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258: Crocodiles and Political Guilt

1 hr 37 min Explicit Full episode
258: Crocodiles and Political Guilt
Movie Meltdown
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1:36:38
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About this episode

Movie Meltdown - Episode 258 This week we return to the infamous Bastion of Awesomeness to discuss several movies culminating in this week’s Sofa Theater feature - the killer croc movie "Primeval". And somewhere along the way a couple of us also become guinea pigs and taste test our recently acquired wasabi candy canes. And as we think about the original way of shooting spider webs, we also bring up… The Wolverine, The World's End, Orlando Jones, The Hobbit, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Fassbender, Amber Heard, Prometheus, bone claws, jugglers, Steve Irwin, point your windshield wipers up in the air, Kenneth Branagh, Shark Night, The Necromancer, 300, awed by that level of dexterity, The Hills Have Eyes, Carmen Electra, sucking out his essence, Martin Freeman, he works for the tastiest bidder, Wallander, a cultured skink, run zig zag, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Wolf Creek, nightmares with legs, Sharknado, stripper names, pissing off your girlfriend disorder, I saw my cousin eat a bug, broken Bruce, setting your co-workers on fire, Loki, Inglourious Basterds, chewed up by fire ants, Brooke Hogan, sharks in the grocery store, measuring with the Misty-scale, Starburst candy corn, little pepperonis, Jonah Hex, screaming at people in movies, Centurion, beef jerky chocolate, Blood Creek, spiders the size of my hand, oh my god this dog is singing the song of my death and Sisters of Mercy. Spoiler Alert: Spoilers for "Primeval" as well as “The Wolverine”. You have been warned.  "But I guess if they had a movie full of smart people, it wouldn't last that long... and nothing would happen."

Transcript

Automatically generated, so expect the odd misheard name.

This episode is rated M for Misty. Yes, that's right, this is a Misty episode, so it will be laced with profanity even more than usual. If you're not comfortable with this level of profanity, perhaps this isn't the episode for you. But we have many other episodes to choose from that do not feature Misty, and will probably be far less offensive. Okay, maybe.

With that having been said, on with the show. This is Julie Adams, and you are listening to Movie Meltdown. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.

Our nuclear reactor. Pumping out one million. Kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

I'm Misty. And I'm Jay. Hey, how's it going? What's up? It's been a long time.

Yeah. Yes, it has. That's why I thought we would do this one live via digital recording from the Bastion of Awesomeness. Fucking A. I was thinking it was, well, otherwise known as your kitchen, but for those of you.

It encompasses our house in general. We're just currently in the kitchen. The entire area that is within our limits from that street corner over there to the back corner, it all encompasses our Bastion of Awesomeness. Even when we went into the yard, it still encompassed that area. Even our big dead tree.

That my uncle hates. Yeah, that your uncle hates. And my neighbor's afraid it's going to fall on our house. Just because he hates it. Yeah.

That sounds about right. I can't stand him in his diabetic socks. That's a whole other reason to make fun of him. That he wears those sandals. Okay, that's off the charts.

Never mind. So yeah, I was thinking, I was looking back and I'm like, you know, we We hit this pattern the last couple of years. Towards the end of the year, beginning of the next year, we sort of end up over here and we do a Bastion of Awesomeness episode. So I thought we need to at least get. One in here.

And we didn't get invited in for the holidays, so I figure. You won't come out of the Bastion, you know that. It's cold outside. There you go. You know you're always invited, but we went out into the world.

But you usually come here for Christmas. But you weren't making pizza. Fred was making fancy pizza. I bet it's gross. You wouldn't like it.

It was not. Misty wouldn't like it. It was Lucy approved. Oh, God. So, you know, it was different than normal pizzas.

Gross. Everyone loved it. It's all like healthy and shit, right? It was like healthy and shit. But if I ate it, you know, it's got to be pretty acceptable.

No, dude, you're just usually hungry. That's true, too. I kind of am right now. That's why I gave you the Starburst, dude. There's a reason.

Ain't no damn box pizza, is it? Actually, we had that, too. We ordered in two different kinds, and then Fred made two or three different versions. So we had quite an array. Chef Boyardee pizza.

Oh, no. He made it from scratch. Dude, Chef Boyardee pizza is the best. With the little pepperonis. Those are awesome.

They're fucking rowdy is what those are. I've spent many a day making and eating those. Hells yeah. They're awesome. Okay, they are.

But that's where the holiday was. So now we're ringing in the new year with you guys. With that Halloween candy that. I passed out. I am eating the candy corn fruit flavored Starburst sponsored nonsense going on here.

They're nasty. You know they're nasty if they're still here for Halloween. If it's candy corn and it's still sitting here in the new year, it's not going to be good. Speaking of candy, I haven't tried the wasabi flavored candy canes yet. Oh, that's right.

And I think that would be a good opportunity to try them. A good way to bust it out. You did eat what I got you for Christmas. Well, yeah, I did eat the beef jerky chocolate. I saw that.

I thought about that too. As weird as that sounds, it's really good. I saw this and I'm like, oh, this is going to be gross. I have to buy this for boyfriend. I think it's good.

Yeah, but you're weird. And you eat weird things. I do. Do you want to test those live on the show? Sure.

I don't know where they're at right now. They're in the cabinet. I put them away where they belong. Away from my eyes. We'll test them here in a minute.

That was my gift to Jay for this holiday season. Yes, thank you for moving. I like odd things. You do like me? I am odd.

I like odd flavored candies. I don't know that I have an odd flavor, but okay. Well, you're not a candy, are you? Only on certain occasions. That's not your stripper name at all.

No, it's not. I already have one of those. Wait, is it the dog name? Huh? You're supposed to use your dog's name as your first name and the street you grew up on as your.

I thought it was cats. We didn't have cats. I guess you could go either. Most trippers go either way. No, that wouldn't be a good one.

Is it the cat name first and then the street name? Yes. If you go by mine. That would be Samantha Eakin. See, I think it's just your pet.

And if you go by mine. He sounds more like an action star. If you're going by mine, which was the first male pet that we had, we had a bunch of girl dogs, but growing up, the cat we had, then it's Shadow Talsman. That's kind of amazing. That is pretty erotic.

Somebody's going to take that shit right there. Well, if you did mine street first and then the pet name, mine would be Jonathan Spunky. Oh, that is a porn name right there. It's a special kind of porn. Yeah.

British born. Gross. Hello. Who? We're about to do that, aren't we?

Hello. Hello. Oh, we're in. Moving on. Oh, yeah.

Let's move along. So, I figured it has been a while for you two, so you've probably watched stuff and were ready to rant about something. What have you watched lately for our geek activities here? Well, most recently was one that Boyfriend was okay with a good portion of the way through. And then you reach that point where I was like, you were like, this movie isn't so bad.

You were somewhat defending it. I was, yeah, well, I mean, I wasn't going to jump to conclusions on anything. I was just going to kind of roll with it and just kind of ride along. It wasn't that bad. You were rolling along fine.

Not get too bent out of shape over stuff. And then it reached a certain point and you did the sigh. Yeah. And I'm like, yep, he's reached the point. He has reached the fuck this movie point.

And we should probably mention which movie we're talking about. We watched The Wolverine just last night. Yeah. You know. Which I didn't have as many problems with.

And I'm trying to decide what, because it does get ridiculous at one point. I'm trying to decide if that's the point or if it's a different point for you. But the, uh, the, I guess the. So we made it a good portion of the way through. The comic book part that they took it from or the graphic novel or whatever, uh, If they had just stuck with that story, it would have made a good movie.

But what they kind of did was they were like, this is good. Let's take this and let's take this and let's do this. And now let's not make him that. Let's make this guy this. And then you were just kind of like, what?

Huh? Wait a minute. The end gets very Hollywooded up. It does. But I called it.

I called it. I'm like, oh, I bet. Yeah. Okay. The movie's been out for a while.

So I don't think if I'm spoiling. We'll throw out the spoiler alert here. I'm like, dude, Grandpa's in that suit. I beg Grandpa. He ends up being the Silver Samurai.

Now, how lame is that? And he's a robot, dude. He's a robot. Like, okay, they show the robot Silver Samurai. That's when Boyfriend's like, oh, no.

I was like, oh. Dude, we were at the same time. I was like. It's pretty realistic. Like, most of the rest of the way through, it's not really a superhero comic book movie.

It's pretty grounded. It's pretty good. And then you see the suit of armor, and I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. If this is a Japanese samurai robot that's supposed to be the Silver Samurai, then you just lost me. Because the Silver Samurai is supposed to be a person, not some mech, you know?

I felt when the shift happened. So, yeah, as soon as it kind of did the, and it stood up, I was like, ugh. It became Ed from RoboCop. Yeah. I was like, You've got to be fucking kidding me.

All right. I mean, that was the point for me. Okay, how about maybe yours was earlier? Because I think a lot of the rest of it's pretty good. I stayed, yeah, you know, I kind of stayed along for it.

He didn't strike any goofy poses, which is cool. Yeah, because we had discussed our opinions on the origins. Oh, the Wolverine origins? I still haven't watched that. Dude it looks so bad it sucked it it blew so hard.

Oh they're just the poses because you look and he's like. It blew goats like literally yeah basically yeah what basically what it was was uh they probably had a pile of comic books and here they picked out poses that stan stanley drew or whoever drew wolverine at whatever certain point and was like here do this and so at some point he's like, ha! And he would hold the pose. He would hold the pose, the most uncomfortable, just idiotic pose. When you're reading a comic book, that's cool because it's like, wow, you're like, damn, that's cool.

Look how awesome this looks. But when you see somebody do it, It's ridiculous. And then stand there for like three seconds. Did he also wink at the camera and be like, hey, fanboys? No, no, he didn't.

