254: What Kind of Holiday Special is This?!

Attention, shoppers! I trust you've got credit cards. To pay for all that stuff. Hi, this is Captain Mary Stewart, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Merry Christmas!

Dinner with Paul! The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. Power!

We're going to have to provide more cooling in. The containment chamber. To your stations, we have. A rebound signal. That's the spirit.

You'll be celebrating Life Day before. You know it. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. May the calendar keep bringing happy holidays to you.

What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian. I'm Ben. I'm Fred. I'm Marlena.

I'm Lucy. Yoko. And happy holidays, or based on last year, happy life day. Celebrating life day once again. You haven't missed a life day yet, have you, Brian?

No, I always make the trek home in the Falcon. Yes. So, we are coming to you live via digital recording from Fred's house. Hey, Fred. Hi, Fred.

I'm glad everybody's here. This is so cool. It's a delight to be here. We had a pizza party, and it was wonderful. Yeah, we've had the traditional holiday meal of pizza.

And Fred won the pizza wars. We did have a pizza war going. I think we should just devote this point to the pizza party that we just had. Lucy, you have many things to say about Fred's pizza. Well, I have a lot to say about pizza in general.

I would like to begin with. This is hard for me because I don't know how to say this diplomatically. I still. Just let it out. Okay.

I know. I really very much want Uncle Matty-O's to endorse this. I want them to be a sponsor because I literally drive here. The only reason I do this podcast is so I can go to Uncle Matty-O's. Thank you.

That's the long and short of it. I live in Lexington. I make the commute just to get the. Uncle Matty-O's pizza. I'm from a different state.

I don't know what Uncle Matty-O's is. Oh, well, let me tell you. Oh, Jesus. Do you really not? I don't.

No, no. Okay, did you have some? No. Did you try it tonight? I have to drive.

I figured I better not. Well, Uncle Mattio's is a franchise. It was begun in Atlanta by the fine folks that brought us Moe's, who would also make a wonderful sponsor. All right, okay. We'll take that, too.

That's a burrito joint. Now they have this pizza joint, and you can get any kind of pizza that you want. They have, like, seven different crusts. That might be somewhat of a... well our fact checkers will get to that but they have vegan crust they have gluten free vegan crust they have vegan cheese you can get tofu but like if you're an omnivore you can get all the regular are you vegan? Yeah I got one with steak on it one time for the rest of you people you can get all of that stuff and it had black stuff I don't know what it was but it was pretty tasty I just like the fact that I got a pizza with black stuff on it not olives it was some sort of liquid and it was black might have been ink I don't know but.

Caviar fossil fuel pizza. I'll take that Well, I did order the dinosaur specials. I mean, little did I know. So it's good is what you're saying, right? It is amazingly good.

And they don't have it in Lexington. They don't have it in Lexington. I would love to. Just Atlanta and Louisville. Well, there are.

Other markets as well. It hasn't made it to Lexington yet. Louisville is the closest to Lexington. Why aren't you buying a franchise? Well, because then I would have to sell the other stuff along with the vegan stuff, and I can't really do that.

Just touch it all. Just put your hands in the raw meat and just squeeze it. It's okay. You don't have to eat it, but just feel better knowing that you touched everything. Just put the animals back together.

Over and over until they quit asking. And then you just galvanize them. So, honestly, I had come tonight hoping that I could maintain the party line, which is that Uncle Matty's is, in fact, the best pizza ever. Okay. Now there is, I have to qualify it, and that is Uncle Matty-O's is the next best thing to homemade pizza.

By Papa Fred. It's true. I'm going to order a pizza from your house next time. Oh. So by supporting Fred, you're supporting a small business.

That's right. A small and non-existent business. The Uncle Matty-O. The corporate greed of Uncle Matty-O. Just know that it doesn't exist.

Oh. Oh. This holiday season would support it. Okay, Fred, why was your pizza so good? I don't know.

What's your secret sauce? It's like cheese. It's so good. The sauce. It was Daiya.

It was Daiya, but with love. Did you make it in your steampunk oven? Yes, my chamber stove. You guys should see this. It's a symphony in chrome.

It's amazing. Build a like one of those fire brick oven things i can't make my pizza any better i can change it one way or the other but it's as good as i know how to make it. I'm not emotionally prepared for your pizza to be any better. And i don't know you have a strange relationship with this pizza i mean i ate it. But even non-vegans would enjoy this pizza even people who balk at the idea of vegan food.

Would yeah i'm not a i'm not vegan i i just like knowing how how to make vegan stuff, because it's fun. Like the vegan haggis, which we can break out. Please. Really? No, let's do this.

You want to try. The vegan haggis? See, I was like, what is he talking about, haggis? I was like, haggis. That's what he meant.

Oh, Agus. I don't know if that's even the correct way, but that's the way. We're Americans. We do whatever we want with it. Oh, I don't know.

Because I was looking up Hoggis on my phone because I was trying to be savvy and smart. It's made from hogs. It was just like Hocus Pocus. I was like, no. You're like, not those other seven searches I did for Hocus Pocus.

It's like the first time I drove to Lexington, I kept trying to find Versailles Road, and nobody's ever heard of it. They'll tell you how to get to Versailles. It's a pretty major, no, I've never heard of that. You mean Versailles? Eventually somebody did clue me in.

And Lynn tells me there are people around here who say Bargetown Road. And I was like, well, that's just how they say it. And they do. And I'm like, I don't care. It's wrong.

There's just not a G. We have a river. There's barges that go by all the time. It's the same thing. I mean, I'm okay with people saying bashful manor because that's cute.

They're just being smart at it. Yeah. People at home should get a Louisville roadmap out so you can follow along with what. Uncle Fred is saying. It's hilarious.

I'm telling you, if you're from here, it's not funny. Place names in Kentucky. Monkey's Eyebrow. Okay, eyebrow? Okay, I feel like an elbow.

Eyebrow's so much better. Do monkeys have eyebrows? I'm imagining like a well-manicured monkey eyebrow. Does every other area in the country have a big bone lick? I just want to know.

I found out the history behind that if you guys are interested. I know a lot about the history. Do you know where the name is from? I feel like this is going to ruin things for me. No, it's not.

For serious. I'll make up something. Okay, so like, Hooved animals would be loving to lick salt. That's their thing. And farmers put blocks of salt out for their hooved animals.

So apparently that area has a lot of salt, and these critters come lick it. Critters come lick it. It's beautiful. You know what? I just like that phrase right there.

I'm calling dibs on the band name Critters Come Lick It. You can have it. So where are the pepper licks coming from? A pepper elixir in my pants. Keep back the animals!

They're breaking down the door! Well, apparently, they found some carbon dating on some large bones they found in the area, and they found out that these. There's some really old critters that come licking in this region, and that's what's called big bone lick. So they found all these bones, big animals licking them. They're mammoth bones.

Right. Thomas Jefferson put a bid on them, but he found they were too expensive. And there was a guy named Captain Thomas Ash, an Irishman whose name wasn't actually a captain, wasn't actually Irish. Captain D. He was a con man, but he...

He gathered up a bunch of those bones. I had a roommate like that. I think everybody has at one time. Were there bones in his closet? Probably.

The one story I know from real life that is most like a Coen Brothers plot, because nobody in the whole thing had any idea of what anybody else was doing. But the guy wrote a book that you can find online, and I know people say Hunter Thompson invented gonzo journalism. But if you look up the definition of gonzo journalism, this book from 1811 is pretty much the same thing. It was Travels in America Performed in the Year 1811 by Captain something, I think it's Thomas Asch. O.G.

Reid. Wasn't his real name. But anyway, he stole these bones off property that didn't belong to him, took them back to England, couldn't pay the duty on them, and lost them. You said duty. Yeah, I did say duty.

You said bones. What was the thing I was going to say about that? There were so many weird parts of the story. Oh, but the book, you can look it up, and it also tells a story about the mummies that were found. People consider this book to be the first judgment passed on American culture.

And it's full of lies and nonsense and stuff he made up and borrowed, but it is the first account of Native American mummies before any were found. And it describes them to a T, and then people started finding them in the years following, and they are exactly as described in this book. But he described a cavern in Lexington... where a bunch of native american mummies were found tons of them and how people uh dragged them out and beat them to pieces and destroyed all the scientific value. They tell you they say why they wanted to beat the mummies to. Pieces because of the american character starting to say have you not seen all those stories on the internet of what we do ignoramuses um And he told this story, and they'd never found the cavern in Lexington.

Ancient rock formations? But they did start finding actual mummified remains, and people started destroying them. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, there was like three stories in a row of... americans being stupid and half the time we left the country to go do it in other countries but there was the one recently where they knocked over the rock that is so because it might fall on somebody no they were destructive okay yeah well no i thought the one was like a troop leader and like who put this idiot in charge there was the guy who caught the six-legged octopus which makes him not an octopus but he was like legitimately he was an octopus and was born like mutated and only had six And instead of taking him to the museum or some sort of research area, they ate him.

Oh. And they said, tasted like octopus. Wow. Yep. There were several of those stories in the last six months.

It's probably not that amazing. It's probably just like a birth defect. But they said they found like two of those ever in history. And he ate one. Think of what they could have done with that in a Bond movie.

Sextopus. I'd rate that. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes it's not even malicious. There was that guy who was studying trees, and he had this special drill bit to drill in trees.

