173: Super CreepFest

Falling Program is a proud member of the Palava family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palava.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-A dot com. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America.

It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million. Kilowatts of power. I love it. I'm almost at the final checking point, except I have to deal with those zombies.

They keep biting my neck. Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans drove by the billions. So they've got to find those extra cups to fill. They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I'm Brian. I'm Ben. I'm Fred. I'm Lucy. I'm Greg.

So we are back for another edition of the Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino my butt. I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for the Caffeinated Movie Geek.

We are coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds, where we will get together, drink coffee, and endlessly talk about movies. So, Lucy, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week? I lost my nerve. Damn it. I was going to sing it.

I'm sorry. Oh, come on. No. Oh, come on. Just imagine that I said Thunderbuck to the tune of Thunderstruck, and that's what it would be.

It's just cheap now. You've got to do it. You've got to throw up some devil horns. Come on. Let's follow through with this.

Fred, can you do it? I don't know the reference. I don't know. What is this? Okay, anyway, Thundermark.

It's delicious. Thank you. I'll sing it to the tune of anything I know. Bee Gees is where we're going. Well, for some reason, maybe it was because, you know, last week, my daughter watched Taxi Driver with me, and the next morning she wakes up and she's singing Roxanne all morning.

Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight. Very fitting for prostitutes. And I don't know where that came from. She was singing that. You know, it's not in the movie, but the actions going on in the movie are.

Of common theme. I didn't even know she knew that song, but she's going around the house all day. Roxanne. So can you turn that into Thundermuck? Thundermuck.

You don't have to. Fill that cup tonight. Fill that cup tonight. I love you since I knew you. I wouldn't put creamer in.

I don't know. What am I supposed to do? I'm just a cabbie, man. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't know music.

I'd like to follow music. I'd like to. I just don't know. It must be good if you're interested in it. I don't know much about coffee, but I'd like to learn more, I suppose.

Alright, so with that, I think we've had a few run-ins lately with some crazy Geek Week fests, so I think we're going to shoot for that this week. Everybody still seems to like the crazy geek activity episodes, so I'm sticking with it. I think they're fun. To launch into that for our round of geek activities, I've seen a few. One just last night, I saw Carnage.

Are you familiar with Carnage? Yes. Have you seen Carnage? No, I have not. I want to, though.

What were your thoughts, Lucy? We'll hear you start, and I'll jump on in. If you like to see people argue, this is the movie for you. If you like middle-aged couples arguing a lot in weird ways. This is right up your alley.

Or if you like to go to stage plays but don't like for there to be people in the. Room with you. Or if you like to pretend like you're in New York but you can't really come to America. This is the movie for you because it's directed by Roman Polanski. So this wonderful New York apartment isn't in New York.

It's probably in France. So yeah, I'm not sure. I had a really mixed response like about 15, 20 minutes in. I'm like, am I still supposed to be watching this? And then as it went on, I was like through moments where I'm like, okay, that was funny.

So I mean, it's, it's, Like, it's funny, but it doesn't know how to be funny. At best, it's awkwardly funny sometimes. Yeah, it's one of those things that's like a really good concept piece. Yeah. I mean, it's effective in terms of it's supposed to feel claustrophobic and tedious and make you uncomfortable.

It's tedious. But that's a terrible... I mean, I saw it in the theater, so I paid however many dollars. I mean, it was a very. I mean, I was not familiar with the stage play, but it seemed like a pretty faithful adaptation.

As far as they didn't do anything else with it. They didn't leave that fucking apartment. But that's the point. I mean, it has to be that. So when I saw the trailer, I was on board, and the performances are great, and I like it when... kate winslet is supposed to be unlikable like i can wrap my head around that more than me going oh god i'm supposed to like her and she's so unlikable i.

Don't know i didn't dislike her as much as and again going on about jodie foster i love jodie foster but she's not likable in this movie no nobody is it's a. Movie that makes you hate humanity kind. Of but midway in i'm like i don't know the guys get funnier the more that they just don't give a shit where the women just seem like more pissed off the whole time but it's not fun but like The fact that Christoph Waltz never cares. He gets funny. The phone is annoying, I'll agree, but that's the point of it.

But, yeah, when he's not on the phone, and some of his delivery on those lines... The performances are all great. That's the thing. I can't knock it, really, other than it's not really fun. But performance-wise, it's nothing but top-notch.

Four amazing performances, but... nobody's really overly likable and all they do is argue and i don't know it's a lot to deal with i have to say. Should we talk about the concepts with people that haven't i mean is everybody familiar with. It it's yeah it's kind of interesting in today's world somewhat. Yeah i've heard of it i haven't seen it yeah it's just two sets of parents that meet to talk about this situations happen between their sons. Oh yeah, the bullying thing.

And so they become increasingly infantile and then you see where all the behavior comes from. They start blaming each other and then blaming themselves and then it just turns into a disaster. So it's very much along the lines of misanthropic Mr. Polanski's worldview. Okay, I'm going to ask a question and the answer may be a deal breaker for me as far as wanting to see this movie.

Are there annoying instances of dubbing so that they could Do the thing that Polanski did with Ghost Rider, where at first it was an R, but they had to replace all the fucks with salting and stuff like that. Is there any of that here? Because that was just... The dubbing in Ghost Rider was atrocious and made me hate it. It's R, isn't it?

It's R? He went R this time? It seemed pretty R as I remember it. So I was going to say, if Polanski does that again, I can't. I don't even think that was R.

I don't know. The performances are good. It's... Again, for somebody who's supposedly such a visually impressive director, it's not visually impressive at all. It's pretty static, and it could have been...

Granted, you're on one set, more or less, but it's still... He doesn't do anything with that camera. It could have been directed by a TV director. I mean, it was... No, he.

Put this one in, and then he gets the. Comfort of saying, well, that's what it's supposed to be. You're supposed to feel. Like you're trapped in the scene and you can't move. Everything's the way it's supposed to be.

I've seen them do stage plays turned into movies that are still pretty much on one set and yet they find it at least doesn't feel as monotonous as that one does. I don't know. I've never really been a big fan of Polanski. He's hit and miss. I like the earlier ones.

Yeah. He was at least visually more interesting back then, whereas now, even, I kind of remember, Ghost Rider wasn't bad, but again, there was only once or twice when I, okay, that was good, and the rest of the time I'm like, eh, whatever. I mean, I guess I hadn't thought about it, but it's really obvious that this was sort of a throwback to the earlier stuff, the trapped in the apartment stuff. His apartment series. Yeah.

So, maybe he felt compelled, I don't know. It was just so helpful. I did have a fun theatrical experience, though, because apparently there's a really angry lady sitting in front of me. Oh, that's always fun. And there's a line where they say something about how nobody tells you that kids suck.

All of your energy and make you old and ruin your life. And she literally stood up and applauded. And so it was sort of more fun. To be with her. That's hilarious.

And to know where she. Was and kind of where her head was. Man, you know, if I had seen the anniversary party in a theater... when, what's her name? Oh, what's that actress's name who married Kevin Kline? Phoebe Cates.

