97.1: We Put the Fun Back in Funeral

The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million kilowatts of power. I think that I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass. What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown.

I am Brian. I'm Johnny. I am Misty. I'm Marlena. Let's see.

Jay's phoning in his interaction this week. This is the first time we have more chicks than dudes. Do what? This is the first time we have more chicks than dudes. I don't know.

It's pretty balanced most of the time, really. And Greg was going to be here, but he emailed me and said he wants nothing to do with a show that's as racist as we are. He actually did. He was joking, but. It was in response to, I don't know.

Me? Yeah, kind of. I wasn't going to, well, normally we would throw this at the end, but I think this is actually more important than feedback. This is something I wanted to address at the beginning. But yeah, we've touched on a lot of hot button topics lately.

Racism, misogyny, immigration, all these things that we could get called out for. And I've pissed a lot of people off. But what did we get called out for? Redheads. Did they call her?

Is Greg a redhead? We got a little feedback on the forums that was not so pleased with our comments and our behavior. I just wanted to say up front, these are the jokes, folks. We're kind of screwing around every week. I have plenty of red-headed friends, and I love them very, very much.

I don't. I don't have any red-headed friends. Five red-headed people. I mean, we're all joking when we make fun of people with red hair. Misty's not.

Yeah. Well, just in general, we say a lot of horrible things every week, and we realize that, but a lot of it is completely meant to be a joke, and sometimes we sell it really well, and I don't know if everybody realizes that. Did I get severe hate mail on that? Not exactly, no. But at least somebody, you know, at least addressed it.

Is this going to hurt my feelings? Touching. No, I mean, it's on the forums, and I actually responded, and he responded back, and it actually balanced out a little better. I think he expected me to come back with, um, shut up, you're probably a redhead, and then, you know, he was probably planning on, you know, responding equally, but we ended up having sort of a real discussion, so. I don't know.

That's kind of what I wanted to come of it was just to make known that, you know, we realize we're screwing around every week to take it, you know, with a grain of salt because that's how it's all meant. It's us just joking. And sometimes, you know, it sort of restates what I said in there. But comedy is sort of a you get it or you don't and you can't really make people get your sense of humor if they don't. So.

Hopefully everybody, at least the regular listeners, understand that when we're making these generalized statements about things, it's not exactly 100% there. We're just screwing around, guys. And I don't want everybody to think that I just hate redheads. I hate everybody. See?

And that's true. I mean, most of ours are us just saying terrible things. Misty hates everyone completely equally. In different special ways. Yeah.

So it's different, you know. I don't know. I mean, to me, there's a warning on iTunes. There's a warning that I put at the beginning of every show. And it's not just a warning for bad language.

It's also for bad taste. Yeah, bad taste. We say terrible things. Talk about bad taste. We say...

Horrible things week in and week out. And I realize that. But again, we're doing it for entertainment value. I mean, I don't pretend like this is a really important information transfer. I hope, you know, at best we're just regurgitating stuff off the Internet.

Information wise, I hope what we bring to it is at least some sort of. entertainment, comedy, perhaps. That's questionable, I suppose. But at least we intend for it to be comedy. So, I mean, you can argue that it may not be funny, but at least go into it knowing that we're joking around and we don't mean anything by many of these horrible, horrible things we say. Yeah, and if it bothers you that much, just don't listen.

Well, and that was my thing. I mean, I realized early on that, you know, in grade school, there was this kid that just hated me. Like, not even like we didn't get along. It wasn't like, oh, they're picking on. No, it was like we never even had anything to do with each other.

But just from day one, just didn't like me. And I think, you know, that young, I realized you can't please everybody. There's some people that just like you or they don't, and it's going to stay that way. And really, you wouldn't want to try. Because you can't, you know, by the time you attempt to please everybody, you've watered down what it is you're doing to the point that it's not even worth it.

Doing with. Yeah, it's not worth us doing. It's not worth you listening to. So hopefully, at least, you know, by us remaining who we are. I mean, I've tried to give everybody here license to say whatever the hell they want.

And I think along the way, that's become one of the strengths of the show. I think it gives everybody a chance to. To have their own voice and to be their own person, to be their own character within the show. And I think going through and having to censor that or water it down so that people won't be offended. I don't know.

I don't want to do that. If it comes to that, then why do we have a show? So that having been said. This is America. Get over it.

We're just having fun here, guys. And hopefully you are, too. If not, yeah, I don't know why you're listening. Yeehaw. So, yeah, that folder is open on the forum, so palavr.com.

Go there, you can leave your comments. I mean, I tried to balance it out and give my side as to what I was doing, but I'm sure many people will still be offended, so if that's the case, I apologize if you took offense, but I won't apologize for putting the show together like this, because this is what I think it needs to be, so. I also hate you just because you're human. Yeah, that too. Which, that I'm fine with.

I've been following you since. Do I? Apparently that's following you since. Oh yeah, I still get a lot of that. It's the same kid.

He's grown up. I still get a lot of people that just genuinely dislike me. Yeah. At least I know everybody hates you guys, too, so it's okay. It's cool.

Whatever, dude. You know what I said? They hated me. It's okay. Whatever you said.

You're not a racist like me, so. You're not a redhead hater like me. Alrighty. All that out of the way. Welcome to Shark to Biz Extravaganza!

Woo! We all wore our bikinis in celebration for this glorious day. Just so you know, people. Everybody's at home visualizing this. We're way hot, so it's okay.

Yeah. I felt a little uncomfortable. I wore a one-piece. Like one of those old 30s ones. With the ruffles.

You make jokes, but I've seen a picture of Brian in a Speedo. Ruffles and leggings. I don't even know what you're talking about. You were like. maybe seven or eight you and your dad had matching speedos. That's probably true because my dad's still i think he still has that one i think he still wears it it's yeah we've tried to convince him for years no really let's let's get you some trunks big trunks.

Big people yeah this is fun. Well, he just swims in the backyard. It's no big deal. There's no pool back there. There's no pool back there.

They just lay in the backyard. Whatever he wants to do, we don't talk about it. We just have fun out in the yard. It's okay. At least if it's springtime.

If you have little floaties, too. Well, you don't want him to drown. Come on. Your dad doesn't listen to this show, does he? Why would he want to, really?

So yeah, to kick it off, at least while we're having the goings on here, we can start the first phase of the, you know, we have to throw ridiculous food at our items, so at least we have the hors d'oeuvres during the geek week here. What are those? What is that? So, we have. Crab and lobster.

Nice. We're pretty fancy around here. And they're on Wheat Things? Of course. Yes.

As everything should be on Wheat Things. Excellent. You let me know how that is. This episode is sponsored by Wheat Things. Please send us one.

I'm a huge fan of imitation crab, so it's fantastic. Go on with the popcorn. Missy's just looking terrified. I am. Oh yeah.

You want your box of Wheat Thins? I might have a Wheat Thin. You get the original recipe. Because she's picky. I probably could have gotten some fancy seafood first, but I got a big jug of Chambord instead.

I see your priorities. I taste bits of shark and octopus. That's what we were going for. I just want you to know. Or at least every animal that shark and octopi eat.

And I actually checked into it being the nerd that I am. They eat weird things? They eat fucking everything. Wait, wait. Fuck that.

Love wheat heads, especially the garlic herb ones. So you meant to say that these are stomach scrapers. Basically. It's like octopus poop. That's why they're presented on.

Octopus poop. That's why they're presented on a license plate. Yeah, right. I pulled them out of a tire. Five miles offshore.

I'm just really glad that smells like one of you two. I'm just kidding. Wow. All right. Moving on into the Geek Week.

So, this week, I've given up on most. TV, actually, and that's no surprise. I just... don't care I don't pay attention to what's on every once in a while I watch something but most of the time it's by accident One of the few things that's been sort of the exception to that rule, his Modern Family. Have you watched Modern Family? I really dig that show.

It's one of those that when it first came on, I saw the commercial, and I was like, I was kind of sold right off the bat, because I'm like, okay, it's the new Ed O'Neill show. That works for me right there. It's like, as long as it's got Ed O'Neill in it, I'm sold on whatever this is. Anything with him, and it's awesome, so that's cool. But yeah, I found out as it went on, it's... amazingly well put together.

