210: Sleepaway Camp Trauma

Meet me at the waterfront after the show's over. This is JT's Brain. This is Eggs Benedict. Hey, I'm Felicia Rose. And I'm Eggs Benedict.

And we want you to listen to Movie Meltdown. Movie Meltdown, Movie Meltdown, Movie Meltdown. Www.moviemeltdown.com All disclaimers and rights reserved. 1974. Thank you.

When I look Into your eyes, it comes as no surprise. You're slipping away. Angel, you're the love of my life. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.

Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. What's up and welcome to Movie. Meltdown, I'm Brian. My name is Misty. I'm Jay.

I'm Marlena. Oh, and we're... traumatized by this week's movie. So obviously we're a little off, but you understand. You know what we're watching. We are coming to you live once again via digital recording from the bastion of awesomeness.

That would be Misty and Jay's house. Soon to be the bastion of sleepiness. We're working on it. First, we have crazy stories to tell. We'll start with you.

So there's this morbidly obese guy that comes into my work sometimes. Sweet guy. Super into Dungeons and Dragons. Always has his Magic the Gathering cards on him. And he's like in a bariatric cover round.

He's narcoleptic. Which is really awkward. If you're trying to wait on someone and they fall asleep like mid-bite. Or mid-taking their orders. So they're worse than me, because I just go to sleep when, like, driving and walking and stuff like that.

He can be like, I'll have a Coke and a. I'm getting there. It's really awkward. And you're just like, what do I do? Do I wake him up?

Do I, like, walk away slowly and not wake him up? Yeah. But he was like, okay, I work in a restaurant. I think you all know that by this point. But, so he, like, ordered a pizza.

Yeah. And he was doing okay. And he was awake. And he was eating his pizza. And then all of a sudden he's out.

And he falls. And he's like. I mean he's a big guy. So he like rests his head. And it's like his body is like.

It's not yours. It's like a big old man movie. Yeah. But his arm is like in his pizza like this. And he starts.

I'm busy. And he starts snoring really loud. And farts. And it was so awkward. And everyone's just like.

So I had to wake him up. And I'm like, are you doing okay? And he's like, oh, I don't know what happened. I have allergies. That's why.

He's like totally narcoleptic. But he was like, I have allergies. I don't know why I'm sleepy. And I'm just like, narcolepsy, dude. It's a condition.

You can Google it. Allergies equals sleepy. Yeah. Maybe allergy medicine, but it still doesn't randomly make you fall asleep mid-conversation. So, yeah.

But it's really weird. But he tried to come. We were cleaning. He tried to come in today. And he, like, gets to the door and he reads this sign.

And he fell asleep. But he was there for, like, half an hour. Just asleep. And we're like, should we go out there and tell him? Nah.

And everyone's like, I don't have a key. So the front door was locked. So we just, like, left in there because we're terrible people. But, I mean, I worry about the guy because he's constantly in that hover ground. What if he falls asleep when he's crossing the street?

You know? It's like, it's still a vehicle. I'm sure it could easily. He sometimes, like, gets out. I mean, he can walk.

He's just so big, I think he doesn't. Also, the narcolepsy thing is probably a problem. I would think, yeah. But, you know, one of my coworkers was telling me that she's seen him walk, and he was, like, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette and just fell asleep. Fire hazard.

Yeah. Playing in traffic while he's asleep. There's many ways this could end badly. It's probably the most interesting. We've banned a lot of the crazy people from my work lately.

And he's not bad or rude or crazy. He's just narcoleptic and it's really awkward for everybody. But I don't think it's politically correct to kick someone out for having a medical condition. Get out of here, you cripple! Don't you come back!

We don't want your kind here! Although I have. Been kicked out of a bar for sleeping in it once. It's apparently illegal. Then you're just a vagrant.

I was in a bakery, but it's apparently illegal to sleep in a bar. Get a job. Yeah, I was like, fuck you, I'm tired. I wasn't drunk, I was just tired. This is why I don't go anywhere.

I think I got in trouble at a nightclub in Chicago one time. I hurt my knee skateboarding, and I had my leg propped up on a chair, and the bouncer came by and started screaming at me to get my foot off the chair. Because I wasn't up dancing, and I was like, dude, I can't dance because I hurt. My knee really bad. And because you don't dance.

And I don't dance. And he about kicked me out of the damn club. But luckily, some of my friends were there dancing, and they were just like, yo, leave him. Alone, man. So it was fun.

We got kicked out of the Dogs and Suds once. That's because you were sitting on the tape. We were all sitting on the tables. Me and Sammy and you and Dawn and Tara were all sitting on the tables. It was in Indianapolis.

Pretty much. And we went with the dog and suds. And then we were kicked out because we were sitting on their table inappropriately. I mean, it wasn't like any... Where's the dogs and suds?

I guess it's still there. Okay, I think I remember that. It was a chain, though. It was a pretty big chain. And good root beer.

Unfortunately, there's one out on Dixie Highway and all it is is a car wash. That's not dogs or suds. I know. There's soap, I guess. It has the same logo.

It's not root beer. That was the suds they were talking about. I know. That's what I don't understand. It was not dogs or root beer, wasn't it?

Yeah. That would be the dogs and suds I would have seen. You know, but now they have a car wash. That's not the same. Can you also wash your dog?

Because then the dog part is kind of irrelevant. I don't know. If you wash your dog and Get the soap in his mouth, does he have foamy mouth? Mad dog! Mad dog, mad dog, mad dog!

That's what happens. I think that's totally the intro to our show. That's lame. Do we have anything better? No, I don't have anything better.

I don't have customers where I work, so I don't have any good stories. All we have is a guy who stole 33 phones and a girl who fucks guys out in the parking lot. Oh, what's her name? Judy. How's that going?

What were they doing exactly? A guy stole 33 phones from your work? People just leaving their phone laying around? No, breaking open packages and taking phones. Stealing iPhones.

How do you steal iPhones out of your. Judy. You gotta go through a metal detector. That's what I want to know. He put them in his shoes.

I'm sure he did. I mean, I guess he got away with it a few times, but. He only got caught because somebody else got caught and ratted him out. Yeah. Who is equally as bad at doing it.

Yeah. Because they lied to him and said, we got you on camera. Yeah. We got you on camera stealing that phone. They just randomly guessed it was this guy.

And they were like, we got you on camera. He's like, oh, okay. Well, that first guy only stole like a couple phones, right? Yeah. And so...

The other guy was fairly successful at it. He had stolen 33 phones. I forgot how many thousands of dollars I think he had stolen. Like $ 10, 000 almost. Something like that.

I don't remember. This isn't a better story at all. No, not really. But, I mean, you got the guy that, like, okay, if you're a mastermind at stealing pretty much, which, okay, maybe he wasn't a mastermind, but he was fairly successful. He went and told some other dipshit how to fucking do it.

You don't go around telling other people how you do shit. That's how you get caught. Because you know. They're going to get caught and they're going to write you out. And that's what happened.

I don't want to get caught. Maybe it was all just a plan. Yeah. Keep the shit to yourself. You never trust anybody.

It's a cry for help. He really wanted to get caught. Yeah. Well, whatever. We're fucked in the parking lot.

So how did that go again? Oh, he did. He was one of the ones. He was one of the ones. Wow.

Mission accomplished. So he told on the girl who fucks guys in the parking lot just. What? Wait, I'm confused. What?

This is a very twisted story. What about people fucking in the parking lot? Okay, the guy who stole 33 phones and had sex with the girl who had... Who fucks guys in the parking lot. So she fucks, like, all the guys?

There's only been at least several that I've heard of. Is this, like, recreational or professional? Recreational. She wants to give him a try. Okay.

Trying to decide which she is. Desperate. She's a hoe but not a whore? Yeah, she's a slut. She's a slut.

Even better. She's a Judy. She's a total Judy. Don't be a Judy. Kids, if there's one thing you take from this episode, don't be a Judy.

I got my hair in a sideways ponytail. Missy's being a little judy. But just in the bitchy way. Not in the slutty whore way. Exactly.

And you don't have that face going on. Yeah. I'm gonna something, something, blah, blah, blah. That's what she talks like. Oh, Paul.

No, your face didn't move quite right. She didn't contort it right. I can't do it. It makes her face look. That's the only movie that bitch has ever done.

Because she's awful. She is. All right, we're getting out of here. All right, let's start with the movie talkings. We'll take our break, and then we'll get back into the traumatizing movie of the week.