He might as well. He might as well. Yeah. So, yeah, we had very low expectations going into The Wolverine just because so many of your friends hated it. Yeah, I've got one friend that just tore into it and was just like, fuck this movie, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, oh, I've got to see it now. I've got to see how horrible it is. It's got to be better than Origins because Origins was horrible. I absolutely hated that movie. But it really wasn't that bad.

I mean, the Wolverine, I actually kind of liked. Like I said, up until the point of the Silver Star. Overall, which would you say you liked better, the Wolverine or the origins of Wolverine? Oh, definitely Wolverine. I didn't care for the origins at all.

The origins were horrible. It was absolutely retarded. You know, and I get confused. Like, they've rewritten so many things with the comic book. And then they try to do the movie, and then they're like, hey, let's do this.

And then you're just like, wait a minute, you know? It's like, I'm going to tell you one thing. I've never been a fan of the bone claws Wolverine. That's your favorite. When they did that in the comic book, I thought this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen.

He's got bone claws? Really? And then they're always breaking. What's the use of that? Who fucking cares about bone claws?

Yeah. You know? And then they had to put it in the origins like he's a little kid and he's got bone claws. Well, that's just stupid. That's just silly.

That's silliness. Nobody liked that. There's a lot of ridiculous stuff. Again, I think it's just like midway in, somebody wants to put their own stamp on it. They're like, here, I came up with this.

Let's do this. So that's probably true in the comics, but it's definitely true in the movies as they go on. But in the Wolverine... Am I to understand that inside of his regular adamantium claws are bones? That's what I thought.

It's been a while. I'm thinking that now. No, you see the part where he cuts the claws, and then they're kind of hollow, and then he sticks these little drills, and they're going inside the claws, and I'm guessing he's, like, sucking his marrow. Wolverine marrow. Wolverine DNA.

He sucked all the adamantium out of him. Is that what it is? No, he was sucking his healing factor out of him. He sucked the life. He definitely sucked, I'll tell you that.

And then all of a sudden, he gets rid of his claws, and then he's back to having bone claws. Of course he would have the adamantium around the bone claws, because when they injected him, it coated all of them. But it's still stupid. I know it's stupid, but I'm saying, of course he would have bone claws inside of the adamantium. According to the origins, he already had the bone claws.

I don't like the origins. It only makes sense. I didn't ask if you liked it. I'm telling you, according to the origin movie, he already had the bone claws. So, yes, when they adamantium-ized his whole body, yes, the bone claws would have been covered in adamantium.

Who wrote this shite? It wasn't me. I didn't think it made sense. I'm just saying. It's like, why would you need the bone claws?

Like, when you already set up the other story, it's like it doesn't make sense. It's like, oh, we got rid of his regular claws. Well, we've got to give him some kind of claws, so we'll just give him some bone claws. That was the only thing, like, that they changed going into that first, the Sam Raimi Spider-Man that I actually agreed with. I always thought it was stupid that he had all these spider powers and didn't have web shooting ability.

I'm like, isn't that a pretty basic spider power? Like, I always thought, so they made it actually, like, organic when they did the Sam Raimi one, which made sense to me. But, like, then they went back. They scrapped that when they did the reboots. I'm like.

Oh, I haven't seen the reboot. Yeah, they went back to web shooters. I'm like, well, that. That was the one part that always felt weird. I was like, why does he need to make...

Yeah, why are you Spider-Man if you can't shoot webs? That's the... Yeah, when they remade that, I was actually like, that's kind of cool. I don't have a problem with that. Is he going to start shooting spider webs out of his butt?

See, that would make it more accurate, actually. But I can live with the. He's got spinnerets in his butt cheeks. Right there in the butt cheeks. Or. well-rounded decision to put him in the risks.

But still, you know. He's got the assless Spider-Man chaps. Flying backwards. I bet that would cut down on crime. He's flying like Powder Toast Man and shit.

That would cut down on crime, though. Would you want to commit crimes in that city? No. You're like, never mind. I do not want that ass pointed at me.

Never mind. I'm out of here. Good times. All right, let's discuss the more important thing of the Wolverine. What was that?

How fucking stupid could his hair get in this movie? I swear to God. Yeah, it's like, let's make it look less Wolverine and more like a guy that slipped on the wrong side of his pillar. What did you say? He looked like he'd been wearing a stupid hat?

Yeah, he had a stupid hat head. They didn't want to get rid of it totally, but they wanted to have a little hint of the hair. What really happened was Sabretooth grabbed him in a headlock and gave him a noogie right on the sides. He's got side noogies. Because he's so hardcore, he has permanent noogie hair.

Yeah. Let's talk about how weird that one chick's face was. Weird, but I liked her out of all the other ones in the movie. She looked alien. She did, but she was cool looking.

The sidekick girl? Yeah. I liked the sidekick girl. That was one of my favorite parts. I liked her, but she was weird looking.

Yeah, but she kind of looked like an anime character. She did. I was like, this kind of fits for this story. It was fun. I didn't say I disliked her, because she had the cutest little outfits.

She's adorable. But yeah, her face was so weird. Her face was very strange. It was very odd. It was oddly shaped, but kind of adorably oddly shaped.

It was oddly fascinating at the same time. Her hair was fantastic. She kind of looked like she could have been in a comic book, so I'm okay with her. And I like that she didn't die, because I was like, oh, she's going to die. I know.

That's what I was afraid of. That's going to suck, because I actually like her. I don't want her to die. And she didn't die, and I was surprised she didn't die. I was too.

You know? I was like, kill the girlfriend. Keep her. I like her. He needs to be tortured.

Kill the girlfriend, so he can be like, why? And then like, you know. He can go have fun adventures with the sidekick girl. Yeah. That he probably really needs to hook.

Up with anyway. Because they at least have stuff in common. They like kicking ass. Yeah. All right.

What else did we watch? We talked a lot about that one. We watched The World's End. At The World's End? At The World's End.

Yeah. Like that. That was pretty exciting. That was a good movie. I actually did like that.

One a lot. Because I didn't like Hot Foe. So I was kind of leery going into this one. I mean, I really like Shaun of the Dead. And then there was Hot Fuzz.

Isn't it just like a. It's the trilogy. Yeah, it's the trilogy. The ice cream trilogy. Yeah.

But anyway, it's like I really liked Shroud of the Debs and I really didn't like Hot Fuzz. So I'm like, I don't know where to go with this one. But then I'm like, we're going to watch it. And it was... Some parts of it were kind of hard to watch because that guy was like, I don't like things when they're awkward.

There's a lot of awkward in this. Like, you know, I can't watch The Office. No, no, no. I mean, what part of the movie did you find awkward? Like, Simon Pegg's character and his whole refusal to let go and just he's like the exact same person that he was.

I can kind of see that, though. That's kind of the best part. What do you think? I got depressed for like a week after we watched that movie. You were like, that's a cool outfit.

I'm going to go around like, oh, wait, I'm that guy. Yeah, no, because I was like, okay, their whole thing was they were all friends. And it was the late 80s, early 90s when they graduated. And you listened to Sisters of Mercy. And I was like, I used to listen to Sisters of Mercy.

And that's the exact same time frame of when I graduated. But I could never go back and recapture all that because all my friends are dead from high school. So I guess. That kind of sucks. All right, Debbie Downer.

Yeah, I was sitting there going, damn, they're all gone. That sucks. Well, you didn't want to go drinking anyway. Well, yeah, I don't drink now. But.

You know, you never can go back and see where they are. I mean, I know where they are. I was kind of in that same boat. I got so excited when the soup dragons came on. It's like, yes, I have that CD.

Oh, I'm that guy. Damn. Damn. Yeah, I mean, I like them. I mean, like I said, it's just awkward for me.

It's awkward when there are certain characters and you just feel bad for them. You feel, like, embarrassed for them sometimes, you know? And it's like, that makes me feel uncomfortable. But, I mean, I really like the movie and I really like the characters and I really... Something about Martin Freeman.

Martin Freeman. He's so funny. I love Martin Freeman. I do. It was a good cast.

Not in that way. Not in the way you usually like the. Guys you talk about on the show. I like the movie, though. Like I said, I could identify with the Simon Pegg character more than anybody else because everybody that's my age that I didn't go to high school with.

But a lot of my friends that are older are all older, and they all work. office jobs and stuff like that and i'm still running around setting my co-workers on fire and collecting toys and being reckless and and you know listening to the same music and stuff like that yeah yeah you know i was like after after that i broke out the the sisters of mercy and tortured everybody at work with it and they're like what the hell are you listening to you know this isn't freebird You know? This isn't Creed. This isn't Creed. This isn't Godsmack. Nickelback.

Nickelback. There's a reason it's none of those things. Yeah. All the guys at my work like Nickelback. Oh, Jesus.

Kill them all. Please set them on fire. Please. Please. More better.

I did. I have to say, I didn't expect to go. I'm like, I always liked those three, like, you know, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and then that director has proven himself as, like, an amazing director, so I'm just kind of like, I went in, I guess, expecting a little bit, but I was kind of like, I kind of knew where it was going as far as the, the, sci-fi plot and I'd heard the same thing and I was like you get about halfway in you're like oh yeah that's right Cause it's so damn good. Like that whole buildup of the first half of the movie when it's not really sci-fi yet. No.

It's so well written that like, they're like going through that situation and their relationship and this whole thing, the whole setup is so damn good. That could have just been the movie. It could have just been the movie. And then like, but, but that's the thing I realized like, as you go into it, it's like they build on that. And what, becomes the rest of the movie is still like so rooted in what they set up it's not they it's not like they slapped two movies together it's like it really was a story arc and by the end you start to see everybody like everything that was an issue within the first half starts to get worked out and you start to see the characters that needed to kind of grow start to grow a little bit and like it really was well put together in a way that i didn't think it was gonna be so i i I just made a list for Wild and Wild.

