114: Little Red Ricci and the Twilight of the Hood

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Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I am Brian. And I am Misty. This week we're doing a nice little split up.

For now, we're doing it in portions. It's, you know, always a challenge to get people together in one spot. So now I've decided sometimes we don't even have to. Jay's off doing manly stuff. He's a thought like, car parts store or something.

There's nothing manlier than looking at hot girls in little red skirts. He's been building implements of doom all. Week that part is awesome and I still want to put my order in for a zombie head basher. After you posted your thing about the what was the thing you posted with this fucking Star Wars guy oh. The Tusken Raider yeah he's like why didn't I build one of those can I get one of those I want to put my order in now for a gaffy stick alright that's all I'm saying I don't know what I need to give him or bribe him or however I need to go about it, but I definitely need a gaffy stick, and odds are Greg will be right behind me on that.

Well, the first one he built, he decided it was too heavy, so he had to go. Back to the drawing board, because he wasn't even done yet, and, like, it was fucking massive. It's like, I could barely pick it up with two hands, and I've been throwing boxes for 13 years, so it's like, that's going to be a fucking fortune to ship, so it was another option, so. I still don't know why I didn't think Randy could just fly home on the plane with this battle mace. Yeah.

I didn't think it would go over very well, but whatever. Can't he just explain to the airline it's only for zombies? Unless this is that flight of the dead where it breaks out, I'm not going to use it on anybody on the plane. I'm sure they're fine with the honor system at this point. Yeah, uh-huh.

You can't even take fucking shampoo on a plane. I mean, if I think of mace. I might kill people with shampoo. Oh, God. So, yeah, we're doing a broken up into segments this week.

So we've roped Misty into this half. Drug me out of big lots for this. It's not my fault you were in there. Didn't even make it to the pots and pans section where I was hidden. So I need a new cookie sheet.

Oh, a little red writing. It's more important. Yes, it is. But before that, we can do a abbreviated geek week. Actually, this, well, kind of this morning, I had something, and it's not our normal Geek Week, but it's a weird reaction, and it's directly from the show.

It's directly related to the show. I'm sitting there, and the news comes on when I wake up, and it's showing footage, and you know, this, as of yesterday, Japan is like ravaged by an earthquake and a tsunami, and all this stuff's going on and I hadn't really paid attention because I don't watch the news. That involves being conscious and paying attention to the world around me. I don't really do that normally, but it just happened to come on and I saw the footage of it and my first thought was, oh man, I hope Sanae's okay. I was like, it was really weird.

It was like all of a sudden, and. You know, if you've been listening, she's a listener we found in the last six, eight months or so. She wrote us an email and. I've talked to her online a couple of times and I just still kind of barely know her. But there was that second of, like, all of a sudden I was, like, personally attached to this catastrophe going on halfway around the world.

And it's kind of weird. I was worried about Maru, the cat, who has a lot of YouTube videos. But from the posts I saw today, he's okay. So he likes boxes. Lord.

Does he live in Japan? I'm pretty sure he does. Those bunnies in a cup were in Japan, too. I hope they're okay. I hope so.

No, I don't know. I mean, it's not to make. Light of any of it because it really is like a tragedy. There's hundreds of people dead at this point, I believe. So she did email me back.

That was my first thing. And I emailed her and was like, hey, actually, she'd already posted on there that they made it through. So I sent her a letter that was like, glad to know you're OK. And so, I mean, she she wrote back and seems like genuinely touched that I was concerned. But I was like, it's it's weird.

I mean, it really, you know, up until recently, we could have never had that. connection really unless you like met someone and knew them and wrote letters i guess but in the last like 20 years like the world has changed so phenomenally that you can have a personal connection to someone halfway around the world that you've never physically met before i. Don't want to have physical connections people that. Fear me normally that's true too i that's what's kind of awesome i guess about this you know opening up your your group of people to the world and It gives you a lot more to choose from. So you can weed through the losers and you can actually find the cool people. People are cool in the further away they are.

Kind of. It's like then you can find the cool people in Japan or the cool people in Indonesia or, you know, Boston. So it's like you can pick and choose. You've got a much wider group of people because the people that I come in contact with around here, there's only a handful of them that don't suck. Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah, but I don't know. That was kind of weird. And I went through this whole thing of, Basically, I guess that's how we as people should respond. Like we probably should be personally affected by the fact that there's all these people getting killed, but we've disconnected ourselves so much over the years that like, I don't know, it's weird, especially in this country. If it doesn't happen here, we don't care about it.

So it's, I think that's almost the only way that you have a connect to something like that is, is knowing someone who's, you know, in danger or, you. Know, affected by it. So it's, I don't know. It was just really weird. It was a weird reaction this morning.

It was just like. That was the first thing I thought of, that all of a sudden I had a face to put with this tragedy. And so it was just good to find out that her, you know, her family's OK. She's OK. They're kind of dealing with aftershocks.

Now there's, you know, the extra one, two and three punch now of a meltdown potentially happening. Which is, yeah, it's knocked out the power at the power plant, and they've had. Some sort of horrible disaster and explosion there. So it's like, Jesus, lay off these people for a little while, okay? But at least Maru still has his box.

There you go. So, yeah, if nothing else, you know, just, you know, our thoughts go out to you, Sanai. We're glad you made it through. And to anybody else actually dealing with that right now, our thoughts are with you. I don't know what else we can do, but it's, yeah, it kind of sucks, so.

Yeah, that was weird this morning. That's the one good thing about not living that close to the ocean. Well, I mean, we still had a hurricane here, technically. Yeah, but we don't get, like, washed away. We don't normally, but, you know, I'm still waiting for the massive earthquake to hit us.

We still get tornadoes. We can get floods, you know. We're also, we don't get all the. We don't get an earthquake. We don't get all the publicity of, like, the San Andreas Fault, but we're also sitting on the largest fault in this part.

Of the world. It's just been dormant for a while, but when it goes off again, it's going to take out... This entire part of the world. So, yeah, it's just a matter of time for us, too, guys. That's why I try not to talk too much shit about those disasters, because it's karma.

I figure as soon as I say something bad. About Japan or Haiti or any of those places that got struck horribly or... Make fun of them like I would normally do any other, you know, situation. Yeah. That's normally how we operate.

Yeah, I ain't going to make fun of this shit because it's serious. It's fucking tragic. And I don't want that shit happening to me. So, you know, I'm glad. We're blessed.

Nothing that bad has happened to us in our lifetime. Knock on, I'm assuming your table's real wooden. Sure it is. This is fancy. Yeah, I can see the scratches in it.

That was where Roger's at. Roger's an ass. Nice. You know, listen, he's not here or whatever. He has disappeared.

Maybe he fell in an earthquake hole. Fell in a sinkhole. He's down there right now working on the fault. Trying to make it go off. He's kicking it.

That's something he would do. But I'm just joking. Roger's not much of an ass. Usually. But, you know, it's serious.

And, you know, I wouldn't wish that on. Actually, I would wish that on my worst enemies. Yeah, I probably would too. I'm a jerk. But.

Yeah, I mean, it's just kind of weird, and it's, I think, how we've come to deal with things. Like, for the most part, like I was saying, the disconnect. I think, again, I don't know if human minds are made to deal with that much. I mean, you went, you know, go back hundreds of years, all you had to deal with was your little neighborhood, you know? And unless something horrible happened there, you only dealt with, you know, people dying one at a time, or, you know, that's all you ever dealt with as a human being.

And then now, we've opened up this entire, like, now you... not only know what's going on around the world, but you can experience it almost firsthand. I mean, you've got people taking videos from the tragedy. So it's like you really almost do have to disconnect to some point because I don't know if the human brain is meant to deal with that much horror and trauma that goes on in the world at any given moment. Right now, horrible things are happening around the world. And it's like if you have to experience all of that at once, it's overwhelming.

I think that's kind of why we– distance ourselves mentally from that sort of thing I. Don't know all I can say is at least at least with the thing in Japan, there's not quite so much coverage on Charlie Sheen. If there's a blessing in disguise, it's that for a few minutes, we stopped talking about Charlie Sheen. So there you go. That's all we have.

So it's good to know you're okay. And I, and I hope everything else goes as well as it can from this point on for you guys. Cause, Yeah, that whole country has kind of been screwed this week, so, yeah. Yeah, but that's something that always happens. There's always countries getting screwed, and it's like, how long will this play in our media?

How long until the next thing that, you know. Until another celebrity gets busted. I mean, that's usually how it really works, is what comes along to take it out, and it's usually not even something of equal importance. it's usually something stupid and Lindsay O'Hannell get arrested again. Not even like shock value. It's just entertainment at some point, you know?

Yeah. Well, I mean, news is definitely entertainment on many levels now and is addressed that way. So it's a different world than it used to be. So with the. I don't think I heard anything about this until Olivia Munn posted something about it on Facebook.

That's how I got this news. Olivia Munn. Oh, she should deliver all the news. Then I would actually want to watch the news. That would, yeah.

I'm so oblivious. I live in my own little misty bubble. I don't hear about most things. I'm like that too. I mean, it had happened hours and hours before.

And I, yeah, I just, I kind of heard that something happened. I still didn't know it was of that scale. I mean, there's always earthquakes going on everywhere. I didn't realize that. the epic scale that it had kind of hit there. That's sad that that's where I'm getting my main, my main information is from Facebook.

Cause I hadn't, I hadn't, I hadn't heard nothing about it. And then Olivia Munn posted something. I, all my prayers go out to people in Japan. I'm like, the fuck happened in Japan? Yeah.

I didn't know. I think that's how I've always operated. I mean, even in my younger years, it's like I never watched the news. The only way I ever heard about current events was whatever Letterman was making. Fun of that night.

Like, that was my newscast for me. The news is too damn depressing. I don't watch that shit. I'm telling you. So, on that cheery note, to go into the other fun activities this week.

The only other thing I've watched, you know, pretty much this weekend. Actually, that's not true. And I'll go ahead and mention the first one since you're here because you'll want to bitch about it. Last night, I watched the Sorority Row remake. Oh, Lord.

I almost messaged you midway into the movie. Potato Head. Which one is Ceiling Eyes? That's Audrina. Is it the blonde chick?

She's the one who always looks like this. I know that, but I was trying to pick her out of the lineup. Which of the bitchy crew of girls was she? I don't know. I've never seen the movie.

I thought you watched that one. No, I bitched about it, but I haven't watched it because it had Ceiling Eyes and Potato Head in it, so I haven't seen it, but. She was the one who. Was on the hills. I know, but I don't watch the hills.

Her eyes look. Like this all the time. She's always looking up, no matter what. But she's not the girl that was in, because then I went looking. As the other main girl comes in, I was like, wait, isn't that the chick from Es Darko, who I actually kind of like, or is one of the few redeeming things in Es Darko?

I'm assuming that's not Celina. Is she the girl in Burning Bright? No. Because that's the other main... You might want to watch it just for her.

I love Burning Bright. The other main girl is then I went to look and make sure she was the girl in Estarco. And then since then, she's done Burning Bright. She's the main girl in that. So now I kind of want to watch.

I almost bought Burning Bright. For $ 5 because they had it on sale at Blockbuster because they're going out of business because. It's... Because they suck and their time has passed. Then I realized I wanted to pay $ 5 for it.

I would, but I was only going to do it if I was paying $ 5 for Eclipse too. And I wasn't sure if it was... Full frame. Because it said standard on the DVD case. I get worried.

Yeah, that's not good. I wouldn't go with that one. Or Eclipse. The only reason I buy the Twilight movies is so that we can watch the Rift Tracks. Sadly, I knew why you were buying it.

That's fucking hilarious. Just to clarify for everyone else. Rift Tracks. Fucking awesome. It's like Mystery Science Theater, but you can put it with new movies.

You go to it at RiftTracks.com. I'm pretty sure. I'm not getting any. Money for this. I'm pretty sure you are.

But they should sponsor us. Fucking awesome. Research tracks with an X, too, because they're cool. Tracks. I think.

So, yeah. That's really nice. I watched that, yeah, I watched that last night. You know, I didn't hate it as much as, I mean, that's the thing, it's just, it's dumb. I mean, it's just a dumb horror movie, but I'm watching it like, you know, it's kind of like all of these remakes and all of the, like.

Did you watch the original? I don't even know if I've. Watched the original. Maybe that's the one you were talking about. I watched the original.

Yeah. I have not watched that in my recent memory. I may have seen it years ago and forgotten about it, but. I don't remember it all that well, but I remember sort of liking it. Yeah.

This, I mean, this one is just, it's like all of the new shiny, glossy people from the hills. Kind of horror movies. And I'm watching it. I'm like, I don't, I'm sort of enjoying the experience, but it really, if ever you can use the term brain candy, I mean, it's like, that's what it was. It's dumb and shiny.

And I'm watching people get killed. It's, it's like, All of these genre-type movies, it's like you can have good ones and you can have ones that just play the lowest common denominator. I kind of like... Oh, it depends on what mood I'm in. I kind of like stuff like that.

Yeah. It's brainless fun. You know, you can go. Into it and not get a life lesson. I mean, that's what this was.

It's like there's nothing really redeeming in it. Other than, you know, that girl is okay. Again, she doesn't do anything amazing, but. Hot potato head, dude. You know.

I haven't watched her in much stuff. I think I've seen, again, on Letterman, I think I saw her one night, and that's the only reason I probably would know what she looks like anymore. But in this movie, I almost couldn't watch her. Like, she, her head really. Is shaped odd.