You can cut out the part about the girl sleeping with guys in the parking lot. I don't know. I like that part. It's not like she's going to listen to the part. I'm assuming...

You won't get in trouble for sharing any of these stories, right? You can edit her name out if you need to. Did you say her name? Judy. Oh, yeah.

I won't believe her. Yeah. Even funnier now. Why don't we just put the name Judy in there? Judy.

Just have somebody else say, like, Judy. So there's this girl, and she fucks guys in the parking lot. What's her name? Judy. I like it.

I want to go to the away game so I can meet the friends. Even though I may not be just what others think they see. Practice down below my. Belt, but no one needs to know. I look the part, I play it well.

Everyone should go. To hell first. Sleep away, gamble I want to go sleep away, gamble So I can. Meet a boy Ricky's such a nice young man But I don't think he'll understand Even though he's trying to be Anxiously lost. Upon Think I'm intellectual I'm just a transsexual Oh Sleep away.

Gamble Sleep away, gamble. Looks like there's been a slight disagreement between friends. Well, here's a surefire way to patch things up. Just take two big, juicy, all-meat wieners. Wrap them in oven-fresh buns.

Add ketchup, mustard, relish, and let's see. Here's one happy fella, and here's another. Yes, sir, everybody agrees that the hot dogs you find at our refreshment center are the best. Buy one for everybody. You'll agree they're delicious.

Not since Scarface, so much action. Not since the Marx Brothers, so much comedy. Not since the seven-year itch, so much Maryland. The best picture this year will also be the funniest. Good night, sugar.

Good night, honey. There's one thing sure, boy never met girl like this before. You've never laughed more at sex or a picture about it. You stay here as long as you like. Jack may have beaten Tony to the sugar, but not for long.

You're not giving yourself a chance. Don't fight it. Relax. Hear Marilyn sing the fabulous songs of the Roaring Twenties on the United Artists soundtrack album. Running wild, lost control.

Running wild, mighty bold. Feeling gay, reckless too. Carefree mind all the time, never blue. Always going, don't know where. Always showing, I don't care.

Don't love nobody It's not worthwhile. All alone. Running wild If you haven't been listening to the Projection Booth podcast, you're missing out. Each week, the Projection Booth. Brings you in-depth discussions of some of the most interesting movies ever made.

I'm Mike White. No, the other one. I'm the guy who wrote the film fanzine Cashiers to Cinemart since 1994. Since early 2011, I've been co-hosting the Projection Booth podcast. Try us, won't you?

I never try anything. I just do it. Visit the Projection Booth at projection-booth.com. Tweet Audio, your source for high-performance, noise-reducing earbuds. Available in three styles and seven colors, durable and designed to sound great for both music and those chatty podcasts, like the one you're listening to now.

Tweaked Audio earbuds come with a one-year warranty, and now there's a special deal for Movie Meltdown listeners. Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better.

But I have proof, and... Tonight I'm going to show you something. Make you believe. Hi, I'm Dee Wallace and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Wow.

What are you kids watching? The newsletters turned into a werewolf. It's time for Sofa Theater. Dear Mom and Dad, I've been at a sleepaway camp for almost three weeks. And I'm getting very scared.

Welcome to Sleepaway Camp. Someone is watching you. Someone is waiting for you. Someone wants to scare you to death. Turn it!

Turn the wheel! Oh, my God! Sleepaway camp. You won't be coming home. Oh, no, absolutely not.

A little girl would be so much nicer, don't you think so, Angela? Oh, she's really a boy. Such a lovely name. Why, I believe it means angel. Why, yes, I'm sure it does.

I know you're going to like that name. Won't you please? What is going on there? Fuck. What the fuck?

And also a monster of some sort? What is going on? I'm so confused. She looks like not human. That's really actually scary.

Why is she turning green? What's going. On? Okay, you've just witnessed the horror. How do you feel about it?

I feel dirty. I feel like I need to take a shower and stay away from children's playgrounds. Like, I don't know. That movie was just wrong. On a lot of levels.

But do you want to go for a swim down by the water after the social? No, I'm just really glad I don't live on the river anymore because I'm afraid of water now. And her face. Yeah, that face. That was the scariest part of the whole movie.

I know, that was what makes the movie great. And then the tiny, young boy penis, full frontal male nudity of a child was disturbing. And the sound coming out of it. It's mouth. That face alone rivals the Donald Sutherland face.

Yeah, it's about the only thing that's close. That's the thing that Japanese horror movies strive for, is that level of, just make it go away. But yeah, that was like a, it was a little too keto for me. That whole... thing was extremely pedo like that was like the theme of the movie sex predators it was weird it was a weird movie It wasn't a bad movie, but it was like. It could have been edited in some places.

The baseball scene. The whole entire baseball scene. Okay, we can get to that part. We've got the trauma out of the way. We can go do a regular version.

Yeah. I just wanted to get the initials. Shock and awe and horrors. Man, oh man, have you seen Judy? A disembarker that I loved in the woods.

She's a chick, works. With the dick. Kill the teens, makes one handle it. It's a teenage west end of life. It's a simple welcome to life.

And everything's gonna be alright. Unhappy campers, desk on deck. This is what you're being full of, babe. Psychosexual, acting a fool. Angel of Death's gonna take you to school.

Pussy drugs are all it makes. Mr. Rapper says, fuck that shit. Angela, your nipples are burnt. Rick Morales has the pubic hair.

Ah! It's a teenage wassail of love It's a simple one, come to love And everything's gonna be alright It's a simple one, come to love It's a teenage wassail of love It's a simple one, come to love And everything's gonna be alright. Alright, welcome back to Movie Meltdown Sofa Theater. This week's more-to-fine sofa theater feature is Sleepaway Camp. The year is 1983.

The director, Robert Hiltzik. Oh, and the plot, according to IMDb. Slightly disturbed and painfully shy, Angela Baker is sent away to summer camp with her cousin. Not long after Angela's arrival, things start to go horribly wrong for anyone with sinister or less than honorable intentions. Oddly put.

But all right. Not too far off. Super major spoiler alert. This one is one of those. Once you've seen it, there's no unseeing it, but you can't hear us.

Talk about it or it ruins everything. Yeah. Stop right now if you haven't seen Sleepaway Camp. Go watch it. You owe it to yourself to traumatize yourself in your own special way.

And before we get to ours, we did, if you remember, we talked to the stars of this movie. So we have our own little one from the vault session. Alright, so we talked to Phyllisa Rose and Jonathan Tiersten and they, I don't know what was going on with them. I mean, you kind of hear it that top of the show there they're a little goofy but you'll hear more as they go into this they they were they were i don't know what they were on that day they they might have just been high on life i don't know but. It was the jonathan again the other the cousin the cousin okay ricky ricky.

Jonathan who's who's slightly cracked out in this interview so oh. And the last answer is it tastes like chicken. She's had to deal with this for 30 years now. That's a lot to deal with. That's why I went all gray.

And ask her if it ever stops. It doesn't. Good luck. Good luck. Ongoing.

Fire away. Are we done yet? Oh. So, yeah, just kind of. She has a restraining order.

I don't blame you. We've got somebody on the show who's actually never seen the movie, so we're going to sort of unleash it on them soon. Okay, so we want spoilers. Oh, you can, I mean, again, after the fact, once it goes out on the show. Are you bringing a psychoanalyst?

I think we need to, actually. That's a good idea. Absolutely. Oh, hi, I'm Phyllisa Rose from Sleepaway Camp, and I'm here with my lovable sidekick. Chevy Chase.

He's not lovable, I'm sorry. Ernie Hudson. He's so unlovable. Ernie Hudson. Toulouse-Lautrec.

He's very lovable. Mahatma Gandhi. Jonathan Tiersten. Whatever. Yeah, his name is Jonathan Tiersten.

And we wanted to talk about the work we did on the fabulous LeapAway cam. Woohoo! All right, so all you girls and boys out there. All righty then. It was Jonathan's penis that we used.

It was not my penis. I am much more well endowed than that. That's ridiculous. No spoilers here, Melissa. Stop talking about my penis.

Spoil it. You'll spoil it for all those. Women out there. We had so much fun making this little ditty. And it just is amazing that it's carried for so long.

30 years. This is crazy. Almost 30 years. Even though I'm only 31, it's, like, incredible. That's a good trick.

