The Foilers

The following is a special color telecast of the 39th Annual Awards of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Stay tuned for Felony Squad, Peyton Place, Rat Patrol, and Iron Horse, which will immediately follow this special program. Whoa, coming down the highway. You're coming to the limousines. You can do that.

I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. Hi, and welcome to Movie Meltdown. My name's Brian Renfro, and we're here at the Crossbow Road Residence for the Oscar Mayer Wiener Convention. See if I can do a dick noise onto the mic.

It's showtime. The following feature has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised. Our nuclear reactor pumping out one million. Kilowatts of power.

There's a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last. Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. What's up, and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian.

One of the highlights of Academy Award night each year for motion picture fans across the country, and especially for those here at Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, is the arrival of the glamorous celebrity. Hey, what's up? Sorry, I was off of my own little world. My name is Michael. Hello.

Welcome to the Oscars. I guess we've thrown it to you, so we'll. Go around to the rest of these people. Introduce yourselves to people. Hey, I'm David.

I'm Megan. I'm Erica. I'm Karen. I'm Asriel of the... And Patrick.

Oh, Patrick. So we are back for, get this, the seventh annual Oscar meltdown. It's a little overwhelming. In just a few short more years, you will surpass Bob and Molly. Nobody knows what that is.

Everybody knows Karen Aladdin. The internet's beloved Karen? Very Google-able. She's back again for another Oscar meltdown? She's on many of the foot fetish websites, including Israeli.

That's because you keep putting her there. Israelifeet.com. That's my favorite feet site. It's probably time to start. Get going.

Hey, is the movie about the jazz drummer going to be on the Oscars? Sometimes. All right. Why wasn't that in the soundtrack section that we. Because it was disqualified.

Why? Oh, because of. Because it was already jazz. Music. It's already jazz.

It's already been jazz. It doesn't count. It's not none new jazz. Sounds like Oscar dubstep. Oscar Skrillex.

Oscar Skrillex. Oscar Skrillex performs the Oscars in dubstep. I would like to. Is Oscar Skrillex his first name, though? For real?

It might be. I want a cat named Oscar Skrillex. Get him on the phone. Is it raining in Los Angeles? Did I see that correctly?

I don't think that's allowed. It's so rare. I don't think they're allowed to do that. Oh, it's Louisville's own Jennifer Lawrence. You don't even recognize her, do you?

I mean, you know, I was out there on the red carpet. I just think seeing everybody. I get excited for the Oscar because the opportunity to see everybody who's the best in this field. Wow. The man has got a gap in his coots.

I was going to say, you can drive a truck through that gap. Nice. Good one. That gap. That gap.

That gap, though. It's like his gap has a sidekick. You see the little mini gap on the right-hand side there? He's got the main gap and then the little gap. A sidecar gap.

The garage, and then there's the carport. Man, a gap like that confuses me, because it's like, was there a tooth there? Or did you just have. Weird teeth, and your gap's just really that big? What do they have in common with each other?

Common's picking them a little age these days. I'm learning that Common speaks the same way he raps. It's really not much different. He doesn't have a hip-hop voice. He hip-hops his speaking voice.

That's interesting to know. And not effective, really. That's just my opinion. It's like water for chocolate. Wait, do we have chocolate?

That was a common joke, actually. It was a pretty deep cut for all you hip-hop fans out there. Crickets. Yep. Chrissy Teigen.

Yeah, she's fun. Are we talking about the girl that looks like she's at the prom? Yes. All right. John Legend's wife.

Okay. She looks really different. I didn't realize that was her. She does all the snack challenge show that's on MTV. I don't remember what it's called.

Yo MTV snacks. It's kind of like Epic Meal Time. She looks really different there, though. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.

Yay, Michael Keaton. I don't give a fuck what you say or do. Just stand there and be Michael Keaton and you're fine. He's always Michael Keaton. That's what makes him awesome.

He'll be the best looking one in a Beetlejuice sequel. When they make the Batman movie where Robin dies, when they turn that into a movie, they need to have Michael Keaton be Alfred the Butler. That would be such a great. Can we just have him be Batman again? I'm okay with that, really.

No, we can't. Oh, Patrick. Did someone say dragon? Continual Batman impersonation. Are they going to make a clean and sober two?

Off the wagon and back on the wagon? I'm waiting for Dream Team 2, my son. Dream Team 2 would be great. Wait a minute. So I need to download an app on my phone, and the app is a briefcase that I will open and Neil Patrick Harris will be surprised at the Oscars?

It seems complicated already. Why do we have. Why do we have to have an app for every fucking thing at this point? Because that's how social media works. Did you get our app for Meltdown on?

No. Our Oscar Meltdown app? You didn't get it? No. Damn it.

I didn't even make my own app for my own podcast because fuck apps. Hashtag fuck apps. If your glasses are going to be invisible, why would you wear them? Like, if you're going to wear glasses, why don't you just say, fuck it, dude, I've got glasses on. Do they make clear Chuck Taylors?

What if I had a pair of those invisible glasses on and also invisible Chuck Taylors? I would wear them if they had them. Body, mind, and soul? Clear vinyl ones. Yeah.

Yeah, they're selling briefcases. Karen, you're once again in charge of doing the dress reviews. Oh, okay, cool. I know, I'm keeping an eye. On my thing.

Or Patrick can do them, I mean. I can do them. I'm a goddamn costume designer. That dress is garbage. Next.

You're not being elaborate enough. We need a very elaborate, wordy description of your issues with it. Have you not seen Joan Rivers? Not so much lately, but in general. No, you know I've never watched a red carpet thing, anything in my entire life.

This is the very first time. And we're capturing it. We're capturing it. Alright, so, as previously mentioned, we have our own And this is the awarding of the foilers. So, not only is it a major award, but you can take home leftovers in it.

Nice. It took him seven hours to do that. I have a wall of them. I'm really impressed. I'm very, very impressed with that.

Just sit at home forming foilers every day. Come on. You can't have Oscars. Those are licensed. You can't even have something that looks like one.

They have to hold stars and stupid shit. Alright, are we ready? Are we going to play hashtag Oscars? Hashtag fuck those guys. Hashtag fuck those guys.

That was our recent hashtag. It was hashtag fuck those guys. So, fuck those Oscars. Hashtag fuck those Oscars. Because they really let me down last year.

You'll probably be upset about this year as well, but let's get into it. So, the category number one is the most questionable career decision made by an actor, actress, or filmmaker in 2014. Naomi Watts wearing this dress right now. Oh, Naomi. I don't know what to tell you.

Naomi Watts wearing this lipstick right now. Not eating that sandwich yesterday is a regrettable decision. She needs a sandwich, doesn't she? She does. A couple of them.

