218: The 5th Annual Oscar Meltdown

Hi, my name is Jennifer Lawrence and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.

Five more cooling in the containment chamber. To your sentries, we have a rebound. Meyer? That is an Oscar Meyer? That's Roger, dude.

Beth, you were standing with Oscar. Is he your main wiener man? Oldsmobile from Hollywood brings you one of the big special events of the year. This is Bob Cummings speaking, and this is the corner. Of Hollywood and Vine.

The camera is panning you down the boulevard. These are temporary bleacher seats to accommodate a crowd of thousands. The line of traffic extends in both directions as far as you can see. Everything in the central area here in Hollywood is being funneled toward the Pantages Theater because this is Oscar night. Oldsmobile brings you the 27th annual award show of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

And now here is the Academy Awards Orchestra, the Overture, and David Rose conducting. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian and this is the fifth annual Oscar Meltdown. For five years now we've been doing our own little take on the Oscars. Well this year we are coming to you live via digital recording from Bo's house.

Now keep in mind, this time the gang decided to record the bulk of the show after the Oscars. So I wanted to just get rolling and get right into it. Well, there's no real way to do a traditional intro in the middle of what was going on there. So I'll just try to ease you into it. So to set the scene, we're sitting there at Bo's, a good amount of people on hand, including Fred, Greg, Marlena, Ben, Bo, of course, myself.

And you'll hear a little of Bennett in the background, usually, who I don't believe you met before, but he comes into play. And then there's Paul. Paul. Well, my words just won't do Paul justice. You'll just have to hear him in action for yourself.

But Paul has been in all of Bo's movies. So if you think he's great, which you should, and you want to see him in action, that DVD that we have available on the Movie Meltdown website, well, he's featured in that too. Paul is quite a character and seemed very appreciative that I introduced the Oscar Mayer element to the party this year. So keep that in mind as well. So we've just finished watching the 14 hours of the Oscars coverage, and a good many people have been drinking the entire evening.

We've been eating loads of pork, and Beau served some non-meat-related items as well, just to balance things out. We've just seen the First. Lady show up in the middle of the Oscar ceremony, which you'll hear Paul's reaction to, which is hilarious. My favorite part is, it's not really political as much as it is just location. Oh, it's too funny.

Yeah, you'll hear it. And we're busting out the annual tradition of pastry crack for dessert. And now we're going to try to take all that insanity and channel it into an episode. A lost cause, you say? I find it more of a challenge.

That having been said, I will go on record as saying this is not a good starter episode. I had someone tell me last year that the first episode they tried to listen to was one of our Oscar shenanigan-filled episodes. Well, that's no way to do it. This isn't an intro episode. This is for seasoned listeners, veterans even. who are familiar with our dysfunctional family unit and style and appreciate hearing the moments of genius that happen as you go off the rails.

So if that's you, hey, you came to the right episode. We'll get right into it here in a minute. But if not, yeah, go pick another one. Or message me. I can find you a good starter episode.

But this is not it. With that all having been said, I give you this year's Oscar Meltdown and introduce you to Paul. Wow, pastry crack. This is good. What the hell?

Wake up, Marlena. We got a podcast. Bo, what was the name of this last cocktail here? Oh, yeah. Six Kinds of Crazy.

Six Kinds of Crazy. Do you like it? I do. You should introduce yourself. Good.

It should be Steven because he's got the most booze. Until they'll know who. They're dealing with. Time of the day to actually break the broadcast. Tell them what your name is.

I've lost something from my own fridge. Hello. My name is Paul Grohkopf. Is that good? What?

That's your six. Actor. You're an actor yourself. You got six shots in. What?

In the fine film Symbiosis. Yes, I was in Symbiosis. In fact, I was in all of it. Most of Bo Kalin's films. All of them.

Oh, excuse me. I stand corrected. You sit corrected. I sit corrected. I've been corrected twice.

I sit corrected. A lot more times than that. Oh, okay. But in the past few minutes, I've been corrected twice. I have been in all of Bo Kalin's very fine films.

I can't find my pizza rolls right now. Cole Kaelin cannot find his pizza rolls. This is a party. There's lost pizza rolls. He has lost his pizza rolls.

We are a classy operation. We're dealing with pizza rolls. I don't know what that means. No, it's not. I don't know how much.

Recording we've done here. How much recording have we done? Way too much. Way too much. But I just want to say, for the record, in case we haven't done a whole lot, Brian is a culinary genius.

I just want that to go out there because the man is brilliant when it comes to bologna. Hot dogs, and Spam, and bacon. Okay? You had to get wrapped in bacon. It's more than just bacon and bologna.

He has thrown in Spam. And that is just, it's been wonderful. Okay? We've been sitting there watching the Oscars and I have been eating his little Puffy things, which he stuffs with. Those are hors d'oeuvres.

Hors d'oeuvres. Okay, they are specifically hors d'oeuvres. Not to be taken wrong. No, no. Not that there's anything wrong with them, but that's not what was going on tonight.

No, not at all. Except if you throw in Christopher Plummer. That's a different story. The man's 87 years old and he still has it. But anyway, damn straight.

But anyway, I was talking about his food preparation abilities. I just wanted that to go on the record that he's just really good at that. That's all. I just want to get that out there. I'll drink to that.

Who was that? That would be Ben. Ben said he would drink to that, and I've been drinking to that quite a bit. Okay. If it's not obvious to anybody, it should be because I have been.

Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I've been drinking to that quite a bit. And if it was up to Bo Kalin, I'd probably be drinking to that quite a bit more.

Because Bo Kalin is like that. He does that. He's a bad influence. He is a bad influence. Well, I don't know if he's a bad influence.

He's an influence, whether it's for good or evil. He's a very good bad influence. Yes, that's exactly correct. He's a good bad influence. He likes to encourage peer pressure.

That's right, and Bo has ran off seeking his pizza rolls. Which seems to have been lost somewhere. Desperately Seeking Pizza Rolls. That should be a film. That should be a film.

Is Desperately Seeking Pizza Rolls. This is a film thing, isn't it? Yes. It's a film thing. I wouldn't understand.

I definitely don't understand. Because I've been talking to the microphone all night and I don't know what that means. It's not even plugged up. It hasn't even been plugged up. My gosh.

All that stuff I've been saying to it. And it hasn't even been plugged up. This is the longest skit from America's Funniest Home Videos. Oh my gosh. I've been talking to this microphone all night and it hasn't even been plugged up.

Is this one plugged up? I have no idea where the pizza rolls are. I've been looking. We're always still trying to find the pizza rolls. I don't know where the pizza rolls are.

He hasn't found the pizza rolls. They're somewhere in the house. Is this on now? Are we supposed to be talking about anything? We should probably start the show.

Oh, we're starting the show? I'm not even on the show. You are now. You are now the star of the show. Pretty much this episode, definitely.

He has to. Go home soon. That's why I wanted to get the introduction in there so they know who they're dealing with. I feel like I woke up in time to watch Jennifer Lawrence trip up the stairs. Okay, what are we supposed to be talking about?

Oscars. Oscars? Okay. And Myers. Well, these are the Oscslurs.

Oscslurs. I saw that in your email. Yeah, I thought that was very clever. Your half is the Oslers. I brought the Oscar Mayer party.

He said there, Brian certainly did bring the Oscar Mayer party, and I, for one, appreciate it immensely. It was very good. It's very good. And Bo wants to get. His all-star pizza rolls.

It would make more sense if you lost them in someone else's house. Hey, Bo, Bo, Bo, forget the pizza rolls, man. The pizza rolls are gone. They're not gone. In a couple of weeks, you'll smell them, don't worry.

That's what I said. They're somewhere in the house. You'll find them. See, the way these things work is that one day, if you're not suspecting it, you will trip over something and it will be. A bag of pizza rolls.

Well, it might be a bottle. It might be because he. It might be a bottle. Because I tell you what, man, you can't go to Kroger without bumping into that guy. But he turns up on the damn Oscars.

I mean, I'm watching the Oscars, and there they are. I was trying to watch Obama the other day, and the damn. Oscars broke out. That's right. I was watching Obama, and the Oscars broke out.

That's about as bad as it gets. I tell you what, you just can't go anywhere without him sticking the noses in it. Come on, you know? I was watching Argo and Michelle Obama. That's right, that's right.

I was watching The Life of Pies. She crawled in the boat, you know? I tell you, it was awful. It was awful. I was saying, well, what's going on here, you know?

Obama's in the boat. I was watching Lincoln. And Obama, you know, came up there, you know? And he's dressed like Frederick Douglass. I was saying, well, what's this all about, you know?

