166: I Dont Normally Talk About Movies... Let Alone in a Coffee Shop

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It's showtime, folks. Enjoy the show. Our nuclear reactor pumping. Out one million kilowatts of power. To provide more cooling in the containment chamber.

To your citizens, we have revealed. How you doing? What do you say I buy you a cup of coffee? Way down among Brazilians Coffee beans grow by the billions So they've got to find those extra cups to fill They got an awful lot of coffee in. Brazil What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I'm Brian. I'm Alan. I'm Marlena. I'm Lucy. I'm Beau.

I'm Fred. I'm Greg. And it is time for another session of The Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino my butt. I still drink coffee.

The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for The Caffeinated Movie Geek. And finally, I have something different to say at this point. We are coming to you live via digital recording from Green Room Coffee and Espresso Bar here in Louisville, where we will get together in this new, fabulous setting and drink coffee and talk movies. So, with that, we would like to welcome Alan.

It's another Alan. I decided there's only one. There can be only one, so you guys are going to have to, like, decapitate one another, I suppose. But then there'd be none. Let's decapitate one another, right?

Then we'll find another Alan. There's probably a lot of Alans out there. All right. If you're an Alan out there and you want to get in the running of decapitations, email in. But I decided one's an E and one's an A, so maybe you guys are safe.

That's an entirely different name. Different, differentiate Alan and Alen. Okay, different origins. You what? I think they're different origins, linguistically.

I thought you guys were different origins. I thought you were going to go into your origin story now. We're going to have like a flashback. He would take on by a radioactive spider. He came from another planet, but when he got here, he had special coffee powers that only the yellow sun brings out.

That having been said, Alan is from Green Room Coffee here, and actually got a hold of me and said, hey, you guys want to record an episode here? So, yes, yes we would. I guess it's a little late to tell you that, but yes, we would like to. So, in our usual fashion, Alan, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking this week? We're drinking Papua New Guinea.

And I've prepared it in several different ways, both with the Chemex. You've had some espresso drinks. And you've had the AeroPress. We're pretty hopped up is what he's saying. Yes.

All handcrafted. Excellent. I finished my cup. Dylan, he'll just think you want more. Just calm down, calm down.

So since you graciously extended this invitation, go ahead and tell people about the place and give your little intro here into the world of Green Room. Well, Green Room is inside the Music-O-Round on South Earthborn Parkway. We do everything by hand, so no drip coffee. That sums us up. Usually it's really loud in here.

You have to be determined to come get a cup. But it's always usually really good. Yeah, I would imagine between... They're selling musical instruments in here in the other half of this building, so between you making frothy noises and banging things around over here and people playing, like, bad smoke on the water over there, it's got to be hell on earth. So more power to you.

It's impossible to nap. Damn it. That's what works all about it, isn't it? Oh, well, yeah. Do you have any other...

Do you want to do your. Special coffee moment? Do you want your own little segment of coffee talk? I've had so many. It's impossible.

Like, if I start, I'll just keep going. Suffice it to say, I really love a good cup of coffee. See? And I hope you guys do, too. Since we've built this, you know, running segment around it, I guess we kind of do, so.

Excellent. All right, if that's If that rounds us out on the coffee, I guess we will take a break, and we will be back with the rest of this ridiculous caffeinated show. I really need. Some of that. Ooh, good coffee, strong coffee I need to have.

Some Ooh, good coffee, strong. Coffee At our refreshment stand, your wish is our command. So the coffee we serve there is pure perfection. It's unthinkable, but it must be true. A man took some tools and went where no human being had ever set foot.

Alone. Went into the interior of the earth. Ladies and gentlemen, this is James Mason. Come along with Pat Boone and me, Arlene Dole, Diane Baker, and Gertrude the Duck. And discover sights and sounds and wonders no living man has ever witnessed before.

Filmed in the incomparable magic of CinemaScope. We'll take our leave of civilization on the bleak, barren wastes of Iceland. Peer in awe at the bottomless crater of. An uncharted volcano. Make the perilous descent into the unknown.

You'll pioneer with us through countless miles of trackless labyrinth. Discover huge subterranean caverns never beheld by human eye. Become lost in the weird underground maze. You'll find yourself engulfed in grotesque, petrified jungles. Marvel at the fantastically beautiful quartz grotto.

Tumble into cascading salt beds. Escape from hissing steam caves. Behold the staggering underground ocean. You'll encounter breathtaking dangers beyond belief. here at the center of. The earth tweaked audio your source for high performance noise reducing earbuds available in three styles and seven colors durable and designed to sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts like the one you're listening to now tweaked audio earbuds come with a one-year warranty and now there's a special deal for movie meltdown listeners Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN.

Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. Choosing a family movie is tough. It seems like all Hollywood can do is make mindless drivel that rots kids' brains.

Who wants to see a movie like. The movies he grew up with are. Sometimes a big surprise. I at times feel uncomfortable watching movies I loved when I was younger with my own kids because I forgot how much cursing, sex, and violence they showed back then. All we want to do is watch a fun movie that we all like.

That's why we created Family Movie Night, a podcast where we review movies from an adult perspective. And from a kid's perspective. So you can find movies for your whole. Family to enjoy. We review new movies.

Old childhood favorites, cult and foreign films, and Godzilla. So check out Family Movie Night on the web at fmnpodcast.com or find us on iTunes. Bye! Hi, this is Larry Blamire, also known as Dr. Paul Armstrong, doing science for Movie Meltdown.

It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. Blue cappuccino or double espresso.

I need something with a really big kick. You ask me about cream. You ask me about sugar. I tell you, those things can be sinful. And my goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo.

Have you guys seen the David Lynch cup coffee commercial? Where he's talking to the Barbie head? That's a good commercial. I like that commercial. It's really cute.

And he's really good at talking to it. I like David Lynch's Clean Up New York. PSO, too, that he did. Lynch is pretty good on any of those. Just give him a camera.

There's a whole new role in the movie. Just announce everything that needs to be announced. David Lynch announces everything. But he has to do it as the Twin Peaks persona, so he has to scream it the entire time. Here are my announcements!

Just the whole time. And then he should repeat it for the hearing impaired. Then in the corner you have Garrett Morris, here for the hearing impaired. What David said was. Someone still needs to finish his cookie.

Are you that concerned about my cookie? Are you one part of my cookie? No. I'm going to save it for a break. You wrap it up in your napkin and you put it in your backpack.

Brian will turn this podcast around. I will turn it right around. You kids don't settle down, I swear to God. I'm going to take the cookies off the table. All the cookies off the table.

Actually, I might open one just to. No, you can't. Son of a bitch. I saw Todd at the bank not long ago, and he was just holding a cookie in his hand, and he was like, want a cookie? Oh, Lord.

He's just like Johnny Cookie. I don't even start carrying cookies around. You want a cookie? I do not. No one ever wants a cookie.

It's really weird. You'd think people would be like, fuck yeah. It's all warm and moist from your hand. That's what I said. That's all I said.

They're all warm and gooey. I've had them in my pocket all day. Gummy bears? You should have something else, you know. Those little, like, self-serve towelettes that when you meet somebody, it's like, here, have a towelette.

You should immediately shake their hand and then spray yourself down with Purell and them. Whether they want it or not, just start hosing their hand down. I think I'll give them like those little cocktail umbrellas. Throw those around. Years ago, this is a good moment.

Years ago, I was walking out of a Goodwill thrift store, and I held the door open for this elderly man. And he said, thank you, honey. And he handed me a little peppermint. Just seamlessly. Just there it was to give out to anybody that did a good deed.

I hate jealous. And I remember him all the time saying, they're terrible, I didn't eat it. Well, I mean, because. It was a nice gesture. My mother, when I was little.

She's like, yeah, I knew it was a little laced in strip knot. I wasn't going to touch it. But I thanked him anyway. I'm no idiot. Being a horror geek, when I was little, I loved Halloween so much.

It was my favorite holiday. But every year when I was little, my mother would go over to her friend's house and hang out for hours. And the only candy she ever had were those little damn peppermints. And I was convinced they were the same ones year after year. Oh, they were.

Just sitting there. Most likely. They were. Oh, and so I hate them like that. That sense of, I'm missing Halloween again.

I can't believe this. And there are those. Stupid fucking peppermints. She just steals them from the bank. Don't we all do that?

I never understood the willpower of older people that they'll keep a bowl of candy sitting around. I know. If I've got a bowl of candy, I'm eating it. I can get my grandmother's and she has a cake under glass. That's where you can see it.

How do you go about your day? There's cake. What are you all doing? How do you let the cake sit around? It doesn't go bad either.

We'll just look at a few days. We'll go back to another piece. A friend of mine had a rotating pie case in her kitchen. That had been her dream was to have a rotating pie thing. That's a wonderful life goal.

I bought a cupcake stand last week. Oh, you bought a cupcake stand. I never get them to the stand. I just eat them out of the pan. You are moving on up.

Your friend watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. She's like, I'd like a pie stand. And a lot of drugs. That girl in that movie looked like she liked having that pie on that stand. She had a good night.

