262: The FP from the 502

Hey there, I'm Joanna Cassidy and I am listening to Movie Milk. Music It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million.

Kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. I'm David. And I'm Patrick.

So, yes, the, what did I bill us last time? The Trio of Terror or something to that effect. Something about that. We're back, and this time we are not from a mall decades ago. No, we are coming to you live via digital recording from Patrick's, what do you want.

To call this room? The movie room. Movie room. That's creative. All right.

You don't even, like, we usually give people. The dinner film. Thank you. We usually make everybody come up with a ridiculous name for their home or their, you know, I live at the Meltdown Compound and Misty and Jay live at the Bastion of Awesomeness. We made up a name for Lucy's house, but she said it sounded like a whorehouse, so she didn't like that anymore.

I think she vetoed. It. All right, so we're here in the den of film. Film or filth? That's yet to be seen.

Exactly. So, we've decided. I liked the mall episode so much that I thought, we need to return to this. We need to have the three of us get together and have our little movie nights. And this time, we're bringing somebody else in.

Patrick, please introduce our guest. This is my neighbor and life companion, Mr. Cary Campbell, attorney at law. I sure hope I'm your life companion. I've been playing and being next to you for a long time.

It is true. I'm sorry. One way is in one. Here we are for 83 minutes of glory. So, okay, usually we'll do some sort of geek activity.

I may be cutting everybody else out of it. Here's a geek activity. Because that's true. Is that like the sequel to Paranormal Activity 6? But I know I haven't done anything near as exciting, and David, I don't know about you.

You can chime in if you want. But Patrick, weren't you just like on the other side of the planet? It was at 1.100 degrees warmer than where we are now. The other. I've learned how to wear five layers of clothing this year like i don't know.

What you were you were actually the man who when i worked at the the we will leave it unnamed who we had to stand up we had to stand a lot and he wore boots and he taught me to wear three layers of socks at a time thank. You yeah my pipes are currently frozen up so just you know screw. You and that's why anyways here to use my toilet That's. Really the only reason. I was like, oh, and we can watch a movie or whatever.

We're supposed to be FP. We should watch the FP. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll duck out in the middle of it. It'll just hear me singing.

It wouldn't be a long shower at 83 minutes. So, no, did you have any interesting tales from the other side of the planet? Other than the temperature. Massages were $ 6. $ 6. I'm in the wrong country.

And $ 8 with the handjob. I'm really in the wrong country. That's about it. Okay, then let me ask you for our normal movie geek life that we live. Did you watch any movies while you were there?

I did go to the theater. Fiatre. What did you see? Oh, The Hobbit 2. The Hobbitine.

The Hobbitine. The Revenge of Smog? Smog's Curse? Smog something. Smog 2 Electric Boogaloo?

It's Smog 2 Electric Boogaloo and at the end it ends very abruptly. Smog 2 the next day. We've been trying to come up with other ones because everybody always goes to Electric Boogaloo because it is the most awesome one. But then we're trying to work in other sequel titles along the way like Smog's Revenge. You want to get Angelina Jolie on this and go Cradle of Life?

Can we? Why don't we bring her in as our extra guest? There you go. We can have a fourth and fifth, and we can just keep adding people. I will say their movie theaters over there are much nicer than ours in Kentucky.

Well, that's not saying much, actually. I kind of don't like our mainstream theaters. When I was in Japan, I went and saw, actually I saw the first Evangelion movie. I'm going to let the audience know that that came out in 1979. Geek.

What are you talking about? No, look. I'm going to get distracted. Is this the one where Shinji masturbates into his hand? Well, I mean, I don't know.

His home videos? Wait. And the newest ones they didn't have. And the TV series, you know, yeah, that weird, awkward. No, that was the movie that came afterwards.

I'm pretty sure. But I'm talking about, like, even more recently. Like, he's summed up the whole series into four movies. Three of them are out now. The fourth one's still pending.

But the first one, when we were there, the first one was in theaters in Japan. We're like, well, we're not going to understand anything, but we've seen the series. We kind of know what's going on. Let's go experience it. And what tripped me out is the movie theaters in Japan are treated like the way you would treat ballet here.

It was like you had to wait at a door. You couldn't even walk to the theater to a certain point. Everyone was super quiet. I mean, super quiet. It was like being at a ballet.

There was no talking, no nothing. It was bizarre. I was like, wow. We must be respectful to Michael Bay. Shh.

I think Japanese people would just go Columbine if they watched a movie in America. They just wouldn't understand what's going on. They wouldn't like the fact that the lady behind you is eating the fried chicken? Lately at our theater here, a certain friend of the show keeps calling out. It's not even like kids.

Usually you're like, damn teenagers. But he's like, it's always middle-aged old women that are like the row behind him going, Jimmy's got a shirt like that one. You know, it's always just like weird old women that hang out in the theater. You all don't go to the theater that I do because most of the. Time it's, oh, hell no.

They close Dixie Dozen. Anyway. No, I was at, I worked at the River Falls Cinema for like two years. And unfortunately, I was there when Titanic was out. So a good year and a half of that.

Did they ruin it for you? Well, what was funny is that, you know, I was an Usher type at the time. And there was one one instance with Titanic where we kept getting people coming out arguing about these two ladies talking during the movie. So I'm just like, you know, after like the second or third one, they're like, someone's got to go in with the flashlight, figure out what's going on because we've had too many complaints. So I'm looking for teenagers.

I'm looking for teenage girls, right? I walk in, I only get halfway down the aisle and I can go right here and I'm like, no, yeah, there's like two women clearly just, you know, talking out loud. It is these two elderly ladies talking That are just like, I don't know if they didn't have hearing aids. I don't know if they didn't know or what. But just very out loud are just like.

Oh, my. Look at that ship. Oh, my. I don't know what I. Would do in that situation.

Oh, well, isn't her dress nice? And so I put the flashlight on. I'm like, psst. Hey. Shut the fuck up.

You know, and of course, they shoot daggers at me. They look at me like, who the hell are you? I had to ask them to come in the hallway. They just kept talking right in front of me. And I was like, I had to take these 280s.

You're old women. Take them out of the hallway and be. Like, now we've crossed over into porn territory. Hold on. And then was my first menage a trois.

Two girls, one usher. Wow. I've read that. Come on. That's a horror movie right there.

We do have a lot of butter and a lot of syrup and slushy stickiness. A lot of wrinkles. A lot of wrinkles. So at some point were they like, I like a lot of ice in my drink. You're going to make it never work again.

Thank you. I'm stunted. I'm just making Titanic jokes. What are you doing? I'm permanently flaccid while you talk about Titanic.

I'm sitting next to you. I'm okay with that. Draw me like one of your French girls, Winfro. All right. So other than that, what was your experience like, Patrick?

In your otherworldly... Trips to the theater. It was warm. I ate a lot of mangoes. A lot of tan people who didn't understand what I was saying.

Do you feel like you're in loss eating so many mangoes? I always eat mangoes in loss. I actually have never. The Filipino mango is a lot different than any mango we've ever had here. I actually got quite the addiction.

I developed an allergy because I was eating up to six mangoes a day. They're phenomenal. So what, you didn't have an allergy? I did not. But you ate so much mango, your body started like rejecting it.

Rejected them. Interesting. It was awesome. I imagine the same thing could happen with hentai. I don't eat things that actually grow.

I would probably die immediately. Things that are real food, my body does not know how to process. Other than that, life was blessed. Well, I mean, I know it's not food when I go to the old time oh oh. A little a little bit of movie love we me and the me and the miseries went on the honeymoon.

She was miserable exactly and it was uh in this you know like islands and in the middle of the south pacific and it turned out that uh for all those people out there in TV land, I'm not a beautiful person. In fact, I can barely sit here next to you. I'm lucky to have a wife. That's true. I don't understand how you score that.

But because I am white, and when I was in the middle of the Philippines, they were like, oh, you look like Matt Damon. And I was like, really? Did you start talking to Matt Damon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you go to talk about it and be like, Matt.

Damon, Matt Damon? Matt Damon. Matt Damon. But the place that we stayed for our honeymoon was actually in the credits, the closing credits of the... Well, Matt Damon's not even in that movie.

The Bourne Legacy with not Matt Damon. Not Matt Damon, which is you. Yeah, exactly. By the way, Movie Meltdown takes no credit for his other language choices here. But you have married into the culture.

Does that mean you can now make racist comments? I mean, I can make tons of racist comments. I don't know if that's cool, man. They have such great. Think we're supposed to be talking about this.

It was funny. Was it strangely mostly American? It was very interesting because we stayed in the capital for the most part and they had 16 movie theaters in something like 14 square miles. So like all the movie theaters in the whole country, like 90% of them are in Manila, the capital of the Philippines. Are they all like single theater?

They don't have multiplex? So there's six. There's six theaters at a time and three of them are IMAX and three of them are regular. And so we were like, oh, my God, we're going to get to see The Hobbit, the whatever of Smaug in 3D on the IMAX. And we go, and it was every American movie was on a little screen, and every Filipino movie that you'd never heard of, something with the title of like Baka Laka Ding Dong, was on the IMAX.

And then we look at the films. It's like, well, you know, we went and saw The Desolation of Smaug, and the screen was really nice. It was huge. It was big. So we're like, God, the IMAX must be really good.

Let's go see Baka Laka Ding Dong. And you go, and it's like, the fuck is this? I would expect somebody that lives in a trailer out off Dixie Highway to film better. Wow. But the theaters were nice.

The theaters were clean. I was really impressed. By Baka-Laka-Ding-Dong. You like your Baka-Laka-Ding-Dong. Baka-Laka-Ding-Dong's good.

I prefer Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong, but that's just me. Yeah, but you go like five minutes outside the city and you're like, wow, that is a lot of filth. That's rough. Well, we just have that in the city, so. So it's like Philadelphia.