Yeah. It's my only trick. Now, we really had a blast making it. You know, it was a lot of kids going to camp. We really filmed that, and we didn't realize it was going to be such a crazy flick, but the ending turned out to be one of our really strange twist endings.

Definitely. It is, you know, my weirdest moment at any convention is when John Landis walked up to me and said, it's an iconic film, and I just started laughing. That's a cool story. Yeah, and I looked at him and I said, Animal House is an iconic film. The Blues Brothers is an iconic film.

I said, hell, maybe American Werewolf Fun. Is an iconic film. I said, Sleepaway Camp, iconic film. I'm just not putting it together, buddy. I'm just not seeing it.

But we'll take it. We'll take it. We'll take it. In the horror world, it's one that hadn't quite made it to mainstream, and I think we found out why as time goes on. I don't know if mainstream can handle that movie.

Yeah, I don't know if it would have passed the censors now. You know, it's funny that you say that, because I think we are like the stepchildren of the horror genre. It's like, you know, it's definitely big with certain groups of people, let's say, and People embrace it, but we're certainly coming at it slowly but surely. Yeah, it's such an interesting phenomenon because it gets bigger every year. The farther out we get, the bigger this movie gets.

I mean, if I had done a convention two years ago, I could have sat here and heard birds chirping. And that was not at all the case this weekend. So it's just every year, it. Just gains in momentum and we don't even have to do anything. Which is great.

Yeah, it's true. We just show up. Yeah, the horror world in general has picked up so much in the last five or six years. It's amazing. Well, and it's so much fun to see each generation watch Sleepaway Camp because, I mean, the majority of our fans are still the young, I mean, they're 13 to, you know, 20-something.

And that's how old we are, so we're set perfectly. Well, at least mentally. Maturity. So then I guess once you get to the big ending, once the movie came out, how did it affect your life at that point? No, you know, people were very nervous.

They were scared of me. Yeah. So they never fucked with me. Excuse my language. Again, feel free to.

We cursed constantly. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it changed my life. It didn't. I mean, I went back to school. I was still a crummy student.

The girls didn't. Still didn't pay attention. Still didn't pay attention. I was like BMOC on Sleepaway Camp. I got back to high school and that was a rude awakening.

But, you know, I mean, we both went to NYU as acting majors. So, I mean, that was, you know, that was probably part of it. But, you know, we went through a very rigorous, you know, program for acting. It was brutal. It was.

So, I mean, that, you know, and to be a trained actor, it's awesome. It really does, you know, implicit on so many films since then. Yeah. And now we've done a film together called The Perfect House that will be launched on Facebook October 1st. Holy crow.

I wish they would stop doing that. You never know what's going to happen at this convention. Clown attack. Kane Hodder slams his gauntlet and some guy, oh, that seriously just hurt me. What's with Kane?

Well, Kane, actually, I'll do it again, that I've threatened to kill him. Oh, no, please don't. There he goes. Yeah, I've thrown down with Kane Hodder. You're having a bromance.

I told him he's in the second best camp horror movie of all time. I think everybody has a love it, hate it relationship with Cain. He's awesome. We have a Jewish bond. Is he Jewish?

Well, he's converted. He converted for his wife. Did he? That's news. I'm breaking news.

Are you serious? No, I'm dead serious. Wow. Hi, I'm Cain. I have to say Mazel Tov.

I think that's all we had here. Mazel Tov on landing. Are we going on a tangent? Are we on a tangent? I got to go on break.

Sleep away camp. Sleep away camp. Wait a minute. Now John Landis is going to be really mad. Do you have the music rights for that?

Is that the theme song? I don't think it is. Thank you both. I don't know what they were indulging in that day. I'm assuming they were just getting some beverages from the bar there.

They're very silly. I'll give them that. But they were very fun and they were very nice to humor me and my questions. So I do thank them for talking with us. And they're right.

It kind of has turned into a big deal in its own weird way. It took it a while before it sort of like slowly snuck up on people like it seems to do. you don't see it coming. It sneaks up on you and then you see it coming over the head no joke you're like wait a minute what hold on what just happened you're. Like I didn't see that coming I'm just confused. And then you see it yeah how long ago did we see it how long ago did you make me.

Watch it it's probably been like two or three years two. Or three years and even at the very end part I still wasn't really figuring out what was going on until it finally happened and I was like whoa. What the fuck you gotta be fucking kidding me what rewind that. Yeah you just want to see that drunk again I was confused. I think everyone's confused when it comes to this movie.

It's really just shocking. It really has no, like, I feel like it's not extremely conducive to the plot, honestly. I guess maybe that would just, like, fuck you up a lot. I think it was funny watching it this time. I was kind of watching what they're doing because it's like they kind of, like, it's the double fake out.

It's like they're totally setting it up like it's Angela. Because everybody that messes with her ends up dead. So it would very logically be, well, Angela's pissed off and killing him. And she's kind of crazy. I mean, even at the beginning, she's a little weird.

So, you know, that's okay. But then it's like, all right, but that's too easy. Obviously, it's not going to be Angela. So it would make sense that it's her cousin because he's protective of her. And so then they start setting it up like it's that.

But then they're also making that seem like very obvious. And then you never see the penis coming. So they totally reverse it around. Spoiler alert. Yeah, because I thought I had it figured out.

What did you think was going on? Well, I thought Angela killed her. I was like you, the same thing. I was like, Angela's got to know she's a killer. And then I was like, no, well, maybe it's a cousin.

Maybe it's a cousin. And then I was like, wait, no, no, it's her. It's her. It's her. Yes, I knew it was her.

Penis? What the fuck? What the hell is that? Yeah, I didn't see that coming. What the fuck's up with that face?

That face was like... Oh, that face. I don't... The ink... I don't know if we should just skip to the end.

We can put the end off until the end. So let's go back to the beginning here. But I was noticing how much they were setting that up. It was. At the same time, they were really dropping the hints with the shower comments.

And it's like, so when you go back and watch it, you're like, oh, well, it's. Kind of obvious. Now I pick it up. But when you're watching it, you're just watching it for a pure camp slasher movie. Yeah, which is what it seemed like it was.

It seemed like it was a bad, cheesy camp movie. You get all the way to the end, and you think you've got it figured out, and then that penis comes out of nowhere and blindsides you. Because, yeah, there are a lot of hints. Because at the very, very beginning when the mom is getting the. What is it?

The medical forms. Yeah. The physicals. That she took care of. Yeah.

That she's the doctor. Why did mom have to take care of this? And the gay dad thing and the scene where the kids were, like, sitting. On the bed. Yeah, that didn't make any sense.

That didn't make any sense for me either. Yeah, I was just kind of like, what? That was just one of the parts where I was like, this movie is so pedocentric. I just made that word up. It's fine if they're both kids.

No, it isn't. Because they're related somehow. I guess I had to bring the gay dad in because she was really a guy. I don't know. Yeah, I was trying to figure out if they were officially going there because...

It seems. I don't know. There's something weird with the mom, so at least we're back at the beginning here. We'll start at the beginning, yeah. I'm just really disappointed that the mom never died.

The mom was... Because you hated the mom. Oh my gosh. Oh, I don't think that'll do at all. No, it won't.

Fuck you, lady. It was weird acting. I don't know how wonderful of me, or what was she saying every couple of... How wonderful of me. I don't remember, but she...

She was nuts! She was buckets of nuts. With her big old man hands. She was. She was crazy.

I don't think it was overacting. I think it was crazy. I think she was supposed to be someone who's crazy. Some people are fucking crazy. Because you would only, like, logically...

Like a normal person would be like, I already have a boy. I want a girl. Guess what? You get to pretend to be a girl for the rest of your life. That's the thing.

I think watching it, like those first few minutes, you're like, oh, this acting is terrible. And then as it goes on, you're like, no, she's supposed to be way crazy. Trust me. I didn't think that. I thought that was intentional.

It seemed intentional. It's not that I just thought she was like. I've known a lot of fucking bat shit crazy people. You were married to one. No comment.

But yeah, they talk to themselves a lot. If you took them and put them in a movie, you would be like, wow, they're overacting. But yeah, I think she reminds me of some people. She's a little crazy. That talk and then question themselves and then answer their questions.

And then question their answers. She takes showers when no one can see. She has no hair down below. Judy! She's a real carpenter's dream.

The light is a board and needs a screw. That's enough! Fuck all! Let's start talking about how fucking horrible Judy is. Judy?