All right, we are back, and it's been quite a while, so I thought we should break it in and do it one more time. It's time for What's the Buzz? Groovy. Tell me what's happening, what's the buzz? Tell me what's happening, what's the buzz?

Tell me what's happening, what's the buzz? And you're not going to be any happier. I know, usually, Greg, you think this is all about gloom and sadness and... Don't worry, we're not disappointing this to you. Are you telling me someone else that's in the G.I.

Joe movie that I'm not going to be happy about? No, but I can make somebody up. What's another one of. Greg's favorite childhood toys going to have testicles? Right, exactly.

Oh, they cast Hilary Duff as Scarlett or something. Mm-hmm. I don't have a problem with that. You should. What's the deal about Hilary Duff?

She's all right. She's a running joke at this point. I thought I would just work it into every show. I really liked her when she was younger on the Lizzie McGuire show. That was a cool show.

Until she shows up on the show. We're going to make fun of her every week until she becomes a guest on the show. At least somebody's talking about her. Remember that week that you had that traumatic head injury and I saw a Hilary Duff concert? Is that a coincidence?

In one week, you have a traumatic head injury, and I see a Hilary Duff concert. Isn't that crazy? Traumatic ear injury. Neither event could ever be explained. Did you, like, go to the concert or get a concert DVD?

I went to the concert. You lucky bastard. I went to the concert. Your daughter wanted to go. Your daughter.

She wanted to go. All her friends were going. We go, and we're there forever, and they have, like, some opening guy who plays guitar and sings. And she's not coming out, and they keep announcing, 20 minutes till Hillary Duff. 15 minutes till Hillary Duff.

10 minutes. 20 minutes till Hillary Duff. At this point, your Y chromosome is really starting to hurt. Yeah, and they're pointing to the clock, you know, and people are cheering like minutes dropping on the clock. And I can't really remember much of anything beyond that point.

Reality sort of she never showed up yeah no she. Did show up and she looked like really thin and hard like you know sort of heroin yeah and i thought is that the real hillary duff or do they just have these people they hire or that go. To different cities she's like santa's helper she's hillary's helper and they just issue them to every state and you get yourself a hillary. Yeah kind of like Woody Allen ought to be doing with writers. He should be hiring Woody Allen to write his stuff now.

We all know the voice. He's apparently tired of doing it. It wasn't Hilary Duff. It was Hilary Doof. Hilary Doof, yeah.

She was the West German that just came down from that mission from space. Everybody watch Creature. Anyway, so, yeah. Has anybody seen Chronicle? Not yet.

Yeah, that's kind of what I thought. I haven't either. They've greenlit a second Chronicle movie already, which is frightening. But this is... Basically, they're talking to the director, and after that, they're already in talks with him to do the Venom spinoff of the Spider-Man series.

What exactly? I don't know. With Topher Grace? I think Topher's gone, isn't he? I thought they'd considered those three movies dead.

And they were starting with the Amazing Spider-Man reboot. Right. But they still, they make it sound like this is totally separate. Like this is its own separate thing. I don't know if they're planning like what everything else Marvel's been doing and planning a crossover after both single movies come out.

You get the Spider-Man movie, you get the Venom movie, and then somewhere in the middle there's a big battle movie that comes out. Six years from now. Kind of like what they're doing with the Avengers. It's like, you have one appetizer, now two, now four appetizers, now you can eat the good meal. It's like, I'm full.

No, you're going to eat the good meal. You made me watch Thor already. No. I don't know. I was kind of wondering if anybody had any thoughts on Venom.

I won't buy a ticket regardless. As long as Christopher Lloyd plays them. I could watch that for a couple hours. Yeah, definitely. It's so watered down at this point.

It doesn't sound appetizing. I mean, who knows? Again, they note that it's a very different villain because all of the other villains that they've used are the old school comic 60s villains. And he's like an 80s into the 90s kind of like new villain. So, I mean, that could change things a little bit because it's not quite as hokey.

He's a lot more creepy and mean and vicious. So, I mean, I guess if they're trying to do a let's Batman it up and make this more of a grim, dark, real world kind of existence, which I don't know if that's what they're doing on this new Amazing Spider-Man. It doesn't look like it. The trailer looks just like the Tobey movies, but... Whatever.

That's the problem with all these Marvel films that are coming out. I mean, the past decade, you've had this Marvel boom, and they're all inherently the same. They keep hitting on the same formula time and time again. I wanted to get excited about Iron Man 2 or Captain America, but watching it, I was like. I feel like I've seen this.

Captain America was almost the one that was different, only because it's a period piece, so it kind of made them be a little different. Iron Man 2... I think it was funner than Iron Man 2. Iron Man 2... At least the first Iron Man.

Was a decent movie. I liked the first Iron Man. Comparatively, yeah. I just got confused about how he was able to build this whole suit in the cave. You would think they had surveillance cameras on him.

It's a comic book. He's a genius. Little things. He's also got a blue light in his chest. After a while, you're just like, whatever.

I can accept that. That. I just can't accept that they're not watching him every minute. Well, they're not very good terrorists, let's put it that way. Clearly.

I'm really, I'm definitely guilty of not being able to accept Farfetch plots. I just, I can't do it. I don't know, there's got to be something pretty sexy for me to ignore it. There's got to be something, I mean, really fun. About it, and then I'll go, well, all right.

Venom's pretty hot, let me just say that. I like that guy. I get hung up on the little details. Like, I watched Reanimator today for the first time, and I was totally cool with the fact that, you know, they're able to reanimate with this unspecified glowing green thing, but the fact that the head, the disembodied head was gasping for breath, all I could think of, that thing doesn't have lungs. But it doesn't know that.

And the headless body could apparently hear. Yeah, it's still got ears. Well, I mean, if they've got really good dialogue and acting and it draws you in, yeah, I can suspend some. Especially if they just put it out there. All the stupid stuff, they just put it right out there first, so you have to make the leap and say you're either going to accept it or not.

Exactly. It's all dependent on the world that the film is trying to create because there are some films to where they play it for straight, they try to put it in the real world, and it's like, then I can't suspend disbelief if you're putting something. Outlandish out there. But with Reanimator, it's already tongue-in-cheek and bizarre as it is. I absolutely loved it.

Because I felt like it was kind of supposed to be set in the real world. So if they're going to ask us to believe this incredible thing, just a little bit of attention to the smaller details, I think. It was a fun movie. Here's what makes it okay. It was glowing green.

If it was just green, all right, you're right. But it was glowing. It's very pretty to look at. That makes it okay. Science.

Doing science. I took a screenshot on my camera of the naked girl's body with the disembodied head next to it and sent it to all my friends. It was pretty great. There's a great promotional shot that they did to where they had the disembodied head in the pan and they put a cigarette in his mouth. That was like smoking is bad for you or something like that.

They did when the film came out. They should have done this as your brain on drugs. You're going to put a head in a pan. You should have had it narrated by David Lynch. It's been a long time since I've seen that.

It was a hell. Of a good time to watch, though. I just got hung up on the breathing thing. Maybe dissolved oxygen in the blood of the pan. Maybe.

Science, see? Oh, well, next up we have a... Is it time for another motorcycle movie? I actually forwarded this to Jay, so I'll have you know. Yeah, after working with Chris Nolan on Inception and The Dark Knight Rises, Tom Hardy is set to be in a new movie where he will be the star and produce, and it's basically a motorcycle gang movie.

Hardy is a Vietnam vet in the 60s who joins a motorcycle gang in San Francisco. Better be late 60s. You know, like... Maybe he. Just took off at a nom.

You know, I really liked Hardy in Bronson. I thought, wow, this is going to be a guy that's going to blow up. And Inception, I thought he was pretty decent at. I even saw him as your next James Bond or Jason Bourne kind of guy. And now he's like, whatever that movie is.

That's what I was going to go to. He actually has had pretty much critical success along the way with everything he's done. And then Lucy's favorite movie came out. This Means War. I just think he's going downhill almost intentionally, it seems.

I don't know. I don't know. It just, it mainstreams it up, you know? So it's like, is he just trying to, you know, be successful? Cause up to this point he'd, he'd almost like picked really small, weird projects.

So, okay. Not necessarily the Nolan stuff, but, but up until then he'd been in a lot of like indie movies that nobody had heard of except super hardcore movie geeks. So it's like, Now is he just like, okay, it's time to cash that paycheck. He's trying to break out. I'm making a Reese movie.

I think that's sometimes what happens, though. Independent actors are accidentally in these movies that they don't know. They're just taking it, and it turns out to be good sort of by accident. And then when they have the option of making choices, you realize that they're actually capable of making really, really terrible choices. Oh, that does happen a lot.

And probably more than you are aware of because you tend to forget those people after a while. I'm hoping that since he's producing this that you see a little bit more of who he is and maybe a little bit more of, like, I'm still hoping for the guy I saw in Bronson and not, I don't know, whatever the previews I saw for This Means War. See, I don't even know. It's such a throwaway movie. Yeah.

I don't even know what it's called. I saw that trailer at least twice, and I was like, I still don't know what the movie is. I know. I was like, these men are fighting over Reese Witherspoon. Well, first of all, that part you really don't understand.

