164: Bring Me the Leg of Angelina Jolie

Well, and it's a fancy occasion. I've got to get the jacket on. Oh, wow. This was a formal affair. Did you guys get the memo?

I mean, shit. The following program is a proud member of the Palover family of podcasts. Check out all the shows over at palover.com. That's P-A-L-A-V-E-R dot com. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America.

It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. From the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles, California, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is proud to present the 52nd Annual Academy Award. Brought to you by our nuclear reactor, pumping out one million kilowatts of power. Provide more cooling in the containment chamber. To your stations, we have a movie meltdown.

I've seen the future, you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in this beige pajamas, drinking a banana broccoli. Shake, singing I'm an Oscar Mayer weed. What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Ryan.

I'm Greg. I'm Fred. I'm Steve. I'm Marlena. And you are listening to a prestigious episode of.

You've joined us on this episode where we kick off the fourth annual Oscar Meltdown. And as we previously discussed, you know, the fourth in most series, specifically horror, you go to space. So with this much pork, we decided it's pigs in space. It's pretty fancy special effects we have now. All right.

So, again, we have mixed things up. We are coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds. We left my house. This is the first one of the Oscar Meltdown shows we've ventured out into the world. So it's pretty exciting.

You guys can hardly contain yourself. Anyway, so, like most times when we come here, we will get together, eat way too much pork this time, and occasionally non-pork-related items, and talk movies, and maybe occasionally. Snide comments about the Oscars. So. I do want to introduce you guys, and then we'll have to get photos for everyone at home, to our mascot for this ongoing series.

Actually, truthfully, he's always been our mascot, but I recently found an. Official physical version for him. If you remember every other invitation you've ever gotten for this, they've all involved Babe. So here's our little mascot for the show. He has been on every invitation for.

Oscar Meltdown we've ever done. And truthfully, if you go back. To the first time I did the Oscar Mayer party, he was also on that special invitation. So he has actually been involved in every Oscar Mayer party Oscar Meltdown episode ever. So, babe.

That'll do, pig. That'll do. He's our go-to guy. I went to my cousin's house a couple weeks ago. The one with the pig.

And I wanted to see the pig because I've grown to like that pig. And I opened the door and the pig got old and fat. And I looked at it and said, ew. Closed the door and walked away. Was this real or is this a dream?

This is real. I went there but the The pig got old and fat. I mean, this was like two weeks ago. This really happened. I was going to say, I didn't like him anymore, so.

Now we're eating. I held the pig and ate a piece of ham simultaneously. Wow. There is something in the Bible against that. There really is.

It's like cooking a lamb in the milk of its mother. You just don't do that. That's what it said in the recipe, man. You can't argue with the recipe. That's good lamb.

Yeah. It's in the Bible. Don't do it. That's just bad juju. I still adhere to the rules of the Bible.

I love how you said bad juju. Bad juju. That's how it's translated. That's classy. Before the record of all the pork everywhere, I am Jewish.

So he says, but he's the one that shows up with the pork rinds. So, you know. They're delicious. Thou shalt not eat pork unless it's delicious. It's only because it has a split hoof.

Right. I don't understand kosher law. Cloven hooves. I'm not going to go into it because I'll go on for hours. But kosher law makes me very angry.

Not only are we kosher this year, we're also vegan-friendly. Yeah. With kosher, vegan-friendly pork. Most of the people involved in some way have backed off of the meat or. pretend to be fake vegan or fake. Sort of vegetarian on wednesdays or whatever we've all got our weird situation now so we're totally vegetarian friendly we're vegan friendly we're kosher we're all of these things now let's go get the food so.

We'll take a break and we'll be back with food. These crowds have been gathering since early morning to watch the arrival of the screen's most glamorous figures for tonight's international event. Marsha Mason, the nominee for Best Actress in Chapter Two. Sir Alec Guinness, Best Actor Award winner for Bridge on the River. Kwai.

Best Supporting Actress nominee for Kramer vs. Kramer, Miss Meryl Streep. Longtime Hollywood favorite, Cesar Romero, one of the city's most popular escorts. It's the biggest day of Snaps Provolone's life. I got till noon to look like a banker.

And everything is going wrong. His daughter has a surprise. Did he tell you I was pregnant? His other daughter is a surprise. What other one?

You got two daughters? His wife is upset. You had a child with the new maid? The cops are closing in. The help is moving out.

I quit! And now Snaps is falling apart. Zippin'. Sylvester Stallone. Oscar-rated PG.

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Tweaked Audio. Sounds best. Richard Gere, star of Yanks and American Gigolo. Charming and talented actress and one of tonight's presenters, Miss Sally Kellerman. One of Hollywood's finest and most popular actors, Walter Matthau.

Handsome debonair Douglas Fairbanks Jr., continuing a tradition begun by his father, Douglas Fairbanks Sr. Perhaps you haven't seen the menu. Look around. All I have is meat. Listen to me now.

Food is better when it's meaty. Here have a scrumptious creaky. Like my T-bone sweetie. My pork may squeal and whistle as I grind them into sizzle. Now here I'll be meat.

All right, that's the opening of ceremonies, isn't it? I believe so. Is the first pork products open? Allowing for the. Opening of ceremonies.

That's annoying. It is very important that during the Oscars, a pig is slaughtered every year, and we have decided to honor that great movie tradition by beginning... By opening a book. Yes, by opening hummus and pork rinds, not together, because that's just kind of gross. But let us begin.

Pork rind hummus. Ooh. So Marco Polo. Yes. Brought pork rinds over on the Mayflower, is what you're saying?

No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute, K-Stew. He didn't bring them over on the... It was actually... The Mayflower was made of pork rinds.

That was low-main. Yeah. This is definitely a K-Stew story, if ever I heard. Well, it's very much. Well, I went to the Asian store the other day, and there were pork rinds there, so...

Henceforth, pork rinds are Asian. And so is Mexican food. Marco. I keep wanting to go to like a Korean store and get those dried minnows that you eat with bean paste. I actually love those.

I just want to have them sitting around at a party. I take them to work to freak people out. And there's actually a Russian dish called taranka that is a much bigger version of that. And you peel the fish. It's like a big dried fish.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's delicious, but no one wants to speak to you after you've had one. Yeah, for several days. No one wants to speak to you most of the time anyway. I don't have to worry about that.

I go for days and don't speak to people. other humans. Yeah, that's fantastic. Man, that is the size of an incinerator or something. Where do you think he gets rid of the body? God, you and I are thinking alike.

Giant wheels turning. Is that what makes the bagels that color? Yeah. The dead bodies. I always thought it was gluten, but it's the dead bodies.

You'd be amazed. At how much gluten is in a human body. 70% gluten. Everything is 70%. Have you ever noticed that?

No matter what it is, 70%. Pork hors d'oeuvres, everyone. Oh, really? Here's the hors d'oeuvres. These are the non-breaded models.

So I'll have to go through the rundown of here, I guess, if you want to pass it on. Now, which ones are the vegan pork? All of them. So is that Spam and Smokies and cheese and ham? You're leaving stuff out.

Wow. Oh, bacon? You don't want any? So if the pig was vegan. Yes.

That counts, right? Uh-huh. If a cow is vegan. It's totally kosher. But then people say, well, what about, you know, when it was born and it drank?

It's like, yeah, but its mother was vegan. So, yeah, for the full rundown, and that's just this one. There's another one still working back there. But these are bacon, ham, spam, pepperoni, little smokies, bologna, and the oh-so-classy hot dogs are mixed in. Yeah, so it's quite a rundown.

So it's bacon. He said O-bacon. I thought it was like an Irish kind of bacon or something. It's Irish bacon. Irish bacon is vegan.

O-bacon, it's McBacon. Load up on as much as you want. Irish bacon is totally vegan. Oh, okay. And so is beer.

And mostly potatoes. 70% potato. 70%, yeah. And the pizza is hot now. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'll cut it. Now, these are just the regular batch of Little Smokies, but don't be eyeballing this. This special John Holmes one. I think Greg was eyeballing, so... It's fine.

It's far too much sausage for me. We have a special double Little Smoky, so it's not so little. Take a picture of it so that you can put it up. That's my favorite Rapstar, is Little Smoky. Little Smoky?

Little Smoky. What's on this pizza, Fred? I don't know. It's just a red. Sauce with onion and garlic and Italian spices, some basil.

Greg, your John Holmes special. Who's going to eat the John Holmes? You said you wanted it. I named it. I don't think I said I wanted it.

You were eyeballing it. You were like, look at that one. What's up, baby? You're not going to eat that. We'll post a picture of the John Holmes special for the Secret Circle.

They'll be so excited. Would it count as geek activity if I told you all how I spent last weekend making sausage? Considering we devoted damn near a whole episode to making cheese, I don't know that it's really any different. So go to town. I made two types of sausage for Fat Tuesday.

Because in my house, being Jewish, we celebrate Mardi Gras. Yeah. With lots of pork. Don't tell my rabbi. I've got them on speed dial.

Shh. Anyway. Depends on how much you got on. So I made two types of sausage. I made andula, the quintessential Cajun sausage, and I made boudin.

