187: The Best Things in Life are Hidden

This is PJ Souls and you are totally listening to Movie Meltdown. Music It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million.

Kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. I'm Fred. I'm Ben.

And we are back for another exciting session of the Caffeinated Movie Geek. Cappuccino on my butt. I still drink coffee. The last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee. It's time for the Caffeinated Movie Geek.

It has been months now. It has been a long time. I've had several people on the show tell me they're jonesing. They need a fix of not so much the coffee as the geeking out and sitting around together, so... We are finally back for another hanging out at the coffee shop kind of episode.

So we are coming to you live via digital recording from Nancy's Bagel Grounds. So with that, we can go ahead and bring in our special guest, which if you've, well, if you were listening earlier this year, you've met him. If you were listening last week, I'm sorry. It was a train wreck. Regardless, we brought back, that was not their fault.

We were just in the middle of insanity last weekend. So now we would like to welcome Scooter Downey and Rose Cyrano back. to a slightly more civilized version of the show. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

So, as usual, we like to throw this to the unsuspecting victim. Rose, I ask you, what blend of coffee are we drinking? My guess was bubbly, squirty, go-go juice, something like that. But the truth is, today our coffee is sponsored by Thundermuck. Thundermuck.

Thundermuck. That sounds like mucky mud, but yay. Yeah, I told you, you should drink a whole lot of it and see what happens. Because, you know, knowing how you normally operate, I really want to see what happens when you're on a couple of pots of coffee. I don't drink any caffeine.

There's something wrong there. She doesn't need it. Our convention episode where I'm, like, talking, like, 200 miles a minute. There's so much going on. There really was.

It's like a girl holding a dead teddy bear. Like, I can't even go... I can't even explain it. Just, you can live the wonder of it on the internet there, so. It's a magical experience.

Oh, and do you want to... Yeah, I was going to go into this before. Do you want to tell Fred... She saw the t-shirt sitting there, and it wasn't so much that I had to explain the babysitter part of the story as the who's John Carpenter part of the story. Oh my gosh, do I even remember?

Was it from the movie Halloween? Was that it? Yeah, see, look. Some stuff's sticking up there. Look at that.

She'll be a geek before too long. We're working on. It, man. I know. By how many episodes do you think I'll be?

You're working on several now, so we'll see what we can do. We still have not seen Star Wars, though. But your story, your epic tale of Star Wars, more than makes. Up for it, really. So John Carpenter is in the movie Halloween.

In spirit? Yeah. Sort of. Wait, wait, he's the director of it. There we go.

Or writer, director. Okay, there we go. Someone goes out. So basically when Brad was a little boy, they would play Halloween a lot. His babysitter would, or his parents would say, no, I'm just kidding.

I don't remember. Yeah, that's how it went. And so you watched it a lot, his movies. And so he became your babysitter. Is this a correction?

That's what you do. You familiarize yourself with someone's work and By that process, they become your babysitter. See, a lot of people read the shirt as that, actually. And I'm okay with that, as long as they're having fun with that. Like, yeah, me too, he was mine.

A lot of people take it in that way that they grew up watching horror movies, so in that sense, John Carpenter was their babysitter. But the real story is it's just something my mom always said. I don't really remember him. But at some point, I've always wanted to retire and then check all the stuff I know and learned in college and see if any of it's still true. But I started out by checking out my mom's story.

Is that true? And I look him up because, you know, moms sometimes have a different version of reality than everyone in the world. They just have things they say happened and you go... No. That's not how I remember it.

But that was something she said, and I looked up his website, and he grew up in Bowling Green, Kentucky. His parents taught at Western. I grew up in Bowling Green. My parents taught at Western. Mom's story is checking out.

And apparently his parents taught music. And they were friends with my parents, and they would ask them to come over and hang out, and they'd say, oh, we don't have a sitter for the boys, me and my brother. They'd say, John will watch the boys. And that's so John Carpenter was my babysitter. John will scar the boys.

Yeah, that's what she said. And it sounded pretty plausible based on he grew up there. He was about the right age. But she also had this little book that he had made, like a hand-drawn Vincent Price on the cover. It was all about horror movies.

And it didn't have the date on it, but it was talking about a movie coming out in London. And I looked it up, and he would. Have been 17. And it was on one of the old mimeograph things, the blue copy. And so, yeah, that she had that, I thought, Yeah, okay.

And so I'm going with. And it's kind of a cool thing to say because his first film is most famous, really. Halloween was about a babysitter. The horror of being a babysitter. Yeah, and so, I don't know, I guess. so yeah his horrors inspired the movie his horrors of being a babysitter was you and your brother probably.

I genuinely feel like there's some like butterfly effect there like we would not have had the exact product of like how like the chain of events like him babysitting you like. Oddly enough i was a demon child maybe. He based michael myers on you i think so i i That's. A good idea. And I was obsessed with horror movies when I was a kid.

Just absolutely obsessed. I can't compare my knowledge of horror with any younger people who grew up with DVDs. I don't know anything about it. But back then, you could watch when it was on, and the afternoon horror movie, you'd have the TV guide and you'd plan for it. And if you were out somewhere and you couldn't be there on your horror movie with Oh, it was just crushing.

It was just horrible. This is a world that kids will never understand. Yeah, it's really sad. Yeah, because things were on, and then they were just, you never knew if you'd see them again. Sometimes, yeah.

It was like playing an eight-track tape. It might play this time, but you may never hear it again. You're like, oh, man. Your song gets cut off, you have to flip it over. Oh, yeah.

Well, I just did that recently. I bought, I mentioned this online. Because I've gotten, I'm like, oh, I've got this new fancy Blu-ray player, and I've got a new disc with 40 hours of exclusive stuff on it. And what am I watching? A VHS tape I bought yesterday secondhand.

Yeah. So I'm putting it in, and I'm like, I got it for pretty cheap. If I can get it to play once, I got one shot. If it works, I'm all good. Because you know it's going to, like, by the time it rewinds, it's going to snap it anyway.

So they weren't really made to last forever. So I'm like, all I've got to do is get through this thing one time. What was it exactly? I watched Topaz. What's that?

It's one of the later Hitchcocks. This is a good entry into the geek activity. So we'll roll on into that. Topaz is a later Hitchcock. It was those late 60s.

The last couple in the 70s are really different for him, which I kind of like. Actually, I know some people don't like those. but I really like Frenzy Frenzy's a weird modern era of Hitchcock that seems like this weird juxtaposition of you've got 70s mentality and suddenly he can use nudity and cursing and you're not used to that in Hitchcock movies so it's It's very strange seeing that. So this was right before that. This was, like, late 60s, I think. It's pretty much all about the Cold War.

It's one of the more slow-paced of his, I have to say. It's pretty cool. It's, well, you know, it's Hitchcock. I mean, the worst of his is world's better than anybody else will ever do. It's good.

It's just like it's not knowing his, like, super high-end, like, tension thriller kind of stuff. There's a few moments of that, but there's a whole lot of, like, traveling the world and going to Cuba and. You know. It's, yeah, it's interesting. Actually, do you remember the guy from Animal House?

Do you remember the dean that's always yelling at him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably the most entertaining part is he is, like, a head honcho in Cuba. Yeah. And he's got the full beard.

He's got the little, he's got the little green cap. Like he's just got the official I'm Cuban outfit on and he's, he's really good in it. Like again, I, we, we'd seen him, I think, what was it he was in that we watched? I think he's in Charlie Baric and a bunch of other stuff that we went back and saw him doing all these serious roles that I'm not used to him. Cause he's still so like iconically animal house for the rest of my life that watching him like a few years before doing this really serious performance.

And he's, he's kind of, he's, he's the tension part. He's the one that's sort of in power and, and when they get in trouble, it's, it's kind of him that's, that's going to, uh, going to come down on him. So he, he's really good. He's probably the best thing to watch in it is, is that performance. It's John.

Those character actors. Yeah. You know, that just make, have like the most memorable parts of movies. He's, yeah, he's really good. John Forsythe's in it.

And like, They always used to slap him on the front of the box, so I really expected it to be all... It's kind of odd. It's a weird setup. It's just the layout of the movie is very strange, too, because it sort of hands the movie off several times. It sets it up in the beginning, and it's sort of John Forsythe, and he's working for the government, and then there's this French agent that's kind of helping our government, and then it sort of hands the movie off to him, and then he goes to Cuba, and we follow this story about him and this girl that he's involved with in Cuba...

