219: You Can't Take Hooper to the Oscars

Are you ready? We're going this way. We've got to introduce Paul. I'm Paul Brokaw. I didn't watch a single one of these movies.

Obama. You can't go to a grocery store without tripping over Obama. I like this drink. This is a good drink. But still.

Can't believe we won another year in a row, you know? Sharon! Sharon! She's going to sleep on the couch over there. So, what are we talking about?

This is a podcast. You sound like Bill Cosby now. There's no one on the couch over there. Can't go to the grocery store running a Cosby. Yeah.

Every time I go to the grocery store. I get the print pump. Yeah. I can't put on one of these sweaters without Obama coming out of my sweater. Okay.

Roll call. Roll call. Are you ready? There's always room for Jell-O. Can't watch Family Matters without coming across Obama.

You know we're starting with you, right? Me? Yeah. I'm assuming you'll see the visual signal. I'm trying to.

Watch Carl Winslow and it's just like, stop talking about Obama, Carl. I'm trying to watch Family Matter. Talk about Steve and how it's his fault. And he can say it's not his fault. He can say I didn't do it.

It's what makes a show good. Alright, are we ready? I'm Marlena. You really aren't ready, are you? I don't know what we're doing.

Have you done this? No. Okay. Alright, this is Louis Gossett Jr. This is Movie Meltdown.

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million.

Kilowatts of power. provide more cooling in. The containment chambers. To your citizens, we have a movie meltdown. Who wants to see me do a big-ass stunt? What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I am Brian. That's Marlena. This is Ben. I'm Fred. I'm Beau.

I'm Greg. And obviously, this is one of the messed up Oscar meltdown episodes. We are coming to you live via digital recording from Bo's house. You're welcome. We've busted in and holding him hostage.

Thank you so much. On the edge of the crater. You're welcome. So, yeah, with that, I don't know. We'll see where we go from here.

Varying levels of coherency once you edit. This together, I'd imagine. Bo is one of the hero bartenders of America. It's true. Step in when things go wrong and mix.

Drinks for everybody. If you've ever seen Cocktail, that's what it's like tonight. Oh, wow. I've never seen Cocktail. Well, that's a good line, actually.

Nevertheless. Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Mr. Charles Brackett. Fellow members of the Academy, guests, friends everywhere, this is the last act of the mystery play. This is the night we find out who walked away with the top honors.

And if you have any fan blood in your veins, it's pounding hard. Hi, I'm Seth MacFarlane, and I'll be your host this year for the Oscars. So tweet about it now. Oh, that's not how you spell douche. The Oscars.

Live Oscars Sunday, February 24th. Don't know where the fuck you were last week, but here's what you missed. They have come to a point now where people, we don't care. The audience does not care. Look at these people.

We don't care. They artificially dragged this thing out with singing and apathy. Our next presenter played a raging alcoholic in 28 days. Hey, I'm a raging alcoholic now. I'm not playing.

Well, I'm not an alcoholic. But I have been drinking. Look at her dress. She's wearing a duvet cover. A duvet cover.

Did you say duvet cover? Wow. I haven't heard anyone say duvet forever. I'm impressed. Duvet.

Oh, my wife sends me a text that says duvet. So the kids saw I Saw Your Boobs. Well, my son will be singing it tomorrow. Christoph Waltz, just won Best Supporting Actor. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

I did not pick him. The street was way off whack, way off whack. I listened to the street. They said Robert De Niro. They were wrong.

I think. Jamie Foxx and Leo DiCaprio, Sam Jackson and Kerry Washington. I thank Harvey Weinstein and Amy Pascal. Jamie Foxx is an idiot. And Quentin Tarantino needs new teeth.

But Quentin Tarantino has made one of my most favorite movies of all time. What the hell was that? True Romance. I love that movie. He's so cool.

Brian is a wonderful human being. I just want all the world to know this. The man is a freaking genius. He's over there putting bologna and bacon and all kinds of stuff together. He's going to pop it in the oven, and it's going.

To be collectible, and we're going to all enjoy the hell out of it. So I'm just telling you right now, for no other reason. Than that, I just met the guy tonight, and he's a wonderful human being. I just want you all to know that, okay? Brian is wonderful.

Thank you. You're listening to Movie Meltdown. The bacon and the ham and the sausage. Talk about a little cheese and pop that stuff in the oven. You ever made a bacon explosion?

I made one of those one summer. And that's when you. That's what it's called, right? Bacon explosion. Bacon bomb.

Bacon bomb. A bacon explosion. Yeah. I think I'm going to sing again. I think I'm going to freaking sing again.

The song was better than the movie. Yeah, this song's pretty sweet. I don't care how sweet the song is. They're singing again. What the hell?

This damn thing's been going on forever. And they're singing again. Because they can, Paul. They can. They can, and we're dumb enough to watch it.

That's what gets me. Tweet Audio. Your source for high performance, noise reducing earbuds. Available in three styles and seven colors. Durable and decided.

To sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts, like the one you're listening to now. Tweaked Audio earbuds come with a one-year warranty, and now there's a special deal for Movie Meltdown listeners. Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio.

Sounds fair. It's time for Sofa Theater. Burt Reynolds is Hooper, and Hooper is a real hero. He can take more crashes. Oh, jeez!

More fire. Hello, gorgeous. More love. More hits. He can take more risks and have more fun than anyone can imagine.

This is Hooper, the story of the greatest stuntman of them all. And his competition. Wait a year and a half to meet you. How's that? I get to perform with Sonny Hooper.

Oh, hell, that ain't no big deal. Burt Reynolds. Jan Michael Vincent. Sally Field. I'm yours.

Brian Keith. James Best. Robert Klein, and Terry Bradshaw. In Hooper's world, talk is cheap, and life is cheaper. We may be in trouble.

A stunt is a gag, and a gag is no laughing matter. Man, building falls on you, crushes you, fade out the end. Great, Roger. Of course we'll have a dozen cameras going. And when the director yells, Action!

Go! Go! Go! I'm gonna hit it! He really means action.

Hooper's in a dangerous business, but his reward. Is excitement, adventure, and a fortune if he lives to collect it. Burt Reynolds is Hooper, the greatest stuntman alive. I love stuntmen. Hooper, the newest movie from the team that brought you Smokey and the Bandit.

Though your hair is all in tangles And your makeup is a mess The most of what you're drinking Is spilling down your dress And to keep from falling off your bar stools But all that you can do I make my proposition Cause I'm just as drunk as you Let's do something cheap and superficial Let's do something. That we might. Regret Let's do something shabby. And insensitive This. Might be the only chance we get.

Oh, wow. Do they sell those at World Market? No. I looked anywhere in the U.S. And I couldn't find them.

No, I should have brought an octopus ball or something like that. They have the weirdest stuff I've ever seen. Do I have balls? Like a bouncing ball? No, it was like a ball.

It was a frozen gelatinous ball. How often does Marlena feel guilty for not bringing an octopus ball? Every couple of weeks. You know, my mom always brings a cheese ball, but she couldn't bring it. If you can convince me.

Isn't that what Halle Berry won. The Oscar for? Octopus Ball. Are we ready to make it official? It's a fancy affair.

Alright, we've got the bacon tux going. We're all set now. Alright, so welcome back to this year's Oscar Meltdown edition of Sofa Theater. As some of you know, we usually pick a film that is quite different than what the Oscars would normally honor. So pretty much every year I've found a good way to tie it into the Oscars, usually the Honorary Oscar Awards.

So this year they're honoring stuntman director Hal Needham, and I thought it would be perfect to do the movie Hooper. Is your tie bacon? Have you just joined this party? Okay. In case you get hungry you look down you got snack and.

Honey we have our mascot babe sounds like a pickup line excuse me sir is that tie made of bacon. Are you just glad to see me many. Is the time so yeah I thought you know number one it is sort of you know it's directed by Hal Needham it's about the greatest stuntman in the world which is how he was built so I'm assuming a lot of it sort of mirrors his life as well And I just thought covering a Burt Reynolds movie during the Oscars. Was just funny. He was nominated.

Or at any other time. And he looked extremely, extremely disappointed when he didn't win. Probably not nominated. That was his greatest acting moment. He was not disappointed at all.

In this era, he was probably not nominated. In the run of Smokey the Bandit. His greatest role was Boogie Nights. See, that's the comeback. Yeah.

That's when it made sense again. Just come back a pun. No. No, it's not. Gross.

Pun intended or not. Someone finally looked at us like, they just looked at us like, it's time we finally put that porn statue to good use, sir. We got to, we have to cast you literally as a porn director. Yeah, man. I had the pleasure of eating a piece of pizza.

That's a great story. Where is this going? Eating a piece of pizza under a gigantic painting of a naked Burt Reynolds. Oh, yeah. That's a totally normal story.

We've had pizza in Louisville then. We're going to go hang out there and just record underneath him. So, officially, this week's Sofa Theater feature is Hooper, the year is 1978, director Hal Needham, the plot, according to IMDb, Sonny Hooper, Hollywood's greatest stuntman, deals with his relationship with the daughter of his mentor, a challenge from a young stuntman who idolizes him in the egomaniacal... You know that one. Egomaniacal.

There you go. Ennio Morricone. Yes. We're cutting you off, Brian. You've had too much to drink.

You can't stop me. Inigo Montoya. Nice. That guy is the director of his latest movie. Yeah.

He ultimately attempts to perform a record-breaking jump over a gorge in a rocket-propelled car. Spoiler alert. Yeah, that's how they summarize that movie. So, nice going. So, the Simpsons ripped it off in that first season episode with the skateboard involved.

Yeah, that was a great father-son moment. There's been a few things that kind of got ripped off. Anyway. There really isn't a No, you're pretty far into it, and you're going, is there a story going to start somewhere here? Yeah, halfway.

And they kind of do. By the halfway point, it does. But really, that first half just seems like they strung together, Bert hanging out with his friends. It's just, this is the life of the stuntman. And they have the song, Sing Ho for the Life of the Stuntman.

If you see a lot of those stunt films from, especially how they came out of Australia a lot in the 70s and early 80s, there really isn't. It's just a series of, stunts, gags. Yeah, that's about it. Yeah, I like that that, I guess, was their official term for it. They kept using the term gags for it.

At least stunt rock would cut our way to rock concerts in between the stunts. I mean, it starts off almost sort of serious. It goes with him preparing for the day, and he's, like, putting on all these pads, and you see all these scars of previous horrible things that have happened to him. So it seems like they're actually going to, like, address, you know, the hard life of a stuntman, and it then just veers off, and it's Burt being goofy for another half hour. Or these parody Jaws, to where, you know, he's showing off his scars to some other stuntman.