But even then, I was like, that first time wasn't even clear. They're supposed to be spies or whatever the hell they are. There was just all this shenanigans going on. I'm just like, what are they doing in this movie? So that trailer kind of sucked, too.

But I'm sure the movie's great. Yeah. The poster's pretty awful, too. Yeah. Makes me want to smash things.

It almost looks like an ad of GQ or something. Are they advertising clothes or cologne? I don't know what this is for. Crossover. You can do that.

I haven't seen marketing like this since the teaser posters for Matrix Reloaded, where it was just the body and just the clothes. You didn't see anything. I really want to buy leather. I say that most days. Right.

But that's where it started. Quite possibly. So, yeah, I don't know. I think with that one, I mean, it has been a while. I mean, that was like a big thing in the 60s was that subgenre of like motorcycle gang movies.

So, I mean, most of them were kind of cheesy at the time. But I'm wondering if there, I mean, there are enough people who are motorcycle geeks like Jay who are probably like, okay, I want to see a new movie like that. So it's got potential if they actually make a decent movie out of it. Yeah. I'm afraid it's going to be like a transporter kind of movie.

Not where motorcycles are going to have testicles? No. Not a Transformers. Not Transformers. Oh.

Just, you know, the tough guy on the bike. In a way, I can put up with that. The first transport was pretty damn fun. But, again, with this one, with him producing, I would hope they would do something a little better than that. Who's directing it, does it say?

Because, I mean, I could see somebody like Joe Dante or Joe Johnson, somebody giving it. You know, like an appreciative... It'll feel almost like an homage to those films. I don't want to know. Actually, I don't even think it has a director set, but it says it was written by Mark L.

Smith, who did the whole vacancy and vacancy to the first cut. Wow. So there you go. Well, that's the end of that, then. It's going to be great, is what you're saying.

It's not going to be Joe Dante, is what you're saying. It does seem like nobody's doing that. Motorcycle movies? Yeah. I think it's got potential if they do something kind of cool that appeals to that crowd, but maybe, again...

Well, you're going to have. To try to appeal to a few other people somewhere. Not necessarily. I see a lot of movies that come out, and I'm like, I don't know who that's supposed to appeal to. Have you ever been outside on a warm, sunny day?

There's a lot of douches that ride motorcycles. Lots. There's a dude that was starting his scooter up this morning below my window. I don't mind that, but the ones that just don't believe in mufflers, they're going to have to die. That's just not civilized.

They also don't believe in helmets, those guys. So that won't take long. Just guys on scooters, I think that's so funny. I once resuscitated and saved the life of a man that wouldn't wear a helmet. Way to go.

I hope. You're pleased with yourself. And this was actually in the Grand Canyon. Like, not in the Grand Canyon. So was he trying to jump on the road around?

Yeah, his name was Evil Knievel. You better have saved that man. He's a hero. I found out later from his wife after he rehabbed and everything and they fixed his bike. He drove back across country.

He's from North Carolina. Without a helmet. You assholes. When you taught him it was okay. As long as somebody saves me, whatever.

He was hit by an RV and thrown 50 feet. It was something to see. So why were you driving so fast in your RV? I was trying to catch up to that motorcycle. He refused to have a muffler.

Alright, if we're done talking about running over motorcycle people. Actually, my cousin's are motorcycle guys in North Carolina. And part of the reason I enjoyed Tucker and Dale so much is because they're just like those guys. They look scary as hell, and they are the sweetest. Guys in the world.

They're just so nice. So, yeah, they will be anticipating the motorcycle movie. That's the thing. If you... Run into people out there.

A lot of the people who are real motorcycle guys who are hardcore are actually really cool and really down to earth. It's the douches that have picked it up in the last year and buy whatever new shiny thing they have just to make them look cool. Those guys, totally. I think I've. Actually seen behavioral studies that show that motorcycle types really are the nicest people you run into.

You can test it. Executives are the opposite. I can't argue with that. And they're probably polar opposites by. Yeah, lifestyle, too.

But executives are the ones making the decision to have a motorcycle movie, see it all over. And actually, like, there's some documentary I watched about Sturgis once. I don't know why I watched it. But they say, like, A large percentage of people who have motorcycles are actually like the wealthiest people. So they probably are executives and they're probably assholes at their day job.

But when they get on the motorcycle, they're nice. It's like the balance of their life. Like Batman. Yes, exactly. I have a secret identity.

I'm not a douche when I take this suit off. We all know that's not true. That's not true at all. So speaking of executives, I'm sure this is entirely due to executives. Journey 2, The Mysterious Island.

Okay. I mean, it looks like the kind of thing that would make money. Has earned over $ 270 million worldwide in a month. I've not heard anybody talk about it. No, I haven't either.

And $ 270 million. I saw the trailer and I promptly decided to forget about it. Well, it's got The Rock in it. I'm not going to argue. It's mostly overseas.

Right. In the... In the trailer. I watched The Rock ride in the big B or whatever the hell he's doing. Thankfully, we passed on it, and I had a customer just come in, and she was like, do you have Journey 2?

I said, oh, the Journey to the Center of the Earth sequel? No, Journey 2. I was like, that's the sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth. No, it's just called Journey 2. I was like, no, we don't have it.

But agree with me, it's called Journey 2. Fighting with an old lady. No, we saved on the budget by not having as many words in the title. It's just. We're only picking one-word movies from this point on.

So, yeah, the big surprise, New Line Cinema is starting development on a third Journey movie. So, yeah, this one, let's see. Journey 3. It is Journey 3. It'll just be J3.

Just got to keep cutting it down. It's going to be Journey 3D. Colon confuse old ladies. Actually, you probably have a very valid point. It's going to be just Journey 3D.

Journey 3D. Oh, well, yeah. There's a second one. Hex in 3D. We're going to journey.

Into the third. I still live in a world where all movies aren't 3D because I don't get out very much, I guess. I heard about this thing. I don't know if it's true, so maybe somebody can corroborate this. It's like 2D glasses.

So if you go see a 3D movie, you. Can put on 2D glasses. I saw those online and I emailed them. I was like, hey, if you want to push them on this show, go for it. Because we talk smack about 3D all the time.

It gives me a headache. Most places you can see 2D instead of 3D, right? Not always. It depends on how many prints you have. Studios have now made it to where if you can show 3D... you have to show 3D if you want to show the film.

If you don't want to show 3D, then you can either do one of two things. You can book two prints of the film so you can play 3D and not 3D, or you can just wait two weeks until you're done showing in 3D. And then show it in 2D. Those are the two options they give you now. Cinematic extortion to make 3D work.

3D or not 3D. It's all a scam question. So, yeah, this one they say, we're going to go to a completely different world. They're basically taking two different Jules Verne's books. They're taking From the Earth to the Moon and Off on a Comet.

And they say, of course, the problem is in the 130 years since he wrote those, we've found that it's kind of not so hospitable on both the moon and a comet. So they're going to have to work around that a little bit. snag. That sounds like some board watching. It wouldn't be too hard for him to go to the center of the earth because Jules Verne would be spinning so much in his grave. He'd make a nice tunnel.

Just follow him. Everybody behind Jules Verne, come on. Pile on the casket. If anybody remembers, that was the guy who had preceded them. He had put his initials down there.

You're not supposed to write in the caves. They told you. You're also not supposed to touch the stalactites. You get yelled. At for that.

They look so delicious. Sometimes they're all milky like ice cream. They got mad when I licked that one. How did it taste? Salty.

Where are we? Don't worry. Negotiations are underway to get Dwayne, not the Rock Johnson back. God help us. We wouldn't want to do this without The Rock.

The Rock, formerly known as The Rock. Yeah, he's got such high standards. It's really going to be a push to get him to be. Is he no longer The Rock? I don't think.

Well, no. From what I heard, he's now back doing wrestling, too. Luckily, I was told this and didn't have to learn it firsthand. So, yeah, someone I know actually watches wrestling and continues to give me updates whether I want to hear him or not. Isn't he like 60 now or something?

Yeah. I don't think he's that old. Isn't he gay? Didn't he come out as gay? Wrestlers can't be gay.

I mean... I don't know. I'm not his press person. You tell me. I kind of assumed it was a given.

If you're going to oil up another man with muscles and shave each other. Whatever. That dude looks good without a shirt on, okay? I can do worse than that. I haven't watched it in a while.

I think last time I saw it, it was Tocho Yamamoto and Cherry Cherry. Different when I was a kid. Yeah. Nobody wanted to wrestle Andre the Giant. Because he would kill you.

Oh, wow. So, yeah, I don't know. I just thought that was good to know there's Journey 3 coming at you. Huh. These aren't going to get any better, I'm telling you.

Wow, that was the highlight. Hey, I saw that trailer this weekend, and all you need to know is if you put that Manson cover song in your trailer, it makes your movie look awesome. They're banking it. That music kicks in, and I was just like, well, you sold half the people that just think this is cool now. I didn't really understand the correlation between the song and It didn't have.

It makes it look awesome. What are you talking about? I haven't seen the trailer. Sweet dreams. Yeah, the Marilyn Manson cover.

