81.2: Skeksis Rule!

The great conjunction comes. Now we will live forever. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. It's showtime, folks.

Enjoy the show. Hi, this is Bill Diamond, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. It's time for Sofa Theater. Another world. Another time.

In the Age of Wonder. A thousand years ago, this land was green and good. Until the crystal cracked. For a single piece was lost. A shard of the crystal.

Then strife began. and two new races appeared, the cruel Skeksis, the gentle mystics. Here in the castle of the crystal, the Skeksis took control. Now the Skeksis gather in the sacred chamber, where the crystal hangs above a shaft of air and fire. Until the crystal cracked. A single piece was lost.

Welcome to Movie Meltdown Sofa Theater. Once again, I am Brian. Roger. Johnny. I am still Misty.

I'm Jake. This week's Sofa Theater feature is The Dark Crystal. The year is 1982. Director Jim Henson and Frank Oz. The plot, which for once off of IMDb isn't horrible.

On another planet in a distant past, a gelfling embarks on a quest to find the missing shard of a magic crystal to restore order to his world. It's not bad, actually. Unusual. So we'll throw out a generalized spoiler alert now, but if you haven't seen this, for shame, go take it upon yourself right now and watch it. You had not seen this.

Movie up until now. No, I avoided it. You avoided it just because. I just didn't feel like seeing it. It's one of those movies.

If I'm not in the mood to see it, I just don't want to see it. Okay. Fair enough. I think Isabel would probably like it. Isabel's seen it.

It's actually one of the movies that she has, and her mom and her have watched it a bunch of times. And it's one of those things I was always at work, so I got out of most of those movies. The only reason I ever sat through Labyrinth was because I had to. And Labyrinth is awesome. And it involved David Bowie's package.

Yikes. That's what it's all about. It's actually in the credits. His codpiece is credited in the credits. Has top billing on the poster.

Wow. Oh, Lord. It's deep, Roy. I was going to say. It's actually a very small man that he's texted to his dad.

That's Deep Roy. Strap him. On that note. Gives a new name to nut huggers. Alright, we will delve into another edition of.

Where this time, we can swing the vault door open wide and head on over to the stacks of movies with Muppets in them, because those are all awesome. Or the early ones, anyway. They don't happen anymore. No, no, they don't. If they do, it's not the same.

There are no more Muppets Take Manhattan or... the great Muppet Caper. They're trying. Muppet Treasure Island was awesome. Wonder Chosen was good. That's not quite Muppets.

They're Muppets. They're not Muppets. I love Civil and Ollie. I love Civil and Ollie. Actually, one of my buddies was on a couple of the episodes of Civil and Ollie.

He did your tattoo. He was the devil. Awesome. Wow. That's awesome.

That's impressive fresh. I kind of remember that too, yeah. That's funny. Makes me have a new appreciation for my tattoo. There you go.

Satan did your tattoo. Satan did your tattoo. Awesome. Oh, Lord. So this week we'll hear once again from puppeteer and producer Bill Diamond and see what he says about working on this week's feature, The Dark Crystal.

What all was involved in that? I mean, you say it was five years and what, as far as making of it? Well, Jim really wanted to... to get into it and create the whole environment. It wasn't just about the story and it wasn't. Just about the characters.

When Brian Froud would draw, he would draw a whole world. And Jim was really interested in creating the whole world organically like no one had ever seen before. Now this is way before digital. So, you know, nobody had attempted with no human characters. It was pretty much the first film outside of cartoons that was ever done in a surreal environment.

Yeah, it's amazing how much they built up and how much of that were actual live-action sets. I mean, what size-wise? Oh, they were huge. Most of the sets were built in London, in London. in Pinewood Studios and also over in the, a couple of the other studios, L Street Studios had them. And they were huge.

Like the main scene where the chamber of the crystal was gigantic. It was three stories tall. I mean, it was just. Amazing plaster work. You stand and it was like a cathedral.

And then over in, you know, then they had the outdoor scenes, which were all inside. You know, I think it was done on the James Bond soundstage, which was one of the largest at its time. I think it still is. Pretty huge, yeah. Yeah.

Were there people doing specific characters, or was it kind of just trading off whoever did the work that day? Well, no, Jim did Jen, but one of the things that was really interesting that most people think everybody was a puppeteer really wasn't. Everyone, the Mystics or the Skeksis were puppeteers, but the Mystics and the Lance Riders, they were all. Entertainers as far as acrobats. They were circus people.

We think of Circus Olay now. They were mimes, different people that did juggling, different people that did... He wanted a very. Interesting movement, not something that was going to be done by puppeteers, something that was going to be very organic. And that was never done, too.

So that was something he really paid a lot of attention to. He loved little details. Jim really was into details. What all did you actually spend doing on that set? Like, what kind of work?

Well, at that time, there were a number of things that were being done. I mean, the New York office, we were kind of putting up displays and things like that. What I did, Jim would. We would tape. whatever was being done, he was flying around. So you didn't have the internet and couldn't send things back and forth or whatever.

So of course we did. Have video, captured stuff on video. A lot of the behind the scenes that you see are stuff that we cut for him to approve while he was going back and forth to New York or London or California or wherever he was. So he relied on that information before anything was ever shot on film. Alright, so once again, thank you to Bill for sharing our more stories of giant puppets and awesomeness.

And what they do. Back into it for us. Where shall we begin? I guess out of all the movies from my childhood, this wasn't one of my actual favorites. But I still like it, and I still have an appreciation for it.

But I guess I was more of a Labyrinth fan, or the Never Ending Story, and that same, you know, from that time frame. It never was my favorite, but it's still amazing to look at, and still amazing to watch, but It just. I don't know. See, that was kind of the other way. I saw most of those as a kid.

I saw this one, I'm pretty sure, in the theater. And this, like, I latched onto. This was my favorite. Like, I saw Labyrinth later. And I think why I didn't take to that as much is I think there was a lot more comic relief to it.

And there was a little more of the, like, kind of playing it more for kids, where this one was just such a real story and such a dark story. and it didn't stray into the normal world at all. It was completely self-contained. Maybe that's why it bothered me. I can't take puppets that damn seriously. I like them enough.

They look that cool, though. No, they still, it's like, I. Still can't connect, really. It's like, it's still, like, oh. You can't connect with puppets?

No, it's still, like, I really don't, I'm not concerned about their safety whatsoever. I don't really care if they get hurt. I'm like, it's a puppet. What are you going to do? Sell it back together.

I mean, I don't care. Blast. Okay, that will be. I'm still impressed with them. It's still fun to watch.

I don't know. You're all going to be against me. I like puppets in general because I think puppetry is an art form in itself, whereas CGI and stuff like that that they do nowadays. I do wish they would bring back more puppets and drop the technology. That's why I connected with Labyrinth better because it at least had the main characters were people.

Yeah, they had puppets in it, but still. I don't know, I guess I. Connect, I don't know, which is I hate people, I can connect better with them. And they were singing in the labyrinth, which was. Yeah, that's, I think, took it down for me, too.

I was never big on. Breaking out into a song, where this was just so serious. It definitely worked on that level. But to put it all into context, this, that reminded me of a good way to sort of start off this process is, as we decided to Watch this movie. I realize I don't even think I have a good copy of it.

So I went looking for it and I found it for relatively cheap and I went to buy it. And this was at a large retail store that I won't bother to plug. But it'll tell you who we're dealing with. This is a big chain store and you got the girl working behind the counter. And she goes to scan it and she picks it up and looks at it and goes, oh, this ain't good.

And then she looks a little closer at the picture and goes, oh, it's cartoon. To which I immediately went, no, it's puppets, actually. I was going to fight with this chick. To which she then followed up with, oh, that's even worse. Yeah.

Really? Wow. Yeah. I was just like... But then, once again, to your ignorance, went, the only puppets I like are the Muppets.

And I went, well... And by this time, I was halfway into the description of what... I was like, you know what? I'm wasting my time. Never mind.

I was like, just hit total. Let's move on. Don't waste your time on someone whose favorite TV show is the blue-collar comedy hour. Yeah, that's definitely your radio. Oh, my God.