Judy's a cunt? Judy's a cunt. How many times did you say that? Oh my god. She looked like Sarah Jessica Parker's uglier sister.

And around here, those are harsh words. She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. She was the horse that got beat. It realigned her jaw when she fell out of that ugly tree. Or they didn't.

Maybe. It's like beating a dead horse. Yeah, she was horrible. She was a fucking cunt. I wanted to fucking hit her in her face and see if I could straighten it back out.

How old is she supposed to be? I mean, really? Twelve, maybe? No, Judy? She's got to be like, what?

Fifteen? Sixteen? I would think. She's supposed to be at that age where, because remember that one, Ricky was making out with her the year before, but this year you should see how she filled out, which she didn't really fill out that much. I mean, that's really when girls start to fill out.

That age? 13, 14? Yeah. You're in trouble, dude. My boobs came in.

Best to not think about this. My boobs came in full force between 5th and 6th grade. Bam! I'm still waiting on mine. Maybe someday.

Maybe someday. Jessica's boobs came in between, like, sophomore and junior year. Between lunch and gym. Bam! One of these days.

I remember. That was really awkward for me because all the boys in the neighborhood were like, boobies. That doesn't change, by the way. No, it doesn't. I think my kid realizes this and I'm trying to explain to her that guys are going to start looking at you kind of weird.

And they're going to be creepy. And she already knows creepy, which is cool. She's like, that guy is kind of creepy. They all are. Yeah, I tried to tell her.

I was like, don't trust anybody. Creepy lesbians are worse. But anyways, Judy. Judy's a con. And yet, you started rocking the sideways ponytail.

That was more in respect for the hairstyles in general. She wanted to reclaim it for people less cut. I'm taking it back. I'm taking it back. Then I had to do, like, my ponytail, my sideways ponytail song stuck.

In my head. Oh, God. Now that's going to be stuck in my song all fucking day. Do you like my ponytail? That's a real song.

It's a real song. The fucking video is funny as shit. I actually like the video. I'm sorry. Sad that I haven't seen this.

It's on YouTube. Look it up. I'm sure. Do you want to take a break? Oh, no.

Yeah. Do we have to? I don't really care. I mean, we're closing with it now anyway. So, well, I think what kills me, and again, maybe it's just because I'm not there, but the accents in this are so heavy.

Not on all the kids, but, like, most of the background kids, especially the little kids at the beginning and, like, some of the other, like, less, you know, some of the less, the actors that have less screen time. They're just very, I don't know. I'm trying to think where, do they shoot this in, like, Jersey? Does it got to be upstate New Jersey? Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I think so. It's got to be somewhere. It's got to be Jersey. Based by that, the.

The camp counselor? I was going. By what appeared to be Steve Perry's younger buffer brother. The Sausage King of Chicago. Abe Froman?

Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago. With them damn shorts that look like it. Shit. You can tell what religion he was. I've never seen such a collection of tiny, tiny shorts.

Yeah, we're just going to have to do a whole section on the shorts of this. I want to do a shiny, a shiny, tiny shorts. I'm tired. I'm so sad that, like, I was around in that era, and I'm guilty of having tiny shorts and cut-off mesh football shirts. I was going.

To say, tell me they were mesh. They were mesh. They were mesh. Where are these pictures? They probably don't exist because I probably.

Burned them all. I had a habit of getting rid of pictures when I was a kid. Mom and Dad don't like that. They're online with those Noah Hathaway pictures you've got. Oh, God, they're along the lines of the Noah Hathaway pictures.

They're just not in the same poses. Noah Hathaway. A sexy spread right there. Poor Noah. We're sorry about that.

You should still press charges. There's pictures of him, I would say, like maybe 12, 13, 14. I think somebody was taking that. 11 creepy pedo pictures. Will I go to jail for.

Looking at those pictures? Maybe. I don't think you can find them online, can you? I don't know. You found them on eBay, didn't you?

You found them on eBay. They're probably on my computer somewhere. Oh, I'm sure they are on your computer. Wow. They are going down.

Great. I didn't save them for like that. Like, oh, yeah. Oh, no. No, no, no.

They're worse than that. Oh, no. They're going to come busting out the door and coming at me, you know. You got child porn on your computer. What?

He's wearing clothes. Wait, they're on this computer? But this is my laptop. That's her computer. No, that's not even it.

No. You're going to have to go look at them. Oh, man. I don't want to look at these anymore. Why do you keep looking?

Why do you keep finding them? Because Misty's trying to torture her. I just feel dirty. Marlena's so dirty. I mean, I'm not enjoying this.

I don't feel dirty in that way. No, I know what you mean. I'm talking about, like, got to go take a shower. Yeah, I feel like I've experienced something that I shouldn't. The other arm, too, is the same way.

It's not like this. That's weird. I don't mean, like, yeah, I feel dirty. This is totally working for me. There's this episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Frank has this, he's like, is that a strip club?

He meets this guy who wants to do a beauty pageant, and Frank's like, yeah, yeah, I'll invest in that. but it turns into a beauty pageant for children. And the guy's like a diddler, and Frank is like, the pageant's under investigation, and Frank doesn't want to be a diddler, and the guys are trying to write a song. He's like, let's include something about how we're not diddlers. Frank's little beauties, he doesn't diddle them. They're like, if we say something about diddling, they're definitely going to think that you're a diddler.

That was great. Once they've been seen, they cannot be unseen. Like the end of this movie. She was like, oh my God, look at this. And I turned around and I was like, what?

These are really terrible. I'm just like, oh. There's a lot of scary pictures of him. I feel bad for him. Look at all that young, fresh chicken.

Where I come from, we call them baldies. Makes your mouth water, don't it? Artie, they're too young to even understand what's on your mind. Then, good buddy, there ain't no such thing as being too young. The guy that I used to work with at the bakery reminds me of the creepy motherfucker that's in the kitchen.

Because he used to get online and chat with other girls and pretend like he was a girl. Or he would get online. Okay, this is an old, sweaty, just nasty motherfucker. And he was supposed to be an English professor. Or he was a former English professor.

He got in trouble for, I guess he got I don't know exactly what it was. He got in trouble with one of the female students and he got fired. Yeah, he was a creep. But he was talking about how he used to get online sometimes. Sometimes he gets online and pretends he's a 15-year-old Swedish schoolgirl and likes to fuck around with these guys and make them think he's all orny and stuff.

I'm like, dude, that's just not right. That's really gay and weird. That's weird in a different way. But then a lot of times he was like, I wish... He goes, sometimes I wish I was a Backstreet Boy.

I was like, why? He's like, so 15-year-old girls just sit in a bathtub and diddle themselves thinking about me. I was like, you're so weird. God, you're strange. That's beyond weird.

That's gross and creepy. He was. He was a creep. He was a big, fat slob. Yes, very much like the chef guy.

The chef guy made. Me very uncomfortable. I was really glad when he got burned. I know. I hope it burned his penis right off.

Did he actually die or did he just. No, he didn't die. I think he was made to suffer really bad, though. But, you know, death is always good. No problem with death.

I like that we spent most of that death scene with pointing out kitchen errors. That was a big fucking pot they had, too. Why would you have a pot that big sitting on a stove? So big that you needed a fucking stepladder. You just get a full-size kettle, man.

A full-size kettle will not fit on that stove. Well, that's why a full-size kettle is mounted on the floor and has a built-in heat. Well, they're cheap. They're a cheap fucking. They're a cheap, cheap-ass camp.

You better get a whole bunch of pots in there. That pot is too damn big. Did you see what that guy got with Ryan in it? He didn't care. Yeah, I mean, the flies, the nasty.

Oh, the fly strip. Dude, that just reminds me of. Replace that shit. Fucking camp. I fucking hated camp.

My parents would send me to camp every fucking year. And I hated it. And it was almost just as bad. It was nasty-ass food. Shitty ass kids that I had never seen before in my life stuck up little bitchy girls I just fucking hated it most of the time I spent most of my time in the woods you know I would leave and then go in the woods and nobody could find me and then I would stay there all damn day.

And then I would wait until they were out there and then I would kill them one by one. Well no I didn't kill anybody You know. I have to take a proof. I'm not in this movie. Hold on.

We're making a movie here. I have to take a proof. Yeah. Oh, wow. And that wasn't a walk-in at all.

Yeah, that wasn't a walk-in. That was a fucking pantry. That was a pantry. Yeah, I got something nice to show you. Maybe he meant walk-in pantry.

