94.2: Machete Doesn't Podcast

This is Machete, with a special Cinco de Mayo message. No, me no hable ingles. Oh, you hable espanol? No, me no hable espanol. Me no hable nada.

Me hable nada. Nice. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. It's showtime, folks.

Enjoy the show. Hey, this is Amariko Olivo, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Get more out of life. Go out to. A movie.

They called him Machete. $ 70 a day for yard. Work. $ 100 for roofing. Get in. $ 125 for septic. Have you ever killed anyone before? As you know, illegal Americans are being forced out of our country at an alarming rate.

For the good of both our people, the senator must die. He was given an offer he couldn't refuse. Make no mistake, we are at war. Every time an illegal dances. Across our border, it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state, an overt act of terrorism.

Set up, double-cross, and left foot dead. You think what you do is right? Taking your brothers and sisters in. Deporting them back to their own personal hells. It's a lot.

There are many laws. You want me to help you kill all these men? Yes, bro. I'll see what I can do. He knows the score.

He gets the women. There's nothing I'd like more than to see that Mexican dance the bolero at the end. Of a rope. And he kills the bad guys. Well, this cucaracha's got AK-47s and he's laying waste to everything that gets in his fucking pan.

But they soon realized. They just fucked with the wrong Mexican. Machete. Machete. Welcome to Movie Meltdown's Out of the Town.

Once again, I am Brian. This is Roger. I am Misty. And I am Jay. All right.

I know you all have missed me. We weren't here last week. Yeah, right. All right, what did we go see today? This week's Out of the Town feature is, according to Jessica.

Alba, machete. Machete. God, fuck Jessica Alba. She kept pronouncing it, and I've seen her in so many things on TV the last week, and every time it's machete. I'm like, really?

Alba, how. She's been practicing. How Hispanic are you, Alba? The year obviously. I'm not as Hispanic as I am.

That's what I'm saying. The year obviously is 2010, since we just left the theater. The director, and I can't find any good pronunciation on the other guy. If somebody can help me with the. It's M-A-N-I-Q-U-I-S.

Is it? Let's call him Bub. Well, it's Ethan, so we'll call him Ethan. Ethan. Ethan and Mr.

Robert Rodriguez, as we would expect in this situation. Yes. Let's pull up the IMDB plot here, because they're always so factual. Really? There's a plot to this?

Oh, there was a plot. There was many a plot. It says, after being betrayed by the organization who hired him, an ex-pederale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss. I guess. I guess.

Kind of. No, not really. In a very loose interpretation, but all right. More drug dealer. Oh, so yeah, we'll throw out the giant spoiler alert here.

Since it's a brand new movie, hopefully you've already seen it because. You know, it's Machete. But if nothing else, yeah, because we're going to just, you know, bloody the hell out of it with Machete. All right, where would you like to begin? Where not to begin?

Yeah, it's pretty much awesome from the get-go. Except for Jessica Alba. I want to take a minute to talk about how absolutely horrible and not able to act her way out of a fucking paper bag. Jessica Alba is. There's no redeemable qualities.

Yeah, she looks good, but. That is her redeemable qualities. She's still kind of cute. Then go be a model. Don't try to fucking be in movies.

Jesus Christ. That's pretty much it. You do get one kind of, like, butt, side boobs. Side, crested boob in the shower. Again, but it doesn't involve her talking.

Which is her best, you know, it's her strongest suit, really. I'm telling you, she should. Have just stuck to being a model, because... It's acting. Yeah, she's epic failing at it.

In this movie, she's an ICE agent. Yeah. And for those who don't know what that stands for, look it up because I don't either. You don't live near the border. Something about immigration.

Immigration control enforcement. There you go. Oh, you're smart. I know. I just totally made that shit up.

That was good, though. Really good. Way to cover. The main thing is to make it sound like you know what the fuck you're talking about. If you say it with confidence, people are going to believe whatever shit you tell them.

Like, yeah, yeah. Walk with authority and you can go anywhere. Exactly. From the get-go, like, I was... I didn't...

I mean, I knew Danny Trejo was in this. I knew Jessica Alba was in it. And I forgot that Michelle Rodriguez was in it. But I had no idea that Don Johnson was in it. Of course, yeah, Cheech Marin because from the trailers.

And. Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal, yeah. I was like, oh shit, Seagal's in this? You didn't know that?

No. You were way behind. This is a sweet, sweet, sweet surprise. That's the thing. I mean, it is a massive cash.

And Lindsay Lohan. And Lindsay Lohan and her tits. Again, her best asset because, again, can't act for shit. No, no. But at this point, I mean.

She didn't take her freckles and just go on somewhere. And she will. To jail. Yeah. At this point, though, she...

Well, especially that first scene where we run into her, I'm like, I think this is just home video footage. Right. I mean, she's just cracked out on the floor of somebody's house and they have to bust in and get her. I heard that Robert Rodriguez specifically did not want her at any of the premieres. He was calling her agent to track her down to make sure that she did not show up at the premiere.

Really? Nice. That's what I read. She didn't want her to be wasted and just like. On the internet.

Flash or flash. God, I'm famous again. I'm famous. Where's my paycheck? I need to go get some medicine.

Where's my crack? Medicine. So it's got tons of people in it. And of course, the opening sequence of like all the. The imagery from the movie, like, in that kind of, like, comic book-y, I guess, grindhouse-looking.

70s, grindhouse. Starsky and Hutch-looking opening theme. Pretty awesome. It is awesome. From the get-go, you know that you're like, oh, yeah, this is just going to be rowdy.

Yeah. Well, even before that, I mean, we had him run a car through a building, take out an entire group of people. With his machete. Haul a naked chick around, have her do a maneuver that involved a cell phone. Yes.

And sound effects. And, yeah, then something. So yeah, all of that's before you get to the credits. That's how awesome this is. What, she got a call?

Is it on vibrate? Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully she put it on vibrate. Speakerphone. Oh my God.

It's not really muffled. I can't understand it. Oh my God. She's like yelling at her crotch. Hold on a second.

Hold on. Wait, I got another call. And she punches herself in the pelvis. Massage my uterus. Oh, God.

Speaking of uterus, so he also works in the regular babysitting twins, which in those outfits. They're not attractive. Well, they seem nice enough, but, yeah, they're kind of special. I don't like their noses. They're twins, so they have the same nose, and I don't like their nose.

Well, here's what... The thing is, like, he continually uses them, and he realizes, oh, they're a hot chick draw, so he dresses them scantily. So I'm just like, at what point do we get creeped out? when you can basically see their ass in this outfit, and that's your cousin. Yeah. Does it seem weird that, like, the director's sitting there behind him going, all right, show a little more, and he's related to them?

I don't know. It's Hollywood. I suppose. Everybody fucks everybody in Hollywood. He's very un-Hollywood though.

It's kind of funny that he's He has no problem whoring out his family. I thought it was awesome. At the end of the movie, I'm not going to spoil that just yet, but when they're in slow motion shooting Mac-10s, it makes me think of that redneck video you can get women with guns, where it's women in bathing. Suits shooting machine guns. And there is something about that that is awesome.

It really is awesome. Especially when Michelle Rodriguez is crying. fully auto unloading on people she's just so bird looking except for her face. No her face I like the eye patch. Because it covered part of her face oh my god she's got a gorgeous body and she's got really nice hair but her. Face she's got great teeth she's got great eyes she.

Would all the features together just don't work well. She looks better in this though because usually i don't i don't even get all that on board with her she seems all right and i've actually seen footage of her like out promoting it and she seems kind of cool so she seems nice enough but. She's nice she seems nice i said she's got a great body but yeah a body like hers holy shit. Yeah once she came out especially towards the end when she's hardly wearing anything it's just like. The leather bikini top jesus christ yeah she is is uh needs business and once again is not just like girly naked she's like fucking cut like she could kick any man in the room's ass so it's yeah and she's.

So tiny too because we saw her in. Chicago yeah she's short yeah she's teeny she's. Not tall while we're on that note is it just me or did it ever seem like danny was short in this movie yeah they did a good trick weird because in photography he yeah we stood next to him i'm taller than he is for god's sakes and i am no minute bull so What the hell? What kind of milk crate was he standing on in every shot they had him in? Special shoes.