I'm sorry. It's like, how do you have someone, I mean... Demi Moore back in the day, she was an attractive young lady. Even now, I mean, she's held up relatively well for her age. Yeah, that too.

Bruce Willis has never been a pretty man, but he's, you know, somewhat, I'm sure somebody would consider him a somewhat handsome man, possibly. I think, you know, even back in the day. How the hell did Potato Head come out of that? I don't know. Because that's the thing, it's like, and I'm not going to talk smack about your kid, because Bruce is awesome.

I'd like to hang out with Bruce. He seems like a really good guy. But she just looks strange the entire time. I was just like something odd about her i don't know what it is and and she her acting is just kind of it's like all the girls on there i mean none of them do anything amazing they just sort of stand there and she's actually the more hysterical one of the bunch so she just gets to like scream and run around and be have enough fit most of the movie so i'm sure also that i'll. Watch it at some point is it like did it fronted or was it on.

Netflix um watch it on tv it was on tv it's on cable it's on i don't. Have cable i can't i have this channel now. That This is awesome. As we've said many a time, this is pretty damn awesome. Yeah, I got distracted.

Other than that, I did watch. I finally caught up with the rest of the world, what, nine, ten months later. I watched Inception. I have no real desire to see that movie. I just put it off.

I kind of wanted to initially, and then I just... Again, I hardly ever get to the theater, so I just hadn't gotten around to it, and I finally sat down and watched it. It. kind of deserves a lot of the attention that it's gotten. It's, it's impressive. And I mean, it, again, almost for the Christopher Nolan element, it's like, you've got to be on board with him.

I, I so wanted, you know, again, it's way too late, I suppose, but in general, like my personal feelings, I feel like we really need to support this kind of stuff because it's, it's written and directed by him. He came up with this concept. It's an original movie. It's them, you know, the studios, not only backing this idea, granted, because he made them a ton of money the year before, but, Still, it's like studios got behind him and let him do his own thing. It's not a comic book movie.

It's not a sequel. It's not a remake of another terrible horror movie. It looks like it. Would make my head hurt, and I don't know. That's the other thing I have to give it credit for, and it deserved, like, all the attention it got on the technical end.

I mean, it won cinematography. I can't remember if it won. Editing, but it deserves it for editing because editing is amazing because it really does have, like, three or four at times storylines sort of going simultaneously and it finds a way to edit them together like amazingly well. Like it really is not confusing. And something like that, I was like going in knowing what it was about.

I was like, this is going to be such a muddled mess that you're just... Most people, even if the people who listen to us are probably a little more skilled at paying attention to movies and watching. Are they more sophisticated than us? As film watchers, yes. I'm sure not on all levels because they listen to us.

So obviously they have a guttural sense of humor based on many of our comments. It's called taste. But I think just people who pay attention to movies more, I can see maybe getting on board. But I was like, this made a ton of money. This did good across the board with even mainstream people.

So how is it that they followed this story? And now watching it, I'm like, it's because they... Again, writing-wise, it found a way to... Explain it without totally beating you over the head with the rules. Granted, I know it's gotten called out for making all these rules and then breaking them midway through.

That's an issue that I didn't have as much problem with going in. I think more impressively is that once you get to that last half of the movie, it finds a way to keep it from getting massively confusing. It's... It just keeps everything straight. It edits it and sets everything up so that it's not overall...

I mean, granted, it's still a lot of crazy, heady thinking involved if you want to, but... I don't like one of their things. That's what I figured. So, if you don't want to do that, you can kind of just watch it. I like my brainless fun.

And watch the basic little stories and follow those and not think about it too much. Is DiCaprio tolerable in this movie? Again, I think I liked him better. Maybe he's coming into his own. I don't know.

He's finally fitting into his big old head. He's got a big old swollen ass head. He still kind of looks like a kid. Actually, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is awesome. Oh, he's adorable.

I love him. He almost doesn't have enough screen time is my complaint. It's like tons of Leo, but I'm just like, man, he's just so good in that. And he actually is starting to look a little... Again, they're both wearing grown-up clothes the whole time, so...

I didn't have much faith in. Him when he was about to do third rock from the song he was on. Well, I did, but he was good at that. I was afraid he was never. Goofy looking kid.

I figured he was never going to be anything but that long haired, goofy looking kid. And he was just, I mean, he was so good at delivering those lines that I was afraid that was all he was ever going to do. So I'm, again, impressed that he's broken out of that. He is one hell of a singer. He's now turning in amazing performances in all these movies.

There's a reason they keep giving him all these properties in the last couple of years. It's because he's freaking talented. It's worth watching it for him. But yeah, just direction-wise and editing and writing, it's all impressive. Granted, I realize a lot of people still have issues with it.

I'm not going to say it's my favorite movie ever, but it's an impressive movie. I think it kind of did deserve. to be up there with, with the big movies of last year, especially, you know, it got sort of snubbed on everything at the Oscars because people acted like it was just a big dumb action type movie, which it's not that much action really. It's so, I quit listening. I'm still picturing him singing. You make me feel like a natural.

Woman, whatever it takes for you to get through the day. Yeah, that's it. All right. So yeah, that was about all I've watched this week. So, um, What have you been up to?

Not a goddamn thing. I watched a boyfriend spend hours upon hours of playing Castlevania, which is fucking awesome. He's obsessed with this now, isn't he? Dude, for serious. If he hadn't had to have been at work at like 5 o'clock this morning, he probably would have been up all night last night.

I'm sure that's what he'll probably do tonight. Nice. But, yeah, we watched The Lost Boys, which me, him, and the kid watched The Lost Boys because she'd never seen it, and I don't really think she gave her access. You got to pass these classics on to that next generation. I don't think she cared.

I think she would have, you know, she was like, I like Monster School. Okay, that's fun, too. But I'm a little, I've always been a little more partial to the Lost Boys. It's fucking awesome. It's probably still one of my favorite movies of all time, but I don't care what anybody says.

Because it kicks ass. It really is. It's fucking awesome. It's just damn entertaining, and it's fun as a horror movie. And got the hottest damn vampires.

I mean, Kiefer Sutherland, I don't give a shit about him now. He's kind of weird looking, but goddamn, he was handsome in that movie. Alex Winter. He was the only un-hot vampire in that movie. Well, if it helps to him, you know, because he's kind of awesome now, and the other ones got old and are not hot anymore.

And his mullet in that movie, that fucking curly mullet, that's the worst fucking hair I've ever seen. Yeah, mullets are bad, but curly mullets are the worst. That was horrible. But yeah, the other guys, I don't know their names because. They're all pretty boys.

You know one, Billy Worth? Yeah, he's a dark hair one. Yeah. And the other one's something, something, something. The blonde dude.

Yeah. Brooke McC... Not Brooke McC... I don't know. Dude, he's hot.

But yeah, the dark hair guy was fucking hot. But now they just got old, and old guys aren't hot anymore. Yeah, not so much. Alex Winter, you're awesomer. So there, take that.

Yeah. But then... Because when they put the Lost Boys, the first, which I think is the third movie... I told boyfriend that I wanted to watch it. You know, he's like, okay, well, I watched the second one first.

Cause I haven't watched the tribe. You don't want to be lost. Yeah. You know, complicated plot. Yeah.

I was like, dude, it's going to be, it's horrible. As I watched it before. It's, it's, it's fucking bad. So we got maybe 20 minutes into it, and I looked over, and he has just this look of dumbfounded, just fucking boredom. I was like, can we turn this off so we can play some Castlevania?

He's like, yes, for the love of God, please turn this off. So yeah, we got about 20 minutes in. He hadn't even gotten to the Felden part of it yet, and he was ready to turn this shit off. That's further than I've gotten so far. I haven't even attempted.

I kind of want to, I feel like, just as a geek, as a horror fan, I'm going to have to watch them just to cross them off the list, but. I know they're going. To be bad. He got through the Tom Savini part of the movie, and that's pretty much it. Well, that's all he wanted.

He loves him some Tom Savini. He loves him some Feldman, too, and he didn't even get to the Feldman part, you know. And Feldman is just atrocious in this movie because he talks like he knows what's going on. Well, he kind of did that in the first one, too. This is horrible erg.

Wow. This is horrible. It's horrendous. It's just, it's laughable is what it is. It's regot damn diculous.

Is he going to grab him and shake him when he sees him next time? Maybe. That's only like a couple weeks off. No, he's pretty excited about seeing Feldman though. I told you.

I'm putting him in charge of talking to Feldman. He's going to hang in the mic and be like, go have some Feldman time. He'll only want to talk about his favorite Feldman movie and that's all it'll be. It'll just be an hour long discussion on the burbs. I'm fine with that actually.

We already did one of those but we can return to it. We can get Feldman's take on the burbs so. That's one of his more entertaining performances in his life, as far as I'm concerned. I never gave a rat's ass about Feldman. I was always a Haim fan.

It was good for me. I was never, you know, that big either way. But, yeah, if I was going to pick one, I think, you know, you had more promise with young Haim. Even young Feldman was kind of cheesy and pretty over. I mean, he's in some good movies when he's young.

The best Feldman movies, to me, still stand by me. It's a good movie. And he's not overwhelmingly Feldman-y. But, I mean, some of the other ones he gets cheesy. Well, he definitely, as he gets older, gets cheesier.

But that's a pretty decent performance, and it's very reined in. Again, maybe Rob Reiner kind of kept him under control. I think it's his mouth that bothers me the most. He has no lips. I don't like lipless dudes.

It's weird. He's like a lizard. Oh, God. He does. Is that going to offend our lizard listeners?

Oh, sorry, lizards. There goes our Geico commercials. We've totally lost our geico. My brain's dead. The green thing from Star Trek.

You know. I should know what it's called. I don't remember what it's called. Randy's going to call you out for not knowing that you know. Damn you, Brandy.

Yeah, because we saw that guy, actually. He was in Chicago last year. It's like right in my head. I can picture it. I know what the hell it's called.

Like a gorn or something. I guess it's just gorn. Did I get it right? I don't know. Huh?

I don't know. What did you say? I said gorn. Okay, it says gorn green lizard alien. Oh, hell yeah.

I got that shit right. Whatever. I'm awesome. Whatever. So, if there's any gorn-like creatures out there listening, you know.

She's totally comfortable. Are we transmitting into space? Is that what we're doing? I believe so. Awesome.

But yeah, Feldman always. Rubbed me the wrong way and not in a good way. He just creeped me. Haim rubs you in a good way. Yes.

I love, I've always been, I love me some Haim. And Jay's like, so are you going to show Feldman your Haim tattoo? And I'm like, nope. You should, and then point and laugh at him. Be like, you know what?

Screw you guys. You are nowhere on me. Haim's right there. Ha ha. Yeah, I think you should, actually.

Just to taunt him. He's got a Haim tattoo, but it's nowhere near as cool as mine. He's just got, like, a number 22 something, or 222, or something that makes no fucking sense. Mine's way more awesomer. Many things he does fall on that cat car.

Jay's waiting for fake Feldman to be at the convention. He wants to get a picture of him together. It's gonna be so awesome. It's gonna be, like, divided by zero. Like, the world's gonna collapse on itself.

Hit very mild line, actually. He saw him at the hill. There was another spotting. He saw him in the neighborhood the other day walking through. Jay was working on his motorcycle out in the driveway.

He was trying to call me. He's like the Bigfoot of your neighborhood. He is, dude. He's our local Sasquatch. Jay's going to have blurry 8mm footage.

He saw the picture. Did you see the picture? I think he posted it, yeah. Once again, like Sasquatch, you can't see what the hell it is. He walked by the other day.

Jay was trying to call me. He couldn't get his phone out fast enough. By the time he got his phone out, he was already gone. I'm like, dude, why don't you just fucking talk to him? He's like, dude, come here.

Just give him a flyer for horn. You're like, dude, you have to be there. I'm like, this time he was wearing his hat and a letterman's jacket, which I'm not sure which era of Feldman that would have been. Well, that's more of like an early part of Thriller for Michael since he's ripping off Michael. That's what he's wearing in the opening part of Thriller, isn't it?

Yeah, I've only seen this guy once. I'm beginning to think, you know, that maybe Jay just got this weird thing in his head. I don't know. I've only seen him once and I saw him in a Target and I'm like, I think it's when we saw. Him in his full-on outfit.

We saw him, like, the whole outfit. We saw him. We could walk right past him. We followed him around Target. I think I went to the toy department.

And through every other department. I don't know why we didn't. Get a picture then. So I think it's become, like, an obsession with Jay. It really has, actually.

I'm wondering if he's just making it up. If I hadn't seen, like, a blurry picture, which. Doesn't put him in anybody for all I know. Once again, this could be a hoax. I'm beginning to wonder.

He's the new. It's a figment of Jay's imagination. He's the new cryptid that's thrown into our mix here. It's like he's Fred or something. Hold on, drop dead Fred, our imaginary friend.

I was like, our occasional co-host? No, drop dead Fred, our imaginary friend. Except for him to be Jason's imaginary friend, they might actually have to talk or something. Maybe he does talk to you. Maybe he just doesn't tell you that part.

Maybe he keeps him locked in the garage. That's why I don't ever go out there. Could be. Alright, what else? I didn't do anything.

I bought some pop-up books used, which means I had to spend a lot of time fixing pop-up books. Motherfuckers don't try to fix pop-up books by taping them down to the goddamn page that's not gonna fix a fucking pop-up book and it's going to make it worse moron so I bought my book it's movies I forget what the exact title of it but it's got different pages for movies and I get to the page this is the Casablanca page and I fold it up and everything pops up except for the piano player and his piano which is taped to the fucking. Page believe that would be Sam. Anyways, I had to get some tape and some super glue and I had to fix that shit. I do not like broke-ass pop-up books.