Dagwoods, maybe? Look, that's what they wear in Australia, okay? Alright, so the nominees are Nicholas Cage doing Left Behind, Tim Burton attempting to go legit with Big Eyes, I disagree with this one, Scarlett Johansson for doing Under the Skin, and Emile Hirsch for choking a woman at Sundance, which was a legit thing. I read the whole thing today. I think he like she deserved to be choked or she.

Was a producer i believe and he was not happy with her and also i think really drunk sort of how it went so not only did he come up and kind of just start talking smack but then later he like came back up from behind and grabbed her by the throat and started choking her He pulled her over a table and then ended up on top of her trying to full-on choke her out. I was going to say, that wins. Wow. Do they have a safety word? Pineapple.

Pineapple. No, that was the real world, sadly. But the winner is... Oh, no, I know the winner. I know the winner.

I know the winner. All right, go for it. Was it Sundance or... Is that the one? Sundance?

We haven't gotten to it yet. Sundance? There's still another one coming that is the winner. Jupiter ascending at Sundance. That is the actual winner of this category.

Only in dates. And the winner is Aaron Eckhart for I, Frankenstein. I still haven't seen it. I don't use it that bad. I think that's everyone's feeling.

It's like, oh yeah, that looks so bad I didn't watch it yet. Yeah, I mean, that was the whole thing with the trailers and all the hype. I'm like, I still can't believe this is going forward. Really? Like, this is really still a thing?

Well, like, any year they've got like three different Frankenstein properties in production. Like, right now there's Several more, I think, that are already in the works. Isn't it part of the whole official. No. See, they're doing other ones, too.

They're doing the one. Is that not them rebooting all the Universal Monsters? See, that's what I was going to say. That's what that last Dracula movie supposedly was. Which, to me...

Because I thought these were still movies that were coming. I was like, okay, we're going to get. These good, integral... reboots of these classic monsters and then i read that that was their dracula reveals like oh my. God that also didn't look like it went well. Response to bella lugosi that this is your new bella lugosi this guy.

In this story in this movie. Bella lugosi i believe it no hobbit dude dude was awesome. I mean does that mean they're making more Based on that Dracula movie, was that just the first of a series? Do we know that was really it? I'm pretty sure that.

Was really it, right? Because I remember kind of reading it as like, hey, you know, they're going to redo the classic monsters. And in the same article, it was like, and they've already went forward with Dracula. I was like, whoa, wait, what? I thought this was future, not now.

They're probably just going. To release four, and whichever one gets the most attention. They're like, this is it! This was our Frankenstein! Ignore those other ones.

I don't know. Let's hope not. Are you talking about the Dracula movie that looked like a Lord of the Rings movie that I saw the preview for? I forget the dude's name. It's like that.

Lord of the Rings dude. Look, Derek. It was the guy from The Hobbit. Is it legit him? Is that really Thorin or whoever?

Is that really him? No, no, no. It's the guy who. Oh, the bard. Bard the Bowman.

Oh, my gosh. You mean Dracula. You really. Like, when you thought Bela Lugosi, you thought that dude. That was your Dracula reboot.

It should have been Alan Rickman. Al Snape. Obviously. I don't drink wine. I think he's a little more Nosferatu.

Adam Levine. No one cares. We already attacked Adam Levine last week. Really? I wish I would have been here for that.

We can bring him back. It's never too late to attack him. Yeah, there's no shortage of Adam Levine. We're here tonight to talk about how big your features are. Where did I get these eyes?

Is that Jesus back there? Who's back there in a white suit? Oh my god, it's Jared Leto. So turn him water into wine back there and shit. Who's the old dude, man?

He called Kanye a punk. You gotta be careful around Clint Eastwood. Did he call him a punk? I think he's allowed to call him a punk. I can totally see him being like, motherfucking crack that cap your ass.

I'm Clint fucking Eastwood, punk. She looks like she's in pain. Is she trying to duck lip? Because she looks like she's constipated. That was really weird.

I'm not a big fan of that gold dress. It looks very, like, curtained. They're not ready. I'm ready. That little girl on the left looks like she's just suspenders away from, like, a German beer festival.

We are the Goon Squad and we're coming to town. Beep, beep. I found another human that I'm taller than. Would you like a pastry? This part is so exact.

So you were in a movie where you locked yourself in a house while white people killed each other outside. But have you noticed how the guests are gradually getting taller? Do you think this ends when somebody taller than she is steps up to her? They're like, what bitch? His ears get bigger somehow.

He's becoming more elven looking as he's getting older. I've never noticed how weird his earlobes are. They're very, I don't know, not lobish. The tops of his ears line up perfectly with the tops of his eyebrows. Why is your face so symmetrical?

Yeah, Ethan. This is a dream of 90s teen movies dying right in front of me. People get old, man. I just refuse to make another movie. Until we do After Sunrise.

They didn't match his makeup. He's moving like an old person more than he's looking like an old person. He's like. Yeah, they didn't contour his face. They didn't really.

I just watched a movie with him today. He's pretty awesome. Reality Bites? Wasn't he in Reality Bites? Yeah.

Is that what you watched? He's kind of a dick, but no, no, I didn't watch it. He's a huge dick. He's kind of a dick. Was he in Singles?

No. No, that was Matt Dillon, right? Yes. Dillon McDermott or Dermot? I was waiting to see where that was going.

It was hanging there. I was waiting for it. Neil Patrick Harris, the only one anyone cares about. I never got my George Takai, Neil Patrick Harris, Betty White human centipede. Where are you working on that?

I had a Facebook petition going for a while that nobody signed. I wonder why. Everyone wanted your own name. Yeah. And then I made a whole bunch of fake Facebook accounts and signed them all up.

That's a lot of trouble, though. Think about it, though. Neil Patrick Harris, Betty White, George Sakai, Human Centipede. I don't care what order you put them in. I was going to say, who's the front, who's the back, who's the middle?

We'll get back to that. I think Betty White should be in the front. She's the one that strikes me as the leader. I don't know the other. I don't know who the other two.

Yeah, she's beloved. We all want to hear her. We'll get back to George Decade later. I wonder if they'll bring him back for the Heroes reboot. Because he was in original Heroes.

He was like the one dude's dad. Neil Patrick, right? Betty White. If somebody would just airbrush me a shirt, you know, like the airbrushed dragons on shirts or the wolf howling at the moon. If I just had like a Betty White, George Takai, fucking Neil Patrick Harris human centipede like on a cliff howling at the moon, that would be the best shirt.

I'm sure that can be arranged. I've seen a lot of ridiculous shirts out there. Talk to your people at Langley. Get back to me. I'll see what I can do.

It's going to cost you. All right. Next category. In this one, see, we come back to the previously mentioned George Takei. The movie moment that made you say, oh my, in George Takei style.