That's not going to make anything awesome. Yeah, so... It seemed. Like there was. They're setting it up that there is no acting in the movie.

It's just stuff breaking and giant. It's got CGI. You don't need that. But it's not even decent CGI. It's like Sci-Fi Channel presents Roman mythology.

Yeah, but those are popular. Like maybe 70% of it's going to be blurry because they're panning while they're... It just looked... Well, we've got to get it out in a hurry. I mean, come on.

Is it in 3D? Yeah. Oh, yes. I think I'd rather watch, like, Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers talk instead of this. Like, if I need to be exposed to mythology.

Nerd. Right. I just watched the original Clash of the Titans and be happy. Well, that's true. That's actually a good movie.

In my mind, but I'm sure executives would disagree. I want to see a Harryhausen film shot in 3D. Just kidding. It's like Harryhausen, you're 95, it doesn't matter. Get out there and make something to shoot in 3D.

Don't look down for that. Like a cute ringtone. Is there a giant cricket in here? It's like surround. There's like four phones going.

Off at once. So I might interject something. I haven't had, like, I don't watch. many movies, like obviously not as many as you guys just listening. I never see new movies, but there's this thing that I read about that basically made me stop really even caring about watching big titles anymore. But how they're like writing, because you mentioned international success of Journey or whatever.

And they write movies now and make them all together so that they're really easy to translate. And sell internationally. And that was the thing I heard. I was like, well, they're never going to be good again, at least not until there's like one language. Which I've been pushing for for years.

I'm tired of this learning other languages nonsense. Just pick one and go with it. Which one? I don't really know. I go for English.

We got more words. I don't really know what was. Going on this morning, but like the Sunday morning news thing with the guy in the bow tie. I don't remember what it's called. That's Sunday morning.

CBS Sunday morning. Sunday morning with the guy in the bow tie. That's what it says on the title. Is he dead yet? It was on mute, and I wasn't really paying attention, but they were showing these popular American films next to Asian films that were exactly the same.

It was like Valentine's Day, and it was like the exact same box. Chinese Valentine's Day. Yeah, it was interesting. Who is the guy, the little funny looking guy in Deuce Bigelow? What's that guy's name?

Rob Schneider. I want to see a movie where he is like the alter ego. He's the mild-mannered guy and he becomes the rock. Don't pitch this. It'll happen.

It's going to be out in two weeks. There's almost like a South Park parody here anyway, because they did a ton of those, you know, Rob Schneider. Is the carrot. Rob Schneider is the stapler. Because he looks like if you inflated him, he would become that guy.

No, he doesn't. You could do a non-Green Hulk. What's in your coffee that you're coming up with? I saw him pouring something in there. Rob Schneider has a reality show coming out.

He has his own sitcom now, too. Is it a sitcom? Well, there's a sitcom. It's a sitcom that's really close to his life. I didn't know he existed.

The thing is, I saw them promoting it, and Cheech Marin is on the show. He marries into a Latin American family. They might be Puerto Rican or something. and it's Cheech Marin, not Cheech Marin. And I thought, okay, they totally sold this out by changing his name. He's been Cheech Marin for 40 years.

Once again, we're Americans. We don't care about that. Say it the way we like. I thought, this is horrible. Anyway.

Who's the heavy kid from Superbad? Jonah Hill. He's not so heavy these days. Yeah. Yeah, I want to see him as Fat Dylan.

Who's Fat Dylan? Bob Dylan. Fat. Oh! I was looking at his face.

I thought we were doing a 90210 reboot. Hold on. His face, he looks like Dylan with some extra pounds. I think we're going to have to cut you off. Wow, this is early on.

Usually it takes a while. This is Fred takes acid and pitches movies. You know what though, I could see that. The thing is, why are you sitting here? Why aren't you across from an executive right now?

Because they would be throwing. Money at you. No, no, no. Hilary Duff. I saw her in concert.

She looked just like Twiggy. A million dollar baby. Hilary Duff is Hilary Swank. The Hillary story. I'm always like that.

Just take every movie with Jonathan Rhys-Davies and every movie with Jonathan Rhys-Myers. Just flip-flop. See, I couldn't keep them straight for the longest time. I thought they were the same person. People kept talking about the new guy, and I was like, you think Sala's hot?

And I was just like, I mean, I guess. You know, whatever you're into. What are the two movies you confused? Mystery. What was it?

Oh, what is the prison movie? Midnight Express and Midnight Run. Yeah. They're almost the same. For years, I couldn't.

Figure out why people thought that Midnight Run was so violent. Well, there's that dog that traps him in the shower. That's a scary scene. I mean, it's like Cujo, man. Yeah, I love that experience when you completely misunderstand a situation and people are talking.

It's not really making sense. But then it really starts to not make sense. And then at some point, just the whole construct comes apart. You just can't sustain it anymore. See, I sympathize.

It is the same thing. I constantly get Al Roker and Timothy Dalton mixed up. Because I'm sitting there watching the weather. I was like, he was so. Much better when he was in The Rocketeer.

I don't know why he's just doing weather. First of all, who's talking about Timothy Dalton? Al Roker, sure. That guy's great. But, I mean, who the hell remembers who Timothy Dalton was?

I love him when he delivers the weather. I would like to see that, actually. That would bring him back. That would reignite his career. Let's get on that.

See, once again, we just need to be in charge. We're producers. We need to get this going. Okay, let's really bring things down. Yeah, before Fred actually is like, you know, actually, Timothy Dalton looks like the rock, but all the.

I've actually always felt a certain tenderness for Rob Schneider because I feel like Adam Sandler believes in him so much. There's got to be something really good about him deep inside. It's like in Noah Baumbach movie where the characters are terrible but the other characters care about those characters so much that you kind of want good things for them. Adam Sandler's just at the back of every Rob Schneider premiere and he's just like... He tries.

He really does try. So you trust Adam Sandler's instincts? No, I don't. You have to have admiration for that sort of just blind devotion. That's all.

He's got something on him. That might be it. That's a much more cynical thing. That might be it. Hey, when I was like 11 years old, I loved Deuce Bigelow, Mel Chilow.

Because you thought he was hot. My wife described a person to me the other day that She goes, you know the one woman that's the man in Reduce Bigelow Male Bigelow, the large black man woman? I said, yeah. She goes. Looks just like him.

I'm like, oh. You know, it's just like you. Pick the, you know. There's the reference you want being used about you. Right.

You know, looks just like him. This is someone I was going to meet in five minutes. And you're like, you're setting me up for the wrong thing. You know, I do that a lot. Like we were around Halloween.

We were out for a walk and we're walking past this window and they had put out like little Halloween decorations of tombstones. that said born, died, and we stop and we read them because we're looking for a joke. But there's no joke. It's just random names of people who died. And then we look up, and there's a big picture window in the house, and there are these two hipsters laughing at us. They're just sitting there on a couch facing the window.

And one of them, look, he was like right between Garth from Wayne's World and the guy who looks like Garth on The X-Files. That was exactly what he looked like. Yeah, the smoking gun guys. And I forget who she looked. Oh, she looked like the girl.

On Parks and Rec. The secretary, the. The one that's her best friend slash go-to right-hand girl? No. Not her?

No, the funny one. Well, they have the one girl I kind of. Like who's always in a bad mood and she drinks. Yeah, I do like her. She's awesome.

Yeah, I like her too. She's awesome. That's who we look up and we see. Actually, Garth was starting to fall. Off by the time we looked up.

He was tipping over. You move the headstones, but you didn't move the bodies. Why? You knew they were hipsters because it was ironically funny that you couldn't find the humor. Yeah, there was no joke there.

And they're laughing at us. We're the joke. See, people make fun of hipsters, but their humor just keeps getting more and more sophisticated. Oh, man, we've got. Hipsters moved in like two doors down from us now.

They won't stop listening to Wes Anderson soundtracks. We've got hipsters. You know, the neighborhood's going to shit. Because we've got hipsters. Well, it's all down to hell now.

They've just moved in. And my daughter said they've been there for a while. No, those are the hippies. They live next door. The hippies live next door.

And they've got, like, the mystery machine set up in the backyard now. They're cleaning that out. And there are hula hoops on the front of their little van for some reason. But the hipsters have, like, a balcony they've just built up there. And I went out the other night and I heard them.

With PBR cans? They were loudly talking about something that used to be cool but wasn't anymore. And that's hipster talk. Oh, yeah. So then, during.

The daytime, I see one of the women walking down the street. Here, let me help you with that. And she's got the pointy glasses. No, this is not going to help our property. Not in my neighborhood.

Yeah. Where was this? Dish? It's around Lynn's Paradise. So basically, if you live between hippies and hipsters, you're like in this weird time warp right now.

Yeah, and on the other side, we've got the guy who's like a hired killer. I'd much prefer living next to him. You've got the skinhead, and then on the other side, you've got like the. Well, down on the end, we've got the biker who has a garage and a parking lot behind it, so it's like an amplifier. So he'll just go out when he's upset.

He'll go out and rev his bike. And it just echoes around the world. And he knows that. And that's why he puts it there. That's why I was going to bed one night and I got in a fight.