Well, I was thinking for, like, the Oscars, reminds me of the orgasm scars, the O-scars, the scene from, uh, Chasing Amy, where it's all scars that have been incurred in the pursuit of orgasm. Uh, It's just an idea for a theme if we want to do a show on scars. On orgasms? Are we going to show all of our scars? Emotional or otherwise.

Actually, I met. My hand scar twin once in Mississippi. He had the exact same pattern of little scars on his left hand that I have. And we kept looking at it because we couldn't believe it. It's like, you've got this little V-shaped thing.

Yeah. You've got this scar. Yeah. And you've also got the continuation. Yeah.

Are you sure he wasn't you from the future or the past? He was. From a place that didn't exist, but it came to exist again later. Are you sure you weren't just stoned in Lost River Caves smoking asbestos lime? I wasn't stoned.

I was in grad school, which is sort of the same thing. He was my grad school teacher, and he was from Latvia. And he had gone to the Rhode Island School of Design. And one day we were just doing it. And it's like, wow, I've got that same scar.

And he had the weirdest accent because he was from Latvia. Then he went to Rhode Island School of Design. And then he was teaching in Mississippi. Oxford, Mississippi. And he was like, oh, yeah.

It was kind of southern, but weird. Yeah. And he had a better story for each one. Like, I got this scar here using a razor blade to open. It's on his thumb.

Like a bottle of. What was that goop you could mold spiders with back in the 70s? Wasn't it just called goop? I think it was called goop. But it had dried up at the top, and so I was cutting it open so I could make one last arachne whatever.

And I cut my hand open, and he was like, I was peeling potatoes in Latvia. Okay, you beat me on that one. But basically all my life, all my hand scars are my right hand stabbing my left hand. So in some sort of Tarantino dream, one night in my sleep, my left hand is going to take revenge and cut off my right hand because it's been abused. Like all my life.

Anyway. Hooper. Hooper. Stuntman. Scars.

Yeah, Scars. Hooper. All right. So do we want to address the cast? Because it is kind of a stellar cast for this kind of movie.

Sally Field. Oh my lord. Rarely see an openly sexual Sally. When she hopped in his lap, I was like, Sally Fiat, let's go. It's funny because I never had that.

She was always cute, but I never got that. Like you were saying, it was never a very sexual thing with her. She was always a little too. Until Sybil, and then it's like, that's kind of kinky. You have your own special thing going on there.

But she was always almost too girl next to her. She really didn't come off sexual. This one. Those shorts she was wearing. You couldn't get away with that out in public now.

They would probably put you away for that. Her stepfather actually was like, what, Jock, what's his name? The guy played by Brian Dennehy? That wasn't Brian Dennehy. Who was that guy?

We can't play that game this time because I can't get online. There's the guy from Family. Charles Darny? No. It wasn't Charles Darny.

It was close. It's David Keith. The guy from Family. David Keith. Brian Keith.

Brian Keith. Keith David. Not Keith David. Brian Keith. Brian Keith.

Brian. Brian. For David. David Keith. All right, David.

Brian Keith. Brian Keith. Yes. Yeah, but the character he was playing was actually Sally Field's stepfather. I didn't know that.

Yeah. Wow. Charles Darny. And I think he was actually in it somewhere. At some point, yeah.

I saw the thing about it online somewhere, and it's like, oh, he was in there somewhere. According to the time, Brian Dennehy and Charles Durning had a love affair. Yes. Am I following the point? That's the plot so far.

And their baby was Sally Field. How would you tell the two apart when. That's going on? They have the same hands. Their love child was Sally Field.

Well, they liked her. They really liked her. That came out okay. And I had to even note to Brian when I was watching it on that James Best was in this. Corden, Indiana's own James Best.

That's all they have, Dan. Roscoe P. Coltrane. And he was the best sidekick in the world in this movie. To me, it's funny because it felt like, well, we can't get Jerry Reed for this movie.

What the hell are we going to do? Where's that Roscoe P. Coltrane dude? I think he's down the road. Let's get him.

He really, like, it really did feel like he was the surrogate Jerry Reed. Yeah. So, before Burt Reynolds, was there a genre of action comedy? Or was he, like, really a pioneer of something that's, like, an action picture? But, eh.

Yeah. It's sort of funny. I don't know. Because as a leading guy in sort of action pictures, Burt Reynolds is kind of vulnerable. He's not like Clint Eastwood.

Right. He is liable to get his ass kicked. Right. Yeah, he does get his ass kicked. Yeah.

By what? Terry Bradshaw? Terry Bradshaw with a horrible off-color toupee. Yeah. Which was even better.

That's the thing I kind of like about Burt Reynolds is he had a sense of humor about himself as an action figure. And so he's like a forerunner of like the Jackie Chan kind of action hero. A guy who seems like a regular guy who's pretty nice, really. But, you know, he just chews gum constantly. And I can't help rooting for him to get his ass kicked.

You know, I proposed to Brian that we all actually record, not say anything, but just record the episode with our mouths open chewing gum. I have a real issue with gum chewing. It puts me off. And so Burt Reynolds, and I think that's too, maybe like the constant gum chewing issue. is why he has those fucking furrows in his brow. I've heard him mention it himself.

He says, you know, well, there are cameramen on set that are better looking than me. I have these fucking rows in my forehead. And it's like, oh, yeah. Dude, that's wicked. What happened?

Yeah, it's funny. I was looking at it and I was like, they were already pretty hardcore. And it's like, it's different if that was like the 90s and he looked like that. But this was the 70s and he already looked like that. And he was in really good shape.

But what happened to his forehead? That dude's done some serious worrying. It's because I think he started out using his eyebrows differently. To express everything. Because his mouth is full of gum.

And so all that eyebrow movement developed those deep canals in his forehead. You know, speaking of looking like Burt Reynolds, how fun was it to see them dress up Adam West as Burt Reynolds? I know. And it's kind of funny because really, stuntmen have the personalities that you would expect leading actors to have. But leading actors are usually kind of shy and retiring.

But the stunt guys are actually the guys who walk around like they're movie stars. So it's sort of fitting for Burt Reynolds to do that. Not that Adam West was a stuntman. It didn't fit at all, though. Even when they had him made up to sort of look like him, I was like, that looks so.

Oh, it looks so bad. Did he even have the mustache? At one point, he didn't even have it. I guess maybe he forgot to wear it because they were shooting or something. In the first scene, he did, after the motorcycle crashed.

But then the other one... He didn't. Because I was thinking, if I was watching that in the theater, I'd be like, there's the stuntman. Wow. He does not look at all like Adam West.

Yeah. But I loved how they forced the sexuality on him. It was like, well, we can't make him the sex symbol, so we're just going to put two beautiful women on him at all times and make him the sex symbol. Wow. He's Adam West.

He's Adam West. He has that anywhere he goes, really. For some reason right now, Sally Fields is helping Joseph Gordon-Levitt fix his bow tie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They're pretty tight.

Is it a bacon bow tie? That's probably the only reason. That's because you become a family when you get involved in the little Oscar circles, as I was told. Yeah, by someone who's done it before. I hope they all go in character as their characters from Lincoln.

It's like she's straightening his tie. It's like, now, son, we have to look good for this ceremony. You know, I know. So somebody's going to shoot Daniel Day-Lewis during the office. Exactly.

Um, so, and as, he is character. And since we are talking after it's happened, yes, that's what happened. So yeah, that was, that sucks. Um, Daniel Day-Lewis is dead. So I listened to this podcast that I wasn't on.

Don't ever do that. People who died over the past year. Okay. You can listen to that one. Okay.

Um, And somebody who didn't come up that I'd like to bring up, and this will become Hooper-related somehow. I don't know how at this moment, but it's going to go there. This is how all our conversations go. Yeah, but. What's his name?

Died this past year. Yeah. You know what I mean? He played a lot of that game. What's his name?

Seems one of my favorites. Gore Vidal. Oh. Gore Vidal died. Yeah, Gore Vidal was one I remember regretting not mentioning on that show, along with David Kelly, who played one of the other leads on Waking Dead Divine and The Grandfather on Charlie and the Chocolate Factor.

He died early on, too, and it dawned on me afterwards. I was like, shit, I should have mentioned him instead of Pat Engle, who died like 10 years prior. We were just laying off on that one. Gore Vidal was like, he was just a writer, but he had a Lincoln. They did Gore Vidal's Lincoln, and we lived in Richmond, Virginia when they filmed it there, so we knew two guys who were in it.

And Mary Tyler Moore was Mary Todd Lincoln. And that guy from Law and Order was Lincoln. What? Yeah, but... Oh, and also, Gore Vidal wrote what is believed by many experts to be the worst movie of all time, Myra Breckenridge.

And. Even if it's not the worst movie of all time, he said himself, it's the one time when a book was made into a movie, sales of the book stopped. The book was doing quite well. They made the movie. Nobody bought the book again.

They ruined it. I feel like he was one of the better people in Gattaca as well. Yeah. Like the outro. Uma Thurman and the.

Rest of them. I'm serious. He was involved in movies. He played a liberal senator kind of like Paul Simon with a bow tie. It wasn't bacon.

He wore a bow tie in Bob Roberts movie. I think it was in Bob Roberts. It was just a. Little bit parts here and there, almost like for fun. It's like the Ricky Jay, but instead of magic, authorship.

Yeah, like Ricky Jay, one of my heroes. But I'm just glad Ricky Jay got mentioned. Now we're going to start throwing cards at one another. Yeah, I know. Ricky Jay.

It's going to get violent. Into the husk of the watermelon. Exactly. Oh, I love that. But anyway.

We're going to stop podcasting now, getting some cards. We're going to The other thing that Gore Vidal did was he wrote a gay subplot into Ben-Hur and nobody ever told Charlton Heston about it. And he explained, you know, how the writing attribution, how you get credit for writing, and he wrote this part and he said, and it's like a betrayed lover, but it's not explicit, but it will make sense emotionally to the audience. But Don't tell Chuck about it. He will not be comfortable.

Yeah, so he came out of that thing where they wrote the live teleplays on TV in the 50s, and. They're not, I don't think they're even recorded. But he was kind of a good movie writer, but he believed Myra Breckenridge was a really good novel. To his death. It's kind of like, don't tell Chuck.

Don't tell Gore Vidal that this book is really horrible. And it deserved to be a terrible movie because it's really bad. It's funny, though. I wouldn't say don't buy it. But, yeah, he was a great guy in a lot of ways.

