Episode 75 - I Wanna Be Around

Media Nis. You see that guy with it now he's an actor. And the only camp driver in his place. Good evening and welcome tonight mister Walters a Taxi podcast. I'm HP your co host and with me as always as my other co host, Father Blone, Father Blone Hawaii.

This evening. The end is nigh. Simple. That's how I'm doing, straight to the point. Let's let's not mess around, Let's let's jump right in.

This is Taxi Season four, episode eleven, I Want to Be Around, written by Glenn Charles, Unless Charles, The Charles Boys, The Pride of Henderson, of course, and it's directed by James Burrows. Now, before we get started, Father Malone, I have a couple of announcements. These are in no particular order, but we have to sort of address this. First off, I want to give a shout out to listener William Corey Father Malone. We unfortunately we missed an episode drop or two of Night Mister Walters, and William was kind enough to reach out and ask ask about what was happening, asking after us.

And I've probably mentioned before, but this podcast is a true labor of love for myself and for Father Malone. We do this because it's fun, and we do it because we frankly, we hope that we're making life a little bit happier for our listeners in this often challenging time that we're living in right now. And I have a listener take time from their own busy day to check up on us meant a great deal to both of us. And if it weren't for you all, it would just be Father Malone and myself shouting into dead microphones. And we do that's right.

I mean, let's be honest, HP, Like, if if we stopped recording right now we just keep talking about we. Would be we'd be laughing all the while. But so I can't tell you all how much we love hearing from you. So it really touched me that that William reached out and other people, not not just William, but also super fan Trish. Trish, Hi, how are you?

Thanks for reaching out as well. So what's up Trish? By the way, I'm joining there, I want to say hello to Billy there as well. What's going on, bro? We're fine.

We were out killing the Fantastic four, so the. Good news is that we're back on track. So thank you, William, and thank you Trish and all the other listeners that make this uh what it is for us if we wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you folks listening. So thanks everyone, and please keep listening. Now for a bit of sad news.

Unfortunately, Father Malone, this. Is not sad news. This is fucking devastating news. James Burrows, the iconic director behind Taxi, Cheers, Frasier, Friends, so many other classic sitcoms, passed away on June nineteenth, twenty twenty six, at the age of eighty five years old. He was still directing as of twenty twenty five.

He directed ten episodes of a show called mid Century Modern, which regrettably I wasn't that familiar with. But we here at night mister Walters, of course, will always be indebted to his directing on Taxi, and he directed seventy five episodes in total now Father Malone. According to Wikipedia, which is of course an unimpeachd available source, unassialeable source of truth, this is his second largest episode total behind Well, let me ask you, what do you think is his number one most directed sitcom? Uh, it's either Cheers or Friends. Well, it's gonna be Fraser, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say Cheers.

It is Cheers. Now. Do you have a guess as to how many episodes of Cheers? Now again, I said he directed seventy five episodes of Taxi, which is his second most. How many do you figure he directed on Cheers?

Let me try and do some math in this old man brain, if I may, I'd say north of one hundred and fifty. That is a very good guess, and you're on the right track. He directed two hundred and thirty seven episodes. So he directed every fucking episode of Cheers? Is what you just said.

I I can't say that. There are probably one or two where he was just like, guys, I need to go to Hawaii. But that sounds like the entirety of the series. It was dream of countless actors, father Malone, to have the chance to work with Burrows, to earn the right to call him Jimmy. So for myself and for Father Malone, we wish James Burrows rest in peace.

Thank you very much, mister Burrows. Do you have anything you want to add to that? Father Malone, You've said it. I don't want to say anything snarky. I think he was a giant in the industry.

I think it's fitting that the entire sort of sitcom three camera structure is falling apart now that he's gone, Like, why continue without him? I think you're the one who told me, Father Malone that he regularly appeared as himself on that show. The comeback he did, he was just in the final season. He's great and all of it. He's just he's playing a version of himself, obviously, but you get the idea that they really nailed his character.

Yeah, so it's very sad news, but you know we're gonna have soldier forward with our Outcomtry that's right now, get ready to laugh. So the customary reminder we're doing these shows in broadcast order and not in order of filming. In this episode, Father Alone, we start in the garage, as we often do, is Jim is fiddling with the coffee machine and Tony notices Jim struggling, and he somehow surmises that the machine is jammed, so he starts punching it. Then Alex joins in and it becomes this it's almost like a like stomp remember that show Stomped. Where Yeah, it's like a rhythmic.

Suddenly every commercial was people opening bags of Dorito's to the rhythm. That's exactly what we have here. They're they're each hitting it in their own way that the. Coffee rhythm really develops though, like Banta is trying, but the other two are just not helping. So I was actually glad of that because I was like, Oh my god, is this going to be a blue Man group thing going here?

Kind of almost seem to be going in that direction, but but right when it seems like it's going to go off the rails, Elane comes in and notices them all pummeling the machine, tells them they should just get a screwdriver or fixed machine. Ooh, a screwdriver, says it Reverend Gym, and I thought so too. That's a good drink. You're talking about the drink the screwdriversh shot. Like one of my favorites, absolutely vodka.