That's the second one that I bought that I had to... That's the third one that I bought that I had to fucking fix. My Star Trek one, I had to fix that shit. I bought my Hitchcock one, which was fucking new. I shouldn't have had to fucking fix that shit.

People will fucking abuse their pop-up books. There's something wrong with America. You can't take care of a goddamn pop-up book. What? What?

Jay's not here this week, so your rant is, what's wrong with the world? People that abuse pop-up books. Fuckers. If anybody out there has any. Suggestions for good pop-up books, I'm looking for some awesome ones.

Misty's Pop-Up Book Club. I'm telling you. First one I remember having was my pop-up book of nightmares, which is fucking awesome. I need the phobias. I don't have the phobia one yet.

I have a fold-out book of skeletons. I forget which ones I have. I have some of the Nightmare ones, but I don't remember what they were. But they're fucking on some skeletons, and there's a monster. I don't have the Mommy one either.

That one's pretty awesome. I want the Mommy one. You know what I'm talking about? There's Dracula, and there's Frankenstein. It's fucking awesome.

That's all they did, I think. All right. That's all the new Conan the Barbarian trailer. It looks fucking stupid. I think I'm glad I haven't seen it, but now I'm going to have to watch it.

I'm retarded. Everything we heard about it last year made it sound worse and worse as it went on. This ain't helping. Yeah, I'm not surprised. It looks really bad.

So, if nothing else, we can use this as a good time to tell people about a new development with the show. We are now. What about pop-ups? I don't know. Do you have, like, audio pop-ups?

That would be awesome. That popped into your ears. That might hurt. Probably. So don't do that.

But instead, we are now sponsored by Tweaked Audio. Hell yeah! And we've now got a nice, cool little setup going with them. And we not only are going to tell you about Tweaked Audio, but we can actually give you. A special deal because you're Movie Meltdown listeners.

I like deals. He'll jail. So, I mean, this is just sort of the basic kickoff. We'll continue to pass the word as we go on. But just their rundown, you know, go to tweakedaudio.com.

They have at least three different styles. They're varying colors. And yeah, it's actually I mean, looking at them, the quality on them is I'm still getting mine. I just kind of came across them and we set this up. So I'm getting my pair as we speak.

But it's just like the price wise is about the same as what I bought at cheesy stores over the years. And certainly once you use the discount, it will be. And just quality-wise, it's, you know, supposedly a lot better. It comes with a warranty, which good luck getting that for most of the crappy ones that I just threw away on a regular basis. And, yeah, if nothing else, free shipping around the world.

I love free shipping. And, you know, even to our friends in other countries who are going through horrible, horrible situations. Free shipping. So, I mean, can that brighten your day? Anyways.

So, yeah, if nothing else, we do have a new setup going with them now. So go to tweakedaudio.com, and if you enter in the special code, we have our own code. So when it asks you for the discount code, put Meltdown. Oh, hell yeah. We are so fucking awesome.

You will get a 33% discount. Oh, hell yeah. Knocking a third off of the price of these just because you are an awesome movie meltdown listener. Are you spitting numerologies at me? Yes, I am.

I have numbers and shit. Yep, 33% off. So, I mean, the more I thought about it, I mean, I threw it out there to them and was talking to them about it, and I was like, is there any better tie-in for a podcast? I mean, short of the player itself, it's like, what else do you use? And in my case, I'm assuming you guys go through the same thing, I end up buying them.

Pretty regularly because they're usually crappy and I don't. The ones that you get at the stores are kind of cheap. And so as often as I go through them, it would be nice to have a good pair and, you know, not have that issue. So hopefully you won't have that problem with our sponsor's product and it will be awesome and last you forever. Oh, you'll find out when you go to tweakedaudio.com.

Tweet. Tweet. So, yep, go to Tweaked Audio, enter the discount code Meltdown, and get a third off of the price and free shipping. You can't beat that with a goddamn stick. That's what I'm saying.

All right, on that little advertisement, we'll take our. Tweaked is fun to say. It is pretty fun to say. Go ahead, one more time. Tweaked.

Tweaked, tweaked. Say that to yourself as you're ordering your pair. So, we will take a break and be back with the first stage here in our little special tribute this week. I don't know. This has already stretched out kind of long enough to be almost a whole episode.

Yeah, it kind of is. I ramble and rant about pop-up books. Still, I'm serious. If anybody has any suggestions, I want to know of good pop-up books because I'm fucking running into a wall. I'm going to watch a fucking kiddie-fat shit.

I want something fucking awesome. I don't want the pop-up book of sex because that just seems kind of creepy. It's out there. No, really, dude. It's out there.

I've seen pictures. Yikes. I don't want that shit coming at me in 3D. That's what the real world's for. That's what she's for.

It's pretty bad to do my own that's what she said once but whatever there's nobody else here and if I can do it Marlena would have. Said it yes she probably somewhere right now just said it anyway about god knows what Marlena. Should have been too busy texting on her phone and noticed I said it. Hello, little red riding hood. I heard about you, and it's all been good.

I want to meet you, so I'm. Standing at your door. I better knock until my knuckles are sore. Baby, let me in. I want to be your friend.

Bang, bang, biddly-bang, baby, let me in. I better talk into the three little pigs. I heard they saw your man and flipped their wings. Said you're the swinginest, and that's no lie. I dig you, baby, for for you I got a Please replace the speaker on its rack when you're ready to leave.

Failure to do so will damage. Both the speaker and your car. We'll be grateful and so will the patrons who follow you. A family pet. A bedtime story.

The familiar landscape of childhood. You have to come out sometime. You can't sulk in there forever. Where witches and wolves are the forces of evil. Where good will triumph and all will end happily.

Your granny spoils you. She makes you think you're something special. That red show. But this is no fairy tale. This is where legend ends and survival begins.

Where the dreams of childhood hold no promise of a happy ending. Big eyes you have. The worst kind of wolves are hairy on the inside. And when they bite you, they drag you with them to hell. When I killed it, it was a wolf.

And then before my very eyes.... Neither child nor adult. Wolf nor human. This is the twilight world, which lies between the pages of any fairy tale. My, what big arms do you have?

To deny it. Is to kill the child that lives within us all. To enter it. is to kill the dreams of childhood. Jesus, what big teeth you have! No!

Where did. You hear a story like that? Not a story, but God's honest truth. Granny told. Me.

The company of wolves. They are all the company we keep, even in our dreams. But I have proof, and tonight I'm going to show you something. Make you believe. Hi, I'm Dee Wallace, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown.

Movie Meltdown Wow. What are you kids watching? The newsletters turned into a werewolf. It's time for Sofa Theater. Once there was a girl who went to take some bread and milk to her granny.

Who's that I see walking in these woods? Why is it a red riding hood? Hey there little red riding hood You sure are looking. Good Everything a big bad wolf could want Now listen to. Me Are we ready?

I'm ready and I'm not going to be. Me too. All right, well. That was an experience. Yeah, we just watched our feature.

I guess this would be the sofa theater feature. It's a short film, the sofa theater feature. But, yeah, we... Short? Clocked in at, what, 11 minutes or so?

It's a little over 11 minutes, but... 11. Minutes of what the fuck just happened? We'll get to that. For a long time now, and I guess I've been slightly obsessed with the little red theme over the years.

I'd say it definitely kicked off with Freeway. It was fucking awesome. And I think we both watched Freeway together. We both were really sold on that one. If there's any reason we both liked Reese for a couple years there, it's because she's so fucking awesome.

You shot a whole bunch of times. She's awesome in that movie. So that sort of kicked off a weird fascination. And then since then, I've been watching all these, like, you can almost trace it going through other movies. And the Little Red Riding Hood theme is just a weird thing that keeps popping up.

And now, you know, so I've wanted to track down a lot of different versions of it and just sort of look at them all. So I thought it would be an interesting series to go through here. Our Little Red series that just kind of looks at all the different Little Red Riding Hood movies. variations and adaptions and all this stuff. And I found this one. Yeah, this was one that did, you know, the new movie coming out, it sort of put it back on the list of stuff I wanted to do.

But then Misty, this past week, brought up this film that she had heard of. And I don't think I'd heard of it. So I thought, okay, well, let's see if we can track it down. So this week's short film stuff we need to feature is. Is it 1997 movie?

It is just entitled Little Red Riding Hood. It is 1997. The director is David Kaplan, also the writer on this one, so now we. Know who to blame. Spoiler alert, go seek this out.

It's fucked up. I feel like you need to see it to fully appreciate what we're about to ruin, so full-on spoiler alert. Mm-hmm. All right. The main reason I wanted to see it when she told me about it, other than the Little Red theme, was the fact that Little Red is played by Christina Ricci.

A 16-year-old Christina Ricci. A 16-year-old. Wait, maybe I shouldn't say that in that fashion. I can't help it. Even at 16, she was hot.

And she got big old boobies. Yeah, they kicked in early and quite hard. Because, you know, you go back and look at, you know, Casper. She's a normal girl. Even the Addams Family stuff.

She's still a kid. But, like, she hit 16. Damn. She became womanly very quickly. So, yeah, the plot, according to this.

Is a. There was a plot to this piece of shit? Well, it doesn't even give a plot synopsis. It says, a black comedy version of this classic tale. which I disagree with on several levels. I will say it's a version of the classic tale.

And it's black as in it's black and white. Black as in the way, yeah, it's jacked up. I don't know, whatever. So, all right, where would you like to begin with this? I don't even know where to fucking start.

It's such a big old mess. Let's start with the wolf. All right. The wolf. His ballerina moves.

He's like a fucking cast member. Yeah, I did not. Of all this stuff, granted, I didn't even watch the trailer going into it. I just saw some stills from it, and from that, I really wanted to see it because it's shot in black and white. It's got Christina Ricci in the outfit and doing the full little red thing, so.

I kind of took it a very different way. I expected it to be. You know, a cool indie short film and have like really cool visuals and be like kind of creepy because they're playing on the classic Little Red Story. It was more what the fuck than creepy. Yeah, it was a lot what the fuck.

I think it was like 11 minutes and I think I said what the fuck like 12 times. I think I just kind of. Went what the fuck. Yeah, there was a lot of just throwing my hands over my eyes and Oh, the goat. We forgot the goat.

Oh, yeah, we start off. Our first image is Christina Ricci. By the river. And a goat. And a goat.

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes. I like the idea of a girl and a goat. It's not like she's just sitting there petting a goat. There's nothing going on with a goat. Yeah, it doesn't get creepy.

There's nothing weird about the goat. It doesn't get creepy in that way until a few minutes later. Yeah, I think it's even creepier. It gets way creepier. So, yeah, you get the shot of her with the goat.

And again, at this point, it's promising. It's well shot visually. It's got cool black and white action going on. It's Christina Ricci in the outfit. Everything's good at that point.

And then you get the wolf. Enter the wolf. Now, once again. It manages to be even less manly than any character in Twilight. I expected it to be...

Again, I didn't expect it to even be an actor. I thought at best it would be sort of like... either well i was hoping like originally i think i thought more of like an actual wolf and they were going to work in like you know. Maybe not make it so fairy tale. Like but make it more of a realistic version and then i thought maybe it would be more like costumed you know more like a a special effects filled you know sam winston version of the. Wolf but no no no this is the most Swan Lake version of a wolf.

He looks like a reject from fucking the Cats. Kind of. But, I mean, his moves are more Swan Lake. Like, the whole thing takes on this very... Now, granted, the wolf is played by.

Well, I'll go with. My visual is we just made fun of this last week, but I was like, what is that, Russell. Brand playing the wolf? He had that, like, dark Tiny Tim look that we made fun of Russell Brand for having last week. That's kind of what he looks like.

Only in a furry suit. If he wasn't wearing, like, a bad suit. Ballerina. I went out with a ballerina once. Once.

He took me to see Kenny Rogers. This is a weird story all. On its own. I would not go see Kenny Rogers with the ballerina wolf from this movie. He freaks me the fuck out.

Yeah, he really does. And not in a good way. It's in a ugh kind of way. Yes. His name is Timber...

Timber? Timbor... Bortek. Bortesinkov. I'm going to take a wild guess that he's Russian.

Are you okay? Are you turning into an animal. Of some sort? Here's a surprise. He's an international dancer.

What the hell are you saying? Oh, yeah. I wonder if he likes Kenny Rogers. Once again, he began his career and education at the Moldovan Opera House in the Burshkov Ballet. Yeah, so I'd say a whole lot of Russian going on in this guy.

Yeah, whatever. He's fucking weird. He's pretty fucking weird. And his filmography entails Little Red Riding Hood, and that's it. So his career didn't pan out after this.

Oh, God. What else weird was there? Only on film. Maybe he is a phenomenal star on stage. I don't know.

I'm not going to knock you as your stage performance. Haven't seen it and don't really care to. But as a film actor, let me just say, dude is creepy in a bad way, and I don't understand why. It's just a weird mixture. It's like I don't understand.

Again, I went in expecting a cool, creepy take on Little Red. Me too. I'm sorry, dude. And it doesn't... Well, no, I'm glad I've seen it.

Like, I wanted to see this, but I didn't expect this because it doesn't match. Like, if the entire thing was done as, like, a Swan Lake version of Little Red Riding Hood, I think I'd be okay with that. It probably wouldn't be, like, top of my list of favorite versions, but. What about just, like, with. The creepy factor, which there was some creepy.