Well, not necessarily my... I don't know what she liked, but it did. Yeah. It just puts it into, you know, different camps, different schools of thought because yeah, that was number one. She thought it was terrible because it was animated and then it was worse because it was puppets.

So people have a very specific take on anything like that. Anything that's kind of different from the norm, specifically puppetry. So yeah. Like we said, there isn't that many puppet movies out there anymore or that. Even involve puppets.

Like even, Star Wars, I think they stopped using puppets in Episode 1 when Yoda was the puppet. And he sucked. He really sucked. That's what makes no sense. Yeah, exactly.

That's what made no sense to me. I was like, how is it that in 1982 he looked awesome in 1981? He looked like you could actually reach in the screen and touch him, and now he looks like a. Well, I think it's kind of like we just lost that skill or whatever. I mean, who's left that still does that?

I mean, Frank Oz is still alive. They didn't lose the skill. I don't think he does any of that anymore. It's not flashy, it's not new, it's not technology, which is why they don't want to touch it. And it's a lot more expensive, too.

That's why I was so excited about Dinosaurs Lab, because it was. giant giant dinosaurs size puppets and i was like so excited. About that is awesome because the way you describe it is pretty close to what we were looking at seeing them do the behind the scenes stuff it's like it's really close to what you were saying they're doing with the dinosaurs yeah. I'm sorry i was walking with the dinosaurs my dinosaurs left but um That reminds me, recently, or, like, within the last couple of years, I saw this movie about puppets called Strings, and it was, like, this Greek tragedy, and it was just, it was kind of ridiculous. Oh, wow. But it had puppets.

It's a pretty recent movie. It's a dream. Well, wasn't there, like, some episode of Spike or something where it's called Happy Time where it's all puppets? Oh, God. Stupid like that.

But we grew up with puppets. I mean, DC Follies, Fraggle Rock. Fraggle Rock, yeah. It's just, I don't know, it's hard to... The Muppet Show.

Yeah, The Muppet Show is amazing. It still is one of the better shows ever. But it's weird when they try to work it into other stuff. I think that's what's harder to do. When it's its own self-contained thing, I think it's easier to take.

When you throw a puppet into the middle of an episode of Angel. What about Craig the Bunny? That was terrible. That made no sense either. It's so hard.

Yeah, kind of. She loved it too. Yeah, I was going to say that show that was like Married with Children, but it had a puppy. A puppy? Puppet?

Puppet? Alf? Alf was almost the exception. It was pretty mainstream and was pretty well received, actually. I hated Alf, though.

I liked it. When I was little, I loved it. I don't know if I'd like it now. It comes out to you, right? Yeah.

It did. It was terrible. I hated that episode. Now when we get puppets, it's that obnoxious comedian guy. Jiftern.

He's in everything. What is he? He's a ventriloquist. I think he's pretty funny, but I can only watch him for like four to five minutes at a time. I just want to smack him.

He's good. He's good at doing what he does, and he's been doing it forever. He was doing those same characters on the night show when Johnny was still hosting. I can't believe that guy's still around. He is old.

I know. He hasn't aged at all, but he's been doing those characters forever. Maybe he's a puppet. The puppet devil. Puppet devil.

That's awesome. I still think my favorite part about Dark Crystal is Fizzgig. Although I can't watch Twin Peaks without yelling Fizzgig every time I see Laura Palmer's mom. Yes, Laura Palmer's mom looks exactly like Fizzgig. It's frightening.

I've seen where she yells. You can almost see teeth in the back of her throat. Yikes. I love Fiskig, but it's been a couple of years since I've seen Dark Crystal. I don't think I realized how terrible of.

A dog he was. He was the worst guard dog ever. He wasn't really a dog. He was more of a companion, I think, than he was like. I mean, he had dog-like personality.

He's very dog-like, yeah. He didn't dog-like things, but he was awful. He was so useless. All he ever did was get him in trouble and like. He would be a good guard dog at your house because he makes a lot of damn noise.

He would definitely let you know if somebody was there, but out in the world, he just got them in trouble at every turn. He was still so. Cute while he was doing it. He was kind of a popple. Can you turn him inside out?

Probably. They tried to. My favorites, of course, are always the Garth and I've always loved the big beetle sentry warriors. When I was a kid, they It was like this scary fascination that I had because when Jin falls in that pit or whatever, and then you hear the clicking, and all you see is all. The eyes kind of light up.

That shot is amazing. Yeah, I just remember that really kind of freaked me out, but I was just like, God, they're so cool, but I'm so terrified by them. I don't know what's going on. I couldn't tell if they were beetles or crabs. I think they're like crabs.

It's a mesh. Yeah, an amalgamation. God, those would be deadly crabs to have. Right? Yeah.

They based them on, like, oh, God. Butter dip. Butter dip, of course. But, yeah, they were, I think that was one of those that really stuck with me as a kid, too. It's, like, of all the other stuff that's weird in this world, those were so freaky and, like, so creepy that.

Every turn they would just show up and be on top of and like it was one of those. Talking pieces just bust through walls Yeah, just can't get away from doom. Yeah, you're screwed when they show up. Yeah, but yet they're still slow as dirt It seems like it seems like everybody in this world is slow as dirt except for those striders striders. Striders everybody else just moves.

Really slow It's like going to Walmart. It is. It's real sad because the adults die and then the little baby ones left alone. Yeah. Because they jumped on the adults and let the little child one behind.

I guess it's like, I'll just wait for you to be here when I come back. They never came back. That's going to be the sequel. The spin-off Landstrider movie. Lone Strider.

They stole my parents. Take revenge against the Gelflings. That'd be awesome, actually. I like that Kira and Jen are just expected to fall in love because they're like gelflings. It's like, eh, you're a gelfling.

She's a gelfling. I mean, that's a rule in any movie. When you come across someone else that's of the same general age group as you, that's the opposite gender, that's it. You're done. That's all it takes.

That's all it takes. It really is, and it's funny. Well, it's her, Agra. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

It was pretty hot. I don't know what you're talking about. She had hard nipples the whole time. I don't know what y'all are talking about. It's so weird to give a puppet, like, her hard nipples.

Like, grody, dude. That was the first time I noticed it. I'm not just being a god knows how many times. I was like, whoa. That's really disturbing.

What's going on there, Agra? Follow the greater sun for a day to the home of Agra. Some directions. Who is Agra, anyway? One of these things?

Maybe she murders girl flings. What am I doing here? Are you. A Gelfling? Yes, my name is Jen.

But Gelfling all dead. Gotham, kill them all. You can't be Gelfling. You look like Gelfling. Smell like Gelfling.

Maybe you are Gelfling. I'm looking for Ogre. Who sent you? My master, wisest of the mystics. Where is he?

Around here? He's dead. Could be anywhere, then. The Skeksis, or Skeksis, or however you pronounce it. Skeksis.

Skeksis. Those are creepy and gross. Those are very creepy. And another one of those, once again, it's weird that of all the stuff, and it shouldn't surprise anyone, that all the stuff that I really liked and latched onto were the. Evil thing, like the creepy ones.

I like the cute things. See, I like the Skeksis. Again, they're so fascinating in their whole little weird, creepy ways. And once again, specifically, and everyone will disagree with me, I really like Chamberlain. I like it.

Everybody hates his whining. I like it because it's so annoying. It works so well. He's kind of like that Starscream character. He's that slimy usurper.

That's always kind of like in the background waiting to like take power or whatever. Get a leg up. Yeah. Seriously. Yeah.

I really hated him. But I think he's so good at being in a hole where you've got half your cast as villains. He still finds a way to be even slimier and just stab people in the back and be sniveling and conniving. He's so good at that. I like that character thrown in the middle of this.

I think you needed that. I like the whole. Environment that he's thrown into, where he's in the... I don't know if it's a forest or a jungle or whatever, but just all the creative plants. And small animals and things.

It's like even the landscape of puppets. Every inch of this. A lot of things kind of reminded me of like stuff you would see. In coral beds. Yeah.