And then we start seeing the whole other backstory there. And then it comes back and it gets involved in this other guy. There's a weird part in the middle where it goes with this other French guy that goes on this little reconnaissance mission. Too many French characters for my liking. It's only a little while.

Then it goes to Cuba. And then it's back to New York or wherever. It's just weird that every 20 minutes or so it switches its main character and its location and It keeps coming back, and there's a through line, but it's just set up different than most movies anymore. Was it worth the $ 2. 50?

It was $ 0. 49, thank you. It could have been more. Than $ 2. 50.

I wouldn't pay $ 2. 50 for a VHS tape. At this point. Yeah, even $ 2. 50.

Unless it was a really cool box. Because at this point, I just like the box art more than anything. I think my dad said, because we were talking about it, vhs and vcrs recently he said he got his vcr back in the day for like 1500 oh yeah they were. Expensive oh yeah i can't believe that. I remember the first movie i ever saw on a vcr was probably like in 85 or 86.

And it was like one guy we. Knew oh he's got a vcr and it was and we watched blood simple Nice. That's a good starter. That's an awesome VH. I can see that being an awesome VH.

I don't know why, really. I think even before that, I remember, again, my uncle had one before anybody else. He was just kind of that guy who was sort of ahead of the curve, and he kind of liked the tech stuff. So the only reason he even had one is because he bought a camera. He bought a video camera, which at the time was its own big separate camera unit, and you had to have the... recorder strapped to you it was its own separate recorder and it had play and record buttons like an old school tape recorder like audio tape but it worked on a big giant vhs tape and then when you wanted to watch it at home there was a whole separate box that was like your tuner box more or less so you had two separate boxes sitting in front of your tv there one with the tape and the other was just like to run it into the tv i guess and it was it had a top loader by the way Those were my favorite moments were those breakthrough where you went from the top-loading VHS to the front-loading.

And then they would make a sign at the store that was like, front-loading. It would be really exciting. Also, my other favorite accessory that they upgrade accessory was the... Because for a while when they first had... Well, you had nothing.

You had to walk over and push play on it. Well, then they had a wired remote. It was just on a wire that ran to your... couch, I guess. And they would advertise that. It would say, Wired Remote.

And by then they had wireless remotes, right? Well, no. It was a few years. That was coming. So with that first wave, they were so excited.

I mean, let's face it. Would you rather have a wired remote or have to get up and jump? It's definitely an upgrade. I would say it's an upgrade. I don't know.

Their TV area probably looked like the stationery. Yeah, it's loaded with wires. It's like that joke when people... lose the remote, and they say, oh, you ought to just tape it to the TV. So it defeats the whole idea of the remote. But the best idea I've ever heard, there was a guy who embedded the remote in a football.

And that was the perfect ergonomic solution. And you can throw it. And he had invented a lot of serious stuff, but that was his big success, was the... The thing I liked best was he invented a bed with a channel in the mattress so you can sleep with your arm around somebody and your arm doesn't go to sleep. Oh, yeah.

That's not bad. Never worked, though. Didn't take off. That's an interesting idea. They never do, really.

The good stuff, anyway. I dismiss. There was like a texture to VHS. I don't know if you remember when you started up, like right when you put it in, there's that series of. Beeps that you hear.

It's like the beep-boop-beep-boop-beep-boop. Like, I miss that, definitely. I miss when it messed up and you had to use your finger. Your little movie. Yeah, the movie.

Tracking your little. Tracking everything. I broke it. Yes. Man, I've got like tons of VHS in my attic.

They're probably all like, I don't know. I kind of always thought I should do something with the tape. Because it moves in the most interesting way. If you ever break a tape, it's like it's alive. Or you see one on the road, somebody's run over, and it's just out there going. it's like that guy in front of the cell phone store yeah it is it.

Is oh yeah or like that dog in the Banksy movie when the. Great comes up the dog that's a good one yeah I like that dog so yeah I was reliving my VHS days which actually I got it and I'm going is that even hooked up I don't even think I hooked it up last time I moved but surprisingly I did and it worked And I made it through the entire thing. Did you remember how to do it? Like putting it on the right channel and stuff? Did I remember to be kind and rewind?

Yeah. I did and I really expected it to snap when it got to the end. Wow. Because they were, you know, it gets going so fast and towards the end I think they made the players smart enough to know when it was getting to the end. But before, I mean, it would be running so fast it would hit that end and just snap.

Yeah. So, yeah, I was impressed. It played and I got all the way through, and it was a fun time. I think people are, like, really into VHSs. Like, people are into, like, records.

Like, you know, they're like, I don't buy CDs. Yeah, true. I don't know if it's as much... Yeah, there actually are. I mean, because you go to...

Again, we've obviously been to a lot of conventions lately, and there was. There was a whole section at one of those that was just... Their entire thing was nothing but old VHS. And I think it's more of... I don't know if anybody is hardcore about the technology, because nobody...

It was the convenience, really, more than the picture grade at that point. So we just liked the fact, oh, my God, I can watch this whenever I want, like you were saying before, Fred. So it's like the fact that you can just put it in whenever you want is pretty amazing. But I think there's still stuff that was released on VHS that never made it to DVD. Oh, yeah.

That will never make it to Blu-ray. I've got one. I want us to do an episode on one of those. Which one? It's called The Miracle.

Interesting. You're going to have to pass. It around and everybody watch it? Neil Jordan. And it's like his best movie ever, and it's not on DVD.

Wow. There's a lot of those. Is it like before, like late, like before Crying Game? I think it was, yeah. It was back in Ireland, and it's about these two teenage kids.

They're kind of boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they're just friends. They don't really know. And he's a jazz musician, but he only wants to play if he's getting paid. And his dad is not as good. A musician, and he'd just play to be out there.

You don't understand, when I was your age. I would play anywhere, but the kids just like not excited about it. Oh, and there's a circus in town for some reason. And that whole thing of like what's special and what's just boring and gritty and banal is like, you know, the circus is the perfect backdrop for that. And so they walk around and they make up stories about tourists on the beach in Ireland.

And then one of them turns out to have some, you know, Neil Jordan twist, fable thing. And it's like his. Hopefully not like, you know, gouge your eyes out like, oh my God. I didn't mean to see that. That was crazy.

It is a little like that. Oh, really? It's, what's her name, the girl from Hair. Jay Davidson? No.

What is her name? She's not a girl anymore. Beverly D'Angelo? There we go. I don't know what I was going to say.

Just pretend like it was that. Yeah, we were both right. The girl from Hair. She was the horse girl in Hair. Oh, I was thinking Hairspray.

John Travolta? No, the good hair. He's still trying to make that movie. I saw some movie about a mermaid who turned out to be a drug mule. Yeah, on D.

It was pretty good. It's pretty good, but the miracle is like that same fable, but it's really good. I bet it's really good, because that's like back when Neil Ford was like kicking ass. Yeah, he was on this game, and I can't believe it's not on DVD. I keep checking for.

It, and Yeah, I think that's what it is. Especially, again, at those conventions, there's so many. I mean, that was that wave of weird underground cult movies and horror and sci-fi and a ton of stuff that they were just cranking and putting out on VHS to make a profit because it was finally kind of hitting where you could do that. And there's so much of it that didn't take off, but there's the hardcore geeks that are just like... So I think it's just finding those little gems in there.

Oh, yeah. And for me, it was always the box art. Like, we'd done that whole running series of, like, VHS boxes that just, like, messed you up as a kid. Oh, yeah. I went to the video store.

In the core section, which is. By then, it'd be a separate... Like, where I went, it was, like, a separate room. It was all dark, and it was just awful. It was awesome, but at the same time, it was awful.

It was traumatizing, yeah. So I think it's that stuff. I think there's that appeal, more than the, oh, man, I love that picture quality on VHS, but... It was fine. I made it through mine.

I don't think it has the thing that vinyl has in records. It makes that noise. It does have that noise, which sort of like sets up your movie appetite. You start salivating like Pavlov's dog. But there is a level, because you'll talk to, like Beau's gone into this several times, where it's like film versus digital.