You know, a little trivia note for for the fans, bah bah blah. And I don't even know if you knew this. The the first time I ever got super drunk to the point of getting sick, I was in high school. It was off of screwdrivers. We drank screwdrivers.

Me and a buddy ofm I just just drank screwdrivers till we both got sick. Guess what I knew that about you, hb for that fucking long. Come on now, it's been a long time. And yeah, that was was that the night? That was the night I think I broke my foot also, I think because I had gone up to bed and I remember he had the spiral staircase that was wooden, and then I was coming down the stairs and I did that thing that we all have done where you think you're hit the last the last stare, but there's two hour stats.

Yeah, and I and I and I came down and I didn't realize it, but I broke my foot and then I went back to try to go back to sleep, and it was just like agony. So anyway, that's a little HP trivia for you all. Stutter stutter crack, that's you're going down the stairs. It was. I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

It was terrible. So uh. Anyway, Tony runs off to the toolroom to get the screwdriver and notices that it's locked, and Jeff comes out of the cage and announces that Louie has declared the toolroom off limits. First side note, fatherm alone. This episode marks the biggest role yet for Jay Allen Thomas's character of Jeff, which I know.

I'm sure it delighted you, just like it delighted me. Absolutely. He's just doing stuff now. He's like a character in the show. All of a sudden, He's so good.

He's he's he's very deadpan and natural. I don't know what his background is, and I can't say I've seen him in much of anything else, but he is so good and it clearly they all like him because he's been on for this long and kind of dribs and drabs. Jeff confides in Alex that Louis is storing food in the toolroom. Jeff claims that Louis is convinced that the end of the world is coming, and he's Louie's turning this room into effectively a fallout shelter. He's a prepper.

He's a doomsday prepper. That's what we would call them nowadays. They didn't call him that in nineteen eighty two, but he is a prepper. We all knew of them, though at the. Time it was considered a much more extreme way of life.

Oh yeah, but you know, we'd always heard tales of fallout shelter since the fifties, so it's not really that far at stretch, and certainly not the first time they've used this premise on a sitcom. No, well, and who can forget grease too? Let's do it for our country. The Red, White, and the Blue. Someday we will maybe we'll we'll re uh will resuscitate.

HP hates me and we'll cover Grease too. Oh you don't, you don't need to hate hate me? No, no, no, no, no, we'll do that right now. We'll talk about Grease too. Fucking a man as soon as we finished here, just start keep the fucking thing rolling.

We'll just start to keep it rolling. We'll do it live. So Louis comes in and he's he's got a large barrel with the with the letters wheat on a hand truck that he's trying. He's moving into the garage and very secretive, very secretive and and very obvious what this thing is. It's like it's like having a jug with the three x's to note that you have, like it's some sort of liquor moonshine.

Hey, what's that burlap sack with a dollar sign on it. It's like the Scrooge McDuck approach there. So, uh, there's a bit of banter, and Alex asks Louis why he is preparing for the end of the world, and Louis, I love this part. Louis gives Jeff this accusatory and announces Judas. There's something about somebody calling somebody else a Judas or saying Jacques.

It just delights me, father alone. I don't know why, but it always, it never fails. It's a great accusation, Judas, you backstabber, you trader, Benedict Arnold. That's the other one, Benedict Arnold. So then Louis comes clean to the rest of the Cabby's.

Louis says that he got the idea of the end of the world coming from watching Donahue the other day. Another side note, Father Molones, does anyone listening to this podcast remember the show Dona Hue? Only old people are listening to this program, mister p. It's true, but it was. It was such a monster show at the time, don't you remember.

Somebody finally is going to say, let's blame the celibates. That is an awesome, awesome Donahue imitation. There he was. It was for those maybe who aren't familiar with Donahue. It was sort of a mid afternoon talk show hosted by a guy named Phil Donahue.

Oh my god, they're stripping and the malls, the mom's around drugs and I can't get enough gas for my car. Can someone tell me what's going on? Are on Donahue? His shtick was so ready made for parody. They used to It was so popular that Phil Hartman used to do He used to play Donahue on SNL.

They would do multiple. First Dona Hue, beIN, I did this, Let's blame the celibates. That's from Phil Hartman. There was Victoria Jackson like she was a celibate. She was saving herself from marriage, and then we find out she used to be the little trashiest mattress back.

And really Donahue sort of paved the way for Oprah. There wouldn't really be an Ochest if there wasn't a Donahue. So that you some historical context. Folks who don't know who don Key was, but he was, you know, everywhere at this time. He was so iconic because of his look.

He had this like bright white hair and the glasses and he was. The deepest blue eyes. Yeah, and he was married to Marlo Thomas from that girl, Ah, that girl, that girl Mark. He was sensitive. He was part of the sensitive movement.

He was the tail end of what started with Alan alda sensitive man with a microphone and a tie, you know. And yeah, I mean he would have the sensationalist topics and that's what eventually talk shows just became. It just became the sensationalist topics. But ninety nine percent of it was the most dull, boring, fucking stuff that was important to talk about that nobody was talking about. But at the at you know, at the same time, it wasn't entertaining.