Really neat stuff. And that's what, I mean, you have to give Jim Henson credit. Like that's what it was that he set out to do with this more than anything. It's like anybody else would just sort of slap together the main characters and well before he even put together the characters he set out to make the world like he wanted to make the world that they're immersed in you know and they worked on that before they even started putting the characters together before the the puppets were put together he brought in the what was the artist's name um brian froud i think that had done like all this fantasy artwork and he saw his stuff and was like that's the world he's like that's similar to what I want.

And it also will work as something that you can bring to life and make it like a real three dimensional kind of world. So yeah, And again, he spent so much time on the little details, and nobody else would bother to make little critters run around the floor when they don't tie into anything. It's not like they're a plot device. It's not like you're going to use it later in the story. It's just there to give you an atmosphere.

It makes you feel more real. Even how ornate the castle was. I mean, there's engravings and carvings on everything, everywhere, where you don't really get to see a lot of that stuff. But still, it's just. It's so ornate and.

So much detail is put into it that it gives it that level of richness and detail that it's, you know, it's not just, oh, we'll just paper mache a wall or whatever, put some chicken wire down, you know. It's like taking that time. And that level really kind of brings it out. It pops. And that's why he, to me, was different than a lot of the...

I mean, he was an artist. As much as he did so many... He was a puppeteer and a director. But, I mean, he set out to make something very specific. And he even said in interviews, like, a lot of this you're not ever going to see.

Yeah. He's still bothering to create it. He's still bothering to have all these people work for him and make all these little details that 90% of you probably never even caught a glimpse of, really. They were just there to. so that everything meshed and everything fit in this little world. It's one of the things that, like, when he's going through the little, uh, valley and there's, like, the river or whatever, kind of, you know, drags right there, but the, just the animation of all the little things makes it go so much better.

I guess? Yeah. I don't know. But, uh, They've got stuff to look at along the way. Yeah, it's there all the time.

Something's moving all the time. It's so cool. You think and feel that the place is alive. It's not just static, you know? Yeah, how many times when you're watching a movie do you actually look and pay attention to the background? to see what's going on in the background, because generally there's nothing going on in the background.

Because nobody puts that level of detail. But you're looking for different kinds of creatures and animals, and you're like, wow, look at that, I like that, that's pretty cool, look at that one, that one's gross. I see a new one every time. Yeah, and I think that's the thing. It does throw you into this world, and then you realize... damn everything's alive like every even when you think you know it's just some sort of piece of the scenery or just a plant or something it's like everything is a creature and it usually attacks some other creature yeah it's weird just the the land part of it but the environment itself becomes kind of a big tie-in that i think the more i was watching it this time i was like it really is like a a Almost like an organic versus society.

Kind of thing. As you watch, it's like everybody that's the good guys all live in damn near caves, and they're all one with nature, and they get along with the animals. And then the bad guys all have this little society and they have little ways of doing things and their own little trappings of like all the clothing and all the jewelry. And so it really becomes like the, you know, the natural people are the good ones and they're fighting against the overall society. It's like, I don't know, it really, it shows like this weird evil that seeps in the more.

Civilized they become. And the ones, the people that are very naturalistic are kind of like the ones that are at peace with the world and the good guys, so to speak. No, I feel it, definitely. Those poor little pod people. Oh, God, they were just used and abused by everybody.

See, I was never big on the pod people. Once again, being the jerk that I am, and I like the Skeksis, but the pod people were so boring. I was like, well, no wonder. When I was a kid, I was a stoner. Seriously.

They were like. A little Asian family, the way they talked. When I was younger, I was a messed up kid. I hated E.T. and people all over the world. It's okay we have asian among us it makes it okay for us to say that right or.

Not out of. My four friends two of them are asian oh. Lord so what were you saying um no but when i was uh when i was younger i hated the pod people i was just like yeah like suck their brains out make them slaves it's like they're weak they're totally weak they were you know yeah but of course as i've grown up and you know start to care about things a little more and I was like yeah they're pretty dope and I always felt bad like when they like it's a pretty harsh uh scene when that one is getting its like mind sucked out and you see like its face start to shrivel yeah and I'm just like it was just yeah it was like kind of disturbing like. It's a disturbing scene yeah. And I mean, I still want to see him throw Fizz Gig in the fucking mall.

Hell no. It's just me. Fizz Gig alone. As much as I usually don't care about cute things, Fizz Gig's fun. I think it's just because he's the one thing that's kind of comic relief in this.

And he's not over the top, though. He really does. They do play it like he's just sort of an annoying pet. And we all have annoying pets. I have several.

And they do that kind of stuff. I mean, they are cute and ridiculous and annoying all at the same time. They'll sell you out. Yeah, that too. They will mess things up.

He's right here. My dog would do that for some Braunschweiger. I don't know how to pronounce it. She doesn't do that anymore. She only did that.

Because of allergies. But another scene I liked was the feasting scene. That was always an awesome scene because I don't think you ever since or before that have seen puppets eating. In a feasting situation. Grossly when they're like.

Forks. Yeah, like, that one guy's got, like, forks on his, like, fingertips, and he's, like, being all fancy about, like, eating his little. pieces of that's what's so cool about the Skeksis that they're fancy like they really they. Got frilly shirts like they're wearing frilly shirts layers and layers layers. And layers and that's part of it yeah oh yeah it's kind of like they tie into like that old thing with like the old like royalty like the more clothes that they had the more rich they were and. The more powerful they were it's like they were tutors but like twisted and ropes creepy and like vulture lizards.

Yeah that's why they punished that one guy the one skis was to strip all his clothes. Yeah they did the ultimate they took away everything he had and all they were worried. About was and then they belongings and. Power yeah they took away everything he had and kicked him out into the world in the natural world so that's I don't know. I think that's cool, but it does show that weird hierarchy that bothered.

Again, what other kids movie now would do that? Dora would just be like, look, a monkey. And that's it. But like this, I mean, it puts like backstory into the hierarchy of these characters eating dinner. It's like, it's amazing.

And they do it so simply that they don't have to beat you over the head with it. They just, you know, I don't know. It's it's very well. Done it's really well done i'm pretty sure that one was eating ramen noodles i think so actually he's kind of like hanging out of his mouth like choking on it well yeah i gagged a little bit i'm not gonna lie i was like oh my god you. Know what they're eating and the weird thing was is i think it's the first time i ever noticed it And I said something to you, Joni, when I saw it, when they stripped the Chamberlain down, you know how the Mystics have four arms?

Well, the Skeksis seems like they have four arms, except for their second pair are like shriveled up on their back. And I never noticed that before, and I was like, oh, that's really cool. Because I often wondered, yeah, why the other ones, since they were sort of half of the same being, why they had that big difference. And, yeah, that's kind of cool that it's there. It's just like they were, you never get it because they're so busy with their clothes.

Yeah, and they didn't develop them or feed them or, you know. I guess over a thousand years, you can develop your arms pretty good. Yeah, I guess. Or under. I don't know what you would use them for.

Just, like, scratching your. Own back, maybe. Yeah, heavy lifting, maybe. Playing that awesome guitar. Multitasking.

Yeah, mm-hmm. I can get a little ukulele from your back. There you go. Scratching your butt and picking your nose. And having hands left over to read a book.

The very wise. I'm just trying to think useful things. That's why you don't have forearms. Because this is what you would do with them. Many, many things with forearms.

Things we don't want to hear about. No, I can't. But then with the Skeksis, they also, as he was going in, and it's funny because you look at him at the table and you see these different variations almost because they almost based them on, like, the seven deadly sins. Oh, really? They had more.

I mean, he sort of doubled up on some of them. But you've got ones, like, the one guy is supposed to be, like, the general, and they give him, like, a different kind of costume, and he's more of the warring one. And then you've got, and I don't think I realized this much when I was a kid, you've got one. That's a fancy one, wasn't it? Well, that's the thing.

He's like a treasurer. You don't really know what's up with that. And I checked this, because this is probably what my favorite thing is, because you'd think maybe they just didn't really think about it one way or the other, but specifically from Jim Henson, he said, you don't really know what gender they are. And I was like, wow, I didn't really think about it. And he said.

He said, we wanted it that way. We wanted it. And he used the word uncomfortable. And I was like, that's awesome. That is awesome.