Obama said, let my people go. And Lincoln said, well. Okay, I guess I can, you know, if you want me to. I mean, you know, I got nothing going on tonight. You know, my friend, you know, look at me.

I said, what the hell is this about? Lincoln was just bored. He hadn't even heard anything. You know, I was watching Argo, and then they were in Tehran, and Obama walks out, you know, and he. Says, uh, Hey, guys, what are you doing?

He said, we're making a movie. And they said, what kind of movie are you making? We said, we're trying to get these guys out of here. Obama said, well, can I help? And they said, well, maybe.

And then, you know, there he was, right in the middle of that. It was just, I couldn't believe it. There he was. He just can't get away from it. Oh, they're in the cabinet.

I'm not aware. Bo has found his pizza rolls. Oh, my God. Bo has found the pizza rolls. They're in the cabinet with the plates.

He looked in the cabinet with the plates. And what was really weird is Obama was in there. Obama was in the cabinet. with the plates and the pizza rolls. He opened up the can and there was a Bob and said, here's your pizza rolls. It was amazing.

It was just one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I'm going to Indochina. And I said, what are. You doing here? And he said, I'm getting Bobby's pizza rolls.

I tell you, it was amazing. That was just. I wish we could talk about movies. That's the captions for every episode. This is the most downloaded episode ever, Brian.

I mean, I don't know. I can't imagine it not being. I don't know. What was your take on the Oscars, aside from the Obama factor? Singing.

Too much singing. Every time I turned around, people were singing. I looked on there, and they were singing about something. They were singing about, I don't know. They were going back like Chicago.

They were singing about Chicago. They were singing about all this stuff. I was saying, God, stop your singing. This thing's going on and on and on. And then when they said, why don't you award somebody something?

Anything. I mean, throw an Oscar at them. But still, they were singing. He said, no, let's sing another song. And I'm saying, why are you singing another song?

I don't get it. I don't get it. So my take on Oscars is too much singing. That's the first thing. Second thing I have on Oscars is come up, get your Oscar, walk off.

They have to stand up there and thank everybody. I know, I know, every year everybody says, why. Do they have to thank everybody? I don't know. Now, I guess they feel beholden, but it's so self-serving.

Just go up there, get your Oscars, and say. I won an Oscar. Thank you. And get the hell off there. That's what they ought to do.

Now, as for who won the Oscar and what and all that, I don't know. I haven't seen any of the movies. But if I had seen any of the movies. I guess I'd have an opinion. But I don't.

So that's that. But anyway, that's my take on it. Too much singing, not enough awards. I'm just the opposite. I haven't seen the movies, but I have opinions anyway.

That's true every week. Well, I obviously have opinions because I've read about the movies, although I haven't seen any of them. I do this thing, I get on the internet and I read about them. Then I take what I read about and I try to pick which ones win. And then they don't...

They didn't do a very good job this year. Last year, they did a really good job. This year, not so much. I wanted Snow White to win so she could thank the little people. So she could go, I'd like to thank.

I don't know. How did I get here? Where are my pizza rolls? Well, the pizza rolls have been found thanks to Obama. But.

As for Snow White, she wasn't nominated for anything. Was she? No. Most annoying actress? Well, if there was a category for that, there'd be.

A lot of nominations. Most lackluster performance? Again, there's a category for that. Career-wide? Again, there's a category for that.

But yeah, there would probably be a lot of nominations. See, now that was a movie I saw. I saw Snow White and the Huntsman. I didn't see any of the movies that were nominated for Best Picture, but I saw Snow White. I saw a couple of them.

I saw. I don't even remember which ones I saw. I do think I saw some. I saw Beast of the Southern Wild. Yeah.

I love the title. Yeah. I was pretty sure that wasn't good. Yeah. That really didn't deserve to be.

It was good. It certainly wasn't Best Picture. It was a fun movie to watch, but it wasn't exactly good. You know what was a better movie than that that was completely ignored by the entire world? It was our old friend, Stakeland.

It was actually a better. Movie than that. Stakeland was 2011, though, wasn't it? Yeah. No, it wasn't in the running or anything.

But the thing was, it was so obscure. Back then, blockbusters dotted the earth. Way back then. Yeah, way back then, there were... When blockbusters roamed the earth.

2011. And they didn't, they'd never, it wasn't even in their system. They'd never even heard of it. They couldn't even look it up and say, we don't have it. And we'd already covered it on the show.

And said, it doesn't exist. That was a really good movie. What is it? It's kind of a post-apocalyptic, kind of like The Road, but It's like the. Best bits of all those post-apocalyptic movies.

It's a little bit of The Road, a little bit of Dawn of the Dead, a little bit of 20 Days Later. Yeah, and it was really good. Everybody in it was pretty good. It's no Lord of the Rings, but there was a lot of The Lord of the Rings. Oh, well, it is The Lord of the Rings.

Christopher Walken was in it. Oh, yeah, Christopher Walken. I can't wait for the re-edit. You know the movie he was in this year that was one of my favorite movies of this year that nobody says anything about? The Dark Horse.

He was the dad in The Dark Horse. It was a great movie. Nobody said a word about it. I haven't even heard of it. I don't even know.

It's that guy, you know, happiness and. Oh, Todd Solan. Yes. Whoa, like he directed it? Yeah.

I just remember scrolling through Netflix once with a friend, and I was like, what's this? He's like, it's Todd Solan. Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. No, it's really very, very lighthearted for him.

Which means it's skull-crushingly depressing. Which is your favorite kind of movie. But it's fun. Well, according to my kids, it's one of Dad's skull-crushingly depressing movies. But it's really kind of a fun movie for him.

It doesn't have, like, you know, a pedophile that you have to feel sad for. Or any of those, like, things that just... Yeah, grind your brains in the hamburger. It's really kind of funny. It's almost like, kind of like a cross between his normal sensibility and maybe like a Judd Apatow film.

So it's kind of fun for a while before the knife gets twisted. You realize it's. Two and a half hours long. Yeah. No, it's really good.

It's a really good movie. It's fun. I would definitely recommend it, and I don't know why it's not on the radar as a good movie. I'd say it's hard to market him. Yeah, there's some weird things about it.

He did a sequel to Happiness, did he not? Yeah. He's sort of gone. I mean, what is it about his films that's changed so. Much that he's not really on the radar anymore?

He was always, like, in a weird area anyway. Like, even when he was sort of popular, he never mainstreamed. You can't deny people were talking about him a lot. But, like, that group of people, not mainstream. Like, he never broke through in a mainstream film, because he's not going to.

He has too much literary content. Yeah, that's true. He has way too much literary, like, credibility for a filmmaker. And I watched Beast of the Southern Wild, and I enjoyed it, and I loved it. But it also left me thinking, what a corrupt medium film is.

Because you can just do shit and get away with it if you make a good impression. It's like sales. You can really kind of say anything. If you have an adorable kid in a movie, you. Can do whatever.

You don't have to make any fucking sense on earth. You just go, but it's an adorable kid. Are you referring to the career of sales or the career of John Sayles? Oh, no, the career of sales. It's like how people act as though it's a real thing, but it's really just whatever works, works.

But it's not a science. It's just charm. And that is why I think Django Unchained was so great, because it's the exact opposite of that. It has that literary quality of... you know, the characters being, you know, weird or dark or crazy for the service of the story, and there's no, like... There's humor, and there's enough crowd-pleasing things in the movie to, like, you know, get it the popularity that it's gotten.

But it's coherent. But it's coherent at the same time. It has an internal logic. It manages to do both things at the same time. Like, it manages to be this crowd-pleaser, but at the same time, it's like this kind of literary, like, really dark, bitter pill of kind of... a movie that, like, you could only, like, really compare it to, like, a novel.

Like, it has that aspect to it. No, and it's got so many levels going on. It's like, there's parts of it that are just so funny, but then. There's, like, commentary upon commentary going on. Yeah, it's so brutal, but at the same time, it's so hilarious.

Tarantino said his next career beyond screenwriting or filmmaking would be writing novels. Yeah. He said that's the next thing he'd be interested in, and I can totally see that. Now, your little comparison as to sales, I mean, I don't know if that's even the worst thing to say. I think that is art in general.

You say, oh, this movie's got a corrupt, terrible kind of message to it, but I'm going to sell it to them. And that is art. That's Hollywood more than anything. I think it's art. I'm going to draw this ugly person, but I'm going to make them look great.

I'm going to make them look as interesting as possible. Whatever I think is good about this, I'm going to make you think it too. It's to win you over. About what I think is worthwhile in this, whether it's ugly. Or whether it's creepy.

I'm not saying it's a terrible message. I'm just saying, what the fuck is the message? I'm saying, what is this actually about? It's about a place and a time that doesn't exist. And it doesn't really make any sense.

