them in there, so this one may just be let's make fun of stuff that always happens in movies edition. That's not what it has to be. You know. Yeah.

I've... actually had that discussion. With people much more intelligent than I about what the nature of a cliche is, because it's hard to define. And the answer that most scholars have come up with, it's pretty much what you want it to be. You can't really pin it down. So if nothing else, yeah, most of, well, the couple that first came to mind for me specifically, and then I started looking for other ones and threw it out there to people, but I think if nothing else, the grand scheme of things is let's make fun of stuff that always happens in movies.

So we can also address anything along the way that if it fits cliche or if it's just something that happens a whole lot or however we can elaborate. Well, I looked around for some and saw a lot of the same ones come up. And something we mentioned not long ago was how sex is presented in movies. Yeah. And those are things like immediately after sex, the woman covers up.

Some people call that the L-shaped sheet phenomenon. The sheet goes down to the guy's waist, but comes up over the woman's head. As it does, sure. But some of them don't really bother me so much, but they're still kind of fun if you find them neatly expressed. I think Seinfeld once pointed out that You know, Bond villains always, whenever Bond breaks into the compound, they say, oh, come on in, Mr.

Bond. Let me show you my entire plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work. The one that occurred to me earlier in the Bond world was, don't give Bond anything. He breaks everything you give him. You give him a fancy new car, he smashes it.

You give him a cool new toy... He breaks it and uses it. Yeah, and it's useless after that. So, yeah. I mean, at least they, within the series, made fun of that.

Yeah, but that's almost... That's almost some... That's not a cliche. No, see, that's not a cliche. It's just one of those things that...

It's a joke within the series as time goes on. An inside joke in the series. But it reminds me... Well, the way somebody else... I saw somebody put that was that spies... hide their occupation by driving the most expensive cars and staying.

And that reminds me. Dressing in tuxes. Yes, that's how they hide. And that reminded me of a movie thing, and it was when Lolita came out, the most recent Lolita. And the first five minutes of it, he's telling.

About his childhood growing up, and he says when he was a kid he wanted to be a spy. And right then I'm like, fuck, this isn't going to work. It's not going to work. Because I know in the book he wanted to be a famous spy. And I don't know if that extra word was going to put this fucking project over budget.

But why would you cut that word? Yeah, that makes a huge difference in character. Because it's exactly like one of those unrealistic hopes of youth. And it's also just so... Nabokovian in the style.

He wanted to be a famous spy, and those are like. It's an oxymoron. Yeah, they cancel each other out. And I'm just like, why would you do that? Why would you fuck up that line?

You lose all the nuance of the character. Why are you even mentioning it? I don't know. Anyway, so that reminded me of that. Well, I had two that before I get, because I checked into it, and again, I threw it out to people, so we'll get to all the other ones.

But there were two that were specifically mine that first came to mind that I wanted to get to. One that has really come up a lot recently. But first I'll get to the one that for years I've thought is ridiculous, how often it happens. And a lot of these I've noticed looking through all the rest of them are very 80s-oriented movies. They're stuff that has sort of corrected themselves as time has gone on, because I think they've realized how ridiculous some of them are.

But this one was definitely very predominant in the 80s. Okay, we'll set up the shot. Here it is. Our heroes are going to be running from an explosion. Oh, yeah.

And they will be just out of reach of the fireball. Right. If I was making a movie, the first thing I would do is have them running from an explosion and they burn up. They don't make it out. Just to be different, I would want them to get charred by the fireball.

Yes. Just to be different. I would make my movie the new Final Destination and find a way to kill them right off the bat because every other movie, it's ridiculous how much that happens. One of the movie awards, I think, had a uh, walking slowly away from an explosion. Uh, tough guys don't look at explosions.

It's kind of a slightly different one to jump from the explosion. That's one. But, but the hero always sets off the explosion and doesn't look back. But Sodom and Gomorrah of, of explosion. It happens all along.

Uh, no country for old men. Yep. Yep. He blows up that car and it's, it, It's also kind of cooler because he has that weird limb going on. And he walks back there and gets into the drugs.

And I didn't get to mention this when this movie came up, but I wanted to mention my son watched that movie. And he said, he described that guy, Shigar. He said, he's like a cross between a Scooby-Doo villain and Velma. Once again. Can he come next time?

Yeah. I keep trying to talk him into it. Yeah. He's an insightful kid. How come I can't come up with something like that?

It's not genetic. Kids one-upping you. That is a very different setting, though. There's the running away from just escaping. I probably just set this off.

But, I mean, that's like, I'm thinking like Desperado, he does that. But I'm thinking even recently, like, that's your opening scene in Drive Angry. Nicolas Cage walking away from blowing up cars. And it's just, it happens many times in that movie, if I remember. But it definitely, the opening scene is him walking away, completely ignoring the fact that this massive explosion is going on behind him.

Yeah, well, is that saying that I'm so, I don't know. Because if I blown something up, I would be clapping. There would be some ooh-ing and aah-ing going on. Ooh, look at that. Ooh, look at the fireball.

Something. Wow. Yep. The other one, I guess. That was kind of the first one that has been for years has bothered me.