He specifically wanted it to be uncomfortably neutral, almost. But then you get to that one that's wearing, like, makeup, almost. And has, like, the frillier shirt. Yeah. And I'm like, so is this.

And it's kind of, like, thinner. Yeah. And more, like, dainty. And has the higher and is very effeminate. And I'm like, so is that one the... girl of the bunch or is that.

One just the. Fop it's like it's definitely a very different and then there's two actually when they when the chamberlain comes back in with the with the gelflings they're both very proper and have the frillier shirts and i'm like so is there like a whole different group of them yeah they run away they scream and they run away scared of that poor little gelfling girl who I noticed looks like one of the Olsen twins or both. Of them not just one of them she looks so much like Mary-Kate. It's frightening I thought. The gelflings looked like little manga characters or something.

They did look very anime-esque Kira Kira look. Here Just look at this. That looks just like the shard. What does it mean? And what are those funny marks?

Oh, this is all writing. What's writing? Words that stay. My master taught me. Oh.

When single shines the triple sun, what was sundered and undone shall be whole, the two made one. By Gelfling Hand, or else by none. By Gelfling Hand? Do you know what that means, Kira? Wait.

This is a piece of the Dark Crystal. Then that's what my master meant. Yes. I have to put it. You have to heal the.

I never liked Jin, though, for some reason. I don't know. I don't like dudes with bangs. It grosses me out. Yeah.

Was it me, or did he have, like, purple highlights? Yeah, he did. Yeah. But that was punk rock back then. Oh, definitely.

He was new wave. I'm not going to hate on him for that. He was new wave Jin. I thought that was kind of cool. He got it when he was dropping acid.

Yeah. He kind of looked like Steve Perry. I want to cut my hair. Steve Perry was awesome. Had the same haircut.

Yeah. Kind of. Blue. I don't know. The other thing I noticed they developed so much in this time was the speech patterns.

Like, again, any general puppet show, everybody just talks and they have their own, like, they actually bother to give them, like, weird little quirks and like even just the way like the way aura talks is weird and it's like natural it's but it comes off yeah the more that you work it you're like it always matches up with before it's not like random just gibberish that he throws out or weird things it's like every it's all a pattern that is actually like how you would run into somebody that, you know, probably speaks their own weird language. It's like you met Nell somewhere. Oh, God. Take a bite back. Take a bite back.

How did I get roped into watching that? I have never seen it. And I feel, I think I feel lucky. Yeah, you don't need to see it. It's not.

Well, there's one question I had, and I had it when we were watching the movie. If, um, the girl Kira if she was abandoned as a baby and taken to live with these pod people saying whatever how is it she doesn't have to speak the same language as. The the other Gelfling she's. A Gelfling but I mean because if she was a baby and brought up by people that spoke a different language. How she's just really smart well no they had that remember when they touched hands they had that like inner knowing Gelfling kind of heritage thing like they knew each other's thoughts and memories and stuff like that.

She's spoken before then yeah yeah i don't know. I mean unless i think it was just like powers i don't know. I don't know because she didn't know how to read that was interesting because i thought maybe she found like books about her heritage but she didn't know how to read when they got there only only jim knew how to read. So maybe it's like the groan from Stargate, you were born with all the knowledge. Of the ones before you.

Possibly, yeah, maybe. Possibly. They don't really delve into the physiology of the elephant that much. I'd say the pod people taught her, but they seem kind of dumb. Yeah, they seem like, yeah.

They're simpletons. They just, like, teach her how to party. They mean well, but yeah. It seems like that's all they do is they, like, rock it. They eat and rock.

That's really all they know how to do. Drink some mead. Yeah, they all have, like, kind of beanie caps on them. They're a simple folk. They dance.

They are so cute. They do dance. Actually, when you get into their little world, it reminded me very much of Fraggle Rock. Oh, yeah. Not the creatures, but where they live.

Fraggle Rock. Very subterranean. It was like party all the time. Well, that was what I was thinking with the natural, because, I mean, that's something that Lucas tapped into with the whole Return of the Jedi, with the naturals fighting against the and they had all the weaponry and stuff. This was like a toned down version, but it's still very much, you know, the natural pod people versus the evil, you know, society wielding Skeksis.

So, I don't know. But it tapped into a lot of that. And while we're on that Lucas kind of ripping them off idea, the scene with the jen and his old master versus was that very much the yoda death scene several years before the yoda death scene or well a year or so so they were almost working on it at the. Same time yeah it disappeared exactly like yoda wow and no you know not like frank oz isn't sitting there i mean he's actually. On set in both movies so I don't know, maybe he gave them the idea.

Maybe he said, hey, you know, because... It works so well as if Yoda disappeared because. They're all friends, I mean. It makes things more convenient. You ain't got to worry about burying anybody.

I wish I just disappeared when I died, right? It makes things so much easier. There's only the fresh scent of pine. I like the crumbling one, though. That didn't seem like a lot of fun.

Again, the evil is much creepier and gross. You're probably going to shake the sheet out after all. The effect of that was really amazing, too. Yeah. I was trying to figure out how it was done, and I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Wrap my tiny little brain around it. Yeah, that was awesome. As we get into the end, not to go into all of it, but just the overall of it, it also seems like a very mythological story. It's like by the time you get to the end, you've got almost these gods, but they're almost like the Greek gods because they're very flawed. They mention themselves that they were arrogant.

And they kind of screwed up the world. So it's very flawed divine beings that also are very powerful. But then somewhere along the way, they screwed things up for themselves. And they need the Chosen One. So he's almost like Perseus.

You go out, you do this, and save everything. So it had a very mythological feel to it, too. There's a lot of. You brought the book or whatever, and it seems like there's a lot of backstory and a lot of explanation that they thought about this world and how things worked and actually what some of the symbols mean and all that. And it's like, God, of course, here it is again.

I wish that there was more. It would have been awesome if there was more. you know more about I don't know. The world and what not I mean I know it probably wasn't contained in the movie but I mean I'm sure there's pages somewhere I mean you know as much thought. I'm sure there's a fan fiction out there somewhere little Kira action rated mature just for you. Oh god just google search Skeksis butthole I'm sure you'll find something yeah.

Yikes Yeah, it was mildly uncomfortable when they were doing that scene at the end where the Skeksis were being drawn into the other ones. I'm like, what is it time to anally rape your enemy? And now we are one. You've kept us down for a thousand years. I'll show you, motherfucker.

You took our castle. It's always sunny in Philadelphia where Nightman comes and takes the little boy. Max is like, this is the scene where I anally raped you. Charlie's like, no! Yikes.

Oh, wow. It made me uncomfortable just to look on all of his faces. They were all frozen in horror like, oh, it's going in. They were kind of scared. Oh, my God.

Without moving. A thousand years? Damn it, you're going to pay. Oh, no. You're going to pay.

That's a whole different turn for a. But you didn't see that one coming. Actually. That's what she said. We'll get to that later.

Actually, there is a tie-in to. That later, but. Oh, wow. I'm afraid. Oh, what else?

What else can you go. Where can you go after that? Oh, I noticed in the movie, if anyone's ever seen The Village... Yeah. The little.

The Skeksis, their costume... Or they. Were pretty much the exact same little costume that the monsters. In the village had. Yeah, that's true, actually.

It was almost the same. The little spikes on the back and the little creepy bird lizard head. Yeah. Pretty much the same. Well, I mean, all of the Skeksis had weird outfits, but specifically Chamberlain's was badass.

Like at the beginning, before they stripped him, that huge red thing that he had and a giant back. And plus those things always wore red cloaks and stuff like that. His was awesome. I really like that. Tortoise on Rochelle or something.

It was sweet. Pretty bitchin'. I. Don't know. You have to like any kid's movie that has a jump scare in the middle of it. oh the fizz gig jump scare like i remember as a kid that like came out of nowhere like it really probably was the introduction to the jump scare for every kid of that generation because it's the first movie you're allowed to go see where you're like uh-oh because like well they set it up though they're like something's going on but it's still really calm you get a little fake out here and there and then all of a sudden it's right yeah totally yeah You're a.

Vicious little bastard. I want one so bad. You should devise one. Yeah, you should crossbreed. What if I get to eat our neighbor's dogs?