Maybe he meant walk-in pantry. And he's a dumbass and didn't know what the fuck he's talking about. He knew when to fucking walk in, there'd be shrinkage, and. That's never good. Not for that guy.

If I walk in pantry, he meant his rape closet. That's kind of, yeah, exactly what it is. That's kind of my favorite thing that I've heard all day. I don't condone it. That's not my favorite thing at all.

But it does make me chuckle. Rape closet. I'm going to refer to my bedroom as that. I know. Here's the bedroom.

Kidding. Here's the master bathroom, and over here's my rape closet. No one gets raped in my bedroom. Guys are going to run away. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Men. Men. Hate to go to a girl's house. If they have a rape closet.

I'm kidding. I don't have a rape closet. Although I do have a bedroom I refer to as my closet. Stay away, guys. All it takes is a little word to put right in front of you.

Start to the bar. Hands with an ape. Rides with Jake. The grapest. The grapest.

I'm not really a therapist. I'm the rapest. This guy that. I used to work with, he had like five jobs, but he said there's like this really big guy that he worked with and he was like sitting at a table eating his lunch and And he had a t-shirt that said, hug your therapist. But one of his man boots said, push the T-H-E part in it, and it said, hug a rapist.

And he was like, what? And I was like, oh, I see. Hug a rapist. This whole episode makes me want to shower. Yeah.

There's nothing good about it. I just want to shower right now. I showered this morning. I'll shower after you all leave. Are you just going to wash your clavicle over and over again?

With no soap? I'm going to scrub the hell out of my clavicle. Now we're jumping ahead a little bit, but since you brought it up, we had to go right to Meg, who does it. She was a fucking cunt, too. I thought she was a bunch of cunts.

I was just like. And it's a good representation of summer camp, because summer camp is full of... fucking dickheads. It was. And again, I didn't want to go because I was pretty sure it was going to be like that. But at the point where the bitchy girls picked her up and threw this kid who, I don't know, for all they know, couldn't swim.

They threw her in the water and could have practically killed her. It doesn't matter. It didn't matter. When I was a kid, they picked me up and threw me in the lake as well. I couldn't swim.

And it was all a good hoot. It didn't matter because it was the early 80s. And nobody cared. There were no lawsuits at the time. This was the perfect example, though.

They drag her out, and she's traumatized. She almost drowns, and. Then they're walking back up the dock there, and the other little kids are throwing dirt on them as they go by. I'm like, this is a perfect representation of summer camp. That's about it.

You almost die on a regular basis, and then on your way away from almost dying, people are still being nixed. Yeah. I am really surprised I didn't kill anybody at summer camp, because to say that I didn't go to summer camp armed is really an understatement. Well, you have to, I mean. Yeah.

But, yeah, Meg, aside from being a horrible, horrible person, yeah, we got to her shower scene, and I'm like, has she ever showered before? I don't think she has. I don't think she has either. She was showering up for that big date with the old fucking cigar guy. His name was Mel.

Mel. He looked like a Mel. Mel looked like. A fucking Mel. Mel was pretty entertaining in this one.

Yeah, he did look like Mr. Roper. Mel like chomping on his cigar and like. Wearing his fucking Technicolor station break TV station break pants. And like the earlier scenes where he's got tennis shoes and black socks but then later when he's got the striped beach check pants he's got the white shoes so he's got like the worst of every wardrobe all thrown together.

And yeah why are you digging in your cleavage because there's a bunch. Of hair i don't know why i'm sorry it's really itchy my hair just falls out like crazy. Our lady's got a hairy cleavage. I do. And when I shower, I have a hairy butt crack.

Like, a handful. That was so weird. You don't have to put that in the show. You did. It's especially awkward.

When you're showering with someone else and you're like, close your eyes. True story. Or you just don't tell them. You wait until they're washing their face. That's a good idea.

And then you take them off to the rape closet. Whatever you do, when she tells you to close your eyes, guys, don't do it. Oh, God, just run. I don't have a rape closet. Well, you're just in the shower now.

You don't even need the closet anymore. But, yeah, Mel was the one. They were all just horrible people except for Steve Perry's brother. I don't know. I like him.

He had fantastic man boobs, too. They were vice and firm. No, I mean, that is an accurate representation of summer camp. I mean, because I remember there was always that one guy that was really cool, that was nice to everybody. He was just trying to do his job.

He was just trying to do his job. He loved summer camp, and that's the way that guy was. Just like Steve Perry. He loved summer camp. Fucking love Steve Perry.

He didn't sing about it, but he just really loved summer camp. Love summer camp. Wheel in the sky. That's really about summer camp. Yeah.

So, okay, I still want to get into other creepy areas. Marlena, in the middle of the movie, you came up with a theory. You're onto something, I think, on why we should all be dead now. Everyone post-80s should be dead. Yeah.

Because all men should have been sterile. All these dudes' shorts and underwear were so tight. That it had to have cut off circulation to their balls, like limiting their sperm count. How our race continued after the 80s, I have no idea. It's like a miracle of science.

She's kind of got a point, actually. I was born in the 80s, so I beat the deadline. I've seen the clothes. I don't understand. Hell, we wore some of it.

I don't know. I don't remember that far back, I don't think. I think I blocked most of it out. I don't know. Maybe that just means I don't have to program.

I don't know. I remember the damn jeans, though. I remember not being able to, like, getting ready for school and having to try to fit into my damn jeans. Damn jeans were tight. Tight fucking jeans.

I'm going to get you some of them now. No. I'm going to get you some of them short shorts. I'm going to get you some of those little tight shit right there. I don't want, no.

There's nothing sexier than tighty whiteys. You should start wearing tight jeans and you should tight roll the bottom of them. I used to do that. A long time ago. I remember my cousins teaching me how to tight roll and I thought it was so awesome.

I did too. I thought it was awesome. And as soon as they taught me, the fad was over. And that didn't stop me one damn bit. That's the biggest collection of tiny short shorts I've seen in quite some time.

And you were making fun of their tiny whities, but like I said, when you wear shorts that tight, that's your only option. You can't wear boxers with that. When boxers are like three inches longer than the shorts you're wearing. Well, I mean, even when I was in high school, boxers were not considered ends. It was like mid-90s before any regular guys like 60 were wearing boxers.

Yeah, I mean, my grandpa was wearing boxers. You wore tighty-whities, that was it. I don't even seem to remember any guys wearing boxer briefs. I don't think they even were admitted yet, were they? I don't know.

I don't remember boxer briefs. I just remember everybody wore tighty-whities, and if you didn't wear tighty-whities, you got made fun of. So, I don't know. I'm just like Angela. I try not to shower with the other strangers.

Or talk to them. Or just sit and stare at people awkwardly. And they're like, what are you looking at? And Angela just keeps looking. There are a lot of awkward moments in this movie, I have to say.

Not just the creepy ones. But even just the cuts back and forth to her as she just stares at them. Yeah. It's awesome because it starts to make them feel really uncomfortable. At first they're kind of like dicks.

They're like, what the fuck are you looking at? And then there's no response. And then they're like, uh, stop looking at me. Yeah. And then be mad about it.

Yeah. Weird. Yeah. There's some odd, awkward delivery. Again, it all just kind of adds to the creepy tone of this movie.

I don't know. I think my favorite part is that the fact that it came out in 83 and I didn't see it until what, maybe 2006 maybe? Was it. That late? 2005?

It was mid-2000s. It was, yeah. And I had not heard anything about the ending. That was the first time I watched it. Whenever you got that crappy copy that we just watched, that was the first time I'd heard about it.

But again, it's like I can't believe I heard about it for years. And still hadn't heard the end. Like, I went that far. That's why I'm going out of my way to not ruin it. For anybody else.

I don't know how I even ever, never heard of it. Because, I mean, a friend of mine, we used to watch a lot of horror movies after work. I don't know how we missed this one. You know, I don't know how I never heard about it. We watched a lot of cheesy 80s horror movies.

Don't know how I never came around to that. So when I watched it with her, she made me sit down and watch it. I was like, eh, you know, it's a cheesy slasher camper flick. And I'm like. I pretty much understand.

I get where it's going until the end, and at the end it totally threw me. I was like, whoa, this is the greatest movie. That's so weird. And I like that, the fact that it managed to go so many years without being unspoiled. I mean, fucking The Sixth Sense was out like two days, and people spoiled the fuck out of that.