I read a lot of his essays when I was a kid, and they really influenced me. I didn't understand it at the time. I just thought, wow, these are really intellectual and insightful and political. But what they really were was they were half infatuated with rationality and half bitchy. And I came to believe that that's what being a rational citizen was, was being kind of like an old gay queen bitching about shit but making a lot of sense while doing.

It which i got that a lot from hooper yeah you know 17 degrees. Of hooper yes come to its final you know it's there you've got the new young guy coming in and you're just well this is how this is how it is and this is how it was when you came in replaced me and they're just bitching about all the times that they had gone through and How they were the pioneers but didn't make the money. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah.

Just like all those old guys who played baseball. And they just played baseball. They didn't make any real money. And nowadays, like, one player makes more than, like, five of them made in a lifetime. But I don't know.

There's something beautiful about it. It's the life of the stuntman before they made real money. That's kind of how they work this it is sort of that mythology of it that it is this like legendary thing back in the day and this new kid he's got a calculator and it's just it's really everything like a calculator? It was his pocket. Computer is what it was Jerry Seinfeld gave it to him at first it was just calculating.

Tips but it does much more than that the bad part was he couldn't open it yeah who is. That guy Jan? Michael J. Michael Vincent Airwolf what with Ernest Borgnine he was on Airwolf with Ernest Borgnine Airwolf he. Was in a lot of stuff I knew I'd seen him a lot and he looks like an actual guy I actually know so there's that familiarity too I think.

He looked like I think everybody thought he was going to be he was going to blow up bigger than anyone ever and he never really took for. Some reason and he probably should have like he wasn't a bad actor and he was definitely like you know he had the looks and he was like He did the action stuff. But yeah, it's like he just never caught on. I think it's because his name was Jan. Could be.

That's the problem. That, and he had a feminine underbite. And he always went around going, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I think if he would have just gone John Michael Vincent, he probably would have been a bigger. Just drop one of those three names.

Or, yeah, right. Yeah, you can't have three person names. The whole three name thing. I don't know. It's overdone.

Yeah, three names, that's a chick thing, too. Yeah, that's... There are all those chicks that have three names. That's an 80s chick thing. You don't get much of an out-to-go-ther.

Or, that's how... Child stars do. They have to go by all three of their names. In serial killers. You know, I'm going to call you out, dude.

Were you on an episode and you said something about a movie should have a young Ricky Schroeder in it? I did. I believe he did. Yeah, that's redundant. That's redundant.

He became Rick Schroeder when he grew up. A young Ricky Schroeder. You're saying it twice. I still refer to him as Ricky Schroeder. When he went to NYPD Blue.

He was Rick. It was a big deal to him. I think he did press conferences announcing that he was now Rick Schroeder. P. Denny Schroeder.

This is my new name. Droppin' the Y. Or Snoop Lion. And that was his CD he released at that time. It was called Rick Schroeder, Droppin' the Y.

I did not know that. I did not know that. Him and Alfonso Ribeiro that was on Silver Spoons with him, he was his DJ on that album. It's so great to find out. He was kind of his jazzy Jeff. exactly I'm the DJ he's the word full circle Alfonso Ribeiro played Carlton on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air it all comes back around how do you I mean it just that's how the world works it's a symbiosis and I think Burt Reynolds produced it I'm.

Pretty sure that's that's your tie in that's where you're going. With this yeah Burt Reynolds, man. That guy. And they showed actual film from Deliverance. And I'm watching that.

Is that Deliverance? Oh, and they showed him having a big scar on his shin in the opening thing. It's like, is that where he broke his leg in Deliverance? Is that the bone sticking out of his leg? I think that's what it was supposed to be.

That's back when he was the good actor. And then it veered off for about 30 years. Yeah, when he was just like. Fun action comedy guy. He's likable enough.

He is. It's one of those. It just enters into that weird area. It really is its own little thing. And it doesn't...

Like we said with this one, it doesn't even feel like a movie as much as you're just watching. Bert hang out with his friends. And as you watch it, it gets worse and worse as. You get to the Cannonball Run movies. And it really is just like.

They shoot as much time on the outtakes as they do on the movie at the end of the movie. It's just like after the bar scene, they all go to his house to have a party. They probably didn't script that. They just went to his house and have a party. Let's go watch Deliverance.

Let's watch footage of me. I'm awesome. It's so 70s. Like, Glenn watched it with me and she was like, it's just worth seeing just because of It's so 70s. It's so quintessentially 70s.

And like the 70s, they do things that you just totally really cannot approve of as a human being. But we did. Like the dog? Like hooking the cable onto the cop's belt. You're gonna kill somebody.

I know. I was there. People died. People I grew up with died doing stupid shit like that. The thing was is they did that to him and they didn't even think about the consequences.

He's got his license. They know that Kyle's probably going to be on disability for the rest of his life with a bad back. There were a lot of moments where I was like, okay, he's crossed the line from being a fun guy to being kind of a dick. That one was bad, but breaking the jukebox? I was like, what the hell is that?

Breaking the jukebox or driving recklessly through crowds of innocent people who came out to have fun? Or towards the end, like. They're hauling that wall through it. He just drives through it. I'm like, how long did it take him to.

Build that wall? And you just drove through it, you dick. I know, and he's being a complete dick. At some point, you just want to punch him in the face. It's all because he couldn't commit to Sally Field.

He really wanted Jan Michael Vincent. Yes. I mean, there really is a gay subtext to it. Anyway, I'm not. There was a gay subtext to the 70s.

To his mustache. Yeah. And I've got nothing against being gay, but I'm pathologically straight. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Yeah.

But I'm pathologically straight, and living through the 70s was like a living hell for me. I just couldn't relate. You didn't want to swing? Come on, man. I did like the key parties.

Well, I didn't want to. Tell you how this is all going to come together at the end of this show. People bring that up as something people did that was wild, and I'm like, yeah, my assistant principal in high school did that. That doesn't seem wild or appealing to me. You know, and the funny point of reference that it's that far back in history, socially, and Jock at that time is going...

Look, even the gays are getting married now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like, that's come full circle. Oh, they could drop that line and it was no big deal.

Yeah. Well, I was like, now it's actually true. Yeah, that was back in the era when people wondered, why do gays have so much premarital sex? Oh, right. Right.

I see. I thought it was something wrong with them, but it turns out, yeah. Why don't they ever get invited to one of their weddings? That's crazy. I don't know.

They're such snobs. Well, that was, again, for the weird time things. Like the fact that maybe some of it just started to creep in and become conscious to them because we almost get like a drunk driving PSA for a minute. And he specifically talks about how it's going to end up bad and then they turn around and do it. Yes.

And once again, act like a dick to the cop. Yeah, there's this kind of... It's almost like the funny guy in Fargo. Issue with authority of any form. You have to just be an asshole to anybody wearing a uniform of any kind.

Which doesn't even make sense for this guy. I mean, he's a professional. He's in showbiz. He seems like a nice. Guy in other ways, but then it's like, I feel called upon to be a complete fucking dick.

Yep. Just because of the zeitgeist of the era I live in. I need to be a rebel. Yeah. Even when it makes me a dick.

And so I need to shoot a parking lot attendant. You veered into another movie. But that's a different movie. We're still talking about parking. I don't believe I was going over 55.

You were going 55 backwards. Well, that's not against the law, is it? Unsafe packing. Silly law. It's still a law.

And the way he treated Sally Field. It's like, could you at least get the fucking beer cans within 10 feet of the garbage? He's like, why? And he leaves his shit all over the house and he's like, why couldn't you put that up? You don't have much work to do.

Meanwhile, she's the school teacher, wasn't she? Yeah, she's a fucking school teacher. One stunt a day, that's it. Yeah, he does a stunt and they're like, okay, you're done for the year or whatever until you decide to do something else. And he goes home and he's like, why is my coat?

Sitting where I fucking left it this morning. He turns into Archie Bunker. Yeah. God. I don't know.

Yeah, that was very 70s. She was so hot. She really was. She really was. Like, Chi-Chi, the flying nun.

She's like, I don't know, that's cool. That she can be like that. Rip the foil, Bo. Rip it she wants. So when they finally get to the plot, does it become like a film noir setup that they've got one last one last job to do, and we've got to complete this, and it's got to be bigger than everything, and I'm going to retire after this.

Yeah, I want to see a movie where the director decides, I'm going to use that cliched plot one last time before I retire. And it's so crazy, it just might work. The longest it's ever been done is this far, but we're going to go four times that in a day. Yeah, there's a lot about the end that I don't know. What was that movie they were in?

That's what I was trying to figure out. What the fuck was that movie? There was guns blowing up stuff. Yeah. But why is there...

Okay, so mostly the big finale. The rest of it, well, none of it really makes sense. I'm like, why would you just randomly jump out of a helicopter? There's no setup as to why this character would randomly jump out of a helicopter. And not have a giant airbag to land on, which he did.

So wouldn't Adam West just be dead? Yeah. If you didn't see him landing on the airbag? Yeah. But, like, by the time you get...

Like, in the beginning, it's just a spy movie. So they're, like, they're rappelling down the wall part and shooting guys. That seems normal. Oh, and they're playing, like, the 007. Which is very close, yeah.

It was, like, the spy who knew too much or something like that. Or didn't know quite enough. No, I think that's what they called it, though. It was, like, the spy... Spy misremembered that one thing.

I love it that the writer was angry that they changed the ending on the spy. This was my masterpiece. If you want to address that, why is the director being such an arty dick? Really? Look at your spy movie.

And he's just like, this is the way I've envisioned the ending. It won't be any other way. He's got such artistic integrity in this exploding spy movie. So this movie predicted Michael Bay. Yeah, I think so.

But that's the end. I'm like, okay, so everything up until rappelling down there, shooting guys. Okay, it's a spy movie. I can see that. So at the end, the spies are trying to get away from an earthquake.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, all of a sudden. Earthquake? Yeah.

All of a sudden it's shortcuts. Yeah. I was like, why? Well, obviously they just shot Earthquake and he just wanted to tie in the reference to something sort of current. But I was just like, what has this got to do with a spy plot?

How do you work at Earthquake as the finale of your spy movie? Unless it really is a Bond movie and the way he was going to take over the world was in Earthquake. Oh, yeah. He could have an Earthquake machine. I guess.

I mean, they have giant lasers and shit. I think you've written this movie. I think I have. It's the spy who laughed at danger. Honestly.

Of course. The spy who laughed at his own middle name. Right. Yeah. I can't watch Robert Klein for five minutes if he doesn't do that sound effect, that whoo-hoo-hoo, like our host's bathroom.

