161: Post Traumatic Mess

Falling Program is a proud member of the Palava family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palava.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-A dot com. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America.

It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping. Out one million. Kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown, I'm Brian.

I'm Greg. I'm Lucy. I'm Fred. I'm Alan. I'm Merlita.

I'm Beau. All right. And we've got the full house once again. So it is time for another exciting episode of the Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino my butt.

I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for the Caffeinated Movie Geek. We're coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds, where we will hang out, drink coffee, talk movies, and traumatize each other or something. So Marlena, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week?

Fishers and Fallers. All right. Um, we, we're, we're trying to control our geek activities week to week now. So, um, who do we want to, Alan, do you want to go this time around? Yes.

Okay. Uh, so I think at last count, I want, I've seen like 10 in the last week. Um, so you just got a vhs player all right right it was. All cruel well part of it was uh my wife and i we found like the first four final destination films on like a ten dollar four pack so we marathoned the first oh. You brave soul the first one's a fun movie there's there's some good kills in that second one by the third you might as well just wrap it up for the third See, the third one, I don't even remember if I watched.

I went and saw 4 and 5 when they went 3D just to see how stupid they would make it. But I don't even remember if I watched 3, actually. I haven't seen it. But the worst movie I saw, and yet the one I keep telling people about, I saw Real Steel. Oh, yay.

I haven't talked to anybody that's seen it. Have you seen it? No, I wouldn't care. The reason I watched it is really stupid. My wife and I were getting ready for our third annual Oscars drinking game, so I'm trying to watch as many of the nominees as I can.

And this only got nominated for visual effects, but there's not a whole lot on DVD yet, so I grabbed it. And I thought it was just going to be like this robots punching each other, kind of silly but kind of fun. And what it turned out to be was it tried to be this commentary on how technology is kind of usurping humanity. Except they were really stupid about it. What the hell are you saying?

The Rock'em Sock'em Robots movie's stupid? I'm not buying it. To make you suspect they've already accomplished it, or that it. Doesn't really matter anyway. I've seen it done before.

One of my favorites is Cronenberg's Crash, where humanity literally has a hard-on for technology. Literally is right. But with Real Steel, they tried to be clever about it. They have the... like, the scrappy underdog robot, you know, that's just, like, second generation as opposed to, I don't know, much better robots. It's Apple versus PC.

Is that what you're saying? So, like, its name is Atom, A-T-O-M, but Atom, like, the first man, and then he goes up against the world champion Zeus, which is a god, so.... The movie may have been a little xenophobic as well. Ah, nice. Because the bad guys were... japanese and russian and so it's this classic american underdog tale um where the the little guy goes up against the big guy.

I must break you right. And um you know since they have heart and they believe in themselves. And there's a workout montage you know what actually. Um there was a They were doing the workout part and I was like, oh God, there's going to be a montage any minute now. When they passed the workout spot, the workout scene, I was like, thank God, no montage.

And then it went into a fight montage. You know, that's funny. My wife has been watching more movies recently, I think, because it's been rubbing off on, I'm rubbing off on her. And any time, especially a bad montage comes up, because I pointed out to her how many there are in movies and how cliche and And that it'll be five scenes and each one will, you know, anyway. And there's always food spilling or something.

You know. And I finally got to the point where I said, I'm just going to stare at you whenever one comes on. And she'll look at you and she'll, fuck you. Because, you know, I refuse to watch them most of the time because they don't progress the film. They don't do anything for the movie.

It's just cheap time filler and you plug your buddy's band or something like that. Or plugging the soundtrack. I like that you worked a new level of creepy into your marriage. Just staring at my wife. She's going to stare at you when it comes on.

It gets harder and harder to achieve that new weapon. That's right. After a while, you've worn them down. Yeah. So now basically your wife's going to go out with friends, see some movie that has a montage.

She's going to start crying. Right. No, she just, I just, I think it was that she wasn't noticing that when they happened and that I, I've grown. I'm like, you know, I'll look what they're doing. And then, and she's like, what?

And it's like, well, what's going on now? So I am evil. Sorry. I, hijacked your deeply. So I guess in summation, real steel is not worth watching.

It's a heartwarming tale where everybody learns a valuable lesson about perseverance and believing in yourself, believing in yourself, and finding the heart underneath your rough exterior. I like that one of the quotes they went to use for the promotion of it. Is, it's like Rocky with robots. Oh, Really? That's what you had to put on the box for us?

Because we can't figure that out. Oh, my God. I was just like, how dumb is America? Did they assume that the robots. Or make you assume or make you believe that the robots had emotion?

Or just the underdog had emotion? No. Good. See, that's part of it as well. They infused humanity into the robot because instead of. programming it with a computer or however they do that.

It didn't really explain. Hugh Jackman's character, he used to be a boxer. They used the shadow feature where the robot follows you. And he boxed for it and taught it himself. Is Hugh Jackman digital in it?

They CG'd Hugh Jackman? Did they infuse him with emotion? Um... We're still working on that technology. Channing Tatum's the guinea pig.

He's the one who learned all the values. I think Liam Neeson is the prototype. I have yet to see evidence that Liam Neeson really exists in real life. I think he's just straight up digital. He can kick a little sass, that's all I know.

What did Roger say, though? He kills good? He kills people good. He kills good. I just like him because he was in Crawl, and you've watched that so many times.

That's exactly right. That's why I like Qui-Gon. No, you didn't. Nobody liked it. No, I didn't.

So, other stuff to tie in? I'll end with just plugging in actually good movies. No, we don't watch those much. Well, we watched Tucker and Dale vs. Evil.

That is good. Which was fun because actually my wife and I had watched Cabin Fever the night before. Oh, yeah. It's a good double feature. Yeah, it was completely unintentional.

But has everybody here seen? I've not seen. It's ready to watch. Basically, it's a take on the Cabin in the Woods thing. It's that the rednecks are the good guys, and the teenagers are prejudiced and end up accidentally killing themselves all over the place.

It's an Alan Tudyk's in it, and he's just amazing. He is awesome. So, don't watch Real Steel. Watch Tucker and Dale. That's one that I'm trying to get her to watch with me.

I think She would probably like it because, yeah, she probably doesn't like the real versions of the movie. So this is just kind of making fun of how stupid they are. So you can get her on board with that. That's all I've got. All right.

Speaking of this, I'll have anybody listening. I just saw it today, specifically A-Day. Some nerd online took time to figure out what Ice Cube's Today Was a Good Day song. He took every line out of it, and the Lakers beat the Supersonics, and there was no smog in L.A. today, and he watched you on TV reps. We went through every identifiable thing and broke it down to the specific days that it had to be, and it came out like January 20, 1992.

So if all of those events had to take place on that day, it had to be. that day for non-existence. I heard he did use his AK that day. Oh, I'm sure he probably did. So I thought that was a nice waste of time for someone. That's a neat little article that the person wrote about it.

What's the movie that takes like just video people took all around the world. Life in a day. Yeah, life in a day. It just seemed to tie into the ice cube. Have you seen that?

No. Well, you should go see that after we leave. Yeah, it's queued up, ready to go. I've got so many of those. Yeah, I know.