It's just so well written. It's not shot like a sitcom. It's shot almost more in like a movie style or Mixed in with, like, its own weird, like, reality television angle to it, but not really. So, yeah, it's just... I mean, it's not one of those that nobody knows about, because, I mean, it's got...

A couple weeks ago, it got six Emmys. I mean, it won Best Comedy, so it's certainly well-received. Its first season was fantastic. Yeah, even the first season. I think this week was, like, the... first season premiere for the second season and it's yeah it's still hanging in there it's equally as impressive so but otherwise yeah aside from that um the only thing i watched movie wise i did go back i borrowed star trek from misty last week so i did go back and watch the the jj abrams and yeah so which.

I think is excellent a lot of people still hate it or what i'm like it looks good it's fun to watch. I don't know what your problem is. But I'm not a purist. But even for purists, I think he found a way to do it really clever and not screw up the whole universe. So I don't know.

It's kind of cool. But I forgot just how much they just spend the entire movie beating the hell out of Chris Pine. like yeah at every turn he's like beat up just like the through the whole movie his face is like beat the hell he's still gorgeous i don't know he's a pretty boy but they tried to ugly him up as much as possible and it failed he's scabbed and scarred and bloody through the whole damn movie yeah yeah that too he's our next best action hero yeah i guess so. And i still hate the noose block. I still have my same problem with it. I think he just doesn't come off as unemotional at all.

He just seems angry. He's just angry and pouty. I can understand at the moments when they push him over the edge and he's supposed to be like that, but the entire time he comes off that way. He comes across as too femmy to me and I don't like that. Again, I guess if you want to be a nerd, you have to compare him to Nimoy.

Nimoy just played him so straight the rest of the time. He had his moments where he would think something was funny or he would, you know, he would be able to kind of cross a line here or there. But he played it so straight and kept the, you know, really knew how to work that unemotional level. And it's like this guy just doesn't really, it's like he doesn't get that on some level. I don't know.

And I don't like his nose. He seemed like he was just being snide most of the time. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to press on it. His nose?

Zachary Pintos, yes. I hate his nose. He has a stupid nose. Uh-oh, better watch out. I'm going to get nose activists coming after me now.

Yes, you will. My nose is racist. You got in trouble for something that someone was not beyond their control. They can dye that shit. Their nose?

Yes. That shit fixed. That's what I was talking about the redhead. I was making fun of the redheads, but. Oh, jeez.

God, people are going to. Hate me, whatever. So, that and I just, I really kind of paid attention to Zoe Saldana this time. She's... Hot?

Yeah. Well, aside from hot, she's like, they bothered to make her a really, like, intelligent, feminine character, which is unusual in movies, especially in a big, goofy action movie like this. So, I was, I'm kind of impressed watching it again that she, I mean, she really is, like, the smartest one. She's the one they go to in every situation. She helps them get out of all these different situations, and yeah, aside from the fact that, you know, Kirk's hitting on her all the time, in true Kirk form.

Because he's awesome. Other than that, they actually treat her pretty smart, and yeah, so if J.J. likes his smart, feminine characters, that's cool. And Carl Urban's still awesome. He is awesome. Oh, man, he's so good at being Bones, and I just.

Yeah. Yeah, it's one of those. Carl Urban's awesome anyways, but as Bones, he's just like perfect. Yeah, if ever there was somebody who found a way to sort of really tie it to the original and yet bring something of himself to it. He, you know, it's like, cause the Chris Pine is just sort of his own thing.

He just does his own version. It's not really playing so much on the Kirk, you know, talk without comments. Yeah. That too. So, I mean, he doesn't overplay that, but if ever somebody found a good medium, it's yeah, it's Carl Urban.

He's, he's awesome. That was pretty much mine. Moving on. Um, Well, we had access to TV for most of the week, so... So, yeah.

Crap. Well, and that's the thing, is you say that, it's not so much crap, it's the commercial deluge. It's the commercials. I'm going to blow up every goddamn building that commercials are made in. I don't care if there's other studios there.

You're all going down. Because it's like you're watching a show, and you're flipping back and forth between one or two shows, or three or four, depending on, you know. You're a surfer. And the best thing is when one goes to a commercial, they all go to commercials, unbeknownst to you. So you're flipping back.

And forth between all these channels trying to watch just something of substance. And all you're getting is like. You're just landing on. E and just paying attention to whatever the fuck is flashing by for a few minutes. Which is always fun.

E always works. But you're always like being sold something or something, some sort of new medication or some shit or hamburgers that you don't want or hamburgers that you do want. And it just sucks. It just really sucks. You're just like wanting to get back to the show.

And one of the shows that we were watching was. Supernatural Marathon. Yeah, we did Supernatural Marathon at TNT Thursday night, which was great because the new season started Friday and I still haven't seen it. We missed it. But I kind of know what happened because my little brother told me.

Your little brother needs to tell me. That's what the internet's for. Other than that, I mean, really, TV was kind of like the only thing we had. Yeah, I watched Airplane and Airplane 2 the other day. I saw those last week.

Those are awesome. I was kind of not watching them, but they were on in the background. Yeah. I was like, man, I forgot how much I love these. I was actually reading the third book from the Golden Compass series, the Amber Spyglass, and it was.

On in the background. I was just like, whatever. What else did we watch? I got into Avatar, that last airbender. Yeah.

The movie or the show? The show. Okay. Then you're okay. Yeah.

The show's fine. I watched a lot of Nicktoons. Which one of my friends has the whole series, so we've got to borrow it from him and just marathon the hell out of that because it's really good. Great stuff on the show. It's really, really.

Good. I beat Zelda, finally, on the DS. Phantom Hourglass, pretty good. I've been playing it for like three weeks. Straight.

Mainly because I got halfway through it and it... lost all of its memory so i had. To go back and get off i think market at work actually did that i mean i think he erased it on purpose what a jerk yeah. Yeah he took it away from me while i was at work and said i can have it back when my grades got better i don't know what that. Means you can pick it up at the end just tell them that they are here i'll make up a worksheet just put. A best worker ever and i'll put my stamp approval on it which is spit.

Did he slide it in a drawer that was filled with like chattering teeth and groucho glasses? Whoopie cushion. You damn kids. Popping stamps. Handguns.

Yeah. Spiked and done in chunks. Now the real world comes in. It's no fun. What else did we watch?

I tried to get you into Buffy. You didn't like it. I can't do it. I cannot freaking do it. That show sucks.

I love Buffy. How can you not get into it? It's fucking stupid as hell. It is so dumb. The second season is the best season.

It is awesome. This was the Riley. I hated Riley. That was season four. The ogre with the hammer?

Like, what with the... You look ridiculous. Xander didn't mean to summon him, okay? God, I should have not meant to make that show. That show kicked ass, dude.

I'm going to fight over that show. I mean, I know I'm fighting against the masses because, like, a trillion people love this show. And I'm like, you know, you can have it. I do not want it. I tried.

It did good, though, baby. I was almost going to get into it, and then the show stopped me. So it's not your fault. I don't know. I think random shows basically just kind of skipping back and forth.

Yeah. A lot of Housemates. A lot of World War II shit. Some Attack of the Show. I miss Attack of the Show.

G4. I miss Olivia. That has basically been condensed down. to Attack of the Show and X-Play. And then the rest is bullshit. It's like, really?

I mean, Unbeatable Banzuki is okay sometimes. Ninja Warrior, if you've seen one episode, you've seen every single episode. Pretty much, yeah. And then there's Cheaters. Yeah, but the faces are so much better.

Every time. I had a crush on one. Of the guys from Ninja Warrior. Cheaters makes me sad. Cheaters just makes me sad.

I'm just like, ah, I already hate people. Don't make it worse. Yeah, watching the downfall of people's relationships. It's just not enjoyable. I like this guy on Ninja Warrior because he had Spock eyebrows.

His name was Daisuke Nakata. He had these eyebrows that kind of pointed up. He was hot. How about that? This comment brought to you by Wheat Thins.

So, should we move into Jay's Geek Week? I guess we'll go ahead and do our Geek Week. We'll go ahead and do Jay's because I don't want to infringe on his ranting. What is this? What is going on?

