About this episode
Movie Meltdown - Episode 604 (For our Patreon "Horror Club") The Meltdown Horror Club returns to discuss A Classic Horror Story directed by Roberto De Feo and Paolo Strippoli. And while we realize we prefer not knowing what the hell was going on most of the time, we also address… Society, Babylon, Malignant, Critters, Ghoulies, The Gate, The Blob, Dead Pixels, Dario Argento, too many layers, debauchery, Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century, horror homage, sincere or satire, transportation in Italy, Reality Bites, Shawnee Smith, a beautiful triptych, the mafia, Cabin in the Woods, there were three knights, mom's a jerk, The Houses October Built, an elaborate plan involving cars and spaghetti, horror in the news, sometimes you've just gotta punch someone through the head, the Italian film market, getting shot in the chest, there's like a whole Satanic element to it, trolls of the snuff film industry, Blood Fest, exploding heads or projectile vomiting, Kevin Dillon's hair, a dead goat in the road, yeti hair, fists through heads, wouldn't her joints hurt and a terrible animal in the road story. Spoiler Alert: Full spoilers for A Classic Horror Story, so go watch the movie before you listen. "It's really cool… It's very creepy. I liked the supernatural story I was watching… until it wasn't anymore."
Transcript
Automatically generated, so expect the odd misheard name.
All right. Was that the fancy new recorder? Well, see, that's where we're going. We'll roll into our movie threat, but that aside, beforehand, we should tell people we're now using this giant... I think it looks like a giant bug.
It's like a spider or something. It's very insect-like and arachnid, perhaps, but. It's awesome, but it wasn't cheap. And if you listened to that episode of the regular show before last, you'll know how necessary it is, because I don't like it. The only thing that I could get to work on that recording session was the open-air mics, and it's just weird and echoey, and I don't like it.
And I know some people just record that way, but I'm like, it bugged me the whole time I put that episode together. And luckily, the last one we did... It got super messed up, but I had a way to fix it. It just took freaking forever, so there was no good way to keep using our old system. So we have now gone in the hole on this new fancy recorder that looks like a giant bug, but it wasn't cheap, and we didn't even cover it with what we had from the Meltdown Horror Club people, which I'm very glad that they support us, and I thank them, but...
Yeah, it didn't really, it kind of put a dent in it, and that was about it. So, if you've been thinking, hey, I should help support these guys, now is the time to help cover this new recorder we're using right now. So, yeah. Before we even get to the movie threat, feel free to go to MovieMeltdown.com, click on the Patreon link, and help pay for this very fancy, very cool, giant bug-looking thing that is now recording us. It may jump on you and attack you, though.
Keep in mind. I know, I've got my eye on it. But it's pointed at Nora. Yeah, it's sitting relatively close to you, Nora, so at any moment it could just jump on your face. I'm ready.
All right. So, movie-wise, I ran across one just yesterday, technically. But it also made me wonder, there's the fine line on thriller and horror. Mm-hmm. Because this themselves, they even kind of listed as like a thriller, but I'm reading the story.
I'm like, this doesn't sound like, again, it's like it spilled over to the other side of the line, if you ask me. But yeah, it's called Open House with the tagline, welcome to the neighborhood or something cheesy along those lines. It's got five headshots sitting over a house, most of which I don't know who they are. That one guy's probably from, what's that vampire show that was on? True Blood?
Yeah. Every time I don't know somebody, but they're the lead in something, I'm like, how the hell did that? Oh, I didn't watch any of True Blood. Because it would also make sense, because the only name I do know is Anna Paquin, who's also in this. Oh.
Anna lost a bet or something. But anyway, if we're going to the description here. When a couple on the brink of divorce attempts to sell their own house, they discover that one of their potential buyers isn't apt to leave. The unwanted guest tortures the couple from their basement, and they have little hope of getting out of their marriage and their home alive. Oh my.