When she says, when you have kids, you can't put your head in a nothing. They take away that option. I would have been on my feet. Man, That was so real. Nice.

It was almost like she stepped out of character and was saying it through. The movie screen. Just to everybody. Breaking the fourth wall. It's like, I'm just supposed to be what?

Basically me? I don't know. I'm married to Kevin Kwan. I'm not acting. I don't give a fuck.

Let me tell you something. When you have kids, you can't put your head in an oven anymore. You can't do yourself in. You need to know this going into it. Nobody tells you.

She did kind of stop acting and be a mom for quite a while there, so that really probably was her line. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Again, they're sort of fun moments. John C.

Reilly is an odd choice, I thought, too, but he kind of works. I was actually. Surprised by his participation, since he's avoided films before. There's a whole Lars von Trier thing where he's like, I'm not going to be in the movie where they kill the. Donkey, but I'll be in the Roman Polanski.

Movie, so... Right. Interesting. He's got such a weird career anyway that he turns in these amazing serious performances and then he's doing Step Brothers. He's like Indy King and then he's what's his?

Cal Naughton Jr. Exactly. There was a time where I thought he was like, oh, this guy's kind of scary. I don't know if he's going to beat someone up in this next scene. He was in The Good Girl and he played that angry husband.

And, like, Gangs of New York, he was, like, the really kind of corrupt, you know, mean cop. And, like, now I just can't, like, I'm thinking Dewey Cox, Steve Ruhle. Like, dude, you're just a goofball. I can't take you seriously. Like, I don't know if I ever will again.

That's a hard road, you know, trying to be an actor that does both of those extremes. It's really weird. I don't know. When you were on the Oscars, he did a song about that, didn't he? I think that's the song from the Dewey Cox movie.

It's, like, Hard Road or something like that, isn't there? Well, it was a song about how he did Boogie Nights and Legend of Ricky Bobby. Oh, no, yeah, it begins with Will Ferrell singing about how Oscar night is a sad night for the comedy man. Well, that's true. Because you never get the Oscar for comedy.

And then John C. Reilly steps in and sings this duet about how you can play both sides together You can do, like, when they come up with the most obvious Oscar-pleading movies, like about, I don't know, the My Left Foot, kind of. You have to give it an Oscar or you're in trouble. It was a good song. If you didn't see that, you should look it up, because it had some insight into Oscar night.

And the fact that you're screwed if you're a comedian. Yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much. Well, I've definitely got one more that I wanted to throw in there, and there's a few more, so I can come back around if we run out midway in.

But the other one I definitely wanted to hit, I don't know if you've seen this, 2012 Zombie Apocalypse. Nope. Can't say I have. Well, it just showed up on the feed. Right.

And, you know, Walking Dead's over now, so I gotta fill the zombie void with something. So I'm like, alright, we'll see what the hell this is. Especially when I saw one of the cast members. We'll get to him in a minute. But to put it in perspective, this is an asylum-made movie.

If you're not familiar with them, they're the people that brought us Paranormal Entity, Transmorphers, Fall of Man, as well as impressive films like Megashark vs. Giant Octopus, And Titanic 2. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, this is what we're dealing with.

But still, they're trying to make a sort of, you know, imagine this post-apocalyptic world and it's relatively serious and you're dealing with life and death situations. And I don't know if the rest of you will. Greg, you'll definitely get this. Now, imagine right in the middle of it, Crabman. Oh, yeah.

Eddie Steeples is in this, who would be Darnell from My Name is Earl. Yeah. With the hair. I mean, I love that guy. He is so great in My Name is Earl, and now he's on Raising Hope.

And he's hilarious, and he's a good actor, but I can't take him serious. It's much like the Dewey Cox story. I can't watch this guy in serious stuff. Maybe I just, he's been in other stuff before, but maybe I've just never seen him before My Name is Earl. But now, like, trying to watch him, like, shoot zombies it's just so laughable but the one that really puzzled me is i'm looking through the list and it's got ving rames in it what the hell is going on with his career that he's i mean i can understand you know the tv actor you know my name is canceled he's just looking for a job but ving rames at one point was making some pretty impressive movies And why is he obsessed with zombie movies?

This is like his third one that I could think of offhand. Yeah, he's in both of the others. He's in the Dawn of the Dead remake, which is awesome. He's in Day of the Dead as a different character, which is terrible, by the way. And now he's in this one, which is also terrible.

So, yeah, where to begin with this thing? Just wants a check. But I would think Sci-Fi Channel isn't going to write a very big check, because I'm thinking this is where, I think they're tied in with you know, running these kind of movies. So, yeah, the cartoon blood is so bad. What is that?

Is that like the CGI blood that's trending now? Oh, that's so bad. I mean, CGI blood's bad anyway, but now you take all of the money out of the already bad CGI blood, and it really is like them with a Sharpie on the screen. With a Sharpie, yeah. So, yeah, you already get that.

The acting's pretty bad anyway. Um, also just the characters themselves. I like, it's almost like it is straight out of like a, a, like they took the character sketches that they made. And like, it's so like car, like Saturday morning cartoon characters, because each person has their own special weapon. Like nobody has the same thing.

Nobody's gotten up like nothing. Like everybody has a blunt instrument or something of that sort. Like the, the Darnell's got a hockey stick and like, Vinger Ames has a sledgehammer. So it's essentially Ninja Turtles design. Yeah, it is.

Because each one, it's not like two people have a baseball bat. No, they each get, you get a hockey stick, you get a baseball bat, you get a ninja sword, which that chick is pretty good with a ninja sword, I'll give her that. But yeah, the fact that it's all perfectly, every character has their own little thing. One dude is wearing football shoulder pads. I don't really know why.

The whole movie, he's running around with the, like, I guess they're constantly trying to bite your shoulder? I don't know. He's wearing shoulder pads the entire. Can't be too careful. I guess.

I think he's wearing, like, shin guards, too. I don't know. He just, like, hit the sporting goods store and stocked up. I don't know. They also make several references, like, cheesy, lame references to other movie, like, horror movies.

So they're, like, at one point, they're sitting there very hand-fistedly delivering this dialogue. Of, remember that one guy, you know, what was his name? Kirkman. Oh, like Robert Kirkman, the writer of The Walking Dead? Thank you for an inside joke there.

A very badly delivered inside joke. And then, like, one of them got his gun at S-Mart. Really? Did you? Yeah.

Wow. Where's the receipt for that? I don't know. And yet there was part of me that was gladly continuing on this little, it's bad, but it's so bad I had to see it through in my usual glutton for punishment fashion. I have to see where they go with this thing.

What breed of zombies do they use in this movie? Is it the. Walking dead, slow, you know? Moaning kind of zombies, or the sprinting? Because Bing Rames is in it, and I know he's pretty awesome at fighting the sprinters, who I've seen in Dawn of the Dead.

But it'd be interesting to see how he fins off against these, you know. Does bad acting count as a style zombie? Is there a third option that is people that are not that good at being zombies? Because some of these I'm just looking at going, oh, that's terrible. All you have to be is undead, and you're doing it wrong.