It just makes me really uncomfortable. So that guy's name is Brian Keith. Brian David Keith. From Family Affair. Thank you.

Yes, he was from Family Affair. He was the dad. There was no Buffy and Jodie in this. There was a butler, wasn't there? Mr.

French. Mr. Belvedere. God, man. This is thrilling because these brain cells are just hanging on the edge of a cliff clinging to twigs.

But what about Ms. Beasley? Oh, yeah, Ms. Beasley. Gotta get that straight.

Wow. I don't have anything else going on up here. Wow. That's all I have is useless nonsense. And I can't call upon it most of.

The time. Yeah. So they introduce a story which is basically, it's like elegiac. It's like the end of a way of life for this one guy in this cowboy-like profession of stuntman. And there's like the young guys coming up and they've got their pocket calculators.

And it's all different now. They're different breed. They don't drink. They don't take pills. They're better than we were.

And he kind of hates them. And it's funny when they talk about how they hate him already. But they laugh. Because it's like, you know, they know it's funny. That's kind of like that Bob Dylan documentary.

Like when they start telling him about Donovan, and the keyboard player from The Animals says, oh, he's a good guitar player, better than you. And Dylan goes, already I hate it. Well, what I think is the perfect example of how this movie plays out, more than anything, and it's funny that it just got. Made, it's Skyfall. Yeah.

It's nothing but you're the old pro. You've been doing this all this time. You know the ways of. These whole three movies you've done. It's been a long journey.

You're the best in the business. And now they're bringing up these new guys. And once again, your mentor is also getting up there. So you watch her father injuring himself and going to the hospital. So it's like it already had that going on.

Plus they work in that James. Bond theme the whole time. Yeah. And then. i don't know the whole thing. Just seems like it's all about are you getting too old to do this which is exactly what you know the majority of skyfall is about so i thought it's weird having i just me.

Too but i kind of felt like skyfall was pretending to be about that because that was handy and they felt like it needed to be about something yeah but really it it's about like doesn't this guy look like a really good James Bond in. An vintage suit? And it's like, yeah, yeah, start the fucking movie. He looks like a great James Bond. I remember he was once in Casino Royale.

Are you going to do something like that again? No, no. Are you going to make a James Bond movie? They're like, Yeah, we could, but remember that movie Straw Dogs? That was pretty cool, right?

Yeah, that was cool. You ever seen Home Alone? You ever seen Home Alone? It's going to be a little bit like that. Dark Knight was a pretty cool movie.

We got some cool stuff that was like that movie. It was, it's like they were borrowing from all over the place. The Dark Knight. I mean, I think they were confused. And it just felt reused.

They were confused on how they thought a James Bond movie was all about the villain. And it never was all about the villain. The villain was always this funny. Kind of joke even though you know like goldfinger he's kind of this classy kind of evil dude but it was he was still kind of just an idiot and all the bond movies are kind of these stupid idiots that you know it's not about them it's about bond being cool and you know being classy and this one is just all about javier bardem and And he's not even very good. Do you know how I got these scars on my face?

It's like, I'm watching the fucking Dark Knight again. Like, what is this? And they cut away, like, at least the Joker had, like, really cool shit he did. Yeah. Like, the pencil trick.

And they cut away from all his things that could have been big moments. Yeah, all he did was just, like, hanging around, like, saying monologues. Not really, like, he shot a person. I mean, for the first half, when he showed up, I was like, he doesn't seem like that bad a guy. I haven't seen him do any evil shit yet.

What if he hasn't shot somebody in the head with a nail gun? The movie seems to think he's amazing. Yeah, and he is. He is, because we've seen him be amazing. In other movies.

Who could that be at this. Time of night? Somebody's showing up late at the box office. . . . I don't know, it looks, parts of it look really good, but didn't he fail at every single thing he was tasked to do? Yeah, why do they keep hiring him?

Yeah, I know. How does he get this big reputation? I don't know. Well, I mean, maybe for all the times he gets everything right in the movies before, but he fucks up so bad. Yeah.

We're just all like, somebody walked in who I recognize from a movie. Bert Reynolds! Bert Reynolds is here. Chew your gum, Bert. We're talking about a Bert Reynolds movie.

As Oscars would normally. You're welcome. Burt Reynolds in Bond. He should have played the bad guy. It was weird that he didn't say, like, Burt Reynolds is Hooper.

Because that's what... It did. It did. Did it? It did.

I missed it. Yeah. It's the way they introduce him. Even his body pads say Hooper on them. Yeah.

That looked kind of like that Borat show that used to be on the opening where he gets suited up. I don't remember the show. Yeah, I can't think of his name in that movie. Ali G Show. Yeah, he's getting suited up and you don't see his face because by the time they get up to his head he puts the helmet on.

And then later he's just riding a horse around at night. What's great though about you don't know that it's Burt Reynolds other than they told you. Yeah, that Burt Reynolds is. Right, but And you don't even see his face because they put it on. And it was actually illegal in the 70s to not know who Burt Reynolds was.

But when he walks out of his trailer and he's got the full visor and helmet on, you can see his jaw moving because he's chewing his gum. And you can see the. It's like, oh yeah, that's Burt Reynolds. They can't even use a stuntman. That's Burt Reynolds.

Hey, Burt. I don't know. Fred does Ernie. Again, that whole. First half, that's all it is.

Come into the porn section near you. No, I don't think I want that at all. You know, in 2013, you just could not have... you could not have a movie star named Burt a guy who chews gum a lot and always has a mustache like refuses to shave. Like those three characteristics you could not have that. In 2013 Adam West would wear a fake mustache but your hipster neighbors would love him if.

So yeah they would only in an ironic way would he become famous. But I don't know if y'all aren't really keeping up because I thought they were hipsters they were talking about something that was cool that wasn't anymore I thought they were hipsters. It turns out they're douchebags. Then they would really like Burt Reynolds. As it turns out in this movie.

Kind of a dick. Well, you know, there's really a fine line between hipsters and douchebags. Because they always want you to know something that you already know. And I don't want to be sexist, but there's nothing more that males hate than being told something that you already know. It's like somebody folding a roadmap the wrong way.

You can't stand it. Don't tell me that. I already know that. Well, and on top of that, to be smug about it. Yeah.

I think that's what is the tipping point. But see, I kind of like doing that myself. I've always wanted to be a waiter. I've never had a job as a waiter, but I've always wanted to, just so I could say, when somebody said, what's the soup du jour? I could lean over and say, That just means the soup of the day.

Fred is aspiring to be a dick, is what he's saying. Or a douchebag. Or get a medical degree so that I could come out and say, well, the nurses and technicians did everything they could. I just wasn't feeling it. Fred could use a dose of unpretentious still.

Yeah, that's right. Unpretentious. Yeah. Please tell me some places you've traveled in the world. In the whole, like, 70s, That's the thing, it just gets caught up in that.

In a way, I feel like it should be doing more with the whole Stuntman life. And what it made me realize is this is the reason they made The Fall Guy, because this movie didn't really hit enough of it. And by the end, you realize that's all it was. It became the TV series. It almost sets it up with, even to the point of the theme song, it's so close.

It's Stuntman life for Bertie. It's a stuntman. They do get songs in the movie like that. Yeah, it's the life of a stuntman. It's pretty close to the Fall Guy theme song.

So they just rolled it over into a TV series. And then the life of the wife of a stunt guy. Right. Well, not really wife. She wants to be the wife.

Oh, that's right. He couldn't commit. To a woman that cleaned for him. Yeah, because he had that talking teddy bear. No, wait.

I'm sorry. That's different. Did you notice, and this is, when you talk about physical acting in comedy, I did notice with Sally Field, when they're in the bar scene, and she's doing the little dance with moving her feet while people are falling into her and over her. I wasn't laughing about it, but I was smiling, thinking, that really took some coordination to move your knife this way and move your plate this way. That was fun.

Hasn't that been in like 40 movies? Don't they always work that in? I've actually seen that on stage too. But to continue eating because how many takes would that have taken? And to continue eating steak and potatoes while she's doing all that.

Eventually you're just going to be full. You're like, no more takes. I'm full. I get full just seeing people in bell bottoms with. Embroidered stars on them. embroidered stars that's.

Because i noticed he was wearing those to me those you couldn't be a guy and pull those pants off at this point you could pull them off no he needed to but he didn't is the oh pull them off they were well they were most of his pants were way they were 70s tight it was scary yeah it's not a good. Idea 70s tight Yeah, they were all dressed kind of like Bee Gees. Nothing wrong with Bee Gees. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Greg's like, hey now.

Well, and they were all as hairy as Bee Gees, too. Just all this hair bursting out of tight clothing. It all gets compacted. It's like the Spanx. It all gets compacted in the same spot and it just has to come out.

When what's-his-name does his shirt, you hear it sproing. The chest hair sproings out of his shirt. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know. The whole first half is just strung together and then by the end, all you get, once you hit the big stunt, that's the whole last half of the movie is built around the The, oh my god, is he going to do it?

And they're doing it and then he calls it off and then they bring him back in one more time. One more time. By the time you get to the scene where they're standing in front of it talking about the bridge they're going to blow, it's a working bridge. Yeah. There's cars going over it.

Are you supposed to Blow a working bridge. Can you do that? Yeah. Could they do that over here at the Ohio River? I guess.

Settle it once and for all? They're so concerned about going over budget, but how are they going to rebuild this bridge that's obviously needed later on? Yeah, they're burning their bridges. That's what they're doing. They don't need that.

They're burning their bridges. This is crucial. Those silos have to fall over. Like, and just miss your car. That was a good stunt, though.

That was well-timed. Watch this movie. They should take all the outtakes of this movie and make a movie. And make a movie with Adam West. Because that I would watch, and it might be a little better than this one.

It might be. Yeah. Burt's a nice guy, but, I mean, his movies are low impact yeah well just kind of like it's. Me Bert I'm in a movie come watch it it'll be fun it's like hanging out in his living room it really is well it's a movie you could put on and have everybody slumping over in chairs and drinking after you've had a. Bar fight yeah that's really what you put it on and you.

Watch it like oh yeah this is still on and he's teaching you how to watch his movies in the movie which is genius Almost like a Woody Allen quality. Yeah, go out, get in a bar five, invite everybody back over, watch my movie. When I think of Woody Allen, I do think of Burt Reynolds. So that works. Deliverance.

They show the clips from Deliverance. That's how you know he's a real movie star. Now what's that guy's name? James, the guy who wrote Deliverance. He was a friend of my dad's.