Elevator shoes. Still, they have to be big elevator shoes. The funny thing was when we were getting our pictures taken with him, he tried to pull all of us down to the same height. And I was like pushing up. No, no.

Get in there. who may be part of. His smile on his face was the fact that he was pulling me down and I was like oh no you're. Not there's this internal struggle you don't get in the picture so much. It's awesome it's like the picture of me with Henry Rollins I'm. Like struggling he's like pulling me down oh no.

Oh, geez. But yeah, I just noticed that midway in, I was just like, no, I haven't noticed at all that he's massively shorter than any of these people. And I know that he is. The only time that I could tell kind of was when he was on top of the limo. About to chop through the sunroof.

And I was like, you kind of get the scale of him. Man, he's tiny. But even next to Seagal, you don't really see it. Because Seagal's actually pretty tall. Yeah, he's a tall guy.

So, yeah. Yeah, like in their fight or whatever. Yeah. Were they fighting on a hill or something? Or even like Jessica Alba.

She's probably pretty tall for a chick. I mean, she's got to be taller than him in the real world. I think she's pretty short. I don't know. Is she?

I've heard she's kind of tiny. I don't know. Maybe I'm making shit up. The trail's only just like maybe an inch shorter than me. Yeah.

Is he like 5'1, 2, 3? No. He's more than an inch shorter than you. 5'6? You think he's like 5'6?

Oh, dude. So I'm 5'8, so he's got to be like 5'6. 5'6, yeah. Probably. But he's still, I mean, he's still wide.

We can look it up on the list. Oh, yeah, he's a badass. He's built like a brick shithouse. Yeah, I mean, it's the same thing like Savini. Savini's like, he's pretty wide for his size, but he's not like super tall.

But in the movies, he looks fucking tall as shit. He's not. He's not. Which I'm still kind of angry there was no fight between Savini. Yeah, what happened to Savini?

He just disappeared. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think that got cut. Because I think in one of the trailers, there's a big shot of Savini standing there with the gun, and then the machete just comes into frame by his face. So I'm assuming that's when Danny probably took out Savini, but... Yeah, I didn't really think about it until you said that.

Where was that? He's like, no, he's coming for you. He's not coming for me or us. He's coming for you. Look at you, dude.

I know this guy. I guess that, yeah, they should have just showed him running away at that point because, yeah, you don't really see what happens. What a scam. Oh, well. Whatever.

It took off like he owed that guy money or something. Yeah. Savini, you owe people money. Oh, yeah. That's you, Savini.

I'm coming for you. I mean.... Basically, the machete delivers everything that you would expect it to, especially if you've seen the trailers. That's what the whole movie's like. It's over the top.

Just don't go into it expecting a classic masterpiece. Yeah, exactly. There's the Caspians and it's... It's Grindhouse. Yeah.

I mean, Rodriguez knows that from when he made the cheap fake trailer until now. If you want to. See boobs, big explosions, lowriders, tons of blood, people getting their limbs hacked off. Yeah. All types of cool shit like that, then, yeah, this is definitely, it delivers.

The only thing that I don't like, and I notice a lot, especially having anybody who's watched, like, sci-fi movies, the use of, like, digital blood effects and stuff, I can't stand. It always looks bad. Because it looks terrible. Yeah. And I want practical blood effects, and I think that there are a lot of times in this movie where I was just like, oh, God, come on.

Which ones? Like, I didn't notice as many as a lot of other movies, really, because there's still a good amount of practical ones. Because the big difference, and I just heard somebody else complain about this, is even if it makes it look good, it's not really there. So it's never on anything. So, I mean, that much blood flying around should be on everything.

All the shooting and stuff, I'm pretty sure is practical. But like, you know, when he's. chopping people. Yeah. You know, and all that is like, all that is digital. And at the end, when he wounds, I'm not going to say how, he wounds Seagal or whatever, and he kind of backed up, the slit in his back as his shirt moved, it was flat against his shirt.

Like, his shirt was moving and it would just look like it was floating. And I'm like, oh, God. Yeah. And it didn't really take me out of anything, but I noticed it enough for me to be like, oh, come on. Just like, I want it all to be practical blood.

I want it, yeah, spraying on people and everywhere. You want the Japanese effect. Yeah, well, especially when you're dealing with bladed weapons. Like, there's blood goes every freaking place. In machete, you know what I mean?

The movie itself is kind of a joke. So, I mean, you might as well just go overboard with the blood. But the Japanese do such a good job on, like, samurai movies where guys get cut and arteries just straight everywhere. You kind of miss that actual definitely definitely that arterial mist. The three dimensions this i have to say is pretty you know as far as the the uh shooting wounds there's a lot of bloody gore that comes out of the back of those so they they still kind of deliver but.

They definitely do they definitely do Just a sad note. I don't know. I notice, and I know that a lot of people probably do notice, and it kind of gets my goat a little bit. Not enough that I'm going to lessen any of the points I give this movie because it's fucking awesome in every way. Oh, man.

Let's see. But, yeah, between the last couple of weeks, it's almost like they've remembered how to make... fun ridiculous over the top move between seeing piranha and seeing this it's like finally the shit that people have been complaining about for years of like why don't they make movies like this anymore why don't we ever have any you know they finally have come to terms with the fact that People just kind of like big, dumb movies, and it's okay to not really, you know, go into it with much more than that, you know, that you're planning to do. To just kind of follow through with, you know, the fun that you set out to make in, you know, a big, gory action fest. You know, yeah. It's supposed to be over the top.

So, yeah, I don't know. I just have to. it seems like we found like this new wave of like people coming to terms with, you know, okay, you guys were right. I mean, they spent 10, 15 years complaining that where did all these movies go that, you know, in the eighties we had all this kind of fun stuff and it just totally died off. And, So I don't know, maybe we're starting to hit a whole new era of bad cheesy over-the-top movies. I hope so, yeah.

But I like how, you know, it's obviously, it doesn't take itself, I mean, it's called Machete, about a guy, Machete's, you know, he's a, not a U.S. Marshal, I don't want to say that. Federal. Federal. Federal.

Is machete apparently that's his code name or whatever machete i don't know. I saw on his record it said birth name was machete too oh really. That's what it said that's right on i didn't catch. That unless i unless i was totally making shit. Again pardon me it's machete but the fact that it's like totally tongue-in-cheek over the top like it doesn't take itself too seriously and there are movies out there that are over the top and kind of you know don't show that cheeky side or whatever.

And it just doesn't work. You're like, I think that's kind of why those movies just tank. And I don't know, but Rodriguez does over the top really well. And the fact that he chops that dude's hand off and picks up the hand with the gun in it and is shooting people, that's just frigging awesome. Yes, that's what I like.

That's what we want. Has there been any numbers on this one so far as to how it's done in the theaters? Has it been doing well thus far? What's the Terminator meter say? I think it's probably going to do really well in the movie because.

I think it's got what a lot of the I want to say, like, a lot of the lowbrow, lower-class citizens want it. It's got a lot of gore and boobs in it. Yeah, really. You described us. Yeah.

Because we were thrilled with it. We were like, yeah! It's the last time I've laughed so much in a movie, aside from, like, Zombieland or something. Yeah. Like, laugh out loud at people getting shot and horribly mutilated.

It's a very pro-Mexican film, so lots of Mexicans are going to love it. Yeah, very pro-illegal immigrant movie, too. Kind of. That is one that, yeah, I don't know, I wanted to address at some point. Because they make a pretty big, I mean, if there's anything to take from this that's not ridiculous and over to the top, there is a very big underlying message of this sort of situation that we're in.

And it's it doesn't really provide you with a end-all be-all answer to it it just you know i think it does shed light because i think there's a lot of people in the whole rest of the country that have no idea how widespread that is and how big of a problem it is for certain people and how much trouble you know On both sides, they have with it. So it does at least shine a light on that, that a lot of people. I believe it's mostly a problem for Texas and Arizona. It's not so much a problem for. Clarksville, Indiana.

Clarksville, Indiana, right? They do have quite a little. The Kmart in Clarksville, Indiana. They have their own little Mexico there. That's cool.

Their own personal influx of employees that they need at any given moment. The flea market in Simpsonville. You can load up on all your Mexican blankets and music. They don't have good blankets down there, but that's what kind of pisses me off. You can load up on all your Mexican movies and CDs.