I wanted to do their top five movies, and I hadn't seen a ton of stuff from 2013, but that one went on one of my top five movies because I was amazed with how well it was put together. I love the fact, too, towards the end, he quotes Peter Fonda from, is it Devil's Angels or Wild Angels? Wild Angels. Wild Angels. They're asking him what he wants, and he goes, we want to be free to do what we want to do.

That's that's the thing. I do love that speech that he's giving at the end that he's just like that whole little quote about us about us being so belligerent yeah kind of just like you know it's true you're not gonna conquer us because we're too dumb for you to conquer like we are too set in our dumb earthways. To to understand that you're offering something better we don't care we're earthlings we're dumb we don't care a. Lot of it just has to do with just rebellion yeah i mean I do it all the time, just silly-ass shit. Yeah, I know.

Like the other day at work, we got that call for snow. So what does everybody do? Everybody runs outside, and they point their windshield wipers up in the air so they don't have to. And, of course, fuck them. I'm not going to go point my fucking windshield wipers up in the air.

They come in, Jay, you better put your windshield wipers up. It's going to snow. And I was like, I don't fucking care. Are you going to be shoveling snow off your windows? I was like, like I fucking care.

Fuck you guys. Fucking leave me alone. I'm not pointing my fucking windshield wipers up in the air. I'll scrape fucking goddamn snow. Fuck you guys.

You're a fucking rebel. I don't care. But it's always been a problem like that. Anytime anybody's like, hey, let's do this, then I'm like, fuck you. I'm not going to do that.

It's a fucking constant battle, dude. It is. I don't know what my problem is. What is it? The oppositional defiance disorder or something like that?

It's the pissing off your girlfriend disorder is what it is. You're going to get an elbow to the face one of these days. I can't help it. You're going to be able to one of these days. You're going to be digging my foot out of your ass.

You'll never ever be any good. What else did we watch? We watched, oh my god, it felt like a week and a half of watching it. We watched The Hobbit. The Hobbit?

Oh yeah. The unexpected 58 hour journey. It went nowhere. It went to too far away. The fucking birds dropped them off like eight days away from our journey.

You're getting way too ahead of yourself. Yeah, that was a really long. And a lot of shit happened that didn't make any difference. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't read The Hobbit.

I never read the books. I never really got into it. And I know that's probably blasphemy to a lot of people. Because I got a lot of friends that are like, You didn't read The Hobbit? What the hell is wrong with you?

And I was like, I'm sorry. I just didn't get into it. You didn't have enough pictures. I didn't have enough machine guns. It didn't happen when I was young either.

I didn't want to read then either. That's why I was watching movies all the damn time. Well, I read some stuff. It's just I didn't. I just didn't read it.

I don't know why I didn't read it. I have the books. I might have liked it if I had read it, but I mean, I didn't have the books. They gave me a set for Christmas, and I think I got about halfway into The Hobbit, which is the kiddie book that's easy to read, and I was just like, eh, whatever. I like the animated one.

I'm going to go watch that. Because I really did like the end. It's like even with Martin, Martin Freeman couldn't save this one for me. He was such a whiny. Bitch in this movie.

No, he couldn't. He's a tough kid. I think Misty lost it at the point where he decided to go and turn around and go back home because what was it? He forgot his handkerchief. He forgot his freaking handkerchief.

I'm like, are you fucking serious? Little fucker. Little fucker wants to go back home because he forgot his handkerchief. Fuck you. You're all dead to me.

There was no hot guys in this movie that I remember. The deaf dude. You just can't see he's a hunk. I know. The necromancer?

Yeah. You can't see him. You can't hear him. He kind of laughs. I'm like, you motherfucker.

He's even in the credits. Why are you going to put Benedict Cumberbatch in your credits? I thought he was supposed to be the voice of the dragon. He is. He is.

But then he's also the Necromancer? He is the Necromancer. They wanted to get their money's worth on him. Oh, okay. Because everybody loves him.

Well, I was having a discussion at work the other day, and somebody was like, he's the dragon. And I was like, but I thought he's the Necromancer. He's the dragon. And I was like, well, why would you put his name? Wouldn't you just put it, and the voice of the dragon, Benedict Cumberbatch, and.

You said his name right. I did. I had to think it right. I had to really concentrate. He's been Benjamin for years.

Benjamin. Benjamin Cumberbatch. Benjamin Cumber... Cumberbun. Cumber something or other.

Cumberbitch. Yeah. But. Yeah. And I was like, I could have sworn he's supposed to be the Necromancer.

Girlfriend said he was the Necromancer and she's usually right. She knows everything. She knows everything. I do know most things. Yeah, you do.

But that movie was too long. I'm just like, Imagine that, a Peter Jackson movie that's way too long. It was. Stupid shit happened. Well, yeah, I mean, come on.

They fall into so much fucking peril. You've got to be kidding me. I understand it's Middle Earth and shit, or wherever it is. I believe Middle Earth. Yeah, okay, really?

I mean, geez, you're hiking up a mountain, and all of a sudden they turn into giant fighting mountains, and then you fall into the hole, and then you're in the middle of a bunch of. Orcs? Were they orcs? They weren't orcs. Were they orcs?

Yeah, they might have. I don't remember. They might have been orcs. Were they trolls? Maybe they were still orcs.

That one guy with the big nutsack chin, I didn't like him. The nutsack chin. The main king guy. Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah, you did say that guy.

The guy's scrotum face. His name's Peter Griffin. This was worse, dude. It was nasty and a little bit hairy, and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

That was a lot of stuff happening, and I was like, man. Yeah, the fighting rock mountains, that's where I'm just like, Really? Yeah. Fighting Rock Mountains. What?

Yeah, no. Wasn't working for me one bit. It's too much. Yeah, I didn't like it. It was almost like it was thrown in because they were like, hey, we know you guys are going to get really bored, so we're going to throw these mountains in here that are fighting.

But it became too exhausting to the point where I'm like, oh, there's so many things happening that I'm just numb to it. Yeah. That also happens when you decide to take one normal length book and stretch it out into three ridiculously long movies. Like, you've got to keep adding stuff in there. Yeah, that's what my friend was saying.

He was saying that it took a really simple book that was very nice and light and they took it and turned it into a dark series too close to Lord of the Rings and he said The Hobbit wasn't supposed to be Lord of the Rings. It was supposed to be The Hobbit. But Lord of the Rings did good so we must copy that in the exact same way. Pretty much. And you can make a lot more money off three movies instead of just one movie.

And basically this was like watching Lord of the Rings without. Legolas. Legolas. Wait till the next movie. Legolas and the ranger guy and.

Argon. What's Argon? Argon. Is he still alive? I don't know.

Aragorn. Aragorn. Argon's a gas. I know Sean Bean's character is not going to be in it because I'm sure he died in one of those other movies because fucker always dies. And I'm sure I said his name wrong.

Technically. So I don't think any of them can. He'll find a way to be dead. Well, Legolas can be around. Is Conan going to be in this one?

He's an elf. They're really, really old. No Conans? He's like Red Sonja. Is Red Sonja going to.

Be in this? Only the people that live really long. He's got like the Chewbacca out. He's like, oh, they live hundreds of years, so he can be in all the movies. That's why I'm like, wait, why did we put him in the movie?

Oh, because everybody likes him. And we claim that he's hundreds of years old. Okay, that's cool. So they're doing that with the elves. Whatever.

We watched a lot of other movies, but we can kind of lump them into two categories. We watched the Michael Fassbender movies and the Tom Hiddleston movies. I wonder why. What Fassbender movies did we watch? Okay, we watched Jonah Hex.

Jonah Hex. Wasn't bad. It was okay. It was pretty good. I never read the comic books, so I didn't have that. against it to sit there and go fuck this movie it messes up it doesn't go with the comic book any of that stuff.

I had fun it was ridiculous I liked it aside from Toe Thumbs Toe Thumbs yeah we also watched 300 we watched Centurion again we watched 300 again again it seems like we watched something else because it had Michael Fassbender in it and I'm like. I like 300, though. 300 makes me want to run outside and set stuff on fire. Everything makes you want to run outside. That is a theme, it seems to me.

I remember you said you watched Blood Creek again. We watched Blood Creek again. We watched Blood Creek again, yeah. I still like that. I liked it more this time, I think, even though Michael Fassbender was not beautiful in a good portion of it.

Like, the first part, when he's all, like, in Germany, in. Basement, and, like, kind of hot. When he's young Nazi? Yeah, when he's not, like, weird blood burnt face yeah burnt face is not evil ash nazi yeah that part was not. What was the other uh tom hiddleston movies that.

We watched well we watched it's like we had rewatched I haven't been here since we watched the Thor and the Avengers movies and all that things. She's gotten into a new little obsession if you guys haven't caught her. Yeah, because Misty never gets obsessed over stuff. Never. Especially hot dudes.

Dude, for serious. I didn't even see this one coming. I didn't either, actually. But then I'm like, oh my god. I'm still kind of in shock over this.

Me too. I don't even get it, but I do. I've been watching Wallander. I don't even know if I'm probably saying that wrong. Wallander?

Wallander? It's on the Netflix. It's a TV show starring Kenneth Branagh? Branagh? Branagh.

Whatever the fuck his name is, he apparently is a star. He seems to think he is. No, it's a really good show. I really like it. I enjoy it immensely.

I would highly suggest watching what I've been watching. I might sit down and watch it sometime. You should. It's awesome. I'm going to someday.