And I can't think of his name. And he played the sheriff in it. That's right. So he'd come by when John Carpenter was babysitting. He never came by our house, but he was in the war.

He told a lot of stories, and he had some disability that allowed him to serve. The Great War? No, not the Great War. The Pretty Good War. At some point, I'm just going to call it bullshit with Fred.

I was like, no, you're not making any more of this up. No, I'm not making this up. And also, I don't know this because my dad knew him, but his son tried and tried to talk him out of doing the anal rape scene in the movie. He said in the book, people wanted to do this. No, he said don't do it because it's all anyone will ever talk about, about that movie ever again.

He was right. And he was right. And he was right. He said in the book, it's a disturbing thing that happens, but the book keeps going. But if you put that in a movie, it's going to be the thing that people identify the movie with.

And he was absolutely right. James Dickey was his name, yeah. You know, I. Worked with a guy who was a little clueless. And he was an avid canoeist.

I don't know what else you call that. Anyway, and he would go out every weekend and go canoeing. And we brought up, oh, yeah, that's like deliverance. And then everybody, this was a maintenance department, so everybody would sit around and joke around, ha-ha, and play little games with Ned Beatty. And it's like he totally.

Had blocked that entire scene out really all he was concerned about was the canoeing and oh this shot does. This oh wait and there was a rape in there and he watches it like every you know and he was a hunter too so he you know the hunting and the chasing the guy you know uh the bow hunting and everything and the canoeing it was the greatest movie ever and like. Well what about the whole ned baity scene which. One you're talking about just like. Shell shock, shut it out of his brain so that he could enjoy the rest of the movie.

That's one approach. You'd literally say that to him and he'd be like, what? Because he was more concerned about the canoe. Yeah, I think as a spoiler alert, we ought to get Robert Klein doing his spooky noise that he did in his stand-up act. He liked doing that way too much.

It really wasn't that funny, but he was like, look, I can do that noise. He did, well, no, he kind of did it once in his movies. Did he? Seems like a one for it. I don't know.

I don't think so. I think I would have noticed. It's just part of his regular speech pattern. I think it is at this point. Woo!

He was okay as like an asshole director. He really likes playing that mode. That's just what he falls into. It took me a little while to recognize it was him, though, because he was younger. Yeah.

But, yeah. Burt Reynolds I didn't have that problem with. He looked older than he was. He's looked 40 his entire life. Isn't that weird?

There are some actors who are just like they're an age. Like that old guy in Home Alone. He was like that old bearded guy. His whole career. No, the old scary neighbor.

The scary neighbor who. Goes to church and he's like estranged from his son. But he's been in movies forever, and he has a Kentucky connection. He has relatives in Louisville. Or I think he died, though.

I'm speaking of him in the present tense. But he was that guy in movies forever, and he was like the same age. I don't know how people do that. They pick an age and they stick with it. Tommy Lee Jones?

Yeah. He was always born an old man. Yeah, kind of was. Steve Martin's always been the same age. Yeah.

He's starting to push it, though. Yeah, he is now. It took him a long time. It took having to play the banjo constantly to finally the wrinkles and the old manness sets in. It's like, okay.

Now he's playing banjo. I think it was officially when he was on SNL with his banjo band. Then suddenly, this is an old dude. Yeah, he's so chill and relaxed. That's not Steve Martin.

It was Steve Martin. Right, he doesn't want to talk about comedy anymore. He wants to talk about the banjo. Yeah, that's when you progress. His next stage is.

He's all serious about the banjo. He used to talk about the banjo. It's also art now, too. Now he's serious about it. Well, the next stage is whittling.

Once you seriously talk about whittling, that's when you've got one foot in the grave. Selling out stadiums. For whittling. Sits on a stool. It's a pickle.

A bloody pickle. He's whittling a bloody pickle? Yeah. Audience member yells out, excuse me. He's like, who said that?

That's not what this is for. Well, the ladies call it the bloody pickle. It's up to Steve as to what he calls it. Okay. I'm sorry, Brian.

Except for Thurman Merman, what he calls him. He's the authority. What the hell's the matter? What's going on? I haven't got enough pressure.

Screw the pressure! What is happening? What the hell's going on down there? Keep rolling, goddammit! My life's worth more than a piece of film.

I'll tell you exactly what your life is worth. Your life is worth $ 50, 000. That's the price you put. On it when you got behind this wheel. Sonny Ski, if you do not try to make this.

Jump, You'll never work in this town again. We're going, huh? We're going, yeah. We're going. You're crazy.

I'm going to hit it. All right. How do you know when you've covered Hooper? That's my question. I'm asking you now.

We're getting to the end of the movie. They're going to jump across the bridge. What's going to happen? Can you jump across the bridge in a rocket car from a dead stop? Yeah, I know.

It's like, wait a minute. Wait, should we do this? yeah, we should lose all our fucking momentum and then decide whether we should jump over a grid. That was my main issue. Like, if they kept going, you might have been able to pull it off and die. At the other end, but.

Dramatic pause. Yeah, but they still cleared it. Massively. Yeah. The only next step would be to have a dramatic pause in midair where they discuss, should we land?

You know what else they could do? They could break the fourth wall again. Well, that's what I was going to go with. That's how you know this is one of that era of Burt Reynolds movies. When he really, when they took that, I mean, it was already like you were hanging out with him and his friends, but you're part of the gang because he looks at you.

He gives you the okay. He looks at the camera. Yeah. He really snaps his gum. You really are sucked in as one of Bert's friends in this silly.

Movie. Speaking of, I kind of felt like that was almost the same way when they're like, okay, we're going to stop the movie and we're going to do impressions now. At that one part, and I'm going to one-up you on impressions for a few minutes. They were terrible. And they were both terrible.

Like, I don't do impressions, but I could do a better Jimmy Stewart right now. That was Jimmy Stewart. Exactly. I didn't know. I thought they were pretending to be like a guy with intellectual disabilities.

I don't know what it was. It was Jimmy Stewart. And I just thought, that's wrong. You couldn't do that today. You couldn't make fun of somebody with a speech impediment.

He's like, that's a weirdly mean thing they did in the middle of the movie. Oh, it's a Jimmy Stewart impersonation. I guess it's okay. My normal speaking voice is a better Jimmy Stewart than what. I don't know.

I think that was the end for me. As if he wasn't bad enough when he looked earlier at the camera for no good reason. When he was flashing us. But yeah, at that point, I was like, okay, this is barely even a movie anymore. Every decade has their own cancer movies or bubble boy things.

What was it about that late 70s, early 80s and quadriplegics? It just seemed like that was the curse that you owe. You better watch out because you might break your neck and become a quadriplegic. That might have just been because my mom was obsessed about it. If you fell off your bike, you could never walk again.

Mom said that a lot in. The 70s because we were doing crazy shit. We were jumping ramps on our bike. And it might be that because you had TV shows that was a stuntman. You had Evil Knievel all the time.

When I was a kid, Evil Knievel was a god. People did this stuff. I did. And I was allergic to it. I hated it.

But I still did it because everybody did. And we had this place. We went out to the rope swings. where you'd go out, like in the summer, and you'd swing out over this creek. And we went out, stoned, in the winter to do this. Let's go out to the rope swing.

And I was the first one to swing out, and I swung out. This is what we did. Best friend stories begin with, I was stoned. So we were all stoned. We go out.

I swing out over this frozen, dried-up creek. It's basically a rock ice bed. Right. I swing out, I get to the center and turn around, and I'm facing the tree that this hangs off, which the tree is just like on a cliff, and it's a sheer drop-off. So I'm either going to hit the tree, or I can let go.

Did you pause in midair and try to decide? I stopped in midair. I stopped. What should we do? And I thought about the future.

My life is worth more than this rope swing. Yeah, I don't even remember what happened next. It's just you get to that point and it's like, oh, yeah. Well, I was there. I thought we were all growing up.

Everything's going to change. Things are going to change soon. I'm going to go to college maybe, although I'm a high school dropout. I don't know. Something's going to happen.

I'm either going to hit the tree or fall to the rocks or something. Or we're going to pause. I like to think since you were stoned, there was a chance you might have been saying all this out loud as you were hanging there. I'm going to go to college. What are you doing?

What are you talking about? You were swinging. You were muttering about college. Or I'm going to grow up and be that guy on The Wonder Years. Or on How I Met Your Mother.

Something's going to happen. Or Freaks and Geeks. I love Freaks and Geeks. You know, I go back and watch episodes of Freaks and Geeks and just smile. I want to go back and watch all of it over again tonight.

It's only like two seasons or something. It's one season. One season. Yeah, you can do it in a night. And it was on. eight different channels in that one season.

Because I remember like, what the fuck? ABC Family? I never saw it when it was on. I just watched it all at once on DVD. It was like Tuesday night, then Saturday night, then Friday night, and jumped around every channel.

And you had to follow Boy Meets World, and it was on after that. That's the curse of any show. One of the best moments of TV I've ever seen is when Martin Starr is watching gary shandling and laughing laughing while he's eating yeah and his mom is dating his gym teacher oh god it's so good every every time they just focus on his face that guy is a genius he can eat a peanut butter sandwich and i'm i'm dying. I know especially because of his peanut allergy he's dying not peanut butter sandwich yeah but when he dressed up as um. For Alan Monroe no he dressed up as the bionic woman and it looked more like Maude than the bionic woman yeah but.

Actually the bionic woman does. Look more like Maude that's not true at all. Oh he was so great and then he was great on Party Down too see I haven't seen it anywhere he turns up magic is happening Because he is the master of the awkward and the painful. He was the geek on that show. The others were geeks, but he was the geek.

He was king geek of the world. Although they had that old wise geek, the older kid. They would go to. James Franco went to him and he's like, am I a loser? He said, well, you're not a loser because you have sex.

But you are kind of getting there. Well, when he joins the AV club with them and then goes and plays Dungeons & Dragons, it's the greatest moment. And what was his name? Like Jorge the Dwarf or something? No, it wasn't Jorge.

It was the Dwarf. It was like a Mexican lawnkeeper named the Dwarf. Right. Yeah. I can't remember what it was.

And they ask him, they question you, You want to be. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Can I get anybody anything?

Yeah. I love that show. It's a great show. I feel defensive of Judd Apatow whenever he is criticized just because of that. He may be like really TV-sized in the long run.

Like his films may have a little bit of a TV size about them. But he made some good TV. The whole plot, the one episode with Seth Rogen and his girlfriend... Who used to have a penis. Right.

That was. That was beautiful. For being. Yeah, that is a really good one-off episode. It.