I just want to ask you where you live. And you're like, I live in stereotype estates. I do. I live in a little gated community. I'm the white guy in stereotypes.

If you don't fall into a category, you're not allowed here. So you're like Tom Hanks from The Burbs at this point. Yeah. Well, no. You might be a little more of a Corey because you just like watching them all.

Going back to the topic earlier, you could almost look like Tom Hanks. We did this and this. Yeah. Well, actually, I'm not wearing the cast now, but I've got a broken leg, and I just sit at the window and watch all day. Like in Disturbia.

That was a great original movie. For some reason, this morning, I had the TV on this local televangelist program, and this guy that was preaching looked just like Shia. What's his face? Really? That's cool.

So Shia could play him in the biopic. He even had a plaid shirt with a vest over it and the hair. And I was just like, who does this guy think he is? He was a hipster preacher. He was.

He loved Lizzie McGuire. No, that wasn't Lizzie McGuire. That was even Steven. He was trying to make Jesus cool. He ironically likes God.

He was into God before God was cool. There you go. I like God. You know, the hipster Christians actually call themselves Christ followers so as to differentiate themselves from the snooty, uptight Christians. Really?

Because there's a big difference there, right? Because back in the day, they were just Jesus freaks. They were the, like, non-uptight Christian. They were, like, the hippie, you know. I thought then it became this, like, weird thing that doesn't even flow.

It's not even a good name. The not-a-fan people. I'm not a fan. Not a fan. Like, I'm not a fan of Christ.

I'm a true believer. That was, like, their thing. But that's, like, we're the not a fan people. Like, it's just confusing. Your message is confusing.

It doesn't have a ring. It sounds like a tribe. It sounds like nada. It sounds like they're nihilists or something. Yeah.

And, I mean, it gets atheists on board. They're like, I'm not either. Cool. And they're like, no, that's not what I'm saying. Scare that guy.

I don't know. Yeah, maybe they're just trying to get atheists in. That's not what I have. Speaking of proof that there's no God. This is all your fault because you brought up Journey 3.

It's getting worse. They're making a sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet. Oh, good. Do you know how bad that is? I can be the resident expert on children's films because I've seen all of them.

All of them. All of them. All of them. My niece couldn't even get into it. It looks horrible.

Usually they give the parents some sort of reference story. I thought with Gnomeo and Juliet you were going to get some Shakespeare stuff thrown in. No. It's stupid. Technically, wasn't it nominated for a Golden Globe?

Because there's nothing else to it. Yeah, because there wasn't a Pixar movie this past year that wasn't Cars 2. It was miserable. It was miserable. Well, it's going to get better when it's Gnomeo and Juliet, Sherlock Gnomes.

I wish I was making that up. That's as bad as Alvin and the Chipmunks. The Squeakle or Chipwrecked. Wait, how can you have a sequel to a Romeo and Juliet movie? I'm assuming they might have strayed a little from that original storyline.

You know, my friend and I, we put it on for her kid and we were watching it. just to see if someone died at the end. Because they both died, and we couldn't make it that far. Spoiler alert! Somebody at my house was watching that, because I remember a comment, but I didn't see it. It was a smart-ass comment, I'm sure.

Are they, like, actual gnomes? Yeah, they're garden gnomes. Oh, they're garden gnomes. I didn't know it was gnomes in the sense, like, you know, from Return to Oz, like actual gnome gnomes. Right, these are long-horned gnomes.

But these are, like, whimsical. So they're just going to carry. On with the gnome thing. Right, and they have. Lawnmower races that's like their battle is they race lawnmowers it's bad and it has it has Elton John doing the entire soundtrack.

Oh that's right do you know why it is produced by Elton John's Rocket Pictures he owns the project yeah he's making movies. He's better than that you know he performed Rush Limbaugh's Wedding just really random but speaking of random things he's doing. I think he's gone steadily down it I think you have to go back a ways to find good stuff from him. I'm sorry. I just...

Fuck, that Lion King soundtrack still kills me. I'm sorry. Speaking of movies based on Shakespearean sources. Yeah, stealing from Shakespeare. Yeah, at least that one was tolerable.

At least somebody did that. Yeah, they actually did it right. Well, maybe they could do. Like Muhammad Ali, Larry Gnome's fight. Maybe I'd be.

You've been working on that this whole time, haven't you? Where else are you going to go with Gnome? Couldn't Disney just try to get the one up on them and just remake the Gnome-mobile? Or Gnome. Alone.

Gnome Worldbound. As if the real one's not bad enough, we're coming up with worse options. Right. This one, this story. Can I just get in Sweet Noma, Alabama?

Oh, my God. Let's just... But they'll get Reese to do the voice. It's not funny. You could probably pitch that.

It would go. Again, that's the sad part, is we come up with ideas equally as bad. We can rock Schneider to voice the love interest. That'd be really great, actually. Adam Sandler has a lot of confidence in his voicing abilities.

Yeah. Produced by Adam Sandler. Nobody else does, but Adam Sandler does. But who has confidence in Adam Sandler? Not me.

He's got enough money at this point, he just produces his own stuff. It's all gone downhill since remote control, in my mind. So, yeah, this movie, um, there... You're worrying about the plot. Yeah!

Yeah, you gotta know where they're going with this. No, I gotta get this horrible thing in. It involves the world's greatest ornamental detective. Yeah. Yeah.

What the hell can you say? I mean, they're making loads of money. I mean, that's really all you can. Come up with. So these are lawn ornaments in the sense that they're living statues.

It follows the toy story, yeah. When people are looking at them, they don't move. But when, you know, otherwise. So this living ornamental detective, is it a detective that is investigating lawn ornaments or is a lawn ornament? Whereas both, it's like some weird...

I'm going to leave this alone. You're too interested. I'm going to just. Hear law and orderment. Oh, God.

So this makes it even better. The writers are Kevin Cecil and Andy Riley. I don't know who either of them are, but they are... Two of the nine screenwriters, not including William Shakespeare, that put together that first masterpiece. Nine writers who can rip off a story.

Sorry. When you're working for somebody who's obviously not paying attention to the end product, are. You going to really sit and write? You and your buddies hang out. So we're writing a movie now is what we're saying.

Yeah. I would love it if Shakespeare won an honorary Oscar just for all the source material he's provided for everything. They really should. Did anyone ever bother to watch that one movie about Shakespeare? Anonymous?

No, because it's Roland Emmerich, so I didn't care. See, I was curious just because it was directed by Roland Emmerich. Is he going to actually make London just collapse? That's why there were so many explosions in the trailer about a Shakespeare movie. I did see it.

It was almost unwatchable. It's one of the few films that I really felt like I might have to walk out. And the costumes were amazing. There's like a tsunami of ink coming through. I just read the director's comments and I just couldn't bring myself to go any further it was just so stupid and I don't even have a position on this subject I don't care it's just his comments were so stupid and ignorant.

Not rolling the movie was silly that's just what it was it was just a silly. Movie That to me has always been the question. Is Roland Emmerich like aware of what he's doing? And it's almost like self parody at this point. I don't think Michael Bay is, but I kind of feel like Roland Emmerich.

I think the last few, he's become pretty aware. Yeah. I mean, you watch like 2012. It's like, I'm going to make the whole world blow up. Yeah.

He can't be taking himself serious. He really can't be. I wouldn't think so at this point, but then this movie came along. I don't know what to do with that one. So anonymous doesn't fit him at all, but.

It could be a gnomoness. All right, that's it. That's enough of the gnomes. We're moving on. No more gnomes.

We can move on to Superman. Everybody loves Superman. I don't have an art of love of Superman. Everybody, mostly Nicolas Cage, according to this. Have you heard this little.

No. Well, yeah, you know, it's been widely known that Nicolas Cage is like a super hardcore Superman fan. And, um. He was supposed to be Superman in that ill-fated Tim Burton movie that went down in flames. So, yeah, as if that wasn't enough, do you know what his son's name is?

Mm-hmm. Kal-El. Kal-El. There's something wrong with that name. But he's crazy.

He's crazy. I mean. He's crazy. All celebrities feel like they have the right to name their children really stupid things. That's actually not the worst thing I've ever heard.

Jason Lee is my favorite. It's super geeky, though. What is it? Pilot Inspector? Pilot Inspector is Jason Lee's name.

Pilot's pretty awesome for a name. Moxie something. Moxie Crime Fighter. Whose kid is that? Nobody knows.

What's that? I think it's Penn, isn't it? Yes. Penn Jillette? Penn Jillette.

I think it's his daughter's name. Yeah, I think he claimed that the wife named her. I think my favorite bad name, and it's not movie related, but still really great anyway, is my father-in-law. He's a lawyer, and one of the things he does is child advocacy. So oftentimes he doesn't actually meet the client before they meet in court.

So he's like, okay, judge, I'm here to represent my client. Shithead. And the kid's mother just looks at me and says, it's shithead. But it's spelled S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D. Wow.

That's just a dumbass. Yeah, they should. Yeah, the other lawyer just goes, I rest my case. And we're done. That's terrible.

