92: Shortbus is our Handle

Greetings. My name is Richard Anderson, and I'm having a very good time here talking about movie Meltdown. It's a cinematic geeky of emic proportions. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

That's probably why I like it. Thank you. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power.

Five more cooling in the containment chamber. To your stations. What did I say about eating in the car anyway? That it's not good because it spoils your dinner? Alright, let's roll.

Literally what's up and welcome to movie meltdown good buddy we're on the road we're doing like the cb edition we do have a cb in this vehicle. Here so i can't find any channels to. Make it work so once again i am brian i will run down the rest of the crew here uh this is. Jay hi misty wake up. Your name's marlena you're asleep now this is roger It's Joni.

It's way too early in the morning. It is quite early, and we're coming to you live via digital recording from 65. I gotta go to the bathroom. Oh, Lord. Once again, the kids are restless back in the backseat.

We've already stopped and loaded up on McDonald's. Do you want to give a plug for your breakfast? It was delicious. Sausage egg biscuit with cheese. Yum.

Oh, Lord. So, yes, we're headed to Chicago as of right now. There was Smurfs on that trip. Oh, shit. Are they transporting Smurfs?

Underground Smurfs? Is it like a blue slavery ring? It's like Smurf jelly. They smash them with jelly. Smurf jam.

Oh, shit. Run that truck off the road. I like the Smurfs. Shut up. Smurfs were awesome.

They're Smurftastic. It tastes very good as jam. Let's eat them and find out. So, yes, we are coming to you live from I-65. From the short bus.

From the short bus. It seems long back here. Do what? It seems long back here. That's what she said.

Oh, Lord. Retire that. Never. I never retired that. Lord.

So, yes, we're coming to you from the movie meltdown short bus on the roof. From the granny van. Hey, this is a pimped out granny van. I mean, I was deciding we needed to put a flat screen on the ceiling, you know, exhibit style. But other than that, it's got mood lighting.

It's got a fancy VCR and everything. Yeah, we're entering into the 80s and shit. It's awesome. Travel back in time and get some VHS. I brought exterminators, too.

What were you saying? There, see? You can't go wrong. Shit. Hey, that's a fine movie.

I don't care what you say. Blush and Bashful. That's all I gots to say. Oh, well. That's the...

Yeah, why don't we have an 8-track? I'm gonna put on the reel-to-reel. Oh, hell yeah. Dual cassette. I could, like.

Could I dub? Can I dub from one cassette to the other cassette? Does it have one-touch recording? That's pretty awesome. There is a record button.

I still think we need to get on the CB and start talking to some truckers. I can't find anything on there. I don't know how to function it. Turn up the squelch. Let's start cracking with all the other truckers.

Our trucker name is Highway Spatula. It's going to be candy cane. What are you talking about? Candy cane. Short bus.

Short bus. That would be more fitting. That is our handle. I did bring my Velcro shoes, so we're all set. Jay is not wearing his helmet at all.

That is the Velcro of Misty's special shoes. Kangaroos, those are awesome, dude. Kangaroos are the shit. And a little teeny zipper on the side where you can keep your milk money, which was 15 cents. Back in the day.

Or somebody stole it from you. Well, no. You can just run real fast. The one side I had a house key in. It was pretty fucking handy.

It was awesome. You can't run with that money. Now kids, they keep their crack rock in there, meth wad, whatever the hell it is. Cool. They're slinging from their kids.

It's a different world now. It's very sad. As long as you still got your ruse, though, that's all I get. Building an empire off your ruse. Yeah, right?

They're the two very smuggling range. Let's take this shit seriously now. Anything else we need to figure out while we're cruising along here? Do we have cruise control? Did we figure that out?

I'm trying to figure out right now. There we go. Let's see my Selena Gomez notebook that has all our destinations in it. Yeah, we have to check the itinerary in the Selena Gomez notebook. Selena Gomez.

Look at that little, what's that, a diary for the 12-year-olds? What is that? Oh, my goodness. And she's so cute. And it's glittery.

Ah, it's better. Everything's better if it's glittery, right? Oh, and all vampires suck at it. Oh, that's true. I think we're.

Getting a weird interference. We just got radared. I don't know. Maybe this also doubles as a radar detector. I don't know.

I think it's a ghost detector. Fucking Egon and shit. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Alright, we will check back in with you as we get further up the road, I'm sure. It's like we ended up in a ditch, right?

I fell in love again. All things go, all things go Drove to Chicago All things known, all things known We sold our clothes to the state I don't mind, I don't mind I made a lot of mistakes in. My mind. Drive away your worries and cares at this drive-in theater where you will see the finest motion pictures of all time soon. To be released.

Drama, comedy, adventure, excitement, something for everyone. Here's a brief glimpse of some of the truly fine pictures we've scheduled in the near future. Eat my dust! Ron Howard steals a super stocker, pops the clutch, and tells the world to eat my dust. I got more speeding tickets than anybody else in the county.

Ron Howard, the craziest driver in town, steals the fastest wheels in. The state and tears up the entire county. Eat my dust. Rated PG. Parental guidance.

You'll never be my fool. Alright, we are back. And we are, actually, we've jumped ahead an entire day since last time. So, yeah, it was such a mess audio-wise at the show that we didn't even bother recording anything there because it's overwhelmingly noisy. Yeah, it's just, we'll get to that in a minute.

So, yeah, now we're at the hotel the day after. So, we've been to the show yesterday. Now we're back doing the rest of the rundown. So, yeah. Yeah.

Marlena's recovering from her meltdown, I think. Her meltdown? Too many people, exactly. Oh, yeah. That's true.

The sweaty kids. The odd smells. So that will be our activities. We've all decided we didn't really do anything other than get prepared for this. So our geek activities this week are going to be our communal trip to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did go to the fair. Oh, shit. Well, okay. There you go.

So let's do that one then. Chocolate-covered strawberries. We did go to the fair last week. Are those phallic looking? Yes.

All fair food is phallic looking because they insist on putting everything on a stick. Pork butt on a stick. Chicken on a stick. Popsicle. Fried butter on a stick.

Stick on a stick. Crispy cream hamburgers. Hey, those should be on a stick. I still want to have one of those. It should be on two sticks.

Yeah, really. Like corn on the cob holders. It should be. Banned under the Geneva Convention. This is cruel and unusual.

Yeah, if in your neighborhood you haven't had a steak fair or you have taste... Yeah, they introduced this year a hamburger where the buns are donuts. If you have Krispy Kreme, it's specifically a Krispy Kreme donut, which makes it a little better, but still, yeah, it's a fried hamburger, and then they put it between two donuts. Are the donuts then fried? I think the whole thing should be deep fried.

At that point. You have a deep fried burger somewhere. It should be. I think there's a restaurant here in Chicago, actually, that they just, like, Stick everything in batter and deep fry stuff? I think so.

I know there's one in New York that does that. Basically, you can bring stuff in and they will do it. I'm pretty sure you could get Osama Bin Laden to come out of a cave for one of those. They should just blanket Afghanistan with. Deep fried shit.

With deep fried shit, because they would come out and go, oh, look, American food. Oh, this is great. It all slowly dropped in. And then they would all die from the amount of cholesterol, because, I mean, come on. They just get so fat they couldn't run anymore.

Well, no, I mean, you know. You couldn't get back in his cave. Yeah, you can't hide if you're too fat to get in the cave. You can't go back into his hide hole. We've been conditioned to this kind of, like, you know, trans fats and oils and butter and fried shit.

It's true. They eat one of those, and they'll just... fucking keel over and die. We just can't give it to the other people. We need to find specifically the bad people. We don't want to drop it on the.

Come on. There's innocent people we don't need to kill with our horrible food. Children should know better anyway. Yeah, that's true. Kids, don't eat the fried bullshit we keep giving to you.

Adults are dumber. But that's what I decided when they introduced that. They were talking about it on the news and I was like, a hamburger between two donuts. I'm proud to be an American. It's like a.

It really is. I mean, no other. It's just, it's extreme decadence. It is. What can we do to make ourselves completely fat and hated by everybody?

Chicken breasts. People are starving in Africa and we're putting fucking hamburgers between crispy donuts. Look at me. I'm fat. I got food.

We're just playing around with things. What if we put mayonnaise on it? Don't you like this? Oh, you can't get a bite. Mmm.

Cheese. Deep fry. Like, just pour mayonnaise into a deep fryer. And that on your burger. You actually cannot.

Scoop it back out, does it? Have you tried it? She has. I was bored at macaroni girl. I was like, I wonder what I can fry.

Hit that. Wow, it's like an episode of Beavis and Buttons. The stapler ended up in there, didn't it? Box of macaroni and cheese. In turn.

