Stocking Stuffers 11.7 A Cinderella Christmas Ball with Kevin Matthews

Before we get started with today's trailer and film, just wanted to give everyone a reminder that you have a certain amount of days left to watch the lost Hallmark Christmas Movie live, even though it's no longer live, but it was recorded live and you can stream it. The link is in the show notes. It's a very long link, and I am not going to say all of those letters out loud here because that's exhausting, but it is a link via caveat dot stellertickets dot com with more information in the show notes. This is your chance to watch the live show we did on December seventh in New York City. It's me, It's Kevin Marr.

It's a bunch of wonderful performers doing our version of a Hallmark Christmas movie co wrote and co directed and co stard in. So see me on stage. Watch a hardened city woman who's also a vampire find love this holiday season with original music. It's a blast. Please watch it.

I would appreciate it. Thank you, and now on to other matters of the holidays. Welcome to having Shaw and miss Jones. Do you know where this is? Castle is closed to the general public until December twenty sixth.

I never back down from a challenge, So I will figure out how to get past that gate. You want to dance, Let's see what you've got. Grateful for the dance, Miss Jackson. Yes, I have been tasked with finding a dance instructor for Prince Philip. I teach the Prince, then I can go beyond the gate.

Naturally, I see you found a way in. It's you, miss Jones, Prince Philip. Okay. In ballroom dance, the most important thing is posture. I'm expected to perform that particular ones with the person that I choose to marry.

Sounds like the ball in Cinderella. It has gained the nickname the Cinderea Christmas Ball. But you haven't chosen yet. No, you have been a breath of fresh air. You could totally be Cinderella.

I'm not going to put on a fancy dress and suddenly fit in, he says. A big night. He will make his choice. Do you love him? He's to be with someone who's good for this country.

No matter what do you think. You are the most extraordinary woman I've ever met. We belong when we decide we belong, we belong. O God puts us. Welcome to another stocking stuffer here at the Feminine Critique.

I'm Emily, and I have quite a task ahead of me as I dive into a fake European country with a fake royalty. That's a lot to handle. It's the other part of the world, so I needed a local to help me along the way. So guest starring today is the one and only podcaster blogger Kevin Matthews of Raiders of the Podcast and for It is Man's number. One of my fellow bloggers who still blogs, and I love that there are still a few of us left.

Hello Kevin, Happy holidays. How's it going? Hello, Happy holidays, dud, it's going well. Yes, we steady bloggers, I think are a dying breed, but it's important to just persist. Hey, So you know that people are putting things on to be and those people that work hard to put things on to be deserve to be rewarded with words written about their content.

So I think we're doing We're doing the Lord's work, Kevin, if you ask. Me exactly, I think it even softens a message if you really dislike something to put the effort in to make up more words. We sat there and typed. Right, we didn't just talk into a microphone like we're doing now. We actually had to write things, and for that we get credit.

And now today's movie was written by the person who brought us sexting in Suburbia, directed by the man who brought us ghost Cat, the very exciting A Cinderella Christmas Ball, not to be confused with Do you think there are other movies where the words are in a different order that make the same movie, Like, is there like a Christmas Curella ball. Yeah, or Christmas Cinderella or yeah, yeah, Christmas bawl for Cinderella or whatever. I'm pretty sure there's a combination that's been reused, just in different order. Yes, and Kevin was very good. He made sure that I was watching the right one.

So I do appreciate that, because, as we will learn in a future episode, things can go wrong because these it's just the same words in different orders, and they can be completely different movies even though they're probably actually the same movie. So tell me why you picked this one, because I know you're a big watcher of these movies. You get through quite a bit of them each season. Yes, and I cover a lot on my blog I'll just watch them in generally, and my partner is actually as big a fan in quotation marks as I am, but with a pH we have a bit of a battle because she always wants to start super early and enjoy the comforting cheese levels. I demand that Halloween is properly dealt with first, and then, of course I know, I mean she wanted to go off because they appear now.

I think it's like July or August some channel some of them. Yeah, And anyway, we were on holiday last month and we're middle of nowhere, nice peaceful break, so I did say, we have nothing else to do, we can start watching some of the cheesy Christmas movies. And we picked this one. I think it was about fifty minutes into and I messaged it was like, Emily, we have to. Well, you know, I'm glad you picked it because it's one I never would have picked because I tend to just like and this is the first one of these that I've watched.

I usually avoid Great American Family Network because this is the network that kind of spun off of Hallmark. After Bill Abbott left Hallmark, he brought with him Candice Cameron Berat and anybody else that basically didn't like the gaze over to the Great American Family Network, and so normally I just like like, oh, I skipped these and this one I didn't like. I didn't know until I started watching, and I'm like, okay, there's there's a logo, but I'm I'm so glad I finally watched one, because it really does There's a lot that we're gonna get into, but there's so much about this one that you're like, oh, see, this is what happens when you don't have like diversity in your crew, like when you don't have the gays doing the costumes, when you don't have i don't know, like a little bit more money or awareness of what you're doing.

This was fun because there was so much about it that I was laughing quite a bit. So this is pure cheese and I'm kind of glad I watched it. And I have to say, like, I didn't realize that I wasn't familiar with the name beforehand, and then someone informed me after I was talking about this movie, and I was like, Okay, so you get to the point where Hallmark is too progressive for you, so which is wild, but you're absolutely right and also it shows you know, you know, we watched so many of these, and I think people forget that when it comes when it comes to Hallmark and when it comes to a variety of TV holiday movies, there is still usually like a level of craft and an approach to meeting viewers expectations and giving that experience that they want all the wrapping gifts or baking or doing whatever the prep is for the holidays.

And yeah, this is a contrast to that. Well. And on one hand, if you had this on in the back ground, either like un mute or just kind of there without paying attention, it would feel like kind of an early Hallmark movie. But as soon as you start paying attention to it, and notice, how ah, there's like seven actors in the movie that get to speak and every other character does not have lines. And you understand why.