I have so much to talk about if I watch the movies I'm supposed to. Yeah, I've got too much to talk about as it is, so I'm going to have to, like, go talk into a mailbox or something before i watch anything. Just start recording your own podcast. We're just sitting on a mic and don't record it the kids will walk me like oh he's doing that again. Just don't bother him yeah like i don't do that sometimes my son is like you know i'll be out talking to somebody he's like dad i've heard.

All your stories so many. Times you have no idea. He figures if we're ever in a freaky Friday scenario. He'll be able to pull it off. He'll get by just fine.

You're screwed. Yeah. You'll just be like, what is he doing? I don't know. All right.

On that note, we should. Take a break and we will come back with this week's topic. Just waking up in the morning, gotta thank God I don't know, but today seems kinda odd No barking from the dog, no small And mama cooked a breakfast with no hog I got my grub on, but didn't dig out Finally got a call from a girl, wanna dig out Hooked it up for later as I hit the door Thinking will I live another 24 I gotta go cause I got me a drop top And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop had to stop at a red light looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight and everything is alright I got a beat from Kim and she can fuck all night called up the homies and I'm asking y'all which part are y'all playing basketball get me on the court and I'm troubled last week fucked around and got a triple double freaking niggas every way like MJ I can't believe today was a good day.

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Only a movie. Only a movie. Take as much as you can. Only a movie. Well, I love the movies.

Welcome to the biggest movie event of the year we're going to have a great night ladies and gentlemen. And the Oscar goes to Nick Ledger. Thank you so much ladies and. Gentlemen prepare yourselves that's. What I'm saying but half the time there's only three of us that show up for this so it's just me.

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Come on in! Well, from the wicks of them fancy britches and sassy little hairdos, y'all ain't from around here, are ya? This is Sid Hagan. You're fucking around with Movie Meltdown. Why don't you just take your mama home some chicken, and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in your ass.

All right, we are back with The Grind. Hopefully you were listening last episode when we started this topic. Again, we are discussing traumatic movies, or movies that scarred me for life. We now continue with our traumatic discussion. You mentioned that lack of an answer.

That's going back to the remake discussion. It's very indicative. Whenever a movie is made in the U.S. That's a remake of something that was made elsewhere with an ambiguous ending. Usually they're given very clear-cut endings in the U.S., The color that comes to mind would be like the vanishing.

At the end of the movie, he's stuck in the coffin. In the US version, he gets out. The other one is the dinner game versus Dinner for Schmucks. In the original dinner game, they never go to the dinner party in Dinner for Schmucks. It's like the highlight.

Did you watch it? That's one of the things when they ruin something that they manufacture motive. And even if they're telling, to me, that The Facebook movie drove me crazy because I don't care about the real people or anything, but it is a real thing that there are real people and everybody knows it, so it's what they call a Romana cleft. And it's still happening and already known we have to have. A bullshit version of it.

Can we please have a bullshit version of real events. Before they're even finished happening? And most of what it does is it manufactures motive. Like he had to have a reason to... People don't have reasons.

They do stuff. They try to figure out what their motives are. But in this, it's like he's Scarface. First you get the little ads for a smaller tummy then you get then you get the women I don't know apparently it was all about some romance I'm traumatized by that movie it just pisses me off so much I. Think movies should end with sad endings more often just because it's like I mean every happy, sappy, cute movie needs an ending where you pound your fist on the table and you're like, what the fuck?

At least they should give you the option and the special feature. It's not like the 70s where there was this tacked on unhappy ending where it was just like, Everything seems like it's okay, but then the hero gets hit by a car. You know, like. In 500 Days of Summer where he's in love with this girl and then you're like, oh, oh, oh, they're going to get back together and then she gets married. But then at the end he meets a new girl.

It should not have ended that way. It should have ended miserably. But it is actually depressing because he didn't learn anything. That relationship's doomed to fail as well. So the first time I watched it, I was like, that's a bullshit ending.

When I watched it again, I was like, oh. No, it's fun because it's depressing. You met a girl, oh, you met a girl. I don't know what you're saying, though, that sense of vindication that America... need. Like with The Departed, you watch.

Infernal Affairs and the police mole, basically, he just goes back to his job. As opposed to in this one, it's like, no, they created that Marky Mark character just so he could kill him at the end of the movie. And everyone's like, good, the bad guy got it in the end. Yeah, that's so frustrating. So you want more true grit, I guess.

Yes. I guess it's not. Everything horrible. We want more unhappiness. Right, right.

That's why Empire Strikes Back is the greatest movie ever. It's true. Bad guys win. And it's just depressing. It's pretty depressing.

Especially for little kids watching. Well, you know. This is the end of the movie? We did just. Because my kids are on these.

They have. My old toys. They're playing the Lego Star Wars game. And we did just watch... The Revenge of the Sith.

And they were just like, mouths open at the end of it. They're like, everything. So was I, actually. Everything is, everything's gone. You know, and I, I believe that it's still a pretty good, of the three.

It's the most watchable. It's the most watchable. And it's, it's, because even Jedi, if you watch it with fresh eyes, it's kind of, it's kind of, you're like, really puppet, you know, these puppet, you know, Ewoks and it's just. The first half is okay. Like, I like the whole Jabba scene.

I like the escape from the palace and all of that. And then it hits that little he goes back to see Yoda and everything from there is downhill. And you're really going to end the series like this? Yeah. You know, that they're going to fall into the same traps as they did with the other Death Star.

I'm sorry if that I'm going on Star Wars. But I always had that problem. Almost traumatized, not by the part that I thought with Darth Vader dying... You know, or not dying, but... Anakin dies.

Anakin dying the. Way that he does. I mean, Return of the Jedi does have a very bleak ending that's really underspoken. Because, I mean, think about all the debris from the Death Star once that starts getting into it. Taking out Ewoks left and right.

I mean, I guess I should clarify my point and say that not all movies should end with a sad ending. But I just see in Hollywood it's. So common that a movie will end With a happy ending just for the sake of a happy ending. That's not how life is. I think it should be more close to how things actually are.

That just goes back to what's the reason for you even going to a movie to begin with? Do you want to escape brutality? No. That's too extensive. Do you want to enjoy that part of it or do you want to enjoy the, you know, the performance or yeah, do you just want a happy story to distract you from your own bullshit life?

She just wants to see that other people are more miserable. That's what I go looking for. That's what I love. Did you see closer? Oh, gosh.

That was a little bit emotionally traumatizing for me the first time. It was just really, really depressing and, um, so it's real life. Yeah, that was. People are in a relationship, they get horny, they fuck other people and. Then, um, that screws up your whole life.

Yeah. I had a bad day. I'm going to go home and watch Elephant Man. I felt better. Somebody had it worse than me.

I mean, you know, I don't know. I don't even know why I'm suggesting that because I'm the one, of all movies that make me really sad, I'll go home and like, there'll be nothing on Netflix because I hate to say it since they've changed the pricing thing. The selection of Netflix has gone way down. But I'll end up watching some stupid, like, Popular on Netflix. Romantic comedy.

I hate romantic comedies, but sometimes, for some reason, I think it's a good idea. And I ended up bawling my eyes out for some unexplained reason. Oh, we know why. I can't believe Natalie Portman's in this. Yes, I've watched the fucking Natalie Portman.