And we don't care. Like you get to the point where they blow up like the levee. And all this water, like miles and miles of water goes rushing in. And I guess they just gently float over it in their boat. What happens here?

But you don't care. There's a giant mythical beast as well. What the fuck? It's just we don't care. That was the hook.

Really, when you think about it, that was the hook that got everyone. Because if that movie, when you think about it, imagine watching Beast of the Southern Wild without all the scenes of the magical realism and all the giant you know, warthog monsters going everywhere and people talking. Like, it would be the most boring fucking movie. Like, think about it. Like, really.

Like, it's so crucial, like, that being there. And it's not even, like, those scenes where they're, like, kind of trotting down. Like, they're stampeding down. Like, I know it's a shoestring budget movie, but, you know, I mean, it's still, it feels kind of, like, very, there's no sense of, like, where they're coming from or, you know. Or where they're going.

Yeah, I mean, it's like, I'm not saying it's like this minimalistic approach, but it's just so like weird and just there. Like there's no sense of like narrative momentum. No. And I don't know. I just feel like that was kind of like that movie was kind of built on these like, I don't know, not necessarily gimmicks, but like definitely visual gimmicks.

Yeah. I think so. As far as those giant monsters were concerned. And I mean that in the best possible sense. I'm not putting it down like I didn't enjoy it.

Here's what I feel like when I was watching that movie in the theater, what the audience's vibe towards it. Because it was one of those movies where after it's over, most people in the theater were like, that was a really good movie. And as it was going along, people were watching this kid who's talking to all these little animals. I was like, oh, that's kind of cute. That's kind of charming.

And then it shows these giant monsters like, oh, this is something cool and different. Like, wow. And that's the hook that gets you are those giant warthogs. And no one talks about them. Even in the Oscars here, they didn't show any footage from them.

Yeah. Which is weird to me because I feel like that kind of fantasy... It's the keystone of the movie. That fantasy aspect was seriously what made it such an interesting movie for me. For a lot of people...

The element that made no sense... If you were to only see... Yeah... If you were to only see... The clips that the Oscars showed.

Of just. You know... The. Well. I can't remember...

I can't pronounce her name. Uh. No way you can. It's okay... The...

The consonants. I've heard just like... Her and her dad... Which are like... And a lot of those are...

Scenes are interesting... Let's just call her consonants... But... You would think like... When you're watching those.

You're like. Okay... What's so... Why did everyone love this movie so much? Yeah.

I honestly truly think that... Like so much of... Why that movie got the attention it did... Was because of those. Scenes.

With those weird crazy creatures. Just thrown in there. Had nothing to do with life. To me, once I got there, I was like, why? They're just sort of jammed in there.

They don't really affect the plot. And the movie is named for them. I know. And they don't really come into play. I was always kind of curious.

There were moments in Beast of the Sudden Wild where I saw drunken debauchery of just crazed people who had kind of lost... I mean, there's some scenes. In that movie, I'll be honest, that you're like, borderline child abuse? Like, really? You're going to act this way towards a little kid and not even give a shit?

They're rejecting civilization, and I thought maybe that could legitimize the title. That these are the beasts right here. Right. These are the people who would rather be animals. And I'm not saying that the animal is an ugly thing.

It's like they want to just live. They want to feel. And that's more of an animal thing. than the civilization kind of thing. So I thought that could apply to them just as much as the creatures you see. You can definitely take it that way.

Yeah. And it's kind of like a James Joyce-ian thing. I don't know why. But when I was reading international law about the rights of people with diminished intellectual capacity, that's when I understood James Joyce. Because he was like a literary genius who was married to a woman who was not even literate but he had that relationship and his writing is really just about not being a snob about what constitutes a decent human life and when Faulkner starts trying to write about him he makes it more obvious because he writes from the point of a severely retarded guy and in that kind of stream of consciousness way And then it's like, oh, I get it.

And all the things I didn't understand in James Joyce, like, you know, there's that movie The Dead. There's a use of the word irony in that story I never understood because she was talking about his wife winds up talking about her dead boyfriend. And he says, what was he? And she says he worked in the gas works. And then he's depressed by the failure of his irony.

And I'm like, what was his irony? I don't get it. What was his... And it finally dawned on me, oh, it's because he was a lower class guy, so what was he is like ironic because he was nothing. And finally I understood what that was supposed to mean.

And it's all about, you know, this guy who's a snob, essentially, without knowing it because he's so highly educated. And he looks and he offends the maid as he comes in the door at the beginning. It's like, oh, I get it. And that's my relationship. Barton Fink, John Turturro's character.

Is so proud of representing the common man while he will not listen to the common man. He won't listen, yeah. And that was about Clifford Odets, who had that play, I don't know, it was like, he didn't have the same line in the movie, but it was something like, I wouldn't trade that kid for a... You're going to be hearing from that kid, and I don't mean a postcard. What was that Clifford Odette's play?

It was Awake and Sing. If you read that play, it sounds just like Barton Fing. But it's a little odd. Why are they making fun of a guy that nobody pays any attention to anymore anyway? It is kind of funny, though.

So anyway, that's my reaction to. A beast of the southern wild. All right. On the other hand, you have had pastry crack for the first time. Ben, what do you think?

I think it is amazing. I think it's delicious. I could have been talking while I was eating it, but I was like, I'm just going to shut. Up and enjoy it. Pastry crack.

Yeah, this pastry crack. It's essentially what it is. Can I have some pastry crack? It has become an Oscar meltdown tradition. I've had it before.

I had it last year. I don't care. What am I? A Hollywood starlet? Dude, I've smoked asbestos.

You can hand me some pastry crack. I am proud. Last year, I'm a vegetarian. Last year, I ate the pork. Because you can't fight.

Because I don't want to be. One of those people who's like, I don't do that. I never do that. I'm like, okay, I'll do it. I'm like that scene in Clerks, too.

What is it? You never go ass to mouth. You never go ass to mouth. And when you go, well, maybe sometimes. There's certain circumstances.

So, okay, I have a question. What movies out of the, what, nine Best Picture nominees did not feel like a self-conscious movie? Like, the movie wasn't presenting itself like this is a movie to you. Which, the worst example of that, I mean, even though it was a good movie, of, you know, that happening was Lincoln, for me. Lincoln was so, like, self-consciously.

Born to win. A self... Like, a Steven Spielberg movie. Like, you could... It was almost distracting how much, like, that kind of sense of self-awareness was permeating through the...

I don't know if this is me. I put. Tarantino and Spielberg, I put them in the same boat, the way how they regard what other movies. Yeah, and that's the thing, like, Tarantino, I can see, like, maybe it's the John Williams movies, but the thing with Tarantino, I totally get where people are like, you can totally tell, like, yeah, that's a Tarantino movie, and his movies are definitely referencing movies, but at the same time, I have to just, like, I'm so, like, I guess you could say distracted or, like, absorbed in, like, how original his concepts are. are, and, like, how original his characters are, and, like, the scenarios that he puts them in, that it's just, like, I don't even notice that, like, I'm not, like, oh, I'm watching a Tarantino movie, because it gets to a point where I'm, like, this isn't a really, like, like, this, this story that I'm watching of, like, this slave who becomes, basically, this, like, bounty hunter god, like, it's just, it's never been done before, and it's kind of crazy, and it's, like, it's funny, but at the same time, it's really dark, and weird, and depressing, and sad, but it's, like, I can't, you can't put your finger on it and the whole sense of I'm watching a movie made by Quentin Tarantino, like that whole Kill Bill kind of vibe, totally just like, you forget about it.

To answer your question, I think the only movie that doesn't feel self-conscious is Amour. That's a good, that's probably the perfect answer, actually. I was going to say, like, because that's one movie that I feel like, I haven't seen it. Alright, so I. Don't know people that actually did the Oscar ballots.

We had Ben, Greg, Sharon, Brian, and me. And Paul. And I. Not to be a grammar person. Alright, so in bottom place, just because you didn't finish the ballot, would be Ben.

Oops. I voted for like two things. Called by Greg at 39, Bennett at 44, Sharon at 46... Me and Brian tied for at 51. Brian and I tied.

And coming in first place for his second year in. A row. How does he do it? He didn't see a movie. He didn't see a single goddamn movie.

That's the secret. You don't watch the movies. No bias. What does this teach us? Seriously, don't watch movies and you will be way more knowledgeable.

About movies than people who watch movies. Pugs of Tawny Phil watch the Weather Channel? No. It's the same way. You know, you're picking the horse race.

You pick the pretty colored horse that you like. You're just as likely to win as everybody who spends two days looking at the odds. Throw darts at the stock market. Or you pick the NCAA tournament by which mascot beat up the other one. That's true.