The other one that. I've always thought it, and I've mentioned over the last many episodes here how I've been going through this series. This series is probably the most guilty of this next one. Just this past couple of weeks, Scream 2 was on cable. It's the only one of them I hadn't gone back and re-watched since the fourth one came out.

So now I've seen all four in the last couple of months. If ever there was a series, but this happens in horror movies in general, of the Singing Knife series. The knife that for no reason will make that blade noise coming out of a piece of felt. There is no reason. Like, he's pulling it out of his costume.

He's not pulling it out of a big metal sheath. Why would it make the... Why would it make that fucking noise? That makes me... Now I'm trying to remember what were some of the early movies when people were talking on cell phones and when they hung up there was dial tone.

Yeah. The audience didn't know that the call was over without dial tone. That is another one. I've heard people complain about the fact that, or if you let it sit there like... at some point you'll hear on a cell phone, busy signal kind of noise, and they're like, that doesn't happen on cell phones. That's a landline kind of thing only.

Or in the dramatic ending of Last of the Mohicans, where he's been running up and shooting Indians and then picking up their guns. to shoot the next one, because these are like, you know. One shot, yeah. And he gets to the end, and there are several guys there, and it's the big showdown where. His dad is going to fight. What's his name?

And he picks up the gun, and he goes, Right. I said, what? What is that? I guess that's, you know, the sound people associate with, don't move or I'll shoot you, so they have to put it in there. The shotgun pump.

The first use of the shotgun, I suppose. The Mohicans invented the shotgun. Yes. Here's one, an observation I'd never thought about, but I kind of like. When somebody falls off a high building in a movie, they always look back in the direction they came from.

They don't look down at where they're going. They're like, look what I'm leaving behind. They always look up. Yeah. I never noticed that, but as soon as somebody mentions it, I can think of all the movies where the.

Guys look up. Like Die Hard. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a list here.

The one that's been bothering me most lately, maybe in the last ten years... is that everyone knows Kung Fu. Everyone is able. To pull off the greatest, and it's like some blend of this mixed martial arts, not just Kung Fu. They know Muay Thai, they know everything, and they can, I think it might be since The Matrix, that everybody. Downloaded the Kung Fu into their.

Brains, and, you know, it's the snake eyes from G.I. Joe Syndrome. I think it's from Seven Stone. Yeah, I do. Rosetta Stone has a Kung Fu.

You know, Snake Eyes was just a commando, but he kind of looked like a ninja, so they made him a ninja. Obviously, yeah. Like you do. He carried around an Uzi, then all of a sudden he had a sword. And now he's like the greatest ninja ever, and what happened to the commando shit?

So anyway, the everybody knows Kung Fu or everyone's a ninja kind of. Gets a little old. What year was Matrix? That was in the 2000s, wasn't it? See, I was trying to do the math here because the first time I brought that to someone's attention was when I was going back watching Buffy the Vampire Sager, the series, every vampire was the most high-level kung fu.

If you became a vampire, you somehow knew... I mean, I can understand the Slayer. She's trained her entire life. I understand the Slayer knows kung fu. She's learning it specifically.

Probably a really fine embroidery. I mean, what are you going to do? They work puzzles. But that predates it. That was 97.

So the Buffy vampires were even pre-Matrix. Then everybody knew. Suddenly everybody knows Kung Fu, especially if you're undead. Actually, it's funny. While we're on that, I threw it out there on our Facebook page here.

I threw the question. We just got a couple of responses, but it's funny that Shannon wrote in and said, that every Asian character in a movie knows martial arts. Or computers. Well, that too. But yeah, I think that may just be more stereotyping.

Well, yeah, that's kind of like the black guy who's like a working service person who just takes complete satisfaction in his job serving people. That one just disgusts me when I see it. And I've seen it in romantic comedies and stuff. It's like, The black guy who's like, well, that's what I do. And then the couple kisses and the whole crowd applauds instead of going, get a room.

And they're the only ones who, they're the main characters in the world. As they should be. That's how I look at my life. It's just a really sad movie. I hate romantic comedies in general, but I have a lot of problems with romantic comedies.

And I've mentioned this before, the Making Light of Cheating Yeah. I do have an issue with that. It's more romantic to cheat. And the guy who, he's boring or he's not quite perfect, and then the next guy that comes along is the greatest thing ever and he has no flaws. And it's just, and maybe that's what life is.

I was about to say, that's a little too close to the real world is. The sad part. It's a cliche, but. Until you then divorce that guy and hook up with the new guy and you realize, oh, this guy has all the same flaws. I was just overlooking him because I hated my husband so much.

I've seen very well-reviewed literature where it's not only does that happen, but it happens several times in the same story. So is that really, are. You committing to that observation that first boyfriends are assholes and second boyfriends are really good guys? Yes. It's just a bit much to take.

And then, you know, the book I'm thinking of, which I don't want to mention because I've met the author and he's a nice guy and he's a good writer in some ways, but holy fuck. And then I find out it's the first book of a trilogy and it's like, God! Yeah, sorry. Well, along with that is the female that... can't decide between the two guys. Yeah, I've bitched about that one too.