Yeah, it's... man it's rough uh i guess closer to romero slow zombies but again they're just i'm not buying any. Of them it's so bad i feel like we need to take a cue like zombie movies need to have like a that one kind of it was a popular thing in the 80s where they had the the one leader zombie that was kind of funny like in return living dead like and it kind of talks he's like super smart and And it just doesn't take itself seriously. Tarman. We need to go back to that. The Tarman, exactly.

We didn't have a tarman wandering around and like, you know, kind of cut to him every now and then see what he's up to. I would like to see a, um, a zombie movie and they may have already made one. Cause there's a million. Oh yeah. A hundred every week.

But I'd like to see one where every character is, or the zombie fighting group is, um, zombie movie geeks and so they know everything that should be happening right and what weapon no we have to have this weapon we can't do this we can't go here you know. Isn't that and they totally fail like they yeah not i mean i'm talking almost you know uh they're just a little more self-aware i guess and sean of. The day yeah not self-aware but they that they truly know they follow the rules oh you know these zombies are going to evolve and if this happening this has to happen you know so So that they're almost telling the movie along with it. I think something like that would be fun. That's one of the main issues I have.

There are several things that they sort of allude to that's going on in this big zombie movement. And you're like, okay, they brought it up. I guess they're going somewhere. No. There's at least two different things that happen and I'm just like, okay, I guess this is going to come into play later that they're really doing something with this idea or why are they bringing it up?

No. I'm just like, I don't understand. Why bring this shit up if you're not going to follow through on it? So, yeah, I guess I won't ruin it for you. The twist that they're all undead Mayans.

No, but I'll just say this. I won't tell you the specifics, but zombie animals. Granted, we've kind of seen a little of that in Resident Evil, but no, this one takes it up a notch by the big finale, so I won't ruin it for you. I don't want to blow your free viewing of this, assuming you have this same service that I have. Okay, well, if I guess it, though, wordlessly, like, it's zombie Easter Bunny, right?

That's got to be in one, hasn't it? It's not this one, but it's probably in one of those movies out there. It has to be. It just cries out. Yeah. to exist it's it's equally as ridiculous if that helps so yeah it's it's it was quite a.

Time okay i've got it it's a possum and it's just plain undead. That that should have been in the movie it was right up that blunt yeah it's right up that alley there they're welcome to it i'm. They should do not another zombie movie. That might be funny. Yeah, at this point, they've made enough.

They can make one of those stupid movies. I guess so. They can do that. That's at least the main ridiculous ones I was going to get into. If you guys have stuff, let's go with it.

I watched. I like Bigfoot movies. we're getting to those by the way great and one of my favorite movies from childhood was Harry and the Hendersons but I watched it's not your typical Bigfoot movie is what it's called and it's not it's a documentary about some gentlemen in Ohio that are Bigfoot hunters and they're probably in their 60's They have hundreds, probably thousands of photos that are supposed to be Bigfoot. And there are shadows. They're not even clothed. They're not even guys dressed up.

It's just like they'll take a picture and there's some dark spots in the background. And they're like, there's eight of them in this picture right here. Two of them are sitting down. Yeah. What's this in this part of the picture?

That's your thumb over the lens, buddy. And they'll go out into the woods. I guess it's the Wayne National Forest. And they'll just start taking pictures and hollering at the whatever, just yelling like they're mating calls or something. Bigfoot mating calls?

Yeah. And they go to a, down in the Smokies, they go to a Bigfoot hunters convention. Yeah. Like we've all been to. Right.

And it's... I really felt like I wanted to give these guys a hug because they've devoted their lives to it. Their houses are leaking. The one guy has to go and bottle up water from his mom's house because he can't pay his water bill. And they're just...

And the one fellow, which is kind of the sidekick, and he really goes... He breaks down several times during the interview process. He is... extremely suicidal and i question whether he's even still alive and. I i almost there are only so many points on that scale right that you can right day no. Like he's tried to kill himself yeah and he it's um it's just it's just sad because they believe so much or at least one of them believes the other one just is trying to find something to hold on to you know something in his life it's and And the more I watched it, the more I was just depressed by...

And a big-time Bigfoot hunter comes along and is going to come and visit them and go with them. And it's just making fun of them. And then they think that there might be something there, actually, so they stop calling these guys and go. Out on their own. And it's just...

And then they kind of put them up to, put the one up, the sidekick up to going on to an internet radio show where they almost set him up to disprove himself. They tell him, you know, when to say that they took this picture, which was out of time from when it happened, which was after a friend of theirs died. You know, all these that supposedly saw the picture and So they lose any credibility that they already had. These are just Bigfoot hunter bullies. What the hell is that?

I don't want to hate. Really? Just let them look for Bigfoot. I almost got in the car and drove to them just to give them a hug. That's how bad I felt for them.

So what was the tone of the film itself? Was it respectful of them? I think the filmmaker, because he visited them several years before and filmed them. and I think he cares about them, but at the same time, if he kind of almost, and it's almost like if he shows this, because they don't tell each other the truth about what they're feeling. This is like an intervention. So it's almost, if they both watched this, they'd both go, oh, you know, this is how bad it is, and we need to talk to each other, and we need to see where this is going.

And it's almost like he was saying, I'm going to through a movie, give these guys a hug, you know, it, it, it was, um, and I think it was sweet in the way that he did it. And I think he, he stayed removed as a documentarian and just filmed what was happening and just, okay, show us, show us. Uh, but at the same time in the process, I think in the way he edited it can show the, you know, you need to stop doing this and start taking care of each other. And that's really the, the end of the movie. Um, And so it turns out completely, I wanted to go into it either, I'm going to see something and it's going to be, you know, kind of, ooh, bigfoot kind of thing.

Or it's going to be funny that we're going to be making fun of it. And no, it's neither. And you really, it's really well done for as, I don't want to say poorly done, but it's just kind of, we're going to film everything. Primitive is the respectful way to say it. We're going to put everything on film that we'd shoot.

And it's realistic, I suppose. I was sad, but happy that he had done it, I suppose. But no Bigfoot hunters were harmed in the making of the film. Their egos were probably harmed. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we're definitely, and you better than any remember the Bigfoot series we started. We did a couple of them quite a while ago. And I've been saying for a while we need to get back on those. And now I've come in contact with several people who are like really hardcore Bigfoot fans.

So Dave, who's been on the show now, is really into Bigfoot. And oddly enough, another Ben, who you know, Greg, is hardcore. So I was talking to him about doing a little crossover there and having him sit on a Bigfoot episode. So just to, you know, give you guys a heads up, we're definitely bringing back the Bigfoot series. It's never really left.

It's just been on hiatus. Yeah, I think the subject matter of Bigfoot is about that, you know, trying to find the frontier or trying to find, just like space exploration or anything like that. It's part science, part myth, part craziness. And some people are more crazy than others. That's why I think it's fascinating.

Yeah. There's a lot of levels to it. Something about almost as rare as a Bigfoot sighting is seeing something rare. funny and interesting on the late show with Jay Leno, the Tonight Show. I did see one thing. Once, and it was what the video, the Bigfoot video, somebody on his staff compared it to a video of George W.