It's because you realize, oh wait, if we give this, if we have this kid, say okay, we have to give him a sad card, or we have to pay him, like we have to pay him instead of paying him an extra rate. So there were like little things like that that once you start picking up on, makes this such a fascinating watch. That was one of the two things I was going to be cheeky enough to ask you to include on the Bengal card. I discussed your your list with partner and I said that I'm going to be cheeky and add to tertiary ones to look at from one of them as people who and every day life might speak, but not a firm. One of these movies paid for us.

We do not have the budget for the kid to say thank you, so instead, all the children in this movie are very. Rude, include someone's wife and foster kids. A kid who has like multiple scenes, the little dancer girl multiple scenes of dancing and never wants to say a single word. It's great. Nope, that would be too much.

That's a pump salary. No, we we look, we have to pay for seven of the same dress in different colors, or the dye that we're using to die Danik mckeller's at wardrobe in each scene. So what are you going to do for it? Oh? Okay, so so much to get through.

Why don't we start with a plot synopsis? If you would like to walk us through a Cinderella Christmas ball A movie has way more plot than you would expect. Yeah, so basically Donaka McKellar plays Chelsea Jones, who's a dance instructor and she was adopted as a child. She is a photo of her mother that she ends up locating this sovereign country where the photo was taken. From the Netflix universe.

There are a lot of these tiny little kingdoms in Europe. There are, although it's always a surprise when somewhere is said to be near Luxembourg and you go along and it feels as if the cast of EastEnders have just wandered in and you get some slight Cockney accents. There's some Irish, some clear cut posh English accents because obviously other rolls. And I actually had to rewatch parts of this because I thought I'd miss stuff. I was like, right, do they think this is part of the UK am?

I discussed it with friends. I did say, oh, she goes to somewhere that's like a sovereign kingdom in the UK, but that's not what the UK looks like. And friends were arguing with me about what. You can have like a queen of Kingdom of the UK, right, that just seems very messy. No, I mean you have obviously you've got the Scotland, England Island.

You've got these different sets of Wales. Sorry, I shouldn't offend and miss out the worlds, but you don't have you know, you don't have different principalities in the middle of them with a large rocky outcrop that holds a castle. Anyway, let's get back to a plot. So Chelsea ends up in this area and she wants to find out any information about her mother, possibly who her father could have been. Who was definitely married to her mother.

Right, this is again one of those things that you notice it's a great American family network because throughout she keeps saying, well, my you know my mother's husband. It's like, no, no, no, your name, his name wasn't on the birth certificate. They weren't married, lady, but that everybody insists that it was the husband, even though there is clearly no record of this. Yeah, and she ends up meeting obviously one of the royals is incognito because he's a royal, but he just likes a normal life sometimes, and then you're not. Going to recognize that he's actually the press, the only famous person in this country.

Yes, it's a proper clerk Kent move and he has a big dance ceremony coming up, doesn't like to dance or learn to dance, and Chelsea ends up becoming his dance instructor, hence a Cinderella Christmas Bowl. Basically, that's that's all of the depth and willing to give it at this moment. So we discussed it a little bit more because it's quite ridiculous. This is how I met my husband. What are you talking about?

But I just and again, like you've said, with other films letters and a lot of these have royals in them. You know, we we've enjoyed some of those films, and this is even compared to those. This is Yeah, the main I think the main responsibility of the royals in this country is to make adoption easier. Right, That seems to be the only real issue facing the country. That they have a lot of bureaucracy when it comes to paperwork.

So like that's what's going to differentiate this administration or regime or rain whatever you'd call it for a king. Yeah, we know very little about their exports or their you know much else. It seems there is one hotel in town, there's one castle, uh, there's one Christmas market and a lot of adopt a lot of orphans, which we haven't had orphans in a while, so I was happy to have such a such orphan representation in this one. It's it's got a really huge, like obvious pro adoption, pro fostering agenda. No, fine, you know that's a good thing.

And it's something that I think the right often gets, like rightfully, very very h called out for for all of their pro life or anti choice stances. It's like, okay, well what's happened to these children and according to this movie, well they all just need to move to newhamp shot in Newhampshireville. What was the name is country? The names Havenshire, having Shire? Thank you, thank you?

Yeah, because they're I mean, it's good to be an orphan in having Shire. I think I'll get dance lessons, so. Yes, and I think that helps them move the plot forward while reminding you that you can have children around without thinking about naughty naughty six. Yes, that's a very good point. Is usually that is the way you have a family.

But no, no, you don't have to everyone and don't think about that. Yes, yes, absolutely, So why don't we jump into because I feel like with our list we're gonna get get into a lot of this movie and the bones of it, and starting with our lead. Right, So we've got Chelsea, tell me about your relationship to Dank and mckeller, who I would like to say is looking great for her age. This movie posits that she was born in nineteen eighty seven. Do you know what year she was actually born in.

I'm going to say she's closer to my age, So I'm going to say seventy. Four, So close, nineteen seventy five. Oh that is my year. Ah, there you go. So again she looks great.

But there is a very funny moment in the movie when she's find the picture dated nineteen eighty seven and says, that's when I was born. Like, we know, I was watching you in the Wonder Years and you were definitely a teenager by that point. So yes, But what I have a deep seated anger with her. I grew I grew up appreciating because I was a big Wonder Wonder Years fan, because I had a crush on Fred Savage, as every child did at that age. When she became kind of like nerdy math advocate for young women, I thought that was great.

Then she came back to acting, and I have never really enjoyed her in these movies. She I will never forgive her for being in what I think is one of the It's not that it's the worst, but it's one of the most disappointing Hallmark movies of all time, which was Christmas in Dollywood might have been Christmas at Dollywood. I'm not sure which word I'm should be using there, but she is. It is just the most boring version of a Hallmark movie you can imagine, and they wasted Dolly Parton's time on it. And so I've always been like, oh no, Danica, m kill her.

But I thought she at least had like pep and energy in this what's your kind of history with her? Again? I knew in the Wonder years, and I think I've probably had a little crush on her back then, but it wasn't as prevalent here what was over in America and we see it, but I didn't realize she'd done all the maths and nearly stuff until catch up later. You know what has she been doing? Yeah, she spent like her twenties really being an advocate for girls should learn math, and she apparently like founded a math formula and stuff.