Good times. So yeah, fried food and Joan Jett, who is fucking awesome, by the way. I am concerned for her well-being, though. I wanted to give her a piggyback ride. She's kind of like that.

I kind of want to give her a piggyback ride anyway. She's not like 51. She's not that old. My grandma can walk. She still looks.

Good for Owl. Yeah, she looks good. And her hair is back. She just needs to eat a fucking sandwich. Well, she's always been a little girl.

I mean, now she's just. She's tiny, but they had to lead her off and on stage towards the end because she. Had to stay. On her knees? Yeah, she said it was her knees, so I don't know if she's just.

A lone shark. Well, she's lived a hard life. She done pissed Leta Ford off. Fuck Leta Ford. Joan Jett will kick her ass any day of the week.

I'd pay good money to see that, actually. That would be awesome. I'd pay good money to see Joan Jett kick anybody's ass. Especially Kristen Stewart. Especially Kristen Stewart.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's start a petition for that. I'm down. I'm still excited that I'm pretty sure I heard that Joan Jett made Kristen Stewart cry. She should keep making her cry as she pounds her fist into it.

I'd hold her up while she did it. There you go. I would hold her feet down. I'll say I'll hold Joan Jett up while she beats me. I thought you were saying hold her up.

She needs a little help, you know. We'll be glad to help you out, Jen. I'll get her a wheelchair. I'm telling you, I want to give her a piggyback ride. She'd be a little spider monkey.

On my back. She doesn't even motorize. I'd wheel her around. She's showing debt, man. What if she had a motorized when she did, like.

She'd just run over people. Yeah, exactly. She's pretty damn awesome. She is awesome. And still rocks.

Like, she still has her voice. She still, you know, gets up there and plays. I mean, that's the thing. I was like, by the end, I was like, damn, she's a trooper. Because midway into the show, her legs were fucked up to the point she kept stopping and, like, talking with the other people.

And. She never went, well, that's it, I'm going home, which many pissy rock stars would have. She could have been playing a free show at the fair. Yeah, a free show. You know, she could have just been like, well, okay, one more song and we're out of here.

She played the rest of the set and propped herself. Up on like. And made an encore. Yeah, and came back out for an encore. It's a free show, but I guarantee they get paid.

Oh, they do. They don't do it for free. They do, but you can tell sometimes they don't put as much time and effort in the free shows. Yeah. You can tell sometimes they wrap it up in like 45 minutes where it's normally like an hour and a half show, so...

She didn't do that, and considering she was in immense pain, I'm assuming, that's fucking awesome, because she's, like, they brought her out. Well, they brought her out, like, one of the sort of extended drummer pedestal kind of things, because it was a little higher. She tried the chair, and it, like, her mic wouldn't reach, so they brought her out one of the drummer's, like, pedestals. And so she's just kind of leaning on it, because they're kind of high anyway, so she's just sort of leaning against it and fucking, like, doing kick-ass guitar solos. So you have to give her credit.

She can't even stand up, and she's still rocking. She's awesome. I believe I made that point last week. You don't need to be able to stand to perform. That's what we said about Peggy Lee.

Following in Peggy Lee's footsteps, she's continuing to kick ass. And unrelated, but I just thought about this and I wanted to say it just so I don't forget. My friend was talking about some stuff and he's going through a hard time and he was like, you just gotta. Keep standing and then you'll eventually be able to walk again. I was like, That's a good quote.

I'll try to remember that. I'll tell you something completely unrelated. These blankets in the hotel are really soft. Right? But you're not.

They're blankets. Yeah, they're awesome. What's between two sheets? Oh, no wonder I didn't know it was there. I tricked you.

I at least had to like it. It was a thick sheet. We were on the inflatable mattress. Yeah, I think that's smart because, like, they wash all of these, unlike most telecomforters where it's just, like, it's covered in herpes and AIDS. Well, it didn't help that yesterday we sat there watching the Dirty Jobs and the entire special was what's living inside mattresses.

And the fact that a mattress over about a 10-year span gains 20 pounds is frightening. yeah he said it starts off of dead skin and creepy dna that you leave behind so yeah that's my yeah so maybe i'm glad i didn't sleep on these mattresses sticking with the inflatable air mattress oh any other fair activities before we move on um we saw bunnies yeah we saw giant bunnies and Fluffy bunnies. Did you see them pulling the hair off the bunnies and making the sweater? They did have those there. Fluffy angora bunnies. We spent most of the time singing the bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies.

Who was not here this week? I have no idea what you're talking about. We saw her last year. At this time. Actually, I just kept walking around for a few minutes going, or maybe midgets.

Was that a midget? Yeah. He was dressed up, too. Was he? Yeah, it was when I was coming back from the bathroom.

He scared me because he was going around in a corner. I was going around in a corner. Was he, like, proto? Was he talking? He was actually, he was at length.

Was he at length? Oh, that's kind of awesome. Yeah. I'm going to use my midget-saturated to my advantage. He just had on a hat and shoes and ears.

He wore no pants. That's all he had on. Doesn't surprise me. This is my main problem with the convention. I just got tired of seeing dudes' dick outlined through their leotards.

Oh my god, I'm so horrible. Especially Moon Knight, man. Moon Knight was pretty cool, but I was like... I was like, yeah, Moon Knight. I was right next to Skeletor's package at one point.

I'm like, dude, you're taking your photos with children. Wear a cup, goddammit. I mean, they sell cups at Walgreens. They're like three bucks. Yeah.

Yeah. Either way, it's creepy. I don't know. That Robin guy? Who's the creepiest?

The tall baby Huey Robin? Baby Huey Robin, yeah. What? Huge. Right when we.

Walked in, we saw this Robin. He was, like, posing like his junk out, literally. Yeah. And it's, like. He was so tall, his dick was, like, small child's head height.

It's just like, oh, cool, here's some creepy dude dresses Robin, my kid, and some dude's dick. You know? It's like, gross. Here, put your face right here, child. Those pictures are going to suck.

Yeah. Kids crying. Later, like, 20 years from now, the kid will find that photo and then press charges. Yeah, exactly. This is why I'm fucked up.

Hopefully they're masked here. I don't know. Mm-hmm. No against their parents. I took a bunch of pictures of costume people, which is kind of like, that's what I do at the convention.

I scout for people in costumes. That has been your favorite thing the last couple of years. That's generally what my favorite thing is. Which is pissing me off, because I tried to follow, and you kept darting off. I had a fucking bunny in it.

You were, you were like a ninja. You gotta be fucking fast. You gotta be fast to get these people. You stayed on top of them, I'll give you credit. You were chasing them down, and you were like, dude, stop!

Okay, now take a picture. Sometimes it's kind of hard because last year wasn't that bad. uh, there didn't seem like there was as much people, but this year, good. God, it was a lot. Shatner was here. I've never seen so many fucking people.

Yeah. I mean, it was like, Shatner was here. He was here, but still. For a brief time before he left. Yeah.

But good God, he's just trying to get pictures of people and not have other people run into you or walk in front of you or just, you know, shit like that. But I mean, I got a good majority of people, not as many as I would have. Liked, but. You got a good amount. I think I got probably over 50.

Yeah, I got to go to the lobby. That's the best place to stalk them is in the lobby because you get them. Coming in and going out. Yeah, see, I got those guys last year and I tried to get them again. What, the Wayne and Garth?

Did you see the Wayne and Garth? The Wayne and Garth is really cool. I got the Star Trek nerds. Those guys were cool as shit. They told me that He told me that some of the Trekkies...

Well, they were always playing as Star Trek nerds. Yeah. That's what I thought. Some of the Star Trek guys were getting pissed at him. Let's describe them, because I don't think people can.

I mean, they're all Star Trek nerds there, but I mean... These. Guys were specifically dressed in, like, sweatpants with their. Socks pulled up over their sweatpants. One of them had a dryer sheet hanging out of his socks.

Had the Vulcaneers, the dirty glasses. They weren't even like real Vulcaneers. They were like bad knockoff Vulcaneers. They were taped on with like scotch tape. I couldn't tell.

See, that's the thing. I was like, I can't tell if they're being funny and ironic or if that is just. No, they. Were being funny and ironic. But that's the... bad place to do that because then you are going to piss people off but then you go, never mind, they're Star Trek nerds.

What, are you going to get your ass kicked by them? I don't think so. Yeah. There were a lot of them there which I usually don't get pictures of the Trekkies that much because. I don't know.

I guess it could be like, you know, zombie outbreak. I mean, if you get enough of them together, they're dangerous. If one at a time, you can take out Trekkies. But if you get 50 or 60 of them around you, shit. It's like, as far as the.