Although it's very strange. Because Tom Hiddleston, he's all like, blonde and it's curly it's. So not loki yeah it's not it's hard to picture. Him it's in his natural state oh no i know he's all like goofy and a little weaselly like more so than he is when he's a loki because sometimes he can be kind of he's pretty weaselly but he's kind of like sometimes you just want to punch him. A lot of the time you just want it a hot way huh you just want to hulk him yeah i love that part of the movie it's awesome.

We watched The Centurion, which was back to the Michael Fassbender. We mentioned it briefly. I liked The Centurion. I really liked that. A lot of running in that movie.

He runs around shirtless a lot. In that movie. In the cold. I wonder who would win a race in the running race. Him or that other chick that you like.

Amber Heard. Amber Heard. You just have a movie of them running. I don't know. She runs, like, a lot, like, as what she likes to do.

But he's just doing it as, like. So then he needs to do. So hers is more like something she's trained at. His is something that's like, oh, my God, I'm going to die. Does she also do it shirtless?

I don't know. Because I'd be on board with that. I think I would, too. Who wouldn't? I'm not gay, but for Amber Heard, I think I kind of am.

She's damned attractive. I'm sorry. She is. I don't even. She switched sides, and now she's with Johnny Depp, and it's not even right.

He was all married and shit. I know. But did you see his wife? He dumped his wife. She was ugly.

Well, I mean, for Amber Heard, I guess, you know. I mean, seriously. Come on. His ex-wife had funky teeth. She was French.

She had French teeth. Oops, I'm sorry. As if I don't normally blame the ills on the French. Yeah. Sorry, France.

I can't think of anything else. We watched Inglourious Bastards again. Michael Fassbender. We went and re-watched a bunch of movies. Especially if they had Michael Fassbender in them.

Yeah. I think that Prometheus is going to be coming up soon, even though I didn't like that movie. Yeah. It was okay. I'll give it another shot, just for Michael Fassbender.

He's actually really good in it. I had so many issues with that damn movie, but he's one of the better. Parts of it. I don't see it as an Aliens movie, which is maybe why I enjoyed it. I don't think it was originally planned that way.

I think they just wanted to slap something onto it, and that's kind of what they did. Well, I mean, it's got ties to it, but I see it as a standalone movie, and I don't try to connect it to the whole franchise. It can work that way, but even as a standalone movie, I have issues with it. It gets worse if I try to tie it. To the alien.

My biggest issue with that entire movie is when the thing is rolling and they are running at no point do they run sideways. They keep running directly in the path of the big giant thing. Yeah, that does kind of, that is kind of annoying. Yeah, don't get out of the way. Just keep running.

Yeah. And to jump ahead because we need to do a whole episode, but were you not when the scientist wants to pick up and play with the little slimy snake thing that just happens upon them? Like, No. Were you not just screaming at them? Like, what the hell is wrong with you?

I scream at most people in movies. Why would you pick up a weird alien that you have no idea what it does and hold it next to your face? Because you're an idiot. Yeah. For funsies.

There's so many problems with that. We'll get back to that later. Somewhere down the line. I'm sure we watched other things. Mostly just me sitting and watching GIFs of Tom Hiddleston and Michael Fassbender.

Especially of Tom Hiddleston when he juggles. Who would have known that, too? You're so weird. I'm not weird. You move into new areas of weirddom.

This is not new. I haven't had a thing for jugglers for quite some time. I know, but that so doesn't fit you. This is not a new. I know.

Jugglers, but not magicians. I know. Magicians are fucking evil. They are the devil's work. But jugglers, they are fucking...

I don't understand. I fucking love jugglers. I don't get it. It's very strange. It's not strange at all.

I mean, you're entitled to. I'm just saying. It's not strange. It's fascinating. Except for you.

It's not what I expected. I could sit and watch that shit for hours. I don't understand. Magnets, how do they work? It's like that kind of thing.

How's he doing it? I understand the concept. They're levitating. I mean, I know what's happening. It's not like I'm like, oh my god.

She's awed by that level of dexterity. I mean, it's impressive and all. It's just... I didn't see it coming from you. We sat and watched the jugglers at the fair.

I mean. That's true. I sat through the. But you were just waiting for that girl to pop out of her little boost game. That was bound to happen eventually.

She probably waited until after we left and they did their next set. I don't understand how it's like not even possible for her to have not popped out of that at some point during that day. Duct tape. Yeah. That's all I know.

All right. Well, we've covered a good amount of things that you watched. I think now we'll take our break here and when we come back we'll discuss this week's. Movie Give me the ring, no, no, no, no Give me the ring, kissed and told Give me something that I missed Give me the ring, a pencil Wild and what it seems Give me the. Ring, kill the king With love is.

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One is an ex-film. Student with a penchant for David Lynch and art cinema. The other is a man on the street. Listen in perplexed and horrified terror. We tear apart one film a week.

It just really isn't. It's not visually striking. No. Just getting confirmation. That's the third time, though.

I mean, is this on? You can find us at csvsp.libson.com. So come and share the victory. If you could fuck any man in film, who would it be and why? My answer is Lance Henriksen.

He wouldn't tell. He looks like some. He looks like somebody you can keep a secret. It's Orlando Jones and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. I said you're listening to Movie...

I didn't say you were texting while listening to Movie Meltdown. Jackass. It's time for Sofa Theater. I remember when I was young. Me and Susie had so much fun.

Holding hands and skimming stones. Had an old gold chairman. And to the crocodile rock the well Cry, rock. A song to shout When your feet just can't keep still. I never knew me about time And I guess.

I never will Oh, Lord, I'm on a. Friday night Sooner or later I'll get there. By evening. Alright, we are back. What are we calling this thing?

Primeval? That's what I said in the beginning. It was like, remind me the right way to say it. Because every time you look it up, it brings up something else. Alright.

Primeval? Don't ask me. I didn't look at the case. P-R-I-N-E-V-A-L. Maybe this was part of the problem when they were trying to market it.

This week's Sofa Theater feature is Primeval. The year is 2007. The director, Michael Cattleman? Again, I'm not really sure. It's K-A-T.

Is it a fancy word? It's fancy. Permivio. Permivio. Pinkies out.

And the breakdown here, according to IMDb. A news team is sent to... Okay, what's the name of that country, too? Burundia? Sure.

Somewhere in Africa. It's all the same over there. It all sucks. Nice. A news team is sent to somewhere in Africa, that we'll mispronounce, to capture and bring home a legendary 25-foot crocodile.

Their difficult task turns potentially deadly when a warlord targets them for death. Spoiler alert. Yeah, we're going to ruin this whole thing. We're going to spoil the fuck out of this movie, and I'm going to curse a lot while I do it. I think we should kick it off.

Usually at the beginning we play the trailer for every one. And I think this time we're actually going to play it for everyone all at the same time, because I think you guys need to see it. I think it explains why this movie had issues. In one of the most remote locations on Earth lives the world's most prolific serial killer. He has claimed over 300 victims.

He is elusive, intelligent, cunning, And to this day, he remains at large. Looks to be another mass grave. He is real, but he is not human. What are you doing? He says that we'll find what we seek.

Then we'll find death. Oh my God. What happened? What happened? Run!

He's gone. Primeval. Told you it was Primeval. So, they're not sure they can... Crocodile.

It's just a horror movie trailer. Like, it's just a serial killer trailer. Like, you don't know. Like, I mean, you can kind of take a little from that, but it does not. He's fighting that helicopter for something.

It doesn't look like. Helicopter's like, give me that. It doesn't look like it's an animal attack movie. And that's kind of what you need to be selling. They trick you into it.

I don't like movies that lie. Even the poster here. Does that look like a gator movie? No, it looks like a bunch of bones. Technically, it's a crocodile.

But still, that looks like a ridiculous horror movie. It looks like a new Leatherface movie coming out. I'm just like, this may be where they dropped the ball on this movie to begin with, so it may not have had a shot going into it. All right, getting the weird advertising out of the way. Otherwise, where would you like to begin?

There's just way too much political guilt in this movie for me. There was not enough... Gators of any variety, crocodiles, whatever the fuck, caimans. Crocogators is how I like to refer to them. Crocogamingators.

I like caimans because they're smaller and have pointy faces. That whole area of Africa I would really never want to go to. Doesn't seem fun at all. No. One of my friends just got back from doing a tour over, I don't remember exactly where it was.

He was in a very bad area. and he said it was just beyond anything that I could imagine or he could imagine. He said just people just. Wasn't Djibouti, was it? No, that was my other friend was there. You just like to say Djibouti.

I do. No, he was over there. But just the way those people have to live is pretty mind-blowing. That, and it's like in that movie, you've got warlords. There's too much stuff that wants to kill you there.

I think there's more things that want to kill you There than in Australia. I don't know. And that's saying something. You know. I think there's more things that.

Are going to kill you there than in Australia. No, I think in Africa, it's people and gators and maybe lions. Whereas in Australia, you have everything else to get you. There's snakes. There's spiders in Africa.

There's ants. Australia, people-wise, seems a little more relaxed. They don't seem like warlords. They just want a drink and they don't really care. Have you seen Wolfcrank?

We're basing all our facts on Wolf Creek. On Wolf Creek. And Primeval. That was Australia, right? I believe it was.

It's about a crazy guy who kills people. Crazy people that kill people everywhere. It's not really crazy. We had one that lived down the street, or two houses down from us. So America is the most deadliest place on Earth.

I think everywhere depends on where you are. That's kind of true, actually. We don't have things trying to eat you, though. Your neighbor. I don't think he ate anybody.

Depending on what neighborhood you live in. Maybe not yours. I'm talking about animals. That's just because we massacred them all. We had that skink in the house for a while.

He wasn't trying to get you. He was going to eat my toes. He would peek around the corner and look at you. He did. He mocked me, that little fucker.