Is really really good stuff to hear. But I, I mean, she was okay in this. I think I think she's you know, she's done a few of these movies and I can't recall which ones I may have seen, but I always, you know, she can't topple Lacey Sebert as the queen of these movies, and I don't think she has that. She tries to keep doing the big eyes. Yeah, and that's kind of the one thing she has going for her, because I think with her characters, they you are very restricted in these films anyway.

But I don't think she she ever gets the the sort of the that some of these characters can have when they you know, plant her feet more firmly and become determined to see their way through to the end. Yeah. I think she is fairly you know. I think she was a kid actor who has enough experience that she can be on camera. But I don't know that she's ever gone deeper.

And I I thought, I mean, I thought she was better in this than she was in other movies I've seen, but she's still just like Lady Shabe knows how to play notes, and in this movie, I think she is basically playing pretty much the same note the whole thing. I was curious about her politics, just and not to go too deep into it, so it's never fun for any of us. But apparently, like I think, she was kind of normal and open and liberal, and then Candice Cameron Beret gave her a Bible and it changed her life. And that was just, again, like such a disappointing thing to hear from this woman who was very well educated. But that was all it took.

And then she's like, yes, I'm also going to gaff and leaving Hallmark, so it's yeah, but she's there, And again I will say she looks great. She does. Yeah, I didn't ever once buy her as a proper professional dancer, but but what yo, she dances. She probably still dances a bit better than I would, but I'm not trying to convince the world that I'm a professional, proper dancer. I went on the IMDb reviews because I was curious if anybody like went through that, because she is playing a dancer in this movie where she's running a dance academy.

She comes here and she's like a dance teacher, and I'm watching her and I'm like Okay, she's not. She can she's dancing, but like, I don't think there is an ounce of actual like you can tell a dancer. It's something I love about watching dancers in general is that they move differently than us near like you know, fleshy humans. And I'm watching her, I'm like, well, she's dancing because like he's lifting her up, but I don't think she's doing anything here. And I looked, and I guess she was on a season of Dancing with the Stars.

So again, more training and dancing than I have, but definitely not like dancer, more like dancer. Yeah. And when you see anything like Dancing with the Stars, when you see the professionals and you know, the leagues above a vaga dude. Yeah. And also they're being so good at what they do and always looking as if they're enjoying it because they are right right, whereas whereas Donica McKellar, you know, terrified.

Yes, she's having to concentrate a bit more and as an listening up and and. Thinking of the steps and everything else. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, there's it's not something it's something that can kill me sometimes when I hear it, when like Natalie Portman learns ballet for Black Swan. Okay, sure she learned the basics of it. She learned a bit how to move, But nobody is saying Natalie Portman learned ballet in a year.

You don't like you train your body for that over decades usually, And in this case, it felt very like, oh, yeah, she's wearing a flowy dress, so we think she's a dancer. Yeah. So let's move on to our bland love interests. We have Prince Philip. What are your thoughts on Prince Philip.

He's very tall, we'll say that, or is she very short? Or is it both? I mean, I'm not sure. I just know that he definitely checked the box for bland loving Yes. All right, he's sixtyeo, wow, so and I'm tall.

She now curious. But yeah, so did you find him prince charming? Did you find him? I did not, but I did. I did kind of.

I didn't mind his performance, for it's the obvious thing that the reluctant royal with the duties. I did like the fact that, you know, he didn't seem to be this twenty year old prince that just wants to rebel for a while, and then maybe come back later when he's made up with Mummy and Daddy. He seemed like a man who's already lived enough of the life that he's accepted what's coming down the road, but he still wants to try and make change. I know that sounds exactly like every other well listen. No, because I feel like a lot of these movies go for the very easy, spoiled rich boy prince who meets the woman and is it has changed over and you're right?

And this one like, No, he's just kind of like a guy who's like, I mean, I guess I gotta be the king. I don't even want to. I don't think I should be. And it's less that he doesn't want to be the king and more that he doesn't think he's like going to be a good king, which, to the movie's credit, is like a nicer sentiment than just somebody being like, I want to dance not be king. In his case, it was like, I think I might kill people if I'm king.

So yeah, I think if he hadn't learned any dance moves, you know that he would have still been on that path, maybe not been as fancy free. Yeah, he wouldn't be the people's king, right, because that's that's what we get to. And an update, Danica mckeller is five to four, which is taller than me but considered short, and he is six to two, so there is almost a foot difference between the two, although she's wearing heels for a lot of the movie. All right, let's talk about our setting, and I want to start before we get to you know, the where most of the film is set. I was baffled by the choice to open this movie with stock footed shots of New York City and then suddenly we get overhead camera drone view of like suburbs and then dance studio.

Where does she live? I mean, I have no idea. I didn't even I'd never have good jog free with movies. So I'm happy watching movies where many Americans will watch films and be like, well, we started this car chase in Philadelphia and they ended up in California within ten minutes, So I'm no good for that. But it was like extra stuff that wasn't really needed, no.

And it it fell. It made me wonder after if it was like again limited budget for gaff and all they have. It's like, okay, we need to do the credits. We need some establishing shots. What do we have?

I don't just use the New York City shot? Again, is the movie set New York City? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. New York City means it means Christmas.

Right, just put it in there in the opening, And yet it doesn't it's not where they are because then the next thing, it's like a house, and she clearly lives in a house. And then suddenly it's like, so it was a very odd choice to me to start the movie. We never go back there. We don't know if she ever goes back there. I mean, you know, spoiler alert, she is probably going to stay in in in hampshireville Land wherever it is.

Uh So, what a just an odd odd choice there. So let's have in Tire, have Inhire? Okay, So what are your your thoughts on having Shire as a setting for this movie? Again, it shows the difference these little touch tastes can make, Like it never once felt. Like altobia of Netflix fame.