It's like one or the other. It's like if it went with the cool, gothy, dark, you know, black and white version of, you know, just doing a creepy version of Little Red, that would be awesome. Or, again, if they wanted to take it as an entire ballet version of it, again, I'm sure that's out there. That's not that unheard of for them to do that sort of take on something. Don't throw that shit together.

Yeah, you don't make a mashup out of it. You don't take a weird indie film and jam in ballet and then expect it to come out okay because it doesn't. Or a damn bit of sense because it doesn't. So, I mean, that right off the bat, when you get this two-minute intro of him like, swirling around and doing flips and spinning in circles. But this is just his introduction.

This is him, like when we, the reveal of the wolf is him in a meadow dancing around and doing all. These crazy moves. And all of a sudden I'm already like, okay, this movie's taking a weird turn. And then, I don't know, do we want to get to anything before we get to the house? I mean, then he just prances off down a different...

A lot of prancing. I mean, at that point, it doesn't veer too far from the original story. It's which path are you going to take, and he takes the other one to get ahead of her and get to grandmother's house first. There's the path of pins and the path of needles, which is. Which is all pretty standard, I suppose.

So, do we even get the grandmother? I mean, then he enters them and the grandmother's there, but we don't even see the. Attack. We don't see him take out Grandma. No, we just see him putting her bloods in a bottle and then her flesh in a bowl.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. And we assume she's gone. I like him like the disneyer versions they like he like ties her up and puts her in the cellar or something but no this one we he definitely takes her out but we don't see any of that once again you miss you miss the horror end of it if you were gonna do a creepy gothic version of this you know let's see a big bloody version of him taking out grandma but no we don't get that either But. You get to the house, which looks just like a fucking prop out of the cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

Yes. I'm probably saying that shit wrong. I mean, it very much does. The entire interior, once again, most people of this generation would be like, wow, it looks just like they ripped off. Tim Burton, but.

Anybody who knows, Tim Burton ripped it all off from German Expressionism. Once they were in the house, I'm like, hey, is that the same fucking fireplace from Beetlejuice? Yep. Once again, Tim Burton has been ripping that stuff off for years. So, again, I like that visual.

And it also looks very cheap. Like, from the outside, it felt like it was a prop. A cardboard box. It looked, yeah, it looked like it was just a scene from a. Stage play almost.

And again, I'm like, that's fine. Like, if you can kind of make that the overall theme and make it, you know, that's how you're doing this is just a very minimal version of it, that's fine. But no, then he goes inside and it becomes an actual house. It becomes a set again. So I'm like, nothing matches in this.

Like, nothing goes together. And then we have it right off the bat when he, when she goes in the house, we have a. It sounds like, is that Miss Henrietta? It kind of looked like Tootsies. I was like, what?

Henrietta Pussycat, what are you talking about? I was like, what? Why is there a puppet all of a sudden? Once again. There's got to be a puppet.

They're thinking it's time that sluts eat the flesh of their grandparents. Yeah, as soon as she walks in the door, the puppet calls her a slut. I'm like, what? And I actually said out loud, oh, so you've seen Black Snake Moan. So, yeah, I.

Yeah. It's so weird. There's a weird puppet talking to her. She sits down and starts eating the flesh of her grandmother. Which makes her a slut.

Which makes her a slut, which I'm sure, you know, you've seen her outfit. I'm sure it would happen anyway. And it does kind of immediately. So then. I guess the next weird thing is Grandma tells her to take her clothes off.

And throw them in the fireplace. And she's okay with this. I'm sorry, but if my grandmother ever told me to take my clothes off and get in bed with her, that's not what I'm going to be doing. Yeah, I like your grandma, but I would be massively creeped out if she asked you to do that. Dude, seriously.

Why? Is it okay? And again, she's still supposed to be a little girl. Which doesn't make it any better. Well, I mean, is Little Red supposed to be 16?

I don't know. I mean, I don't know what take they're doing on this. But either way, if it's a little girl, it's creepy. I don't know the look she was giving her grandma. I'm assuming that she was at least supposed to be 16.

That's the part that's really weird is that the Christina Ricci version of this Little Red, she doesn't have a problem with this. She kind of alluringly starts taking it. Where do I put these clothes then? And, you know, so you're already kind of creeped out by the fact that she's okay with this. Then Grandma slash Wolf tells her to throw her clothes in the fire.

You're not going to need them anymore. Wouldn't you be weirded out by that, too? I do not like my clothes. I think it's like I'm burning myself. Yeah, and you won't need them anymore?

Like, isn't that weird? Where am I? A, if I'm going home later, I'm going to be naked. Or B, you're going to kill me. There's no good angle there.

There's no upside to this plan. Creepy as fuck. Then she gets in bed. And the look she's giving her grandma as she gets into bed, that's because she pulls like a little scream, Courtney thing. And the worst part, I guess, if there's a worst part, is this, the narrator.

We don't even have any, I mean, you don't even get Christina delivering these lines. It's all done with narration and the narrator saying Little Red's lines instead. And it's done very cheesily. I guess this is the angle that they're pretending like it's a comedy is that the. He's narrating any kid's story.

Quentin Crisp is the narrator on this one, and I think he does a really hammy job of it. I'm like, once again, it's butting heads with what this wants to be, because it's coming off like it wants to be kind of creepy, but then his narration is really just, it is playing it kind of like it's a kiddie story. And I'm like, well, that doesn't match what we're looking at, because She looks like she's ready to get it on. With her grandmother. And, you know, we've got creepy visuals here, but now we're going to get into a weird comedy angle.

In a second that makes no damn sense. So, yeah, at this point she's still just getting naked, which here's the real downside. We don't see any of this. You see her feet. Granted, I guess.

If you've got a foot fetish. She was 16. I guess we shouldn't have seen anything. But still. You don't see her 16-year-old naked feet.

I don't know. That's, you know, kind of a letdown. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen. But still, you know, Christina Ricci starts getting naked. You know, you want to see that action.

But no, we don't get that either. So then, okay. I don't even know if I want to talk about the next part. It's so fucking weird. It's so fucking weird.

That was the part where I just kind of started screaming to myself because I. We were sitting there together screaming. Ah, what? No, no, no. What?

So she gets in bed naked with Grandma. And. Notice how hairy she is. Yeah, she immediately says, how hairy you are. And I'm just like, oh, the jokes don't stop.

I don't even feel like making them. I kept waiting for worse things for her to say. Yeah, I kind of did too. Really, and again, if you're going to do this, like, either do it, like, a legitimately cool way, or if you're going to take this down that road, because that's kind of what I went to, you know, sort of examine in this series, is just how sexualized this fairy tale is. I mean, it's a massively...

Not even very veiled sexual story. Especially as a lot of the other versions that go along, there's a very sexual aspect to this fairy tale. So I'm like, if you want to take it down that road, then go ahead and grandma what big you have and just go ahead and do it and take it down that road and make it a very. Weird sexual story. But they don't do that either.

They pull that punch, and they stop at the usual, what big teeth you have, what a big mouth you have. There was no teeth mentioned. The better to eat you with. Yeah, there's your joke. I was waiting for that one, too.

I'm like, oh, it's going to be that kind. Oh, no. But no, we don't get it. Once again, kind of a letdown. We don't get that.

No, what we do get, in fact, is. Ten times weirder. Okay, what does she say next? I need to go pee-pee. That's weird enough.

I was really not expecting his answer, which is. Go pee-pee here. Go pee-pee in the bed. And her response is, I gotta go caca. I have to go caca.

And even weirder, he continues with, just go caca here. Ew. We were just, we're screaming at this point. What? What?

What? She's like, no, it'll be smelly. Yeah, it will smell. Okay, well, at least she's got common sense, unlike the wolf. Or maybe he's just into some scat action.

I don't know. Gross! Maybe he wanted some golden showers going on. But, well, no, again, what else makes sense? Why would you tell her to just do it here?

You freak. I guess he realizes that if she leaves, she's going to fucking get away. I guess, but at that point, just eat her now. Quit delivering fucking dialogue. I don't want to eat her when she's full of shit.

Is that really what's holding them back? I don't know. I don't know. This makes no sense at this point. So then he lets her go outside.

She's tied with a rope. He ties a little piece of string to her and then, you know, keeps a line on her like it's Cool Hand Luke. I was going to say, yeah, she. Throws Cool Hand Luke on his ass. Going caca here, boss.

Going caca. So. It's pretty much that same thing. He lets her go out the door, and then he keeps pulling it to make sure she's there, and eventually realizes, hey, it's. Been a while.

I think Luke done run off on me. No, it wasn't young. The pigeon off a loaf out there. Oh, God. Then, yeah.

As if it couldn't get dumber, he says, like, What are you, dropping a big load? Yeah, I mean, he says, like, both of those lines. Squeezing out a deuce or something. I was like, yeah. This is actually in this fucking movie.

Yeah, we're not making jokes on that part. These lines are actually in. The narrator says them as the wolf. Pinching off a loaf. Oh, my God.

From the ballerina wolf. Yeah, from ballerina wolf. I'm like, this movie is weird. So then he... He prances outside and, like, looks at the tree.

For, like, half the movie, he's staring at the tree. She, yeah, the entire second half of the movie is him deciding that, wait, I think she's untied it and tied it to a plum tree. And then he sits and stares at the damn tree. So he swan lakes his way up to the tree. Like, it's the most slow, drawn out, and then, like... expressive way of looking at the tree with his hands and his face and his dancing and it's yeah it's a very swan licky way to look at the tree and go just look out the door and go oh my god she screwed me over she ran away just realize that so yeah he does this and the entire rest of the movie christina ricci's naked but once again we don't get to see anything because she's got a sheet on once again what version of the story is little red naked half of the story Half of the running.

Time of the movie is Little Red Naked. Not enough, I suppose. That one that I saw, but I had to rent that one in the special room. So, again, we don't get any of that, though. So then it's just her running through the woods naked in a sheet.

Well, she's taunting him first. She's sitting there watching him. She's looking at him. She's watching him by the tree. I'm like, really?

This is your whole point? I like your question. Is she actually going poop? She was just like looking at him from behind a tree. I'm like, what is she doing over there?

You could have made it home by now by the time it took him to look at this fucking tree. I know. I'm like, if you're going to trick him, then go home in this time that he's still waiting for. That's the whole point of like tricking him is to be making a break for it while he's still inside thinking you're Making a douche. So instead, she sits there and watches him the whole time.

And she gets his attention. That defeats the purpose of this. It makes no sense at all. So then she runs home. The inn?

That's not how any of the stories I've ever heard have gone. There's no woodsman. There's no woodsman. There's no taking care of the wolf. There's no eating of anybody, which many versions of this have entailed.

But no, in this one, she runs home to her house, and she closes the door just as he gets to the door. The inn. What? What? How is that a story?

How is that the rest of the story? Well, except for the. Brief glimpse of his claw going down her face and their sensual grandma wolf action. Again, that's like the arty part of it. I mean, it wants to be an arty movie, but it doesn't know how to because it's busy talking about pooping.

Like a two-year-old. Yeah. I mean, we have. A juvenile sense of humor on this show, but... Even I'm just like, really?

This is just dumb. Like, I'm just like, this is. Just so taking you down the few notches you had with the, you know, the cool black and white shots and the, you know, the basic idea. Of doing this is what seemed cool for a minute. And then the goat left and it all went downhill.

I would have rather just watched a movie about the goat. I think so. Just like her and the goat playing in a field for 11 minutes. That would have been awesome compared to the Swan Lake wolf that we get here. Her and the goat pooping together.

That would have been more entertaining than this wolf. It's all a bunch of caca. Yeah, it kind of is. Where's shirtless Taylor Loudon when you need him? Dude, I would have rather had him.

I would have, too, is the sad part. At least he doesn't dance around. He just takes his shirt off at every chance he gets. But, yeah, he doesn't dance and swan lake his way up to a tree when he knows she's not even there anymore. He's not wetting his ass about.

Oh, God, it's so ridiculous. So, yeah. Yeah, this one, not really a full.... We've talked about it like three times longer. Yeah, pretty much.

But again, you still have to go watch it. You can't fully experience it without sitting there. Just so you realize, we didn't fucking make this shit up. Yeah, I would have assumed we were just lying about most of this. But no, it's equally as ridiculous and a little more when you actually have to see it.

We could make up something and have it make more sense than this did. I couldn't have made up. I would have never. ever been able to make up i need to go caca i did not see that coming nor did i expect it to be said in this movie so yeah this is an odd entry into this series you're. Welcome Didn't know... Wait, again?

I totally appreciate the 16-year-old version of Christina Ricci. That I got to see. My eyes are bleeding. But it doesn't make up for the fact that I had to deal with the. The rest of this movie?

The rest of the caca in this movie, because it makes no sense. It doesn't know what it wants to be. It's just badly thrown together in the rest of it. I'm like, if you were going to bother to not only do a version of this, but to get Christina Ricci involved and get, I guess, this... talented ballet performer I mean if you're gonna go to all this trouble at least do something cool with it and Not just do something dumb. Not just do this.

Not just take it down to the. Caca level. Yeah. It becomes potty humor in the last half of it. I was just blown away.

I'm like, really? They just said that? Wow. Yeah. I was like, at least make it a bad sexual overtones.