And soccer jerseys. Soccer jerseys. I want blankets. I can't find any. That's the Ugandian moose.

No, no, no. Ugandian. Yeah, whatever. I'm just mad I can't get a damn good Mexican blanket up here. What the hell?

You know? As many of them are coming over. Why don't you have them grab one on the way out? You know, I asked my buddy Dino. I was like, give me a Mexican blanket.

He looked at me and goes, why do you want a Mexican blanket? And I was like... Because I need it. For my car. That's what you cover the car seats in.

He just kind of looked at me like I was nuts. Stupid Gringo. They ought to have enough blankets for when they're hiding under them across the border. I don't understand. Yes, Misty, yes.

Here comes the hate mail. Yeah, keep in mind about half of our audience is in Texas. It's all in good fun. I'm just joking. Well, then probably they'll, you know, have something to say about this.

I hate everybody. That is true. We're all pretty free with our hate. I don't think. There's anybody that she doesn't.

And I don't think it's so much. You know us, listeners. Well, no, she's not so much where she hates people or anything like that. I hate the stereotypes. She hates the stereotypes.

Which is what I think comes into play a lot in this movie. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I just didn't want to be mistaken. I hate everybody equally. It's not like I hate one group more.

Than the next. That is true. But no, I mean, to me, it seems like Rodriguez is really playing with the stereotypes. I mean, he's one that's always seemed like he's had a sense of humor about it. Like, he's, you know, he definitely has grown up in that area.

He's, you know, got a huge family that's probably very traditional in all these, you know, Mexican traditions. But at the same time, he'll be the first to sort of poke fun at the Mexican stereotypes. And he does have them riding around in the tricked-out cars. And, you know, that's like, you know... In a way, that could be taken as being stereotypical, but he somehow.

Avoiding the customs lady at all costs. Yeah, avoiding the customs. They all run when the customs lady comes up. So, I mean... Given to a different director, you could almost be insulted by that.

But knowing who it is, and knowing that he is sort of playing with these conventions. There ain't nothing wrong with the lowrider scene. I was in the lowrider scene for a long time, and. It was fucking awesome. But I think to a lot of people, they would consider that being stereotypical.

That's the first thing you think of when Mexicans, they're all driving these lowriders, and yeah, so... I don't know. I just think it's funny that he's not afraid of that stuff. He will definitely throw it in there and laugh at it when it's funny and use it when it comes in handy for the plot. He just doesn't seem to be– he doesn't want to shy away from that kind of stuff.

He's like, we're Mexican. We know we're Mexican. This really is our heritage. He does it too with the white Texans, the guys that are just overly pasty. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Old yeehaw boys. You know and once again with a bunch of crackers sitting there we could be offended by that but we also know it's true we'll be the i'll be the first to call out fucking rednecks and white trash right we live in the middle of it yeah damn straight i mean yeah so yeah i was i was much more siding with the i was like kill those damn white trash motherfuckers damn crackers kill everybody put a bullet in his head machete upside his face So, yeah. I don't know. It is interesting, though, that it throws that in there.

And they do almost take that one moment to stop and pose a real question as the security guys, which we'll get to them in a minute. Because those guys are funny. The fact that there was like all these people just get taken out right and left. But there's this one little group of guys that he never really kills. He just continues to beat the hell out of them the whole time.

So that was funny. But they do stop and ask the same question that even I've asked. I'm like. How can you treat these people with such disrespect and let them raise your children? I'm like that.

He's like, we let them drive our cars. We let them into our house as maids and in our gardens as gardeners, but we don't let them come over to this country legally. Yeah. That has never made sense. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

Especially the children. How would you trust this person with your child but not even treat them like an equal, period? They're a lower class citizen completely and utterly, but you'll let them take care of your child. Well, I don't see any different... I understand from the whole.

And here we're going to get into political shit and all that other crap. Did we get too political? No, no. But I understand.... Illegal alien.

That's okay. I understand that. But people generally treat illegal Mexicans different than they would treat an illegal Frenchman. Or an illegal Dutchman. Or an illegal guy from Japan.

Or just Mexicans in general, I think. I think people immediately kind of look down on them. My trainer that was in Muay Thai was over here illegally. He was here legally at one point, but then his green card... And so he's been here, I don't know, maybe 15 years.

Wow. But people have been sheltering him, you know, because. Maybe you shouldn't tell people that. Nobody knows who he is. Nobody knows where to find him.

So it's not that big of a deal. I don't even know where to find him. But, you know, I mean, and people treat people differently. And it's that stereotype of, you know. And all Mexicans are cockroaches and stuff like that.

I know tons of cool Mexicans. Yeah. But, you know, I know. Tons of uncool Mexicans. And I know tons of cool white people and tons of uncool white people.

And the same goes for Chinese people and black people and everybody else. Cubans, you know, I love all cultures. I love all people. They're cool as shit. But, you know, like Misty was saying, as far as the stereotypes, you know, the stereotypes is what I don't really like.

You know, the people that are just... There's bad. Seeds in every race. But that, I mean, that group of people in particular always seem like they're kind of looked down on, especially in the last, you know, 50 years or more, because it's always one of those, oh, you're an illegal immigrant. You know, they've now, you know, the people who look at people like that. sort of lump everybody together in that.

And they don't necessarily do that with Frenchmen. But, you know, if you're Mexican, they're immediately probably going to have that thought. There's a lot more Mexicans than there are illegal Frenchmen. I think I'm okay with that, too. That's probably why there's more.

That's probably why there's more, because there's more Mexicans. That's why there's more of a... It's more of a known state. That's why there's more of the hatred. It's more aware of, because there is more.

I mean, you don't have. You know. Frenchmen running across the border with baguettes. An escargot. You don't have all the fucking French from Canada trying to burst over.

They don't want to come over here. I mean, seriously. That's true. That's awesome. You don't see people trying to get across the border from Canada.

Exactly. Just Mexico. They can bring their syrup. That's okay, you know. Oh, man.

Leave Dave Coulier over there. That's not a request. That's an order. Please. Oh, man.

But yeah, that's probably why it's more of a big thing. Because, I mean, there's a lot more Mexicans that are over here illegally. And it's more obvious that they're Mexicans. Like, you can't usually just spot a Frenchman from far away. You're like, oh, you're French.

I don't like you. And it's not even their fault, really. It's our system's fault. Our system's broken. It is.

It doesn't work, and. It's all about making money. It's all about the big guy making money. And that's what is funny when they're talking about, where it's like, how much... probably this nation relies on cheap, dirt-ass cheap labor that, you know, we get from, you know, from anybody crossing the border. Only from, I mean, people who are citizens wouldn't stand for that kind of bullshit.

They would, you know, I want minimum wage. I want, you know, I want health insurance. They want to sit and bitch because they take our jobs, but they're jobs that we don't want. That's true. They're probably all saying this and sitting in a house that was built by, you know, Mexicans.

So, I mean, what are you going to do? Like, bitch about it's like the war on drugs in a way it's false in a way because there is money to be made in the supply and demand And you can't just cut it all out because then, you know, the prices go up, blah, blah, blah. If we as a government wanted to stamp out the war on drugs, we could, but we don't. No. The government doesn't want.

There's too much money to be made. There's too much money to be made. You know, all this stuff about, you know, keep kids off drugs and all this other crap is all a bunch of BS. It's all smoke and mirrors. That's what I've just been saying for years.

Just legalize it and then tax it because, you know, that's the only way for them to make more money off of it is find a way to tax it like everything else. Hey, California's trying to legalize marijuana taxes. It'll happen. If it happens out there, it's only a matter of time. They can tax Mexicans.

Is that the next step? Well, see, that's the thing. If people are going to come over here, that's fine. That's cool. But at least. at least document them having to pay in taxes.

That's the only thing. That's the only thing I ask. I don't care. Everybody should have an equal opportunity to come to this country. See, that's the thing.

As long as they want to pull their own weight. As long as they want to take responsibility for it and pay taxes. And most of those people are, though. I mean, you do see them out there standing around trying to get a job. And it's like, hell, that's more than most of the white people here do.