I'm like, fucking make a decision. There's a lot of truth in that. Not just one movie, but dozens of movies, but you can make an entire movie from that. I don't give a damn. And my complaint is always, most of the time, they're both wrong.

And she still picks one. And I'm just like, fuck that. I love broadcast news. That's the one time. That's the movie where You know, life doesn't come down to her choosing this.

Guy or that guy. It's just the one guy is the one guy, the other guy is the other. And she doesn't have to. And you go on, and neither of them are around. And then I read this essay by, what's his name, John Updike.

And he's like, oh, that frustrates us that she can't fight. What? It was the greatest romantic comedy ever made. I love that you call John Updike, what's that guy? What's that guy?

That's like Francis Ford Coppola. You know, just that one director. That one guy. That one guy, whatever. I think he makes movies.

A fabulous writer of great stories and stuff, but what the fuck? What are you talking about with that movie? I love that movie. I mean, on the other hand, what's that one guy, that director, James Brooks, man? What a career.

That guy has had. And, of course, you know, broadcast news is kind of the same basic material as the Mary Tyler Moore show. Yeah. But it's so masterful, and it also has Holly Hunter. So I just.

Really love it. And, you know, I love the movie that he– compared to broadcast news, which was overboard. He loved overboard, hated broadcast news. I'm like, I'm cool with overboard. It's a fun, enjoyable movie.

I don't have to find happiness with one or the other. Did you have more? I've got more. I was going to say, I've got. Go back to your list.

Well, the only other one I was just going to go through, the one that someone else came through was... This was Robert online sent us the evil twin scenario. Nice. I was like, yeah, I'd forgotten about that one. That one's more soap opera-y.

It is. But it's fun. It's been in movies, but it seems like it's been a while. I can't even think of some 90s ones, but I can't... In the last...

Several years have we seen another evil twin movie? I don't know. I don't know. I can think of a couple, but it's still, it's been a while. So maybe it's time for the reboot of the evil twin scenario.

I think the evil twin thing in soap operas is part of a series of degrees of death that they have in soap. Oh, yeah. You don't just die. You can be dead. You can be really dead.

You can be totally dead. You can be dead, but then you're an evil twin. Yeah. Yeah. I remember reading somebody had put together, and this was from, you know, the writers.

You know, they know about this. But one of the rules that was pretty cool is if the audience doesn't see it, it didn't happen. That's true. It's like if people go off out of town and get married in Vegas and come back and they're. Married, they're not married.

What's the point of them being married if we don't get to see it? But it's kind of like.... It's kind of like the horror movie cliche of, like, the dead guy always gets to get up two or three times. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but that happens in quick succession, I think, and soap operas, nothing happens.

Yeah, it's over a ten-year period you get to get up ten times. It's fun. I mean, anybody that... Because I watched soap operas through my mother. Anybody that says that's not fun to watch that, I just wish they had a quicker pace.

Yeah, that's my major job. In a way, it's kind of like that's what gives them color because you wind up later thinking, oh, remember back when this was sort. Of going on? And you remember your, you know, that time in your life. Yeah.

It just sort of soaks into it. Yeah. Along the line of Evil Twin, I think this goes with it, too, that I'm sick of this cliche, is the switched bodies. Oh, yeah. And we brought it up with.

We brought it up last time, yeah. But. it's, well, I mean, it was played out in the 80s. Again, most of these, the 80s became very guilty of, and it beat that premise to death in the 80s, and we got away from it. They realized, okay, we beat it to death, we're done, and then a couple came back in the 90s, and then, like, it's made its way now every five years or so. It's like, we gotta drag it out again and do another body-switching movie, and I don't, I mean, it's our own fault if we keep buying the tickets.

So, I mean, you know, it's like, we keep fueling this bullshit. Like, um, Go Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah, Freaky Friday. Oh, that one. That one got me into trouble because when my kids were little, I used to do spoonerisms.

Like, you know, you'd say two words and I'd reverse the first consonants. And then somewhere in that movie, she said she called her mom a fun sucker. I didn't see that coming. Right. That's a good one.

Yeah, yeah. That was an okay movie, though. Really? They switched bodies. For what it was trying to do.

Just to see Jamie. Lee Curtis look in the mirror and go, I'm the Crypt Keeper. You saw that in the preview. Yeah, that's the thing. You get the whole thing in the preview.

I don't know if I actually watched it. I just remembered there was something fun about it. Yeah. It's also one of the last times you get to see Lindsay almost acting. I mean, that and Mean Girls, and then she was kind of done.

You know, I had somebody, I saw somewhere that they listed Mean Girls as one of the 20 worst movies. Of the past. Yeah, what is that? It's crazy. That's, I mean, written by people that have talent.

It's got good talent in it. It's not a bad movie. No, it's really well made. Yeah, the fact that Lindsay Lohan did it. And it plays off of that, all of those cliches of the mean girl movies.

I think it's well, very well done. Yeah, it knows, again, it's Tina knows those genres and she's sort of working with the worn out high school girls movie and sort of plays on it. Yeah, I disagree with that. Yeah, it's not the greatest. Movie in the world, but it's definitely a good movie.