Trekkies are concerned, I don't usually take pictures of them just because it's like they just put on a shirt. And it's like, hey, I've got my communicator. Yeah. Whereas, like, guys that put a lot of fucking work into their costume, yeah, maybe they don't look that great. But at least, you know, the night before, they probably stayed up. for two days fucking making their costumes.

So I'll give them that, you know, and that's cool. Cobra Commander was there again. It's funny that you know these people now. Cobra Commander remembers me from last year because I was talking to him about the G.I. Joe movie.

She told me, do not go see because they take your childhood and rape it. And I told him, I was like, I still haven't seen that movie. And he goes, good. He goes, wait for the fucking remake. He's like, don't go see it.

And I was like, oh. Yeah, is it time for a reboot already? No. They reboot everything. He knows.

He knows how it is. It'll be bad. He knows. He's down. You know they're doing a sequel anyway, so you got one or two bad sequels, and then in like five years, it'll be time for a reboot.

Exactly. It's not like Joseph Gordon. What about Joseph Gordon? Well, you don't even see him in that movie. Was he in that movie?

He's Cobra Commander. Now I want to watch it. I got the all-girl A-team. You don't see him. They were pretty cool.

That was kind of different. They didn't have Mr. T, though, did they? Yeah, she was the one that was wearing the van. Oh, I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah. She was white, wasn't she? She was white. Race doesn't matter, man. Well, they were all women.

I mean, what are you going to. Okay, I can give them leniency for being women, but Mr. T is... They didn't have a black friend. What do.

You want? They're Chicago. Yeah, blackface is no longer okay. No, not really. Well, didn't you see the Family Guy episode when they won the costume contest?

They were like, and the winner is the A-team with a real black man. And the other ones were like, damn it. So that's what it was like. Yeah. Some of the best costumes.

There was a guy dressed as Mal that I did not get his picture because he eluded me. I did not see the Mal. He looked exactly like Nathan Fillion. He had the hair and everything. It's probably for the best that we didn't find him.

Wow. Nathan Fillion in a closet right now. I didn't mean to laugh like that. Yeah, I saw Zoe. I didn't see Wash.

Zoe was really, really good. Wash was kind of meh. I saw one that I was like, 10 years ago, everybody would have recognized it, but he didn't even recognize what she was dressed up as. But she had her red hair and a ponytail, and she was wearing a yellow shirt with red suspenders and jean shorts. Nobody got that.

I was like, she's Misty from Pokemon. I just thought she was dressed regular. She walked in the hallway, and she's like, it's Misty. And I was like, what? Yeah, I know you're right here.

No, no, the girl was dressed up as Misty. I was like, Misty who? And she was like, from Pokemon. I was like, Oh, damn. I saw a little one dressed up as Pikachu.

Like a little bean of a child dressed up as Pikachu. This one guy came in with his whole family. He must have had. Like Half a dozen little heathens. He had like probably ten kids.

Jesus. And he was dressed up like the cast from... They were all dressed up like the cast from Avatar. Oh. And I got them.

Were they blue? They were all blue. They were all blue or whatever. Oh, they have that avatar. There were a couple different Aang's.

There was like a couple avatars in there. But I was just like, holy shit, he's got the whole cartoon. Who is he dressed up as? Because I don't watch that cartoon. I didn't recognize him.

I wonder if they were his kids or if they just lured him in with candy. I don't know if they were his kids because he was. Either that or maybe he was a teacher and he was taking them there. Maybe. That'd be cool.

Did you see the super family? Once again, this was no effort, but it was funny just because it was so... It was a mom and dad, both had the Superman t-shirt on, but they had the two little babies in a stroller, both had Superman t-shirts on. I saw the half-heart kid. Guy that had the shirt that was torn open that had Superman in the glasses.

That's kind of interesting. You don't get that. I wish handsome guys would wander around. That convention dressed like Clark Kent, then maybe I would have stuck around. There were a few handsome people.

You missed the Green Lantern, who was actually. I was going to say that we were complaining about people with their junk hanging out because they're all usually scary, old, and fat. But this guy was in shape. Fantastic package, apparently. I didn't go to the package.

He walked past me and all I saw was his arms. I was like, shit, that guy really could be a superhero. The white one. Or the black one? The black one was in shape.

I got his picture and I. Was like, dude, man, you nailed it for the Green Lantern. Did you get a picture of the guy in the Old Spice outfit? No. What?

Yeah, we saw him with the towel and the. Shirt around him. He was carrying a bottle of water. At first, I didn't see the bottle. That's a really weird, like, look at him dressed as the old Spice Guide to Comic-Con.

There were people who did commercials. Oh, okay. Yeah, we got the Blade. You ran off with somebody else. Blade was awesome.

Yeah, Blade was good. He was even having, like, the attitude like Blade. I was like, he was going to kill me. And he was like, oh, I have to get back. To work now.

I'm like, dude, what? What are you talking about? You're not working here. You're a fucking geek at a convention. Yeah.

Wondering about. There were some weird ones, though. We are. What about the Wilson? I was like, really?

The Wilson was pretty funny. Once again, one that would be more funny, like, 12 years ago. From home improvement. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, he walked around the fence.

He had a fence. I didn't see that. And it came up to his eye level, and he had the hat on, and that was his costume. I was like, once again, that's... It's not a Halloween parade.

It's a fucking comic show. Con. See, people are going more and more out on a limb to be as obscure as possible because there's only so many fat guys dressed as Superman and Batman. Yeah, I mean, the rest of them get old. There was a guy dressed as the old Batman, which I kind of like.

That's good. I like the guy in the Superman shirt that had the fake ribs built into it. He's a fat guy and he had the fake. Abs on it. That's awesome.

I like the Vince Cuoto from Ghostbusters. Yeah! And he had like the the weird the salamander man like electrodes where you know they kind of hooked up the machine in the movie I was like oh nice that's awesome. What about the stack of money with the eyes on yeah what commercial is that Geico that thing. Creeps me out I'm really glad I didn't see it was that trying.

To walk around yeah she could not it was crowded as hell she was like I'm gonna walk. Sideways she's walking sideways and a whole lot of sorry sorry. Really should have rethought that dumb girl yeah fail I. Would have just bought a booth that wasn't being used. Hi, look at my cool costume.

I could bring me food. I don't know. That was almost the downside. There were almost too many people to deal with. There was a lot.

I don't deal with that many people. It's not the comic book guy in this instance. I was going to say, that was everybody there. He had the blue shirt on and the hair. I think it was supposed to be the comic book guy.

It's a tough call at that convention. I heard him talk. It was one of those things where there were a lot of people but nobody was rude. That's true. Nobody was rude to me at all.

Me, I was. Well, yeah, that's a given. But I mean, as far as going to places and people bumping into you, if you go there, you know somebody's going to bump into you. You know you're going to run into somebody. I got called silly goose.

Whoa, rough language. Hold on. Like an 80-year-old man? No, he was about 35. Was he pushing a stroller or something?

No, he had like a little cart with like a cooler. Oh, okay. So he was really a dork. He was like, silly goose. And I was like, you're like, excuse me.

Right, I'm sorry. I just want a picture. Of Linda Blair. Oh, wow. Which I thought was funny.

A lot of people were trying to sneak pictures of Linda Blair and I kept seeing her throw out the hand like this. She's kind of got weird things going on now. I know when she was at Horror Hound last year, she had like all these stipulations on what people could do and how they could take pictures if she even let them take pictures that day. And She wasn't as friendly as John Schneider, who cuddled me to his bosom. Yeah, you're lucky she's here, Jay, because I was afraid for a second there she was going to take off with John Schneider.

He was so nice and friendly. He was really nice, I'll give you that. He was awesome. And he has aged so remarkably well. That's pretty hot.

I'll give you that one, too. Tom Wolpat, frightening. Catherine Bach, frightening. I'm assuming Cooter's frightening. No, not Cooter.

I think Roscoe kind of looks the same. He never looked the same. He was already older when he started. Yeah, John Schneider is still so gorgeous. He's just so nice and friendly.

He seemed happy that I was excited to see him. He was ridiculously friendly. We saw him and the guys at one of the. I think it was one of the Sony booths. They were singing the theme song to Deuce Patty.

They were doing the. They were. Beatboxing in the background, and he was singing. I was like, aw, that's fun. My mom would like this.

He was kind of personable. He was actually standing there talking to people and was being a good sport about it, even with the annoying people with the camera in front of us. I didn't even annoy him with my technical geekery, but he seemed like he was okay with it. He was playing along with everybody, so he seems pretty awesome. Maybe he's just happy people still remember and care about who he is.

