A Silent Night Trip to Grandma's House (Promo)

So now it's time to do the holiday movie threat. Yay. Yay. I was trying to remember if I had anything specifically themed. And then, I mean, look at that artwork for fuck's sakes.

Wow. Let me see that again. Fun. That's a lot to take in there. So I remember, oh yeah, I saw that last year and was like, well, this is definitely what we need for the holidays.

That is Deathsember. And the plot according to the back of this DVD. And I'm going to skip a lot of names because you've heard me pronounce names. And these get even more complicated. So.

Feed yourself 24 macabre morsels of holiday horror as you watch your way through this cinematic advent calendar from hell. Oh. I'm intrigued. From Christmas shopping carnage to deathbed carolers to the dreaded holiday with the in-laws, get ready for a month's worth of creative thrills and chills from an international array of horror directors. Oh.

Ooh, an array. That's awesome. It's a perfect concept for the Christmas horror anthology designed by these dudes from Germany. That's why I'm really not going to pronounce their names because it's crazy German names. So yeah, it's like a whole collection of films based around the holidays.

24 is so many. That's a lot. That's the ABCs of death level of cranking out short films. How long is each one? Like five minutes?

Seven hours. It's a really long sip. Well, it is German, so each one could be feature length. You will pay. You will all suffer these holidays.

I don't think that's German. No, that's the meaning behind all things German. Now, obviously, that was not. An accent that I'm concerned with. That was just me cursing people like I do every day.

Death Simber. When did that come out? 2019, I believe. Okay. Yes, 2019, December.

24 doors to hell. So, if you guys have a better option, we can watch that. But if not, we can pencil that in in six or eight years when we finish our current December series. Oh, man, the way things are going, they're just going to keep coming up with more every time we think we're near the end. We're never going to escape.

I mean, they're already working on another. as I posted in the little horror club Facebook thing I was like hey look they're doing another one yay yeah so we're never gonna escape this wonderful silent deadly series something like that. We are gonna get a break from our good pal Ricky though for the next two I think so thank god. I was like why are we still going with this character. We're in the wrong mode now. But in the meantime, you can hear us say crazy and ridiculous holiday-themed things like this.

We've overlooked something, which is Drunk Santa. Yeah. Because I feel like had Drunk Santa just been doing his job and not been hanging out with a comatose Ricky, none of this. Would have happened. But that's this movie.

Every movie in this series. Every movie set around a Christmas. As I got to this, I was like, why is there always a drunk Santa? Have they ever made a not drunk Santa? I don't know.

I haven't watched Miracle on 34th Street in a while, but is that old man just drunk? Maybe so. I don't know. But certainly every time you cross over into the grimier end of a story, I don't think you can get any grimier than your trading places. Dan Aykroyd as Santa is the most disgusting thing you'll ever see.

Yeah. But drunk off his ass. He had a bad night. He had a reason to be drunk, I suppose. But no excuse to be that gross.

I really hope that guy is listening and crafting a strongly worded letter about what he needed at six in the morning from the Billy Bass. I mean, I would read it. I don't know that I would accept it as a good answer. Computer becomes sort of self-aware decides it wants to capture this woman and then decides it wants to live on by procreating. How would it know that who told the robot about that.

First of all i was like who's funding this experiment yeah because it doesn't like well with all of this because i'm also watching him in the other room and i'm like he's just hooked up to machines 24 7 and somewhere that's a bill like yeah stay. In a hospital overnight and you're ruined for the rest of your life so i'm like let alone 24 7 care who's for years yeah who's paying this bill like where is this just going to the government like who pays for this shit he has no family they're all dead now like yeah who's paying for him to be alive at this point. Not to mention putting that thing over his brain. That was my favorite part the brain dome i was pretty excited about the brain. Dome So he goes to the trouble of killing a guy, taking his clothes off, putting his clothes onto the dead guy, but yet he's still shuffling around the whole movie in slippers.

Well, that is kind of sexy if I didn't know what you had just told me. It's very strange. Well, that one shot shook me up so bad. Yeah. That's every Lynch movie.