Yeah. I guess because there wasn't internet back in the 83 really to spoil it. But even then, like, as far, you know, lately, maybe everybody just has respect for it. Everybody was traumatized. Everybody but us.

We're going to spoil the shit out of it. No, we put the spoiler alert out. I gave you full warning. Go watch the movie. But I think that's what it is.

I think everybody, like, I think more than respect, I think what they have is, I was traumatized, damn it. I want you to be traumatized like we did to Marlena. It's like the crying game. I'll survive. Yeah, it was like the crying game, but for children.

Yeah. With children, not for children. Please don't. Thank you, children. Watch the crying game.

It's a great game. Hey, kids, get around the TV. Do you feel traumatized? Do you feel like a little part of you has died? I just feel dirty, but I think I'll probably forget about it in a minute.

No, you won't. You might forget about the lower half, but you can't forget about the face. Yeah, the face. The face will not go away. Like, how many years since I saw it the first time?

It's still burned in my brain. Well, because they leave it on screen. I know. Horrible. They leave it on screen even through the credits.

It's horrifying. I think the thing about the face, it was just so supernatural. That part was like really supernatural. But the rest of the movie, it was just like some fucked up kid killing people. But that part was just like, what are you?

Some kind of demon? Oh hell no, you a demon. She kind of was. Yeah. I think part of what makes the face so fucking creepy is when they do the pan out shot, it is a mask.

That's what makes it so funny. It looks so unhuman. Because it isn't anymore. When you see the whole body. I think they used some completely...

It was a college guy. Oh. That poor bastard. He just shaved. He's completely uncredited.

Nobody in my knows who the fuck he is. No one would want to be like, this guy's shaving tiny penis. I mean, I'm a grown man pretending to be a boy because my penis is so small. Oh, you know, when you got a bunch of people watching you and you're not doing porn, it kind of shrinks up a little bit. Maybe it was cold out there.

It could have been cold. A lot of times when they shoot movies, it's cold. They were down by the water. Yeah. It's shrinkage.

It's shrinkage. Something's supposed to be bigger than it is. Because I've seen pictures of just like the mask when it's being made and it's absolutely fucking frightening. I didn't realize it was a mask. It is.

Because it really looks like her face. Yeah, it's a good switch back and forth. Like, Again, for. This is pre-CGI, people. They have her face, and when they do the zoom out, it's the mask on a dude, and then they go back to her face, and it's just so fucking frightening, you know?

And I think a little of that is that it seems unreal, but, like, in a totally creepy way. Like, it's not... It's not natural. It's just, it does feel a little dirty. Well, because your brain picks up that something's not right with this.

Yeah, and you're just like, oh. But it's not like CGI, because your brain can pick apart CGI generally, and your brain can go, look. Your brain's like, that's CGI. You understand what it is. There's no depth to it.

You don't buy it, but you understand what it is. You understand what it is. But this one, you pan out. You're like, okay, that's... It's something's...

You can't pinpoint it. It's what it is. You're just like, something's off. What is it? It's probably a mask, but there's a dude.

No. No. Fuck. What is it? Stop showing that.

Why won't they stop showing that? Well, and the fact that she was, like, holding a head. Yeah, I mean, it's a traumatizing scene. It would probably be really hard to saw somebody's head off. Angela's hardcore.

There's, like, a lot of stuff there, actually. Yeah, well, maybe she's got a really sharp knife. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. That's true. You can slaughter a bunch of kids in their sleeping bags without waking any of them.

That's the one we were trying to figure out how that happened. Well, you know. Because she shredded those sleeping bags. Well, you knock them all out first. You get more than swift whack in the cranium.

Or slit their throats. Eh, you get a bunch of bubbling when you do that. Gurgling. Don't you hate when that happens? Yeah.

That's not what happened when I was. It's kind of hard to slit throats with a camp axe. It's crazy how much. Eyeliner is under my eyes and not on my eyelids anymore. I don't know.

You know? It's the face coupled with The voice, or the gargling noise, followed by the confusion of face and penis, and the realization that, hey, that's a, what's going on? And it's just like a shocking moment, too, because you've got the severed head, and you've got, like, it all comes out of nowhere, too. They're just like, oh, look, down there, what's that? You know, and all of a sudden it's just, ah!

It's fucking creepy. Yeah, that's just nuts. And I don't seem to remember, maybe I wasn't paying attention in camp. I'm sure there was a lot of messing around going on in camp because that's probably what happens. Like between guys and girls?

Between guys and girls, camp counselors and girls and cooks and some of the little kids, you know. There was probably a lot of that shit going on, but. Yeah, it's... Well, you were actually at camp. I was at camp, but then I was gone most of the time.

I mean, I didn't participate. I took off into the woods. Even just witnessing. Misty found a picture of the severed head mask next to her and it's traumatizing me. A little bit more.

Well, the mask looks really bad and fake now. In that picture. In that picture, but. It probably helps that, like, the video grade was really bad. Like, I wonder if they... have cleaned it up now, and if so, if it's not, it's weird.

Like, again, it looks, it's such a bad, I'm sure, VHS copy, and then the one we have on this ghetto DVD is just taken straight off of VHS. But then the funny thing is, the funny thing is, there's a lot of new movies that try to go back and recapture that grainy grittiness. It's not quite the same. No, it's not. It's, like, again, you know, your brain picks it up and goes, eh, there's not something It's kind of off about that.

I don't buy it. It's not VHS. Yeah. We're all missing out. I guess because if you grew up with VHS, you know.

And I remember when we had VHS and everybody was like, DVD, man, DVDs are so awesome. And I'm like, I can't tell the difference, you know. I can't tell the difference. It's the same thing to me. I'm not going to be able to.

And then I got a DVD player. I was like blown away. Holy shit. So. And I haven't even made the step to Blu-ray people, so I'm sorry.

I just can't afford a fancy DVD. I can't. I really can't. just don't care and i'm half blind anyway so i we don't have one of those nice new super led tvs because i figure that's just something somebody's going to run off with our 450 pound tv that we have now it ain't going it's not going anywhere mine you lifted mine yeah i don't ever want to do that i don't want to do that. Again god that thing's heavy dude no shit So in the Return to Sleepaway camp that was shot not that long ago, like in 2008, she plays the same person? I'm really confused.

What? Her name's Angela. She probably gets out of Crazy House. Is she a camp counselor? I don't know.

Counselor. Counselor. Camp counselor. How many of these movies are there? They're 25.

Maybe they're working on the other one, I guess. I don't know. They're trying to do Hellraiser. I guess. There were two that they did in the 80s, I think.

There were two sequels then, and then they just did the return to Sleepaway Camp four years or so ago, or somewhere around there. And now they have listed a Sleepaway Camp Reunion 3D. She's seriously done two movies that aren't horror movies. It's weird. Once it becomes your.

You're a little niche. But she's in a movie that's coming out in 2013 called Crazy Fat Ethel. I'm on board. But no, who can ask? And maybe not even just camp.

Maybe it's just, I think I'm more like, am I just an emotionally detached human being? But these kids, there was a lot of roughhousing and grab-assing. Just in general, with the guys and the guys and the girls. Was I just a detached child? Because I don't remember being that hands-on with my friends.

I wasn't either. They were all just like, all the like pile on wrestling matches when they were, it seemed like they were angry at each other, but there was a lot of hands on each other. I was just like, I didn't touch my friends. There was a lot of that. Yeah, there was a lot of that, but it wasn't, it wasn't between me and my friends, or my friend.

I'm sorry, I didn't have a lot of friends. You had one friend that we mostly threw rocks at each other and shot each other with BB guns. I was, well, me and my cousins, we weren't like, I mean, we were somewhat, not, like, uber, like, touchy-feely, but we weren't, like. Well, I mean, we're talking about, like, roughhousing. I did.

I mean, these kids are just, like, they're horrible to each other, but at the same time, they come in contact with each other a lot. I don't know. Well, they're all friends, even though they get aggravated with each other. Well, yeah, they're camp friends. That dorky kid that they keep picking on, that they're like, here's my ass.

Yeah, wow. It's like, that's... it's crossing a line man i mean it's a. Prank but i remember kids doing stupid crap. I know it's like guys you want to go that far to make him feel like an idiot i guess you do all right yeah but guys kind of do like that i don't get guys but they're not like i don't want to lie yeah it's like somebody else feel horrible it's. Like who's the guy who wants to have some guy's nose up his.