It's good. It's not the worst of any kind of movie. Well, There are other, like, clichés that are all just basically, you know, how things, how time gets compressed in movies because we don't want to watch boring stuff for a long time. There's, like, you know, things always arrive on time. Things, you know, people always do something quick.

Like, especially in old movies, the way people used, like, Bogart used to smoke, like, two puffs and then he tossed the cigarette. Or people would get on the phone and, like, tap it and it's like, yeah, hello. I think they call that smartening the action. But there are some that just really piss me off. I can remember being pissed off by certain things in certain movies.

There was one that didn't really piss me off, but for a while my wife used to watch this TV show called Friday the 13th. I remember that, yeah. There would be some sort of strange occurrence, and it would always wind up, having something to do with one of the little curios in their shop. I remember at the time really liking that show. I haven't watched it since then, but it is one of those, it works on an individual basis, but when you watch the whole season, you're just like, for God's sake, it's the same scenario.

It's like, how come when something weird happens, they don't go... Well, you want to look around the shop here and see if one of these objects maybe has... And so I brought that up and I ruined the show for Lynn. She's like, well, now it's not fun. They knew, but yeah, those people didn't know.

They had to get it back from them. I just remember kept expecting an episode that had Jason. never did. I don't understand why they titled it that. That seems like that was the worst thing for them. A weird choice.

I also remember about that time I would open up the newspaper that had what shows were coming on and I would see E.T. Was coming on and I'd be like, E.T. 's on TV! Oh! It's only a half an hour long.

What the hell? Weird. It's like broken up into a week's worth? Sadly, I'm stupid. More than once as a child I was fooled by Mary Hart.

Oh, Mary Hart. One thing that used to piss me off was, I don't know if you remember that movie Powder, where a guy looks like Michael Stipe. He can make shit happen with his brain. But things that always pissed me off were like the representation of intelligence in movies. And it would be like, they would always say something like, his intelligence test, he's scoring off the chart.

It's like, Well, who made this. Part of the chart? The aliens? Who the fuck made the area that he scored at? There's no way to score off the chart.

Doesn't it occur to you that he probably knows some shit you don't? So he's probably like... giving wrong answers from your point of view, he's probably getting a low B because he can make lightning come down and hit shit. So that always pissed me off. And it kind of pisses me off in that Facebook movie, too. Because, well, for one reason, it's like a lot of the things people go on about cliches.

In movies, it's usually their professions. You know, people will say, well, look, I do, like, CSI work, and no, we don't have something. Or doctors will say, how come on house all the doctors are doing. Their own lab work? Who does their own, like, lab stuff?

Or, you know, police work. They'll say, yeah, I wish we could get, like, a sample that would tell us all this stuff. But I think the root. Of it is it's the success story. It doesn't matter what profession people are in.

It's just they're telling a success story, and it has to go a certain way, and things have to happen. And the thing that really gets me about the Facebook movie is it's still, the ink isn't even dry, and already somebody's stepping up to say, No, we're not interested in what's really happening. We want to tell our version of it. We don't want. Howdy Doody to have created this thing.

We want Rain Man on acid to be going around making bitchy comments. We don't want some. Guy who's been seeing the same girl since he was in college and seems to. Be having it. No, we want a guy who, like, can't make relationships work, and he's fucked up.

Because it's better for the story. Well, that's what that guy says. Yeah. But I went back and watched, like, some early West Wing, and I'm just like, how come everybody in the White House talks like Mark Zuckerberg? I don't get it.

That's, like, what a flavor of You know, and. It's all one-offsmanship. It's like, how come everybody in Pulp Fiction talks like Quentin Tarantino? It's like, when you get a writer that's that identifiable, as either of those people are, it's like you can't have different characters. They all start to sound the same.

How come every kid on Dawson's Creek talks like. Yeah. I haven't managed to watch that. But they do. And it's the same.

It's not like it changes. You watch, like, The Faculty. It's the same language they speak in Dawson's Creek, it's just a little darker, but it's like, it's how he writes, and it's like, it's his voice that comes out of every character. Or Juno is probably the one that she, like, both created and ended her career. In one movie.

Yeah, basically, she launched herself and drove the nail in the coffin all in the same movie. God love her. The other, like, obligatory scenes that bother me, and It didn't bother me growing up, but Perry Mason, you still see this, like the courtroom breakdown confession. Yeah. You still see that.

It's in every movie, yeah. It never happens in real life. People don't do that. Once they make up. Their mind that they're not going to confess.

They don't suddenly go, no, I think I will confess because I'm angry. They sit there and say no, even if they're not convincing, and then they don't get convicted anyway, but they don't just change their mind. Yeah, there's no such thing as a courtroom drama. There's no drama in a courtroom. It's boring.

Except when they jump across the bench and try to attack you. That happens on occasion. Like, um. A Few Good Men, that never would have happened. They would have shut that.

Shit down right away. Shut up, shut up. And they would have got up and put their fucking hand over his mouth and shut up. So, yeah. Yeah, that's one of those examples where that scene happens again.