You know, it's... And he's like, but you're all good now. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

And it. That was really sweet. It was good. And then how they resolve it at the end, it was... It was good.

I. Seth Rogen was so funny on that show. Just everything he did. Because he was high the entire time. Yeah.

He really was. And he was playing high the entire time. And from the beginning of the season to the end of the season, his hair grew by about a foot and his waist grew about two feet. Yeah. When he smashed the guitar, what's-his-name was going to sing his song for.

Yeah. Yeah. It's the biggest favor I ever did for you. And she would say things like, well, what are you going to do? And he'd go, I don't know.

What are you. Going to do? Yeah, anyway. From Hooper to. Freaks and Geeks.

Yeah, I think we've rounded out Hooper with this. That's how you end Hooper. With Judd Apatow TV show that nobody watched when it was on. Yep, I think that is it for Hoopers, though. Alright, we will take a break and come back with more of the Oscar shenanigans.

Oscars. The most meltdown-y of, uh... What can you do? It's a Burt Reynolds movie. Right.

They didn't have anything to say about it. They were just hanging out, drinking beer. Cold feet don't fail me now So my Would. You be there? Just a taste of things to come I still smile.

But I don't want to die alone. I don't want to die alone. Way before. My time. It was a childhood corrupted by endless hours of VHS rentals.

In his most formative years, he had seen it all. Actions. Karate is not to be used aggressively but if i have no other. Choice horror and romance now he's decided it's time to go back for just one more adventure humans are such easy Noel Mellor presents. You're the problem, you little shit!

The Adventures in VHS Podcast. Join me, Noel Mellor, as each month I take an in-depth look at one movie from my collection of ex-rental 80s VHS classics and speak to one or two of the people involved with making them about what the format means to them. The Adventures in VHS Podcast. Thank you. Have a nice day.

Download today from iTunes by searching for Adventures of VHS or visit adventuresofvhs.com. I just want you to know this is the 27th Annual Academy Awards, the dramatic climax of a dynamic industry whose motto is sick tempest ad hoc scurus. Translated from the Latin. Means there's money in popcorn. Perhaps you.

Perhaps you people watching don't realize the air of tension in this theater tonight. But five rivals for each award are seated out there side by side. We're sitting on an Ehrman time bomb. The winners will, of course, take home an Oscar. The losers will all be presented with monogrammed do-it-yourself suicide kits.

Here's what you. Missed last time. I actually got one right. I got braved down for best animated. But the guy accepting it is wearing a damn kilt.

That is just wrong. He's wearing a kilt. He's wearing a kilt. and somebody for some reason is weeping I don't. Understand why I don't know what she's wearing it's something that goes with a kilt the delightfully randy tastiest candy I like her with randy yeah I. Don't watch foreign films unless they're like you know martial arts kung fu.

Stuff because barely wins best uh. No oh they're not even nominated Danish movies maybe. Good I like anything from, like, Scandinavia. I watched a foreign movie once called Troll Hunter. It was pretty good.

That was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun. See, now they're talking about The Avengers, which should be the best movie of the year because it's big, it's loud, it's a lot of fun, a lot of shit. Happens on that movie. And you're not going to fall asleep.

You're going to laugh. You're going to see things blow up. And it's really good. Was it nominated for anything? No.

No. The man speaks the truth. That's right. You know, because, you know, they're all stuck up on their sobby movies like Lincoln, which is a bore fest. So let me tell you something.

They should go for Lincoln. No, no, I'm sorry. Go for The Avengers next time. Throw them at the people. I like that.

I think that'd be more fun watching this. Hey, hey, Cody, catch. That'd be fun, you know? That'd be fun. Hey, Hathaway, heads up.

Argo. I nailed it. I nailed it. I picked Argo. Hey, check the notebooks and we win.

All right. I nailed Argo. A lot of us nailed Argo. Okay, I'm sorry. Argo sits a slut.

Who's Argo? Argo sits a slut. Argo sits a slut. Every guy here nailed Argo. Argo just bends over.

I'm sorry. I've had a lot of these damn things. I apologize for that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was Brian, right?

Yeah, that was the first time I've ever met Brian. I'm not usually this rude. Yes, I am. But this was at the point. See, Bill, I always have to come with him at that point.

I don't want you to walk away. I don't want you to walk away here with a negative opinion on. Me because I've got a positive opinion of you. I don't think you're getting any better, really. You're like bacon and spam and all the stuff I love, so you're right there, buddy.

You're right there. Gator. It's got everything going for it. It's got Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed going for each other's throats. It's got Burt Reynolds and Lauren Hutton going for each other's bodies.

And it's got Burt Reynolds and Jack Weston who are going to drive each other crazy. You drive. Why am I driving? I don't drive. You don't drive.

It's got action in the air, on the land, and in the swamp. It's got adventure, comedy, suspense, and romance. You charmed the shirt right off my back. Car crashes, boat chases, fist fights, and fire accidents. We're coming to get you, Gator.

And it's got Burt Reynolds, who's got to direct it all, and star in Gator. Rated PG. Parental guidance suggested. This is Roger Corman, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Movie Meltdown.

It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's. Riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on.

With the show. My words are lazy. My thoughts are hazy, but this is one thing I'm sure of. Everybody needs a best friend. I'm happy I'm yours.

You've got a double who brings you trouble. And though you're. Better without me, everybody needs a best friend. I'm happy I'm yours. It was easy for me because what I'm doing is I'm rapping.

Pear slices with prosciutto, and you just use maple syrup with cracked pepper to hold. You're going to bake it in a sec. Oh, this is fancy. Mine is spam. You have to open the can.

And slice it. Maybe. Not necessarily. There's no judging here. Can you imagine someone just eating a block of spam and a block of cheddar or Velveeta?

Not even cheddar. Cheddar is too good. Spam, Velveeta. Sounds pretty good. Actually, I really like those Slim Jim sticks that are like Slim Jim and cheddar.

Slim Jim. That's my jam. My daughter gets these crackers called Bella Vita. Beautiful Life. Whenever she says it, I think she's talking about Velveeta.

The Beautiful Life. It is Velveeta. I don't know, it's always funny to me that people talk about. Yeah, Roberto Benigni won the Oscar for Velveeta. Uh-huh.

Isn't it awesome how no one knows who that guy is anymore, and you made that huge fucking scene where he's jumping up and down, and he's like, oh, I'm so awesome. I'm making Pinocchio, everybody will love it! I was like, what the fuck is Pinocchio? Oh, that's great. That's hilarious.

We've just started the night. Well, I'd better start drinking then. You better start drinking because we're getting into the Meltdown Awards. The Foilers, if you will. And we're back into it with your favorite category, Fred.

Yes. Forget their impressive acting skills, the hottest actor or actress in a 2012 film. I felt bullied by this question. And it was actually kind of close, and it was funny because the other one went to the big winner tonight. The winner was actually Emma Watson from Perks of Being a Wallflower, but the next one vote away was Jennifer Lawrence.

So had you not been the pedophile... Yeah. You could have tipped the scale, but no, you went for the pedophile. She's actually not 12, she's 21. I'm dyslexic.

I don't know, Jennifer Lawrence doesn't appeal to me that way. She's perfectly attractive, but she doesn't exude sexuality. She's like Sally Feeney. If you hadn't dismissed her as a dog, I would have gone with Anne Hathaway. I didn't put that in there.

Really? I didn't write any of that stuff. Really? Someone who voted specifically pointed. Out the fact that.

The other reason I didn't go with her in Dark Knight Rises is because she was terrible in it. And that's not sexy. Bad acting is not sexy. They said, what's her name, the Cotillera chick, was way hotter and made Hathaway look like a dog. That was not my saying.

That was a listener wrote in. I don't think that works. I mean, I like Anna Hathaway, but her mouth is so big. Her smile is bigger than her face. That's kind of cool, though.

It's definitely cute, but when she tries to play a bad character, you just don't believe her. Because she's so wholesome-seeming. Yeah, I didn't think it was odd casting. She didn't carry it off. She was like Daryl Hannah as Morticia.

She just couldn't put it over, you know? I don't know if it's that bad. Well, it wasn't that bad. No, it wasn't. But it didn't really work.

I didn't buy it. But I think she's, like, gorgeous. And I like the way she makes you work for, you know, the nudity. If you're going to see her boobs, you're going to watch a depressing fucking movie. That's true.

That's the only time she comes around. Yeah. That's a good policy. We've yet to see Jennifer Lawrence's boobs. I feel like I've already seen them.

It's kind of like, that's why, you know, nobody talked about Ted as a movie this year, but I thought Ted was a good movie. It had a really good central message. and it has, what's her name, as like the lead in a kind of romantic comedy. What is her name? Mila Kunis. Mila Kunis.

And she is so good at that, because... She's like really gorgeous, but you feel comfortable with her like maybe you got drunk and slept together one night already. So, you know, she's not like unattainable. She doesn't feel like off-putting. She's kind of like how Meg Ryan used to be a good romantic comedy lead because she was just goofy enough that women didn't resent her.

The breaking news is Fred slept with me. Yeah. Or at least he feels like it. I don't know. It's like everybody had at least one night where you got drunk and nobody the next day knows what actually happened.

I've had one of those. Yeah, sure. And then you go, well, who knows what might have happened. I don't know. Marlena's got a tattoo that says sweet.

Fred's got one that says dude on their backs. I woke up in a hospital. Oh. That was fun. A policeman knew my name.

He said, you can go sleep at home. Tonight if you can get up and walk away. I hate the who. I really do. I hate them.

But I love the episode of Louis C.K. where he's singing that song in the car with his kids and they're looking at him like he's insane. I know. So that redeemed them a little bit anyway hottest actress Emma you pushed it over the top for me well I mean for people that age I can see how yeah I mean you could really care about her and be invested I can't argue she seems a little like starved and a little bit masculine but we watched her grow up and she was so adorable you know And the truth be told, this sounds perverted, but it's not. But the women you watched grow up are not like any other women you ever know in your life. And they just aren't.

They're magic. Because you knew them and you loved them, but you also hated them because they were bitches. And so you formed like a real relationship. Yeah. That will endure and become like something bigger than an imaginary bullshit relationship.

Wait, those are all I have. Shut up. Yeah. Alright, so now animals. The worst talking animal movie of 2012.

Which I thought, everybody's always got something fired up like that. Life of Pi, that one scene where the tiger's just like, someone get me off this boat. You were drunk during that too, weren't you? They're great. Can I nominate Last Temptation of Christ?

I don't think that's a 2012 movie. I'm pretty sure it was. It's a movie for all time. I don't know. If it can hold a candle to Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3, Viva La Fiesta.

