Hooray for Thanksgiving Pizza (Promo)

So normally on these little promo type things, you know, we're pitching the horror club and we're trying to get people to come over to that. And we try to focus sort of on horror for those too. But yeah, this isn't even on the horror feed. It's not part of the club. So technically we can do whatever the hell we want.

And otherwise we discuss movies in general. So this is a movie topic. It came up actually yesterday and I was like, oh, we just need to discuss this. So. Not at all horror related, so turn your brain off if you're a horror person, I suppose.

If mine wasn't on. You and people out there listening, but it's mostly just you, because I don't assume anyone's listening at this point. So, well, first off, I guess we have to clarify, I don't want to spoil anything for this recent movie. Are either of you familiar with the movie Titanic? Yes.

I think I've heard of it. I don't want to spoil it for you, so Spoilers for Titanic and all Cameron related movies, essentially. So, but the rest of that's pretty glossed over. So mostly the end of Titanic, there might be a door involved in case you need to know. But so are you also, I'd heard of this.

I didn't hear the specifics. And then I was listening to some other show that shall not be named because I don't even know if they exist anymore, but they went into this theory and, Then they added something to it. So I was like, all right, that's already interesting enough. And then I added my own step to it. So have you heard of the theory that Jack himself within Titanic is a time traveler?

I have not. No. And I don't know that I want to explore this. Let's explore this! You guys know how I feel about time travel.

I know, we just talked about this. That's one of the reasons. I was like, oh, now we're definitely talking about it. You have time travel issues. It sets me almost as much as the movie Cars, which is a whole other thing.

I'm with you on that one, though. That makes sense. Cars is weird. But, um... So...

The thing I liked was, because I'd heard the other things, there are some weird issues with the script will pretend like except it's actually built in because he's a time traveler sure um but the new one that i heard that will kick it off because this is how i guess it would start was within the story of titanic jack has to like win his ticket on the boat because he had no money he had no money because i like throwing it into the cameron universe he had no money because you can't come back with any possessions so it's just a naked jack showing up which I'm sure many people would also be on board with that aspect of this new story. But yeah, so he had no possessions, no money, can't bring back weapons and whatnot.

So that's why he's out there scrounging around, orphan child that he is, trying to come up with money to get on this boat. Now, some of the theories are that he was sent back to make sure Rose survives in this story or alternate version to make sure the Titanic sinks. I don't know how exactly he does that one, Cause you know, iceberg and whatnot, but either of those, I love ridiculous theories on film in particular. So as much as, as far as bullshit fan theories go, this one, I hate less than a lot of what I've. Well, and it actually had like the, that was the new thing.

I hadn't heard the fact that he needed to win the ticket because he couldn't have money because he just got there and was essentially, you know, naked and had no belongings. So, but the, um, The things that are actually built into the screenplay are Jack mentions fishing on Lake Wissota, which is a man-made lake and did not exist. The Titanic went down in 1912. They created that lake in 1917. That's just shitty storytelling right there.

The hell you say. James Cameron would never make a mistake, and so obviously Jack's a time traveler. Sure. He also tells Rose that he's going to take her to Santa Monica Pier and ride on the roller coasters, which didn't open until 1916. Again, this is 1912.

You'd think someone would have Googled that. That's what I'm saying. Like, when you're writing... And again, if we're back. Well, Google wasn't really a thing.

Well, I don't know. Go to the library, then. That's what I'm saying. But you're... You know, it'd be different if this was a random indie film.

You're James Cameron. You have all the money that you're about to double go over in budget, which he did, and And the studio was about ready to just murder him. He was so far in the hole before this thing became the ridiculous thing that it was. I think juggernaut is the word you're looking for. Yeah, I mean, it was out of control what happened to that when it actually came out.

But before that, this was Cameron's folly. This was what was going to take him down as a filmmaker for the rest of his career. So he had that much money invested in it. You think somebody could have been like a fact checker? Be like, hey, guess what?

I'm writing a lake name. Look me up one that exists in this time period we're in. I'm sure they had like 500 19-year-old PAs. You would think. Send somebody out to, you know.

The lake one. I'm going to let slide. Yes. It's a lake. Lakes are.