No, yeah, Philadelphia is so much worse. So much worse than the Philippines. Forge shit on both of them. That is why, that is why, that is why you are my sugar daddy. Golden, pure, creamery butter.

Rich, flavorful, satisfying. That's what it takes for the finest buttered popcorn, and that's what we use. See for yourself why there's no showtime treat to equal the crisp, delicious flavor of hot popcorn that's bathed in real melted butter. It's at the concession stand now. Tweaked Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds.

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Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. Ding dong. Hey. Oh, my, my.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Back into my smile, child. That is why. That is why. That is why.

That is why. You are my sugar, dear, dear. We're not going to start on how Rhino is a Transformer. Right, he's in a goddamn mech suit. Is he in a mech suit?

Is this Elysian of the Spider-Man film? Well, if that's the case, why do we keep adding villains in? Dude, they just added the, what, the spider, what's the one villain? Dude, I'm fucking lit. I don't even know.

The spider, killer spider. I don't know. From the cartoon? Yeah, it's not even one of the Sinister Six. It's another one, the Spider Slayer.

They just added the Spider Slayer. They cast it and added the spider. Yeah, so now you have the Sinister Six. And this guy, you're going to have seven villains in one movie. Nothing from all of these other stupid superhero movies.

If we're going from Elysian to Spider-Man, we might as well go to the new Tom Cruise mech suit movie. That actually looks really good because it pulls in parts of Vanilla Sky. Which one are you discussing? Don't you... It's old Vanilla Sky.

Vanilla Sky is probably my favorite movie of all time. See, me and Vanilla Sky have a weird, creepy association. I'm really fascinated with dreams. Read lots of books on it. Had really, really vivid, crazy, lucid dreams in my childhood.

Dreams have been a big part of my life. So the fact it was about dreams was already interesting. But then the main character's name is David? And the day that he dies, for whatever reason, the only date they mention in the movie is December 5th when old girl takes him off the bridge and the incident happens, which is my birthday. It was meant for you.

So that movie was kind of extra creepy for me. I was like, what's going on here? I like your logic. It works just like my childhood mind when I was excited because my favorite movie, his name was Brian, and he had a robot dog, and his girlfriend was Valerie Bertinelli. Anyway.

It's pretty exciting. As much as... You know, I've said this a million times. I absolutely loathe Tom Cruise as a person. But Last Samurai and Interview with a Vampire will forever be two of my favorite movies ever.

And as much as I hate him as an individual, I just... Ken Watanabe is so fucking good in Last Samurai. Name a bad movie. It's actually a second to Last Samurai is what it should have been called. That was the good one.

It's weird. Like. Out of all my DVDs, like literally 95% of them are Japanese and Asian, just subtitle stuff. Did you see Ghost Protocol? Did you see Ghost Protocol?

Tell me one bad thing about Ghost Protocol. I haven't watched a single Mission Impossible movie. What? I haven't watched any of the. Mission Impossible movies.

Come halfway in. What? Because one and two, whatever. Three, pretty entertaining. Four, pretty damned entertaining.

Philip Seymour Hoffman, may he rest in peace. That's J.J. Abrams though, right? Yeah, third one was. Dude, I'm telling you.

I have a lot of faith in Abrams. Between Fringe and the early part of Lost, let me make that clear, before he handed the script over and it got slaughtered and it got rewritten, early Lost and Fringe, Abrams is a god. I'm not going to mention Felicity at all. That never happened. That was his junior high, sophomore, figuring it all out.

She cut her hair. The world stopped. Okay. Seven, eight, and nine. That's all I'm saying.

But he did find a way to add a dimension shit at the end, didn't he? In the weird last season, wasn't there a weird time? I had a girlfriend to watch it. Wasn't there a weird thing where there was an alternate universe? Seriously.

I don't know why I would think you two haven't watched it, but I think in the last season of Felicity, there was something weird where they actually canceled the show half season, so he ended it, and then they came back like, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to let you finish. They've done that before. So he did a weird... alternate dimension time loop something weird because he had to figure out a way to have another half of the season so the man that's infamous for like solar flares and dimensions and time loops found a way to do it in felicity seven eight and nine. That's all i'm saying one eight seven yo until we see seven eight and nine.

That's what worries me is i mean given in both of those universes is. Felicity and Star Wars? Yes. Or Star Trek and Star Wars? Oh, that one too.

Whatever. I mean, obviously Felicity's more important than either of those. Other two, but. The amount of just absolute plot hole impossible things in that second Star Trek movie is insane. I was absolutely entertained.

Let me say. It's entertaining. I was entertained by both movies, but the fact that. You do realize at the end of the second movie, they found... immortality. Does everyone get that?

Like, his blood or whatever, did they use to bring Kurt back to life? You have, like, what, 70-something of these bodies? You have a ridiculous amount of blood that is immortality. That's huge! Yeah, you brought Kurt back to life.

Yay! But you also have enough blood to do that, like, For so many people, and I'm sure you could replicate that, you found immortality in a Star Trek movie. What's part three about? What's the matter? It'd be great if in the third one they tied it in with the fourth one, and that's where the kidney-growing pill comes from.

Interesting. Turns out they replicate the blood, and it only grows kidneys. Inside of invisible lead. it's all coming together. Seven eight and nine. Seven eight we'll see we'll see the fact that like day one they were like timothy's on who the fuck is that fuck his books i was like oh this ain't good this ain't good You could at least go, well, you know, they were good books, but we're going to opt not to.

Don't even assume that we give a damn about Timothy Zahn. Forget, you're never going to see Grand Animal Thrawn in a movie. Get over it. You're never going to see Mara Jade in a movie. Get over it.

This is Steve Zahn's brother, right? Steve Zahn. Are we continuing our tangent episode? We can just do an. Offshoot episode here.

But the trailer episode is obviously better. I mean, this is legit, like, Suncoast life right here, though. Like, this would be us. If you just imagine, like, every now and then being like, wait a minute, let me bring this guy up. Then this is Suncoast life right here.

We invented the Kevin Bacon mathematical system. I used to be really good at that. My brain is useless now, but I used to be pretty good. There's a Google app. Yeah, no, you don't need to now.

A Bacon app. Computers take over and now you don't need your brain. Stephen Hawking's invented the bacon app. And there's no black holes. Hey guys, it's the repeater from the Tower of Technobabble and we're getting ready to do our next show and I thought it might be cool for you to look behind the scenes.

And See how the magic happens. In fact, Conduit is getting Towerbot ready right now as we speak. Approaching Singularity. Got it. Avengers.

Got it. Bacon. Need it. Batman. Got it.

Bigfoot. Got it. Cartoons. Got it. Catwoman.

Got it. Comics. Got it. Conspiracies. Need it.

Doctor Who. Got it. Green Lantern. Got it. Hoaxes.

Need it. Mars. Got it. Monkeys. Got it.

Movie reviews. Got it. Myths. Got it. NASA.

Need it. Oceanography. Got it. Politics. See what happens.

Hi, this is Verdon Wells, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. And I have one thing to say. I know where you live, you little fuckers. So listen, or I will come and get you, I will rip off your head, and I will piss down your neck. So, remember that.

Music It's time for Sofa Theater. All right, should we delve into this crazy-ass movie? What's the name of the film? The FP. Those are initials?

Yes, it stands for Franklin Park. Oh. Fellatio protocol is fellatio with a ph i'm trying to figure it out does anybody want to read the netflix synopsis for the movie before we get started. Uh i was going to before do you want to go ahead and get out of the way now yeah sure okay let's. Let's do this i'm just gonna do it though are we gonna like paper rock scissor for this or is.

Well i'll do the i'll do the in school i'll do the intro here perfect so this week's sofa theater feature is the fp the year is 2011 We don't know who the director is because it won't come up on the screen. They don't think it's important enough to tell. You on this... I don't know. You tell me.

Can I just say that it says. Oh, yeah. There you go. You tell them. Oh, it's getting pretty high reviews.

Both the reviews are pretty high. Well, at least one on one I'm seeing the movie. All right. Well, I'll go with Netflix's description first. In this outrageous sci-fi send-up, Revenge, Thirsty Warrior, J-Tro, and in his merciless L.W.E., Wage a bitter turf war for control of Frasier Park.

Did I say Franklin Park? It's Frasier Park. He said Franklin every time, I think. It's weird because I want to say Lincoln Park for some reason. I think I did actually call him Lincoln Park.

I don't know. With dominance turning on mastery of the ancient techniques of dance, video game, beat, beat revolution. So what we really have here is beat, beat revolution. In the 80s there were a couple fantastic movies called Freakin'.. And in these movies.

Beat Street. Wait a minute. Wasn't there a sequel to Break-In? The Desolation of Smog, I think. Electric something?

I don't think anyone's ever heard of the sequel. Probably nobody's ever seen it. The electric. Minus Todd. Electric slide.

Minus Todd. In essence here, what we have is like a very trauma film-ish sort of spoof of the 80s movies, Break-In. you know if somehow you haven't seen these movies uh imagine a gd80s almost like michael jackson beat it style movie where instead of actually fighting um you know two gangs would break dance to i don't know outdo the other one like as if somehow that won something um so instead of breakdancing to uh to one-up each other in this one. They couldn't say Dance Dance Revolution, so it's called Beat Beat Revolution, but in essence, you have these two gangs that fight each other through Beat Beat Revolution, which has a unique game mode called 187 Mode, in which whoever loses, dies. So, yeah.

Can I just say, I am incredibly frightened right now. So, now that Lugo gave us such a good intro, we don't have to watch it. Really, just keep in mind, I mean, it's just a fun, lighthearted, silly thing anyway. But it feels so much like an 80s movie. Like the music, they were like, let's get cheesy 80s style music.