Does anybody know what boudin sausage is? No. It's weird because if you don't come from that, Louisiana, kind of Texas area, you're not going to know what it is. And I learned from a Texan, which is really the only useful thing I've ever learned from anyone from Texas. Keep in mind, we have a large following in Texas.

Other than the fact that Texas is great. We love Texas. We love Texas. They are pretty awesome. The only things in life that I'm certain of are death and Texas.

That's right. Mm-hmm. And Marlena claims Texas. I was made in Texas. Were you?

I was not. But anyway, boudin is basically a... You cook everything before you put it into the sausage. Wow. So it's pork...

I used pork butt, which is actually a shoulder piece. Oh, stop it, traffic. We record this thing while we drive. Anyway. We've done that.

Anyway, so you have pork butt, you have your spices, you have jalapeno, and there's actually rice. And it's like a casserole all shoved into a sausage tube. And it's delicious. Sounds good. Yeah, and you just eat it by pretty much sucking it out of the sausage.

Okay. Yeah, and the best place to get it, truck stops. Of course. Yeah, yeah. On occasion, you'll get it at a nice market, but the best place to get it is truck stops along the highway.

Well, my wife and I have decided that, and I'm sure this is probably universally known to a lot of people, the seedier the place when it comes to ethnic food, the better it's going to be. If it's in a. Back alley sitting on a five-gallon drum and they're cooking it over a sterno, it's probably fantastic. Absolutely. Absolutely.

My boyfriend and his dad traveled, like, to the very tip, end of Shawnee, just for fried chicken, like, once a month. Big Mamas. Nice. There they are, the best actresses of 1968. Oh, are we watching The Red Carpet?

We may be. I thought it was The Oscars. Well, The Red Carpet was The Oscars. Well, this is a small Persian film called The Red Carpet. It's about a young boy in a magical carpet.

Mmm. I thought it was going to be a community of age tale about young sexual exploration. That's actually what I want to do. That would be a white carpet. Okay.

So here's the next wave. These are the blanketed model. These are pretty much all of the other options, only they're now wrapped in blankets. Everything in a blanket? So every type of pig in a blanket available.

And it's a weird mixture. It's sort of a plethora. Would you say it's a plethora? Yes, a plethora of weird stuff. How much would you say is in a plethora?

Is one of them Amy Mann's toe? Actually, this one here kind of looks like it, so if you can go for that one. And then, of course, to class things up as much as we always do on this show, mini corndogs. You can't go wrong with mini corn dogs. No, this one is corn breaded.

This is bread breaded. You have pork and you have a stick. There's no stick in these yet. You're in charge of your own stick on these. You're in charge of putting your own stick in.

It says corn and dog. It didn't say corn dog stick. It's a do-it-yourself kit. This is for non-slack asses. It's a do-it-yourself corn dog.

They're inbred. Right. I think Fred should have to eat a corndog. I'll eat a corndog. I ain't proud.

That's what we do on this show. Breaking vegans every day of the week. Last year's episode was my first Oscar party. We had so many pork products. I don't know if you listened to the episode.

I really did feel sick the next day. I just listened to it and I felt sick the next day. I'm feeling guilty I didn't bring any of that boudin. Yeah, no kidding. You made sausage and didn't bring it to the Oscar party?

I didn't know. I thought he was kidding when he said pork. Why do you think I grabbed pork rind? So this is kind of a. You know, a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're going. To get at one of Brian's. It's, yeah, it's sort of a, it's like mystery date of. Hors d'oeuvres, you know. Oh, don't get the dud.

You open the door, you don't know what you're going to get. Oh, there's a sock in this one. Yeah, no, literally last year. So is Jerry Oldman like with a different shit? Yeah, I know.

I know. I went home and took a shower. It was that bad. And you've been a vegetarian ever since. Until today.

I pretty much have. So is Gary Oldman not with Green Porn Lady anymore? Green Porn Lady? Who's that? Isabella Rossellini.

I thought there were a couple. I don't know. I don't keep up. He's standing with some other chick now. People are wearing dresses.

I can tell. The problem is that the rest of the world can't tell. Like this one. This is a hideous dress. Is it?

Yeah, it's a terrible dress. Well, that's Kristen Wiig, right? Uh-huh. She looks great, though. She looks great, but it's a stupid dress.

It's got that sad, drab color, and it's got all that poofery down on the bottom that just looks. Oh, yeah, poofery. If she weren't famous, she'd look delusional. She kind of is, and I like her, but she's a little bit delusional. Oh, but it's not nearly as bad as this teal monstrosity over here.

Look at that thing. It's like she's trying to be a beach. That is our Joan Rivers. See, that's what I was going to say. I was like, I knew we'd be.

There's a green one over here. Who the fuck is that? That would be Oscar. That's Madonna's mother. I don't know.

Did anybody see that they're making Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter into a movie? Oh, yeah. Tim Burton. They've already got posters out at theaters. Yeah.

Oh, that's a Penelope Ann Miller. Yeah, previews. I don't know. I thought at first it was going to be horrible. I think it might be fun.

Yeah. I didn't like the book, frankly. Wasn't that a project they were talking about on Party Down? Didn't his friend. Was trying to get him the part.

Probably. It was like a joke project and now they're actually doing it. It looked really slick. That's what I was so confused about. I was like, I've heard about this being like a movie before.

I got really confused. What's that one thing that Johnny Depp's supposed to do? It's a Tim Burton movie and hasn't come out yet. He's doing Dark Shadows. When the fuck is that coming out?

Really? Dark Shadows? Now, are they going to do it? They already did. It's already been through theaters.

What's that? The Rum Diaries. Oh, yeah. Was he the guy in that? Yeah.

Johnny Depp. Yeah. I really wanted to see it, and it was gone. I was literally like, I went away for a weekend, and it's out of theaters. Yeah, nobody saw it.

I just watched it this week, actually. Did you? It's... It's on Netflix yet. It's really uneven to me.

Like, it's... It was Thompson's first book. Yeah. But, I mean, it's not. Well, just as a project, though, it's like, it seems like it needs to pick a direction.

Like, it's kind of like, they. Get really serious in moments, and then there's other times when they're, like, doing total slapstick, you know? Who do people wear it? Yeah, I'm still not finding anything. I love when they...

It's like curtains. When they look like shit, but they're talking about what other people are wearing. I haven't seen the movie. I'm speaking strictly from the book. I mean, that looks like a.

But it was... Like a... The way the book itself was written, it was like... I love how. Marlena's talking about what people are wearing, and she's got a napkin around her.

Why do these people see Oscars? It's a fucking Oscar. Well, there's nobody there. They've got her like two alleys away. Up here.

Who are the guys starting to get heating up there? She's a good reporter. See, you just learned to plan around. Oh, yeah? But, I mean, I've never met her in person, so I didn't want to be like, hey, Greg's wife, right?

I've heard some horrible stories about you. I've done that before. Oh, yeah, she's always there. How come I never see her? I'm usually there.

She does a lot of her office work. Out of there. Yeah, I really like the cappuccinos. I think I saw you go past one time. I love the fact that they're named after a movie about the most movie you saw.

They're not, actually. That's just because you're a perv. It's okay. I could have gotten through this whole podcast without referring to the marquee you saw it in. You'd just be wrong.

I doubt it. Yeah. I really doubt it. I love that movie, but I just didn't really want to see Jeffrey Rush's bare ass. Don't lie.

You know you didn't. That part is worn out on her tape. It's better than the piano. Hey, Harvey is a cool dude. Come on now.

Oh, I'm sure if I were 60 and a female, I'd probably like Harvey Keitel somewhat. My mom is like Harvey Keitel. Who doesn't? I like, what's her name? Holly Hunter?

Holly Hunter, yeah. She's cute as hell. There's something about her. Even when she got all hard and biker looking. Which she kind of is.

She was still kind of cool. She got all Linda Hamilton, didn't she? Yeah, she kind of did. It's weird. Linda Hamilton was kick your ass hot.

At the time, I liked her a little bit chubbier. You'd be crying and scared and saying, please don't hit me again. But I really don't need to tie these two references together to talk about the Marquis du Sade the next time I'm talking about Linda Hamilton beating me. Let's not put that in there. We're opening with that now.

We're definitely putting that in there. That's the preview. That's my favorite part. And this is why I'm invited back. Not because I watched the movie.

But because you say incriminating things. We're going to talk the whole time and then Can you. See the stain on my shirt? No, not at all. Maybe if I were at a different angle.

Circle the table. I don't know. Does it involve Linda Hamilton kicking me in the teeth? Maybe. It depends on what you're into.

You know, Jeffrey Rush. Mr. Mickey Rooney, best supporting actor candidate for the Black Stallion. Here's Rod Steiger, previous Oscar winner for In the Heat of the Night. Justin Henry, Best Supporting Actor nominee for Kramer vs.

Kramer, and the. Youngest nominee in the long history of the Academy Awards. My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R. My bologna has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R. Oh, I love to eat it every day, and if you ask me what I'll say, cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-L-O-G-N-A.

Oscar Mayer, the first name in bologna. This is John Wilson, the creator of the Razzie Awards, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. I think I love. You. Sally Fields, nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for Norma Rae.