Bush walking across the front of the White House, and they were just about identical. It was amazing. And I thought, what kind of geekstrosity is this that they would even think to make the connection, but they played the one video and the other, and it was just eerie. It was the same body language. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm buying this. I think it's a myth that there's any comedy on The Tonight Show now. Johnny, yes. Jay, no. I'm sorry.

Well, we'll go out into the wilds of YouTube sometime and see if we can find that. That's a scary place, by the way. The other thing which turns out to be a documentary that I watched this week was the Becoming Elmo documentary. Oh, God. Kevin Clash.

I've heard that could be interesting, but I just can't stand Elmo. I can't take it. Even for documentary purposes, I could not get through it. I'm sorry. There is so little Elmo in the movie.

I'll take that into consideration. It's only in the last maybe 15 minutes that you even get Elmo. It's everything about Jim Henson and Frank Oz. I'm interested that he was really that close to Jim Henson. Kermit, what's his name?

The. The frog? No, the actual designer of Jim Henson's puppets. I can't remember his name. Anyway, he is the one that, as a master puppeteer, found Kevin and kind of took him under his wing and just, come in, I'm going to show you everything.

As a 12-year-old kid, I think, just, I'm going to show you everything. And it really is about. How.... All the people along the way that it takes for someone to get somewhere. Like Captain Kangaroo was kind of a mentor.

And, you know, that he had the option to work on the Dark Crystal, but he stayed with Captain Kangaroo, which was tanking, but he stayed with him anyway. Got to work on Labyrinth. And just all of these people that touched him and showed him and everything that he learned and then now... Being able to see him, he brings in kids that are wanting to be puppeteers. And he shows them everything.

Anything that he can teach them, he shows them. And it really was that if somebody's got a dream or something that they want to do, how you can... Well, for instance, his father, and I shouldn't be telling you all this because you probably want to watch the documentary, but his As a kid, his father, they don't have a lot of money, and he goes in and he watched Sesame Street and Captain Kangaroo and all these things, and he sees his father's coat and the fur on it and everything, and he just cuts it up and makes his first puppet out of it. And he knows that he's going to get in trouble, and he left it in his parents' room like, hey. This is it.

A compulsive puppet maker. His parents come in and see it, and he knows that he's going to get in big trouble. We can't afford this. And his parents just love it and encourage him. And his father says the only thing that he said was ask next time.

And that's so important. Like as a parent, like you can't you never know when the one thing that you're going to say. that might stop your kid from doing the thing they want to do. Yeah, that's funny. I never say anything. Ah, parenting.

Let them do anything. Yeah. What he should have said is, when you make millions of dollars, you owe me. Earn this. But yeah, it was, and how, I guess, if you have a talent or you have something that you're good at, you really owe it to the next generation to show them how to do it.

And it was neat to see how all of those interactions came about. It was a good, for somebody that I can't hardly stand. I know. I'm so interested in the story of the guy, I just wish it was any other character. Cookie Monster, I'm on board with.

The Count, that guy's cool. But once you see his ability, because he really is extremely talented. I suppose. Once you see his ability, it kind of endears you towards the character, too. Now I really don't want to watch it.

No, no. I meant to see that, but I got a different movie. It was called Being Elmo, and it was about they found this doorway, and they go inside Elmo's head. Right. Elmo gets really pissed about it.

He's like, it's my head! It was produced by Michael Stein. Oh, God. But going back to The Tonight Show, did anybody else see when Kermit would host The Tonight Show? Still had to be better than Jay.

Oh, yes, man! I was so rooting for him to get it. He was amazing! He's a great host. He always was.

He really was. And people would come out, and they seemed so much cooler than all the other guests who weren't talking to a green sock. Right. Because they were talking about their careers and their projects to Kermit. Right.

It was beautiful. Man, I would watch that show if they would do that. And he at least put in the time as a reporter, too, to earn his way. That's true. I know.

He's a journalist. He did a monologue. He's a journalist. He's an all-around entertainer, that Kermit. I love the new Muppet movie.

I don't know if anybody's seen it. Oh, it's great. I love it now. It's great. I mean, I loved the Muppet movie as a kid, and I didn't want it to come out and suck.

Yeah. And this was fantastic. I've got it at home. I haven't seen it yet. I can't believe they haven't tried to bring the show back.

Because they have before, but now that they're a hit again, you'd think instead of just working on another sequel... they could get a major deal with a network now and actually have a weekly show and guest stars again and bring it back to... Because that's still one of the best shows ever. As a variety show goes, it was so amazing. Yeah, for me, I really would put it up there with SNL. Yeah, and great guests and weird performances that you would not see anywhere else.

It was a family event at our house. You had to have everything out of the way in time to watch... Love the show. And I even like the late 90s, they tried to bring it back. And I like that one.

They had a different host, but Kermit was there, and the new characters were likable, and it worked. It just didn't get a shot. Like, six episodes, I'm thinking it was gone. So I think there's still talent in that studio that could put it together again and make another good weekly show. I wish they would do that.

They could all come out of retirement for one last score. Now that would be the good movie. Yeah. A Muppets film noir. A new great Muppet caper.

That's what we need. Was that it for you? All right. We'll take a break here and be back with the rest of the geek activity. So now let's get it started.

Why don't we get it started? It's time to get things started on the most sensational. Inspirational, celebrational, muppetational. This is what we call the Muppet Show. What is it?

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In this, their 22nd year, Wonderfest is still the annual expo for model and toy collectors, with a huge display and competition for plastic kits and garage kits. This year, in addition to all the events, they are also welcoming actress Joanna Cassidy from Blade Runner and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, as well as Bill Moseley, Julie Adams from Creature in the Black Lagoon, and designer and illustrator Eric Chu, who redesigned the Cylons, Raiders, Vipers, and much of the universe for Battlestar Galactica. Plus lots of other guesting activities, so go to wonderfest.com and check it out yourself. Welcome to a night of total terror. That's Mickey Mouse's penis.

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We've all got quirks. I've got them. You've got them, Dave. That's what makes this character so, so compelling. Thumbs up from me.

Same here. This is Dean Cameron, also known as Chainsaw, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Music I'm Chainsaw. I'm Dave. We'll see you at the movies.

It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered. In the movies. And now, on with the show.

The End. You don't have to put on that red light Walk the streets for money You don't care if it's wrong or if. It is right Wrong sign. You don't have to wear that dress tonight. I saw some stuff.

I thought you couldn't remember what you saw. Well, it's not a big week. I mean, I did get around a scene. See, I don't see anything when it comes out. I still haven't seen Hunger Games.

I was thinking about it. I don't know. I want to see it. Do you want to talk about that? No, I don't want to talk about it.

Do you need to talk? I talked about it after the film. I can readjust the microphone if you want to lay down for this and really get into some sort of therapeutical situation. We won't get into that now. Once somebody else has seen it.

Once Beau sees it, I'll fight with him about it. Okay. I've seen it. Speaking of Beau and you fighting, I saw War Horse. Uh-oh.

I wish you were here right now. Oh, yeah. Because I've already. Got Alan on my team. Tell her you loved it.