He said the same thing about the vinyl thing, whereas it has... It has a look and a texture to it that is, you know, a loved thing. And it actually is that same thing that people say about vinyl. Yeah. It's been worn and it has that history to it because of that.

Because every time you play it, it kind of does something to it. Yeah. Like when I was in college, like when a couple broke up, it always came down to the record collection. Right. And I don't think people do that anymore.

They don't have that. Have I told this before? I'm like a record that's been played before. Which one? I think it was Bernard Shaw said, every man is like half a dozen records that you've listened to already.

But, yeah, I mean, if I went home tonight and started talking about my wife's old boyfriend, pretty soon she'd be going like, I had this. these frank zappa records and i had and the fugs. Well now that just happens if there's like a small movie theater that goes under and all the employees they're just like no no no i ordered this one this we have this print because i got it yeah so yeah i guess that's the only way that still happens since nobody even has prints anymore it's all digital now. Yeah I still have, like, I mean, we were, like, my family, we were a big movie fan, and, like, we just, like, all we did was just watch just VHSs all the time. Like, there's still, like, last time I went home, there was, like, a couple of stuff that, like, I'm.

Like, oh, that's, like, that probably will never be on DVD. Like, we still had, like, I think the last VHS I got was, like, a gift, and it was Don't Look in the Basement. Nice. And, um. Another classic.

Yeah, like, they had a cool cover, which I'm sure it was, like, bought at a garage sale. And, like, Peach Dragon, like, I haven't seen that at, you know, like, a store or anywhere. I just remember watching that. Well, it's Disney. They have to vault it.

Just to mess with people. I think they're ashamed of that movie, actually. It doesn't hold up. Yeah, if you're a kid, it's awesome, but I haven't seen it. I remember when they put it back out, at least on VHS one of the times, and I saw it and I was like, I remember liking this more as a kid.

There's a whole lot of singing and dancing and crap in there. I just remember the dragon being awesome, but All this Helen Reddy stuff going on. I don't know. Oh, Helen Reddy. It's hilarious.

What I miss about PHS was, well, we lived overseas, so a lot of times people would mail us PHS. Did you have PAL? I don't know what that is. Damn it. Or, like, even, like, if you were going to go out and a movie was going to play, you press record, and then you get, like, six other movies.

Yeah. Like, that's how I saw. Doc Hollywood for the first time, because it was on Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Day. Speaking of classics. Yeah, and then we do.

Oh, what else is on that tape? That one with that guy that got super famous for. What's the. That guy. The really big, the really, Grey's Anatomy.

Okay, there's a guy that's like a heartthrob on that. Patrick Dempsey. Thank you so much. Can't buy me love? No, he went to.

College, and the girl pretended her name was Alex, so she pretended she was a guy, so they gave her a guy roommate, and it ended up being him. Oh, God. She's the man. No, there's like 40 of those. Yeah, what?

Orange County. I don't know. Three's Company. It wishes it was just one of the guys, but it's not. You get all these movies, and then you get like half of one that you'd be really into, but like you say, it never plays again on TV.

So we'd have all these random movies and commercials. Forever and ever. You've got to do the math. Oh, and every now and then you'd run out of tape before. The end of the movie.

And you wouldn't know it until like, I'm watching happiness with my wife. And we get to this. Fuck! It's done. I grew up.

This was not until five years ago. I grew up. Watching Mary Poppins, and, like, to my knowledge, that movie, literally, like, it ended on Feed the Birds. Like, that was, like, Feed the Birds, done. And it was just, that was.

The end of the movie. Like, I put it as a pin, and you're like, well, that's it. And I was like, that was Mary Poppins, that was fun. Somehow. I didn't know, like, I didn't.

Know, like, five years later, I discovered, like, there's, like, three more musical. Acts, like, there's a final, like. Oh, you know what? I was watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World when it came out, you know, originally. Yeah.

In the theater, and the fire alarm went off, like, halfway through the movie. And, like, I was so into it at the halfway point. I was like, that was amazing. I was, like, really upset. You know, the fire alarm went off, and then I went back and, you know, saw it again, and I was like, oh, like, I realized, like, actually that was the best for the movie because the second half didn't really, like, slam dunk it.

And so I think sometimes it's. Good to just arbitrarily cut off a movie at a certain point. Well, I just like for you, Ben, that you found some director's cut in a vault as far as you were concerned. Oh, my God. Wow, this is great.

Like the song about laughing and the chimneys. I was like, this is like. Blowing my mind like knowing this was there the whole time I never knew. I have a home video of me um doing the entire step in time dance sequence chimney roof thing and my diapers step in time it is uh yeah it's pretty hilarious oh my. God Are you going to do that?

And Feed the Birds was like the most melancholic part of the movie. It would just end on that note. You're like, this is such a downer movie, man. Mary Poppins is this nihilistic. She's lonely, she's feeding the birds.

And it just ends. That's very French. I think it gave me more character, I like to think. The darker, the more, like I was raised, you know... Raised on these dark Disney movies.

I like to think that, you know, it had a good impact on me. I don't even remember how, like, the normal version is. Because I saw it maybe two times in my life. Should it flash away or something? Spoiler alert.

God. Typical Disney, you know. 63 years later. But we are spoiling this one. Ruined that one for me now.

Come feed the little birds, show them you care, and you'll be glad if you do. Their young ones are hungry, their nests are so. Bare, all it takes is tuppence. From you. Feed the birds tuppence a bag.

Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag. It's intermission time. So how about taking a break, get out and stretch a little, and relax before the show begins again. And why not make it refreshment time, too? We have lots of tasty, delicious treats waiting for you at the refreshment center.

There's hot popcorn, so golden good and fresh out of the popper. And all kinds of refreshing ice-cold soft drinks. Sizzling hot dogs just bursting with juicy goodness. ice cream so smooth and delicious you'll hanker for more. Plus, all the most popular candy bars and many other favorite treats. So why not visit the refreshment center now?

Our courteous attendants are ready and waiting to serve you with a wide and wonderful variety of good things to eat and drink. So step right up and make yourself at home. Does the word Topaz mean anything to you? What is Topaz? A story of espionage in high places.

A best-selling novel for over a year, The Revelations in Topaz shook up world capitals and started a spy hunt that is still going on. From between the covers of this book, Hitchcock has taken intrigue, suspense, excitement, Warm-blooded men and women take risks, make love, face death for stakes that involve the world. And I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut and uncover topaz? At the risk of my own skin? The action is global.

Bosco. Copenhagen. Get your hands down, quick! Washington. I gave you no understanding.

The hell you didn't. You're in this business, you know the score. There is a woman in Cuba. Isn't there? She sometimes works for me.

What else does she do for you? Overall lurks the mystery of Topaz and nothing is what it seems. A piece of bread can mean death. A broken figurine can mean freedom. In New York's Harlem, a man risks his life to take pictures of what?

In Cuba, an agent visits his mistress and no one asks why at first. You picked a. Hell of a time to come. Security's tight. This island is crawling with Russians.

She is a widow of a hero of the revolution. She is loved and honored in this country. If it were not for her, you would disappear tonight. In Paris, a secret meeting. And in an alley.

Samara! Look. Murder. Or is it suicide? You will not catch my.

Back, Lord! I don't want you to be killed. There's something I have to. Tell you. Tell me now.

If you're enjoying this podcast, perhaps you'd be interested in GleeCast. You watch your tone, young lady. Hey, we're not forcing you to download the internet's best, or at least most booze-filled podcast about Glee. You want to be me. Who doesn't, Sue?

But we know we can't be. Instead, Erica and Emily. Uh, Emily and Erica. Who am I? I just don't know anymore.

I'd love to stay in chat, but I got a satellite interview. Sorry, we get off topic a lot. The point is, listen to Glee Cast following every new episode of Glee. Plus, our sporadic bonus content on some of the greatest bad cinema that incorporates musical theater. Or sweet dance moves.

I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. The right or the left? I don't know. That's the smell of failure. Failure smells like dove?

Mine has a pleasant lady speed stick scent. Kind of makes me think of candy canes. Your resentment is delicious. Visit gleecast.podomatic.com or search for us in the iTunes store. That's Gleecast with a K, part of the palaver.com family.