And you see that scene in movies and TV all the time. You never hear about it. Another one is, you know, in many ways a. Great movie, Traffic. But Michael Douglas gets up to deliver the drug czar speech. and gets a little ways and he goes i can't do this and goes off book when have you ever seen that right in.

Other movies yeah yeah in other movies that happens in movies when at the end he gets up and he's like i had a big speech prepared for you But I'm not going to do that. This is John Grisham, actually, because I think, what's the, uh, A Time to Kill. A Time to Kill. That's the one I was specifically going with. It's like, but instead.

Would you change your own book? Yeah. That's, yeah. It's like, instead, I'm just going to give you the facts and let you make up your own mind, or whatever the hell. It's basically that same scenario that only happens in movies.

Another one I remember really pissed me off was, uh, Dead Poets Society. Yeah. When they're hanging out with the girls from the local town, they're hanging out with the local girls, and the local girls are all impressed and interested in poetry. I know those girls. I grew up with those girls.

Those girls don't give a fucking shit about poetry. I happen to know that for a fact. What was that about? Poetry groupies. They wouldn't be.

Poetry groupies because the guys writing the poetry have to be so miserable and not getting women that if they did, they wouldn't write poetry. That's why you write poetry. I'll throw one out. I think we've even brought this up before. The insane asylum prison scenario where It's an alternate reality kind of thing where, oh, is it all in their mind or is this really happening?

Shutter Island comes to mind or even Sucker Punch comes to mind. Oh, it's not really what's happening. What's really going on? Yeah. I don't know.

I think that's– I guess it's not so much prison but that insane asylum thing that I don't know, I feel bad for the people that are in those scenarios that they think, oh, well, they're probably off in some crazy, you know, our minds are like, oh, they're probably off in some crazy world when they're just fucking miserable all the time. I've worked in a scenario where I was with people that. Were clueless about the world and what was going on. These were elderly people, and most of the time they were scared. They were scared all the time.

They weren't in an alternate reality, but they didn't know why they were there. They didn't know who they were. And they were scared. They weren't off, you know, shooting steam robots, you know, with guns and shit like that. No.

And I guess they glamorize it too much as well. But scared old person doesn't sound like an interesting movie at all. It doesn't. But it just seems cheap. That's why they do it.

It just seems cheap. It is. It is. But, again, it's that same thing. But it makes for a better movie to do it this way.

So this is what we do. It's storytelling. So, I mean... There's a fine line as to what's exploiting and what's just good storytelling. Yeah, I mean, there are some things that are just handy.

Handy stories, like I remember in Fitzcarraldo, he gets there and the natives think he's a god. He's like, oh yeah, that again. Okay, cool. And, you know. Happens to me all the time.

I get mistaken for a god every day. Yeah, they had a legend about some guy who would, okay, good deal. That's pretty handy to have. The C-3PO thing. Yeah, yeah.

I've been waiting for my golden god all this time. That's right. There you are. And then in the simultaneous orgasm, there's always that. What, that doesn't happen?

I don't know. No. I don't know. But, you know, how would I know? Oh, sure.

I'm not even going to comment on that. Leave that alone. There's the comedian who said, you know, like 70% of women fake orgasm. 70%, which raises the question, who cares? I mean, somebody did that line.

I wish I could credit. Do I look like I'm in this for you? Yes. But, like, this is a pet theory of mine. This is, like, the cliche, movie cliche, that, like, I'm going to make a stand on.

And I haven't gone back and watched them all, but when I was a kid, I read Huck Finn, and the book. Like, fucked me up for life. And I'd try to see, like, you know, they would make versions of it. And it was Tom Sawyer. Huck Finn is Tom Sawyer.

They still to this day. You know, Hemingway believed that that book invented American literature. And Hollywood can't even cast it. You can't even cast the kid, the dirty little urchin, who would be Huck Finn. And that's what I.

Think is wrong with American movies. When they make a credible version of Huckleberry Finn... then movies will be different forever. It should be dirty and dark. Dark, exactly. Oh, yeah.

And if you see it like when you're in fourth grade or whenever I read that book, it should mess you up. Yeah. It should be like Deadwood or something. Yeah. Well, that's my, you know, but they always, and I've got like a bunch of them together, but I just don't have the will to watch them. all these versions of Huckleberry Finn because they're just entirely wrong from the beginning.

It's too Disney. Yeah. Yeah. It's Tom Sawyer. I don't know if they're going to make that movie.

I don't know if, especially in this world, I don't know that they'll ever even want to touch that movie. Well, and now it would seem far too racist. Definitely now. We can't even print the book, for God's sake. But if they could.

Make it, and Mel Gibson and Joe Esterhall. Get together. These great minds come together. Yes, if we could... And make the tale of a Jewish boy that heads down the river with hipster Jim.

Oh, Lord. I'm at the point where I've pretty much told. All my stories, and I'm just like a collection of a few LPs that play over again. You can speed them up and slow them down. Oh, Lord.

If you play them backwards.... It becomes a little different. Yeah. I'm going to throw one out. And I know this is because this is a solid filmmaking device.

But I think it's overused. Well, there could probably be several of them. But this one, it's the montage to establish relationship. Oh, yeah. That they just cram a whole bunch of shit in there.