That would be the interesting choice. No, I didn't love it, but I liked it in the beginning. I was rooting for it. In the very beginning, I was like, this makes sense to me. It's not about war.

It's not about a horse. It's about drinking. It's about drinking. It's about the dad. He's this crazy drunk.

That's what it's set up to be. And in a way, it kind of is, but it's just, it doesn't really work out. But I was so rooting for it because I understand this. Okay, the crazy dad, he's the war horse because he's been through the war and his mom says, we can't understand, you know, when he does things that are crazy. And the kid goes, well, he doesn't talk about it.

And he's like, well, there aren't words. We don't know what he's been through. He's messed up. And he, and, uh, and yeah, and I'm looking for, okay. And then she's like, so here's a horse and we follow this horse.

And it's like, it's. Going to show us in a way, those things that, you know, make you a broken, not a broken drunk. He's not quite defeated, but his spirit is, of his father, he's going to come to understand it. And then it, well, it becomes there's something about Joey. Everywhere this horse goes, everybody falls in love with this horse.

It does, and it becomes unintentionally comedic, I think. And I can picture it working better as a stage thing with a puppet, because then it's clear We're trying to do something poetic about a spirit, but this is so illustrational. Yeah, it's too literal. Yeah, and it's like the captain's drawings of the horse. It's like, why does this military captain draw like a 14-year-old girl?

That's what's wrong with this movie. Does he then take him and put him in his lease of Frank Trapper? Yeah, exactly. It's like I expect him to start putting little glitter stickers on it. Come on, those are cool.

Those are cool. We all know that. There's something just seriously wrong with the style of the movie. The story interested me for a while. The way they set it up.

Why are we watching a movie about a horse? Because the dad's a crazy drunk and there are people that are like that and it might be interesting to see. But no, it didn't work for me, but I kind of thought it was interesting. And then they get into that thing with the barbed wire and it's like they're trying to illustrate Picasso's Guernica. But just get the cubism out of it and just fuck everything up about it.

Pesky cubism. But still illustrate it. It's like they're trying to do. It's. Almost like a joke quote of Guernica, but they don't mean it as a joke.

They're serious. That's the thing with Spielberg. He's so earnest that it's hard for him to do something like that. He approaches everything so... wholeheartedly that again you're just going to get a big sappy movie about a horse and that's not what the way that it sounds like it's intended to be you know it's yeah i don't know it's such a weird idea for him to try to do such a real version of this type of. Story yeah the funnest thing in the movie for me is like placing the various actors there's Who is that guy?

What is that face? Where do I know him from? Where do I know that horse from? Yeah. I've seen that horse somewhere before.

Yeah. Oh, yes. It was in that other completely impossible movie. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, I saw that. And I saw because, you know, I'm not a big fan anymore. I love Boogie Nights. I just, I love that movie so much. It's pretty awesome.

I couldn't follow that guy after. I couldn't follow, like, there will be blood. Even there will be blood? Yeah. I love that movie.

That's too much time to wait for too little blood. By the time the blood arrives, we will promise blood. It's just so ponderous and heavy. And then Magnolia. And I've heard people say, like, brilliant, insightful things about it.

And I'm like, Yeah, I can see that. That's the one I have a problem with. I can see that, but I just, I don't feel it. What I feel is this soundtrack telling me something serious is going on here. And then flies fall out of the sky, and I just don't care.

And people have talked to me, it's like, well, it's about forgiveness, and this one character can't forgive themselves, and he's Yeah, okay. That's good. You know, my neighbors have issues, too. But it doesn't make for a satisfying film experience for me to look through their fucking windows. What, Mike?

Just get a camera and start filming. But then, I think one of our geek crew said, well, did you see Punch Drunk Love? No, I haven't seen that. And I watched that movie, and I loved it. I really like it.

Thank God, because... I think just the camera work alone in that movie is worth watching. See, I think the same thing, but just the camera Not just the camera. Just the camera. Well, the next Guzman is fantastic.

I think it's so... I think it's such a great film to look at. It's just like, it maybe made. An effort with the story that I could have fallen in love. Well, the story, it has some of that slowness, that problematic...

I don't know. But I do love the scene where he and... what's her name, are walking to the room and they're going to have sex and they kind of know. And it's just so sexy. They're just so awkward. Because of how awkward it is?

It's awkward, but not excruciating awkward. It's just, it's really nicely done. And it has that blue color in it that your eye just follows it in every scene when he's in the supermarket. They have that blue tone. There's something really nice about it.

So then Brian mentioned to me Heart 8, speaking of John C. Reilly. So I'm having to go backwards in this guy's career to find what I'm looking for. That's what I was saying, because you didn't like the newer stuff. No, I do not like the newer stuff.

The older one that I remember was not all that ponderous and weird. It was just sort of a more straightforward story. It's been a long time since I've seen it. Was I making that up? No, it was really good.

Okay, that's how I remembered it. John C. Reilly is great, and What's-Her-Name is really good in it. Gwyneth, wasn't she in that? Gwyneth.

Yeah, who everybody hates now, but... Yeah, her. Oh, she was so believable as just being messed up in the arguments they have. It has that kind of thing, like how could... Like the dinner scene we were talking about recently in Kill List.

How does somebody create something so believable? Don't listen to the show. Do not listen to the show until after you see it. Yeah, that's a great thing to say. But yeah, the conversations, and when they get into deep trouble and they're too stupid to figure their way out of it, it's beautiful.

It's just my kind of thing. And what Philip Seymour Hoffman always says. Isn't he in Punch Drunk Love? Isn't he just crazy? Yes.

I think I would hate him. That guy. As a person. He's such a. Dick in that movie.

When I was living in Los Angeles, I had a friend that went to the same coffee shop that he did, and apparently he would sit at the head of this coffee table with all of these young acolytes, and they would just gaze at him. Adoringly, and he would dispense words of wisdom. He always brings that intensity and a lot of times it's interesting to me his line readings if. I was directing. Something they just sound wrong but.

They work they sound wrong like some of his great line readings are. When he's badgering the old gambler guy at the craps table. That guy's awesome. The lead guy. What's his name?

Philip Baker Hall. Yeah. That guy. I can't imagine anybody else being him in that movie. He just...

It wouldn't... I can't picture it working. Yeah. Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman, if we ever run into him and he gets a little too full of himself, I can put him in his place. Yeah. all I have to say is, my boyfriend's back.

Okay? Shut up. Shut up. You're in my boyfriend's back. How long came Pauly?

Well, but that's when he was successful. But yeah, he's a dorky, he's one of the jackass friends that's picking on the main character with his baseball cap backwards. No, no, no. Don't get all heady with me, buddy. You're in my boyfriend's back.

What was the line reading in Boogie Nights that always sounded wrong? It was like, When he's trying to make friends with Marky Mark, he's like, oh. You work on the movies? I work on the movies. So, you know, if you ever, you know.

Foreshadowing of Truman Capote there. Yeah. Yeah, and he was in storytelling. Yeah. Did you see?

No. He's a good actor. But I could see in the real world he would probably not be a fun person to hang out with. I could be mistaken. I don't know.