Jay called and left his Geek Week. Jay's phoning in his performance this week. Where is he? Is he in another dimension? So yes, he's in another dimension.

All right, so here is Jay's Geek Week. Oh, no. I'm afraid. You should be. I already read about it on Facebook.

Yeah, this is a full version. That was abridged. That was abridged. Hey, guys, it's Jay. Hey, sorry I couldn't be there this weekend for Shark the Puss, but Misty and I watched it together last...

Well, whatever. We watched it, and, you know, I'll give you my review on it later, but... you know, once again, things come up, so I'm stuck here at home. Uh, I thought I'd, uh, throw in my geek week real quick. Uh, if you've got time, if not, then don't worry about it. But, um, yesterday, I took, uh, Misty and Izzy to go see, uh, the Guardians of, uh, the Who, uh, the Owl movie, as most of you know it.

Um, excellent movie. The 3D was awesome. Loved the movie. Um, not really, uh, what I would picture as a kid's movie, uh, you know, a little violent in some parts, uh, but all in all, really good, uh, good storyline, uh, it helped going into it not knowing anything about the story or what the hell was going on, I just knew it had owls in it, and, uh, Mickey likes owls, and Izzy likes owls, so, hey, you know, we'll go watch a movie and have a good time, but, you know, uh, story was awesome, uh, I know a lot of people have been kind of comparing it to Harry Potter just because it's got owls in it, which doesn't really make any sense because there's nothing really Harry Potter-esque about this movie.

If anything, I would kind of give it a cross between Lord of the Rings and 300. It's kind of got a quest-y feel to it where they've got to go quest for the... The Guardians, and they've got to go, you know, far away, and then there's this big epic battle, and, you know, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty cool. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I thought it was an awesome movie. It wasn't stupid at all. It didn't play down to kids. You know, it wasn't dumbing down at all. It was very, you know, thought-provoking, you know.

Izzy said she liked it. She said it didn't seem at all like a kiddie movie, so... And Misty had kind of said that it reminded her of movies that we had watched when we were kids that really didn't hold a lot of things back. It just kind of let it go. And as a kid, there were some movies that you watched that kind of scarred you that were kid movies.

So we watched that. And then last night, Misty and I sat down and watched Clash of the Titans. Huge fan of the original. I hadn't heard anything about the old one, so I figured, you know, I mean, the new one, the remake. So I figured, you know, we'll give it a shot.

We'll watch it. Watched it. Piece of trash. They should have called it Trash of the Titans. It was so horrible.

I hated it. I want to punch the fucking writers in the throat for making this movie. This movie pissed me off so much. They strayed so far from the story. They threw so many things in that weren't even in the original book.

They changed around the mythology on it. Of course, the first one changed it around a little bit. But it was fairly close to the mythology. Well, this one just fucking goes way out in the left field, brings in stuff and elements from stories that don't even have anything to do with it. And I'm just like, what the hell, you know?

I was angry at the whole movie. Pretty much all the way through. We sat through it. I wasn't going to turn it off because I was going to sit through it, you know. We sat through it and watched the movie.

Horrible. Perseus, whiny-ass emo bitch. All he did was cry throughout the whole movie. I don't want to be a god. I want to do it as a man, you know.

You idiot. The gods gave you weapons, you know. You've got powers of a god, but you're going to be a pissy little bitch. And, you know, be like, I want to be a human. You know, and then all these people died.

You know? All this crap could have been averted if you just manned the fuck up and been a demigod and went on your quest. But instead, you're going to be a pissy little bitch. And then you run off with some other.... As if that didn't piss him off enough.

That was awesome. Fucking answering machine. You know, we're in the digital age. You think they could come up with an answering machine that would record your entire message until you're fucking hung up. But no, it's got to be a pre-allotted amount of time, so whatever.

Anyways, I lost my train of thought on Pertusius other than he was a complete emo bitch and ran off with the long girl. You know, so anyways, Clash of the Titans, as soon as we got finished watching it, I wanted to crush the DVD and you know, try to save anybody else from having to watch this piece of garbage. Uh, got horrible reviews on Netflix as we went back to see. And, uh, I got halfway through writing, uh, this just massive, angry feedback on this movie on Netflix. And then it got erased because my computer is stupid, whatever.

Um, so anyways, I think that was the extent of our geek week. So I'll call back in with my, uh, review on Shostakos if I don't get cut off again by the internet. Alright, so I hope you all enjoy the rest of the podcast and hopefully I'll be there maybe next week. Depends on whether or not I get another day off. So, alright.

Talk to you guys later. Bye. Yeah, he was not pleased at all during Clash of the Titans. It was the entire movie, a rant upon rant while we were watching the movie. He tried to fall asleep a couple of times.

I'm like, no, if I got to watch this piece of shit, you do too. It was your idea to watch this. So we watched it after. That's disappointing. I've heard that from so many people, but I still want to watch it.

I'm still going to see it, but I pretty much know it looks like crap. Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. We didn't even watch the 3D version. We watched the plain old regular 2D because I heard the 3D was just so shitty. It was terrible from what I heard.

I steered clear of it, too. Yeah, it was horrible. Yeah, the Sam Worthington guy just seemed like a fucking, I want to be a man. I want to be a man. I want to do it like a man.

Like, dude, fuck you. You could have saved all these people if you'd man the fuck up and use your sword like a real boy, but no. Yeah. Dude, seriously, I hated him. The chick was kind of hot.

I don't remember her name. That's Gemma. What's a crackin' hot? Your six-finger girl. That's my favorite six-finger girl.

Who? Gemma. Arderton or whatever. Does she have six fingers for real? Didn't we...

We've discussed this several times. I have missed out. On this because I don't remember. Your memory is going to where Jay's lives. Yeah.

Yes. I've got to look it up then. She was born with six fingers on each hand. But they've been removed since then. Yeah.

Unfortunately. Does she keep them in a jar on her mantle? I hope so. I think so. I had that one chick from Angel.

I was pretty impressed with her for actually getting more roles. So yay for her. She's Gwen on Angel. The girl who could like shock people. She shocked him.

She was a thief. I'm sure if I see her, I will. But yeah, the movie sucked ass. The fucking Rancor, Kraken, didn't like him either. What the fuck was up with snubbing Bubo like that?

It's like they saw him for like a second and they're like, oh, that's just garbage. Throw that away. I'm like, fuck you. Bubo was the coolest part of the fucking movie. I love Bubo.

Bubo is awesome. Bubo is fucking awesome. But yeah, the. The other movie, the Guardians movie. I fucking love that movie.

I don't care. But they've got owls and it's in 3D and they're all so cute. It's got this little. So do they fight? Do they have armor?

Yeah. Is there blood? Like... I don't... There was fighting.

There was definitely fighting. There was definitely violence with the owls. So it's like aerial fighting? Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of them have like these talon armor with like little claws. They're like metal claws. So were there people in the movie or just owls? Just owls. All owls.

They can talk, yes. Is Morgan Freeman's voice in the movie? I do not think so. Jeffrey Rush's voice is in there. His voice does not make that appearance.

I'm just saying, because I would really like a Morgan Freeman. He'd be like the old weathered crow or something. Everybody had to do it. I'm still scarred from seeing Jeffrey Rush's naked butt and quills. That's why I never want to see that movie.

Thanks. You should watch The Bad Lieutenant for a full frontal of Harvey Keitel. Harvey Keitel was kind of hot in his day. No. But he doesn't mind showing his junk.

But yeah, I love the Owl movie. Like I said, it did remind me of movies we watched when we were kids because it wasn't dumbed down to kids today. It wasn't like... You know, just all. Dora didn't make an appearance.

Yeah, it was just retarded. It wasn't about friendship. I know. It was about killing shit. It was about an owl kicking something out of its ass.

And they were flying around kicking it. That's our habitat. But yeah, there was parts where it was cute. They had little cute owls. They had little digger owls.

He was a little burrow owl. He was a little burrow owl. He was digging. It's a burrow owl. There's a hole in the ground.

Why the hell do you call it a burrow owl anyway? So the owls live in the ground of the floating places? Just the burrow owl. All the rest of them lived in trees. God.

I don't think this movie's real. It's awesome. It's not based in reality. It's a movie about talking owls. Talent armor.