Luray DVD everything. Second year in a row. All right. Woo! Hey!

I'm the best commentator who's ever watched this movie you'll ever see. That's your billing everywhere you go now. Oh shit, the pizza rolls. This is the end. Hold your breath and count to ten Feel the earth.

Moving then. Hear my heart. Burst again For this is the end. I've drowned and dreamt this. Moment So overdue.

I owe it then. Sweat the way I'm. Stolen Let the sky fall When it crumbles We will stand tall I'll face it all Together at the skyfall. When it crumbles. I'll face it all together at Skyfall.

At Skyfall. Hi, I'm Seth MacFarlane, and I'll be hosting the Oscars this year, where we'll be celebrating all your favorite films, like the James Bond movies. Welcome, martini. Shaken, not stirred. Yet no one has ever stirred a martini.

That's not how you make a martini. Is this your first martini? This is your first martini, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, you're gonna have fun. The Oscars, live Oscars Sunday, February 24th on ABC.

People look like Edgar Winner. Edgar Winner looks back, got long hair, and it's back. I suppose. Look at the chick here. Oh, man, the chick.

Looks more like Edgar Winner than he does. Look at her. Move. Who would win an Edgar Winner looks like contest here? She would.

She would. I bet she has man hands, too. I bet she does. Man, I wouldn't want to. Oh, man.

She could probably arm wrestle me to the ground. Oh, yeah. Anyway. Sorry. Just walk away.

Yeah. Walk away. Look at her. She is. She is Edgar Winner.

That's Edgar Winner in drag. Look at that. Edgar Winner in drag came out and picked up some award for Skyfall, wasn't it? Does any winner in drag kind of cancel itself out? I think it does.

I still don't figure out how they got Ted out there. I don't understand how that works. I mean, he. Walked out there. I saw Ted walk out there.

It's the magic of cinema. It's the magic of cinema. Tweaked Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in three styles and seven colors. Durable and designed to sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts, like the one you're listening to now.

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You know, when we called Walt Disney and asked him to present the music awards tonight, he. Said, well, we said, Walt, with all. The songs you've commissioned, with your pictures and luck with Fantasia and all, you'd be the right man to do it. After all, think how much you've done for Walt Disney. Music in Hollywood.

And his warm reply was, I would have thought of it the other way around. Let the sky fall. Face it all together, let the sky fall. When it rumbles, we will stand tall. Face it all together, let the sky fall.

To get back to Spielberg, I think I had only a brief time in which I hated Spielberg, and it just dwindled away when I realized that he is really good at preserving tradition, where I sometimes feel threatened by filmmakers who are trying to make really self-conscious ethics that he's the only one who's good at being self-conscious of what a grand-looking movie should be like. I hated him for a long time. I hated him, like, the book Jaws came out when I was, like, in sixth grade. And, like, a friend of mine read it because he had an older brother who knew about stuff before anybody else did. And we read Jaws, and then we saw the movie, and it's like, he fucked it up.

He totally changed everything. What happened to, like, the sex stuff? You blame him? I mean, that was a screenwriting process that led up to the making of this. Yeah, I blame him.

I blame him. I'm just now starting to realize that. What distinguishes a great, classic Spielberg film from just one that just kind of sucks or is mediocre is just basically the actors. Because all of his movies have that sense of traditionalism, like War Horse, which came out the year before. It still had that kind of, like, I'm filming an epic, and John Williams kind of... sensibility.

This is clearly a school movie, but there were no standout performances or nothing interesting. There wasn't an interesting script by Tony Kushner. There wasn't an interesting performance by Daniel Day-Lewis that really made it stick out. I still thought the movie felt good. The movie felt good, definitely.

I like Lincoln a lot. I'm talking about War Horse. I even felt like it was a good feeling kind of movie. It was strangely based on a children's book. Which I honestly don't think my own criticism against it or not to Spielberg really at all because like I think he's like as far as like being a a showman or whatever you know like doing his thing like he's really good at that and like when it works it works really well and it worked really well in War Horse but like the source material still had that sense of like this is clearly from a play and it's kind of awkward to me and like there's these it felt repetitive at times yeah And it was a lot better than a bunch of movies I'd seen in 2011.

I guess it was 2011. But I feel like Lincoln was definitely the better movie because it had that extra punch of a writer like Tony Kushner and an actor like Daniel Day-Lewis or Sally Fields. And also the subject matter. Of Abraham Lincoln because there's never been a really serious... Oh, I don't know about that.

Like, really, like, I mean, well, I mean, I haven't. Seen the movie, so it may be at a level of seriousness. And I'm not like, I'm not even a fan of like biopic movies, and this movie like was... I feel like this was a biopic for people like me who hate biopic movies. You know, when you pronounce it biopic, it sounds myopic rather than biopic.

You know what that's called? That's called me drinking the Lincoln cocktail. Me, the English major, not knowing how to pronounce biopic. Oh, sure. I just thought that was the way we, as Americans, bastardized the way this is.

I don't know. I thought it was biopic. I thought it was because that sounds. It is biopic. People kept saying there was a Lincoln biopic on the way, and when I finally saw it, I was like, wow.

You're going to call the last four months of his life a biopic? I love it. This is concentrating on something and not trying to give you too much. Yeah, that seems rather biopic. I feel like I'm doing a.

Disservice by calling it a biopic. It's not a biopic. It's kind of like an interesting... It feels like a really good work of fiction. I know there's a lot of factual research and bits of.

Basis. Things, like actual, you know, meetings and things, you know, taken from documentations or whatever and blah, blah, blah, political jargon that they used to, you know, lay the foundation for this movie, but it still felt like a really, like, imaginative kind of way of, like, revisioning Lincoln. Like, you know, it goes back to, like, the changing of the voice and how he was this kind of... He was stuck in this shitty marriage and... I don't know.

To hear Spielberg talk about Lawrence of Arabia totally justifies everything about Lincoln. He talks about how the movie is mostly not true. Lawrence of Arabia. It may be the gayest movie ever made. You know, the best movies, the movies that are really good about real historical people or factual events are the ones that take the most liberties.

I was looking at it going, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. I'm really sorry. This is two years in a row.

Paul is celebrating his win. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't even watch them. I'm sorry.

I don't want to drink. I'm sorry. I'm leaving now. I'm out of here. Bo, you should at least give the rundown of the drinks this evening.

They were very impressive. Oh, man. I could only drink like one and a half. I could only drink like half a dozen of them. After drinking a full jug of beer.

What, like the exact specifics on them as to the. Recipes for the listeners? The way they tie it in to the movie. Let me get some booze first because I'm dry right now. God forbid we have that.

I'm getting a little thirsty. You have the most impressive liquor gun that I think I've ever seen. I know, it's like people of my parents' generation always had a stocked bar. Actually, that's not all of it because I've got a bunch down in this one. Oh, my God.

See, that's even more like my parents. Because the first time my parents came to visit me at my own house, they came in and they were like, what's to drink? And I'm like, oh, fuck. Because I don't keep, like, alcohol in my house. Buy what you're consuming that night.

Yeah, and I didn't even do that back then. The only time I started buying alcohol regularly was when I lived in a dry town. Because I had to make a point of it. But when I live and it's down. The street, I would forget for years to buy alcohol.

And I didn't drink. But they came to visit me. And I was like, all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, I don't have a stocked bar. What do I do? And my dad's like, it's okay.

I've got some stuff out in my trunk. He's prepared. He had a better stocked bar in the trunk of his car than I had in my house. I thought I was doing really well because I have like four bottles or something on the table at home. Yeah.

I was like, look at this impressive bar. That I have. That's pretty good. I've got one. It's pretty exciting.

That'll work. Yeah, but the different drinks that I went with tonight, the red carpet one that I went with, it's a shot. Oh, my God. Flashbacks? It was so good.

It was really just so good. It's just a shot of this Thatcher's Blood Orange liqueur and one of Palm, which is a pomegranate liqueur, and then you just top off like the champagne flute with a rose champagne, and that's it. Yeah. Very, very simple. For the, let's see, what was the next one?

The next one was the Candyland, which was for... Actually, that's the one I was thinking. Of when you started out. I don't normally partake, but there were only two. One of which was Candyland, which I felt like it was just to balance things out since I think that was the person who was kind of robbed this evening.

I think Leonardo should have been nominate that's the best work he's done his entire life leonardo. Or samuel jackson i feel like if either had been nominated they would have won because all the other contenders in the category were previous winners i mean everybody was a previous winner in tonight's best supporting actor yeah run so um that's just so drastically different like the samuel jackson was good but it was similar to what we've seen but like leonardo was something different than we've seen from him. But back to alcohol. But back to alcohol. This drink, it's like when you're a.