Yeah, he had to cover I mean, he was doing a show five days a week, so he had to cover a lot of material. And I the one episode that I remember, and I don't know why this stuck with me, but they were talking about potato chips and the fact that the green potato chips could cause cancer. I don't know why I remember this, but it got through to me as as an eleven year old or whatever I was. Well, they were talking about something important to your potato chips, and now you've realized that some of them might might end your life. So to this day, when I'm eating a bag of potato chips and I pull out one that's green, I always have to, like, I have a second of like hesitation, like should would Donahue want me to eat this potato chip?

This is not good? So anyway that Donahue is responsible for Louis, you know, discovering this that the end of the world might be happening, at least according to Donahue. Tony asks what Louis really worried about, and Louis says, this doomsday prepper on Donahue scared the hell out of them, he says, he says he's afraid of everything. He's afraid of the economy, Louis afraid of murderers, he's afraid of the police, hamstrung by politicians, all of this stuff. And Lane counters that if if all of that happens, no one is going to survive anyway, But Louis says, ah, no, come see what I have cooked up.

And he beckons them into his shelter which used to be the tool room, and and they go in and the toolroom. I again we talk about how much we love the set decoration. I loved this doomsday prep fallout shelter. You go in, it's stocked with all manner of doomsday prep materials that there's there's palettes of canned food, there's a grain mill, there's a there's like a short wave radio. There's even radiation proof suits in the back fathom alone.

Space suits. Yeah, well there's space suits, but he calls them radiation proof suits. So I'll take you. I don't know why. I like the just that was available on the paramount line up at that moment, like, we need some shiny suits for radiation.

Well we got four of these, Like, oh that's perfect. Yeah. So Elaine is marveling at this and says it must have cost the fortune, but Louis scoffs that, you know, what's a fortune if you're a radioactive pretzel. So he's willing to pony up the cash to save himself, and then Tony asks. Tony's very inquisitive in this episode.

It's kind of belying his usual you know, loudishness. I think, can I just say about that? And his through line from here on out I guess it seems where he has accepted what a dummy he is, and that's kind of a sea change, right. So he's embraced. He's no longer pushing back on the notion that he's an idiot.

In a moment, they're going to talk about him in the third person in front of him as like a man with a single digit IQ. And once he finds all that. Out, he's like, cool, Yeah, he didn't care. He's not offended at all. No, he's not.

I think he's accepted his limitations, which is commendable. I guess in the next episode, HB, someone's gonna ask him if you got dumber? And he considers it for a moment. It's right, he stops and thinks. So Tony asks Louis why there's four cots?

There's four beds in this fallout shelter, and Louie replies, you don't think I'd come in here alone, do you. Louie has handpicked a survival squad to stay with him, he said, and he starts to rattle off with her. First, he says, is Jeff who Louis says he needs to convin to convince the quote unquote black hordes that he's cool, and Jeff is like, all right, that's that's cool. You know. No, he says, I'll do what I can.

That's right. It's like, I'll do it, you know. He's he's unfazed. And then secondly, Louie says, there's a cop fer Nardo, but she scoffs at the notion, and Louis says, you know what, you'll be begging to join us if there's an apocalypse. And to prove that Louis has learned no lesson from the previous episode where he committed an egregious act of sexual e hambarrassment, he whispers a secret dirty password to Nardo that elicits a slap across the face and like a like a reproach from her.

I'd like to talk. I'd like us to interview Marilyn Henter at some point, because she can remember everything. I'd like to know what he said to her. Well, it's interesting. I have seen a collection of bloopers from Taxi and that was one that I remember seeing, like they there's like five takes of her slapping him across the face and then they're laughing.

My guess is he was actually saying something pretty scay. That's what I'm saying. It's gotta be file right, It's. Gotta be so yeah, that would be interesting, because you're right, she has that amazing memory. She probably well the first one, first take, it was this, and then you know, on and on.

So finally Alex asks who the fourth member was gonna be, and Jim, who's there with them, base begs to be the fourth member of the of the group because all of this talk of the apocalypse has him really scared. Tony says, oh, the fourth person must be Alex. And then Louis admits that he considered Alex, but he decided that Alex would vie with Louis for leadership of the group, which is actually true. Of course, he would instantly become the leader when he came in, and everyone would kick Louie to the side. Everyone would defer to Alex.

Of course they would. He was afraid that Alex Is gonna vie for for leadership. And then besides, Louis says, and Louis can't let this slide without a joke at Alex's expense, so he says that Alex's big honker would suck up all the oxygen in the in the shelter, and he makes this like this anteater kind of. Thing, and oh, he pulls his hands up as if it's all the oxygen in the world going up his nose. Yeah yeah, so but but besides so, Louis says he needs an enforcer, someone with a lot of muscle but a single digit IQ.

And of course Tony has no idea that he's referring to him, but Louis confirms that, you know, I think Alex says he means you, Tony, And Louis convinces Tony that his Vietnam training would come in handy uh, and he gives Banta a doomsday pamphlet to read. This is like something if anyone yeah, yeah. Come back in a week. This Alex poo poo's the suggestion of this doomsday situation, and he's trying to get everybody to go to Mario's. But Louis and Sis.