Oh, I hope. Pomeranians are pretty much as close as you're going to get. They're horrible, though. Yeah, they are. You don't want one of those.

Pomeranians are twice as mean and twice as likely to get you killed if you're trying to hide out. From some Skeksis. Skeksis? Skeksis. I mean, what's the plural of that?

Skeksi. Skeksi. Skeksi. It could be Skeksis, though. You don't know.

I don't know what dictates how to pluralize something. I don't know. The sets are awesome. Just in general. Huge i mean looking at how big some of those are it's the whole thing was such that's again why i give it credit i mean just imagine trying to make a movie period with people think how much trouble that is now i mean imagine that you've got to build these huge sets and then on top of that you have to build your main characters and then on top of that Each one of them, especially like the Skeksis, and well, definitely both of the Mystics and the Skeksis, took from two to four people to run each one of them.

And they're walking around the entire time. It's not like the Muppet Show where they're standing behind a stage. they're all in motion they're shooting this with real cameras so that scene like when they're when they're attacking uh chamberlain you've got like 10 of them walking around and you've got three to four people below each one of these walking through the set it's amazing that this thing got made. Um try to look it up why are you looking. At the question i had what were the things that were up in the balcony like they look like people in robes that were walking like Yeah. Who are those?

The slave guys? I don't know. They don't look like they were wearing black robes. Which part? Like in the chamber?

Like any time they show the chamber, like in like balconies, they would come around from the side and get up on this balcony and they were like, I don't remember. Never showed their faces or anything. I don't remember. I don't know. $ 15 million, which is really cheap compared to what it would be. For how long ago that was, that's a lot.

Even then, I mean, that's a lot of money, especially for somebody to give someone making a movie with puppets. For him to get backed for $ 15 million is huge. Yeah, you've got to think that most of the money when it comes to making movies goes to pay the actors. And there weren't really... I mean, Jim Henson.

He's a name, but I mean, that's the other thing that's kind of amazing on this is watching them do it. And like the director is actually doing like he's not sitting off in a chair somewhere. He's running around on the set with his hand shoved in a puppet doing work. And the direct friend guys are sitting next to him doing the same thing. Like they're both actually characters in the movie.

They're actually on set. doing something pretty much the entire time not that directing isn't hard enough in and of itself but on top of directing they're actually creating and moving the characters around physically in every scene of these that's more than most directors do i'd. Say Watching the special features when they're talking about it and you see them doing it, it's just amazing. Yeah, that's equally as entertaining as watching the behind the scenes. The stage, what you see is all up here and then they're all down here. It's like tunnels and crazy stuff.

I don't understand. My mind's boggled. That's the thing. Watching those scenes when it is a camera and it's spinning around them and I'm like, there's 40 people below you. How are you even getting this shot?

It's like there's so many people on that little set. The fact that they got these shots and there's not a guy walking in the background carrying cables and shit is like amazing, really, that all this came together. And then the other one watching the behind the scenes stuff is like how amazing it is that they transfer or they switch back and forth. between scale and you really almost don't even notice like the lance the lance riders are like real people they're full size but then they have like a half size one that's got the gelfling on it they've got like little ones same thing with like the chamber set it's like one huge stage but then they have miniatures that they shoot in and it's just about all of it like they can switch in and out pretty quick and you.

Don't really even notice or even jen like jen When. You see him running, that's amazing. Like, the fact that he's a puppet through half of it, but then they also. He's like a little kid. Yeah, I think he was just like a little guy.

I mean, that's what they got. That's what Bill was saying when I was talking to him. You know, everybody thinks that it was all puppeteers and it's all Frank Oz, but, I mean, a lot of the other characters they brought in were acrobats. And, like, you know, it's like Cirque du Soleil at this point. This is what they would have been hiring him to do now.

So it's that level of performer that... They really knew how to move, and they brought in dancers and acrobats so that they could physically do all this stuff that normal people couldn't do, really. You can only really tell certain scenes where he was climbing that it was a. Person, not a puppet. But even then, it's so cool to have that.

What other puppet movie all of a sudden has your puppet moving by itself, really? It's weird when it all kind of crosses that line. I think that's what sort of broke the mold at that point. When you're a little kid and you're just like, Kermit never runs around. It's like you never see.

You're used to seeing very waist-up shots, and then you see... this you know full head-to-toe shot of this creature running across the scene. It's like you just don't see his feet yeah you just see him. Yeah we all just did the kermit hand motion you know what we did you're thinking of it you're probably doing it right now which is funny because even in there jim henson does that exact same thing he's like well when i move kermit it's like this but then he talks about how different he does it in here which is again amazing that you know being a puppeteer he assigns very specific movements to each one he really does give each one a different character and gives them different mannerisms and just a way of walking that's way more detailed than anybody would put.

Into something like i was saying earlier puppetry is just like a seriously underrated art form like it really you really have to have a knowledge of how the human body works and moves to be able to even imitate like To make your hand imitate the motions of an animal or a person, that's just amazing. Well, especially aren't they underneath for the most part? Yeah, you can't see it. To get the point. Of view of how they are in acting, where the puppets are moving and what they need to convey, it's like you've got to have a pretty good sense of space and, I don't know, spatial awareness of like, if I do this or whatever, that's...

He's going to yawn and maybe give a peace sign. With the smaller ones, with the bigger ones, they've just gotten to the point of technology where the huge ones, when they're working it, they've actually got monitors. Oh, cool. And he was talking about a lot of this we couldn't have done 10, 20 years before. Before, they could have rigged up a monitor inside the big giant unit itself.

They're watching what they're doing on a monitor inside the puppet. That's amazing. That's so complicated. Did Agra have a person inside of him? It was Frank Oz.

I noticed Frank Oz was her voice. They show him. He's in the suit. He's in the suit, too. I don't think he did the voice.

I don't think he was in there. He didn't do the voice? Yeah, he did do the voice. No, he didn't. The voice of Agra was the same voice of Kira, I think is what it said.

I don't remember the name. I don't remember the name. But I know he did the puppet treat on it. Because, yeah, they showed him in the suit running around. Yeah that was what her voice sounded so familiar i want to know who it was so i watched the credits because i remember he was listed first in the suit and then later they did the voices and i couldn't remember but i still can't remember where i've heard that voice before the voice.

Um When she's in the garbage. Yeah, the witch. The witch, yeah. Well, she's not really a witch, but she's the garbage collector. Yeah, the porter.

Yeah. Don't you want your bear? Oh, it's no bear, ain't no bear. Oh, you like bear, don't you? I think.

No, I think it is her. I don't know. The characters are just so. Similar. Similar.

See, for the longest time, I thought Frank Oz. Did her voice. Yeah, Catherine Mullen. It's something I always liked about The Labyrinth was... Hoggle?

Because he had a real person inside of him. Billy Whitlaw? What was that? Billy Whitlaw. Yeah, that's the name I reckon.

I don't know. I mean, it really, and that's how, again, referring to him as that earlier, that's how even Jim Henson referred to this movie was it was a work of art. And he's like, it's not something that I made. It's something that I brought in hundreds of people. It's a collaborative work of art almost.

And it's, I think what he described is the thing he was really most proud of. And I think it's, it's well deserved yeah there's nothing like it there's never been anything like it. Since yeah i mean there definitely was nothing before that there was a full-length feature film with no human beings in it like that's amazing even now they won't do that like studios won't back that now yeah They were trying to do that with that alien prequel. They wanted to do the backstory where there are no humans. And I don't know that they're going to back it even now.

And this is how many years later? Well, I mean, the Gelflings are human-like. No, I mean, they're your main characters. They're humanoid type, but they're not human. Yeah, they're who you identify with.

They're definitely. Like primordial dwarves, almost. Yeah. Well, they were meant to be very animal-like, which, once again, ties to that. When they showed early sketches, they were almost like foxes and bears.

They had a lot more animal features to them, and they sort of. in the middle somewhere between people. And the animal look that they start. It kind of reminds me of deer. Yeah. The eyes are kind of, yeah, kind of have that.

Deer look to them. But I think it's just every day. They spent like five years making this film and it shows it on screen. Every detail that's in there. I don't know.

