Release the She Beast (Promo)

So, we better just roll into our movie threat, because people need to be threatened. That's why they listen, I'm assuming. Threats. So, since this episode that you're not going to listen to, but if you were cool you'd be listening to, we're going to be discussing a witch. So, I was like, okay, what else have I seen in the video box world that.

Sort of fits? How about a succubus? Succubus colon hellbent is our threat of the week so this is a 2007 film and uh let me bring up the back of the box here because hellbent you said you're not you're not. Are there multiple succubus. Movies i'm sure there are i'm sure there.

Are got the secondary title succubi if not. Should be that is the plural i thought it is actually but then people always try to correct me when it's a weird one like that they're like Actually, they're called whatever. I'm actually typing the word colon because my life is a disaster. Succubus colon. Don't Google that.

I put the actual colon. I type succubus, the actual, I put the actual colon, and I'm just over here typing colon. Succubus colon, colon, colon. Succubus gets a hold of your colon. It ain't pretty.

And now, thanks to Nora, I really want to look up succubus colon. Turn off safe search. Oh, it's always Ollie. Well, the front cover is cute. It looks like a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen vehicle.

What? You're looking at a different vehicle. Okay, so the back of the box says. I mean, not exactly Mary-Kate. Oh, that's fun.

See, I mean, look at that. She's like sassy. Yeah. I mean, that is the box I saw, but it's... I don't know.

To me, again, it's very retro, which we'll get into, because it looks like an 80s movie. Yeah. It's the Tom Cruise pulling his sunglasses down move that every movie that followed, every... poster box art kind of copied for I don't know why like it's not like it was that effective the first time but somehow it just came to symbolize this look how fucking cool we are which is exactly what we're about to get into here the back of the box says when a fiery hot demoness follows Adam home from a wild spring break trip, this ultra-rich playboy's life is turned upside down. The body count is rising as Lilith, hellbent on payback, uses all of her power and passion to exact her revenge. Jam-packed with smoking hot girls, fast cars, and faster jets, succubus hellbent is a sexy mix of obsession and evil that will leave you breathless.

I don't see what the problem is. I will totally watch that movie. Would you like me to give you the problem? Because then right below that it gets to the cast, which I don't know if you looked up. No.

But their big names that they have are Gary Busey. Told you I'd ruin it for you. I don't know if you ruined anything yet. The other one that ruins it for me is Lorenzo Lamas, which again, you only have to be about 80 to realize why that's such a terrible thing to have to watch. Gaining interest.

Just below Gary Busey. That puts it in perspective. I just feel bad for Kelly Hu and David Keith because they're all good. I like both of them, but working with Gary Busey and Lorenzo Lamas in this, I also, it sounded so terrible. I was like, I have to watch this trailer.

Oh, I know. It is, like. I haven't seen it, but I know. But, like, that's the thing. I expected a certain level of, like, early 2000s version of, like, bad straight-to-streaming movie.

It feels like a straight-to-video 90s movie. Like, mid-90s. Like, it is totally... Not 2007. So I'm like, how many years did this sit on the shelf?

Once you've made the sell, you don't have to keep selling. You say that, but you'll be the first one complaining about it when we're forced to watch. Just because I complain about two-thirds of these movies doesn't mean I'm going to hate all of them. Wait, is Gary Busey the sexy playboy? Oh, let's hope so.

Actually, it might be more fun if it was. But no, he's, I don't know, some dumb old man. Anyway, because again, none of those are the main cast. You get to the whole thing playing there and I'm like, I don't know this guy playing the lead. Sexy playboy, I'm using air quotes.

And then the succubus girl shows up and I'm like, and I don't know who she is. So none of these people. Are the leads. They're just random people they brought in for like a scene. They're like, look, we can only afford David Keith for a few minutes, so get your important dialogue out now.

He's going home after lunch. I'm so intrigued. You say that every time, too. Every time you watch this garbage. You're going to be like, what the hell am I seeing?

So what I'm hearing is Nora is the optimistic one, and I just can't seem to learn my lessons. We're the Ernie and Bert. I like that. I like that. We should get an apartment together.

Kermit the Frog here. That does make me Kermit. We'll watch you on the news. Standing at the microphone, which I've been doing for more years than I want to think about. Which one of us is which in this scenario?

We'll let that just play out over time. No need to set expectations on this. And I do look good in stripes. There you go. I'm not even kidding.

Continue down that road. So, and also to continue how terrible this is, on the box, the little tagline says, what happens at spring break should stay at spring break. Now that's a way more early 2000s tagline. So obviously that's when they repackaged this. But they weren't even trying at that point.

No, they know long since. I don't think writing this, they were trying every step of the way they continued to take it down a notch. But then online, when you look it up, it says, sometimes what happens at spring break doesn't stay at spring break. It follows you home. Okay.

Way too wordy. There is a industrial size dumpster somewhere that is full of cards where they were trying to write down And all of them start with what happens at spring. No, because there's a third one. Because I watched the trailer, it's got one at the very end. It's not near as wordy.