What's your movie? Why did I do that to myself? I know she's smarter than this. I felt empty inside afterwards. You know, I'm learning more and more that she might be empty.

And there are times where I'm like. what's this choice that she's making? She just melts to feed. But you would have felt better if it had ended badly or an unhappy ending. Ashton Kutcher was dead at the end. Wait, that would have been an unhappy ending?

I mean, it would have made me feel better. I didn't mind him too much. I just, what is going on with her? I just don't understand her. In the movie, she's like this person who's sexually open, but emotionally unavailable.

You're admitting you've seen No Strings Attached. Yeah, I saw it. But she seems the opposite. She's not believably sexual at all. Well, she produced it, right?

I think that was her trying to be like, no, I can be this sexy girl, and it just didn't work out. Well, she's very attractive, but she's not credible as somebody. It's just weird. It was, like, such an unbelievably horrible movie. Yeah.

I want that hour and a half of my life back. Yeah, it was pretty bad. The only thing that I've ever seen Ashton Kutcher in that I kind of enjoyed was the butterfly effect. That's... I kind of...

No, see, I liked a lot of what was going on there. I like to say it's stupid fun. Yeah. It wasn't, like, the profound movie. Right.

It was supposed to be a lot more profound. You're right. But I. It was one of those, oh, this is on. Oh, I'm going to make fun of this.

And then I was like, oh, I'm kind of enjoying it. Again, I like the plot more. I don't know that he brought anything to it. But I like some of the plot elements going on. The thing that pisses me off about The Butterfly Fish is when I watch movies, the only thing that really, really bothers me is little kids or babies in trauma.

I have a two-year-old. But I'll watch it. I'm okay with it if it's done artistically or for a purpose. So when they had the scene with the mailbox blowing up and the little baby's arm reaching for the mailbox, that wasn't for any purpose. Other than to push buttons.

Oh, yeah. I'm not saying they shouldn't have done that because I don't care that much, but it just seemed exploitative. When it didn't need to be. Can I suggest it's alive? I know I saw that and hated it, but I can't remember anything about it.

I just remember seeing it and thinking, no, I didn't like that movie. That's all I remember. I was in high school. I think the idea that Ashton Kutcher's brain was rotting is maybe what made you feel... I don't mind.

I thought he was brilliant as Kelso. Again, his TV. Career is different. I don't know. The first half of Dude, Where's My Car? is pretty funny.

I could have bought him in that. No-strings-attached thing. That seems like about his size, in a way. You know, sort of an amiable guy in a romantic comedy. I just couldn't believe her, and I really wanted that girl Greta to take her part.

The girl from Greenberg. She's just charming. I could believe her, but Natalie Portman, it's almost like she's. I don't know. She's got some sort of hidden issue.

She's the female equivalent of Samuel L. Jackson. She's in everything. Or Michael Fassbender. I mean, I thought she was great in Black Swan.

It's nothing against her. But she seemed like sort of believably weird and sort of messed up. And I wasn't looking for that in a romantic comedy. Well, I think she is. She's a showbiz kid, much like the character in Black Swan.

So, She grew up probably equally as messed up. So I think we're kind of seeing a little of her in that movie than we need to. Probably more than she wants people to see. I think Lucas sucked the life out of her. Yeah, that's probably true, too.

She was getting closer. That was close to Lucas, too. I think it was mid-Lucas, actually. Right. Like at the ending scene where she just lost the will to live.

She just lost the will to be alive inside. Yeah, my kids were, if they could vocalize it that way, they were like, what the fuck? Why is she dying? This makes no sense. She was so sad.

She was so sad. You don't just die because you feel like it. Right. And we can't explain it. You know why?

Because Lucas can't explain it. Because Lucas' kid didn't tell him what to do in that part of the script. He just gave up. He gave up. We've got to show the Death Star.

I saw Dogtooth. Ha, that was my suggestion for this trauma movie. I think I brought it up. That movie is so amazing. Yeah, it is.

It didn't traumatize me. No, but it's about trauma, isn't it? It was very interesting. It kind of reminds me of a Lanford Wilson play called Home Free. It's this couple, she's pregnant, and she goes out and works in and he's agoraphobic.

Is that the phobia? Agoraphobic, yeah. Agoraphobic, because my sister-in-law always says, oh, he doesn't like to go out anywhere. I think he's homophobic. Well, um...

But I think it's agoraphobic. But, yeah, he can't go out, and they have these two imaginary kids, Clay Pone and Edna, and. It's kind of like that. You know, they're... pretty much in their own reality uh cut off from the world but it reminded me of that and did somebody did you tell me it was a documentary or i never told you it was a document somebody i went started into this movie having the idea it was a documentary i told you very little about it yeah i heard something or i got it mixed up with a different movie and so that was a fun experience, like starting to watch it and think, is this a documentary? How could this?

No. This can't be a documentary. This can't be. Well, it got to the point where the son is having sex. It's like, what's going on in a documentary where you're watching people have sex?

What kind of. Fucking sex are these people having? What is going on in this movie? That's the least dramatic part of the movie, too, is the, I think just the subtle thought. The sex thing is weird.

It's weird, the situation, but I think, yeah, it's, and I was, you even posted it, the dance scene is so unsettling, you know. That's great. Where is she getting this inspiration? Because she's obviously seen snippets or her mother or something from Flashdance and You know. It's...

Well, I don't mean to be Mr. Shallow, but I am. Go ahead. So, I mean, it was a really interesting and intriguing movie, and it draws you into the world, but at the same time, I don't know what it has to do with anything. So for me, largely, it was a drama of...

Are those sisters hot? Because in a way they are, because, you know, they're like separated from the world... So they're not full of all the usual bullshit that crushes your soul, all the things people say that, you know, you think somebody's, like, interesting and charming, and then they say something just so stupid and cliche and trite, and it's like, oh, God. They're rotting from the inside out. So in a way, they're attractive because they're different.

But then in another way, it's like, but this is just too fucking creepy. This is just weird. And then it gets to the point where they just do not even remotely get sex. Not even with a really good clue. Not even, they don't get the hint.

They don't, and it's like, no, this is just weird. It's just strange and bizarre. Yeah, because the one girl who, like, he brings in had, um, she starts like trading for sexual faith. They still don't get it. Right.

I don't know. Um, yeah. So, um, I'm really glad I saw it, but I'm not. Sure what you were supposed to get out of it. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, it seems like a really good metaphor for something, but I have no idea what. I kind of got a lot of, because I grew up in a very religious sheltering family. And so it's sort of like, um, very exaggerated version of that yeah like uh so you all talk about like watching horror movies when you were little when i first saw raiders of the lost ark. My parents made me close my eyes during the face melting scene.

At the end that that traumatized me so it's in your best interest or you see what happens. So actually and this don't tie it in perfectly um One of the first really traumatizing things I saw was when I was 18 and I was out in college. I was like, I'm going to go rebel and watch one of those R-rated movies I'm not supposed to watch. You rebel. So I went to the theater and I saw the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.

The most violent thing I'd seen before that, I think, was Lord of the Rings. so then I and I was still religious back then sort of so I went home and I confessed to my religious leader who actually. Happened to be my dad at the time this is even more weird. Yeah and I it took me a long time to get over that like I my wife my girlfriend at the time was going to watch The Descent with a friend and I was invited over I was like no I don't want to do that again because the blood and gore. And there's plenty of it now. Now I laugh at, like, Jigsaw and all the shenanigans.