The film style is very cheesy 80s style. The whole thing is just this homage to the cheesy 80s movie genre. And it's fantastic. If you don't like this, we might not have to be friends anymore. I've watched this three times.

If I watch this, you can watch my Sasquatch horror movie. Oh, we're getting to that. We have an entire Sasquatch series running. You do realize that, right? You know what I'm talking about?

It doesn't matter. No, that's too hairy for me. I can't deal with that shit. There's hairy and it doesn't have to be Sasquatch. Recently, I've seen people leave with videos that I'm just like, you purposefully rented this.

When it has hairy in the title, good lord. Was Asia Argento in it? Oh, did it have a XXX section? Oh, yeah. There's a special room.

A little special room. There's no special room if you do that. I didn't realize they had that, though. Oh, yeah. Is Harry and the Hendersons a part of the horror section?

Oh, I'm sure there's a part. There's a separate. What's the porn version of that named? Isn't it just Harry and the Hendersons? It's the same thing.

It's just spelled a little differently. Harry and his Henderson. There you go. Harry has Henderson. Motherfucker.

Alright, are we ready to get into this movie? On that bombshell. Right on. Alright, well here, this is how we're really getting into it. Everybody else is getting boozed up this episode.

You got your bourbon and whatnot, but here, check this out. That there's some root beer. Getting hardcore. That's a Trader Joe's brand. It is not.

You hear that? Shit's about to get real. That was root beer opening up, motherfuckers. Root beers are open. boys are out tonight this is how we roll this ain't. No butter beer this is root beer.

This ain't no ginger beer. For years an underground war has raged for dominance over the small town of frazier park between two clans the two foray from the north. We roll together We die together. And the 245 from the South. Yo, clam shout-out!

It's the end of days out there, J-Tro. The darkness has come. That gonna stay up off my flavor. Listen up, y'all. We gonna break history tonight.

The battle for the FP has only just begun. Three, two, one. Beep, beep! Check out your hero now! Beatro got 187!

Beatro's death wasn't your fault. It was his. He wasn't expecting the unexpected. You just disappeared. You didn't tell no one where you went.

You ain't the only one who lost, Beatro. all did. I got a surprise for you. My brother B-Tro. You gonna try him on? After B-Tro got 187, the 248 lost it.

The 245 has taken over. LWE's got even more street cred now. Hey, LWE, I challenge you to a beat-up. Say what? Saturday night, a one-on-one, three-round, beat-beat revelation match.

I'm in. Yo. Yo. Let's see. What the kids got.

You got this, J-Trop. Come on. I check this. B-E-A-T, dawg. You're gonna take W.E.

Down. Dance with your mind. But Una Stubbs? Una Stubbs is in it sick. I had no idea.

I haven't seen her since. Ever. Sherlock. That's the worst win. Hang on.

She's been in a lot of shit. Victoria Wood in 1989. Yeah, I got some Victoria Wood for her. Felicity Jones? Are you escaping?

I think the advertisement for your show for. This episode should be quotes from the movie, including he wasn't expecting the unexpected. But it sure as fuck expected him. I'm still going to go with, how's a motherfucking nigg supposed to short his shit out without no motherfucking ducks? And then showed up in a duck shirt.

And he's the real deal for real. He's the real deal for real. BLT. BLT. It's so good we've chased our other party out.

He said, peace out. And he ran out. Because we are now coming to you from the 502. I'm going to be doing that all night. Because we.

It just got so black. We don't like those idiots from the 812. Fuck those guys, man. Fuck those. 812ers.

What park do we have? Can we say the CP? The Cherokee Park? Can we do the CP? We're getting back into this movie.

And I hope you watched it in between now and then. Because... You have to watch it. Oh, my God. Do yourself the honor of watching it.

It gets better every time. Like, I'm not even joking. That's the fourth time I watched it. I pick up more dialogue and more ridiculousness every time. And you regret every word.

And that rest in the background. Oh, my God. Well, it just keeps finding you. It's like Mona Lisa's eyes. They follow you around the movie.

You're just like, they're looking at you. Just mesmerized by Ariel. Where did you find him? Where did you find him? All right, so where do you want to get into this other than we're coming from the 502?

There are more numbers belted out in this movie than maybe a phone book. I don't know. Like, it is constant. They just yell out three numbers at any given moment on any given scene. It was mostly like 248, I think, and 249.

I wonder where these zip codes are. It's probably like Colorado or something completely random. That is what they were referencing. Because at one point I was like, maybe that's not even what they're doing. They don't really make sense at any point.

They're just naming their area. It's amazing that this film looks nothing like Southern California. You've never seen it. What do you know? You didn't spend several years there.

As we were going through, Patrick was picking the locations out. I've been there. I've been there. That's the most famous bridge in Marin County. Nobody's ever heard of that place.

You're crazy. What's this, California? Nobody's heard of it. This movie makes me want to try Dance Dance Revolution. I remember working at GameStop and hating when a new Dance Dance Revolution came out because this very unique breed would come out for that one day.

Exactly. And I was just like, oh, God. Yes, here you go. Go stomp it out. Go home.

See, it's funny because this movie makes me want to wear boots. Giant, giant boots. I don't even think those are like ski boots. I don't know what those things are. It looked like astronaut boots.

Like, seriously, it looks like walking on the moon boots. Those things are massive. Well, take your pick. The brother, the first one, I just called them for being Hot Topic boots because they kind of were grande Hot Topic boots. But the ones by the end, really, like they one-up some.

Are the second pair the ones after the montage or before the montage? They were after, aren't they? They were post-montage. They were after the first montage. We do kind of get a miniature montage later.

And then there's montage deus ex, and then that's the. That's the fucking montage. Okay, do we want to... Do you want to hit the characters first, or do you want to go into your favorite moments? We should probably get into some of these characters.

Our Snake, Plissken, Ripoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking. Plane well i guess before even the characters where is this like it's like some. Sort of post-apocalyptic post-apocalyptic 80s like it's so clearly an 80s thing it's not even just 80s it's like post-apocalyptic white trashville trailers yeah like why is it the trashiest part of the future like there's no good part.

Of the future it's just the trashiest neighborhood it's. Like post-apocalyptic nebraska Sorry, Nebraska. Post-apocalyptic, forever 80s thug life. Thug life! And someone apparently still had their PlayStation with a DDR pad, so that became the.

I have two DDR pads in the basement right now. Right now. Like I said, that's why it feels so much like that break-in movie. If you lose a life, or an eye, this is us. It pretty close.

I want a prequel on how he lost his eye. Do you? Oh, I do. I don't know about you two. I love this movie.

So I would take a prequel, sequel. It's a really funny story because it's actually, he's on his way to New Jersey and the president's daughter is in a plane and she crashes into New York, which is actually a police state at that time, a criminal colony. This sounds like a potential script. Yeah, you should write this down. Get a hold of a producer.

Maybe Deborah Hill or something. It culminates in them trying to get across the Jefferson Memorial Bridge. It's a long story. You could snake your way into Hollywood with that. I get it.

Somehow that's ten times better than every piece of dialogue in this movie. Well, and then there's an earthquake and he ends up surfing a tsunami. It's pretty cool. Get Steve Buscemi on the phone right now. I want to make this happen.

All right. Well, that's the thing. I mean, the plot of Escape. To L.A. Or from L.A.

Like, it makes this look like... Beauty? Yeah. I mean, Escape from L.A. is like a dream compared to this plot. Did you guys ever watch White Boys?

Do you remember that movie, White Boys? Is Martin Lawrence in that? Oh, it's Bad Boys. Right, right. White Chicks?

Is that the one you're thinking? It's like White Boys meets Breaking. Produced by Trauma. Yeah, and if you haven't seen it, prepare yourself. There's a certain N-word that gets thrown around constantly.

They just say, nigg. And like, not always. It could be short for Nigeria. Not always. Or Nicaragua.

There is no Nicaragua. It's Nicaragua. Hmm. What's in the other N-I-G-A-R-A-G-A? Why didn't they just say ninja?

Everyone says ninja. Just say ninja. They. They throw it around constantly, but I'm like, you'll also notice everybody around them is white. There was not one African American in this movie.

And a bunch of white trash people. And I'm just like, well, no wonder you can say that every chance you get. Because somebody would beat your ass otherwise. If there was a single black person in the whole world. Rightfully so, you crack-ass crack.

What'd you say? Oh, I went up, sir. It is so constant, though, and I'm just like, who writes that in 2011? Jewish people. I guess.

Oh, you're starting a race war now. It's like the word wasn't even used that way in the 80s. No, not. I mean, it's more of a 90s thing when it started getting thrown around like that. It was still just kind of a horribly offensive term in the 80s.

Nobody was taking it back, amusing air quotes there. Which bullshit, by the way. I don't know. That's just. So, all right.

So we've gotten Snake Plissken. Do we have... Do you want to. Is there any more to go into with him? The Asian guy from every 80s movie, starting with Indiana Jones.

Long Duck Dong. Yeah. What was his name? It's weird. Everyone has such ridiculous names.

I don't even remember what his was, but he is awesome. Magic Mike. He is my favorite character. He's got a slingshot. He's got a microphone in his back pocket that somehow magically has Bluetooth on every speaker.

KCDC. And. That's why he was on the back of his jacket. That's why he was on the back. Of his jacket.

KCDC. And he's going to get sued because it looks just like the ACDC. He's going to get sued for copyright. All right, we got 2, 4, 5, back, straight up. Homie's about to beat it, and he's still hungry.

Start the fucking match. And over here, we got this up and up, chrome dome, making noise straight from the 2, 4, 8. Been trading his shit under his legendary. Big bro, motherfucking B-Beat, nigga, B-Pro. B-Pro, you heard?