Or the most shocking moment in a 2014 film. Is there a human centipede from 2014? I believe this one. Yes, let's talk about that. So, we have...

Has anyone seen Walk Among the Toons? Nope. Alright. This might be a minor spoiler. I'll try to skip over the major spoilers.

There's a roof suicide in Walk Among the Tombstones. There's a murder, spoilers for real world, there's a murder in Foxcatcher. The terrible robots in Interstellar. The sentinel attack in Days of Future Past. What category is this?

The most shocking moment in a movie from that show. I mean, that's the only one I know at this point. I'm like, I mean, murdering your entire cast in the first ten minutes wasn't kind of shocking for you. Oh, you mean at the end? No, at the beginning when they killed every member of the cast.

Except for Kitty Pryde. Who zapped their way into the future with that dude. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. You know, I don't know.

I could geek rant, but it's just like that movie happening at all was kind of a shocker to me. They're really still pushing this angle. Keep going. What else shock value? Our previously mentioned on this show, Raid 2.

Since we covered our sort of barely covered Raid 1. I love the. Reverse guillotine hits on the internet. What's the shock in Raid 2? The entire film pushed the envelope according to this person.

The lightbulb scene in Oculus. Scarlet and her skin shedding. Wait, which? It's actually really good. I downloaded it and I want to watch it.

Virtual reality dev kit. What was the lightbulb scene? When he's chewing on the lightbulb instead of it being an apple. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the one with the mirror, right?

Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. Huh. And the winner is... Under the Skin.

Under the Skin? Under the Skin. Man, I had to wick you that movie right afterwards. Like, I don't know what I just watched. What is it?

Man, I felt like I was like in this... Lynch environment. I was like, okay, I can do this. I can figure this out. But when the skin came off, it's like, no, I'm lost.

Because up until then, I had some theories. I'm like, no, I don't know what's going on. So the skin thing... for me was like, holy F, this is a whole other level than what I thought it was. Can I ask for one thing, though? I only watched the first 15 minutes of Under the Skin.

What ends up happening? Are you serious? I watched when the guy goes into the ocean and she's sitting there waiting for him or whatever. What happens? You missed out.

Or she walks into a black room. What is the thing? Like I can, I had to wiki it afterwards because I legit was like, you know, we finished the movie. I was like, I don't, I don't. Know what I just saw.

And there's, you know, it's the kind of thing where you could say, like I'm about to, you could say the story and it won't spoil the movie because you. Can't make those connections. She's an alien. She's an alien from another planet. The dude on the motorcycle is kind of her, her watcher, her wrangler, kind of make sure she's doing things right.

And she's gathering. People for, Whatever, for resources, whatever she's gathering people for. So, yeah, she was an alien from another planet. And you see her being an alien at some point. She gets attacked in a way to where her skin gets ripped, and she peels off her entire body, and it's like she's this black creature.

But it's still her naked walking in that one scene, right? That's like her. That's what you're looking for, right? I took it off after that point. She walks around naked like three or four times in that movie.

Second and third, watching it. See, I thought that was my favorite part, is the fact that most dorky guys that just want to see her naked have to actually sit through a really weird, surreal movie. It was horrible for 45 minutes. I liked it. I'm on the other side of this argument, because I wrote a glowing review of it.

I thought it was awesome, just saying. Brian loved it because it's the only movie trying to be a movie in at least eight years. Yeah, kind of. I guess I wasn't impressed with X-Men just because from reading comics, you see people die and come back to life so many times. You're like, they're not dead.

So I guess, you know, for me, I was like, well, it's just a comic book movie. I still thought that opening was kind of badass, but Under the Skin's like possibly more impressive. I just almost, I don't know. Like, I wonder if there's a director's cut. Like, I feel like.

Of which one? The movie Under the Skin. Like, I feel like it, it had me curious. The whole movie, I was like really curious. I'm like, what is this?

What's going on? I want to really get into this. But at the end, I was a little disappointed that I still didn't know what the hell I just watched. Which sometimes is cool. I mean, the visuals are amazing.

I've watched Lost Highway 50 times and I still couldn't tell you what that movie's about. But I still really like watching it. But Under the Skin, I needed a little bit more to really go, all right. I'm glad I get. To go back and watch it now.

And she walks into that black room. I'm like, now I understand something. Do you? She's with Gaga. I love her too.

She actually sent a Lady Gaga impersonator. My 29th birthday party was a Lady Gaga party. It was so fun. We just need to awe Lady Gaga for a minute. I love her.

I just want to boop her on her nose. She's so fucking cute. Okay, I would pay to see that. I'm not as sold on her, but I'd like to see you do that. I wish her dress was made of chicken.

I wonder if she lifts her ass up if she has the three children of poverty like from A Christmas Carol. I'm pretty sure. She does. Or maybe like inside of her chest plate somewhere like in Scrooge. We're going to get phone calls.

Look at how cute she is. She's got like dishwashing gloves on. What's her real name? Stephanie Germanotta. Ding.

Bonus points. Kerry Washington. It is Kerry Washington. And Patrick will never know. That woman in the lower left, that's Kerry Washington?

Yeah. Weird old white lady, red dress. I'd like to point out for those playing at home that the really tall lady just interviewed Bradley Cooper and he was the same height as her. So I am in fact right. Her interview guests are getting taller and taller.

And her last one will be taller than her. That was my prediction, and so far I'm right. I love Hollywood. Just keep putting me in movies where I get to bang young, hot-haired stars. I still like him best when he's a raccoon.

Or making out with Betty White. Making out with Betty White for the win. Check out this place. Check out everything. Check out the glamour, the glitter, people tweeting on.

The Twitter, and no one's drunk and bitter. Yet because no one has lost. Look at the diamonds, the dresses, people going to excesses. The stress is on. And everybody's fingers are crossed.

I know the camera's on and we're behaving our best. Yet I secretly hope someone pulls a Kanye West. Want some music for your ears? Doo-Wop Shop makes it easy to rent for any event, business meeting, or special occasion. From PA systems to karaoke machines to just about anything that makes noise, you can rent it from the Doo-Wop Shop.

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This is Movie Meltdown. Hey! One man, one goal. One mission Hello, my name is Sashene Littlefeather. I'm Apache, and I'm president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee.

I'm representing Marlon. Brando this evening, and he has asked me to tell you... Sign for food. Bring on down the food bill. Stick around.

All I have is meat. Listen to me now. Food is better when it's meaty. Here have a scrumptious creaky. Like my evil sweetie.

My pork may squeal and whistle as I grind them into fistfuls. Now here I'll begin. You need a rundown of all the porks involved in this? Man, I saw like five different pork body parts involved in that. There's more than enough.