Well, there's a three. Which is our winner. Wow. Just edging out Treasure Buddies. Any of the Buddies.

You know, I've had to watch, or at least have on, in the room, the Buddies films. Mm-hmm. I just about canceled the Netflix account. I wonder if they have statistics on how many people canceled. What is your buddy's fill capacity where you can no longer.

Yeah, it's like when you cancel your Netflix account, there's just the question, what was the breaking point? Hair buddies. Santa buddies. When did you receive. Alright, next up we have the 2012 movie you expected to hate but ended up enjoying.

All of them. Again, I guess I was surprised by Chronicle. That was what got the votes. It looked like it. Was going to be.

And again, I'm sick of found footage, but if you get past that, it's a good story. That they're doing. Haven't seen it. It's worth watching if you can. Tolerate found footage.

15. The best action sequence in a 2012 film. Again, continuing the sweep, the final gunfight in Django Unchained. Okay, when you say final gunfight, that was confusing to me because there's like... I would say the in-the-house thing.

Well, there's two in-the-house things. Well. the main the bloodbath let's put it that's what I was thinking yeah really the very last one isn't really a gun fight it's just him picking. Off yeah there's no finishing the deal there's no call with. Bullets is what it is yeah we're gonna it's gun fight is that one that goes on for 15 minutes and it's just a bloodbath yeah actually that whole scene. Is only like two minutes it does though but it's so awesome yeah and I'm.

Not complaining it was long and I was relishing every moment yeah It's like, this is so awesome. Kill more people. How many times did they shoot the lawyer? It keeps going on and on. How many times did they shoot Breaking Away?

I just call him Breaking Away because I don't know his name. Same thing. They kept shooting Breaking Away. So this one might make you happy. It's a happy question anyway.

I did like it when they threw it in there last year. dreariest study of a human condition in a film of 2012. Based on some of your feelings, I think you'll be okay, at least Fred. Oddly enough, Dark Knight Rises. That's what I've heard. Yeah.

I just didn't get into it. They just kept pushing the, well, it's got to be bigger than the last one. And darker. You had a good movie there, and you had to just hack on all this shit. I thought it was too pussy to be darker than the last one, honestly.

It wasn't Batman. I thought more people like me and characters would die. Nobody did. Alfred's okay. Even Lucius Fox is okay.

Nothing bad. There were no consequences to these apocalyptic settings that they were telling you the trailer. The trailer was saying that things were going to all go down. Nothing went down. It wasn't Batman, it was Superman in a Batman costume.

I think the whole problem was that three-fourths of the movie in, or two-thirds in, when Bane takes over the city. I really feel like... Oh yeah, Bane was in there. I really feel like the Nolans, they asked themselves, well, we've painted ourselves into a corner with this script. What do we do now?

It's like, well, wait a minute, that bomb he was going to set off, Let's make it to where he could set it off at any time. And he's going to sit on it for eight months, which happens to be the amount of time it takes for Batman to recover. But wait a minute, Batman couldn't take over the city by himself. Let's have it to where the entire police force... is still healthy. Still armed.

And they still have pressed suits. They're still, like, clean-shaven and everything. They're just ready to go. But they're trapped by a small landslide in the sewers. Oh, God.

I'm so bored. There's a lot of odd circumstances. The whole movie, Catwoman's been around since you can have a change of heart. And then when Batman. When Batman finally shows up and when the police are finally deciding to make their last move, oh, that happens to be the day to where the bomb's going to.

Go off in two hours. How about that, son of a bitch? How stupid is the Gotham Police Force that they would send the entire city's Matthew Modine's police into the sewers? Like, not even leave one cop. It's like, Every single cop that exists in this city.

Nobody had the day off. Send him underground now. Batman, I thought Batman was so disappointing. Because I liked the fun of the previous Batman, but it's just they couldn't keep it going, I think. It has its moments, but there's so many weird plot holes.

I love Batman. You Batman can't walk with a fucking cane? He's Batman! He did nothing for eight years? This is like, what?

This is not Batman anymore. This is like, bad old dude. That's not near. As catchy a title. No.

I think maybe if they'd started it out with him down in the pit with his back broken, and you had flashbacks leading up to that, that sort of. Would have worked. That you could cut down and trample. Yeah, so that way by the time you. Got to that point, it didn't feel so drawn out.

Yeah. Yeah. Christopher Nolan's strong suit was non-chronological structured films for a long time. Dark Knight was the first one to really break that. Yeah.

And it seems as though Dark Knight Rises, he was following it, while Batman Begins is exactly what you described. It did put things out of order, and it worked very well that way. Yeah. It lacked this whole element of kicking ass that you want in a Batman film, I think. That's what you're looking for.

You don't get a whole lot of that. No, you don't. All right. Well, now I'm actually kind of, you know, I was really curious to see what people came through because now we've hit the actual movie meltdown related questions. I like hearing what people specifically commented on about the stuff we did or just weird things connected to the show one of which this was one that came around like initially when we came up with this category which is the celebrity you would most like misty punch in the face which we just got a big string of people so I'm just going to go through them all here Dane Cook which seems obvious Three Stooges Slapped to the Kardashian Sisters Seems good.

Chris Brown, rightfully so. Michael Caine, specifically for all the blubbering in the Batman movie. I was like, alright, he was pretty damn blubbering. Michael Caine. And I think just personal vendetta for Tom Savini.

Who was it that Stewie Griffin drove and then bought a ladder at a hardware store? Gold Barrel. Will Ferrell. And then he climbed up on the ladder and punched him in the face. For Bewitched.

Specifically for Bewitched, if I remember. That's right. So, 18, we had the. And I broke them up into interviews versus the guest host that sat in. So, the favorite.

Interview of 2012. Again, actually a tie. And two, neither of which was where I thought people were going. One, Joanna Cassidy. Which was a pretty cool interview.

That was a great interview. Nobody really said anything at the time, so I just figured nobody cared. And then more recent, the Chiodo brothers. Yeah, that was a good interview too. Everybody kind of liked them.

They were cool. Definitely. Next was the other half, the special guest that we roped into actually hanging out for way too long. Yeah, most of it went to Richard Kiel. Everybody liked hanging out with Richard Kiel.

He's a sweet guy. He's an interesting character. Yeah, I didn't know a lot of that stuff of his early kind of getting involved in it stuff. I think that was really interesting. He was very proud of his ability to sell cars.

Yeah. That was cool. He's good at it. Yeah. And he's good at flipping real estate.

He took proud of whatever he did. He tried to do his best, and he took pride in it. That's cool. He didn't seem to do all of it. He didn't seem to make any distinctions.

This one, we went with just what was your favorite specific movie discussion from 2012. Again, not what I expected, and way back to the very beginning of the year, almost unanimous, like one vote shy, everyone went with Brick. Really? Yeah. Everybody went with it.

That was a cool movie. That was like one of the first things when we crossed over into 2012. I figured everybody had forgotten about that. Yeah, and I thought I was lackluster on that one. Well, me too.

I thought I was lackluster on all. Of them, but. Well, yeah. I still like the episode where we're reminiscing over movies that moved us. That's a different category.

Yeah, I know, but. It's still kind of. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know about these categories. You Well, you're on the show.

You can't vote for her. You can't vote for her. Fred's picks. Can't we cheat? Sure.

They do at the Oscars. Right. Like, how did I know Jennifer Lawrence was going to win? I knew that last year. I knew that before they made a movie.

Because that's where she's going. She was on the schedule this year. Yeah, she's on that track. I said, okay, what we'll do is we'll get you an Oscar or not. Oscar movie this coming year and then after that we'll see what happens.

We'll go into the other extreme from their favorite to what movie that movie meltdown watched in 2012 would you be most embarrassed to tell your friends that you've actually seen? Yetting. Starcrush. Got a complete rundown of different ones so I'll just throw them all out there. We got some Zardoz.

Star Crash. We got a creature thrown in there. We got the thing, the 2012 version, because specifically they. Have a rep to protect. I like that addition.

And the final one, they said they were generally. Unable to be embarrassed. I like that. I think creature probably was. The worst thing.

Like the Yeti movie, you can laugh at. Yeti's at least entertaining at points. Creature is not really even that. And Klaus Kinski in space. Kinski has nothing to do with that.

No, other than be creepy. Actually, I forgot what that movie was when you said Creature. I couldn't place it. The alien ripoff. If you said Klaus Kinski in space, oh, that movie.

It should have been the name I said at the time. Yeah, it was a waste of time. Ferris Bueller's dad. A waste of space, as they say. Simone, you're right.

All right, so now the next one, the favorite grind discussion, which we had all of the many different ones, but what actually did win, movies that touched us in a special way. I thought that was one of the better episodes of the year myself. I felt violated by it. It was very personal. Like it was your aunt.

Yeah. But we had a couple, again, going back. Here's my Aunt Joan Cusack. Well, she is kind of creepy. In an awesome way.

We did have some for, like, the remix one, which, again, was really far back there. I was surprised people... That was early, yeah. Yeah. And the traumatic movies, we had some.

Oh, that was fun. I like the traumatic movies. You could do that every week. That was early, too. That was, like, February as well.

Yeah. Some early stuff. Traumatic movies. That's so... So rich.

And we had, this was probably the first year we had so many that didn't fall into our normal. We had the ones where we kept veering off into other random non-movie related. More than regular. It's my fault, I'm sorry. Two of which were your fault.

But it was the favorite other episode. So they really were like, I guess you can count last year's Oscar coverage was sort of like that. And then the spooky theater stories was one, which I thought, you know. Well, see, that's my fault, but in a good way. The real world Bigfoot stories, that was pretty awesome.

That was my fault and Dave's as well. And both of. Those got votes, though. People liked the Bigfoot stories. They liked the theater stories.

The winner, and again, kind of got most of the votes. It surprised the hell out of me. The Star Wars Holiday Special. Yes. I figured people were suffering with us.

I think they liked hearing our pain. I think that's what it was. I think it was. Endearing to them because they, I guess, had watched it and suffered too, and they wanted, I don't know. Pleasure.

I guess. I guess that's what it came down to. Yeah, it's like that traveling show, The Duke and the Dolphin in Huck Finn. And what happens is everybody goes to the show, and it's horrible. But then they go out and they tell everybody else to go because they don't want to be the only ones to have suffered through it.

And the add-ons here to round this thing out. Because I specifically, when we got to the hottest guy or girl, all of the girls who were supposed to vote flaked out and didn't come through for us. So that's their own fault, really. But when I was throwing the question out there, I said that to Lucy and she said, so does that mean I get the only vote for hottest guy of 2012? So, I believe she didn't like the pressure of having quote-unquote Lucy's Hottest Pick of 2012.