Two Best Actress Award winners, Goldie Hawn and Liza Minnelli. Miss Hawn for Cactus Flower and Miss Minnelli for her performance in Cabaret. Mr. George Hamilton, star of Love at First Bite. Best Supporting Actress nominee for her role in Starting Over, the gorgeous Candace Bergen.

Yeah, I mean, I understand and believe the pig is going to grow up, but it was December 25th to, like, It was only two months. Yeah, two months. So I was kind of. Shocked at how, like. There's a reason why pigs are slaughtered and turned into pork.

Because they're so adorable. At first. And then they get ugly real quick. Except for you, babe. We love you, babe.

Well, it's a teacup pig, so it was. Oh, really? Aren't those expensive? Did I ever tell you about the time that I was chased by the pot-bellied pig. On my bicycle?

There was a hot belly pig. On your bicycle? No, no, no, no. I was riding my bicycle. And it was chasing you?

Yeah. It was really weird because I went to work, right? And I had my bike in the back of the car. Picture a hot. Belly pig riding a bike.

And I'm just like, I'm going to go ride my bike. So I start riding my bike, and suddenly I'm riding through this neighborhood right behind the office, and there's a pot-bellied pig chasing me. It's probably the same pig that attacked me. I don't know. I'm afraid about pig phobias.

This was off-preston. They're territorial, aren't they? They really are. They're like ostriches. Oh, don't even get me started.

I know, those things. It's like... Gangs, man. Yeah, it was me and three fat kids from New Jersey. And, well, okay, the ostrich comes up to the fence, and it looks at me.

And it starts doing this. Oh, they do that. Yeah, and then I think to myself, well, I know what I'll do. I'll be like Jane Goodall in The Chimps, and I'll just mimic the ostrich's movement. So I look at the ostrich, and I start doing this.

Did he have the little Richard Pompadour thing going? A little bit, yeah. But the thing shrieks. By the way, he's bobbing his head for anyone wanting to. Know what it looks like.

No, I'm saying you're bobbing your head and he knows what you're doing. He does this, and I do this, and then he does this. And then the next part of the story is in sign language. And then Helen Keller said... Well, anyway, little did I know...

That's an aggressive movement to an ostrich. So the thing shrieks and jumps at me like one of those raptors from Jurassic Park. You didn't know that? Not at the time. Oh.

So anyway, so. The three fat kids from New Jersey scream and start running. Have you ever seen fat kids. And that's an aggressive thing in fat kids from New Jersey. I don't know if you knew that.

I didn't know that at the time. When they scream and run away, that's aggression. It is. They're challenging you. I have never seen three fat kids from New Jersey move so quickly.

I've never seen three fat kids from New Jersey. You don't have any listeners in New Jersey, do you? Because everyone's so sick and in shape in New Jersey. They're not only weighed down by their massive chains. Yeah, they really are.

Sorry, New Jersey listeners. And for the record, there's not many fat people in New Jersey. Have you ever watched that Jersey Shore show? I've never heard of it. What is that?

There's no fat people, except for, what's her name? They all have eight hats, right? She's not fat anymore? She weighs 98 pounds. She's anorexic.

Way to work your way to the grave, Snooki. We're with you. You're not just sticking a foot in, you're diving in. I'm diving in. So anyway more pleasant but yeah so i was nearly killed by an ostrich and then when i was in canada years later with same.

Ostrich followed you there this is like jaws 4 you're in a dark alley one night and there's a there's an ostrich in a trench coat remember me This time the advantage is mine. They have this big, like, it's called a safari where you can drive through and like monkeys will sit on your car. Yeah. It's basically a zoo where they're like animals in cages. Screw that.

Okay. No, no, no, no, no. We're going to let the animals run around. Yeah. So anyway, so, uh, you know, we're driving through and here's the highlights.

The vulture stared at us. Um, A monkey jumped on my wife's rearview mirror and started masturbating while looking at her. Yeah. It was really awesome. There's nothing I can say that's nice at this point.

I'm just going to shut up. Not at all. Not at all. So anyway, and then we're driving through this African savannah, and I see this car in Canada. That's where they keep it now, an African savannah.

That's where they keep it. And like, it's surrounded by three ostriches. And there's this guy in there. The dumbass is laughing. And I kid you not, there's an ostrich pecking on his window and he's laughing.

And my wife looks at me and she says, oh, let's stop. I screamed like a little girl and just laid my foot on the gas. I almost hit a water buffalo. That reminds me of that story, and I may have mentioned it before, but I couldn't think of who it was. It was the cartoonist Linda Barry was on a safari when they were suddenly surrounded by gorillas, and their guide said, no, just everybody be still.

This is, like, really a serious situation, because if they get angry, they will attack us, and, you know, there's nothing you can do. And she was just petrified, and everybody just sat there, and all she could think was, that everybody she knew and had ever known was going to say, that's how she would have wanted to go. Ripped to shreds by a gang of gorillas. That's Linda. That's what she would have wanted.

She was always a free spirit. Isn't that how we all really wanted to go? For the record, have I ever ripped apart by a gang of wild ostriches? No, that's not the way I wanted to go. I really didn't.

Oh, I thought you were going to do the line from Butch Cassidy and say, Kill them. Yeah, please kill them. You can eat them, actually. If that happens, have an ostrich-themed Oscar party. They're very lean, so we'll be a little healthier.

I eat it every chance I get because one dead ostrich is a good ostrich. Retribution. Is it evil to have an urge to someday punch an ostrich in the head? I think it is, actually. I would just like that.

I'm not saying we don't all have that. I have this fantasy of riding emus from place to place. My future goal of having a farm. Emus are the ones that really have the little Richard hairdo, I think. You're going to be ripped to shreds.

They don't even have arms. That's how it's going to end. It's not the arms you have to worry about. It's the giant raptor claws. Haven't you seen Jurassic Park?

They have arms. They do, but they're little stubbly arms. All that's going to do is creep you out. So anyway... I'm.

Looking at Rooney Mara. Sorry, I was distracted. She has a nice dress. Fancy hair. Is it a. as long as it's not an ostrich in disguise.

No, I don't think Bjork is there. That's Jennifer Lopez. No, they switched. Believe me, I know Jennifer Lopez. You can spot that ass.

From his face. Yeah, she's on that sitcom. What's her name? How I Met Your. Your Uncle.

Ostrich? Is that the flute girl? I've got a different stream going. I'm looking at Mara here. No, what's her name?

Who is. Is that Cancer Boy? That's the weirdest superhero I've ever heard of. It's Cancer Boy! Cancer Boy!

Who has no special powers, but elicits sympathy from strangers. This looks like a job for Cancer Boy. For the sidekick heart attack man! He dresses like Moby, that's right. I was thinking Caillou.

Can't go wrong. Caillou grows up to be. I hate Caillou. Cancer boy. I always think that every time I have to watch it.

Come on, help me out. What's her name? J-Lo. It's J-Lo. I said Jennifer Lopez like 15 minutes ago.

Yeah, I wasn't listening to you. I'm not connected. Are you talking about the girl in the picture? Yeah, it's J-Lo. Yeah, I know that.

It's a butt chart. I can tell from the back. The front tells me nothing. I can't, I mean. Way to zoom in on her ass.

Thank you, whoever's working on the camera. That could be Jennifer Lopez. That could be anyone. No, that's Jennifer Lopez. No, no, no.

That's Jennifer Lopez. I'm turning around just to show her ass. It's like, Thank you, cameraman. It looks like she is having a hard time walking. I like that dress.

It's kind of a Morticia dress. It is. It's kind of nice. It's like a Grecian dress. Speaking of that, who's her husband?

Mark Anthony. Did you know he has a clothing line? Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. If you want to look like a homeless junkie, you can wear Mark Anthony. Well, I thought it was really funny that as soon as they broke up and or got divorced or whatever yeah they're not.

Together anymore but as soon as they did they both had commercials on TV immediately like he had the clothing line and like the next day she had or vice versa she had the car commercial I was just like are they both just announcing they're back on the market like through advertising we generate buzz with the divorce and then we can get or that I'm not sure I thought they were just like looking for dates be like look how hot I. Am in this new car Isn't she doing the Fiat? Yeah. I can't imagine her chugging a cast. She's standing there now like a girl at an auto show or something.

A boat show. A butt show. That's what she does now. The new Elante. All right, I say we take a break and come back with more of this crazy coverage.

I need to provide more cooling to the containment chamber. I don't know about you. What are you going to do? Replace his dryer. And yet another Best Supporting Actress candidate in Barbara Barry for Breaking Away.

One of Hollywood's busiest actresses, Miss Jill Klayberg, an Oscar nominee for Starting Over. Oh, hi, everybody. It's me, Tommy Wiseau from The Room. And me, Nicholas Cage from Ghost Rider. And we're here to talk to you about something very important.

Isn't that right, Nicholas? Oh, that's right. Bill and Chris have been telling you about OTC Live for a long time. But there's no better time than now to join into the show live. That's right, Nick.

Every Sunday night at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, you can see the show live. But how can you think of anything better to do on a Sunday night? Bill and Chris will talk about very exciting topics such as music, movies, and pretty much anything else that revolves around pop culture. Plus, they answer very important questions.

Like, how is your sex life? And other important questions such as, how to get burned. So check in every Sunday night at 6 p.m. at www.tv.outsidethecinema.com. Don't be shy. We'd like to hear from you.