Dam remember they were just fighting with the coffee machine. Okay, let's all go get drunk. We now that we found out about Louise's thing, let's all stop working and go get drunk. That's right, who needs to make money. Let's just go to Mario's and just drown our.

Sorrow literally just arrived. It was like, what are you guys doing in the confumation? Like it might have been their end of their shift, but what is she going with them for? It's legit probably like quarter of eight in the morning and they're gonna go have beers and marios and bad spaghetti. Well, maybe they're gone for the breakfast.

Remember that breakfast buffet is something. I forgot about that. Tony says that, hey, it sounds like fun. But then Alex is affronted a little bit and he gets loud and he's insisting that it's one thing to talk about armageddon, but it's another thing to lock yourselves up in a little room. And Alex goes on to say, I'm gonna make a bet with you, Louis.

Your group wouldn't last two days in that bunker. Louis takes the suggestion and he runs with it. He says, the prep squad will go in over the weekend to the fallout shelter. It's like they're running a drill like. Maneuvers, like maneuvers in the army.

Well, I, for one, here's the thing, and I'm burying the lead a little bit, but I this was always one of my favorite episodes Father alone. Shocker when I was a kid, mine too, And because there's something about the idea that they're gonna like play like doomsday prep squad in this place and have all this weird food and. Fun sounds like a last for a weekend. You. Yeah, it's like being in like a playhouse, Like, Hey, we're gonna pretend that we're going to lock ourselves in here and we're not gonna, you know, we'll emerge in forty eight hours.

It just sounded like everybody, Yeah, exactly, that's exactly what it's. It kind of like it's proto LARPing. Really. I mean it's it's grim because we're talking about, you know, a nuclear holocaust, but. Still at least make it like an alien invasion and make it fun like they've salted the air with poisons.

The fact that Tony gets excited about it and he's like, yeah, it sounds like fun. That's how I felt too. I was like, yeah, that does sound like fun with your buddies hanging out. It just sounded like a lot of fun to me. So, even though this may not be the most consequential episode in the canon.

This one delighted me, and it still does even now. They're debating Tony and Louis and Jeff are trying to come up with the scenario. What's it going to be? And they Jeff is. My favorite part of this is Jeff suggests earthquake and pestilence, and Tony says, oh, no, we don't want to mess with that small stuff, to which Jeff replies, yeah, but earthquakes are bad.

I don't know something about it, going yeah, they're bad, you know, like bad meaning good. I just thought it was really funny that Jeff is excited about the notion of an earthquake. That's his trick at all. Let's do it all. Let's do an atomic blast earthquake and then civil unrest.

That right, that's right. So the three of them excitedly walk off. Maybe they're going to Marios to talk about it, but they're they're discussing this drill, and again the excitement is infectious. I'd be like, yeah, I'll do that. Sure, I'll pretend for a weekend.

We're not a friend of mine here in Las Vegas. His mom is a prepper for real, her mom rather Yeah. Wow, Like she has like a thing like dug into the ground like a like a fall. Shelter has has it all is ready for anything? You've seen this?

Oh yeah, stocked with all the freeze dried and canned goods and everywhere. Which say, you know they have to update that shit. You know, it goes bad like some of the like the mre type stuff you know that'll last thirty forty years, but a great much of the of the stock needs to be sort of turned over if it's not being used. Well, even I canned goods, that's not a lifetime you know thing. I mean, we all keep can stuff in our cabinets and we forget about a lot of it and we go, oh, it's can It'll be fine.

It's not fine. I mean, at least after a matter of decades. I can. I can tell you that when I go up north with my brothers, when we stay up there, there's an Army Navy store, an old school in Army Navy store that you don't see much nowadays, and they have like a whole aisle filled with you know, MREs and things that you add water to, like you know, a chicken impasta that's all dehydrated, but then there's like a section of I don't think you even call them mrs, but they're basically like nutrient bars. Yeah, yeah, that's where we've gotten to.

It's just like it's like eating soilent green. That's what it is. It's like soilent green. I mean, it will keep you alive and give you all of the nutrients that you your body needs. But it's like you know that scene in The Matrix where they're like, if this gives you everything you need to survive, and he's like, don't give you everything you need.

It doesn't have any flavor. It's not it's not good, it's not tasty. So I guess, you know, if you want to survive at all costs, sure, maybe the MR is the way to go, but it's not living. I don't think no, But is any of this honestly, are we going to discuss this at any point? The whole even notion of prepping the idea that when society collapses, that these dummies are going to come out and somehow repopulate the fucking earth.

No, thank you. Why don't you stay in your hole and let whoever actually survived fucking come out. It's gonna be the bugs anyway, you know it. It's true. They're gonna be horrifying, but they are going to be organized and they're going to be uh waiting for people to come out so they can eat them.

I think I think maybe the whole idea of Fallout, the game and the TV show and everything that's probably more prescient than we think. There'll be some kind of evolved cockroach that will, you know, kill everybody, be a giant cockroaches roaming the countryside. We'd be lucky if it turned out to be Fallout. It won't be that. It'll just be these fucking morons and they're they're they're inbred progeny coming out of these these vaults.

Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Oh And by the way, just a quick plug any Fallout fans, Father Alone has a Fallout specific series on the midnight viewing channel that you should check out. Who's your co host, Father Malone, Nuka Cota Quantum is there and the show is a Vault seven oh two. Yes, please check it out mid mid show. Father Malone is I've said it before and I'll say it again.

He's the hardest working man in podcasts and I still believe that. I've even out. I finally got it. Too much science. I'm not killing myself anymore.

So well, it's it's still it's quantity. It's quality over quantity. Now it's evolved over time, but. No, the quantity remains consistent. It's still two shows a week.

It's still killing me. But I can do both of those now very easily, and Patreon shows. So I've got a I've got a system. I've got an angle. Got an angle.

So we come back to the garage. We fade back into the garage and Louis comes in. He's wearing sweats. He's ready for his his weekend. The sweatpants, sweat sweatshirts.

Yeah, ready to go. As we discussed in the last episode, this was a time when sweats only came in one color gray, and that's what he's got on. This is Rocky Balboa style. And he declares that he's ready for their weekend, and Jeff confirms that Tony's also on his way. And Alex, ever the sort of doubter in this whole thing, he challenges Louie with this little thought experiment about like what if, Louie, there's a little girl banging at your door and she's begging for food and you're not gonna be able to resist that, And Louis bluntly just declares that she's going to be buzzard bait.

He seems unmoved by the thought experiment. Yeah, that's the story every sci fi writer had been doing since the fifties, right, the little girl outside in the wasteland. Tony comes in. He's got his full GI uniform on. And for me, Father Ballone, I don't know if you took note of this, because you're kind of a style guy on this show.

It looked a little too form fitting for me. It kind of made him look like a member of the village people. It's very tight on him. I didn't mind that because, you know, maybe the last time he wore it was ten years ago, and he's much more fit these days because he's a boxer like you know, or you know, at least trains as one. And that was fine.

Except his his utility belt, all the pouches on it, like it looked like he just came up. Yeah, it came. It looked like it came. Off the shelf at a costume shop, like right off you know, the paramount a lot and on to Tony's waist, and I was like, that's ridiculous. Why would he?

Why would and why did why do you know? Why did they look so perfect if he had been through the jungles of Vietnam, Like they're not dinged up at all. But they at least made sure that the name above the right like breast pocket was actually Banta, so that you make the case that it's actually his uniform, like it wasn't just some you know, you could see that it was presumably his. Well that's why that's that only reflects the the wrong headedness of that utility belt. Because the uniform, I can go, yeah, look it's it's a too small uniform and has his name on it.

He in the jungles. If anything, they forgot his necklace. Of ears, and you know, clearly the legs should be completely spattered in blood. But yeah, that utility belt was was massive. It was like it was like Batman's utility belt from the Dark Knight Returns, all exaggerated and big.

Exactly. Yeah, And they wouldn't like a soldier wouldn't have they would have like a like a backpack or something for all of their supplies. They wouldn't have a it around their belt. That would just be weird. Like a superhero, he's infantry, Like, what are you doing, man, He's crawling through mudholes.

My issue was it was a little too tight on him. But I guess to your point, maybe he put on a lot of muscle since he was in Vietnam, so that makes more sense. Maybe. So Anyway, Louis gathers Jeff and Toni and sets the stage for their little experiment. Louis insists they're not going to emerge until four pm on Sunday, and all the while Alex is undercutting the seriousness of Louise's drill.

But Louis insists, you know, there's a lot of people that feel the same way that he does about the coming apocalypse. Yeah, but you know again, but what world are you emerging into? Well, that's. You're basically saying, I want to live in this room for the rest of my life. My life is worth living if it can only be in this room with these people.

For the rest of our lives. However short those lives might end up being, or or long. I mean that might be worse. And can I just say that Sunshine Cab Company is on the island of Manhattan, which is going to be flattened if a nuclear blasties. I don't care how well constructed those old buildings were.

There's nothing saving that fucking the bomb might land on Sunshine Company. It would be a prime target for a nuclear as salt, I think of what you're saying. Louis and all of his dried goods are going to be vaporized. Much pretty much. So they go into the room and they lock the door behind them, and inside the bunker, Louis tells them all to man their stations.

But as we see, there's really nothing for them to do other than sit around a large barrel in silence. And that's basically what we see here. After a minute or two of not speaking, Tony wonders out loud like should he be doing something? And Louise says, yeah, we are. We're surviving.

And then Tony asks for something to eat, and Louis pulls out a bag of legumes. He calls them they just look like freeze dried potato chips or something. It looks like styrofoam, styri kind of like styro like I'm trying to like if anyone's had like those, like veggie chips, or veggie sticks. They look like they're kind of that material, like airy and probably not very filling you. No, they're too white for that.

At least the veggie chips give you a sense of color. There's some red and green in the yellow in there. And this just looks like a white piece of foam that supposedly gives you enough nutrients. It's the equivalent that their equivalent of those nutrient bars you were talking about. That's right, yeah, because Louis says this will give you the nutritional equivalent of an egg breakfast.