I'm like, I don't want to watch the rest. I did watch it, but I was like, I hate the person who brought this over to my house. Yeah, that's every Lynch movie. There's a moment of like, oh God, why is that there? And then later you're like, no reason?

Because he decided to put it there? Plot-wise, no reason, but thank you, David, for sharing. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, it's interesting how much of just pop culture it affected without even trying. Yeah.

Telling its story and yeah. It's just so damn good. It was great. So highly recommend. At one point she woke up freaking out and he was like there there and like kissed her on the head.

I'm like I don't. You shouldn't do that. He actually said the words she's going to come back and let me go deeper. Yeah that part definitely. Like when they were in the session not as much.

He just seemed like a bad doctor. But when we got to that part when she walked off I was. Like ooh all of that. That whole sentence and a half there is like creepy. Jail.

She's into it. She likes it. Yeah. She's going to let me go deeper. I was like, wait, wait, wait.

What are we talking about? None of that. That's not you paraphrasing. No. It was pretty much what he said.

He used the verb of like penetrate. It's like she needs to let me penetrate deeper. I was like, shut up. Like all dream talk, you know. Get rid of his license.

Who is this guy? As I got to the end, I was like, this is the kind of weird insanity that could only come from the 1970s. Even that was wasted. That was the high point, really. It was like the brain dome looked pretty cool.

It was cumbersome and had a big beeping light going on and the extra accessories in the back. It wasn't even like a smooth dome. It was just A lot of clunky pieces in the back there. And it had liquid in it. A lot of liquid too.

I feel like either, but not enough. Either not enough completely or dry-ish. Just kind of moist. You got to keep your brain moist, you know. Sloshing around.

Yeah, it was just kind of halfway there, which I don't get. So we, I made dinner and we watched that on the big comfy couch. man it is a beautiful. Movie it's a gorgeous movie and there's a lot going on there the plot is yeah something like. We went so long and all we had were those original ones so it's weird that now it's a franchise that it waited this long and now they're just gonna keep hammering away. At it i mean there's there's a couple of good moments like when yeah this this was a Okay, based on what I just said, it was an okay concept, but also a dumb movie.

We live in a horrible future hellscape, is what I'm saying. Yeah. I mean, I always suspected. I feel like forced pregnancy by robots is something that could be coming up soon. Yeah, pretty much.

Even chat GPT and whatnot. 20 years ago, all of those words put together would have frightened me, but now I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Why do they keep making dumb movies? There's so many good original ideas for different movies.

We come up with 10 every episode. I don't even. At this point, it doesn't even have to be original. Just don't be dumb with it. You know?

Yeah. Kind of, but... I mean, not really. Like, again, in concept, yes. But in practice...

Not really. No, because I enjoyed that movie. To jump ahead, big picture, I'm like, they didn't use that almost at all. That was the setup, I guess, to get. The ball rolling.

But after that, they sort of brushed that aside and were like, oh yeah, remember when we were talking about that earlier? Anyway. As the movie progressed, she turns out to be not a very good psychic. Not really. And also just kind of a bitch.

Kind of a bitch, which I can get on board with that. I mean, she is blind for Christ's sake. But also we later learn that she gets her gift from her grandmother who is a really bad psychic. Or I should say spotty psychic. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, she knows when the phone's going to ring, but not that she's about to get murdered. Nor does she know who's going to be on the phone. It does seem like, I mean, caller ID is more psychic than you, Grandma, so. I don't know why I did this to myself again.

Every time one of these pops up, I'm like, I'm not going to watch it. And then I watch it, and I'm like, God damn it. But I watched it. I saw it pop up, and that's sad that I saw it pop up on a service I already had. It wouldn't cost me money.

It would just cost me an hour and a half, and I still. I'm not saying I'm not going to. I just haven't had any reason to push the button yet. I had the same thing, and it's a long hour and a half. It might be more than that.

I don't really know. Well, whatever it is. That could be part of the. Problem, is it may be longer than it needs to be. I like when we get so far into these series that they just, like, you're starting with whole new people and whole new things.