I did think that one scene in the remake of The Hilltop Bias was really traumatic for me, too, and I was fully desensitized by the time I. Saw that film. I haven't seen it since then. I just remember there being, like, a... rape baby, there was some crazy thing that happened in the trailer. That's all I remember.

That's what I like a little bit better than the original. I find the original racist. I don't remember exactly what happened, I just remember it being wrong. The rape babies have eyes. Well, that can go to mine, because mine was kind of, I guess in a way there can be good traumatizing, because it does sort of wake you up to horrible, horrible things.

I remember being kind of clueless and going to see The Accused. damn I don't know that scene again you get all the way to the end before you really see what happens and it yeah I don't think I was prepared for that and I think it was one of those that you don't identify you need something to make you identify with somebody to understand that kind of or at least have a glimpse of that kind of pain and horror and yeah it took that movie before I was like oh okay we're kind of all responsible for this and you know I hate my gender But I don't know, there was so much I took away from that that was kind of life-changing at that point of not taking responsibility for that kind of stuff and all of a sudden going, oh, it's kind of everybody's job to make sure this doesn't happen.

I don't know. It's funny now because you watch South Park making fun of it and it sort of takes the sting out of it. But at the time, being relatively young and watching that, yeah, I was not prepared for that. Scene. I don't know.

Which I had the same years later, The Last House on the Left. The original one, which is not a great movie, but those scenes in the woods are horrifying. Those are the scenes where you can see he's a good filmmaker, and then the rest of it's kind. Of slapped together. The whole setup of the dad.

It's not a good movie, but there are good moments in it. Yeah, it's interesting because we haven't really talked much about movies that are just morally traumatizing. But that's like a whole category of film. People under the stairs. That's an awesome movie.

What are you talking about? It is awesome, but it's traumatic. They have this race of mutant people that they keep locked in their house, and the dad. Runs into them in full head-to-toe. Fetish gear, and they lock their daughter in.

There's a fun little Twin Peaks guy in there, too. One that just. Images uh just didn't even think of it the shining i saw that way too young yeah and yeah the old traumatizing dude i think of him as one of my favorite directors and i'm like you know what he's really throwing some crazy. Stuff yeah it's the it's the. Old lady in the bathtub yeah which i'm thinking about it i had that same because i that is the image you came up with it's a traumatizing one i had that with um the opening of carrie I did not need to see naked, bloody Sissy Spacek running around.

I was just, what the hell? No, no, stop. Just Sissy Spacek. It's just traumatizing. Oh, you know that story about Blue Velvet?

That's what Rossellini told me, that the whole little town where they were filming came out. Oh, God. They were all out there having picnic tables and stuff. And she felt responsible because they were going to film the scene where she's. Like, Is that your mother?

Yeah. Who's that? Your mom? Yeah. They were going to film that scene.

So she went around and, you know, people wanted to meet her and they're saying hi. And she's like, yeah, I wanted to explain, you know, because there are kids there. In this next scene, I'm going to be nude and beat up. And you might not want to. And they're like, oh, no, we're fine.

And she couldn't convince anybody to leave. And so then she did the scene, and she said, you know, when she's acting, she's not, you know, she's focused, and also the lights, just you can't see outside the scene. But as soon as the scene was over, she looked around, and everybody was gone. Well, that's got to make you feel good. It's funny that she tried to shield people from trauma because out of everything I've ever watched in my entire life, I think the thing that's traumatized.

Me most is those fucking green pornos. I knew you were going. I've never been able to think about a dolphin the same way. I was watching that movie like, I'm afraid of bed bugs for a whole new reason. They have nice penises and they stab into their mate.

You know, I had no idea that... goose sex was so rapey. That's like freakish and that really bothers me. And I found that out just like last month. A lot of animal sex. So the goose doesn't care what's good for the gander?

I don't think so. What you find out is the Lion King's lying to you. Yeah. It's not missionary. It's not voluntary.

You know on the Sundance Channel's website you can do like a personality test and they'll tell you which bug you are and then you can watch the sex video. There you go. That's such a creepy concept. But my son said after watching Blue Velvet, he said, oh yeah, that traumatized me. I'll never break into a stranger's apartment to try to solve it.

Didn't stop me. But you mentioned Lynch and going back to what Alan was saying earlier with the razor had a movie that actually, uh, I remember watching it for the first time. And this was when I was in my twenties, but, uh, it was just so weird that afterwards I was like, uh, quite a few, right. It's something called Uzumaki. It's a Japanese film.

And, um, It's like, what if David Cronenberg and David Lynch had a baby? This is what this movie would be, because it's about this town to where everyone in this town is slowly going insane because they're obsessed with the shape of the spiral. And it sounds like a very absurd concept, but everyone becomes obsessed about bringing out the spiral within themselves. So one fellow commits suicide by putting himself into a washing machine, and there are other people that are turning into half-human, half-snails. And it sounds absurd, but watching it, and just the atmosphere of dread they create, it's like, it just makes you feel weird the first.

Time you watch it. Now it's become one of my favorites, but the first time you watch it, it's just so, it's such an absurd concept, and they sell. It to make it work. What's the name of it again? Uzumaki, and this fellow, he's only made one other film, which equally was kind of odd, he's just this odd writer-director called Long Dream, where it's about this individual who's in an insane asylum, because he's having what are called long dreams to where he'll one night he goes to sleep and wakes up the next day and he's lived like two days because we've all had those dreams before where you think you've lived a day and you wake up it's like oh no it was a dream but he's having it to where he'll live two weeks and then wake up and those two weeks never happen and then two years it's getting point to where he'll live for 40 years and make all these relationships get married and he'll just wake up the next day.

And he's back four years. And that just messes with you psychologically. And you're 401k. What if it keeps accumulating? Now, wait a minute.

It might be on to something here. When you brought up traumatizing, one thing that I thought about and The fact that so many people and grandmas and mothers and fathers would take their children to this and would come out saying that it was beautiful, that everyone needed to see it, that it's so important and would return many times. I never understood, and I went and saw it because of it, but the passion of the Christ. It's like people enjoyed watching their God be tortured for an hour straight, no words, no anything. And I worked with a little old lady, Baptist woman, who just, I mean, was weeping at how beautiful she thought the whole thing was.

And to me, it was just, and I know people have written things about it, but it was just torture and people were enjoying it. And I know that's not the part that they were enjoying about it. They were thinking, oh, I'm finally seeing what they went through and what he went through and maybe making it more real. But those same people will then blast other films for, they say, oh, it's exploitive or it's, no, they're showing what another movie might be showing what a rape is really like or might be showing, and why as a society we think that you know child abuse is bad or why you know trying to over shelter your children in dog tooth why you know why that might be the wrong way to go about things and why all this you know i don't know i it's funny you say that it should be traumatic and it's not.

There's a movie i love called the stone boy that nobody i'm the only person in north america who's ever seen it yeah But it's about, it's fairly traumatizing. It's about a kid and his brother going to pick peas in the morning and going through the fence with a shotgun. The shotgun goes off and the kid kills his older brother. And then he finishes picking peas and goes home and has to tell his family what happened. And it's called The Stone Boy because he never cries and everybody thinks it's strange.