I haven't hung out at that coffee shop, obviously. We can try to do an episode there. If he would come here. We've got a coffee shop for him. Come on.

Get over here. I won't bring that up. I'll be busy that episode. No. Come on.

I'd give him a shot. I won't bring that movie up right off the bat. Eventually I probably would, but you. Don't want to know. That's the sofa theater episode.

Tell us about my boyfriend's back. You've got it on a four by six card. I think you're underestimating him because I'm pretty sure he could be smug about that. And come up with some reason why that was important. I'm sure he could.

Do you have more? Because I saw another John C. I think this is the John C. Reilly. Yeah, it's the John C.

Reilly hour. Do you have more, though? I don't want to. Not really. I mean, let me wind down.

I saw Hostel. I've never seen Hostel. It's all right. If you like killing people. Yeah.

Don't see Hostel 2. I don't know. Really? I actually think it was the better movie. Really?

I felt that way. I don't know. I think it would. Just get cheaper. Any of those types.

And I think I finally saw The Cabin in the Woods. You saw that? No, I saw the trailer. Okay, because I was just going to say that's the movie I'm going to geek out about, but I'm so stoked for that. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm afraid it's going to be Saw. That's what I'm afraid. But he's way more clever. They're saying it like it just, it's like a scream killer. Like, you will not be able to look at any horror movie the same way.

It's like... That's kind of what I'm hoping. What movie is this? The Cabin in the Woods. It's like, I'm, from looking at the trailers and, like, reading the synopsis, I'm guessing it's like Inception meets Evil Dead 2 or something.

Like, it's... Looks pretty crazy. He's really good. It seems like you get so many, like, hyped-up blurbs about horror movies. Yeah, and I always talk to them and I go, oh, it's another horror movie.

Building those movies up. They preach to the choir down there, don't they? Yeah, from what I've heard. I haven't been, but yeah. But it's one Joss Whedon had been working on for quite a while.

I was thinking he was going to direct it. I forgot he handed it off. But still, the fact that he's writing it and has been this hardcore into it And probably would have directed it, I guess, if not the Avengers situation happened. But yeah, just the fact that he's involved in it, he's kind of getting a pass, at least for me, still wanting to see. Yeah, I was going to say that and The Raid Redemption are like my two just.

I've heard really good stuff. The two movies that I'm just coming out that I'm just super stoked for. But yeah, I can't geek out about them yet because I haven't seen them. Future geeking will take place, but. But I have been kind of like on the past...

This weekend. Like I was kind of on a... Sort of a Scandinavian kick. I re-watched like Valhalla Rising for... Probably the ninth time.

Because I love that movie so much. And I saw Troll Hunter for the first time. I don't know if any of you guys have seen this. Going off of, you know, the whole Bigfoot thing. It was...

I thought it was very interesting. The dryness, the dry humor of. The main guy who, like, I looked up, apparently he's like a comedian in Norway. But he was super serious in this movie, though, but he just played it straight. But, yeah, I thought it was a pretty entertaining little.

That sounds kind of right for a comedian in Norway. It was like, what does Nudge translate? Does it work like all foreign stand-ups? In Norway, trolls haunt you. I mean, he plays it dead serious.

What I think the switch is, like, you know how whenever you're looking for something, you see everything but that? I bet the Bigfoot hunters are tripping over trolls. Get these fucking trolls out of here. Bigfoot. I've got a troll hunters.

It's like big foots in the way, man. Yeah. And I'm watching. I'm like, these are trolls. These are giants.

Like they're supposed to fit under bridges, not step over mountains and shit. They sit on top of pencils. This is not at all accurate. Damn it. You can't do the hand thing.

I almost just did this and hoping that the listeners would know what I was talking about. Yeah. With my hands together. Yes. That's probably dating me, too.

Yeah. Oh, the 80s. Nobody has those pins. Are you looking at me? Yeah, I'm curious what you were going to talk about.

I saw We Need to Talk About Kevin. Are you looking at me? Now you're going back in time. John C. Reilly all the way.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I finally rounded out my 2011 viewing four months into 2012 and saw. We Need to Talk About Kevin. Do we need to talk about. I really needed to talk about we need to talk about Kevin after I like seeing films by myself and that usually works out for me occasionally something will be so disturbing that I need somebody there with me.

The support group that is Movie Meltdown I had a little lady in the front that kept repeating do you understand. What's going on she's not the best candidate to discuss it with in the bathroom um But you did anyway. Well, she was so cute, I actually did talk to her about it. She was totally perplexed by the film. And she said, the part that I don't understand is, did they ever talk about heaven?

That was my wife. I remember when she saw an officer and a gentleman after it was over, she said, So Richard Gere was the officer. Who was the gentleman? Deborah Wink. And then I tried to explain to her, I think that was the idea that they didn't talk about him until it was too late.

And then I, she just looked at me blankly and it was like, you know, the taxi driver. It's like those signs that say think. Yeah. So you shot her in the head. Oh, sorry.

I was taking it a little too far. Yeah, apparently I had not read the book. And the movie is actually really interesting. It confirmed my belief that children are evil. So that was helpful.

It's more disturbing than any child as monster film I've ever seen. I mean, it shoots them into hell and everything else. Insidious? Oh, wow. Yeah, it gets under your skin, mostly because the actors, there's three actors that they have playing Kevin, are all so good.

And I don't know, I haven't read anything about it. I shouldn't do that before I talk about it publicly. Reading's lame. Movies are awesome. This young actor, whoever plays the older Kevin, I feel like he must have studied, I mean, I feel like he must have shot.

All the sequences with the kid first, and then. he studied the kid to mimic those mannerisms because it seemed. Like the same kid had aged, and it was so creepy. Maybe they just started this movie a long time ago. Yeah, well. We need to talk about the kid who plays Kevin.

And also, upping the creepy factor, Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, love scene. Dude, you could have stopped it, Tilda Swinton, actually. A little warning. Sorry, I jumped right into that.

Tilda Swinton solo love scene, still frightening. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah. But you're talking about the John C. Reilly, funny John C.

Reilly, serious John C. Reilly. Nothing funnier than a John C. Reilly. There's a whole scene between funny John C.

Reilly and serious John C. Reilly. Oh, my God, that would be amazing. It's so hot. No.

No. But what he brings to this, because I was talking to a friend about this, and he was like, I don't know about that casting, not having seen it. And the casting's perfect, because. The character is not fleshed out at all, and you don't have time for him. He just needs to be likable and sad.

So John C. Reilly is perfect. You're like, this dad is. So likable and sad, and that's what he brings to it. He can bring that.

Yeah. The movie, for me, I had a lot of problems with it because there was a lot of stuff that I felt wasn't necessarily earned, like a lot of... where you're like, well, that doesn't really make any sense. And I guess it's just because it's a bad adaptation. I guess the book delves into things more, and it felt like a lot of the things didn't feel organic. It was like these setups that were just setups for shock value or whatever that didn't really make sense in terms of character motivations.

But interesting, haunting, that's what I got on that one. That's what we have to say about Kevin. We've talked about it. But like Evil Kid. To the max.