You didn't see him. He taunted me. You saw him in the hallway looking at me with that little beady eye. You do live in a wilderness state. He was just seeing what was going on.

Around your toe area. He was going to eat my toes. He had a top. Hat and a monocle. He did not.

Skinks with top hats and monocles are not trying to get you. He has no neck. It doesn't matter. Oh, they're ugly. So.

He was a cultured skink. He was an alligator in miniature size. He was going to eat my toes. He was going to eat your toes. He was.

Do we want to start from the beginning? Misty, you totally approve of her business attire. She wasn't wearing a fucking shirt. It was bad enough that Dominique Purcell's name I just totally slaughtered because I don't even know how to say it. That's how we roll.

I don't even know if I put the right letters in there. The guy from Prison Break and Blood Creek. Did I get that one right? Yeah. I think I did.

His big old dumbo ears. Blood Creek. Blood Craig. Which I think I did refer to it at some point when we watched it the other week. Anyways, I was like, making fun of him.

I'm like, dude, you're in an office. You can at least button your shirt. And then I'm like, oh wait, at least you have a shirt on. Bitch over there is wearing a fucking jacket. And that's it.

She just got blazer and chest. She's all set, man. Blazer and chest. plate. There wasn't really anything going on there in that jacket. Until she put on the tank top later.

Then I'm like, where the fuck those come from? Because when she was wearing that blazer, nothing going on. She tied that shit down. It's called a push-up bra. Apparently.

Who had to make those? Wonderbra. That's her business attire. She straps them down when she's not wearing a shirt. Yeah, you know what?

That's the other thing that really bothered me is, like, if you're going to a place that's war-torn and it's run by warlords and there's not a lot of law going on, you know, there's a lot of lawlessness. You dress conservatively. Dress conservatively. Don't flaunt that shit. Yeah, really.

It's like. That's why you almost get raped. What the fuck are you thinking? Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying you have to. I'm saying it's in your best interest.

It is, you know. I'm sure there's somebody out there that'll be like, she should be able to wear whatever she wants. That's fine. I agree, she should be able to, but in this world. In all reality, you know, yes, you should be able to, but where you are.

Don't do it. You should take things into consideration. Yeah. Use your brain. Use it.

She did not. No. And she'd look like the bastard child of Evangeline Lilly and Katie Cassidy if they got together and made a baby. Somebody would watch that video, sure. I'm sure they would.

She was aggravating. She was aggravating throughout the whole movie. She kind of was, actually. I would have left her there. You and me both.

Well, while you're complaining about her, would you like to talk about the dog? Mm-hmm. Fuck that dog. Okay, yeah, that was another thing that bothered me. You don't just walk into a random village.

They've got the dog out there on a raft. Okay, first of all, you're an American. You have no idea about cultures or beliefs or anything about this tribe, but yet you just walk out there and get this dog off a raft because you fucking feel like it because that's what I do. I save dogs. Guess what?

You're not in America. You're in Africa, you know? What the fuck? I'm surprised she didn't piss people off over there, but then again, it's a movie. It's a movie.

She didn't have a goddamn problem with the goat getting eaten. What the fuck's her problem? With the dog special, because it's a dog. The goat could have been somebody's pet goat. You don't know.

She had no problem sending the goat out there for sacrifice, but God forbid the little ugly... That was an ugly dog. I don't even care what anybody... That dog was fucking ugly and mangy, and I bet it smelled like ass. Worse than ass.

It probably smelled like african river ass i don't even know what that smells like but i can imagine it's not pleasant it was mangy and gross and matted i'm just like oh. Really dog It does seem like she would have pissed somebody off, and it felt like... Because they specifically said that's why they put it out there. They put it out there. Like it was an offering.

It was an offering, and she marches her skinny little ass out there and just takes some... Pony white ass. I'm a privileged. American, so I get it my way. What the fuck?

You don't just walk... And that's the first thing she does, too. There's no, hey, how's it going? Here's the chief. Anything like that.

She's like, how dare they put that dog out there in the river? I'm going to rescue him. At least if she was, like, talking with people and we were like, well, he obviously took that little girl, not the dog. So the dog's not doing any good, right? The dog's not doing any good.

Can I take the dog? Like, if she asked them. Not asking. And they were like, oh, yeah, it's not doing us any good. Go ahead.

No respect. Just march your ass over there because you're a journalist. That's American culture. We don't care about anybody else's things. That's true.

I mean, that's kind of how we are. Seriously, I am under the impression that everybody cares When they hit the age of 16, need to be taken and put in a third world country for at least one month to live. I don't think our kids can handle it. I spent a month in Southeast Asia with no fucking running water. All right?

And it makes you appreciate the things we have here in the United States, like running water, a toilet. Mm-hmm. Toilet paper. Non-bootleg cassette tapes? No, actually the bootleg cassette tapes were pretty cool.

But that's a different story. Yeah, you know. But just little things. Shade. TVs.

Air conditioning. Good God. You talk about hot. Not having mosquito nets. Not having good, yeah, that's another thing.

Spiders. Spiders. Fucking spiders the size of my hand. Goddamn spiders. And snakes.

Fucking snakes. Spiders. Scorpions. Insects that I don't even know what the fuck they are. They haven't categorized them yet.

They haven't categorized them. Nightmares. Nightmares with legs is what they are. Saw my cousin eat a bug. On purpose?

Yeah. Nice. Apparently rice bugs. Delicacy. Gross.

Chocolate dipped? No. Big beetle. We were out in the field. He pulled its whatever...

Exoskeleton? The top part of his abdomen off and then just sucked his guts out. This is like Temple of Doom. It is. It was.

I was like, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? Here, try one. He sucked out his undercarriage? Yeah.

Yeah. That's good. It's a deluxe. Well, they feed on rice. They just eat rice.

And then they have this... Well, they're sticky rice bugs. Oh, I love sticky rice. They feed on sticky rice. Sticky rice and sticky bugs.

So apparently they taste pretty good. But I'm not going to eat one because it's a fucking bug. Right? Yeah. I got chewed up by fire ants.

That sucked. Om nom nom. Yeah. That royally sucked. I thought the fire ants here were bad.

Or the ones in Florida. I thought the ones in Florida were bad. Try the ones in Asia. They'll eat the fuck out of your legs. And by the time they're on you, it's too late because they're all over you.

But anyways. I'm staying here. Yeah, to get back to the point is most of the people here in the United States are spoiled rotten. They have no fucking clue how the rest of the world lives. And you just don't walk into a village and release a dog.

And the dog, it's like I can understand maybe if later on the story it served a purpose or saved somebody. It almost got her eaten again later at the end of the movie. I was hoping she would get eaten. Because of that damn dog. Because of that damn dog.

Well, and it, like, again, in a big plot loophole, it just disappears. Like, I thought he just killed it. Because, like, you hear the noise and then you don't see him for, like, 40 minutes. I'm like, well, I guess he killed the dog. But he doesn't do anything.

It's not true. And if the dog comes back and saves the day, it's not like he. He didn't binge eat or nothing. No, not at all. There was that one movie we watched where the dog saves the day.

And I can't remember what it was. The dog killed more people than anybody else. It was the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. Ah. That fucking dog's super dog.

Fucking A. Was it a German Shepherd? I don't know if it was a German Shepherd. It wasn't some mangy-ass little fucking rat dog. He took out everybody.

I was like, hell yeah, dog. I was afraid that dog was going to die, but he didn't. He took out almost all the bad guys. Fucking A. I was like, I need a dog like that.

You don't want some mangy-ass little rat dog. Can I say that one more time? Mangy-ass little fucking rat dog. Yes, you can. I want a wolf.

That's what I want. We had a wolf hybrid. She was terrifying. She was awesome. She'd get in your face and she would sing.

That's cool. How would she sing? She was a wolf. Am I going to sing the Tosche song? Go for it.

She was awesome. And she would get in your face and do that. And when you have this big wolf dog coming at you and you don't know what's going on, you're like, oh my God, this dog is singing the song of my death. She had to celebrate it before she sacrifices you. See?

You were a sacrifice to her. Tosche was awesome. It was Tosche, right? Was it Tosh? Tosche.

I called her Tosche. Officially, yes, she was Tosche. See, I need a wolf. I'm not a pit bull guy. I need a wolf.

That's what I need. I'd prefer. Pit bulls are all right, though. But I like the wolf. I've got friends that have pit bulls.

And they're okay, but they don't fit my personality, I don't think. And secretly you want to be snake eyes. Yeah. Of course. I kind of know where everyone in our generation kind of wanted a wolf because.

Hell yeah. I wanted a wolf before that, but still. Once you saw him, you're like, oh, that's the. Best pet ever. We had a neighbor that had wolves.

Yeah. And so I always thought that was the coolest thing ever, but we were always told not to go anywhere near them because they would eat us. That's kind of how wolves hopper. Yeah. So, I don't know.

I think you, back to Primeval here, I think you sort of hit the nail on the head because I was sitting there thinking the exact same thing. I'm like, how far into this movie are we? We haven't seen a damn crocodile. I saw those two fake crocodile. Oh, they were.

They were real, but they weren't the woman. We didn't see our crocodile. Let's put it that way. We saw random Riverside crocodiles, but we still, again, we're here for the big monster crocodile, and we're. Too much political stuff.

Well, there was that, too. And then you got poor man's Steve... Crikey. I just kept calling him Crikey. Yeah, Crikey guy.

Croc guy. Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin. But he was worse than Steve Irwin because I like Steve Irwin. Yeah, Steve Irwin was good.

Steve Irwin was cool. He was ridiculous, but he was smart. But this crocodile guy just sucked. Crikey, this crocodile is more important than all of you people. I wanted the guy to get eaten by the crocodile.

Because that would have been justice. Did he get eaten by the car? No, he got shot. After he got hit. That was the best part.