It's awesome, dude. Digging talent armor. Talent armor? Yes, speaking of talent armor. Our new intern at work, his name is Talon.

His name is Talon. God given. God has to be. Set him among us. Talon go amongst the men.

Didn't you have a friend who had a kid named it Gentle Dragon or something? That was my aunt. She named her, or my aunt or my cousin, her name was Torrin Drake, which translates into Tender Dragon. Which translates into beat the hell up at school. Yeah, queer muffin.

Which translates into getting pounded in the parking lot. What's your name mean? Tender Owl Dragon Owl. Stop hitting me. That poor kid never had lunch money.

Yeah. He's from the retarded side of the family. We don't like him. That's right. Probably carrying a gun is probably not good for anything.

I love the owl movie. It's fucking awesome. The owls are cute. I loved it. I fucking love that movie.

I just didn't have any idea he was directing that. I know. It's awesome. That's such a weird direction for him. Zack Schneider did that.

The same guy who did Watchmen and 300 and the soon-to-be-awesome Sucker Punch, which I'm. So excited about watching next year. It does look awesome. He's friggin' rowdy, but yeah, it's going to be... I just stole Roger's word right there, rowdy.

Rowdy! But it does look pretty fucking awesome. But yeah, that's why I think he did good with it, because he's not a kids' movie director. He's not normally doing it, so that's why it has more than. He's not trying to sell owl-stuffed animals, probably.

But they will. Oh, yeah. I would totally buy them, too. But it's the battle scene. You can see, yeah, the guy kicks ass.

He's not some kid director. He's done fucking 300, so he can do a battle with owls. I liked it, so shut the fuck up. Do you have owl titties in this? No.

It's still a kid's movie. They did say hell in there. There's owl titties in 300, really? Sorry. But other than that, I watched a movie by myself.

I watched The Morgue, and it sucked ass. The Morgue. The Morgue. The Morgue. It was stupid.

The only reason I watched it was because it had Brandon Quinn, who I love, because he was Tommy Dawkins, and he was awesome and gorgeous. And their big name star in the movie was Heather Donahue. And that's sad, and that's the only name you have in your movie that anybody would recognize. Was she wearing a paper hat? She was not in her Steak and Shake outfit at the time.

Steak and Shake outfit. I didn't know who that was at first. I had to stop and think about it when she told me yesterday. I was like, wait, I know the name. Why do I know the name?

Isn't she supposed to be dead? She died in the movie. She was the first one to die. It's real, you know. I know.

We're a little behind. I don't know if we can still break that story. It's real. The morgue, it sucked because I wasn't really in a morgue. They were in like a big mausoleum type area.

Yeah, that's wrong. Because the morgue is just where they do the dead people stuff where they have the autopsies. They were probably even in that room. They were all running around the dead people condo area. The dead people condo area.

I mean, to me, the morgue is in a hospital or a building of some sort. It was already taken, probably. I'm sure that's already taken. Yeah, that's where the morgue actually goes on. Yeah. the pinata board pinata board whack it with.

A stick and then it comes back. Now that would really that would brighten up a funeral maybe that's what we're missing. Well you say that but I know someone who has a candy dish filled with human teeth. But I'm thinking, you know. You really do?

Yeah, I know this guy. It doesn't surprise me. They trick people, like, when they come in, have some candy. As you go for a handful, I'm like, God, this tastes like teeth. It's not candy.

It's his teeth. Just one of those people that takes themselves a little too seriously. But, um, no, I just, well, I was thinking, you know, we have such downer funerals in this country. Maybe what we're missing is more of the, you know, festive piñata action. Like a Mexico funeral.

Yeah. Well, I don't even know if they do it there, but if not, let's steal their idea. Let's, you know, fill the body with candy and beat it with a stick. When I die. What song was it?

Oh, well, highway to the danger zone is what's going to happen at my funeral. But right at the end of the song, my coffin is going to eject me into the rafters. And then I'm going to land back in the coffin. The coffin's going to tump over and set on fire. You're going to break your neck goose-style?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll be dead by then. Yeah, I know. But just for the sake of following through, I think they should fly you. That would be awesome.

We'll beat you with a stick. And everyone's like, oh no, wait, yes. Yes. Wait, holy fuck, is that a rollover? Your parents would be like, no, no.

And then your dad would be like, holy fuck, is that a Butterfinger? He always was a trickster. Is that a Werther's? Why? Is that a Good & Plenty?

Smarties? Wait, Smarties? Dude, I love some Smarties. They're just like shoving it in by the. I'm telling you, we're on to something.

We need to get this new... We need to start a company. We can call it Funerals. Yeah, Funerals. That would be awesome.

We are set for luck. Coming soon to a town near you. Funerals, Inc. We're on to something. You put it out there.

We put the. Fun in Funerals. Come on, America. Cheer up about that. Cheer the fuck.

Up. You know what helps the heartbreak of your dead father? Candy. And people send me hate mail. I know.

That's what I'm saying. I was like, we're so inappropriate about everything and you picked that? We say so many horrible things. It's so hard to pick. Oh, my God.

I mean, I guess if you were somebody who had, like, I don't know, staunch ideals and stuff, and you were somehow, like, tricked into listening to the show. Would it be like you're listening to it, like, what are they talking about? Oh, my God. And then, like, something we say, and you're like, no. And they rewind it and listen to it again, and you're like, this shall not stand.

Well, that's the thing. It's not like the rest of the time we're, you know, we're sitting there just, like, reading the news. All of a sudden, we bust out with, we're dead people. Yeah, we're dead people until candy comes out of the corner. Fisting monkeys.

This shouldn't be a feature for anybody. Fisting monkeys. Which we brought up before the show, unfortunately. I don't... Joanie was doing a visual.

Oh, she's imploding now. It's good, baby. Yes. Oh, God. Breathe.

Breathe. Candy. Candy makes it okay. Candy makes it okay. So, yeah.

Once again, we spiral off into the depths of humanity. Anyways, the morgue sucked. So, as we were saying, yeah, the morgue sucked. Brandon Quinn's still hot, but that movie sucked. brandon i'm sorry dude. Heather donahue is now actually working at steak and jig more than likely probably.

Making better money because her movies suck is she. Gonna write me an hate mail too probably please heather donahue send us something i didn't do. Anything else so well i don't know if i mentioned this last week but I've been secretly DVRing all my favorite TV shows on the TV box at work. Nah, you were afraid he was going to find them and erase them all. I don't think you'd know how.

That's handy then. I know. But I've been watching a lot of the Nate Berkus show. She's like a gay white Oprah. A gay white male version of Oprah that's not so fat.

But he has the best ass ever. Like of any man on the history. I don't know. Jay has a pretty fantastic ass. But Nate Berkus' ass.

You just have to look at it. I think we're going to have to have an ass off. Ass off. A pants off dance off. Oh, I used to love that show.

I don't know why. What? Pants off, pants off. I don't think anybody does. It spawned many make-out sessions for some reason.

Brandon Quinn is a fantastic guest, too. But Nate Berkus is ass. The show's a lot like Oprah, but there's, like, he's, like, a decorator, so there's, like, oh, look, I decorated this house. Yay! And I get really excited about it.

That's what I do at work when I should be working. But I'm like, Nate Berkus. It's kind of sad. I know. It is.

It's really sad. I'm ashamed to admit my love for Nate burkus there's not a lot of content in the show either it's mostly commercials it's like an hour-long show and 45 minutes of it is commercials nice but i was really pissed because i tried to dvr it's always sunny in philadelphia and it didn't for some reason what the fuck yeah so i've just been watching a lot of tv i try to watch movies at night but i just fall asleep like i tried to watch young victoria Didn't happen. Like, I kind of remember starting the movie, and that's about it. Yeah. That's most of them.

That's why I just don't start that many throughout the week. I pick the one day or two that I know I can actually watch it, and that's how I made it through Star Trek again. Speaking of TV real quick, I actually did watch the premiere of Shit My Dad Says. Oh, God. How was that?

Stupid. Really? Yeah. The lead guy who's not Shatner is just so fucking retarded. And it's just like, dude, really?

You got this guy to be in your league with Shatner? I'm just like, dude, this is not going to last. It's just one of those. Shatner was an airplane, too, by the way. He was a really young, cute Shatner.