But no, it doesn't even go there after the look she gives her grandmother. Then it just becomes potty humor. And I'm like, yeah. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

So. See, I had assumed the movie was like a series of short stories, because from what I heard, it was Little Red Riding Hood and other tales. Well, that's, I mean, that's even how it's billed if you bring up the visual on it. Little Red Riding Hood and other stories is what it's credited. So have they planned on making a series of this shit?

Maybe there are other stories out there, and, you know, we just watched this. I don't know. We just narrowed it down and found this version, and that's all we've watched. I don't know if there are other versions that go along with this. Let's see.

Is there like a Cinderella where instead of midnight, she has to go poop? That's why she leaves the castle. She poops in a glass slipper. Oh, wow. Is there like Goldilocks where one toilet's too soft and one toilet's too hard?

This toilet seat's too hard. I can't use this one. Or her poop is too hard. Oh, I was trying to look up the director and see if maybe he did other things in this series. Now, right before this, he does The Frog King.

Oh, God. But it's not a short. And it's 94, so I'm assuming this is just a pre-existing thing that he did. Afterwards, he did a short called Love Death. I don't know exactly what any of these are, but...

Can't be as bad as this. Yeah, I mean, he does. Again, this is listed as a dark and provocative adaptation of the classic tale. It was dark in that you couldn't see what was going on. Half the time.

It was dark in the fact that it became potty humor. That's... Dark and burn. But, yeah, so I guess it either was. An unfinished idea or other directors may have took it over.

I hope that it was unfinished. I hope, yeah, I really kind of hope that it didn't go any further if this is what they were going to do with all. Of them, so. Yeah, I'm just kind of discussing this one as a standalone, and as a standalone epic fail, dude. Seriously.

I have issues with David Kaplan, because not only did you shoot this and decide to take it down that road, but you wrote that dialogue, or that narrator-log. Wowzers. I've got nothing else to say about this. I'm done with this movie. I'm kind of done with it myself.

I got to pee-pee. I'm not going to ask you to do it here. That's what bathrooms are for, damn it. Or at least go outside with a string attached to you. Yeah, go out with the dogs in the yard.

At least they have sense enough to not do it here. Dumbass wolf. So yeah we will wrap up this first installment of our little. Red series and. Hopefully the second keep it straight hopefully the next entry will at least be a little better a little more entertaining because outside of seeing Christina Ricci in black and white and her in the.

Little costume that's pretty much all you have to go on this. Black and white so it wasn't even a red costume. Yeah we don't even know if it was red it might have been. Blue hell if we know so Yeah, I think that will be it for Misty this episode, so you can tell them goodbye. Bye.

I will be back with the rest of the show. Lady y'all. Oh, what the fuck? Caca. This is a bunch of caca.

Yo, yo, yo, check it. This is a story you might remember. From your childhood. A little story called Little Red Riding Hood. Yo, yo, yo.

I was walking through the woods to go to see my granny. Wasn't gonna see my boyfriend or my teacher. Or my nanny. For my granny, I had cookies. I was bringing chicken soup.

But when I walked through the door, I was thrown for a loop. Because my granny wasn't looking right. She was looking kind of scary with her big teeth and glasses. She was really very hairy. But oh no, no, it was.

The woman granny's bed. I said, oh, beep. And the big wolf said, hey there little girl, come on closer to me. Show me some lovin' cause I'm feeling kinda hungry. So he swallowed me whole to his stomach I fell.

It was ooey and gooey, it was hot as hell. I was shocked to see Granny was there too. So I said to my Granny, I'm gonna see you. So I got out my lunch, I got out my knife. Wasn't gonna be his mother or his lover or his wife.

So I stabbed him good and I set us free. And there was the woodsman waiting for me. I killed a wolf, but you know it's a shame. It was a silly woodsman that got all the fame. Now he is living the life of the rich, but you know I'm always going to be the little red bitch.

Yeah. Peace out. Word to your mother. GGTNC Live. For you, fresh air.

Big Willie and the Samurai are at your service, breaking films down and turning them around, giving recommendations that are always on point. Visit ggtmc.com for more information. The Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Cinema, bringing class to the trash since 1977. It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies.

All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. We can't do this anymore. They've arranged for you to marry Henry Lazar. What do we do now?

I'd do anything to be with you. You. It killed again. The wolf. In daytime, the werewolf returns to its human form.

The wolf is someone in this village. I'm wrong for you. I don't care. You will be happy again. Come away with me.

You better watch yourself. The wolf is coming. You're going to get where you deserve. And now it's time for a parking lot review. I love the kids going to this showing of SLC Punk getting out of their parents' Beamer car.

SUV. Wow. Really, I mean, that shouldn't surprise me. Isn't that kind of how punk always was? You're right.

That's sort of how it became. Mom, I need some Doc Martens. I mean, I'm, you know, like, the punkest person I know, his parents are millionaires for. Sure, so. Yeah, fuck off.

I mean. punk is but in his. You're not really punk unless you pick up some random british accent like this you know. Like madonna madonna is so punk no i'm talking. About the i'm talking about the you know the trash british british accent not the cockney yeah the cockney. Dick van dyke is totally punk That's right.

Who is? Oh, Mary Poppins. He was the original punk. Totally fucking punk. He was.

I think he started the movement. I think so. You saw his shabby-ass clothes and his attitude. I know, I know, yeah. He was a chimney sweep one day and a street hustler the next day and a street artist.

Yeah, that's what he was. That's it. Totally punk. I mean, I really think you're onto it. You know, they try to trace it back to the exact moment.

The movement started in, I think you're right, it was Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins. They tried to pin it on all these bands, but really? Walt Disney. Walt Disney. Yeah.

Yep. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. All right. By the way, the mother in Mary Poppins, the women's suffragist mother, is the best character in that movie.

She's hilarious. I didn't really get an appreciation for that movie until after my kid's. Started watching it. I don't know if I've watched it. I don't even remember sitting down to watch all of it.

I've seen so many pieces of it. Again, like so many movies at that point. Well, it goes on forever. Yeah. I don't remember the entirety of it.

I just remember, like, the scenes that you always remember out of those things. I think that's one of those movies that I absolutely hated as a child. I don't know why. Like, Mary Poppins. I was never big on it even as a kid.

Charlotte's Web. I really. I like Charlotte's Web. I hate... I. violently hated charlotte's web i.

Remember once it's because it has to do with pigs. I think that i think that might be what it is. But but you know the rat was awesome the. Rat templeton is awesome um but uh that may have even been before my my pig phobia that may have been before that potbelly pig attacked me. But it planted the seeds of pig phobia it did oh wow.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know why. I just always hated it. I always hated it. My aunt got me a.

VHS copy of it when I was younger, and I was really mad at her for that for. Like a week, which is a really dumb thing. But then, you know, once for Easter, someone got me a John Mellencamp CD, and I was also mad about that for like several months. Why? Well, if it's John Mellencamp instead of John Cougar.

It wasn't John Cougar Mellencamp? Yeah. Anyway, I was like seven years old. And you should have been loving that. They're like, you know that song.

It was the Dance Naked album, actually. Well, that was sort of a turning point. Which is like, I mean, I can't explain to you how extremely strange it was to get John Mellencamp's Dance Naked in my Easter basket when I was a small child. Hey, that's what the Easter Bunny wanted you to do, and you don't argue with the Easter Bunny. I mean, it would be understandable if, as a child, I was a huge John Mellencamp fan.

You know, I wasn't. You know, I like that song Jack and Diane, Don't Get Me Wrong. But, you know, it's not like every day I was like. Oh, John Mellencamp. Mom, Mom, buy me this John Mellencamp CD.

It just randomly appeared in my Easter basket. They're probably like, we got this John Mellencamp CD. Yeah. I gave this to me free at work. What do I do with it?

I don't know where. It came from. I don't know why I received it. Was it still wrapped in cellophane? It was.

Okay, just checking. Yeah, it was new. Sounded like a re-gift to me. I'm sure it was, but it was just the weirdest. Of all the things my family's ever given me that were inappropriate and just stupid and, like, thanks for giving me this big bag full of garbage that I'm going to have to, like, not throw away in front of you.

This and this every holiday. Yeah. It is. It is. But, yeah, that's sidetracked, but anyway.

Sidetracked? We haven't even started the track yet. Sidetracked the sidetrack. Alright, so we are back, and not only this time did we go out on the town, but it's time for another parking lot review. Once again, I am Brian.

I'm Marlena. I'm Greg. And, yeah, we're ready to attack this movie, I suppose. This week's feature, or at least the second in the Little Red series we've got going here, is Red Riding Hood. The year, since we're sitting in the parking lot of the theater, is 2011.

They direct in Catherine Hardwick. They plot according to IMDb. And once again, worded perfectly as IMDb always does. Set in a medieval village that is haunted by a werewolf. Haunted?

Haunted. A young girl falls for an orphan woodcutter. Did they even get into that? I know, I was like, did they get into his parents at all? Much to her family's displeasure.

So with that, spoiler alert, obviously this is a brand new movie and we don't want to ruin it for you. Ruin it. Anyway, so, yeah, we're about to get into it. Where would you like to begin? Other than this is a tale set in spiky town.

Right, right. Yeah, that was strange. Everything had spikes. Everything is spiky at this point, so... Yeah, I don't know what else to do with that.

I will say, I even thought to myself, I want to remember to say something about the spiky trees on the way to Grandma's house. You could actually see the tar that the spikes were held on with, you know, around the spikes. These are massive, you know... 18 inch long spikes growing thorns growing yeah they're like giant thorns you have you know you'll have like a an oak tree next to a a beech tree and they both have the same spikes growing out of them you can just see this like well let's go stick these cones all over with. And when he was, like, chopping down trees, none of those had spikes, right?

Like, that whole first part of them running around in the woods, it was just woods. Well, they take those spikes off first. That's the trade. That's stage one. I'm just not a woodcutter.

I don't understand the methods involved. Maybe that's why they were cutting those down. They didn't want none. Yeah, these are defective trees. They don't grow thorns.

Fuck these trees. These trees are broken. I mean, it would have just made more sense for the. spikes to not have been made to look like they grew from the trees, like they were put there intentionally. At first I thought that's what, because they almost didn't, because they were almost badly stuck on there, as you said. So I thought maybe they were actually like metal spikes that they put in there to like keep out giant wolves.

I thought maybe they had some sort of protection value to them, but no, it just grows giant spikes and then you get into the village and everything is spiky and it's like they were almost going for some sort of look. And I don't know if it was like, again, it's sad that I constantly use this as a visual reference, but a Tim Burton-y look. Right. Like, was it trying to be like, look at everything has this crazy look to it. And I don't know.

It just looked like they purposefully almost forced spikes into everything. Right. I think they were going, it's that we want to go for a look, but we don't know what it is and we don't know how to pull it off. That's part of what it is, I think. I mean, I think it is one of those that they want to go for this.

I mean, at least, you know, as hacky as Tim Burton has gotten over the years, he still, and a lot of this is probably because now he has, like, a visual team that does all this, really. Yeah. But I'm sure he sketches something out and gives it to him and says, here, something like this. So, I mean, there's still sort of a, like, flow to what he does. There is sort of an organic feel to the way his stuff is.

It doesn't feel near as forced as what this seems like it was going for. I think it was also just, I guess they were trying to establish this, this is a fairy tale world. Like it's not regular world. Look at these giant spikes on trees. Right.

A fairy tale world where it's snowing all the time. But everyone goes around in short sleeves and their shirts open. It's not that cold. The fact that you said that. It's not that cold.

I could not laugh at that the rest of the movie. That was like 10 minutes in you said that. And by the end, and this is no spoiler, she just delivers a line like, that was the coldest winter ever. And our character is standing there in a shawl with giant. Half dollar size openings in this thing.

Right. I'm just like, oh. Actually, I wanted to finish the line of, it's the coldest winter ever. It's a shame I didn't have a fucking coat. Right.

They're climbing out the manor on the hunt for the wolf, and they're climbing up on the mountain, and you've got the bald guy with basically a t-shirt on, no hat, no gloves, supposedly dead of winter, winds howling, but he's not even showing signs of cold. I think people were just a lot tougher back then. I guess so. But, I mean, that was the thing. They were all walking around like that.

And I was just like, if you live in that part of the world, like, you should have in your wardrobe wintry clothing. Like, nobody even had coats at all. Like, most they had was, you know, they were wearing the cloaks. And I'm like, yeah, those look cool and all, but they still don't really keep you warm. Right.

They're on your back and flowing off of you. Yeah, I was like, most of their stuff. I was like, this is just bad design for warmth purposes. Right. Yeah.

I couldn't get over the fact that the scenery was just so, I mean, I couldn't get past the fact like knowing that it was fake I think that bothered me right that really hindered me a little bit in watching the movie or in enjoying it not that that was really possible but. It clearly looked like the city clearly looked like a set yeah it did not look like a natural place. And it's weird I mean I don't normally have that problem with scenery you know because I mean I watch a lot of plays and of course plays the set is always terrible but it was just like Watching a Leonardo DiCaprio movie where he's trying to have an accent or something like that. I just didn't buy it. And it made it really hard for me.

To get into it. Wow. A slam on Leonardo out of the blue. I know. He's not even in this movie.

Right. What did he do today to deserve that? I was trying to defend him earlier. Never mind. You know what he did?

I went to the Redbox the other day to get a movie, and he was in. Like, five movies. That's his job, man. See how many movies I can be in this year. And my friend was like, you want to get this movie?

I'm like, eh, Leonardo DiCaprio. He's like, oh, look at, no, Leonardo DiCaprio's in this one. Kick-ass. Ah, no, they inserted Leonardo DiCaprio. I did watch it.

