About this episode
Movie Meltdown - Episode 648 (For our Patreon "Horror Club") This episode we discuss Mario Bava's Kill, Baby... Kill! And as we bask in the weird fog, we also address… Final Destination Bloodlines, Death of a Unicorn, Weapons, No Such Thing, vintage CSI skills, human arm sconces, 60s eyeliner, Burgomeister, old-timey superstitious people, dumb names for ghost, music, the spiral staircase, Tony Todd, you are your own ghost child, green lights, Sarah Polley, murdering a guy in an alley and ghost child with a bouncy ball. Spoiler Alert: Full spoilers for "Kill, Baby... Kill!", so go watch the movie before you listen. "It happened so nonchalantly."
Transcript
Automatically generated, so expect the odd misheard name.
Kids are dumb, which reads me to my first point in this of movie threats. So before I get to the movie threat, which does involve how children are evil. Yeah, somebody that I know, who shall remain nameless, recently divulged that they're with child. I know this person also. No.
Okay, good. Not that I'm aware of, and it's for the best, really. But they... This is number four. Oh, boy.
That's never a good way to start a story. That's a lot to deal with. And again, I don't question your life decisions. That's your call. But there was like one and then a gap.
And then the last, this three is within a five-year period. I literally said to him this week, I think it's time we had the talk. I don't think you understand how this stuff works. They don't just show up, you know. There's things that lead to these children.
So, yeah, kids. I'm not sure. And again, if you, I mean, occasionally kids turn out all right. You know, that's nice. If you love your child, that's the reason to have them, I suppose.
What I don't understand is financially, how the hell, because I know where you work, you ain't got no damn money. How do you have four children in the world we live in? So, I don't know. Can you guys tell me, where do people get money for children? I don't know.
I ask that question every day, too. with the people that i work with i don't i don't get. It i think once you have one then you've already got all the stuff. See this is the logic you use for that dog when you're getting a dog and you're just like well i've already got yeah i'm already buying this big bag of food i might as well have another dog yeah so same goes for cats i guess but i i draw the line when we get the children i'm like but no i don't want to buy kid chow like probably doesn't even make gravy when you put water in there like. I have a friend who has four children. And when I found out the fourth one was coming, I was like, good Lord.
He's like, ah, four is just the same as three. And I was like, you don't understand math. And therefore, I don't think you. Should be doing this. You shouldn't be in charge of children.
Right. You don't even know the basics of math. Or where these things come from. I keep trying to tell people to just stop. Just stop.
There's a lot of kids already. Let's take a break for a while. Take like 10 years off. And then we'll all start having kids again. By we, I mean somebody who can afford it.
I don't understand. I was like, is there like a magical fairy that comes out and gives you money every month? Because I feel like it's not. It's a leech child that you just had that sucks all your money. So how the hell can you afford this child?
Yeah, I don't know. That was already enough to process at that point. And then I saw the movie Delivery. Delivery. which sometimes on the original poster is just listed as delivery. If you look it up, sometimes it's colon, the beast within.
This is. About a child. Within the uterus? Within the uterus, I suppose. Okay.
The beast within you right now. Then it also has the tagline, not every child is a blessing. Jeez. They are also very not into kids. Okay.
So, the back of the box here says, Delivery, The Beast Within tells the story of Kyle and Rachel, a young couple who agree to document their first pregnancy for a popular reality show. During the production, following a series of disturbing paranormal events, Rachel begins to believe that a powerful force of evil has possessed their unborn child. Set against the backdrop of never-before-seen footage deemed too shocking for air, Rachel and Kyle's family and friends recount in the terrifying ordeal that is blah, blah, blah. I watched the trailer. When it came on, I thought I clicked the wrong thing because I thought it was actually a bad made-for-TV docudrama about somebody.
Like, here they are having a baby. And I was like, it looked really... cheesy and i was like oh god this is i don't want to watch this show and i was like oh. Fuck this is the trailer i was like oops i uh so yeah it's very i think even one of the things that pops up on there is it's like it's like rosemary's baby meets paranormal activity and like that's there's a lot of camera fixed in the corner of the room while she was walking around looking creepy and And then, I don't know. I feel like that's giving them a lot of credit. Yeah.
And even then, I feel like Paranormal Activity isn't like top tier of horror movies. It found its fan base, but I still don't know that most people would put it as like the finest achievement in cinema. This has gotten a lot of glowing reviews from organizations I have never heard of. Yeah. It's because it looks relatively cheap when I watch the trailers.
So, yeah. Not every child is a blessing. That was my takeaway. From hearing people having children and also, you know, this might be a demon baby. I feel like there's so many like pregnancy horror movies that focus on like demon babies when all they really need to do is be like, did you know that the baby leeches calcium from your bones and your teeth can fall out?
That's a real thing that happens. Did you know that the baby can give you diabetes and make your eyesight change? I mean, these things are terrifying. Did you know that that baby is going to need something from you for the rest of your life? You might think it's 18 years, but you're wrong.
That kid will come back asking for shit. I'm speaking for myself at this point. For the rest of their life. And you'll be like, why? Why did I have this damn child?
And like decades later, they'll still be leeching off of you. Kids! They say the darndest things. Much like we do when we say things like this. You wouldn't expect that to be that creepy.