He was hot. I don't know if he was really young. He was younger. Younger. I mean, very many is now, obviously.

All right, did you have any more? I'm sorry, I interrupted you quickly. That's okay. I'm trying to think. I probably did.

I'll remember it, like, in 20 minutes. I'll be like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk about this. That's on you. We never have that.

I know. I just, like. I did a lot of dancing and a lot of baking and a lot of cleaning. All at the same time? Sometimes.

That would be kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. There were some times, but... Awesome. Yeah.

So no movie-related stuff, really. All right. Anything else? All right. Then we will take a break and be back with What's the Pose?

Are you going to bite your finger off? You know that Johnny Werster kid, the kid that delivers papers in the neighborhood? He's a fine kid. Southern neighbor say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrow house.

Kept bugging his old man. Dad, get me a burrow house. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live. So the guy breaks down. And buys him a burrow house.

Anyway, 10.30, the other night, I go out to my yard, and. There's a worker kid looking up the tree. I say, what are you looking for? He says, I'm looking for a burrow owl. I say, jump in, Jesus, on a promo stick.

Everybody knows the burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground. Why the hell do you think. They call her a burrow owl anyway? Now, Stuart, do you think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are doing to the soil? I first became.

All right, are we ready for this conference now? We have got to name the new blob picture. Carol Lindley, Godfrey Cambridge, and Shelley Berman are in it. Is it the same old blobby red Vaseline stuff that eats people and spits out the clothes? Yeah, that's it.

So what do we call it? The same old blobby red Vaseline stuff that eats people. And spits out the clothes. How about Bless the Beast and the Blob? I just love it.

Fiddler on the Blob. Gidget meets the Blob. Guess the Blob's agent. Win your life. Blob Squad.

Oh, the Blob's a slob. Beyond the valley of the planet of the Blob. Whatever happens to me, the Blob eats you. The Blob Father. Golly gee, kids, be the first in your neighborhood to have your own Name the Blob picture contest.

Son of Blob has already been taken. Oh, yeah, the first prize is one week in Burbank. Second prize, two weeks in lovely downtown Burbank. Son of Blob rated GP. Because everyone gets killed with their clothes on.

Do you find yourself looking for a different type of genre podcast? Do you find yourself on the weekends wondering when you will find that one film that might change your life? Well, then maybe you should check out The Gentleman's Guide to Midnight Cinema with your host Big Willie and the Samurai. Bringing class to the trash since 1977 and rocking the house. You can find The Gentleman at ggtmc.com.

Bringing class to the trash. This is John Wilson, the creator of the Razzie Awards, and you're listening to Movie Meltdown. Oh, we walk. In our shoes. Put the fun back in the funeral.

Days on top of days. I hear the dirt. Fall on the coffin roof. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

In this box, I can't breathe. Pumpkin roll. Pumpkin pie. I do the pumpkin pie. Actually, I have a...

You know what? I bought these eggs at the farmer's market. They're brown eggs. They are the best for baking hand down. Everything is delicious that you bake.

It's amazing. I might make another derby pie. It has nuts in it, doesn't it? Lots of them. I don't like nuts.

You would have liked my banana bread because you couldn't tell that it was made with Splenda and there are no nuts in it. I do like banana bread. It's magic. Om nom nom. He was like, wow.

I can't believe you made rotten bananas. They taste so delicious. Those are the best ones to eat. Mostly because it gets rid of them. I know.

Mostly because it gets rid of them. It's recycling. It's really hard to make banana bread with knots. like overripe bananas because like the kind of the banana bread i made you didn't even need a mixer you just mash up your bananas and they get all like ooey and gooey and you add. Your flour and all that stuff i remember doing it with my grandmother when i was like four she was like bread out of her man. That's my favorite kind of bread I wonder why.

We only did it that once. There's one big batch. It's really yeasty. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Wow. We took drugs this time, too, so we can all play. Oh, yeah. All right, we are back with What's the Buzz? Groovy.

Oh. Tell me what's happening. What's the buzz? So we'll kick off the buzz this week with some deep thoughts from Keanu Reeves. Is there such a thing?

According to this, there are. If this is about Cowboy Bebop, I don't want to hear it. No, it's even more odd. We were actually just discussing last week how they can occasionally drag out a sequel from a movie that's ancient. Well, here we go.

Bill and Ted? This week, got started with Keanu Reeves talking about his interest in returning to the comedy franchise that made him a star, the Bill and Ted movies. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. That other dude looks completely different, though.

Yeah. Alex Winter? Wow. He's just old. Yeah.

He ain't one of them Draculers after all. No, seems to be. That's why they staked it. I love to say Dracula-er. My friends went to see Dracula on Friday.

And I was like, oh, they just got back from Dracula. And I kept saying, Dracula. Don't want none of that. No one knew what I was talking about, and I'm just like, you people watch cartoons. So this led to Keanu joking to the crack staff at MTV once again.

The highest level of news, much like we are. That the third film could be filmed in both black and white and in 3D, with several directors including Martin Scorsese, Brian De Palma, and Keanu then going into a awesome, I'm quoting them here, impersonation of German director Werner Herzog. I don't think I want to see his impersonation. Again, he seems like he thinks he's pretty funny here. I'd rather cut my own throat.

Well, wait, you haven't even heard his quote yet. So he goes on to say, here's what was interpreted as what Werner Herzog might say about directing Bill and Ted 3 from Keanu Reeves. I'd rather direct a German Scheisse video. I was just pushed by the idea of this innocence being confronted by the nihilism of the world. And I thought of these two clowns that could push our perspective of reality and the truth to the forefront of meaning and knowledge. what is wrong with keanu.

Reeves wow i can't believe he talks so big he's got like more of an intensity about it not that he's saying crazy things he just has this really intense like way of going about. It and he totally buys into every crazy thing that he's saying so yeah Oh, speaking of one of the two of them getting old, they both are, because he also reflected on the fact that in 2014, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure will have its 25th anniversary, and he himself will be turning 50. Wow. He's old. Yeah, Reeves is almost 50.

He's almost 50. What the hell? What? Yeah. That doesn't make sense.

Deal with that. Yeah. He's fucked up a lot of worlds right now. Mm-hmm. My mind has been blown.

He himself is not a Dracula. What? Because one of Dracula's must best be killed. Best be killed. That part of the story was just them being goofy and him, you know, waxing nostalgic for his days of when he was popular.

He's going to be 50? 50. But MTV, again, being the crack news staff that they were, would not let the story rest. And they went to track down co-star Alex Winter. And then they actually got some real news.

They said Alex Winter confirmed that screenwriters Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon were the writing team that brought us both Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey, which is kind of lame. I love that one. It's fantastic. Death. Death is awesome.

I love. Death is the only reason I was sold on that one. He is awesome. The rest of it, the crazy aliens, I was just like, eh, really? I love the crazy aliens.

I don't know who they are. They're so great. They're like weird, like snot things. I don't know. Like amorphous blobs?

It seems really kiddifying. I mean, Bill and Ted are already like retarded and juvenile. And how they were in heaven and like what? But I still love it. I love the adventure.

I love them. I love that they found the princesses again. I love it. I'm totally sold on the first. The first one is just a fun, it is a good comedy.

It just is a good comedy. The second one is just the sequel, and I'll watch it because it's Bill and Ted, but. Was the princess in another castle? No, they were still on Earth. Good.

But it's the same again. It's good. Because it's evil Bill and Ted. So those two writers are now working on what will be the third in the trilogy, I suppose, right? So they said Winter spoke at great length about Bill and Ted 3, including the decision against handing the franchise off to their kids, which would be terrible.

It would be terrible. Terrible. And the difficulty of dealing with the loss of the late, great George Carlin, who, as Rufus, was kind of important to the first two movies. So how you can go on without Rufus, I don't know. They're not going to recast him, so that's good.

Yeah, that's what it said. So I'm like, I'd prefer that. Just make him be on vacation or something. Say he's dead. See Jesus.

He didn't exactly leave a promising lifestyle, now did he? He hung in there a long time. No, no, no. I mean, you know, Rufus himself, not George Carlin, even though Carlin himself. But the world was perfect, thanks to Wilde's dying.