I think possibly right there. Because if there was anything I didn't see coming, it was that damn truck. And neither did he. I didn't see that coming. And usually I'm pretty good at calling shit.

Yeah, that one was totally just. Out of left field. Literally caught I'm ignoring that part caught you totally off guard cause yeah you were waiting for somebody to shoot him or you were waiting for the croc to get in people would call it an alligator it's sort of like an alligator but technically but yeah that part was actually kind of awesome just because you had no idea that was gonna happen so that was cool but yeah I think I was at least like after the first time we said that and we went okay well maybe now no no we're back to another scene where you because. You hold on let's backtrack a second I want to get back to the scene that pissed me off and it was prior to that scene all right okay if you're hiding out from an alligator slash crocodile whatever where is the last place you should hang out on a tiny little raft type thing in the middle of the fucking water.

Which person are we talking about? I'm talking about the entire fucking little stilt island that they're all sitting in. The entire fucking everybody. See, that was after it came out, though. But that was before he got hit by the truck.

Okay. No, I was just talking about before we even see. Yeah, before we see the... I got to the point I started like, okay, looking at the timer, I was like. Yeah.

We were. If you don't count the little girl attack, because all you see is like a half second of like mouth. Then they try to move into the whole political thing. Yeah. Because Orlando sees...

Those people get executed, you know, and then they're like, oh, we've got to do something. We've got to do something. We'll make a difference. No, you won't. You won't fucking make a difference because nobody gives a shit.

Again, it's the time when Orlando starts to seem pretty cool because in the beginning he's being kind of silly like he ends up being in a lot of his movies. He calls himself out for that kind of stuff. But in that, like you see, he becomes the only one there that's like making sense at that point. She's like bleeding heart. Oh, we got to save everybody.

We got to get the word out about it. And he's like, people don't care. People don't care about black on black violence in our country. Why are they going to care in Africa? And I'm like, well, you got a point.

I'm like, shit, that's how it is. Just the way it is over there, there's too much shit going on. Mm-hmm. You know, you kill one warlord, another one will pop up and. Take his place.

There's 12 waiting to take his place. And it's never-ending. It's the way that is. And that's sad for most of the people that are living there. You know, I mean, it sucks.

I mean, you can't have a normal life. You sort of make a normal life out of the mess that there is. I mean, people do, but, like, you can't. But, yeah, for her to think that she's going to come in and change it by rescuing a mangy dog and trying to show some... film footage to somebody, you know, yay. Maybe you'll get a, a Pulitzer Pulitzer.

Prize for, they do that for video. I don't know. I don't know for exposing somebody getting shot. We're going to put a face on the crime. Yeah.

I mean, again, you can get the word out all you want. Like as a journalist. Yeah, it is your, and that's the thing. Like the, They were making the argument of like, this is our job. I'm like, well, it is.

Feel free. Go back and show everybody the footage, but it's not going to change anything. You're not going to change anybody's minds, and 90% of people won't even pay attention to it. There's a handful that will, and they'll pat you on the back and tell you you did a great job. Everybody else is going to go on with their lives.

But in the grand scheme of things, you're not going to make a shit ton of money. And in the major, major grand scheme of things, what news agency puts up the money to hire a bunch of people To capture an alligator or crocodile or whatever the hell this thing is. Why do they fucking care? They don't care. They don't put that kind of money up just so you can go.

They're going to send two journalists and a wannabe crocodile hunter and a cameraman to go capture a crocodile? That seemed a little convenient for the plot. It seemed almost like a little King Kong. We've got to bring him back. Come on.

Generally, there's already somebody in the area working on it. They're going to send you there. cover the story yeah not like we're gonna pay money to get you to capture this thing. I want you buddy who knows nothing about crocodiles to go track down a crocodile okay. That's in a violent war-torn country. But all right i guess that's our movie i mean yeah which yeah just at that point i missed your comment was more gators less political guilt yeah which again sort of pinpoints it for us.

Yeah, there wasn't enough crocodiles running around eating people. I mean, the gator kills were good, though. I mean, the crocodiles. As we get into it, but that's what I was going to say. If you don't count the little girl getting attacked, before we get to the cage match, it's 44 minutes into this movie.

I'm like, that's a long time to go in a crocodile movie to not see our crocodile. I was like, that's a long buildup for it. And it was still a CG game. He wasn't bad. I think I was expecting worse.

He wasn't bad. He wasn't Siffy. No. He was better. Again, this was theatrical.

It got out there. So I guess it had a decent budget. It looks good for a CG gator. Yeah, it's not bad CG gator, but it's not. It's CG.

CG is never going to fool me. I'm never going to sit and watch a movie and see CG and go, wow, that CG gator is so real. Or that CG dinosaur. You wouldn't have to say that CG gator. You'd be like, oh my God, how'd they get that gator to do that?

Exactly. Had a trained gator. Why don't they go back to puppets? Puppets at least had depth. They had feel.

They seemed real because they were physically there. Yeah. You know? Even if they were puppets. Again, it depends on if you're kidding.

Bruce looked like a real shark. That's arguable too. But see, that's why I was trying to decide. I'm like, why is it? Because again, most animal attack movies you're going to put up against Jaws.

And I'm like, Why does Jaws still work? Because it's kind of that same thing. You don't see Bruce for a long time. And that's, again, for practical reasons. Bruce wasn't working.

Bruce was a broken piece of machinery for most of that shoot. But you didn't need it. You had your imagination to fill in all the blanks. And those characters were so well drawn. Where here, I'm like, we really don't care about most of these people.

They're just kind of like... And I think that's what it was. As they're going into all their big speeches back and forth, I'm like, I don't really care about any of this. When are these people going to die? The only person that I didn't want to die was Orlando.

He was the only character that I liked. And JoJo. We liked JoJo a little bit. JoJo was okay. Yeah, you kind of wanted him and Orlando to take off for America.

Yeah. He wanted Orlando to put JoJo up his butt. No, I didn't mean that. Orlando suggested it. It's his fault.

Not in that way, you perv. Smuggling him. You know, smuggling. That's totally fine. So, yeah, I don't know.

I think that's part of the issue here is that, number one, we don't see the crocodile. But at the same time, we also don't have somebody carrying us through that first 44 minutes that makes us really invested in the characters either. I think that's a big part of the problem. Because once the crocodile shows up, those scenes are fun. Like you were saying, the attack scenes are pretty fun attack scenes.

There just aren't enough of them. They have two different movies here. If they pull them apart and separate them, because they have the whole political movie. They want to show the injustices of what's actually going on there, or at least try to in some half-assed manner. But it's like, you don't take your crocodile movie and your political crimes, and oh my god, how awful it is, and try to mash them together, because then it's just, they don't.

That'll mix. I don't. They're not two great tastes that taste great together. When you do, it also, like, it kind of throws off the story you're trying to tell, because number one, my point was, as I'm sitting there, I'm like, the crocodile's not your worst enemy. These warlords that are going to gun you down, that's who they spend a good portion of the movie running away from.

They don't even worry about the crocodile when they're hiding from warlord. I'm like, I don't know. That Almost makes the crocodile seem less deadly because you're really worried about this guy who's a thinking person who's trying to kill you. He's more of a monster. And has plenty more people.

Yeah. So, I mean, it does sort of lessen the animal attack part of it. And then as you get into the animal attack part of it, it almost makes the crocodile the hero sometimes. Yeah. I mean, he saves her in the rape scene.

Okay. she i mean she she fights him off pretty good on her own but when it comes down to the okay here he comes what's gonna happen the crocodile comes along and like rescues her sort of i mean like yeah i was like he eats the bad guy which is again leaves. The leg which you would think would be the tastiest part of him because it's got more meat but he doesn't like dark he doesn't like the leg If. He hadn't liked dark meat, he probably wouldn't have eaten the whole block. He's more of wings. He's more of wings.

Breast, that's the white meat. So, yeah, I don't know. I was, I think that was part of the problem because we get, like, several times, like, by the end, once you get the bald dude that's, like, trying to kill him in the end, he also gets taken out by, I was like, he ends up saving them almost as many times as he eats someone in their crew. I was like, it's, It really, it does kind of balance out because the warlords kill Crikey and then like he kills at least two different people along the way who are trying to kill them. So I'm like, he almost balanced.

Again, you get to the point where he's not bad. He's just an animal. He's just doing what he does. He's just hungry. And 50% of the time he's helping you guys out.

So I don't know. It's not like he's the big villain in the movie for me. It's like as it goes on. He's like a mercenary. They got him on a soldier for hire.

Yeah. He works for the tastiest bitter. There you go. That was bad. All right, so now that we've been attacked by this crocodile, where should we hide, Misty?

What's the best place to hide from a crocodile? Oh, my God. In the over-the-water gazebo. That's where we should hide where there's absolutely nothing. Nowhere to run, and if you fall off, you've got to swim, and you could get eaten by a crocodile.

And you're about three inches from the water in this giant game. At least if you're on the land, he can't come up from underneath you. And that one guy was already shot, so you know he's probably leaking. Yeah, he's leaking all over the place. You know, he's bound to be like, it's like, he's coming.

It's like, seriously, that's where you're... That's the place you decide to hide. To hang out. Let's rest here over the water. Yeah, that's held up by like three little stilts or what, and I've been four.

I don't know. Yeah, because the crocodile didn't already mangle that huge metal cage that they had. Yeah, this little flimsy wooden area is totally going to keep him out. Yeah, he won't be able to attack us here. He won't see us.

With the spindly-ass little walkways. Yeah. He took that out in like one bite. Really, dude? Seriously?

That just made me so mad. I would have kept moving. I wouldn't have taken a break. I would have just, I would have stayed anywhere but there. Yeah, even, why wouldn't you just get off of that, go over, you know, not even right on the beach where you can run up.