I just assume they're all like small, wrapped up pig utero things. For those of you who haven't been here for seven years, many, many a year ago, even well before the movie Meltdown portion of it kicked in, we decided to do an Oscar party. And I was like, any idiot can have an Oscar party. I want to have the Oscar Meyer party. And so we kicked it off that year, and I started with Fried Bologna.

And I've since stepped it up and added as many things as possible. And it's now just become what can we wrap into a Pillsbury. And we're not getting sponsored by them yet. But Pillsbury, if you want to send some cash over, that'd be great. But how many things can we wrap up into some sort of hors d'oeuvre thing?

So in the mix this time around, let's do the rundown. We've got bologna, the classic. We have to go back to the classiest of all meats. Followed by Spam, also classy. Hot dogs.

Does Oscar Mayer make Spam? No, but they're not sponsoring us either, so fuck that. Fuck them. I can put whatever I want in this thing. All right.

So there's, let's see, we've got hot dogs. We've got some, I had some pepperoni over there. Wow. We have a good amount of bacon in most of these. Little smokies.

We've got, there's some ham, some cubed ham is in there. And all of that can be found on that plate? On that plate. It's a mixture of all the different types of pork you can jam into one thing. Now, for those who have issues with it, again, if you pay attention to the show, several people on the show are vegan.

So we are, in fact, vegan friendly. They just keep deciding to not come to this event. It's not really for that reason. I mean, actually, Fred came to one of them and I suckered him into eating a corn dog that year. So I'm pretty pleased with that.

The one with the toothpick. They all have toothpicks. God damn it. Just pick one and you'll find out. Cardo Montabon.

This is a little scary. Oh, I'm so excited about Jurassic World. So much pig wrapped up in a little biscuit. I don't know why you can't identify what Spam looks like. Was Chris Pratt close to Harris Whittles?

I'm stoked. Steven Spielberg's on board now, too. Which is great, because the less Lucas, the better. That's a pretty good rule, actually. The less Lucas, the better.

I mean, I heard that Spielberg was the reason he got in Jurassic World, right? Wasn't Spielberg a big Chris Pat fan and kind of. Pushed for that? I can see that. What is up with all the English people?

This pink woman has. A fetish for English dudes. We came over here for a reason. Get away from those fuckers. Sorry, English listeners.

But you know we have attitude. That's why we love. This is a family show. What kind of Manson family? What?

We threw their tea into the harbor and they stole all our acting roles. Well, hello there, Doctor Strange. They can't hear me looking at you. Let me tell you, it was piercing, people. Just saying he's going to be Doctor Strange.

Is that what she's saying? You're now in the Marvel umbrella. She's never heard of Doctor Strange. I hate to tell you. She's lucky if she knows who Doctor Who is.

And she probably thinks it's him. I like it when people try to talk about important shit amidst dresses and fanfare. Fancy dresses, not just dresses. Because they clearly go together. Let me ask you a question about.

What you're wearing and then what you're doing. Ask her, like, math questions and shit. I want some square root shit thrown out there. Come on. What do you think the slope intercept form?

It's the capital of Idaho. Go. And then if they don't get it right, they're kicked out of the Oscars. You don't get to win. I'm a John Luthor.

And I'm motorboat damn titties. All right. Next up. Best kill in a 2014 movie. I'm interested to see.

Actually, I know what the response is going to be. I know what my answer is, and I think it's the same answer as the rest of America. Do you want to call it a head? Yeah, I want to already go. I want to solve the puzzle, Alex.

Do you need a vowel or anything? Championship match. What's that chick's name from that movie? The one we were discussing earlier? Yeah.

That was a great answer. It's not bad. It's in the running. It's not Neil Patrick Harris and British women? Spoiler alert, spoiler alert.

I just said it. Gone Girl. I was like, what movie are you thinking of? I'm trying to listen to you, you're a woman. I'm trying to get my throat slit while being inside of someone.

Who here hasn't seen Gone Girl? I haven't seen Gone Girl. Erica hasn't seen it. We just talked about that. Never mind.

Okay, go on. Go on. Sorry. Spoiler alert. The first one in the running here is the end of Gone Girl area.

Let's just put it that way. Perfect. Without spoilers. Okay, next. Patrick already did.

Let's see. Tom Cruise and Edge of Tomorrow. I like that one because you get like 473 of them. I've actually wanted to see them. Die that many times.

And I think that's pretty awesome. I think that was pretty awesome, so I like that. The final kill in Oculus. Again, we've got some Oculus land. That is really good.

Because you're not ready for it, but you see it coming. I mean, you know it's coming for like an hour and a half. They set it up, and I'm like, so we're going to see that before the end. You still don't see it coming, so it's awesome. And the...

Well, speaking of her, the big finale for Scarlet's character in Under the Skin. But that's not the winner. And the winner is... Godzilla's final kill, which I believe Patrick referred to as the money shot. I'm really proud of him.

The one where he opened up his mouth and just like blasted right down his throat. It's so good. It really is. Fucking, I am ready for a trilogy of that Godzilla. And you hated it a lot.

I did hate it. I absolutely hated it, but it has potential. You know? That kind of was my take on it. I hated the way that he structured it and a lot of that whole middle nonsense.

I hate that white kid. That dorky kid. But I was just like, so much of that last battle, I'm like, just keep making that. The tail knock into the building. The second final slam.

And I think they kind of know that, which is why there's going to be three monsters in part two. They're like, all right, screw it. Even though, honestly, to give the guides, credit i mean go back and watch the old godzilla movies and it really is three quarters people talking walking driving strategizing and then that last quarter is like what you watch it. For godzilla go nuts and the door. Is closed though that's the best that's the most frustrating scene that one makes me that is.

What older men experience when they take viagra i like him so much better with facial hair. Because he doesn't look like a boy anytime i see him i just think of. Yes. Greatest film of all time. Next category.

Are you sure? We don't want to look at Chris Evans anymore. He's kind of dreamy. He's so dreamy. He looks good.

Catman America. Fuck yeah. The most miscast actor or actress for their role in a 2014 film. Let's see. We have Which I kind of disagree.

Scarlett Johansson and Lucy, that's not the problem with that. I think she's still pretty good in it. There's a lot of problems with that movie. Again, I think this is an odd one. Captain America and Winter Soldier.

I felt it was a spy movie that didn't need a superhero in the middle of it. Well, couldn't you say that about the second Batman movie? I thought that was strange. It didn't need Batman or Joker either. Just because it has a good script doesn't mean that I feel like that's a little bit of a prejudice thing.

It's like, oh, this script's way too good for comic book reference. Fuck you. Okay, there's a lot of great storytelling in comic books. I do like this one because he specifically refers to this person as Kick-Ass Dude in Godzilla. He has no name.

He will just be Kick-Ass Dude. Anybody know? Being cast for that role matter, though? He wasn't good enough to be the random kid? I thought he was good in Kick-Ass, but it was a mess.