The me up dreamy Christmas European villa settings that you have. It never once felt like any of those. It felt like they kept moving between two streets that they had that looked right, the right location, and then every five minutes you would get a stock footage of the castle, not stock footage, stop football shot because one photo flags were never moving in the breeze. No flags in the same position, the same time of day, same sky, the castle with a flag every I should have started. If anybody watches this movie fresh, just make a game and count how many times you see this establishing shot of the castle.

I it was too late for me to start counting, I know, but even at that point I'd already had five and this was probably an hour twenty into an hour twenty five minute movie. Yeah. Yeah, like there are more realistic castle depictions when they use the miniatures in the Monty Pythons. Yeah, that's yep, that's what we're talking. At least it didn't have like getty images like or I stock watermarked over it, which I have seen happen in movies.

So now moving on to number four dead parents, Let's I feel like we've got a weird like I kind of like I scooped up dead parents in my hands and I dropped a few. There's a there's a lot that are ill defined here. How many dead parents do we do we have. There's I mean they are at least two, right, Well. Her mother obviously right, her mother died and that's why she was an orphan.

But she seems to be I mean her because she says she was adopted. Right. She finds an ornament early and says, oh, it's it was my first year with my family when they adopted me. So where are those parents? Are they dead too?

Right? Yeah? Is she orphaned twice? Double? Is that just the process?

Like? Bye? She says adopted, not fostered, because she says I moved around with different I was fought like. I don't know if she actually says the word foster, but she says like this, this was the first time I knew I had a home, and this was the year they adopted me. So they didn't still go just buy one day.

I mean any parent could do that. Yeah, but you're not really the dancer we thought you were going to be. So I took it that they were dead, because otherwise wouldn't she have like called them for the holidays rather than gone and and you know, going to Europe? And she had the stuff in storage because she said she got because she. Had everything in storage and got too expensive.

Yes, which again led me to believe, Oh, her parents died and she had put everything in storage, because you know that that happens a lot. And then when she went to she had to get it. And that's when she's going back through memories again. So I feel like she is. I'm going to say she has three dead parents, well four, because well three, No, you're right, there's three.

Uh huh. And then I guess the king. Is dead, right, Yeah, I can't recall if it was any dialogue. Yeah, all right, And then you have orphans everywhere, so assumingly, I mean not all of them might be dead parents, some of them might be negligent parents or whatnot. But I'm assuming we've got a lot more dead parents based on all the orphans that we see.

Yeah, I mean, I know this fails in some areas of the standard checklist, but I thought, if I can give you a bounty of dead parents, let that be my gift to you. That's president I've gotten all year. I have the stop on you. Multiple dead parents, Gonna save some for next year, keep them in as stocking. All right, it's number five is our sassy sidekick?

Well, I don't know how you feel about the others. Obviously you have the zoro butler. Do you have a real butler? Yep, who's who's got Like, what's the what's the more British way of calling sass? Like more it's like butler sass.

There's a different way of describing it. But he is like very cheeky maybe or very like he will call her out on things. Yeah, it's almost more. It's not quite sarcasm either, but. It's dry humor a bit.

Ye. Yeah, yeah, he's got that. There was Again, she wasn't a sassy psychic. I think it was Gwendolyn who was the sort of the potential. Oh yeah, I would move her into the next part.

Yeah, so nobody really felt sassy enough. You're forgetting You're forgetting the Unfortunately this is at least the second film, if not more so far this year where like the one black character with a lot of lines is just the friend who is there only to talk to our lead and talk about our leads problems. Right in the very beginning, her best friend is there. Assumingly it's her best friend who was at her house going through everything, asking questions, giving her advice, and then later in the movie, she's the one that makes a phone call and gives her advice. And again second time this year where I've noticed like, never once does our lead character say, and how is your Christmas going?

Oh? Yeah, just feels very selfish and rude. Uh yeah. I still I think I've let you down. You know, I don't think there's enough sass from anyone really clutching I do.

Yeah, the friend on the phone, I still don't think she gave enough sass. No, No, I think it's more. Yeah, I think like I almost need to rename sassy as like sassy Comma or supportive to the to the point of no personality of your own type thing. Like there's definitely fleshing that out because you're right, like there's nothing sassy about her. It's more just like I'm the sidekick.

I exist to support you and drive you down the right path that you need to. In this movie in order to tell the story that the writer of Sex Again Suburbia I wanted to tell. Let's see, so number six is our villain. We don't have like a huge villain, but I do feel like we're given a little, you know, one minor character that's there to kind of be in the way of things. Potentially you think I didn't even find.

Like a more fun movie and the I mean, the better telling of this story is A Christmas Prince is Netflix is a Christmas Prince, which is essentially the same movie, but he's actually written well and acted well. And you put somebody like, oh god, what is Alice Krieg in there? And like you have a movie that like, oh, this is fluff. Oh but it's good fluff. I'm actually like laughing at it and smiling at it, whereas this is just that same story but kind of where it's like, well, as long as we have a castle, people will watch, right.

So in this case, you have like other sudorettes, other bachelorettes vying to be because this is a Cinderella story, right, He's got to pick bride by the end of this movie for some reason, because that's I guess the other part of culture of this having chire is about adoption and Cinderella, uh cudourettes. So there is like one of the women who's like seems to be very like, I have policies ready for you to go, and she's a little rude to Dana mckeller, like not overly, but like it's just a little bit kind of like yeah at her. And then's Mia at the Prince's best friend, who's like another potential bachelorette. So I feel like we're supposed to like kind of not like her, but also like there's no reason really like she's fine, Like she's not.

She's there to do her job, and it would have been fun of her. She was meaner the one as a policies. Yeah, I thought she was going to get more mean. I thought she was going to be the one. Her name is pel n I A m H, which I think is the Irish way of saying neve.

Yes, yes, that's it. I remember the first time I ever heard that was uh. The woman who wrote in My Skint and directed My Skin, Marie de Van, has a wonderful movie called Dark Touch, which is this great. You think it's kind of like a child horror movie, but it's much more. It's about abuse, it's this, it's it's a really really great watch, and nobody talks about it.