They really should remake Mac and Me. Love that fucking movie. See, I'm not the only one. It frightened me. It frightened the hell out of me.

They look like sea monkeys, but it's awesome. If you ever actually had sea monkeys, they never looked like them. I know. They're just little brown shrimp. Yeah, my dad told me they were brown shrimp.

I was like, you mean sea monkeys aren't really? He goes, no, they're shrimp. They're actually gross shrimp. They eat poop. And I was like, aw.

You know, you can go to any pet store and get a whole big thing of sea monkeys. There you go. You don't have to grow them from powder. Poop. There you go.

My cousin killed my sea monkeys once. He knocked them over. Then Reese killed them once because she knocked them over. I have not had good luck with sea monkeys. Sea monkeys don't have a chance really.

I'm surprised Devo hasn't been like dared to like drink like a whole fish. He probably does on like a regular day. That's like in his refrigerator every day. He wakes up in the morning and gets OJ and sea monkeys. OJ and sea monkeys.

Vitamin C helps them grow big and strong. What fucking genius thought of that? Like, let's dehydrate these brine shrimp eggs and sell them to children. And make a bajillion dollars. It's a genius move.

I like the triops better. I want to capture bedbugs and make a bedbug farm. Here, kids, play with this. It's totally cool. Don't break it.

Here are some mites. Look who's moving in. See, now, if you marketed that right, it would totally take off. It would. As terrible as the ordeal and the epidemic is at this point.

They all had bedbugs and not doing anything. product of my own doing. I moved into a really shitty apartment complex and. My whole, you know, everything got taken. They're no fun. They hurt.

But you know, if as terrible as they are, if you marketed it with little cartoony versions on. The back, it would still sell. With little hats and like bags like over their shoulders. We're moving in. I'm stepping out.

Yeah. Oh, they're so cute. I can relate to them. I was at the flea market yesterday. I can relate to them.

And there was this bed for sale, and this guy was like, look, honey, look at this mattress. She goes, ugh, bed bugs, and just, like, ran away from it. It was really funny. Ran away, ran away. You know, I mean, I love old crap, and, like, I love to get stuff out of the garbage, and, like.

Ugh. Let me rephrase that. You just outed yourself as a hobo at this point. Let me rephrase that. I like to find like cool stuff, you know, like on the day when people sit there like old furniture and stuff on the curb.

I love to pick them up. Big trash day. I'm kind of like a trash picker. Oh my gosh. And I love to go to flea.

Markets and stuff, but I will not take anything that's upholstered unless it's upholstered in leather. Yeah. I've tried to steer clear of anything like that. I see that furniture. I'm just like, uh, I don't know what went on there.

No shag rugs. Shag throw rugs. No. Do not allow those or take those from garbage dumps. Yeah.

You don't want those secondhand really. No. I tried to explain that to my mom because every couple of months she finds a couch in the dumpster. There's a reason. It's in the dumpster.

I know. I tried to tell her that. So how's the dolphin rogue handling it? I don't know. It's not really made for the porch.

It's like an indoor rug. So it's like kind of soggy and sun bleached. That's how dolphins live. Soggy and sun bleached. Yeah, that's true.

He's closer to being home. It's not as good as her dumpster carpet that she has stapled on her inside porch. She found it in the dumpster. It's like this red, this shag, shaggy kind of... Well, it's not really shaggy.

It's just a really thick pile. But, uh. She, instead of like, you know, traditional carpet cacking down methods, she just used a big stapler. Isn't that what you do? Yeah.

That's how the professionals do it. That's how the professionals do it. She's a classic. I'm surprised she just didn't hold it down with bubble gum. Yeah.

She ran out of gum. She has dentures, so she doesn't really chew gum. I did not know this. Mm-hmm. Even more reason we can make fun of your mom.

Well, I mean, what? Old people don't have dentures. I don't know. Not that she's that old. She's not even 50, but, you know.

She's like Keanu Reeves. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's fucking weird. Keanu Reeves might be your dad.

Yeah. Keanu Reeves is older than my mom. Think about that. Weird. That is weird.

Okay, so. The question is, can they bring back Bill and Ted? No, nobody fucking cares. Leave it on an up note. I think the second one, from what I understand, even though I haven't seen it, a lot of people liked it.

As far as a sequel. It's kind of an up note. I don't count as a lot of people, honey. No. I want you to know that.

Well, definitely, I think if they made a 3, it would devastate. It would definitely end on that lowest of the low. Would it be in 3D? Oh, probably. I thought you already said 3D.

In black and white. I wasn't paying any attention. That took harvest. Black and white 3D. So, I don't know.

It's just one of those that they love to drag this stuff out, but then once they get it out, does anybody want it anymore? Exactly. Yeah. No. Nobody wants to see a 50-year-old Bill and or Ted.

It's just that these guys are old now and it's going to be sad. Are they going to be in a cover band? Because they finally realized that nobody fucking cares about their band. Are they going to be in a slow blues band? Like a no depression blues band?

Classic rock. Is it going to take place in the perfect future that they created? I like that weird shit that they showed of them, like, strumming their guitars, like, ethereal-like. Yeah, so, I mean, by now they would have made it to that point, almost, if not, you know, pretty close into that future. So, are they going to set it in that future world that's all perfect and wonderful thanks to Wild Stallion?

Or just make it in real life, today's standards? Yeah. That's sad. We didn't do it. We didn't save the world.

This is a little bit off subject, but last night I went to the casino and there's a bar at the casino where they always have like a terrible cover band. And they play, like, yeah, yeah, it should have been. It was, like, some terrible country band. But, I mean, like, there's a whole bunch of white people on the dance floor, like, a whole bunch of old white people. And they play, like, Lynyrd Skynyrd or, like, Hank Jr.

People go fucking nuts. I mean, like, they're, like, what? Were you yelling black snake no. I wasn't i wasn't but i mean my friends might as well then they were like i was babysitting then it was crazy things got wild it's. Sad when you're the babysitter i.

Know i usually am i may sound like i'm like a super duper party person but i'm really not and i'm a fake party. Person all i can say is damn white people damn. Those white people really i it was so funny i had to take pictures there's like this like old white guy like boogieing down with his like little um asian bride it was. Cute we saw a bunch of weathermen rapping the other day and like news anchors like all white just trying to rap and i'm like no stop white people no. Stop unless you're simon rex.

There are very few exceptions to the white people who can rap i don't know what he is exactly i don't know if he's human let alone. White who's guy antwood oh die antwood antwood uh i don't know. It's been a while. Oh, we forgot to talk about our Geek Week of Buying the New Selena Gomez Super Deluxe Boobie Edition. You love that.

I do. Movie or boobie edition? Boobie. She's obsessed with the special cover on the special edition because it gives you a good amount of side boob. She's legal now.

She can do what she wants. Oh, I know. I'm not complaining. It just came out of nowhere. It's like, holy shit, where the hell did that come from?

Is it a lot of boobs? Does she have a lot of boobs? Thank you, puberty. I'm telling you, dude. It's funny because she released two CDs.

Well, it's the same CD. There's just the regular edition and the special edition. I'm guessing the photo's taken around the same time. But the regular edition, she looks like she's, like, 12 still. And, like, the new one, the deluxe edition, yeah, you get the deluxe edition.

All right. You get boobie. And I'm telling you, that's what they're doing. They've realized, once again, the geniuses at Disney are like, money, watch this. We can market this one to the kid audience.

And she's still, you know, a kid, and all the 12-year-olds can buy it. and uh guys look at this she's 18 now so i mean they're they're playing the. Like more like brown look at. This hey you don't have to do that. Because i already owned it and i already told him like dude have you seen the new cover of the selena come and you can see your boob and he ran out and. Bought it yeah i don't know what you're talking about but yeah i think that's what it is they're just they've realized they can still market to both groups of people and then they're taking full advantage of that.

Disney's not stupid as they steal your money. This makes me think of the apple really bad. The corruption of Hollywood and just how disgusting and evil it is. Don't eat the apple, Selina. Don't do it.

She's so hot. She eats popcorn or something constantly. She's constantly eating. Deep fried stuff. She loves her deep fried foods.