Child, what you imagine grown-ups are drinking that they're not allowing you to have. And you're like, that must be really good. It must taste like candy. Yeah, and that was the whole thing, is I wanted something that tasted like candy. And I called it the Candy Land in honor of his plantation.

But the basic drink, it's... It's actually six shots. One of Midori, which is like a melon liqueur. One of Blue Curacao. One of both tequila.

Rose and Hot Rose. So you're getting both the strawberry and the cinnamon in there. As well as the Butterschnaps. And, oh, God, what is the sixth one? Oh, it's Swedish Fish Vodka.

That's the sixth. What? That's the one with the twist ending. Now I know why I loved it so much. And then I added about three shots worth of just half and half, just to give it that milky flavor.

And then once I poured that into a glass... I threw a bunch of strawberries into a food processor so that way it just looked like ground-up flesh. And I just threw that in. And the last finishing touch, which I realized I forgot on the first couple of them, is just you can pour a little bit of strawberry syrup around the edges on the inside so it drizzles down like blood. This must be what angels taste like.

And after you drink them, you strip to the waist and beat each other, one to the death on the floor. I mean, that's where Alan is tonight, is he's actually dead on the floor. And then, let's see, for Anne Hathaway winning, I did Master of the House, is what I called it. To which Paul continued singing the entire time. Yes, yes he did.

But it was a shot of absinthe. Which makes the heart grow ponderous. It does. Yes, it does. Two of St.

Germain, which is an elderflower liqueur, and once you pour that into a glass, just top it off with carbonated apple juice. And that's actually what that was. Heaven. The Life of Pie drink, which I named. That was my favorite.

Oh, thank you. Every time you recount one of these drinks, I want Barbara Streisand to come out and sing Memories. Or at least sing like she did tonight to where it brings the show to an end. It's called The Life of. Pi, one that Richard Parker, and that was really, really simple.

It was just a shot of Amarula, one of Amaretto, and one of Domaine de Canton, which is a ginger liqueur. You shake those on the rocks and pour it over the rocks and add some curry powder. It's like butter. It is very good. It's very similar to butter.

I can't believe it's not butter. It's like if a cinnamon roll. Were an alcoholic beverage. Let's see. The other two, The Emancipator, Daniel Day-Lewis winning Lincoln.

I wanted something that was very Kentucky, so it's two shots of moonshine and one of Knob Creek. And you just top off the rest of the glass with alate. Alate is good stuff with liquor. It is. For some people.

If you're not familiar with it. Why are you mixing that with scotch? Because it's good. That's my only rationale for anything. I'm assuming the rest of the world has no idea what that is.

Flavor. You can look it up online. You'll probably be frightened by it if you run into it somewhere. And then the one that a couple people are finishing off right now is what I call. The one that's kicking my ass.

It's called Six Kinds of Crazy because it's got six shots of alcohol in it, but it tastes like fruit juice. I'm intimidated by it because it's one of those delicious, fruity, Hawaiian Punch fun cocktails. But at the same time, I'm told that there's 27 different flickers in it. or whatever, you know, included in it, so. Yeah, the glass pitcher guy is going to bust through the wall any minute. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Well, I picked the silliest glasses I had, so. Yeah, Paul earlier was reading the peanuts glass that he was drinking out of. Let's see. Fred has Mayor McCheese.

Yes. Ben has Theodore from Alvin and Chipmunks, and Brian has Grimace. I specifically chose my Grimace, because he's my favorite. But yeah, it is. I'm enjoying that one in honor of my dear friend Jennifer Lawrence.

Yeah, it's a shot of the Parrot Bay 90-proof coconut rum, and a shot of banana rum. I do taste the coconut, actually. Yeah, one of mango rum, one of peach schnapps, one of black duck, which is a cranberry liqueur, And Tattoo, which is another rum. I have to admit, I don't really taste anything anymore. No, and I topped it off with V8 Splash.

It's like it's a mix of V8 plus fruit juices. So it's good for you. It is. It's healthy. It's healthy.

It's health-licious. And one I'll make in a sec, if folks are up to it, is the golden statue. No? I'm in. Calm down.

All right. I call the golden statue, which is. You're going to wake up in the morning. This is the greatest night ever. If Jack Nicholson were here, he'd be drinking us all under the table and just calling us all pussies.

You'd be like, who wants to go for the gold statue drink? You'd be like, I'll go for that one. It's kind of similar to what you're drinking, but what it is, it's a shot of the coconut rum, a shot of the banana rum, and then a shot of Galeano, which is an anise-flavored liqueur, and then you double the amount of liquor, or the... double the volume in there with mango orange juice. I'd like to point out before I began this grand adventure. Grand adventure.

Cut him off. Yes. Cut him off has been like the running gag of the night, by the way. Two Snuffy Smith jugs of beer that I was very excited about because they were like $ 3. 99 and it's like a really good beer.

That's what I'm drinking right now. Yeah, it's really good. It's tasty. I usually like really heavy, dark beers, but it's a light beer that tastes good, which surprises me because I used to swear. I would never buy a light beer.

What's the point? And you can have heavy beer. But I got some one day because it was on draft and it was cheap because I also like cheap beer. Of course. Yeah, I mean, there are beers I drink ironically because...

Like, I remember them from when I was a kid. You be careful. That's hipster move right there. That's the ribbon! I can drink PBL.

Shut that shit! Or Cook's was a really horrible beer we used to drink. Or Black Flag was like one of the worst beers ever made. But you get to the point, there was like some Eastern European beer they had at Value Market that tasted like some sort of Eastern European cologne. And you just could not force it down your gullet.

It was like, I can't drink something that tastes like a bad cologne that some guy in. Of. All the colognes you drank, this. Was the worst. Oh, it was horrible.

I couldn't get through it. And I felt defeated by it. I felt defeated. I felt like the South after the Civil War. I felt like, I'll rise again, goddammit.

But you knew it wasn't going to happen. I don't know where you're going with that, actually. You started out. I got to where I was going with that. That's where I was going.

Keep in mind, he's been hitting all of these drinks along the way. So has Paul, in case the listeners couldn't tell. Actually, I think this is going to be the most downloaded episode ever, just to hear Paul. We'll see about that. Go on his tangent.

Did you need anything for me before I get over there and start mixing drinks again? No. Nope. You can get right on that. All right, I will.

You never hit my heart Let the sky. Fall When it crumbles. We will stand together Face it all together Let the sky. Fall When it crumbles. Hello, I'm Jim Cogan.

And I'm John Wisby. And this is a promo for the Crash and Burn movie podcast. every episode we pick a theme and review three films each we like but fall within that theme and then. We also take a classic b movie or some. Other film that's good for the wrong reasons for our so bad. It's great slot and we rip the piss out of it.

So that's the Crash and Burn Movie Podcast. Every fortnight, you can pick it up at www.crashandburnmoviepodcast.co.uk. There you can subscribe to the RSS feed. You can subscribe in iTunes. You can stream or download the previous episodes.

You can like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. That's the Crash and Burn Movie Podcast. Www.crashandburnmoviepodcast.co.uk. A legend, Oscar-winning actor, Christopher Plummer. Oh, okay.

All right, for those of you who have a Richard Parker block pie, hurry up. And drink it, because you're about to get an Anne Hathaway one. All right. And here, Christopher Plummer. And I think the very best kiss in all of movie history is him in the garden.

Look at him. He's still on. Was him in which movie? The Sound of Music. Sound of Music.

In the garden when he kisses her for the first time. I think you're talking about his most romantic kiss was in Beginners with another guy. Oh, yeah. Chris! Chris and another guy?

Well, I can't look at him the same way again. It's so much hotter now? Yes. Is there a spit take about that? Oh, wow.

Yeah, he almost made Galliano go have a nose. And you all missed it over here. You really just missed it. For an 80-year-old man. Damn.

You can't fight that. I won't even try. This is John Wilson, the creator of the Razzie Awards, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. I think I love. It's part of your problem, you know, you haven't seen enough movies.

All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. Loving arms, keeping me from wrong. Put your hand in my hand and we'll stay. Let the sky fall When it crumbles We will stand.

Tall Face it all together. Let the sky fall When it crumbles. We will stand tall Face it all together Let the sky. Fall I just want people listening to know that there is like TV white static in this room. Yeah, there is.

It's a great thing. I love TV white static. Ben has to finish that drink before we. I appreciate the very calm, soothing videodrome signal. Yeah.

Poltergeist. It was calming on Poltergeist. TV white noises the new black. If we've gotten the basic rundown out of the way, we do need to get. Through the Movie Meltdown Awards.