And the first tree he went out, drilled into the tree, and the bit got stuck. And he couldn't get it out, no matter what he did. And his whole grant was tied up in having this special drill bit. And so he went to the rangers for help, and they said, The forest rangers, they said, it's not a big deal. We'll just cut it down and get your thing out.

There are plenty of other trees. They cut the tree down. He started looking at the rings. It was the oldest known living tree in the world. And it destroyed him.

Just his career. He became the guy who cut down the oldest. 20 years later. A reporter saw it and said, hey, aren't you that guy? Oh, man.

And he ran away. He just couldn't deal with it. It was completely unintentional, but he became known as the guy. Dude, I would have gotten a t-shirt. I'm the guy that cut down the oldest tree.

But you know, somewhere in the world, there was a forest where the second oldest tree. Was like, finally, it's my time to shine. Thank you, that guy. Thank you. Keep up with what is the oldest tree. because there could always be something somewhere.

But I think what they believe is the oldest continuously living organism is that cancer on the faces of Tasmanian devils that somehow their immune system doesn't recognize that it's not theirs, and so it's communicable. They catch it from each other. So it's one living thing. It's one living thing, and they think it's between 200 to 200, years old. It's like a cancerous sourdough.

It just keeps going. Because they're always biting each other and they're always bloody because they bite during sex and stuff. And they're very inbred. And so they have a poor immune system that doesn't recognize that when they get some of this tumorous stuff on them that it isn't their cells, and so it's a communicable cancer. It's weird.

It's a melting pot. It's like a melting pot. I love the conversation that's already encompassed in just a few short minutes. And then wasn't there a woman that tripped and fell and ripped either a Van Gogh or a Picasso? I can't remember which.

That was like in 2009. Though, I think. I know some stories like that. Do you remember about that? I can't remember if it was a Van Gogh or...

I want to say it was a Picasso. It was big. Yeah. But I can't remember. Maybe it was just a Bob Picasso and no one really cared.

I was working all night in the garage. I didn't hear that one, but when I worked in an art museum, there were many stories of things that went wrong. And I was present at some great. Really? Responsible is what you're saying?

Yeah. I think my favorite story like that is the woman who Tried to touch up the face of Jesus and he just looked like a coconut monkey. Oh, that's great. Yeah, a coconut monkey. That's a great painting.

That's my favorite. But one that happened at the local art museum, the Speed, they had this, there's a great German sculptor, Willem Lengbroek. Really love it. I think it was, yeah, it was Lengbroek. And he had a bust of a woman, a bather, that started at about the hip And so it was hollow.

It was hollow cast. And they had an event, and they have a fountain there, and the fountain, the sculpture garden. And they put the thing in the center of the fountain. They put flowers around it. They had the fundraiser.

Chocolate fondue? Is that where we're going? Are we going to chocolate fondue land now? No. You're just hoping.

No, what happened was they forgot that the fountain is, they had the event. Everybody went home. They forgot the fountain's on a timer. The pressure builds up overnight. So it went off in the morning before anyone came in and fired this sculpture like a water rocket.

Did the security camera catch it? That would have been great. I don't know. I don't even know. But it shattered, and they didn't have really good photos of it.

So they got this woman from Boston to rebuild all the wet shards of stuff, and it looks now like. Not even close, right? I don't even know. How do you know that it looks like he did a sculpture of... bathing woman who had had some serious reconstructive surgery. You're totally telling the humpty dumpty story only in artsy fartsy terms.

Yeah it's the humpty dumpty artsy fartsy. Yeah it's awesome yeah yeah there were great stories like that and i know some people now who don't really like to trade those stories but i collected them. I loved them why not it's like and we had this thing like whenever we had to do something that made us nervous we would always start with what's the worst possible way we could do this? Like, we've got to get this sculpture through turning doors. Well, we could just put it in there and crank it.

And somehow that relieves the tension. And you don't feel as nervous about tripping and cutting up a Van Gogh or something. Yeah. The holidays. Pizza!

It's made with the original crispy pizza crust, our exclusive pizza sauce, a pinch of salt, a touch of parmesan grated cheese, mozzarella cheese. A little oregano, and into the oven it goes. And presto, a delicious pizza. What'll it be, folks? Cheese or sausage?

Why not enjoy some delicious California crispy pizza? Oh, cartons of camels are sure to please. Besides, they look so handsome under Christmas trees. So easy to give, so good to get. Give camels the nation's favorite cigarette.

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Just go to tweakedaudio.com, and when you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. You use up all the glue on purpose.

Hey guys, it's it's the repeater from the tower of technobabble and we're getting ready to do our next show and i thought it might be cool for you to look behind the scenes and see how the magic happens uh in fact conduit is getting tower bot ready right. Now as we speak. Approaching Singularity. Got it. Avengers.

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Need it. Mars. Got it. Monkeys. Got it.

Movie reviews. Got it. Myths. Got it. NASA.

Need it. Oceanography. Got it. Politics. Tune in at www.toweroftechnobattle.com and see what happens.

Hello, this is Tom Cade, the voice of the professor from The Powerpuff Girls. And you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Oh, I love it so. Oh, no. What if I don't get my official Red Raider Carbine Action 200 Shot Rage Model Air Rifle?

You'll shoot your eye out, kid. That's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show.

Oh, this is going to be a groove for me. It's going to be a little something different, but we're going to give it to them anyway. Are you ready? Come on. We want to give out a present to everybody this Christmas.

All around the world, for every man, woman, boy, and girl. Are you ready right now? Come on. Here we go. Oh, I like it like that.

Come on. That's it. All right. Come on. Oh, Christmas presents around the world.

Something mine is sweet to see. If only if I just had a present for everyone under one great big Christmas tree. For every boy that wants a brand new toy, for every Johnny that wants. A car, for every junior that wants a mobile bike. That rides and rides and rides.

Now my little doll, she wants a doll that cries, one that walks and wipes its eyes. And I see there's someone that wants somebody home just to live and have in their arms. What a Christmas present. This Christmas came for. What a gift you could be.

I accidentally only shopped at Kohl's yesterday for. Small Business Saturday. Accidentally? I went to three Kohl's. I was looking for...

I really, really like... I was looking for something specific. I passed by a lot of independent businesses to go to the most corporate ones. Yeah, I felt really bad. But.

I pointed a laugh at him. I don't have a credit card for, like, why Louisville or something like that. I mean, just don't. I don't have any money. I do have credit cards.

Though, so... That's been my plan forever. I bought a juicer and a pair of shoes and a food processor. Crazy dude. What I was thinking about this year is, like, can you even give movies as a gift anymore?

It seems like they've become a devalued currency. As we recently discussed. There goes my present to you, friends. Nobody. Well, I mean, I do because I believe in them as gifts, but it seems like it's not.

As easy to do as it used to be. Yes, you can. If you give them to someone who's a VHS insane person, right? Adjust your tracking. What was it called?

Adjust your tracking. Okay. So we can see that. VHS collector. Yes.

Oh, VHS is rad though. So is there a movie about this? Yeah. There's two of them. Explain.

We will revisit. Is it on DVD? Actually, that's the fact part. You can either go back and listen to the last podcast or Lucy can give you the condensers. I don't know if Brian wants us to have this, but Rehash.

Of last episode. Well, it's Christmas. You're supposed to talk about old stories. Relive the memories. My thing that I do is retell the same story every podcast.

Fred only has one story. He just illustrates different things. That would be kind of like if Shaggy started going raw. You have your own things you do. So is it on the internet or on Netflix or anything?

Um, possibly? Yes, I know that it's touring right now. There's actually two documentaries, and I've already forgotten the name of. The other one. It's touring?

Is it with, like, Found Footage Festival? No, no, it's, well, just, it's doing the festival circuit right now, so. Oh, cool. Yeah, and actually the two filmmakers were sort of taking it city to city and then having VHS sales, like, set up outside of the screenings, which was amazing. And I think that's how they were actually sort of living off of that enterprise, because...

It really is like creating, I mean, a market for itself. Like they make this documentary saying, oh, people love VHS tapes. And by the way, we're going to have some for sale in the lobby. And this is now a collector's market. I think that's the real drive for this.

Yeah, like pawning over like 10 bucks for like VHS for keeps or whatever. Because, you know, I was cleaning out my basement and I found two VCRs. I couldn't throw them out. You shouldn't. I'm beginning to think I might need them or something.

When the apocalypse comes, I have nothing to watch my stories on. Misty and Jay gave me a bunch of Carl Sagan VHSs, and I'm like, I need to get a VCR and watch them someday. It's probably not going to happen. Do you guys remember those commercials where they would give you these options of what career path you could take? They used to always be on Nickelodeon.

They were like, you could be a veterinary assistant. And they told you you'd be a VHS collector? No, I wanted to be a VCR repairman. Repairman. That was always one of them.

That district. Yeah. I do remember that. Do you remember that? The VCR repairman.

Or get your degree. You can major in business accounting or something. There was also an option where you could do forensic studies. I wanted to do that from home. That's so weird.

That's what this table's for. Right. It's the weary flesh table. The table of weary flesh. What if you had to massage a really fat person?

I did. I did repair a VCR once. I had one went bad, and I opened it up, and it actually had some little instructions for the repair person. But it had this little light beam in it. Like life instructions?

Yeah. You really should get something to do. A little fortune cookie. Fortunes in there. But it said there was something to make it cycle through.

It had this little laser beam, which... It was just like in every jewel heist movie. If you tripped the laser beam thing, then it would cycle through without having the tape in it. And when it did that, I could see that there was this little cog that was misplaced and not catching. I just bent it over and it worked.