But then you have the ones that are the stereotype. You have the ones that come over here, don't want to learn the language, and expect to be given... money like they have some right to without working for it i've known people like that i've you know. I guess but more people i know like that are white people yeah unfortunately yes there's a lot more because. I mean i got somebody in my family she's not in my family but my uncle's wife's mother she came to this country she demanded to have you know you know she she wanted government money but she had never worked in this country in her entire life she refused to speak the language You know, it's like, what right do you have to the money if you don't want to work for it, you know?

But you also have a super white version of that in your family, too. Yeah. That leeches off the government. Yeah, we got fucking lazy people from every fucking nationality in our family. Awesome.

Yeah. Your family's pretty much got all the bases covered. Oh, yeah. I got the Asian covered. We got the Asian in.

We got the Mexican. We got the blacks. There you go. Mm-hmm. And.

They're all fucking, you know, Asian, because you work, but the black, the Mexican, they're, I mean, it's everybody. It's white. My aunt, she's fucking lazy. She ain't listening to this. That's why I called her out.

I was just like, nobody fits that bill more than your aunt. But it's, I mean, the ones that want to work for it and do it legally, I don't have a problem with people that, you know. Want to do that. It's just, I don't know. I don't want to get political.

Well, that's what I think is kind of cool about this, is it sort of, it does shine that light on it, but it doesn't really give you an answer. It doesn't cast anybody as totally wrong. It definitely puts the sway on the side of the immigrants, but at the same time, I mean, You've got all these other politicians and guys that kind of give their story. And they're like, well, here's our end of it. Here's how we're making money off of it.

How are you going to tell us to stop making money off of this system? And that's true. That's how America works. You're not going to change the system if the system is making money off for the majority, especially the majority in power. There's no way in hell.

We're talking all shit about people. We're talking it across the board, so fuck them. And that's the overall theme of the movie, you know. Talk amongst yourselves. But yeah, I mean, that's kind of what's cool about this is it does have people sort of, you know, working together by the end of it.

You do have people in the system that are, you know, a white guy who's fighting off people with the Mexican guy. It's like, that's cool. It's like that is sort of in the end. I mean, there's nobody that I think Rodriguez is such a good example of that as somebody who. I'm assuming, I don't know how far back it was that his family came to America, but I mean, Jesus Christ, look how successful he is and what he's done to Hollywood.

It's like in such a small span of time, he's completely revolutionized the way that people do movies, the way that you budget a movie. That's the reason he gets to keep making these damn movies. Because he can crank them out for nothing and make money off of them. And, yeah, I mean, so, I mean, he's, to me, such a good person to be put in charge of this because he is sort of an example for everybody, white, Mexican, whatever. It's like he's an example of somebody who did, you know, he's a smart guy.

He came into Hollywood, if nowhere else, and found what he needed to do, what he wanted to do, and yeah, worked hard for the last 20 some odd years doing it. So it's like, he's a good example. So it's kind of cool to have him be able to make a movie like this that sort of showcases that. I blame it on Jessica Alba. Fucker.

Damn cracker. So the tomato meter is 73%. 73%, that's good. Which is, yeah, the tomato meter's pretty hard, actually. It's a pretty harsh shit system, so for you to get above 50 is actually pretty good.

I don't know if they had any numbers on how many people, how much money it brought in so far. It's opening. That's not too racist, cutting you that out. Again, I think we're talking. I don't think you sound racist.

That's what I think you need to do. And I think even, I mean, as ridiculous as this movie is, as over the top, as completely schlocky as all this is, I think in the end it really does sort of make you want to talk. So it's like, I think that's kind of what's cool is that it can start a dialogue. Even, you know, a stupid, you know, a grindhouse movie can actually start a dialogue and make people come up with something that's sort of more important than the movie itself probably is. I'm not racist against Mexicans or blacks particularly.

They are good at each one. I'm racist against the stereotype. I'm racist against the lazy black man that wants to sit at home and draw government or the lazy Mexican that just wants to come over here and think that they deserve rights. But I'm equally as annoyed with the lazy white people. Like I said, it's everybody.

There's plenty of them. I'm not racist against one particular– You know, one, I'm racist against all stereotypes. I'm racist against... I don't. Think that's racist.

She's biased. Anybody that fits into that category that just wants to sit and expect stuff to be given to them without actually having to work for it. It's like I said, yeah, man, it's like that. She's white somewhat. She thinks.

Yeah, she doesn't think she is, but she's white. But, I mean, she's lazy as hell. But, I mean, that's every. You're going to find that with every race that there's that stereotype. There's a stereotype for a reason.

There's people that have made it that way. Yeah. And, I mean, yeah, it sucks. I mean, yeah, it sucks that I look at a Mexican and I'm like, God, that person's, you know, they're probably illegal. But that's horrible of me.

And, yeah, but, you know, there are Mexicans that are good. Just not Jessica Alba. Most definitely. I'm sorry. I'm racist.

Whatever. No, you're not. You're just... You're not racist. And that's the thing.

That's my problem. How can you be. Racist when you just hate the entire human population? Yeah. It's not so much any particular.

It's just people. People. Yeah. That's always been mine. People in general kind of suck.

It's just general lazy people is who you can't understand because I know you, so it's anybody who doesn't want to work for what they want. For what they deserve. Yeah. Don't ever go through this life thinking you deserve something because you don't deserve anything. You deserve to die.

That's about all you deserve. You deserve to die. And that's what we call a machete. Machete. That's the only right you have is the right to die.

You want anything, you work for it. And I'm like that. I don't expect anybody to hand me anything. I don't ask for help. If I want something, I'm going to work and I'm going to get it.

It's going to get done. I don't just sit there and be like, oh, well, what can I get from the government for that? I mean, do you think somebody handed. I'm not going to sit and pop out six kids so that I can draw money from Social Security like my aunt did. Yeah.

Once again, that's a flaw in the system, not the people. If we didn't set up a system that would allow people to do that, then you wouldn't invite people. Because that's the thing. Immigrants have been coming to this country for how many hundreds of years? Since day one.

They're all immigrants. That's how this country got made. Somehow the Asians don't have the reputation for being lazy. They fucking do fingernails and shit. They built our railroad.

Not to be stereotypical. I mean, Asians, they don't seem to have that same. It's different. I don't know. It is.

I guarantee there's lazy Asians out there. There's got to be. Somehow they've managed to avoid that stereotype. They have the stereotype that they're smarter than us. They're lazy and bad at math.

Somewhere there's one of them out there. We all know Kung Fu. Your kid. It's your kid. She's the flaw.

She is, isn't she? Damn it. My kid thinks everything needs to be given to her. Your kid is the downfall of the Asian civilization. Only one thing to do, Jay.

I'm going to break her up. Beat it out of her. You can't beat kids anymore. That's the problem right there. You can't beat the lazy out of these people.

Machete can. But he can't text. He doesn't need to text. I felt a little kinship there as I was just bitching about texting. Because I made you text Roger before the show.

And I was like, fuck. That was kind of weird, yeah. I was like, Brian don't text. Brian don't text. Son of a bitch, you're making me text.

Ugh. See, really, that's one of the things I can say about this. This movie has so many awesome moments. The whole thing is just like awesome moment after awesome moment. And so it's like, you know, some of those movies that you see and you're like, oh, I remember that scene, blah, blah, blah.

There's a few of them. This whole movie is just consecutive back-to-back these, you know, things that are happening, these cool moments. But I don't see it, like, holding up for more than, like, one viewing. I was like, I loved it. It was fucking awesome.

Do I really want to see it again? I could see it again. I do want to see it again. I could see it again. Definitely with friends, though.

Like, I'd like to see it with more people. It seems like a really good, like, everyone laugh out loud. Like, have a good time. Turn it into a drinking game where you drink every time and cut somebody's body parts off. I love Danny Trejo, man.

He's a great guy. I'm glad they finally gave him a film where he's the hero. That's what's funny. Because he always gets cast as the bad guy. Because he looks like a fucking bad guy.

But even as the bad guy, I always thought he was fucking cool as hell. And he's been in so many things. It's funny how long it's taken him to build up this career to finally leading man in any movie. Even when he was in Desperado, and he was basically the machete guy in Desperado. I was like, holy shit, it would be so awesome if they just fucking gave this guy his movie.

A movie, yeah. I want a movie that says the bartender from, from dusk till dawn before that whole thing. Yeah. You know, I would just watch him serve. Well, that's desperado.