Let's do this. Oh, the Movie Meltdown Awards! Otherwise known as the Foilers. We'll get those out. They're pretty impressive.

I know you're pretty excited. The best part of the foil. Number one, it's the metal that I think is most similar to our show. Is it gold? Is it platinum?

It's aluminum. There's an electric blue reflecting off of it. That's the magic of the foilers. It's just as beautiful as that Yeti ice sculpture. Yeah.

And the other selling point is you can also take. Leftovers in them. So you can, you know. When you're done with the award ceremony, you can load it up with pork. He looks like he's feeling his breast.

Did you shape it around an award and. Then somehow peel it off? No. These come this way from their boiler's factory. There's elves cranking them out in the factory.

He looks like Jay in Clark's 2 saying, I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard. If it was Christopher Plummer, sure. Yeah. Well.

That's the theme of the evening as well. Right. No, look, I mean, it looks like his arms are going like this. It's like an Oscar holding his own Oscar. Foiler knows he's hot.

What do you know? They're trusting me to give out this next award all by myself. What exactly do I do here, sir? What do I do here? Tell me.

They just came in. That's the craziest thing. That's how foil comes out of a box. In those shadows of an Oscar statue. You tear it off, and it just does that.

It's not even your name right now. Oh, I have one, too. Are you adding one? I have a Fred Trivia Award. We were supposed to add them a while ago, but most people didn't, except that dumb mustache award.

I don't know what it was. Are we blaming Alan for that one? I'm sorry for not voting, actually. Yeah, I'm sorry for voting. Your votes do not count.

I voted. Don't talk about the shit. Yeah, I'm the one that's not on. Most of the movies I hadn't even seen, but I'm like, I can form an opinion anyway. See, that's what I wanted.

A lot of other people were like, I haven't seen it. I don't want it. I'm like, I'm going for it anyway. All we are is opinions based on nothing. Come on.

So that's what I did, and I wind up a pedophile. Well, we were just sort of breaking ties. Now, technically... Hottest actress. We're not there yet.

And I go for Emma Watson. We're not there yet. And then I watch the movie that night and I'm like, I'm a fucking pedophile. Well, we all knew that. She's 12 years old.

That's what's hot about her. Good God. Oh, whoa, whoa. Most of it actually came from the Secret Circle, our hardcore fans. Those of you who didn't vote for that, if.

You haven't reached that level of the hierarchy, well, you're slacking and you need to email us and find out how you can be part of that. But until then, this is. You know, most of which came from them. And, you know, so thank you to them for actually voting initially and sending in what they thought should have been at least been in the running. So that's how all this came into play.

So the first question we threw out there is, which nobody seems to like the trailer questions. I still kind of like trailers, so I... But they also ruin everything in trailers, so everybody seems to avoid them. So we've had at least two people in both of these next two categories that have voted for I don't. Watch trailers at all.

So we still ask, what was the best trailer for a film in 2012? Yeah. The winner is. Shaken, Not Stirred. Skyfall?

Yeah. The winner is Django Unchained. Ah, yeah, that was a good trailer. I think the second one's a good trailer. Because I just saw the second one for the first time.

What's the second one? Well, they just have different, like, the very first one that they came out with is the one that we were talking about a while ago that's, like, horribly misleading. Like, it seems like the whole movie is going to be them just touring around different plantations looking for, when that's really, like, one scene, and they knock that out of the way. So, I think the second one they made is actually the better. One, but...

Yeah. I'm not sure. They didn't specify. I personally feel, while I... definitely think Django Unchained is like the better movie but like Dark Knight Rises like that first trailer that came out like I think it was like during the Super Bowl like that was so dramatic like it was almost like a self contained like two minute short film like and they kept playing it over and over I think that was probably the best trailer I don't remember the specifically the Django Unchained I remember them showing like the premise like what the premise what the first 50 minutes of the movie is And not taking you further than that. But, like, the Dark Knight Rises, like, showed all these, like, dramatic, like, points in the movie.

Like, mixed together. And you're like, oh, you know that's going to be crazy, but you don't know why. And it's not really spoiling anything, but it still kind of gets your blood pumping. And it kind of went through the whole, like, movie in, like, two minutes. And that was kind of cool.

But it didn't reveal anything. Which is, like, I think the best trailers kind of do that. That's a good trailer. I love movies. But not the whole movie.

Exactly. That's why I liked it. But that's why it was bad. But it was good. Because of that.

It was a trailer for a completely different movie. It was perfect. Exactly, yes. At the end of this, you're like, I didn't see that trailer. We're all just like, yeah, I didn't see the trailer.

The Dark Knight Rises was the trailer for Amor, which was the trailer for Monsters University. And that was not in 3D. See, this is why we don't introduce alcohol into our normal episodes. Amour was originally titled Die Hard. You're very pleased with that.

Yeah, I'm very. Happy with that. Shouldn't it be Die Soft? I'm going to be doing that for years. Think about it.

It should be Die Soft, right? Spoiler alert. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?

I'm ignoring that. I don't know. I forgot. It's actually called Deathbed, The Bed That Eats People. A classic.

The trailer that got me the most excited about a movie was Prometheus. Well, that would be the next win because question two is the most misleading. Trailer for the film in 2012. Prometheus wins. Prometheus should win.

Nobody voted for it. Like, nobody voted for that. Wow. It's hard to remember trailers exactly. I know.

I think that's why. Apart from, like, once you see the movie. After you see. The movie Prometheus, then the trailer is like, what in the world? I didn't do it.

That movie yeah it's a totally different like you totally see it you see it like it's a different thing once you see the whole thing completed. Yeah so yeah nobody voted for Prometheus and once again proving we had a couple of different ones the one that got the most votes gave up on trailers in 2012 yeah So, again, I think we're retiring the trailer category because nobody really wants to watch trailers anymore. Well, now everybody posts actual clips from the movie. Marlena says she wanted a taste. Thank you.

I'm still a big fan of the movie posters, too. Again, I don't know how many people pay attention to movie posters, but if you're a. Real movie geek, you know. To me, it's almost like I might see them once or twice, and then. A lot of movies have multiple, have multiple, and then I'm like, well, I can't, I couldn't really draw out of.

A hat what, you know, what best would be, so I don't. I think that's it. Nobody remembers, like, specifics. When you go back at the end. Of the year, you've lost track of them all, so maybe that's part of the issue, too.

Time passes. That was number three, what is the most awesome movie poster for a 2012 film? And, again, Django Unchained. Yeah. Now, the reason we vote for that, if you're, if you don't really remember, is you just go, It's the new Tarantino movie.

Right there, he's got best trailer. Because it's like, it's a trailer for the new Tarantino movie. And you go, I'm on board. Because it's the new Tarantino movie. And it could be like any of the other trailers.

He could use any one of them. And you'd go, but this is a new Tarantino movie. I'm going to go see that. It always kind of works. Well, just seeing Christoph Waltz next to Jamie Foxx dressed up like a cowboy.

It already looks like fun. I can't wait to see Christoph Waltz or Jamie Foxx go after whatever's in the trunk of that car. I know which poster is specific. I wonder who's going to cut whose ear off. Yeah, they didn't pick the specifics.

I don't know if it was the teaser or the actual one sheet, but... Even the limb sheet's not bad, so. I don't know about you guys, but I'm specifically, like, I have in mind the poster where it shows the silhouette of, like, I guess it's Jamie Foxx, like, holding the chains up, and, like, in the background, like, you see a guy, like, on horseback shooting, like, the chain link. apart, like unchained. It's pretty badass. That's the one I thought was awesome.

Does that even exist? I don't think that poster exists. Oh, it totally does. It's like one of the three official. Let's go online and you show it to me now.

It's pretty badass. I just figured that's what you guys voted for because it was the most badass version of Django. You mean D'Jamie Foxx? D'Jamie Foxx. D'Jamie Foxx.

And then he shoots the chain. The Jamie Foxx. The D and the second X are silent. Oh, okay. Which X?

The second. It could be the first one. I'll let you decide. You can choose. Seriously, this was a real poster, and it was awesome.

Either X can be silent. I'm not racist. That's really cool. I've never seen that poster. And it's like he's shooting it.

We're looking at a movie poster of. On a podcast. It's official, too. It's not, like, a fan-made thing. I don't know.

It doesn't have any credits at the bottom of the. Poster, though. It really was, like, the... It was, like, released by the Weinstein Company. It was, like, these whole series of.

Is it one of those online posters, though? No, like, I mean, it was a real... I. Don't... It's not a real poster.

It's too cool to be, like, a real poster. It is. I'm pretty sure it's a real. Yeah. I mean, but like the official poster where it's just like a chain going on.