It goes, she's to die for. Okay. No, it's not okay. It's dumb. It's really dumb.

It's dumb, and I'm sure there's a million other movies that have that. What happens in Destin, Florida follows you home along I-75 north. We'll kill you like everything else in Florida. Till you get back to Des Moines, Iowa where you live as a sexy playboy. Oh no, he lives in the Hollywood Hills.

Don't you worry. And he flies jets, as it mentioned. He's a jet flying man because he's that rich. I like fast cars and even faster jets. I was aware.

Jets go a little faster. Just a little. I don't know anything about anything. And I'm learning more and more that I know less about the things I thought I knew. I won't go into what happened this past week, but it was soul-crushing what I found out I didn't know.

But I think I. This is an off mic. I'm not even... I will ask about this. I need to reset.

Help me, guys. I was going to say some. Oh, I knew that... I knew, or at least I assumed that jets were way faster than... cars. Thank you.

Bearing with me there. That was about to get really ugly. You guys have no idea. We'll get back to that later. People are going to ask for their $ 2 back after this episode.

That's fine. But the... Yeah, this is the stuff. My life's a disaster. Join the Patreon and we'll tell you Phillip's.

Life's a disaster. That's an extra special feature. It's the next tier up. I also thought of a new one for you too, Nora, but we won't mention that because people will sign up for it. It's creepy.

Are we sending out feet pics? Well, no. Again, we can take this out so I don't have to actually start doing it. But I realized most of. The post-episode after the cutoff, and I'm usually coming up with dumb stuff to put at the tagline anyway, but I'm like, this last time in particular was like, you know, I could always do Nora describing how much she needs to pee. oh no and then i was like do we need a super cut of all the times you discuss how much you have to pee because last week was or last month uh and i have.

To pee like a she beast. I was like you know somebody would pay good money to hear. That oh yeah release the pee cut so if you're on board with that we can make a special tier that is just you talking about having to pee i mean that's fine. I fear for the reaction yeah yeah. That's why i didn't do it any of the times i was like that's gonna be weird on my part and also no.

Somebody's gonna get into it we get a huge uptick. I mean yeah you're like what happened with this oh wait i forgot i do that for the sake of the pod sure yeah okay all right you heard it you have my permission Gonna pull the Pontius Pilate card here and just wash my hands of this entire affair. Nobody cares about that. But if we get her washing her hands on video, that's a different tier. Hand washing people are out there.

That I'm a lot more comfortable with guys who want Nora to pee. Or girls. There could be girls that are into it. Yeah, definitely. Everyone.

But, yeah, to me, there's some obsessive compulsive bastard out there that's just like, oh, yeah, a little more soap, yeah. I mean, just washing your hand. That's it for somebody. Somebody for everything. So what you're telling me is that's not normal.

I mean, what's on your feed history is your business. Oh, it definitely might be. And nobody needs to. Know, and that's true of me. So, all of that having been said...

Hey, we don't want to watch Succubus. Not to ignore these two. We don't want to watch Succubus. So come up with. A much better option and give it to us when you join the Meltdown Horror Club.

And then we can watch a good movie and not Succubus hellbent colon Vegas playboy. Colon. Colon jet flying dude. Colon. Colon Gary Busey.

Oh, there's problems with his colon. Don't you worry. If not always, certainly now. Oh, and if that wasn't enough hearing us say that, you'll also hear us say ridiculous things like this. Who doesn't love toast?

I'm still thinking about it a lot. Not necessarily in a, like, I'm... haunted by it way although it is creepy but more in kind of like a huh. Way we have a lot of those comments on this show. I expected at some point to have raw meat thrown at me that's and that would have been more comfortable and the thing is it is actually really cool looking It is. It seems completely impractical like all of them.

They're not practical to eat popcorn out of. Until you look at it from a certain angle. Well, I mean, did you see? The first shot I saw of it was when someone got the alien popcorn bucket and was shoving it into the Dune 2 popcorn bucket. Oh, you saw that too?

Yeah, that was the first time I saw it. And I was like, of course. And again, if anyone would be more proud, it would be Gear. I did write down early on... Why would you go to Transylvania on your honeymoon?

And then I remembered that I went to Salem, Massachusetts. As I was watching this, I was like, why didn't you go to Transylvania on your honeymoon? You should have. If I'm going to feed them anything, obviously, if I've learned anything from movies, it's if you want to get plants to grow really. Big, you feed them blood.

Yes, of course. They may or may not be aliens from another planet, but we'll find out. So feeding them human blood is the key, I think. If I didn't know Monty Python movies existed, this is what I would expect it to be, but not as good. There were gore fest.

Of horror movies in front of our face as soon as we sat down. Yeah. Are you watching the popcorn back at home? That is absurd. Come on.

And hot. Don't pretend like not hot. Why is it so veiny? As it should be. It can't look.

No. Hot. No. It's hot. That is ridiculous.

You know it. At one point, she showed us naked pictures of herself. We'll say, yeah, she got naked for us on the screen. I don't think it's what you're hoping or thinking of. It was not what I was hoping or thinking of.