Everybody's in the movie. Glenn Close is in it. Um, Robert Duvall, and everybody else is in there somewhere. But it's a really good movie. It's odd because it's...

I don't know. I just saw it, didn't expect it. It looked like a bad Disney movie when it came on, and it kept being good. And in the end, he winds up talking to a stranger on the bus and explaining things, and it's just really good. But I was trying to get a friend of mine to watch this movie, and the reason I bring it up is that difference between what people say they can't stand to watch violence.

She gave up on it. She says, I can't watch violent stuff like that. It's like, you told me last week you watched Wild at Heart. where the guy's head gets shot off and goes rolling. No, but that's okay, but you're not going to watch my movie because you can't. Watch violent stuff.

I mean, if you can look at Willem Dafoe's teeth in Wild and Hard and not flinch, you can watch that. I think it depends on how realistic and credible it is. Because, I mean, I remember a film that we, there were a couple movies where I remember people walking out of them and getting very upset and crying and theater but one of them that sticks out was um monster's ball where heath ledger commits suicide yeah it's like you know i was like what's just so strange about it apparently it was just the realistic nature of him just shooting himself in the chest it like it was bothering a lot of people where i was just it wasn't uncommon about once a week to see somebody just standing out just taking a breather from that film right about there.

You know it's really weird because one thing i've noticed like You can kill a hundred people in a movie and it's not that bad. But when someone kills themselves in a movie, it's always really hard to take. I don't know why. But even in movies where it's not a big issue and it's... Compared to the rest of the movie, it's not any worse.

But even in Freeway and the scene where Brooke Shields finds out who her husband really is and shoots herself, that was harder for me to watch than any other scene in the movie, which was not pleasant, but. There's just something really weird. It's still a taboo, really. Have you ever seen Rules of Attraction? Where the girl puts her wrists in the bathtub?

Oh, yes, yes, I did see that. Yeah, and it has the big, overdramatic, who is it? The guy who did Can't Live Without You. Yeah, he was the same guy who did the, oh, the song Everybody's Talking. Harry Nilsson, I think, did that song.

Even when you're watching that scene, it's like, you're playing this song, am I supposed to be finding this funny? It is kind of over the top because of the soundtrack, isn't it? It's almost like one of those Roy Orbison songs that's so over the top. Well, I don't know, he makes it credible, but it's just odd how big it is. Yeah, I guess it does depend because, you know, I watched The Passion of the Christ, and to me it's just like, okay, it's rated R for smiting.

And somewhere in the middle, Jesus invents the table with chairs. And Virgin Mary, Mother of God, says it'll never catch on. And what is this movie? I don't know what to do with it. I know it's Jesus and stuff, but it's still just like a profoundly silly movie in.

A lot of ways. I think that was the working script title, Jesus and Stuff. Jesus and Stuff, yeah. I actually finally saw that for the first time a couple months ago. I didn't see it back then.

But by the end of the movie, I was cracking jokes to my wife just because Mel Gibson used so much slow motion. It just got so ridiculous. You almost start to want to hear the six million dollar man thing. When he's getting nailed to the cross, you have the hand and that's Mel Gibson's hand. You see the hand come out and then Jesus kind of looks over with a shocked expression.

I just imagine him being like, Mel Gibson? That too, Mel? At that point, I would expect him to go, I'm getting too old for this shit. I feel like I need to see Passion of the Christ. Yeah, I haven't seen it either.

I don't know, it almost felt like it was a joke that they were playing on everyone. We're going to get all of them to come out. We're either going to make them all mad. or we're going to get them all to come out. Is that what he's doing now with what's the project he's doing with Showgirls guy? Yeah, the Maccabees battle or something.

Yeah, like the Hanukkah battle. He's supposedly doing the version of that. He's trying to make amends with Esther House. And again, it. Seems like, okay, they're just trying to make you see it.

They're just trying to do something that everybody's going to go, I can't look away. I've got to go see what happens. True, Rick. About morally traumatizing, actually, I was kind of surprised at my reaction. I saw Hobo with a Shotgun, which I loved.

I thought it was a lot of fun. And violence and gore. Doesn't bother me at all. I think the bad guys, the way they were doing the violence, just the complete and utter sadism, just really got to me. And I don't even know why, because it normally shouldn't.

In the Saw movies, it doesn't bother me, because there's a sort of twisted morality to it. There's always a reason. But for this, it was just pure fun, and it kind of got to me. Yeah. But it made it better when the hobo got the shotgun and started killing them all because I was cheering.

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny that, like, in the remakes thing, we saw, well, I had just recently seen, what's the home invasion? No, funny games? No.

Well, I, yeah. But that is kind of the same thing. It's like, why on earth are they doing this? But Straw Dogs. Because I remember my initial reaction the first time I saw Straw Dogs with Dustin Hoffman.

I was surprised at myself how much I wanted to kill that rat guy. I just, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to see somebody kill him. It was just... I mean, the movie is successful in the fact that it infuriates you the same way it does now.

It shocked me how much it got to me. And Peter Vaughn is such a terrifying villain in that, too. Yeah, and I saw the new one, and it's like, I don't care what happens to any of these people. It just doesn't matter to me. To me, Michael Mastin was the main protagonist in the remake.

Was that who they cast? James Marston. James Marston. Yeah, it wasn't Michael Mastin. Yeah, it's not Michael Mastin.

But no, James Marston is the main protagonist. The thing about Dustin Hoffman. Being the main. character in Straw Dogs is you can't see that fellow getting violent. James Martin, he's kind of athletic looking. They just put glasses on him.

It's like Clark Kent. It's like, no. It's funny what bothers people because in my own kids, the thing that I think, well, Toy Story is kind of traumatizing to kids because now With all that kids have to worry about, now they can't abandon their damn toys. Oh, I had that problem early on with the Velveteen Rabbit. I don't know how that didn't create a.

Whole generation of boys. With me, it was Jim Henson's Christmas toy, because it's about the same premise as Toy Story, but if you happen to walk in and see the toy doing something. It kills it. And it's like it's dead forever. Yeah.

I just heard a whole group of adults sitting there like, And for one of the movies that year was treated as one of the best movies of. The year, but all of them were like, no, I didn't like Toy Story 3. It's just too sad. And it's like, these were kids. These were all grown-ups.

The incinerator scene. Yeah. Everybody's just. I know, and I don't know if I've ever been on edge in a for a cartoon ever and I was like okay what's happening what's happening my kids are on either side I think I was holding them. Back like this is not going to happen.

Is it actually up traumatized oh yeah I think a lot of people like. A baby the opening scene and several parts the opening by the end it was kind of ridiculous the opening five minutes. It's beautiful I love my. Wife so it's like oh we love each other. The one that messed up my daughter was Monsters Inc and it wasn't because She wasn't scared of the monsters.

She was scared they were going to get in trouble at work. Like they were going to get fired. That's so cute. They're supposed to be on the clock. We're breeding such a messed up generation of kids.