As you were doing this, did you also arch your ass underneath it? Yeah. Zeta-Jones style. Yeah, actually, no. I did more like a...

He had to pop on a cigarette and blow it in so he could see the picture. I did like a backflip and somersault. I would hope so. It's the only way to go through lasers. I got a Blu-ray player yesterday just because it was like free. on Amazon well I traded in some textbooks and had like $ 50 credit and uh someone's like oh my god you're going to the dark side but I just got it to watch like Netflix and Hulu.

That's why I got mine initially I was like I didn't even like I had a ancient television I'm like it's not gonna make any difference if I'm watching blu-ray or not but it's cheaper than buying the box It was the same price, and I could watch a Blu-ray. If I wanted. Yeah, and I think they play DVDs, or they used to anyway. Yeah, they still do. I've still got stuff on VHS that isn't on DVD.

There's a lot of it. Oh, I have all of the soap opera awards from 1982 to 1988, and all the Academy Awards from that same time. So if you just want to see Susan Lucci not get an award. Yeah, if you just want to see that frustration and remorse. But these are ones that you recorded, right?

Yes. See, I have boxes of those, too. Have you watched any of them in recent years? Oh, no. Don't tell me they degrade.

Okay, then. All right. Next topic. Mine look really bad. And that was on...

Well, and it also, it depends, because, again, the last time I tried to play one of those, I played it on the newest, most recent VCR I had, and those got worse. Like, everything was so... computerized at that point. They got better, I guess. So it got so much better that it didn't know how to deal with those old tapes. Where if you have an old one that has a knob, it seemed like it always did better if you could adjust the tracking.

When it got to be automatic tracking adjusted, it couldn't do it a lot of times. It was too smart for its own good and it didn't know how. To do it. I just bought something to convert VHS into digital. Do it really fast.

And I guess I need, because some of mine wouldn't play, but maybe I just need. Because you use your regular VCR and then play. your vcr into the computer. Yeah so you might see if you can find the oldest functioning vcr you can with an actual knob that adjusts the tracking and that's probably your best bet remember how. People used to say like the cheapest ones were the best for pirating because they don't bother to build in the anti-piracy stuff And you could get these cheap brands of VCRs and DVDs. But I was.

I forget what it was that I copied. And everybody said, nobody can copy that. It's just sometimes the will to. Take that, Macrovision. Yeah.

I still have that Neil Jordan movie that they've never released. And they never released. Just enough with you. It's the only one that ever really worked. Wait, I don't know what that is.

It's called The Miracle. Okay. And it's like his little crazy fable he's always trying to do, and it never really works. The one where the mermaid is a drug mule or something. Okay.

But this one really worked, and it was really charming and beautiful, and it's just disappeared from his career. I just saw his new one. I thought it was terrible. Oh, God. Are you excited about this?

Yeah, go ahead. I don't care. Oh, no, go. First of all. The vampire one, right?

Yeah, what I was going to say. First of all, you give me your pronunciation. Because I've said it wrong. The way they were saying it was different. I'm like, why did you name it this?

It's pronounced Haggis. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's his new movie, Haggis. And I don't know. What were your issues with it?

God, I've almost completely forgotten it, thankfully. But I remember leaving the theater and just being so frustrated because... It was like a vampire movie made by somebody who'd never seen a vampire movie. That's called Twilight. I guess none of the characters had ever seen a vampire movie, so they didn't know the limitations or the solutions or any of that.

It was just very frustrating to watch. I just felt like they rewrote a good portion of the mythology, but kept enough that it still seemed like they were vampires. It wasn't Twilight. Do we want to bastardize the name? I don't even remember what it's called.

Byzantium? Yeah, that sounds familiar. Something like that. Again, they kept saying it even different. Every time I heard it, they were doing the documentary stuff about it, and I was like, that's not how I like it.

It's pronounced Geely. Geely? Yeah, everybody go rent Geely. I actually found that more watchable. See, I thought the performances were really good, and I liked the way that they changed things.

It's a very different type of story. It is. You know, most stories you get stuck with your hero dude. This one, they very specifically made this not just a story about a female character, but it's two, and it's the relationship of them growing up in this weird undead thing where they're sisters and they're mother and daughter and they're all kind of one big thing. Did it have some sort of weird sex twist in it like he likes to do?

Not overtly. I mean, she started out as being turned into a whore. And then she sort of fell into that and that became her trap as she became a vampire. She could then continue up until modern day, lure guys in by pretending to be a prostitute and then just take them out. That's what I would do.

There's this whole subplot about vampirism being a boys club and she's not able to advance because she's a lady. So it's like Gross from Calvin and Hobbes. No girls allowed. Didn't you see the sign on the clubhouse? Well, his movie The Miracle is I think it was in Ireland and there's this kid, his dad is a jazz musician and the kid is a musician and the kid is really good But the kid doesn't want to play unless he's getting paid.

And his dad's like, what is your age? I would go out and play just to play. He's like, no, what does it pay? He doesn't feel like doing it. And then there's a circus in the background.

It's all kind of... Oh, and he and his girlfriend, who is maybe not his girlfriend. Maybe they're just friends. They don't know if they're just friends or if they're... They don't know.

But they wander around the beaches and make up stories about strangers. And it's like really interesting. And the circus backdrop is the perfect backdrop because it's the perfect thing to capture that sense of what's fun and special and exotic, but what is just the most banal thing you've ever seen. And that's kind of how it all is. Like the kid's not really excited about music.

He's very gifted, but He doesn't want to do it unless somebody's paying him. It's just like a chore to him. And then they don't know if they really like each other. They like each other, but I don't know. And then Beverly D'Angelo shows up, and you've got a movie.

Oh, now I'm in. Yeah. It's a really good movie. Are there vampires? It turns out they're all vampires.

Okay. They start making up stories. Do they listen in the sunlight as they're walking on the beach? Well, you know, I think what happened with vampires is they used to not be able to be in the sunlight, but it's like when they sprayed DDT on mosquitoes. And now all the mosquitoes are DDT resistant.

I think. Vampires now, they just kind of get migraines. They can go out in the sun, but they don't really like it, and they don't tan well. That's kind of how it is in this new era now. Lots of sunscreens.

See, that's evolution. That wouldn't be allowed to be taught in this state. I'm sorry. Get out! Even like Hemlock Grove, which is like a Netflix series, I mean, that's kind of what's going on, but they're always out in the sunlight.

So I was really confused by the end of that, but I liked it. It's going to get to the point where vampires don't need to drink blood anymore. They're just sexy people who live forever. In True Blood, they don't. That's the premise.

They just drink synthetic blood. Kool-Aid. Just eat a rat every now and then. I just talked about True Blood. I'm sorry.

I don't know. This new one, that's one of the things I thought was interesting because they go with this weird mythology within the vampirism that even within the movie, by the time you get to the end, you still don't fully know how it works. Like, they go and get turned into a vampire. And, like, I like that. Like, it's this weird, mysterious island that they have to go out there.

And he was actually drawing on, because it wasn't originally set there, and Neil Jordan moved it to Ireland because he said there are all these weird folk tales about vampirism that come from there. And he set this weird island out off the coast that you had to row to, and you go to this cave, and something happens, and you're a vampire. Yeah. And like, it's kind of like, I just like the fact that it's doing something different with it. And then, uh, that you also get this take of like how they each deal with it.

Like again, the mother's Gemma Arterton, who I really like in most stuff and is kind of slowly finding her own. Again, she was in a lot of bad stuff in the beginning there, but I think she's really good in this and that like, she's just vicious and like she is a survivor and like, well, like doesn't blink at just taking people out because that's how she is. She has this daughter who eternally stays like 16, who does not like the idea of killing, lives and travels with her mother who does it right and left. But to stay alive, she has started to seek out people who are near death and it becomes almost this angel of death idea. And she finds people that are like ready to go and she takes them out.

And it's like, it's, it's interesting watching their, their relationship and just, they do a decent job with the characters. I think it's, it's, So it's kind of like his other film, The Interview with the Vampire. Yeah, except that. One's a little cheesier to me. Really?

Yeah. It's been a while since I've watched that. I guess I should return. I wish I still had that on VHS, because when it came out on VHS, it had that introduction by Anne Rice, which is among the most pretentious things I've ever witnessed. Now, I want to just see that, really.

Yeah. It was so great. She was talking about how she didn't think Tom Cruise was right for the role. No, a lot of people were complaining about that, and she was trying to reassure people. But while she was reassuring people that she felt that it was a good treatment of the book, and it was true to the intention of the book, and she knew a lot of people were concerned about this.

But remember, it's not just about vampires. It's about us. I just wish I had that. Was she in front of a fake fireplace? Was she holding a really big book?

Sitting in a little room And. Then she closed it as the camera She was like, oh I didn't know you were here Well, since you're here Let me tell you about them Poor. Anne Rice What do you think she's doing now? I think she's actually a really nice person. She's become a nice person?

Is that what she's doing now? I don't know. I've just seen a few things on the internet. She's made some sort of statements about social issues. She seems like an okay person.

I never got into her. So she's on Facebook? I think so. I remember she used to put her husband's... In high school, I was a super duper...

Or in middle school. In early high school, I was a super duper annoying weird Anne Rice lover. No, come on. You're the geek. Oh, I'm the geek.

It's the facts. Okay. And mine was a different type of geek. I am not one to call names and not claim it. Just in the past week, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm a huge erotic fantasy fiction fan.