Yeah, but some of them are still pissy. I spend 95% of my time sitting by my house with my pit bull thinking about death. So this is awesome. He just seems generally happy with life. Well, I mean, it's like some people you meet, some stars are just like, alright, I can do this for an hour, but I've got other things to do.

You know, fuck all you fan people. Shatner. Shatner wouldn't even make eye contact. He wouldn't like sign your name. He wouldn't personalize autographs, which pissed me off.

I'm like, dude, I paid 75 fucking dollars. You could at least write to Misty on it. Yeah. At least look at me in the eye, Shatner. I was amazed at how fast the line was moving.

I was like, good God. He was cranking them out. It was like. There was no need to even, like. Yeah, it's like, why is he even here?

Yeah, you didn't have to be there. He's not going to say hi. He can't personalize. It's like, look, they've got a Shatner machine that signs his autograph. Basically.

Maybe he really is a robot. I got his picture, which you're not supposed to take pictures of him. And they were yelling at people with cameras. We were in the line. I was right next to them.

I should have used my press phrase. I'm kind of like, press. I got a couple good pictures. I got one good picture out of the four or five pictures. That I took.

Covert activity. Covert activity. They're going to track you down. He was only there for a little while. I mean, he ended up leaving.

Wasn't he supposed to be here most of the weekend? First he was supposed to be here all weekend. Then it was Saturday only. And then it was like half of Saturday. It wasn't even half of Saturday.

He was gone by, I think, three. Well, yeah, that is happening. They're pretty laxed on the rules at Comic-Con. Because if you remember, Uhura last year did the same thing. She wasn't at her table half the day.

She just kind of wandered around and did what she wanted. They probably had to readjust his because he had to do that photo op over at the other booth. They probably had to make it longer. So I'm guessing that's true. I'm not paying $ 95 to get a picture with Shaggy.

Just for a photo. Especially if he won't fucking personalize. I'll just stalk him in his house and we're sales. No, seriously. I know where he lives.

Yeah, he's got a ranch out there, doesn't he? Yeah, and he has a house in Danville. Fuck. Just go. Why does he have a house in Danville?

Huh? Why does he have a house in Danville? He loves horses. He's got a ranch somewhere. So just go hide in his stable.

Pop out and be like, hi, how's it going? Let me put on a horse costume. Oh, I'm your new horse. Winnie. Winnie.

No, stop. Go. There was one. No, ride me, Shatner. Ride me.

He would break people. Yes. He's gotten a lot bigger. A lot bigger. Well, while we're on that.

Your Shatner still looks good. While we're on that, though, Walter is not bigger. He's like the only member of the cast that's gotten smaller lately, and that's kind of scary. He's gone through a lot lately. Walter, what's his last name?

Colin. Coney and his son just killed himself. Did he i would not have recognized uh checkoff checkoff looks so different now. It's his son was boner from uh oh that's right i forgot that was. His dad from uh growing pains yeah oh really yeah yeah i was never a big.

Growing pains fan i love that show it was. It was just a little bit before me full house was more me He's one of the main characters' best friends or something. But, yeah, that was Chekhov's son. I forgot that was his son. I didn't realize that.

He had a rough life. The more I heard about him, I was like, that is kind of sad. Because, I mean, some of it was due to having, you know, the I was on a show and now I have no career because he didn't get a whole lot of roles after that. And then some of it was I think he had mental problems. He really had chemical problems that they were trying to deal with and it didn't work so well.

Are you talking about Boner or Chekhov? Boner. Boner. Okay. Who has an actual name.

I don't give a shit. Well, no, I'm saying it's sad. I think that's part of why he was so depressed. He spent the rest of his career being Boner. I mean, that's going to bring you down.

We had a friend we. Called Boner all the time. The bone, the bonester. I didn't say that. Yeah, I would hope that wasn't he.

No, no, that's the other guy that I used to hang out with. Loved and adored Pauly Shore and wanted to be Pauly Shore so bad. Yikes. That he had everybody call. Him the Weezo and actually even had it on the back of his truck.

Ugh. Pauly Shore, not funny. Well, he was funny at the time. This was when Encino made it. Again, to me it was more the attitude.

Because if you go on, I think somewhere along the way he had little bits of decent comedy. I think it was the bullshit attitude that he made up so that people remembered who he was. And that was true with all the comics at that time. Everybody had a ridiculous little persona that they had to do on stage. And you realize, oh, that's not really how they operate.

They're just trying to get you to remember who they were. I mean, that's what Bobcat had to go through for years. That's not him. That's a stupid character he made up. And now people still, when he's on stage, are just, do the voice, man.

And he was like, fuck that, man. It's a shame, that's why I got famous, but now I can't escape from it. Well, it's not like Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee Herman's going to rock that shit until he's dead. He's not always going to be Pee Wee Herman.

It's still a separate character. But again, he couldn't go out as himself and not have people like, do Pee Wee, do the dance. He had a game show. Paul Ribbon had a game show at one point. Nobody watched it.

I watched it. I'd watch it. I thought it was pretty cool. It was funny as shit. I'd watch it if Jobby was there.

It's just the curse. I love Pee Wee on Facebook. I don't know if it's him that updates it. I can't decide. It seems like it is.

I mean, what else the fuck is he going to be doing? No, it is, actually. No, actually it is because all those pictures from Sturgis, that was him. So it is him. Well, I knew it was licensed through him somehow because it's actually advertising his new show on Broadway and all that stuff.

I'm excited about that. I just didn't know if he was doing it or some intern was doing it. Probably an intern. Probably an intern. Maybe, but still.

Are we done with the convention talk? I don't know. Did we think of any other things we need to make fun of? I left, so. Yeah, too bad.

I felt really bad for this one track he had showed up. Apparently, I guess he thought that Shatner was going to be there all day long, but I was wandering around taking pictures, and he was kind of standing there at the booth where Shatner was, the line completely empty, the booth empty. just kind of like looking around like, what the fuck? And this guy was like, yeah, Shatner already left. And he was just like, what the fuck? So I was just like, dude, man.

He was like, yeah, he signed autographs for a couple hours and then split. And he was just like, William Shatner crushed his dreams. Did he cry a little tricky tears? I don't know. He was dressed in character, though.

But I was just like, dude, you just got to show up, man. Because as soon as we got there, Misty's like, what should we do first? And I was like, get in line for Shatner's autographed Because you don't know how long he's going to be here. Yep. Get the shit done that you want first because a lot of times these guys are so flighty and they're just like, you know, you know what?

Fuck this shit. I'm hungry. I want a chili dog. And they leave. Especially people like that.

If you get to that name level, you think you're a big celebrity there and you are there. Commercials to shoot. Yeah. But I mean, if you get the other, that's the thing. I kind of like that second tier where, you know, where they actually stay there all day, do their job, like are appreciative of people.

John Schneider. John schneider or like i mean i was the only one i was supposed to talk to i did want to find and talk to was richard anderson and he's like again the only reason people there knew who he was is he spent most of you know the last part of his career on the bionic series he was on six million dollar man he was on the bionic woman's i mean that's why everybody was there like oh all of his pictures were you know most of them up there were that so that's all anybody cared about there But I was, like, I had looked, you know, through some of the other stuff. He was in some amazing fucking movies back in the day. Like, he started off in film and, like, is in some phenomenal stuff. So he was another one that, like, I was glad to get there.

That was really the only one I made a point to talk to because it was such a mess. It was just so many people and so loud that I gave up on the rest of it. But I was glad I got to talk to him because he's really nice and was, like, just appreciative of everybody. Like, people were coming up and interrupting us midway in. But yeah, it was kind of cool that he was like really nice and talked to everybody and put up with them, even when I think some of them.

Weren't all there. There was a kid sitting there. He was just messed up and he was sitting there like looking at all his photos and taking forever. And he was nice the whole time. And it was kind of cool.

I think he was a little overwhelmed. He was seeing people go by in the weird outfits, and somebody went by in a giant Mad Hatter hat. He just looked at him, and he was like, hey, look at that. He was just like, check that out. I couldn't decide if he thought it was ridiculous, but then he was like, no, man, hats are back.

I was like, all right, I'm on board with this guy. Hats are back. So, yeah, I think it's celebrities like that. I am glad to see it, though, and I kind of like meeting those. The ones that are, at least on the convention scene, huge.

They're not really huge in the real world, usually, but... Then they've got that weird attitude, and they're like, I don't have to be here, or I don't need you people. The worst thing is you get the ones that are on the bottom tier. Yeah. Bottom of the bucket tier.