Dammit. So, I don't know. I mean, the other visuals, like, went back and forth. Like, there were times when I was like, that actually looked good. You know, like some of the weird dreamy shots of the countryside or whatever.

I don't know. There were times when I was like, okay, that, that's kind of making use of this weird fictional world and, and giving it this very like fairytale look to it, but it actually is shot. Okay. And then there are other times that I'm like, Oh my God, what was that? Right.

It was, it was consistent. The, um, the shot at the beginning, you know, where you're setting up the place, um, Uh, they show, you know, buildings and town, you know, the town and all that kind of stuff, which the town was never anywhere as big to the scale that they showed. That's beside the point, but they showed a mill, uh, and the wheel next to the mill. And this wheel was, you know, one of those gargantuan Ferris wheel sizes and, and it just looked so out of place. The scale was off and it, it really took, took me off guard.

I was like, wow. that looks like crap you know i'm like that's a very important shot when you're showing when you're establishing where you are and you're getting you know you're gonna zoom in and get the the viewer the feel of where you are and then all of a sudden this massive almost cartoonish looking uh wheel wheel is there that you know they never could build and probably was you know incapable of Of handling, well, that's beside the point. I'm not going to talk about that. Well, I kind of think that with most of that town, really. I was like, truthfully, it was all more impressive than I give these people. Even though you said it looked shoddy, I still think it looked more impressive.

These seem like the dumbest group of people I've ever seen. They were dumb for townsfolk. Even for... In medieval times? What did they refer to it in that little synopsis there?

I think it was medieval times. Yeah, even for those types, they were pretty dumb. You know, nothing was dirty. You know, everything was clean and brand new. Again, very fairytale-y, I suppose.

Yeah, and, you know, it wasn't a lived-in world. It was like, okay, we all just bought this brand new, and now we're going to start this tale. Everything looked, like I said, brand new, and You know, they're dancing around in this snow next to fires in town, and the snow is still pristine white and thick. And there's no footprints in a town center. It's clearly like this fake sand type, white sand material and not snow.

It just didn't have an authentic... You know, those people lived in mud. Everyone lived in mud. You know that's the case, and if you have that much... Precipitation, it's not going to be that clean.

I'm sorry. And I know you're going for a fairy tale theme, but I've got to believe somehow it's somewhat realistic. Virginia Madsen wearing more makeup than she would nowadays. I know. I didn't know they had eyeliner back then, but apparently they did.

That's what I was thinking. I'm like, oh, I'm pretty sure women didn't wear eyeliner. That much eyeliner and mascara in medieval times. If we're going to get on that one, then before I even saw her, almost my very first thought as the people came into frame and started talking is, what year did they make her, Joe? Right.

Because Peter, our semi-male co-lead, whatever you want to call these guys, has so much fucking hair gel in, it's ridiculous. Like, if he worked at the mall now, I'd still be like, dude, back off. He just used goat semen. That's what they used. That's what he was doing with that goat in that one scene.

I thought I just really liked him. You proposed a question, and I gave you a completely logical answer. When they tied up the pigs and the goats, that's what really was happening. And that also explains where moose comes from. I always kind of wondered why they called it that, but wow.

I'm so glad I don't. Use that now. I'm never going to be able to see a jar of moose and not think of that. And that's why something about Mary, why everything held. Yeah, see?

That stuff has a purpose. Oh, man. Oh, wow. Okay. So, yeah, while we're on those two, I mean, Amanda Seyfried's fun.

You've got to like her. She's likable, if nothing else. I don't know that I buy her in this or most roles, really. Right. I loved her in Mean Girls.

Yeah, I mean, she's fun in Mean Girls, and she's, you know, she was actually really good on Veronica. On Veronica Mars, she's... Barely on it. But she also plays somebody that I never expected from her. Like, she's so, like, ditzy and nice and everything else, and, like, Veronica Mars, she's kind of a bitch, like, almost all the time, and I'm totally, like, buying into it.

Like, she plays something that I never saw coming from her. So, once again, I kind of think... She's got a little more range than they ever give her credit in these stupid romance comedy, you know, any of those stupid things that they keep jamming her into. I think she's got more potential than that. She doesn't make use of a lot of it in this movie.

They didn't offer her any room for range in this movie. That was not her fault or anyone else's. Well, maybe Virginia Madsen. She couldn't act her way out of a paper bag in this film. But again, all of these people we were mentioning are just head and shoulders better than either of the two male leads.

Both of her suitors, if you'd like to call them that, just... dumb as a post. Seriously, I can't look at either of them without just hearing duh. I mean, really. I just cannot. I couldn't even look at them after a while.

Especially Peter. Peter just reeked of UPN. He had bad UPN 9 o'clock TV show written. All over him. Were you on One Tree Hill?

Yeah. The later years when it really started to suck. Right. Either way. Yeah, he just, or maybe he's the lead in Vampire Diary.

I don't know. I'm like, he seems like he could be in any one of these shows. Those guys wear a lot of hair gel, too. But, you know, speaking of vampires, they definitely show that at least the actors in Twilight can act somewhat. I guess.

Yeah. Better than yeah at some point i was like yeah even the even the guys in twilight are better than these. Two yeah i could really watch twilight after that i know and well and you definitely can tell that someone was sitting around a boardroom and said okay We've got to have something like Twilight. What are we going to do? Well, I mean, the first time I saw the trailer, I believe my comment was, man, they're really twilighting this bitch up.

And the thing is, I was just playing on the fact that I thought they were sort of ripping it off and trying to tap into that market. It wasn't until today. It was this morning that I found out that Hardwick directed this. She's the director of Twilight. I mean, yeah, I was like, I did not know that.

I'd just been making that because it looks like they're ripping it off. I didn't know they went so far as to get the same director. And I mean, like, I thought, I've only seen the first Twilight movie, and I thought it was awful and plotless and just terrible. But, um. God damn, she did a much better job with Twilight than she did with this.

Piece of shit. Now, here's the thing I will say between the two, and I know that's the thing. The people behind this movie are just, from what little I've seen today, are already just bitching because nobody will address it as anything, but let's compare it to Twilight. Well, you know, I mean, it's pretty obvious that's what you're doing, and you brought in the same director, so what do you expect? It's your own fault.

But between the. Two, watching these, I at least can say, like, Amanda Seyfried at least has some character to her. She is almost like a real person, and she's sort of her own woman, if you want to call her that. Whereas our female lead in Twilight, at least the one that I've seen, she's the most devoid of personality, and she doesn't really do anything on her own, it seems. She just sort of is led through the plot, where at least there's times in this where she's like, No, fuck it, here's what I'm going to do, you know?

So, I mean, at least I feel like this has a little more of a useful female role model, if you want to call it that. Not much of one, but certainly better than Twilight. Is the father from Twilight the same father from this movie? I don't think so, is it? I don't know.

What is that guy from? They sure do look an awful lot alike. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I know the dad's name.

Let's see. Billy Burke is the dad. Yeah, I just kind of got that feel all of a sudden. Yeah, I mean, I blocked out most of what I remember of Twilight. No, he is.

Is it? Yep. That's just weird. Why would you do that? Again, and how can they be complaining that people won't give this a fair break?

There's two male love interest, the same dad, the same look, the same director. Yeah, talk about a formula. And even the music had that.... I was going to bring that up, what your thoughts were on the music, because it is a very... Modern soundtrack jammed in the middle of this medieval tale.

Like Knight's Tale? Kind of, but at least Knight's Tale did it almost tongue-in-cheek. Right. We will rock you at a joust. I didn't mind.

Well, with the exception of the one or two shots of them singing along to We Will Rock You, that was ridiculous, and they should have edited that out. But with the exception of that, the rest of it was all very background, and it could have just been placed in, and everything about A Knight's Tale was sort of, you know, tongue in cheek. Anyway, it was kind of winking at the camera going, you know. We realize this isn't really the medieval times, you know, we're just playing with this whole thing where here it's like they were playing it straight, but then they like very heavy handedly, like layered this like, look how modern this music is, kids. Right.

You can dance around to this. It's got a good beat and you can dance to it. All the teenagers love this stuff. I don't know. It was just like they were trying so hard to be like, look, we're cool.

We're still cool. I know this is medieval times, but look, we're cool. We're playing music. Yeah. I don't know.

It just seemed very forced. Yeah, the dancing, the choreography during that, you know, the festival or whatever they were. Having it went back and forth like they started out kind of grinding on each other oh yeah I'm like okay now you're just doing random like you know hip hop dancing right and then they opted off to do weird like voguing that was I guess tied to some sort of medieval dance sort. Of that whatever maybe square. Dance yeah whatever they used to do I mean but it went back and forth again like they do they couldn't really make up their mind what the hell was going on in this movie.

No No, but they sure had spikes and snow that didn't melt. And, okay, here's another question. At what point did the tale of the three little pigs happen? Because they're referencing it. Like, they're delivering specific lines from the story.

Right. Oh, yeah. The three little pigs. What'd they say? They're acting out the three little pigs during the festival.

Yeah, in play form, basically. I'm just like... I didn't even notice that. At first, you know, I thought if you just worked in the visual, I'd be like, okay, that's clever. That's the joke.

Again, a wink to the audience there going, ha ha, look, big bad wolf. See this? Look what we're doing. But when he starts screaming out, all huff and puff and blow your. I was just like...

I think. He even says, little pig, let me in. Yeah, I'm just like, it's not subtle anymore. Thanks for assuming that every kid watching this is dumb, and you just had to hit them over the head with it. The thing is, is they really are marketing this towards the teenagers.

Towards dumb teenagers? You know, there's some of those you're going to have to bash it over their head to get any kind of symbolism. But I'm pretty sure those stories probably came about a little later than this. I could be wrong. You know what?

I don't know. Um.... There's a lot of stuff that was out of time that they were referencing technologies. Yeah, those iPods that. They all had.

No, no. According to Apple, they've been there since the dawn of time. Right. On the eighth day, they created Apple. I loved how the blacksmith was making that fine jewelry.

He wasn't just pounding metal to use for axes or, you know... Whatever, but he was making fine jewelry. Here's what I don't understand. So Peter is a lumberjack, and Henry is like a blacksmith. What's the difference in pay?

Like, they're acting like Henry's like this loaded dude. I mean, like, he's a blacksmith. I mean, how much more can a blacksmith make than a lumberjack? That was the thing. Like, at the beginning, I was like, all right.

He's a woodchopper. He's not making anything. I can see her mom wanting her to get out of that and get off. And they bring that guy in and I'm like, okay, he's like, you know, from a rich family. He really is like, maybe he's royalty or something.

A merchant or something. Yeah. And, you know, then all of a sudden he's hammering on Shin. I was just like, really? Right.

It's like, okay, you. Probably should have given him a little more high class job than that. I agree. Job yeah a sweating nasty yeah yeah. Just sitting next to a fire for 12 hours a day.

A man and also both of both of these kids a wood chopper and a blacksmith by trade are gonna be massive strong men not scrawny you being pretty boys motherfuckers i i have no well yeah. All right, we've done a lot of talking smack. I will say, if I'm going to like anything in this, hey, I like the wolf. There's a surprise. Yeah.

I didn't like the wolf at all. I thought it looked terrible. Well, I mean, it's bad CGI. Right. But, I mean, the scene where he attacks in the village square, whatever the hell that is, during the little festival there is kind of cool.

Maybe it's just because I didn't like any of those people, so I was glad when he was tearing the hell out of them. Right. I don't know. I kind of like the idea of them bringing him in and having it not just be... I don't know.

The fact that he was just a badass and, like, they couldn't do anything to him for a good majority of the movie. Right. And then they sort of enter into the weird, I guess, again, more fairytale-like, the fact that she can talk to him. Right. Now, I decided it's because she has ESPN.

ESPN? Okay. I have ESPN. She can also tell the weather. But, I don't know, what to.

I thought that. When he was, like, unlacing her corset, and I was like, oh. Oh, is it going to tell the weather? It's going to rain now. There goes the snow.

Forecast, snow. Tomorrow, snow. Somebody must be feeling Amanda up again. So. Wow.

I don't know, what was your take on the wolf? You were not a fan then at all? I thought it looked ridiculous, and I was kind of like... I mean, I guess by the end it made a little bit more sense, but when he started talking, I'm just like, oh, God, it just got worse. Yeah.

I thought that was at least interesting. Again, they could have done it. I don't know. I'm not really sure what they could have done with that middle part of the story that would have made it work. The end I'll get back around to, but...

They. Needed a reason for her to be... Red Riding Hood. Yeah. It wasn't, you know, there wasn't anything that she was different.

There wasn't any, it did move it along. It did, you know, the whole play of, you know, yes, she could be a witch kind of thing. That, that, that's realistic. I mean, realistic for what would have, probably the most realistic thing from it is if somebody did something weird, she instantly was a witch. Yeah.

So. And they do bring in what, I mean, I guess in a lot, of, a lot of movies in general, I was thinking as this went on, but especially in, in these type of movies that the, I mean, the most evil character you can have isn't even like the beast of It's the religious, all-powerful leader. Right, right. And that's what usually comes into play in these kind of movies. There's always a cardinal or a bishop or just a priest that comes in and is just drunk with power and does whatever the fuck he wants.

Here's my problem with that. I'm just like, that's not his town. Like, make him get the fuck out. That's like. calling an exterminator. And then the exterminator's just like, oh, you know what?