And I was so distracted the whole movie trying to understand names and then looking it up and realizing and I A M p H is Neve because Irish names and Welsh names are so confusing to an American because those letters just how do they add up to that? I don't understand it all dark touch and enjoyed that. I was just very good, right, but so I was hoping she would be a bit you know, she isn't. And then Gwendolen is played by Mikaila Me and I thought she was just quite pleasant so and almost and almost tries to play everything but to flat across some board. It's almost like it's almost like Great American Family Network doesn't want to upset anyone for yeah five seconds.

Right, we might have a British royal watching, so we want to make sure they're not they don't feel offended. Yep, yep, yep. So number seven is montage. I found one, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Did you spot any I?

I did not, unless I can't recall if there was a montage near the museum. No, they just like cut to them inside the museum and say like, wow, another room, as if we should have had a montage of them going through it. But there isn't is a montage. But I thought watching it two times was enough. Emily and if I missed the montage, I was not wanting Well he tells.

You that that that tells you all you need to know, because not only is there one montage, there is what should be on paper. My favorite kind of montage in the world, My favorite kind of montage is a trying on closed montage. Right, I love a trying on closed montage. And we have a ball, we have a Cinderella Christmas ball title of the movie. And Danik mckeller is being shown into the room with all the gowns for her to try him on and figure out which one she's gonna wear.

And she's not really into it. She's like, I don't even know if I should go to this thing. I'm not like, I shouldn't really be here for a lot of reasons. And I'm like, okay, well, you know what, if nothing else, I'm getting a trying on ball gown montage. And she tries on one, and then she has on another, then she tries on a third, and she's like, yeah, this is fine.

It was the saddest trying on clothes montage I have ever seen, and it was upsetting. I don't even think there was music. I think it was just like her in like one gown. No, I think you're right. I don't think there was music, and it was just a few different gicks.

But it was like cut noose, new dress, cut new dress. Wait, and this guy has directed like twenty of these movies. How does he not know how to put together a trying on clothes montage? It's upsetting, very upsetting. Uh slapstick number eight.

There's a little bit of slight fully around with some of the dancing, but again I would say overall, it disappoints some one of the main categories. Yea, if this was Lacy, she would be all of those times. Yeah, she would have like you would have seen her like belly flop down those floors instead of killers, like don't you want to run in your socks? Yes you do, Okay do it? And she like runs and ever so dangerly goes like ha ha and that's it, Like she slides her all of two seconds, whereas if I'm doing that, like yes, I'm I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna slip inside side like head first.

Yeah, it's not big enough. There's a snowball fight out of nowhere, which was like, also, I don't know like I've been in situations where you're like kind of outside and people randomly go into snowball fights. But like they were in front of a like Christmas ornament stand in a market that's seem dangerous. Yeah, well, I mean maybe maybe that's why those kids were up for adoption. Good point, Good point.

I wouldn't want them. Now. All right, let's talk about number nine or sage old person. So we've got a couple of things going on here, living because we have kind of living and dead sage old people. Right, so the queen.

What are your thoughts on the Queen? I I liked the Queen. I can't recall who played the Queen. I thought I didn't recognize her, but I thought she was good. Again, no real threat from her, No, not really mean enough to what you want for this kind of film, but quite quite mellow.

So she seems fine. Yeah, she actually gives like Philip, like she's not constantly like beating him down, like she kind of does build him up a bit and give him confidence. I think she says something to him of like, no, you you're bet you're much better at this than you think you are. The other sage old people is and It was always confusing to me on exactly whenever Danica mckeller would talk about her parents who she was if she was talking about her birth mother or her adoptive parents, because she says in the very beginning, and then this line comes up like five more times, my mother used to say, each day is a gift wrapped in new paper. Which so we had like a dead sage old person from beyond the grave giving us sage advice and again not sure which dead parent that was.

But well that is said to her, that's right. Who's like, oh, wait a minute, we have another sage old person who has a Santa Claus name, who might actually be your dad. But what was his accent too? That was a different accent. But that's what threw me from the start because she's the first person she encoureters in havin Chair, this sovereign country near Luxembourg.

He's basically like, oh, darling, need the rooms for not like what, yeah, why would you have? And the yeah, very confusing. That's just what they went with. The decisions were made. Decisions, which decisions were made quickly.

I think it's probably a good summary of this movie. So now that takes us to number ten, which is Santa Claus. And we don't really have Santa Claus, but we do have a clause yes, yeah, yeah, who is not the father? That'll have to count who has a speaking family list? What if it's like, oh god, I don't want to spoil anything, but there was a horror movie that came out not too long ago and was then remade not too long ago, and the original is much better.

But one of the twists you realize is that, like, you know, they're cutting out of the tongue. What if that's what Claus is doing too? Oh my god. Okay, anybody who knows the horror movie I'm talking about, and I really don't want to spoil it because it's the first one's very good. But if you know the horror movie I'm talking about, it's like a four p horror movie with two children.

Now I'm suddenly wondering if this is actually a sort of spin on that huh huh. Maybe because he would know the Prince is like dancing and he's the first person to say, oh, they're playing my song free Coco for when you're getting something to dance and like prompting the awkwardness. And the Prince is showing up at this tiny little pub seemingly often, right, it looks like he's been there a few times, and really Claus does not recognize the prince, like, no, something is going on in this country. It's dark. Something dark is going on in this country.

You've improved this. Oh, okay, we're gonna do a fan edit of that once we figure out how to do that, and now to do it without getting sued. All right, so let's go into the bonus round. So first, I don't know, did you catch any public domain holiday carol's in this movie? Hmmm?

Well, boom was the one in every other scene. Did you find yourself seventy minutes into this eighty four minute movies saying I think we've run out of public domains? Oh no, there's another one. Wait, that's all the carols are? Oh I forgot that.

That's that's there. Every single one of them gets played in this movie somehow. Everyone once that you forgot our public domain holiday. Songs, the whole double album, all of it. I mean, I expected Nutcracker because we have ballet.

So whenever you have ballet, it's like great, good reason to use the Nutcracker and Nutcracker has a lot of music, so we can use every bit of it. And then, as you said, I think my favorite line of this movie was they're playing my song? And what song was that? What did you catch what it was? It was?