I kind of feel sad for them. That won't let you take a picture of them because they're too damn famous, like the fucking Iron Sheik. Yeah. I still got a picture of you, you bastard. I heard, what was it?

Were you saying somebody yelled at? No. We came up to Iron Sheik, and apparently there was a guy who was just walking past that just clicked a picture. Yeah. And I don't know if this was the Iron Sheik's manager.

Or some big black guy in a suit or something. He was a dick. He was like, move along. He's a dickhole. People are waiting for whoever it is, like the soup Nazi across the thing.

Nobody gives a fuck about him. He turns around on this guy and is like, Delete it. He's like, yeah, you know, do you take a picture? He's like, no pictures. He's like, delete it.

Delete it now. Like, wouldn't let the guy walk away. And the guy was kind of smiling. I'm like, dude, I just left. I just kept walking.

Fuck you. Don't put your hands on me. Yeah, really. There's no sign up around here that says no photos of the freaking Iron Sheik. That was over in the Atom West.

Yeah, that's true. You know, exactly. They were hardcore over there. Yeah, they were hardcore. But, yeah, it's the Iron Sheik.

Nobody remembers who you are, dude. Like, I barely do. I remember Hulk Hogan kicked your ass. He always ended up kind of getting his ass. Yeah, he was on the bad guy side, so eventually he always had to get his ass kicked.

Yeah, I guess maybe he's upset about that. Probably. Whatever, still got your damn picture. I like the one that Luke There's, like, people that are famous and you get the one in the middle that nobody likes. Like, there was, like, the Spike, Glory, and Xander from Buffy.

Yeah, Glory. Spike had a big old line. Xander had a big old line. Glory was just in the middle by herself because it's fucking Glory. Nobody liked her.

I liked her on the show, but again, I wouldn't know her if she walked past me. Yeah. James Marsters was there. Where were you at? I was standing right there for, like, 20 minutes.

What the fuck? Fuck! We walked right behind him. I told Misty to reach through the little sheet there and grab ahold of Spike. We were less than a foot from him because we were right behind the curtain.

Take your arm at this point. I was going to try to take a picture of it through the curtain. Cut it and take it. Just kind of like a little. Yeah.

Well, to continue our series of celebrities coming out of the bathroom, I did see Xander coming out of the bathroom. Thankfully, I wasn't in there. It was before I got to the bathroom. He was on Criminal Minds. He was on Criminal Minds, yeah.

We saw him walk by when he was leaving. Yeah, we saw him. He seemed nice enough. I don't know. I was going to go, say the beach.

Party, woo! I did love that movie. Loved that movie. Yeah, it's one of my favorite movies. But yeah, that's most of our run-ins.

That was about it, I guess. We met, well, I didn't meet technically, but I'm going to tell everybody. That I did. I can't even fucking remember his name. He played Sam Anderson on Battlestar Galactica.

Yeah, I played Sam Anderson on Galactica. And the guy who played Saul and the one who played Ellen. Such a huge fan, I can't remember the names. Because I don't watch the beginning of Fast Forward. That's a cheater.

Yeah. But yeah, so that was cool. And I followed behind him for about, 45 seconds. I got to smell him. That was awesome.

Yeah. Okay, now it's definitely creepy stalker territory now. By the way, if you ever listen to this, you smell delicious. So does John Schneider. I bet the Old Spice dude smelled good.

I bet he did, too. He smells like Old Spice. No, he was wearing Brut. Just to fuck with people. Fruit Brut.

By Fabergé. Yeah. Oh. What time is the checkout? Oh, sorry.

It's okay. Yeah, don't interrupt the orgy, guys. We're all in the bed and we're using electronic devices. She sounded exactly like how maids are supposed to sound. Yeah, kind of.

Like Catalina? Yeah. Oh, I wish. Come. Come, turn down my bed.

Anyway. I don't know. What else did we have? We went to Super Dogs. Oh, yeah.

I guess we should work that in here. I had a Super Burger. I had a Super Cheesy. I spilled a whole drink on myself. Yeah, that's cool.

Someone angry. There was a whole line of profanity. Misty warned me when I. Said, just hold on a second. Stay out of the car.

It's not safe now. I think I'm glad I was still at the window at that point. Yeah, right? There were so many curse words so close together. Oh, wow.

I still feel gross. I had to go to the gym for an hour after I ate that super dog. By that time, I'd had my headache kicking. I don't know. I don't know if it was just surrounded by geeks or what, but yeah, by the end of the show, I was like, ugh, I just want to go to sleep.

It could have been the potpourri of body odor that came off of some of these people, like For the most part, you didn't smell the good-smelling people. I mean, you kind of did, but I always. Got stuck behind somebody that smelled like a rotted dog. Yeah. Just smelled like a dead carcass.

Some of them smell exactly what you'd imagine their mom's basement smells like. Yeah, exactly. And the problem was that was more the smell than anything else. It was like it just permeated the room. God, they're going to have to clean that convention center.

Yeah. That's why I had to leave. I was just like. I like your description yesterday, Eric. How it was the smell of death.

Pretty much. You had a whole theory and everything. I wish I could remember it, but I can't. I believe it involved the. The dead skin getting trapped within the fat rolls?

Yeah, that's what it is. That's the smell. It's like they sweat profusely and then it gets trapped in the fat. Rolls and then the skin rots. No.

And it's putrid. And that's why. That's why I was there for like. 20 minutes, and then I was like, fuck this shit. That's how I feel.

The last convention I was at in Chicago, that's exactly how I felt. I'm like, fuck this. No. But I was. Telling Brian, one of the first, the first place that, it was either the first or second place that we.

It was the second place that we stopped. I went in the restroom. And I told Brian, I was like, that was the smell that was in the restroom. I walked in there, I was like, God, it smells like a rotting corpse in here. It does.

It smells like death. Nice. I was like, good God, if my nose was only clogged up now. Yeah, right. Joey's like, I can taste how you smell.

That's gross. Yeah, like. Because there was this one guy, and God bless his little heart. Big, massive. Big, massive, overworked heart.

Overworked heart. What? Overworked hard. Yeah. But he was.

He had this perfectly round face, kind of like a garbage can. And he had. It's like his hair was combed over at some point, but he had sweated and, like, wiped it so much, it had, like, curled up into, like, this mass of springy, like, twiggy wetness on top of his head. He was sweating, and. He looked glazed.

In my head, I was like, ugh. I can taste how you smell. I can taste how you smell. If you were to say that to him, he would have probably gotten a boner. He probably would have been finished.

Oh, that was awesome. Oh, Jake! Oh, you have to go write about this in my blog. Today was my greatest day of my life. I think we're dating now.

I'm not sure. I'm going to invite her over to meet Mom. But then I didn't get her name or her number or where she's from. I followed her back to her hotel, but. Oh, well, Misty had that great comb-over, too.

You like that guy. Oh, that guy was fabulous. He had, like, three strands of hair that he combed over from this side to the other. That's really convincing. Yeah, sadly, his wasn't a costume.

He was behind one of the tables. He was just working. I like those that go all the way around, like, to the back. Those are good. I slept on my neck wrong.

Sorry. Are we done now? I don't know. That round out the geek activities, which were quite extensive yesterday. Yeah.

All right. We will take a break and be back with What's the Mock? Slaughter Hotel, the final address for eight young nurses. Slaughter Hotel. The whole world read the headlines.

Now, for those who dare enter the deformed world behind the headlines, a motion picture that freezes at every scream. That hangs on every dying breath. Slaughter Hotel. A reserved deathbed. Eight innocent nurses.

They faced death a thousand times. Now, they were facing a massacre as one by one the life was slashed from under them. Screams. Hotel a reserved deathbed the living will never get used to death but to die this way slaughter hotel in color in violence in shock. Hi, this is William Ragsdale from Fright Night, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown.

All right, we're back with What's the Buzz? Groovy. Groovy. All right so this one again i don't know that all they want to talk about anymore is freaking spider-man it's kind of overdone but i thought this fact. Was sort of interesting because it's strained from the uh tradition of spider-man for years now Columbia Pictures and director Mark Webb are looking, this week, this weekend is kind of their big meet-up with the actresses to take over as the new romantic interest for Peter Parker.

So the identity of the character is not yet known, but who it isn't is Mary Jane. They are. they're getting rid of i don't know if they're just writing her out all together or if they're just postponing it and planning ahead in several movies they're yeah they're doing a reboot and it's going back to high school so now i guess maybe this is pre mary jane or i don't even know if they're gonna have mary jane in there as a side character well no they're just rebooting they're starting over Because the last one kind. Of sucked, so. I didn't even see the last one. Nobody did.