I can't get rid of this problem, but I'm just going to trash your house and fuck. Your wife and slap your kids. And you're just going to be okay with it. They roll up pointing crossbows at you. Yeah.

We're welcoming you to town. And we're pointing crossbows at you. And that guy seemed like he was on coke. Like he was just snapping back and forth. Like, don't you fucking move.

What are you looking at? He seemed like he was in like some kind of, you know, Mexican. Yeah. And I was like, it's a bunch of boring townspeople who don't even have coats. Calm down.

They don't even have a pitchfork. Yeah. I mean, even their knives look like they made it out of a rock. They sharpened a fucking rock. Yeah.

And they ride up in a big elephant. Right. What the hell was that? I was like, what? That's stupid.

Yeah. Somebody had that elephant sitting around going, man, I got to get this in a movie somehow. Yeah, I think you're right. That thing. And everything in this movie was on fire.

There were just random fires everywhere. In buildings. In a town made of wood. Yeah. Pointy wood.

Right. Let's set fires as often as possible and then leave them unchecked. There's just fires in the middle of the floor, inside buildings, like everywhere. That's so you can see when you're making out with your hot woodsman friends. Well, that's the thing.

They go off to go fool around in the hay and five feet from them is a fire on the ground. No one's attending to it, you know, in a town made of wood next to hay that can burn. And they don't think a second thought about it. It was, yeah. Why would you?

It's a fairy tale. Yeah, it's a fairy tale where fire only burns in that one little spot or in torches. And it only does what you want it to do. Well, it might be that magic snow that probably keeps it from spreading. Magic fire, magic snow.

This is, yeah, they have their own set of rules here. I have a major bone to pick before we go too far into this with this movie. First of all, it definitely felt a whole hell of a lot like The Village. I thought that too. You can't get around that.

There's the fairy tale. There's the we've got a pact with it. It's not going to come get us. It can't cross into this lines. You know, we've been doing it for years.

But then you throw in the Adrian Brody retard. Yes, yes, I thought that too. And it could be him. He's going to have to die. We're going to play.

What the fuck? You did not need that in this film. It's like, well, this worked in the village, so we're just going to rip it right out of this. And why did they get that Ron Weasley looking kid? Well, and then his sister with the red hair kind of had the, it's like she was trying to steal from.

The Howard, what's her name? Bryce Dallas Howard. She kind of looked like Bryce, yeah. Absolutely. She looked like a not as cute version of Bryce.

I was going to say, no way Bryce Dallas Howard is that big. She's not near as cute, but she was, I mean, it was kind of playing on the same look for all of these people. Right. So either it was, I mean, you can say it was an homage, but good God. No, I thought that too.

I'm just like, oh, look, it's Adrian Brody, but it's. Ron Weasley. It's Ron Weasley. And why would you do an homage to a movie everyone hated except the. People in this car right now?

We just a week ago decided we all liked it. But other than that, it was like everyone I know hates that movie. So I don't know that anybody with a brain would do an homage to. It. Yeah.

Right. But it definitely was straight out of the village. Next I'm going to do an homage to The Happening. Yeah. Didn't he do card tricks or something or magic tricks or something like that?

I think you're right. He does do it. Look, I pulled a card out of your hair. I don't know. A coin.

I think it was a coin. He pulled a coin. And then he found the card when he got there because that's how he knew he was up to the devil's business. He had a magical card. I mean, in the village, Adrian Brody had a card.

Yeah, I was talking about this one. He's got cards. Well, both of them are playing tricks. Well, that's because magic is retarded. Yeah.

As we previously stated. Touche. Touche. Issues with magic. That's the most beautiful and highest truth I've ever come to know.

We've got two movies that prove it. Magic is retarded and should be killed. Oh, God. Composure. Okay, so my question is...

Who did Gary Oldman lose a bet to that he had to be in this movie? Right, right. Because I'm like, Gary Oldman is a phenomenal actor. Right. How the hell did he end up in this?

And what kind of... dialect was he supposed to have in this i mean uh gary oldman ish right it was like it was probably the worst gary oldman he's ever done he could have just i don't know what he was doing i don't know what he was thinking maybe he thought i'm gonna give them the worst thing i've got because i don't you know i know. This is this is gonna suck right so am i I mean, they actually pulled it. Yeah, it's Julie Christie is the grandmother and Virginia Madsen. I mean, they're bringing it. Even Lucas Haas is a real actor.

Right. Not in this movie. But I'm just like, they bring in some pretty big names. I'm like, is it just the Hardwick? I mean, was it just because she opened with a huge movie and now she has a little bit of power?

But still, I'm just like. This movie is pretty low budget. I'm like, did they spend it all on just those names and that was it? Yeah. I guess.

They didn't spend it on the set. Yeah, it doesn't look like the set and the bad CGI wolf. And I mean, their craft food person was also their first agent. That's true, actually. That was the funniest thing that we decided on the credits was the...

The craft service person was also in charge of first aid. I was like, that's a bad sign for one or the other of those. I don't know which, but it can't be good. Either you know the food's bad or you're going to die. Oh, wow.

You know, I kept thinking that the grandma looked like Amy Sedaris a lot. Playing an old person, yeah. Oh. And I just kept, like, expecting her to do something wacky. I mean, like.

I loved the obvious. They were obviously trying to make you think it was for the grandma from earlier. Yeah. And it was like, well, I know it's not her. Well, and then they worked in the...

Once she sat there and talked to the wolf... Then they worked in the whole brown eyes thing and like, okay, well, here's how we keep people guessing. Cast nothing but people with brown eyes. The entire rest of the cast has brown eyes. It's like, so yeah, that kind of screwed over anybody else.

And the dad's eyes weren't that color. Yeah, well, they changed as he did, I suppose. Yeah. Well, and I know the woodcutter was too stupid to be there. Yeah, really?

That was the other thing. It's like he would not have covered his tracks very well because he's an idiot. As is the blacksmith. They're both dumb. Right.

Oh, God. Yeah. And the guy that plays the dad, what did we decide his name is? Burke. Billy Burke.

Billy Burke. Yeah, Billy Burke. He was drunk through most of the movie. And he just looks like someone who's... He just looks drunk.

Like, he just looks like he'd be drunk all the time. I don't... Just something about his face. It's like fetal alcohol syndrome or something. He kind of looked like a pedophile to me, too.

He looked a little bit like a pedophile. Nice. So... I mean. Well.

All right. Keep your kids away. From the big bad wolf. Maybe that was acting. Maybe he did a fantastic job.

At looking like an alcoholic. He's such a great actor. He made himself be born to look like an alcoholic pedophile. How did Virginia Madsen's face heal? She had deep gashes in her face.

And then the next day it seemed like, I know it was supposed to be maybe that winter. But those were deep scars. I don't think it's... I mean, to me, none of it felt like time moved very far. It all seemed like it happened in about a week, really.

And Red Riding Hood miraculously went from about ankle length to about... the longest train you've ever seen when they're up on the mountain. I don't know what happened there. It's like Spawn's cape is what it is. Well, you start with knitting needles. She wasn't actually knitting, but she was holding them, so maybe she just threw out the wintertime.

Those were kind of dream sequence-y. I assumed those were not in reality. Not that anything is based in reality in this movie. It looked like a Depeche Mode video. I'm telling you, she was Spawn for a second.

Well, yeah. So, yeah, that's a whole other issue. But, again, I was giving, you know, again, they were going for a very dreamy, gothy romance thing, so most of those were those cutaways into her dreaminess. I guess. I suppose.

Um. Were they seriously setting that up for a sequel? Oh, I'm sure. I mean, you know, it definitely... He's going to go off until he figures out how to...

Sorry, I'm spoiling this. Well, we're going to get to the rest of the end here in a minute. But, I mean, well, I mean, look at the last time out. I mean, the last time she directed the first in a series, it's now gone on to make billions of dollars. And they're doing five movies in the series.

Five? Yeah. There's four books, and they're breaking the last book up into two movies. Why? Thank you.

Yeah, so. Blaming it on Harry Potter. Yeah, I'm blaming it on Harry Potter, too. And I'm blaming it on the fact that they realized they ran out of books. Like, shit, we can't make another movie.

Oh, what if we just drag this one out for two movies? I'm just glad they didn't do that. They didn't decide that when Lord of the Rings was being made. Oh, wow. That would have gone on forever.

They made eight movies for that. Yeah, they kind of did if you buy the box set. He had sense enough to cut it down a little bit. Not that much. Could have cut out the second movie.

But those were good books. Yeah, and those were good movies. That's an entirely different thing than what we saw today. Yeah, why did we say this? Well, then we'll go to that.

Okay, what is your thoughts on the little red angle? Because, I mean, they definitely work all that in, but for the most part, it mostly just feels like a werewolf movie. Yeah. I mean, by the end, and I guess we can get into that final wrap-up, but I mean... It definitely, it's not just like in the beginning, I thought they were just sort of like once they give her the cloak and it's like, okay, they're using the visuals.

They've got her as the little red, you know, they've got a grandmother, they've got the wolf image. They give you a recognizable name to get you in the theater. So, I mean, well, I mean, there's plenty of other movies that, you know, somewhere down the line we may address that just kind of play with the basic setup of that. And they use the visuals, but they don't ever get like super, you know, specific about it. Yeah.

But when she has the, once again, dream sequence where she delivers the lines, the big eyes you have, I mean, they actually, like, specifically give you the lines. That was well done because it's cheesy if it really happens in the movie. Yeah. But since it's a dream sequence, she, you know, it pulls it off. that you can really get that in the tail without actually getting it. See, I thought it was a cop-out.

I kind of went the other way. I was like, you know, if you're not going to work it in for real, just don't bother putting it in. That was my take. It just felt like, okay, how can we cram this in there, even though it's going to be stupid if we do it in the real world. Oh, dream sequence.

It just felt like an easy way to hammer in what we have to do for this to be a, Little red story, but at the same time, it really would be awkward if it really happened like that, and it would screw up the way the end of the movie is, so... Oh, yeah. Hmm, what is... I don't know, I just. It just seemed like a cheap way to go about it, but...

I did like the scene where they were using the stones and sewing... You know, that's straight out of the book. Yeah. That's what I was going to give them credit. Even in the story.

I'm not sure what the hell was the reason. Like in the original, in this movie, I understand why they do it. And the original story, why the hell did they do that? I don't know. It makes no sense.

It's just creepy. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what they do in the story. Yeah, I'll give them that.

By the time it got to the end wrap up and she's like, okay, I'm going to grandmother's house. I'm like, all right, here's the cheesy finale. So she goes to grandmother's house and they work in all of it. It's like the wolf is there and it just killed grandmother. Right.

Then you've got the woodsman shows up to save her. They did at least semi-modernize it and made her kind of save herself and finish the job. Her, the feminist. Yeah. So, I mean, it gives a little modernization to it, I guess.

But, I mean, for the most part, the woodsman comes up to save her. You know, I mean, it still follows very much the basic story of Little Red. But only at the end. It did work in the necessity to sink the body and fill it with stones and sink the body. That was, oh yeah, she does have to get rid of him or else they will kill her.

So that's actually pretty good. Again, within this movie, that part actually makes sense. Right. I remember hearing that in the fairy tale and going, God, that's creepy. Right.

And what's the point of that? But now they took something that was awkward and made it a plot point. Yeah. So if there's a plus here and there in this movie, that's one. They actually did take something legitimately in the story and find an interesting and good way to work it into this movie.

Yeah. If only there was more of that. Right. I like that. She decided that she could never forgive her father for what he's done, and she doesn't want anything to do with him because he's a beast.

But it's okay when it happens to her boyfriend. Well, he's hot, so that makes it all right. Yeah, I thought that, too. I was like, she went very quickly from, I love you, Dad. Thanks for looking out for us, to, oh, I've got to kill this motherfucker.

Right. And then, you know, a few minutes later, it's just like, don't leave. I'll wait for you. And then, like, Gary Oldman's severed hand stabbed through him. Like, really?

Really? That's retarded. Silver. The silver-tipped fingernails. Yeah.

I'm getting me some of those. What are you talking about? Those are sporty. Got some silver nail polish, I think, somewhere in this car. No.

More than cheesy. You gotta have Lee Press on silver nails. Yeah. I don't know. It was just kind of like.

I mean, here was... There were two things I want to say. Number one, I was like halfway away from a snicker through about half of this movie. Like I could never take it seriously. And I don't even know what it was sometimes.

Sometimes it was just the look of it. Anytime that Peter was on the screen, I couldn't help but almost snicker. Everything was just one shade away from, God, this is funny. But it wasn't. I mean, it wasn't a comedy.

It wasn't made to be funny. It was just something about it was just you could not take it seriously. And I don't know what it was exactly. There was a. Total lack of comedy in this movie.

There wasn't really anything that was funny, like intentionally funny. Sometimes they shove that into stuff that it doesn't need to be, so I don't really have to have that, but... In this, that already is, I mean, a pretty cheesy story. You almost could have lightened it up a little bit because it takes itself so seriously. And we're not is the downside of that.

It's like if we were buying into it, and I'm pretty sure nobody in that theater bought into it. So, yeah, I don't know. There was never really anything at stake. I mean, it never felt like you were, she was in peril. No.

It never felt like, because, well, it wasn't going to kill her. You know what I mean? It wasn't, no. So she was never, ever really in danger. And the rest of the people you didn't give a shit about.

No, not really. So what's, you know, she's your protagonist. Why do we care anymore? You know, the wolf's not going to get her. Oh, fuck it.