Like their first day of kindergarten or something like the poor teacher somebody i know who always wanted. To do stand-up did it last month at an open mic in new york and she told the story about her uncle. Whose name was Ben deck. And even back in the 40s when he was in the military I mean it meant what it meant and so he tried to get it he tried to to get them to put BD on his dog tags and put B period deep they said you can't do that you can't put a period and so if you put B only D only And his dog tags read Bonely Bent. That's what I was afraid of.

But he preferred it. It's better than Bent Dick. Who names a kid Bent? Like, if it was Dick Bent. And it wasn't short for Bentley or anything.

I can see that as a last name. It wasn't Bentley or anything. It was just what it was. Who knows? Bent for a first name.

That's kind of a cool name, Bent. It's like Bent the team. Parents need to think ahead. I'm sorry. You've got to sit there when you're naming your child.

You've got to sit there and go, okay, what are they going to rhyme this with in grade school? You've got to have an alibi. You've got to plan ahead. You have to say, well, your grandmother, your grandfather. Because nobody should have the responsibility for naming another human being.

There was a Saturday Night Live skit about that years ago where they were combing over every possible name and how it could be turned into... uh something they could a kid could tease about it and it turned out their last name was like shithead or something like that so you know like the pizza delivery guy came you know here you go mr shithead. That's better than most of their skits actually no it was amusing but i think it might have been nicholas cage to bring it back around. Right before the little elvis. Skit Well, on to Nicolas Cage's craziness with Superman. He's one of the few people that actually owns a copy of Action Comics No.

1, the comic book where Superman was debuted in 1938. So there was a whole big thing in 2000. That comic book was stolen and was only recently recovered. So Lionsgate has now picked up the rights to a script called Action No. 1.

Yeah, the script tells the true story of how a group of nerds attempted to steal Nicolas Cage's cherished comic book, which was recovered last year and found in an abandoned storage locker. Of all the ridiculous things to adapt into a movie. So it's going to be like National Treasure. Is he going to play himself? That's the thing.

They were hoping to actually get Nicolas Cage to play Nicolas Cage, but now that the movie has actually been picked up, it looks like they're going to give the role to somebody else. They're going to. Give it to The Rock. He could do it, though. Rob Schneider.

I'd love to see someone else play Nicolas Cage. Actually, Andy Samberg does it pretty good. I can see that. They bring Nicolas Cage on sometimes. And the way he does it, the way he makes it good is it's kind of like some sort of meta-realism.

He doesn't do it very well at all. And somehow that works. Somehow it's like, wow, that really seems like Nicolas Cage in a way. I don't know, you can almost get anybody now. Yeah, the mediocrity comes through.

And he did it, I saw him do it once with Nicolas Cage. They were like sitting together and they did it back and forth. And it was really pretty good. Nicholas Cage does a pretty bad Nicholas Cage. He does.

He did an impression of him the entire movie in Drive Angry. You know, I actually had a lengthy dinner conversation about Nicholas Cage last night, so this is kind of like, it feels kind of redundant. Was it a bad dinner? It was at the Bristol, yeah, it wasn't very good. Oh, and then there was that Onion headline, Meet the man who works the Nicholas Cage costume.

Yeah. They had a little guy inside the Nicolas Cage costume. That would explain so much, really. Like crying on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yeah.

Jim Henson presents Nicolas Cage. That would be interesting. Nicolas Cage is interesting to me because he's one of those that everybody just kind of shits on, but I can name several movies that he was actually really good at. He can be an amazing actor. We have a consensus here, so why.

Because he's out of his damn mind. Because there's a span of like ten in a row that were horrible and then he'll come back around and do something good again. I don't even know if it's necessarily unintentional. I think there's a lot of intentionality to it. Like he's open to self-parody to the point where he's down for playing a bad version of himself.

In a movie because he just finds it fucking funny. It's like nobody else gets it oh well. I mean one of his best performances is Kick-Ass. Yeah. And the thing is, he brought that.

Like, they didn't know what to do with that character. And he came in and he was like, okay, wait, I'm going to do something. And he comes in and just starts, like, doing the Adam West delivery. And the producers are like, what the fuck is he doing? And, like, he didn't give them a heads up.

He just started doing the entire thing like that. And then later, like, was like, no, really, this is what I want to do. And, like, and they finally saw. But they thought he was just crazy, because he is. Because he just went in with that pitch.

And that's what he was going to do. This is the character I'm going to be. And, like. I mean, it's an entirely parody version, but when he's not doing the Adam West voice, it's like the rest of the movie is some of the best acting he's done in years. Nicolas Cage, too, in Bad Lieutenant.

He's totally just devouring the scenery. He's not even chewing it. He's just completely demolishing it. It's fun. But that's the good end version, and then you've got Ghost Rider end of it, which is terrible.

Ghost Rider 2 is coming out, speaking of which. But then he was good in Adaptation. Yeah, see? I mean, he can do good movies. And he can do crap.

He had to play two characters in Adaptation. It was great. I think maybe the reason why is he's just trying to churn them out so fast because he's been so far in debt. He doesn't care. That's kind of true.

I'll just act crazy, get this out on paper, and move on to the next movie. I have that issue when I'm trying to pay my castle off. Right. When you've got, like, ten houses and a castle, you know, it's trouble. You've got to come up with some money.

Oh, Lord. I don't know. I think that should round out the fun buzz. So if we want to do any somewhat recent... I was thinking any, like, new movie geek week.

Just kind of a quick one or two. I've got one if nobody else has anything at the moment. I've got plenty. I've got tons. Well, we're almost done with this episode, so you've got two minutes to get it out.

So who wants to do one? We can do, like, two. I already claimed the comfy chair, so. I'm throwing this out because it only kind of works this week. So I saw John Carter.

Oh, yeah. In 3D. Guess what theater I went to. Because they only had 3D. But, yeah, I was kind of thinking that's probably what happened.

When I looked at the listing, I was like, well, I don't need to see. Ah, son of a bitch. I guess I am going to see 3D. I should have gotten a comfy chair because the studios are constantly. Bending me over and having to play with me.

I need the extra cushioning. But yeah, I don't know. I guess first off, I have to say that trailer was terrible because it looked pretty bad. And only in the last week or so, I've heard some decent things. And I was like, it's been forever since I'd seen anything in the theater.

I was like, all right, let's go see something. This seems like a spectacle kind of movie. It's only going to work on the big screen. Let's go. I ended up liking it.

I was kind of surprised. Has anybody else seen it yet? That's exactly what everyone has said. They're like, I'm surprised. I liked it.

That's the exact way it is said. That's what everybody that I've only heard a few people that were like, and they're usually hardcore novel fans. They've got people flocking in droves to basically hate this movie. They all walk out, I can't believe I like this movie. I'm not demanding for my money back.

Yeah, and I think for once the CG kind of works for what they're doing. You know, a lot of it is crazy over-the-top stuff, but the entire story is. So it's like, I don't know, in a way it kind of like makes it a little easier to buy because the whole thing is on Mars. So I don't know, that was interesting. And it's funny how much they find a way to work everything into this movie.

I mean, it's got points where it's kind of like a Western movie, It's got points where it's total sci-fi. It's got points that it's kind of like an archaeological adventure movie. Kind of like Cowboys and Aliens. No, it's like Cowboys and Aliens and four more things crammed into one. Is one of them gnomes?

No, thank God. See, that's why I liked it. There were no damn gnomes in it. But there's an awesome monster dog. There's a monster dog that is so damn cool.

Is it played by The Rock? I need to get it. If it was, I would still get it because I need a rock hanging around the house too. But yeah, monster dog's fun. So yeah, I didn't hate John Carter.

And I had not really been familiar with John Carter Kid, the Friday Night Lights guy. he's pretty good in it. I can actually like see him getting a lot more lead roles out of this because he, he doesn't look terrible. And this could, he could come off, you know, by like clash of the Titans. He could come off and all anybody said was that guy sucks. And like this one, I don't get that.

I think he, he kind of wins people over. So I was pretty happy with it. I was skeptical because it's been in, you know, production hell for like four years. I remember it was originally attached to the fellow who did, um, Sky Captain in. The World of Tomorrow, which I loved, because that.

Was just a great throwback to the serials of the 30s and the 40s, and I thought that would be perfect for John Carter, which. It ended up getting shifted to somebody else. can i ruin who did. This uh it's this is like his first live action he did like animated didn't he did wally yeah yeah which is why i kind of had a little more faith in it towards the end. That's really my only interest because yeah wally's awesome yeah wally is so i'm just curious how he translated to a not anime yeah he's done he's he's been a part of most of the did he do Ratatouille or was that someone else I think. It might have been the guy that said he was like involved on he was one of the few people who was involved in pretty much every.

One yeah I think he has been I think he's he is one part of. Pixar yeah interesting guy let me see what else Going backwards, let's see. Do we want just director or writing? Because, yeah, he's going back to Toy Story. He's screenplay, so he's pretty much all of them.

And then just director-wise, Wally, Finding Nemo. Fantastic. He was co-director on Bugs Life. Good on your resume. Yeah, yeah.

Wally is pretty damn amazing. I think that's, again, in that last week, I remembered that, and I was like, that almost pushed it over the edge, too. So, yeah, I was... So it's almost. Like those Folgers commercials, you know, tying back to coffee now.