So give us a call at 502-365-5565. Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates. That's moviemeltdown.com. It's part of your problem.

You know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. All tonight, on the 52nd Annual Academy Awards.

We have to have our meltdown awards, so I decided ours are going to be the Foilers. That is brilliant. It's twofold. Not only is it a major award, but it's also foil so you can take home leftovers from our ridiculous amounts of food. The foilers.

The foilers. It also seems like it needs to be our new band name. I feel like that. Might be good. No, the band name should be Foiler Alert.

Oh, shit. That's it. Show's over. Jesus Christ. There's nothing left to say.

Want some bacon? I ate almost an entire container of hummus. There's two more over there. Hummus doesn't have any calories. I checked.

I looked that up. Anything vegan doesn't have calories. Also, if you wake up in the middle of the night and go get a snack, you're off the clock. It doesn't count. You're going to have brunch, wagger.

My favorite line ever was, there is no free brunch. And I can't explain what it is about that. I just think that's like a miniature book. It says everything. Is that Julia Roberts?

Is that Firth? Yeah, Colin Firth. And is that Julia Roberts? No, it can't be. That dress is horrible.

Yeah, that's pretty horrible. Oh, my God. That woman was excited. Ew, what's wrong with it? Oh, look, they have a gold foily.

Yeah, they've got a foily, right? They wish. They've got that cheap gold aluminum foil. I think that stuff is carcinogenic. I think their kind comes from Aldi's.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with Aldi's. I go to Aldi's, but, you know. No, there probably is a lot wrong with Aldi's. There's Meryl. I'm clicking with Meryl.

Wearing her drapes. I swear that's Edgar Winter. Who is that really? I like that there's no actual coverage of the event. It's just outside the event.

Like, they won't let these losers inside. Actually, I don't think they licensed it this year. Probably nobody can except for ABC. Yeah. I just think it's funny that they're all billing it as coverage, like it's legit coverage.

They're like, oh, look. Well, I think it's a big deal. You know, their ratings have been dropping just like a rock. No, the Oscars. I thought they came back to the Oscars.

Well, they say it's the second most watched thing in America next to the Super Bowl. Yeah. Well, David Mamet argued that the Oscars and the Super Bowl were the only two holidays that we really had left because everything else It was just like President's Day. It was just an excuse to have another day off work. It wasn't really about anything.

I would argue that Thanksgiving still works for some people. Just because it's about food. Well, that's my favorite holiday. There's really, I mean, the only commercialism is food. Now they're making it the Black Friday thing, which kind of sucks.

But it's about. And then they. Made it the Rebecca Black Friday. Dance, great. Yeah.

Ah, yeah. No big deal. Ooh, it's hand lines. Cool. Or maybe that's part of the dress.

It's not. Or she's just a freak. Whatever. Yeah. So, my wife was saying today, I was saying how the Oscars, you know, going back to Avatar versus the Hurt Locker.

The Hurt Locker, I read, was, well, Avatar was a huge money maker. Sure. And the Hurt Locker, I heard, was adjusted for inflation. The lowest grossing best picture ever. I can believe that.

And it's also odd because the directors had been married to each other. Probably the first time that's ever happened. Yeah, you know, Cameron, and he was married too, and my wife said, oh, feel bad I can't remember her name, and I said Cameron Diaz. But I don't know. It's as close as I can get.

I don't remember her name. But that's, like, where the Oscars have gone now is everybody's watching the big blockbusters that are not going to be Oscar-nominated pictures. They're all, you know, like, properties or reboots. That's why they expanded the number of, yeah, to ten. To ten or whatever now.

Because most of the movies, everybody, well, not everybody, but mostly teenagers, go see all the series. And the reboots. Yeah. Not a lot of people are watching the Oscar nomination. So now, in my lifetime, the Oscars have somehow become too legit.

Right. To quit. I was waiting for it. They're actually legit now because they still want to nominate good real movies. And God forbid.

Yeah. But this time I feel it. And I can't deny the fact that you like me right now. You like me. All right, so now this year we've sort of upped the ante.

We've taken it upon ourselves to do our own awards. Sponsored by Reynolds. I don't think it's Reynolds. Okay. Generic.

I think the Oscars this year are sponsored by Fancy Feast. As long as you can get them to send us money, whatever. Speaking of sponsors, I have to tell this story. I was listening to an interview with Pee Wee Herman on NPR. Oh, God.

And he was talking about in right at the peak, it might've been like 86, 87. He had convinced Purina to put out a kid's breakfast cereal. That was the first ever human food made by Purina. It was going to have the checkered box on it and everything. And it was going to be marketed as like peewee chow.

And it was going to be, you know, the, the, the commercial was going to be at the mom in the, you know, the, the 50s dress and high heels, pouring a bowl of peewee chow for the children on the floor, and the kids were crawling up to the bowl and eating it like dogs. This sounds like peewee. Purina was on board. They'd got the box design, everything, and they went to testing with children on tasting the food, and he said it tasted like Trix because that was his favorite kid's cereal. He always wanted a cereal that tasted like Trix.

And the kids hated it. What was wrong with Trix? Apparently, the kids thought it was too sweet. But it tasted identical to Trix. What's wrong with these kids?

Right. And so they just dropped the whole thing. Does that appear in a make? They do now. It was the first.

That's why they took the Trix, right? I'm sure they make plenty of them. It's General Mills. Sorry for the peewee thing. I listened to it and I was like, that would have been so awesome.

Kind of. To have a cartoon where kids are crawling around like dogs eating peewee cereal off the floor. I don't even see this. I don't even see this cartoon. I see it live action like the show.

No, it was going to be real. It was going to be real kids. Creepy but they weren't going to use the real cereal just for. Filming they were going to use a cartoon. Just for the scene just eat the cat show we'll get the real cereal later.

All right so on to our fun foil filled award here so this year we've decided to do the meltdown awards and come up with a few different categories it ended up being more than i expected And throw it out there. And just to get the technical stuff out of the way, all voting is provided by the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle. So, first of all, why haven't you joined if you're not one of them? And to get the rest of the official secrecy announcement out of the way, the Meltdown Awards balancing process is done on behalf of the Movie Meltdown Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The balancing leader, Brian, is overseeing the tabulation and will be the only person in the world who will know the identity of the Meltdown Awards winners before they are announced live on this podcast that you are now listening to a recorded version of.

There you go. Got that out of the way. Yay. So, you always have to have that or you can't. Go on with the awards show.

Which account confirmed this? Movie Meltdown. Okay. So, let's bring up the questions. First category, Billy Crystal.

No. He's not the first category. Best Billy Crystal by a guy named Billy Crystal. Not Billy Crystal. He's the worst Billy Crystal these days.

Sandra Bullock. Well, she won the best Billy Crystal. The best Billy Crystal. First up is the most kick-ass trailer for a film in 2011. Nice.

Which I thought was, you know, kind of. And that goes to Kick-Ass. Again, we sort of like the other, the stuff that they don't go into on this here show that we're kind of sort of not really watching tonight. So, yeah, we went a different direction on some of these. So the most kick-ass trailer for a film in 2011, we've got several.

Again, many of these are sort of a tie. So if, Greg, you said maybe we can be the tiebreaker. Okay. Guys want to round out what you think. But on this one we have four different options.

And I'll keep the voting. I didn't tell the voters that I was going to out them. So I think I'm going to keep it all anonymous as you're supposed to in these secret ballot sort of things. Among them we have Killer Elite. Sucker Punch, Super 8, and Hunger Games.

Do we comment on what we thought before that? We might as well. I mean, that's the votes we got anyway. Nobody got a winning amount. These are all the ones that sort of.

I've only seen the trailer for Sucker Punch. Which is kind of awesome. I almost am leaning towards that one. As awesome as Super 8 is. I would say even the trailer is as good as the movie is.

Which one? For Sucker Punch. Sucker Punch. Well, most people hated Sucker Punch, so I don't know if that's saying anything. Yeah.

To me, I think the trailer probably works regardless where the movie doesn't work for a lot of people. It's almost like the optimum situation for a trailer. It makes you watch that and go, oh, shit, I need to see that. Yeah. And then you get there and a good portion of the people went, what the fuck was that?

So. In a way, it works better as a trailer than it does as a movie for most people. I still kind of liked a lot of what was going on. Yeah, I'm with the nay camp. That movie just bored me.

And it got to the point where they had the. the plot to steal the guy's knife why does she have to dance for the guy to steal his knife right what the fuck is this movie about anymore. Because all the guys go when he should dance apparently because then they just cut to some fucking video game segment like you can't film a woman dancing. But the dancing is in it with like a because even the dancing is representative representative of something else I guess everything about it is way too layered almost for its own. Damn good right I don't know. It is a great trailer, though.

It is a great trailer. Because you don't know what the hell it is. It's just those images. And you're like, this looks awesome. Even if you're totally frustrated by it.

You're like, android robots and Nazis and girls with guns. It looks fucking awesome. Dragons and dragons. What's bad about it? In the trailer, nothing.

It works. And it's all like. bjork music isn't it don't they play army of me yeah oh even in the trailer like that even oh yeah. It probably would have made a better bjork video it kind of is yeah it's pretty awesome just don't give it don't give it the whole and i will say i thought that since we're talking about the movie a little bit i thought the intro of the movie the story It was kind of pretty well done. It's so segmented. I mean, everything about the movie is segmented.