Ass i was like who is this worse for okay a little bit But it's still not cool for you either. Yeah, it's like, ha ha! Wait a minute, you're the one. Who had your pants down. What are you laughing about?

I don't know. It's just watching all of that going on. I'm like, these kids. I don't know. Maybe I'm just...

I don't know. I didn't do that ever. No. That's just me. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. It's beyond me. But I still like the movie. I'm still impressed. Granted, it's incredibly low quality, but like I said, I think that it's impressing how long it's held up.

For me, I still think it's, you know, kind of, not like I'll say groundbreaking, but it does do a lot of things that people have ripped off. Yeah, and it was sort of pushing that envelope of like a lot of things. Like even just the father... thing like that scene i was like in 83 yeah to be showing that in a well not a huge mainstream movie but still a pretty normal. Horror movie yeah but in 83 83 that was a big deal still pretty high homophobia i. Mean the most groundbreaking homosexual presentation we had is three's company at that point so i mean which is pretty god-awful actually looking at it now.

It's I don't even remember Three's Company. Oh, Lord. Peter Roper thought he was gay, and that's why. The physical comedy is actually still pretty entertaining, but the homosexual jokes are so bad now. Yeah, it's weird.

Then, I guess, they were supposed to be progressive, but now it just seems painful and insulting to watch, but I don't know, so that's why I was like, in 83, this was sort of pushing that envelope, and then the weird. Well, yeah, because it wasn't throwing it as a joke. Yeah. You know? And it was actually, like, trying to give backstory on how all this messes her up, which, again, maybe isn't a good representation, but it's using it seriously.

Yeah, it isn't making a joke out of it, and then you get to the weird... Again, that has nothing to do with what the aunt does to her, which is really what fucked her up, so. Yeah. That, again, that's a very weird, like, I don't know, that's the kind of gender roles that Hitchcock used to do. It's almost one of those things that I wonder that, like, the brother, does he end up taking on his sister's personality, too, in a way, since his sister's killed?

Yeah. You know? Maybe. I mean, maybe it's a weird, like, guilt that sets in that I should have been killed and I wasn't, and now, you know, you've got this authority figured as an adult in your life telling you that's what you need to be, and... I'm confused.

At the very beginning when they're in the boat accident, I could have swore that it was the sister that was screaming that her brother had got hit and her dad. No, that was the girl that was water skiing that was screaming the whole time. Once they were in the water? Yeah. They kept cutting her.

She wouldn't shut up and help them. She just kept screaming. I thought that was the little girl. No, that was the weird water skier. I was confused.

No, because the little girl, the sister, had her hair in pigtails. Yeah, pigtails. And she had black hair, and the girl that was screaming had blonde hair and wouldn't shut up. You remember her awful face as they're going. Where was the boy when this all happened?

Now I can't remember and I'm confused. You don't really see him. They show one really quick scene with him, and that's it. And you can't tell. Again, it's like they both have dark hair.

They're little boys and girls. You can't tell much of the difference at that point. I just remember seeing the dad floating and his ass back and then. The body like this. Like, in the very first time I saw it, I didn't catch it, but this time, because I knew what to look for, I went back, watching it this time, looking for all those little things, all those little hints.

And in a way, it's impressive that... they're all there. Like, it really is. It's not like they slapped it together and at the end they just, like, make up this reveal. It's like, if you go back, it's actually. Well put together.

Yeah, once you've seen it and you start paying attention to it, they do only flash a really quick of the little boy going, like that, and that's it. And you see the dad and you see the life jacket. And at that point, I think, I thought that the At that point, when I first saw it, I didn't know who got hit. Yeah. I didn't either, especially the first time.

And then when you see the girl come at you, you're like, oh, okay, I guess the brother got hit. Yeah, I guess she's the one that survived. Yeah. Which is what you're supposed to think. Yeah.

And they do a good job of that. They flash it so quick that you're kind of confused. Yeah. You know, until that point. And then you think you've kind of figured it out.

And you even buy, like, again, watching the, like, okay, they're being horrible to her about the shower thing. Yeah. But even, like, when she's making out with the guy... It plays very much like a I just wasn't ready scene, which is in every teen movie, whether it's horror or, like, sex comedy or whatever. It plays exactly like one of those.

And I was just like, even knowing how it turns out, I'm like, you kind of buy this. Like, I'm 12 years old. I'm not ready for this. Leave me alone. Quit grabbing me, you weirdo.

Oh, no, I have a secret penis. Why don't you eat one of those? It's awful. Yeah. We are talking about the movie, right?

No, she just came to startling revelation over here. It's a very special episode of movie. I take people to my rape closet to reveal my secret penis. Nope, never happened. You gotta watch when you bust that line out.

Yeah. It's not a secret no more. Yeah. Wow. Yep.

Men love that stuff. They love surprises. What were we watching they were trying to set that guy up oh was it I can't even remember they were trying to set that guy up on a date and they were at the man show and they were asking would you date a woman with a penis and he goes. I might it was Tosh. 0 the guy that was the gymnastic virgin sorry I slap things a lot.

I hit things Whenever I'm trying to make a really important point, I. Yes, you're a table pounder. I'm a table pounder. I was going to say I'm a fister. You're a fister.

Oh, God. We're back to the closet. Secret penis having fisting and rape cards at home. Let me break out the rubbing gloves. The story is not getting better.

Not at all. I'm never going to go on a date again. I don't think anybody listens to this. It's just Randy. He's already got Lisa.

He's going to tell all my mail soon. He probably may not understand you right now. Wow. I'll post that on her Facebook. Hey Marlene, how's the rape pause going?

How's the secret penis going? I told you not to bring that up. I'm seeing a doctor. Leave me alone. So the other thing I was going to say, aside from all of that trauma going on there, too, that kind of I was impressed with because this is such a low-budget movie and, like, because there's other moments that are very choppy about it and some weird acting, but, like, the effects kind of hold up.

Like, the creepy drowned dude with the snake? Yeah. That looks good. Like, that looks good by today's standards. The snake coming out of his mouth.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. The guy when all the boils were showing up and stuff. Yeah, well, the guy that got burnt. They were showing the blisters forming up on his face.

I don't know how they did that, but that looks good. They just burned his ass. That would be a low budget. Hold still. Yeah.

All right, this is going to make maximum effect here. All right, you're going to lay there, and we're going to dump boiling water on you. Meg, do I need you to back up? Back up? There we go.

Right into the knife. Method acting. I just think the whole end thing is just so creepy to begin with. I can't even just. I didn't like it.

The singing and everything. Yeah. I forgot about the singing. Again, everything about that last scene is just traumatizing. Was it singing or humming?

I couldn't. No, she was kind of like singing. She was kind of singing. Yeah. It's very creepy.

Yeah. I don't want to talk about it anymore. But there's the slow pan and she's covered in blood. And naked. Why'd she get naked for that?

Because they were going. To go get a skip. You don't get blood on your clothes? Holy shit. You've seen American Psycho.

That's how you take care of that shit. You always kill people naked in your rape closet. We know you. Don't pretend like you don't know. You don't want evidence.

Exactly. There's only two options. You coat everything in plastic or you completely strip dead. If you don't have the plastic, these. Are your options.

Well, I do have many plastic outfits. I'm kidding, I don't. I got rid of those a long time ago. See, I probably wonder if she had planned on killing him or if they had both gotten naked and then he saw and that's why she killed him. Possibly.

I mean, she did suggest let's get naked. So that's, I mean, there's no. Wondering if he's going to figure something out at that point. I think she was holding a grudge from him kissing her. Yeah.

I think it seemed... She seemed pretty intent at that point. I don't know. Yep. She was waiting for the big reveal.

The penis was not a secret to her. No, it wasn't. She made it known to him. I don't blame her. I'd be pretty pissed, too.

Yeah. If you were making out with Judy, I would fucking cut your head off, too. It's Judy that made it rough. I mean, kids and... At that age, I guess, there's a lot of that nonsense.

Not for me, but, you know. For regular kids, they probably have that going on. Well, yeah, you've got the girls that are developing faster than other girls, and they're going to be dicks because they're kids. Because they can. Because they can, because they have what boys at that age are wanting, you know.