Right on. You must love this table. I was like, you know, like in my mind, I read like important classical literature only. But then I was just like, No, this book is about, it's called Easy Bake Coven. Oh my god.

Okay, no. You're a bigger geek, I'm sorry. I just remember Anne Rice used to put her husband's poems in like the beginning of the book and they were always like the worst poems ever. And it was like so sweet because she thought they were so good but they were just so bad. Oh, that's lovely.

Or she was just shaming him and letting people know how good her work was. Millions of people read this crap now. Exactly, yeah. Well, I told you where that's going to lead you. He does.

I posted a few photos of the books you're going to be reading very soon. I know, the dinosaur. Oh my goodness, I saw those. I want those. It's probably me posting them on our page.

I wonder if they're free on Amazon Kindle. I wonder if it's an Amazon Kindle. I just want a poster. Is that art? I'm so glad somebody else knows about this.

Do you just know. Triceratops. Yeah, there's a lot of the getting it on with the stegosaurus. This is weird, guys. It's like extinct bestiality.

Totally hot. I guess that makes it okay. Well, we should probably turn this car around before it goes down the scary street because I'll take it there. I think I'm driving it right now. I'll bet Dino's style and Doggy's style.

Is a lot alike when you think about it. Gotta watch the plates. Gotta watch the plates. The tail gets in the way. Jeez.

I'm trying so hard not to do this. Anyway, so. Let's make a little fossil. Is the movie that you're talking about Byzantium or whatever? Is the director Irish or does he just have like a weird...

Oh, okay. I don't know. He did like The Crying Game. And Interview with a Vamp, stuff like that. Company of Wolves.

He likes his scary creatures, but it's been a while since he's done one. He's done some horrible comedies too, hasn't he? He did that one mermaid movie. I don't even remember what the hell it was. But he was trying to do that fable he tries to do.

And didn't he do like We're No Angels remake or something like that? Maybe he did. There was a remake. No, maybe it was a different one though. He did some sort of comedy that was horrible.

Speaking of mermaids, I don't know what is going on, but I think they just release mermaid propaganda all over the place or something like that because like my three year old niece is obsessed with mermaids I don't even think she's ever seen the little mermaid but it's just like there's just something in commercials or something that makes her like we're like Lydia what do you want to eat I want to be a mermaid like all the time and we don't know where she gets it from it's like so weird I guess like Disney re-released the little mermaid or something like that it's like commercials maybe she just legitimately wants to be a mermaid. My son was very small he wanted to be an elephant when. He grew up That's so sweet.

We weren't sure what he thought was going to happen. Like, how is that going to work? He's got to study really hard. And he collected elephants. And back then at the Speed Museum, they had this little thing in the kid interactive center where kids could show their collections.

And he sent his in, and they have a questionnaire. It's like. And he collected little elephants. And they asked questions like, how long have you been collecting these objects? And he said, for a million of years.

Okay, so I transcribed that. And I said, what got you interested in this particular collection? And he said, it's because of their tusks. That's why I do it. Was Anne Rice that said this?

Yeah. Remember, it's about the tusks. Yeah. No, it's Anne Rice. It's Bangs.

It was Bangs. Documentaries that were hosted by Dudley Moore as Mr. Spin. He was a little spinning globe. And he would say, now we're going to Asia.

And look at this animal. It's like this. And she just loved those. And one of them, I think it was Adventures in Asia, we rented so many times. At one time at when I was renewing it at the video store, I said, can I just renew this?

And he looked at the history and he said, man, you've paid for this so many, we've got to just let you keep it now. Um, but there was that. And then, uh, he had this one video, uh, about Madagascar that he always called the enchanted Island of Madagascar. Well, you got to use the full name. Yeah.

But he, he wanted to be an elephant. Um, probably is. So what did he grow up to be? He's a VCR repairman. Aww.

But he plants little notes in each one that he does. That's really cute. Leave little notes for the next generation of VCR repairmen, right? He just leaves a note that says, you should really upgrade. And he did do We're No Angels, by the way.

And High Spirits, which is another Mary's. And did David Mamet write the script for that? For We're No Angels? Yeah. Like, Or did he write the script for another comedy remake that was horrible?

Wait, who's in the remake? David Mamet. David Mamet. And, you know, there's some other credit. De Niro and Sean Penn or something?

And Demi Moore, I believe. Why do I even have that in my head? I have seen it. All the stuff that I could use, that I could try to keep up here in my head. No, I know that.

Elephants never forget. I never even saw it. It's the Tusks. I just saw the poster. Totally the Tusks.

That's crazy. It's like their external memory, right? That's crazy. I don't think I ever wanted to be anything when I was a kid. I wanted to be Leonardo da Vinci when I was a kid.

That was mine. My cousin Patrick wanted to be a wog truck driver. I'll never forget that. Or an ambulance driver. An ambulance driver?

He actually is an ambulance driver, so it's like really weird. Dreams do come true. Because I thought he was going to be a serial killer for a really long time. Things are not mutually exclusive either. That's true.

Definitely true. As we learned from the last movie that we watched for the podcast, Eric Roberts. Way to go eric i felt like we were placing blame so i thought i'd just take it there yeah oh well i i did see another my new holiday classic for you and just this past week and you may decide what ulterior motives i had but i did watch getaway and um Yeah, it's a movie. I heard that as getaway at first instead of getaway. Getaway.

Getaway. Like getaway. Getaway. It is surprisingly a Christmas movie. Yeah, earlier when you said it's a burrito place, I thought you said it's a breeder place.

I'm like, oh, is that where they're all going now? You can't trust those breeders. It's a new breeder hangout. In my defense, I've had a double ear infection for a really long time. My whole life, actually.

In my defense, I remember that David Mamet wrote the remake of. We Are No Angels and who was in it. So I've got that. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff. Wait, I don't know what Getaway is.

It sounds like it had Queen Latifah. No, no, it's not Taxi. No, it is a Christmas movie. I didn't know that going in, but I was like, oh, well, this is very convenient. He comes home, and the Christmas tree is knocked over, and they kidnapped his wife.

So it's a very complicated... And the tree is knocked over? Yeah, and the presents. You sure this isn't the sequel to It's a Wonderful Life they keep talking about? You won't believe it.

The very last thing he finds is a picture of his wife on the floor, and the glass is cracked. Aw. They cracked the glass. I know. It's heartbreaking.

Wait, is that how the movie ends? No, that's the beginning. Oh, okay. This is just the beginning. Look at this film.

I need to be caught up. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if he just has a new mortgage now or what, but Ethan Hawke is in everything now. Oh, this is the one with the. There's driving.

The princess. There's a lot of driving. Okay. And, yeah. And that's the thing.

It's not like watching it. I'm like, it's very. competently made it's not bad it's very watchable it's just there's not much to it like they're not trying to move it to the next level here it's like very specifically set up to be an action movie and that's really all they're concerned about is this. The one where he like steals a car and there's like somebody in it. And he has to hang out with her kind of that's not exactly right but yes he has to hang out with her yeah he isn't well she's forced to hang out with him is how it. Goes who is the who is the person was it like.

You know who it is. Was it Selena Gomez? Yes, it was. That's what I was thinking. That's why we watch this movie.

Anyway. Did you love it like a love song? Oh, I did. Okay. Yeah.

Truthfully, that's probably the most impressive part of it, if we were going to look at the plot. Because that they've had selena gomez be in. It the just her character because she's the only one who has a clue and it really like by like they even when they were talking about it spell that out like our main character doesn't do anything like his job within the movie is to drive a car And that's what he does. And he's not the brightest dude in the world because he's just like, that's all he does. Like every scene is just, I have to drive.

I'm worried about my wife. Whatever I have to do to get my wife back. And like the entire rest of the plot is figured out by her. And that's the. So you're saying she's bright, not that she actually has a clue to where his wife is.

She's not connected in that way. No. But yes, she's the one that actually has a brain and pieces together... What's going on? Then what's actually going on?

So, of course, there's always another crazy plot going on within the plot. I saw the trailer for this. Did I imagine that Werner Herzog is in it? You did. I think you're thinking of Jack Reacher.

He's the villain in Jack Reacher, and you should watch it for that. I actually saw Jack Reacher. He's pretty awesome in Jack Reacher. I slept and watched that. He's quite tiny asleep.

Yeah. Yeah. No, if you're thinking of someone and you really, like, they shot his stuff in about two hours. Jon Voight is the villain, if you will. And, yeah, you really don't see him.

You can tell he phoned this in almost possibly. Maybe they showed up to shoot a couple of close-ups, but a good majority of the time you did not see him, so he cashed a check. But it really is, like, just cobbled together out of several other action movies. I mean, there's... Sounds.

Like Taken and Drive put together. No, neither of those was my go-to. As you're watching it, it's a whole lot of speed. It's a whole lot of Die Hard with a Vengeance, oddly enough. It's...

I think what others? There's one specific main plot point that is stolen straight out of speed. And I'm like, as they're doing it, I'm like, you mean like in speed when they do this? So I'm like, They really don't even pretend like they're... I mean, they're just...

You'd think you'd cover it up a little bit, but no, it's very. Did it need to have more Christmas content? Is that what you're saying? There was a good amount of Christmas. He almost runs over a lot of Christmas shoppers.

So that's fun. I like that. Was his car decorated? Like with Holly trimming on the dashboard? Decorated with cameras. it is and again that's the other however you decorate your tree some go with popcorn some put little webcams and then put it.