But, like, genuine goosebumps and chills when that happened. And I'm always impressed. There are several, one of the most disturbing scenes, just broad daylight out in the middle of things. And I'm just like, it's different when it's in a spooky house in the dark and, like, at night and, like, all of that stuff. But I'm like, this one is just... coming at you yeah like you're just like whoa whoa what the hell is going on here and like so yeah it's surprisingly fun and disturbing all at the same time yeah yeah it is what these movies do best it's just like it's tonal it was very atmospheric it's super atmospheric tone is there the sets the costumes the creepiness is all.
Baked right in there fun costumes in the sets and the lighting And the weird fog. Fog machine. And I dug the music. It was so all over the place. And then as I looked into it, none of it was for this movie.
It's just cobbled together from a bunch of stuff. Some of which are his other movies. But it had the look of a, almost of a Hammer film. Some gory moments that are made more interesting because they mix the blood and the gore with like, purple sparkly unicorn. It's a unicorn.
So, you know, that's bound to happen. That's the weirdest part. It makes no sense. Like, tonally. I mean, by the end, I was like, man, this needs to be over soon.
But at the same time, like, I almost want other people to see it just to realize how weird it is. Like, how unconventionally put together... Tone, writing, characters, you name it, none of it makes sense. He was the best evil robot cowboy I've ever seen. Yeah, it's very intricately woven.
Very funny moments. Very scary moments disturbing stuff. It's just such a good premise like once i got into the first like 15 20 minutes of like oh that's what this is gonna be overall about and i'm like well this is just creepy in general like even without the potentially supernatural part of it i was like this is just weird and creepy and you kind of hear versions of this this is a little bigger version of it but like there's weird stuff going on out there in the world. That's kind of similar to this. So that's, I think that makes it a little creepier that like, this is the sort of stuff you might see on YouTube and think, well, this is fake, but like in this story, it's not fake.
It's all going on in their little life. So when it was so like original, I think there's just, it's very, very easy for most horror movies to all kind of fall under something that has been done before. This isn't a normal subcategory of anything. So really, it's very different what's going on in this one. What would the autopsy show anyway?
How would that help you determine if she was murdered by a ghost or not? Period, I don't know how accurate they are anyway. Your CSI skills are probably pretty minimal at this point. I feel like you, yeah, it's like, yes, she's impaled on a fence. There's a hole here.
I think this was the way she died. That's where all of her blood came out. That's probably what did it. I feel like autopsies at that time could tell you you were dead. Yeah.
It could reveal that something is missing if it's missing. Oh. But I don't think they could dust for ghost fingerprints. Like, this director is, like, highbrow. He knows Helen Mirren, for God's sakes.
Like, so none of this surprises me until you get to the movie, and you're like, all of this surprises me. I don't know what I'm watching right now. And then at some point, like, again, she... i was just like where is this coming from why does it happen now in the movie how does it factor in later it kind of doesn't and isn't a thing anymore like i don't i don't know what's going on in this movie like i assumed it was just going to be like street horror type of thing for the most part and then watch that trailer and was like is this just a comedy that has horror overtones like it's more of a horror that has comedy overtones. Okay either way kind of i can't figure out if they were trying to make a funny scary movie or a scary funny movie and they just.
Couldn't quite sometimes those work but not always i was like if they did that beforehand and they painted her with that giant skull like First of all, you're metal as hell. Yeah. But on top of that, I was like, that's a pretty grim photo. If this is like you're like just capturing your child in their youth. Go sit over there.
Hold that. Hold grandpa's skull. And this is 1960 whatever. If you wanted a painting, you had to actually paint it. You got to get the extra blood out because ghosts. like extra blood.
If you had that blood, they'd have to kill you to get it. But if you don't have any blood in you, then you're safe. And you won't get killed. They don't like dry humans. I don't know.
That was also, it happened so nonchalantly. I was like, isn't that the big reveal? There's a lot of nonchalant in this movie. For a movie where a bunch of people get murdered, there's also a lot of nonchalant attitudes. Haunted portraits.
Sure. I assume I'd put those in if they weren't already there. I have one of those already. That's true. Check that out.
But that's your own evil presence. Me from the past. See? Ghost child. You are your own ghost child.
And that's what I say to myself every day when I wake up in the morning. As you wake up and stare in the mirror and be like, you are your own ghost child. You can do it. Let's go murder some people. So go to MovieMountdown.com.
Click on the special banner on the right hand side of the page and join the meltdown horror club and then you can give your money to us instead of a child so stop stop planning these children and start planning on giving us money because that's obviously way more important yeah and a hell of a lot cheaper i can tell you that they're gonna steal your calcium one way or the other but be prepared for the money i. Asked my friend who just had a baby about the teeth thing and she was like yeah. Yeah, my teeth fell out. All of them fell out. She's like, yeah, they felt like looser and kind of wiggled around.
I was like, that? That is a horror movie right there. Why are you not screaming? What are you talking about? What?
If someone locked you up for nine months in a garage somewhere and pulled your teeth out just enough so that they were loose but didn't fall out and made you gain, I'm not sure what the average weight is, so I don't want to. A good amount. A good amount of weight. And make it so that you had to go to the bathroom every ten minutes and gave you hemorrhoids and you couldn't sleep and you had heartburn. You would not look back on it as the greatest time of your life.
Again, this is kind of a horror movie right there. You don't have to do anything else. And then you're given the demon bundle of joy. So, there you. Go.
Oh, my evil child. Oh, my evil child. I said, Lord, maybe you can help Her because she's a strange and evil child.