The two were so good, though. I know. The first two are pretty awesome. I don't know. Well, they went through, like, what every damn superhero movie does.

They just. They add too many characters. They overcomplicate things. There's too many stupid special effects scenes that they don't need, so... I mean, at least this one's Mark Webb.

He's a lot more key. Down key. Webb. Web. Web.

I know. Lord. They probably just hired him for that because. They're not Well, he did do 500 Days of Summer. Oh, really?

Yeah. Doing Spider-Man, so figure that out. I do love 500 Days of Summer. Do you want to tell them why you're far away? I'm putting makeup on my face.

I'm just putting makeup on right now. So, she's a little more removed, that's why. And she's stabbing herself in the eye. Misty told me that my mustache is. I was like, I need to bleach my mustache.

Tom Sellecky. She said, no, it's more like a Mexican guy in high school. Oh, wow. Oh, I don't even know what to do with that. I just thought I'd share that.

Oh, Lord. Wharton, back about my life. And your mustache. And my mustache. And then we can all see your butt crack from here.

That's why I'm facing this direction. I'm trying to read. I didn't think this was a TV show. Oh, I thought that's what we were going to do to bring people in, though. That's just part of who you are.

That's true, actually. You can't accept Marlena without knowing you're going to see a little boob and a little bit. Of butt crack. That's true. You can't fight it, really.

Boob, butt crack, and Marlena. Mustache. Okay, you're kind of killing it, miss. It was an enticing offer for many people until you got to that. Some people might like the mustache.

You never know. Oh, Lord. I usually bleach it for the record, but I just forgot. All right. Oh, Lord.

So, yeah, they don't even know for sure. They're throwing out a lot of different names as to who the candidate could be, but they're naming people that were in Spider-Man 3, so I'm like, well, they're not going to reuse the same actresses if they're rebooting, so I don't know. At this point, I'm not even going to put too much into most of these people they're throwing out there, although I do like Emojean Poots. Poots? Poots.

She was the girl in 28 Weeks Later. She's the older of the two kids, but now she's much older, and she's actually kind of cool. That, or, you know, Emma Roberts. She's the next It Girl. She'll be in everything in the next two years.

She is pretty cute. All right, so on to more computer nerds. David Fincher's Facebook drama, The Social Network, isn't even out yet, but now they're working on Googled. Because there's the book of the same name, Google The End of the World As We Know It. It tells the story of the Stanford PhD students that made their attempt to make a better search engine using such business principles as you can make money without doing evil.

Bullshit. This is the stupidest thing ever. Quit making fucking stupid movies. Well, that's the thing. And this isn't like, this really is a trend because they just released this past month, they came out with Middleman. which has got Luke Wilson and Giovanni Ribisi.

Basically, that one was about the... The first people who realized you could make money off the internet. Which, again, is a very interesting story. It basically ends up becoming selling porn on the internet. But I mean...

But at least it's got an interesting backstory. It does. Everybody can get on board for porn. Nobody gives a fuck about search engines. Not really.

Unless you're searching for porn. Exactly. That's right. That's what I think is weird. You can spin in people.

That's it. There's one or two interesting stories in this kind of area. But why we need an entire string of movies coming out about... computer nerds in college realizing that they can make tons of money or just stumbling upon i mean a lot of these people you didn't even know and usually they got screwed out of it i think that's what they found out in the middle man is like these two guys came up with it and then luke wilson's the businessman that went oh good idea and stole it from him more or less so that's usually what happens with most of these it's nerds that come up with the idea and then some corporate bastard goes oh here's a lot of money i want to take what you're doing and put it in with what i'm already doing Maybe even more money.

Yeah, so how many of these do we need? Are we going to have the Twitter story? Are we going to have a YouTube movie? I mean, what? I don't know.

Who's watching this shit? Who cares? Well, again, I mean, Social Network actually does. I watched the trailer. It looks like a fucking good movie because it's got David Fincher behind it.

But you're not going to have David Fincher doing all of these. So a lot of these are going to start to suck. There's a MySpace movie. It'll go straight to DVD. Straight to five years ago when people would have cared.

So, yeah, I just want to know who they're going to cast in the Ain't It Cool News movie. Who's going to be... Are they going to get... What's his name from... My name is.

Ethan Supley? Yeah, it's Ethan Supley. He played him in the... Fanboys? Yeah, he played him in Fanboys.

So, yeah, I guess he can reprise his role and do the Ain't It Cool movie. I don't know. I just think it's a ridiculous new string of movies that keep coming out. Sure enough. This is actually getting away from some of the ridiculousness.

In the last few years, Hollywood has started developing a plethora of movie projects based on board games. Battleship. Monopoly. We've made fun of all these movies. Connector.

But now, J.J. Abrams and Bad Robot. are just setting their sights on a game that no big company would bother to acquire to get the rights to. They'd probably be afraid of it. He's working on Seven Minutes in Heaven. Huh?

Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm assuming we're all sort of familiar with the go-in-a-closet-and-make-out game. That's basically how the game works. I've never played that game. I don't think I want to, and they probably would kick me out of most of the slumber parties now if I showed up.

Anyway, so. Technically, there already was a movie called Seven Men in Heaven, and it was not bad. It was one of those 80s sort of comedies about kids in school and romance and whatnot. I don't remember hating it, but I haven't seen it since, like, 86, so, you know, what are you going to do? But, yeah, this one, once again, leave it to J.J.

Abrams to put his own special spin on this one. I do like the plot synopsis here. The premise of Seven Minutes in Heaven is that two teenagers come back out of the closet and find that all their friends are now dead. Hey, that sounds good. I like that.

That's fucking awesome. I was like, wow. Why? Jim Jones Kool-Aid? Who cares?

It's an awesome story already. It's like, it goes from being a sappy romance movie to dead people everywhere. There are teenagers everywhere. That's even better. Even better.

So yeah, I thought that was actually, once again, J.J. Abrams, he's not really slacking on his projects lately, so I'm kind of looking forward to that one. They could apply that to any game, actually. Like, you know, I don't know. Mystery Date.

Dead. Or Sorry. Even if you're playing the game, two of them get up to go get refreshments in the kitchen, come back, they're all dead, you know? I want it to be whoever touches the Pop-O-Matic bubble. Yeah.

Don't touch the problematic bubble. He puts a bubble and the whole house blows up. Don't touch the bubble. I know. It's addictive, isn't it?

You have to to play the game. Yeah, but you know everybody just sat there pushing it anyway for like an hour before the game started. Sometimes I'd get in the closet and take the box lid off just to pop the bubble. You heard closet bubble poppers? Shh, don't tell anybody.

They're so weird. Oh, this one I just thought some people here might care. There's not even much story to it, but... While promoting his last version of this movie, Michael Jha White revealed that he's already working on ideas for Black Dynamite 2. Awesome.

There you go, Jay. I knew you'd be up for that one. Dude, he's fucking cool. There's not even any details on it, but his only quote is, he said about the sequel, Well, you know how Black Dynamite just grows in its ridiculousness? Well, this will be a fitting sequel.

It's damn ridiculous. It's good to know. Dude, that guy is fucking cut as hell. Nice. He is.

He's cut like Green Lantern, yeah. Dude, that guy is like a fucking god. He is. I'm like, jeez, man. How much working out does he have to do?

Probably none. He's probably one of those guys that's like, I don't work out. I just eat cheeseburgers. Bastards. Damn you.

With donuts for buns. Yeah. All right. Yeah, we will round it out with this one. With Piranha 3D hitting theaters today...

Director Alexander Aja, who we keep bringing up. He was already talking about remaking Maniac a few weeks ago. But once again, they come up with new projects they want to do every week and a half around here. This one, although, I'm on board for. I don't even know of the original, but I like it already.

So he announced plans this week for a new adaptation that will take him out of the horror and remake field, which is pretty much all he's done. And he wants to do Cobra, the space pirate. Are you familiar with this, Roger? I think he's asleep already. Cobra the Space Pirate.

Have you heard of Cobra the Space Pirate? Cobra the Space Pirate, no. It is a 1978 to 84 space opera manga that was then developed into an anime series and as a film in Japan, perhaps. Huh. It said it was very popular in Europe, but not so much in the U.S., so...

Yeah, it's supposedly, let's see, Cobra is a futuristic space pirate who refuses to align with the United Galaxies Federation or the Pirates Guild, resulting in a bounty being placed on his head. Cobra teams up with a beautiful bounty hunter named Jane as they try to locate her sisters in a quest to find lost treasure on Mars. This all sounds fucking awesome. Kind of sounds like Cowboy Bebop a little bit. Kind of.