Evil kid to the max. I mean, amazingly manipulative, like, incredible. Scarier than, like, the average episode of Barney. That's frightening. That is truly.

You've never seen the Barney kids? Oh, man, they have to drug them to get them back. When I was a little kid and we went to, like, daycare, they would make us watch that show for punishment. Like, that was punishment. And we were like, please, no, anything but Barney.

Our work is done here. My daycare babysitter let us watch Battle of the Planets, and that was the greatest thing ever. Oh, man. I'm not sure that's appropriate, actually. I know, because I was watching it, and I'm messed up now, so that's probably not a good idea.

My parents don't know. It's a little late to tell them. I saw a similar movie to that called Joshua a couple years ago. I don't know if any of you all have seen it. It's a very, like, it's the Another, you know, demon child who's like one of the parents is like, I'm on you.

And the other one's like, he's fine. And, you know, which is exactly what this is too. Yeah. Yeah. The same Rockwell.

And it had that like Dave Matthews theme song, which I actually say, I like that song, like probably 10 times more than I actually liked the movie. The movie is okay, but I thought that song was awesome. But that's all I remember from it, really, is just the Dave Matthews songs. I'm like, I hate Dave Matthews, but the song he does for this movie is pretty cool. Yeah, I think she's fantastic.

She was in that film, and then she did Orphan. Was that what it was called? Yeah, what does it mean? I like Orphan. I think it was around the time she was doing family planning stuff, because I think she's had a kid since then, and I'm like, that must have really been.

Also, I have to say, I don't want to give too much away, but the twist in Orphan, I have to admit, was probably one of the most shocking. Like, oh. Shit, maybe just stand up in the theater and just scream, like. What the fuck? I didn't see it for a while.

Like, no other movie has had that. I did not see it coming. People did not ruin it for me and I have to say that moment was pretty awesome. I was just like, this movie is ridiculous and over the top and I love it. I was a little drunk when I saw it too.

I think I had to be. I was still on board. It's that crazy. Demon Kids, man. You gotta watch them.

Gotta watch them Demon Kids. I think the reason. Why Demon Kid movies work is because at some point all parents think their kid is a demon. Just for even a fleeting moment, they're like, there's something wrong with this. One.

Not me, because I was the demon kid. And my parents were always like, you're going to grow up and you're going to have kids that are going to be just like you. And I'm like, no. No. I'm not going to, like, I'm not going to get married.

I'm not going to have kids. And later I'm like, I'll get married, I guess, whatever. Yeah, okay, we'll have kids. You know, my kids are the most awesome kids that ever existed. I would have had kids a long time before if I knew I was going to get this deal.

If you could pick those specific kids out. Yeah, you know, and they say you can't be friends with your kids. You have to be their parents. Well, I'm not. Given them any favoritism.

If they were assholes, I wouldn't. Be friends with them. I'm just friends with them because I get along with them. But what I think is the evil gene skips a generation, so their kids are going to be nightmares. My daughter is just about perfect in every way.

I just love having even conversations with her, and she's only in second grade. But the first three months of her life, if she wasn't Asleep, she was screaming. It was so bad that in the nursery at the hospital, after we'd been through hours of labor, they brought her back. They said, we'll take her for a while so you can get some sleep. They brought her back to us and said, you have to take her.

We can't calm her down. Family members couldn't keep her. It was just nonstop screaming. We lived in an apartment and people complained daily. thinking we were hurting our kid, could go nowhere, and we were not getting any sleep. It was eight hours a day of straight screaming.

I'm glad this film was not made then, and. You didn't see it. That's sort of the beginning of it. And then the way the mom reacts to things, then when the kid does turn out to be truly, truly evil, then she questions her role in that, and is it nature, is it nurture, is it both, and they're both my fault? And that sort of dynamic, I think, takes it to a level that most of those films don't.

I almost went and got fixed. Your poor son. No, it's funny. I was a terrible kid, but I was really quiet. My mom said I'd be a baby, I'd never cry, and then she'd go to feed me and I'd be starving.

And I just wouldn't, you know, I didn't speak up. But I was a terrible kid in the sense of I always felt like I had my own agenda. I couldn't believe I was expected to get up in the morning and go to school. I don't have things to do. I wasn't mean or anything, but I was insane.

I like the meanness sometimes. That's what sells me on kids a little bit. Just today, I was over with my niece and nephew. My niece will give you the look. Oh, my God.

I have never seen such a pissed look come out of a person and she's like just turned three yeah and i was sitting across the room and she just fired it at somebody and i was like oh i like that kid oh look at that that is pure evil I was like oh I like her she's a good one I'm hanging on to this kid if you guys don't want her I'm taking this kid she's cool. That would be a great sitcom if Brian I can't imagine. Just a sitcom about a demon child. Really? Like they're joking about it?

Like, what can you do? That's a good one. Yeah, but the parent just sort of comes to terms with it. Well, it's kind of like Deckard. The door busts open like it's Kramer, but it's just the kid standing there like he made it open with his mind.

And just like staring at him. It's me. That's not a bad idea. I think it may be the cultural moment for a sitcom about the demon child. Yeah.

I'm telling you, that's the early stages of Dexter. You've got to teach, you've got to guide the kid on how to use its evil for the best possible purpose that you can come up with. Or your own agenda, which would be mine. This is probably going to be evidence later. Won't it?

Oh, well. Anyway. All of these episodes are going to be used in court against you at some point. Awesome. Somebody will be listening to the podcast you did.

Hundreds of hours of evidence. Yes. This is all going for something useful. Kind of amazing. As long as it goes on.

I remember a conversation my parents had. My dad said that if he wanted to commit a murder and confess it He would write it on the book page of our hometown newspaper. Just write out exactly what he did. Because nobody would ever know. And then my mother sort of.

Literary jokes. Yeah. And my mother said, but why would you confess it? What would be the point? And he's, yeah, never mind.

It's like, you're right. There would be no point. I guess I won't do that. And then mom jokes. Yeah.

Never mind. You don't get anything. God. What do you got ruined? You're still in core, Mom.

Oh, man, those Barney kids. I had some theory about, like, they mated them to create, I don't know, some other scary young people. But, you know, I mentioned I watched the I've already mentioned the Bugsy Malone movie, but I want to plug it just a little bit more. Are you getting money from them? Just when you think it can't be any creepier, I just looked it up and noticed the music was done by Paul Williams.

I don't know if you remember Paul Williams. I remember the name. Yeah, he's kind of like an evil child in a way. But, yeah, I was wondering who wrote. Music.

It's Paul Williams. There you go. Yeah. Super creep fest. Definitely.

Did he die tragically? Let me see. Are you wishing it upon him if not? Or did he choke on a sandwich or something? No, that was Mama Cass.

No, I just. Made that up. Did you? Probably. I don't know.

It's always more interesting. Let's see if they have, like, death. If that comes up. Personal life. They have no.

Still alive. Yeah. If you can picture it, just a Wikipedia page scrolling. You can. Fascinating.

See if you can beat that. No, nothing about any spectacular death. Made that up. You know, if you're going to make something up, you should really go for it. It would involve an elevator shaft.