I'm like, is this even the same series anymore? When you don't know who you're talking about or talking to or watching anymore. Don't just make like a weird scar up there. And they only attempt to hide it one time, which was so ridiculous. Oh, that toboggan really covered it right up.

He keeps running into strangers who are like... Who don't have a problem. They don't have a problem with it. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I'm super immature, so if I see any sort of physical deformity... Dude!

Yeah, exactly. But if I see a guy with a brain dome.... This little scrappy up-and-coming filmmaker was writing this movie called Reservoir Dogs. Stereotypical. Psychic.

Psychic grandma. You know how those are. Yeah. Everybody's got one. I have an aunt who's psychic, but we don't talk about her.

Not because of that reasoning. Wow, it lists off like seven directors. Jack Nicholson, Roger Corman, Monty Hellman, Jack Hill, Francis Ford Coppola, Dennis Jacob. Whoa. Some of these are real directors.

Yeah. Then at one point we get an advertisement for car phones. He's really pushing that car phone, man. That car phone. This movie was really ahead of its time.

Yeah. He was cutting edge technology there and he wanted to share... So he could get his little bonus. Well, the fact that he gets $ 100 off his bill for every person he signs up. That means your bill is really high.

Yeah. But my favorite part was then later when he had to use it, it wasn't really, like he had to hit it three times, which I'm like, I'm assuming you're not actually. Making a call. This is a movie. So you could have pretended that it worked the first time, but he.

Hit it three times trying to make that call out. That's some Willem Dafoe method acting level bullshit. Yeah, I was like, that is dedicated to this, man, these are hard to make work. In the moment, this is how it would have really been, trying to make a call on my car phone that barely functions because it's 1989. I remember there's a hand through a door at one point and everybody seems way less concerned about it than they should be.

They're just kind of like, oh, that was weird. He also just kind of hung out with Jack Nicholson back in the day. Like after they did the tear, they became like not only friends, but like writing partners. And he wrote movies with him for years. And like they made movies together in the early days before Nicholson was like the biggest thing in the world.

He was just hanging out writing movies with Nicholson. Yeah, that would make, I mean, obviously he was in a coma for a long time. But if for some reason he wasn't, that would make your daily existence really complicated. If every time you saw the color red, you started murdering people. Because that's a color.

This is why bulls can't even shop in China shops. Next thing you know. You can't even drive down the street. Yeah, no. Rain domes look cool.

I guess they need the domes so they can make sure that it's wet. I don't know. Look, I need to be able to see your brain to see if you're okay. This is how all doctors work, right? When I had that heart operation, they put in that window.

Yeah. And now they can look in. And be like, oh, yeah, still beating. Cool. Like, so.

What kind of hospital is this? Psychic experiments, brain domes. Any science that edges its way towards Ninja Turtles? Because I was thinking, like, he's almost at Krang level. Like, if you put a little creature in him and, yeah, I mean, I.

If you put his brain in his stomach for some reason, it makes no sense. It felt kind of like that world. I'm like, all right, I approve. I approve of the brain dome. Well, Marlon Brando always said I would never be a good director because I was too nice to people.

Like, I was too nice. I was like, you have a Marlon Brando set about you. So yeah, you're in it, man. Like you are in the industry. I don't have one of those.

Yeah. You hung out with Jack Nicholson. Yeah. You're making movies with Marlon Brando. Like, You're the real deal, man.

So how you got into this movie was against your will. So go to MovieMeltdown.com and join the Meltdown Horror Club and give us a better movie to watch than whatever holiday nonsense comes up next year. Yikes. Then 24 three-minute long movies. It's gonna be great and you know it.

I'm intrigued. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. Because some of those, like, Some of ABC's of Death was quite good. And then some of them were like, I hate myself. And then I'm like, no, thank you.

I mean, if you're doing over 20, odds are at least one has to be good. You'd think so. And they brought in some decent people. I did look at the list and short of me actually reading names, but there were a few that were crossover into American names. And I'm like, oh, I know them and they make cool stuff.

Okay. It's worthwhile. And maybe, maybe in six or eight years when we get done with this one, can put this on the list. Unless we just call an audible and get the hell out of it. Which I also may offer us later today.

Anyway.