And get you. The thing is, they were on land to begin with. They were walking on land going back to the village and then what do they, they decide they see this pagoda over the fucking lake and they're like, hey, let's rest there. That seems like a safe place. That's the best.

I was just, are you serious? Because I'm like, of all the places, of all the places and. All the lands. These are a lot of people that don't think. Wanted to punch them all and I wished them all death at that moment I'm like if you're all this fucking stupid then you should all die.

But I guess if they had a movie full of smart people it wouldn't last that long and nothing would happen. They'd like get shit done and not get killed and I guess nobody wants to see that. No there would be no trouble no peril. Yeah you need stupid people especially in horrific movies you kind of need stupid people so I don't know. I'm so aggravated those people yeah Seriously, all places.

That's what probably pissed me off the most of this entire movie, that when they take their break to rest, they rest there. Aside from her running off to go save the dog at the very end where the crocodile's coming up out of the lake, and he's like, get in the truck! And they're going to take off, and she hears the dog barking, and she's like, no, I've got to rescue the dog! I was like, I would have just left her ass. I would have been like, fuck you, I'm gone.

Sorry. No, I'm not sorry. You and the damn dog can go off and go fight the crocodile. I'm leaving. And here's the trouble for Orlando.

You gotta run zigzag, man. That's what I've heard when you're being chased by either crocodile or alligator. If you run crazy zigzag pattern, it confuses them. Because truthfully, they look like they've got stubby little legs, but they can outrun people. But if you do crazy pattern, which I still kind of question because I feel like midway into that zigzag, he's just going to bite your ass.

Yeah. But supposedly. But rabbits do that. I would think that you would run slower. Rabbits do that.

Again, I mean, it is a strategy when you're being attacked. It's like you run crazy like and then they don't know how to. Yeah, they don't know how to get you. Or if you're being shot at. Yeah, if you're being shot at, don't run in a straight line.

Or if you have a giant piece of metal rolling at you like maybe a spaceship, don't run in a straight line. Oh, my God. Also run zigzag and then it'll still crush you. But it'll be more entertaining. Just run off to one side.

For aliens that are watching. Or step off the path. Well, it's the same thinking as when you're being chased by a truck. In a movie. Just stay in the middle of the road and run.

Don't go in somebody's yard where they can't get you behind a tree. No, no. Just keep running down the middle of the road. You'll be fine. Those people deserve what they get coming to them.

Crazy movie life. But this one, I mean, again, your initial instinct is just run. Just run. So, I mean, again, that's kind of what you would think to do. And it worked for a while, but obviously it didn't keep working.

No. It didn't work out so well for Orlando. Because apparently the crocodile will chase him all the way across the plains of Africa. And he did. Yes.

That's what he gets for taunting the fucker. If he hadn't taken the time to sit there and give him the finger, he might have had a longer start. I think that pissed him off. He got mad. That's why he got himself out.

He was like, oh, now that's it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Give me the finger. Oh, it's on, bitch. I'm going to eat you.

I'm going to eat you so good. You're going to wish I didn't eat you so good. He gnawed the hell out of him. We didn't see that one, though. No, we kind of thought he was alive for a while.

I was like, I had a little bit of hope. We didn't actually see... Him getting eaten. Maybe he's still out there. He'll come at the last minute and he'll say that, no, bitch was dead.

I'm sure they purposely put that in to give you hope. Or because they weren't sure if Orlando was coming back to shoot in here. He was probably like, look, I got a real job. I'm out of here. See you guys later.

Is that why the Orlando at the death scene didn't look real? Was that just a dummy? I'm sure it was. I couldn't tell. I'm being serious.

It kind of looked like it. Like a rubber mannequin thing. That may be who they got. I was trying to see because the one thing I will give them, there were some really cool shots in it. There was a time or two when he was using sort of that gator cam.

He was actually doing it kind of like, again, it's sort of the shark idea in Jaws, but like he was doing it at water level. That was kind of cool. There were a few times when they do pretty cool edits. Again, it's kind of playing on that horror theme of like quick cuts and doing it kind of, you know, but there were some original things as far as directions. So I was trying to see what else this guy has directed here.

It looks like a lot of TV work. But he's still, I mean, he's still. Has he done anything else crocodile and or alligator related? He's doing stuff now. He's doing Falling Skies and....

Are there shows? Zolian Isles. True Calling, there we go. Nobody cared about that show. Smallville, but everybody does Smallville eventually.

Well, I've probably been on Smallville at some point, and I just don't realize it yet. Here's the one that seems a little odd. Seven episodes of Gilmore Girls. Wowzers. And then off to Gatorland.

I don't remember there being any alligators in Gilmore Girls. It's Stars Hollow. It's a crazy place, man. You never know. You never know what's going to happen.

It was wacky. Shenanigans abound. Northern exposure. Very strange. Yeah, it's mostly TV work looking at it.

Did anybody get eaten by a moose or something? I think that one time. Yeah, Janine. Yeah. So, ooh, a Dawson's Creek episode.

He's obviously picked up some TV work. So, I mean, he's, again, he's competent. Things are shot relatively well and occasionally creative. But, yeah, I don't know. I think I have more problem with the script than anything else.

Too political for me. I just want gators eating shit, you know. Or crocodiles or sharks or any kind of large... animal of some variety eating some people or fighting other mutant animals of equal size. That's the thing a movie like this you think they would sort of take a page out of the the sci-fi channel book and do something pretty similar but they with the exception of a couple of scenes they really don't like it does not play like one of those movies at. All i know but i love giant lions why didn't they have giant lions.

Giant lion versus super alligator crocodile. I got just wrong. I'd probably watch that. And I saw no lions through this entire movie. Yeah, me neither.

But yet the crocodile kind of roared like a lion. I wonder if he at some point ate a lion and absorbed its powers. I don't know. But yeah, I kept expecting somebody to run across something else and get eaten. Well, Orlando did run across a snake, but that snake didn't eat him.

But, you know, I was like, oh, somebody's going to get eaten by a tiger or a lion or something like that. But. Crikey got eaten by warlords. Yeah, he got shot to death. After getting ran over.

After getting hit by a truck. You're going to get run over. We'll get you run over. The thing I want to know is how did he not hear the damn truck, you know? He was all worked up running around.

But still, it's peripheral vision. I don't give a fuck if there's a helicopter. I'll see a damn truck coming. It's an open field. He's got no peripheral vision at all.

He was focused. He was focused on the helicopter tunnel vision. He had his blinders on. He got hit by a truck. In an open field.

Out of left field. It did come off the left side of the screen. I know, right? That's what I've been trying to tell you. Left field.

Wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Wow. Any others? I think I've pieced together my issues.

I don't think I have any other issues. I've already stated my issue. Not enough gator crunching and too much political for me. I'm not a political person. I don't like.

It is a weird mixture with this movie. I like my killer animal movies. Dumb. Dumb. I do.

I don't want them like. Dumb and action-packed. I don't want them to make me feel guilty about shit. I don't want them, you know... What are you feeling guilty about?

It's just the whole... I don't know. I don't need it. I think you were on to a better movie then because midway in when they still wouldn't show us the crocodile, you threw out there that maybe there was a ghost gator. And then I was like, man, I want to see ghost gator.

I would totally watch. Ghost gator. Ghost gator. Ghost shark. A battle you will never see.

Because they're ghosts. But you could set it like in ghost gator versus alien crocodile but no you. Could take ghost gator and set it in new orleans and then you'd have some sort of undead, crazy voodoo thing going on. Zombie sharks? They'd raise up a Ghost Gator, and then maybe there'd be, I don't know.

Zombie? Maybe we'd just have zombies versus Ghost Gators, and I don't know. You could have sharks. I think there's potential there, though. There's some crazy stuff going on in New Orleans, and gators, so we can work these two together.

Let's start writing that right. I'm surprised sci-fi hasn't come up with that one yet, considering some of the combinations we've seen so far. They'll steal it from us. We did watch Two-Headed Shark Attack. Have you seen Two-Headed Shark Attack?

No, I've seen the trailer for Two-Headed Shark Attack. Which just seems like you would get confused and not really be able to do anything because both of them would be trying to go in opposite directions. I really don't see them working together because they're sharks and they're probably kind of stubborn, you know? I want to eat this no i want to eat this person nothing ever happens i. Want to eat the blonde no i want the brunette yeah.

They can't decide on the redhead so you know it's. Like i i enjoy a good stupid fun killer animal movie i like dino croc versus super gator or whatever combination they're up i love sharktopus i love sharktopus was cool sharktopus was pretty damn rowdy um I loved Sharknado. I have no shame. I don't even care. Sharknado was pretty crazy.

It was fun. I liked it. I enjoyed it. It was awesome. I don't even care.

It's like, I think I already said Dino Croc. Did I? I don't even know. I love all the Super Shark, Sand Shark, Snow Shark, Ghost Shark. Oh, my God.

I love all those movies. I don't care. Don't judge me. I love them all. They're fun.

They're not trying to shove political stuff in your face. They're not. There's no political. Sci-fi doesn't even understand the political stuff. There's no politics in Sandshark.

You leave that shit at the door. The biggest thing you have to accept is that the really dumb looking hot model girl puts her glasses on and suddenly she's a scientist. As long as you can stomach that, you are okay on those movies. In Two-Headed Shark Attack, I'm pretty sure Carmen Electra, was she a scientist or a doctor? But did she put glasses on?

Yeah. No. Oh, my God. She's got to put glasses on. I thought she did.

Was she a marine biologist? Is that what it was? Maybe that's what it was. I mean, they don't have to have real lenses. She was some kind of.