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Sounds better. Hi, my name's Christina Cleave, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

And now, on with the show. I remember. The first thing we ever rented was Blockbuster. Oh, nice. It was Dick Tracy.

Oh, yeah. Another classic. Yeah. So Dick Tracy. Oh, God.

And Batman with the penguins. Oh, yeah. Batman Returns? Yes. Batman Returns.

I've heard of that a lot. That was one of my favorite movies. It's underrated, if you ask me. Yeah, I'm totally partial to the first group of Batman films with the comedy aspect. I know that's me.

I think Michael Keaton was the best Batman. Yeah, that's the thing. I really love the Tim Burton movies. It's the Tim Burton movies. I did go back After, like, having seen the Nolan, the new Nolan movies, I'm like, yeah, these are, I can definitely see why, like, it's not quite, like, some people would say it wouldn't do justice to, like, the comics or anything.

But I still think they're awesome because they're their own thing. Right. Like, it's, they're Tim Burton movies. Yeah. And if you watch them, like, on that level, they're awesome.

I still love them. Well, it's funny. I mean, we look at that now versus the Nolan stuff. But think about what, I mean, that was the first time you'd seen it other than Adam West, really. I mean, for most people.

I grew up watching the Adam West. Yeah, me too. I had that. So that was really serious to me at that point. I was just like, wow, look at this dark, serious movie.

And now you look at it and you're like, look at this silly-ass shit. But it's still cool. I met Adam West when I was a kid, but he wasn't my babysitter. Right. I saw him at a convention a couple years ago.

I didn't follow him closely enough for that to ever happen. Also, I still think. Catwoman was the best thing Michelle Pfeiffer ever did. She's great in that scene. In a lot of her performances, she's pretty good, but it feels kind of like student work.

Like she's doing it for a grade. But when she put on that Catwoman suit, she was serious about it. She's very cold and calculated about a lot of roles. And then that one she just totally opens up to, and she's just really at home in it. It's kind of like how the Rocky Horror guy, Tim...

Tim Curry? Yeah, Tim Curry. Oh, Tim Curry. Yeah, like you can't really believe him when he plays like a real life role. But if it's something cartoony and over the top.

But when he's darkness, he's amazing. People kind of underestimate Jim Carrey and Robin Williams for the same thing. Because they can be cartoons. And they can be real. When they're real, sometimes.

That's some of their best work. Studied, like, was it Juilliard? Like, before he was in the comic, like, he was an actor. They're equally as much to blame, though, because they do that to themselves. Like, they get to that point and they make themselves a joke.

And they won't stop, especially, I mean, Jim Carrey really does. But Robin Williams is equal. I mean, you watch him on any talk show. He just acts like an idiot. And I like the guy, but he acts just silly.

At this point, I just want him to be like, he's an awesome actor. He can make a movie. He doesn't have to keep, you know. Quit climbing on the furniture on The Tonight Show. Just, like, make a serious movie.

Because you can do both, but I've seen so much of the other silliness that it's just like, just turn in those good performances and keep doing that. Because, yeah, he's... And Jim Carrey kind of does that, but everybody's kind of sick of him. It's tough for comedians because after they get exposed, like, their shtick just gets old. And they have to keep doing it.

And so unless you can transition. To drama, you're pretty much going to be in and out. Yeah, like, even like Zach Galifianakis. Galifianakis. Galifianakis.

I don't really want to see him do that anymore. It's all kind of the same. You've got to do something else or shave or move on. You know, like something's got to change. They did that with everybody.

Like Jack Black got painted in that corner and every role had to, yeah. Although I will say, I do think, like, I would like to see Jack Black go in the acting role. He has, and he's done some good stuff, but he still falls back into that Jack Black thing. And again, it's just sort of expected of him now, especially in the comedies. The opposite side of that coin, though, is like Earl Brown when he auditioned for There's Something About Mary.

Everybody else up for the role of the retarded brother was a comedian. And he went in and he thought, no, I need to just play it straight, and it will be funny because I'm straight. And he said it was the only audition he ever walked out of feeling like, I killed that. Yeah. Totally.

And he got the part, and he did the movie, and it was a huge movie, but he said... it didn't raise his name at all. Everybody just thought he was a retarded guy. He's too good. Didn't do anything for his. Well, especially in that movie, it's so ridiculous for everybody else to be going in there playing it over the top and silly, because it's like, look at what else is going on in this movie.

Why do you, especially playing someone who's mentally challenged, go in there and do the same thing? It's just like, That's the funniest thing in the world is to go in there and you be the straight guy. What have you done? He found my movie. It was Happy Together with Patrick Dempsey.

For all you great Saturday fans out there, you should watch this. It was hard to find because he did a thousand of them. more or less that movie. Young guy, off at college, something. Yeah, I didn't like any of those. I don't like Patrick Gibson.

I didn't even know he was in movies before, like, Grey's Anatomy. That was the first time I knew who he was. Missing classics, like, Can't Buy Me Love. Oh, no, wait. I avoided that on purpose.

Those movies, I don't know. Speaking of auditions where, like, you go in and do the opposite, and speaking of what I've been watching recently, Breaking Bad. Which is It's pretty epic. That's how he played it, and he's phenomenal in it. And when I read that, I was like, wow.

I mean, everyone else was like, oh, I've got to be real serious in this year. He's just like, this is the kind of. Play I'm in. He has the part. Yeah.

That's like, who was the actor who turned down Men in Black because he just thought it was the stupidest thing? He didn't get it at all. It was like, what? This is the worst. Script I've ever read.

That must have been like, movies like that just have to be like, when you read the scriptures, like, okay. It's like, and then he shoots the alien with the laser beam. Yeah. There's poop everywhere, and there's a one-liner here, and you're like. Yeah, he thought it was laser cats or something.

Just totally. And he owned up to it, too. I forget who it was. But he was somebody like Christian Slater or somebody. And the world dodged a bullet.

Or, I don't know. That's probably the wrong guy. That's where you went, man. I don't know. I don't know who Christian Slater is.

He's my closest friend. Please believe me. Not his, like, other more well-known roles. You went for Bed of Roses. Okay.

My name is Rose. Okay, yeah, I watched the movie Bed of Roses. I'm sticking with Purple Pavillion. Actually, I was his babysitter. That explains why he turned out like that.

I'll throw some others out there. I did watch another one, and this is, see, there's things that you wouldn't seek out to watch, but when, I won't name that, service that comes to everyone's house now and we all have and we all just take it for granted and watch things on there until they start paying for advertising but we all know what it is um when it comes up on the new releases and you're like all right let's see what this is right that's how you end up watching things like nazis at the center of the earth. Yeah nazis at the center yeah yeah wow it's based on a true story. According to the movie yeah that's how it went down Well, I was already kind of worried, but then when it came up. I was imagining it opening like, the Nazis were driven underground into the Earth's core.

Yeah. So you watched it, all right. That would be an interesting twist, is just the idea of, instead of trying to get to the center of the Earth, it's the people in the center that are trying to get out. And take over the world. That would have been like a cool premise.

And that's what you get once you watch it. It's like, there's like... an interesting setup, and they come up with a really fun gimmick thing by the end of it, but I'm like, there's a. Lot of problems along the way. Do we really know it's at the center of the Earth? I mean, really?

I think we better go find out. Not everybody knows this, but there was a Kentucky vice president. Who was it? Johnson? Richard Johnson.

And he proposed to Congress an expedition to the center of the Earth. Yeah, it was Simms' Hollywood Theory. Senator Jones Burns. Did you see that movie with the court? That was awesome.

Richard Johnson, and I think his political career was based on people thinking he might have been the guy who killed Tecumseh. They weren't sure, but he was there. Sometimes that's all you need. Name recognition. He was one of the worst vice presidents ever... hard to mess that up but he.

Did wow worst vice president. He did seriously propose. He could just be ahead of his time though because john quincy adams proposed that we go to the moon and he was just you. Know wrong place yeah we may eventually go to the center of the. Earth why would be like why didn't we elect jules verne is what i want to know yeah that dude was on top of all of these things.

I do hope that the government hires Werner Herzog to go along. That's the only way I'll accept that happening. They would all descend into madness, though. They would. Well, this movie...