Five years. Five years. It's amazing. That's insane. I don't see how Frank Oz and Jim Henson didn't go crazy playing with puppets all the time.

You'd think. Like, there has to be some part of yourself that you'd have to disassociate that with to keep yourself like mildly sane. Otherwise I'd be talking to. My puppets all day. Well, that was.

Actually my favorite part in watching the behind the scenes. There's this one shot and they're shooting. This big scene and he's got all the actors out there doing their thing. And he's back sitting behind the camera watching it. And he's got this huge grin on his face and he's just, he's loving the fact that, I mean, this is this world that he created and he, it's three-dimensionally in front of him.

He's actually physically making this. And I don't know, it was just so, there was just this very essential joy that, yeah, he seems like such a great guy. And there's, I don't know, just so much he did that's amazing. And I think he just did it out of love. It was what, that's what he wanted to do his entire life.

And he spent so much of his time making these creatures that, yeah, I think it's just impressive when it comes together this well. Definitely. There will never be anything else like it, so if you have not seen it, you know, but definitely treat yourself. Or if you have, you know, a young one or anything, I think that, you know, given the age and kind of what you deem appropriate, it's a movie for young kids, you know. I mean, we all saw it.

It's not going to star anybody. Yeah, most of us saw it as kids, yeah. Yeah, I mean, definitely. Yeah, but kids today don't see the same things that we saw as kids. You know.

That's right. I mean it is weak as cherries yeah it is it is hardcore. Bubble wrap for kids. These days it is and i was thinking that by the end i was like spoiler alert we already threw that out there but i mean what other kids movie towards the end one of your main characters just gets. Knifed right in the back.

Knifed in the back dies on the floor i was like whoa like right after throwing a cute fuzzy creature to his doom into a fire yeah I mean at that point both of them are dead you know I mean like kids are traumatized even when they fake you out and they bring them back it's like that's traumatizing like there are those moments where you're just like holy shit what just happened my childhood is ruined so yeah it's definitely one to make sure your kids is up for that sort of thing because you don't see that in stuff today well. I think it's polar opposites nowadays it's like overly sugar-coated and like no nothing bad ever happens in these children's cartoons and then you have like extreme gratuitous violence.

And it's just like that is. What is wrong with people today and i think that's no happy that's what makes it harder probably is we're so used to the sugar coating that when you throw something hardcore in the middle of that for a kid that's sitting. There waiting for it to be nothing but happy and then holy shit what just happened and I think that's almost more jarring than just letting them watch Transformers 2. It depends on. How you raise your kid, though.

My kid was raised on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Beetlejuice, and not the cartoon, but the actual movie, and stuff like that. So things don't really scare her. I mean, she loves the Dark Crystal. She loves the Labyrinth. Army of Darkness.

Army of Darkness she loves. Excellent. How old is she? She's 11. No, she's 10.

Yeah, she'll be 11 next year. She's going to be the coolest. I'm telling you she's got good taste. Uh nightmare uh uh nightmare for christmas favorite movie so that's awesome that was. When tim burton actually made it like.

Yeah when he again when he put a little well once again he kind of copped out so he came up with a good idea and then let a real director step in and do all the hard work see he didn't do what jim henson and frank oz did here he was i mean they're on set moving these things every day he just kind of went harry make me a nice movie. Even then he was kind of a lazy bastard. But I think if you expose your kids to some of the things that you saw as a kid. Then they won't, I think it's, I mean, it's frightening. Yeah.

It's bringing them up that way. I mean like parts like army darkness where, you know, the, the blood comes flying out of the pit. My kid thinks it's the. Funniest thing, you know, she's like, you know, You can definitely transfer your work sense of humor to the next generation. I say do that, but that's because I'm a sick bastard.

Well, it's tradition. You've got to. Pass on your knowledge. Your kid usually takes after you one way or the other anyway. Just give it a little nudge sometimes.

This is why my sister doesn't let me around her kids, because she knows the things I would let them watch. That's true. It's in her best interest. And again, the things she lets them watch, I can't really say. Yeah.

My details. I question her mothering skills. Mr. Happy Face and Charlie the Unicorn. She does not need to let them near a computer.

Should I let them watch that? Yes. Yeah. True. My friend used to let her kids watch Robot Chicken.

I didn't think. That was a good idea. It's a cartoon that makes it okay. I don't let Izzy watch Robot Chicken. Or Family Guy.

She wants to. Watch Family Guy. That's so much better. It deals with more adult things that she's not. Old enough to understand right now.

She understands monsters. She understands being scared. Stuff like that. That she understands, but, you know. But again, that's where, like, the girl that rung me up at the store, she'd be like, oh, it's a cartoon, honey, sit down and watch it.

She'd be letting them watch, you know, Robot Chicken all day long, because it's just a cartoon. Let them watch Fritz the Cat. Yeah, man. I tried to rent that once when I was a kid, but my mom's like, no. I think we're working that one in, because that's not what you think, really.

I finally watched it years later, and I was like, oh, this is not at all what I expected, so it's... it's a different movie but I still wouldn't let children watch it but it's not what you expect going in so. I feel like I need to watch it. Yeah I think we I think we're throwing it on the list here yeah even though it has nothing to do he totally disowned it now he did. But he like disassociated himself. I think by the time the movie came about but originally yeah it's his character but alright so before we get away from Dark Crystal totally we did get feedback nice oh right on it is time for your two cents on the Dark Crystal And once again, who has our backs with their thoughts on the movie, but our fellow podcasters.

So, first up, we hear from Metal Mikey. Hey, I remember him. Yes. I met him. He sang us a song.

Who had a little problem leaving a message the first time he called, which explains his slightly overwhelmed nature at the beginning of this message. So, yeah, here's Metal Mikey. Holy crap. I, Metal Mikey, was about to have a cat shit fit. Because this dialing the new Movie Meltdown voicemail line was just melting my mind.

Also, it's a complication. I'm telling you, this old ticker can't take too much more. But you did. Ask for a request on Twitter about thoughts on Dark Crystal. And, oh, boy, do I have them.

Do I have them. Oh, my God. I remember, I never actually saw the movie in a theater, but I do recall having seen it a few times back in my youth during its original VHS run. I recall, oddly enough, outside of all of the weird, bizarre puppetry in it, the one that would usually kind of freak me out the most was Agra. And not even really so much Agra in action, but sort.

Of like that one credit still that they have of Agra. You know, kind of like the black against the blue background. And it just. Gave me the chills as a kid. But everything else about the movie, well, here's the thing.

Even as a kid... I do realize I like the movie. However, it seems like I can always only remember the Skeksis part. Why? Because I love the Skeksis.

I mean, okay, yeah, you know, you have the Gelflings. Okay, they're nice, pretty, happy, sun-shiny, sparkly, fucking elf things. But really, aren't they that terribly interesting? And they're okay. You have, like, the giant dewback, humpback, camel mystic guys.

But, well, okay, they're kind of there. And you have, like, the little cute potato people that get brain-zapped by Diskeksis. But are they that interesting? No. It's Diskeksis.

They're just repulsive, evil as fuck, backstabbing creatures. And you know what? They're entertaining as hell. To this day, I was still, by some insane feat... Love to be able to say, you know what?

I can make a Skeksis costume that would work and go out in it and just scare people completely at random. Especially if it was a Chancellor. Why? Because a Chancellor was... He had, like, what I call the Cobra Commander effect.

The Cobra Commander and Skeletor effect. He's just that sniveling, slightly cowardly member of an evil organization, but is still basically mostly smarter and more competent than most of the people around him. So, go figure. Oh, and one more thing about Dark Crystal that totally rules. Fizz gig.

That's all I'm saying. I want a fizz gig as a pet. Make it happen right now. Anyways, yeah, that's my thoughts. Me and the Mikey of Action Attraction Podcast.

Yeah, that's all I got. So y'all take it easy over at Boob and Ballot Town, and I'll talk to you again soon. All right. Adios. Bye.

There you go. Nice, nice. So I think, Misty, we're putting you in charge of genetically engineering a phys gig. I'll work on it. Please.