All up the all seeing eye tree but no that's. The other I mean just as speaking of the competent part like the action scenes are pretty well pieced together and like they do know how to shoot I. Think Lucy is downloading it as we. Speak that's not legal Lucy bad Lucy we don't support that sort of thing But no, it's, yeah, it really is, if you like seeing stuff crash, they do a lot of crashing. It really is like targeted towards those people that that's all they want to see is a dumb movie about a car driving real fast and running into stuff.

Can we just talk about the irony? for a second, of Paul Walker dying in a car accident. I was thinking, yeah, when he was going on about that, that's what I was thinking. Like, when I saw that, I was like, oh, ha ha, that's a hilarious joke. And then I was like, oh no, he's really dead. Way to go, funny put on on the internet.

Oh, that's a real legitimate news story. I don't know. After the guy who invented the Segway drove one over a cliff, it's hard to match the irony level. It's true. The guillotine.

Because one of the things about those is they're one of those things that two things are true At the same time, although they're contradictory, because they say you can't fall off of them. And once you get on, you really can't. Because you just control it with how you stand. You can't fall off. At the same time, people fall off of them all the time.

So you have to take those two things together and hold them in different places in your head. Once I was in Chicago, in whatever park, that has the bean sculpture thing and there was a gang of people on segways all those. Guys it's like that in DC they're everywhere there were. Some vicious people on segways. Only vicious people segways segway gangs are they only let the most ruthless members.

Of society join you have to have killed you have to have killed a guy on a segway to rise so it's like back to the future 2. With their khakis and fanny packs and. Helmets yeah I can't imagine needing a helmet for a Segway. Unless you're going to be, like, you anticipate being hit by, like, a bus or something. You know, I'm really terrible at operating controls.

And one night I tried to learn to play a video game. And I got to where I could do the mission. And the next day I couldn't do it at all. Just like me. But I got on a Segway one time.

First time. And I thought, this is a bad idea, but I'm doing it. I got on. And within minutes, I was going top speed, and I was, like, filming. Top speed, which is, like, three miles an hour?

No, they actually, you know, if you're on, like, in among people, it's funny how maneuverable they are. Because you can, like, crowds of people standing around who aren't watching for you, you can just run right up on them and stop, go to the side, go around them. And then it was a white river. It was this... park that was outside my daughter's college that they never told us about they took us on a tour of the college never said oh and there's this cheap date romance preserve like right there that you might want to know about and there's gondolas and shit and canals and people in paddle boats and the segways and but my daughter wanted to go up and see some of the things in town one day before So we went up early, and she wanted to go to this park, and we go to the park, and we go to a restaurant, and I'm looking, is that your school building right there?

And it was, and it's a block, but you can't see it from her building, and they didn't tell us about it, that there's this great park out here, and we decided to do the Segway tour, and we went down the canals, and then up on the bridge, over the river, and then winding through these little Paths and stuff. Subscribe as a proponent of the Segway. Yeah. They are a lot more fun than you would... Well, I guess you have to have a cool place to go.

But if you have this vast park with all this stuff and a bridge over the river, yeah, they're super fun. Definitely worth it. Well, maybe if you ask Santa for one. And then they had... They were supposed to have them downtown, but I guess they went out of business.

I've seen them. They do them on the bridge, like the walking bridge. Oh, yeah? I've only seen them every once in a while, so maybe they can't afford to do it much. Maybe they have to drive down here with a thing full of Segways.

That might be it. Speaking of Segways. Speaking of Segways, have you seen anything else? I've run through my holiday festive fun. Has anyone watched anything else?

Oh, yeah. I've seen lots of stuff. I watched the Salinger documentary. Oh, wasn't it good? Oh, my God.

Yes. I've always had, like, a huge, like, crush on them. I mean, you can't get more angsty. I love angsty guys. And antisocial.

Right, and that's even better. If they're, like, angsty and antisocial, like, I just, like, have to be with them. Like, have to. And if they hate women, oh, my God. Uncle, I give.

Can't fight it. I'm a weakness now. You should take this table with you. Okay, I think you're going to need a minute. Does somebody else need that?

Angsty social. That's a neat word. I watched the Old Boy remake today. Uh-oh. The Old Boy remake?

Yes. Reimagining. The original Old Boy, that's one of those recommend for a dream movies I can never watch again. That movie. It fucked me up emotionally.

I was like, I never want to see anything like that ever again. I've never seen anything again. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have all seen that movie, Wantons. So how was Mr.

Lee's? Yeah, how was that? I actually thought it was fantastic. I feel like I'm sort of going out on a little bit of a limb saying this. The people that I was with disagreed rather vehemently.

You're like the counselor. Come on. Wave your flag high. Come on. I'm taking the minority position on films these days.

Please do. You supported me in my Doctor Who love. Go, girl, you go. Aw, thanks for the support. Yeah, my fear was that it's so hard to remake those sort of films.

It is. Especially because so many of the Asian, you can't divorce them from sort of their cultural context. And when you make American versions of them, they just seem outlandish and silly because... Frankly, they're outlandish and silly. And I know the first experience I had with that was the first, I don't know if anybody remembers, oh, I've already forgotten the name of it, but the first Wong Kar Wai English language film.

I think his movies are just so beautiful and lush and gorgeous and transcendent. And then he made this movie that was just one of the worst movies I've ever seen because Nora Jones was in it and they were all American. And then after watching it, I was like, well, wait, it wasn't really... different from his other movies. Like, it was sort of the same themes, and it looked the same way, and the performances were sort of the same, but it just didn't make sense as an American film. You're blaming Nora Jones.

As I want to do. But I thought that Oldboy was... I mean, he went someplace completely different with it. Like. If you're imagining a straight remake, it's not that.

The goals of the characters... I'm not going to do any spoilers, but. I think that's the best way to do it. There's a completely. Different character arc and trajectory to what's happening.

It's the same plot points, but very different characters. It was a really interesting take on. It, I thought. Again, he's gotten away from a really strong, identifiable style. Does he do something with it visually that seems of his own?

There's actually some obvious nods to the original. You know, I don't... I don't... Visually, no. I'm not going to lie, no.

But it's a solid script. And I saw at the beginning, how long has it been? At the beginning it says a Spike Lee film. And I was like, oh, it's no longer a joint. It is a film.

So I don't know how. Long that's been going. Since he started remaking. Some of them are joints. Some of them are films.

It depends. Not every joint is a film. And vice versa. But yeah, I give it a strong recommend. It's not perfect, but anything with Josh Brolin, you know, I told my boyfriend going in, I was like, well, the good news is, no matter what happens, Josh Brolin's in it.

And we know that. Baseline. Josh Brolin. Yeah, so there you go. I saw our friend Jess in a movie called Somebody Up There Likes Me.

Which Who, by the way, I sent a message to about this specific gathering. Oh, yeah. I told her we were doing our holiday festivities, including Nutshees, and she really needs to get herself over here. Yeah. Do you see her here?

She's slacking off is. What I'm saying. She was charming and terrific. She's kind of like that in everything. I'm using her mic, right?

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. You're lucky you're here. If Jess would have showed up, we would have bounced your ass right now. It was a little on the thin side as a movie.

Which one was this one? It's the one. Because she's had two or three lately that I've seen trailers for, but I haven't seen most of the new ones. Well, it's okay. It's just not.

Is this the one with somebody getting married? Yeah. Okay. Because there's also one that I think centers around a kitchen that I haven't seen. It centers around a kitchen.

There's a lot of crazy stuff. There's a lot of nut cheese. There's a lot of nut cheese involved. So much nut cheese. It's a little time.

Yeah. You know what? Making nut cheese isn't easy. I know. You have to have a good food processor.

Shut down. It was a lot of work. Oh, I'm fighting back so many times. I know. I'm thinking.

I'm not. I'm trying to not. She was quite good at it. She was as she always is. And then I saw this movie, Beeswax, which is, oh, I can't think of the director's name now.

Because you don't know Beeswax. Yeah. Mind your own business. But it's a movie with the main characters are these twin sisters, and the actresses are twins. And that guy who dates Shoshana in Girls is in it.

And he's quite good. I love that guy, actually. Yeah, he's really good. I think his name is Karpovsky. It's a Russian name, Karpovsky?

Byzantine. Something. But he's in it, and it's good. It's kind of a mumblecore joint. Oh, it's a joint, is it?

And parts of it, there's some actually really good scenes and some good things, but Parts of it, you can just feel the poverty of the writing, like they just never decided what was actually going on in a few of the things. And so it's like, I have a pretty high tolerance for movies like that. I don't really think I believe in naturalism or that kind of pedestrian naturalism as a style. It's just sometimes it's done really well. And I can watch what looks like just watching people you know on the street doing something.

And if it turns into a movie, then it does. There are some good scenes in it, but it's so long for what it actually has going on in it. And one of the main issues is the sister is afraid she's going to be sued by her business partner. And you just never find out what the woman's issues with her are. They have this conversation, and it's completely evasive.

And it doesn't seem like it's the tip of the iceberg. It would take so little for them to clue you in. You could go, oh, it's that kind of a thing. But you have no idea what the fuck is going on between them. And it's really frustrating.

But there is a great scene where they go and they try to pitch. Somebody else buying it halfway into the business, and it's just got that kind of beautifully awkward conversation, and things are lumpy, and it's really well done, but it's not worth the investment of time for a feature length. It should be a short story. I watched a movie that kind of felt like that recently. It was called Bag of Hammers.