Does that sound like a thriller? Because the box is like, one of the coolest new thrillers, or some cheesy tagline on the backside. And I was like, This just sounds like straight up horror to me. Yeah, once you get to torture in the basement. I was like, how is this not a horror movie?
Sounds like a horror movie to me. I mean, I haven't seen the movie, but we don't know. That might actually bring them closer together. Maybe so. A little basement torture.
We can discuss that if someone wants to choose this movie. I'm using it as a threat of this is what we could end up with. You probably have a much better idea of what you'd like us to watch, but... If not, you can give us... I like Anna Paquin.
I'll watch Open House. What do I care? Are you guys okay to watching real estate horror? Is that like a new stuff genre? I think so.
Let's see. I've definitely... What's the crazy Michael Keaton one? I've seen that one. And then, because he's the same thing.
Of course, there's Hider in the House. Hider in the House. There you go. Good movie. We've got that one.
I mean, then there's your, what's the kid that hides in the walls? That's also kind of Hider in the House. Oh, the boy. Yeah. Yes.
We watched that one years ago, so you don't need to bother to put that one in there. That's a fun one. I've already blocked it out now. It's fun. Yeah, it's surprising.
How well it works, especially that was a made for TV movie. Think about that. It was? Yeah. The one that I'm talking about, the one that we watched years ago, was a weird made for TV movie that I'm like, that was back when they just put whatever the hell they wanted on television.
We might be thinking of different movies then. Well, they've done that scenario a couple of times. Let me think which one this one is. I'm thinking of The Boy, which came out probably like 2014 or 15, maybe. No, this was like 70s made for TV.
Yeah, okay. Well, Taylor's oldest time. Guy in the Walls. I just looked up The Boy movie on Google and there's like. Oh, that's the mannequin kid.
I saw him yesterday. It was sitting behind Open House was The Boy. The Boy. I was like, do we need to go to The Boy? That's also a movie threat, really.
What is the name of that? It's the kid's name. In which? In the boy? No, in the movie with the kid that lives on the freaking walls.
I thought that was the boy. That's a ventriloquist dummy, is it not? I don't... Or some sort of doll. Yeah, he's a doll.
And the Walking Dead chicks in it. Yes. Yeah, that one. They're different. Anyway, spoilers for the boy.
You haven't. Seen it. I don't know what happens in it. I just know she's in it and the kids at all. Which they give away in the trailer.
Bad Ronald. Thank you. Bad Ronald. This is 1974 made for television horror thriller. There you go.
See, they're working both in on this one. Bad Ronald. And it is... I mean, it is an interesting movie. If you haven't seen it, you feel free to seek it out.
But it is just freaking weird to think that it was for television horror. Because it is, like, he's a weird, like, high school kid. And mom is, like, super overprotective. And, like, he ends up, like, accidentally murdering some girl in the neighborhood. And, like, he comes back and mom's like, oh, here, hide in here.
And, like, she basically, like, there's a weird part of the house that she then, like, drywalls over and wallpapers over. And, like, he lives in the walls. What? As if that isn't weird enough, mom dies. So the new family moves in.
Like, they take all the stuff out. New family buys the house. He's still living in the walls. Scott Jacoby was. Oh, my.
Jacoby. Whatever. Yeah, maybe I'll watch that one on my own time. I don't even remember, so he must not have... I assume he's a cop.
Wasn't he always a cop or somebody's boss that was kind of a jerk? But, yeah, Bad Ronald. That's the one that we watched, and it is really weird... Especially made for television. Every household in America was running weird-ass shit like that.
Someone on IBD says it's a completely wonderful premise, and I have to tell you, that premise you just gave me sounds not at all wonderful. Wonderful's not the word. Oh, are you terrifying? Disturbing? But wonderful's not immediately where my head goes, but.
Just, you know, you just moved into a house. Imagine there could be someone living in the walls right now. I think about it all the time. Okay. As we, at some point, all been homeowners, I saw this, I guess it was a meme or something the other day.