It's like, we've switched this regular shitty movie with a decent movie. Let's see if the audience is impressed. Well, it never has a second movie at home. Ah, the aroma. If they would have just put Pixar.

Instead of Disney Presents, I would have gone for a double price. That's another thing that threw me off. I was worried that they were really going to Disney it up and it was really going to be super family friendly, which. Hillary Duff was. Hillary Duff it up.

But. That's the other, I was like, they do not shy away from violence in this thing. Like, it is, they've got the out that you're on Mars, so all the blood can be purple and blue and whatever, but because of that, like, he offs so many creatures on this planet, and like, violently. I mean, I was. I was kind of surprised for it being family or, but again, it's not really anything that like, as a kid, I watched a lot of horrible stuff and I don't, you know, I don't know that this was any worse than stuff I was watching.

So I don't see it like bothering kids because it's done so fun and so kind of like pulpy, you know, it really does kind of fit the, the old spirit of the old books. So I, I think it's, it's kind of, a decent mixture somewhere. And you say that, you know, it's a shame that basically the Disney name has actually gotten to be where. It's a negative thing. I think it depends on the project.

So much bad stuff. Even when it comes to, you know, um, 2d cell animation. I mean, the last few films of theirs just kind of suck. I mean, I never saw princess and the frog. I like that actually kind of redeemed that, um.

I thought it felt forced. Like, we have to do this. We have to be PC and force this princess on. But it is, like, ridiculous that they've not done any. Like, I mean, how many years have they had Disney, and they've done every other ethnicity in the world.

I wanted to see it, too, because also, I mean, it was another one where it had a good track record, because the same fellow who directed it, I think, was involved in, you know, Lion King, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, like that. That run of classics. Decent scene they had in the late 80s, early 90s. Not the Lion King. I think it was the same director as maybe Aladdin or something.

Princess. I'd have to go back and look. I've heard definitely good things about Tangled. I still haven't gotten around to it. Tangled is a lot of fun.

Kids all kind of like it. They're sort of redeeming that level. But them doing live action is like a kiss of death at this point. I was worried about that. When I saw the trailer for the movie and it said disney presents i was really confused i'm like disney's allowed to make non-animated.

Movies i don't know they've been doing that for quite a while yeah i know but i mean they're just so connected to their animated stuff like you think disney you don't think any live. Action disney parts the caribbean oh that's. True they did Stuff way back in the 50s. Ugly Dachshund. That wasn't animated?

I don't, I mean. The best science fiction ever, The Black Hole. You mentioned Ugly Dachshund and you had that dark cat. Dean Jones was like in everything. Kurt Russell, I mean, he did a string of them.

I've never seen him. Is that just no disney cartoons you. Don't have to watch yeah once once they got out of that era it was like a long time before they ever got back to like feature length like they used to do those in like late 60s and early 70s and then like they started once that like boom of animation kicked back in in the 80s they were like that's all they became and they you know they still tried to do other stuff but nobody really cared anymore. So I don't know. I think they did Condor Man right about the early 80s or something like that.

Maybe that was the nail in the coffin. Right, it might have been. So, do we have one more to round this one out? A movie? I was just going to mention something very quickly.

We talked about children's movies. I was, from the second I heard about this movie, I thought I was, I just about threw up. And I watched it and I was pleasantly surprised that I kind of liked it. That was. The Mr.

Popper's Penguins. Oh, God. I know. I'm ashamed of myself for even saying it. You kind of should be.

It was one of those things where we were allowed. I think it was like a Redbox thing where somebody said, here, you watch it and return it. Free stuff. He's making an excuse for it. It's like when you hear people say, I went shopping at Walmart.

I mean, I don't normally shop at Walmart. I had a gift card. I'm not going to beat around the bush. That's exactly what I'm doing. I had to go.

And.... I was pleasantly surprised. It's formulaic. It's not any over-the-top Jim Carrey at any point. That's unusual.

They don't let him do everything that he wants to do. And, yeah, it's not great, but it's not something I would, you know, it's not as bad, we'll put it this way, it's not as bad as I thought. It was going to be. That's for sure. It was watchable.

That's something. That's about as good as I can say. They should slap that on the front of the DVD. It's watchable. Watchable.

Greg, we're moving up. I watched a lot of other things. I did see Hugo. I know you mentioned that finally. And this was a question I wanted to ask the group.

I got a lot of, has everybody seen it? I've seen it. Okay. Okay. For the people that have.

And I'm not going to spoil anything. It's got an animatronic, you know, dude. Was that. I know every... The whole thing was, you know, about the movies and film and the olden days.

Was that like an homage to Metropolis? That someone was obsessed with building this robot, you know, replacement for love. Sort of thing? I don't... I'm working on one of.

Those, by the way. It's been so long since I've seen Metropolis. I kind of saw the same extension myself. You're not alone on that. Especially since that's what the entire back end of the movie is about.

It's early silent film, so I can see that being a nice little tie-in, too. I think I'm going to have to go back and watch it. that again just just to kind of see it. Really does make you want to go back and watch some early movies. I mean it kind of does its job i mean. Smile on your face yeah i had so i i talked to some people at work about it because they.

All watch a lot of movies as well not things that i watch but um they all hated it just how slow it was and. I can see that with regular people and it just regular people I wanted to I. Wanted to really love it but I think they could have used a little bit more editing it was like unnecessarily long with a lot. Of streamlined like it's been so much time in that first half doing other stuff and it's like if you want to make it all about loving movies just go ahead and make it about loving movies but that first hour of like let's talk about books now I mean, he goes off on everybody's obsession with, you know, what they love and making toys and, like, all these other little things that they go into, which is cool.

I mean, that's sort of the running theme is all these things that they're obsessed with. Just because it gave them an excuse to put Christopher Lee in the film. Right. That's the thing. Many have called him out for that.

They're like, what is that character there for other than you had Christopher Lee on board? And you're like, all right, fine, write this in real quick. There's some weird old car commercial on this TV, and I swear to God, on one of the production lines, it was DJ Jazzy Jeff. I swear to God. This is why we don't turn the TV on during recording.

That's it. We're easily distracted. No, I'm serious. It was DJ Jazzy Jeff. He needs a job.

What do you want? In the 50s, he built a time machine. Yes. Oh, they solved the mystery of the Charlie Chaplin lady. Oh, yes.

The hearing aid. It was a hearing aid. It looked like a cell phone in an early Chaplin movie. I still think it's a cell phone. I feel like there's so many more rational explanations than a cell phone.

For somebody to be just doing this, it was so far off. I like time travel. I like time travel, too. I like that as the reason. Going back to Nicolas Cage, I'm sure you've seen that Civil War photo.

There's a Civil War photo of a soldier, and it looks dead up like Nicolas Cage. I was at the Derby Museum once. And there was a picture of, what's his name, the composer, Stephen Foster. He looks exactly like Judge Reinhold. Exactly like him.

See, I think I've proven, just with logic, that time travel will never exist. Especially retro time travel, going back in time. Because at some point, after they've made the technology... Inevitably, it will become mass marketed and everybody will be able to do it. And somebody will find out a way to completely fuck everything up.

And we're still here. So that cannot be true. But you can't change the past. I'll say it's damn well better being real. Even with time travel things.

You can, you just fuck everything up. No, no, I hope it is real because we've got ourselves three years to get to the future that Back to the Future 2 predicted we would have. We've got to hurry up. And I want that future, but time travel has to be real for that to be real. And I want a flying car.

Oh, I know, hoverboards and self-drying jackets. More than anything else, they need to hurry up and make a lot more Jaws movies because we're behind. We're never going to make Jaws 34 if we don't. Who was it? It was Gore Vidal's grandfather was on the Presidential Commission for Flying Cars.

I think so. Did they get those approved? Well, there were some, but the best one actually was kind of like a U-Haul, a car with a U-Haul on the back, and you have to get out and sort of arrange it. But it was the best car and the best plane ever. Of all the designs and it hasn't caught on that's odd because the one that's a car and a boat is the worst of both actually have you ever seen one of those the cars that the car that like drives straight into the water and becomes a boat they do make those i've seen somebody drive into the river with.

One there's a big difference between something existing and something being commercially viable. But they are making those hoverboards. Mattel's making recreations of those. I saw that recently. And you can already buy the tennis shoes and the hats.

You can buy the hats. Well, they made one that actually works, but it only works like an inch off the ground, and you can't move it. It will just sit. You can't be on it. You can't be on it.

It just sits and hovers. Cool. That's as far as we've gotten so far. Well, they had better ones than that. Back in the, what was it, Popular Mechanics, you could order from the The back, how to make.

A hovercraft out of a lawnmower motor. The one that looks like it's the main piece of a vacuum cleaner. Yeah. You're not talking about movies anymore. That's why we're wrapping up.

Wait, I could throw in a couple movies real quick. Without getting into any big discussion. But I saw Russian Ark, which is filmed in the Hermitage. One 96-minute tracking shot. Yeah.

Wow. Is it really or are they fake edits? No, it is. They actually did a tracking shot. And that's the amazing thing is they only had 36 hours.