So to me, yeah, it's like the intro is a music video, but it's a really well-financed music video. And even as you get into the video game segments, like the first several, like to me, they just wore thin. And I think I said this on the episode. It's like the first couple, I was like, oh, all right, this is kind of cool, especially the samurai one. And then the Nazis steam-powered.

Whatever the hell they were. Like, they're kind of cool. Which was just fun, yeah. But midway in, I was like, all right, we've already seen all this before. It's like it becomes the same thing.

You're waiting for a turn on your friend's Xbox. It is. That's what it is. I thought I was watching a movie, but no. So, I don't know, I'm kind of, as much as that scene is awesome in Super 8, to me, you can watch Super 8 and get it in the movie, and it delivers a good movie along with it.

Again, people, like, have issues with the end, but. I was a little frustrated by the Super 8 trailer, so. Yeah, I mean, it does not tell you what you want it to tell you, really, so... Are you freaking out about Babe? I wanted to, like, play with it and then.

Babes walking towards her. So I would go with Sucker Punch, though. I mean, it is a good trailer. I think for trailer's sake. I don't know.

I'm leaning towards that one. I don't know if we want to pinpoint the exact winner. These were just sort of throwing it out there to the listeners and the Secret Circle in particular to see what they come up with. I say let's break the tie. So Sucker Punch.

Sucker Punch. All right, Sucker Punch is a good trailer. Because that movie's not going to win any other award. Yeah, and again, I just. It's a really good trailer.

I also watched Killer Elite this past week, and to me, it's a good movie. Like, I kind of remember the trailer, but I don't remember the trailer selling me as much as the movie was pretty good, you know? It's like, the trailer just kind of looked like another action movie. I think what sold me was the cast more than. The movie was out in 2011?

Yeah. Yeah, and Hunger Games isn't out yet. But the trailers are. But the trailers. I tell you what, the book and the actress, not hearing which actress was going to be in the movie, I didn't need to see a trailer.

I've just sort of seen maybe that very first, I don't know if there's more than one out now, but I've only seen bits and pieces of that one. But even then, I don't know that I'm sold with the trailer as much as now I kind of want to see the movie, which is what the trailer is there to do. But I don't know. It's still... I'm undecided on that one.

I just hope they don't twilight that movie. Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of. I know that Hunger Games is a book series by Suzanne Collins, but I have no idea what it's about. No idea.

Have you seen Battle Royale? Yeah. Battle Royale. It's kind of like that. It's kind of the twilight of Battle Royale.

Battle Royale is awesome. We'll get you a copy. Battle Royale is awesome. Illegal? No, you can buy it legally now, and they added CG Blade.

Oh, really? Thanks. Wow. Thanks for adding cheesy CG blood. Okay, so the next category is the most misleading trailer for a film in 2011.

So to me, this was the other option. This was the, okay, I got suckered in with this awesome trailer in the movie, so you could say sucker punch. Nobody did, though. Of the options we got, actually, this one we don't even get our vote. I mean, we can.

Make our bitchy points. But we don't get one because we do have a winner in this one. The other options we got were Hugo and Cowboys and Aliens. But the winner was Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Which I actually liked.

Because it turns out you should be afraid of the dark. Yeah, first of all, it's a lie as you watch the movie. But yeah, one of the people commented here, it was misleading because it was produced by Del Toro and it was shit. Thank you to that. Secret Circle member.

Secret Circle member. So, yeah. Oh, let's see. I'll see if we have any other smart-ass comments on some of these along the way. Yeah, what is life without smart-ass comments?

Yeah, that's what we base this entire show around. In my mind, I like to think that I'm a nice person, and then sometimes I step outside myself just for a second, analyze the situation. I'm just like, I'm a douche. Yeah, I've had that realization sometimes. Just last week, I was like, God, I'm an asshole.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And I didn't mean to be. I wasn't really thinking that, but, yeah, think about it.

I'm an asshole. We could have told you that. Yeah. So, yeah, the next one up, and this is one I've always. Been pretty partial to as a thing, as a physical thing in this case, most awesome movie poster.

We had a few that weren't sure. Some of these people are just like, I don't know, leave me alone. So this one was Thor, Sucker Punch, Captain America, and The Dark Knight Rises. Half of these I'm not really sure I remember, so I don't know if I feel qualified to break the tie, so we can leave that. One across the board.

Again, Sucker Punch has got chicks and swords and guns. Sucker Punch also had a run of like seven different posters at least. Like each of the girls had their own poster. I think Emily Browning is still pretty good. Have you seen that new movie?

The movie where she's like. You get to see all of her prettiness. Sex addict or something? No, she's a prostitute, but her deal is she only... Is she a drug?

Well, no, she only has sex with them when she's asleep or something. That's creepy. A somnabulatute. You're pretty proud of yourself for that, aren't you? I don't know.

Anyway, she's naked. That was my point. I'm still going to pick lemony snickets, and I'm going to be weird about it. Sucker Punch, I mean, as soon as you saw that, though, it's like, oh, they made a movie based on Sailor Moon. Yeah, kind of.

Did Tuxedo Mask come and save their asses? I don't know. I don't remember. That was like the opposite of girl power at that show. Girls getting their ass kicked power.

It was like girls getting their ass kicked every time a tuxedo mask came and saved the day. I'm just like, this is like the worst message to be giving like adolescent girls. Yeah. Adolescent girls. They're so messed up.

Yeah. Good luck, you two. He's already passed it. I'm in trouble. My daughter is generally annoyed by girls her age already. so I'm pretty happy.

All right, I like this next category. The next one is the most questionable career decision made by an actor, actress, or filmmaker in 2011. Oh, wow. That's a good category. I thought that was a good category.

I think let's give that category an award. I made it up. The best I'd like. To thank the people who made the show possible, me. He's a foiler.

And the few suckers that show up here to yammer on with me every week. Let's see. I want to hear the nominations. So here's the ones we got. Adam Sandler for not dying.

Right. Or making that Jack and Jill movie. Mostly for making that movie. Yeah. For not dying.

For still existing and continuing to produce these. Horrible, horrible movies. Next up, Jim Carrey for Mr. Popper's Penguins. Yeah.

To me, that's not that questionable. That seems right up his alley. Yeah. All the crap he keeps doing. That's where he is now.

Yeah, that's exciting. Yeah, I'm thinking the first one's way in the lead. Yeah, he's, I mean, yeah, Jim Carrey's just doing what Eddie Murphy was doing five, six, eight years ago, you know? He's just moved into the kid territory. You say Eddie Murphy, and I just cringe.

Yeah, I know. It's sad. Next, this one I like, but I've got to give him credit. This one's right up there. Neil Patrick Harris for not only one, but Beastly and the Smurfs.

You know, I can't argue that. That's questionable. I watched the Smurfs. I watched the Smurfs twice. That's your own fault.

I know. I worked with the Smurfs. The Smurfs were friends of mine. Oh, yeah? And you, sir.

I know. It was so bad. Yeah. I thought it was going to be bad. Speaking of trailers, just the trailer was cringeworthy.

I can't imagine making it through the whole movie. So why Neil Patrick Harris signed on. I don't know. He owed somebody money. And this one is also a pretty good option, as we discussed on an entire episode.

Wes Craven for adding to the Scream franchise. Questionable. Doesn't surprise me, though. Doesn't surprise me. No, it wasn't.

Based on the fact that he'd already made three, I guess it shouldn't really be. That question. Well, I don't know. The first one is Adam Sandler for not dying. That's how they put it.

We could change it to the Jack and Jill. I mean, we could just have Adam Sandler for everything he did last year. For continuing to work. Yeah, I think if you factored Jack and Jill in with that, that gives it like that nose length that might make the difference. Why is it Zooey Deschanel for the new.

Girl on there? Because this isn't the Emmys. Right. Yeah, but she's still an actress and she's still I guess. Her moving to TV or just that the show's pretty lame?

Which one are you questioning? Well, most people are doing that now. You can switch back and forth. You couldn't do that like 15 years ago. Everybody else on that show's funny.

Yeah, the rest of the cast. She's the least interesting person on there. She really is. And she seems like so fake. Like none of it.

Like she's... So over-the-top goofy that I don't buy. Any of it. She said she's happy to play a character that's more like her than any other. Yeah.

Wow. So you suck really bad for that? You know, she is very nice in small doses. Like, if you can handle her in a movie, you're like, oh, she's nice. And then, no, not every week.

And within a movie, they usually. She's like a panda sneezing. You can watch it for a minute or two. They usually reel her in in a movie, you know? It's like there's a director going, no, no, no, we got a plot here.

I do think that may be it, is if the character, she feels it's like her, then you're not putting that effort that makes something have some life to it. And it doesn't feel like there's any direction to the show. It's like every week she just walks into it, and there's not really anything. Again, the stories going on are usually the other characters. Yeah.

Yeah. I question that. Well, she's like, is she the executive producer on that? I think she's at least producer credit. It's her idea.

I'm sure all of this came about because of her. Yeah. So is that all the nominees? Yeah, we have Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, Neil Patrick Harris, and Wes Crake. What about The Ward?