And her hot sauce popcorn which Jay now eats. Because she's from Texas. All right. We have our big Texas following. So they can agree.

Texas guys, come on. You guys like deep fried stuff or not? Is she just making that shit up? South does. I'm from Texas.

I like deep fried stuff. I got a deep fryer for Christmas last year from my ex-boyfriend, who was my boyfriend at the time. But I let him keep it at his house. I'm just like, ugh. You can have it.

I don't want to be alone and deep fry stuff. That would be the end of my life. Maybe deep fry everything you own. A deep fried brisket? I know.

I'm like, I'm alone and I'm deep frying everything I eat. This deep fire is full of tears. No, not really. Jesus. So what other buzz is this?

Are you going to discuss the buzz that I emailed you about. The other day? That was next on the list. Would you like to break that one? No, I can't say her name right.

I was like, Emily? No. That's a pretty easy name. So Emily Lestrange is sort of a gothic counterculture counterpart to Hello Kitty, according to this story. No, she's not a cat at all.

That's stupid. Yes, she is. She has a cat. That's retarded. I don't know.

I didn't make this up. So, yeah, she first appeared on Apparel and Accessories back in the 90s, and in recent years has become a star of both books and comic books. I thought that's over. I thought people were done with her. Well, obviously not, because plans for Emily the Strange, the movie, have been in works for years, but this week the project got its first serious signs of life with Chloe Moretz.

Who's that? That would be everyone. Basically, at this point, I think Chloe is, like, what everybody wants their little sister to be. Okay. She's awesome and kind of a badass.

Yep, everyone's favorite little sister. Chloe Moretz is now stepping out of her being a Dracula. She's one of them Draculas. She is one of them Draculas. So she's just finishing that up.

She is Hit Girl. She'll be in Let Me In in the next coming weeks here. Which I have some extra posters if anybody wants any. But anyway, she's going to be playing Emily the Strange, which I think I can't decide how I feel about that. I think it's the first thing that would put it in the right direction.

Yeah. It's not that I have a problem with her. I just don't understand why they need to emulate the Stranger. That may be more the question. Like, if it didn't have her attached, I would say, where can you take this movie?

Is your audience even there anymore? Is it the world over, like, angsty little, like, goth girls? Yeah, I mean, the goth thing is sort of tapered off quite a bit, so I don't know. Again, if you would have done this, like, in the, late 90s when it was at its full you know rage then you might have been able to make money off of it but now you could. Have got janine garofalo.

I've watched that movie that sounds that sounds entertaining right there let's. Start a petition to put janine garofalo back in movies. I don't think she wants to be in movies. No, she's like, fuck this. She's like, I've had enough of you idiots.

Last time I saw her, she was, like, blonde. She just seems even more angry and bitter than she's always been her entire career. She changed her entire look from the last time I saw her. She was, like, really super skinny and blonde. Ew.

And she's gotten a whole bunch of new tattoos, too. She's always had one for years, but, like, the last couple of times I've seen her, it, like, keeps increasing. So, yeah, she's definitely changing over the time here. We probably won't recognize her next time we see her. She's probably almost 52.

She's had a lot of work done. Like, a lot of work. Her face is like, yeah. I wouldn't have ever pegged her for someone to have work done. No.

She just, uh. Have you not seen her lately? No. Not in a while. That's weird.

To me, it looks like she's had a lot of fucking shit done. Hopefully not. I am not buying that. We can Google it later. I can't get behind that.

Alright, what else is there? That's what she said. That's what he said. Yeah. I don't know how that would work.

This doesn't even make sense anymore. I suppose. You know, I can tell that the whole Emily thing's over because people don't come up to me and tell me that I look like Emily anymore. So it used to happen a lot. They're like, you look like Emily the Strange.

I'm like, who? What? Although I got my haircut yesterday, which is the same haircut that I always have. But I had several... Several people tell me I look like a little Asian lady like Ms.

Schwan. Oh, you do kind of look like Ms. Schwan. And then they made me do the Ms. Schwan face.

How's it go? Nothing like visual experiences on the radio. Everyone else got to see it ridiculed before. Well, you know that I had two then. I know.

I know. Wow. Yeah, it's okay. It's my job to ridicule. I look Asian.

It's cool. I have a friend named Laura. No but she has like black short hair and bangs too and everybody at her work calls her Rara Rav. And we're not we're not PC Jesus. Christ and I'm the one who gets hate mail that's what I'm saying those.

Gingers they just don't like being picked on they're an angry race trust me. It's the temper what were we talking about And cut. Moving on. Yep, Roger looks pissed. Let's keep.

Going. Alright, so last November, Rob Zombie announced plans to direct another horrible remake. I'm quoting this, even though I do kind of think it was a horrible idea, but that's their story here. Another horrible remake after the two Halloween movies. In the gooey form of the blob, but thankfully our prayers and much bitching have been answered, and Rob Zombie has decided to drop out of the Blob remake because of his experiences with those two Halloween movies and instead go back to his directorial roots with an actual original story.

Is that possible? Go. Yay. Go, Zombie. The Lords of Salem will be set in modern Salem, Massachusetts and depict what happens when a town's residents receive a demonic visit from a 300-year-old coven of witches.

It sounds like the Elvira movie. Sounds like Hocus Pocus. Ooh, I love Elvira. She's back in action. She's back.

She's on this. On what? She's on this. Our favorite channel that we go into every week. She's getting to host the Saturday night movie shows again.

I just feel the joy. That was me. There was a happy dance. You all missed it. Yep, you missed it.

Hand shaking wildly. There was jiggling about. Jiggling. And we're all still in our bikinis. Well, of course.

Don't forget. And hula hooping. We do that every week. So, yeah, here's what Rob had to say about his decision to give up on remakes. And I like this because it just shows he almost was listening to everyone's bitching.

Everyone's bitching. The remake train is getting pretty tired now, you think. And when I made Halloween, everybody complained. Either it was too much like the original or too different. I like that people either love or hate what I do because it's better than being in the middle, which means forgettable.

See, now I'm also taking that for our show now. At least if they're bitching, they're paying attention to what we're saying. Yeah. But when you do an original premise, they take it on face value. And after three years of not being able to win on Halloween, I just couldn't go through that again.

So he's given up on hopefully all remakes. Cause I, I really enjoyed the Halloween movies, the remakes. Maybe that's because I haven't seen the originals. Hate me if you want. The first one, yeah, you really need to see the first one.

Yeah, probably should. The rest of them, I can live without most of the sequels. But I enjoyed them. They scared the shit out of me. Except for the one that has Danielle in it, and she's awesome.

I like, well, again, I like Danielle in those, but again, I think she's like. I guess Paul Rudd is. In one of them, too. I think the later one. Yeah.

Yeah. I blocked it out. I don't know. But, I mean, they get very repetitive, and I mean, to me, none of them come anywhere near what that first one was, so. Yeah.

Yeah. But, I mean, my problem with the most recent one, it was fucking stupid, because the timeline was, like, skewed, and it was just, like, when is this fucking set? Like, is this set in the 70s? Is it, like, modern times? It's just, like, he couldn't...

It's, like, all of his stuff. It's sort of set in his childhood, but he doesn't really want to commit to it fully, so it just seems like it is. I don't like that ambiguous time, like, fictional time period thing. Like, I like when things are set in the past... Or if it's set.

In the future or current times, that's fine, too. But just, like, pick one and go with it. You know, it's not just like, oh, it's sort of the 70s, but it's sort of modern times. Like, what? It makes no fucking sense.

A lot of what he does makes no fucking sense. I know. Like, killing off half the people and then just bringing them back the next movie. He's like, oh, it's a sequel. People don't need story to piece those things together.

Yeah. I don't know. And, I mean, I used to really like his wife because she's cute and, like, Silly, but God, in fucking Devil's Rejects, I wanted to choke her out. Oh, I loved her in Devil's Rejects. Shut your fucking mouth, bitch.

See, I'm glad it wasn't just me, because as much as I liked her in the first one, I kind of got tired of it in the second one. I hated her in the first one and loved her in the second one. See, I know Misty liked her in Devil's Rejects, too. I liked her in both of them. I love Bill Moseley more in the Devil's Rejects.