Yeah. That's basically desperado. I haven't seen it for a long time, but, uh, they keep crossing over, which again, I mean, he's, he's sort of created his own little universe here. When's he going to play a romantic lead? Comedy i think let's see um jessica alba and him in let's see what are we going to call this thing i was gonna say j-lo because she used to be your fallback romantic comedy but you don't want them of the same you know you don't want them both hispanic you got to mix it up.

It's going to be, it's going to be, uh, damn rom-coms. Um, no, it's going to be Danny Trejo, uh, reprising the Arnold Schwarzenegger role. Oh God. Uh, Oh, shit, what's the name of that movie where he gets pregnant? Junior?

Junior, yeah. It's going to be Danny Trejo in Junior. One thing would be a hardened school teacher. Oh, yeah. Kindergarten Trejo.

Or the substitute. He could be one of the other substitute movies or whatever. Well, yeah. Oh, man. He comes in to shape up the tough kids.

I can see that, actually. He'll be the principal. Or there could be Danny Trejo in The Hot Chick. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know what to think of that. You don't remember the Rob Schneider one? Yeah, I know. I don't see that happening at all. I don't know that you can insert Danny Trejo in any of Rob Schneider's roles.

Come on! The Gigolo one? No, because girls do want to get with Danny Trejo. That's the difference. That's why it wouldn't work.

Nobody wants to get with Rob Schneider. But that's what's funny in this one. He is sort of, once again, he's playing the Mexican James Bond. He's scoring with all the women. He just takes people out without batting an eye.

He is just like fucking Superman throughout this entire movie. He just annihilates everybody and scores with chicks. That's pretty fucking awesome. That's pretty awesome. As of right now, it is coming in number three.

Oh, good deal. It is $ 11 million. But once again, his are so cheap, I'm trying to think what the budget was. I think it was only like $ 40 million or something. I don't know.

There was a lot of explosions in this one. But they were CGI explosions. Green screen. Explosions. Explosions don't take much.

And who did it come in under? Or what movies did it come in under? Actually, he doesn't have the budget. But yeah, I mean, his are rarely more than $ 50 million for anything he's ever done. Usually they're like $ 30.

Well, that's the thing. He can make a good film with a low budget and still make a lot of money off of them. People still want to see him. He came in about, well, I mean, Takers was kind of huge. That one came in second, and the American, which, I mean, you can't fight with Clooney.

Clooney is a super spy. Clooney is, yeah, a badass and everything. He's shirtless in it, which, from what I've heard, is kind of. Not so hot anymore. That's why he's usually got, like, the tux going on.

Which is totally hotter than him without his shirt on, which is strange, because usually I'm more like, ooh, take it off, but now I'm like, ooh, put it back on. Put a suit on. Put more clothes on. A well-dressed suit. That's what I like you in.

Yeah, a parka. A nice little parka. Fur mittens. So, any more comments on our cast here? Yeah, Steven Seagal.

Dude, you've gotten so fucking fat, man. What the hell? Why do you let yourself fucking go? He looks like he's thinner than when he was in the TV show, I think. He seemed like he was bigger in the TV show.

He's still. He just looks like he has for a long time. The thing that cracks me up, too, is, like, I was waiting for Trejo to kill Steven Seagal. Not that I really. Big spoiler alert coming?

Yeah, big spoiler alert. The whole damn movie is a fucking spoiler alert. But, you know, there was a point in time where I liked Steven Seagal. He was actually a pretty cool guy. Sports drinks now.

I actually got to meet him one time, a long time ago, before he even put out any movies. But that's another story. But he seemed like a really cool guy, and then he just kind of went downhill from there, lost. It, and. I think on deadly ground for me when I was like, what the fuck is he doing?

I mean, it was like the under siege was the jump the shark moment for him. They got bigger and bigger, and they got to that point, and it was like everything from there on was just like, no. I was on board for above the law and outlawed for justice, marked for death, but then right after that, it just. Went under siege. That was what did it.

It was like that was just a little too much. Point he had gotten to where like. You know what i don't have to work out anymore. Yeah you know and i can just just well and people yeah he got to the point where he didn't do anything he just stands still and the bad guys would run at him like we've made fun of him many a time exactly it's his gravitational pull you know. It's gonna be great he's gonna be doing a sword fight with trejo he's gonna have his fucking samurai sword he's gonna have his machetes and they're gonna chop chop at each other and then hopefully danny trejo is gonna chop him in half or chop something off of him no no nobody can kill Steven Seagal only Steven Seagal can kill Steven Seagal yeah right So he ends up killing himself.

And that's what it comes down to. Trejo stabbed him. And my initial thought was, oh, I wonder if he hit that cheeseburger. Well, that's the thing. It's right in the gut.

And then he starts going, this is nothing. And I'm just like, yeah, you don't even feel that probably. There's so much blubber there. It's a flesh wound. Which is a funny scene when he's like turning the blade like, yeah.

It's just so fake. But yeah, I agree. I wanted to see like. Something a little bit more epic. Oh, yeah.

He killed his fucking family. If you want to see a fucking battle, he's going to be like, I would have pulled the machete out of his stomach going, no, bitch, you don't get to kill yourself. I'm going to kill you. See, I kept waiting for his long-lost daughter to show up because they never actually show her death. I was waiting for like, I was waiting for it to secretly be like Michelle Rodriguez.

That's what we all were kind of thinking. Roger and I were thinking that until she climbed on top of it. We were like, hopefully this is not his daughter. I was like, yeah, hopefully this is it. And then it's like, maybe it'll be Jessica Alba.

I'm like, no, that's not right either. But then it's like, because they never actually show the daughter. Is she going to be in one of the sequels? Because they never actually show. Once again, I mean, they're sort of setting up, and that's what the Rodriguez said, because they were asking her, you've got this badass character now, are we going to get, like, spin-off movies with her?

Because that'd be kind of awesome, actually. We're going to get Daughter of Machete. Daughter of Machete, after Machete kills again. Machete net. No, I just want the She movies now.

Pancetta? No, Hatchet. Fucking She movies, I'm telling you. Yeah. A whole line of She movies.

It's like She-Agle. Kind of but no we well again another one that you know sort of pulling a tarantino and dusting off an actor and pulling him out of obscurity don johnson yeah pulls. In a good performance really good he plays a good jackass yeah well i mean he's always been kind of a jackass but he's found a way to turn up the redneck on this one and it makes it even more impressive so yeah. He plays he's a good villain you just want to see you want him fucked up so. Are we going to start seeing more of him in this kind of role or is this his probably.

Well it's funny that I mean he got to be the leading man that he did because he always kind of had that attitude like aside from Miami Vice like you look at him in movies a lot of times because they gave him a good amount of movies in like the early 90s you know and it's like actually I don't remember any of them he's still well he's still kind of a jackass in all. Of them so it's like fantastic singing. It's Harwell that was awesome Harwell We do have a lot of fans of that. They'd probably be thrilled. So go ahead and finish out the song.

I don't know. Everybody loves Heartbeat. All I can picture him is him. I can do the motion. Nice.

Too bad you all can't see what just happened. Yeah, she's doing the arm motion. I'm picturing Dweezil off to the side. Yeah, it was epic. Good times.

But yeah, he was... I mean, it's funny to me that he got to be as popular as he did and as well-liked with people and ladies in general because I'm like, he's a jackass in every role. He seems kind of like a jackass in real life. No offense to him, but... What little I've seen of him, I mean, he seems kind of full of himself.

But chicks kind. Of dig that sometimes. They do, and that's funny. I mean, he had that bigger career and being kind of a jerk. I should be the leading man.

I always should be the leading man. Don Johnson. He sort of, yeah, pulled a Tarantino there and dug out somebody that nobody had seen in a long time. It was like, here, play this role. Yeah.

Much like Jeff Fahey. There's another one that disappeared. Who's that? The booth. The bad guy through half the movie.

I really like Fahey in this. I was trying to figure out where I'd seen him before. In everything. Yeah, Lawnmower Man. Who was he in Lawnmower Man?

The kid. Was he? The main guy. Did he look like him? Yeah, he was so young back then.

God, that movie sucked. He's been in a ton of stuff, though. So, I mean, he's another one that, like. He put in a really good performance. He is good.

Dude, you're going to hate him, too. Yeah. He's a great villain. Well, that's why I think it was such a big, you know, just sort of a sellout moment when you get that lame, like, Seagal kill. Because this movie has so many villains.