Yep. I understand its need, but I agree at this point it is so overdone that it's ridiculous. We can be smarter and time can progress if you shoot it right and you write just a few words. To show familiarity. Jump ahead.

And without that montage, and maybe the montage is just to fill time, I don't know. But jump ahead and. write a few good lines of dialogue that show that they know each other better. Like, you know, just some familiarity or comfort level or that a couple is in sync or something. But don't just show me a five-minute. Montage with, you know, a Matchbox 20 song and just.

It's old, it's boring, and it's a waste of time. I think it's just easy. And from both ends. It's easy on the filmmaking standpoint. Okay, we can progress really fast and take this to the next level in the relationship and knock it all out in about five minutes.

And at the same time, I think audiences are dumb on many occasions. So it's like if you made it too smart and too sophisticated taking it to that next level, they'd be like, didn't I just meet yesterday? So you cram together this five minutes of, oh, they've done all this stuff. Look, now it's a lot lighter, and they're bestest of friends. They went to dinner.

Yeah, then they're flying a kite, and they're longshore fishing. And she's missing an arm. But I just may as well watch a commercial then. I don't fucking care. Basically, yeah.

So, but I.... I understand it, but it is played out at this point. Right. A well-done montage can be a filmmaking tool that can help. Like the flashback.

The flashback might be over a cliche now. Or not even a flashback, but the out-of-time sequencing. Yeah. Especially, I've seen it a. Lot lately in bad movies where they show the end in the first scene.

We've seen that. We've seen that. Think of something else. And there's some times that I like that And then there's other times when I'm like, now I think you're just doing it because other movies have done it. Again, it becomes lazy.

It becomes, well, isn't this what you're supposed to do in these kind of movies? Somebody gets out of film school and says, well, I've got to do that because these four directors did that. That's exactly how it happens, actually. Both of those are getting old. Come up with something else.

That's why Nolan, when you see Memento. That's why that was so groundbreaking. That wasn't just, which is not in reverse... Everybody get that straight. It's not in reverse.

It's just sequenced backwards. It found a new way to do that. It's using a similar version and then totally throwing the rules out the window, and you have to go, wait, whoa, what am I watching here? And it takes you halfway into that movie to really start to piece together what you're supposed to be doing, and then by the time you hit the end, you're, wow, okay, I've seen an entirely different movie than I thought I was going into. And it, yeah, it...

Again, that's a brilliant way to use that. Most movies don't do that. I did find a few that were just kind of funny that I thought we could throw out if you want. I do like, a villain will always commit murder right in front of a window when someone is watching with binoculars. Movie people can get cabs instantly unless they're in danger whereupon no cab can be found.

And along those same lines, movie passengers either don't pay for cabs at all or have exact change. Right. Yeah. This one I do like because, again, the 80s era of action movies... Bombs always have big blinking timers with LED displays that tell you how much time remains.

Now, if you were an evil genius building this bomb, would you put a big visible display? Like, if you're blowing stuff up, as long as you're gone, does it matter? Well, actually, that's so that he can time his slow walk away from the bomb. Yeah, I guess so. But usually they set it for like an hour or two so that the hero can come in and stop it at one second.

Because you have to wait until one second remains before you, yeah, that's the other one. Well, a new version of that is like hackers in movies. Actual hackers just hate how there's like a graphic user interface when they're hacking into the Pentagon. It's just lines of code and lines of code. That nobody bothered to design a nice little visual thing so that Grandma could get into the Pentagon's files.

You go to their website. And it says, want a hack? Come here. Click here first. Click here to get the bomb codes.

Download our hackers. Actually, when I was setting this up, there were all these other individual ones, and then I got to that one, and I started thinking about it, and I was just like, computers in movies. Like, that's its own subsection of everything that's wrong when you see a computer in a movie. Everybody that, I don't know about you, but every time I type, it doesn't beep all the time. Like, why are they pounding away at the keyboard?

It's just like beeping away. I'm like, it doesn't do that. With hackers, I love the, we're almost in. The guy that just keeps, you know, updating everyone, I've almost got it. No, it's either with your hacking, you're either in or you're not.

Or you're working on it. You don't want to get in. Well, maybe he's following that little bar. It's like 97%, 98%, and then it'll reset to zero. You're like 98% and half.

We're almost there. And luckily, that guy will have glasses, so it doesn't matter. That was another one I saw. That's so we know that he's the computer tech. All the guys that are your computer tech guys always have to have glasses.

Because they can't get contacts. I'm like, really? It's like, have we not progressed past the nerds wear glasses stage? I mean, really? Yeah.

Oh, man. Cave chicks with shaved legs. That's nice. That is a good one. That is nice.

This one I didn't even see. This one, one of the ones I read, triggered this one. I was like, oh, yeah, I do hate this one. Hitting a fire hydrant. Oh, yeah.

Every movie, you had to run into a fire hydrant. Those aren't well made at all. You just tap it. You just tap it. It breaks the whole main.