Yeah, me too. There ain't no bullets in this thing. It's all fucking mind power. He is awesome in fucking everything. Bill Mostly is awesome in everything.

He really is. He makes some terrible movies, but he's awesome. Otis was hot in the second movie. That's because he got ripped, yeah? He did.

Oh, God, Bill Mostly. He's way hotter in that than he is at conventions wearing his purple fucking sweatshirt. Is that what he was wearing when we met him? Well, one of the times I was wearing him he was wearing a purple sweatshirt and jeans with his patches sewn on. His eyes are so beautiful.

They're just like, ting. That's kind of my favorite thing about him. I mean, he plays such a badass in all the movies, but you see him in the real world, he's such a dork. I like his boat neck, his striped French boat neck shirt in that audition tape we watched. I was like, what are you going to be?

Fucking peddling baguettes? Are you like steering a gondola? Now the French don't write you angry letters. You're fucking better. I think that's the one.

Speaking of angry French, I was at my best friend's house watching this show about cake decorating. And there was this, like, French chocolatier on there, and her boyfriend just looks at the TV and goes, God damn, Frenchie, I fucking hate. Or he was like, I fucking hate the French. I don't like them none. I was like, okay.

All right. It was really fun. Good times. It's cool. It's okay to hate the French.

You do get a little more leeway on that one. Like the guy at the flea market, remember? With the bikes? He's like, I was dating a girl and I found out she was fucking Canadian and. I had to dump her.

She's probably a liberal, too. That guy was awesome. I know. I want to marry that guy. You're not French or Canadian.

No, I know. He was pretty hot for an older guy. And he had bikes. I know. See, it's not just us.

Everybody says horrible, horrible things. See, it's not just me. It's just the world. Well, we're in Kentucky, so. But everyone's not in Kentucky.

Yeah, no. That's our downside is we're saying horrible things to people far, far away. So we forget. Even though I can spread my hatred. We forget that you're real because we can't see you.

Yeah, exactly. So technically you don't exist. See, we're not offending anyone at the table. And that's really all we care about. And then not so much anyway.

Yeah, we kind of do that too, really. We don't care. Oh, that hurt your feelings? Get over it, bitch. Roger wakes up long enough to go from there.

Okay, let's do this. Oh, let's do this. I agree. I need to stand up. My legs are falling asleep.

Actually, they're all asleep. Where's my fish stick? It's worked up to my butt. Where's my fish stick, bitches? I guess we should skip the rest of these.

Can we get through them? I'll be quiet. Read it real fast. We'll stop. Taking a vow of silence like a nun.

I don't believe you. Nobody believes you. You're about as nun-like as the Lindsay Lohan visual would get there. I see her in the habit, but I'm not buying it. All right, you know what?

You love it. It's time for the remake of the week. Yay! And this one I don't think anybody will be upset for because they keep remaking this. I actually am a fan of the original, and eventually I think we need to watch that.

So that's kind of half the reason I wanted to mention it. The Day of the Triffids was a British 1951 science fiction novel about bioengineered species of intelligent plants that take over after a massive meteor shower blinds most of the humans on Earth. It's just a cool story. I like the idea. So it was originally adapted as a British movie in 62.

There have also been two UK miniseries in 81, and then another one that I've actually heard was really good in 2009. So now, one of the producers of that last miniseries is in development for a new adaptation of the novel as a 3D theatrical movie. I just think it is a cool story, and it's one that obviously people in Britain love this story because they keep remaking it, but it's one that we've always sort of overlooked. It's sort of like we remember the original one, but we just kind of throw it out there with all the old cheesy sci-fi movies. Nobody in this country has paid any attention to either of the miniseries other than Super Geeks.

But, I mean, other than that, it hasn't really even, you know, ended up on our radar. So it will be interesting if they can find a way to make it sort of like something that would appeal to Americans because it sort of missed us all together. But I don't know. I just thought it was kind of a cool story. I can't remember the last time I saw Day of the Triffids.

I think it was one of those Saturday morning type deals. Yeah. I want to go back and watch it. It's pretty awesome. Never seen it.

There is no word yet on who they've hired to write or direct it, but yep, they're shooting for 3D, so you need plants coming at your face. Coming at you. And this one, we will wrap up. Just sort of because we've made comments about this series many a time over the run of the show, but... After taking a break from the franchise, we found out this week that Kate Beckinsale will be returning as the vampire warrior in the new Underworld 4.

Sweet. Good. Basically, that translates to, nobody went to see Whiteout. Whiteout sucked. Yeah, nobody saw that.

Is that the one about the aliens? No. It's just a murder mystery in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't know what it is. Yeah, it sucked.

It's like, what is it? Aliens? Is it the killer? Is it a... I don't know.

She's in the shower. Okay, let's make a movie about that. It's diamonds. I don't know. I'm confused.

Yeah, that's the thing. The trailer, like, leaves you confused. And then people that... The few people that went to see it, because they show a shot of her taking a shower, which I'm assuming. Which they don't.

You don't get full-on, you know, beck and sail action. So... Yeah, they suck again with that, and then you get there, and it's just like a normal movie. It's just unfair. She teases us way too much.

She's a big D. That's what she is. She's back and forth. Be like Mila. Just give us a little.

Yeah. We just want to see that. Side boob. Come on. Crust of a nipple.

Speaking of Mila, I didn't realize how much it had in common with that series, though. They were both sort of horror, but really they were more action movies than anything. They had a female lead. Both of them were created and kind of run by the female lead's husband. This will be the first one not directed by her husband, Lynn Wiseman.

And then if you put them back to back and just watch them... Like, even some of the fight scenes are pretty much the same. Yeah, kind of. But Mila's way more awesome. So her husband's not doing it?

Well, he didn't direct the third, but this is the first one that she'll be in. Because the third one sucked assholes. Yeah, well, so this will be the first one she's in that he didn't direct. But, yeah, I guess he's getting away from it. I don't know if he's still going to be writing it or have some sort of producer credit.

But, yeah, he is not directing this one, so... I can't wait. I love that series. So they say, although there is no word yet on the premise of Underworld 4, one detail that has been revealed is that the film will feature the new character of Selene's daughter. So, I guess, Draculers can knock out kids?

Well, some Draculers are born Draculers, so... I was born a vampire. Angel got his soul back when he had a kid, so. Shh! He doesn't want to hear about that.

He doesn't like that Angel. No. Connor was a whiny little bitch. Yeah, he was a whiny little bitch. And he fucked around with Cordelia.

Cordelia was awesome. She was half deity. And she's hot. And fucked hard. And she looked good in Playboy.

But she looked good naked. She did not tease. She came through for us. She got all kinds of naked. She was in a.

Nerd show for like nine years. Of course she got full on naked. Willow should. Whatever her name is. She's bad.

I don't know. I saw her in like Maxim or FHM. Oh, it was a terrible shoot. It was a terrible shoot. She looked petrified of half nakedness.

She was like. That comes on tonight, by the way. Yeah, it was not hot. Yeah, no, I have to remind myself. What comes on tonight?

Dexter. The new Dexter. It's gonna kick ass. Damn it. Well.

All right, so as Kate Beckinsale returns to being queen of the underworld, we bid you adieu and invite you to come back and join us for this week's Sofa Theater feature, Sharked Up Boys! I'm gonna go make some fish. For my fish steaks. For my fish steaks. Oh, Tarsus.

Oh, Tarsus. Oh, Tarsus. Okay, Tarsus. Hi. Oh, Tarsus.

You know I'm singing just for you Queen of. The underworld Took a ride on the church wall Meanwhile a mother knows Out on the street you'll hear that laughter. And pretty green hearts turn to blue Everything you heard I've gotten. Persecution's nothing new Queen of the world It took a while, baby, to evolve Meanwhile. The love evolves.

I never got an invitation Never heard too much. I'm gonna make. A reservation But I'm not in a rush And all across this alien nation I'm in a town called Rizal Speed Out on the highway of perfection We. Only wanted to be free Queen of the underworld Took a ride on a children's ride Meanwhile in the. Must Robin now carry on alone?

Who is making a getaway in this speeding car? See the stockling. Robin at this theater next week. This show is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and edited by Brian Renfro, with opening music performed by The Empires. To help support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com for ways that you can contribute or advertise with us.