They're just like, it's Schultz. Undechained. Yeah, it's like undechained. It's like Schultz and Django just kind of walking off in the distance. It's good, but it's just kind of boring.

I think that's the Weinstein silhouettes. I'm pretty sure I recognize those silhouettes. I'm moving on. Next one I liked as a question. The most questionable career decision made by an actor, actress, or filmmaker in 2012.

Who won? Almost unanimous here. Michael Bay not retiring. Everybody liked that one. Does he want to retire?

No, but everybody. Really wants him to. Let's see. The way it's worded initially is the movie moment that. Made you say, oh my, in official George Takei style.

But yeah, it's the most shocking movie moment of 2012 for whatever reason. Sex, violence, profanity, whatever you found to be shocking. We got Samuel L. Jackson. His character alone in Django Unchained.

There's a lot of Django. What were the other contestants? Um, we had. The only other main ones, we had the big fight at the end. I say at the end because the entire movie is a.

Fight in the raid. And, again, I think the only time this movie is mentioned in there, the C-section in Prometheus. Huh. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, that was.

I guess. I don't know. More of what for me? What? Until you mentioned the C-section, I forgot I had watched that movie.

If you had asked me five minutes ago if I had watched Prometheus, I would have been like, no, I don't think I have. I kind of want to do a whole episode. Then you mentioned the C-section. And I'm like, oh yeah, I saw that. I think we need to come back to that one.

The why is Guy Pearce an old man.... Because he's Guy Pearce. Why did it need to be? I mean, it didn't need to be. May I interject?

Yeah. About Guy Pearce? Yeah. He doesn't want to be recognizable lately. You notice this?

Every movie he appears in, he. Doesn't look like Guy Pearce anymore. He doesn't look like Guy Pearce. Look at him in Lawless. Eyebrows shaved, hair slicked back, looking really creepy.

Yeah, the whole eyebrows, like the villain shaving their eyebrows is getting a little old. I think that's happened like three too many times. But still, every time I see. Guy Pearce, he does not want to be recognized. He dies really, really fast.

But I've been not looking like Guy Pearce for years before he started doing it. It's worked for my career to not look like Guy Pearce. No, my girlfriend does not know who Guy Pearce is. I just don't remember what he looked like. I was like, L.A.

Confidential. She should write his name on her arm. She should get a guy piercing. Backwards. There's also the other John Hillcoat movies where Guy Pearce does not look like Guy Pearce in any of them.

Not the proposition, not the road where he's at the very end of the movie. Guy Pearce is a weirdo as well. Maybe he's going to do that. Animal Kingdom, he had the Mustache. He was so nice and tame in that one that you couldn't recognize him.

He requires some kind of ridiculous facial hair, I guess. So. Where are we? Let's see. Next up, again, from the show that said he kills good, we asked the question, the goodest kill in a film in 2012.

Goodest kill. Which, again, most of the votes. Went straight to every racist slave owner in Django Unchained. Django's sort of. Sweeping the boilers this year.

The dog wasn't necessarily goodest, but it was. Worstest? It made an impression. Worstest, I think. But this is all the racist.

Slave owners, though. Impressionistest. You know, the handshake kill. Was. It catches you off guard.

It was rewarding. You know what kind of ruined the impact? That was still a great scene. I feel like it was coming. You know what kind of ruined it for me?

Because I knew what was coming was the handshake scene in Drive. Because it was basically the same kind of deal. I actually thought the same thing would happen. I was like, oh fuck, he's going to do the exact same thing. Spoiler alert.

Calvin Candy is going to have a razor or some kind of knife hidden in his sleeve and, like, try to kill Schultz. But it was way more badass that Schultz had his tiny Derringer or whatever, like, in his sleeve. For me, in Drive, it didn't feel necessary that he died. It just felt like, well, he didn't think this through very well. He seemed, like, pretty on his game up till now.

Now he just seems stupid. He didn't have to die. He could have, like, worked this out. Right. But it felt like the director.

Wants him to die. There was a lot of unnecessary. yeah it didn't. Really work for me i don't know and and it's my intention and i'm never going to get around to it so i'm going to go ahead and say it as if i've done it right to splice in like a a uh GPS talking to him while he's driving. That would be so great. You could just put in that automated voice.

That's why it's such a great driver. Recalculate. Recalculate. Every time he takes a turn, it's recalculated. When possible, make a legal U-turn.

I get that so much. And I swear to God, she sounds so pissed off. Where are you going now? You are at your destination. Please turn around now.

When possible. Make a legal U-turn. Continuing on with our proper grammar. Yes. The wrongest actor or actress for a role in 2012.

Again, almost like completely unprompted. Everybody came through with the same answer. Snow White. Didn't even have to have it. No, and I can't argue with this one.

Tyler Perry is Alex Cross. Yeah, because he isn't. Because he isn't. He is not. Rick Reynolds could be is better than Tyler Perry.

Tyler Perry's Medea, and that's it. And I still don't know why he was in Star Trek. You also wonder about Tyler Perry because I don't really follow him that much. But I notice, like, as a white person, people draw very strong lines between Wes Anderson movies. Like, some of them are great, and some of them are the worst movies ever made.

To me, I don't understand how you can like any of them and not like all of them a little bit. They're all pretty good. And they had this note of elegy for a presumptively white world. All of them did. I saw that with an all-black audience.

I don't know what you're talking about. I saw it memorized with an all-black audience. It was actually just me. Jared, and the whole time. Well, I just wonder if black people go to Tyler Perry movies and it's like, well, when Madea did this, I was totally on board.

But when Madea did that... No, that was bullshit. So are you saying that Tyler Perry is the black Wes Anderson? I don't know. That's where I thought you were going.

That's where I thought that's where you were going. He's going, what? So Medea goes to jail is the black royal tenenbaum. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

But I don't know. I like all Wes Anderson movies, but they're all kind of The same movie. Cool. They're on the cold side. They're a little bit, you know, calculated, and that's great.

And, you know, I watched Moonrise Kingdom, and I loved it, but I'm almost so amused I can't care what happens. It's so amusing. It's just, and then there's the house porn. You know, the whole house porn element. I could just stare at the houses.

Get those fucking people. Out of the way. I don't care about them. And the story is delightful, but it doesn't grip you like other movies might. Because they're his little chess pieces.

He's moving them around, and it's fun. But it's kind of like the greatest... like little magnetic puppet theater you've ever seen. Well, the perfect movie for him is Fantastic Mr. Fox. Yeah, literally.

Great movie. That's exactly what he got to. Do, finally. Yeah, but you know, you can't deny that like his, like Bottle Rocket, that kind of kills you, doesn't it? It kind of kills you.

It's a good story. It's just the way he does it is so cool and so distant and I don't know. Everybody rags on Life Aquatic. But man, I grew up watching Jacques Cousteau. Jacques Cousteau was my introduction to moral relativity because I thought it was Jacques who stole as a child when I was like three or four.

And I'm like, well, I guess he was a criminal. But now he's made a life for himself on the open seas. And people seem okay with it. And I figured he was like a pirate or something. And he was always looking for treasure.

He was Jacques Cousteau. And he's marked for life. You know, it's like branded. Yeah. What do you do when you're branded?

Join the Navy? Yeah. He was innocent. Not a charge was true. But that's what I thought Jacques Cousteau was.

And then I watched this movie, and I don't know, everybody hates it, but I think it's so funny. When he says, like, what would be, when they ask him what would be the point of the, he's like, revenge. Come on, that's not funny. Are you kidding me? How is that not funny?

That's funny. I don't know. Anyway, I like all of. Them a little bit. You can pick and choose among them all you want.

But they're all Wes Anderson movies to me. Has there been a Wes Anderson movie that's been nominated for Best Picture? Has there? No. No, never happened.

You know, I'm surprised they didn't do it with Moonrise Kingdom this year. It seemed like if there ever was going to be a Wes Anderson movie nominated for Best Picture, it would have been this one. And so Norman Rockwell. But every scene in it has some little gesture that reminds you how good a filmmaker he is. He just can't stop himself from telling you, I am a fucking good filmmaker.

And that's not good. That's not really a great thing to have in a movie. As a filmmaker, he keeps poking you like he's on Facebook. Remember what a great fucking filmmaker I am? He can't get through a single continuous shot.

Without going, look at that. Wasn't that cool? You could argue that about Tarantino. But he's also right. But Tarantino's a little bit more like, what's his name?

John Malkovich. Because you watch John Malkovich as an actor, and you can tell he's good, and you can tell. He knows he's good. But somehow it doesn't break you out of, it doesn't ruin it. I was going to say, when it comes to Tarantino, it feels more like self-parody.

Than it does with. It's like he can. Be a show-off and be vulnerable at the same time. Yeah. Kind of like when Tina Fey makes fun of somebody.