But all three Toy Story movies, when you look at them, basically it's the toys coming to the realization as to how unimportant. in the sense that there's many more like us, and after a given time, we're given away, as opposed to. The very first one, where it's this nice little world that they exist in by the end. It's like they're just being handed off. It's very bleak for all three films when you look at them, the story arc. Traumatizing.

Yeah, I know. There's a book called Winky, which is about a teddy bear who, after he has... the little kids grow up and it's just sitting on the shelf and it wills itself to life. Um, goes out into the woods, has a baby. For the little girl as a girl bear for the little boy as a boy that like goes into a cabin and then the FBI comes in and arrests it as a suspect, suspected terrorist. What?

This is the Ted Kaczynski story. Uh, and, uh, When I was in second grade, my teacher read us Where the Red Fern Grows. And afterwards, we watched the movie as like a special treat. Here's a treat. This book didn't make you all cry hard enough.

The part that really bothered me, aside from the part where the dogs are eviscerated by like a mountain cougar of some sort, is the part, I think there's a part in the movie where some boy trips and falls on an axe. Hmm. Remember that book, yeah. I think in the book, didn't he swing and miss the tree. And hit him?

Yeah, something like that. It's like an evisceration fest. Next week, kids, Old Yeller. There are a lot of traumatizing kids' movies. I mean, never-ending story.

I was utterly terrified of the wolf character. He's awesome. Again, it's one of those, it's traumatizing and yet almost immediately I was just like, that's my favorite character in the movie. My wife Lynn had this experience in kindergarten where, you know, how they get eggs in an incubator and they hatch baby chicks. Her teacher did that, but she got unfertilized eggs.

And so they were just watching it, watching it. It was like a kindergarten version of Waiting for Godot. Laughter And then at the end, they just dyed them and ate them, right? And then at some point, she's like, this isn't going to happen. Kids, we've thought about a family, but it's just not the right time right now.

She just goes out and buys little chickens and throws them in there at night. I'm like, what the heck? Just peeps. Hey, look what happened. I mean, that's very scientific.

Unfertilized eggs don't hatch. I guess they learned a valuable lesson. Like a community college for your children. At least she's not a nurse. She's not a farm girl.

What do you want? I recently re-watched All Dogs Go to Heaven, which I hadn't seen since I was a kid. I totally did not get that not only is there a sequence where he's in hell, but then later at the end the devil. Dog comes for his soul. It's really eerie.

Wow. There's a lot of fucked up stuff in Don Luth. Yeah. Secret of NIMH is pretty heavy. I was thinking that earlier when you mentioned Watership Down.

Secret of NIMH. NIMH itself stands for National Institute of Mental Health. That doesn't belong in a children's movie. I'm sure that's what they were thinking. Actually, about Secret of NIMH, because I watched it recently and I hadn't seen it.

As a kid. And I determined that at the end, you know, like the little kids are trapped in the brick house and it's going down into the mud and eventually gets pulled back up. In the time period that it was there, the. Kids would have died. And so I determined that everything after that was the mother's mind had broken and everything after that was just happening in her imagination.

It's the only rational explanation for the ending at all. It's his life. It's just like the Sucker Punch version. I just find it traumatizing that Christopher Plummer's career dropped so low that he had to voice a character in Rock-A-Doodle. I was actually.

Thinking about Rock-A-Doodle the other day. You're probably the only person. I don't know why I was thinking about it. There was a light-up map of North America and one light going off. This is the person who's thinking about that at this moment.

This is not a drill. This is not a drill. They put it on Blu-ray. It's at Walmart tomorrow. No, it was actually on Netflix a few months ago.

I started to watch it, but I fell asleep instantly. Traumatized. I think kids' movies are meant to really destroy your soul. You know what is far more, I don't think I ever saw it as a kid, but Pinocchio, when they. The Nokia is very disturbing.

It is. They're giving them alcohol and cigarettes. They start turning into donkeys. Yeah. That part's creepy.

It's really messed up. And then in Dumbo, when you have the drunk scene, but it's actually hallucinations, so you're wondering what he actually drank, that's pretty messed up. Yeah. And it's almost in there like, why did they put this in the movie? And it's almost just a time filler.

You know, we need another song. It's like. The section of Fantasia, like it's just something they were working on anyway, and they decided to stick it in there. But almost every single one of them, you're like, somebody had to be on drugs when they were thinking of the ideas of this, or else there's almost no reason for it. Yeah, I don't know about traumatizing, but just.

Well, it was weird how the grown-ups were bullying toward Dumbo in that movie. I mean, it was really.... You know, as a kid growing up, I saw grown-ups do stuff like that. Yeah. We had some ignoramus P.E. teacher who would, like, pick on the kids, the popular kids picked on.

I always remember thinking, if I run. Into this guy when I'm growing up, there's going to be a problem. Yeah. I think you have to be a real jackass to decide to be a P.E. Teacher.

In that case, yeah. But there was also a great kids' movie called Thomasina. It's about a. Cat that goes to cat heaven. I think it's called The Three Lives of Thomasina.

Yeah. Thomasina the Cat. And it's really intense because the dad in it is a doctor, and then there's this holistic medicine woman that lives in the glen it's like this science and fate conflict and it's it's just like a little kids movie about a fucking cat it's like why do you have to get into all of this but they do you know because the writers they're aiming to do something else really most the the writers who are working on this stuff and so they'll they'll write in things like that episode of Columbo that was just socialist propaganda. It was really nicely put together, too. You mentioned that, and all of a sudden it just brought to mind, I kind of remember, this even creeped me out as a kid so much.

It was The Nine Lives of Garfield. Have you ever saw that or not? And it's basically this series of short vignettes where it's Garfield in different characters, and just, of course, at the. End of each one he dies and he comes back as a different character. Garfield there was one it was like number five or number six to where he didn't it was a different art style and he looked completely different too he was almost like a black cat and it was a very short segment to where he sees like some sort of thing coming out of the spot on the wall and he just lives in this old broken down house with this old woman kind of chases around for a bit, and when it finally, like, catches up with him, it possesses him, and it ends with him, with the woman saying, oh, come on in here, and he's, like, coming up, like, jumping at her, and just cuts her.

It's like, oh, Jesus. It's like some movie where Garfield kills an old woman. But does Lou Rawls do the soundtrack? Because that's all that's really important. What is the movie about the troll.

That sneaks in at night and steals the children's breath? The cat does that. But it's not the cat. It's like a troll. But isn't it Cat's Eye?

Maybe. I don't know. I think it's some Stephen King movie. Yeah, Cat's Eye. A lot of people remember that 70s movie where the little African figure was denied.

Yeah, that one traumatized Jay. I think a lot of little kids were traumatized by that. Well, we should probably round it out. Do we have any last-minute ones that we had on your list that traumatized you for life? I don't know.

Can we? Lynch is fucked up. Kubrick is fucked up. Kids movies are fucked up. I think that's the three.

That's pretty much all of us. Pretty much. Basically, what we also established is Lynch needs to make a kids movie. Actually, I think he was working on one briefly. Oh, God.

I think that's been abandoned because he went back into his furniture making and he just released a music album. I haven't seen anything about that, but I'm pretty sure he's working on a kid's movie. He'll just have to get by with Straight Story, I guess. It's the closest thing he has. It's PG, at least.

That sounds so frightening. I think it's actually rated G. Is it? Yeah, it is, actually. Damn.