When's Gary Oldman going to die? That's pretty much all that's going to happen. Well, from the beginning, it was kind of like that. Well, like in the very first couple of scenes there together, it's just like, that's it, let's run away. And I was just like, okay.

I'm like, go ahead. I was like, what do you have in this town? It's not like now, you know, what do you, bought a house, you know, you got a car, you got to deal with. It's like, in that town, you probably had a knapsack full of crap and you could be gone and you could set up shop in a whole new area and be right where you were when you left. I was like, it really, you don't have to cut anywhere.

Aside from her family, you know, that's her roots, I suppose. But other than that, what roots do you have in those kind of lives? I mean, you could pick up and move and do whatever you want. So, you know, they really should have just gotten the hell out of there in the beginning and gotten away from this whole story. I don't know if it was the acting or just because I only touched on these subjects briefly, but nothing seemed serious.

Her sister died, and everyone was kind of sad for a minute, but it wasn't, like, a huge deal, you know? Like, her mother admitted to her that her sister was only her half-sister, that she'd been banging her fiancé' s dad. And it wasn't a huge deal. It was just kind of like, I'm going to go to the grocery store and buy some bananas. Not like someone...

Something serious happened. She comes upon mom and dad standing over the body of their sister, and they're just like, hey, how's it going? And she goes over and cries, but they're just like, yeah, it sucks, doesn't it? Well, and that's what I thought. I was like, let's all just stand around the body and stare at it like the whole town was, but especially mom and dad just kind of looking at it like it was fireworks or something.

Oh, look at that. Hey, look at that. It's a dead person. I was like, what are you doing? it's like go put a sheet over and drag her away and go bury her don't stand there for hours and stare at her you weirdos yeah. Yeah and I love I love how when a when a A wolf scratches you across the chest, you're dead.

It does. Yeah. You know, I mean, a wolf is going to rip the shit out of you, but if it scratches you across the chest, you're dead. That's it. I would think you might get, like, a staph infection and eventually die from it after a couple of months.

Not there, because everything there is clean. There are no germs. But if it scratches you on the face like it does with Virginia Madsen, it heals in, like, three days. Oh, it heals instantly. Yeah.

I think that's because she was a vampire. That's a whole different spinoff movie they're working on. It was the makeup that helped her. Well, that too. She had like four pounds of makeup. it couldn't get through.

Yeah, that wasn't scars. That was just concealer. Once I chiseled off the rest of my makeup, I was fine. Oh, wow. Wow.

If you want to watch this movie, don't. Watch Twilight and The Village. Right. They're both good movies. And get drunk.

Get drunk. I don't know if I can get behind Twilight being a good movie, but. At least you got vampire baseball. I know I bring it up a lot. I don't like that either.

Oh, come on. You gotta love vampire baseball. No, I don't. I mean. At least in Twilight they lived in a really cool house.

Like all the vampires lived in a really cool house. I mean. And why would you have beds if you're vampires that never sleeped? Just pointing that out. I don't think they did have beds, did they?

I don't know. I thought she had a bed in his room. Maybe I'm wrong. I ain't going back to watch it. How do they make that baby then?

Yeah, really. How is that even possible? You're dead. I mean, do vampires still have sperm? Do they sparkle?

I mean, there's a lot of loopholes in this plot line. I just know in True Blood, when vampires cry, they cry blood. Alright, that's hot then. Hot, bloody sperm. Yeah, so that's what we were trying to decide when we were watching it.

We're like, so... Because that's all. They do in True Blood is bang each other. It's just like, so do, you know, is it like blood too? I mean.

I'm going to blood all over you, honey. Gross. Gross. So, you brought it up. Don't start it if you don't want me to finish it.

Maybe it's sparkle spur. There you go. Wait, doesn't that kind of. It's sparkles. You just kind of, yeah, you got to give it a few hours.

So, all right. And that was it. The other thing I was going to say, the other main thing that I. I was thinking in the middle of this movie, and it's funny because as soon as you got to the car, I think you kind of were probably thinking the same thing. I was maybe 20 minutes into this movie, and I was like, okay, this needs to hurry up and end because I got things I want to talk about.

Right. That's a bad sign in a movie when you can't wait until it's over so you can talk shit about it. Talk shit about it, yeah. I was like, oh, hurry up. I've got to make fun of Peter's face.

Come on. I was just praying that for some reason one of you two didn't like it. I was like, what? It was good. I might have to just quit the show altogether.

I mean, I just don't think they should... it just felt like a sci-fi. Channel movie oh no it's like it's better than that i won't go so far as to say that because those are those are pretty bad yeah but those aren't even trying but like this one they were trying and they just failed but they. At least put effort into this one where they don't even do that with sci-fi anymore it's just a joke and they know it's a joke this one it's like they weren't even in on the joke in this movie They were just like showing up and thinking this was like, you know, Oscar caliber work. But sadly, we all disagree. What religion was Gary Oldman supposed to be?

A father, but he can knock out a couple of kids. Right. Maybe the rules were different back then in fairytale times. And Lucas Haas looked and acted nothing like clergy. Was he clergy?

Yeah. I thought he was just like a religious fanboy. He was just ready to blow. I think he was supposed to be the priest. Was he?

I had no idea that's what he. Was supposed to be. He was the only one that had the cross on. He always looked like he was living or going back into the church. You know, once again, they didn't really make that quite evident in the story enough because...

He. Played an excellent Amish person, so we know he has the talent to play someone with religious conviction. I mean, again, that one's another letdown because, I mean, he's actually a really good actor now, but he has nothing to do in this. He just stands there looking at Gary Oldman the whole time going, oh, my God, you're so awesome. Oh, like he's just.

Right. Every few seconds they get his voice to crack again. And I'm like, you know, he's not 14 anymore. Right. He still looks young, but you know what?

He's like 35 or 40 now. I'm like, quit giving him these roles. He played, he played, what was that, in Brick. Yeah. He's amazing in that.

He's fantastic in that movie. And I just, he just saw him in Inception. He doesn't have a big role, but he's good in it. I'm just like, give him good roles and he can do it. But this, he has nothing to do in this movie.

Absolutely nothing. Yeah. So, yeah, if you can't wait to get through this movie to make fun of it, feel free to watch it. Right. There's got to be a drinking game hidden in this movie somewhere.

Every time somebody needs a Coke, take a drink. You'll be dead by the end of the movie. You know what bothered me most about this movie, I think, was her little dreamy sequence. Like, talking over things, explaining things. You know, like, I still have my mother and my father.

But they're not really that important. Peter's the only one I actually care about. Because they have to sum things up again for dumb kids. Because they can't show emotion. They have to tell you.

Exactly, yeah. I would do anything for him. Right. Okay, that's nice. Thanks for letting us know about that.

There's another, there's the drinking game. There are so many cliches that are actually spoken in this movie. And you're like, oh, well, where'd they get that good line from? Yeah, it's pretty sad. Thank you.

All right. I'm assuming that rounds out Red Riding Hood. Yeah. Great. Isn't a riding hood supposed to be The hood that a woman would wear when she goes riding on a horse.

Isn't that right? I guess that's probably where the title came from. In no Red Riding Hood story do they ever mention anything about riding. It's because she's busy riding the wolf or the woodsman. In all of these, it's all very...

This is probably the least sexual of any Red Riding Hood stories I've seen. So, yeah, they really don't deliver on that angle. And was Grandma in the pot of soup? At the end. Is that what that was supposed to be?

I think they were just implying that dad's an awful cook. I mean, again, in the actual story, that's what happens. She gets put in the soup. I don't really remember yeah i don't know that's in the a bottle of her blood and like a piece of her flesh on the plate or that's yeah earlier today unfortunately i. Watched that the other version yeah so yeah there's they're more graphic than again they kind of just didn't deliver on that either we don't get a lot of blood and gore in this we don't get a lot of acting you don't get a lot of things no the.

Gore is a scratch across your chest and that kills you for I. Mean the closest thing I guess would be more the action I do like you know the wolf running around killing people but again you don't see much of it it's just a flash a blur of CGI wolf and then like he just somebody falls into something so. Come to think of it It's PG-13, isn't it? Yeah. That's why.

They're going for. 13, 14, 15. That's also why we didn't get to see the weathermakers, but, you know, whatever. I thought we were going to get to see some weathermakers, too. I know.

Yeah, they PG-13 the hell. Out of it. I didn't know what you were talking about. And then I was like, ah. Whatever those kids were doing that they needed help with were some cock blockers.

That's all I gotta say. Yeah, what the hell's that about? Come here, we need some help. And he's like, okay. Hell no.

He's not gonna pay for that. I'm kinda in the middle of something right now. I've been working on this since I was ten. What are you doing? I had to kill that bunny for this bitch.

Oh, wow. Alright, so that pretty much rounds out the Red Frighting Hood, so. With that, let's see. To round out the rest of the episode here, number one, as we mentioned last week, we are nominated for a Rondo Award. So while you still have time, by the end of this month, it's all going to be over.

So right now, stop what you're doing. If you're driving, pull over to the side of the road and start texting away on your phone or whatever you need to do. Go to rondoaward.com and in category 21, vote for Movie Meltdown for Best Horror Audio. I mean, who else would take the bullet of Red Riding Hood for you? Come on now.

Right. That was horror. It was horror. It was nothing but a werewolf movie if you ask me. So it was horror.

So, yep, go to rondoaward.com and vote for Movie Mountain. And you'll get another Hotmail account or something like that and vote again. I didn't say that. I don't know anything about that. If you do that, I take no responsibility for that.

Otherwise, once again, as I mentioned earlier, we are now sponsored by Tweaked Audio. So go to tweakedaudio.com and put in your discount code MELTDOWN and you will get 33% off and free shipping. How awesome is that? It's awesome. They have good products.

Great products. Go get them now. All right, and to round it out, I played a little of it earlier, but this is just going to be the running theme for this entire Little Red series here. But I thought this first inaugural edition, which we've had two classy movies, but since it's the first one, I'm going to give you the entire song from one of my favorite bands of all time. Marlena, I'm pretty sure it's one of yours, too.

Johnny-O and the Jerks. Johnny-O and the Jerks. Little Red Riding Hood. I'm sure we'll do many variations of this song, but there's... probably my favorite so yep it's sad that they have as a band passed on they are no more but their music. Lifts on between me and brian and.

Misty that's about it yeah. Jessica although on a side note It is my lifelong goal to marry Ryan Koenig, who was not in Johnny and the Jerks, but he was good friends with them. He sometimes played with them. A good portion of the time, actually. He was sort of like the alternate fourth member of the band for most of the run.

Ex-officio. Yeah. He sat in a good portion of their existence. Yeah. Not to jinx things, because, I mean, you know, I know him and he knows I exist and stuff like that, but I'm sure he doesn't.

Think of me on a regular basis. Look at you, man. Well, if it'll help get the foot in the door, I know his best friend in the world. Shut up. And I can probably get her to put a good word in for you.

Nobody else gets that joke, but. Yeah, no, it's cool. I'll see him. Misty has referenced that before. For some reason, Ryan went on a fit one night, I think, because he was massively drunk. that Misty was his best friend.

And that she now, like, anytime she hears about him, will be like, you mean my best friend Ryan? Yes. So I don't know if he realizes that he's her best friend anymore, now that he's sober. Well, maybe he's not sober that often. I don't really know him that well.

Maybe he gets drunk and tells everybody that Misty's his best friend in the world. I think he did. He certainly was that night. Yeah. He wasn't drunk last time I talked to him.

Good for him. You know. But, like I said, I appreciate sober people. I wish there were more of them in the world. Yeah.

Oh, but yes. We're going out with their song. I'm sure we'll play more because that whole album is phenomenal. So I'll work in as many as I can as we go on. Otherwise, anything else this week?

Mm-mm. Round out your... Go see Red Riding Hood. Go see Red Riding Hood. You're right.

Exactly what you said. Are we getting paid by them? No, don't see Red Riding Hood. Damn it. Just trying to sucker these bastards in.

Yeah, no. Don't do it. Don't do it. We did it. We took the bullet for you.

Yeah. Yeah, my friend, I was talking to her on the way into the theater, and she's like, oh, I want to see it. Let me know how it is. I'm going to tell her it was awesome. I'm telling you.

That's what I was trying to do. Let's rope some people in just for the hell of it. Yeah, it was great. Go see it. Let's help make this movie successful so there's more shit like this out there.

Exactly. Okay, maybe not. I'm changing the plan. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Holy shit.

Hey there, little red riding hood. You sure are looking good. You're everything a big bad wolf could want. Now listen to me, little red riding hood. I don't think that big girl should go Walking in the spooky.

Old woods alone. What big eyes you have, and other eyes that drive old. Man So see that you don't get chased, I think I ought to walk with you for a ways out What. Four lips you have, could sure love some old man Build a gate to grandma's place I think I ought to walk with. You to be saved I'm.

Gonna keep my sheep suit on. Until I'm sure that you've. Been shown That I can be just, just one with you alone Little Red Riding Hood I'd like. To hold you if I could But you might think I'm a big bad wolf So I won't What. A big heart I have All the.

Better just to love you with Little. Red Riding Hood Even. Bad wolves. Just walk on by my side. Before we get to Grandma's place.

You ought to see things just my way. Little Red Riding Hood. You sure are looking good. You're everything a big bad wolf could want. Thank you.

Oh, wow. This is so weird. Yeah. What? What?

What? What? What? So are you attached or are you pinching off a big load? Are you dropping a big load?

Oh my God. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.