Drag a boat over a mountain. This one, I think that's what sort of really, like, out of sheer curiosity at this point, because then the main star listed was Dominique Swain... And I'm like, and that's the thing. I like her, but I'm like, how the hell does she fit into this Nazis and Senator? I was just like, well, how does that?

All right, fine. Now I'm going to have to watch it. And she does some weird stuff in this. She makes like it starts off and it's her and they're in this like, I don't know, some sort of weird frozen environment. And she's got this giant park on and she looks up and she makes this face.

It makes no sense. It's the goofiest thing I've ever seen. And I'm like, did she know the camera was on? It seems so out of place. In not just the context of this movie, but like in life.

I'm like, why didn't you just make that face? I always thought it'd be funny to do a movie where you only record like 10 times. 15 to 30 seconds before and after the take and just make a movie based on those splices. The other things going on, yeah. Tell the actors that, you know, just lie to them and say, yeah, yeah, we got that.

Right. Just bring it to the premiere and they'll just watch it in horror. Like, what the, no, you said, you said cut, no. Well, that's, that was half of it was just figuring out, and then, and then we get in there and Jake, you see, he's, he's trying, he's holding his own as best he can in this movie. He's a scientist.

Is that a sign of. Seniority? And he's been in some stuff, and he's turned in some good performances. But yeah, this one, he's just like, he's sort of along for the ride. I'm sure he's like.

The staple of sci-fi-related movies. I mean, this is another one of those asylum movies. So, yeah, it's right. Along those lines. Those have their own weird charm to them.

You know? Like. Charms, you're putting it nicely. It's always knocking off a more famous movie with a different, more generic title. You just have to embrace it.

They're the transmorphers kind of guys. Yeah, it's a weird... And here's my main issue with this movie, more than the ridiculous writing and the weird performances. Again, we've got somebody to go to for an example. You've made a movie.

When you're making this movie, Scooter, you'd probably want to, I don't know, turn on a light, right? Well, if you're making Nazis in the center of the earth, you know, you may not need lights. Perhaps there's no light in the center of the earth, you know? You've got to think about it logically. Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't just go around lighting things willy-nilly. It has to make sense. It could be like that saying, you know, philosophy is searching for a black cat in a dark room, and the black cat's not there. Or that was the name of this movie, the alternate title. I like that.

I mean, it's not even like there was just, you know, the cinematographer didn't know what the hell he was doing or something. It was like, They had, well, once they go in the center of the Earth, first of all, there's a sun down there. They don't really explain why, and there's almost like this like weird translucent glass coating over it they don't really explain any of the science and i'm using quotes obviously i don't know what's going on there but there's some sort of sun but then immediately within like five minutes they go inside this like compound in the center of the earth like there is i'm sure And then they're just in a big cement building for the entire rest of the movie. And every scene is lit by one bare light bulb sitting in the center of the room.

And they're like, some of them are pretty good sized rooms. And there's like one character kind of by the light bulb. And there's other people on the other side. And I'm like, I don't even know they're in the room at this point. Are you sure it wasn't a dogma film?

I don't know, but. I'm just like, really? If you're going to go to all this trouble to get a camera and hire actors? And I mean, wouldn't you want to be able to see a little of what's going on? I don't know.

There was there was a lot of issues with. And yeah, it's just basic stuff like, yeah, you might want to. They probably spent all their money on Jake Busey. That's true. He's a name.

You got to know where you're going to put the money, you know. Now I just have this image of... I'm sure it was one of those movies where it was just the budget. It was just all interiors. You never saw an image of a machine going.

In the ground or anything. Hey, there was some fine CGI work by the end of it. Oh, there's some CGI. I can just picture from what you said, Jake Ducey getting into some interior set and then like, oh, hang on, let me get the lights and pulling a chain. From the ceiling.

And somebody clicks a flashlight and shines. It on me. It's a state of our technology. Choo! You know, the whole center of the earth thing, I'm afraid I have to tell a story.

You can edit this out. I don't care. But Rick Wakeman from the band Yes back in the 70s had an album, Journey to the Center of the Earth. And I remember it, and I remember hearing it, and it was narrated, but it was all fucked up. And I think it's because he couldn't get rights.

But, I don't know, it seems like it'd be public domain, but all the names were fucked up. And it's like, why is it just all wrong? Why is everything wrong? He was wasted. What do you want?

But here's the thing. We were talking about VHS tapes. He invested heavily in the world's most obscure musical instrument. Oh, God. I don't know that any of them were ever sold.

And he put like half a million dollars into them. And they were based on VHS tapes. Oh, God. I might have heard about this. Oh, wait.

No, no, no. They were modified 8-track tapes. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.

That's it. Of course. But it was called the Byrotron, and it was to simulate a Mellotron, which was an impossible thing to take on tour. And it's the thing that they do, like Strawberry Fields. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. And it just has this endless sustain as an organ. But it was a bitch to take on tour because it was delicate and problematic. And this guy invented one using eight-track tapes that would just have, each tape would just have a tone on it.

I think I have heard about this thing. Yeah. Wow. And then he had to mess with it so it didn't turn over. He had to tinker with the thing.

And he developed one. and started building them, and Rick Wakeman invested in them, except like somebody else in the band would sometimes take a Loggins and Messina 8-track and pop it in, and he'd be playing, and all of a sudden it would be all fucked up. Damn it. I told you to leave that alone. But yeah, it didn't work out because then everything became digital right then, right on the cusp of this thing going on the market. As he sunk his last dollar into it.

Yeah. Yeah, and so the inventor wound up living in a trailer in Florida, and he didn't. Own one of them. And somebody donated one and gave it to him, and he cried. He hadn't seen one for 20 years, but he put so much work.

And effort in this. And it was bigger than his trailer. Yeah, and there's some song by Yes that you can hear it. It's like the one. moment in music history where you hear this. That's mine, damn it.

That's mine. It's a song called Don't Kill the Whale. Wow. And, like, right in the middle of. It, there's, like, oh, the 70s.

I'm going to have to, like, next time I see my dad, ask him about that song. He'll just watch him geek out. I mean, it's right here in a plumber. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the one place you can hear it.

So, You can edit all that out, but I was like, I don't have a lot of geek stuff going on. And Matt was like, oh, well, I know something. I was going to turn it over to you now anyway. Oh, uh-oh. You can continue on with that.

All right. Let's see. Have I watched anything? I really don't know. I have to write it down because I forget.

It's sad that I've gotten to that point. I'm sort of. Like in a geek crisis because nothing's really like hitting the spot for me. I'm not really finding what I'm looking for. And so, you know, I watch Friends with Kids.

What? You know? That's your own fault, really. You watch that with your entire family or just your wife? Just my wife.

Your kids have enough sense to avoid that. No, I think my daughter had already seen it. Which movie is that? I feel like there's so many movies. It's the one that came out nine months after Friends with Benefits.

I looked it up. Nine months after Friends with Benefits, Friends with Kids. It's just epic planning on their part. I feel like there's a whole cluster. This past year, movies that came out like that were like the poster.

It's like some people sitting at a picnic table, like, who wants a wine? It's like a bunch of actors. There's a beach in the background. I feel like there's like six movies, and I can't remember which ones. No, I don't bother to assign.

And they're all sort of the same actors. Yeah. Yeah, well, they did that recently. Okay, they did Two Snow Whites. That always happens.

Because, you know what my theory is? Because there's always two movies, like Deep Impact and Armageddon. Yeah, I agree. Now, I read about that. And apparently there was a script that was floating around Hollywood that was like a disaster-type film about that.

And then, of course, that person got rejected and said, no, we're not going to buy your script. And then they just hire people in each of the companies to write a similar story. So I think a lot of this, they double up. There's just some writer who writes a script, and either it's not good or it is good, but they just want to have it be developed in-house so they don't have to actually spend... money to buy it, and then they just develop the properties. Thank God, because then we get not just Volcano, but also Dante's Peak.

Right, right. It's a good thing. That was the first, like, PG-13 movie I saw in the theater. It was too intense. For a long time, my parents did a good job of, like, holding me back from, like, violence.

And then what happened? And then, like, they just stopped caring. They just let me watch whatever. The thing about Dante's Peak is, like, First of all, Pierce Brosnan is just the perfect geologist. And secondly, geologists are just natural heroes.