She's like, I'm making fun of somebody. I'm going out on a limb here. And so you give it to her. Whereas other people are just being bitchy and you go, I'm not giving that to you. You're not asking me.

And here's the thing about Les Mis. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm going to condemn it to hellfire anyway. I have not seen it. I've seen the stage play, but the story fucking twists your arm to care about the characters. Guy stole bread and he went into jail for 19 years.

I give. Uncle. Whatever. I don't know. It's like it's not going to just let you care on your own merit.

It's going to say, no, goddammit, you have to care. Goddammit, we're going to keep piling this on. You cannot walk out of this theater without caring about this motherfucking shit. And then I start to rebel. Then I start to go, well, now I don't care.

And then he goes to, like, who's the guy who's going to steal the silver? And the guy says, oh, we'll take this too. And I know how that is, because you hate to break up a set. Like, somebody stole a power drill off my back porch. And I'm like, dude, the thing has a charger and a battery.

You've got a very clumsy screwdriver. And you left me. No address to forward the shit you need. I don't know. I don't know about Les Miserables.

I just don't see myself seeing it in a big hurry. And that's kind of how I felt about people on this show have debated Perks of Being a Wallflower. But I kind of feel like Perks of Being a Wallflower is not a very honest movie. It's not very honest. It's not coming clean.

It's like, oh, you feel bad for the guy about his aunt because she died. And right when you're getting over that, oh, and she abused him. So there's that too. And then he's writing a letter to who? Who the fuck is he writing to?

You don't know. They don't care. It's a device. He's writing a letter to you. Exactly.

He's narrating it to us, but it's not us. He's going to use a misdirection. Instead of just narrating the story to us, the viewer, it's like, no, no, I'm narrating it to some other person who goes to a different school. You don't know them. But in a way, it's kind of bullshit, but it's also kind of the mark of authenticity, because damaged people, like sincerely damaged people, do shit like that.

But it doesn't really capture, like, when the girl he's obsessed with is going upstairs with another guy, it doesn't capture how fucking awful that really is. It just doesn't begin to even know And many other things do. Like, my so-called life is so much better at the agony of being in high school than Perks of Being a Wallflower is. Perks of Being a Wallflower is kind of like, yeah, it's bad, but look. Everything's cool.

Nothing is cool about my so-called life. Yeah, and people love you. Everybody loves you. All of a sudden. I don't know.

There's something about it that. Don't add up. It was kind of really weird how, like, shoehorn like how like their whole basically his initiation into like you know becoming their friends like they were just like oh we'll take him to this party they weren't really hanging out with him but he's like my best friend killed him killed themselves and they're and she's just like he just told me his best friend's killed himself that's fucked up no like we gotta be his friend now and now like that's like that's like the turning point like oh shit like okay that's what it takes and then like yeah like you said the rest of the movie is like really happy and cheerful and then all of a sudden there's this like weird twist with his aunt which I didn't even know there was an aunt my.

Wife read the book and she's watching the movie we get to the end and I'm like wait I'm getting a weird vibe here did she molest him and my wife is like I don't know You read the book, wouldn't you? No, it didn't stand out, really. Even the scenes foreshadowed where it's flashing back to where he's a kid. I didn't even know those were flashbacks. I thought they were just really bad disjointed scenes of his siblings or something.

He had a younger brother. I was like, oh, that was him? I thought that was just a misplaced... It was weird. I don't know.

It was odd, but it was a good movie in its way. In some ways, I think it's for real, but it's kind of fucked up at the same time. And I feel really bad because I voted for Emma Watson as hottest actress and I watched the movie and I was like, she's 12! She's fucking 12 in this movie. And that's what you like.

Yeah, right. Well, we're not that far yet. Right. We're still at CGI now. We're at the most obnoxious use of CGI in a 2012 film.

And I believe the person who sent this in specifically worded. It as. Twilight, Breaking Dawn part, who gives a fuck? Yeah. And the specific was digital baby face.

Oh, God. Yep. Digital baby face. I think that's okay. You've got the cutest little digital baby face.

Oh, I do think this needs to be in more shows because there's something about having a good villain in your movie. So the best villain of a 2012 film. My vote is not Javier Bardem. Well, you sort of didn't win. Oh.

It's actually a tie. He's one of the two. I think it's between him and Calvin Candy. Both of which, I don't know, I. Still, again.

I think I voted for Calvin Candy without seeing the movie. Stephen didn't count? Samuel L. Jackson. Is he not more evil than Calvin Candy?

I'd say he's more evil than Calvin Candy. Nobody. Nobody with Steven. He got mentioned a couple other times, but not that one. I hated him more than Candy.

Yeah, because he seems like, if anybody, Candy has deluded himself. Yeah, he's a little bit clueless. He's stupid. Yeah, whereas Steven knows better. If anything, you almost feel like he's manipulating Candy to an extent.

Yeah, definitely. By the end of it, you realize he is. I just voted against Bardem because he didn't do the cool stuff you see a villain do. And he was trying to be like a Joker-like, larger-than-life villain, and it just didn't add up. All he did was like, shoot a woman in the head.

William Burroughs did that to his wife. That's nothing. That's like when you find out what the initiation is for being in the Hells Angels. It's like, you pussies. I've done that.

I never thought twice about it. Oh, okay. From villain to monsters. Once again, monsters. Kristen Stewart.

So the best monster, and that was my favorite, is that someone nominated Kristen Stewart as best monster. Didn't win, but that was probably my favorite. Definitely in that category, that was my favorite nomination. Oddly enough, Merman from Cabin in the Woods. Huh.

Yeah. That was cool. Everybody liked that one. That was cool. Monster moment.

Everybody liked that one. Oh, let's see. Ooh. Round out this half here with the one that I think is a little too trendy. It's not my doing, people.

I only asked for you guys to come up with one official new category. I think it was really Brian's doing. I think it was Alan. I think it was. He's not here.

Let's blame Alan. Alan. Alan. I do like the wording, though. But really, Brian.

Best supporting mustache in 2012. Oh, yeah. So, I don't know. I mean, and actually, it seems to me the people voted. Did Burt Reynolds' Lifetime Achievement.

No, that's either that or Adam West and Hooper. This is going. To make the hipsters that live a couple doors down from you happy. I'm sorry, the douchebags. The douchebags, yeah.

But obviously the people at home don't care either because, once again, it tied and half of the votes went to. I have mustache blindness. So, that's my vote too, really. But I think we need to retire this one already. The other tie half here was Zach Galifianakis in the campaign.

I think just because that's the way he always looks, really. He's just sort of always like that. With this kind of cast, the show was bound to come off with or without a director. But I thank all of you for letting me take the credit. All right, kids.

At this point, we're going to take a break. I know I'm exhausted. We could all use a break from the party in about a week's worth of break. But we will be back next. Week, and we'll be bringing you something different.

We'll leave a little bit of the ceremony situation behind and just talk about a movie. What Oscar-caliber movie will we talk about, you ask? Okay, kids, get out your decoder pins. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. You can tell that tonight's message was really important.

It's time for the Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature. Next week, we will be back to talk about the Oscar-winning film, Hooper. Okay, maybe it's not Oscar-winning, but it is Oscar-related. Because when you think about classy Oscar films, you think about a 70s-era Burt Reynolds. But we'll get into that next week.

Along with the rest of the results of the Meltdown Awards, which the second half, we even get into some specific movie Meltdown-related topics. And personally, I found the responses we got from you very interesting. So we'll get into that next week as well. So you'll hear all that and more in the next exciting episode of Movie Meltdown. This is the.

End Hold your breath and. Count to ten Feel the earth move Then, here my heart. Hurts again For this is the end. I've drowned and drifted some old men. So overdue I owe them.

Sweat the way I'm. Stolen Let the sky. Fall When it crumbles. We will stand tall And face it all together Let. The sky fall When it comes down, we won't stand down.

We'll face it all together at Skyfall. At Skyfall. At Skyfall. Skyfall is where we start. A thousand miles in poles apart.

Where worlds collide and days are dark. You may have my number. You can take my name. But you will never take my heart. When the sky falls.

When it crumbles, we will stand tall and face it all together. Where you go, I go. What you see, I see. I know I'd never be me without. The security of your loving arms keeping me from falling.

When it crumbles We will stand tall. And face it all. Together let the sky fall When. It crumbles We will stand tall. Let the sky fall.

We'll see you next time. This is definitely a fan-made one. It's like handcuffs. People listening can totally, you know, they know what I'm talking about. Picture it with your mind.

Just imagine all these posters I'm looking at on Google Images. Just Google it. Google some more stuff. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios. with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!