And they start munching on these things that look like styrofoam and they're you know, they're all very they're not enjoying it, obviously. And then Tony sees that there's freeze dried ice cream on the wall. And we all get excited as kids when this episode when freeze dried ice cream was laughing. I loved it. Whenever we would go to the Museum of Science as kids, father blone that we would always come home with a bag of freeze dried ice cream and.

It will at least not ice cream. So good man, because it and it messes with your mind because you're eating it and your brain says this should be cold, but it's not. But it tastes exactly like you know, neopol and ice cream. What a memory of that. I love that as a kid, didn't you?

Uh? I know? I was never actually a fan of the freeze dried ice cream, honestly, really yeah, no kidding, Yeah, I'm a weird one. And that I was never a fan of the flavors of chocolate or the fake flavor of strawberry. Oh yeah, I kind of I embraced the fake strawberry.

I mean it tastes It's like having a grape flavored bubblegum as a kid. It tastes nothing like what it's supposed to represent, but it becomes its own flavor. I mean, like watermelon candy doesn't taste anything like watermelon actually does, but some people prefer it over the real things. Maybe that's the case for me too, I don't know. Well, what I've found is if anything is sort of so chemical based, like as a flavors in an attempt to approximate a true flavor, my mind reels an abject horror at that.

Artificial banana flavoring is the worst. Now, funny you say that because it is the one artificial flavor that I enjoyed. Are you serious? Straight up with you? Yeah?

Yeah, I like that. I like fake banana flavor. Remember those wafers who would get as kids the banana flav Oh my god, I loved them. I know everyone hated them, but I love them. Banana flavored runts give me more.

I could not. I couldn't embrace banana flavored anything. It just it just tasted. Because I like bananas. I like the actual banana.

Maybe that's I don't know, that's we I eat. Two bananas a damon man, so I like both. Huh. Remember bit of honey? Remember the honey?

Are you crazy? It's one of the best. They still make it, Yeah, of course, Okay, you never see it anymore. They used to advertise on television bit of Honey. No, it's it's more niche.

Now you have to go to like a candy shop, you know where they have a retro section. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, where you can get like a mallow cups or things like that. Yeah. I just had a mallow cup recently. Delicious.

Really. Nevertheless, we're talking about survival here follow them, and we're talking about them eating freeze dried ice cream. Our survival. HP mallow cups are good. Charleston Chew.

Remember Charleston Chew? I I love that was my favorite candy grown up. I mean strawberry. Actually, ironically for me, it was my favorite. What is wrong with you?

I loved it? Man? What's wrong with you? Mister fake banana flavor? Yeah?

Stuff? I think if you ask a hundred people whether they prefer artificial strawberry artificial banana, I think you're going to get the majority going with strawberry. Oh and once again, how many fucks do I give for any of those people in their opinions? Indeed, So anyway, Tony is lunged for this freeze dried ice cream, and Louis like it kind of becomes like almost like a parent. He's like, you will not eat your freeze dried ice cream until you finish your legumes.

Jeff asks for a freeze dried ice cream vote, and after LOUI. Should have seen the writing on the wall right here. This is now a democracy, and you're gonna be outvoted every time, little man. It's true because because Louis doesn't, he's got no leg to stand on. Because once he's outnumbered, that's it.

There's no he doesn't have a cab company. He can't lord their jobs over them anymore. Now it's just survival. Thanks for bringing us in here. Now we rule the roost.

He couldn't defend himself against u uh Tony alone, let alone Tony and Jeff. It's it's gonna be survival of the fittest. My gut tells me that Tony is the one who's going to be King of the Cinder when all of this is said and done. So anyway, he puts it to the to a vote, and Tony and Jeff raise their hands. But then you see in the back one of the radiation proof suits starts to raise its hand, and Louie is annoyed, and he runs over it, takes off the mask, and when you know it, it's Jim.

And Jim says he's been living there for three days. He says, he's been eating the great food, he's been listening to the short wave. He's been having a great old time. And then Louie sleeping in these crazy sleeping bags. These crazy sleeping bags, and Louie tells him he's got to leave.

And in the midst of this argument with Jim, Louie has this light bulb moment moment, and he says, this is actually a good test for the survival group because this might be a scenario that they're presented with it where they have to actually kick someone out. So Louie orders Tony to throw Jim out as a test of Tony's muscle. Tony says, look, it's just Jim. Let's you know, what's the big deal, and Louie urges Tony to see him not as lovable Jim, but as an interloper that is threatening their very lives. Louis again is insisting that they treat this as the real thing and not just a drill.

And then Tony, after some hemming and hawing, box at throwing Jim out into the wasteland and he refuses to do it. Louie then says, well, fine, I'll do it, and he explains this to Jim that you know, Jim, look, that's nothing personal, but you know it's either us or you, and you're out of here. And Jim agrees to leave of his own volition in exchange for only one thing, and that's one last hug from Louie. And this devolves into a weeping Jim clutching Louie just begging for his life, and Tony notes that this is kind of like the synopsis of the episode. Tony notes that it's not much fun pretending that everybody's dead, and Louis says, well, what if you're not pretending, and Tony sagely replies, well, it wouldn't be much fun either.