Granted, his role was not written well either, but he did nothing with it but stay in there. Again, there were more problems than him, but he wasn't helping any. I also like that Godzilla in Godzilla... I don't know what film that was, but it was not a Godzilla movie. I mean, that's kind of true, but come on.

Oh, let's see. And I do like the option of eyelinered Christian Bale as Moses. I didn't see that. They dig some eyeliner in the old days. That's true.

Why is nobody in that movie a Muslim? Because Hollywood made it, that's why. But. Nope, here we go. And the winner is, and you probably won't argue, Jamie Foxx as Electro.

Oh, man. I could totally get behind that. Very bad call. That movie was a bad call. Way to go, Sony.

Like, I've never seen a movie that, well, I'm sure I can think of something, but there were some really great action scenes. It was so weird that, to me, that was like a complete opposite of what I thought going into it. Yeah. I actually really dug his relationship with Gwen Stacy more than I did everything else. Like, I thought as a romantic comedy, it was, I felt, it just, it felt real.

Like, it didn't feel forced. I felt like they had this kind of realistic kind of back and forth. Like, I kind of dug the couple dating aspect more than I did the actual story. If I could get rid of Peter Parker in the Spider-Man movie. It's like, we don't need Green Goblin.

We don't need Electro. Let's just do the whole thing with him and Gwen dating and just have her die then because it was way. Better than anything with Electro. That's so sad. Again, every time we make an action comic book-y movie, we have to add 40 or 50 villains to every one.

Right. I wish they would have just had the Sinister Six in it the whole time. But they're going to get their own movie. Of course. Isn't it so weird?

Even with everything going on where Spider-Man is going to be in the Marvel Universe now, they still haven't stopped plans to do the Sinister Six movie. So it's like, wait, you don't... But didn't they scrap the next Sony produced Spider-Man? Yeah, so that's what's weird. There's not another Spider-Man movie in the works, but there is movies for his villains.

Well, because they're not played by that. Suicide Squad has good writing. That's what I'll give about those. The stories. Because Suicide Squad, it is kind of a bunch of B-grade guys.

They're not. the most appealing people even in a DC universe but like but the stories are well written the things that they go through and stuff it's actually really good writing and I think that's what makes those so interesting I feel like there is you know something to kind of lean on with those but Spider-Man was just written terribly when he started singing like itsy bitsy spider and that like electrical field or whatever I. Was like oh my gosh please just shoot me now. That dude looks like he was born with a facelift came out and they were like, your baby had a facelift in the womb. He's beat the rest of them to the punch. Look at him.

When you start out life looking like a skeleton, you can only go downhill from there. Works for Skeletor. Yes, it does. Is Skeletor nominated for anything this year? I think Best Song.

Didn't we play Skeletor last year? I don't know. We might have. This is how I roll. Beating He-Man is my goal.

Trap jaw and my evil hoe. Unlike Beastman hair, I can't grow. I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm wearing a hoodie.

Ha ha ha. It's blue. I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm wearing a hoodie, you can wear one too.

When I sit on my throne, this is what I do. I'm ruling over He-Man while I'm decked out in blue. I got He-Man in my grasp, and this time I. Will not blow it. Blow it, I will not blow it.

What? I'm evil and I know it. Yeah, I'm evil. Hey, Misty, do you have your earbuds strapped in? I do not.

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That's hardwood. That's pretty fancy. I guess if I were to shove any implement in my ear, it would be those. We don't recommend you shove anything else in your ear. That's kind of why we were hooked up with Tweaked Audio.

It's the only thing we recommend you shove in your ear for medical purposes, really. If you damage your eardrum, you're doing it wrong, and we take no responsibility. Stop when you hit pressure. You should only use Tweaked Audio, and when you do, you go to their website, you go to pay for it, you put in your code MELTDOWN, you'll get a discount and free shipping immediately. Is it better than 5% discount?

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I just went and got me some more, and it was like a day, and they were there. They were like lightning fast. Like the lightning on that girl's boobs over there. Lightning move fast. Lightning move fast.

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When you check out, enter the discount code MELTDOWN. Then you'll get 33% off and free shipping. Tweaked Audio. Sounds better. Jan, I must say, you look so beautiful and so hip.

Oh, thank you, James. You look very appealing to a younger demographic as well. Thank you. The sound you hear is dripping blood. This is the start of Black Sunday.

Black Sunday comes but once every hundred years. On that day, the undead demons of hell rise to unleash an orgy of evil on the world. From Nicolás Gogol's great classic, American International Pictures presents Black Sunday, the most frightening motion picture you have ever seen. She was murdered 500 years ago There in the barren waste that was her cemetery, they nailed the mask of Satan to her face. Not since Dracula stopped the earth has there been such an unspeakable day and night as Black Sunday.

Thank you. We've had a fun Oscar day. We went to the McDonald's across the street and went to the Ripley's Believe It or Not. Now we're here going to enjoy the Oscars. It's great fun.

Great to be here. I really like Michael's suit. Michael Strahan? Yeah. Cameron Diaz, right?

Damn! That's the gift bag they get that's worth. $ 14 million. I think so. It's ridiculous. And Kirk Cameron?

Was it Kirk Cameron and Cameron Diaz? Something like that, yeah. I don't think it counts as a gift bag. It comes with a bike in it or something. I don't know.

If you can't actually fit the stuff in the bag, it no longer gets passed along. Is that Alan DeGeneres? Chris Hardwick? They're the same person. It doesn't matter.

It is Chris Hardwick. No, it's not. Chris Hardwick's crying somewhere right now. I don't give a fuck if Chris Hardwick cries or not. Did you guys like that movie? please don't tell me you like that movie.

Yeah. We tried, we tried, we got like 15, 20 minutes in and we were like, no, this can't be salvaged. What was wrong with it? It, the quality was really, really bad. Like it felt very much like a made for TV movie, but not even a good made for TV.

Like no one could act very well. The story was very forced. Like the Ouija board was so forced. Like the, It shows them playing, like, the very beginning is them playing it as, like, seven-year-olds or something, like, as kids. And then it cuts to them, like, you know, like, pretty much out of high school, you know, and the girl's playing with it on her own.

She's like, remember when we used to play this when we were kids? And I'm like, that was so forced. Like, this didn't even have to be about the board game at all. Like, it was so forced, and it just didn't feel like it was going to get any better. It just felt like a paranormal activity.

Like, why do you need to see the end? Because you already know what's happening. They all kind of feel like that at this point. What if they did the boyhood treatment to a movie about a Ouija board and just filmed people playing with it for 12 years? And just, like, filmed the things that happened over a 12-year period as the results of messing with this Ouija board?