That's fine. No one makes lakes. They're just there. You just find them. It would have been funny if it was Lake Winnetonka.

The roller coaster thing. That's where I'm like, okay. Yes, there are old-timey roller coasters, but did these roller coasters in this specific location exist? Seems like you would want to check on that. So, yeah, those two facts alone, time travel.

Also, the fact that, I mean, he obviously had a very floppy 90s hairstyle, which did not exist in that time period. Even if they became popular, they're saying it was like 30s or 40s before any guys sort of had hairstyles like that. He also has rolled cigarettes. which. Pre-rolled cigarettes. I went and checked.

Well, yeah, not hand-rolled, but machine-rolled. Freaking marvelous. But I did, being the dork that I am, I went, well, when the hell did that? So technically that existed. The machine patented and that was a thing that created machine-rolled cigarettes existed like years before that.

But it was also invented in Virginia? Which we're in England at this point. So where does this orphan kid in England, like what Rolled cigarettes have made it there yet, and if so, where did this poor orphan child come up with money to buy? I'm sure you could get imported cigarettes at that time. If you were super rich, yeah.

But they were probably very expensive. So that's an iffy. I'll kind of... There's an asterisk on that one. Yeah.

But even then, it's probably... I mean, why wouldn't you just have him, like, hand-rolling a cigarette? Like, that'd have been around forever. Like, that's just, again, weird oversight. And that's always cool when you see that.

Yeah, that's how you know he's cool. And then. He also has a backpack that they hadn't invented that style of backpack. So, sounds like a time traveler to me. Oh, clearly.

I'm still stuck on thinking about what a roller coaster in 1916 would entail, because that sounds like a death trap. They were, yeah. I mean, they're all kind of a death trap. Here's a big bucket on a wooden track with a bunch of nails sticking out, and we're just going to kind of hope that you stay on there. That's exactly what they looked like.

And there is like footage, I don't know if it's that old, but there is like silent movie era footage of people riding roller coasters that had loops. And they're literally, there's like 30 people standing in a giant bucket. And it just, you know, it goes down the hill, goes faster, faster, faster, starts to go around the loop, looks like it's going to fall off and then just completely goes. Oh my God. See, that's the part I was like, I wouldn't think there'd be a loop.

And everybody in the footage looks like they're having the time of their lives. No one is screaming in terror. That's wild. They weren't high-fiving because I don't think those were invented yet. But not a cell phone in sight, just people enjoying the moment.

See, we need to go back to the olden days. See, time travel. Put everybody in a bucket. Almost. Push them off a hill.

And go down with a ship. So this became my add-on then. I was like, okay, if we're working in the Cameronverse, because then I'm like, well, I mean, when you watch it now, because everybody has issues with the end. He seems pretty willing to just go ahead and go on into the ocean. I was like, maybe, Cameron-verse.

That's because he knows the aliens are down there from the abyss. And they're just going to snatch him up in a bubble and take him off to their little homeland spaceship. I don't even remember the specifics of the abyss. I remember the crazy effects that were awesome. I don't remember the backstory of the things.

I guess I should watch it again. There is a nuclear missile somewhere. I know. We're not drowning a mouse. We're definitely not drowning a mouse.

If you haven't seen it, it's a lot to deal with. I have not. It's an important part of the plot, actually. It is an important part, yeah. Of not drowning this mouse or rat or whatever.

Whatever it was, yeah. But yeah, other than that, there was, yeah, there's some sort of crazy alien aspect going on. So I feel like that's why he wasn't that worried about it. He was like, yeah, I need to cover my tracks because I can't be around forever anyway because I'm a time traveler. So I'm going to, using air quotes, die.

And then you won't be looking for me, Rose. You'll just go stand out a hundred years from now and throw a diamond in the ocean. So that old lady was just a liar. That's one of my favorite lines. Anyway, so yeah, time traveler.

So I like adding in the rest of the Cameron verse that yes, he shows up like Arnold. Can't have possessions. All these facts now make sense because he's from the future. And then disappears off to go be with aliens forever. knows, all eternity. Could be all eternity.

We don't know what their lifespan's like or what technology they have to keep you around forever. Obviously, time travel's a thing, so why not, you know. So Jack could still be fine right now. There you go. He's drawing naked alien ladies.