Oh god, I can't remember Deck the Halls all right? Yeah. Imagine going to a DJ at a wedding and being like, hey, can you play my song? And the DJ is like, okay, so what are we talking about here? You're like Deck the Halls public Domain edition.

I think I didn't make that point. You were reward who has their actual song? Wait? Maybe say oh, they're playing my favorite Christmas song? Yeah yeah, or they're playing that song I love you.

Don't say they're playing my song? And I wonder to myself when he said like everybody whoever dances gets free free drinks, I thought something like, how does one dance to Deck the Halls? And then we find out how one dances to Deck the Halls? Yeah? Yeah, awkwardly indeed indeed okay.

Number two is food related, secret family recipe, needlessly complicated holiday cocktails or hot chocolate used to represent something sexual, and the food in this movie is kind of odd. We don't get a lot of it. We get a lot of fake food, a lot of her mistaking fake food for real food. I will say, when you you can tell a spot that there's gonna be a love connection. Because when she first meets Philip, she is drinking hot chocolate.

Right yeah, and that as the obvious yes, your life time months. So I do think her not being able to tell the difference between the fake food and the real food is perhaps an analogy for her seeking her real parentage. Oh, I like that. That's deep. I don't believe that for a moment.

But I just. Also, as you're saying that, I am picturing now Lacey Shabert in the scene with the fake food, and again like, how much of a better movie it is when it's Lacey Shabert picking up a glittered pair instead of Dannic mckeller. But yeah, yeah, all right. Number three is our small business in danger. So she meant, now it's in the beginning, it's mentioned and then it's mentioned it once more, which is like her job is she is running a dance studio where it's pay as you go.

Clearly she is not charging anybody with orphans who can't afford it. For dance lessons, and towards the end, when she gets her check for the week's worth of dance training, she says, this is going to keep my dance studio open. So I guess as small as this was in danger, which is not surprising if you're not, you know, actually charging for your services, and that was a big stage. Well, that was my extra point for you on the checklist. Another thing I like to look out for nowadays is scenes that should have crowds, but they work around so sometimes either get three or four silhouettes, or as is the case here, it's a forty five degree angle from the side of the stage and some like adr of people applauding it.

This was so great because it's the opening scene is a little girl doing Nutcracker, and I think it was practice because I feel like it was. But then like a minute later we see like I think, what was the performance? But you're right. The best thing is you see Dannica mckeller like in focus in the audience and behind her like you're saying the shadows of a couple of extras, and it's like rapturous applause, except you see in blur a bunch of people just sitting there. You can tell they're not a plotting.

It's like you can't even lit clap correctly in these movies. It's brilliant. But if it saved money on some of that three, so they could have had some people who could claim I think. If enough people clap, it makes just as much noise as playing an adr of clapping without having to find it on the CD rack of your sound effects. Oh glorious.

So number four is our product placement, which I don't think there was anything of notes here. I don't know. I didn't I didn't know say anything, and then it felt like it made sense to me because I, you know, I don't think I could be wrong, but this, you know, this company, the studio probably doesn't yet have the theft of a of a homework, I would imagine, although I'm sure they can grift for for quite a lot. Quite so completely Like I have a feeling this is very like some some rich Christian billionaire, somebody who's like, yeah, money for a network, and that's where most of it comes from. I know the network is not doing well.

I know the way some people have gauged it because it's one of those things where I don't think they have to put out ratings per se because of the way TV is so confusing now how it works. But like, if you look at reviews for movies that drop, like when a movie drops on Netflix, immediately you have letterboxed reviews, you have IMDb reviews, and for these movies you do not, which means like the viewership is probably very small, which again good. Yeah, and then try and remind me at the very end. I mean, I've already seen two movies this season that are Hallmark movies that were kind of killing it, like, oh my god, I would almost rate both as Yeah, but yeah, they were proper good movies that I could watch again, and I'd like to recommend them to you at the end.

Yeah, the quality of Hallmark has really gone up the two I've watched two so far from this year, and same thing. I was like, these are good, Like I actually like I teared up, like I laughed like audibly. It wasn't me saying that was funny. It was me thinking like huh oh, oh my oh oh, that was physically funny. And this kind of really does I don't know.

It's something I love when you can directly compare an apple to an apple, which is what's happening here right where you are seeing, Here's Hallmarket. They're doing the same thing they've been doing now for probably what like fifteen years regularly, and with some before that. Here's Great American Family Network that said, oh, we know how to do this, we saw it, we have, we have, we brought over some of the casts, we probably brought over some of the crew. I mean again, this director and this writer have both made a lot of these movies. And yet compare this to like the Lacey Scheber Royal one.

I know there's like ten of them on Netflix and you can see like, yeah, no it's not It's not as easy as you think. And I appreciate being able to get that comparison. Number five is the Cloying Child. And again we mentioned earlier, but let's talk about the many children in these missed movie because there's a lot of them. We just don't hear a beat from.

A single one of them. Nope. I can't even recall if the dancing girl at the start. I don't think she does. Her mother talks for her, Yes, her mother has a sad card.

Her mother was allowed to talk. The little girl does like a full nutcracker sugarplum fairy thing twice that doesn't get to speak. When there's a moment where Danny McKellar like walks into the dance studio at the Royal Dance Studio and there's a little boy like front and center on camera for all of like three minutes probably, and he's trying to do a turn and he's like, fails, and he tries it again. He fails and tries it again, and every time he's like, oh, like he's doing the huff. And then she comes over and she's like, oh, just tighten your your muscles and take it slower, and he does it, and he's and he looks at her and he like smiles and again kiss his tongue cut out.

D it is kidnapped father, slice out his tongue when he's sasked, because I think he did. Because no child in this movie can speak. Oh, glorious, glorious all right. Number six is finding the perfect tree. No, no trees right, No, they just had some very nice trees dootting about, but they didn't have to go and find one.