What is it? Straight Story. Straight Story, yeah. The only creepy about that is Richard Barnsworth didn't win the Oscar and committed suicide a. Couple months later.

And nothing's creepier than suicide. As we've established. I mean, I don't know why. I can't explain it. I mean, it doesn't really bother me, but in movies it's just really hard to watch.

Like in Caché. Oh, yeah. Just came out of nowhere. There's We have a lot to work out. We have a lot of issues.

It occurred to me, I know we're trying to wrap up, but I just had a moment where I kind of realized something during the course of this conversation. And you were talking about the accused in South Park. I realized, and we were talking about Clockwork Orange, and I kind of realized that one of the things that does traumatize me more than other elements is that I guess for a long time I really couldn't deal with horror played as satire. I had a really hard time tonally with that. Man Bites Dog.

I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with Martin. That movie kills me. That movie's so creepy. It's very creepy, I'll give you that.

The violence against women in that and the tone of it, it's so unsettling to me. I don't know. That one I felt like works because it's supposed to be that distilled. Again, I guess it forces you to look at it from this messed up kid and But yeah, it is really disturbing the way he interacts with them. And even American Psycho, like any sort of movie where it's satirically played violence, especially against women, I think that's the most traumatic thing for me.

I just realized that during the course of this conversation. It's disturbing. There's a lot of disturbing movies. Yeah, but it's also, it's almost more disturbing to me. I guess I go and, like, I have a safety release valve where I go, I'm just so aware I'm watching a movie.

Yeah. You know, but when people are trying to milk things for significance and they're trying to be really self-important about it, it almost bothers me more that they're exploiting terrible things as though it makes them artistically significant. It seems sort of dishonest in a way. That was one of my main problems with Funny Games. I know he was trying to prove a point, but I thought it was.

I don't know. I wasn't here for that episode. I'm going to leave it alone. There was something that was just not right about that to me. He was definitely in that, I thought, talking down to every viewer.

Yeah. I know more than you, and you have a lesson to learn. Oh, God. Speaking of trauma... For me, Platoon was a traumatic movie.

Well, you know, some people talk about The Dirty Dozen as one of those movies you see maybe when you're a kid, and you're so rooting for that one guy to make it, and he doesn't make it, and it just changes you. But Platoon, you know, they have this... What traumatized me about it is I just hated it so much. I hated the dialogue. I couldn't believe.

And then it won Best Picture, and then I'm like, Fuck it. Just fuck it. You know, there's nothing I can do about it because I'm still going to watch the Oscars. I can't say I'm never going to watch the Oscars. Yeah, I will, but I'm pissed.

So what I did was like, I'm never going to pay to see another Oliver Stone movie. If it comes on TV or something, okay, I might watch it. But no, I'm not going to pay for it. I just hated it. Just the dialogue.

The guy's talking. It pisses me off how bad it is. I've not seen it before. But actually, that's another movie, like Natural Born Killers. A lot of the violence in that, which must be played for comedy, is really unsettling to me.

That one drives me. And also, just the whole idea of Oliver Stone is commenting on the media in that movie. He has some fucking authority there. And, you know, also it was a rip-off of Man Bites Dog, which I thought was a more serious... I mean, it is played to be funny, but it's...

I don't know. It's just artistically different. It seems to me like Oliver Stone is exploiting the violence for entertainment effect at the same time he's claiming to be commenting on it. I think the existence of it in general at that point in time is kind of a comment on society. The fact that it came into being and the fact that everybody was fine with what he was doing or just went to the movies and saw it.

And it wasn't really a big deal at the time. I think that kind of shows you the state we were in as a, as a country, you know, you couldn't have made that movie years before, but we just kind of gotten to that point. We were sort of desensitized. Yeah. I think again, all these traumatizing.

Movies have done this over the years and, It seems to me, especially the kid movies we mentioned, it's almost breaking you as you go along. You start out. As a kid, and you've got your hopes and dreams, and then these movies come along and crush them, and eventually you're prepared. For Oliver Stone movies. It seems like how this works.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I think that's how we round it out. Hello. It's one of those sad indies we're looking for.

I mean, you might as well have horribly depressing children's movies because life is horribly depressing. Let's show you right off the bat. You have to show them movies like Old Yeller. Old Yeller, yeah. I can't believe we didn't mention Old Yeller.

We did briefly, but we didn't. Can you explain to me the Old Yeller dog food? Because it confounds me. Every time I make a burger, and I'm like, what kind of marketing? Why do you want to associate your dog food?

Because their dog is. So crazy for it. Open at the mouth. Hydrophobia. This episode is sponsored by Old Yeller.

I think there was a certain point when advertising became counterintuitive. And I remember those years just seeing more and more things like, it came out with tombstone pizza. What do you want on your tombstone? And then there was just other stuff. It's like you're trying to think of the weirdest thing.

It's actually a place in Louisville somewhere called the Cat Box Deli. I'm like, seriously? The Cat Box Deli. And their logo was like a cat with boxing gloves. Where I grew up in Bowling Green, there was a little airport in front of a tombstone business.

And so there's like a little mock graveyard showing off their tombstones, and then there's the airport. And when I lived in Murray, there was a place that everybody used to go eat. It was called Granny's Porch. And later it was sold, and it became a Mexican place, and the creative writing class used to go meet there. And then it was sold again.

It became a different restaurant. But no matter what restaurant it was or who owned it or ran it or what the menu was, it always tasted the same. It's like they had a stove that only had one flavor somehow. But anyway, the sign outside Granny's porch. Was up for at least a year, and it said, open-faced granny burger.

Open-faced granny. I'm never going. To recover from that. I remember that all these years, and I think of it like when I'm driving along River Road. And the fish place there, Kingfish, has a sign out front, today's special squad box.

Like when you go by the Skyline Chili's and they're always advertising it three-way. Yeah. That's intentional. Yeah. Yeah, I think they're trying to, there's some counterintuitive thing, and it probably works because people remember it.

You know, people are so jaded to advertising that at this point they're like, What the fuck? I'd say something. I think that's what, especially like something like the old Yeller thing. I think it's the same reason they keep doing these reboots. And it's like just all we need is brand recognition.

Yeah. Doesn't have to even make sense why we're tying it to this. It barely has to. As long as you recognize what we're saying. What we need to do is as a group, we need to market fuck you cereal.

Yeah. And I think people really remember that. Yeah. Actually, I was. I'd buy it.

I was working on Super Cougar Cracks. You and many other guys. Serial names the other day, and that came up. Because sometimes you just try to think, what's the worst thing you could possibly do? Or at least every job I've ever had, it became a game, like, what's the worst way we could do this?

You know, if you're... I think it started this place we were trying to get a past due invoice, and we have to write it in business speak. Like, you know, pay us the money you've owed us for fucking. Months, please. How do you say that?

Please remit. But we couldn't think of it for a while. We were thinking, what do we say? So we thought of all the things, you know, just to get your brain going. What's the worst thing we can say?

Please cough up. I think that was. That was the choice that sort of, okay, fork over. Sure. But no, eventually the business language is, please remit this amount.

Okay. Did we beat a dead horse? Is that where you wanted us to end? That sounds like a good place. So, yeah.