Yeah! About well that's the thing i think as you like went on and on about his microphone because you really did kind of have a thing for his microphone i love that i was like it's just again going back they're going back even pre-80s it was just a mr microphone he was just walking around hey baby i'll be back to pick you up later. Like one point he pulled it out just to go oh shit And then put it right back in his pocket. Wouldn't you do that? I mean, I tote these microphones around everywhere I go.

And quite often I pull it out and say shit into them. They're not plugged in either. God forbid these actually get made. Can you imagine being at the mall or anywhere with teens if they could pull something out of their pocket and make everyone hear them in stereo? I mean, it'd be terrible.

I'm just going on record saying that the director of this film, both his pictures on IMDb. Is he legitimately one-eyed? He might only have one eye. Oh my God, he's got, in IMDb, he has an eyepatch. Even in his regular pictures, he might legit wear an eyepatch.

I think Wikipedia is necessary. He may be the one I'd wonder we told. Why does it say Game of Thrones? Is he in Game of, was he in, well, why was Game of Thrones in the background there? Oh, dude, I've read the books.

Who are you talking to? Who are you talking to? He may be nailing a Game of Thrones male character. We don't know. I like that blonde chick.

Oh, wait, everybody in. America likes him. He's so dramatic looking. He looks like he's from somebody. Spoiler, he dies in the first 10 minutes, but he looks so, I don't know, there's something so regal and kind of professional about every image of him.

It could be that glamour shot photo they were using, though, that kind of just convinces you that maybe he really is a real actor. Because that's probably where the entire budget of that movie went, was they paid to have professional headshots taken. Of that guy. Backs up my pilot theory. So they get this big name actor to do this scene for the first five minutes, which is like their pitch to everybody.

Like, oh, we want to make this movie. I told you, that's their Kickstarter video. Yet he's not actually in the movie itself because he dies in the first five minutes. That first pre-credit scene, I'm like, that's their Kickstarter pitch right there. They're just like, give us money.

We'll make the rest of this awesome. Who says dies anymore? It's 187. It's 187. We dirt nap around here.

Oh, and then we have the female lead, who I've decided is just a slightly classier version of Courtney Love. Right. She is. Catch up? Have you ever seen a movie called Freeway?

Oh, my God. Is that Christina Applegate? Reese Witherspoon. She doesn't look anything like that. Wait a minute.

No, no, no. Oh, wait, that's when she's the hitchhiker chick, right? I mean, the lifestyle's pretty accurate. Believe me, I live and die by freeway. I like freeway a little more than I need to.

Guaranteed. Keith or Sutherland, it's the best 24 hours I've ever seen him in. It's like, oh, I got that pun. That was good. That was good.

It's such a good pun. Anyway, so, no, I mean, to me she is. You were right with Kesha. Yeah, she reminds me of Kesha. She just needed to be thrown glitter everywhere she went, and she would have nailed it as Kesha.

Kesha thinks it's special. Well, and then she, like, every outfit she has is totally Jennifer Beal-ed up. You can't keep a shoulder on that girl. Like, it is just out of control. It is so 80s.

And love me her father. You want to? Again? Come dumpster, baby getter. Was it Child Dumpster?

Is that what he called it? Child Dumpster at some point? As he came busting out of the trailer, I was like, I hung out with that dude. Go back, listen to the Amazing Spider-Man episode. You will hear her father go on and on about how that's not a very good movie.

That was just our take on it. All right, what else have we forgotten about? I need to buy a broken microphone just to keep my back pocket, just so I can pretend. People look at me like I'm crazy when I pull it out and say something in it, but... Here we go, ninja.

I'm on the radio. In the crib of the home in the fray. Well, I mean, that's the thing. I'm still trying to figure out this world. Like, what is this world that they live in?

Like, is there still America? Because your boy's wearing American flags all over him the whole time. By the end, he's singing the national anthem. Definitely the government is gone. The way the family owns the liquor stores, it's like liquor is only attainable through this family.

It's like, what's going on? What's going on in this world? If we don't have liquor, then we don't have bums. And if you ain't got bums, what do you have? There's no one to feed the ducks.

And if there's no one to feed the ducks, there's no ducks in the park. How's a Nick supposed to get his shit straight? Without no motherfucking ducks? In the motherfucking parks? On the motherfucking plane.

And that's why people can't get their shit straight now. Hollow. I want that shirt the worst way. And no one would get it. I would look like a complete idiot.

Which isn't any different from every other day. But I would look even idiot-ish. in my three-dog shirt. If you wore it at Hot Topic for a day tops, 13-year-olds everywhere would be sweating it. See, you can't wear it in the real world because you'll just look like a hipster doofus, but you wear it to a movie geek convention, somebody will recognize it. They are so hardcore.

Is that Art Suze's shirt from FB? Somebody will call you out. Casey, DC. They will hug you when they see it. They'll be like, that's the greatest thing ever.

Oh, hug her, bro. I did see a photo of one person cosplayed as someone from the FP at Comic-Con or something last year in Chicago. See, there's always somebody. The guy that dies in the first eight minutes. There's always somebody.

Yeah, the LCD belt buckle and everything. It was one of the main singers from Tron. I can do that. I don't look Asian, but I don't grow a mustache. Get a slingshot, a microphone, LCD belt buckle, and Get that blinged out KCDC vest.

We got stuff coming up this year. You start planning it. We got a Wizard World, don't we? We will make the- Wizard World is coming to Louisville. We should cosplay hard this year.

I'm going to be at half these events, so you just come in cosplay. I have a professional Peppakura friend. What's Peppakura? You don't know what Peppakura is? I do not know what Peppakura is.

You- That's one of those fancy drinks you get at Christmas time at the coffee shop. Sounds like a peppermint manicure, like a minty manicure. Motherfucker claims that he's a motherfucking geek, don't even know what Peppa motherfucking Coor is. Peppa Coor is the art of... So some motherfucker back in the day built a program that you basically upload images to, and it finds a way of printing them two-dimensionally, but with 3D form, i.e., hear me out on this if I can make enough sense of it, an origami style cut it out based on dotted lines to then build armor, weapons, or anything from a sci-fi fantasy world.

So say, let's use a very simple example, the Iron Man costume. You can print the entire thing out two-dimensionally on paper, cut it out, fold it into shapes, and then they tell you how to paint I don't know, some magic glue on it, you know, whatever. And then paint it in a certain way that it ends up looking very legit. This is something you can Google. This is something you can find.

This is something you can do. In fact, somewhere around here. I think he's issuing you a challenge. I have Saiyan armor around here somewhere. The Vegeta series, series one Dragon Ball Z Saiyan armor.

Do you have the scouter? I need the scouter. No, because everything's over 9,000 at that point anyway. So I'm pretty much good to go. You know, there's actually a translation issue with that.

You know, in the original manga, Toriyama has them saying over 8,000. But in the English, we had them say over 9,000. So the fact that that became a huge meme is sort of this weird irony because it's actually translated wrong. So it's actually over 8,000. Sorry.

Pushing up the glasses. Geek alert. So much for it. levels of geekdom. I thought it was at the right place. Oh, you are?

That's why I'm throwing out the geek alert. Not everybody has the geek alert. It's only someone who embraces the geekdom. You've never seen this kind of thing where they build it? Oh, Jesus.

That looks rad. They'll build it. It's a program. You put whatever you want into it. That's a Pokemon.

Charizard or whoever. But then they end up looking like it first. So you cut them out. And then you build the entire armor or whatever out of it. Paint on glue.

And then it hardens. And then it's like steel. It's like super hard. And then you like paint whatever colors you want. Um, my best friend in the world made iron Patriot and then made, what's a, is iron Patriot one Captain America wears it in the ultimate comics.

I thought it was when Harry Osborn wore it. Wasn't that the weird twist? I thought it was a Spider-Man thing. Didn't Harry Osborn wear Iron Patriot? I thought that was the thing.

Oh, here's your boy. You love the Nazgul. That's pretty rad. Dude, anything Tolkien is like instant wood. No, you tell me you broke it earlier.

I don't want to say sting or anything. It doesn't glow in the dark, but. Can I make my cat wear battle armor? Because only you. Will love this.

You got to see the show. Like, yeah, I've got, I've got this somewhere. This is the digital. Wow. This is total geekdom right here.

That guy is a winner. They make, um, the best one I've ever seen though is because it took my friend, I think like 3,600 hours to make the Iron Man costume and, You could. Just build it out of metal in that time. He wore it to Comic Con in San Diego. And I went as just the piece in the middle.

Just the Tony Stark. So you went all out is what you're saying. He wore the whole thing. Had trouble walking in it because it was so complicated. And then somebody rolled up with a Pokeball.

And the Pokeball, everybody was like, oh, fucking Pokeball. This is the best thing ever. He's like, it's actually mechanical and the faceplate closes. And they're like, but he's got a Pokeball. He's got a Pokeball.

And then it was all trumped because a girl in almost no skirt walked by. They were like, that girl! And they ran away. Karen dressed up as Vader de los Muertos. Did I show you pictures of that?

Nice. It's going to take me a while to find it. I got to show you pictures of Karen as Vader. Vader de los Muertos. I like this already.

Karen is my Filipino wife. I whore her out at comedy. She's not just your wife. She's so much more. It's going to take me so long to find this.

I can't even type straight. He is so drunk. I got drunk during the FP. You know you want to watch that movie again. You know you're going to watch that movie again.

It's a thing. You know, at some point, when you have some people over, you're going to be like, I got the perfect thing. I got the perfect thing for tonight. Or it'll be more like, you motherfuckers have pissed me off. I got something you can watch.

Sit down. You're watching this. Seriously, though. Honest opinions here. Enjoyed it?

Didn't enjoy it? It's ridiculous? What do you got there? You're not going to offend me. Seriously, I think it's ridiculous, but awesome.