You know what I mean? Well, sure. If you think about it. If you're going to cast your perfect action star. Jake Beasley.

You're going to want to pick a geologist to save the planet. Sure. That would make sense. Didn't also the horrible Godzilla... like, Raffi Broderick was a geologist. Like, that's a comment, like, in, like, the late, like, disaster.

By the geologists! We need him to get on this. It's such a. It's like how, for a while, in romantic comedies, the guy was always an architect. That was, like, that was the set.

It's still that way. Like, I was going to say, actually, I think I saw Prince of Memphis, I think, like, Justin Timberlake's character. He was an architect. Or, no, he was an ad guy. Well, that's what I was going to say.

That or always an advertising agent. Yeah, that's right. It's one or the other. But that's true. It really is architect.

Unlike any of those movies, or even TV shows, there was that run of they just need, eh, it's just sort of a job. It's not really going to play too much into this. Well, the architect, advertising agent. The one that really exploited that was Bewitched, because no matter what crazy magic thing was going on, you could always go, it's an ad campaign. People go, oh.

They work that in, I don't know. There's an elephant in your living room and Napoleon is right there. It's an ad campaign. I'm pretty sure most people didn't even realize those ads were going on or put together by somebody until Bewitched came along. And they went, hey, wait, we do have a lot of ads going on right now.

One movie I just saw, which. I hadn't seen since it came out was Junior, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Very good performance by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm sorry about that. That's the surprising thing about the film, is that it, A, takes itself fairly seriously.

It's directed by Ivan Reitman, so he's a quality director. And Arnold Schwarzenegger actually pulls in. I think it's because.... He's so masculine that to, for him to play such a feminine character, the balance is just perfect. You know, and there's so much subtlety going on in his performance.

I think it's his best performance of his entire. Wow. His entire work. From inside and he's just like yeah like there's a balance there he just kind of comes off as like a normal dude it's it really is like also in twins like it wasn't that i've been riding as well yeah yeah sorry he was really underrated in that. One too.

He still gets so much for that So much shit for those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that makes me feel elitist because I think they look like idiots.

They do. Your family is always saying, like, let's all wear the same color today. And they're, like, they're wet cats right now. Yeah doesn't that make it just so much more cozy i'm gonna go get some other. Some more nice warm coffee and yeah.

Yeah it's like the old timey christmas movie where like some sad you know person down his luck looks in the display window like a restaurant it's snowing. And there's something oh man I was in Indianapolis a couple of weeks ago, and they tried to set the Zumba world record. They had this huge crowd. I was just walking around killing time while my daughter was at a college thing, and they had this huge crowd out in 100-degree heat. And they're all doing Zumba.

In Indianapolis of all places. I have a short film of it. I'm there, like, you can see it behind me. And I'm like, and I take a nap. And it's heaven.

Because in heaven, you will find a cool bit of shade and take a nap while people are trying to set a world record for exercise in the hot sun. It just made it feel so good that they were out there doing whatever that is. I don't know what it is. That's not my heaven. Not in my heaven.

There'll be no Zumba damage. I've never heard of it before, and all of a sudden I'm surrounded with crazy people doing it. I'm still thoroughly convinced it's a toy for a toddler. I'm sorry. I thought it was like one of those vacuum cleaners that went around by itself.

But it was faster than a Roomba. Listen, the upgrade model. Oh, and I guess this is geeky. I wrote a segue. Uh-oh.

Have you ever written a segue? I have in a play. Holy cow. It was Electra. It was a sort of strange, modern reimagining of Electra.

And the queen is on a segue in that one. So I just wrote it around. It's pretty fun. This was Starlight Express. I wasn't the queen, but backstage, everyone had to go live.

So do you think this is a. Good investment, the segway? Should we all have segways? Yeah. The guy told me there were like 4,000 used.

And I'm like seriously thinking about it because it was so fun. Well, the thing that made it so magical is we were at where my daughter's going to go to college. Like in back of her area building, there's just like this big empty parking lot and there's nothing. But it turns out we went to this park she wanted to see, like White River Park. And we're walking around in it and we go to this cafe at the museum and there's canals and gondolas.

And I look over and it's like, isn't that your building over there? How did we get here? And it's like right there. And you can't see it from where she's going to be going to college every day. There's this whole vast natural cheat date romance preserve back there.

I'm sure all the freshmen knew about it. Yeah. They never mentioned it to us. We've been on tours of this school and looked around. They don't say, oh, yeah, well, there's the law building in the library.

There's parking over here. And there's a magical fucking kingdom. Over there you might like. Nobody mentioned it. And we go through it on segways.

This really should be in the brochure. Maybe it's over at an Indian burial ground or something. It's something crazy. And so then I go back to the building and I look over there and there's like a parking lot. And you can't see.

You cannot see it. And you walk up to this ledge and look down. And down, there's a canal. And it's thriving with people doing stuff. Then you get back like 20 feet.

There's nothing. It looks like an industrial site. It's bizarre. The best things in life have to be hidden. I guess.

Because you've got to be the one to seek it. Like Nazis at the center of the earth. Nazis at the center of the earth. The best things in life. Are Nazis at the center of the earth.

I saw that movie, Friends with Kids, and it was like somebody trying to do one of those, like a Judd Apatow. And your guy at Wild and Wooly told me, He really liked the movie. That bastard. Ben was raving about it. But I noticed he didn't put his little Creech likes this.

He's very specific. So what does that mean? Yeah, exactly. He liked it enough to tell me he liked it, but not enough to commit. I've learned the difference between Ben.

Like the other workers there, like, they'll, I think the other workers, like, they'll just, like, if they like it, they'll just, like, oh, yeah, I'll put a sticker, like, Ben, he's very, just. Like, he puts a lot of thought, even if he likes me, I won't be able to deserve a sticker, like, it has to be special, right? Yeah, it's his criterion collection. Exactly, like, me and him, like, we bond, like, bonded over our love for the movie Drive, and, like, if you go there, like, there's, like, three creeps. Like, in the movie Drive, and, like, yes!

You'll notice he also disappeared after that. He told you to watch that movie and skip town. Well, you know, it was really okay. It had some funny parts, and there are a lot of good actors. But it was like I suspected.

And it's interesting to watch a movie like that because it's calculated for... It kind of tells you something about the culture, at least what somebody thinks popular culture is at this moment. Those are interesting, because it's weird when you're living in them, but when we go back and watch these movies from the 60s and the 70s and even the 80s, where it's a very different thing because you can see what they're doing and you see all the strings that were at work then that you aren't always as aware of when it's a current movie. Yeah, and I didn't really feel that aware of it as the movie was going along, but then right after it's over I look back and it's like, oh, that's just, they think people want to see something that's smutty but heartwarming.

And also you just know where the movie is going as soon as they set it up. You can't look the other way and not see how it's. Going to end. I don't know. It's all right.

But it seems calculated. Also, the woman in it is just creepy. Is it Megan Fox? No. It's a woman that's been dating for 20 years, Don Draper from Batman.

Is it? I think that's who you mean. Really? She's like an actress you haven't seen. Why would he be dating her?

Yeah, he is. Okay, yes, that's her. And she wrote and directed it. Yes, that's her. She was in Kissing Jessica Stein or something like that.

Oh, really? I actually saw that, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't get around her. She's just... creepy there's something about her. That's who Don Draper really is.

Oh boy oh my god look it up it's been like 20. Years oh man I wouldn't even do. Her not even a one time and I'm easy as hell I've always thought that Jennifer Westfeld really Don Draper well what's. His real name Ham. Something Ham John Ham yeah this is her There's just something reptilian about her.

Is this. And, I mean, I'm sure she's a really nice person, and if I knew her, I could. Oh, wait, that's not the... Oh, okay, no. I thought that was the.

Girl who's on. I don't know her name. She's on Lost. But it's full of, like, the characters on the show just make the weirdest faces, and, like, Julia, like, every time she shows up, she's. Like, we have to get off this island.

Like, Julia's near. Her eyebrows are really. Like, concerned. Yeah. Well, that's the vibe I get from her.