And I was like, okay, you'll appreciate this. Because I may have laughed out loud. Literally. So I'm reading it and it goes, it's something to the effect of, oh, that moment in life when you realize the noises you heard downstairs is a ghost. And you're relieved instead of just shit you can't afford to fix in your house.
I was like, wow. I fully get that, and that is awesome. Congratulations on making a meme. Because, yeah, that's some bad rephrasing. But it's essentially that.
I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll take a ghost. I can't afford any of this other shit. seriously that was awesome so i assume you're in that point right. Oh yeah if they just keep to themselves and don't make any messes you do you. Make your quiet noises don't be waking me up all night we. Can share the house it's fine i don't need all these.
Rooms yeah one you stay in the torture room in the basement that's what we have it for so anyway All that aside, yeah, if you want to support us, you know, you can hear us say amazing things like this. Crazy over the top nonsense. Well, it was one of those movies that like 20 minutes into it, I'm like, I have this figured out. Yeah. But I'll sit.
Here and I'll enjoy it. And then you get to the third act and I'm like, I did not see that coming. It's so fun. Oh, it's so much fun. It's basically King Kong, but with a big incoherent dude just stomping around.
I will say, this. Is one of those moments when I was like, okay, this is kind of impressive here. Because we have hit that moment of like, okay, now we're moving into supernatural territory of like, the road is gone. Nowhere near a road, period, let alone that road. Like you're out in a field.
Like it was just weird and like super surreal. So I'm just like, okay, what kind of movie are we in here? You know, so it sort of changed gears there. And I was like, all right, I'm kind of impressed with what they're doing here. And it's set in like Beverly Hills and it's a kid whose family is very, very wealthy and they're acting a little weird.
And then his fellow classmates are acting a little weird. Huh. And I can't believe maybe this kid's the weird one. I don't know. Oh, God.
But that says a lot about society where you can just put a camera in somebody's face in a movie and nobody in the movie goes, what are you doing? Yeah. And you as the audience member don't go, what is that guy doing? If this was 30 years ago, that would be insane. It wouldn't even register.
You'd be like, what the hell is this? But now you don't think twice about it. That big reveal, and then the big fight scene afterwards, I was just laughing hysterically. I could not believe what I was watching. It's so great.
Because there's no people, there's nobody around, but now this door that was definitely locked just a little while ago is now standing open, so.... For this crazy ass story well there were a lot of things during the course of the movie where I'm like well if that happened then how and then I was like you know what just shut up and enjoy it just watch the movie and I got to the end of it and none of my questions were ever answered but I didn't care yeah. So, yeah, that is bad timing. Yeah. Yeah.
It's unfortunate. Why would you do that to him? He's such a nice guy. I didn't know. I mean, I should have known, really.
Any movie where there's people in a car, there's going to be a dead animal, and then they swear. Well, I had no idea there were going to be any of this. Yeah. There's a thing with a fist. Well, those are your big...
Does that happen? Through a head? Because that's always fun. Okay. Sometimes you just got to punch somebody through their head.
I mean, that's... Big projectile vomiting, exploding heads, and fists through heads. Those are your 80s practical effects go-tos, right? It's wild. I don't know that anyone's prepared for the nipple scene.
And I'll go ahead and just let you know, there's a nipple scene, and you're not prepared for it, I'll tell you. Because I saw it and went. Oh, man. I've seen a lot of weird shit, but I was not ready for that. Wouldn't she have been sore, though, the next morning after each one of those incidents?
Wouldn't all of her joints just hurt? Maybe they did. I don't know. When her sister goes to the spooky asylum or hospital or whatever and it's like off on this cliff and there's a thunder, you know, lightning and everything that's very gothic. Like they always are, you know.
Why, why, why, why do you leave for a location like that 30 minutes before sunset? I know. He looks like a Texas church mom. Oh, God. I didn't even like think about that angle of it.