Exactly. Awesome. Draw me like your earth girls. So there you go. How about that?

I don't know what to say. How about that? See, I needed to tell somebody that, and I was like, you sorry bastards are going to be stuck here. I can tell you all about this nonsense. So I thought that would be a nice alternative, because normally we're giving you a movie threat.

This time... You know, if you just want to hear us talk about horror, you probably. Should join the Mountain Horror Club. And then you won't have to hear ridiculous non-horror related things like Titanic time travel stories. Yeah.

Otherwise, we just talk about random things like this. Again, it wasn't my fault. I was not even thinking about it. I assumed it'd be another. Maybe we won't this year.

And then like a week or so ago, I saw people online talking about this. I was like, damn it. We're going to have to eat that, aren't we? So let me show you what I got. Oh, no.

Well, what I'm worried about is one of the instructions, the last instruction actually, is enjoy. Oh, yeah. I mean, that should go without saying, but I bet with this one it doesn't. It's like saying. They know you're going to bite into this and be like, I don't know what to do here.

Let me read. What's the last step? This is great. It's all good. I'm free with my family.

Enjoy. Where the hell was he that he had that giant industrial sized oven? Yeah, the little child actor is great. Ving Rhames. Those weird parents.

You know you're into that. Don't pretend. And she meets this weird little girl who's like, this movie's boring, let's make a new one. And the little girl convinces her to make the figures out of raw meat. Yeah, here you go.

There's your pizza. Oh, that's hers, okay. If you want a fork, here you go. Eat it. Why?

You pressed on it and it moved back. Yeah. And some body stuff going on. A lot of body stuff. Yeah.

Which, gore for the sake of gore, I'm usually like, whatever. But this actually tied into what was going on and was important. Yeah. It was a good one. Yeah, gnarly is a good way to describe that film.

Nice. Yeah. Pierce and I were like, ah! Yeah. They're just, yeah, the whole series is sort of diminishing as it goes on.

2 is sort of a weird one-off, but after that, 3 is awesome. 2 is such an odd film. That's a whole other. I won't even go down that road now because it's its own episode. You could do a whole series on this.

Pretty much. 2 is freaking weird. All my notes are about the different ways that people got killed. There's many. I don't remember the plot.

Well, really, I mean, like, I was sucked into it, because I'm like, what the hell's going on? But, like, in a, like, I really want to know what's going on, and then you get to the end of it, and I'm like, I don't know anything. Yeah. So, it's either weird for the sake of weird, or it's full of metaphors that I'm not smart enough to understand. Yeah.

A real-world serial killer who murdered a lot of women, children, mostly women, over the years. But, um... Yeah, he at some point in the 70s was also on The Dating Game. This comes up a few times in this sort of movie where they're using technology to kill people. When did they get time to get their IT degrees?

Right. Because they never were. It's never the guy who works in the IT department. Yeah. It's the local sheriff.

That would make more sense. You know. Ah, those creepy IT guys. They're always up to something. Murder this time, but you know.

Yeah. Yeah. And there's at least two times that I can think of where they look directly at the audience to explain to you this is what the plot is. Especially if it's a holiday-themed movie. Yeah.

You kind of need that to really drive the dumbness of this film. I was like, yes, I want that. We went to see Night of the Living Dead, the stage production. Mm-hmm. Not, I erroneously thought, Night of the Living Dead, the musical.

Oh, I thought it was a musical, too. I thought so, too, up until about an hour before the show. I did not. Brian was like, why do you keep calling it the musical? I was like, I never had that in my head, and you keep saying it.

Why do you keep saying it? I feel like it would have been more fun as a musical. Mm-hmm. See, I was more interested in the basic idea because as a movie, it's so centrally located. And it's like, once you get out of the graveyard, you're in that house pretty much the whole time, give or take the gas pump.

So it's like the rest of the movie you could really do as a cool stage play. So I've always wanted to see, and I knew they've been doing versions of it over the years. I'm like, it is one of those I wanted to see anyway, just to see how you Make that treatment work. Like, what adjustments do you have to do to make it fit as this thing? So, yeah.