It's like she's had a lot of surgery or something. There's something creepy. And I don't know. And I mean, I'll sleep with anyone, but I wouldn't do her. Well, see, it's weird because she's the lead in Kissing Jessica Stein, isn't she?

No. I knew she got the part by sleeping with the director, which she must have because it's her. I remember seeing that they were, they were doing some sort of like showing of that movie at the theater. And I ended up just ended. I had no idea what it was and end up going to it and it's like that was probably the main hurdle it's like I think they were using the gimmick of some sort of weird lesbian thing and they thought that was gonna rope people in but I'm like that's not really the issue with this is her like she's just not Like, even in that, there's this weird block where you're just like, yeah, see where the story's going, but I'm kind of not on board with her, and I don't even know specifically what it was.

So it's funny, that was when it first came out. Yeah. That was a long time ago, and I still had that exact same reaction to her. Yeah, and the guy is great, the guy from Party Down. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Parks and Rec guy. Yeah. Really funny.

And he's great for that because he's like... good-looking, but in a way that looks sort of normal. Maybe his nose is a little big. He has a small mouth. Like, a proportion doesn't really work. Well, it throws it off when he wears those shoes.

I don't know. I draw from life a lot. And I do portraits. I'm looking at him, and he doesn't fit together. His hair is too big for his head.

And on Party Down, he wears those little shirts. I was going to ask, does he at least wear a normal-sized shirt in this thing? It's like he's aware of it, and he's playing with it. And even in the movie, at some point, he talks about his nose. From some angles, I think it's okay, but then other times, it's like, Wow, they wrote it for him.

Yeah. Adam Scott. But he's really. I really like Adam Scott. He's really charming.

Yeah. And he's really good. And a lot of people in the movie are good. It just winds up, it feels calculated. And then there's the her issue.

That she's just not warm. She's not likable. She's scary. I feel like those movies, like those... I don't know, I guess like you said, like that kind of a knockoff epitaph or like the.

Yeah. Yeah. Like you don't like it's too serious to be like kind of an apatow genre but it's like a bunch of friends like eating dinner like it's yeah like I said the cover is then at a picnic table going hey. Wine glasses yeah and like. I was like I feel like those are like always just weirdly miscast and a lot of the performances.

Are kind of forced but there's usually one or two. People who are really good yeah but well maybe they like when they get the scripts they themselves aren't taking it too seriously so that might be part of their performance. There is phoning in. I think they did really pretty well, but the writing and just the storytelling is like so calculated you can't get over it. Because it's basically people are trying to do something different from traditional relationships.

And in the end, they'll find out what they really wanted all along. It's like, you know, that make a porno movie. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like that. Except it's calculated for, I don't know.

It's like the ending of all those movies is always, it's like they're saying, it's like, oh, that's life, isn't it? You know, like, the so-and-so doesn't. Get together, and they stay with, you know, it's so-and-so relationship, and it's, I don't know. Well, that just sucks. I still need to see it, though, just because I can't remember which poster.

Well, I'm trying to think. All I can think of is that newer one that just had J-Lo and all the girls getting pregnant. Oh, and that guy in it. It sounds just like that movie. Yeah, it sounds exactly like that movie.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the better version. There needs to be a generic, like I said, the sci-fi original knockoff. Just, like, Transmorphers, like, New York Friends. Well, is this the category for the, like, you know.

It has Velociraptors thrown in for good measure. Thriller with a strong female lead. This will be, like, New York Friends. Snarky. Well, didn't they do that?

They did that with Friends with Benefits, and. Then they did the other one. The Natalie Portman one. Yeah. Which I actually saw.

I saw them both, and. I actually thought. I thought the Natalie Portman one would be the better one, but actually the Mila Kunis just seemed like it was better. Because you can. The Black Swan cast.

You guys split up and do the same movie get on it and it's because Mila Kunis is completely believable being like sexual and Natalie Portman. Isn't she just doesn't seem like she wants to share that aspect of herself with an audience well I don't know I really don't know but you. Know mila you just totally believe it you know yeah she seems comfortable but uh natalie portman whenever she goes that's sexy you just don't. Believe it it's like what is she looking at a salad what is she talking about i guess. A little too classy seems to be the performance is uh It's when she does the rap video for SNL.

Oh, that's her finest moment. Maybe she needs to play. A really angry character. I don't know. She kind of pulled that one off.

I thought she was just playing brilliant in The Professional. Oh, yeah. It's like my favorite thing she ever did. She was. Oh, my God.

What a good movie. That's so good. That's definitely Luc Besson. He knows his best. That just sets up your career, though.

When you're that damn good, that young. It's just like, oh, shit. Now you've got to go make freaking Star Wars movies. I want somebody to tell me something like that I can watch. It's one of those really iconic performances by a kid in a movie, like the kid in E.T.

That are just like, wow. That was an act. They were the characters. That's one of my favorite badass action picture things ever. Well, it's everything about it.

That's another one of those. Gary Oldman is amazing in that movie. Everything about that movie was so good. It's awesome. You're saying they were better than Daniel Radcliffe in the first Harry Potter?

That's my ultimate hit performance. I don't know. That whole cast thing. They were all good when they were babies. That's what I was going to say.

You go back and watch them when they were little. That's amazing. That's one thing that's amazing about the Harry Potter movies. You watch an. Entire cast grow up on screen.

With the best adult actors possible. It's almost like a documentary. If you just watch them all together, it's weird. Yeah, but like I was going to say, the first area part would be like, I'd have to actually go back and watch it with the sound on. Because I've watched it a bunch of times, but it's been the Dear Eater Wizard people, like audio.

I don't know if you all watched. It where that guy was. You can download it on the internet. This guy named Brad Neely, he's a genius, I think. He's hilarious.

He did this audio commentary where he narrates the entire movie. And this voice where he talks like this, and just. Over and over. Oh, I think I've heard of that. Yeah, and me and my friends, we make a tradition where we watch it every New Year's with that audio.

We just watch the first Harry Potter on mute. And it's so hilarious because of the timing. Because his mean cousin or whatever. right. Dudley yeah Dudley the narrator guy who calls his character beefy weepy and like the scene where like there's a scene where he like pops in into the house and he has like a ragtime hat on for whatever reason and right when that happens like Brad Neely just goes. Then ragtime beefy weepy jumped in like.

You see him come in with like a ragtime hat and it's just. So funny people have a lot of time on their hands yeah I was. Gonna say like recorded the whole thing non-stop. My sister and I used to love to just turn whatever station we were watching, just turn it on mute and do the voices for the characters. It's so much fun just talking over a movie.

I think we did that last movie I had a blast with. That was Melancholia. It's a good movie, but we were just trashing it the whole time and just talking stupid voices. We made a happy movie. We made a happy movie.

That was the main goal, was just to have a good time watching a Lars von Trier movie. Because it was a bunch of people, and if you're just with a group of friends, it becomes dead silent. Watching a Lars von Trier movie. Kind of kills the mood, so we just kind of turned it down and just drank beers and made fun of it. You should do that with the movie I just saw, Shame.

Shame would be. Exactly. Shame is like one of the most bummer movies ever. If someone just like, get the mystery science theater guys on that and see what they do with it. It's funny how mainstream that's become now.

Like, not just, I mean, they were doing it forever, and then, like, again, now both halves of that show are still doing it, but now, like, there's so many cities now where they're doing live versions of that, where they just have whoever puts it together gets up there and gets on a mic and just kind of makes fun of it. Yeah. Like, talking over movies. It's great. Yeah.

It's interesting that it caught on. They're generally better than the movies themselves. Exactly. That's the thing. They always watch horrible B-movies that you've never heard of.

But do movies take themselves too seriously? Like, what did we see in Austin when we were filming your film? We saw Total Rico. They were doing that? Yeah.

Total Rico does have some funny... The original? The original. I had no idea what it was. There was like a sing-along part, a drinking part.

Yeah, they were like. So, my kid is turning 16 in a couple of days, and he has a girlfriend now. Uh-oh. And the other night, they're getting to know each other's movies, Uh-oh. And she had never seen Pulp Fiction.

And he had never seen Phantom of the Opera. Oh, no. Which version? Well, she's a singer. And it was the movie when they were on long car trips they would watch because it went on forever.