Hmm. And it's so weird because, like, most of the stuff happened after the credits. And then it was like there was credits again and then more stuff happened. And I was just like, what the fuck are you guys doing? This is so weird.

You had your chance. Yeah. If you can't make it happen. Yeah, like, most of the movie happened after the credits. The writers were hit with a bag of hammers.

True. They needed to be hit with a bag of hammers. I mean, it was kind of a charming movie in a way. It was sad, I guess. Like there's two guys who steal cars.

They just like steal cars from people at funerals. Like they have a fake valet service and people like give them the keys to the car and they just drive them home and that's all they do and they never get caught. So stupid. But then their neighbor kills herself and they like kidnap her son because they want to raise him as their own. Like he did.

Yeah. And then at first that worked out and then they got caught and then somehow they were able to get custody of him. And it worked out. But then it's, like, there's credits. And then it shows them, like, living a happy life.

And that goes on for, like, five minutes. And then there's credits again. And he's, like, going off to college. And they're, like, almost like two gay dads, but they weren't. But it was just so fucking weird.

I remember it having a good soundtrack, but. It had a good beat. It was easy to dance to, but I don't know what the fuck was going on. Yeah. I think there's a fine line with those movies.

I know. Amanda, what's her face with the big eyes and everything. Oh, yeah. With the boobs. Amanda with the big eyes.

Amanda Seyfried. Yes. Yeah. I was going to. Say the boobs in Mean Girls.

The weather boobs. The weather center there. Yeah. Well, yeah, so I was watching that movie, Beeswax, and my daughter's here. She's like, where do these people live?

And does nobody wear a bra in that town? So that was her review. That would probably get more people to show up than just about anything you could write about it. I don't know, but I think there really is a fine line on it. I mean, there's a lot of movies out there, especially now.

Because there's so many self-funded movies, not everything is... a big action-packed car chase all day long. So, I don't know. I think it's now come to that point of it's almost a case-by-case basis. I mean, you can't just group them together and say, oh, these movies are great, because it's like you've got to have at least one, probably a couple things that are really strong to make it above and beyond the rest of the stuff that's getting made. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that's just day-to-day life kind of stories, but I think unless you have... an amazing performance or some amazing writing or it's visually impressive.

Like, you need a couple of those put together to make it, like, worth devoting your time to. I feel like I remember a time when I just thought, like, indie movies were just good movies. Because, like. It used to be a good movie. Because you're like, oh, it's going.

To be good. It's like an indie movie. And now it's just like... It's... I mean, there's probably a 70% chance it's going to be really bad.

I mean, 98%. Yeah, probably so. But, I mean, like, you know, it's the only people that made those movies are people who, like, had, like, this huge vision and they, like, worked really hard and made it work and now people are like, oh, no, it's a thing. We'll, like, give you money. Just do whatever.

I made it on my phone. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. One night I was trying to find something just dumb and entertaining to watch and I wound up watching Fish Tank.

Fish Tank's good. Which just is dumb. It was glacially slow, but at least it held my interest. Yeah, that was so good. Whereas, you know, I was trying to find an action picture when I set out, but that was the only thing I could get into.

And I think Michael Fassbender was in it. Yeah, he's super cute. He does take his shirt off several times. And that director, too, she also did that Red Road, which was a really striking movie. I think I talked about that back at the previously.

Lebowski Fest. I had just seen that. She's really good. But I think I've just, it's gotten harder for me to watch movies. Like, I remember it used to, back in the VHS years, I would watch movies and I would be offended because If people didn't just sit down and fucking watch the movie.

Minute to minute, watch the movie. Don't get up. I still kind of am. People just wander in and out. No, if I'm going to watch the movie, I want to see it.

But now it's so hard for me to commit the time. And I think what spoiled me is the big miniseries things. Because you get so far into them and you know the characters so well. Now it's like a two-hour movie. And a lot of it, you don't know what the fuck's going on.

It's like, did I miss something or has it not unfolded yet? I can't tell. It's, I don't know. I think some movies just need to be shorter now. They need to compress them.

The editing has, because things get devalued over time. Like you get something that's super good and all that stuff you used to be able to watch anymore, you just start to feel like I could be doing stuff. That's what I always, it's hard for me because of that. Yeah. I feel the way about movies the way I feel about, like, snack-sized candy bars.

You know, like, like, I don't want to watch a movie because it's going to take so long, so I'm going to watch these shows, but then I'll watch, like, Three hours of like a TV show. I ate a whole bag of mini Milky Ways. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to eat this whole candy bar. God.

Then I eat like seven tiny candy bars. The fun size. Yeah. It's fun, man. Fun size.

There are only a few actual ways to measure fun. There used to be the barrel of monkeys. And now there's the fun size. Fun just keeps getting smaller quantities. Yeah.

Necessary. Yeah. I don't know. I've kind of started going the other way. I mean, everybody's been so in this last 10, 15 years, it's just gotten bigger and bigger, the whole TV series and TV series that's pretty close to a movie kind of quality.

And I don't know, everybody just loves those to death now. I do. There are some amazing ones out there, but it's now they're, again, they're making so many. There's a lot of times when I see them on and I'm just like, some of these stories don't need that much time devoted to it. Like, you don't really need four years to tell this story.

Like, you really could probably wrap it up in two hours. Like, I don't know. Sometimes I think there are great series, and there are stories that are told better over time, and you do have characters that are worth investing years of your life in. And then there are a lot of other shows, and they need to just wrap it up. It's not even that, because, like, I mean, Treme is really good, and I watched, like, the whole season in the last two days or something.

I was waiting for it to come out. It came out. I rented it. Blew right through it. But you know how they sometimes put the discs, like, in a collection, and there's, like, a disc, a disc, and then one disc is on the backside of the other disc?

We skipped a disc, and we watched the last two episodes. Did not notice. LAUGHTER What does that say? It's just like, oh, well, when did her daughter leave town? I guess she sent her daughter out.

Oh, okay. Wow. Unplanned editing, see? A lifetime of watching indie movies has prepped you for getting used to weird shit. Well, and then at the end, they start collapsing everything.

It gets very montage-y. So a lot of stuff happens in like brief glimpses and you. Go, oh. Has there ever been a movie with nothing but montage? Like from beginning to the end.

It was called the 80s. Yeah. I do want that to be made. Kickstart that. Montage the movie.

Make it happen. Oh, and then there should be a montage, a documentary about making the movie and it's a montage of people making a movie. Oh. And there should be an homage to the montage. It's just going to collapse upon itself.

You know, like, also, I don't, probably like three years ago, my best friend rented the movie Dolls with my Walden Woolley movie. card and forgot to return it for like forever so i know wild and wooly like 50 dollars and i dolls yeah for the movie for the fucking good choice yeah you know and i'm not gonna pay it because i'm not the one that didn't return it is. Your picture up behind. The counter okay so you know like the only way i can get movies is from redbox which i don't do anymore because i different friend but same thing happened we rented the movie warm bodies and he was all like oh i'll take this back the next day on my way to work there's there's one right like by where i work and i was like cool and he never did and then he's like oh three weeks later he's like i forgot to take warm bodies back so it was like 30 i always end up spending like nine dollars every single time i rent a movie at red box at least so i'm not gonna do that anymore so the only thing i have is netflix And all they have is TV shows and documentaries.

Documentaries are all I watch. But I can see how that could be, like, frustrating. Well, my TV's really small. Yeah. So, it's like, I'm laying in bed usually when I watch stuff, like, before I go to sleep.

So, I can't watch documentaries because it's just so hard to see stuff. You can't read it. Yeah, I can't read it. It's like I'm watching it on my computer and I'm, like, laying, like, you know, 40 feet away. Yeah.

And I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, I can't. Sometimes I watch documentaries and pretend they're movies, like mockumentaries. Like searching for the wrong ad Jesus or something? Well, no, I watched all the Walmart movies that way.

I just thought, this would be so much more interesting if Walmart didn't exist. And this was just somebody's mockumentary about all these... Like Best in Show or something. Yeah. Gosh, that's a good one.

And if you watch them that way, they're super good. Um. They really are. They're like genius. But you've got to watch them all, including Playboy's Women of Walmart, which is just a masterpiece.

What's that about? Wait, did you say Playboy's? Playboy's Women of Walmart. Playboy's Women of Walmart. It's like the masterpiece because it really confronts capitalism.

And you have all these people who... And also, too, if you think they're doing it as a character, they're much more attractive than they would be if they're just actual Walmart employees wandering around naked thinking something's going to happen to their career. Because then they just seem stupid. But if they're doing it as a movie, then you think, really respect that choice wow that's that's amazing and they just seem so much brighter and funnier and the things they say you just think they're really attractive. That's kind of sad though if like Walmart's getting into porn that's just going to wreck all the mom and pop porn.

Yeah super stores yeah big box store my ass the one that was. Pro Walmart was excellent it was called why Walmart works and why it drives some people crazy And they got this guy on there who's an economist, Robert Prechter. And he was just sinister to his core. And you could see how tempted they must have been to get James Woods. But they thought, no, we need to go with somebody who's unknown.

Who just, he'll seem real. People will believe him in a way you won't. Yeah, so to me, that was like the best movie of the decade. Which I feel that I should have a co-writing credit. Because I'm the one who decided, okay, forget Walmart.

Exists. And look at it, kind of like sci-fi. You know, like, okay, box stores still exist. But just not that one. And then, who did this project?

