Deader Snow

This episode is rated M for Misty. Yes, that's right, this is a Misty episode, so it will be laced with profanity even more than usual. If you're not comfortable with this level of profanity, perhaps this isn't the episode for you. But we have many other episodes to choose from that do not feature Misty and will probably be far less offensive. Okay, maybe.

With that having been said, on with the show. It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I'm Brian. I'm Misty. And I'm Jay. And we're coming to you live via digital recording. We're turning to the bastion of awesomeness.

Hell yeah. Okay. Okay. It's been a while. I thought we needed to come back to the Bastion.

So, it's also been a while since we talked to you guys. What have you been up to? Plotting. I don't put that past you at all. I've been watching a lot of forensic files and cold case files, so I'm making sure I've got all my bases covered.

So you know how to do it and cover things up properly? How to not get caught. Because really, with all those shows that are on now, people should stop making all these stupid mistakes. No shit. They tell you what to do to get caught.

You're just retarded to get caught at this point because there's just so much out there. They tell you exactly what... People. Come on now. It was so easy to kill people back in the 70s.

No doubt. You could just do whatever you wanted. Everybody was talking about how today's so much more scarier. Oh, you know what? No, it's the same.

No, it's worse. It was worse back then. There were more notorious serial killers and stuff in like the 70s. Oh yeah. 70s was like the heyday of serial killers.

You just didn't hear as much about it because news didn't travel instantly. Now we're plugged into everything that happens all around the globe at any certain time. And worse than that, media is very different than it used to be. There it used to be they would cover that stuff up. Like they didn't want it to get out to the public.

Now, oh my God, we can get, A, they'll get ratings out of it. Let's throw it out there as much as possible. But more than that, what I usually fault media for at this point is like, They're just on too much. It used to be like, here's a half hour at the end of the day. Now it's like 24-hour networks running constantly and multiples.

So it's just like they have to come up with something all day long. You get bombarded constantly. Anytime you get online, if you're on Facebook, if you're on anything. Crime happens in California. We know about it.

Back in the 60s and 70s. You probably would have never heard about it unless it was a huge national news kind of thing. You don't care. I don't care about crime happening in California. But I'm just saying it's there constantly.

It is. Yeah, it was always going on. It was always going on, but I just didn't hear about it 24-7. Everybody's like, oh, it's a new epidemic. No, there was a lot crazier shit going on back in the day.

That's kind of what I've always said. People are always like, well, back in the good old days. I'm like, no. We could leave our doors unlocked. The good old days were horrible, too.

You just didn't hear about all that stuff. So we could leave our doors unlocked, yes. And then the hillside strangler came in and you were dead. We left our doors unlocked just because we lived out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, we did too.

I just locked my door. Yeah, I just locked my door now. Because I'm a paranoid bastard. I locked my door to my room. And my parents didn't like that.

Yeah, we do too. I don't like that our door is not like steel. I told Jay, I want our door to our bedroom to be like one of those bank vault doors. Can you have the little safety eye holder? Well, actually, I want.

Night vision cameras. I don't want the frame so they can't. I'm just very paranoid. I need a hole that I can open to shoot out of. See, I keep trying to get several places that I've been now, and I want one at home, too.

I want a battleship. I want the big circled windows so I can see. They're like 16 inches thick, so nothing's going to get through it, but I want to be able to look through and see a little round hole and see some sort of spooky monster from Scooby-Doo. A moat. I've opted for the moat many a time.

I want a moat, and I want a big glass dome over our head. I want a large fence with razor wire. And sniper towers, yeah. Welcome to the paranoia cast. Not paranoid, I'm just ready.

Preparatory cast. But, yeah, because for the longest time we did not have, like, fancy television. We had the whatever comes in on the rabbit ears. Ears. Aluminum foil on your head as your wife.

Well, you have that anyway, truthfully. Let's not. Because I was so excited. I'm like, oh my God, we're going to have real television. I can watch the sci-fi channel.

I will never change it from the sci-fi channel. We will live. I don't think anybody knows what you're talking about right now. Fancy TV. Before that, for a long time, we had antenna just antenna tv because i didn't want to pay for cable.

Because actually i know a lot of people time. Warner is kind of ripping people. Off so there's been a lot of people in recent years that have been like well screw it i'll watch uh stuff on the internet and i don't really need you yeah. That's kind of what we were doing but i mean we wanted local tv to watch jeopardy and stuff like that while we were priorities damn. It well that and i and then was it me network Me TV.

Me TV is pretty cool, actually. Saturday nights. They had a good lineup on Saturday nights. I know you don't like Svengoolie. I hate Svengoolie.

As we've mentioned on the show before. I do not miss that. Because that's what we would do every Saturday night. We'd sit and watch Wonder Woman and Star Trek. And then Svengoolie would come on.

And I would suffer through it. It's not that I don't hate you. I like the movie. I like the movies. Did you say you don't hate me?

I wasn't making you watch it because I didn't dislike you. I'm like, watch it. I'm going to make her watch Svengoolie because I know she doesn't like it. The movies weren't bad. I like the movies.

And yeah, some of the stuff was kind of. Painfully unfunny. But that's part of Svengoolie though. I love the idea of horror host. I'm not big on him.

But, like, again, I think I like what he's trying to do. He's trying to recapture that. He's trying to make it back. And he does have good facts. So I'm still okay with him doing it.

And he's getting, like, cool guests now. Like, he's building up a little following. But, like, again, I wish... I don't know if he just needs more writers or some writers. He used to put that name so on Tony.

Probably. I think some of the jokes are very forced. And, like, I wish. But I almost think they're purposely forced. They kind of are, yeah.

I mean, it's purposely bad. Yeah, it is as... a sad thing. I don't know. I like TV hosts. I wish we would get more of them, truthfully.

He's not on enough to make me not want to watch the movies. But then after that would go off, Lost in Space would come on and I would have to immediately turn it off because my fury and hatred for Mr. Smith, Dr. Smith, whatever the fuck his name is. I want to punch that guy.

Yeah, I can't stand that guy either. How do they not kill that guy? Because I would have killed him. I would have killed him slowly. Very first day.

First hour. First minute. We're going to be hanging out with Judy soon, so you can tell her all about your hatred. Isn't she going to be at the Wonderfest? Yes, she is.

Awesome. How did the cast not strangle that guy? Maybe he's a nice guy in real life, but his character, oh my God. Yeah, from what I've heard, the actor seemed all right. Yeah, why they went is for, I don't know, like as a kid, I was entertained.

Like, I love that show. And like, I didn't have a problem with him. Again, mostly the robot's the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, because when you're a kid, you don't see that. You don't see his whining and crying the whole time.

But I think I knew how weird and shifty he was, even as a kid. Well, yeah. And I kind of like that because it was the dynamic of the show. And like, I don't know. But as you get older, you're like, God, this guy bitches way too much.

He really does. He bitches too much for me, and that's saying something. Because I bitch a lot. You're telling me. But anyways, now we've got the fancy TV channels and whatnot.

Like I said, that was my thing. I want to watch a sci-fi channel all the time. I'm going to be up to my ass in swamp gator, crocodile, dino gators and everything. I have not watched a sci-fi channel once in the two weeks that we have had it. What is wrong with you?

I'm telling you, I can't stop watching Forensic Files. Who are you and what have you done with the real Misty? Forensic Files. She's dead. And they showed it on an episode of Forensic Files.

And the new Misty watched it. I did. But that and what else have we been watching a lot of? Top Gear. Yeah, I'll watch.

I'm catching up on my Top Gear. I didn't think that I would like it because it's a bunch of Britishy dudes, but they're pretty cool. I kind of like it. Well, back in the day when I was, like, really poor and all my friends all had great jobs and they all had, like, cable and stuff like that and they were all watching Top Gear and I was outside actually working on my car and not watching Top Gear. You're doing it wrong.

Yeah, I'm actually, I was actually out there fucking doing it. So, I mean, I was doing some amateur racing for SCCA and stuff like that and working on cars. And everybody's like, oh, so it's Top Gear. And I was just like, okay. You were living it.

I was living it, man. I don't need that. And actually, yeah, now that I'm out of cars, you know, and not really in it, like I've got a Jeep that's got a starter that needs to be put in it. for the past month now, and the starter's still sitting in the front seat because I just don't feel like going out there and actually putting it in. I'm just at the point now where I just don't care. But now I'm actually sitting down and watching the Top Gear, but now it's all cars that I could never possibly afford.