Brooke Hogan is always some kind of scientist. Yeah. She's some kind of something. Yeah, she's really convincing. Yeah.

She's always super smart in those movies. She looks like she can barely read the lines. You mean that if. We take and synthesize these two alkaloids, then perhaps it will blow it up in something. Chemical reaction.

Cut and print. All right. There you go. We're all set. That's the best you're going to get.

And it's sci-fi. They have a day and a half to shoot those movies. But I don't care. It's fun. I'm okay with that.

I can sit down and watch that kind of movie and not worry about having to put too much thought into it or too much effort into trying to understand. Usually after we get off work on a Friday night. I mean, it's true. There are plenty of times when I'm just like, this looks like a good movie on the queue up here. I'm not in the mood for it.

Sometimes you do just kind of want something not so investing. Just something to watch. I would recommend Shark Night and Bait. Not the one with Jamie Foxx. Is it Jamie Foxx?

It is Jamie Foxx, I believe. I was waiting. I knew you were going to be like, Jamie Foxx? I don't think I was even going there. Bait's really good.

I was still stuck on the first one. Was it Shark Night with an N or with a K in? Maybe it's like a shark that plays chess. I was going to say a shark knight with like an armor. Yeah, like an armored shark.

Either one. It's been transported back into King Arthur's day. Oh, Lord. And he gets Excalibur. Now it's like Black Knight, only he's a shark.

As long as we don't cast it as like the voice of Martin Lawrence, I think I'm okay with that. But yeah, I really, it was shark knight with an N. Okay. Okay. Except for in shark.

No, it's just shark. Shark shark night. Nobody wants i don't want to see that. At all but that one was fun although incredibly predictable but fun nonetheless but bait was pretty awesome and i'm pretty sure that was in australia. Oh that one was pretty good i did like that one that one's.

Pretty sharks in the grocery store a. Little bit of a serious tone i could kind of buy a part of it maybe It. Can be a little silly. I mean, you can feel like there's stakes in them so that you do kind of worry about the people, but it's still got to be fun. Funny stakes.

Oh, God. Shame on you. Shame. I think that should round out our animal discussions for this week. Do you want to have some candy canes?

Yeah. To wrap this thing up, as promised. Do we need? Did you promise? You said earlier.

Oh, I did? You are going to be guinea pig. Oh, yeah. Live on the show. Wasabi candy canes.

Fancy. Don't forget the fancy part. These are wasabi flavored candy canes. Fancy. I think we'll have to take a picture.

Maybe we'll post it on the old Facebook page. If you need to do it before, you can bust them all out. Or as he's eating them. Just take the plastic off of them. Watch where you're waving that knife about, boyfriend.

I like both of my eyes where they are. You said that was your strategy. Stab the croc in the eye. Yeah, really. I'm serious.

It's like the crocodile is half in the vehicle at one point and he's punching it in the nose. I'm like, what are you doing? You put your thumbs in its eyes. Stab it in the eyes. Who's punching him in the nose?

He was stabbing in his face, but he wasn't really hitting the eyes. He was like stabbing his tongue or something. Don't hit the eyes. Shit. And be careful with Jojo.

He's right there. He's already been shot. Jojo's been shot in this shark. Look at a shark. Crocodile.

Crocodile's going ape shit in the back of the Range Rover. In his lap. Yeah. And that was another thing. Really quick.

The Range Rover. Stuck. Stuck in the mud. Can't go anywhere. How's it going to go anywhere?

With a two-ton fucking crocodile rolling around in the back of it. Then it goes somewhere. He was pushing. He was pushing. He was helping.

He was helping. He was helping. I'm really not a bad guy. See, I'm trying to help. See, one more time, he helped him out.

I'm not trying to eat you. I'm just laughing. You guys are hilarious. This script is hilarious. And you know, the crocodile didn't die in this movie.

I know. I kind of like that. He's still alive. He's still alive to this day. No, in the real world, he's still alive.

She Googled it. I Googled it. Gustav is real. Oh, he is? Yeah.

It is based on a true story, like they said. Holy crap. I always thought that was just one of those things just to sell movies. A lot of times it is. The other thing she looked up, he's only about 60.

He's still got 40 years of eating people based on their math. Is he big? Is he a big person? 25 feet, supposedly. 25 feet.

How long is. That? 25 feet? Quarter of a football? Take a little over five Mistys and.

Of course we measure everything on this show by the misty scale. I do. Usually I'm like, it's like eight misty feet long. We really should see if we can get that changed to the official. Screw this metric thing.

I mean, I know it makes sense and all, but no, no, we're going with the misty feet. This is like the hardest candy cane to get into. What the hell? It'd be smarter. Okay.

All right. He's going in. You're supposed to just suck on it. What are you doing? Oh, it looks nasty.

It looks like your face is not pleasant. Well, I'm trying to determine. You're supposed to suck on it until it's sharp and pointy so you can stab people. Do you not know how to eat a candy cane? That's how I was operated as a kid.

Let's tell us how candy canes are eaten. Me. You're going to tell me how candy canes are eaten. Expect me to follow how everybody else eats their fucking candy cane. You should know better than this.

We just had a conversation about this. I will chew a fucking candy cane. How does it taste? Interesting. Because there is the wasabi.

It is there. It's hot, like wasabi. But yet it's sweet, like a candy cane. Sounds disgusting. It's not.

You want to try one? I don't know if I want a whole one. Chisel off a piece of the other one. Break off a piece of this. Take yourself, fool.

All right. I will be a guinea pig as well. Yeah. Do you need a picture of your taste yet? Probably not.

It's weird already. It's not bad. Depends on if you like wasabi. I love wasabi. I'm not sure I'm all that on board with wasabi.

I just knew you were, and that's why I got it. I love wasabi. I love wasabi peas. I love just wasabi by itself. But then I also drink malt vinegar out of the bottle, so.

I was going to say, it's very, like, mustardy. That sounds disgusting. No, I do not. Oh, come on. It's like a vinegar-heavy mustard.

No, no. Please. No. You've got to try it. You know I hate wasabi.

Why would you do this? You've never tried wasabi. I don't like it. How do you know you don't like it? Because I know I don't.

She has misty logic. I have smelled your wasabi piece. They smell nasty. I know. Am not going to try this.

I'm pretty sure you're not going to like it. I know exactly... Oh, my God. I hate when people say that, and you know I hate when people say that. You don't know what you're missing.

I know exactly what I'm fucking missing. Something I don't fucking want. That's exactly what I'm missing. Boyfriend, I'm going to punch you in the face. You're going to be taking that candy cane out of your ass.

Along with JoJo. Look what else I smuggled in. Wasabi candy cane. I can't breathe. Oh, shit.

Okay. We got it under control. Are you sure? No. See, now, if you had.

That's kind of what I'm thinking right now. Well, no, the vapor went up my nose. You had the vapors. Now, see, if you had a wasabi candy cane, it would help you breathe. And then I would vomit.

Maybe so. I don't know if we're sponsored by wasabi candy canes after all. I didn't expect the. The. The.

The vapor effect. The nasal clearing. The nasal clearing vapor action. The halls. Yeah, were these put out by halls?

The coop trimmings. The what? The coop trimmings. Oh. I thought you said something about coochie moves.

I saw a box of those too, actually. I'm not sure if I wanted those. No. Made in China. And then Seattle.

They shipped them to Seattle, I'm assuming. Oh man, that means it's got lead in them. That's what helps clear out the nasal passages. They do have fancy characters on them. But they're made by accoutrements, aren't they?

Or distributed by? They're probably distributed by them. It's right there. Distributed. Made in China exclusively.

For accoutrement. Yes. I'm probably saying that wrong, too. So, if you like sushi. China.

And if you like wasabi. And if you like a little bit of sweetness to your wasabi, try the wasabi candy canes. Well, you probably can't now. You should have already snapped them up. Maybe next year they'll be back around.

Maybe next year. I thought it has the ingredient titanium dioxide. I saw that, too. Oh, really? I was interested in that one.

Awesome. As I'm eating this. I wonder if that'll lace my skeleton. I mean, it's not like adamantium, but titanium is pretty close. You're going to have wasabi-coated bones.

Same thing they make the space shuttle out of. You're going to have bone claws made out of wasabi candy canes. And then the villains will go, and they'll be like, oh, look at those swirly colors. And then while they're being dazzled by that, you'll stab them. You know this is coming, right?

Oh, God. Oh, God. It knows how ridiculous we are and it does not want to capture that moment. You had to know that shit was coming. Let me know if this needs to be the actual shot for the episode.

If we crop out the screen on the bottom, is that our episode shot there? That is pretty rowdy. Do you need the flash on, though? I took some without it. Actually, that one's not bad.

That was the one right before. Otherwise, if you approve. Or if you really wanted to, I could go in the bathroom and try to make my hair up like over. Because I got enough hair. He's going to put a stupid hat on first.

That is how much you want to be into this idea. I don't know. I don't even get sweet out of them. I think it's just wasabi in a hard candy form. Yeah.

That's pretty much it. Still good. I don't think I can eat a whole. One, though. I can smell it.

I'm having a hard time powering through this. I'm happy with the little piece I busted off of it. So, yeah, I'm sticking with that. I'm having a hard time powering through it. All right, so I think we're rounding this out.

Powered by wasabi, we are rounding out this episode. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.

What? Yeah. Can't see you at the last thought of a hand. Now what? Now what?

So when my. Blood goes, it's me who has the last fight. Bye. We will? No, we won't.

Oh, okay. That's up to you. Again, you're invited every week. Later. Now, whether or not you show up for vegan-y pizzas is up to you.

That sounds disgusting. You gotta wait an hour more. Actually, I... We didn't fight our way to the top of the damn food chain to eat some goddamn bunny food. Hell yeah.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios. with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!

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