That's what I was thinking. Which. I guess, I don't know, they don't plan on doing a live-action version of that. No, they are, that's right. Keanu, fuck.

Yeah, Keanu's like behind the project. Keanu's going to fuck it up, though. But that's been like ten years. I don't even know how that happened. Yeah, so maybe that'll fall apart.

Because I'd rather see this the way it sounded. It sounds pretty awesome, too. Yeah, I don't know. I just thought that sounded like a pretty awesome idea for a movie. If they, again, do a good job on it.

Good luck with that. You never know. Aja, he makes good stuff. Piranha notwithstanding. I haven't seen it yet.

I don't know how much. Oh lord so yep that is pretty much it for the buzz. They bribed jerry o'connell with cheeseburgers right. Yeah we'll take your children away if you're not in. This movie yeah they just offered him some of them uh crispy cream cheeseburgers.

Fried that'll do it all right so i will attempt to uh put to some of the Richard Anderson interview here. I don't know how much of it's going to sound good, but we'll see what we can piece together. Once again, he is pretty awesome. He definitely had... It's harder.

You missed some of the cool parts. Is he saying Richard Anderson? Richard Anderson. I keep waiting for Richard Deenan. He's not MacGyver.

I saw it at first. I was like... He's cooler than MacGyver. No. No.

No, he kind of is. How many times have people thrown a rubber band and a paper clip at him and he'd be like, write something! Richard Anderson? Hopefully never. He'll be like, that's not even my show, fuck you.

So yeah, I don't know. Once again, you lose a little bit in the audio form because he's such a cool old guy because he'd be in the middle of a story and he'd kind of nudge me at the appropriate point and be like, you know. He was doing all these little motions that I'm like, this guy's a storyteller, let me tell you. So you lose a lot of it to the audio and mostly to the fucking noise going on. Screw you, Samsung, for putting your table like one aisle over and busting out the techno.

Blastin' techno DJ battle with boy boy techno boy. Oh, fuck you guys. Good lord. So yeah, you're bringing down Richard and ain't cool. But either way, here's some of what we got with Richard.

I'm telling you, this is something. You don't have one of those hats? That's what I have. You know that? I'm talking to you.

Yeah? See? I'm definitely on board for that, yeah. All right. We're here with Richard Anderson.

Just kind of wanted to do an overview of some of your career. How did you originally get involved in acting? I was seven years old. I was going to the movies with my brother in New York City. It's a 96-feet theater.

And I love the cowboy movies. And I saw this one guy. He didn't say much. I mean, I didn't talk much. But he moved in an awful center way.

And when he said something, when he said something, he was paying attention because he didn't say much. Big, tall guy about my height. And so I decided I was going to try my hand at acting. In California, I kissed the ground. Grabbed the oranges off the trees.

You know, they're all oranges coming into LA. And I finally met the guy. In Mexico City. We were at a film festival, and a fellow that was kind of running had called me up where I was told, and he said. Well, the guy's here.

You were my first person that I worked. With when I went in. My name is John Galanski, and you were very kind. And you were very kind to me, and I thank you. Yeah, it was.

I said to you that day, I said, I was a contract player at Universal. I had come out from New York, and I said, this is my first public show. And you said, don't worry, this is the last. Have a good time. Just remember, nobody knows anything.

You'll be fine. And I was still saying the same thing. That town didn't know anything. So you were very, very sweet. You were very sweet.

Thank you. There you go. Did you get it? Yeah. So, a fella calls me up, who I know, and he says, the guy you really admire is up there.

Go over to the place. Come over. Mexico City. So, I went up there, and there he was, this guy. Short coat, all handwear. made clothes, talking on the phone.

He said, exactly like I saw him in the movie. Next thing I know, I'm sitting next to him right at dinner, talking movies. So I said to him, what do you think about movies, working on movies? He says, well, I can tell when I do the first scene of the movie with the lady whether the movie is going to be any good at all. And he mumbled something like chemistry.

And I said, anything else along that line? Well, my agent calls in offering me a script, and I say, well. He says, well, never mind. And he calls again, and he says, you got a script? He says, yeah.

I said, okay, I'll do it. I said, what's that about? He says, I told my agent when I came out here, I'll never do a picture if I don't get the lady at the end. Finally, I said, I got a question for you. What about?

I said, acting. I so admire the way you act. You do less. You got anything to say about. It?

Well, Dick, I don't know too much about that, but Don't ever get caught doing it. His name is Gary Cooper. Nice. Very nice. That's how I got started.

I worked my way into live television and it was in 49 and everybody was watching that damn thing. Hating it, the studios and everything. So everybody's watching it. Especially Drake saw it and turned to her husband and said, this guy, look at him. I was doing comedy scenes and I came back like, you know, American Idol, you know.

So, best of luck. So, I mean, she mentioned it to Grant and he looked and he said, geez, the guy's good at comedy. And he was working on a picture in Mexico and he saw the head of the studio and said, get this guy over here. So, I saw him and Joey Sherry was the name and he says, well, let's make some film of our own. So, I spent about a week down in the casting area and found a Cowboy and the Lady Gary Cooper movie.

And I got that, and we made the test, and a young cowboy comes in, this beautiful lady, and says, Hi. She says, Hi. She says, Go ahead, Sam. I'll get into something more comfortable. So I went over to the stand, and I'm doing this so you can't see it, but he hits something with his nose, a powder puff.

And then he looks and he sees something else, and something else, you know, hair, picture hair. It's evidently something she has there. And then he, gets some ice there. So he picks up a glass and he throws the ice up in the air, gets it in the glass. I just did that all.

It wasn't in the script at all. And then she comes in and she hasn't got much on. Sally Forrest was her name. She was at the studio. In those days, that wasn't much.

And then she says, well, come sit by me by the by the couch. I said, excuse me ma'am, I've got to go. They loved it. So that's how I got started. 24 movies later.

You've had a lengthy career in a lot of different projects. What's the biggest change over the years in working in different projects? Have you noticed as time has gone by how things have changed? The president is trying to get the health bill passed. He missed the first time, and he needed a Democratic senator to change his mind.

I don't talk politics or religion, but this is a very, very interesting thing that I heard about him. He got him in the office, and he said, Senator, please talk to me about what your problems are with the health bill. every major civilized country has had for many, many years, and we've never had one here. It's always been knocked down. So for 20 minutes, the senator claimed his position. Long pause.

The president said, Senator, I want you to know, and he was listening to everything he said, and the senator knew it. I want you to know how difficult it is for people to change. He went back and changed his mind. He said, the guy listened to me. I guess I'm trying to say something here.

When you work, things are going to change all the time. I remember someone once said to me, I never forgot it, he said, very much the same thing. Be flexible. That's what he said to me. Be, you know, be ready to, you know, if you're wrong, you know, accept the being wrong.

He didn't say all that, but I'm trying to say that. Don't try to keep saying, well, I told you so. And don't try to keep saying, well, look how good I was, what I did. No! Stay away from that.

You know? And I'll never forget it. I never forgot it. And the real top people I've met in the business, the real, really top people, I happen to be a Lincoln student, Roosevelt student. I lived under some of the things he did to save my life and to save my family's life.

They were all very wealthy and lost everything. That's the worst. I wonder if you've never had it. But if you've had it, it's awful tough. And I grew up that way.

And I guess, you know, again, most people probably know you from TV and specifically from Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman. So you had something to tell people on that one? Well, something very interesting. The Six Million Dollar Man, when it's finished its run in 1978, it has never run on television in the United States since because of a court challenge. Now, I've been trying for a long time to.

Get something going so we did the three two hour movies that I produced over there I saw all that through and I've been waiting feverishly to find out when that court battle ended and it ended this is what I'm saying to you all it ended Universal Studios spending a million dollars to update the six million dollar man's five years and the bionic woman's five years with the new technology it's all Blue, green, whatever, blue screen, whatever you call it. Yeah. And we've been doing interviews, Lee and Lindsay and myself, and of course directors and writers and everybody survived, to put in front of it. So, the DVDs, Monoclonal will be out October 15th for sale. We'll have comments in the beginning about it all.

The $ 6 million man will come out probably a month later. They are very, very excited about the fact that that people have been coming up to me throughout the years saying, I grew up on the $ 6 million man. I was just a kid, you know, and so forth. But what's interesting here is being a kid, they'll want to see that again, bring back memories, and they've told their children about it. The children will have an opportunity who are now grown up to see it. and these children who maybe have children.

We're talking three generations. It's very likely we'll want to get a taste of it and see what it's like. And the results of it are that we might have really a gigantic happening with all this. Lee has done some promoting and Lindsay and myself. And in fact, we're going to be in New York the first week in October.