And I thought it was probably the Blair Witch people. It's a total Mondo film about Walmart. What's the. Pixar movie Cannibal Holocaust. Yes that's Pixar.

Yeah that's why. You like me no it's kind of like WALL-E have you seen their future version of WALL-E it's like exactly that only fictionalized. Yeah that was like a that was kind of that was clever it's a bleak ass movie oh yeah that was just like. It's a like it's so good because it's not for kids at all I'm like what kid could watch this like It just, like, there's 20 minutes of, like, nothing. Yeah.

And it's gorgeous to look at. But I'm just like, what kid is going to have the patience? Like, there's no other characters. He's roaming around a dead planet for, like, 20 minutes or more with no real dialogue. I'm like, how is this for children?

It's just depressing. It's awesome. It's like the short circuit of, like, the younger generation. I just cried and cried and cried and cried. Short circuit made me cry, too.

Yeah. Especially when he's all punked out and he's bleeding on the pavement like a frickin' junkie. And he's like, he stabbed me. And I was like, no. I got lost.

Mac and me is crazy. I wanted to watch that with my friend. He goes, Christina, I'm not high enough for this. I was like, you don't have to be high to enjoy mac and me. Come on.

We can do this. So soberly. See, I thought she said mac and cheese. Yeah, I was thinking, I love that. Is it the regular mac and me or the deluxe?

The one that comes with that liquid cheese? Because that shit is good. Annie's is a little rabbit logo. That's all I think about. Good grief.

It's so cute, man. It's like the cutest logo. It's like a little Dutch rabbit. Oh, yeah? The Annie's logo.

Macaroni and cheese? I don't know. Now we're on that subject. I like cute things. Their version of little fish crackers.

They're really good. I'm almost 30 years old. The Annie's rabbit crackers. And I bought a pair of shoes that have a puppy face on them yesterday. I saw the picture.

Puppy faces. I mean, they're kind of adorable, but. They're like, I went to, that's why I went to three different Kohl's. That's right. I need puppy face shoes.

Yeah. Are they house slippers or are they like legit outside shoes? Legit outside shoes. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, not for grown-ups. They were like $ 11. Are they Velcro? No, they're just like little slip-ons. It came with a helmet.

Everything I get comes with a helmet. It should. My new business idea that is to, because my wife is always, whenever we go into a store, the baby clothes, she thinks, why don't they make that? For adults. I know.

I want a shirt with an airplane on it. Yeah. Like, just an airplane. You know? That can be arranged.

Like, that's so rad. And so my business plan is I'm going to take baby clothes and make them in adult sizes. That's pretty much my whole wardrobe. Yeah. She's kind of right.

I kind of am. Like half the time I buy clothes for my niece because I'm like. I love this. Yay, we can wear it. At the same time.

It's going to be awesome. I mean, she's cooler than me. She's three and she's like way cooler than me. She's like, no, I don't think so. I'm not dressing like you.

She told me on Thanksgiving, she told me to go away. She was like, go home, Marlena. And I was like. Guess what? You're going in the stove right now.

It's just close. I know. I was like, why? She's like, I'm just... I don't want you here anymore.

Just go home. The brutal honesty of children. The babes. Oh, you know how kind kids can be. She walked up to her uncle and just like...

He was just sitting there like this. And she slapped him. In the face. She's like... And he's like totally okay with that, which is very not.

He was still asking for it. True. He did something. He just grabbed her. He knew what he was thinking.

He grabbed her and started punching her. That also doesn't surprise me. Did you see the recap of. The photo breakdown of how things happened? God.

Yeah. This seems pretty fitting for our holiday gathering, but does anybody have any holiday-themed things to pass along? I kind of do. Any weird stories or complaints? The best documentary, because that's all I watch.

I could be like your documentary expert. We can use that. The best one that I watched this year was My Life as a Turkey. If you guys have not seen that, I'm serious, watch it. It's on Netflix right now.

I think it was made by PBS. It's called Freebirds. It's... This guy raises a clutch of turkeys. That's all I'm going to tell you.

Is that what they're called, a clutch? Well, no, probably not. That's reptiles. Gaggle? Eggs.

He raises his little eggs. He talks to them, and he becomes a turkey with them. And there's one part that's so surreal. He's with these turkeys, and they're like marauders, and they're going through this. They do that.

Yeah, and they're all eating all these bugs or finally these locusts and things. And he's doing it too. You guys got to watch this movie. There's levels of depth there that I'm not really touching on. I don't want you to see it and be surprised like I was.

Because I like to watch animal documentaries just to chill out. I've had a scary real world day. I want to watch just porpoises or little birds and marine iguanas before I go to sleep. The downside is they're all. Scary, too.

Turkeys are cool. Did you guys know that there's, like, 7 million turkeys now in the United States? Their population keeps exploding. And there was, like, a news report on NPR about, like, these turkeys attacking people. It was killing me.

It was making me laugh. Because you hear this, like, they have, like. Audio the kind of the police and you hear this. One you hear these turkeys. Like gobbling Yes It's like Tippi Hedren 2013 so are these this huge number is it what?

Wild? Wild turkeys. Okay, these are all wild? Yes. That's a lot of turkeys.

They exhibit some gang behavior. Right. You could see it. I did. You know, Benjamin Franklin wanted it to be the national bird.

I think that would have been really cool. We should have been. I mean, eagles are really rad. Don't get me wrong. We're dorky and we're bullies.

They don't taste as good, I guess. The turkeys are just cool. Have you ever seen one in person? The males, the toms, they've got these weird phallic growths on their head that kind of go in and out and grow and just like, genitals on their face. And this is why you like them.

They have it the fair. I guess so. I'm just a weird person. I love things that are ugly. You're almost going to make me tell the Waddle story.

I want you to. I really should not tell the Waddle story. Is it about a turkey? No. Is this going to freak out everybody?

No. I don't know all of these guys. Somebody. Lucy should have been traumatized along. I'm happy the turkeys are attacking people, by the way.

We've been eating them for years. I'm glad they're attacking. I'm always that one that's like, we. Should just move on. When the bulls.

Gore the people in Spain, you see the bull just throwing somebody up in the air. He's impaled them like, yes. We may just be taken over by animals. Because there's also that report of how many wild boars there are now in this country. They're an invasive species.

That have become such a huge problem. Yeah. Like, more than starting to win elections. Humans are a huge problem. Well, they are, but we can't get rid of them.

We keep trying. Yeah, they brought the boars over from the old country, and they're, like, totally invasive. They're, like, ruining things for all the other indigenous species. And, like, unlike a lot of animals that we just kill, like, they put up a really good fight. I mean, it's a boar.

So you can't, yeah, you can't just start taking them out because they fight back. You know, like, I've seen, there's some, I don't know, There used to be some stupid show on, like, Discovery or something like that about boar hunters, I think. What happened to the Discovery Channel? Because when I was a little kid, it was, like, the best thing ever. Yeah, now it's just, like, Duck Dynasty.

And everything is, like, be afraid of everything all the time. Be afraid of all the animals. That's how you market it. I'm sorry. Oh, no, it's okay.

But, like, I think, like, the way that you hunt wild boar is you lay down in the brush and let it charge at you, and you shoot it, like, accidentally. That's what I remember from this television show that I got in passing. In case you guys get into that situation. But I wonder how many people die as a result. That's probably why, because the people that try to hunt wild boar are just so stupid.

They all get killed because they're laying down on the ground with a shotgun waiting for a wild pig to come charging. And as we know from Old Yeller, you need to be up in the tree. Yeah. The wild boar scene in Old Yeller? They got hydrophobia?

That movie's really weird and kind of traumatic. You got fresh water? This is hung too long. That movie... That movie's traumatizing.

I watched him as a little kid and I don't know. I remember him sewing the dog back together with some boar hair or horse hair or something. Did I have this? Does that make this up? I do this a lot.

I think that's Where the. Wild Fern Grows. Is it? Where the Red Fern? You know what?

Where the Red Fern Grows. That's a disturbing movie. That one is the one that got me. I know, because Dave Matthews is in it. Dan and Anne.

The dogs are Dan and Anne. He's in a lot of weird movies. With Dave Matthews in it? Dave Matthews, yeah, he's totally, that's true. That's so strange on so many levels.

He's in the Winn-Dixie movie, if that helps. Yeah. And all of Adam Sandler's movies. Figure that out. Really?

Well. All the recent ones. It's on the same contract. The Winn-Dixie movie and all of Adam Sandler's movies. That was like a package deal.

I don't know when his agent does. You know, I started dating this guy recently and he told me he likes Dave Matthews and I was like... I think I'm going to wake up really early anyway. But then he felt really sorry and guilty about it, so I'm going to let it slide. Anything else like that happens.

We're out. Sorry. I think that's the deal breaker. Oh, speaking of deal breakers. Oh, God.

Waddle? Some people were talking the other day about genital cosmetic surgery. And they were laughing at how outlandish it was that people were trying to sell this. Uh, that now this is a new thing to feel bad about. And I said that actually it just came back to me.

I do know of one actual case where genital aesthetics destroyed a relationship. I like this already. And, uh, this is a place I worked. Um, And the story was, there was this woman that worked there, and there was this guy that worked there, and they used to date. What happened?

Well, she had, like, this little extra fold of something at the base of her vagina. And we were like, oh, yeah, I've seen that. We all knew. We'd all seen it. Oh, yeah.