Some of those animal bioengineering ideas we were using last time out. I'll work on it. And once again, right there with me on the evil characters, that's what I was attached to. Everything else is cool because it's part of this world, and I think the world's amazing how intricate and detailed and everything it is. but once again what am I drawn to the evil bastards of the bunch why are. Most kids drawn to the evil characters I mean when I was a kid it was before before I got into GI Joe because GI Joe wasn't really around at the time I mean there was GI Joe like my dad's GI Joe yeah that you know but the 80s incarnate but the 80s incarnation wasn't around so mostly what I got into was World War.

Two stuff yeah and I was fascinated with Nazis and And then I was fascinated with Cobra and fascinated with the Decepticons and anything that. Was like the bad guy. I don't know why it was, but like. Kids, for some reason, want to identify with the bad characters. I think it's just more, like you said, I think it's more interesting.

They have more of a backstory. They seem more interesting. I don't know what it is. But look at, I mean, specifically, like you mentioned G.I. Joe.

Look at G.I. Joe. Look at the awesome costumes and characters and everything in the evil Cobra side. G.I. Joe they're like they got fatigues on they're like they're most interchangeable every once in a while you get a cool character but for the most part it's like wait what's that guy's name again like you forget half of them you're like oh.

Yeah I remember when they first came out they just they all had the same helmet they all came with the same M16 except for you know rock and roll came with like a machine gun you. Know yeah But you look at Storm Shadow versus Major Blood. It's like all of those. It's like every one of them has a cool name and a cool accessory and a cool look. And they're just way more interesting.

And I think that's just in general storytelling. It's like the good guys have to be there to be the good guys. But you won't have a story without the conflict of the bad guys. And I think that is just an essence of storytelling. I think that's what sucks us in.

It's just like Star Wars. The same thing with Star Wars. The Empire. The Stormtroopers. Yeah.

You know, I love the Snow Troopers, the Spears guys. Oh, yeah. Snow Troopers are awesome. Those helmets are badass. Yeah.

But this very much felt like that when I was watching it. It does play into those things. And I wasn't even going to tie it to one or the other like trying to steal from the other even though i kind of called lucas out but but like i mean to me jen is very much the luke of the story he's kind of boring really but he needs to be there he is the the chosen one he's the last hope he's got to save everything and without him you won't have the story but really luke versus darth vader who's cooler you know it's like same thing with this you know who's cooler here is gexus or the weird boring hippie like. You know natural mistakes potato people oh. That was the potty the pot people were actually the the when he drew them out when the guy sketched him he modeled them after potatoes that's why their faces actually look like.

They did he modeled them yep they're organic they were that organic they were modeled after potatoes so yep i'm right there with you mikey so Once again, check out Metal Mikey at metalmikey.libson.com. He watches much of the same special, I'm using quotes there, movies that we like around here. So a little more of an action slant, but odds are, yeah, you'll like the same kind of stuff if you haven't heard Mikey. He's lots of fun. All right, so next up we hear from Doc at Family Movie Night.

But not just Doc, and I think this is massively important in our discussion here, but we also hear from KK, Doc's daughter. Cool. So, to me, it's going to be very interesting to see a kid now's take on this movie, because we kind of know what we all think of it, and we're all just old children at this point. Yeah. We definitely came about at a different age and saw it at a different point in time in general.

So it'll be interesting to see what KK thinks of this movie. So here is Duck and KK. Hello, Movie Meltdown gang. This is Dr. J and my daughter.

KK! From Family Movie Night. And we saw that you were reviewing The Dark Crystal. On this next episode. And we wanted to call in our opinions on Dark Crystal.

We haven't called in together before. But we reviewed this one and watched it a few months ago. So, KK, what did you think of The Dark Crystal? I gave it a B +. You gave it a B +.

Did you like it a lot? Yeah. What did you like about it? I just liked how all the characters looked. They were funny looking.

Funny looking dark Muppets? Yep. I liked some of the non-being characters best. My memories of it still... I like the long bunny rabbit-eared, long-legged striders that they rode on.

I like those too. The crustacean soldier bugs that came out to attack them. I like the dog. The dog. The dog thing.

The fuzzy ball dog? Yeah. And. That girl's family. So, a lot of good characters.

Um. Kind of a confusing story, a dark story about the split with the mystics and the Skeksis and a great mythology they built up around it that seemed a little clumsy to follow. I don't know what you thought. It was kind of hard to follow. And really dark.

It didn't have that really triumphant, feel-good, happy moment that kids' movies oftentimes have. I don't know if you saw that. Like at the end, it didn't have a We saved the day! Yay! But, you know, it had some neat imagery, and it holds up.

Yeah, well, fair. I mean, it's dated, I think. I don't know what you thought. Did you feel like it felt like an older movie, or did you feel like it was more modern? It felt older.

Yeah. Well, anyway, we enjoyed the movie, and we're glad you're reviewing it, and I look forward to hearing what y'all thought about it. And, of course, the nostalgia factor adds in to reviewing a movie like this. KK had to see it fresh without remembering it from her childhood. But anyway, we like the show.

We listen. Don't call in enough. Anything else you want to say to them, KK? Not really, but still. Thanks for calling in.

That's about it. Yeah, thanks for calling us, Brian, and I hope you all have a good day. Bye! Those guys are awesome. Oh, I'm thoroughly entertained with KK.

I'm glad she has her own show because she needs, oh, I don't know. I think it's, it is one of those that probably would look kind of dated to kids now, but I don't know. To me, it's still got such a, it's got almost like a very magical quality to it. Like they really did bring in like this super high end cinematographer and he used like a special filter on everything to give it like one big sort of, Almost like a tint to it, so it all was like this fantasy world and everything sort of fit into this one big world. So I don't know, to me, you can almost immerse yourself into the weirdness of this world.

I think it helps. I think it helps that it's not modern day and it doesn't have human characters. I think it really is something that's a little more timeless because you can just be lost in the world that they create there. Definitely. Again, effects-wise, I can see kids, but kids now are probably just not used to seeing puppets, period.

Yeah. And if so, it's... That'd be cool just in and of itself. Yeah. If so, it's probably very silly, you know, kid-ified Goofy puppets.

These were trying to be, like, almost realistic. They gave them skin tones and texturing and hair and stuff that a lot of, you know, kiddie puppets don't. Yeah. Very detailed eye. That they put together so it's yeah it's it's a different thing that they're going for in this that most stuff today either doesn't have or just doesn't even try to do so it's i don't know it's interesting to see what other people think of it especially new generations as they come along but definitely I actually think the storyline is pretty cool.

And again, that may be the nostalgia thing kicking in because I don't remember ever being confused by it, but I also remember watching it repeatedly. So I think maybe the first time through, I might've been confused. I might've been like, okay, I'm been like, I don't know. It's a lot to follow. But as I saw it on cable 40 different times and we had it on tape, once, you know, we got the big fancy VHS machine, you know, recorded and watched it so many times that, you know, I really piece together the two halves, and the one cuts his hand and the other does, or the one dies and the other disappears.

I think after so many viewings, you really get the story, but it may take a couple of times. Especially if you're a kid, it may take a few different viewings to really latch on to all that stuff. I think that I just realized that today when one disappears. I don't know why. I had never put it together before.

Yeah, the third time. The same beam. That makes sense. You're just not disappearing for the fun of it. I'm going to, I'm tired of walking.

I'm out of here, man. Beam me up, Mystic Scotty. Oh, Lord. So, yeah. Otherwise, thank you, Doc and KK.

Yay, thank you. Once again, check them out at fmnpodcast.com. They're very entertaining and a very different take on a show that pretty much nobody has, so I give them credit for doing something original. It's very cool. All right, so I think that wraps up our Dark Crystal talk.

We will take a break and be back with the rest of the show. What's it for? Is that what you want to know? You want to know what. This is all about?

Is that it, Gautlin? You don't know? You've never looked at the heavens. Everything in the heavens is here, moving as the heavens move. This is how to know when.

That's what. Suns, moons, stars. Yes, the angle of eternity. That's how I know it's coming. How else can I make a prediction?