Turns out, not many. One of which, probably one of the more memorable moments in that trailer is the trampoline. So, it is interesting that he mixed it up, though. It is not exactly what horrible thing happened to her. No.

It's a different horrible thing. Still, not quite as horrible. So, she got off light. Yeah. Comparatively.

But I haven't seen the fake trailer. In the fake trailer, it's still the same scenario. She brings the boyfriend, sits him down there. We get her doing her little striptease on the trampoline. But she does the splits and lands on the trampoline.

And that's when.... Well, my first thought was, you know, five minutes into the movie, I was getting terrible, terrible PTSD from... Flashbacks from when I used to work in retail and had to work Black Friday. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah.

And those nights that I had to leave Thanksgiving early because they decided, well, we're going to be open on Thanksgiving this week. How many times have you thought about taking your sibling and jamming a corn skewer into their ears? Too many to count. Yeah, that's what I figured. How I watched it, if you paused it, it shows you the actors and their characters at the bottom.

I've done that before. So at one point, Pierce got up to get something from the kitchen, so I paused it. It was that scene with the diner waitress getting killed. So it was only her and the killer. And at the bottom, it showed her.

Speaking of spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for you. Pierce, don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

Oh, man. But it was the worst. And I was like, what, 20 minutes in or something so that I knew the whole time. I was like, god damn it. You guys are a terrible diner.

Why is that sink full of water? And those freezer doors don't get that cold. Yeah. I mean, it would help that it was wet, but I also like that the face recognition didn't work because she ripped off half of her face. That's pretty fun.

I'm not mad at you, Mr. Killer. But I love, you know, I did love how The guy was like, if the killer's in my house, you'll tell me where he's at, right, cat? And the cat's like, yeah, he's over here. Which is just like a cat.

They will sell you out. No matter who you are, they will sell you out. It's true. It's like if you weren't some sort of weird dream demon, I would think that that would take up way too much time for very little payoff. And what does Freddy do all day while the kids are awake and I mean.

Writes his jokes. You know, that's... Well, yeah. Because I've always wondered that. I'm like, what do these...

Especially the supernatural ones. But it's like, what are these serial killers doing when they're not. When they're not killing people. Like Jason, I get he's probably just sitting around thinking about his mom. Sharpening his machetes.

At some point, they should go on the dating game. Yeah. They could. A leather face, he's got a big job to do because he's got to butcher everybody. And I mean, that's not just, you know.

He really has like a nine to five. Yeah. He's got to be yelled at by his family. Trust me, I know how much time that takes. Apparently I need more of a detailed search suggestion.

I mean, I can give you some code words if you want. Because if you just type in basting porn. Ha ha. You get a bunch of images that may not be beautiful. It's a different terminology, actually.

They're not that unusual. It's not that one. They're not that uncomfortable for most people. Anyway, my point is it was treated kind of like that in those scenes. I was like, yeah, this is there for that very reason.

It's very creepy. Once again, it's a very convenient thing that we heard her tell a story that she very meticulously learned how to load an old timey musket because it probably maybe could come in handy later when she has to load a. Musket all right i want him to be dead the least. Also, when that dude got hit in the head, that was like 14 gallons of blood pumping out. Yeah.

It was like, there's a little spray if you hit an artery, maybe. But that was like buckets coming through. It was like, again, I know that's what we're going for in this very over-the-top horror movie. Yes. But that was a lot of blood, dude.

That was a lot of blood. That was a lot of blood. Unto the poor children. Unto the kids. Why is this puppy with this clown?

This doesn't work at all. that just seemed random and excessive. Don't get me wrong i make use of it oh sure looking up baston videos and whatnot but still there's the other there's the dark end of it too i mean sure there's fun family friendly stuff like that but there's some dark stuff on the internet. Too right after we finish this movie we're working on about time travelers and Draw on alien women. Whatever else we're doing. Daylight savings time.

Boo. Which actually works in our favor this time, but still, boo. So go to moviemeltdown.com, join the Meltdown Horror Club, and then you can hear us talk about horror movies. And maybe not Titanic, but no guarantee. But I have my fun.

I've been loved for this time. I've been crushed but I'm totally tired. And my story's been. Sang on every side. Now the time has come.

There are things to realize. Time has come to an end. Bye. Bye.