To do this because the Hermitage Museum was like, we're not letting you take all this time to screw around and all that. Was that funny the way I just reacted? No, no, no. I had Alan hand me my phone because I had to immediately look up the Nicholas Carrier Civil War photo. And then I get a text from a friend that says, My dick towel has just shipped.

I can't wait. From It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the dick towel. That's its own little Marlena moment right there. There we go. But yeah, they only had 36 hours to come in, to set everything up, to get 2,300 extras and like 120, no, it was like 23 assistant directors.

Everybody coordinated so they could have this one tracking shot to where it basically spans. Like 300 years in time. by two characters walking through the building. This is too complicated. It's pretty cool. I know, it's just utterly astounding.

I'm watching, and I was like, I only have maybe a fourth or a third of these references historically that I get. Yeah, I couldn't quite get all of it. And the European guy was just, I enjoyed that he had attitude, but I don't really know my European history. And culture well enough. To really appreciate it.

You know the basic gist I got from it was just that the Russians very much embraced the renaissance and tried to reciprocate with you know sharing of ideas and artwork and that and that Europe just kind of rejected them. It's the basic gist that I got with those two characters that was going on the dynamic but it's just you know. It's you know yeah a technical achievement just that they pulled off a movie that is one single tracking shot and it's very very dreamlike. Too yeah Yeah, it's narrated by a ghost. Yeah.

I mean, it starts off. It's interesting how they made that into a movie. Like, what elements can you put together to make this walk through the hermitage into a viable movie? I mean, he starts off just... The narrator wakes up, and he's like, where am I?

What time is this? I'm speaking Russian. It just. But it works. Time travel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time travel. So that was cool. I'm also. We're slowly watching Anna Karenina, a masterpiece theater from 2000, and it's really good, speaking of Russian stuff.

The woman in it looks almost exactly like how I'd picture Anna Karenina from the book. I thought you were going to say. But it also looks like the woman I know on Facebook, which is a little weird. But it's really pretty good. I mean, there's a lot that's really good about it.

But I'm trying to watch it with my wife, so we have to just find the time when we can sit down together and watch that. I'll say real quick, I won't take much time. I recently saw Alpha Bill. I just loved it. Jean-Pierre Melville.

Hey, we just agreed on something. High five. Damn it, there goes that arm wrestling match. The Jean-Luc Godard film? Yeah, I wanted to say Melville.

I'm switching too. Watching it, it's just a great film noir as well as a sci-fi film. I watched it and I was like, Philip K. Dick had to have just loved this film when he was young. And that's what inspired half of what he wrote.

Because it's just set in this ambiguous future to where this detective is just sent back to basically figure out what the hell is going on in this strange city to where it's run by a computer, and it's carrying out genocide and all this weird stuff. It's just very, very cool. It's a good one, yeah. I know what I was going to say, apart from recommending the Masterpiece Theater. I hesitate, I have a micro-hesitation when I say Anna Karenina, because I've heard that, I mean, it's just wrong.

His name's Karenin. It's his name. The feminine ending is just a. Mistake that every book does. And so now I'm like on the fence.

It's like I don't normally shop at Walmart, so I have this Anna Karenina. It's like I normally don't rent movies from Redbox, much less Mr. Popper's. Again, what do we as Americans like? Because that's what we claim, and we do it that way.

Nobody else in the world agrees, but we don't care. Don't you have listeners in Europe right now? Yeah, we do, but I would think they should know we're hard-headed and selfish. Yeah, that's not news. That's not, yeah.

I'm calling us out more than anyone. You're like a really lazy expatriate. You're like an expatriate without the, like, The next part? Yeah, you just haven't left yet. I'm realistic, is what I think.

Just signed off, but still hanging around. You're like one of those guys that's still hanging around the high school years later. Hey, that's where you pick up the chick. You're just a sitting duck. No, I think I'm just realistic.

I think people lie to themselves when they try to pretend like we're anything more than that. I'm just realistic about the way that we operate. We are very set in our ways. We don't change for anybody else. We do things our way, or we don't do it at all.

So I think that's just kind of common knowledge around the world. That's why a lot of them hate us, really. And Barack Obama. They really hate Barack Obama. They just want to be us.

I was in France two summers ago, and there was this one woman in our group who, she wouldn't walk anywhere because it was too far, and she only ate at McDonald's. Oh, that was my aunt. We're in France. Oh, it was in Italy. It's probably somebody else's aunt.

But my aunt in Italy, yeah, she just, can I get some ice? Get some ice for me. I hate ice. And she got there. I told her and told her, please tell them, tell your credit card people that you're going to be traveling.

She didn't. She got there with no money. And she had brought her bills. To pay. She's like, now where can I cash a check?

America? Back in the United States. Back in the 80s in the United States. You can't cash a check here. They have their own banking system and they're really intense about it.

Your check means nothing. And you're going to be back before these bills would get back. It was sad. Well, if anything, Americans traveling the world over, take a cue from Lisa Simpson and slap a Canadian flag on your backpack and just pretend like you're from Canada. They won't hate you that way.

Okay, I think we should wrap this one up. What a mess. Jesus Christ. Can I make one super fast? time-sensitive endorsement? I feel like the clock's running out on this one.

Okay. If you think that Wanderlust is a Jennifer Aniston movie, go see it anyway because it's not. It's a state movie and it's awesome. All-run movie? Yes.

Well, it's a state movie. Oh, it is the state movie. It is? I had no idea. It's directed by that, really.

Anyway. Why are the commercials so horrible? Exactly. And they don't show any of the cast members. It is actually written, it's directed by David Wayne and it's written by Ken Reno, David Wayne.

Oh my gosh. I know, exactly. Thank you, that's all I had to say. That's what I heard. That's so funny.

This morning my boyfriend was saying, you'll always give me a boner for some reason. It's from the state. Yeah. Well, I know. I always want to know what I can dip my balls.

In, so. I just like a lot of pussy. All right. And I want to plug the cappuccino here. It has been approved.

Approved by Fred. All the coffee, actually. Especially the cappuccino. Well, there's cappuccino. We don't just get plain foreign coffee like Brian pours for us.

Hey, that's Oregon Trail coffee. How much have you put up for it? I'm kidding. Brian, your coffee is delicious. I was just joking.

I enjoy Thundermuck and Fishers and Fallers. They're like, this show's over now. Just trying to mix it up and bring in some new stuff. So with that, I do want to thank you to Alan and having us here. Thanks, Alan.

Inviting us to come hang out. I hope you guys like the coffee. I've seen the grass is greener in the green room. Like what I did there. I was gonna keep a straight face.

Y'all. Oh, with that. Okay, kids, get out your decoder pens. I think it would be cool if we all actually got decoder pens. As long as you finance them, I'm fine with it.

You always want things that you won't pay for. I mean, I thank you once again while we're on that note. I did want to say thank you to both Jeff and Randy who have donated to the show in this past week. Thank you. You guys are keeping the show running.

That's the only thing we have because every week we kill whatever endorsement we have by whatever horrible things we say that week. Is that true? Does that really happen? What? Did we kill an endorsement?

Everything we've ever said. Who have we not talked shit about? Yeah, let's not let this back next week. Yeah, I mean, Alan's sick of this already. Until you see our t-shirts, that's all.

I'm going to say. Is there a week that we don't call somebody a slut? Not normally, no. When you said everybody should. The.

One time you said everybody should donate a dollar, did lots of people donate a dollar? We did have one person donate a dollar. That was me. I was hoping lots of people would, and that I could be a part of that. Yeah.

I'd set that minimum price that I was going to name people by name on there, so I didn't want to screw over the guys who had donated over that, but we did get a donation, and it was that one. So. Thanks. It's like if 100 people donate a dollar, it's not that hard. I agree, but again, you saw how many did it.

You. You just bought yourself a cookie. Everybody else who didn't, thanks a lot. Oh, Lord. So, as we said....

It is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature. For you members of the Secret Circle. And this one is, it's going to kill people. Next week, we will be discussing Kill List. I'm not sure what we're going to do with it, but it will be interesting.

Watch it. Yeah, heads up, go find it now. Because you need to watch it before we ruin the hell out of it. So you've got a whole extra week heads up right now. So go find it.

All right. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening.

Black coffee is my name. Black coffee with not a thing. Black coffee freshly ground. you see my skin is brown but my mind is black but here's. Black coffee it's white sack black. Coffee black coffee black coffee.

Black teeth, black as can be. Black teeth, can't compare with me. Black teeth, as good as they can be. But a cup of black coffee is what a working man gonna see. Yeah, America, the land of the free.

You can get what you want if you got some do-re-mi. I started out as a slave. I got free and got paid. Now I'm independent. Ain't nobody's made.

I got me a place. I got me a raise. Some mountain black coffee and how good it tastes. I die, I say, it's all you pay for. A cup of black coffee here in the States.

Black coffee. Woo! Black COVID! Black COVID! Everybody's good on coffee.

No more coffee? You're going to have to stop saying the word coffee. Because I'll fill up again. That's why I'm afraid to even get much closer to the mic very often, because I will talk about coffee. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by The Empires.

For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!