So, I mean, I remember in school, you know, certain friends that were girls that liked guys... and other girls that were complete bitches to him, you know? I mean, you probably know. I'm a bitch to you? No, no, I'm just talking about, like, Everybody you went to school with was a bitch. No, there were the girls that were, like, a little bit more further along developed than other girls, and so, like, if these girls liked other boys, they would get their attention away just because they had boobs.

You know? And at the time, when you're, I guess, most of the boys were like, Oh, boobs! You know? So their attention is easily drawn away. I'm just lucky I went after an ass man instead.

Because I have a fantastic ass. Or I used to. You still do. Aww. That's sweet.

It's funny that Paul dude, the poor bastard that got beheaded, he's like the one that came out of this. Well, at least in the 80s. In the 80s, he was in a lot of stuff. That's the thing. I remember, because I was just on cable, I just watched Firstborn again.

Which he's like the lead in that, basically. And then he's the lead in Manhattan Project. And all through the 80s, they gave him his own movie, which is impressive when you're like a teenager. So it's funny that as it goes on, he doesn't, yeah. By like, I don't know, the late 90s, he'd already kind of stopped a lot of TV work and then kind of stopped and he's got one short in 2008.

But yeah, he had a pretty good career going in the 80s. More than what Judy did. Or anybody else for that matter, pretty much. Especially in mainstream stuff. I think everybody got known for horror and kept doing other horror stuff.

I don't know. Was the poor man's Mr. Roper, was he in anything? He looked familiar. He does.

What's his name? I don't know. Mel? Mel. Let's see.

Oh, that guy died right after Sleepaway Camp. What guy? Mel. He died in 1983. Wow.

Wow. Yeah, that is his last movie. I mean, Meg got stabbed in the back, so there's no chance of him getting any. Did you know the way he looked at her after he saw her dead there? He's like, hmm.

Yeah, he had that real creepy one-second look of, I could probably tap that. You know, if it hadn't been long. She was still warm. That's what I'm saying. You warm up the shower.

He wasn't really that old. He was like 60. What did he die of? He was in a ton of TV, though. He was in, uh, one of the Twilight Zone.

He was a hundred and one things. 30 Fathom Grave. Hmm. Is that, which one is that? Is that the phone call?

No, as long as it's called. 30 Fathom Grave is when they're, they're on a boat and they keep hearing sounds, like, like underneath the boat and it's from a ship that it sank or something. Hmm, that's weird. I don't remember that one. Yeah, he was in a lot of TV, though.

Honestly, Celeste. And Midnight Express. And, God told me to. Yeah, he was in a lot of stuff. He was Fugitive Thug in Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

What was Steve Perry's brother's name? Was he Ronnie? He looked like a Ronnie. He did look like a Ronnie. The wackiest ship in the army.

Paul D'Angelo. That sounds like him. Yeah, that sounds like a name. Sounds like a name. Well no Pauly D he's Pauly D he doesn't know Pauly D the original.

Pauly D maybe he's Pauly D's dad maybe crazy no Pauly D's name is Paul Del Vecchio Vecchio. No I think that's him Paul D'Angelo what else is he done I'm so tired it wasn't much it was six things two of which were Sleepaway Camp titles. Okay, do we need to figure out anything else or are we about done? I think that's most of it. I think we've covered why it's still kind of amazing for what should have just been a schlocky B-horror movie.

I don't know, the fact that, like they said, 30 years later and it's still traumatizing people and people still remember it and it's still considered one of the big shock endings in any horror movie. It's right up there with A lot of the big, super mainstream, well-known movies. Yeah, I can't think of any other movie that's had that shocking of an ending right offhand. There's a few, but. I mean.

It's right up there. Like what, though? What's the name of that one? Seven? Shocking endings that haven't been spoiled for everybody.

That haven't been spoiled? Seven. Nobody's spoiled seven. There's one, but I kind of don't want to spoil it for people by saying it. Have I seen.

Is it new? No. It's one that traumatized Misty. I don't think she's made you watch it. What is it?

Bambi. Don't look now. Is it Bambi? Yeah. I think that was a good movie.

That one's more traumatizing because naked Donald Sutherland fallen. Well, I've heard. About that one. It's horribly creepy. Like, it is really creepy and well shot.

I'm not sure if I want to see naked Donald Sutherland. You don't. Because I remember young Donald Sutherland, and he wasn't even that good looking when he was young. No, no. He always kind of had that weird look going on.

Yeah. I'm going to tell you, I read the story for that. Yeah? Didn't make a lot of sense either. Mm-hmm.

I still think it's a good movie. It's just a weird movie. I'm trying to think what he was in that I saw him in. Was it The Great Escape? Maybe that's what it was that he was in.

He was fairly young. I don't know, but this is something like that. you know, that, again, that psycho moment of like, holy shit, didn't see that coming, you know. That was more in the middle of the movie. Psycho, yeah. I remember Psycho.

It's that kind of moment. It's right up there with that stuff. Or Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which kind of has a similar moment there. Yeah, I don't remember that movie too well. The 78 one's kind of got a similar creep factor going on.

I saw the 78 one, but I was real young. That was probably one my mom and I watched together. Yeah, I'm probably never going to watch Don't Look Now ever again. I want to go back and watch it, because I remember being impressed by the other stuff going on, and I don't know, it's pretty cool. Angela!

Angela! Are you alright? Angela! Are you okay? Angela, can you hear me?

Angela! God, she's a. Boy. I think that's about it, but we do still have Marlena's traumatic reveal of the... You were the only one who didn't know what she was getting herself into, so what's your final take on it?

Are you ever going to recover now? She'll forget. I'm going to have to watch something really funny to forget about this. Disney movie, maybe. I said something really funny.

I might watch Tangled before bed. No, I'm kidding. I've never seen it. It's actually really good. It's pretty well done.

As far as kids' movies go. My niece really likes that one. All right. I think we've traumatized enough people now, so. I hate living by myself sometimes.

Well, actually, no. Living by myself... Awesome. If you'd quit killing all those guys. In your rape closet.

Just having to go home after stuff like this by yourself. And walk my dog outside in the creepy street. At least you're not down by the river anymore. It was less creepy there, actually. Wow.

Just because I lived there for so long. Well, now it's just open. One whole side, there was nothing coming to get you except maybe a sea monster. Yeah, hobos. Exactly.

And they're all passed out. The alley used to scare me. A lot. And I never walked my dogs in the alley at night. But then, you know, I got used to the alley.

I always walked them in the alley at night. In the middle of the night. Four in the morning. And it was no big deal. Because you know your neighbors so well.

And you, like, they're so close to you. And you don't really feel scared. But I don't know any of my neighbors. It's like everybody's just like a, it's just like a house full of people that I've never seen. So.

That's weird. That's weird about it. I mean, they exist and they are like there. But. You don't talk to them.

You don't know them by name. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know if they're all crazy. We got to know our neighbor.

Look where it got us. We're still fine. Maybe that's a good thing. That's what saved you. I guess we'll go home.

Alone. You guys might still be alive. I don't know what will happen to either of us. We'll definitely be alive. We're good.

They're on. You'd be shit-faced out of luck to come in here. She came in with that face. That face is impenetrable to all weaponry. Okay.

Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Put on some black Gonna go and hit the beach Sleep away, camp.

Dead trap. Tonight, chop, chop, chop, chop. Summer's getting nice in the blue light. Chop, chop, chop, chop. Put on your bucks, baby.

Going to campfire. Tell the ghost stories, make it simple, it's good luck Wasting youth is a round in the face. We're now playing. Sleep away, can't death trap Tonight Chop, chop, chop, chop Someone's getting next to her Moonlight Chop, chop, chop, chop Sleep away, can't death trap Chop, chop, chop, chop. Someone's hitting that cinder.

Chop, chop, chop, chop. Guitar solo The kids. Ain't coming home from camp this year One by one by one They all disappear The kids ain't coming home From a camp this year. One by one by one They disappear Wow! Sleep away, can't death trap.

Tonight Chop, chop, chop. Chop Someone's getting next in the moonlight Chop. Chop, chop, chop. Sleep away, can't death trap tonight Chop, chop, chop, chop Someone's getting next in the moonlight Chop, chop, chop, chop I'll get. You I'll get.

You I'll get you I'll get you. I don't think Winchester was ready for that. I don't think so. He's not going to be a normal pup anymore. I just feel uncomfortable coming in contact with children now.

I usually do. But not for the same reason. I don't understand how this radio magic stuff works. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by the Audity Studios, with opening music performed by the Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com.

Talk hard!