Yeah. So he died on a soap opera? Wow, I did not know that. Thanks, Wikipedia. You're always right.

Just edit it in. Just make it real. All right, so before we go out on a Paul Williams song, is there a specific one you want to, by the way? Oh, didn't he do something for Helen Reddy that Oh, he did Three Dog Nights' old-fashioned love song. Greg, would you like to...

No, I can. Probably sing to Helen Reyes. I don't know if I'd admit to that. I told you I used to sit in my parents' music room and listen to Helen Reyes' records right after I listened to Bee Gees. We've Only Just Begun for the Carpenters.

No, that isn't... Oh, Rainy Days and Mondays. See, that's a good song. I like their depressing tone. I'm on board with that.

Oh, fuck. He wrote The Rainbow Connection. Okay, well, you've got to give him credit for that. That's awesome. Yeah, he wrote The Rainbow Connection, which, oh, that guy Andy did on The Office, a banjo rendition, on bad advice to impress Pam.

Can you sing in a sexy high falsetto? And he sang that song. Oh, and what I was going to say about the movie Bugsy Malone is Angela on The Office is I kind of get the sense it would be her favorite movie. Because she likes those posters with cats dressed as people, and just there's a whole creepiness to why somebody thought this was going to be really entertaining. Let's dress kids up as gangsters and set them.

And they just keep doing it for like more than a couple hours. And nobody questions this. The only thing I can compare it to is one day, you know, I studied art in college. I did art history. I saw the flying babies.

I saw the pootie. One day I suddenly thought, what the fuck is that about? Why are there flying babies in all these fucking pictures? They're not even wearing diapers. And I like babies.

I really like babies. You know, I see a baby on the street. I smile at it. We connect. Why is that baby on the street?

If a baby came, one of those flying babies comes at me, I'd be swatting it, man. Here's another round of those flying babies. And these things were in pictures for centuries and people just accepted it. Like, yeah, the flying babies. You know.

Flying babies. Oh, God. Business as usual. Anybody seen the Portlandia where they have the scene where it's put a bird on it? Oh, yeah.

Put a bird on it. That was great. Put a flying baby on it. I like Portlandia more than I expected to. Yeah, I.

I had way too much. My wife was like, you know, once you've made the first joke about, you know, I think the first scene from the first episode is the dream of the 90s of Portland. Still alive. And that kind of sets up the whole series. Like, we're just going to elaborate on that.

I think she was like, the joke's done. And they're just beating that man over. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know they keep finding interesting ways to beat that dead horse that's kind of what I like because some people don't like the kind of joke that like you just keep saying and it's not really that funny but once you get to that 10,000th time suddenly it's really funny and I don't know it's kind of in that vein and I really like Carrie Brownstein something about her I really like and.

I think she's hot. Too The Amy Mann episode. Oh, that was my favorite one. When they find out Amy Mann is their maid. That's what happened.

They're both praising her and ridiculing her at the same time. Yeah, they're like, oh, we're big fans. I think that's our cleaning lady. I think that's Amy Mann. No, it is.

It's Amy Mann. Well, you know, the music industry, everything's really messed up. I don't know. And so they go like, Amy. And she looks around, she's like, yeah, what?

And so. They go, we're huge fans. Oh, I can't believe, I really love your, and I'm sorry I downloaded your last four CDs and copied them for all my friends. Well, okay, you know. They're like, you know, the stove, you really, well yeah some of that it's like well some of that it looks like dirt but it's not really dirt no it is dirt you really have to you have to get up on it to scrub it hard enough to get that off but don't overdo it because we don't want you know we don't want to the soap yeah it's acidic but you'll do great you'll do you'll do fine whatever.

You do it's good Oh, man, that's genius. It's super awkward. I love it just when people like that, insulting people, but somehow being nice to them at the same time. That's hilarious. That was what was with the Christian Bale rant.

That's what I thought was so funny because in between he was just like, you're a nice guy, you're a nice guy, but. I'm going to get the shit out of you. But you're a nice guy. He's like yelling at you. You're a nice guy.

I like you. I like you. But we're done. Thank you. You're dead to me.

But you're a good guy. That's hilarious to me. Yeah, that show, I don't even know how I got there, but I really appreciate that show. Yeah, my sister sent that to me. She's like, I don't know if you've seen this.

And I had seen it on my Netflix forever. I don't know. I'm not going to watch that. Everything else she sends me is documentaries. My sister, she doesn't believe in fiction.

It's like Santa Claus. She sends me all these documentaries and sometimes I find myself reading the description on them and imagining what sort of pompous asshole I'll be after I watch it. It's like, okay. I was looking at the one, it's a documentary called Helvetica. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I had to watch that for a class. Yeah. As God is my witness, I will never take the font Helvetica for granted again. You know, that's what this is going to take me.

It's interesting. You're like, wow. For like the first 15 minutes, you're like, okay, I'm done with this. You've worn out your welcome. Yeah.

Yeah. I thought the most interesting part of that movie was not even in the movie at all. It was like a deleted scene on the DVD extra. It was the guy, it was the German guy. I guess he was the co-creator of it.

And he was just basically, it was just him just ranting about how he hated Microsoft. How like they, you know, they hire these people, they hire these people, you know, just to save money, to have a font that was very similar to Health Etica, like basically copying it. And he's just like, they're just evil guys. He's just ranting. I was just like, that was the most interesting.

Just seeing him be so impassioned and enraged over a font. I was like, wow. That's kind of amazing. And then he kept telling Bill Gates, but you're a nice guy. But you're evil, man.

But we're through. Done with you, Gates. We're done professionally, man. You'll never work in this town. Do you need a reference?

That audio is like three years old. I can still joke about it. It's timeless. Philip Seymour Hoffman doing one of those. That would be epic.

He's a good screamer. I can see him just flipping out on Seymour. At his whole table full of coffee mates. Alright, are we ready to round this thing out? I think so.

Yeah, I think we better. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.

Oh, Debbie! Oh, yeah, Kermit. Hey, what's this I hear about you wanting to do a rainbow song? Oh, yeah, well, I just dig songs about rainbows. Oh, good.

I sent you a list. Yeah, I got the list. Somewhere over the rainbow, and I'm always chasing rainbows. Well, yeah, which one should I do? Well, you left out one rainbow song.

I did? Yeah. My rainbow song. Oh, that one. Well, I thought you might be tired of that.

Well, no. Actually, no. I'm not tired of it at all. Well, let's do it then. Oh, good.

I thought you'd never ask. It goes like this. Remember? Yeah. Why are there so many.

About rainbows and what's on the other side. Rainbows are visions, but only illusions. Rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it. I know they're wrong, wait and.

See Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection The lovers, the dreamers. And me All of us find it still We know that it's probably magic Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors? The voice might be lying the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something that I'm supposed to be. Someday we'll find the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me. La, la, la, la, dee, da, doo.

La, la, la, la, dee, da, doo. Every now and then when I start going insane, I start thinking of Sean Connery singing songs with that special pronunciation. You're the man now, dog. Something in the way she moves. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with the opening music performed by The Empires.

For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!