Well, here's the moral here. If you're gonna have a LARPing sort of Immersei weekend, bring the fucking burnout who can actually believe that he's in the scenario, and they'll act it out fully and you'll have to fucking deal with consequences. Louis relents. He calls off the entire drill and he walks outside and Alex is still sitting at the poker table. Smugly, he notes to Louie that his his apocalypse lasted all of eleven minutes.

So Tony and. Jeff head out to the lips. Wow apocalypse No, So Tony and Jeff head out to get beers. Tony is still in his village. People Soldier get up and Alex pokes some fun at Louis for this whole enterprise, and Louis is really bothered by the fact that he couldn't throw Jim out.

He says, at the end of it all, he couldn't follow through with his stated objective of surviving. But Alex sees it differently. I gotta say this, I found this a little bit too cloying, a little too saccharin from Alex. Alex says that Louis couldn't throw Jim out, and Louis would not be able to refuse to help others when, if, and when the time came. He's pontificating that that's where the hope for the future lies, not with radiation suits or shelters, but compassion.

This is what Alex is coming back to him with, he says. Alex says, you don't need to fear tomorrow. You can look forward to it. I wrote here this is a remarkably fascile way of looking at this whole complicated situation, especially for the normally pragmatic Alex. I thought it was the end of a nineteen fifties educational film about nuclear war.

Or about nuclear power. Like, yes, it can be destructive, but it can also be beneficial. Look forward to the future. Kind of or even like the like the of the Clifford Odebts play where it's like, you know, I'm I'm a man, don't you see it? I won't fear the future.

I will look forward to it. You know what I'm saying, waiting for leven kicking. We've been kicking Clifford Odets for how many years now? Not enough decade. I'm a man, that's all.

Well, that also includes that's like the Rod Serling thing that he you know in Twilight Zone, right, I mean you went through the whole every episode. Yeah, But I guess I was frequently invoking Clifford Odets because it's been so long since I've heard Clifford ADATs, because it came it became such shorthand between you and I. He's just like a man. We know, the kind of lame theater we're talking about, like. Like this, that's that's every cliff row Debts play, which is you know this this like tough bruiser who is completely emasculated to the course of the play and he has he's feebly clearing at the end.

I'm a man, don't you see chest? Yeah, with like you know, with like a wife beater on, you know, don't you see with like you I don't know it's it's yeah, Cliff Odets. After this sort of speechifying bye bye by reader, Louie is pretending not to hear. But then Alex does this thing where it's it's so annoying, where he's like, I know you heard Louis. Look give me that smile, Louis, I know you heard me.

And reluctantly Louis comes around and he's like, yeah, right, I guess I'm not a bad guy after all. And Alex even goes so far as to insist that Louis is dripping with love for humanity, which is just a terrible turn of a phrase. Gross, very gross. So Alex asks Louis to go to Marios, of course, because they're not going to go any like. It's like it's it's like that SNL sketch where the hypnotist.

Everyone is reviewing the hypnotist. It was much better than kats. I will see it again and again. That's the hold that Marios has over everybody, because Tommy hip the tist of the highest order. What's going on here?

Blah. He's lacing their their their beers like with lysine, like like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. They don't realize it. But if they don't get that chemical, they'll fucking die. We used to make this this joke about the A Team and NBA Bracas, how they always had to drug him to get the gold.

Yeah, at a certain point, he becomes addicted to that whatever. He really needs to fly, even though he's terrified. Guys, I really need to fly. I don't know what because I'm so scared, but I really need it. We're not flying today.

He's physically addicted to the drug that they gave him to keep him flying. Oh, that's that's so good. Maybe we'll cover that when we do our eighteen podcast. Team podcast. We will do a special about the A Team.

But they leave arm in arm to go to Marios to get a beer and as we fade to black, and that's the end of the episode. So now we're gonna talk about yellow lights, father alone. What does a yellow light me? A reminder, we grade every episode from a scale of one to five yellow lights one is the worst taxi episode and five is the best taxi episode, and is also our custom. We're gonna throw it to you, what do you give I wanna be around.

I'm gonna give it three yellow lights. I think it was a little too treacily and clifford O dance, like you said, and I think this is a tired premise. I love this as a kid, obviously because for the reasons that you stated, it seems like a fun, adventury kind of thing to do. But yeah, re examining it is a It is a grim fucking thing to be doing and being as cavalier as it is. I don't know, just rubs me the wrong way, really, okay, but I appreciate I appreciate everyone's performance there, particularly Christopher Lloyd, who his expressions during the entire time where Banta is trying to throw him out go from crazy to crazier to craziest.

He Chris Lloyd is. I can't say he's an underrated physical comedian, but I guess I'm gonna say it, like I feel like he's not often given like his due as a good physical comic. He's he's acting entirely with his face. That's where all the physicality is, and it's fucking incredible. Like everyone go gush is about Jim Carrey because he can do that stupid grinch smile, Like, let let's see him do Doc Brown like seeing something horrific going on.