As long as Dave Lugo doesn't notice that I was asleep through half of it, I enjoyed it so much. I noticed you weren't making the snide comments that I was, so I figured you probably dozed off at some point, but See, that's the thing. I think there is, and I've, again, this is half the mission of the show, I think, is finding legitimacy in every movie. Like, I think there's something to take from almost anything. And, like, I think it gets more the worse the movie gets.

Don't let this shit put your brain on flips. You gotta think of beat-beat revelation like it was the Civil War. What? Four score and a couple of years ago, Ma and Pa fought for some serious shit. You heard?

The challenge is up in this motherfucker, Jatro. Now is the time. All these carpet-bagging, butt-bucking bitches from the 245 and us from the 248. We gots to be ready for anything. That's why we gots to get each other's backs.

To the end, aight? Man, I. Could never be all up and playing this shit if it weren't for you. I think when you get into. Those epic bad There's just some amazing level that opens up that, like, it's euphoric.

You're just like, I cannot believe how bad this is, and I'm loving it. Yeah, and not everybody has that mode. I've realized that because I try to tell people that. It's such a hard line. It's such a hard line to walk because there's...

Like I said, me personally, I don't enjoy really any of the trauma stuff because it's so bad that it's just bad to me. And I'm just like, oh, this is just bad. There's a middle level. But there's a way to do it in a way where it's like, oh my God, this is so great in its badness. It is a fine line.

It's definitely a fine line within people because you can almost tell the people that are going to get it and that aren't. And I just don't even sell it anymore. I'm not like, oh, this is hilarious. You should watch it because I know these. Are normal people.

They're not going to appreciate this on the level that you do. It's just you get to a point where you face that, hopefully. And that's why God made the slogan, fuck them. No, I think that's why we invented podcasts. Because the geeks gather around the podcast and we all talk about the same horrible movies.

And we love them and we love talking about them. And then the rest of the people go watch the news or whatever. reality television or something horrible to dumb their brain a little more. By the rest of people who you mean the total population of the earth minus four. Yes but the coolest four people you'll ever meet there you go so i don't know i mean there's definitely that fine line but i think even within the films i think you're right like that's the thing i don't really like most drama movies either because i think they're very self-aware i think they're trying to make a bad movie and usually you just end up making a bad movie when you do that but like if you're unaware of it, there's a level of genius that comes out.

If you think you're making a good movie. If you think you're making an amazing film, like you've convinced yourself. I mean, it's like the fucking room. Like you could not have convinced that guy he was making a terrible movie. He is in his own universe.

He thinks it's fucking amazing. Like now I think he's had to come to terms with it because everybody laughs through the entire thing. But like, On the set, there's no way you could have convinced him that this wasn't Oscar-worthy. He was delusional. And I think you almost need that going into him.

You need to be making this... That's why I don't know what this one is. With the FP, it's like they had to be aware. Like, they're doing it now. Like I said, it felt like it was such a blatant homage to the 80s movies.

Specifically breaking. Specifically breaking. It was such an obvious homage. Yeah, kind of everything. That I felt like any badness, it was understood.

We're going to do this bad in that 80s kind of way. They live. Yeah. Them. A little bit of first blood in there.

Rocky. Karate Kid. You name it. Every little piece of that stuff. The music itself, it's all old school synthesizer kind of stuff.

This movie is brilliant. But that's the thing. This is almost like the weird loophole in this plan because they have to be aware of it. And somehow they made one that doesn't seem so self-aware that you hate it the entire time. Like they made this weird little area.

You don't know, but they are so self-aware they're basically Skynet. They've looped back around to the point that, well, I think that's what saves it because they're unflinching in their drama. Yeah. They're delivering the worst dialogue ever put to a computer screen. I will never make Beat Revolution again.

They're saying shit like that, and they are totally committed. I'm like, you don't normally get that in that level of movie. A man named BLT. I mean, they're constantly in these bad movies where they know they're bad. They're winking at the camera.

They're putting in these little jokes that are very obvious that they're stupid jokes. Squeezing boobies in the background. This, I mean, this, like, they're all so committed. Like, they all really think they're making a serious movie in the 80s. Okay, guys, okay, guys, okay, guys.

I got an idea for a movie. Oh, God. Okay, here we go. We're gonna, okay, here we go. Fourth wall?

Is it third wall or fourth wall? Fourth wall? Fourth wall. Fuck it. Fourth wall.

Fuck it. Just fuck the fourth wall. That's what we're going to do. Fuck it. You want to fuck this in the 90s or the 80s?

80s? Okay, well, fuck it. That was the pitch for this film. Oh, God. I do want a sequel.

I want the FP electric... I don't even know. Some way to spoof off Boogaloo. Electric Duckaloo. I don't even know.

Somehow, I want part two. I want a prequel. I want to know how he lost his eye. More 80s movies starting with the Karate Kid. All of them.

Just every 80s movie. Back to the Future, Karate Kid, some Indiana Jones, maybe even a little Return of the Jedi. I want it all. And it needs to be set up like the main emphasis of the film needs to be the Breakfast Club. I'm all for that.

Well, okay, so you get Like, again, you get that epic, like, opening scene. Like, again, we were, like, halfway into this big battle they're having. Like, is this movie almost over? It's, like, three minutes in. Are we almost done?

And then, like, the credits come up. And you're like, oh, shit, this hadn't even started yet. We have 80 minutes left of this bullshit. And then it cuts to, like, again, we're in this questionable future. So it's like, wait, in the lumberjack future where everyone works with trees?

Yeah. Where does he go? Like, it's just like he leaves the whatever 509 or 786 or whatever area code they live in. He leaves it all behind and he heads out to be a lumberjack. or something like that I don't know I was just like I was confused by that like where is that. Part of the world country Logan.

Canadian we ride together we die together bad boys for. Life TM. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to do with that weird future. Michael Bay was pissed by this movie.

We have to admit that fact. He was mad that he didn't think about it. It would have gotten worse if he weren't involved. I'm going to put so many explosions in this film. Oh, God.

I loathe Michael Bay. Let's not talk about Michael Bay. Watch the Transformers movies and don't think they're pretty. I watched the first one in theaters and was that guy that heckled it out loud and pretty much dared anyone... to say something to me. Are you guys disagreeing?

Like, when they were, when the boy, when Megan Fox fixed the car, you know, lifted up the hood, fixed the car, and said something, one of them said something about, you know, there's more than meets the eye to me. I was like, I'm done. I fucking hate this movie. Like, I cannot, oh my God. See, I.

Think what lets me enjoy life is when I see shit like that, I back off a little bit and say, hey, Megan Fox, I like tits. Who doesn't like tits? Oh, look, a robot. There was no tits in Transformers. It doesn't matter, man.

It doesn't matter. Gotta enjoy what's there. Did you watch Transformers after school in the 80s? That's a yes or no question. I wasn't cognitive in the 80s.

Well, then there you go. I watched Transformers reruns in the 90s. What's something you love? What's something you love? You love Jet Li, right?

Don't you love Jet Li? Imagine if we did... a movie about Jet Li's life and we casted who could we cast as Jet Li that would infuriate you who's some white dude some white dude Channing Tatum Channing Tatum is cast as Jet Li they dye his hair black and I mean and there we go directed by Michael Bay and instead of Fist of Legend it's like Hand of Legend This would be explosions. Are you guys disagreeing? Are we going to have to have a beat-off? A beat-off?

In this dark room? Walk into this dark room and have a beat-off? The fact that they worked that into this film is. I love how the training montage really wasn't even training for the actual event. It was just random bits of training montage.

Why was he lifting weights and doing his abs? What does that have to do with stomping it out? Let's not talk about how awesome the ab flex is. Let's talk about how old school he got when he was going through the tires, man. I mean.

And the next one in the sequel, they need to bring in Bloodsport. Ooh. Fuck yeah, Bloodsport's where it is. They can do like DDR on like broken glasses on the pads so their feet are all bleeding the whole time they're doing it. And Kickboxer, you bleed like a Mei Ling.

That's the best one. Only Jean-Claude Van Damme could love that. Or we could do like Enter the Dragon. Ooh, do like Enter the Dragon, but instead of like a tournament, it's like, you know, Dance Dance Revolution tournament. Like they're all, and Bolo is like all like knocking it out.

Yeah, they fly him to an island. He has to compete. There's a woman. She gets raped. Why does she have to get raped?

That seems uncalled for. It's the 80s. They get raped. It did happen. Okay, fine.

It's contemporary. They go to Russia. They fly to Russia, and there's a guy, and he gets raped. I don't like either of these options. Suck it, Sochi.

I'm going to my own island. I'm buying me an island, by the way. That's fine. I've already picked one out. Anyway, let's go in a dark room and have a beat off.

That's what they do. Come on, we're going to go have a beat off. And they go in a dark room. And then one guy's climbing on the other guy's back and they're riding up and down. Oh, wait, he was just doing push-ups or lunges?

What was he doing with that dude on his back? He was doing DDR with him all Yoda-style, like, on his back. He was, like, piggybacking him while he was doing. He didn't even have a cool backpack for him. A Frank Oz backpack?

I would keep Frank. Oz in a backpack. But, I mean, dude just has a bad knee, or what? Because, like, every once in a while, he just, oh, he just horribly topple, like, out of nowhere, like, the opening. I don't think you understand the 80s.

They all had bad knees. You know, there's joint pain. No, I think I'm having that now. I'm in my 80s, so, you know, it's starting to get rough trying to, you know, do my DDR. Beep, beep.

Oh. No, I'm not. Beat, beat, revelation. I'm not. I keep forgetting that it's revelation.

Until beat, beat, revelation. They made sure they didn't cross any trademark. Oh, yeah. Beat, beat, revelation. Well, I knew they were on the Let's Protect Ourselves game when they put the duct tape on her T-shirt.

I was like, oh, somebody does not want to get sued. Here we go. In the next one, instead of they're knocking off DDR with BBAR, it's they're knocking off Space Channel 5. Astro... What was it again?