Still plenty of time to come and be served at the refreshment center before showtime. Hey kids, are you ready. For Mid-America's largest genre film festival? That's right, it's. Time for the 6th annual Fright Night Film Fest, coming to you July 30th through August 1st in Louisville, Kentucky.

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There's a dark crystal trying to overtake me, trying to waste me all of the time. I've been caught in a mistral astral traveling frenzy. All right, we're back and we've got feedback. Sweet ass. Kind of we finally uh we did get some uh some feedback and it's it's kind of good because it sort of balances out everything we said last week because we were pretty much on board for that movie and i i imagined a lot of people were going to disagree with us so um yeah we heard from uh retro man steve the editor of lost highway and creator of our awesome logo by the way as a side note but um yeah he wrote to us and he says Hey, Movie Meltdown.

So I heard you were going to check out Heartbeats. Frankly, I don't remember seeing it or even hearing about. This movie when I was a kid. Perhaps I subconsciously blocked it from my childhood memories to avoid the trauma of reliving it because after 10 minutes, I wanted to. Punch this movie in the face.

Nice. Hard. I mean, what was the point? Andy Kaufman and his girlfriend robot just wanted to look at trees and get mauled by a bear? gotta say i was rooting for the bear also i need to watch a rodney dangerfield robot tell bad jokes for an hour and a half i already saw back to school it was funnier nice it seemed like a lot of the same cast from rock and roll high school and shopping mall were in this one including the giant kill bot with its own annoying dialogue i did like the kill bot though he goes on to say oh the big difference between those movies where they were good and this wasn't heartbeats had no redeeming value to its to it whatsoever. In fact, I think I may be a bit dumber.

It was 78 minutes of pure crap that made me miss watching Mannequin and Weekend at Bernie's 2. Nice. Mannequin for the win. Nice. I didn't either, actually.

I think there's many redeeming qualities. There are none in Mannequin or Weekend at Bernie's 2. One is genius. I was going to say I love Weekend at Bernie's. Yeah, the first one is genius.

Genius! So yeah, he wraps it up with, I love your show, but if you expose me to something like this again, I will make you watch Manos, the Hands of Fate on an infamous loop without the MST3K commentary. Oh, the pain. The pain. Signed, Retro Man Steve.

That was one of. My favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. Because they annihilate that movie. So yes, it was kind of good to have a counterpoint because we threw it out there and even the call we got was on our side. So there weren't a whole lot of, uh, of people that bothered to get ahold of us that felt differently.

But I think a lot of people from when I could read off the internet had issues with that movie and I had issues with that movie because I think it's kind of the opposite of this movie today. It's like... I mean, they didn't bother to invest any time in the world. There was no work put into the world that they lived in. They came up with these characters and then gave them nothing to do.

They almost had no idea what to do with them once they made them. Nothing to do, no world to do it in. And if you've got this future society, where the hell is it? Because they didn't bother to put it into the movie. So.

Yeah, there's many points I agree with you on. There's a lot of ridiculous shit going on in that movie. But I think there was some redeeming stuff along the way. The whole relationships between the robots was kind of cool. The fact that they had no story to put the relationships into was pretty much their problem, really.

But whatever. But yes, thank you once again to Retro Man Steve. And we're glad to hear from you. And just for everyone, keep retro-ing. Keep the calls and emails coming in.

Don't be shy. We'd like to hear from you. So give us a call at 502-365-5565. Or you can email us at geeksatmoviemeltdown.com. And just stop by the website for our frequent updates.

That's moviemeltdown.com. And while you're there, click on the forums link and go to our message boards at Pop Syndicate. Or go to popsyndicate.com and go to the forum sections and look for Movie Meltdown. Amelie sounds a lot like me. I've never watched the movie, but we have the same haircut, and it says, lives alone and works in a cafe when she finds a trove of toys hidden for 40 years behind a baseboard in her apartment.

That could totally happen to me any day. Mm-hmm. Jesus. You could. God knows what's hidden behind that.

Are you okay? I pushed my earphone into my ear too far. Into your brain. A punctured my brain. Okay, kids, get out your Dakota pins.

I don't know. KK did a much better fanfare. Alright, so it is time for the movie meltdown secret circle reveal of the next two features. For you members of the secret circle. Sort of.

Kind of. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe one and a half. Or one.

Next week's feature, we at least have the movie we threw it out there for the votes this is what I realized in throwing out there the vote for whatever you want in Dennis Hopper's career Dennis Hopper did a hell of a lot of movies. Yeah. So, basically. Some good, some bad. Yeah.

Well, but we got votes for good and bad. We got votes for really awesome stuff that he did. We got stuff for ridiculous stuff that he did. Space Truckers. Space Truckers is awesome.

Mario Brothers. Yes. Both of which are ridiculous and awesome at the same time. So, yeah, we got to a point where there was so much diversity that nothing was overwhelming. So I think we've come up with one that got the votes and sort of put us all on board to do it.

So we're going to go with probably one of the best-known movies he's in and certainly one of his best performances ever. We're going to go with Blue Velvet. Nice. A very weird, twisted, Lynchian movie. So...

Yeah, prepare yourself. Go watch some more Blue Velvet and drink some PBR or whatever the hell it is you need to do to prepare for this movie. The following week, we're taking some sort of weird side route here. And the best thing I've come up with is that we're actually having a film fest here with a lot of cool movies coming in. So I think I'm actually going.

To head out there next week and try to put together a show on the film fest floor there and see what kind of cool stuff we can come up with. So. we will have a possible episode coming from the flyover film fest here. So yeah, that should be interesting. And a lot of new stuff that people may have not even seen. So that will be cool to kind of get the word.

Out on those. So I'm assuming we have nothing else. So we'll fire up the closing song, which by the way, there's a good amount of songs out there that were, you know, I like to work in all this different music along the way. And usually it's just to sort of show the effect of these movies have and how many people they've, affected and inspired and yeah you get a lot of weird stuff along the way and um this one uh the dark crystal was a whole lot of crazy um i don't know like goth kids with weird dance beats and shit but um then i got to this one this one is uh the dark crystal. Wrap it's a dark crystal wrap oh yeah.

It's frightening I was halfway there when I realized it was the Dark Crystal. Oh, no. Which is funny in and of itself. Oh, my God. But I was totally sold when he threw out the line, I think I want to get.

Up and cure his ass. All right. On that note, that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed.

Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys. Later, y'all. I'll think he was ass. I'll think he was ass.

Yo, what's up, everybody? This is Lil Jen, a.k.a. MC Gelfling. I'm about to take you on a little journey. Raise up your glasses, y'all, and get ready for the story of the Dark Crystal.

Once upon a time, in a distant land of dark, there was a huge-ass super-sized bottle. Of Cristal. Living under three suns, all. The people having fun. They were clinking and drinking Cristal for everyone.

But then it was a dropout. A snack hit the deck. It was Skeksis and the next year it. Was a take. So I got wrecked and sent two different races to two different places.

The Skeksis headed west with their creepy dead bird faces. The Uru landed on the east coast for all their help to come. They were all brought to Mystics who liked to sit around and hum. Oh, yeah, I sound good right there. In step the prophecy.

There's no stopping me. Gelfand's gonna help things. Pretty soon we'll be popping C. R-I-S to the T-A-L. Full throttle.

Face the bottle and break that spell. The whole world is ugly. No one's sipping on bubbly. Wanna get busy without the fizzy. The ladies won't love me.

I gotta say the land of thrall. I am foreign. Some Skeksis and go get that Cristal. I went to Agra and got that cracked up shard of Cristal. Then I met Kira and Fizzy Gig.

He was a little fucking ball. Jumped on the land strider, rode. To the castle. Faced off with the Skeksis. Man, those dudes are crazy assholes.

I put the cracked shard of the bottle back into the right spot. Now the east and west coast got back together and it's jointed. F * * *. Part is a blast, Crystals blowin' fast I'm thinkin' I wanna get up in Kara's ass We're all havin' a ball, there won't be no last call West and East, squash the beat, they're all drinkin' Crystals But the people still comin', and the mystics still hummin' they go That's the. End of the Dark Crystal Hoes, wings I don't have wings.

Of course not. You're a boy. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, featuring contact music performed by Tamara Deering. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.