Like, it builds up. Good villains. All these, you know, these bad characters. And I realized, you know, midway in, we start kind of taking them out. We start knocking out some of the people.

And we get to see them all done. And luckily, yeah, we slow... But you're like doing the checklist. You're like, all right, we got rid of him. We got rid of him.

Okay, now who's the big one? And we kind of see it build up. Oh, I guess Seagal's actually going to show. He'd be the boss of the video game. Yeah, he'd be the big boss at the end of the level, which...

But then he's an easy boss to be. He wasn't the last one killed. Well, they did a fake out. They killed one of them, and then they turned around and killed him again. I knew that fake out was there.

In a very ironic way. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny. Well, especially because, yeah, like, spoiler alert, his death scene was, I was like, either that is the worst death scene ever when he's getting shot, kind of like, There's no blood And you could. See it under there Yeah dude Like if they wouldn't have done that I was like that's a terrible effect Because you can see he's got.

A big plate And one thing else I want to mention Lindsay Lohan's stupid ass fucking lip freckle I'm sorry I've noticed it before No it's a lip freckle I've noticed it before but it's never been quite that obvious Ever since my scene of What was the movie that I watched? The Transporter 3 with the chick with the lip freckle This brought that whole anger back, and I was yeah I was not at all happy with her lip freckle Lindsay Lohan. Looks good in a what naked naked well not naked there's a whole lot of naked basically with the silenced mac 10 she looked bad like I was like I never really thought that she's all that hot, but something about that habit, I'm like, I gotta have it. You gotta think for nuns is what you're coming to terms with?

Maybe I do. Well, there's a whole sub-genre of films out there for you. Yeah, the lip freckle. The lip freckle. It is.

I'm trying to think. Has anybody seen that movie that she's a stripper in? I Don't Know Who Killed Me? Yeah. I want to see it, though.

Because I'm trying to... I thought she even got called out for not being naked in that, and she's a stripper. So it's weird, because I don't think... I've seen her in print... naked several times now because she thinks it's cool. I've seen her badly in print.

Yeah, I know. But, I mean, is this the first time she's just full-on goth naked? I think so. Somebody was saying it was a body double, but I'm not so sure. The topless part couldn't have been because, I mean, you could see, yeah, in the pool, you could see her.

She's been naked before. Why not? I mean, she flashes her freaking cho-cho when she gets out of cars at parties or whatever. Well, she did that whole fucking magazine shit trying to duplicate Marilyn Monroe's last naked shoot. Oh, wow.

So, yeah, I've seen all of those. I mean, it's just like, not like we haven't seen those. Ellen Monroe is beautiful. Yeah. Ellen Monroe is fucking hot.

I'd have tapped that. Really hot. Yeah, Lindsay, again, I think it's only funny because of who she is. Yeah. I think that's the only thing that saves her in this role is the fact that in the beginning there, we feel like it's so close.

Throughout the whole thing, I mean, she's sitting there going, you know how many people have seen me on the internet? Yeah. How many people have hit my... my website and I'm like no that's true yeah it's like we've all seen you on the internet Lindsay. I also thought it was strange when she's going to do a scene with her mother nude in the pool yeah and then Danny Trejo comes in and max both of them. Yeah Recreating the fake trailer scene, which is kind of awesome.

They didn't disappoint on that one. Speaking again of the cast, there was that one member that we didn't even realize who it was at the time, and then I made you look it up, and what was his name again? His name is Daryl Sabara. Who you will know. This is the homie.

Yeah, well, he's the one we kept calling out. Like, who is this little cracker kid? I'm adopted. Because he gets name at the beginning of the movie. Yeah, he's thrown up there at the beginning with all the rest of the Lohan and, you know, then this Daryl kid.

And we're like, who is that chump? And then we made more fun of him because once he's talking, you're like, really? Who is this crazy gringo in the middle of this mess? He is the Spy Kid. He is the grown-up, now...

The non-Alexa Vega Spy Kid. Yeah, the 18-ish-year-old kid that's now too old to be in Spy Kids. He's being replaced in the next one. Spy teenager. Yeah.

Now he's just got to turn up as a homie in this movie. Kind of reminded me of the guy in Blood In Blood Out who didn't really sell me as much as a Latino guy. I was trying to decide. I was like, does that make him like a Wexican? Yeah.

I think so. Crazy Wexican. I think so. He's no red Nexican. Red Nexican.

God. He's a Waitino. A Waitino. Waitino. They just keep coming.

Oh, man. Who else? Oh, Cheech. You can't go wrong with Cheech. Cheech is awesome.

Badass. And I do like that Cheech is pulling off the props from the old Marilyn Manson tour. The cross made out of TVs. The cross made out of TVs. I was like, dude, Manson had that.

Dude, we saw that. Yeah. We sat in the handicap seats and watched it. Yeah if there's anything we're not pc for it's that we stole seats from handicapped people to wash the maryland yeah we didn't care what race they were but you know get out of the way we need these seats yep but we saw a big you know crucifix tv so that was yeah i thought that was kind of funny and i wondered if anybody else thought that because that's the first thing i thought. Of like dude you stole everything And he offers Trejo cigars and he denies them.

He offers them blunts, basically. Mexican. He doesn't want Cuban. He wants Mexican. Which, once again, playing on the stereotype.

So Rodriguez is, you know, I mean, everybody likes to kind of play with those little conventions. But if a white guy directed this, would you take it the same way? I think you'd have reason to call him out. It would have been different. Like if a white guy directed any of the fucking Taylor Perry movies, black people would be offended by that.

They should be. I'm offended by anything Taylor Perry makes, but that's just on the grounds of intelligence. But why is this character supposed to be so stupid? But why is it okay for Mexicans to make fun of Mexicans and blacks to make fun of blacks, but if white people do it? That's how it works.

White people aren't allowed to make fun of anybody else except for white people. But black people can make fun of white people. It doesn't matter. It makes it okay. White people have done so many atrocities to so many other races that they're no longer allowed to do anything to anybody at any point.

Fuck that. I make fun of everybody. I'm not saying, I'm not the one who's saying it. I'm just saying that's kind of the general idea of the thing. Pretty much.

See, I'm lucky. See. See, I'm not going to make fun of everybody. Oh, we can make fun. We can still make fun of Asians.

That's okay. I make fun of Asians all the time. We make fun of Asians in movies all the time. Yeah, that's fair. We kind of do.

Me and Ronnie were like, what was it? Me and my friend Ronnie, he was like, he's half Korean. And then our friend Charles. who is full Vietnamese, and we were sitting around one time at a. Restaurant, and we were like, you know, between me, you, and Ronnie, we make two full chinks. Nice.

Was it because of that? My girl got offended. See, that's how it works. I'm offended. Shut up.

What? My boyfriend's black. What's that got to do with it? Was she calling from another table? Was she even involved?

No, it was one of the waitresses. Oh, fuck her. Fuck off. But see, yeah, that's the thing. The people within their own group have a sense of humor.

It's only somebody outside that always gets. Offended by it. Jerks. Laugh. Laugh at yourself.

Laugh at others. It's funny. And point when you laugh, too. That makes it more fun. That's the misty way.

Push them down and laugh. No. Take their candy. Take their candy. No matter what race they are, take their candy.

Or fudge if they're Amish, because I love me some Amish fudge. Fudge. You're not going to take my 3N cookies? No, fuck this. They make you burp eggs.

Rotten eggs. I can't even eat them. You ain't Asian enough for that shit. Obviously not. Only full-blooded can eat that shit.

Why would they want to? I don't know. My mom loves that shit. Your mom's weird, but I love her because she makes good egg rolls. Yes, she does.

All right. Is there anything else we can talk about this movie? Oh, I think that's sort of wrapping it up. It is awesome. We did it because, yeah, Jessica Alba kept discussing the social and political aspect, which I think we've actually touched upon.

The one that we didn't is from another crazy member of the crew, which is one of the babysitter twins. I don't know the difference. It was one of them. Thing one and thing two? Yeah, she came out and she went into this thing about how awesome he is and how fun his movies are and all that.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm on board. And then she finished it out with something like, and in all of his movies we see He's teaching us about love through violence. That's awesome. I was like, wait, what? I was like, I'm not sure what you're saying, but I think it's wrong.