What? Isn't that what it was called? The Ward? That's John Carpenter. Exactly.

The award. Why isn't that not there? Because it's not on. I'm just telling you what's on the list. You can question that they left something off.

What about Ian. And Natalie Portman for making one of those? For all of those. I figured she would come up. When I came up, no, for me, it's what's the fucking medieval movie?

Your Highness. That's the one. Oh, I was just like, what? Really? Like, I can almost see her wanting to do a normal romantic comedy.

Like, she's kind of done that before, and she's in that situation. But not that kind. Not that dumb. And the thing is, I don't know. I don't mean her.

Like, I don't mean she's sexless or messed up or anything. But it just seems like as an actress... She doesn't want to share that side of herself. She's not convincing in that kind of role. And so the question is, why does she want to do it?

And it's weird that she and Jackie were in that movie. Yes, they were in Black Swan together. And then both of them make these. Friends with benefits kind of movies. And Jackie is just so at home.

Doing that yeah just so totally uh she was born to do that i guess and uh. And natalie it's like she's no she's just not comfortable playing that role. And i don't know why she would do it to me again if we're going with people left off that was the first one i thought like okay everybody's going with her because in this past like span of i guess they all hit in 2011 but yeah it's the. The strings with benefits, whatever the fuck that comedy... No strings attached.

No strings with sleeping with your friend. Yeah. That stupid romantic comedy. I mean, the whole concept, it's just like that one Seinfeld episode. That's all it is.

It's a comic premise that you can watch old Seinfeld reruns and there it is. If it was just that, I'd let it slide. But it's also Your Highness, which. Looked horrible. And Thor.

And Thor was marginal. People kind of liked it, but I'm just like, you go from winning an Oscar to being in this goofy superhero movie. That's a long time ago. It's a couple years ago. I didn't even know she was doing those things.

I'm not following her that much. I just think it's odd for somebody to choose to do stuff that they just But then, I don't know, I guess you think maybe you're going to find something that you, like when Michelle Pfeiffer did Catwoman, that seemed to bring out a side of her that you had never seen before. That's true. Until then, she seemed like she was a student actress. She was just turning it in for a grade and doing a pretty good job.

But when she did Catwoman, it seemed like, no, I put on this cat suit and I feel something. And elevated that movie. He seemed to really get into it. I still think that's a great movie and gets completely sort of thrown in with all the other Schumacher bad men. But I think the first two are pretty good and she's one of the main reasons.

Oh, she was great. Danny DeVito didn't get enough screen time. He was crazy. And is great. Again, that one I think gets overlooked.

Although I still would have liked to have just seen Danny DeVito as the Penguin without the whole fish stuff. That's just the direction. You could really picture him when you first heard Danny DeVito. You're like, yes! You're like, oh yeah.

Finally, the casting. It was an interesting direction, but I still missed it. I like that even when Danny DeVito is a cartoon, they still make him short. And creepy. The Lorax seems a little creepy to me.

You know, I don't see why the Lorax... I mean, the Lorax movie, original or short, was fine. And I know they're capitalizing on it, but it seems like they're throwing in a whole bunch of side story that doesn't exist. Talk about the Grinch movie. That's what they do with these.

I guess Cat in the Hat was probably like that. I don't know. I didn't watch that. I know the one I really love is Horton. I still haven't seen that one.

It was a very existential movie. That one, they seemed like they followed a little more of the story. And it was all right. So are we just giving this one a tie four-way? Four-way tie.

I question all of them. I think it's Neil Patrick Harris. Smurfs is pretty good. Smurfs and Beastly. I avoided that one, but I forgot he was even in that.

If we're going to throw Neil Patrick Harris under the bus, Hank Azaria for being Gargamel, that was pretty. Hank Azaria has done a lot of stuff. Look at the shit he's played. And he turns in some great performances, but sometimes he turns up in Shit that he does not have any business being in. He is way more talented than the stuff he does.

But. But Neil Patrick Harris is still Doogie anyway, no matter how many. And he does Harold and Kumar movies. Yeah, but that's sort of what made him cool again. He broke back through at that time.

His Travolta moment. Yeah, so you kind of got to give him points for almost being cool and still doing them, even though now he's huge. Again, I always thought that was kind of cool on his part, but I don't know. Whatever you guys think. And the foiler... goes to everybody who made a really questionable career decision.

Give it to all of them or blame Neil Patrick Harris. I don't know. They can share it. They'll work out the custody rights. We can tear up the foil into four little pieces and hand it to all of them.

Just whoever has leftovers to take home will take home the foil. That's what it comes down to. Yeah. So this one I thought was kind of interesting specifically because the. Way that it occurred to me to word it.

Um. The movie moment that made you say, oh, my. You specifically have to. It has to be in George Takei style. So basically the, I guess, most shocking moment, either, you know, just content-wise, violence, nudity, language, whatever it is that, you know, would make you react in that way.

All right. So the shocking moments here we have. Michael Shannon's breakdown at the community dinner in Take Shelter. And another one thrown in there is for the goofy and gory side of the end moment with Libby in Super. I'll leave it at that.

Wow. Before you said anything, I was going to say the entire movie of Super. But, okay. That was a super movie. The next one is, I think he said, I was like two-thirds of the way in, two-thirty minutes or less, and still hadn't laughed.

That was shocking. And also, this is another standard one for this past year, the special scenes in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Yeah, I'll give you that. That's a harsh scene, specifically the first one. Everybody kind of likes the second one.

But, yeah, that one's. Kind of rough. What, the anal raping scene? No, I was just talking about when he finds the cat and puts it in the window and feeds it and pets it. That's a fun scene.

I don't really think you can have an oh my moment on a movie that's a remake and the scene in the original movie is way more brutal. Than the scene in the American movie. Really? The scene in the original is more brutal? I only saw the original and that's one reason why I don't want to see.

The American original. I saw the original. If you haven't seen the other one, how would you not still be able to have that reaction to it? It's still pretty hard to watch. I mean, I don't know.

Again, it couldn't shock me that it was coming because I'd heard about it for like two years, you know? I think like the biggest, oh my, and I mean this, God, I might get hate mail from women for now until forever. But I'm just thinking, like, really? That girl's never had it in the butt before? Like, that was my only moment for that.

That was Marlena. Feel free to address all your responses. Doesn't mean she wanted it unwillingly, even if that had happened. I'm not advocating rape in any way. Like, that guy deserved to have shit tattooed.

On him, but, I mean. Amongst other things. So, wait a minute. I got distracted by the red carpet. Oh.

You're advocating rape or not? I'm not advocating. She's advocating early entrance to anal sex. Yes, that's what I'm advocating. Because if you.

Ever were raped, it would make it easier. Yeah, exactly. Is that what I'm getting at? Well, that's logical. Good Lord, that's our oh my moment.

I'm kidding. I'm just moving on. Dr. Erskine's death in Captain America, the first Avenger. Okay, that works.

Kind of. It's been a while, but I guess that was sort of... I don't know. I kind of thought that was coming eventually, or you wouldn't get to the next stage of that type of movie. I don't know if I qualify to sit on this panel.

I haven't seen. Any of these movies. Yeah, I haven't seen many either. You're not really voting. That's why the.

Trailer one was such a good discussion for us, because we watch a lot of trailers. Yeah. That's why I wasn't saying we get to vote. I mean, like, some of them were. I was letting them know.

One Oscar-nominated movie I watched last night. Others I watched and don't even remember. Like Tree of Life, I don't really remember anything about that. I remember I just thought, oh, really? Okay.

Some of the scenes were good, but I don't know. God. I forgot Brad Pitt was in it. Tree of life? Yeah, he was the dad.

It's like, oh, yeah. He was the dad in that. Yeah. Or was he the dinosaur? I don't know.

Was there an astronaut or something? He had a lot of patents. He was an engineer. And for some reason, I don't know if they really understand patent law, because it seemed like he was getting a patent in a courtroom, which you don't know. No.

It didn't seem like he had any litigation, like somebody was infringing on a patent. So why was he in a courtroom? You don't do that. Because it's patent law, and all law takes place in a courtroom. Well, he's got a point.

It says law right there. He had, like, what, 19 patents and couldn't sell any of them? Which is, you know, that does happen. It's usually how it works. Okay, the last one in that one is in Drive, and it's not, everybody freaked out about the elevator scene.

I thought this one specifically is the Albert Brooks and Bryan Cranston scene, which I'll give them credit. That was, you kind of didn't see that specific moment coming. I don't know, you knew something bad was happening, but I don't know. It still sort of is a, I don't know. It's kind of slow for a movie called Drive.

There's some driving. Some. So, yeah, I don't know. Those are our options we have on this one. Kind of leaning towards Super on that one.

Yeah. That's really a moment. You didn't necessarily see coming. I haven't seen the American whatever that movie is. Dragon Tattoo.

Yes, Dragon Tattoo. But I kind of. want to rob it because it's just gotten so talked about and so hype so i would vote for super which i did see. And yeah i even though you get the. Gist of the movie yeah and you know stuff is coming i mean i would even say that hitting the guy with the wrench who's in butting in line That kind of takes your breath away. You know it's coming.

I think her reaction to all the violence, too, is just... Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. It's demented.