But she still went ahead and came up with it. So she says Jim Sturgis from whatever role he existed in in Cloud Atlas. Oh. What role was that? Take your pick.

Multiple roles. Yeah. She thought that he should be the sexy counter male to the sexy female. Who was the sexy female? Hal Holbrook.

Oh, Emma? Emma. Really? Were you not there for that part? I voted for it, but now I'm contesting it.

Were you not there for Hal Holbrook when you won Best Female? It was hot. We did have one specific listener who said. I like the more... Jowls, turn me on.

I was trying to say, I was like, do you want all these movie meltdown nonsense? And he said, the more meltdown-ish, the better. So he also specifically said we should do And again, she's hardly on the show, but everybody likes her not crazy comments. Misty's choice for best sci-fi original movie. Oh, yeah.

To which her official answer is, whichever had Koronimic or Sharks. Yeah. Technically, based on the list I came up with, the only one that fits that bill of either is Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Yeah. Which they did seem to enjoy, so I guess that's.

What did they say that was. Oh, not the situation with the... Oh, God. We had to look it up and make sure it was terrible. Like the conundrum or something like that.

They named one of the guys. I forget. It was bad. What was it they said on SNL that at the end of Jersey Shore it turns out that it was all a dream in the mind of a meatball with syphilis? Oh, God.

So the hottest girl was Emma Watson? And I contributed to that. Yeah, that was partially your doing. You broke the tie. It was a tie until.

You came along. Who was the tie with? Jennifer Lawrence. No! Neither one of those!

I mean, come on! It's crazy. Judy Dench. Now, let's move on. Well, then you have to get more.

Because, again, they all come from people out there. Well, I mean, one of the choices was... like the girl in Looper, Emily Blunt. Yeah, she's hot, but that was such a, God, that movie made me so tired. I was so tired. What about the lady in Django?

Yeah. Yeah. She was not hard to look at. Yeah. Well, there was one scene.

She has an ugly laugh. Oh, and that's such a deal breaker. Actually, I like Candy. A bad laugh. The girl at the halfway point when he gets in there and she's like, I know.

You didn't mean it. Who was that girl? She was awesome. That girl. Marlo Thomas.

Not Marlo Thomas at all. Who was Marlo Thomas? Marlo Thomas. But it was not Brunhilde laughing. It was God.

God, this is such a disgrace to hot women everywhere. This whole category is just not fair. You're just picking it from a very different perspective. I don't know. I'm going to go ahead and say, fuck that Rosario Dawson, who did nothing this year.

I can't argue. She's pretty damn good. Yes, she looks a little bit like every woman you ever cared about. That's her own special category right there. There you go.

Okay, Lifetime Achievement Award for hotness. That's what we're doing. All right. Rosario gets it. Yeah.

All right. Okay. Why not? Good enough. Who else has disappeared this year?

A lot of people. What's his name? Well, you mentioned that the other. There are people who are off the radar this year. That's interesting.

The chick from Sin City you haven't seen in forever. Yeah, that's true. Jessica Alba? Jessica Alba was always like a little brown mouse. She was just not.

Like really intriguing. I haven't seen her in a while. I always thought she was a mega babe. I didn't. I didn't think she was interesting.

I liked her in Idle Hands. So I did it from there. Really? I haven't seen that. I think the thing that affected me the most was the clueless.

Okay, now we're on Brittany. I hope you're talking about Dan Hedaya if you're talking clueless. Shit, I'm tired. What about Ben? What's his name?

He's not doing anything. Kingsley? No. We have a big guy. Yeah, from something about Mary.

What's he doing? Stiller? Stiller. Yeah, he's disappeared off the face of the earth. That's a shame.

Chris O'Donnell was on TV the other day. I know. Speak of O'Donnell and he will appear. He's there every week. Just wait.

Or Alicia Silverstone, whatever happened to her. Yeah, she disappeared. She was on Suburgatory. Yeah. Huh.

Odd little reunion there. Huh. There are all these people who take like years off that you don't hear about for a while and then they will emerge. They have kids and then they have like weird family lives. Yeah.

I seriously believe at least four of the greatest moments in film happened in one movie. That man arrives. No, I think it was the anniversary party. I think maybe half a dozen of the greatest moments of film happened in that movie. I just wanted to put that in.

The anniversary party for what? Flight of the Navigator? No, no. It was like when What's Her Name came out of retirement for one last score. Playing a woman, an actress, a retired actress who is married to Kevin Kline.

And in the movie she's a retired actress married to Kevin Kline. Phoebe Cates. Phoebe Cates. It was a great movie. And she has this great moment in it and the bell will go off because I've said this before.

Where she says, having kids, you can't, after you have. Kids, you can't put your head in an oven. They take away that option. Nobody tells you. And she's like, she breaks character as though she's in a character because she's playing Phoebe Cates.

And she just looks directly. Out at the screen and says. You can't do that anymore. Directly at the screen. I think you're quoting Gremlins too.

You're getting mixed up. She looks directly at you and gives. You the old case. There's a great Gremlins moment that happened in my sister-in-law's basement. Because there was a weird smell in her basement and she asked me to come over and find it.

And I started going down the steps and as soon as I start going down the steps I see she has a stuffed Gremlin. like just sitting by the steps so immediately I pick it up and turn around and go here's your problem and she freaks the. Fuck out she's like ahhh. And later I found out like there was like a whole rotted squirrel down in the basement it was rotted flat as though it had been run over by a cartoon truck but yeah the Fred trivia moment I have in an envelope here I mentioned long ago, recently I mentioned, a kid told me they remembered this movie where a guy goes through or into a thing or something. And then later, in a shed, something happened. But that was before the other part where the guy goes through or into a thing or something.

And we guessed and we guessed. We tried to figure out what this movie was. It went on for months. And then at the end of my story, I was like, oh yeah, I don't remember what it was. We eventually found it, but I don't know what it was.

But it was Don't Look Under the Bed. 1999 Disney movie. That's what it was. A thing with a thing in a shed. Yeah, a guy goes through or into a thing or something.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what it was. Good, didn't it? I thought maybe it had some kind of relation to Don't Look in the Basement. Another awesome movie.

Good call. It may have some sort of relation. We'll have to investigate that when we're off duty. Was that all the actual real categories? Yeah, that was rounded out.

And how does everybody feel about the Oscars? Are you excited? Disenchanted or are you like has it I. Got to actually see some of it this year that's unusual. Compared to last year's extravaganza I.

Always like to watch it because it restores my lack of faith in humanity I think it was about 1970 you can mark where I've seen every Oscar winning film best picture from 1970 except I never saw Chariots of Fire there might have been one other I never saw Before that, I've seen this one, that one, this one, that one. Not this one. You have to skip around a little bit. But once you hit 1970, which is like Midnight Cowboy, after that, I've seen virtually all of them. Except for maybe one here or there.

And the one that broke my heart was Platoon. I think I've mentioned. If they're going to give Best Picture to Platoon... I'm not, I don't care anymore. I just don't care.

And then when Kevin Costner gave a speech for Dances with Wolves, I'm like, okay, this is a joke now. It's a joke. He's like, my mother cares about this. Sure, of course. Why do you, come on.

Yeah, Oscars. We watch them. I don't know. I have this love-hate thing. I want to watch it, but it breaks my heart.

On that cheery note, I think we should round out this episode. Yeah, I think it's late. Is it? Well, you're a night person. Are we going to start drinking sometime soon?

That's funny. I think we are done. Blame it on Moe. We're wrapping it up. Thank you again to Moe for letting us break into.

His house and hang around on Oscar night, so. In honor of this week's movie and Hal Needham himself, we're going to go out with the Hooper theme song, which, again, is pretty damn close to the Fall Guy, so if you've seen that, it sounds familiar. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.

Thanks for listening. He always is the bad guy who gets it in the end. He's out there stopping horses or falling off a train. He never won a gunfight, squabble, or brawl. For being such a loser, Hooper's really got it all.

You can toss him, blast him, flip him, and turn him. Shoot him, hang him, bury him, burn him. Chances are, Hooper's back for. More. Run him out, cross the ground.

Take the truck, run him down. He ain't easy. He's up and gone. You can hit him, kick him, generally abuse him. Set him on fire, will abuse him.

Have a nose. He won't hold a grudge. He'll look you in the eye and tell you with a smile there ain't nothing like the. Life of a Hollywood stuntman. Some folks used to tell him he ought to settle down, find a steady woman, land a job in town.

But somehow that attraction never seemed too great. You always see him leaving just before it gets too late. Going down the highway, really on the ground. Never under 80, judging from the sound. Later in the evening, he's tearing up the town.

Always seems to end up with the prettiest girl around. You can toss him, blast him, flip him and turn him. Shoot him, hang him, bury. Him, burn him. Chances are, Hooper's back for more.

Run him out across the ground. Take a truck, run him down. He ain't easy. He's up and gone. You can hit him, kick.

Him, generally abuse him. Set him on fire, we'll amuse him. Heaven knows he won't hold a grudge. He'll look you in. The eye and tell you with a smile there ain't nothing like the life of.

A Hollywood stuntman. He'll look you in the eye and tell you. With a smile there ain't nothing like the life. Nothing like the life. There ain't nothing like the.

Life of a Hollywood stuntman, stuntman. Stuntman, stuntman. Hello? Hello? It's not really recording, is it?

It is. Oh! Sorry about that. We are picking Oscar winners. I've picked mine.

I won last year. I'm feeling good about it. So I think I'm going to win this year. Yeah, I'm going to. Get that prize.

You know it. You know why? Because I listen to the street. Yeah. You don't even know who the hell I am, do you?

Damn, I'm a handsome man. Look at him. He's thinking that. George Clooney's thinking that. Damn, I'm a handsome man.

Is there a more handsome man than me in this whole audience? No. Hell no. He's not more handsome than me. Denzel is.

That's what George Clooney is thinking. Damn, I'm a handsome man. He gets up every morning and thinks that. Nice to meet you. I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it. Hope to see you all again soon. Good to meet you. Yes, it's been a lot of fun. Yes.

Wow, I see you all the time. Yeah. Can you feel the love? Fuck you. You're familiar to me.

Hope to see you all again soon. It's been fun. It's been fun. It's been a lot of fun. See ya.

He can watch Skyfall in there. I think Skyfall's over again. Oh, wow. Make sure you serve a lot of alcohol when you do. The dude is Brian Gavin.

He knows how to make food. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Auditude Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!