That's hot chick logic for you right there. But she's not that hot. Yeah, so she doesn't get the pass. Oh, geez. Whatever i just thought that was funny and i'm like so i was waiting to see if there was some sort of in the end you know love conquers all kind of thing but i was like no he nails a bunch of chicks does that count as love.

He gets the bitch in the end i guess you know. I mean yeah in the end so but again that's very more of the the you know cliche hollywood ending of and then they ride off together kind of thing whereas it's not like love conquered the main evil or you know like the way that she was building it up like in some way because i mean there's sort of moments like that maybe in his career but they're few and far between usually it's just about blowing shit up and killing people and um yeah. Booty and we did look at tacos after this movie so it's a. Good tie-in because we all wanted some of michelle rodriguez's tacos we all saw her truck pull up and we were like i want. Some of that really.

You didn't even get tacos. You went to McDonald's. Yeah. Of all the gringo moves ever. Come on.

White boy. Damn gringo. I can make fun of white people. It's okay. I can totally make fun of white people.

I'm totally fine with this. Can I call anybody a honky? Honky. Feel free to. Although for a while people got mad about that too.

I don't feel comfortable saying that. It's just a stupid word. It's stupid as hell. It just sucks. White people get mad about saying honky?

I think for a while you would get in trouble because you were like making fun of the fact that black people would use that word about it. I'm just like, really? I was like, what sort of roundabout bullshit is that? I'd call somebody a cracker before I call them a honky. Yeah.

Well, cracker sort of replaced honky. Honky was very 70s, so you know. By the rap era, we became crackers. And usually I called up with ass, whatever it is, a cracker ass. Cracker ass cracker.

Exactly. Anyways, tacos. Tacos. So, yes, we had to celebrate. And steak taquitos.

Go get tacos. Somebody called me a cracker one time. Half cracker. Fortune cookie. What's wrong with you?

You're a wheat den. Oh, fuck it. Oh, shit. Fortune cookie. That's why I like you.

Yeah. Nom nom. So yes, I'd say go see Machete and then go get tacos. Yes. That's what I say.

From Rochelle, rodriguez is. Drunk yes i wanted to go to lolita's tacos. Did you see at the uh at comic-con it was right before this came out they actually had like a huge bus painted up with all the like the the artwork and stuff with machete and michelle rodriguez on the side of the bus and they showed up and they gave out tacos to people in front of comic-con real quick. One fucking thing I forgot. Did we miss it?

Yes, we missed it. During the first part of the movie, as a day laborer, Danny Trejo gets a taco, or actually a burrito, and proceeds to kick the shit out of this guy by absolutely doing nothing but eating his fucking burrito. The guy tries to fucking punch him, and he's such a badass that he just kind of like steps out of the way. He's eating his burrito. Got punches again.

He just steps out of the way, eats his burrito. The guy punches a steel rod. Breaks his fucking arm. I thought that was funny, though. He's such a badass, he doesn't even have to stop eating his burrito to kick your ass.

He did set down his coffee, but he didn't set down the burrito. I do like that they all have tacos and coffee. Gross. That's a staple, man. It's a delicious mixture.

Minus the spit. Yeah, I'm more partial to cappuccino and burritos, but that's just me, you know? But, yep, I thought that was kind of cool that they showed up. And it actually was. Robert Rodriguez and Michelle Rodriguez, and they all kind of showed up in the van and were handing out, like, fucking tacos.

Was this at the San Diego Comic Con? Yeah, at the big major Comic Con. Oh, you know what I need now? Uh-oh. Choco Taco.

Dude, that would be delicious. Nice. Oh, they fucking did a Choco Taco. Oh, my God. Choco Taco.

I am all good. Did you go to Kroger and get me a Choco Taco? So far. Okay. This episode is sponsored by chocolate tacos please send us a check now chocolate taco people oh so yep i say go see it eat tacos it's all pretty awesome it's excellent and try not to get your intestines.

Pulled out that was the turning point so many great scenes i was like it's awesome it's awesome holy shit this is crazy over the top This kicks ass. And it kicks ass. I heard everybody in this theater squeal at the light. Yes. It was like, yeah!

There was some fist pumps, too. Yeah, there was. Some fist pumps and woo-woos. There was some clapping. Oh, if Village 8 was only...

Well, they are, but. Can you imagine that at 50 Cent Night at a dollar theater? Oh, my God. That would be almost worth going to see. Oh, yeah.

Just the spectacle that it would be. hopefully no laser pointers. Though well especially when we get to the the border landed on us that's funny too because how can you take something as serious as a malcolm x beach and rip it off and make fun of it i was like see now there's somebody getting away with something right there because that's fucking that was. Hilarious jenna was acting jessica. And her woodly it's god it's horrible her wooden acting oh my god my fucking shoes could probably act better than. Her are you from Holland?

They're fuzzy Jessica Alba. Time to act alright next up are Pinocchio starring Jessica. Alba Pinocchio Pinocchio she. Played the block of wood before he's fucking carved nice. Oh shit All right.

Anything else on this one? Oh, no. Let's wrap that one up like a burrito. Like a burrito. All right.

We will wrap it up like a burrito and take a break and be back with the rest of the show. No hable espanol. Me too. No hable ingles. I don't want to have to learn the hard way.

I don't want to fall on the side. While I keep on running off this good race. I will testify. I just wanna listen to your heartbeat. Tell your people, Lord, you're still alive.

There ain't nothing sweeter than your mercy. I will testify. Last call for refreshments, folks. Go right this second to get something good to eat and drink to enjoy now or during the rest of the show. I ain't in this for murder, you hear me?

No way that I'm in this for murder. There's some real big money on the table. Smart man, he's gonna play his cards right tight up against his chest. You're killing drivers. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Because if I don't know what I'm talking about, where's the driver you took in there today? Within every man, there are two men. There's times when I feel like there's a whole other person in there. Just isn't the Charlie Smith that I married. One who does what he's told to.

Game's a little different around here. Who does what he has to. I don't care about your money. Your life is going to be mine. This is the only way I ever get involved in murder.

You understand what I'm saying to you? Within every man, there is a difference. No, no, no, no, no. No, senor. You don't owe me anything.

Between what he sees is wrong. I just left them on the other side with Adam's apple all over his chest. And what he knows is right. Hold right there. What do you want, boy?

I'm looking for that kid you took out the truck. Within every man. There is a distance. I want to feel good about something sometime. Between how far he's come.

We take care of business, Charlie. That's all we do. We take care of business. And how far he'll go. See this line?

This line right here I don't cross. This line right here. Within every man, there is a border. I need a riot guard. Once he crosses it, there's no going back.

How you doing, Charlie? Charlie's never been better, Red. Jack Nicholson. The Border. It divided the land.

It divided the man. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we have to sacrifice a few hours a week to podcast about whatever you find important. But we think you're crazy asking us to write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions.

But what we found out is that each of us is a podcast about other podcasts. A podcast about television. A podcast about films. A podcast about music. A podcast about books.

Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Podcast Podcast. The Podcast Podcast is your one-stop source for all the podcasts on the internet. Each week we have very special guests from some of the best shows on iTunes so that you can decide if you should check them out or keep on moving. Find us at thepodcastpodcast.com or search for us in the iTunes store by looking for me, Fozzie Bear.

That's F-O-Z-Z-I-E-B-A-R-E. Don't forget about me. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't you. What's part of your problem? You know, you haven't seen enough movies.

All of life's riddles. Are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. On with the show. All right.

We are back. And screw you guys. You don't get any feedback. No feedback. No feedback.

So instead, I'm going to tell you where you can go to leave other. Interactions with us. Awesome. Where they can go. Yeah, they need to go there because they don't send anything in.

But. Instead, I'm going to tell them about the fact that we haven't mentioned this because pretty much every other show was talking about it at the time, so I just sort of left it alone. But the old message boards that we used to have are no longer around. We have ceased and desist with that one. And we've all sort of, all of our little shows in that family that were on the same message board there have moved to our own place now.

So we've set up our own shop, and it is, I'll just spell it for you. So in case you have to go there, it is palavr.com. So if you go there, we have our own Movie Meltdown message boards going, which we've already started. And I threw one out there just for people's response on the Apple, which we've gotten some of already. So we've had people telling their stories of how they were exposed to the Apple.