You're dead. But whether it was an action movie and the car ran over it or a stupid comedy, somewhere along the way, somebody was hitting a fire hydrant. Well, the fire hydrant is the only thing that keeps the car from exploding. I guess. Because otherwise, the car would just burst into flames.

Burst into flames, like they do. Well, same thing. Along with Kung Fu, everybody could drive a Formula One. They're all fantastic drivers. They can handle turns really well.

Everyone, everyone can have a. Chase scene, and they're fantastic at it. This is one, yeah, I do, this is one of those, and of the stupid cliche things, this is the one that, or these type are the ones I think are funniest because they're the kind that make you yell at the screen, which you get a lose again in horror movies, but this one's even in thrillers. People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road and occasionally swerving back and forth, but you don't just get off the road? Like, go hide in a building?

Like, why do they keep running on the road where the car is driving? Yeah, I have yelled at the TV for that before. Just go left! That's all you have to do. Yeah.

In any fight between two guys, the one with the least practical weapon will win. Oh, yeah. You're a guy with, like, swinging a mace, and you're fighting a guy with a fork, you're dead. Yep. Or, if you don't have a weapon in a fight, what you should do is, like, be sure to take notice of any object that the camera has lingered on for.

An unnecessary length of time. Because that will turn the tide. Well, that's like in. Cartoons, especially in the 80s. If you saw a line of four rocks, and one of them was slightly brighter in color than the rest of the rocks, that rock's getting moved.

That's getting used at some point. Somebody's smacking somebody in the head with that rock in a minute. Because they can't handle, you know, in the big production room, you know, in South Korea, painting all those, which one's going to be, oh, it's the lighter colored one. That's the one that's going to be raised. This one over here, yeah.

This was one I saw and I hadn't thought about it, but it became really funny when I did. If you're alone in the backseat of a car, make sure you sit in the middle. I'd never thought about that, but I was like, yeah. Do you ever do that in the real world? Do you ever just sit randomly in the middle, specifically in the middle of the two leads?

Well, same thing. If you're at a dinner table and there are four of you, One side you can't use. Yeah. So you can sit the camera there. And that's like the illustration of the fourth wall of the movie.

Everything turns out. The TV's always on the fourth wall. Yeah. Always on the fourth wall. But I thought the car, the back seat was funny because I was like, yeah, I hadn't thought about that.

But that's just perfect framing from a movie standpoint. But at the same time, in the real world, do you ever just sit in the middle? No. That's funny. It's like, And somebody putting gloves in the glove compartment.

It just does not occur. It just doesn't happen. Everyone has, on TV and movies, has a couch in the middle of the room, not against the wall. Their living room is big enough that they can walk behind it. Because everyone I know, their couch is up against the wall.

Usually, yes. You can't walk behind it. Unless it's a different, you. Know, a style house where that's the center room. A weird layout, yeah.

Yeah, in every. Television show and movie, you can walk behind the couch. Um yeah kind of uh this is another one of those of the chase scene going on on the street there's always people carrying a large sheet of glass during the car chase and i was thinking have you ever seen anyone carrying a big sheet of glass out in the street in the world. All of them are used in movies. I guess.

I'm assuming there's a lot of glass out in the world. It probably happens. But I was like, have I ever actually seen... No. I've seen it on trucks.

I've seen it on trucks. But I've never seen two guys carrying a big pane of glass down the street waiting to get hit by a car. I've never seen that. And along that line, once again, it's like they're making fun of the reaction times of people that work on the street. They're like, yeah, that old guy who runs the fruit cart, don't worry about him.

He will leap just out of, you'll almost run him over, but he'll leap just out of the way in time, and he won't be upset about it because that cart's been hit four times this week anyway. Window washers in movies have the worst rigging systems ever. They all fail and fall at some point. Yes, they do. And there's no safety system to keep them from falling.

Oh, man. Well, that's like how in cartoons animal traps always have teeth, jagged teeth. But they just don't because it would just bite off the animal's foot. And then they limp away, yeah. It's just one of those things that they represent that way, and it's become a tradition.

I like this one. In situations like war or violent inner-city neighborhoods, the person with the most plans, prospects, and hopes will die. I was like, yeah. If you're in a war movie and you start talking about what you're going to do back home. If you have a picture of your girlfriend who's dead.

If you've recently had a child. Oh, yeah. You have a child. You pull out that picture. You might as well just hand the other of your dog tags to your friend.

Yeah. Say, give these to somebody back home, because I'm going to be gone in a minute. I think I'd watch and stick it up your ass. Yeah. I have to prove this theory, but if you're named after a state, I think you always die in a movie.

A state or a city. I think... geographical locations. Alabama lived. Yeah. That was really the first one that came to mind.

Somebody said, girls named after fruit are easy. But I couldn't think of a single girl named after fruit. Apple. Apple. That poor kid's going to get nailed.

Here's one that I had. It's the dad works too much. The kid's complaining that dad's always gone, but they had everything they could ever want. I have an upper middle class lifestyle. I've got a car to drive and that's the.

The refrigerator stop and the best friends in the world but my dad works too much. But my dad's always gone. Teenagers don't give a fuck about their dad. Yeah you buy them enough stuff they don't know that you're even gone. My dad works too much yeah and they always come down for breakfast and there's like this giant breakfast on the table and everybody grabs like a piece of toast and they're.