Paranormal activity, the TV series. Yeah. He's parking people's cars, actually. Look at how he's dressed. That's where he needs to be.

He looks like he should be. Working on your car. Did you need an oil change today? I need to bum a cigarette from him right now. He's got one.

You just want your fluids topped off? Okay. All right. Next up, we have the most impressive, the most impressive visuals. He's drunk again.

Empire Strikes Back, battle on. In a 2014 film. Fuck. This is, we have a lot of like, I don't know if you've noticed, negative spin on some of these things. So I was trying to put a couple of good ones in there over the years now.

So as much as the next one after this is going to be slamming, you know, a lot of visuals on movies um they're especially this year there have been some really good ones so this i just left open to whatever people were into cg practical however you want to go with your visual effects hey this is you know sort of open to everything so and the nominees are gazira your favorite come on i thought you'd get all excited gazira Now, this one is kind of what I was thinking when I set up the entire thing. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was pretty damn impressive. Super surprised. I didn't watch it. Is it good?

See, the first one I was so like... Rise is kind of iffy. Dawn is really... And that's the thing. The effects in Rise were good.

But you can still see, like, wow, that looks like really good CG. Yeah. It doesn't look... Like, there are times when I'm like, did they go shoot apes? Because this is really frighteningly close.

It looks too good. It's more on par of the Tim Burton one. Okay. Yeah. I expected...

Yeah, I expected. Which I still give to. I mean, I love Tim Roth in general, but that was the only dude that looked like a monkey. Everyone else looked like someone in an outfit. And he did the monkey so well.

Michael Clarke Duncan looked good. Michael Clarke Duncan? Oh, never mind. He's dead. Leave him alone.

Oh, yeah. I gotta. There's no shame. Lady Gaga is so fucking cute. I just love her.

I just want to poop her on the nose. She's the cutest. What do you want to poop her on the nose with? I just want to stay a best friend. I love her.

Anyways, what's the next? I just think she's the cutest thing. Oh, next up. Sorry. I'm trying to work that in.

Visual effects in a Lady Gaga song. Lady Gaga in a meat suit. It's like speaking under Precious. It's The Hobbit. Segway?

No. No Hobbit. No, no. Nice. Nobody thinks of that.

But they did like Box Trolls. I didn't like Box Trolls. Because stop motion rules is how that was referenced. And I got it. I do want to see that.

I kind of want to see it just because of that. Because of who the director is. Yeah, I put it off too just because it seems... It seems almost like. A weird DreamWorks thing.

Was that a Tartofsky thing? No, it's, isn't it Selden? Okay. Ryan's always right, so just kidding. No, I think it was, though, because it's one of those I keep forgetting he does more, like, every couple of years.

He, like, knocks out another one that you don't know is him. I'm like, that actually looks good. Who did that? And it's usually him, so I don't know. But the second runner up here, we had several come in for Interstellar, which I got to I gotta say, it was pretty damn good.

Regardless of what you think of the plot, the effects were pretty damn good. But, by a large margin, the winner is Guardians of the Galaxy. Right on. Again, you can't really... I can't argue.

That's the only thing I can say that would take away from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Chris Pratt nude scene would have made it a little better. I just didn't like the soundtrack. Everything else I'm good with. You're just not hanging out in the 70s, are you?

Wait a minute, you didn't like the soundtrack? I didn't care for it. No dubstep 70s music? It was lacking the Skrillex. Do you think, why come there ain't no Skrillex in this movie?

Do you think they'll continue that, do you think, in Guardians 2? They gave them the volume 2. They'll still be playing retro music? Well, because it was whatever right when she died, so maybe they move forward two, three years. I mean, it can't go too far into the 80s because she died, so it's whatever she put together before she keeled over.

I'm guessing that's where we're going next time around. But she didn't make another tape, so what happens when we get to three? Oh, we know there's a third one. We know, yeah, I guess he makes his own name mixtape. But yeah, I have to, I mean, just for Rocket and Groot alone.

Like, aside from all the other shit that they did. But just those two, the fact that they're not on screen and they feel like real characters is pretty amazing. I was impressed with Rocket. Like, going into it, I was like, he's going to be such a Yoda. You're just going to have this flat guy jumping around anything.

Him and Groot together really did feel physically there. It's impressive. I can't argue with it. So to balance that out, the most obnoxious use of CGI in a 2014 film. That's a me, master!

A.K.A. the Jar Jar Award. Um, this one, we have a three-way tie. Wow. But before we get to that, we have, uh, the other options were, uh, Big Eyes, which I didn't know had a lot of CG in it, so now I guess I am gonna have to finish watching the rest of this Tim Burton selection. Uh, all of Maleficent, but specifically the little pixies.

Oh, fuck those pixies. They seemed really pissed about. The motherfucking pixies. And uh dracula untold as you were just discussing that lovely movie earlier so you're badly cg'd is what we're learning all right So on the obnoxious CGI, our three-way tie would be number one is your pals at the Old Hobbit. Was this the CGI awards?

They do have. I have added in purchases here except smog because smog is awesome. But I think one of them refers to it as the Hobbit and their Mario Party antics. Wow. I agree, that's completely fair.

The absolute overall demeanor of the Hobbit movies compared to Lord of the Rings is a complete tonal change. It's very light-hearted, family, slapstick. And again, usually it's like Hollywood movies in general are just like, hey, if it's working, don't fix it. It's like, we're making money off this, just do the same thing. So why have they decided, I mean, they win an Oscar for that last Lord of the Rings movie, but now they're going to crank out some weird kid movie.

I don't understand that shift in general. To be, well, I shouldn't say to be fair, but I guess in my geeky opinion, they should have won a couple times, but I think they knew there was three movies coming. They're like, screw it, we'll give it to you on the end. Because really, there wasn't a whole lot of competition in some of those previous years, and it's like, why aren't you guys giving it to Lord of the Rings? And it's like, we just don't want to give it to you three years in a row.

No, Two Towers was pretty. Two Towers was pretty. Which is ironic because in the book, Two Towers is the best book, I think. Like, that's the one, they skewed things into movies. Like, what was in the movies wasn't necessarily in that book.

And the Two Towers book was the best book, in my opinion. It's like Empire. That involves words. Like, that middle one was the one that, you know. I'll take your word.

What are you doing? No reading, boy. That's not what we're here for. We're here to listen. We're here to talk about Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Oh. Was this for CGI? Another winner of the most obnoxious CGI. Yeah, I thought I would hope for Sam Raimi to direct a Spider-Man. Yeah, I did.

Those first two were awesome. Two in particular. I didn't have a problem with the first two. I didn't have a problem with the first two. They were a lot of fun.

Even he hates the third one. I just listened to a whole big interview with him. He was pretty frank about how shafted he got on that deal. We were still working together at Suncoast when all that was going on because that's when the first movie came out. And I think they're working on the second one, but everyone's already screaming for Venom, and he was already deflecting that stuff.

And he was real outspoken about, I don't know how to do Venom in a movie. It's not a realistic enemy. It's like he's his rival photographer. Like, why does he want to kill his girlfriend? It's like, I can't do that in a movie and it be feasible.

And it was. He was forced into it, and that's what happened. And again, the second one's awesome. It has how many villains? I'm pretty sure it's just one.

Skip ahead to three. How many do we start cramming in there? Like I said, that's why that diesel train's still on the railroad tracks with that Batman vs. Superman. You've got an entire Justice League.

You've got Joker. You've got Lex. You've got. I don't know if Supergirl's in it or if she's just getting her own movie slash TV show. Everyone in the world is being thrown into the second movie.

That is too much. And the third option rounding out the obnoxious CGI is your favorite Transformers Age of Extinction. Transformers wins. Hands down. I won the Decepticon that they invent in the lab.

Because it looks like someone took a pile of like solder scraps and aluminum foil and nails and tacks and just like that messy drawer that you have in the kitchen is just full of crap and somehow like sculpted humanoid shapes out of it, those don't look like fucking shit. They look like a ball of ass. They never have looked like robots. They definitely haven't looked like humans. I'm gonna transform into Ass Boss.

Coming next summer, Ass Boss. It's the last boss fight in Mega Man. Wait a minute. No, that was Mega Man 2 I played. Okay, never mind.

Why can't they do those movies, though? Mega Man movies would be good. I'd watch a Mega Man movie. You'd think. Yeah, go to Pixar or something.

That is the biggest mouth I've ever seen. Anne Hathaway has just been usurped. That is a large, large cavity. Is she the girl from Wolf of Wall Street? Okay.

Oh, so she's Harlequin. That's the Harlequin girl. Okay. Oh, DC. And then as soon as I heard her accent.

Remember when I made that comment about how Ghost in a Shell could have went full on sex, but they went with the girl that could actually do action too? DC, not so much. That girl looks like a Playboy playmate. Here's old people and tech geeks that you don't care about. I can't read.

You don't know what a voxel is? That's not very deep at all. It's just a cube. We're really dense. And we know it.

I don't really know what an Oscar is either, but I'm here tonight. Voxels are like Legos. It's not deep at all. I like Legos. Everything is voxel!

All right, next up we have the best villain in a 2014 film, which is not me. I'm the goddamn hero. So, did you see John Wick yet? Yes! No.

I still need to, sorry. Did I tell you? You had to get past that first, like, 20 minutes when you're like, oh, fuck this movie. So it is good. Oh, my God.

It's fucking good. It has been rectified. Yeah, as much as I was just like. I want them to make sure. Did you see the subway video?

The which one? Have you seen that stuff? I posted it. Were you doing it? Okay, okay, my bad.

It was like, apparently he was just taking the subway. In New York. He does that a lot, it says. It's just him getting on the subway. But someone across from him is like, got him, you know, just videotaping the whole time he's on the subway.

He is so fucking kind of cool. Because it's like he copied his douchey, pretentious dick. And he's just sitting there and he's just kind of like people watching. He's looking around and just kind of being a regular Joe. Just kind of hanging out, keeping to himself.

A little bored, a little awkward. And it was endearing because I was like. You know, it's very easy to imagine someone like him either just shutting down and not acknowledging anyone. Or. Fishing for attention.

And he does neither. He really comes across as a dude that's just on the subway. You saw the end of it too, right? When some lady gets on and he stands up and gives her a seat. I'm like, for fuck's sake.

I was like, now you're like all our best friends. I have to love you. Damn it. I was pleasantly surprised with how much I like John Wick. Yeah, it was good.

I really want his car. I want his dog. Totally downloading it. I mean, redboxing it this week. Buying it on Blu-ray to own for life.

From a small business local to town. Anyway, the villain. The kid or the dad? No, I think the kid. Okay, go on.

I have to like read it now. Is he a renowned actor or is he just some new kid? Iosef Tarasov? You've seen him in a couple of things. He's Russian.

Everybody's kind of Russian. But you know how you hate Joaquin Phoenix so much because of Gladiator? Same thing with this kid. Okay. Yeah.

Like, I fucking can't stand his little shit ass. Game of Thrones. Because he's halfway decent. Geoffrey. Geoffrey.

No. The one that gets his dick cut off. From the Iron. Oh, the Greyjoy. Greyjoy.

Theon Greyjoy. Can you actually pronounce his name? It's him? Like, he's in it? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Nice. Okay. And you love to hate this little fuck.

Yeah, he's a horrible person. Anyways, go on. And one of our nominees. He's typecasting himself. Yeah, he's like.

As a little dick. You're always going to be the guy that everyone ends up hating. Yeah, just keep going. Well, speaking of the just previous winner, J.K. Simmons in Whiplash.

I like that. We're getting some interesting villains. He's a bad guy? He's a bad guy in that movie? He's a teacher.

He's a very stern teacher. I mean, he was slapping the shit out of that kid. Yeah, we'll put it that way. Let's see. Actually, Steve Carell as DuPont in Foxcatcher.

Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy. Like the Doctor Who girl? Yeah. Really? Really.

She's pretty badass. She's so hot in real life. I like this one. Gareth Edwards for making Godzilla. I thought you might enjoy that one.

This one, it takes a different turn. I'm kind of okay with where it goes. Kim Jong-un for nearly, the actual person, for nearly bringing the entire US film industry to its knees. That's a hell of a villain for last year. Is there still proof on that?

Doesn't he still deny that Are we. Going to believe anything this idiot says? Well, we're not done yet. I do like this one just was listed as Winter Soldier was pretty ballin'. Ronin from Guardians.

We have too many options here. I like the entirety of Hydra in Captain America. And the winner is Gareth Edwards for Making Gods. Fuck you, Gareth Edwards. That's the internet talking.

The voice of the internet. Only because Michael Bay wasn't put on it. That's true. Because Michael Bay is the true villain. Yeah, we would have voted that way.

And Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Godzilla would have been a space alien. It would have been awesome. And there would have been, oh, that fake lens flare that Michael Bay does. You know, I don't know.

I've watched Godzilla. I don't see me ever watching it again. You know, it was like... I'll watch the last 20 minutes again. Right?

It was like... It was.... The action was well done, but. It's just... I don't know.

I don't know what you can do is my thing. You know, because it's like... Like I said, you go back and you watch the old stuff and you. Really are watching it because you know what's going to come. It's not like the whole movies are good.

It's just, oh my god, they're going to fight. It depends on how far back you go though. The first one is a serious real movie, but you get to that mid run there, it's just wrestling with costumes. There's a lot more fighting and ridiculous stuff going on in that mid part when they realize, okay, this is what's working, this is what's selling. We want to appeal to our audience, but Yeah, if you go back far enough, so I think they were a series that was kind of finding themselves and what they were going to go for.

So, again, I don't know that you need to go to that if you're trying to reinvent this. I think I was more entertained with Cloverfield than Godzilla. It's a more solid movie overall. It's like I didn't even care about the creature in Cloverfield. I did care about Godzilla.

And that's, I guess, is kind of a point. It's like the whole time, like, all right, this is Godzilla. It's going to be awesome. I mean, he is our hero. Yeah.

There was so much Cranston losing his wife and kids running around. And I just felt like you teased Godzilla so much. in the actual movie, it's like, okay, it's movie time. It's okay to have Godzilla now. I get it in credits and previews and all that kind of stuff. But it's like, it's go time.

Let's have Godzilla in a Godzilla movie. Even then, you weren't really given Godzilla to the very end. Like, and it's very, like, if you're setting up a big, like a big monster movie, or even like a horror-themed kind of thing, sometimes you don't want to show your villain, your monster, your whatever, until the end. Like, you want to make that the build-up. But it's like, it's Godzilla.

We know what Godzilla is. We understand. I don't know. It seems ridiculous. She's so underage.

I'm going to re-edit your category with my top three, starting at number three. I see Captain America on screen. Visual effects. Number three, I only saw the trailer. This was my number two, actually.

Number three is Jake Gyllenhaal in that movie where he films people dying. Nightcrawler. Number two is The Bad Ape from Planet of the Apes. I don't know why that's not on the list. He's pretty awesome.

Oh, yeah. He's pretty awesome. And number one and winning is Will Ferrell from Lego Movie. The character in the Lego, yeah, okay. Hey, girl, so hot.

Guardians of the Galaxy. Not a comic book movie. Interesting. What did I say earlier? You guys can make all the money you want, but don't expect Academy to acknowledge anything that came from a comic book.

It's like the smart second kid. It's like he wins all the science fair awards and makes. $ 600, 000 a year. But Johnny's the football star. Which means he gets to continue being the number one most hated villain when his next movie comes out. He said at least there's three creatures in it.

Hopefully it's just action. You just started bitching about how monster action movies, comic book movies, don't need more than one bad guy. And you're like, three Mothras is going to save Godzilla. But it's Godzilla. I mean, Godzilla doesn't speak.

Godzilla doesn't have speaking lines. It's not like he's... He's a regular everyday lizard that turns into Godzilla to fight the villain at the end. You only get him when he's fighting. I mean, isn't that the main point?

Like, we didn't care about Cranston. We didn't care about his kids. We didn't care about all the human drama. So what you're saying. We wanted the lizard fighting stuff.

What you're saying is you want a Shakespearean Godzilla. He's a normal everyday. You want him to put on some glasses. Just try to sell you car insurance. And deliver a dialogue.

Ten minutes for a change-up. Oh my god, we're being creative. This is going to be so edgy. It's going to be so funny. It's going to be so campy.

We're going to go backstage with the camera. Wow, this feels just like SNL, except not really. It's kind of Letterman-esque, too. Oh, I get it. Fine, whatever.

Come on out there in your underwear, boo. It doesn't count. You're all buff and shit. That was the whole point of Michael Keaton. He looked like Michael Keaton with no clothes on.

Okay, Neil Patrick Harris is getting naked. This party is getting out of control. So I say we wrap up this episode and we come back next time with not just more of this Oscar nonsense, but more importantly, the rest of the winners of The Foilers. And as we go out here, we'll remind ourselves that we're all winners. Oh, no, wait.

Maybe that's just you, Jamie Foxx. winner earlier tonight of the most miscast actor. Congratulations, Jamie. And to the rest of you out there, we will return next time, same geek feed. Thanks for listening. Hey, I'm waking up in the morning.

Hustling to the stage and fucking performing. Hustling through the hate and busting the door. Lately nothing misses, I must have been scorned. Speaking of the misses, I'm watching them pour. Just like a drink that I'm enjoying.

And call me models, you're welcome to join. Just look at me slowly, feeling like joy. Oh, the band ain't finished yet, on top. But you just don't get a chance. I don't get cut, I make them cut to check.

Can't hear me in the stands, let me say it again. Oh, you ain't heard all the shit. I never got cut, but I make them take the check. So head on, but guess what? I feel like I can't miss.

I know they want me to fall. But ain't nothing negative in this. So just pass me the ball. Can't miss, can't lose, can't miss. You know you're looking at a winner, winner, winner.

Because I'm a winner. Yeah, I'm a winner. I'm stepping out in the evening. People winning, they screaming. You gotta be cheating, but I'm so breathing.

I make this a deal. No faking, I'm seizing. You gotta believe it. I went through TVs. The screens, the DVDs, the.

CDs, the MP3s, overseas. I got no time to talk in this boat. Hold up, I ain't finished yet On the top, but you just don't get it yet I never got cut, I make a plastic check Can't hear me in the stands, let me say it again You ain't heard, I'm the shit on the top But you just don't get it yet I never got cut, but I make. A plastic check So hang on, but guess what? I feel like I can't miss I.

Know they want me to fall But ain't nothing negative in this. That's right. You see the Porsche Panamera got a ministeria. The turbo's super fast and that McLaren ain't scarier. Hit me, turn the corners, burn the rubber in your area.

I'm hard to follow, once the popper clenches, hit the throttle, I'm recession-proof. I don't run to money, money run to me. In this economy, guess I'm considered an anomaly. You got his Maseratis, new Ferraris, I got one of these. My future bright, tight, like the bitch you got in front.

Turn pain to progression in every studio session. Passionate to perfection, to failure, I'm an exception. Fuck if you want to lose, to battle me is a blessing. You think God in the hands of a better man. I ran from the bottom to the best, no auto-tune.

Been in the lead, say you seen King, follow whom? Never that, I'm the freshest, go ask whoever that. King back, money. Long, got my own Cadillac. I feel like I can't miss.

I know they want me to fall. But ain't nothing bigger than this. Hey, man, you thought a little vacation was going to hold me back home, boy. Man, I'm back, man. Brighter than ever.

You understand that? You didn't like me then. Yeah. So we need to watch tweets. That's what we've come to at this point.

Running people's texts on the screen. That's our punishment for not downloading their Oscar app. See, if you would have gotten the app, we wouldn't have to watch this crap. Motherfuck. Oh my god, we still have 40 minutes until it starts.

Like I said, we can wrap those up as soon as we're done making fun of things. We can go downstairs and watch Kingdom of Heaven. This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown. Produced and edited by The Oddity Studios. With opening music performed by The Empires.

For more on how to sponsor or support the show, email producer at moviemeltdown.com. Talk hard!