She's so fantastic here now. But what's interesting is I gave this episode five yellow lights brought them alone for me. This is a nice, small scale episode that's really funny. It's got some cast breakouts that we don't normally see, like how often do we see Tony, Louie and Jeff broken out into their own little group and they have a little, you know, nice little scene together in the Fallout shelter, and I love the We talked about this already a lot, but I love this little mini adventure of the fallout drill that they kind of embark upon. It's just for me.

I hear what you're saying, and intellectually, I might agree with a lot of what you're saying about how grim the episode is, and maybe through adult eyes it might not hit the same way as it does as a kid. But I can't get away from the fact that it's one of the most rewatchable episodes. In my opinion. It makes me laugh every time, and I can kind of look past I make fun of Alex for the treacily nature of his monologuing at the end, it doesn't hurt my enjoyment of the episode. So well, let me just say, so, you're giving it two yellow lights for nostalgia.

Well, no, because because Jeff is really good too. He has some great moments. You know what, you're giving it four yellow lights and one for nostalgia. Then maybe, I guess if you need to break it down that way, maybe I do. That's fine.

Here's the thing. I ultimately this the light. The light system is a means of recommending or not recommending an episode to people listening to this podcast. I'm saying, I think clarify that a perfect score in this case might be a little clouded. You're impugning my Yes, I am, because five yellow lights means a perfect episode of Taxi.

You're killing me father alone. You're just saying, that's why we have five and not four for the for the best episode, so we can make that distinction. You know what, Actually, you've convinced me. I'm gonna do what I don't often do. I'm gonna take one yellow light away.

I'm gonna make it a four yellow lights. I guess that feels a little better given the fact that I can't I can't go back on my previous criteria for a perfect episode, which is the the the whole cast has to be kind of involved in some way, shape or form, and in this case, a Lane's not really in it that much. We don't really see Latka obviously, Bobby is nowhere to be found. So I guess maybe you convinced me I'm gonna give it four instead. Four is still a really good score.

It's just not perfect objectively perfect. You know that had Andy Kaffin been available that week, Jeff wouldn't have gotten apart. I don't think he would have hit the same way with Latka, though. I think it would have hit in a much funnier episode had that been Laka in there. But I guarantee you that it was written originally for they were like, wait, who's left?

Because Elaine definitely wouldn't go in there, neither would rig Or. Like I guess, uh, Jeff, but I guarantee you that the thought was let's do Latka and he was like, Nope, not working that week. No, you might be onto something there, Maybe that that might actually explain why they kind of took a previously kind of minor character and promoted him for this episode. I still like it. I still am delighted by Jeff being in this.

But oh yeah, I guess, I guess that's an interesting what if if nothing else. And in solidarity HP for your nostalgia, I will give this one more yellow light. I'll give this four yellow lights. Oh so, actually it actually balances out. You gave it three and I gave it five.

Now we give it four. It's still an average of four yellow lights? Why not? I also remember this, I remember laughing fucking hysterically when the spaceman put his hand up because he wanted ice cream. So on that basis, I will give it a yellow light as well.

And I just I like the idea that this whole scene has been going on for like five minutes and Christopher Lloyd has just been sitting stock still in the costume, like waiting for his queue to raise. His hand clipped in there. Do you notice, Oh yeah, he's hung up on the wall right. Yeah, there's a there's a wire there and with a little like eye hook clipping him in. So he's just like leaning off of the wall in the suit.

Interesting. Do you suppose that the studio audience is privy to the fact that he's in that costume? Absolutely? I was kind of wondering they watched him come out and get clipped onto that wall, and if they didn't, no. They would have to like he wasn't gonna be there that long.

That's true. And in between takes, I'm sure they're like, hey, okay, in there, I need some water, you know. Yeah. So so it's it's a cute episode. Maybe I I gave it a little too much cachet because of my own personal feelings, but ultimately look for four yellow lights from myself, four from Father Malone.

This this is a good time. This is a fun episode compared to some of the ones that we've reviewed in the last few weeks. This is this is the cream of the crop. Uh So that'll do it for this episode of night Mister Walters, Father Malone. Where can folks find you when you're not clocked into the garage?

I do a show called Midnight Viewing. HP does a lot of them with me, as does Mike White from the Projection Booth and Nukakota Quantum. You mentioned her at the seven oh two show. There it's on the Patreon channel. Go to patreon dot com slash Father Alone everything so you can get all the free stuff there too.

So it's not like you have to pay for anything that's not readily available on Spotify or any of the podcatchers or whatever the fuck you listen to. Mm hmm. I tried not to curse so much in this episode out of reverence for for for James Burrows. James Burrows just ruined it. Ah, that's okay.

I'm sure he would appreciate us talking about because this is one of his one of his many episodes he directed, and it's a good one. So for myself, as Father Malone said, I I uh do a lot of work with him on his fests. We're in the middle of Von Doomfest, which is covering the MCU and related properties, which has been great. Go check that out. I also host the Noise Junkies music podcast and I have a band campsite Hpmusicplace dot bandcamp dot com.

So thanks again for listening. Please feel free to subscribe to the podcast or at a review rate us. We'd love to hear from you. The email address here for us is Hpmusicplace at gmail dot com. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you again next to Hi