Selection 4. Something. Astro. What's something else for channel? Frequency.

Astro Frequency 4. That would be beautiful. And I would watch it. And I would probably go out and try to find a Dreamcast again. So you could play Seaman.

Dreamcast was a great system. Seaman was awesome. You're going to pull a tear. I'm going to pull a tear. That's where I met Phantasy Star Online.

Oh, God. And played it to the point where my disc drive would not spin a disc anymore. I put well over 250 hours into that. Pushing the glasses up. Hit the alert.

And we've killed Patrick. Y'all are fucking pitiful. I didn't play any Dreamcast. Leave me out of this. I'm pitiful, but give.

Me my own reason, damn it. See? That was the creepiest thing. That really was. That's what I said.

Because if you slow it down, it's semen. Really? So you're going to go up to the counter and say, give me some semen. And not want. To be laughed at.

I'm going to go train my semen now. I'm going to go talk to my semen now. His face was so creepy. It was creepy on so many levels. It was basically an uncircumcised fish.

All right. That's kosher. No, it's not kosher. Absolutely not kosher. If it was kosher, it'd be circumcised.

Oh, Lord. And probably own a bank. We're getting back to racism. But racism sells. Just ask Hollywood.

Motherfucker. Ninja. This whole movie was based on racism. Yeah, it kind of was, actually. Misguided racist.

You know where the word picnic comes from? Go on. Oh, God. Look it up. I don't feel like getting into it.

Look that up. You will be thoroughly offended and you will never use the word picnic again. Even for picnic baskets? Yeah. I promise you.

I don't know, Yogi. Dave Lugo says picnic's a racist term. Boo-boo. Get your ass out there and get that picnic basket. Don't let the ranger catch you.

All right. We get off tangent so easily. Do we, you think? It's just like being a sun ghost. I mean, that place.

That one place. Okay. That we cannot name. Let's break off of this insanity and go into a new level of insanity and talk about digging for a rag. what may be the most puzzling scene in this labyrinth of a movie. I think it adds depth to KCDC because not only does he have a magic microphone, I mean, he literally pulls the microphone out of his pants and is in stereo, but only seconds before this girl is dicking in a playground for a tampon, KCDC hands the main character a tampon, showing that he may not only be telekinetic, but at least psychic.

At least. Or just a ladies' man. Which, well, I mean, possibility, but I think it leads. Us into this is a Marvel movie. And this could be a precursor to Days of Future Past.

Now, is. I mean... doesn't he say, like, isn't the line something like, I know how it is sometimes. And then hands him that. It was something to that effect. Like, I know how it is sometimes.

And we don't know what the future has in store. This might be a man pun. Yeah, it's like, like I said, you're not going to convince me that anything in this movie is bad. But they're at a playground he's just kind of kicking it on the swing she's just stabbing at the sand with the stick and we. Get to my favorite line what are you making a sandcastle or something right.

And she just nonchalantly no i'm looking for a rag sometimes i can find some in here and then he's just like oh wait i'm gonna say i just had a tampon given to me moments ago and she's so stoked that he's got a tampon i mean. That part i guess like that's a pretty understandable i mean yeah i When you need, you need. You added up. Tampons are an investment. But why digging in the same.

You don't know what city they live in. I know. It's 789, but I mean, I guess shit's hard in the 789. I'm gonna look up what area you could. You own Man of Steel...

You gave them money. You're part of the problem, Patrick. You are part of the problem. I don't know. What other random crap?

I mean. You mean awesome crap? Well, then we get to, like, the big dramatic scene where he. The beat-off. The big beat-off at the end.

After we already had the montage and the half of other montage, and then while we're dealing with weird random items.... Let's talk about the condom. Oh, my gosh. At two points. At two points.

Why is there a condom being thrown at people? For no good reason. You know, and here's the thing. When it hits, when it hits old boy the first time pushing the car, in a way, you almost go, wait, was that what I thought it was? Yeah.

Because it kind of, and then just goes out of screen. You're like, oh, wow, I think that was. But when it gets the white Mr. T dude, there is splatter. Like, there is a splatter effect.

It like, You see drippage on the mustache and chops. There is a splatter effect there that is just like, oh my God. Again, what I don't get, why that? Why at that moment? And most importantly, why is anyone wandering around with that?

Did you see the girls in this movie? I'm not saying you don't need to use them. You certainly need to use them, but you don't really need to hang on to them. For a good occasion later to dispose of it. Man, I got this thing.

I just got done here. I know that white Mr. T dude's outside. I could just throw it away, but I'm going to hold on to this. I'll find a good time.

Guys, when you're done, just kind of tie off the top. Keep it in your pocket for later. You never know when you need a nice little semen water balloon to throw at somebody. In the middle of the night when I'm trying to get some stinky on my hang low, this is the last thing I'm thinking of. That was a piece of dialogue from the movie, I believe.

It's a piece of dialogue from life. I don't know. I didn't know what to do with that altogether. Then that, I mean, in between that, then you're heading to the big beat off at the end. And he stops by to visit his brother.

Right after he, what did I say? Stopped by the Halloween Express on the way there to pick up that wonderful headstone that his brother had. Do you remember when you went to the swimming pool as a kid and you get the little foamy kind of board if you were too little to hold on to? It looked like one of those partially buried into some dirt and spray painted. It's black.

Not even gray. It's not like it was actually marble or something. It was just spray painted black. Sorry that you motherfuckers have money and in Superfuture Detroit Bay and got shit. Hey, I am not even going to get a kickboard when I die.

So I'll just be buried in the yard with random pets that I throw back there. Probably just board up the house and leave us in there. Oh, it needs to be boarded up now. If you go in there, just stick to the hoarder's path. You'll be fine.

So where else? Five stars. Hey, that's some Abe Lincoln shit right there. How are you putting up with that? David gives it five stars.

Four score and a couple days ago. Five stars. This movie's so awful. Why are you bleeping? I don't understand.

There's so much of it. It not only didn't have a budget, but they gave me money to watch it. Well, I mean, there's just, there's moments that, again, they have to be aware. Like, they're firing guns at each other after the big beat-off, and the dude is hiding behind a toilet, and. It's stopping the bullets.

They specifically put like the ricochet flashes on porcelain that these bullets cannot pierce this toilet bowl. And the one time the one dude's just like firing a shotgun is he not. Yeah he like shoots like eight times like it's. Like so that shotgun won't go through the lid of that toilet is what you're telling me you don't know what that toilet's made. Of magical toilet i swear.

Motherfucker has a motherfucking microphone he puts on motherfucking pants and motherfucking stereo. And a motherfucking toilet that stops motherfucking bullets. I want this version of Dance Dance Revolution. I want this FP special edition version of Dance Dance Revolution that calls you whack. What was all the other stuff that's said on the screen?

I know some of it I really don't feel appropriate repeating. Some of those don't really need to be there. But there was a lot of insults on there. I do want one that tells me to chill every once in a while. Yeah, when it's end up the score and it's just chill.

We need a 1A7 mode. We need a DDR pad that's hooked up to a thousand volts or something to where your foot is cuffed to the pad somehow where you can't leave and the loser gets an electric shock. And a DDR pad to the next comic convention. And whoever recognizes it, they win. Oh my god, yes.

We need fencing cage kind of material. Two DDR pads, some monitor that we just spray paint to look ghetto as fuck. We need someone who can look Asian to announce every duel. Oh, yeah. I'll have a microphone.

He has to sing the national anthem. Badly. Very badly. But everybody sings badly. With lots of language and say that it's the cribs of the home.

Was it the cribs of the free and the brave or whatever? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. That was right before they went into the cage match.

Do you need a cage around you when you're playing DDR? Yes, absolutely. And that's why I'm like, what kind of difference does that make? You put a cage around them as they stand and dance in place. What?

Again, there's not someone very self-aware of how stupid that is, and that's why they put it in there. You know, I think... What's sad about this is for the movie Meltdown, this is the blackest movie that's ever been reviewed. No, it's not. And there's not a single black person in the film.

Oh, I thought you meant just the dark days of movie Meltdown. I was like, no. No, we have watched way worse movies than this. I thought at first Brian was remembering one. Oh, God, that Halloween one was way worse, in my opinion.

We had one last time. That, I almost, no, what was the name of that one? Santa's Little Helper? Satan's Little Helper. Is rough.

We followed that. See, you lucked out. We followed that with Mama Dracula. We had a one-two punch that would take down most regular people. If we weren't fucking hardcore on this show, we would never be able to watch movies again after those two movies in a row.

I've never even heard of Mama Dracula. Nobody has. It's that fucking horrible. It's so bad. Satan's Little Helper is awful.

It tries to do something. It's not successful at it. See, kind of going back to what you said earlier, like the room. I feel like the person making that movie thought they were making something good. Like with that one, I think someone really thought they were nailing it.

And it's like, oh my God, how. What are you doing? How did everyone do the Emperor's New Clothing with this? Someone should have been like, dude, this is terrible. I think that happens a lot in Hollywood.

I think everyone just wants their paycheck, really. So they're just like, yeah, no, this is great. Yeah, let's do this. You are breaking new ground. This is amazing.

Cash, let's check quick before you get. My theory is what happened with Twilight 2, but that's just my opinion. But no, I think... And that's why I'm so amazed at this one, because it's so bad, it's enjoyable, but yet somehow they pull... You have to be aware of it.

It's very rare that this ever happens, that someone can be that self-aware of the horrible movie they're making, and it's not unwatchable. Like I said, White boys meets, I don't even know, Dancing with the Stars or something. Like, I don't even know. It's fantastic. No, I would say, I wouldn't maybe, well, I was going to say kids meets DDR.

I mean, they talked pretty ridiculous in that, too. That was supposed to be, you know. They were trying to be real. But there's still some pretty ridiculous talking that, too. Casper was ridiculous.