And you, if. See it, will not recover because it is disturbing. She prefaced it with saying, this is going to be disturbing, you guys, just giving you a heads up. And the first picture. She was underselling.

The first picture, I'm like, okay, well. It's like in that similar vein, like very slow and kind of atmospheric and bleak. And I like that. I think it's hit and miss for people. It says a lot about you.

Yeah. You guys, for the first time in my life, I do not own a toaster. And that may be 99% of all my problems. Sources conflict in crediting the production country of the film. What?

That's what it said. That's the exact thing it says on Wikipedia. And then it just stops. There's no further suggestion or implication. I found in looking for other ones, there's one of it lists filming location as Yugoslavia.

Sure. Then it's other sources say the UK. And then... They specifically point out that when they roll up to the hotel there and there's like a restaurant across from it or wherever. It's in Italian.

It's in Italian. So it's like, so you're shooting in Italy or Yugoslavia or the UK or Denver? I don't know. Where are we shooting this thing? That was wild.

If you're walking through the woods and you hear a terrible scream, is the first place you're going to go to A place that's owned by a man named Grover. No, I don't think. So. See, look what happens with communism. Just another victim of the pumpkin wars.

Might as well just have Shelley Winters out there, you know, leading you to your spaceship. What I will say is I think I enjoyed that experience. I remember laughing, but it could have been out of terror. You were just frightened of her. Yeah.

Because we were close enough to her that when. She went crazy. She touched me at a certain point. Yeah. What?

And then I got to that. I was like, 21 days? What the hell did you do? Did you nap for 18 of them? This is a lazy afternoon at grandma's house project if I have ever seen it.

I mean, really. I was like. What the hell do you need 21 days for on this movie? I don't know. And they still didn't have enough footage that they had to keep that entire car chase.

Yeah, you still came out short that you had to have a 48-minute car chase. And the little guy on the motorcycle that just pops up out of nowhere. And I'm. Like, what message are you. Trying to convey to me with this hour-long sequence?

Who's that guy? And I'm like, if they. I know that whole franchise is a ripoff anyway, which I've come to terms with, but if they ripped off that specific movie for that specific scene, I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that. I mean, you kind of had to have her unconscious, or she was... You couldn't have her functionally in a scene.

All she did was scream and kill people. You couldn't have a normal moving the plot along kind of scene. It's just murdering people like. A maniac unconscious like these were her only modes. Just let's leave her over.

Here because we don't want to have to write for this girl she's gonna have lots of dialogue and stuff just how about unconscious the whole movie the. Brain trauma that that poor. Girl seriously man yeah i think they describe it as an accidental alcohol and barbiturate overdose oh no. So is she coming back as the she beast or not i'm i'm not. She did ask a thing that i want to say on a daily basis now oh do you know the.

Draculas yeah that was funny i want to work. That into so many conversations the dracula what is going on in this italy yugoslavia transylvania land how who designed your kitchen. What about the ending? What about the ending? There was an ending?

Yeah. That incredibly climactic scene. I will give them credit. They did kind of end the movie. Are we okay?

We are ridiculous. I feel okay. I thought I was doing better. Do I have a fever? So, go to MovieMeltdown.com and join the Meltdown Horror Club and give us something better to watch. then Succubus or Gary Busey or...

No, that's not true. There's a lot of Gary Busey horror movies out there, so I'm sure you can find something else, but maybe it'll still be better than Succubus. And here's the thing. If we don't have suggestions, we're going to run out of stuff to watch eventually, and then we're going to go out into the real world and try to make friends, and nobody wants to. Yeah, that doesn't work.

There's a reason when I'm out in the world, I'm just, like, finding movie boxes and taking photos of them so I can read them on this segment, because... I'm not making friends or talking to humans. God. I tried. I tried real hard.

Yeah. I don't feel like that's going to work well for at least two-thirds of us. You might have a shot. I don't know. Even then, you're kind of a weirdo.

They just don't know it right away. With us, they know right away. Ooh, they see us coming. But you can ease your way in. And then later, they're just like.

Nora's a freaking weirdo. I think to outsiders, Nora would be the odd person out in this group, but I think to us, she fits. In quite well. Once you listen a while, you're like, oh no. She's a freak.

I have heard Nora say things that I would be ashamed if those were my thoughts. No, I'm joking. But you have given insights that I don't think Brian and I would have come up with. So it is also game for a lot weirder things than i feel like she should be yeah that's how you know she belongs with us it's true i'm just better at hiding it like a succubus who follows you home from spring break damn it i knew something happened i don't even remember when you showed up you've just always been here it's true the hell happened. I make it hot when I put on a.

Show I feel the flow of magic moving through my veins Spotlight on me and I'm ready for pain I'm like a seducer your whole heart is my game Better be ready hope that you feel the same. All eyes on me in the center of the grid, I'm a succubus. When I crash out with everybody, don't trip, I'm a succubus. Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do. Everybody, let's go, I'll try to be gentle with less soothing kiss.