Where they were. And, yeah, how it changed their lives. When did you see the Apple? yep so we've definitely got several on that one and then we got another one that actually Randy started the other day aww Randy and it's pretty awesome I have to say in case anybody hasn't seen it I'll throw out there and this was a good idea and I think it will definitely lead to some interesting conversations he put it out there as who is your favorite unsung supporting character so everybody go find I picked somebody and then since then who did you pick? they should go there and find out for themselves. I want an example. I want like. i went with um al leong l-e-o-n-g who for starting in the 80s all the way up till now if you needed a shifty looking asian mercenary or just somebody to look like a badass to hang around um he would be the guy from die hard he's the asian guy he's uh yeah he's got good long hair in the goatee he's in every movie was.

He the one who played the mongol and uh bill and ted's. Yeah he's in bill and ted he's in rapid fire he's in rapid fire he's in escape from la he's in the shadow he's. An He's an awesome martial artist. He's awesome. Yeah, he's always the go-to bad guy.

Kind of like the Shang Tsung character. Yeah. Whatever that guy's name is. I can't remember. He's been in a lot of movies, too.

Yeah, so I thought that was actually a really cool idea that he came up with. Sort of pick your favorite person that's awesome but will always sort of be overlooked and just get sort of a... shoved to the side with supporting characters, but consistently awesome. I like Matthew McGorry. Would he fit in that category? He was always one of the side characters, but never a main character.

He was always your kind of go-to guy for if you needed the weird mutant. Freakishly tall. That was going to kill people. I was just trying to get that right idea because. I don't have a good brain.

So I say go post that on there. As everyone else should. I like Matthew McGorry. Too bad I killed him. We're not even going to start on that.

So, yeah, I just, yeah, I thought it was cool that they are now up and running, so we're putting the word out. I posted it on our Facebook page and Twitter, but just in case you haven't come across it, yeah, you can go to our message boards now, and I am going to put the link directly from MovieMeltdown.com as well as the old. One used to be. Does that mean we have to get on there? Yes, yes, it does.

We do? Never got on the old site. Yeah, I'm not really internet savvy. Oh, bitch, please. You sit there on forums all damn day.

That's different. That's motorcycle forums. There's a bunch of people that say motorcycle forums. Just post stuff about motorcycles on this one. Because he already liked that first week.

Have a post about your favorite motorcycles in movies. There you go. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. Sounds good.

You're totally not going to do that. No. But otherwise, yes, go check out our new forums section and post lots of cool stuff on there. Right after you write us an email. Yeah.

Slack ass. Or call us for something. Bitches. I played the game of the room, for God's sake. Somebody should call in and give us feedback for that, if nothing else.

Oh, Lord. You know who I'm talking to out there. Yeah, but we actually hear from them. I'm talking about all the rest of the slackers. I know, and I'm not really talking shit.

They're awesome. That movie just sucks. Don't be shy. Just let your feelings roll on by. Don't be shy.

We'd like to hear from you. So give us a call at 502-365-5565. Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates. That's moviemeltdown.com.

Is it time for the countdown? I believe it is. Aw, hell, give me that countdown. I want to know how many more days we got. Sharktopus countdown!

Sharktopus. I've got a picture called Sharktopus, which comes out September 25th on the Sci-Fi Channel. All right, Misty. 20 days, 2 hours, 29 minutes, and 47 seconds. Woo!

Into the premiere of Sharktopus. The illustrious Sharktopus. And our epic Sharktopus premiere coverage that will be going on. It's going to be awesome. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Yes, multi-talented. Multi-tendrils. Tendrils, yes. The infamous.

He's more than famous. He is infamous. He can fucking walk and growl for God's sakes. Come on now. God, I love Roger Corman.

He's awesome. He is awesome. Okay, kids, get out your Dakota pins. Wow. Wow.

That's quite the theme we had here. I could tell that tonight's message was really important. Yeah, I think you better copyright that quick before somebody scams up on your theme. Kanye West is going to steal that shit right there. If anybody will, shifty bastard.

Okay, kids, it is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next two features that we might not even change. It's time. Maybe. If we play our cards right, if we're very careful, we might not change it up. I was looking at the calendar.

I thought we already fucked it up. Because we're almost running into Sharktopus. So I thought we'd fucked it up. But I think if we play it right, I think we're cool. And that would mean that next week is, once again, heading back out into the world.

Only this time with cheesy 3D glasses on. Yes. Resident Evil. Hell yeah. Afterlife.

Mila in 3D. I was like, is that bitch going to come after my man in 3D? Because I'm going to have to kick her ass. I don't care. I'm going to be stoked.

I think people would pay extra to see that. Hell yeah. Misty taking on Mila in a death match. Oh, she's got swords. I got a gun though, so.

I think at times she has guns too. I got two. And there are many, many of her in this apparently. Oh, then you're in trouble. She's going to surround you.

She's going to cheat. My head's so big. Surround and beat you down. Your ego will take her out. Exactly.

I'll just tilt my head and squash her. So, yes, next week we will head out into the world to see the new fancy Resident Evil in three. Which is going to be awesome since it's actually shot for 3D. Yes. From what I heard, every scene is shot with 3D.

Awesome. It does make a difference. Yeah. As we've learned with all the conversions and up-converting and all that bullshit, which never works out. It ain't the same.

No. It is not. This one specifically sets out to be awesome. Yes. There is no taint about it.

That's what she said. That's what Milo said. Anyway. So we will find out next week. And I like that she's looking hot again in this movie.

Because when I watched Perfect Getaway, she wasn't looking so good. She had stupid bangs. I like her hair in this one. She's just a normal person. I like her hair, though.

She has cool hair. She had stupid bangs in Perfect Getaway. But now she has cool hair. Is it Perfect Getaway? Is that what it was?

Yeah, it's Perfect Getaway. Steve's on. Okay, because her second hair, I was picturing her with a bald one or something. No, that's The Getaway. The Getaway.

See, I have these fucking bald ones on my head. But anyways, yeah, she's got her hair different again. It's all hot. It's all good. Alrighty, so we'll see Hot Mila.

And the following week, we will, again, if we keep it on the right track, we will come back around to the previously mentioned Night of the Creeps special episode. Have we got any feedback for that one yet? No, nobody gives us feedback. Well, then, why am I fucking worried about it taking so long? Nobody's calling.

That's what I'm saying. If nobody has any problems with that, or you've also had a month of extra time to give us your thoughts on Night of the Creeps. Yeah, right? See? So far, you're dragging your feet, so screw all that.

Start calling out everybody that should be calling and leaving us feedback. That's what I'm saying. Randy. Randy. Randy's working on one.

He sent me a message that he's in the middle of working on an epic one that's going to be even more awesome than the last one. Who else usually gives us feedback that's not been calling in lately? Demise. She's not been calling in and giving us no feedback. I don't know.

Again, I'm looking more towards all the other people that are slacking off or have never called in. Most people are embarrassed. They don't want to hear their voice. Then send us an email. I don't want to hear my voice.

Yeah, it's not stopping her from talking every week. It would be cool to hear us, you know, breed your smack talk. You won't let me not do the show. That's what keeps me. From not talking.

You're doing it and you're going to like it. Obviously. All your adoring fans. All right. I'm my biggest adoring fan.

That's true. But the rest of you should call in and tell her that she's awesome. So she'll show up every once in a while. See? I showed up.

That's what I'm saying. You got to keep feeding her ego. I showed up for a good solid almost a year. I showed up for almost every episode for a year. Oh, either way.

So that is it for the next weeks. Yay. It's going to be bad. They're both awesome flicks. And we'll probably be here.

Yes. I'll definitely be here next week. Awesome. Wicked. All right.

I guess we can fire up some sort of machete theme here. There's the machete theme in here. They were the ones who composed that one. They're usually responsible for all the Robert Rodriguez music, and they are awesome. Otherwise, that about does it.

We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Word. In the deserts of Torreón For.

A full moon night Seven bastards arrived Looking for good blood My mother fell. My brothers fell. Mi Padre, murió mi sangre. Mi sangre por un machete. Guitar solo guitar solo Vengen, mi sangre, mi mar.

We didn't cross the border! The border crossed us! This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, featuring contact music performed by Tamara Deary. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.