At any point, did they reference Wiffleback Sucking Bitches? Because that might have been my favorite line. You whiffle that sucking bitches. I kind of like the part where he was like, if you're lucky, I might let you suck my dick. Wait, I bet somebody's pulled that line before.

You don't need a movie. There's just assholes. I don't know. What do we take from this movie? Ducks.

The fact that the end scene shows the ducks coming back at the end is amazing. The secret to life is ducks. That's how you sort your shit out. That's true. I do need to sort my shit out.

I'm telling you, I'm going to start the CP, the Cherokee part. Got to represent the CP. Well, it is getting rough because somebody did. Just get shot there. Oh, for real?

But he did it himself. Don't shoot people, at Cherokee Park. He did it himself, so that's cool. Well, he was running from the police. He found the best way to escape.

Should have challenged the police to a beat-off. After he earns enough street rep to challenge him. What was that with the random clown, dude? That was. Just out of nowhere, there's some clown dude selling E.

The drug dealer that had his handful of Skittles or whatever it was he was selling. That's crazy. He's like in Pacific Rim and all these other movies. Wait, this movie wasn't directed by J.J. Did you see any solar flares?

Any sun flares? I didn't have anything flashing in. My eyes as I tried to watch the film. No, you're right. The cinematography was a little better.

Have you ever seen me on an eclipse of Star Trek without the lens flares and it looks like shit? So don't make fun of the lens flares. It's brilliant. No, I'm gonna. I will.

Just point it somewhere. Else, dude. Tell me Super 8 was a bad movie. Okay. The second half is really bad.

I love Super 8. I love the first half of Super 8. The best part of Super 8. I'm one of those people that really didn't like that movie a lot. The best part of Super 8 is after the credits.

Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. The first half is awesome because I like those kids. I like the movie making. I get the E.T.

Vibe with them totally. But then when you find the alien, then it's like, wait, what? Who cares? Why are we even getting this serious now with it? Well, and even then, the weird offshoot plot of what is the creature doing and why sometimes he wants to kill these people, but then he's Let's save him because he's wonderful.

I don't know. It's so like can't make up his mind what that second half wants to be. And then the most awesome part is after the credits. I want to watch that movie for an hour and a half. That would be awesome.

You know the fat kid at recess who makes fun of the other kids because really he's just angry at himself. That's everyone on the internet. That's you right now. No. Super 8 was a beautiful film.

Everyone on the internet and probably in podcasting. And probably in podcasting. I just remember being confused. Going into it, I was like, all right. Because he did that thing he kind of always does now, like he did with Cloverfield and stuff, where it was like, no, no, I like Cloverfield.

I don't have any problems with Cloverfield. Cloverfield's pretty entertaining. But going into it, do you remember all the teasers of the train wrecking and this thing about this found footage thing? There was all this thing like, it's going to be this creepy, mysterious alien thing. So when the movie actually came out, it was so character-driven on the kids.

I was like, wait, I thought this was Cloverfield-ish about this weird monster who didn't even show up till the end. And then it was like, you didn't care by that point because there was no emphasis on it. I was just confused. Like, what is the focus? Because I kind of dig the kids.

Well, it changes. But I didn't know I was going into this kiddie-style movie. I would have been cool with that if you would have let me know ahead of time, this is what you're giving me. So I just felt kind of duped. It's the way I felt about The Fifth Element.

Because the goddamn trailers for the fifth element look like a new Star Wars. It was absolutely serious. There was not one joke in the trailer. It looked serious. And the first 10 minutes blew me away.

Record real quick here. How many different versions? My favorite movie. You have it on Superbit, don't you? I do have it on Superbit.

Every version, my favorite movie. Fifth Element. It's a great movie. I like the Fifth Element. The first time I watched it, I was disturbed because I felt duped as into what I was about to watch.

I thought I was about to see this Star Wars-esque movie. I'm sure on YouTube you can find a trailer that is the old school, before it was in theaters, trailer. You look at that trailer, you will not see Chris Tucker. You will not see Bruce Willis doing anything that is silly or comedic. It's all like these space fights, these action scenes.

It is nothing but sci-fi action. And then it is ridiculous. And it's great and it's funny, but that's not what you were shown going into it. But in their defense, usually the director or the filmmakers have nothing to do with that. That has become a totally separate marketing department owned and operated by.

The studios now. Yeah. Directors have nothing to do with it. I'm sure Luc Besson was really angry about that. Well, I mean, it's like we had such a negative response when we first went and saw Inglourious Bastards because.

It's a fucking mission movie. Like, it's all about the team, and they're just kicking ass and killing Nazis the whole time. That pissed me off. That is like maybe a third of the, not even a third, really. It's like such a small percentage of that story.

And as time's gone on, I've been like, no, this is a great movie. These scenes by themselves are phenomenal. But when I got in there and was duped by that trailer, I was just like, what? What did you sell me here? But again, I'm sure he had nothing to do with that trailer.

And in a way, it's like, I don't know. Who do we blame or do you not blame anybody? Do you blame us for buying into it? Because their job as the trailer people is to bring as many people into that theater as possible. And when they do that right, in a way, like in Glorious Bastards, it worked.

That was his base opening to the time. That was the most money he ever made on opening a movie. I don't know if Django went better than that. But at that point, they did their job. He made so much money off of that movie, and it had a successful opening.

And then it stayed for a couple of weeks because of that, and more people found out, oh, that's not what this is at all. So I don't know. It's like because of that, it was a successful movie. So do we get angry? Because they did their job.

They brought people into the theater. I hated it that they did that. But in a way, I'm just like, I don't know. They did what they were supposed to do. He made the movie he wanted to make.

In a way, they both win. And the only person that loses is us sitting in the audience going, I want to see that movie. And then you get there and it's not that movie. That could be a good topic. Movies where the trailer and the movie itself were dramatically different.

I felt that way about Dark City. I felt that way about Mystic Remnant. Did you not like Pacific Rim? Or did you think the trailer was crap and then you liked it? Robots in Pacific Rim's trailer.

But then when you go and see it, there's that Australian guy. That's all I have. I remember, again, going back to, like I said earlier, I worked at the theater when Dark City came out. And this is what was... I mean, I was much younger.

I was a daughter. I was much more... Music is still a big part of my life. But I thought between the trailer and that music in the trailer... Oh, my God.

I thought this was going to be the greatest movie of all time because they took every artsy, awesome scene in that movie, used it for that two-minute trailer, and it looked like it was going to be children. Was it City of Lost Children? City of Lost Children. But even better. It looked like it was going to be awesome.

And that song that they used, it looked awesome. So I go to see the movie, and it was, to me, incredibly slow, incredibly unclimactic. That was so awesome. And then that song wasn't in it. I bought the soundtrack and it's funny because that track says inspired by the movie.

Inspired by. It wasn't even in the soundtrack. Oh, the trailer will make you want to watch it. It'll make you question yourself and watch it again and go, no, really? Was I being mean?

Maybe I should try this movie again. The trailers have no rules because the trailers will use music from other movies in the trailers. After Requiem for a Dream. After Requiem for a Dream. How many trailers used that intense violin music that was used?

So many movies wore that out the next summer. There's only one that has a Superman music in it, and it makes me so happy. But yeah, there are no rules to the trailer game. They will insert shots that aren't in the movie. So sometimes you're waiting for that big scene that was in the trailer, and it will never show up in the movie because they cut it out.

That's the director making his movie. And cutting that scene out. Oh, dude. This song, this trailer, this everything is awesome. Like, not even kidding right now.

This is going to look like the greatest movie you've never seen. Even the New Line Cinema logo looks sick. It makes me want to buy stock in New Line Cinema. I think I have to go back in time. To do that.

Like, look how good this movie looks. Seriously. Every scene here is like the greatest scenes from the movie. Put in two minutes. How could you not want to watch this movie from this trailer?

Like, seriously, maybe it's just me and my aesthetic, but it's pretty awesome nothing would stop me from wanting to see that movie and then I remember the whole time in the theater like you know it's the kind of thing where it's like half an hour in you're like okay this is kind of slow an hour in you're like wait what's going on this is still kind of slow and it. Starts to get weird and confusing midway in and you're like I think I'm following everything but I'm not 100% sure. And then a very unclimactic twist at the end I was just like wait what did I just waste this hour and a half doing and Can I just watch the trailer like 60 times in a row and just call it even? Like, what was that? You can.

That's what the internet was born for. I seriously bought that soundtrack just for that one song. Was it on that? Yeah. What's funny is that I bought the soundtrack like, you know, well, I didn't hear it in the movie.

Maybe I missed it. And when I looked closer, it was on the soundtrack, but it said inspired by the movie. Oh, yes. And I was like, wait, the best song on the soundtrack wasn't even used in the movie? Movie.

Because I bought the Fifth Element soundtrack, and then the best song wasn't even in the soundtrack. There's fine. You know exactly what scene I'm talking about. Yeah, I know it by heart. Well, do you remember the big thing with Star Wars?

Do you remember the... It wasn't a trailer. It was like a TV spot that had a scene that to this day has not been released, but it's where Darth Maul... was explaining the dark side of the Force. Do you remember this? I think I remember one of those first– Where he has this two-and-a-half-minute spiel.

Talking about– Which he has two lines in the entire movie. Exactly. It was this great thing where I don't know who he's supposed to be talking to, but as it was shown in all these clips of Phantom Menace, it was his audio over top of just talking about the dark side of Force and where they get their power and their anger. It was awesome. And it was not in a movie.

They just ended up, they cut it from the movie and just used the audio for a TV spot. And I was like, that's paramount stuff. I mean, you know, when you got Yoda doing that whole spiel where, you know, he's like fear leads to anger, anger leads. It was like the dark side version of that where he was explaining where the dark side gets all their, their emphasis and power from. And they didn't put it in.