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People of Eternia, I stand before the great eye of the podosphere, chosen by destiny by the powers of Lipson. This inevitable moment will transpire before your eyes, even as He-Man himself bears witness to it. Now I, Baby Skeletor, am master of the action attraction. Action attraction your home for all things action to find out more visit metal mikey.lipson.com or search for action attraction in itunes. It's part of your problem you know you haven't seen enough movies all of life's riddles are answered in the movies and now on with the show.

I can't be in that scenario anymore and i don't know that that was almost traumatic i mean if you have to physically change the channel for a a sitcom something you're tapping into something. Yeah one of my friends was in the hospital and he was on a lot of pain medicine but um a few days later we were all talking with him and uh he was talking about how he had explained to the nurses and he explained to all these people, you know, apparently they had it on TV laying on the television channel. And he was watching an episode where Lucy was giving her kids gasoline to drink. And he was trying to explain. He's like, oh, this, he's like, did you all have that on another TV?

He wanted to know what was going on because he's like, did I dream this or was it really on it? And I'm like, you're making it up. Everyone was giving it shit. And suddenly I was like, when I came in and they were explaining that and they were all kind of like, and I was like, Oh, that's a real episode. Yeah, there's like a.

Real episode where Lucy almost gives her kids gasoline to drink. But it was just so funny that like he apparently for days thought he was insane. I was like, I'm going to mention this. No, I swear, I have to kill the dude. I swear, Hilary.

Duff was in this movie where she was furry. It's a weird Duff. Poor Hilary. I kind of like Hillary. She's all right.

Her show was so much better than that weirdo that came after her. Miley Cyrus came after her. And Hillary's show was kind of cool. Speaking of watching odd shows and being sick, I had the flu one time. I was channel surfing and I watched about 10 minutes of iCarly.

That was pretty charming. I've watched every episode of that. We exist in a society where this is entertainment to our children. What is wrong with our society? If you watch enough, I will have to argue that it is probably one of the better sitcoms on television.

Especially for children. Episode to episode, if you actually get it with the characters, it's not bad. I was terrified. It is the one that Michelle Obama just did. You know the one that makes me uncomfortable to watch is The Last Picture Show.

It's a movie that actually, I think I can watch anything, but The Last Picture Show really kind of drives me. That's interesting. It's so bleak and there's the kids sweeping the street. You know. The thing about Donovich having sex with a young girl.

I guess. Oh, yeah, and she's just such an idiot, but she's the only, like, thing in their world that is supposed to be special, and she's just like this bitchy little idiot. Oh, and then, and how their friendships get so messed up, but there's nobody else around, so. They have to forgive each other. Yeah, there's something about that movie that really gets to me.

You'll have to forgive me, my paradigm is off. iCarly is good only because I get to see so little on television. You don't have to apologize, you love iCarly. You love iCarly. It's just like I like Hilary Duff. I watch the shows with my kids.

I love Arthur. I love that fucking art bar. I could watch that show. Oh, Arthur, yeah. That's a great show.

That was for the nerdier kids. Was it? It was on PBS. It's too damn smart. I don't like that one.

Wishbone, yeah. And who was the little kid who had cancer and they never caught it? Yeah, Caillou. Brian, my nephew, when he was little, vehemently hated that show. And I remember once he goes, I don't have to like Kai or nothing.

I'm going to watch it. So annoying. His voice. Does the kid have cancer? Is that what the show is about?

I don't understand. I don't think he does. I don't think he does, but it looks like it. Yeah. I don't know.

It's bad. Well, and is Dora the Explorer having some sort of incestuous relationship with her cousin? Diego? Yeah. Well, why would you think that?

Everybody thinks that. Really? Well, I mean, Diego's pretty cool. I mean, you know. He is way cooler than her.

Her cousin? Diego's her cousin. Okay, I thought it was, no, I thought it was her boyfriend, but I've only seen a couple episodes. So everybody thinks that. No, it's cousin.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never watched it enough to get the subtle nuances of the character relationships. She introduces her because she is...

I'm sure there's a. Story arc that explains what the map does, apart from describing it. Right. I can't invest myself in that. I can't remember Diego's older sister's name, but she introduces them all as her cousin.

Yeah. Does anybody remember the cartoon Love Is? Like the little hand. Yeah, Love. Is, and it's the two naked eight-year-olds who are married.

To each other. As a kid, I hated that thing. What is that about? I don't like it at all. Yeah, it's two naked eight-year-olds who are married to each other, and Love Is.

Two naked eight-year-olds married to each other. Yes, exactly. Wow, that's amazing. It is amazing that that exists. Yeah.

That's a lot of drama. Well, see, that's the whole thing. Men are from. We. Mentioned a movie from the 70s being traumatic.

Look, the 70s were traumatic. That's just all there is to it. There were such good movies. I'm so glad I skidded. Glenn Close comes out in the 70s, so that's why she's such a good actress.

I mean, she's braved it all. She's survived it. Yeah, she can be a man. Whenever I mention Babar, no one ever remembers Babar. I remember Babar.

Sure. I said Glenn Close, not Meryl Streep. As soon as you said man, I said, what? Meryl Streep can be a man if she wants to. What's the Onion story I saw today?

They ruled that Meryl Streep can't beat tried in court because she has no peers. Oh, God. That's pretty good. I hope Billy Crystal tells that one. I should have brought up Antichrist with the traumatic events.

Oh, God. This just means sequel. Every time we do one of these, we afterwards come up with 40 other things. It did turn out to be a fecund sort of topic. I just thought of it because, you know, I finally managed to traumatize my kids.

Because they thought, oh, it's Dwight from The Office. This will be fun. Holy fuck. Super. It's like more realistic of what Kick-Ass?

Kick-Ass could have been. It's like the first half of Kick-Ass before it gets cheesy. It's like, oh, this is really what would happen if you would become a superhero. Yeah, if you took it to the end of what probably would have happened in Kick-Ass for real. Right.

And this is what really fucked up people would associate with you if you did. Pretty much. What's her name? Yeah. Ellen Page.

She's amazing. She's psycho. I mean, she was great in Super. Psycho. Yeah.

Jesus Camp, I got to thinking. I was like, that's a traumatizing documentary. It's a different kind of traumatizing. It goes back to what you were saying, just traumatizing. No different fooding.

I watched that and I was like, I don't know. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. If nothing else, it's a good time to get out your decoder pins. Okay, kids, get out your decoder pins.

It is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature. See how excited I was there? i could tell that tonight's message was really important. Next week we will be back to discuss timer it's it's available in many many places online or at your local closed down video store so go get yourself a copy and um yeah timer and we will even have a one from the vault segment from the star of the movie miss mccarthy so. Anything else to round this one out. All right.

Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. This jungle is massive, so please don't be so passive.

Be aggressive, impress us, and they will get the message. Yes, your father, he had. It, for us it's automatic. Yes, it's magic, it's magic. Thank you.

Hugs and kisses from the girls and the boys Live like champs, don't run them boys Stay. The night, you can have some grits I'll show you. Right, this song is the. Test That game traumatized me. I did not want to go into the alternate world because those kid things would...

Did you ever play that? I've not played the game. Oh my god. The movie. Yeah.

Yeah, the first game is creepy. Sorry. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Audity Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!