The Royal Appointment. Yes, for all of the cheapness of this movie and boys are cheap. They did a decent enough job decorating the interiors so that at least it looked like, yeah, this could have been a decorated office castle. M hm, all right. Number seven Empty Coffee Cup.

Acting Now again, this was a great conversation with my partner and I. When we start watches, I nudged key, I said, I'm definitely messaging em Libertus. That was the start of it. Total bit of list and one of the things she is now fascinated by is watching for Empty Coffee Cup. And I think, although it may have been a different film, I think she pointed at the screen and said, well, there's nothing in that, and I was like, okay, before before I said anything, and oh, yeah, you're right, and I like my memory has gone from what seemed so I apologize, but I'm pretty sure it was this film, because she was so gleeful about already spotting one off the list, and I was like, yeah, good spot.

Yeah there's not the only one I caught. When Danik McKellar is trying to sneak into the castle, she's holding a cup and it's definitely empty, and the only thought I had was like, well, she's also trying to like sneak in and kind of be in disguise. So is the coffee cup even? Is that like her way of being incognito? Like I almost wanted to give her a little bit benefit of the doubt for like is it empty or is she or is it like she's acting like it's empty?

Right? Yeah, I couldn't call off the word drinks and say that the party, I'm trying. To think so because everybody was waltzing. I wish we just watched I mean, we did watch a lot of these movies in the Rule, so there may be alar movie where Ricky was used to less at that point and very excity to spot it. It's so much fun it really, I think is still the highlight of the years, to find the empty coffe cup.

Let's see number eight actors trying hard not to take a bite on camera. Well, this was kind of adjacent to that. At one point, she's also like helping Santa Claus. Well clause, I guess she's playing Santa Claus and she's like giving out candy canes. She's giving out like unwrapped candy canes, like here, take this and now put it in your mouth.

It's been in my hands, Now put it in your mouth. And the prince takes it and puts it like in his coat pocket. So I'm like, wait, is he gonna now take it out of his dirty coat pocket and put it in his mouth after it's been in her hands. It's disgusting. That's that's the way of things at Christmas.

You will eat things that have just been dropped, and bulls for days, and pockets that are handed to you by is. Just sitting on a table and you just grab it with your muddy hands. Yeah, I'm already halfway through all the cheese, and it's not even halfway through the months. I have not had nearly enough cheese this Christmas. I'm even just amused and salivating when I hear the word truckles truckle?

What's a truckle? A truckle of cheese? You know when you get she's wrapped in the wax, that's a truckle. I've never heard that. That's Oh, what's my my new drag name?

Love it? It's a great word. Excellent, all right. So number nine canadianisms or obvious tells the movie was not filmed on location. I mean, I don't think they flew to Hamptonshire for this movie.

I would agree with you. I didn't get the I didn't get the feeling that they were very close to Luxembourg either. No, No, I should have watched the credits see where it was filmed. That I did not. There's no Canadians because everybody is instead doing a variation on like British European accent of some form.

Yeah, at least they're covering that up. Yeah, it's it may have been filmed for all I know, and a giant warehouse. Very possibly, That's. What I was thinking. Well, I found out it was this new network.

I thought somebody may have just filled a warehouse. Yeah again, like the wealthy network owner has Like here's a farm, I don't know, do what you can with it, and they're just gonna keep redressing it Like this almost made me want to watch more GAFF movies to see if I could spot the same set being used over and over again. I've never known what to do as this space since the cult left, Like this move in a build sheds. Yeah, I mean we have a water tank for the baptisms. We you know, we have a pulpit.

So I don't know, I'm sure you could make use of those, all right, Number tend the warm weather watch. I mean some people needed coats, some people needed light long sleeved t shirts, depending on the moment. Yeah. Well another thing that and this is before I told Vick of your list. One thing she always likes to point out is the amount of wardrobe choices anyone has in these movies.

When they go to a small town, they have one bag they have, you know, they have cocktail party dresses, a mix of warm winter weather they have just like they have everything they could possibly need at all times. Oh yeah, and she's always quick to point out how big is that luggage? And oh yeah no, I had a whole theory about it recently on like is it like is everything like a Casper mattress packaged version of things so that when you open it, they all like pop up into the original size, because otherwise, how are you bringing a you know, a carry on case with everything you need. Let's get to fashion in a minute, because old people matchmaking and kind of the opposite. Nobody seems to want these two together.

But number twelve is fashion, right, our favorite fashion moments, And there's a lot because like you're saying, I feel like they say it's going to be a four day trip or maybe a week at most. Yeah, I think it was. I'm sure initially it was four days because they have the or we got tickets for you right right there. Okay, your lodging is covered for four days. Yes, and she might have extended give the dance.

I think she did, right because we know that. Then she runs out of time at the inn because the inn is booked for Christmas. I guess there were a lot of more orphans coming into town. Yes, so she has to say at the castle. But in the meantime, like that was like she was going on a trip for four days, okay, And yes, you do try to pack extra underwear, right, You pack a few extras thinking like okay, well you know I might need.

But this woman packed two pea coats for this trip because she is wearing a red pea coat because I was like, oh, that's a nice pea coat. And then she's wearing an emerald green pea coat. And in one scene she walks into a room wearing the green pea coat and when she walks out of it, she is holding a red peacoat no longer wearing the green pea coat. So now I have a different theory, which is that this is a peak. I need this pea coat.

This peacoat is reversible where it is fully finished in red and then you pull it inside out and now it's green. That's the only explanation I can think of for how you could fit that much clothing in her carry on. Yeah, I mean that rings true to me. Again, I know you love a pea coat, and I just thought, at least if this messes other targets, it hits that. Yes, we get multiple coat.

It did. I was thankful for that. What did you think of the style and fashion in the movie. Did you like how Chelsea dressed? What do you think?

No? Again, it's uh. And we've agreed that Danica mckella looks great for age and she's she's doing this kind of role. I just she never seems I know, when they get dressed up for a fancy party, they're not supposed to feel very comfortable at the idea, but she doesn't always feel comfortable in many of the scenes that she has in this movie. Anyway, I've not seen her in many so I can't recall, but she always seems slightly uncomfortable, And as I was saying, when you've seen, for example, dance instructors and are dancing, they have they have something about the way they comport themselves and they.