And it's like, what do you call that? It's like, you know, that George Carlin thing? Like, what do you call this thing? this chat and it's and then of course uh uh the felix hunger guy uh he said that's the philtrum there's a word for that philtrum everybody knows that it's the philtrum that's we we decided it was the waddle um But we weren't sure. We couldn't think, what's that thing turkeys have? I want to know, could you help me out on this?

Because I'm not savvy. Where is this located? Like, is this WAP? This is the difference between being savvy and not savvy. Yes, it's at, okay.

There's a hand signal going on for you guys. For the audio people listening. Okay, this is the upper part of the vagina. This is the lower part. And there's this little extra.

Extra. I have never seen that. You don't look at enough porn, because that's how we all knew it, and that is how this guy knew it. Okay. And so, because he was familiar with it from porn, he thought it signified a level of...

Activity? Pornish sexuality. How is it pornish? That was beyond his... He was...

And so he broke up with her because of this. aspect of her is that it how long were they together um this was years ago that's just so strange i. Just remember vividly the conversation because we had to go find somebody to remember what the word was for the turkey thing we didn't know what was and oh what's his name he'll know hey what do you call that thing it's a waddle with t's you spell it with t's not a not a waddle like you was a t oh okay he knew i just called it a gobble A gobble. Yeah, I feel that. So it was a bottle. Yeah, so the guy broke up with this woman who was like a really nice and intelligent person, and you would kind of have thought maybe like, well, he was an idiot, which you may have already pieced together.

And she got this cut off, you're saying? No. She had the surgery? No, it just impacted the relationship. Oh, okay.

No, it destroys it. Because I was thinking, wouldn't it be like if it was like Samson's hair? He gets his hair cut off and he loses his strength. What if that had been given her nice powers or something? Powers of niceness?

Yeah. She turned into this evil old lady. Because she had the clitotomy or whatever. We don't recommend those, by the way. Somebody Google that and tell me.

No, it's not. Don't hit images. There's just so many things you can't Google. Anyway, I just thought it was a good Thanksgiving story. The annual tradition of you telling that story.

Give thanks for your waddle. Or your lack thereof. Over Thanksgiving dinner, we were talking about Louisville. I was in West Virginia and I said that I was going to Louisville on Sunday for this podcast that I do occasionally. And they said, what's it called?

And then they had me give them the URL so they could all listen to it. So thank you. Very much for that. That's great. And I would also like to say, there you go, Cousin Edward.

Oh, great. Hi, Lucy. I still won't give my mom the name of the podcast. It's for the best. I tell her.

That she has to pay for it. I told her it's like $ 10 an episode. We'll take that, by the way. Anybody who'd like to send that in. I was like, you've got to pay for it.

It's on iTunes. I don't remember what it's called. She's like, you've been part of it for years and you don't know what it's called. I do remember my mind racing back a little when I suddenly realized that this was free on iTunes. Because I had already told a few stories that I was like, what?

It was like that time when I was watching a play and I was sort of making some sarcastic comments about the set. And I realized that the guy I kind of knew who was sitting next to me, I saw his name as the director in the program. Yikes. And then I suddenly go, what? Kidding.

You know, I confuse the words insipid and inspired. Actually, what happened was my mind went blank. I could not remember a single word I had said in the last five minutes as soon as I saw his name. Oh, he probably could have told you. Yeah.

Yeah, we drifted apart from them. I asked my friend Wendy to make me a pair of gloves that say Fist City. And it's like only going to be $ 10. But I thought it would take her like a while to make them because I don't have $ 10 right now. Jesus.

Turns right up with it. She just sent me a message, your gloves are ready. And I'm like, fuck. Merry Christmas to me. Here, I'm going to make you $ 10.

It's going to take a while. Do you want me to break your lawn or something? Don't you need that more than you need $ 10? Yeah, this is a holiday I thought. Handmade cash adds a personal touch.

That's what you need for this. No, no, artisan cash. Find us homemade money. You know, I feel like half the world should go back to bartering. Like, I want to barter.

I want to talk people into bartering all the time. But I don't really have that many skills that are barterable, unfortunately. You can make those little salt dough ornaments that dogs like to eat. Yeah. It's going to go down a scary road.

I think we should do that. I really do. But bartering? There was an artist who drew money and part of his thing was talking people into accepting it. And that was his whole thing.

He would draw money and then talk people in to accepting the money. For, you know. And I guess he did okay with it. I doubt he made a living. Do you make change from it?

Yeah. I wonder if you can start a website or something where you, like, barter the most ridiculous things. Like, I'll come to your house. Craigslist. I'll come to your house and tap.

Dance for five minutes in exchange for a foot massage. I'm pretty sure that's out there. That's out there. It does seem like there ought to be more interesting things on Craigslist than all the depressing stuff that you find. These people that I work with, the guy, his wife is pregnant, and for some reason, now that she's pregnant, they've decided to branch out and be swingers, which just seems like a weird time to decide that.

Oh, great, yeah. Wait, what's their number? So my best friend and I, they're not like. Stinky people with, like, bad hygiene. Right.

Never mind. I mean, his teeth are black and, like, mostly missing. Yikes. And he's only, like, 25. That's all meth.

If they're missing, but you know they're black, wherever they are, they're in a box somewhere. But, man, are they black. Yeah. How come real swingers are never, like, TV swingers? No.

Well, they are TV swingers. They're just real sex swingers. There's a reason I don't watch that show. Scarred for life. I've actually never seen that.

That's a documentary. It thinks it is. It's marketed a different way. What's it on? I think it was originally on HBO.

Yeah. I don't think. Is this still air? It's on the Discovery Channel. Animal cleaning.

Oh, I don't like that one. Swinging with ducks. Man. Oh, do you guys know about duck penises? No.

Yeah, don't have sex with ducks. Nobody knows about them. No, but, like, do you guys seriously know about duck penises? Yeah, they're, like, hooked through penises. They just have levered vaginas.

And they explode, like, things. Yeah. They explode things. What do you mean they explode things? Just look at the internet.

The only thing I know about. Sounds like Looney Tunes. Could you imagine Donald Duck with his scary corkscrew penis with the barbs on it that can explode things? He was barbed in some country because he didn't wear pants. That's true.

With his corkscrew penis. What do you mean explode things? There's a really cute series that I found at my office job where penises explode things. It doesn't seem cute at all. It's a cute documentary.

It's a really cute documentary. It's like these little documentaries. They're like two minutes long, and it's like amazing facts about the, and like insert animal here, and I watched all of them because what you do at office, right? One of them was about ducks, and I did not expect this. I didn't know about the penis.

And so when you insert the animal there, you have to twist it. Yeah, some of it's really funny. Some of it's true. It's cute. Well, the duck, the exploding thing was they had a duck, and they had a like a vial of some sort, and I would assume that this didn't hurt the penis of the duck, but the penis shot down into the vial and exploded it.

That must be why they walk funny. I don't know. I've heard of this. It's called Duck Dynasty. Is that what the show is?

Yeah. See, okay, now it makes sense. Yeah. I picked up a part-time job at a pet store, and, like, there was... I heard this horrible noise, and, like, there was this, like, gigantic German shepherd that's, like, the... the size of a Buick, just, like, barking, like, like, crazy.

And, like, I go up there, and it's, like, barking incessantly at this picture, like, this big stand-up, this, like, bearded man, because apparently, like, Duck Dynasty has, like, merchandise for dogs. And this dog is just, like, barking and barking at it, like it is, like, the incarnate of, like, evil. This thing's got to turn it around. That's really the end of the story. Oh, yeah.

I think that... I'm there. But everything I know about animal sex, I learned from Isabella Rossellini. Look, he's out around. I'm not familiar with this one.

Oh, God. If you want to be. Messed up, watch that. Yeah, you'll love them. They're amazing.

She dresses up like whatever animal she's talking about. Like, my favorite one is the bed bug. She's, like, sitting. She's, like, wearing a... Actually, I don't think she's dressed up at this point.

She's just sitting down, and someone who you can only see their arm, they're, like, rubbing a knife on her face, and. She's, like. What are you doing? Trying to seduce me? What am I, a bed bug?

And then it goes into this. Oh, I heard about them stabbing. Yeah, and it goes into how bed bugs mate. And she's dressed up like a bed bug. And there's another man dressed up as a bed bug and he's chasing her.

And he grabs her and stabs her. People dressed up. As bedbugs are really hard to get rid of. So bedbugs have little knives? Yeah, they do.

And the males stab the females. That's how they procreate. Not really a way to get it in their eyes. Usually they're in the shower. Dead bugs.

All black and white. Violent. Yeah, but I think it was on IFC or something like that. Maybe Sundance Channel. But it was a show that aired for a while and there's tons of them.

There's like dolphins. They're all... And this is why Lucy's vegan. None of that nasty animal stuff around me, no. Well, I think that's a good way to send people off.

Yeah. Duck penises and bedbugs and knife-ings. Yeah, yeah. That makes you think the holidays. Send Cousin Ed to the Doctor Who episode.

Watch the turkey documentary, though, guys. I'm serious. Like, it. So good. Truly.

Waddle. Yeah. All right. Otherwise, that about does it. We will return next week, and it might be focused in some way.

We'll see. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Waddle on. We wish you a Merry Christmas.

We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas and. A Happy New Year. Good tidings we bring to you and your kin. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry. Christmas and a Happy New Day. Happy New Year.

Oh, my God. That feels so good. Oh, yeah. Oh, slow down. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? Oh, my God. Oh, that feels so good.

I love it when you. Uh-oh. Slow down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by The Oddity Studios, with opening music performed by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!