Ferraris. Ferraris. That's what I was going to say, Ferraris. But it's still an entertaining show. I like that show.

I must pimp my rye. I forgot all about that. Something came up the other day where they referenced Cribs. And I was like, remember Cribs? My favorite episode was the one that had Michael Rosenbaum in it.

Didn't he have bunk beds? Yes. He's the biggest dork. He's pretty awesome. Speaking of, we mentioned that Sebastian character.

His episode of Cribs was pretty epic, too. We didn't mention him on the show, though, did we? Well, we were talking about him earlier before we started rolling. What else have we been watching? If I remember, he has a giant life-size, maybe larger than life-size, painting of himself hanging as you walk in over the stairs.

Why don't we have that? Is it young Sebastian? Yeah, I think it was him. Sebastian Bach, by the way. Because it was when he did the Jekyll and Hyde, or wasn't that the one he did?

He did Jekyll and Hyde, and here's Jesus. I think it was Jekyll and Hyde. They did something. It was like him in that outfit, I think. So it was around the middle era there.

That's another thing we've been watching a lot of lately. Late nights, they have Metal Mania on VH1 Classics. So we've been loading up on our... What they consider metal, I guess, because it's mostly 80s. It's not really metal.

I'm like, Bon Jovi's not metal. I'm sorry. I told you. I described it as metal in quotes that you would read about in the metal in quotes magazine at the grocery store. Would Bon Jovi have even fit that?

Yeah, because I used to have them and it was all Bon Jovi and Motley Crue and Scorpion. It was stuff that they played on the radio and called metal, but kids that were into metal at that time did not listen to any of that. We had the debate on, apparently in the 70s and 80s, you didn't have to have any hot guys in your band. Like today, it's a mandatory. If the whole band's not pretty, there's at least one or two hot people in there where you're like, that's the one who's going on my wall.

I think it started to change in those late 80s. You started to see the pretty boys coming out in the hair bands. But the earlier ones, yeah. Yeah, like Scorpions. ACDC.

Come on, there ain't nobody pretty in ACDC. But then you get like Winger. You get some Winger. Kip was kind of pushing it. He doesn't count as a band.

Janie Lane. I'm sorry. I love me some more. They could try to push him as being pretty, but he was kind of weird looking. I thought Bret Michaels was weird looking.

Me too. I still know people today that act like he's so pretty. And I'm like, eh, whatever. They played some of that this morning. And I was like, you know, no, no.

Especially the drummer, dude. Ricky? Yeah, Ricky. Ricky Rocket? Yeah, Ricky Rocket.

I'm sure his birth name. Yeah. Same as Bobby Doll, right? Oh, sure. Yeah, okay.

Of course it is. But it's like, back then you didn't have, I mean, Dio. Yeah. There's no pretty enough Dio. Ronnie James Dio.

Those guys didn't have to have, like, they didn't have to be, like, really pumped up either. He was scrawny. If you look at it, a lot of those guys are scrawny. They got little tiny arms. Who was the guy we saw in his little blue underbrush yesterday?

I don't know. I don't remember. We watched a band, and he was in his bed, and the sheets fell off, and he had little blue tighty-whities on. I was like, yeah, sassy underpants. You just had to be kind of badass.

Because look at Judas Priest. He was never ripped. Even when he was young, he kind of looks like he does now. He always kind of looked like that. But I'm like, if you were badass, they were like, that's okay.

Go sing up there. You're cool. But what bands do you see today where you're like, these are all ugly, but man, they're awesome. I don't know. I don't listen to bands.

I was going to say bands or solo artists. Because now all you see are the people that came through on reality television music. And some of those aren't near as pretty as they should be, and that's why they don't win those contests. I don't know. I mean, I don't listen to top 40, so I really don't.

I'm saying in general, they're all a bunch of boy banders. They're all meant for teenage girls now, so they all have to be pretty because that's what the girls want. They want to be able to hang posters on their wall, which obviously we were not as discerning with our metal kid posters. When I was a kid, teenager, Axl Rose. Thousands of years ago.

Back in the day, before the lands of time, and there weren't actually walls. Where did you put your posters? I just, like... Trees. Hung them up on trees.

Yes. On the thatch hut. Well, see, I seem to remember, like, as a kid, like, some of the girls in our school having, like, posters of. Oh, gosh, let me think what. His name is.

There was. I brought this up recently, actually. It was from a soap opera. There were the two brothers, and it was a soap opera, and I think one of them was. Was it Passions?

No, it wasn't Passions. It might have been Days of Our Lives or something. I just remember one of them had a beard, and the other one didn't. I brought this up recently, because I remember, especially those 70s runs of quote-unquote hot guys, and I'm like, Leif Garrett was weird looking. Dude, no.

I don't care. Like, old 70s Leif Garrett? Later? He always was weird. Like, I didn't understand at the time.

I'm like, what are these girls looking at? Because I'm seeing a weird looking dude. And even like, you're like, Sean Cassidy. And like, this kid is, he's dorky looking though. He wasn't like, hot.

He was just like, your brother, which is really creepy if you're hanging a picture of your brother on the wall. So I don't know. Everything about those, those guys that kind of started that pinup craze of like, posters in the magazines hanging on your wall kind of thing. And chicks, dude. Don't get into the chicks.

Chicks, dude. Which level of chicks, dude, are we talking about? Lita Ford. I was going to say, are we talking about chicks that had posters or like random bevy of chicks in those videos? Yeah, I was going to say, don't get into my chicks.

No, they've been playing the same Lita Ford videos. They have. And it's like in 83. I'm like, man, she's looking pretty haggard by this one. She's got to be at least mid-30s.

She was 26. 26. I was going to say, 83? She couldn't have been. I'm like, dude.

I'm like, but she looked older. She didn't look like, you know, 26. Eh, you got to go to Runaways. They were all pretty in Runaways. And she had that outfit on.

It was cut damn near up to her cervix. It was like all the way up here. You can't see the motion I'm doing, but it's not pleasant. It's way up here. Yeah, it's...

That was the 80s, though. All the swimsuits were way up there. Everything on her was waxed. They were creepy. It had to have been.

Remember those, and they would be the one-piece ones, but the crotch area would be about an inch wide. It was really disturbing. She was wearing that, but it was leather. I would hope so. Leather and studded.

She kept moving her guitar just so you could see what's going on there. I'm like, stop it, Lita. I don't want to see that. You know you do. Waxed.

Gross. And her hair was huge, but in an awesome way. Nair generation. But other than that, what have we been doing? Watching Doctor Who.

Finally. You've been sucked in. You predicted you were going to get sucked in. I didn't get sucked in as far as I thought I would. I thought I would be obsessed by now.

But I hated David Tennant. See, that surprises me. Because to me, that's what little I knew of any of them. That was the one I was like, I'd probably like him. I've seen him in one movie.

I liked him in that. I didn't even, if it's the same movie that I saw him in. You don't like Fright Night. I didn't like, I didn't expect to like that. I just, I ended up liking it on its own terms in its own weird way.

Separate, it's not near the original, but that's okay. They're separate movies. So I'm trying to look at it separately. And I thought he was pretty fun in that. I hate David Tennant.

I hate, I hate that he has a Scottish accent that he tries to cover with a British accent. And I guess his idea of talking with a British accent is just, talking with his mouth as far back as he can. Thirst and howl the third. It's his lower teeth. He's got that lower overbite.

Underbite. Underbite, yeah. It's like he sticks his jaw out and opens his mouth so you can see all of his teeth. Oh, lovey. But then he says, in every episode, at least once, five times in at least one episode, billions, millions and billions.

And I'm just like, ooh, dude. You're no Carl Sagan. It was, you know, it was really hard to get through the whole tenant season because she was like, we just got to make it through. We got to make it through. Weren't there minis tenant seasons?

Dude. I thought he had like three or four. At least. It was way too damn many. Don't act like I was the only one.

You were like, oh, dude. Yeah. You were millions and billions along with me. Yeah, I was joking along with her. I'm just like, oh, my God.

Because everybody's like, oh. My hatred is not as furious as your hatred is because I can tune people out. And I can kind of see past a lot of that stuff, you know. But still, as far as doctors are concerned, he's not my favorite doctor. I like the first one.

We just started at nine. We didn't go into, like, all the. Deep dark history. That's usually the recommended for people. Just start with the reboot-ish thing that they did.

I like the ninth doctor. I adored him, you know. He wasn't hot, which, you know, is usually kind of a stretch for me because it's... But he was very alien-y, you know, whereas you could kind of confuse Dr. Tennant.

Dr. Tennant. Paging Dr. Tennant. Dr.

Tennant. You know, he's just kind of a weird human-y person, whereas you knew something wasn't right with number nine. You know, he was definitely a little bit off. And Matt Smith, I'm still not entirely sure. I like Matt Smith.

Sometimes he has the most fantastic hair I've ever seen. I just want to, like, touch it and, like, pet it a little bit. It's pretty epic. Matt Smith's nutty enough. I like him.

I like him. And I adore Karen gillen. She is pretty awesome for being almost makes me want to watch it and i have yet to have a reason. To watch you know she's she can be a little bit she can wear on the nerves a little bit or you're like all right karen you just need to stop and just hold your shit for a second but i adore her. I mean she is the winner of the foiler last year for hottest female technically i think she tied with.

Scarlet but still i definitely give it to. She has to come over the house and pick it up by the way. She's adorable and usually i'm not big on the on the redheaded people but god. Damn she gets a pass she's super hot. Even though she even though she does have a scottish accent i.

Like her scottish accent that's her that's. Her actual accent and i'm okay with it because i thought for a while i'm like Maybe I just hate Scottish people. Sorry, Scotland. No, because I'm like, there's got to be a reason I hate David Tennant so much. I'm like, that's it.

He's Scottish. That's got to be it, right? No. Because I adore Kieran Gillen. Who else is Scottish that I adore?

I adore David Barrowman. I'm probably saying it wrong, but he's actually Scottish, even though he doesn't talk Scottish on the show. Captain Jack Harkness, the one I almost ran into once at one of the conventions, and I hadn't seen the show, so I'm like, oh, my God. Sean Connery. I'm not as big on Sean Connery as you are.

If you have issues with it, I'm going to blame Mike Myers. Because he's not Scottish, but he does that damn Scottish accent as often as he can in everything. Mostly Shrek. I don't care. I don't care.

But yeah, so I thought, okay, maybe that's why I don't like David Tennant. Scottish. But then Kieran Gillick, I'm like, nope. Can't be him. No, I think more or less it's just his.

He's a cartoon character. Yeah, his stretchy face. It does. He has like James, James Carey. I'm like picking everybody fancy today.

Dr. Carey. You know, Jim Carey. It's very cartoonish. And I'm just like, stop it.

You know, just. It's too over the top. Calm that shit back a little bit. He's just, he was a fanboy. You know, he was a fan.

From what I read. The main reason he became an actor was because he wanted to be Doctor Who. Yeah, I mean, when it's been around that long, I guess you're going to get two generations now that that's been their whole thing. He even ended up marrying one of the Doctor's actual daughters, like in real life. It's getting a little creepy now.

You know, which is even weirder because they met on an episode where she was playing his daughter. Extra weird, extra creepy. Anyway, she's super adorable. She was blonde. I can't remember her name.

Not important. I think his name was Jenny. His name was Jenny at some point. I could be totally making that up. Oh, that's the one.

Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Anyways, I was so happy when he went away. Because I was counting down.

But then when the episode where I thought he was going to die, in quotes, and become the next Doctor, he didn't. And then they had like five specials or something in between. And I'm like, oh, now you're just fucking with me. Just to mess with you. That's why they did.

And I still miss Rose. I like Rose. I didn't like Martha. Hated Donna. Martha was okay.

She was a little boring. Donna, I couldn't stand. Doctor. Doctor. Donna.

God, I wanted to punch them all in the face. She's the reason I hate redheads. No. She is part of the... She is the stereotypical reason of why I hate redheads.

Thankfully, Karen redeemed it all. She did. She's so dreamy. Huh? Doctor Donna.

Doctor Donna. Remember how they would always say... How they would always say Donna. No, no, no, no, no. I was just asking.

That's your reason you don't like credits. I've had sillier reasons for other things. Yeah, you have. That's true. But yeah, now we're on...

Rory's okay. I don't want to punch him anymore. I didn't like him for the longest time. Well, I can only come up with one thing. But I do feel like I need to...

Not that everyone else hasn't made a big deal about this in the last week, but I do have to at least acknowledge the passing of the torch of Letterman leaving. Only because I spent so much of my life watching that, and I'm still pretty sure this wouldn't exist. There's a huge part of my childhood, and one of my favorite things ever, and probably one of the best things in Mallrats, Is that split second at the end where he's like, hey, have you ever thought about hosting your own talk show? I'm not missing a beat. And Jason goes, yeah, obviously.

So I think there was a little bit of every kid that was like watching Letterman. And that was my take on it. It was like, yeah, of course. And it was mostly Letterman because Johnny's a weird, different kind of thing that happened before that. He was like so professional and so proper and so relaxed and smooth about it all.

And then Dave came along and they were like, oh, Lord, they'll just give a show to any dork. And I'm like, finally, a dork like me. I can have a show, too, just like that dorky guy. I don't know. I think that's what it was.

I think there was an attachment to him that a lot of people had. I certainly did that, I think, because he's just a regular dorky guy. He's probably a little weird. And I think I attach myself to that, too, because I feel like he's kind of awkward. You're a weirdo.

But he's like he is kind of awkward. And yet he sat down and talked to people. And I'm like, that's my go to. I'm like, if that weirdo can sit down and talk to people, maybe I can too. As long as you just sit and stare at him from across the room for a while first.

Just a little. You got to get prepped. You got to get in the mindset. Got to get ready to roll. So, I don't know.

I've been watching the last couple of weeks, watching it come down to it. I watched a clip that had him and Tom Waits. That's about all. Yeah. I watched some Letterman, but I just don't care.

It's just flat. It's way past our bedtime. For one minute. Well, 90% of the stuff that's going on doesn't even register on my radar. I'm in a completely different world than like 98% of the population.

Well, I like that. He sort of created his own wacky little world there and was doing it before. Again, like the only thing before that was the Tonight Show really that anybody attached to. And it didn't really do that. Like they had bits and he sort of had his running characters, but it didn't like create its own sense of humor really like Letterman did.

And like you see, Conan did that, and all the other ones do that now, but I feel like he was sort of pioneering it. Conan's awesome. I like Conan because, well, recently he had Jean-Claude Van Damme on there. Did you see that? I saw, maybe I saw the clip of it.

What was he doing? Where he recreated the dance moves from, what was the dance? What was the movie? Kickboxer. Kickboxer.

The whole, I can't even do it, and it's going to make my chair squeak if I try. But, you know, everybody knows the epic scene in Kickboxer where he's at the, they're at a bar. Yeah. They're at a bar somewhere in Thailand, and the guy that he's training with makes him dance. So he starts dancing.

And it's epic. Yeah. It's beautiful. And these guys get mad because he's dancing with their girls. Or something like that.

And then there's some awesome fighting. And there's some splits. No, I think there was some splits in that one. Not in the Conan movie. Yeah, he did not do the splits on Conan.

I'm like, what? He's getting older now. He's going to bust a hip doing them now. I was blaming it on the jeans. Maybe he was wearing too tight of jeans.

See, if he was wearing Chuck Norris action jeans. With the slim gusset? Yeah, the action crotch. Yeah. Is it sad that we both got those catalogs when we were kids?

Yeah. Damn it. I knew that's where you do it from. I sent my dollar in and got myself a catalog. I just, I don't know.

I guess I haven't watched any. Like I said, it's way past our bedtime. I'm like in bed by like 9, 8, 10 o'clock. I mean, my sleep schedule is so messed up at this point. But I would still try to make an effort.

Like the other shows, like there's so many freaking talk shows. Everybody has a talk show. And the other one's just kind of, sometimes there's an interesting clip from one or the other. But Letterman was still sort of a thing. And again, it was sort of that little like, you were part of the club.

And I think that's what he started with. Like when he very first started, it was a weird... those dorky kids that were staying up too late, you know, it was, you were part of the clubs. I feel like it still had that, that the new shows don't really have. Is Leno still on? Cause I fucking.

Hate that guy. Again, I don't feel like he's a horrible person. He probably is fine. And no, he's fine in the real world. I just, I, he got so mediocre in his comedy.

It was, he knew his market was old white people and like everything was made to be like the middle America, middle-aged people that were staying up late. And like, he knew that. that was his bread and butter. Like he may still be a good standup somewhere behind all that. But as far as that talk show, when he, it was terrible, his comedy got really terrible. And then like the whole selling Conan down the river, like I lost so much respect for him after that.

He just screwed him over. And he, that's the thing. He could have been the one that stopped it all. You know, it's like, it doesn't surprise me. The network screwed him over.

That's their job. They're a multi-billion dollar corporation. Their job is to do whatever it is to protect their assets. But, like, Leno could have said, no, you guys made this decision. I'm not coming back.

You stick with him. You ride it out. Because obviously he can do it. He's been doing it ever since then. He moved to another network as soon as he could, and now he's been doing it ever since.

So he could. NBC just sucked, and they wouldn't back him. So, yeah, Leno, that was kind of a dick move. Yeah, Leno. I'm sure that he listens.

Dave probably does because he has nothing else to do now. Was he going on to something else, or was he just retiring? I think he just wanted to retire. I don't keep track. Hang out with the kid.

That was weird. They showed the kid. He was super protective, especially the kid. You rarely saw his wife, but there were hardly any pictures of that kid ever. How old is the kid now?

The kid? 11, maybe? He looked like he was probably 10 or 11, something like that. Does he have the gap in his teeth? I don't think so.

He might have escaped that. Good for him. Or he just cashed in early on some orthodontist. Anyway, that was just a milestone that I'm kind of sad about. Because whoever is coming along, they're all pretty good.

They're naming off all the new people. They're all serviceable, but they're never going to be Dave. It's not going to be Dave. I'm not even a big fan of talk show people in general. but dave was one of the ones i'm like all right there's nothing else on if i had the choice it's gonna be. Dave yeah dave's just so dorky you know.

It's been 25 years since i've watched late night tv i mean after i got out of high school and was working and now i actually work at the real hour job I don't get to stay up late at night. I don't even stay up late at night on the weekends and watch it. See, I still watched it now and I get up better. But that's because, again, I have no normal sleep schedule. I don't live like a human, so I would rearrange things just to stay up for days.

I don't know that I'm going to do that with these new guys. Who's replacing him? Colbert. Who, again, is very clever, very funny. He has wonky ears.

He's not, Dave, but he's very smart. I like You know, he takes his approach seriously. He's done like so many characters, though. It'll be weird to watch him have to be himself. So it'll be an adjustment.

You need to adjust that ear. Anyway, I think we should watch a movie. What are we watching, Misty? I have no idea. I know.

We haven't picked it out yet. So we're going to go figure out what the hell we're going to watch. And then we're going to come back and talk about it. Let's go do that now. Okey-doke.

Bye. Bye. That's more like it. We're delighted to have you with us, and we extend a cordial welcome to you. We've lined up the top stars from Hollywood and from all over the world to entertain you on our giant screen with new colorful motion pictures you've been hearing about.

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Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. That's Y-O-U-E-I-G-H-T-I-T. You ate it.

Education has never been so wow. Hey, Misty, do you have your earbuds strapped in? I do not. Well, that's probably because you didn't go to tweakedaudio.com and get your tweaked audio earbuds because they're awesome. I don't like things in my ears.

You're the worst pitch person ever. I am. I have mine. They're awesome. They're the wood ones.

They're deluxe. Look at this shit. That's hardwood. I guess if I were to shove any implement in my ear, it would be those. We don't recommend you shove anything else in your ear.

That's kind of why we were hooked up with Tweaked Audio. It's the only thing we recommend you shove in your ear for medical purposes, really. If you damage your eardrum, you're doing it wrong, and we take no responsibility. Stop when you hit pressure. You should only use Tweaked Audio.

And when you do, you go to their website. You go to pay for it. You put in your code MELTDOWN. You'll get a discount and free shipping. It's awesome.

Is it better than 5% discount? Not that 5% discount that you were looking at in that catalog. No, the discount you will be getting from Tweaked Audio will be a hell of a lot better than the 5%. It's a third off. You get a third off.

A third, holy shit. If I had math, that would be awesome. And free shipping. Fucking A. You can't beat that.

And they're super fast. Not with a stick. I just went and got me some more, and it was like a day, and they were there. They were like lightning fast. Like the lightning on that girl's boobs over there.

Lightning move fast. Lightning move fast. You're welcome, Tweaked Audio. You can put that on your envelopes. And you're welcome.

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Hey, this is General Joe Shelby, better known as Martinez from Dawn of the Dead, and you're listening to the Dynamite Channel of Movie Meltdown. Stay tuned and stay tight. It's time for Sofa Theater. Martin, can you hear me? Are you there?

Things came from the snow. Nazis. Some little Nazi creatures came up from the earth. When we found you, your right arm was ripped off. We found your arm in the car.

The operation was a success. Is this the zombie squad? Martin, these are not your textbook zombies. These are cursed zombies awakened to complete a task given to them. We will take care of this.

We are professionals. Looks like we're going to Norway. It's time to go hunting. That was further than usual. What do the creatures want?

Revenge. There they are. We have a tank, I see. That can't be good. Your arm, your power.

This is how we defeat them. We create an army of our own. Nazi zombies. Nazi zombies. Nazi zombies.

Nazi zombies. Lock and load, gotta drop the clip. These Nazi zombies are coming too quick. No time to waste, we gotta kill these fools. We can't survive if we follow the rules.

Rule one, put your back to the wall. Rule number two, don't trip and fall. Rule number three, be accurate. Straight aim for the dome and unload the clip. Shoot from the hip if you have to.

Making a pool of Nazi zombies. Soup my nuts, go bloop on your face for days. We'll see you next time. Truthfully, I'm surprised I've been able to focus this far into the episode, since I'm sitting next to a mystic seer machine. Fuckin' A.

For those of you who don't know, Misty's the kind of dork who would have a mystic seer official life-sized replica sitting on her table. It works, too. What are you talking about? Does it see the future, and do you get trapped? Will I ever leave this kitchen again?

It gets stuck sometimes, too. That is, in itself, a fortune. All right, so we are back. And we did what I'm assuming everybody out there does. You get on the old streaming movie options.

You stare at it for about 15, 20 minutes. You scroll through it. 15 or 20. I usually stare at it for about as long as a movie. We should have just recorded a podcast of us looking through the movie.

Scroll, scroll. How about that one? There's a lot of shrugging, and I was going to watch that, but I don't know. So if you're like the one person who doesn't do that, I guess write in and let us know. But I assume the rest of the world also does that.

Just a lot of scrolling. I've spent the entire evening. I have too. Like I've gotten where I'll spend 30 minutes looking through and I'll go, oh, this one. And I'll finally click on it to watch it and then I just go to sleep.

30 minutes? You're a lightweight. We spent like the entire night. It was like 12 o'clock. We almost agreed on one.

And then you're like... Fuck, it's too late now. That's the thing. Usually after about 30 minutes, I'm like, you know, I should be this far in by now. And just never mind.

And then I'll either do something else or go to sleep or whatever. But, yeah. It did remind me of other movies that I've seen recently that I should have talked about earlier. But then I won't. Because we have to get to, what did we end up on?

What the fuck was that movie? Exactly. Dead Snow 2. Colon. Red versus dead.

Exactly. So that is, in fact, this week's Silver Theater feature. Did you feel lost having not seen the first one? I was the one who had not seen the first one, but I heard you recount it several times, so I felt like I kind of knew what was going on. I hated the first one.

I know, which I thought it was odd that you went with it. You hated the first one? Yeah, I didn't like it at all. You liked it. I didn't like it.

I liked it, yeah. This one from the trailer looked funnier and more tolerable. Maybe I was in a better mood tonight. Could have been all the candy I ate. It could have been, because sometimes when you're in a really bad mood, it doesn't matter how good the movie is, she just hates it right off the bat.

Yep. It's a lost cause at that point. Pretty much. No, that one movie's still shit, and I'll never watch it, so don't even try to use that as an excuse. Which one?

You know which one. Oh, you mean. Yes, I do. Yeah, Galaxy Quest? Yeah, I will never like that, no matter what mood I'm in.

You know, I finally watched it. I... For some reason, I think I was like everybody else when it first came out, and I was just like, eh, whatever. I mean, it didn't make money. It didn't do that well.

It's a brilliant movie. And then it built up all this following, and I finally, like in the last year, was like, all right, cool, I need to watch it. And it was streaming, so for once I didn't argue forever. I just sat down and watched something, and it was Galaxy Quest. And I was like, eh, it's all right.

I think it just had way too many people tell me in the last 10 years, like. Dude, it's amazing. I'm just like, it's funny. Anyways, back to Dead Snow. What do we think of Dead Snow?

Do you need to do the actual premise? We didn't finish the rundown. Hold on. So we got Dead Snow 2, Red vs. Dead.

The year is 2014. The director, Tommy Warkola? That's what we'll go with. It's not my fault. He's from....

He's from the Netherlands? Sure. I have no fucking clue. If not Tommy, sorry. The plot, according to IMDb, is If the worst day of your life consisted of accidentally killing your girlfriend with an axe, chainsawing your own arm off, and watching in horror as your closest friends were devoured by a zombified Nazi battalion, you'd have to assume that things couldn't get much worse.

In Martin's case, that was only the beginning. Spoiler alert! I do like that at the beginning of this they give you a complete rundown recap of the first movie so that you don't actually have to watch the first one. You're just like, oh, here's a quick little five minute recap of the entire first movie. Yeah, that's kind of what I was counting on is that I didn't have to see the movie anyway because it's a zombie movie.

I figured I'd piece it together. And I heard you tell me about it. But other than that, yeah, I was surprised it did do a nice little synopsis. Very thorough. It wasn't even like a half-ass, you know, it was like, We went on to hear, this is exactly what happened.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It was the people who put together the previously on segment at the beginning of each episode that, you know, the next thing starts and they pick out the key things that you're going to have to know going back into this episode. They did that with this movie and it kind of worked out. I did enjoy this one a great deal more than the first one. The first one just pissed me off.

It might have been the... Sex scene in the outhouse, it totally turned me off. Okay, yeah, there's some gross stuff in this movie. Both of them. No, I'm talking about the original one on that one.

No, I know, but both of them have gross stuff. In the movie. I don't understand why I didn't see any gross stuff. Yeah. Anyway.

We did that a couple times. That's what I thought was fun, is we immediately went into who's calling things. Called it. Yeah. Very quickly, it was...

Do you want to go through the keeping score? I got the first two right. You were. I got the, oh, wait, I bet that person's innards are going to get stuck on that shard of glass and they're going to be dragged all the way out. I'll be sure.

Oh, right. What was the other one I got right? The mouth-to-mouth, which I think we all kind of saw that coming. But you did say it aloud, so. Yeah, like, oh, he's totally going to bite that guy.

He's going to bite his tongue off and I'll be damned. There it was. Yep. Good times were ahead. It was very.

They were not stingy with their killing people. Especially kids. Yeah, they were not worried at all. In fact, I'm assuming they were doing that on purpose. Let's see how far we can push this envelope.

Yeah, really, I think they killed like a total of four kids, two babies. No, actually, five kids. Because there was a little girl that was in one of the houses where the zombies came in and just bashed. Her brains in. There was a lot of that going on.

And I'm not complaining. I like a good gratuitous head bash just as much as the next person. Misty thinks for far too long that kids have gotten the easy pass in horror movies and it's about time for them to die. Because in reality, that's what happens. I mean, not to be cruel about it, but I mean, in real life.

I've watched way too much Forensic Files. She's watched way too much Forensic Files and know that kids don't normally get a free pass. And so that's not always 100% believable in a lot of horror movies where the kid just magically makes his getaway. I am not going to lie, though. I did not see that from Bobby.

Yeah, they really, like, I assumed they were making him into a character. That's what I thought, too. They very quickly built him up like, hey, okay. Quirky sidekick. Yeah.

Like, he's just going to be hanging around with this guy the whole, whoa, there he goes out the window. Holy shit. Girlfriend was like, wow, I didn't see that coming. And usually I'm pretty good at calling shit, and I did not see that one coming. I was like, well, maybe now he'll come back, and he'll be a zombie, so I can't get it.

Nope. Ripped open his insides. I came really close to calling that one, because he went to go give him CPR, and I'm like, oh, he's going to crack a rib. I did not go far enough. You got a half point on that one.

Put his fist, or his hand, all the way through his chest. Started pulling errands out like happens about every 10 seconds or so in this movie it's. Not what it looks like yeah the cop sees him he's trying to stuff the kids insides back inside of him yeah it's not. Gonna fix him it's not a pillow you can't restuff. It they tried if he was touching him what does that make logical.

Sense well he didn't know at the time and he didn't touch him on the. Forehead oh okay spoiler alert we already threw that oh even more spoiler double spoiler alert at the very beginning of the movie There's a scene, well, because from the previous movie, he cuts his own arm off because it got bitten by a zombie. You know you don't want that shit happening, even though they said that they didn't actually become zombies. Yeah, they weren't the right type of zombies. They were zombies driven by revenge.

He'd just recently seen Evil Dead, so he was like, hey, I know what to do. Yeah, so he cut his arm off. He was very Evil Dead. And then, of course, the main Nazi leader, when he was trying to get to the guy in the car, his arm magically gets ripped off. Same arm.

At the same spot. At the same spot. The same location. And what happens? They find his arm, and they sewed it back on the good guy.

His boyfriend called that one, because he was like, oh, but they sewed that guy's. Arm on him. Keeping score at home. Yes. There was a high five involved with that one, too.

Yeah. Because, like, we were sitting there, and you know he's got his arm up, and they got the sheet over his arm. I was like, dude, they totally sewed that Nazi's arm onto the guy. That's the wrong arm. They had to, because it was the right, well, yeah, it's not the right arm, but it was the right arm.

The right arm. It was just not the right guy. So then there was a high five. High five. High five.

That was a lame high five. Sorry. It did not resonate well. Fully. There we go.

There we go. Totally worked that in. That's your Foley guy. But anyways, once he gets this magical zombie arm, apparently, which gives him super zombie Nazi strength, because apparently that's how it works, I guess. Yeah.

He can apparently... Bring back the dead. Which, I felt so sorry for his little pet zombie. He got the shit kicked out of him. They brought the guy back like four or five times.

Did he even have a name? I don't think he did. Like, he brought him back to life the first time and then killed him. And then they brought him back to life again, and then the zombie squad guy killed him. And then they brought him back to life again, and then they used him to get out of the ditch to get traction.

Then they brought him back to life again. And they ran over him with a tank. They ran over him with a tank, yeah. Does he have a name on IMDB, or is he just zombie? He's just an unaccredited zombie guy.

He's got to be. We'll check. He's got to have a name. Yeah, I feel bad if I had it after a while, because apparently the Martin, who would be the survivor from the first movie. Vigor Hole?

Is that his name in the movie? No, that's his actual name. What's his name in the movie? Martin. No, the zombie he brings back.

Oh, let's talk about Martin. Martin has the power to bring people back from the dead with his Nazi zombie arm. What? Not necessarily bad. Yeah, they obey him.

So whoever he tells them to attack, they attack. But for the most part, this guy just kind of hangs around like a lost puppy. They even give him a good boy. Yeah, he kind of whimpers sometimes. Yeah, he kind of whimpers and acts more like a dog than anything else.

It's a whole bunch of crazy Scandinavian names. Aw. Except for Derek Mears, who is not at all that I know of. Who is he? Who is he in that?

He's the, I'm assuming, the Russian. Isn't that Starvini? Isn't that who they were going for? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I was still waiting for the main cop guy to die in this one. He was a douche. Did he ever die? He didn't die, did he? No, he never did.

Nope, nope. Sidekick zombie. Aw, you didn't even get a name. Poor psychic. Christopher Joner is the actual name of quote-unquote psychic.

I'm sure it's pronounced something weird and funny like Joner. Christopher Joner. Something weird like that. No offense, weird people who speak weird languages. Sorry, Scandinavia.

I thought it was Norwegian. Norwegia. Whatever. Not Hoth. We don't understand geography.

It is not Hoth. I'll tell you that right now. It's more like Inder. the nerd i see a nerd chick never got super hot she took. Her glasses off but she pulled the other alternative which if she's not gonna get the super hot makeover she's gonna get the i'm gonna turn into a badass and she did turn into a badass so she had to go one or the other. And what was my what was the favorite line that both i damn near died don't hurt me i have two kittens.

I still think that's possibly my favorite line in the entire movie Don't worry, I have two kittens. That was pretty hilarious, that guy. He's a lot of fun. I was glad he stayed around. I was afraid we were going to kill him right away.

Because I was like, I'm okay with this guy so far. He's a good character. So I was glad to see he hung around. He had a very Lux Interior look to him. If you look at him.

Because he had the eyeliner on and he had some earrings and he had the really kind of short black hair. I thought he was more Fallout boy. I don't know. Depends on the decade, I suppose. Yeah.

But anyways, he thinks he knows what's causing the zombies to continue their attack. Because in the first one, it was, you know, he found their pot of gold or some shit like that. Leprechauns? Nazi leprechauns. Leprechauns.

Well, anyways, so he returns their gold to them. And then they're like, whoa, no, no. There's bound to be another reason. So he goes to a World War II museum. Yeah.

Conveniently located in the near area. Oh, yeah. I mean. And they figure there's got to be a whole other reason that the zombies are, you know, coming back with the help of his not so agreeable, not really agreeable, so he didn't really want to be his companion, his friend. His reluctant companion.

Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for. Reluctant companion. That's the way he smacked the newspaper out of that guy's face. Again, one of the funnier things in the whole movie. Because it's something you've always wanted to do.

Yeah. And you just needed a Nazi arm sewn on you, I guess, to make that happen. It was so chock full of us making references to Idle Hands. It was pretty much constantly me. Look at me, look at me, I'm Leatherface.

Idle Hands is the devil's ding-a-ling. That's Squidbillies. That's Squidbillies. I thought it was in, didn't they say it in the. No.

That Squidbilly know that Squidbilly's... Idle Hands is the devil's plaything. Idle Hands is the devil's plaything is what that guy... I've been watching them both too much. I need to watch them both.

And Squidbilly's early Kyler says Idle Hands is the devil's ding-a-ling. I haven't watched either one of them for too long. Yeah. So.... Jack knows where they.

Mm-hmm. Your dear friend Jack knows where they. We. Go way back. All the way to when he was 21?

Mm-hmm. And dead at 21. That happens. But anyways, so, yeah. So you did mention that you love in these movies that when some sort of horrible situation breaks out, people conveniently forget how to run?

Dude, preacher man, what the hell? It's like... Why do people forget how to run whenever there is something chasing them? It's just like there's a switch in their brain that just flips off. And it's like, how do I run?

How do I move? How do I not fall like a retard? I mean, they usually run, but they get about three steps and they fall over like a tree branch or a twig. And then they just lay there. And they look back and take a lot of time to do it.

And then put their hands up. That's going to stop the zombie Nazis, the hands up like this. That's usually going to be like, oh, look. That or a newspaper. Yeah, the newspaper didn't work.

Because, yeah, when a Nazi zombie comes at your face with a knife, a newspaper is a good deflector. Oh, that was a sledgehammer he came out with. Oh, was it a sledgehammer at that point? It was either a sledgehammer or an axe. Yeah, it was one of those.

There were so many axe, knife deaths. There was a lot of axe to the heads in this movie. There was a lot of everything to the head in this movie. It was just every couple minutes, like, whoop, there goes another one to the head, there's another one to the head, there's another one to the head. It was just constant.

Oh, he's ripping out insides. Dude, that was. There's a lot of entrails, specifically intestines. Yeah, when you use intestines to siphon gas, that's pretty good. They get a lot out of intestines in movies lately.

They get a lot of intestines out of people. Seems to be the case. This and the machete movies for some reason. Anywhere they like to play with gooey intestine. Pretend.

What? What's the one where they use the intestine as like a bungee cord? What was that? That was Machete. That was Machete number one, but Machete number two, he throws the intestines up into the helicopter propeller.

Oh, Lord. Yep, exactly. Let me guess, it winds the guy up into the propeller? Yeah. Yeah, because that would happen.

Because that's exactly what would happen. In a movie. Directed by Robert Rodriguez. So, in this one, though, you also decided that not only is the zombie-ism contagious, but so is Nazi-ism. Well, yeah, apparently you can just spread that shit, too.

I thought it was just, you know, I can understand zombie-ism being contagious, you know. Well, no, I mean, you remember what he said in there. It was like the guy, when he had the hand that, when he brought back the corpses back to life, that they were pretty much under his control. They were under his command. So, naturally....

Anything that the Nazi leader brought back, they were going to be following his lead. Following his command. He's a Nazi. He's going to turn them into Nazis. Nazi zombies.

Who have really impressive muscle tone. I guess. And a lot of goo coming out of their mouth. We noticed that with the arm attachment. That was a ripped zombie arm.

It was. It did not match at all. A zombie has been in the ice for, like, however many years, a zombie would have been there. His arm would not have been in that great a shape. Well, he did decompose.

But still, it would not have been in, like, pristine condition, aside from a slight discoloration. But maybe he has all the powers of the undead. Yeah. I guess that makes him all. Ripped and shit.

Remember because he said it was Satan's arm. Oh, yeah, Satan's arm. Satan's arm. Ah, whatever. The movie was ridiculous.

It was. It was totally ridiculous. Yeah. What I thought was impressive, though, is it doesn't, like, again, at this point, I've seen so much with zombies in general. Every zombie movie, and now it's to the point of zombie rom-coms and zombie TV shows, except iZombie, which is awesome.

I do love iZombie. iZombie's awesome. But, like, to this point, like, we've seen so many variations that, like, it's so rare to see anybody do something different. And then call themselves out in their own movie for doing something different, saying that they've created their own genre. Yeah. Yep.

It's in their own movie. Very meta. Okay, which part are you talking about? How about when the zombie guy, zombie squad is talking to Martin and like, we've never seen anything like this before. You've created your own genre.

Were you asleep during that point? No, I'm just trying to figure out what you were talking about. Because I was just talking about the fact that they don't, operate like normal zombies. No. They're not infectious.

But not even that. In the beginning we were like, man, they're pretty nimble for zombies. They're not going for brains. They're not going for brains, but they're also not shambling along. They're not decaying and decrepit.

They're kind of with it and ripped and they beat the hell out of people. And then when you get further into it, and I don't know that it was like this in that first one, but in this one, there's a massive amount of hand-to-hand zombie combat. Yeah. Then I'm like, you don't see that in zombie, but you see humans usually just annihilating zombies, and occasionally a human gets, like, bitten. Yeah.

But, like, you don't see just, like, choreographed battle scenes going on. Well, see, they made the comment in the movie, like, I wish we could get weapons here. So it's one of those countries where you can't get firearms, or you can't... have. Like real yeah but still you know like brian's saying they all had hatchets or sledgehammers or that's what they could have i know but you don't see that level of weapon proficiency with zombies in normal movies like he's saying they generally just kind of shamble on they're like and then they bite you these are like these guys are like full-on tomahawk fighters. Yeah and it's not the humans attacking the zombies like the zombies are equally if not better i guess because they are actual trained soldiers a long time ago so like they all understand hand-to-hand combat so again it's probably a little better put together than i would have expected going into a silly movie like this.

And the fact that those action scenes work really well is like that second half could have fallen apart. Cause there's not a ton of story there. It becomes a lot of action. And if the action wasn't good, it would have totally sucked. But I really liked that second half because it's all just hardcore hand to hand combat.

With zombie zombie versus zombie. They're just beating the crap out of each other. I think even the cops are kind of confused at that point. They're just hiding and watching pretty much. Waiting to get run over with a tank.

Yeah. Because there was a tank, which was another one of my big issues. Because if you have a tank. It's a movie. All right, you're the one who's usually pointing at every little thing in a movie, but this is like a big glaring defect.

I know, I know. Because if you have a tank at a museum, it's not going to be fully fucking loaded and operational. No. It's not going to have a full. Or functional.

Functional. No. They weld the hatches shut and they plug the barrels. I mean, the zombies get in this, they turn it after they drain the. Yeah, they siphon fuel from the tour bus into the tank.

With the intestines. With the intestines. You do. Assuming it's a gas-powered tank and not a diesel-powered tank, but I don't know. It could be a diesel bus.

It could be a diesel bus. It starts right up. They just start firing at shit. They got all the ammunition in there they need. I'm like, no.

No. I didn't even get to the ammunition. I was just like, assuming this is original World War II era... those treads just be completely dry right like wouldn't it all be falling apart if it moved it might sit there okay but like trying to roll it along at this point but again it's. A movie it's okay it was properly properly maintained I. Guess so maybe they refurbished the treads.

They wouldn't keep it fully stocked and like all battle ready they would not keep it like that. And the batteries wouldn't be charged in it either so you mean when I was climbing on that tank out in front of the field there and the armory I couldn't have fired them I don't think so. Damn it. Ruin my childhood. That's what I do.

I'm a childhood ruiner. Trust me, I spent a lot of time trying to get into tanks. I do not doubt that. This was just last weekend. When I was a kid.

We had several tanks that were around. We've got at least three in New Albany. Yeah, they've got three in New Albany. But yeah, they weld the hatches shut and they plug the barrels shut. Can't get into them.

A lot of times you can look inside them. Are they fully stocked? Fully stocked with tin cans, leaves, and garbage that people shoved down in there. That's about it. Fire that out of there, yeah.

But anyway, that was my main problem. My main... Alright, I can believe Nazi zombies. I can believe most of the shenanigans, but you done crossed my line of belief right there when you're telling me that this tank sitting in a museum is still fully operational and fully all ammunitioned up. I told you, they busted into the museum and loaded up on all the weaponry that they also had stockpiled at the museum.

Yeah, that's the other thing that I don't understand is they grab grenades, but you never see them use them. There was a stack of rifles alongside the wall. And I was like, are they going to take the rifles? Are they magically going to have ammunition left over? They still have it in their jacket pocket, probably.

Yeah, but they don't have any, so. Yeah, you would think if they bothered to introduce the grenades. I mean, there's nothing we like more than watching things explode, so they'd really make use of a lot of grenade explosion. Didn't do anything. Most of the stuff was handmade pipe bombs from the zombie squad.

Which were pretty damn awesome, too. The zombie squad was pretty fantastic. Did you see that? Did you see that? I hit it.

I hit it. Oh, my God. I did it. I fucking did it. I hit it right in the eye.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Take a picture. Please. Take a picture with me.

First zombie squad kill. One, two. Jeez. You get it? Oh.

We spoke on the phone. I'm Daniel. This is Blake and Monica. Hi. We are the zombie squad.

God damn it. It's real. These are real dead people. And that's a real zombie. You killed him.

I can't believe it. Can we just focus for one second, guys? I'm so sorry. We are more professional than this. You're the zombie squad?

Yep. You're the zombie squad? Yeah, we are the zombie squad. Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just expecting something different.

So was this guy when he woke up this morning. Because i hit him in the face with an axe yeah how did you find. Me um we tracked your iphone of course we're fucking nerds this is what we do technical shit martin star i'm telling you i don't know if i've ever seen him not awesome like and this is probably one of his more likable roles because at least since he's been a grown-up freaks and geeks he's awesome and super like dorky kid that's cool in his own way. But ever since then, he's always like the dick in every movie. I've never seen him in anything else that I'm aware of.

Oh man, I'm telling you. That show that I can't. Remember the name of. Party Down? No, Party Down.

I remember there was a party involved somewhere. Oh, if Martin Starr is there, it's a party. Yeah, Party Down, he's freaking awesome. Everybody in that cast is awesome, but that's kind of the first time I really noticed him, because I don't think I'd I think I reverse watched it and saw Freaks and Geeks after I'd already seen Party Down. So yeah, he's so entertaining on Party Down.

And just kind of a jerk. All the time. Good times. But a likable jerk. Where here he's actually just kind of a likable geek.

He's the Freaks and Geeks grown up. He's just really got interested in zombies as he grew up. And says your favorite phrase, Misty. Which one? Ka-fucking-boom.

Ka-fucking-boom. I need to remember. I need to write that shit down so I can work that into more conversations and more everyday life. That needs to happen. Ka-fucking-boom.

Yeah, that was way more interesting. I mean, by the end, I guess they played up the fact, but because they were doing pretty cliche geeks anyway, but the fact that one did nothing but say Star Wars quotes the whole time was a little hacky. But she was cute. She was cute, so that made her pull out. And they were really entertaining otherwise.

I was just like, that's all we have to go with? She was wearing the shirt that had the quote on it or something. And then every other line she said was a Star Wars reference. There's a way to make really fun geek characters. Again, it's not just like a cheesy stereotype at this point.

There's enough geeks in the world. Some of them may be at this table right now. I don't know what you're talking about. There's plenty of them out there. It's not like it's just a generic stereotype now.

There's a lot of fully functional people in the world that are geeks. There's a lot of non-functional people in the world that are geeks. That's true, too. I've smelled several of them. But, again, I feel like it's such an easy way out to just... make it i don't know so yeah it just seemed like a cop out i'll be like all right and she's just gonna spout star wars lines i'm like yeah we can all do that but like at least yeah a little more well-rounded.

Characters when you had the hot chick they tried to nerd down with some glasses and a sweater vest and a ponytail like an old lady ponytail not even like a sassy bun ponytail she was wearing like a Like a librarian ponytail. Well, that's how you do it. And put her in nerd glasses. I'm like, oh, yeah, she's going to be bombshell later. No, I just took the glasses off.

She went a little bit nuts, but she never went full on hot. She was crazy, though. I like that, though. She was like fucking nutters. Crazy is the way to go.

Mm-hmm. Also, I believe a little too much vomit for some people. Oh, my God. It's like every once in a while I can understand, like, You know, like a slight reference to Vomit. I'm not a fan of Vomit.

I do not like the actual process of Vomit. I do not like to witness the Vomit. I do not like anything about the process. I don't even like to see it in movies. And this was in there at least three characters threw up, like, excessively.

Like, projectile with, like, chunks. Again, I feel like I'm not so much taking a shot at this movie. In general, like, I feel like in movies it's just a cheap shot. It's just a cop-out. It's like It's such an easy way to get a gross out reaction from people.

Because when I think how many times I see people vomit in movies versus how often I actually run into it in the real world. Just that once. Granted, I don't hang out with drunk people. Vomit girl. If at all.

I don't hang out with small children. So that's where you're going to get most of your vomit. But if you eliminate those two areas from your life, I'm going to guess you really don't see a ton of people vomiting on a daily basis. So I think, again, that's just sort of a. A cheap shortcut for movies to take.

And it was just disgusting because the. The window. The window. The window was really gross. I'm like, dude, you go to another window.

You don't just like. You don't squeegee it off with your hand. With your hand. You do not do that. I'm like, I need to go find a new window because that's disgusting.

You know, I don't care what zombie apocalypse is going on. I'm going to take a second and find a different window. Because that's gross. Yeah, I agree. There seems to want to space a little bit. like Martin's face.

I'm like, dude, no. I don't know. I love you, boyfriend, but if you ever get your vomit on me, I'm going to be so pissed. Please don't ever throw up on me. I'll be sure to face my head in the opposite direction.

I've heard that shit. Yeah. I'm so caring and loving. Aren't you though? I know, I try.

We had our wacky zombie doctor. What the hell was up with that guy? He was the Nazi zombie doctor. He was like MacGyver and the zombies back together. One of them he shoved full of hay.

See, you can restuff him. He was right. One of them you have fucking shove a plunger, like give him a plunger peg leg. Like really dude? And he just walks on about like okie doke.

I think they're making a statement about the experimental medical situations that were going on in actual zombie times. In actual zombie times, I guess. Zombie times, you know. I must have skipped that history chapter, you know. You weren't paying attention that day.

I probably wasn't. I probably made somebody else do my homework. You probably did. But back in the day, they were experimenting on people. I know that.

Some of which might have been zombies. Okay. Okay. I mean, you know, Hitler was interested in the undead quite a bit, so we've been told. What else was there?

I'm tired. I've forgotten most of the movie already. Again, another variation with this is because they're not so shambling zombies, they also, again, I feel like it reverses so much of your traditional zombie movie. There's so many times when you watch zombies that... ridiculously or horribly kill a human which is usually the other way you get to like your dawn of the dead and humans are doing you know the wacky pie in the face kind of kills that they do there and we've seen a lot of weird variations of that of you know your zombie land where they're hitting them in the head with crazy stuff and like this one you see like two zombies picking people up and like throwing them into a picket fence and you see them like All those weird little.

They chuck one out the window. Yeah. That usually is the human throwing the zombie out there. And it's hilarious that the zombie goes flying. And this one, they, they always seem to reverse that.

And you see, we watched the zombie like kill humans in a horrible and sometimes funny way. The wheelchair girl. See, again, that is one of those, like you've watched so many like zombies get curb stomped in the last, you know, 20 years of them making zombie movies. I think that's the first time I've seen a zombie just stomp the head of a human being. That's, They're just mixing up a little bit.

What was the most satisfying part of this movie for you, boyfriend? I don't know. I think watching him throw the kid out the window. That was, that was, I don't know if I'd call it satisfying. She really doesn't like kids.

I mean, it was kind of funny. I mean, it was funny and it was like completely just out of nowhere. Cause like, The kid's like, you promised the kid ice cream. And then the kid's like, where's my ice cream? And he goes, there is no ice cream.

And he goes, but you promised ice cream. And then whammo, he's right through the window. That's what makes it satisfying for me. Because you're so used to seeing everything. And that was the first thing that I was just like, holy shit, I did not see that coming.

That's the first thing. It's like, that's what makes it satisfying to me. It's something that actually caught me off guard, you know, for once in a movie. You weren't able to call it. You know, it's like every movie is so, like, Even in this movie, at some point, I'm like, hey, it's going to happen.

This is going to happen. This is going to happen. Whoa, didn't see that one coming. So to me, that's what makes it satisfying is that a movie actually surprised me and did something that I did not see coming and that was so out of left field and right out the window. There were a lot of things in this movie that were like that.

I still just like the simple smacking the paper out of his face. That's almost one of my favorite moments. Was that the most satisfying moment? It might be. That and the kittens.

It was a one-two punch of, don't hurt me, I have two kittens. I'm pretty sure he had a unicorn tattoo as well. He had little stars on his neck. You could tell they were fake. Why didn't he have kitten tattoos?

Because he has them at home. He doesn't have a unicorn. No. He was pretty fantastic. I like that guy.

I forgot his name already, but he was pretty fantastic. Did he have a name? I'm pretty sure he had a name. He had no name. Purple shirt.

Fancy museum runner. He could have ran from them zombies a little bit faster if he wasn't wearing them fucking tight jeans. Well, that's how the kids wear them these days. Glenn, I believe. Is that his name in the movie?

Or Stig. I can't tell the real names. No, Stig is his actual name. Glenn is his name in the movie. Does he drive cars for Top Gear?

No, Top Gear. Not the Stig. Whatever, dude. All right. Is there anything we missed on this one?

I have no problem with the wrap-up that you seem to have issues with. That wrap-up was horrendous. Oh, that was awful. It's like, dude, there's where the other line was at a cross. Yeah.

Where it's like, okay, I had to suspend belief up until this point, but then I know you just know. Yeah. You people with your... We're just old. conventions about necrophilia. Old-fashioned ways about not screwing zombies.

I know, right? Don't be digging up your ex-girlfriend that you accidentally ax-chopped in the neck. She really is ex, though. Well, she was his dead girlfriend, I guess. I don't know.

It hadn't been that long. She was pretty decayed looking. If it hadn't only been, like, how long was the time period? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Do they not embalm people over there?

I was surprised she was buried already. I know. But, I mean, did they not embalm them? I mean, she didn't look that bad when she was killed. I don't know.

She looked pretty damn rough. She looked like she'd already been worked over by a zombie, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. I don't even know what I'm saying, but she looked pretty bad. She definitely got worked over by the end of the movie.

Titanic style. Oh, my God. I do like the little shout out there. That was so disgusting. And then they show the, you know, poor little pet zombie looking all sad.

Still running up, the injured pup that he is. Aw. God, that was horrible. And the teeth. There was a trilogy teaser?

Mm-hmm. At the very end, after the credits, bun-dun-dun, super-duper spoiler alert. Oh, I got up and left at that point. You did. You didn't miss much.

The doctor picks up the. Head of the. Oh, God. The zombie leader dude who got his head blown off. How is the doctor still alive?

His head should have been, like, blowed up. Well, no, no, no, no, because they said in the whole thing that the doctor... Or, I mean, sorry, that the main guy. The main bad guy, they're all tied to him. So once they kill him, all the other ones are dead.

Apparently that doesn't apply to the doctor. Oh, God. He has a special. Is this chess? Can he move special movements?

Apparently he can. Anyways, he picks up the... The head should have been blowed up, not just dismembered. I mean, within the scene, we did kind of see it pop off like a very silly Ken doll. So, I mean.

I like Pasha's head in that box earlier today. That's true. You were playing with your dolls earlier. I was. But anyways, it should not have been like just like.

It would be disintegrated. His head was in front of it. In the shot, it does look like it just goes flying off. So I guess they covered their bases and they're like, well, we're probably going to shoot that scene later. Anyway, so the doctor picks the head up and the eyes open.

You're like, dun, dun, dun. Dead Snow 3. Dead Snow 3, colon something or other. Necrophilia in the back of a Jeep. It probably wasn't a Jeep.

It was a Nissan. You been jeeping behind my back? Jeeping? Oh, my God. Why haven't we done that movie?

Because we'd just sit there and recite the whole damn thing. We would. Oh, my God. Vehicular. I totally paused.

Oh, God. We're spiraling out of control. It's late. I guess we should wrap this up. Is there anything else?

You would like to pass me. Whenever I'm on a shuttle and somebody crosses their legs towards mine and mine are crossed that way, I'm like, oh, it's an unglobal sex invite. We will officially jump movies, but all right. I have to cross my legs the other way because that scene in that movie and I just can't. Boyfriend has not watched Clueless all the way through.

I haven't even watched Clueless, period. Of course, you watched the edited version. What? That girl is hermetically sealed. What?

Oh, thank you, USA Network versions of movies. There's a scene where Cher and Dion, she's hymenally challenged, and they change it to she's hermetically sealed. Okay. That's an odd way to go with it, but, I mean, I guess. Technically, I don't know if that's right.

There goes her social life. It would just be an entire episode, because it's. I mean, it's rare that we go a day without me. You could be a farmer with us. We're losing it.

All right. Anything else to pass along to the world? No. I want to go watch Clueless. Zombies equals Clueless.

I think I made a zombie version of that. Where they try to rehabilitate Ty and she's actually a zombie. They could bring back Brittany Murphy. I was just thinking. Well, we've already got one of them.

She's a zombie, but she certainly passed on. Not to be disrespectful. We're all very big fans of Miss Brittany. May she rest in peace. Unless she's a zombie.

And then we must destroy her. I'll never tell. All right, let's get the hell out of here. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek read. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Does this mean I can eat my Tootsie Rolls now?

Yes, you can eat a whole bag of Tootsie Rolls like you're going to do. About five pounds of them. As you will. Love she sees apart from me, possessed. Behind the eyes.

Apart from the frightening, the moaning, the biting, you seem to be the nice guy. And I know. What she thinks when she looks at me, when she looks with such despair. But you're not. The only one around.

Here that needs a bit of fresh air. Cause I'm a sad, sad post-teen Caught up in the love machine No dream come clean Walking like. A zombie Like a zombie And I'm. A cold train fast lane Caught. Up in the dirty rain No pain, no gain Walking like a zombie Like a zombie.

Well, this old place here, mine is falling apart. She's on the road as she goes, but she won't get far. I'm on a shoulder parole. To the toad in the hole I got closer. Short eyes and there's blood in my teeth I got a ripped up jacket.

And a friend who's a thief Well, I'm a prophet out of mouth, trying to. Put it out But the fire inside keeps burning, burning out Cause I'm. A Southside post-teen, could I be in the love machine? No dream concrete, walking like a zombie Like a zombie. And I'm a cold train fast lane caught.

Up in the dirty rain. No pain, no gain. Walking like a zombie. Like a zombie. Hold your own in the situation.

Don't be afraid to be a friend. Cause I won't hurt you, girl. I'll leave you a loose end. You made me. Alive enough to love again.

Cause I'm a sad, sad post-teen Caught up in the love machine No dream concrete Walking. Like a zombie Like a zombie And I'm a. Cold train fast lane Caught up in the dirty rain No pain. No gain Walking like a zombie Like a zombie Cause I'm a sad, sad post-teen Caught up in the love machine No dream concrete Walking like a zombie Like a zombie And I'm a cold train fast lane Caught up. In the dirty rain No plane, no game Walking like a zombie Like a.

Zombie Dude, you saw the ginormous bag of Tootsie Rolls. I'll come home and there'll be like a pile of wrappers. Buried in wrappers. Yeah, pretty much. I've got some moon pies in there too, if you need a moon pie.

Who doesn't need moon pies at any given moment? Your future is dismantling things. It's a plant. I can see that. She ain't like plants.

She don't consort with the plant. It's a bright red tea, which is a plant. It's all dried up. Tea's weird. She's riveled up.

Tea water. I first bought them. Everyone's like, how many have you eaten so far? And I'm like, how many have you thought I've eaten? And he's like, I don't know, like five?

And I'm like. Hundred. On the way home. On the way home. Don't hurt me.

I got two kittens. Like a fucking boom. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and edited by The Oddity Studios. with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!