So they watch both of them, and I'm in the room in and out, and they're sort of curled up together. on the couch and watching these movies and apparently both of them are equally hilarious to the wrong person that's great no to her she's watching pulp fiction and laughing like every few minutes he's over. There muttering some this. And she's laughing yeah. That movie's a blast. Well, but then also in places she makes noises like my daughter does when she watches an intense movie.

But it was just funny how both of them became the same movie. Phantom of the Opera and Pulp Fiction. Interesting. Because they're like boyfriend and girlfriend and they're muttering to each other. To her, probably the experience was about cuddling and they were just like images playing on the screen and.

That's how she acts. I think they actually followed them, the logic of the movies, and just overhearing Pulp Fiction again, sort of halfway watching it, I never really did know how good the writing was, but writing is really good. It's go ahead oh okay okay. So what you need to do is watch pulp fiction and the professional right back to back yeah that's really that would be a fun double wheeler yeah remember on vhs tapes you do double features i'll put this one on with that yeah. That is quite a double B.

Which one would I show first? I'm a person. That's showing it too. It's great. I geek out about that.

Do what? Oh, it's so much fun. Probably him. It's a good lead up movie. Pulp Fiction is just.

Like aggressive, outrageous, just crazy all from the beginning to the end. Professional is more of a I wouldn't say slow burn. But it unfolds. It's subdued style, and then it has a really awesome action climax. Yeah.

Wow, I wish I had something like that to look forward to. Me too. That's what I've been looking for. Friends with Herpes Part 2. Exactly.

There you go. Friends with Herpes. Coming next summer. Just for the boldness of. The title, I'm like, wow.

Have you been watching Breaking? No. I wish I had. Really? Should I do that?

Yeah, that's a good question. Should I do that? I'm like a butterfly. I don't like violence. I've never had a dream with blood in it.

Really? The fact that I like a TV show about a drug cartel that's ridiculously violent just means that it must be really good. I have not met one person who does not love it. Yeah, yeah. I've seen three episodes, and it's been a long time.

But now I'm scared to watch it, because if I don't like it, I'm going to feel so alienated from my fellow humans. They won't want to talk to you. You've got to give it its course. Some people don't like the first season as much, but they really like from the second season on. I loved The Wire, but the first season seemed a little, like, cop show conventional to me.

I hadn't seen that. But then you get into it, and it's like heroin. Yeah, exactly. It's like The Wire. People think it's going to...

You can't tell a person who's like, oh, yeah, I love this character. Well, then you'll love The Wire, because The Wire is more of like a... It's... it's awesome but it creeps up on you like in a weird like in a slower way like you can't walk immediately like Sopranos or something you know there's like a hit on every other scene there's something intense going on with The Wire it's like more gritty and kind of a documentary style. You get to know the people I can see someone. Like if I were to show my friend like the.

First season they'd be like this is just keep watching it's just it's amazing. Well, I guess we can round this one out. Has everybody gotten to an essential geek activity or a movie they wanted to talk about? I just want to say, like, I haven't seen anything new, but I just have been re-watching this past week. Just movies I already love.

Like, I re-watched Blue Velvet, which. I'm convinced, the more I watch that, the more I'm convinced that that is, like, I put it in, like, this category, just where I think it's just, like, perfect movies. It's pretty damn perfect, yeah. It's like, it would go along with like, there's Jaws, I think that's like a perfect movie. Hook?

Okay, yes, that's the opposite. I would say yes to that. I grew up on those, so. I thought we were setting the standards. Okay, we've got Blue Velvet on this end, and then Hook over here.

Like Jaws, Raiders, E.T., like just, and also I would throw in Pan's Labyrinth for me. And also Blue Velvet, because all those movies just have this amazing efficiency of storytelling. There's not a wasted scene or bit of dialogue. I don't know. I can't imagine.

Usually when I see a movie, I'm like, that was awesome, but what if this had happened? And I just don't do that with these movies. It's great. That one, in re-watching it, I think that is such the perfect mixture of Lynch. Because he gets...

I mean, he started off really weird. He's gotten old and weird. But there's this weird middle crossover where it's just enough of his weirdness. It's just enough conventional story. It's just enough of everything.

And these amazing performances that it all... That's the pinnacle of Lynch right there. What I think it is, is it's almost like he's mating with a Coen brother. Yeah. There's something tied about it.

It's much. Yeah, much more controlled than his other crazy stuff. It's like his style, but with that kind of focus and construction. And also maybe No Country for Old Men. I don't know.

I thought that was a good one too. I didn't like that one because. There weren't a lot of colors in it. I don't like Oscar films. There's no colors.

I get sleepy. I'm not even kidding. I can see that. It's just like. Everything's the desert.

Saving Private Ryan. Everything's sort of faded. Yeah, it has that. Saturated, kind of washed. The thing I hate about Saving Private Ryan is I see it quoted so often.

You say that I never see it maybe I'm just not recognizing it. Like friends not heated but like just debates about like I about the Thin Red Line versus Saving Private Ryan and while they're like how could you ever think that Thin Red Line is a better movie I'm like because it is like I just it's I mean Saving Private Ryan like I look at as if like as if it's a from an action standpoint it's kind of amazing like it's just more of a visceral kind of. I don't know noisy thing but And. It's, like, just, it's well-directed and everything, but just, like, shot for shot, I guess, I'd just rather look at Red Lion or just any Malek movie. The opening to Saving Private Ryan, if you just.

You have to, the opening is amazing. It's like its own thing. It's its own short film. Yeah, you could have just released that as a short film. Yeah.

Because it's amazing. The soldiers who stormed the beach, they had to leave. They were like, this is giving me. It's too real. One of those guys lives across the street from me.

He's one of the guys who actually made it. Well, he wasn't in that first wave. He came up in the artillery that was running sort of behind. Climbing over the dead bodies of the first wave. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but he was there and he went all the way to the crow's nest. Aren't that many of those guys around? No. He almost fell on my steps one day and I'm like, to make it through all that, be careful. Tie on my front lawn.

That was the point. It's not funny. To see that kind of intensity, that kind of carnage like filmed it like with a you know war movie like that i can't think of. Another war movie like i feel like he started. Like a whole new way of looking at war movies like black hawk down and everything that we.

Get now it was a game-changing kind of thing i would say it's a game yeah that was one of the first times that in a sort of action sequence that he was mainly handheld cameras and it had that documentary yeah yeah cinema verite feel to it. Which now we get way, way too much of. But at the time, it was groundbreaking. Yeah, it's very amazing to think about, especially at that point when we hadn't seen that before. All right, anything else for this one?

I will attempt to do this. I haven't done it in a long time because my own crew was kind of slacking, so maybe I can throw it to you guys. I'm going to say something here, and we're going to need a big fanfare. You seem like a fanfare kind of girl, Rose. Come on now.

Can you do fanfare? What does that mean? Noises. Off. Uh trumpets uh.

Trumpets i gotta do this on my own why don't we have like an orchestra it's like whoa okay you do it. You can you and i sang in harmony once. That one was good and then since then you guys just started slacking yeah we did all right i'm gonna say it and then i'll throw it to you guys see what you come up with okay kids get out your decoder pins That's what I want. That's what I want every week, guys. Come on.

Man, that was the best ever. I know. Did y'all plan this? That was amazing. I would be like, uh.

You got to say. The woman, male, like, you know, like different tones. I tried to do that with Greg, but I wasn't sure which one to pick. We both picked the low. Every week.

Oddly enough, they both picked the high. Very strange. Set your pins to V2. Here is the message. With that, it is time for the Movie Meltdown Secret Circle reveal of the next exciting feature.

And it will be pretty exciting. Sure. Yeah, we're all trying to figure out what to do with this movie. So next week, we will be back And we will be discussing Bronson. And if you've experienced Bronson, if not, go watch it now.

We're giving you the heads up now. If you haven't seen it, it's something you probably need to see. So, get on it. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week.

Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. If you take vision through it all that much If you reason with destiny Don't I lose my touch, don't kill the dream. Rejoice, they sing, they worship, they're. All the space.

In a moment of love, they will. Die for the grace. Don't kill the whale. If time will allow, we will get to the game. In the wake of our new age, just die for the grail.

Don't kill the whale. Thank you. Oh, man, I wouldn't even do. Her. And I'm easy as hell.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!