Have that to them. Yeah, they have the grace and they have the sort of ease of movement. And I know I wasn't expecting her to be, you know, a strictly come dancing champion or anything, but just just the way she moved, I wish there'd been away for for her before starting A seem to just get a little bit sort of sure and more relaxed. And I feel like they actually try that with the wardrobe, because she has this dress that the first time I saw it, I was like, Oh, that's actually really pretty, and then I realized they had this. She was wearing the same dress in three different colors throughout the film, and it was like kind of like calf lengths, very flowy fabric fitted at the waist with a big like oversized ribbon kind of v neck, with like flutter sleeves, and it was a very like, Oh, that's like an a dress that a dancer could wear, because it looks like it's supposed to move with them right that like when you move your arms, it's gonna flutter along with them.

And she has it in light green, then she has an in pastel, then she has an in red. And it was one of those like oh, like somebody put that on her and said, she looks like a dancer. Okay, let's this is good because this establishes her as a dancer. And it's it's one of those things where sometimes like the wardrobe does more of the work than the actor has to. Yes, yeah, and I wouldn't you know, if I have to wear a suit for any occasion, I immediately feel awkward and that I've pinched some adults wardrobe.

So yes, yes, it's not something that I would, you know, think everybody does all the time. But as actors, I guess you have to learn these these tricks and ways to do that. And I don't think Danika McKellar has that at all times her sort of natural ease on screen, but she should do because another way she can be you know, she can be very charming and lovely and it's just it's just a shame that that aspect holds her back. How did you feel about her big ball gown? The big Cinderella Address.

At the end, it was fine. I don't like it at all. We see her trying on gowns and like none of them are great, but you're like, okay, well she's trying on the dud and then at the end she's gonna have like something spectacular and they all look like like reject prom dresses from like JC Tunney. They all looked bad. And the final one she wears is not It's not the right color for her.

It's like white and gold and it doesn't do anything for her complexion. And I was like, come on, like, it's a ball. This is why people watch a movie called Cinderella Ball because they want the ball gowns. And on that front time, it's very let down. Again, it's skempt.

I don't know if any fashion says, particularly for women's fashion, but you would expect a film called a Cinderella Christmas Bolt the bag, Yeah, flowing lovely dress. And then I didn't love that, but I just thought it was like, he's got this party dress for. The It doesn't even look like a dress. She could waltzon easily. It was very like right and for all of the dancing they were doing in this movie, like the dress should have been something like the tear the bottom mountain and start moving or have it flowy to where you could really move around and stuff.

Was like, well, all of that being said, so where did you come down on the movie? Do you recommend it? Who's it for? What you're thinking? Oh, I would never recommend this to anyone apart from you, for me.

Everybody. I think we've we've proven that by going through the checklist as well. But but it was an interesting watch and as we're saying, it kind of shows that, oh, people assume all Christmas TV movies are bad, like oh no, wait till you see a b and then you know what's being done right and then you know the sort of the minimum level of craft and care you hope to see these things. Now, this had some elements that were competent, and I, like you said, the other side of the cattle and the interiors and stuff. But I think it's it's almost.

An illustration of you know, how not not really how not to do this, but how this can be done with a lot less care. Yeah, you can think that you have it all right. You have an actress who's done these movies before you have a writer director who have made many of them. You have locations kind of, you have a budget for costume. You have a decent selection of public domain holiday music that you can put together into a score.

Right, you have all the elements. You don't have all of the money for it. But that's not even the issue. Somehow, it's like not to boil it down to the Christmas magic of it all. But there is just something missing here, and it really I was entertained because once you started spotting the things that were like just off, it made it so entertaining.

But it really is one of those great ways to like appreciate the hallmark of it all, the netflix of it all, even more when you see how like right, same basic Santa sack of tool bag and yet misused somehow so fascinating in that way. Yes, yeah, all right, well, all that being said, it was lovely to have you tell the world where else they can find Kevin Matthews and you're writing and speaking. I never remember these things what I want, what I want to tell the world about though before that, and I've already told you so Merry Christmas, Ted Cooper. I don't know if you'll get round to that something on my list. I'm aiming for it to be the big closer, because you are the second person who's told me to check that one out.

So I'm trying to end the season with. It properly fun proberbly funny at some of the dialogue. And then the other one that I hinted. Have you seen a Christmas Angel match yet? I have not?

Is that also Hallmark? Like I really like that? Yeah? I think it is. It's Megan stars on that and she also wrote this one.

I'm quickly checking the credits to see if that's homemark they do all, you know, they keep blurring into another. No, maybe not homemark Studio TF one America Champlain Media. Hmmm, so I'm not sure if it counts his homemark. It's not our Great American Families one. So there is basically two angels and Christmas is the best thing to match people.

One of the angels is a guy who enjoys learning about the human experience and having about fun, and he thinks love comes from fun. Megan Or plays the other angel paired up with him. She believes she should do everything by the rules and it has meaningful connection desire type kind of and it's very cute, see and just like I enjoyed it, but not as fun as my Christmas take Cooper. I yeah, as you mentioned at the start, I do. I still do my daily movie review blog.

That is my compulsion. That is for his Man's number over it's a blogger, and once a week I get together with a few people, two of them over your way and one of them over here. We discuss movies where you know we're targeting. That so much like this movie a lot of different. Accents, well, a lot of different accents, but well, yes, in fact, completely like this movie because remove the female cast, well is just four bland white guys.

It's probably the favorite podcast of great American factors. Suddenly you look at your metrics and realize where you're trending. Hey, yeah, we do somethings, try and get I guess all for a bit, right, But we we pick random movies and we don't do all this Christmas chair all the time. Once a year with some things to do secret Satan instead of secret, and someone is our mediator. We have been given films that someone else thinks will hurt us.

So that's that's what we are. Ye, So we do. That well excellent, well, thank you so much for joining and have a merry Christmas. Always a pleasures And thorn thorn brier