It's so much more demented than you think of... I mean, you compare it, obviously, to Kick-Ass. And you think, oh, this is so horrible, what he's doing to his own daughter and all this stuff. But her, she just is... is sick. Yeah.

They're both sick. Right. They're both very, very sick. And kind of weirdly believable. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, oh, I've been waiting to do this. Don't we all kind of have that? Or maybe it's just me. The car scene when she arrives with the car.

Oh, man. And just, again, the laughter, the pointing of laughing. You know what? A number of moments in that movie remind me of the scene in Pulp Fiction where Where the woman who's trying to help gets shot in the head. It's just...

If you need anybody to be a witness... Oh, I've been shot! Oh, yeah. I'd say Super has to get it one way or another. I think so.

But I think it's the entire movie, not just a specific scene. Oh, let's see. The next category is actually... You referenced it recently, Greg, and then Fred brought it back up. Goodest Kill?

Yes. Goodest Kill. From the show that brought your comments like he kills good. He kills good. We bring you Goodest Kill in a film in 2011.

Oh, this one is really fun. The anticipation. We have. Hi-Hats the drug dealer getting mauled to death by space puppies. And attack the block.

Pretty awesome. Yeah. We have all the massive deaths in Contagion. Can't go wrong with massive amounts of population dying. Magneto's kills in the X-Men The First Class, specifically the coin.

And actually, I think this one we don't have to pick anyway because we had several people voting for the return of the coin from Magneto in X-Men First Class, which is pretty awesome, by the way. Have you seen that one? No, I've not. I swore off all of the X-Men movies. No, you win them.

Professor X. Yeah. They're both really good. I mean, fucking Michael Fassbender. in everything, but the upside is he's good. He's good in everything.

But, yeah, that's not the one to skip in the X-Men. Yeah. I mean, I was amazed how well put together that was, especially since it's that far into a series. I know it's sort of a reboot, do-over series. sort of thing. And they, it, the turnaround on it was amazing.

Like they announced it and threw it at him and it was out in theaters like a year later. Like it was really quick that you would expect it to be very hacky and thrown together. And it's not, it's well written. It's well put together. It's just, yeah, I was impressed with it.

So Magneto. All right. Returning the coin. No, I guess I'll have to see it. It's well done.

So, next one, I thought this, yeah, this, I think you brought up as well, Fred. We had a little input on this. Most of it's just random stuff I made up. Wrongest actor for the role in 2011. Equally wrongly grammared.

Wrongest actor. Wrongest actor. That's fine. So, we have Tom Cruise for all of his movies. Yeah.

Danny McBride. Yeah. And this one, again, we already have a winner. And, you know, this movie's going to get a lot of hate. I don't know that this is the reason, but Ryan Reynolds for Green Lantern.

Huh. I don't know that he's wrong for the role. It's just that movie's... There's no good way to make that movie. It's going to be bad.

Like, I even like the comic. Yeah. But I remember reading the comic and then thinking... Yeah, I don't think you can make a movie out of this. It's just like what looks okay on the page is going to look cheesy in a movie.

No matter how good your CGI is, which it wasn't, no matter what you do, it's not going to come off right. It works as a cartoon. It works as a comic book. It's not going to work live action. It's just not.

Plus, I think with that franchise, there's just so many directions you could go. And it's endless amounts of. I don't want. To get into an episode on that movie. I haven't seen it.

Was the Green Arrow in it? Because I liked when they paired them. They paired them half of the run. And those were, again, really good comics. It made me like Green Arrow.

But, yeah, I don't think they've gotten to that. You've just got to watch Smallville if you want Green Arrow. All right. And then we're going to split this up. So this is the last one in the regular categories.

Then we've got our special category in a minute here. I liked I like this option, too. Most obnoxious use of CGI in a 2011 film. Okay. This one, again, I think right off the bat, but we have the vote for too many to name.

That's kind of true. Pretty much all of them. I like the way that everybody's going. Yeah. This caught me off guard.

Hoodwink 2, Hood vs. Evil. First of all, I kind of forgot that movie existed. Right. Hoodwinked is a great movie.

And second of all, yeah, I didn't think it looked like any worse. Like, it's one of those weird CGI animated movies. So to me, I don't know, it just looked as bad as all of those. I mean, all of those kind of look cheap compared to Hand Drawn. Yeah, I forgot they made a sequel to Hoodwinked.

Yeah. Yeah. I gotta write this down. The one movie that Fred has to see is Hoodwink 2. That's T-O-O, Fred.

Get that straight. So, yeah. And the fourth option is Green Lantern. To me, it's got... I mean, that was what.

To me, it wasn't the Ryan Reynolds miscasting that ruined that movie. It was that horrible CGI. So... I'm leaning towards Green Lantern because that happens. Was Ryan Reynolds CGI'd, though?

He was. They CGI'd his entire body throughout the entire movie. Oh, I just thought he was CGI'd. I thought that was Captain America or something. No, Captain America looks pretty good.

He wears a real outfit and it doesn't look cheesy. It's sort of a normal military outfit half the movie. Well, no, they did that thing where he's tiny in the beginning. That's just him. That's not really the suit.

That's a little. No, they, like, made him all weak and, like, little. Yeah. I don't know. That's a little, like, questionable.

But, again, that's over in, like, 10, 15 minutes tops. And the whole rest of the movie's normal. So, that's way more minor. Oh, I thought he was actually a tiny little guy in the CGI. They just gave him tons of steroids.

I completely got that mixed up. Okay, so the other category, we're going to skip ahead here and leave the rest of those for next week. And we also wanted to round it out with some of the specifics, since this is the Meltdown Awards, to the show itself. So we've got three here for this week. We have Favorite Interview of 2011.

This one we have quite a... Again, we have an official winner. One of the Secret Circle bothered to do a big breakdown of all of them. Wow. Of their favorite options and their comments about it.

I'm working on a show that I do, and I'm positive. That's true. Let me give you the responses here. Andrew Robinson, most appreciated back catalog exploration by interview guest, and half of his stuff still coming. So that's the interview that keeps on giving.

We've got a lot of stuff with Andrew. C. Thomas Howell, best Unearthed Facts interview ever. That's another one. Both of those were ones you barely even scratched the surface.

We're coming back to see Thomas Howell several times. Leah Thompson, best semi-awkward post-adolescent crush interview. You know I'm not going to argue that. Not at all. Since I specifically told her, yeah, it's not awkward at all.

Lance Hendrickson, interview I think about when I pull out my hand-washable-only good pottery dishes to dine on. Lily Tomlin, best holy shit Brian's talking to fill-in-the-blank interview. Can't argue with that either. And so they're rounding it out. For this person, they say their favorite is John Saxon.

Hearing him do Bruce Lee as a 70s hipster and talking about being a Shabbos guy is something I will never forget. So that vote is for John Saxon, but we had several others that came in and put it over the top for Lance Hendrickson. Thank you. I guess technically Lance wins, but John's the runner-up. He just won a Lifetime Achievement Award and a Foily?

Foiler? I guess we better get this right. You should probably get it straight if you're handing them out to people. I think I was the one that decided to call it Foily. Oh, Lord.

So then, yeah, I figured we'd do, I separated them into the interview versus the special guest co-hosts. Okay. Because to me that's an entirely different, they sit in with us or some faction of us for an entire segment. They get like extra bonus points. This one I don't think, I don't want.

To pick because I don't think we get to pick that one because we're a little too attached to these. So we've got four different people, oddly enough, that came in in the running here. We've got, again, one of these people has gone several of their options. So, Doug Jones wins the runner-up position as most joyful human being with shitty taste in movies. That's not me, Doug.

That is this anonymous listener. Albert Pune for most informative. Emma Caulfield wins the co-host whose car I'd watch for free on General Principles and best taste in movies of the assembled bunch. Uh-huh. But according to this listener, Jess Weixler wins by a nose because she's family.

Can't argue. We did sort of adopt that. I'd like to give her an award, too, because after I met her, I saw The Lie, and I just freaking loved The Lie. She was awesome. She's amazing in it.

As much as I like the movie, she is the best thing about it. There's other good things in it, but. There's a lot I like about that. I was really surprised how much I enjoyed it. And she was just fantastic.

Yeah, her performance is good. Sometimes I was just watching her face and I'd just bust out laughing. I'm telling you. Those scenes where it just focuses on her face. It's amazing.

The song. The song. Oh, my God. The song, but also just other times, you know, she's just, you know, they're having an awkward conversation. You can see her think.

Oh, it's so well acted and such a really cool little film. Where do you find that movie? They had it at Redbox recently. Wow, did they? I remember she said it was coming soon to Netflix.

I know Netflix would pick it up, but I'm not surprised. No, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Another Earth had Redbox. Another Earth was there.

It was on Redbox. Yeah, I saw that. No, no, no. I saw that it was coming to Netflix. That's where I saw this, all that.

Well, I had a couple of movies she'd been in lined up on Netflix. Then I was at Wild and Wooly, and I. Said, oh, there's The Lie. And I watched it and just like minutes into it I could tell, oh yeah, this is alright. The guy in it was really good too.