No, I didn't either. Is the first one like they're trying to be just scary? Yeah, but there's a whole like satanic element to it. Like, oh, we conjured these. And that part I really like.
Yeah. I'm just going on the record now. That part I really like. I like how you stress the words that part. Yeah, that part I really like.
What if it just dissolved you and you got to watch as this happens? So it just oozes over top of you and then you just watch people like melting away inside of it, essentially. I yelled because I think they did such a good job like building the spooky creepiness and the tension that I was like, oh, God. Before that, they find the little girl in the nest thing in the attic, which that was another moment where I was like. There was nothing creepy about that at all.
We don't all have that one. With the tongue cut out. With her tongue cut out. That was bad. Well, I do like the thought that there's a secret underground snuff film industry going that has the exact same trolls that we have in the mainstream.
This is the worst Nuff film I've ever seen. You guys suck. What I love is that you're less upset that there's a maniac who's going to kill a bunch of people and make a movie about it, and you're more upset that the quality of said movie is going to blow. I mean, if you know me, yes, this movie is going to suck, and that's my first problem. Also, don't kill people.
But mostly, don't make a crappy movie. So, once again, to help us pay for this fancy new recorder, go to MovieMeltdown.com and click on the Patreon link and join the Horror Club and give us a better movie to watch than Rental Nightmares. Or, like I always say, give us terrible movies to watch if you want to hear us suffer. If you hate the three of us so badly that you enjoy the thought of us watching a film that makes us froth at the mouth. Which we have done before.
Please. And it's only going to cost you $ 2 a month to make all of us suffer. Pacific Heights. I'm pretty sure that's the Michael Keaton one. Oh, yeah.
He moves in as a tenant. I don't know if it's one of those split houses or something. But, yeah, he moves in and then will not leave. And it's totally insane. So, yeah, there's another one of those.
It's like its own little subgenre of bad rental peoples or someone lives in your walls or yeah. Try to sell your house and they keep you in the basement and torture you. You know, the normal stuff when you're trying to sell your house. So, speaking of Michael Keaton, have you seen the trailer for the new Flash movie? I have.
I'm so... It looks like a mess of a movie. I'm so thankful to see Michael Keaton in the outfit again. That was the thing I was most excited about. And I watched the trailer a time ago.
Man, I wish he was in a different movie. Because that Ezra jerk. Man, fuck that guy. So, yeah. Oh, yeah, that guy.
Yeah, he is not cool. No. And on so many levels. Like, I don't even think I knew some of his stories. And then I heard some new ones the other day.
I was like, wow, I already didn't like him, but man. It was like, he is out of his damn mind. Well, either way, Michael Keaton's back as Batman. I do like Michael Keaton. That's all I'm worried about.
He can be Batman as long as he wants. But I was like, if you're going to bother to bring him back... Give him his own movie. Why is he in this Flash movie? Well, yeah.
I don't know. Just give him his own movie. Definitely over that kid. Anyway. Join the Meltdown Horror Club.
Give us another movie about a giant guy that dresses like a bat and kills people or something. There's probably one of those out there. Why isn't there a Man-Bat movie? Come on. Let's throw this together.
I don't know. All right. Everybody else is getting movies. Why not Man-Bat? I mean, might as well.
We already got a man thing. Technically, he's got his own series now. I will never not be able to giggle. There's someone else I know that had just the mention of it giggling. And I was like, there's an oversight in the premise on this.
Is it Marlena? It's Marlena. It wasn't, but probably also true. But yeah, it was another one that we brought it up on the show. And they're like, I can't.
I just can't take it seriously. And I'm like, well, I feel like they should have had a meeting and be like, does anybody... Snicker every time we bring up this title. They're like, hee hee hee. I'm like, maybe we should call him something else.
Won't you guys? Let's think about this. Join the Meltdown Horror Club.