And Lindsay's I had some other things to do, but I think she's coming now. First five days. Madison Square Garden. The convention is right next to Madison Square Garden. You hear what I'm saying?

And we are going to have a convention here together with the fact that the shows are going to be opening. And we'll have Lee Majors, who had never, never been at Dunder Convention before, call me two weeks ago. And he says, hello... Oscar? I said, all right, Steve, what do you want?

He says, I'm a little bored here. I'm going on a picture. I can't... You know, I haven't done a convention, but... I said, well, there's one starting in New York.

His wife was on the phone. She said, oh, yeah, that's been pushed up. And he said, do you have... So I told him about Wizard, which I think is a classy outfit. And they...

And I called Gary Greenberg, who handles the talent, and Lee calls me ten minutes later, I'm coming, I'll see you in New York. Or he said, maybe we should, we'll go together. I said, no, you better bring your wife to count the money. It's going to be transporting to your hands. You're going to need a truck.

Because he's never done one. And of course. The Wizard has right away put it on their website in big, big figures so that it's pretty well... Everybody I talk to, they all know it. So that's big.

Lee will be there. Lindsay will be there. I'm sure she's coming. She's going to make it. I'm going to be there.

And we are going to have four days in New York. And I want everybody in New York to know It's going to be a bionic week. That sounds pretty good. All right. Well, we will help spread the word on it then.

Thank you for talking to us today. It's good to meet you. All right. Just to round it out. Shark to Bus Countdown.

Hell yeah. Hells yeah. I've got a picture called Sharktopus, which comes out September 25th on the Sci-Fi Channel. As of right now, it is 34 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes, and 6 seconds until the premiere of Sharktopus. Fucking A.

Okay, kids, get out your decoder pens. Hey, that's pretty exciting for everybody laying in bed right now. Oh, my God. It's about as exciting as it gets, and it's sad, I guess, because everybody's laying in bed right now. We were trying to convince the people at the hotel that it's not that kind of party, but I think that maid had the wrong idea.

Okay, so, it's time for the rundown of the next two movies, which might. We all are sitting in bed with you in front of the laptops. I know. That's why we rented this room. Just like every weekend, I come up here and make porn.

Set your pins to B2. Here is the message. So, yeah, next weekend... Actually, I think we're reversing them. We told you guys to go ahead and watch Night of the Creeps.

I'm sure most of you have seen it anyway, so don't worry about it. We're going to push it ahead a week. So, as of next week, we're going to squeeze in one that originally, yeah, I'd heard of a while ago, but Greg came to us and was like, holy shit, you guys need to watch this movie. So I'm trying to secure him on board to come over and watch it with us. But we're going to watch The Apple.

The Apple. The Apple. Hmm. He's innocent. Yeah, you're pretty excited about it.

I think you forgot or anything. That's the futuristic post-apocalyptic musical. I don't know what the hell's going on in this movie, but I need to see it, so... Yep, go ahead, find it. And once again, it's on this channel, if I remember.

They've been playing it hit and miss. If not, I don't think it's on DVD, so get to work finding yourself a version of it. But it's pretty awesome. Or may very well be. We'll have to see.

The Apple. The Apple. And after that, we will be back with the Affirmant and Night of the Creeps episode, so... prepare yourself and all your creepiness. That's excellent. Awesome.

That is it from the hotel room. If we decide to piece together anything else between here and back home, I guess we'll throw it in there. But otherwise. Hi, this is famous Hollywood producer Robert Evans. You know, I've made a lot of powerful enemies during my time in Hollywood.

Like the time I pushed Steve McQueen in front of a moving car on the set of The Getaway because he was macking on my lady, Allie McGraw. But I've made one great friend, a boffo friend if you will, since I retired. It's called Show Show, and it's the best fucking movie podcast ever. It's even better than cocaine, which I would know a lot about. Visit Showshow at showshow.podomatic.com or search Showshow, all one word, in the iTunes store.

It's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, on with the show. Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town.

Chicago, Chicago, I will show you around. So we are parked out on the street here in Chicago. Where did we go? I've lost track already. Bleeding Heart Bakery.

We went to the alley. Hollywood Mirror? We've been tooling around, wandering the streets of Chicago. I got lost in a hippie store. What was that?

I got lost in a hippie store. I was drawn in by the smell of patchouli, and I know good things follow when that happens. Oh, really? And did they? No, I just got mesmerized by some African art for a while.

Well, that's all good. It didn't have to be, like, a hippie. Store at all. It was, like, a multicultural store, I suppose. A lot cooler than just hippies.

Roger, you almost saw a scuffle. How'd that go? It was pretty excellent. Apparently, there were some people protesting in the store. Apparently, a supposed Nazi works at the store.

And they had really cool construction paper, black ink pen flyers made out saying, no Nazi on it. Until somebody in the store came out, and there was a scuffle, and they ran off. The guy that was, I guess, heading this debacle of a protest, he looked like a hippie, like dreadlocked. Yeah, completely out of his element, I don't know. He was getting beat down by this big dude that came out of the store, though.

Nice. The Nazi. The Nazi. I don't know if he's a Nazi. Who knows?

But it was excellent. Oh, nice. Down with Nazis. That's how it goes around here. I saw the Wienermobile yesterday.

What was that? The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Where was this? Outside of the convention center. Somehow I missed the Wiener mobile.

Yeah, it rolled by. I'm going to stop it. Wiener on wheels. Wiener. I did see the Batmobile, and I saw the Back to the Future DeLorean.

Ah, yes, the DeLorean. I almost got in trouble for taking a picture of the DeLorean. I took several pictures, but they forgot to yell at me. Oh, I'm going to die. Oh.

There's the L. Yeah, the L. Heading over the L. It's very cinematic now. Oh, I smell fried Irish food.

Oh, delicious. Oh, God. Oh, delicious. Right? Everything's sweet.

It's just fuck. Yeah, really, right? Once again, everything's better if it's fried. Exactly. That's un-American.

If it's Irish fried food, you can't turn it down, really. And I'm going to have to. Go biking as soon as I get home. It's like on the way home, just dream about biking, and maybe it'll help. Yeah, I feel like, and I know this is unjustified because this is why I got so fat, but I feel like thinking about exercising is so strenuous that that should be enough.

I agree. Why doesn't that work? My main goal this weekend was to steal a moped while I was here. That didn't work out at all? No, I only saw one and it was ugly.

Yeah, you know, I didn't see any mopeds. I know there's like a whole bunch of douchey mopeds. Like scene kids? Yeah, where are you scene kids? Fuck.

I know they all live in Reno, too. I'm getting a lot of rollerblades, actually. I've seen several of those scooting on by. I haven't seen that. Ever.

Like on the street. Yeah, we don't get a lot of rollerblades in our neighborhood. No. We would just shove them down and laugh at them. No, I see skateboarders.

I don't see rollerbladers. I know. It's because the skateboard kids would beat them up. Because they're uncool. See, one more reason.

You don't want to be that. We're in the back of the van. It is pretty awesome. Are you texting each other from inside the vehicle? Holy shit.

Yeah, but it's usually me. That's uncool. But I'm usually sitting right beside you. And you're texting back and forth. That's sad.

Otherwise, I guess that about does it. We will return next week. Same geek time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys.

Bye. Bye. I forgot you were still recording. Goodbye. Say it like you mean it.

God. Hey, you know what? It's a really good place to eat. Eyeballs float in wet green grass. I've got a chainsaw motor that's filled with rain.

But when it. Sinks, I bop my eyes, all bulging when the big sun drops through. I dance forward while I'm in deep sleep. When I'm asleep or twilight zones, I take a break. Elevator press, fast forward.

I can de-grind these teeth and feet through time. If I can bring things. Back, they'd be back wild. When I saw the future. The geeks were right.

Egghead boys with thin white legs. They've got modified features and software brains But that's what the girls like The geeks were right. When I saw the future. The peaks were right. Regular skills, chemical wars, plastic islands.

At sea. Watch what the humans. Ruin with machines. Thank you. I pause, float in wet green grass I'm in a chainsaw, quiet in dreams That fend to let me cut through time And stretch out, but I'm like a drug I roll and wet, eyes crossed while I'm in need.

Breath, sleep, or do I light songs? I take a break, elevate, I press. Fast forward so I can find peace Deep in me, through time If I can breathe, it's back. To me. Holy shit we're watching army of darkness in the vehicle driving home that's how fucking awesome vhs sadly pan and scan but we are cruising in luxury whilst watching the smart action here Awesome.

Awesome. This show is a production of movie meltdown produced and edited by Brian Renfro with opening music performed by the empires to help support the show. Email producer at movie meltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise