Rebel Moon 2: The Wheat-giver

This is Billy Dee Williams, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences, and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.

Provide more cooling in the containment chambers. To your stations, we have a movie meltdown. How'd you get your scar? What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

And joining me once again via the wonders of the internet. I am Sam. Hey, how's it going? Welcome back. As much as we've ever left, I don't know.

We are connected through time and space and occasionally Zoom. So, you know, we have to put these sessions together because we feel like we're missing something. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I feel like I'm missing something when I'm not talking to you about nonsense.

Yeah, yeah. So we have to make good on it when we have an excuse. This is my one chance to geek out, uh, pull out. And we have an excuse. Cause I even saw it coming up and message you.

And I was like, Oh God, I just saw a promo for that. part two colon the next day movie does that mean we're gonna do it again and you were like of course we. Are and you just saw that promo you were like i have just pissed myself with excitement. Um i was pissed but that's not the. Way it happened. So on a normal episode we would ease our way in and talk about other stuff But knowing how you and I operate, if we're going to attack this movie, we probably should get right to it, or it'll be like an hour and a half later, and we'll be like, wait, what movie are we talking about?

That's right, that's right, because I had a list of like nine other movies to talk about. So other movies we can talk about, but we will plan ahead for the next round. Absolutely, yes, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's a good thing, because I think the last time.

We had talked so much about other stuff and that the point of the show, I mean, I think we got into it pretty good, but you know. I actually really liked that episode. Yeah. We presented valid points and definitely on both ends of the spectrum. Absolutely.

Autism spectrum. That's right. But it's, yeah, it's funny. Cause that one, I don't even know that we planned on it being a whole episode. We were just like, yeah, we need to talk about that.

And then we launched into like a two hour discussion about it. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if we're going to achieve the heights. That's possible. We'll get to that.

We'll get to it. All that having been said... It's time for Sofa Theater. Their nightmare. Is you and I fighting together.

You must know you cannot win. You're all here. Because there is nothing to return to. Dark days lie ahead of us all. We will teach you how to fight.

That's impressive. The Scargivers among them. Those this village holds most dear. I shall destroy them. I have no choice.

But to fight. The scar gave her herself. Go, go, go, go, go! Are you truly prepared to allow this to continue in your name? I'm sorry.

I won't allow this place to die for me. Go, Lucille! He tried to cut me so I'd fit. And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit so close to home?

Doesn't that make you shiver? The way things could have gone. And doesn't that feel peculiar? When everyone wants a little more. It's all that I do remember.

To never go that far. Could you leave. Me with a scar? This week's Silver Theater feature is the brand new, fancy, straight to Netflix, Rebel Moon Dash Part 2, colon, The Scargiver. Oh, my gosh.

The Freshmaker. Oh, man. The plot according to IMDb. Actually, remind me. We'll get back to that description in a minute.

Okay. The plot according to IMDb. Oh, no, wait. We have to do. So, it is brand new.

This year, 2024, the director... It pains me to say it, but here we go. The director, Zack Snyder. And the plot, according to IMDb. Korra and surviving warriors prepare to defend their home alongside its people against the realm.

That was awkwardly worded. The warriors face their pasts, revealing their motivations before the realm's forces arrive to crush the growing rebellion. So, spoiler alert, we're going to run the hell out of this. And it's arguable how much you can ruin it anyway, but we're going to try, I'm sure. So, go watch it.

You might still subscribe to Netflix. I don't know anymore. I wonder sometimes. I look on there and go, wait. Actually, one of the shows I'm watching now is on Netflix, so I am getting a little use out of it for something that's like 15 years old.

But when I look for new stuff, most of the time I'm like, what is all this crap? Oh, man, it's so confusing, dude. So much product. So much going on. So many different things, and they're always on a streaming service I don't have, and that's annoying.

No, it's terrible. It's terrible. Yeah, absolutely. But, okay, just to make your point come together... I was listening to another show that shall remain nameless, but they were describing, they just recently got together to discuss the first one.

Uh-huh. And the, my favorite part is their description was, this is kind of like the Mentos commercial version of star Wars. No. Yeah. I was like, wow, the fresh maker.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Okay. Yeah.

It made sense when you said that it is kind of the fresh maker. Yeah. Look, dude. Look, dude. Look, dude.

Where would you like to begin? I'm just going to state right now that by the... I'm going to just state right now that my opinion has not changed. I still think these movies are awesome. And, though this one here I did not enjoy as much as the first one, I still got into it with caveats.

I'm not going to just be like, you know, what would we call it? An ideologue and just, you know, tow the party line for Zack Snyder. All right. He's got some problems. Okay.

But I was going to say, I'm just going to say, but I was like, eh, I might be on Brian's side on this one for the first hour. Okay. All right? For the first nap. I mean, hour.

For the first hour. And we mentioned this. Hey, this thing is only two hours long, which in Zack Snyder terms is like a breeze, all right? Now, granted, that's also because this is a scam, as previously discussed in the last episode. Oh, sure, sure.

Got it, got it, got it, got it. The nine-hour extravaganza, I'm sure, is coming very soon. Right, right. But, yeah, I clicked on this and saw it was but two hours. I was like, yeah.

Yes. Yes. No, me too. Finally, a manageable movie I can watch, especially Zack Snyder. I was like, yes, the same thing, because really, I feel like this thing came out so quickly that I hadn't as much as I enjoyed the first one.

I hadn't built up enough experience. anticipation for this one. I was going like, so even though I enjoyed it, when I saw that it was out, I was going like, oh boy. Oh God, here we go again. Here we go. All right.

You got to brace yourself. I got to build up some stanimo because this is, this might be, take some mental gymnastics. To get excited about. I'll tell you what though. I will say.

That. At the beginning of this movie. There were some problems. And I guess we should just. If we're just going to talk about the beginning of the movie.

We should just. How would you like to start? At the get go. From the very beginning. In the voice over.

By I believe Anthony Hopkins. Sir. Sir. Anthony hopkins oh yeah yeah i didn't i i couldn't bring it to make myself back it up and double check but i'm pretty sure he just described where they are in this rebel moon and this planet and the blah blah whatever and then within the next sentence describes our like ragtag group of heroes as born of earth Oh. Did he what?

No. You just said where they are. Oh. These weirdos are farmers born on this dumb rebel moon, right? I was like, did you guys proofread the wraparound?

Oh, man, I didn't even catch that. I was already so intoxicated by the brilliance of the movie, I was already making... I swear I. Heard him say born of Earth. I was just like, but nuh-uh.

I was like, I don't want to start off arguing with you, Zach, but Who proofread this? Yeah, yeah. I mean, the whole opening was the opening monologue. I mean, Anthony Hopkins, it was kind of like, last time on Rebel Moon. Previously on Rebel Moon.

Yeah, yeah. And it should have popped up. Skip review. Skip intro. Exactly.

He should have just come on and said, like, you've seen Star Wars, right? Same thing. Well, no, he's the robot, so he should have done the 3PO and gathered a bunch of little furry critters around and was like, let me tell you the story of Rebel Moon. And then, like, we get a nice little flashback with sound effects, and yeah, so that should have been what happened, but no. Yeah, yeah.

All I can say is so much to talk about. Oh, man. Okay. I mean, that's the, I'm just, the whole time it's just the weird, basic things that I always have issues with in every movie. So it's not just this one, but I'm like, there's just, there's things that I don't get so much.

Like from the very beginning, they're riding up. That's the last movie we see. I'm riding back towards town. Right. And then they get there and the two guys waiting for them introduce themselves. i was like wait isn't this the same village it was like don't those two people live with you like granted you didn't know a few of those other new characters but like why would you introduce yourself to the guy who's lived there his whole life and this chick that's been there the last two seasons you know farming with you like I was like, that's just a weird way to ease into this.

Like, yeah, you should be like, oh, Gunnar, I haven't seen you in weeks. Introduce me to your friends. But like, that's not what we get. They're like, welcome to our village. Oh, yeah.

I've never met them before. I was like, again, did someone proofread this? Yeah. I was so into the shots, man, that I wasn't even listening. Well, I mean, it confused me so much that I went, are they somewhere else?

Like, I really started to question. I was like, I swear, I thought they were going back to the same town at the end of the other movie, but now maybe I'm wrong. And then a minute or two later, they get down and like, oh, we're glad to be back. And I'm like, Okay, so it is the same village. Like, I don't know.

I was, I guess I was kind of like, I guess I was, I thought they were just introducing themselves to the newbies that just rode up on the Rockhead horses. It's still a weird way to do it. I'm going to ignore you two that live here and pretend like you don't exist and talk to these new guys because they're cooler looking than you. Maybe they have social awkward anxiety. Oh my gosh, company's coming.

Okay, when they come up, I'm going to go up to the new ones and I'm going to say, hey, welcome to... You want some food? They just started jumping up and down. Is that Titus? Is it General Titus?

Oh my God, I can't believe he's in our town. God damn it. Yeah, so... No, I'm going to say... I'm going to say this is...

I was fine with the... Okay. All right. First you got... You got techno rave Jeff Goldblum fly, crystal-less, snot-covered guy coming up out of the water and everything.

And so I was just going like, oh, yeah, this is going to be awesome. Because I think that guy, as a villain, is really good. I mean, he's really. I mean, that's the one thing that I had to say last movie. I was like, as much of the rest of this is... slapped together that dude has committed like is he ridiculous and over the top yes but he is a like scenery chewing villain and he is doing it damn well.

Yeah he get what the prequels they didn't have a strong i mean the sequels sequel trilogy they just don't have a strong villain in it I think these movies give you a really good villain here. I mean, they did, and then they betrayed him to do the same thing that we did the first movies. It's like, what if he wasn't a villain? But they did it really early. Eventually, they sort of did it with Vader, but it was the end of the third movie and the whole of the story arc.

It was what they were telling. But with the prequel, sequel, well, sequel trilogy, like it's it like they make him turn even towards the beginning you start to kind of question what's going on but the first movie it sort of works but like the second movie he's already like doubting himself and not killing his mother when he obviously should have and then like helping her and wants to join together and i'm like what well now you've even the closest thing to a villain we had you just killed so now you're also not the villain who the hell's the villain Right. Let's bring back the golden oldies. Yeah, there we go. We bring back the villain.

I don't know. Anyway, okay. Sidetracked on Star Wars. Never happened again on this episode. Nope, nope.

We will never mention. Star Wars again in a show about Rebel Moon. We will not mention Star Wars. I thought the... Okay, I'm just going to...

I'm just going to get to what I got to talk about. All right? Because... You do it. Okay, because when we talk about the beginning, Rebel Moon, really we're only talking about one thing.

And that one thing... is wheat and the harvesting of wheat and the planting of wheat and the, the goodness of working with your hands and the earth. And I felt like I was watching like a nature Valley commercial. I mean, it was just like that went on and on and on and, and, um, I watched some behind the scenes stuff and I was going like, Oh, they really planted all this. So they're not going to just like, If you plant a field of wheat and you make the actors go out and harvest it, you're going to use that footage. And man, I was just going like, they need an editor.

And they also need to check themselves over this over-glorification of agriculture. Not that I'm saying that agriculture is a I don't know what I'm saying. I mean, that's sort of. The whole selling point of this movie and maybe the whole sequel of both of these movies, you know? They just produced such an Amish paradise in this movie.

This Viking Amish paradise where in a world where there is interstellar travel and basic immortality for the rich... They have the most rudimentary... It's like, basically, agriculture has not progressed at all in this space-faring society. Except when we need it to. Because that was my thing.

When we've got these ridiculous extended and slow-mo shots of wheat. And then, like, that's going on forever. And I'm like, ah, your old timey ways and farms. And then we cut to them doing it at night. And like, okay, you have an Amish lifestyle, but yet somehow you have these 10 billion watt halogen bulbs from space technology that let you do this all night long.

So I was like, except when we need it, then we'll have cool space technology. technology yes but most of the time we're just amish people that don't have anything anything. But they've got they've got a couple of you know uh lava rifles you know uh you know i thought that well. They hit them under the bed and stuff so. Right right right i love those like you do Those old west level rifles were very cool. I'm fine with some of the production design when you get to the cool spacey stuff, but there's only so much production design you can do on an Amish lifestyle.

And here is, oh boy, boy, the Zack Snyder show, how much you can do a production design of an Amish lifestyle. Well, on your wheat thing, I also feel like it was bordering on, as you described it there, I was like, It's almost like those commercials for the Beef Council. Like at the end, wheat it's what's for dinner. It was it's really really zach. Can we afford to get sam in here so he can do this voiceover oh my god it's gonna make everything better.

I was thinking wheat probably comes from, here's the entomology of wheat. It's eat with we. So we all eat. We all get to eat because we ain't got no animals. So we gonna eat what grows out the ground.

That's right. That's right. We don't have to share one cow. We eat. We eat.

And then over time, it just became wheat. This is what I was thinking about while watching Rebel Moon. Well, there was not much else to think about for a good hour. After like an hour of farming porn, I was just like, what is going on? And I was just going like, I think this is a reaction to our digital culture.

Where I bet we're going to go back to some kind of like back to the earth, like a movement kind of like from the seventies where people were just like squatting in houses and, and, uh, you know, that's true. Right. Right. Okay. That's good.

That's good. But we'll use the excuse of getting back to nature. Retro hippies will come in and yeah, we'll have a movement behind it because also we can't afford a house. Yeah. Yeah.

It was such a, here's the thing, the wheat stuff. It was just like Zack Snyder's weakness, weakness of, uh, just, uh, I'm sorry. I just choked on that pun. Um, but, uh, it's his, it's his strength and his weakness in that he makes every moment underlined, bold, all caps, 16 exclamation points behind everything. He milks every moment, every single word fucking moment for like its maximum dramatic impact and so everything is so goddamn dramatic every second that you just don't even when they're just like scratching their nose.

We get very early on like titus comes up and goes call everyone in for my rousing speech. Yes. And they all stand around and look, we're going to work today. And I'm like, aren't these the farmers? Don't they always do this?

Like, why do they need. You to show up out of nowhere and tell them how great it is to be a farmer? Like you've been battling your whole life. You don't know nothing about farming. That was just weird that like, called attention to the fact that, like, bring everyone in for my heart-wrenching speech of how amazing the farming life is going to be for the next two days, clipped together into this next two minutes of farming points.

Exactly. I couldn't believe when they started doing Irish jig dancing. I was sort of like, wow. This is, again... I mean, yeah, he's going to say that, come to my speech, and then we're going to cut to some Irish girl singing for five minutes while we watch awesome screensavers of space planets floating by.

So that's what I'm saying. He stops everything. It's almost like a musical. It's like he stops everything to show what badass shots he can do of that. It's almost like he's going like, I'm going to shoot this guy picking up a pencil with 15 cameras and, you know, CG color grading.

And it's going to be the most beautiful picking up a pencil you've ever seen in your life. You know, I returned to the same thing that I had last time. And it's like, I, I don't know that I want to or not. I just, I immediately compare him to what used to be my initial issues with Michael Bay. And it's like, I remember like, Those, like, shots of, like, here's a slow-mo shot of the flag waving.

Yes. Because this is damn patriotic. Look how beautiful it is, my slow-mo shot of the flag. Let's hold on it a little longer. Wait, wait, wait.

All right, slow-mo flag waving. You saw that, right? So, like, it's so. Self-serious that, like, it's one thing. I mean, it's ridiculous enough when you've got somebody like Michael Bay doing it about Pearl Harbor or something.

Like, well, I mean... I guess there is a seriousness there. It's weird. It's filtered through you, buddy, but whatever. But then when it's like this and I'm like, okay, this is a dumb space movie with knockoff lightsabers and a bunch of farmers.

Like why, why is anything self-serious in this? The only way this should work is if it's like, roger corman level knockoff sci-fi movie like this is so much fun like who cares if it looks like crap this is. Awesome right right that's how. You make a knockoff sci-fi movie instead of like super self-important slow-mo bullshit i'm like what are you doing man. Well it's like if he would save it and then you know get to it you know like uh you know there's just exposition seeds you know that's what you're gonna have and uh But everything was, well, I'm just saying, that's his weakness, is that it's his strength and his weakness that everything is amped up.

He is the other head of the two-headed monster of the Michael Bay, you know, Zack Snyder monstrosity. It's kind of like modern film directing, you know? Oh, yeah. It's definitely a different mold that came along in that Michael Bay era that then sort of handed that torch to Or at least the baton, so they're both still running. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And again, some people defend Bay now that he's become a different director than he was when he first started. But I don't know. I try to avoid most of them now. Yeah, yeah. I've only liked one of his movies.

Well, two of his movies. I like the island and I liked Pain and Gain. I like the first half of the island. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. The first half of the island is great.

And then the rest is just a bunch of crap. It becomes a Michael Bay movie. Yeah, it becomes a Michael Bay movie. Like, what is all this crap going on now? Go back to that cool story that you had.

Remember the story part? No? No, you don't remember. Okay, never mind. So.

The wheat. Well, I was going to say, we also veered away from your slime-covered hero. Oh, it was so, yes. So it was so frustrating to see Wheat, and then them just sort of cutting back to talking, and then cutting back to Wheat, and then the bad guys talking. And I was going like, I mean, I was going like, uh.

I was like, A, you don't disagree with this guy. First of all. You just gotta placate this guy. Because if you say, I think that's a bad idea, you're instantly dead. Even when it's about his own medical health.

Sir, we need to check. You could have all kinds of problems. Screw your problems! Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm going like, good grief, man.

This guy is... really hard to work with. I'm going to put in a grievance with HR. Absolutely. This is uncalled for. This is a toxic work environment on this spaceship.

The slime-filled area with tubes running everywhere is a toxic work environment. I was kind of disappointed, though. that they didn't bring him back as kind of like the Zack Snyder version of Darth Vader. You know, I wanted to see. I think he would at least be like half Cyborg-y or something. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what I wanted to see. I mean, if we're trying to do your version of Star Wars, bud... Let's see your version of Darth Vader. I would have really liked that.

Well, especially because it ended straight up like part three. It's like, oh, and she killed him and left him for dead. And as far as she knows, he's dead. And oh, wait, he's back. He was left for dead.

They hooked him to a bunch of machines. And now he's back to be a badass. And it's like, except he looks exactly the same. Except he has a little scar. I'm going like, dude, he got pummeled in the last movie.

The fact that they even address it where the other guy's like, Oh, let me make comment about the titular scar that you have. Yeah. It was such an unimpressive scar. You know, it was just like, I thought, didn't he have scars all over his body already from all the tentacle monsters? They have slime Neosporin in it.

Oh, okay. And it's, it's all good. I'm just going to call that thing the Ravenator because it's like, I just respect him, you know, to be going on. Um, Well, I also like in that moment, because I was like, I don't remember this dude in the other movie. Did Cassius just appear or Cassians or whatever this guy is, the commander Cassius that shows up.

While we're having sci-fi knockoff, I was like, this dude is the most knockoff Dermot Moroni I've ever seen. I was like, he's a little younger. So he's like Dermot's little brother that they hired and. I had I was like I'm gonna have to check is he does he actually had the same last name because I swear he seems just like him but he does not have the same name at all so Alfonso looks a lot like your your ghetto no more. So so was that like the second in charge guy.

Yeah the other the only other guy that really had a speaking role that was wearing his cool uniform and was sort of his sidekick the whole rest of the movie. But, yeah, I was like, I don't remember him last time, or I would have made that smart-ass comment then, I'm assuming. Right, right, for whatever reason. So, yeah, he's the one that said, like, there's soldiers on the ground. The guy's like, yeah, fuck them.

Yeah. She's like, um, thanks for taking care of your troops. Yeah, right. Okay, for whatever reason, I don't, when I'm thinking back on the movie, I don't see Delmont Maroney, or whatever. I see, in all the scenes, all I see is Tony Shalhoub.

That is a very different way to go. Yeah, right. I'm going like, was Tony Shalhoub in this movie? Because I really don't see how Monk could survive on that. I mean, all that slime everywhere.

That's true. Those tubes just going every which way. He is going to lose his damn mind. He's probably got a very zen quarters that he has to go decompress at. Yeah, I would think just a white room with a cot and that's it.

Yeah, I think so. He sits in silence and tries to decompress from all the gross sliminess. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, that is kind of nice about, you know, the bad guy spaceships. They're very orderly.

Space Nazis are like that. Yeah, yeah, right, right. You go into the good guy's ship, it looks like my place. You know, it just looks like... Quick aside, I was watching...

To talk about difference in filmmaking styles... just looking at the, uh, crumbling white trash heap that I live in, you know, no, we just, we've let the place go a little bit. We've been sick. Um, but, uh, we, uh, what was I trying to say? Ah, shit. You live in a palace.

I live in a palace. Oh my gosh. Okay. We were looking right. Okay.

No, I would look around the house and I go like, oh my God, the house looks like the house from close encounters of the third kind. And, um, As long as you're having mashed potatoes for dinner. Yeah. And I was more like, OK, OK, look, we got to clean up. We're looking like third kind.

And then we said, we got to watch Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And we put it in and the filmmaking was so good. And so 1970s and like choosing your shots and maximizing each shot for not like freaking Zack Snyder does it. Like, subtly, subtly, economy of shots, beautifully photographed on film. And I was going like, this is so good, my mind can't stand it.

I'm just saying, this dude ain't no Spielberg. Dude, and I'm saying Spielberg in modern age, you know, with all the new tricks, you know, Ready Player One is guilty of the same stuff that we see from Zack Snyder. Because there's just too much. There's no limitations. But so it's just like a terrible, terrible lure for filmmakers to do.

It's dangerous, especially when you become successful. Exactly. Because then you have the budget to have no limitations. Whereas young Spielberg's building a tiny little model of Devil's Tower because that's what he needed, you know? That's right.

Nobody CG'd a damn thing because he needed to build a model and make this shot work. Right, right. He found a way to do it. And it's amazing. I mean, on the good side, on the good side, this modern filmmaking, if you look at the credits of like a movie from 1975, it goes, it takes about two minutes to go by.

All right. You watch the credits of like Rebel Moon to The Stargiver. It is employed like. 7 million people, all right? It is an industry in and of itself.

Holy cow. I mean, it might get all eaten by AI here, you know, in a few minutes. But right now... I mean, I know they work terrible, terrible hours to get these movies done. Um, uh, but it was, it's incredible.

Like close encounters was probably made by, you know, and the credits, you probably got like 200 people, not 50,000 people. Holy cow. Um, It's pretty much all modern giant studio filmmaking. Yeah. That's pretty much how it goes.

So it is giving jobs. Yes. We complain that people don't have jobs and or they don't want to work one or the other, but, but this is at least supplying an outlet for somebody to get a job. So that's, that's something. That says something is a little makes it makes.

It to the job giver. Oh, that's the name of the episode. Um, Right there. No, no, no. So wheat.

OK, so try to get back. All right. All right. So wheat and then people taking talking back and forth. The bad guy is not really doing anything.

But then I thought, OK, here's the scene that everybody was asking for from the last movie. uh when they said i don't like how little character development is this movie so they beat in a scene where everybody just shares their feelings all right and i was going to. Get to the first one though she has her little flashback reminiscing while they're still after they hook up which at least we got some hooking up in this one before that poor bastard just like had to like happily look at her with this puppy dog eyes and she's like dude I got people's ass to kick I ain't got time to lay you get out of the way so this time she's like I feel sorry for him let's go screw and then she gives her a oh yeah yeah but i mean look at that guy he's he's like oh he's the most generically handsome dude like he's totally handsome in some conventional way but even i'm like dude you are so boring right and i'm like i don't even care i know every girl in the world's gonna be like yeah he's a nice guy but i'm gonna go over here and screw this guy with a weird scar because he's cooler So, yeah, that dude takes the pity.

No, no, no. She is a modern polyamorous woman. She likes all types of guys, and she does not feel like she needs to be committed to one dude. So, yeah. Then she gives her little flashback first.

But she gives her little flashback. I thought we had already covered it in the last minute. Well, we did, but then, like, they stopped, I guess. Because before we had the outside with just her and the princess, we didn't have this weird grand presentation, which may be the most important portion of this movie that I have to like raise my hand and be like, okay, What's with the baghead musicians? Oh, I love the baghead musicians.

I thought it was a David Lynchian kind of tune. It's so out of place in this movie. I was like, that shot could be cool somewhere. Not here. I liked it.

I liked it. I was like, yeah, baghead. But I didn't understand why later.... The baghead soldiers? The Baghead soldiers.

I was going like, are they your citizens? Is this like a traveling band? Like the Partridge family? I don't understand. But I don't understand the significance of the Baghead.

And they all have the insignia. So it's like the state wants to come in and they're going to murder you anyway. But they don't want you to see that they're going to murder you. I don't know. Like it's so...

It's like it needs an explanation, but somebody didn't bother to give an explanation. Or there's a nine-hour movie that will have a two-hour extended story behind baghead people that we will never really want to know about, but it'll be there. Obviously, you haven't read the novelization. Well, I got the three-issue comic series. Oh, okay, right.

I think... Yeah. I think. I thought, great, great, I, Cary Elwes, great casting, I thought. I mean, he didn't have to say much.

I don't even know that I recognized him at the moment. I was looking back and went, oh, that was, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what I did, too. I said, by God, is that Cary Elwes? And the credits confirmed.

So I was like, oh, yeah, cool, you know. I thought I'd get our little space coup. Oh yeah. And she's filled with magic fairy dust. And I was going like, that's, that's so ridiculous.

That's like, and. Then we didn't do anything with it. She just glows and then dies, I guess. Question mark. But then as far as we know, she dies.

And then the whole rest of the story, everybody's like, and she's dead. And then I was like, shouldn't we have at least like done a little more so that we knew something was going somewhere with that or, Explain there's some other magical person with glowy fairy powers that we... I don't know. It just. I was just like.

It seemed like, not to jump to the end, but the other half of that scene at the end, or the answer to that scene, just sort of comes out of nowhere, and only because we need it. Wow. Well, I thought that was kind of unnecessary, the fairy dust going everywhere, but in Zack Snyder's mind, I was going like, he was going like, how can we... Zachify this more. I think when the symbol of universal peace gets shot, fairy dust should come.

And then we immediately scapegoat that girl oh how dare you murder her when we told. You i loved it i know it was like wait a minute are you guys lying to me what's going on here it was. Like within seconds you screwed her. Over yeah man so quick yeah he's kind of like mask face he's looks like he's not wearing a mask but he looks like he's wearing a mask of I mean, it was weird. I don't know what's up with that guy's head.

But yeah, they can really... Okay. We're getting into neck picking. You can basically... walk through and escape big, giant facility starships with pretty much no problem, okay? Yeah, that happens.

She gets out of that situation by shooting some people, and again, they have the stormtrooper problem of not being able to hit anybody. I mean, it's like those, oh man, this is becoming rapid fire. Those stormtroopers can't, whatever those things are, There were lots of them against people with scythes, and they could not shoot them for anything because they had a rock in front of them. And then the bad guys got totally fooled by holes in the ground. And though they have see-through, heat-seeking technology, and I was going like, oh, man, fooled again by holes.

Yeah. I mean, they went old school, yo. Yeah, yeah. It's doing jungle warfare. It's like, nom, dude.

Yeah, I was like, this is nom. That was going. I was like, this is like nom. This is like nom. The Amish can dig a hole, and so the holes will defeat the interstellar people.

So there was... And then, you know, them going into the spaceship with, like, this old two-year, don't they have, like, don't they check the license before they let you dock into the spaceport? I mean, not to reference any other space properties, but again, there should have at least been the line of, Well, the colds are old, but they check out, sir. Something. We at least addressed that in some other sci-fi movie.

I mean, doesn't it come up and just say, like, don't they have some kind of better security requirements than just letting anybody fly into the spaceship if they have a model? Well, it looks like those other ships. That's how she snuck in. Yeah, yeah. I mean, sneaking in and sneaking around in this futuristic spaceship?

No problem. No problem. No problem at all. And did you know that these intergalactic spaceships are fueled on coal? That was.

We were jumping way ahead. But yeah, I was totally like, if she gets in that room, I'm like, are they shoveling. Coal in there? What? Is this the Titanic?

What are they doing? Is this a train heading down to Petticoat Junction? What are we doing? Zack Snyder loves physical labor. And I mean, he just loves it.

The wheat, the coal, everybody in this movie looks like a Abercrombie model. You know, they all look like Sears catalog people. I mean, or like magazine people. I mean, I guess they look like Zack Snyder people, which are just like. But you also in the current version of them, you have to realize this is how the time shift works.

I'm going to tell you a story, but way back then, I had long hair. And that's how you know it happened way back then. Because everybody in modern times has short hair. Because that's what we do now when we're battling. We don't have time for long hair.

No, no, no. Except that pretty prince dude that rides Griffins. He still has long hair. But everybody else has to cut their hair. But he has short hair.

That's how you know it was a flashback. Check the haircut. Check the haircut. I was like, when it happened more than once. When it was like three times, I was like, oh, this is a flashback.

Look how different your hair is. That's right. They just put the same wig on everybody. But even Titus had like a cool, fresh, tight look to him. And I was like, oh, man, look how cool he is in battle getting his dudes killed.

Look how cool his hair is. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought, oh, so he led the troops back in the 90s. When he had his fresh do. Yeah, yeah.

I was like. i don't know it was hilarious i mean it did look good it looked good but it looked very nice. It was very odd in space but you know i also thought that when he came back to the new era and he was wearing his like space kangle and i was just like okay dude whatever it's like I was fine with the other people wearing Amish hats because they're like straw hats and they look like they fit in this world. But when he had his like newspaper boy hat on, I was just like, that feels so earthy and earthy of a different era. I kept trying to be like, just don't look at it. Just don't look at it.

Don't look at it. Yeah, everybody's, uh, yeah, everybody's, I mean, dude, the costume, everybody's struck, I'm schizophrenic, I'm like, you know, everybody struck a mean silhouette in this movie. It almost looked like concept art, you know, it was just like, everything was so, uh, underlined all caps 16 uh. That's what he does but i will say this time there's a new monkey wrench thrown in and it happens right around this point once we get back to the town and we start introducing the new people to the old farmy people and i'm like from the very first scene when they're even kind of together i'm like okay what are they doing with lightsaber lady and the kid Cause I'm like, I swear they're shooting it.

Like they've got like a weird romance shot. Like this is a smoldering romance. I mean, that's the way they put it together. And I kept going. Zach, what are you doing with these two?

I don't know what your plan is. Okay. There was a moment where I was like, does he like her as a mom or has he got a crush on her? You know? I mean, if any of those questions were answered, yes, we could have a real answer, but they never fully explain it.

Like the most logical would be he's an orphan kid and like, he seems super cool. I wish she was my mom. And like, it would make sense. If it was more of a maternal sort of a relationship with her and he just looks up to her. But again, that is just not how it's shot or edited.

All right. Well, that's no. And that is no. The story context you got is right. He is like an orphan kid and she's getting the character arc is that she gets to regain her maternal protection.

So she's really is what you're saying. To steal from another space series. She's Aliens era Ripley. You did not give this movie a chance. Alright, but....

But at least we get that with Ripley. Like, it's explained. It makes sense. With this one, I'm just like, I don't... I mean, I feel like that's what you want me to think, but I'm like, why do you want me to think?

No, no. It's a maternal thing, but because. But because Zack Snyder shoots the hell out of every shot, you don't know. Why does this have so much like, like, uh, such a sensuous feel of every brain, you know? Which, again, is not what you want when you're dealing with children.

Right, exactly. Stop doing it for those scenes, Zack. Stop. I hate. Exactly.

He doesn't turn it off. Zack Snyder never turns it off. Brain and children, stop it! All shot, like, you know, like this hyper-romantic hyper-reality. Like it's a perfume ad.

Like everything's a damn. Like everything's a million dollar perfume ad where it's all glossy and sensuous and you can't wait to come out of the water naked and oh this child's here and that's that child holding a bag of grain is here and i'm okay with that too like stop. It yeah yeah no it's It's like, yeah, I know. He's like the director version of Jeff Goldblum in interviews. He's just like, ooh, that feels so good.

I like the texture of that. Ooh, yeah, let's shoot that. I'm going like, Zach, man, dude, we get it. You're like, you know. You're selling us on apartments now.

We know. This is a great apartment. Zack Snyder would be number one at Amgo or some kind of pyramid scheme. Apartments.com. These apartments are so great, man.

Look how I shot them. These are awesome. You can't afford them. That's why you're squatting in an empty house. So anyway.

The whole little beginning, which I'm afraid that my answer to all my questions of why nothing makes sense is just wait till the Zack comes out. Because I'm afraid there is going to be an extra hour and a half of backstory of Lightsaber Lady and why she's like that and scenes of these two together having talks of like, well, if I was your mom, we sure wouldn't have these problems. I'm afraid there is more is the sad part. No, I mean... I'm not interested in seeing the extended cut.

That's what I thought by the end of this, too. I was like, well, when we talked before, I was like, oh, God, I'm going to have to watch these again later. And by the time I got to the end of this one, I'm like, you know, I think I'm good. Like, I think I got it. I'm good.

Again, like the first one, I get what they're, I get the backstory because I've seen other science fiction movies. It's not self-contained in the movie, but that's not what this movie is. I mean, it's basically like, really expensive, uh, fan fiction, but it's, uh, it's also just, it kind of like, you gotta kind of have like a bill, uh, you know, uh, a building blocks of like the, the, the genre to really understand what they were trying to get at, you know, without. I feel like there was more of that. The last one, like to, to kind of compare the two now that we've watched both of them.

I was like, last time I remember kind of giving the other one shit because it was so like drawback, right? It was so like, This is the Seven Samurai. This is. Let's take our Western plan and turn it into... What is the Western way?

The... Three Amigos? Yes, that's exactly what it is. Well, I mean, by the end, it kind of is. You get your little band of townspeople together and they defeat the overpowering El Guapo.

He is kind of like El Guapo. So, all right, you're right. Three Amigos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've seen this in samurai movies.

We've seen this in our cowboy movies. So like, we kind of know this pattern. It's also your basic, let's put the band together. Like it just drags it out for the whole movie. So I was already like kind of knocking it for doing that.

But then we get to this one and we don't even have that familiar thing anymore. So I was like, by the end of this one, I was like, I don't know. I don't even feel like it ripped anything off in this. Yeah. Just like a big drag on flashback for the first half.

Yeah. And then just kind of a generic, like war movie scenario for the second half with some sci-fi sprinkled in and that's pretty much it. So I was like, I don't know. I feel like it didn't even bring as much as the first one. Kind of.

I feel like it was not overpacked like the first one, you know? Yeah. The first one was so much that like, you're like, well, no wonder it's two movies. And this one I'm like, did we even need two movies? Yeah.

Like there's so little kind of really going on in this one. And the second one, the first hour, I really felt like, at hour 40, a minute 40, I was like, I can't take any more farming and I. Can't take no more flashbacks. Yeah. And I can't take a, and then, and then a minute 40, uh, they launched into the breakfast club scene.

And I'm just like, man, this is like, I kept expecting one of them to say like, and I pulled the trunk and the light didn't come on. And, uh, Well, and then when the long-haired prince dude taped that guy's butt together, that was hilarious. I mean, you gotta give him that. That was hilarious. But...

But then we even get the awkwardness of, like, we. Like. Titus knows her backstory, and he's like, no, you don't want to tell us anything else? Anything else? Oh, come on.

Come on. Do I need to just go ahead and call you out? Dude, that's like the Judd Hirsch, Ali Sheet. No, no, the Emilio Estevez, Ali Sheet-y scene where he goes like, come on, tell me what's going on. And she's like, they ignored me.

No, it was more of the Claire thing. Claire's like, no, I don't have any story. I'm a good girl. And she's like, are you? Really?

Is that what you're going to go with? Because I know who you really are, Claire. Right, right. You're a fat girl trapped. Like, that's kind.

Of where we're going. Just answer the question. Just answer the question, space girl. I was like, so yeah, it was weird. And especially as the audience, because we know she's lying.

We just saw her flashback. That's the reason she's not doing it, because we just saw that scene. She already did her flashback. You guys weren't there. If you would have all slept with her, you would have gotten her flashback scene.

Exactly. We're missing the orgy scene. That's what it is. That's going to be it. That's the X-rated Insta-17 version.

Yeah, exactly. I think. Oh, man. That scene. Yeah.

It's very disingenuous of her to... Very... Kind of not cool that these four people just bared their souls, all right? And came out here to help her and said, like, yeah, this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. And she's like, yeah, no, I'm good.

I've kind of had a pretty normal life up to this point. That's what I said, especially these people. Like, if it was just a random farmer or whatever. But I'm like, these are the people you... flew across the freaking galaxy and drug them here with you. You suckered them into joining your little band of weirdos.

And then when it comes time to share your secrets, you're like, um, one time I like, ate a grape at the grocery and like i totally didn't even pay for it they're like oh i don't know if we can work with you. I know the space girl you. Are i don't know if we can trust you you seem kind of shady. Yeah yeah yeah absolutely i'm gonna like a little transparency would be would have been good you know. Especially for these people who you're bonded with through battle and you're about to go give your lives together.

You've already gone through a lot together and everything you're not gonna lower your guard and just say like oh yeah i killed the the symbol of peace and uh for the galaxy my bad you know again even. If this was like halfway in the first movie it would almost make sense but this far in it's like. What are you doing yeah yeah yeah so i mean She's got intimacy issues. She certainly does. Yeah.

Um, so yeah, that scene went on and then finally, then finally, finally. And, and really, I don't remember what, Oh, some of the flashbacks were, were, I liked, uh, I like the different locations. I like Victorian England with griffins world. I was going like, oh, this is like old Star Trek where they just had like a bunch of costumes. You know, we got some Hitler costumes or we got some Old West costumes.

This is like the, we got some Victorian England costumes. So this is Victorian England planet, you know? And, but I was like, oh, I like Victorian England planet. That's pretty cool. We've got griffins.

Yeah, I love that juggernaut or whatever that big ship crashing through the skyscraper. I was like, yeah, cool. So then now, all right, so we're halfway through the movie action starting up. I, and I'm like, uh, this is the turning point for me. Uh, uh, Brian, where I come crawling back to Zack Snyder's like, I'm sorry.

I was so mean about the first part of your movie. I mean, I still had some flashback questions. Like, okay. So in your Griffin planet, Griffin door, we'll call it. Um, so, What?

The queen needs to preserve the Bud Line by throwing herself off a building? Yeah, I was a little confused. How are you saving your people by offing yourself? I don't know. I just didn't even know what he was trying to say with that one.

I don't either. I don't either. I don't know why they did it. On that same note, we get to the flashback of Lightsaber Lady, and I'm like, cool. And then I'm like, so... why do you have to cut your own arms off?

Like, don't get me wrong. Those robot arms are badass. I will give you that. But I was down with it. I was like, I even, I even kind of like appreciate the like self-sacrifice of like, if, if we had enough of a story to make that like, I have to do this. to make this you know sword work and the only way i can do it is to off the take off my arms and then if i do that i will avenge my family yes okay if they like spelled out even a little of that i'd be like all right that makes sense why she did what she did and i stand with her you're a badass for making that call but dude we don't get any of that we're just like no and then you got it off my hands You got it, man.

You got it. You deciphered the code there that they were telling. That's exactly the movie. There's still just slightly too much guesswork on my part. Just give me a reason and I'll go along with you, especially when she has badass robot arms, which she does.

The only thing I had to... Took exception with that scene. I thought that scene was awesome. And I thought her backstory was awesome. I was like, yeah.

I was thinking that shouldn't she like measure or something before cutting? That's what I thought too. I was like, what if one's like six inches off? Like it sticks out way longer than the other. Yeah, yeah.

Measure, measure twice. Cut once. Slice your arm off once. One slice your arm off once. I was going like, oh man, she got really lucky there.

You know, I'm just saying. She would have been all lopsided and everything. Unless the arms are so smart, they like auto adjust and like readjust so that they're exactly the same thing on both sides. We'll give the technology that it's smarter than dumb people. We've hit the point you already said we were at the turning point, but it's also like coincidentally at a very specific point that I was waiting for that.

I like discuss the last movie that I was like, Why isn't there's this big buildup and these big visual like key moments that are like, ah, this is what this whole thing is going to be about. And I remember the whole last movie going, ah, it sucks that we didn't get enough time with James. So I'm like, we get to the end and I'm like, okay well i mean we didn't get much with the first one but he comes back at the end of that one i'm like so the whole next movie we're gonna be hanging out with james and he's gonna be cool he's the robot the antler's robot. Jimmy bud jimmy jimmy the robot right. It's Anthony and he had a voiceover, but we didn't see him.

Like he just lurked around for shots here and there. And I kept going there. Okay. There he is. Now he's going to come in and nope.

He disappeared again. All right. And then like 20 minutes later, it's like, there he is lurking some more. All right, here he comes. He's going to, nope.

He left again. It is 54 minutes in before he shows up and has actual dialogue with someone. Okay. What the hell is that? Dude.

I love, okay, again, I love this movie. All right, so I love- I think. You're convincing yourself you love this movie. Well, I really enjoy that this warrior robot spent five seconds in Amish paradise and went total hippie grendola, mountain magic. Robot antler wearing crazy.

Antler wearing storm the capital this guy like got on that planet and said like my whole freaking life has been a lie and look at these mountain people all at one with nature and using their hands and you know what but you know what i'm uh kind of more of a feeler, not really a doer. I'm a tech guy, you know. I feel like I'm connected to the internets and all, but I want to be out here connected to the trees and the antelopes and, you know. Things of that nature. Yeah, and I don't really do work now.

I mean, I know I could, like, probably like do this entire field and like half the time and my. Muscles wouldn't be sore because i don't have any so i'd be like the best person to be doing all this physical labor and those. Guys right i and i don't have like hopes or dreams i am basically what you tell me to be so uh you know uh i i could like totally do this with no problem but you. Know i still feel like that dynamic is the most interesting thing in this entire two movie arc And we never really get to it. No, no.

Because I do feel like that moment at the very beginning of the last movie where he's like, oh, these people want me to kill these innocent people. And like, I'm technically a robot, but I'm actually kind of a... awakened robot and i i can't do that dave moment and now i'm like i can make my own decisions and i've decided you guys that were in charge of me are wrong life is more important i understand life and death all of a sudden and i'm going to choose a side and like that is amazing like that is a. Reason for a whole story yeah. And i kept thinking that's where we're going and two movies later i'm like and when do we. Get to the next The guys, they don't get to it.

Because even here, he shows up 54 minutes in, and then he's just like, yeah, you know you're going to lose, right? Yeah, he was a real downer. Yeah, he was a real downer. Of all the people and our robots, I thought you would be the one that'd be like, well, now that I've awakened and I know right from wrong, let's go do the right thing. But he was just.

Like, nah. nah man i'm just gonna be up here like you know filling the vibes and stuff you know i'm not really i'm really part of your culture you know but oh my god. So anyway that was like a huge thing that i was like yeah noticed in the first half and we finally get to him showing up and all he has is like one downer scene and then comes back for a kick-ass battle that once again is about two minutes long and then we never get a payoff. Which Yeah, yeah. Well, I was thinking, yeah, I was thinking we're going to get more Jimmy. I like the battle sequence.

I was on its side, man. I was going like, oh, yeah, Jimmy showed up. Here we go. He's going to kick some ass. And he does.

And he does. But for two minutes, and then we're back to like, oh. Now we watch a bunch of farmers running around again. Yeah. Yeah.

With sides like killing an intergalactic well-trained army. That was probably where I was just like, I get it. It's David and Goliath. I get it. It's kind of like Vietnam.

I get what you're doing. We get it. I get it. I get it. But man, you made the discrepancy so huge.

And yeah, you know, when I was eight and, It made sense that you could fight an intergalactic army with rocks and bows and arrows. But this time I was just like, you know, I think my shift has changed a little bit. I mean, I know we got kicked. I know Vietnam and Afghanistan didn't go our way. But, you know, that took years of like wearing the machine down with the constant sand in the gears.

And these guys were so hopelessly outmatched. And I don't care where you put your grain. I mean, I was thinking, why didn't they just send like, you know, 20, you know, what, probe droids out and just. Bless the hell out of the people. Bless the hell out of the people.

Save the grain. Pick up the grain, throw it in the ship, go home. Yeah, I mean, it just seems like there was probably so much technology they could have used just to wipe those farmers out with absolutely no problem. But they're using this outdated march-in and a single-file line. can't shoot shit that's. What i thought with those laser guns and the way they shot i was like this is just an episode of gi joe now because there's a laser blast going past never hitting anyone.

Never hitting anyone. Like just an episode of gi joe is only about the cool characters i. Mean yeah yeah yeah you're right right and i was going like don't they have like And I was just going, like, why are they just sending these people? I mean, I just was like, what is going on with their military strategy here? And why don't they use any technology?

And then finally, like, the tanks kind of showed up. The knockoff ADATs, you mean? Yeah, yeah, the knockoff ADATs. The squatty ADATs. Which is technically a better plan, as we've seen.

ADATs just get knocked over. Oh, all of them. If you have any sense to the... the physical way that it works yeah so it makes more sense for it to walk closer to the ground i will give you that but it's not like we haven't seen that before. Right right but yeah so it was kind of like world war ii you know howards there's you know and it's just like uh i was like man those laser cannons are so um uh powerful that i don't think hiding behind a uh a a wooden post is really going to do much against that. I mean, that's like those lasers would like rip through any shelter that they have, you know, and.

You would think if it was a good, good laser. Yeah. I mean, that's like some mega cannon laser. I was going like, oh man, this is over. But they kept dodging that kind of firepower by hiding behind like thatch huts.

And I was going like, this is, Stop them. Stop them. And holes. Let's not forget holes and the power of a covered ditch, you know, to bring an empire to its knees. So this sounds like I don't like this movie.

I think you keep convincing yourself that you love it. But with every step of the way, you're like, except for this and. This and this. There was literally a scene. But, see, I get caught up in it.

And there's literally a part in this movie where I'm just going, like, I heard myself chanting, like, action, action, action, action, action. You know? And I was just, like, I was happy. Even though this was, like, the land battle was. I had to kind of say, like, look, this is, like, so one-sided.

And I don't care how much you want to romanticize physical labor and the farm, life on the farm, Zach. These people would have been mowed down. And, you know, the fact that they're all so... This is what I'm saying. There's no subtext or subtlety in a Zack Snyder movie.

Or characters, really. Like anything outside of our little band of heroes, they're just generic farmer number three comes running out with a sign. Yeah, and there's the whole... the whole village is in perfect harmony with each other. And all the bad guys are in perfect harmony with each other. You know, but they work for an asshole.

But, you know, there's no dissent. There's no this. There's no that. I mean, everybody's like, so idealized. Where's the deserter?

Where's one of the nachos? It's like, screw this! All my guys are getting killed! And just runs off into the woods somewhere. Where's the person in the village saying, like, dude, these guys are gonna come in and murder us, other than Jimmy.

You know, who's the one person. You know, he's like, I'm going to hide up in the mountains, man. You guys are just going to get murdered. You humans are dumb. Golly, come on.

I don't care how idealistic you are. You know, I mean, this is like a massacre about to happen. I'll show up for two minutes. I will jump and do my superhero landing. And then.

I'll kill a couple of guys and I'm out. You guys handle the rest. How they handled that scene, though. I was kind of just going like, man, this is what kind of. This is what CG visual effects can look like when you've got, like, Netflix money going into it.

I mean, it was just, like, I thought it was so much better than, like, the last several Marvel movies, you know? I was like, wow, this is freaking great looking. I mean, that's my damn problem, Brian. I watch these Zack Snyder movies, and I got all these problems with them, but I go, god damn, so good looking. I still feel like there's just a weird sheen to it.

The whole thing, like even the humans, you know, it's like everything just has this weird glow almost that does makes everything look unrealistic that I'm like, yes, at moments it just makes it look fancy and cool. But other times I'm like, it also makes even the most regular old sitting around the campfire scenes look fake too. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure these are real people, but they also look fake. Like everything looks fake. No, you're right.

You're right. I mean, it's like, we mentioned closing in counters. Closing in on the counters. Closing in on the counters. And they were, I was just going like, man, that looks like a movie.

Yeah. This doesn't look like a movie, but it looks like the best. It looks like a nice Netflix series. Yeah, it looks like about as, it is the state of the art, you know, and it is probably everybody, you know, at doing their craft at the highest level that is around right now, but it doesn't look like a movie to me anymore, you know? And, uh, so, cause, cause as we said, old and, uh, and, uh, you know, it was like, oh, them, ah, they ruined movies when they brought in the talkies, you know?

I mean, it's sort of what it is, but I mean, I'm going like for what movies are now, this is probably, I think as good as it could look, you know? Um, and the integration of the effects. And, you know, I was like, Jimmy's standing there. He's got like a, like a radio cloth on him and he's got antlers and everything's got like a perfect texture to it. I'm just going like, man, they make stuff now look really good.

No, I'm not saying that this, this would have, I'm not saying, I mean, it also, you know, sometimes looks like, you know, they, they just released the, uh, animatics you know but uh sometimes i go like man had they really shot this movie this would be awesome you know. This is a great cartoon when does the blowback should come. Out exactly i can't wait can't wait yeah um yeah so i mean so yeah jimmy was uh the hippie robot i mean underutilized. Agree most definitely in a two movie a lengthy two movie arc Right. So little screen time with with him himself.

You know what? You know what? You know how what a sucker I am. Right. When I was watching the damn movie.

And even though she's like, obviously into like, you know, this guy, she kind of likes him. You know, she admires him. She likes other guys. But, you know, this guy's cool, too. You know, but, you know, she cries like it's the death of the love of her life at the end.

Like, didn't we meet him like six weeks ago? Yeah. And that's including traveling around the galaxy. And you really weren't into him that much. No, you pulled him off the whole ass movie.

Well, she likes the bad guys. You know, she likes the bad boys. And so this guy, you know, Quakerose bland guy. You know, but she cries like, but you know what? When I was watching that scene, and it was probably just the acting, I was going like, I was going like, man, I'm feeling something.

I'm feeling something for our loss. I'm feeling something for the loss that we needed to see. We needed to see loss. You know, victory but with loss. I'm going like, Zack Snyder, you son of a bitch.

You did not earn this emotional response from me. They definitely did. in because well there's moments again because we've got our core group and like there's so many moments then they keep saying to each other oh we're probably gonna die now and like they keep living and i'm like okay but then i'm like we gotta sacrifice somebody so once we get into the in the hut area with lightsaber lady i'm like oh lord here it comes like we gotta sacrifice somebody And then I was like, then their dudes come in with lightsabers. I'm like, where were those last movies? I don't remember anybody else. She was the only person in the galaxy that had two lightsabers, and she was a badass.

And now, all of a sudden, they're handing them out standard issue, because everybody's got one. Everybody's got a lightsaber. Here's how they trick you. The good guys, red. Bad guys, blue.

Oh, man, you never saw that twist coming. Anyway i don't like your cynical attitude i don't like your cynical attitude. I just noticed they didn't really stray too far they're just let's just switch them let's just switch them it'll be different so but then that's the that's that's the other part that i feel like we're selling ourselves short like we spent an entire movie like this chick is the baddest swords person in the galaxy and she's taking out giant spiders and she's cutting people in half and she's a badass and then like we get to this movie and i have some random loser soldiers kill her i was like yeah that sucks like she had a lame death for what was such a cool hero like she didn't get a hero death even if you're gonna sacrifice her like at the end of the movie, if Darth Vader shows up and kicks your ass, you're like, well, I mean, at least Darth Vader took her out.

Right. This was a random dude, like another one. And she, again, like they all have the same weapon she does for some reason, because they showed up with her now. And like, I don't know. It was just such a letdown for her.

Cause I was like, she was a badass in the last movie. Yeah. And now it's like, she forgot how to fight or something. Yeah. Yeah, I, I thought she, uh, I thought her performance and her emoting through her eyes were really good.

And, um, We watched two separate movies. Again, I think her performance was good, but she had nothing to do. She should not have died to them. If she has to die, it should be a big epic hero death. That's the way you take out one of our cool people.

How did Griffin guy not die? He wouldn't even pick up a rifle. He kept using his stupid... like axes and like, dude, there's 40, 11 automatic laser weapons laying around you right now. Right now. Finally, like two minutes after hacking people up with axes, he finally picks up a rate rifle.

I'm like, Please. You've got so many people to kill and you're using an axe still. Don't get me wrong. You look super cool doing it. It doesn't make any sense.

You've got too many people to kill. It's not efficient. Then again, I was going like, man, I like the design of those axes. Again, it looked cool. It just logically didn't make sense anymore.

Logically. Logically. But, yeah, I was like, are we going to sacrifice him? Logically, they should have gone and hidden a mountain, waited for the bad guys to go away, and then come back out. But they do this.

If we're sacrificing, again, we keep having, like, him and Titus being like, well, this was the end for us. And then, like, Of any of them, I feel like Titus should have been the one that had, like, a big heroic death, because, like, even he felt like he deserved it. Like, I let all my men down, so this sacrifice, saving people, would redeem me. You know, that kind of thing. You're right.

But no, he's just like, oh, he's fine. It's like, so why did we all hurt? She didn't do anything. And didn't he stop the movie to sing about something? Yeah.

At some point. Yeah, they all have to do their Irish jig. That's what Amish people do, right? That's how that works. That's what they do.

They're Irish Amish. Yeah, I know. He broke a cut in the song at one point. I'm going like, it's not the movie, Zach. Hold on, it's a musical!

Zach's calling Zach. Hey! Yeah, exactly. It's like the, whatchamacallit, the Snyder Cut of the Justice League where we just stopped the movie for some Irish girl to sing to Aquaman. The lore of the Aquaman song.

You know, and I'm like, yeah, all right, let's just stop. Let's stop everything. Yeah. So in that way, it is like a musical where it's like, you know, Zach's got to stop the movie to flex his shots. But so everything has the same.

Albert Hitchcock said that a good movie is three good scenes, no bad scenes. All right. So you kind of save it for the set pieces, you know. So we kill the first hour. Then we got our three good scenes.

Right, right. The first hour, the first hour, it was, I was going like, I guess we're trying to get to know them so we can feel something. Because we didn't learn a damn thing about them last movie. So we got to sit here and tell their backstories. Right, right.

Because that was my issue with last movie. I was like, why did we spend... so much time in that movie with these characters that we really like know nothing about we saw them pick up the band and get them in whatever city they were in and move on but like we didn't learn anything about them so they had to make up for it you're like now let's all sit around the campfire and we're gonna tell our backstory yeah so i don't know i just that's the thing i don't even i don't like once we get to the uneven like breakdown of character development and this weird like We keep selling the fact that we're going to die, but then most of our heroes don't die anyway. Right, right, right. They keep having this, like, Klingon, we're going to go out and battle.

It's the way to die. And I was like, except you keep living, so what do you keep talking about it for? Either go kill yourself or. Right, just go kill yourself. No, they do give a dramatic hero's death, though, to some random...

Farmer who. Is this when you're talking about Farm Wolverine? Farm Wolverine. Because he had the big beard. He was wearing his old wife beater.

He definitely looked like old man Logan. Yeah. He still kind of had some guns, but he was taking out some Nazi dudes along the way until he got to our big bad. Yeah. We were really, really... we just, we just did like the movie just goes off and does this big thing with like the unknown soldier, you know, just the, he.

Got way more of a heroic death than our laser sword girl. She's one of our main crew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Give it to, give it to Tarzan or something, you know what I mean? Uh, Or like the brother from the spaceship in the last movie. He had a big heroic death. He sacrificed himself and he saved everyone. And I'm like, that's your big hero death for one of your crew.

She just got chumped out. No fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they just took somebody. They just took one of the extras and they made this entire...

Because I think he's just interested in the visuals first and foremost. He doesn't care who's in the scene. Or I was just going like, is this some kind of comment on the valor of the everyman and everything? That you don't have to be one of the main characters for me to stop the movie and make a scene about you. I don't know.

I don't know what he was doing, but it was like. It was random. I'll give you that. It was random. It was just like, here's this cool...

So I was like, hey, there's this cool action sequence, but, you know, we never met this guy. It's fine that we didn't. I guess he's making a statement, but I'm going like, yeah, you know, some of the other people could have died, you know, and have had more weight. I mean, it looked cool. I think that's what helped them as the Amish army is, like, they just seem to have a... in almost video game style, like, over there off on the side corner of the screen, it was just generating new characters over and over and over.

Because they were... It's not like they went without death. It wasn't like the Ewoks and only one died out of the whole battle. They were off and farmers right and left, but 12 new ones would run up behind them. I'm like, where did all these farmers...

It looked like there was 12 people when they were all in the longhouse together, but now suddenly there's 875 farmers just waiting to die when you need an explosion to go off. So. It was an odd mixture. Once they got into battle, there were all these farmers that I had never seen before. Just kept running out with a sign.

I mean, everybody in the movie is an expert in mixed martial arts. These farmers got two days worth of training, and they are kung fu experts. Well, I had issue with the training. We skipped over that. Okay, right.

They were so... We just had... five minutes of wheat porn yeah and then like they're like this is so precious this is why we do it and then they're just blasting it with their guns as target practice i was like but isn't that important shouldn't you use a stick. Or something yeah yeah get. A log over there and draw a face on it why are we blasting the thing that you've just said is the purpose for you and your life and this thing that will save the universe. And like, all of a sudden we're just like, ah, screw it.

Shoot that weed over there. Yeah. This week, that's our only bartering chip. And we're just going to like train. A scarecrow and hack it up.

200 people to hack it up. Yeah. You know, it's like, that's what we got. That also seemed a little out of whack, but anyway, I jumped back in time. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

The training stuff where, you know, you can train people to go. I was going like these guys, This is like a warlord society. And these guys are like, you know, Attila the Hun's monk, you know, the horde of well-trained professional soldiers. And these guys, they haven't seen anything more advanced than a rifle. Or, you know, or they've just chosen not to use it because, you know, the earth, you know.

They should just have really blistered hands. They should have leathery skin on their hands. But other than that, they really shouldn't have superpowers of any sort. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, so it's just...

I don't know. It was just such an incongruity there. But the problem was, it was because... Zack won't. take off the caps lock, you know, for anything. He just won't.

He won't do it. I admire the fact that he has to do that, though. I feel like it's like he's just got to flex his commercial director style every second. And it's almost like, you know. And using, like, standard movie tricks, even when they don't fit.

Yeah. They did in the tunnels and they booby trapped it with the explosives. And I'm like, okay, I know we're going to see this happen later. But then we get to when they're down there and of course the last guy's dying and has to crawl and get the detonator. But the timer's beeping faster like it's going to go off on its own.

Right. Which is it? Is it on a timer? Or does that guy have to crawl over there and with his dying breath hit the button? You can't have both, Zach.

Like, pick one. That's it. But he's like, nope, screw you. I'm using that and I'm using this too. Screw all y'all.

Yeah, yeah. But that's not how this works. Yeah, yeah. All of it. All of it.

Underline. Um, all of it in maximum Zachitude, um, what does attack this movie? Uh, but, and, and speaking of thermal detonators or whatever, you know, um, uh, she like, uh, so, all right. All right. Form versus function.

All right. Lady goes in to turn off the tractor beam. Okay. Well, okay. First, I like the smoke grenade trick to pretend like the ship was damaged.

That was kind of smart. Pretty smart. And I hadn't really seen that before. That's true. Using that to trick their way in.

That was good. And then, as an extra tie-in to our Sir Robot... they totally Hannibal Lecter their way inside the ship. They're like, oh, they're wounded, get them out of here, bring them in. And they've got their faces covered, and then only when they get out there, they're like, ha ha, murder time! So, I was like, that was clever.

Again, it's a very Silence of the Lambs way to sneak your way out of where you were and into somewhere else, and then murder people when they least expect it. So that was kind of cool. So yeah, we had to get our way onto the ship before she goes to To blow the... The coal mansion. Yeah, I'm like.

Underground Laser Town. I don't know, whatever that was. Underground Laser Town. That's Part 3's name. Rebel Moon 3.

Underground Laser Town. I mean, possibly. I would love that. Um. No, she.

No. So, again, that brings back up again. They get into the ship, you know, because nobody checks the tags. And we're like, oh, we. But that one almost worked because it was damaged.

So it's like, oh, shit. It's one of our guys. We've got to get him in here and help him. Yeah, so. Again, that was almost smart.

I can stretch it. As storyline... Yeah, that one almost works. Yeah, yeah, I work. I can stretch it.

You know, I've been... I'll allow it. We're stretching the whole movie. So we'll... Why stop now?

So they get in. It's so easy to sneak around those ships. At one point, she's standing there, and an army walks by, and she just kind of does the doot-a-doo, just looking at my locker thing. I laughed out loud at that one. She just quickly turned away.

They didn't see my face, so they won't notice there's a human being standing six inches away from where they're marching past. That may or may not supposed to be there. It was like, yeah, it seems very regimented on that ship. You know, we don't just let people like hang around in the, uh, in the hallways, you know, not doing nothing. You know, shouldn't you be like, Hey, what are you doing here?

Nobody. Yeah. Yeah. They're just like, Oh, you're destructive business. That's fine.

I'm about to fix this panel here. Don't worry about it. Yeah. This thing's loose. I gotta get a screwdriver.

Space screwdriver. All the way down here with a flathead. I needed a Phillips. Ah, man. Don't you know space.

Space life is rough, dude. Space life is rough. She goes into the tractor beam place slash the core reactor. Coal shoveling area. Yeah, but it's like...

I'm going like, okay, so we're going to make this thing why don't we make it look like a guy vomiting laser tendrils i mean i was just going like yeah so it looked like the set from dark city or something like that i was going like uh and i was so well like yeah i don't know if they were really into i mean i I was just thinking about the engineers who wanted to make it look like a guy vomiting. That's what I was going to say. At one point, it does look like a giant head and the eye opens, right? And there's like a glowing eye. Yes.

But we almost never see it. And then they cut away and we don't go back to it. So I was like, again, I'm like, either go with that and make your big... Because then I thought it was more like the derelict ship from Alien. It's like this huge... body there and it's like that that scene is played for spectacle it's like look at this cool set.

That we built yeah yeah real. Or fictional who cares like in this shot and again zach of all people you'd think it'd be like look at this giant human shape vomited out lasers and like it would you really like lean into the spectacle of that scene right and like and it's just enough for me to go is that purse was that shaped like a What is, oh, and it's gone. All right, nevermind, blow it up, whatever. I was like, I don't understand the like, not fully committing to that. I was like, if you're gonna do that and be, be ridiculous and over the top with it, then go for it.

But like, he didn't even do that this time, which is so unlike him. Like, was he out that day and somebody else. Stepped in to direct? Yeah, was that second unit? I mean, I don't know.

I mean, it was almost like opposite. It was almost like Zack directed all the second unit stuff with a week. That might be true, actually. He said the second unit guy to go film that scene. You know, he was like, Dude, I just haven't got enough wheat shots yet.

I've got to go focus on the wheat shots. You do the action and the big ship design and all that stuff that most people would want. You can have those. I've got a lot of wheat to focus on. I've got so much wheat to shoot.

I've got to hand crank some slow-mo shots on this. Absolutely. I bought a really old camera. I want to do it the most slow my way. I can't absolutely i mean he's like the guy from nope you know.

He's yep yeah and this doesn't even have electricity involved cranking this bitch. Yeah that's right that's right um and so if i'm if i'm gonna like uh put a bunch of thermal detonators on a weird prop thing. I mean, she doesn't try to hide those at all. She like dots them all over his face, like pimples, you know? And, and I'm more like, all right, all right.

And then, but, but when the bad guys come into the room, that's like the last thing they notice is like, there's a, there's like 20 detonators blinking about to go off. And then they're like, dude, dude, dude, dude, man, there's nothing weird here. Oh, oh, look. They're like, hey, you, are you supposed to be here? Yeah, right, hey.

Finally, not the other guys in the hallway that could have stopped this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. These guys that are suddenly like, oh, that girl with the thermal detonators, are you supposed to be in here? Yeah, for real, for real. Yeah, yeah, I'm just going to lie, she's obviously planted bombs all over.

She didn't try to hide it, like, in any of the nooks and crannies or anything like that. She was just like, yeah, you know, those would be fine. Um, she did like a little art project with how she set them all up. It was like, uh, she's crafting in there to correct like the crafting. Anyway, then she jumped out.

So I don't know. I don't know. Then she jumps out into the, the coal room and I'm going like, this is a great scene and everything, but why are they shoveling coal? I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

There's no lithium crystals. Yeah. If it, if it tied in, if it's something that we'd seen as part of this universe from day one, but like, it's just all of a sudden now, like four hours into this story, it's like. Oh yeah. And coal, by the way, just so you know.

Yeah. Yeah. So like, really shouldn't this whole movie be about coal? Like, shouldn't they be in a coal mining town? Oh, that's right.

We need coal to power ships to get across the galaxy and Nazi people. So give us your coal. And like, what's this wheat bullshit? Like, if you're a coal burning ship, this needs to be a whole big fracking movie and we have all kinds of crazy coal mining town action going on and then it would make sense to have all these tunnels because they're out there digging for coal and, I don't know, I feel like if you're going to go with that, once again, you missed an opportunity. Oh yeah.

Cause you could have done like a cold steampunk kind of thing, you know, where the whole thing is like, you know, an inter, that would have been original, you know, like, Oh man, this is like kind of like old technology, new technology. Uh, that would've been cool. Um, but, uh, So that brings us to the wheat. I mean, it all comes back to wheat. It all comes back to wheat.

So these guys, I mean, and nobody on the planet looks like they've ever eaten a carb ever in their life. So I'm going like, where is their protein? Because obviously they crossfit 12 hours a day. They got big tractor tires. They don't have a tractor.

Oh, that's right. They got the tires so they can flip tires. I saw Batman versus Superman. I know how they do it. Okay, that's right.

They're old school. They do it Mr. T style. Pull-ups, push-ups. Old school.

That's right. Anyway, there's a lot of... They're not eating that wheat. It's just for sales purposes. They're on keto.

But.... All right, with all this technology, I mean, I guess if it's coal-powered ships, it's not that advanced as we think, and they're shooting lava. But the fact that the whole premise is that there's not enough bread. I mean, don't they own the galaxy? Don't they have, like, farming planets?

Don't they have, like, silent running spaceships, like, growing wheat in space? Seems like that's, I mean, that is a wheat planet. So you guys should have already had them under your thumb years ago. You're terrible. Years ago. you should already be they should be feeding you constantly this shouldn't be a new acquisition this should be their job from day one as soon as you took over be like all right go out there and get our wheat get us some coal get us all our stuff that we need and have them working for us for nothing because we're nazis and we're cool with slave labor so like you'd think that would be day one for.

Them yeah yeah and i'm just going and and don't i mean i Since they have the technology to interstellar travel, don't they have the technology to combine some amino acids and make Tang or something like that? I mean, why are they dependent on these farmers for their grain? I mean, it just seems like they could synthesize something. I don't know. It was weird that it was like, oh, man, what, the galaxy?

The soldiers are starving or something? What's going on? I mean, is there a budget problem or what? There's no other planets with grain? Why?

If you have interstellar travel, this can't be the only one that produces grain that you can eat. There's got to be... 40 of them in different pockets of the galaxy that you can light speed your way to and go get it from. So why these idiots? Like, why are you wasting all this time?

Like 20 acres of grain. I mean, yeah, this is what I'm saying. It's not like a planet of grain. It's like 20 acres. I mean, they wrap it up in like a day and a half.

Too much. Isn't this like, kind of like overkill for the intergalactic army to like, Spend all this expense on a freaking, you know, 21 silo of grain when they own the universe? Well, in here, once again... Wait a second! This might not have been a good movie!

In the overarching story, here's my favorite part. Right at this point, we get to the point of, okay, we've built this up. Grain is the most important thing. We've had our grain porn shots. We've worked the land.

Grain is the most important thing in this two-movie arc. Now... Ah, blow it up. Who cares? After all of this buildup, are Nazi guys just like, I don't care where they stacked it.

Blast those idiots. So you don't even want the grain? We spent four. Hours on grain and you don't want the grain? Nah, I've got Space Girl.

She's going to make me. Yeah, that's all I need. She's going to give me more status than I already got. Yeah, I mean, yeah, grain shmame. Let them starve.

I don't know. Well, I mean, we've got an entire vat of food protein, you know, that just self-replicates with, like, micronutrients. I mean, it's like. We could use our Star Trek creator of food that just lives on the wall and we can have whatever the hell we want. But no, let's waste two movies on grain shmame.

Yeah. Weird it was just weird because they just blow up the yeah you're right brian this that's. Just like blasted i don't care who cares about their stupid grain i'm like you. Did for two movies man we really got a great shot of that gun turret turning i'm more like you're just now warming up the cannon. Well then it's again such a one-to-one as we get to that like Alright, we're moving into position.

It's time to hit the big gun. I was like, this is not at all like the Death Star coming into position. No, I was going like, first they just send in troops, and I'm going like, you know, why are you doing that? And then I'm going like, where's your artillery? Then they finally bring out the artillery.

And then they. finally say, all right, we're just going to blast them. Then we go, okay, well, I guess we probably should have turned on the cannons then, right? All right, let's turn on the cannons. All right, let's turn them up. That was me.

That was me. Sorry, I didn't know. We were going to be using them today. I'm a bad Nazi. What do you mean you didn't know we were going to use the cannons?

We're coming to, like, subjugate these people. Don't you think? We should have just had the cannons ready. You're right. You're right.

I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I am a bad Nazi, I swear. I'm sorry. I'm turning them on now.

See, they're on. They're on. Just give me like 20 minutes for these things to warm up. They're coal powered. It just takes a while.

You really got to get the fires going. Got to get the fires going. It's okay because we don't need them or the green anymore. We've got girl and we know time has passed because why? She's got different hair. that's right gave herself a bad haircut and now we've got the battle of the bad haircuts because that freaking nazi dude has the worst hair ever like i granted he's the bad guy so it's okay but i can't not want to snicker at him every time he comes on screen because that that dude dudes don't need bangs man like it because it's not even a good mo at least mose comes down further his is like buzz cut with a bangs way too high it just looks terrible and then hers at least it looks like she had a professional even though she did it with a knife in the back room but like when she came out it looked like she'd gone to super cuts and like somebody done a great job shaving the back I don't know how she got that so even.

Man, I was thinking the same thing. First, it looked good, except it was still a bad haircut. Right, right. I thought she played it off, but man, she really did get the back right. She did.

That's the thing. The top looked kind of silly, but the back was shaved so damn good that I was just like, man, I hope you tipped them. They did a good job. They did a really good job at the supercuts, the space supercuts. But yeah, once they got into it, I was like, battle of the bad haircuts.

Battle of the bangs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, and when I was screaming action, action, action, action, action, it was when it was there that final fight lightsaber fight. That's the thing I'll give them the ship turning and the entire finale fight being a sliding battle that's a cool idea and was it really done badly one of the most effective scenes in this whole two movie arc probably is sliding and for like five minutes they're sliding and still battling the whole way That's pretty awesome.

Yeah, absolutely. It was well done. It was just kind of like a scene from another space movie. Maybe a part three in a space movie. Maybe a part three in a space movie.

Because I would say, oh, we don't see that. But I was like, well, I mean, yeah, actually, we did see that in a part three of a space movie. Right, right. But anyway, this one goes on longer, so there's that. And it's been Zachified.

You know, it's basically... I liked the first one because it was like, hey, this is like Zachified Star Wars. Well, this is like that scene in that particular Star Wars movie that's been Zachified. So I was going like, yeah, this is cool. I'm down.

I'm chanting action, so I'm getting a reaction here. So, you know, knock off lightsaber. So it is kind of like... The knockoff lightsaber is like a lightsaber, but the handle isn't very well insulated. It's like the family dollar lightsaber.

That's what I was trying to figure out. Again, like they didn't fully explain. Like you had to go, I guess it's getting hot. Because they're badly built or something? I don't know.

But maybe that's just the Nazi ones. The deluxe one that she had in her big case back in the flashback, those were good ones. They were made by craftsmen. These crappy ones they imported from space Taiwan. The Nazis just got those and were like, whatever, just hand it out to people.

And they're crappy. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

You kind of got to wear special gloves with them. But, you know, I was kind of like, oh, no, I was kind of like that. Or maybe they all get hot and she had robot hands and she just never noticed. Yeah. Now that I think about it.

Yeah. The thing could have been 900 degrees. She had metal hands. What did she care? Right.

Right. I noticed everybody using them had some kind of gloves. So I'm kind of like, oh, that's kind of cool. We got the technology almost there. But, you know, the thing gets hot.

So you got to wear gloves when you, you know. You've got to handle these lightsabers above the mitts, or you're going to burn your hands. And I was going like, you know... I mean, I... And then I was just thinking, like, you know, lightsabers are terrible.

Because, I mean, yeah, you would need to wear protective gear when you handle a lightsaber. And then I was thinking, man, in that Star Wars movie, they gave all those five-year-olds lightsabers. And that would have been a massacre. They were on a special setting. You have settings on them so you can not cut your leg off if you hit.

Oh, really? The bad thing is, I think that's actually true. I think that's canon that they did say there are like settings on them and you can set it. For like kids style version. Where it doesn't actually take arms off.

It just kind of like buzzes them if they take their, you know, accidentally hit their friend on the arm. okay okay that makes sense sadly i think that's true i would i would agree with that that would be something it would make more sense but i mean it also surprises me that they did because as i've learned over the years jedi are terrible like they are terrible at stealing children and teaching children and not having people go rogue and murder people so like yeah I don't know. So I'm kind of surprised there was even some sort of safety in, in play at all. Cause yeah. Jedi's are terrible. No, no, no.

Exactly. Which is why I like grumpy old Luke drinking his blue milk. Cause I'm going like, he's going like, man, I, I hitched my cart to the wrong horse. Yep, that's the only part that made sense. He's like, nope, this needs to stop.

Yeah, dude, this is ridiculous. They tried it. They screwed it up. I tried it. I screwed it up.

Let's just stop. Yeah, yeah. That was the only thing that made sense. I don't understand why people don't like that movie, which is basically saying, yeah, Star Wars just needs to end, guys. I mean....

I don't know. The more they dug into the Jedis, the less and less cool they got. Right, right. It was like, yeah, yeah, let's just bring it to an end, dude. Totally, totally.

Yeah, but this movie, which is not like Star Wars, well, there was one point where I was going, yeah, when all the cannons and the tanks and the people, the Amish were getting, you know, dodging all those laser guns, I was going, yeah, this looks like a Star War. You know, this is like that scene in Attack of the Clones, which was, you know, kind of like a land war. I'm like, yeah, this is cool. That's something, yeah, I saw, again, on the first movie, that's what somebody brought up, and it was just sort of them talking about it, and they were like, huh, you know, there were no space battles, were there? And they were like, no, wait, there weren't.

Like, so it is weird that this sci-fi epic, it's all just a bunch of land battles and people, like, shooting at each other on the ground, but, like, there are spaceships. We see them in space, but, like, nobody ever has, like, a dawn fight in space. It's just, like, it's just. fly the big ship in and we're going to blow up that thing. And that's about it. The closest we get is in a few minutes at the end when the other, the sister of the guy from the last movie shows up and those are totally like World War II battle fighters.

Like they come in totally looking like old school planes. Yeah. That's the closest we get to like a air battle. That's true. Maybe almost thrown in, but really they just chase them off.

So we really never get a space battle in this. It's just Star Wars slash ground wars. Yeah. Ground Wars. Yeah.

I was real happy when the fighter showed up. But but yeah, too little too late. You know, I was like, why now? We could have used you like a long time ago. Yeah.

Seriously. Seriously. Yeah. The battle was scheduled for two. You know, did you guys read your text?

Read the text any minute now. Yeah. You know, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing.

You know. We killed all these extras that weren't, you know, we killed 200 extras that weren't in the other movie. I did want to note that while we were also talking about the fact that their giant ship up there is powered with coal, but also to the let's blast the whole town now, we don't care about wheat moment, they're hand cranking the giant cannon. I was like, wait, there's not a button like even star wars is like it does it all on its own this guy is hand cranking it like it's an old timey tank it's like what the hell what kind of ship in the future hand cranks it's like he's got an old he's got to crank the window up and down on his old nova it's like what the hell Anyway, just wanted to point out it's a hand-cranked ship.

I liked it. I was like, oh, that looks cool, and it looks like that old video game that was in the arcades, you know, whatever, Battle Tank or something. Again, if they would have leaned more into the steampunk, that would have made sense, but everything is either super clean or it's the weird tube technology, and then all of a sudden we get into the. belly of it and it's like. Nothing but coal and then we go back up to the top of the ship and they're hand cranking stuff. And i'm like yeah it's almost like they a thing I will not pick a thing says Zack Snyder.

I will do whatever the hell I want. I'm Zack Snyder I'm gonna shoot the hell out of it yeah I was like it was just like the ridiculous stalling of time they had to And, you know, prolong the inevitable certain victory that they would have had had they just done that in the beginning. Just hit the button that did it. But no, no, it's cooler when I use this crank over here. He's like, I thought we disconnected those.

No, watch, here it goes. Meanwhile, you get shot while you're cranking. Right. Shot while you're cranking. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it was, like, just the most ridiculous way to stall for time. You know, oh, now we gotta, like, pack the powder down the bow, and now we gotta stuff down the wadding. You know, now we gotta do this. I gotta light the fuse on this laser. Hold on a minute.

Right, right, right. I know, it was just like, you know, oh, let's move the cannon. It was like 12 guys, like, oh, you. Know, I'm like, what are we doing? Send out the Ugnaughts. right right they come out singing the little like Willy Wonka song yeah yeah right gotta move the cannon if you people would just stop using coal burning technology.

Right I'm gonna load the giant I mean I'm just like what I'm like didn't you guys just do any of this you know while all your people were being slaughtered down there by you know the Amish I. Mean they had other stuff going on Yeah, yeah, I mean, shit. I mean, just, like, I'm just going, like, this solves nothing. This is, like, one ship. I mean, this is, like, you don't go up against the evil armada.

It is only 20 great anchors left. Had they come in the first movie and said, like, give us your weed, they said, like, no, and shot him, they would have solved all their problems. They would have killed the space girl, and then they would have, like, you know, shown everybody who's boss. Because I'm sure there's other villages that make grain on that entire freaking planet. You would think, unless this really is like Star Wars where every planet is one thing.

It's just one town and they all look the same and do the same and have the same weather and people have all the same jobs. The whole planet's just the thing. Just that. That's it. That's all you get.

The planet's the thing. And so, yeah, so they could have just blown up that village in five seconds and then gone to the next village. And then, like, televised it and been like, hey, this is what we do to people who don't play along. Right, right. So who's up next?

You want to get your wheat ready? Because we're coming by. I mean, it's an. Entire planet of, like, natural, perfect, pristine natural resources for them to, like, come in and bring their own farmers. And I was going to say, don't you know how to make like farming droids?

Like you can make that antler boy. And like, he's again, super strong and he's laid out like a human. So I feel like he could do all that work. Why don't you have a hundred thousand of those on a ship that come down and just wheat the whole planet and you do whatever you want and take it with you. Why are you relying on these idiot farmers?

Like, Deal with their technology, figure out how to do it, and then send robots in to do all the work without them. Yeah. I mean, there's just so many solutions to this. With a super technological society, there's so many things you could do. And it's just like this... this fake scarcity thing that they had going on.

And I was just going like, why can't they just figure out how to make like a, like a shake or something? I mean, just going, I mean, and like, why are they like, you know, pillaging the universe? The future, brought to you by Slim Fast. Yeah, yeah. All I need is a shake for breakfast shake for dinner I go to war I.

Mean obviously they're drinking beefcake all day you know I mean that's what really what's going on you know you know and uh yeah so I'm just going like so they're I mean you know it's kind of like uh yeah. It's just a it's just a freaking movie but you know but uh at the same time you just go like you know the stakes are based on like a false premise you know and uh. Well, it's the notes that he jotted down on a napkin when he went into the Disney Studios. Right, right. So there's wheat and some Nazis, and I want to kind of do lightsabers, but I don't want to get sued.

And they're like, no, no, no, no. We own lightsabers. You don't have to. Except we don't want this wheat story. So get the hell out.

And he's like, oh. Shit, I guess I'll just make it myself. Dude, that's what happened, dude. He went into Disney, and they said, Zack Snyder, thanks for coming in here. As the trailers of Watchmen told us, you are the visionary director, Zack Snyder.

As you told us yourself. As you told us yourself many times from the imaginative, visionary mind of Zack Snyder. So, Zack, please tell us, how are you going to save Star Wars and cash us in so we can cash in? He said, one word, wheat. Wheat.

They're like, screw plastics. It's all about wheat. Wheat. They're like, wheat. And Mickey's like, wheat?

What are you talking about? He's like, look, we bought in on this moisture farmer thing, but we didn't even come up with that. We just bought that off some other dude. So the fact that you think you can roll in and just say wheat and we're going to hand you a check for a billion dollars, you can let yourself out. We don't validate, Zach.

I'm sorry, Zach. Our marketing department and our research have shown that two-thirds of our audience have a gluten allergy. So you would basically be cutting our profits in half for no point. Sorry, we can't go with wheat. It's wheat or nothing.

Can it be like some kind of synthetic protein alloy that they're mining out of the plant? Nope. No i said wheat damn it. They're amish they're space amish with a little bit of viking thrown in they got a long house we say. It and they might be irish too i don't know yet i hear.

Some singing i hear star wars really needs an irish jig scene and it's been a while it's been a while since you know michael flannery made all that shit popular back in. The 90s But where every movie seemed to have an Irish jig scene, I don't know. Well, he was Lord of the Dance. Right, exactly. Exactly.

Caught the nation on fire. But I don't know. I don't know. There's so many... You're making me confront certain truths.

About this movie. You must confront yourself before you turn to the dark side. Exactly, exactly. I'm like looking at the mirror and never a new story. You're cutting off your own head is what this is.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm just thinking that, yeah, the reliance on, you know, in a world where you can basically keep people alive forever and travel impossible distances and Oh, they do fly by the Interstellar set at one point, you know, with the black hole going on. I'm going like, oh, yeah, look at that. Interstellar. As long as Black Hole is there.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I guess they're... Maximilian, come on. Save this movie, damn it.

Get out of here. Oh, my God. That movie would have been so... If he came. Cruising out, I'd be like, oh, okay.

You got me then. And doing the blades, kind of like the end of Rogue One. You know what I mean? That would have been. If Disney would have signed on, we could have had that.

That is their property, man. When are they rebooting that? Dude, please. Please. I'm afraid they're going to, is the sad thing.

But... If I get more Maximilian, I might sit through a bad six-episode arc. Whatever. Oh, my God. Black Hole, the TV show.

You've got to subscribe to Disney +. Again, what haven't they rebooted lately? How have they gone this far? They have their own streaming network now. How have they not rebooted Black Hole?

For real. For real. You think you like Black Hole? Do you want 27 hours of Black Hole? How about a whole series of things you do not care about?

You're like, yes! Tell me more about those zombies with shiny faces. That was at least six episodes talking about the backstory of how they got like that. That's right. I want to know what they have for breakfast.

What do they have for dinner? What are their hopes? What are their dreams? Are they satisfied in their work? I got to know.

I need to know. You know? You know? Yeah, I don't... Yeah, so.

It's conflicting. It's conflicting because as I was watching this, and I want to still say... this is a recommend for me because. I, you have odd standards. I have odd standards. I have odd standards.

I like, I like the commitment to the, uh, style over substance at all costs, you know? And I just like his single, but see, I don't feel, as I said on the last time, I don't feel like he's patronizing me like Michael Bay does. I feel like he's not talking down to me like Michael Bay. I feel like Zach really believes. I think he's a believer.

He's a little too much. He's drank the Kool-Aid too long. Because that's the thing. Even his older movies, I don't know. They were pretty damn self-serious, too.

But at least then they seemed like the stakes were a little higher if it was like Watchmen. But like here, it's like, this is a bunch of dumb farmers on a planet. Why are we making this so serious? We should be having fun and you should be having fun. And I feel like this is work for all of us, Zach.

You clocked in every day to make this. And I feel like I'm clocking in to sit down in front of Netflix. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I hear you're saying the Roger Corman version of this movie would have been.

It would have paid so much. Yeah yeah had it done it like battle beyond the stars which basically what. This is which is exactly kind of what it is and having re-watched that a few years ago i'm like it was really fun like yeah right you can see the budget limitations i don't want to ruin that for you yeah but that aside it's so much. Fun right right. So yeah i feel like this this needs be a little more fun is all i'm saying don't be so serious zach come on now like no.

That's his that's his thing i mean that's his thing you know superman was bleak and super members batman was bleak and everything's bleak but everything is built for maximum zaxxamum dramatic impact. Weakness. Maximum bleakness. Weakness, maximum bleakness, maximum, maximum impact. And so, you know, I mean, obviously these movies are like, these are like visual, very appropriately, movies on steroids, you know.

And so you just kind of go like, it's sort of, So it becomes kind of like camp, you know? Because it's kind of like. It's like going past that point? Yeah. It's so self-serious that it's almost making fun of itself?

Well, I don't think it's making fun of. I don't think Zach feels like he's making fun of himself. But it is kind of like... But it's kind of like him not being aware of the joke? I don't know.

I mean, I just think he's such a believer. He kind of... pricks me, hypnotizes me into be a believer while I'm watching it. And I don't like all Zack Snyder movies. You know, I've tried to watch even the great people say Dawn of the Dead was like his great one, you know, but. I have, I've always, again, I don't even count that as one of his really.

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't, I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of that actually, you know, and I think it's fine, but man, it looks dated now. It looks so 2004, uh, color grades and, It doesn't have the sheen. No, no, it's got, it still looks like a real world movie.

It doesn't have the weird thing that he does now to all of the movies. Cause that's the thing. It all looks like 300. Yeah. I was like, or the, the what's the one with the girls kicking ass sucker punch sucker punch.

I mean, sucker punch looks exactly like this one. Like once he got to that sheen, it's like, that's his, it's his look. It's his color palette. It's like everything. just it's it's cookie cutter out of the zach book it's like oh yeah this is what i do here you go. So like yeah watchman they all.

Feel that way that's kind of why i don't count that first one yeah watchman's edging its way there it's yeah 300 definitely already made it there though so i don't. Know yeah no it's like it's as in 300 you know it's sort of what he does is it's like every scene is so damn dramatic and shot, you know, just like every scene, every moment. It's just like, and so, and so like, yeah, I mean, it's almost like every shot is a trailer shot, you know, and you know, and so it's almost like a trailer for a movie that you're watching, but it's doing a trailer for it. I mean, I don't know. It's like a trailer for a movie that you never get to see, you know?

Oh my God. That's it. It's like, He's a commercial director. He came out of commercials. And it looks that way.

Yeah. He does make his movies are two hour commercials for the movie that he thinks he's making, but he's not making the movie. He's making a two hour commercial for the movie. This is very delusional and self-delusional. Of me to think that?

I think I just said the best criticism. I was blaming Zach. I guess you were also falling into his trap. I was going like, oh my god, that's the smartest thing I've ever said in my life. Holy shit.

I've had a real breakthrough this week in my therapy. I had a breakthrough. I've come to realize my relationship with Zack Snyder was because he's making the commercials of the movies that I think I'm watching, but I'm not watching them. So I feel like I've made some progress. We've definitely made progress because last time you had to come to terms with the fact that it was sort of an abusive relationship.

Yeah, that's right. Where now we've graduated up and he's just selling you on something now. So that's a lesser evil. It's almost like he's a charismatic cult leader. He's got this hollow...

He's got a car with no motor in it. But it's really cool looking. But it's really cool looking. He really sold it on me. I brought it home.

And people are going like, why did you buy that? And I'm going like, man, look at it. It's so awesome looking, but it doesn't go anywhere. I mean, he put the dealership at the top of a hill. So when I left, everything was great.

It was just when I got down there, I had some issues with the whole... motivation. Of everything yeah yeah when i had to write right when i had to push it. Yeah i feel like when i was filling in the blanks on the story i was like huh maybe this does need an engine i'll be damned. I'll be damned man i can't believe i bought it i can't believe i bought it I guess I understand it now, though. I understand my weird relationship with Zack Snyder now.

He's a salesman. He's a salesman. He's not a filmmaker. He's a salesman. We're rounding it out.

We get the sliding battle. So we do get, I mean, amongst the many times that like, oh, I think she's going to, oh, he slides this way. So we also, when we get to the wall and they actually stop sliding, Right. We get like a three part death for the Nazi bastard. So it's like.

We get, first of all, I thought it was kind of cool. And sort of back to your fight with Wolverine point of the everyman. It's like she doesn't take him out. He gets taken out by this lowly farmer character. This weird loser that even his girlfriend doesn't like him is the one that gives him the kind of death blow.

And then she's like, oh, no, no, no, no. Not leaving him with that. So then she closes him in a door. Love it. Which was awesome.

And then decapitates him with the laser sword. Yes. So my question is, do you think he's really gone this time? Well, dude, they had. We heard the head hit the floor.

Yeah. Like we didn't see it though. Yeah. And we've seen their magical technology with tubes and shit. So.

They've got to bring him back as a... If they bring him back, they've got to bring him back as a Darth Vader type thing. At this. You know, he's got to have at least some steel collar. And he can take his head off and on.

That'd be cool. What if he had detachable bodies, you know, and everything? He could, like, level up. Switch to a, yeah, a different General Grievous body with spinning blades. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that'd be cool. That'd be cool. I mean, I am... You know, as. As solely disappointed I am in this movie, in retrospect, I was like kind of mad that I was going like, damn it, now we got to like wait for them to like get ratings to see how this thing actually ends, because they've got to bring Space Princess back to power.

Yeah, we get halfway in and it's like I would think. the one in two of this, as it was presented, would wrap up the story, but it doesn't leave a back door so you can continue if you wanted. It just hands you the, and here's the real part of the story that we never even got to, guys. We didn't get to that because we were so into wheat. We were busy fighting this battle scene that went on for a long time, but we didn't really get around to that princess stuff. Remember in the last movie when we talked about that princess?

Yeah, we didn't get around to that. Restoring order to the universe. You know, I mean, you got a lot of, you know, now it's basically got to be her and the five or whatever, the four remaining assassins. And I guess the rebels are on her side now. But so now they've got to take down the entire universal government.

I mean, they've got to take down the universe. I mean, now they've got to like over and rest. I mean, oh, man, they've got a lot to do. you know, in this next movie, if they'd make it a trilogy. I mean, there's got to be at least two more because, I mean, they can't do all this. At the rate Zack Snyder shoots things.

And drags the story out. And drags it out because he's got to get every one of those shots in that he did i was going like did zach edit this because but then i was the credits and no he didn't but yeah i'm sure he said we're all the wheat standing because that was a pain in the ass i. Mean that becomes the big wrap-up too is like they have after they all yell yay we won and everybody has to yell and then it's like again we get a very heartfelt speech about we have to pay tribute to the fallen heroes with future farming. Farming is the only way to show that they sacrificed themselves for something. And that something is wheat.

That's basically what the big speech is at the end. It was like, we are back to that damn weed again. Basically, Zack Snyder has not had gluten in 20 years. And he's gone crazy. He's jonesing for it.

It's messing up his judgment. Because his entire Star Wars epic he's around wheat i mean he's just like he's like oh man you gotta have some carbs dude you gotta have some card your brain won't work right all right. He's just sitting in a dark room rocking back and forth going i just need a dinner roll i just need a dinner roll. As he's like down as he's downloading like you know uh chicken chicken breast. Sausage and gravy porn that he's watching in his bedroom oh put it on that biscuit that's right put it on.

That biscuit oh yeah and that if you got uh ai uh yeah that's got to be the image of that i started watching carb porn. With a couple of monkeys standing in the. Background like yee not need to see. That oh i need to see that Or do you? Probably.

Probably. Probably. There's a problem there. Yes, we give our big wheat speech. And then the... reveal the big secret of gas but the princess is alive.

It's like oh shit there's gonna be five more. Of these things yeah you're sitting you're going ah damn it we didn't even wrap up the any of this story. Nothing the story is restoring order no well. Then the whole rest of their talking after that is just sort of repeating the same things over oh we have to fight together in the future to restore order to the galaxy and find the princess. And they say that like two to three times in slightly varied ways as each character.

You agree, Joe? Yes, I agree. We should all join forces to find the princess. Yes, we should fight together and look for the future of the princess fighting future wheat. Stretch it, stretch it out, stretch it out.

I was like, we get it. You're hammering home. There's more of these coming. Yeah. It's like the...

What was the end of the Snyder Cut of one of those... I think Justice League was that long conversation between Joker and the Batman that just goes on and on and on and on. Yeah, I think that I was blocking out most of trying to watch that four-hour cut. And I kept thinking, like, is this even... I thought this ended like twice already.

How are we still talking? And so, yeah, there's like two endings. There's a lot of endings. And then finally. Another ending.

And then Joker. Right, right. And so this one here, it's got like an ending. But then they say like, oh, wait, it's not. It's not.

No, man. Look. Yay, we won. Except nope. No, this movie is not about wheat.

This movie is actually about finding the princess. Finding the princess. So this whole thing has just been Super Mario Brothers the whole time. Yeah, the whole time. The whole time.

So it's, yeah, exactly. We got to the end and we're like, oh, Peach is in another castle. Sorry. You got to make another 15 hour movie. Exactly.

Damn you, Bowser. Yeah. So I'm just going like, man, it's going to be so much spectacle in the next movie. And it's not going to be... That's a weird thing.

These movies are going to be great when they change the subject from wheat to actual Star Wars. Princess finding. They just need to feed Zack a box of Ritz and then have him redo another draft. I bet he's going to be really into some wheat thins. he'll just sit and look at him for like an hour oh. My god that's right.

He just he just. Lays his head down on the table next to it and just goes like hey buddy how's it going buddy. No i think that's too friendly he's like oh baby i've missed you so much Bring your salty goodness over here. Yeah, he's just fantasizing about old birthdays that he had where he ate a piece of cake. He's like, oh my god, I remember when birthdays were about birthday cakes and presents.

And now they're like, you know, CrossFit. and, you know, shake some goop, some protein goop that I bought. Well, that was a shot of him when they pulled him out at the beginning. That slime-covered bag is where Zach sleeps at night. That's right. Yeah, I was going like, oh, man, Fly 2 or The Fly.

Oh, man, Cronenberg showed up for a day. I mean, there was a bunch of tubes and shit. They should have gone with that. But no, we didn't get Cronenberg. Yeah, yeah.

He just came by and sneezed and then, like, left. And then they go, oh, that's pretty cool. I go, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're going to cover him into the... We must bring him out of the chrysalis.

I'm like, ah, man. I'm with you, man. I'm with this movie. This movie is awesome. This guy's covered in not, like, crusty crap.

He's got raver technology bringing him back to life. I am with this movie 100%. And, boy, then the movie happened. Well, the commercial for the movie happened. And then.

And you got to the end and went, I think I want wheat thins, too. Good idea, Zach. Zach, I agree. Wheat is good. I want to go get some wheat thins.

It's a two hour wheat thins commercial. Yeah, pretty much. The most expensive wheat thins commercial. I'm sorry, guys. I thought I was making a wheat thins commercial.

Honestly, I thought that's what this was. I was just really hungry when we started shooting. I was so hungry. So hungry. I just didn't know.

I'm sorry. I got distracted. I'm sorry. I would say this is better, though, than Army of the Dead, which I think was all the Zach. I almost felt like Army of the Dead was so poorly shot, you know, that he's almost like, I felt this one he had to make up for it.

I mean, I just felt like you guys, I gotta, I gotta show him that I still know how to shoot. Again, I feel like I would almost rewatch army of the dead over either of these two. Wow. And I don't think army of the dead is good, but it's like the special dumb kind of entertaining that Zach really needs to focus on. Cause I was like, at least that one, it was fun.

Like it's stupid and the rules don't make any sense and they're not explained. But once you get into it, it's just a big dumb heist movie and they added some zombies. So it's like, yeah, it kind of is. Again, if you turn your brain off, it can be fun where this one, you can't turn your brain off. Cause the whole time he's like, look how serious this is.

This is so serious. You better turn that brain back on. And I'm like, but I don't want to sack your movies. Duh. So, again, Army of Zombies, whatever the hell that one was.

At least that one, you've got a whole extra game because you can watch it and sit there and go, how the hell did they edit out an entire character that's involved in the whole movie? Yeah. I was way more fascinated by that. I was just like, first off, fuck that guy. Second of all, she is entertaining.

And then the whole time, I'm just like, how? The technology. Did they reshoot all of this? Or did they green screen out that? The whole time, I'm just trying to figure out how they piece this back together, removing an entire character and replacing it with a different character.

Yeah, yeah. So that's way more entertaining than anything in any of those movies. Yeah, it's interesting in like a Discovery Channel. It is. Yeah, that's the thing.

The way these movies are made nowadays, it's not really romantic anymore. Not really. It's more, you know. And that says a lot about your role in one of these Zack Snyder movies. When very easily you, as a character and an actor, can be lifted out.

And replaced right after we shot right right right. Not like you got fired beforehand because you did something stupid oh no no no we already shot this movie i'm taking your ass out yeah yeah i can click copy paste delete just a few keystrokes and. You are gone yeah yeah so that sort of changes how movies are made you know or how movies are saved i mean it's like So there's something very different going on in movies these days when that's the kind of thing that's happening. And I think and and I don't know, that's that's something down some road or something. But I can't really formulate at the moment.

I mean, that's a whole nother episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's wrong with movies these days? Nothing at stake. There's no craftsmanship.

It was hyper craftsmanship. That's the thing. It's like this hyper new kind of craftsmanship. The craftsmanship is more important than the storytelling or the acting. It's like there is a craft to all of these cool things that they can do, but it shouldn't replace you know, storytelling, acting, the basics that, you know, brought us this form of art.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. Yeah.

I mean, could you have said, yeah, as we said in the last one, this one as well, uh, this one here had more like just bad, dumb human flaws in it. Yeah. But it did feel like, you know, AI create me a Zack Snyder Star Wars movie, you know. So this one here, because it was weird pacing and just, you know, bad decisions. Which, you know, I'm sure they shot all this at the same time.

So, you know. You would think, yeah. Yeah, I don't know how it would feel if I watched it. all in one four hour chunk, you. Know, one horrible day of your life. Yeah.

Can I have a break? No, you finish it. Rittered away day, you know, I'll never get back. Um, yeah. So I don't know how I take it, but it does feel kind of like kill bill one and two.

They feel like different mood, you know, different movies. Um, If only it was that caliber of film. Right. Right. Right.

So this one here just feels like, man, this feels like, yeah, made for TV. Uh, cause they just wasted so much time to get to, to get to something. So it felt like dead, you know? Well, it's that same question I had last episode too, part one where I was like, it's the same question. I feel like so many forms of entertainment are asking and don't know how to answer now is like, do we, do we make a movie?

Do we make a limited series? Do we make a full running series? Like what, what do we do with this story? And like, I swear 50% of the time, it feels like they make the wrong call and when they get into it, it's like, all right, we've got an awesome two and a half hours worth of story here. Right.

We got eight hours to fill. What do you want to do? Right. And that's sort of how this came along. It's like somewhere in here, you could make like a tight 90 minute action movie.

We have four and a half hours or however long that first movie was too. It's just like, it's a lot of stuff sort of drug out in ways that probably doesn't need to be. Yeah. When you could tell like a simple story that maybe had something to offer. Right right movies used to be you showed it once you got you try to pack it all in all your ideas into that movie and but you had to make it coherent because you're going to come out you got like three weeks to make your money and then that movie goes away you know and then if.

You far back enough nobody ever saw. It again everybody ever saw again you had to. Wait in a box somewhere in a vault, and if you're lucky, a million years later, they might do a re-release on it, until cable television came along. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then cable, home video, so now movies have a second life, so yeah, you made them, but still, you were going to make that one, and hopefully it sold, and then you have, like, you can make another one, or make some other movies, you know, but that particular movie, it had to be a story, and And it had to be good enough for somebody to want to buy the DVD of it. Or come see it at the theater first and then buy the DVD.

Now movies with a subscription thing, they're saying like, here's this movie. But if we make a 90-minute movie, you're not going to feel like you're getting your subscription worth. Or we can't get you to keep the subscription going. Yeah, you'll watch that 90-minute movie and cancel. Yeah, cancel.

So everything has got to be. drug. Out because that's the subscription model because if they don't if we don't leave them on the hook they're gonna like cancel their subscription so that's a damn problem that's a damn problem it really like it is it's a damn problem. It is something that i think like has shifted and it shifted before the people behind the scenes creating these things had even figured it out yet So I think that's why we've had so many series lately that I'm like, do you guys know what you're doing? And sometimes the other way, sometimes I see a movie and I'm like, well, this has a big epic story that you could have told in a 12 part series, but instead you tried to cram it into a three hour movie.

And it's like, this could have worked better longer. So again, it's, it's an art of figuring out how to, present these stories to people now that we have so many different ways to do it. But yeah, I think the technology showed up before the people figured out how to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it used to be, I mean, it's not about box office anymore. Yeah. How many people you got to come out to see your movie. It's about. Nobody does that anymore.

Right. It's about ratings now. Well, how many subscribers are tuning in? It's about who's tuning in. and so it's not it's like the thing is keep them hooked yeah i. Don't even think they care if you tune in it's who's signing up who's not canceling like that's right i don't know i mean that's the thing even people in the industry that i hear talk about it they're like well we don't really know how many views it gets yeah sometimes the people behind it will release a number but the they can make up whatever the hell we want.

How would we know if Netflix says, Oh, a billion people watch this. What are we going to check? Like they can make a press release that says whatever. But I mean, as if he is like Nielsen ratings where at least you had something to go on. We're streaming.

I don't think anybody knows. It's all very black box. You don't, yeah. You don't even have a box office to go by anymore where you're like, well, this one did well. There's other stuff that like they release.

And I'm like, that was cool. Let's have another season. And it never comes back. And it's like, well, why? You don't even know if anybody watched it.

Like, what are you using to determine it? Are you going by press? Are you going by buzz on the internet? Like, what gets you another round, another movie, another series? Like, who knows anymore?

Like, it seems like we haven't even figured any of this stuff out yet. I just need everything to just be. I just need everything just to be ran by AI already, because if it's AI doing this, I mean, okay, I understand. But it's the people doing this and destroying everything. I'm going like.

You really have to blame somebody then. Yeah, then we have somebody to blame other than ourselves. I mean, that's the thing. Everybody just complains about AI stuff on the internet. So if you saw something bad that AI put together, you just shrug it off.

That's why I started putting those stupid photos on our episodes. I was like, no, exactly. This is what I'm saying. Look how dumb these images are. That's what we're talking about.

So people probably hate that I use that to make those images. But I'm like, that's my point. Look how ridiculous these images are. If you had a person behind it, they wouldn't come up with this crap. That's sort of the same thing.

If a bad movie gets made by a robot somewhere, you just shrug and go, eh, it's AI. Who cares? It's AI. Who cares? You could just blow it off because it's not a real thing anyway.

You're not hurting anybody's feelings. AI isn't real art. That's what artists keep saying on the internet. If we just let them make all these movies... They can be bad and we don't have to like put anything to it.

We can just be like, eh, just another bad AI movie, whatever. Yeah. It's just going to be like who the artist in the future is going to be the person who can speak the best to the AI to make the most compelling images. Or who can put them out the fastest. We just need content.

What can we crank out faster? Right. Using AI, that's cut out a lot of people. And by that, I mean all of them. So whose new program can put out stuff faster than the old program?

Like that's what it's going to come down to. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we were talking about how many people worked on this movie, uh, you know, just recently. And, uh, I hope I haven't already talked about this last time we talked about this.

Jesus. Um, stop me if I have, uh, if you remember either, but, uh, you know, here in Atlanta, you know, Tyler Perry just, uh, he canceled this big construction project to make all these studios because he had a demonstration of, uh, of AI and what they can do now with like video generation. And so he saw that and he goes like, why am I building sound stages? You know, I mean, this is ridiculous. And so he can't, he put all that investment on hold.

And so all these thousands of people who are clicking mouses on these movies, uh, You know, if you can just say, like, Zack Snyder's Star Wars, make it. And it just makes a whole set. Make it two hours, go. Yeah, please, don't ever say that. That's the problem.

Make it seven hours, go. Right, right, exactly. And so all those people that, like, made the sets or, you know, shot the thing, you know, I mean, it's just like. You know, it's kind of scary that, you know, it might be, it might go back down to the, you know, independent films in the sixties where you have five people in the group. We definitely haven't covered that.

So I'm glad you brought it up, but yeah, well, and especially it's weird coming from him because he was like from plays, like he came out of old school theater, you know, he wasn't even like, born in the video game world and like that's where he came up and who needs people anyway. right he wrote plays he put together plays you need physical people standing in front of you to make these plays happen exactly now it's like he's come so far in the industry that yeah eh, who needs these people? Yeah, we don't even need that. Maybe he's just so sick of actors at this point. He's just like, you know how many plays I have put on in my life? And the worst thing are these damn actors.

What if I could just eliminate. All of them? And then somebody went, oh, have you seen this program I made? Yes. Cancel that.

You know, I mean, I think he's already kind of going in that direction. The last movie of his I tried to watch, I think, was Medea's Funeral or something. Last Rites or something like that. I thought I only got about 10 minutes in because I thought the movie looked like a series of Getty images kind of like strung together. And I was kind of like.

I don't know if this is actually a movie or... Did you. Get a license? Did he at least pay the giant fee to use these photos? I almost think I saw some watermarks on some of the shots.

He just stole them. I was just like... You. Know, if anybody has money to buy them, it's you, man. Yeah, dude.

You've got all the money. It was really funny. It was like a conversation between this family. But, I mean, then Medea shows up and obviously, obviously... was not shot at the same time as all the family scenes. I mean, it was like, it was like the obvious cutaway to somebody who's not established in the shot in a wide, you know, and then it's just like cuts to a closeup of Medea talking.

In another city. Six months later, six months later, the lighting was different. I was going like, what, what is it? Is this already AI or what's going on? I mean, I, I, if I was going to like, if this is the level that he's operating that, I think, uh, I think AI could only improve.

I mean, I don't watch them now. So like the first commercial for a Medea movie, I was like, Oh God, not another one of these. I mean, I have to see somebody else dress up in a big dumb suit. Yeah. Put on a funny boy.

I'm like, I just, I don't care, man. It's so weird because he did his other movies. Like he had almost a one for me, one for them. Like he's like, relationship dramas that were serious and then put on a dumb video suit and like all down that was what was paying his bills and i mean i like i guess i respect that that at least you're still doing the movies you care about hopefully yeah but eventually i was just like i can't i can't with you man stop making these video movies yeah you're already rich now stop making them. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, he's basically here in Atlanta. He's like an industry in himself. Oh, yeah. He's like a mogul. He's kind of like Robert Rodriguez of Austin.

He just took over the town. Yeah, he's just like an empire on himself. But yeah, I. I wasn't... I wasn't...

I wasn't blown away. What the hell are you saying? You were dazzled by the last Madea movie? Shocked! I'm as shocked as when they said the princess was still alive!

Gasp! Yeah.... Well, that's how you know we've worn out this movie. We ended up on Madea. So, I feel like we've said everything we need to say about this movie.

Let's really talk about, get into what we really came here to talk about, you know, the Madea series. The finer points of Madea. Yeah. No, I think we talked more about this movie's story than they did, like, during the production meetings. Oh.

Times 10 in five minutes we said like hey why is this all about grain and uh nobody talked about so they didn't talk about it as long as we've talked about it because this was like the first things that came up and so i think they just started making images and uh. He was just already out there with a camera and he's like i don't know just go do something and they're just like i don't know there's like grain and stuff i guess we can pretend to be farmers All right, keep shooting. This maybe was like some kind of experiment. This was all improv and every department acting in isolation from the other departments. And they just kept putting stuff together.

And then in editing, it was made. Maybe this movie is a documentary about. The insanity of sex. Of Zack Snyder's filmmaking process. Zack's lost it with his weird obsession with weed.

He's lost his damn mind. I mean, we were making this movie, the space opera, but then all that kept coming in, the footage all kept coming in was wheat. And then, like, there was this breakfast club scene. And then there was, like, random, like, Harryhausen spider women with lights. Anyway, this footage just kept coming in.

We didn't know what to do with it. We really didn't know. We really didn't know what he was doing, what he was shooting. Because there really wasn't, like, a through line of narrative that we could tell. And so really we brought in the best editor in the business.

And this is what they constructed. And after he shot himself, we brought in another one. Another one. And we said, please finish this for God's sake. For God's sake.

And so, really, this movie is a triumph of editing. Because the story was not talked about more than two hours. A triumph of the will, you might say. Space Nazis. Space Vikings.

Space, I mean, you know. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, man. What can you say, dude?

I think we've said it all. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty proud that this held together with all the technical issues that. We were having. I feel like we've gotten quite a bit out of this ridiculous movie.

Yeah, yeah. And we've figured out some of the problems with filmmaking as a whole and It's Zach's brain. So yeah, I think we've really, we've made some progress here this time as well. So yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, I think I've revealed myself as being, uh, you know, I think I've made some progress in my relationship with Zach.

You're recovering a little. I'm recovering. I'm starting to understand how I got in this mess. And, uh, you know, I've, you know, I've accepted certain things. And, uh, baby steps.

Baby steps, baby steps, you know, baby. Steps away from zach baby steps away from right right we'll find you another movie it's okay. That's right we'll find some other director to fix it on um yeah yeah so i don't know man i think yeah i think uh you know color commentary the episode i mean i think we uh we hit everything that uh i was thinking to say so that's that's you know That's pretty good. I think we laid it out. We gave it a fair shake.

I still probably would say, in the end, I like this movie. And I like the first one. You poor, abused bastard. I just can't. The cage is open.

You don't have to stay. You can be free. Go run. Be free. Just run.

Go. Go. Go. I'm just like. You're huddled in the corner.

No. No. This is my place. He'll be back soon. He'll be back.

And he'll be mad if I was gone. I'll stay right here. He'll know. He'll know if I leave. Well, on that uplifting note, we probably should round this episode out.

But thank you for coming on this journey with me. If anyone's left out there, thank you for listening. For real. If you have made it this far, you are even more patient than we are with Zach. I don't even know how somebody could listen to this, make heads or tails of any of this.

I mean, if you've seen the movie, you get it. You understand our frustration. You get it. But, much as I said last time with the, oh god, the second one's coming. If he gets the funding to come back, I guess we'll be back on this journey.

Trying to hold off my enthusiasm. The guests will be back. We gotta say this real quick. I didn't really notice this in Rebel Moon, but do you notice on these Netflix movies they keep sticking their random stand-up comedians into the movie? The people that have Netflix specials They keep sticking them in rolls in movies?

No, but it doesn't surprise me. I mean, once you're part of the... Again, if we're using farming terminology, the company store. Like, once you're in with the company store, everything keeps perpetuating itself, whether you like it or not, probably. Yeah, well, you know, like Tig Nagataro in Army of the Dead.

And then there's that Italian comedian who's like, oh, we got. Company coming over or something like that. Anyway, he's done some Netflix specials. He showed up in the Martin Scorsese movie. He showed up in another one I just watched.

Jerry Seinfeld's got a movie out with... I'm sorry. I'm dissolving. I'm dissolving. I will save this theory for another episode, but.

Most definitely. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were asking if there's a third one. Should we talk about it?

I think we probably should talk about it. I'm sure we will. I'm sorry, Brian. I went off on a tangent there, man. That's never happened on this show.

You were wrapping the episode up and then I pulled those. I was trying to escape from this movie. You were trying to get. Out of this and I. I don't know.

Good grief. I completely knocked the train off the track. You were building up so much good momentum to end this episode, and I. Knocked it over. Get the hell away from Zach, but here we are.

All right, man. Dude, sorry. That was not going to be organic. I think at best we can just escape. Okay, okay.

Thank God. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next time seeing Geek Feed. Thanks for listening.

Okay, bye. Hang around You. Could let me down again But it's killing me I can't waste a sound here You'll. Break me if you can You'll break me if you can. Drive me down again.

It's hard to be your scar. A frozen satellite. You never got that far. It's hard to. Be your scar.

I'm cool like you. Every sorry lie I can't live that down. Down. So you'll wait and see Caught between the seam and me And you'll break me if you. You'll break me, break.

Me if you can Drag me down again. It's hard to be. Your scar A frozen satellite You never got that far It's hard to be your scar And cool like you. I could hang around You could let me down Drag me down. Again It's hard to be your scar A frozen satellite, you've never got that far.

So drag me. Down again, it's hard to be your scar. A frozen satellite, you've never got that far. Never got that far. This is on my wife's computer because I can't figure this stuff out anymore.

I've blown a gasket somewhere. I can't figure it out. She comes in. She sets it up on her computer. She does a lot of recordings.

Got me set up. It's coming up and then I couldn't hear you so I'm going like, oh man, I might have to call in the specialist here. I dove in and figured it out. I was on the wrong speaker. Welcome to Old Gosh talking about electronics.

Today we're going to talk about cell phones. How come the writing's so small? Can't hit those little buttons. This is this past five minutes or the best conversation. This conversation is actually us reading from the script of hackers to middle-aged hackers.

I mean, I feel like. We could get Shaggy to come on board. That'd be awesome. He had that network show for a while, but it got canceled, so he probably needs some work. It's fine.

Oh, no, no, no. Shaggy is having a renaissance because he was in that Five Nights movie, so he's part of the whole internet ire or adoration of that new Five Nights at Freddy's movie that came out this year. Cause he plays like this famous character. I know all about the lore. All right.

I've got middle schoolers and high schoolers. So that is not my fault. I'm telling you, I'm telling you life decisions, right? So I know all about the five nights. I'm not going to get into it, but a sequel to hackers would be hilarious.

If you had the same five characters, just trying to do basic shit. Just like I can't where's the other there's another screen how's there another screen I only have one screen. You got Johnny Lee Miller and Angela Jolie trying to do a zoom call and they just can't get it. Johnny Lee Miller's standing there yelling at the computer and she walks up and hits the power button like look let's start at the beginning you haven't turned the computer on yet grandpa oh damn it damn the man The world. The world.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard! This program is a proud member of the Battleship Pretension Fleet.