Gone You take a bite of the toast. And yet they've made like a 20-pack of bacon. They've got a stack to the ceiling of pancakes and waffles, and everybody just grabs a piece of bacon or a toast to head out. Pee-wee took all that time making that breakfast and ate a little bunch of cereal. When I was a kid, I was like, but look at the face you made.

Eat your pancakes, damn you. Eat your face. All that work to set up that contraption and take a bite of it. You make it talk, but you won't eat it. But although ten minutes of sitting him watching him eat would get a little weird.

I suppose so. But in the real world, he should eat that. A montage of him eating is what we need. Yeah, that wouldn't be good either. Why don't they just fast forward those parts?

Somebody gets to the airport, they have to wait. And then they board. Or they just give you, like, an instruction manual. Like, when you get to this part, it gets really boring. Just skip on up to minute 47.

Speaking of airports, how much room are in coach in airplanes? There's so much. There's always those, you know, extra wide airplanes that have their row of three in the middle. And everybody's got ample room to move around. You could stand up.

You know, throughout it. It's... Walk around behind the couch. Walk around behind the couch. You've got to make room for all those snakes.

I mean, you've got to have a roomy place to fit your hostages and your. I don't know how those two people had sex in that bathroom on that plane. That's for sure. You've got to have room for your terrorists and your snakes, you know. What about all the things that are like clear signals that something bad is going to happen?

Because I remember the neighborhood where my kids went to school... I would, like, be walking around there, like, walking back to my car, and I'd think, man, if I was in a movie, some serious shit would be happening. Right about now. Or you go to one of those little corner, like, grocery stores, and you walk in, it's like a little, it's like a converted house that's like a bodega grocery store. You go in, you.

Look around, it's like, this was a movie. Yeah. There's going to. Be gunfire any minute now. As soon as I go around behind the chip stand here, a nervous kid is going to come in with a giant hand cannon.

And you're going to hear, shh, shh. Yeah. Son, you got a panty on your head. Yeah. Parking lots, like the parking structures, walk to your car, it's like, It's a good thing this isn't a movie.

I'd be getting attacked right about now. Like when someone lights a match in a dark old house, the single match has as much power as a thousand watt bulb. Or they also said that when a person switches off a light, you can still see everything in the room. It's just a slightly subdued color. It's never dark like it is in the real world.

No one ever bumps their shins in the dark either in movies. Unless it's a romantic comedy. Right. And then she falls down a lot. Yeah.

Well, we could go on with this forever. I guess we can wrap up. Okay. I can wrap up with this one, which is, a dying person's last words will always be coherent and significant. Not just something like random neuron firing, like, Something, I left the spinach in the garage.

I don't want to go to school. And then dead. So, yeah, I thought, you know, I guess we can, much like that, just die here. Anything else we want to do on this episode? Simultaneous orgasm.

Not right now, thanks. What are we talking about, nits? I'm going to get some more coffee. You guys do whatever you want while I'm getting more coffee. Okay, well, if we're done with that, there's plenty more.

If we need to return to this subject, we can always do another one. So you guys write in and come up with some other ones, or if you want to throw those into another return to this subject, we can always do that. So with that, I will say, okay, kids, get out your Dakota pins. That noise is so cliche at this point. Oh, it is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature.

Set your pins to B2. Here is the message. Next week's movie will be Charlie Varick. If you're not familiar with it, it is directed by Don Siegel. It's a heist movie that stars, of all people, Walter Matthau.

Plus, for those of you listening, I have three words that should sum this up for you. Joe Don Baker. Hmm. That's really all you need to hear. You ought to go get it right now.

It's on Instant View. You need to go watch it if for no other reason. But in general, it should be an interesting discussion. Plus, we'll have one from the vault story from the co-star of the movie, Mr. Andrew Robinson.

So, come back next week for that one. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.

Seems like these days the whole world's on fire. Things keep blowing the hell up. And while all those rubberneckers and looky-loos stand slack-jawed staring, the real men have the nuts to walk away. Cool guys don't look at explosions. They blow things up and then walk away.

Who's got time to watch an explosion? There's cool guy Aryans that they have to walk to. Keep walking. Keep shining. Don't look back.

Keep on walking. Keep strutting. Slow motion. The more you ignore it, the cooler you look. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Mr.

Neil Diamond. Where are we? Cool guys don't look at explosions. They stride forward in their diamond-covered boots. They wear jumpsuits of glittery rhinestones.

And walk away in slow motion. Keep walking, you're cruising. Cherry, cherry, sweet Caroline. Denzel walks, Will Smith walks. Mark Blower is wearing a hat.

Be born solo. J.J. Abrams! Yeah! Now you're talking.

Woo-hoo! Okay. Cool guys don't look at explosions the flames are hot but their heart is chill bump fast from that boring explosion and don't think about the people you killed. Two three four. Like look at that dude's flirtation look at that guy Just.

Rip on people out the window. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God, that's so funny. I'm sorry. We're not going to be able to recover, are we?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'll behave. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!