Lucasfilm, a goddamn thing. Or edit a goddamn thing. He means in Star Wars, because he didn't after. That's why Empire's so good. He didn't make it.

That's why it's kind of... I don't want to say I'm optimistic, but that's why it's nice to know the guy that wrote Empire is writing these scripts, at least. Well, I'm just. I was just glad to see him hand it off to somebody else. I'm just like, if he has...

If he has no involvement in it, it will help. Because even before, when he wasn't writing them, he still had executive producer... makes you God and you can do whatever you want. You can still have influence over everything. So I'm like, I'm just glad he's not even going to have that. He's just going to be like, hey, hey guys, I'm coming to the premiere.

Thanks for inviting me. You think he, didn't he get married? When are we talking? Like a long time ago? I think he got remarried.

But his wife died. That's why he quit making movies for years. His new wife, isn't she African American? So he went dark side. You know he wanted to shiro mifune to be darth vader initially because you know it's like it's based on hidden fortress yeah um he he approached or at least at some level they approached um to shiro mifune and he was like nope but he actually wanted to shiro mifune to be darth vader like imagine imagine how different.

That At the same time, they also talked to everybody for those roles. When you go back and look at those lists, like it's anybody who was working in Hollywood. Was up for something. Harris Ford was a grip, right? Wasn't that the whole thing?

He was just like some stagehand. Because that's the thing. Because he had already been in American Graffiti. So I mean, he knew Lucas. But I think at that point, he was just not making a ton of money acting.

So he was acting. And then on the side, he was like a carpenter and just doing whatever job. So I don't know if he was working on movies or something like that. But he was just like, that was, yeah, he was just like a carpenter on the side, actor some of the time, and he already kind of knew Lucas. So, but yeah, I don't think he, he just happened to come in and like kind of nail it, obviously.

Because yeah, they tested. Because he shot first. They tested everybody for that. I'm ignoring that nonsense. Sorry.

We all shot first. Have you seen Unforgiven? 1993? Yes, yes, yes. Have you seen the new remake?

It's your least sequel to. No, it's a samurai movie now. You know how the old spaghetti westerns were based on samurai films? Yeah, yeah. They reversed it and made an unforgiven, same title, samurai movie.

It's brilliant. You would love it. That's kind of cool. Guess who the main character is? Your boy, Ken Watanabe.

Oh, my God. Sick. It's sick. Watched it in the Philippines. It was great.

Oh, my God. That's awesome. And it's exactly the same just with Asian people and swords. Well, I mean, and that was technically the same character from, um, fistful of dollars and all this stuff, right? Wasn't it supposed to.

Be like him really old? I don't think they officially said that, but I mean, with all of his, it's sort of, he, he has his own mythology, especially within Western. So you can kind of, yeah, you can kind of add in whoever you can tie it to whatever old backstory you want. Cause he's in 50 Western. So this character is in any of them.

I see. I'm, I'm not even joking. Like, there's only been a few times where I've been so impressed with, like, some actor or something I've never seen before where I go, holy F. Like, you know, where I specifically watched Akira's, like, what was that dude's name? Because I'm looking for you in the future.

And Last Samurai, I was like, I need to know that dude's name because anything he's in in the future, I'm interested. And I've watched anything that I've heard him attached to. The money about the unforgiven Ken Watanabe is you're used to Ken being, like, the older... more seasoned vet who probably is going to die at the end like you know slump over on the horse walk off into the sun in this he's the young one and that's the best because there's a there's an older character that plays the older character to gene hackman's character that's like phenomenal and just like come on come with me we're gonna go kill these bandits we're gonna collect the ransom oh god you're gonna love it did you watch red cliff yeah chirpy red cliff.

Is so good it's so good So good. I miss having people that watch Asian movies too. It hurts. The viewers at home, the listeners won't know that I'm actually in the Chinese medical field and those movies are based on books that are actually reading for the education of Chinese medicine. Really?

The one guy who predicts that the wind will turn courses and go so that the fire will be carried into the enemy base is based on a Chinese medical text. Wow. Shit's deep. That's awesome. Shit's deep.

We got some kind of chopped up version of it in the States, didn't we? Didn't they turn it into one movie somehow? We got some kind of ripped up version. Yeah. Because, yeah, in China it was two part.

It was huge and it's awesome. What was the... Oh, God. I'm blanking names. I haven't had someone to talk Asian stuff with in so long.

I'm going to forget stuff now. What was. Hari Kiri. There was a remake of it. Was it just called Harakiri or was it called something else?

No, it's Harakiri. Did you watch the new one too? It's called Harakiri Death of a Samurai. Okay. It's like Harakiri colon Death of a Samurai.

I thought that was a really good remake. The original, I think they're both great. I was not offended by the remake at all, but it was so brutal. It was so brutal. For the viewers at home, if you want the best samurai movie of all time.

What, in your opinion, is the best samurai movie? Sword of Doom. You know, but it doesn't end. That is what makes it the best. Because the fact that, what was the story?

Because I heard like someone. It's actually three books. And the first, the movie ends in the middle of the first book. But the director died or didn't want to make the movies or some kind of bullshit. That is what makes it art.

I remember that one. The first time I watched it, I was alone or whatever. It was late at night. And I remember when the credits hit. I remember being in a state of denial.

I've never known before because it's literally in the, just in, it felt random is an understatement. It looks like you are about to hit, you know, the climax of the movie. It was like, here we go. Here we go. It's about to get on.

And he pulls a sword. He starts fighting. And like in mid swing on a nobody. It's just like, Finn! Credits!

And I was like, wait, what? He didn't even fight the main dude. Like, Toshiro Mifune didn't even fight him yet. You got the two greatest samurai actors ever in a movie and they never crossed swords in the movie. That is what makes it beautiful.

Two hours and 30 minutes and it ends. It's a great movie, but yeah, I was just like, I didn't understand. Seven minutes of that fucking thing that fills with water and dumps into the pond. Boom, boom, boom, boom. That's the best.

That's what it takes to make a samurai film. Sword of Doom, ladies and gentlemen. That movie is great. Do not watch the Tai Chi Master. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, I saw a trailer and I was like, no, I'm touching that. What do you think? What was the remake of 13 Assassin? Did you get to watch that? I don't think I've watched that one yet.

It's really good. I've seen, again, it was one of those things where I watched the old one before I watched the new one again just to be like, all right, let me get fresh in my mind. But the new one, it was really good. It was still really, really intense. Yeah, a lot of these remakes coming out over in the Eastern world is great.

Is it Tarantino where they chop off an arm and get 47 gallons of blood? No. I think there is some of that water fountain kind of spray blood here and there, but it was really good. At least the one that came out a few years ago. So I guess that was the remake.

And it's just super dark. It was good. It was super dark like that. I mean, well, you know, a lot of samurai movies did have dark, twisted people. I like the samurai movies that are slow and awful and just horrible and nobody likes them.

Twilight Samurai. Yeah, Twilight Samurai. There's another one. What was the one with the blood? One?

The one where he lost his vision and the poison tester guy that was. I watch all these movies and I don't remember names. I can tell you plots, but not names. There's the Hidden Blade. Hidden Blades.

Yes. Oh, that was fantastic. When it happened, when you found out what the Hidden Blade was. Yes, exactly. I was like, oh my God.

That's the greatest move ever. I feel like I'm the only guy in the area that downloads random samurai movies and watches them and stuff. We can round this thing out. I really don't know what to do with half of it anyway. Right.

Some of it may just be for fun. Point being, watch the FB. Seriously. If any part of you, if you enjoy trauma, if there's any part of you that enjoys a bad movie for humor, this movie is so great. It's not bad just for the sake of bad.

Like I said, I feel like I've watched some bad movies. It's kind of inspired bad. Right. It really is. That's what I was trying to nail earlier.

It's like there's some bad movies that are just bad. And it's funny because it's so bad. You're just like, oh, my God, this is a train wreck. Why didn't they know? I think we've been on here waiting to be watched.

Well, there you go. It's good. I promise you, it really is good. Have you seen Three Outlaw Samurai in 1961? I don't think so.

Oh, God, it's so good. Oh, have you seen, oh, God, what's the name of that one? It was super cool. Kill. Have you seen Kill?

I swear Samurai Champloo is based on that. It has to be. It has this weird hip-hop vibe, even though it's this old-school black-and-white samurai movie. It's so great, just the way the music is coordinated and the way the personality... It's so much fun.

And on that bombshell.... Alright, are we rounding this thing up? He says we should watch the movie. I guess it's too late. I already watched it.

All right, we have survived the FP, so from here in the 502. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks, fellas.

Look and see the devil. We'll fly tonight through the air Love is a dream Love is a dream Beauty unseen That's when we talk Beauty. Unseen Do you want to give your wrap-up of the movie? I'm not quite sure how to do this. There was an intellectual sophistication to this movie that if you were not paying close attention to it, you were in the back of the theater.

If you were closer to the front of the stage... you would recognize the true nuance to the brilliance of this director. This director has been very, very, very involved in this film. And, you know, those who are very, very close to it would realize his brilliance. And, well, particularly, he's got a very long penis. That's probably the most important thing here to recognize.

Probably about a 13, 14-inch penis. And that 13, 14-inch penis, it kind of shines through in this film. As you're watching it, just kind of look for a 13, 14-inch penis. And you might want to call it Carrie. Don't call it Carrie.

But anyways, it's a kid show. No, it's not. Yeah. It's a kid show. Whatever.

And just enjoy. Enjoy this masterpiece. And this director. Enjoy his masterpiece. He will be a true and famed director here to come.

What's his name? Jason Trox. Jason Trox. 14-inch long. Thank you very much.

14-inch. 14-inch. This man has not been drinking at all. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with the opening music performed by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, Email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!