The whole construction of the movie and the dialogue just really surprised me. I think, you know, there were several people that thought it needed more tonal direction, like to choose a path. But I liked that you'd never felt comfortable with where even the movie was, you know, because that's what the whole thing is about. Anyway, is I'm uncomfortable with what's going on in my world, you know? And, and so it's funny.

It's so good. There were details in it, just little details that were like, they thought about which little random detail, like when he said a diner, And there's that stone-faced waitress, and she's like, what's a three-letter word for distance? It begins with an S. Far? But that's a great detail, because it's like, in his life, it's like, the answer you're looking for might not fit what you think it's going to be.

Oh, Lord. Yeah, that was great. So, yeah, everybody had sort of a different direction on this one. Jess, we also had somebody with Emma Caulfield. We have Doug Jones, and we have Pat Kilbane.

So, I like that everybody sort of enjoyed different people and different aspects. I'll tell you one thing. I didn't have a reason to care that much about Emma Caulfield before that interview. And afterwards, I was like, wow, I've got to pay more attention because. She seemed like a really genuine, creative person.

Yeah, definitely. And in line with the way I see things. So, yeah, no, I was very happy with that. Definite geek points to her. She delivered completely on that one.

She was kind of an inspiring person just to hear her talk about stuff. And again, that's sort of what I took from looking back at this. I was like, we've had some amazing segments this past year. I mean, we've Had some good ones in the whole run of the show, but this last year has been just a hell of an impressive lineup. I'm amazed that I'm involved in it.

So, yeah, I've been really happy with the way the show's gone this past year. Well, it's me and Marlene and Fred. Mostly, I think. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. We do all the hard work.

Sure. So this one, yeah, I thought we couldn't. That's tough, yeah. We couldn't do our. Lily Tomlin?

You talked to Lily Tomlin. I know. Damn. Lifetime achievement. They're all winners.

I'm not picking one for that one. We're too close to all of this. I just thought it was cool that all of those came in. So yeah, this one I thought we couldn't not do. Favorite Marlena moment.

Christopher Plummer just won Best Supporting Actor. Not to interrupt it. Marlena moment. Surprising, actually. No, actually, a Marlena moment should be interrupted.

Yeah, that's true. That's what they are. That's true. That's so meta. Oh, man.

So most people are confused and overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin. I want to go with, like, the gay neighbor dog moment. I think the way that. It's described here, it just says, her dog's vengeful bladder and her boss's Oprah rage. I don't even remember my thoughts.

That's the best part of the Marlena moments is you're the last person to remember your own story. I don't remember either of these stories. I love the helping the old man that was trapped. That's pretty epic. Did I tell you I had to help him again?

I just especially love when you go into his tool shed and it's like, what the fuck? And eventually you find some sort of antique jacket. It was a really stressful day. It was probably just a rock stick you put over it. Oh, Lord.

There's so many of them. I don't even remember them. I don't remember these stories from my own life. That's so sad. Well, and then there was the day you were cool.

That's pretty good. That was a good one, yeah. There was the day you were cooler than Jared Leto. That's every day. Let's be real.

And then there was one thing I never really understood where you got up and threw chocolate out the window and I. Never heard what that was about. It was sometime around like, uh, The festivities down on the waterfront. But then you just rambled on and all of a sudden you were in Cincinnati as an excuse to shop. I kind of remember this.

That was for the Thunder Over Louisville. I don't remember throwing chocolate out the window. Oh, she was mad because the vendors for Thunder Over Louisville wouldn't sell to you early in the morning. Yes, yes. I like that we remember these stories.

Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't remember throwing chocolate out the window, though. There was some stray comment about that. And I'm like, what is going on in this world?

You don't want to ask questions about your life. I didn't want to interrupt the Marlena moment. The hot damn hobo. Hot damn hobo. Maybe because that one's just so fresh.

16 bottles. The alley gave me when I found it. And like right next to each other. The hot damn hobo was a pretty damn good one. I'll give you that.

I just want to know who the hot damn hobo is. I want people to. Stake out behind my house and fucking figure it out because it has been plaguing me for almost five years. Shit. And that was going on during the one where your gay neighbor.

He had shit on his face. And he kept trying to high-five you. Like he's forgotten. How did he forget? He was really drunk.

That's got to be like a notch. That's a. a breathalyzer mark the point at which you're so drunk you forget you have shit on your hand. He's done a lot of strange things. He once tried to pay Brian to take a shower with him. That one you don't have to remind me about.

I do remember that one. Come on, that's different. I think we've all never met. That could have been money for the show, Brian. I didn't say I ruled it out completely.

I had a sponsor there. I'm still mulling it over. How do you think we got this board? Jeff. To answer your question, Jeff.

Did you get the nameplate yet? No, you're in charge of getting that. Okay. But he did say he likes that idea. Okay, great.

That one's definitely named Jeff. And, by the way, thank you once again. Since then, he's donated again. Oh, wow. He is out of control.

And, yeah, thank you very much for being out of control. Is his last name Gates? Because the only way we could have afforded this fabulous food tonight, I think I. Spent all your donation money on pork-related products. So, yeah, we're right back where we started.

But. we wouldn't have this wonderful episode. We wouldn't have corn dogs. It's what funds each and every one of these episodes, each and every one of which put us further in the hole. So, that's how we go. I'm curious to see which Marley in a moment wins.

That was what we had. We had the dog's vengeful bladder and boss's Oprah rage. I don't remember either of those things, though. Oh, well, you're just going to have to go back through all the. It's a good thing we're cataloging your stories, so then at least they will be saved and Generations, years from now, can go back over them.

And we can put them in a space capsule. Right. And it could be like the first thing that an alien life form hears. This will be like Starman. We'll just beam it to them.

Here's the interesting thing. I keep meaning to start a blog. about my life so I can, like, remember things. And then I keep forgetting to start a blog. That's like your bag dice because I think you've said that every episode of the show. That you're going to start a blog.

Yeah. And I just never do. I forget. You should do a blog about how you're meaning to start a blog. You should, actually.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to take a picture of this and start a blog. And then I can do this all the time and then I forget. Yeah. You need post-its or something. And that's the weirdest thing.

I'm not forgetful. Like. I mean, sometimes I am, I guess. She said that three times today. But I mean, I never have to study for tests.

I can read my history book once, I don't ever have to look at it again. But it's just things that have actually happened to me in real life. I think in telling them, you purge them from your memory so you don't have to carry. It around anymore. I think so.

That could be it. Maybe you're freeing yourself. Movie Meltdown is our therapy. That it is. Oh, man.

So, yeah, we're going to leave it at that for this week. That's half of the regular ones, and we've knocked out a few of the Movie Meltdown-specific ones. So we'll be back next week with the rest of those categories. I'll give you the sneak preview, one of. Which we had to go with the the constant updated question every time misty's on an episode of so we posed the question what celebrity would you like misty to punch in the face so we'll get to that one next time around definitely reason to come back right there well thank you to the high ranking members of the secret circle for voting If you would like to enjoy these exciting perks like these here, send us a message and tell us.

You yourself would like to join the Secret Circle. All right. I think that will round this one out. So, yeah, our continuing ridiculous coverage will be next week as well. We're also going to have the movie.

We've mentioned it before, but I guess we should throw it out there. Okay, kids, get out your Dakota pins. Oh, wait. You want a noise? Do we want to finally do a sound effect for this?

He's been threatening that for like a year and a half now. I bet it. I could tell that tonight's message was really important. It is time. Welcome to Roseanne.

Exactly, yeah. Yay. It is time for. Another exciting edition of the Secret Circle Reveal. I don't know, whatever.

So it's time for the previously mentioned Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature. As we brought up last time, we will discuss the Oscar-worthy Sofa Theater feature, Creature. Oscar-worthy. Sure. I think it swept the Oscars that year.

It's also Meyer-worthy. Oh, come back for that. And more of our ridiculous hammering on. I... Are you okay?

I was looking at Angelina Jolie standing on the red carpet. Here's my leg. Hey, she's pretty proud of that leg. You can't blame her. No, I don't, but it's just hilarious.

Does she even act anymore, or does she just. She directed it. Yeah, she's directed it. That's right. And that movie almost killed her from what I heard.

Right now. There's my leg. She's got a leg and you need to see it. Don't lie. You don't know if that other leg even exists.

You know, it's like she's always said in interviews that she's okay with aging. Like, she's not afraid of aging and She's aged really well. Yeah, that makes it a lot easier. It's fear of aging that makes you age. I think so.

We have nothing to fear but getting old. Yeah. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.

Thanks for listening. Well, I saw you on. The evening news. Down on Rodeo Drive. You were sparring with a paparazzi trying to keep your love alive.

Well, when you're gonna see the only one for you. Heard a bad boy broke your heart like bad boys often do. But just beware of that pretty boy you're fooling. With baby pretty boys will break you too. Well when you're gonna see the only one for you.

Well, I saw you in the evening news. You had a baby in your arms. Well, don't believe what them people try to tell you, baby. I don't mean you any harm. Well, when you're gonna see the only one for you. . . . . . . .

Yeah. And you don't know that. I saw a nun mowing a lawn once. This was on what? In a habit?

Yeah. Just in a habit. Nice. And it occurred to me, I'd never seen that before, and it looks fucking weird. Yeah, kind of.

Yeah, I don't see that. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, Email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!